Episode 57: Life Coaching for Kids

Hey, I'm actually excited, really, really excited about this episode. You get to see a part of me that you may not have been exposed to in the past. Just very quickly, I've had a lot of interaction with youth over, I don't know, 20, 30 years. I've done everything from You know, be a sponsor or counselor on church trips. I ran a youth roller hockey program in a Section 8 housing where I worked with kids not only on learning how to play roller hockey, but also on life skills and homework and things like that. I used to run my own kids' survival camp where kids learned how to survive And even kind of thrive in a situation where they might get lost. And I've done a lot of studies on lost kid behavior and things like that. So I'm really excited about this chapter that has been evolving over the past couple years when it comes with my coaching practice. So in today's episode, it's going to be clear, research-informed. I want to give an explanation Of what coaching is for kids, definitely what it's not, when it makes sense instead of things like counseling and therapy, and when it works best alongside counseling and therapy. I'm gonna keep this very practical. I'm gonna keep it parent-friendly, and I'm gonna end with just a simple next step if you want support. So let's lead off with this. What's, what's the biggest confusion? You've probably heard me say this on other podcasts. Coaching is not therapy. Coaching is not counseling. When we look at something like therapy, therapy is a clinical health service that's focused on things like assessment, diagnosis, treatment of mental health concerns. It often includes work on symptoms, distress, you know, healing from things past and present. The American Psychological Association, by the way, describes psychotherapy as a collaborative treatment relationship aimed at helping people learn about moods, thoughts, and behaviors and develop healthier patterns. Coaching is different. Coaching is way different. Now, by the way, we use a lot of the same terminology, and that's why it does get confused. But the biggest confusion is that you have coaches out there who try to play therapist, they try to play counselor, and they're really getting into areas that they should not be involved in. Coaching is typically future-focused and goal-focused, and coaching the client is Treat it as they're, you know, a capable and resourceful person. And the work centers on clarity, choices, skills, and action. As a matter of fact, the International Coaching Federation defines coaching as partnering with clients in a thought-provoking and creative process that inspires them to maximize their potential. And that distinction matters Not just for adults, but man, it really matters for kids. You know, a lot of kids don't need clinical treatment, and yet I see people throwing their kids into therapy and counseling over things for their just being kids. Now, yes, are there kids out there that need help? Absolutely. Absolutely. I've, uh, it in my own family. I've had, I've had people in my, you know, I've had youngsters in my own family, my own kids that have needed therapeutic support or counseling support. And I think good mental health, I think there are times where we all, all need that. But there's a lot of kids, they don't need clinical treatment. What they need is a safe, consistent place to think out loud, to build skills, and get supported through normal— you know, just through normalcy, real stress, things like school pressures, friend drama, confidence issues, procrastination, motivation, sports performance, social anxiety. That's more nerves than disorder. And the problem is there are so many people out there. Now, I don't know if this is because therapists are doing it because it draws in clients, or if it's just— I don't know why, but people think, oh, my kid's got procrastination, I want to send him to the therapist. My kid's shy, so I'm going to send him over to, you know, he's got a social disorder. No, it's part of being a kid. A lot of kids don't need clinical treatment. You see, coaching can be a non-pressure way to help a kid thrive, not just survive, but to really thrive. Because the framework of it is growth, not that something's wrong with you. And there's a stigma with kids. Oh man, so-and-so's in therapy, so-and-so's in counseling. And And sometimes those stigmas comes off as kind of like a cool thing in some cases. Sometimes it's you're shunned because you're in therapy. And man, that news gets back to parents. What? Your friend is in therapy? Oh man, there must be something wrong with them. Coaching is so different because it's growth. Not that there's— that that person's broken or something that's wrong with them. I want to take— I want to help you take a look at the research. Because coaching for kids often uses the same evidence-based building blocks that you see in strong youth development programs. Things that I taught in my survival program, things that I teach in my kids' scuba program. Things like self-regulation