In this solo coaching monologue, Rob Anderson of StandSure Coaching explores the painful experience of being "deep" ghosted—when a trusted person disappears without explanation. He distinguishes this from casual non‑response and describes the typical internal fallout: self‑questioning, replaying past interactions, and emotional turmoil. Drawing on personal experience and psychological research, Rob explains that ghosting is often rooted in emotional avoidance and avoidant attachment, serving as a defense mechanism for the ghoster rather than a weapon against the ghosted. He emphasizes that the behavior reflects the ghoster’s limited capacity to handle conflict, not the victim’s worth. Rob then offers practical coping advice: stop waiting for closure, recognize the silence as the ghoster’s answer, and reaffirm one’s own value. He repeats the mantra that ghosting is a reflection of the other person’s limits, not the listener’s value, and encourages listeners to seek relationships with people who communicate and stay. The episode concludes with a call to action to like, subscribe, and share, and a reminder to not be ghosted by the host.
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Hey, I hope you're having an excellent week. This is Rob with StandSure Coaching. Today, I want to talk about something that a lot of us have experienced but rarely process out loud, and that's getting ghosted. Now, I don't mean the casual, they didn't text back kind of ghosting. I mean the deep, gut-wrenching kind. The kind where someone you trusted, someone you cared about, they just slowly fade out of your life. No explanation, no conversation. They are just gone. At first, that kind of silence It feels personal, and you start asking yourself: Was it something I did? Did I say the wrong thing? Was I not enough? You start to replay the last messages or the last interaction. You start looking at past text messages. You analyze every moment, and that kind of thinking—it really messes with your head and it messes with your heart. I've been going through this. For the past 18 months or so, maybe the past 2 years, where I've had people just, just disappear out of my life. And as I've unpacked that, and as I've talked to others about it in my coaching practice, and obviously a lot of personal experience, what I'm learning is ghosting often isn't about you. It's about them. And that shift in perspective, I got to tell you, that changed everything for me. Doing a little bit of research, what I found was that psychologists say ghosting is rooted in emotional avoidance. It's, it's a defense mechanism. It's not a weapon. For someone with avoidant attachment style, confrontation can feel terrifying. They grew up in a home where conflict was explosive. If they've been in relationships where conflict was explosive, or maybe silence was used as a punishment, they may have learned to just disappear. instead of dealing with the hard conversations. For them, ghosting might feel like protection. For you, it feels like abandonment. And, and at the same time, both can be true. Now, I'm not saying that it makes it okay. I'm not trying to make excuses for them. I'm not justifying it. I'm not saying you should let someone just bounce back into your life just because they didn't know how to say goodbye. But I am saying this, it's not about your worth, it's about their capacity. And you see, when we understand that, we can release a lot of that bitterness that ghosting often leaves behind. We can stop carrying someone else's silence like it's our burden to interpret. Look, some people just don't have the tools to stay. They don't know how to sit in discomfort. They don't know how to, to be there in their own truth. They were never taught how to leave with kindness, so they exit with avoidance. And unfortunately, when someone doesn't know how to say, What they feel, their silence becomes their language. So, if you're sitting with unanswered questions, if someone disappeared without closure, this is your permission to stop waiting. Stop waiting for the text. Stop waiting for the apology. Stop waiting for the explanation. Their silence was their answer, and just let that be enough. And there's really part 2 of this. Stand sure in who you are, because being ghosted isn't a reflection of your value. It's a reflection of their limits. I'm going to say that again. Write it down if you need to. It's not about your value. It's about their limits. Hey, thanks so much for being here today. If this hit home, I want you to take a moment, breathe, and remind yourself you deserve people who stay, people who speak, and people who show up. And I promise you, I absolutely promise you, Those people are out there. Stand sure. I'm gonna see you in the next episode. By the way, don't ghost me. So what I'm gonna ask you to do is just the opposite of that. Please hit like, hit subscribe, and share this out. In the meantime, have a blessed day.