skills, goal setting, planning. Reflection. A major systemic review that was done in the JMA— I'm sorry, JAMA Pediatrics— found that universal interventions aimed at improving self-regulation in children and adolescents produced improvements not only in self-regulation but also In longer-term outcomes like academic, academia, and health and behavior results. Getting that attention early on, it's all about self-improvement. Now, how is that relevant to coaching? Because good coaching is basically a structured self-regulation lab. I mean, if you've ever been coached by a good coach, not someone playing counselor, not someone playing therapist, not by someone who's playing consultant, but an actual coach, a coach who is following ICF ethics and protocols, good coaching is basically a structured self-regulation lab. What happens is a kid learns how to notice what's happening internally, to set a goal, to pick a next step, to track progress, adjust, keep going. That's self-regulation in real life. Back in 1998, I took on a diver. who was 14 years old, and her dad could no longer dive with her because he was dying of cancer. And while that was set up as a mentoring— well, actually, it was originally set up just so that she would have someone safe to dive with that the dad trusted from both a skill standpoint and from an ethics standpoint. And yeah, that started out as mentoring. But that relationship, as that young teenager grew into being a young woman, it turned more into a coaching relationship. And when we look at the things that take place in coaching, we see Similar support for skill-building approaches in broader school-based well-being research. Earlier this year, and we're in 2025, but earlier this year, a systemic review and meta-analysis of school-based interventions aimed at promoting resilience in children and adolescents found overall benefits for resilience and youth mental health outcomes. A lot of kids today, man, they, they need to be taught resilience. You know, in addition to that, large-scale evidence on social and emotional learning programs show improvements in social-emotional skills, attitudes, behavior, And academic performance. You know, coaching targets those same competencies, but except for it being the masses and except for it being somebody experimenting with your kid, coaching targets those same competencies, but it's done in a personalized one-on-one format. And a format that you as the parent have an actual insight to. You don't have to go through a school board. You don't have to go through a teacher. You're hiring someone who is vested in your child developing. Now, coaching isn't fluffy. And it's not something that's just elitism, right? And it's not something just to kind of think about. It's structured support for the skills that help kids function and flourish. Not only are we a coach to the kid, but we're a partner with you as the parent. So I mentioned earlier that coaching is for kids who don't need therapy. And that's a hill that I'm willing to die on. And it's because therapy is not the right tool for every situation. What's happened over the years is that when something kind of goes awry or, you know, We think that kids are kind of like— and I know we don't think this overtly, but in the back of our mind, we kind of think that kids need fixing, right? They're not meeting goals or homework slips or whatever, right? Or maybe they're trying to gain a goal, become an Eagle Scout, prepare for college, prepare for some type of career. But a lot of times what happens is we think a kid is broke, and so we rush them into therapy. Then they get stuck in therapy, and then they get that stigma, and they feel like that they're stuck. There's there's an esteem issue. Now, by the way, therapy is a necessity for a lot of kids. It's not for every kid, because generally, if a kid is okay. But needs help with confidence or organization or follow-through or communication or boundaries. Maybe it's managing everyday stress. Maybe it's decision-making. Coaching can be the right level of support. It keeps things normal. It avoids the labeling. But most important, it gives that kid ownership. Because if they can take on that ownership before they hit adulthood, That ownership becomes a part of them when they're 18, 19, 20, 21 years old. And we talk about non-pressure, but here's what it means in practice. You see, the kid's going to lead and the coach is going to follow the child's goals. The coach isn't going to judge, doesn't lecture, I don't punish. The sessions are consistent and predictable, and that builds in safety. I know as a parent, making sure— and this is still important whether your kid's in coaching or not— making time for that kid to express themselves, to talk. That's why dinner tables are great. Dinner tables need to come back, and they are on the comeback. We gotta stop doing this fast food thing where we just kind of sit on the couch and watch a movie. You gotta have that, that time where the family sits down. And I know we all got busy schedules, but you see, with a coach, that's structured, it's scheduled. The sessions are consistent, they're predictable, and for a kid, that builds safety. And during those sessions, the focus is on skills and progress, not digging in for what's wrong. In some cases, coaching alongside counseling or coaching alongside therapy, it's a powerful combination for a lot of families. And I've been in situations where I'm coaching a kid who's also in therapy. Because therapy is that place where a child is going to process grief or trauma, depression, panic, other clinical concerns with a licensed professional. Again, not a coach who pretends that they're a therapist. They're with a licensed professional. And coaching can run a parallel as a place where A child builds routines, practices coping skills, sets school or life goals, creates a plan for the week. In health contexts, researchers have described coaching and psychotherapy as overlapping in some communication skills but different in depth and clinical purpose. In other words, Therapy can help a kid heal. Coaching can help a kid build. It can also reduce friction at home. A huge benefit of coaching is that it gives a kid a neutral adult who's not a parent, who's not a teacher, someone who's not grading them, and that alone can lower defensiveness. Especially if you've got stubborn or strong-willed kids. Coaching becomes their space instead of their parents making them do something. Now, I want to be responsible and say the boundary clearly. If a child is at harm, dealing with abuse, dealing with depression, severe depression, suicidal thoughts, self-harm, if it's something like an eating disorder, if they're using things that they're not supposed to be using, or anything that feels clinically seriously or clinically serious, coaching should never replace a licensed mental healthcare professional. As a matter of fact, In my code of ethics, if any of that is spotted, I am required to pause coaching and help them help— or help them seek professional attention. Coaching is supportive. It's not a treatment. But I want to make sure that boundary is clear. So, you know, what does coaching for a kiddo look like week to week? Majority of my clients, it's weekly sessions on Zoom. And we do it well. It's, it's, it's easy. It's consistent. It's low pressure. It's not like you got to get your kid to an appointment by a certain time. It's not weather dependent. Again, that session, we do a quick check-in. What's been hard? What's been good? Then we'll pick a focus, whether it's school stress, friendships, confidence, motivation, some kind of goal that they might have out there, big emotions. Next, we're going to build out a small plan. Actually, we're going to ask a lot of questions. We're going to have a lot of conversation. Towards the end, we're going to build out a small plan. Just a couple doable steps for the week. And then we're gonna close with accountability and encouragement. And that's it. There's no drama. There's no forced vulnerability. It's just steady progress. And right now, if you're a parent, you're listening, you're thinking, my kid doesn't need therapy, but they do need support. I'm gonna tell you, coaching might be a great fit. I had another client that was working towards his Eagle Scout. I've— and I know that a lot of kids, man, they get into, you know, they get in the Eagle Scout phase and they're pressing forward and they got, they got it all together, right? They're that kid that you don't really have to monitor. You just have to— and then another kid who wants it really, really bad but doesn't know where to start. You know, that big agenda item is getting to Eagle Scout. Small agenda item is just, hey, how do I get to the next phase? And that's, again, that's another place where coaching has had a win personally. I mean, that's where I've worked with a client and was able to get that client to start building up those goals and those values and that work ethic. So pretty soon, by almost towards the end of their Eagle Scout, man, they were pressing on. They were doing their thing. Again, if you're a parent listening, you're thinking, my kid doesn't need therapy, but they do need support. I think coaching is a great fit. And if your child's in counseling already, coaching can be the practical bridge between sessions where the skills that they're teaching them is turned into everyday life. Hey, if you want to explore this, the next step is let's have a short conversation to see what your child actually needs and whether coaching is the right fit. And the way I do it when I'm coaching kids, I'm going to do a 30-minute discovery call with you, and I'm going to do a 30-minute discovery call with your kiddo, just make sure it's the right fit. If this resonated, reach out to me. Either on the website, www.stanshurecoaching.com, or you can find me out on Patreon. Either way, let's connect. Let's get your kid on that steady path. Get them support. Get them someone that, that is that consistency in their life. All right, that's all I got. Y'all have a great weekend.