In this candid, iPhone‑recorded episode of the Stan Sher Podcast, host Rob Anderson (also known as Stan Sher) explores why people repeatedly end up as the same version of themselves despite consuming endless information, attending seminars, and setting goals. He argues that the real barrier is identity, not motivation or knowledge. Using relatable anecdotes—gyms emptying after New Year’s resolutions, a client who could only manage parking‑lot visits to the gym, and his own recent type‑2 diabetes diagnosis—Rob illustrates how self‑labels and habitual decisions reinforce a limiting self‑story. He differentiates coaching from consulting, emphasizing that a coach uncovers hidden beliefs through questions, allowing awareness to precede transformation. Rob outlines three actionable steps: (1) stop introducing yourself with limiting labels, (2) pick a single habit that aligns with the desired identity, and (3) celebrate consistency over intensity. He frames these steps within his personal journey across three life chapters (military, corporate L&D, and transition coaching) and invites listeners to book a discovery call at stanshurecoaching.com to accelerate their identity shift.
Chapters
Hey, I want to admit straight up today, man, it's a day. And honestly, I would not have done a podcast today. I'm just not feeling it. But I've always strived to be honest with the podcast and honest about what's in my journal, honest about what's on my, on my mind, what's on my heart. I don't even have I don't have my microphones with me today. I'm recording straight off of— I'm recording straight off of my iPhone. And this is what's really hitting me today. And it has to do with, you know, you try to change who you are, right? But you still wind up as the same person. I mean, let's think about in January. You know, a very common example is that the gyms are packed and by late February, early March, they're almost empty again. And every year, millions of people, they make promises to themselves. They say they're gonna do things like lose weight or they're gonna save money, make more money, reach out to more clients, finally get organized, improve their marriage. And somehow they keep becoming the same person. I've even found myself in this trap. Maybe you're facing this as well. Maybe you've read books and you watch YouTube videos and you listen to all the podcasts and you go to conferences and you go to seminars. You go to workshops and somehow you still feel like you're standing in that same exact place, like nothing changes, nothing gets better. And this is— I mean, man, I've got like 4 or 5 pages in my journal today on just this. And then it came to me. And it's because the problem isn't motivation. The problem is, it's really identity. Hey, welcome to Stan Sher Coaching. My name is Rob Anderson. I'm your host of the Stan Sher Podcast. Hey, my journey has been defined by 3 distinct chapters. Chapter 1 began with my time in the military, where I learned the true meaning of leadership and resilience in some of the most high-pressure pressure environments. Then on to chapter 2, I transitioned into corporate America, serving as a learning and development professional and leadership coach for Fortune 500 companies. Now I'm in my third chapter, dedicated to helping men navigate their own transitions, rediscover their purpose, and find what it means to lead with conviction in their second half of life. You know, that intro, I talk about leading men, but this is really for everybody. And a lot of you know that although my focus has always been on coaching men, about 60% of my clientele is women. Go figure, right? You find a niche and you wind up You know, serving in another area. Hey, again, apologize for the sound quality on this one. I pulled out the iPhone and it's like, okay, I, I need to get this off my heart because this is something that's weighing really, really heavy on me today. And I want to set some expectations. This episode is not just about understanding why people stay stuck. It's really about discovering the difference between just getting more information, getting more knowledge, and experiencing that change, experiencing that transformation. And I'm gonna ask you to stick around until the end because I'm gonna explain why having a coach can really accelerate the process. I know it did for me. And it gets accelerated in ways that most people just— you don't experience it on your own. So here's what I've learned after, you know, just even this last year, over 500 hours of coaching year to year, and hundreds, maybe thousands of hours of coaching overall. And what I've learned is that very few people actually have the problem with knowledge. They don't have a problem with getting more data or going to seminars or getting more information because they know what they should be doing diet-wise or communicating in their marriage. And if they don't, the information is out there, but it's how do you process that information, right? They know that they should be communicating better or saving money, cutting expenses, not eating out as much. They know that they should be, you know, they should stop procrastinating. And it's not that data, it's not the knowledge that's missing. Because you know what comes down to it? Knowledge and information—that's that's not enough. But transformation is completely different. You know, if you think about someone who says, you know, I'm just not disciplined to do that. Maybe there's maybe there's a habit that you have, right? Maybe it's around finances or around health, and and you hear other people say, well, I'm not disciplined to go to the gym, or I'm not disciplined to. to eat in and not eat out or to save money. And what happens is that single sentence becomes their identity. And once it's believed, they stay in it. They sleep in it because that's what an undisciplined person does. They skip workouts. You know, sometimes I've got a client That the way we got them working out again— and now, by the way, I'm not a health and fitness coach. I'm a life coach. I'm a leadership coach. I'm a business coach. I'm a transition coach. But it still ties back into it, right? So I've got a client who just did not want to go to the gym. And so we started setting small goals. First goal was just drive and sit in the parking lot. Literally, that was their first goal. So for 3 days a week, for about 4 weeks, he would drive and on some days just not even go into the gym. There was a couple of days, or might go in for like 10 or 15 minutes. He went in one day, just changed clothes, came back out to his vehicle. You got other people, they procrastinate because that's what they do. And yet every decision that you make, right or wrong, forces it— it just— or not forces, but it reinforces that identity. Now let's change the tables a little bit and imagine someone who says, you know what, I'm becoming someone who keeps promises to myself. You have to notice the difference because the actions begin changing because the identity changed first. When I first wanted to become a coach, I didn't have a credential. I didn't have a client. I hadn't been in any classes, but I did have a business card. I didn't give it out, but I had business cards made for myself. I still have some of those. They're my old phone number. It's when I was in San Antonio, but I started changing my identity. When I was still in the military and I was making that transition out, I knew that I wanted to be a corporate trainer. So I started to introduce myself as a corporate trainer, and my actions followed. The actions begin the changes because the identity changes first. Your life is always going to move towards the person that you believe that you are. You know, we think we have to go and get motivated, but honestly, motivation doesn't last. Motivation is an emotion, whereas identity is a belief. And emotions, man, emotions can come and go. That's why people fall out of love, because their love is based all on emotion instead of action, instead of an identity. And that's why you can go to a conference. I mean, we just went to a conference this last week, right? And you come out of that conference, man, you're all fired up. You get home, you start sliding back into old habits. Look at kids that do church camp, right? A lot of kids, 90%, man, they go, they're all on fire for whatever their faith is, right? They're all excited about it. It's that mountaintop high. And when they get back home, they get back in those old habits. The environment changed, the excitement changed, but what happened is their identity never changed. I'm not going to get on here and give you motivational speeches because you don't need another motivational speech. I do dailies. I try to encourage and motivate. And yet they're useful. But what you really need is a new story about who you are and who you're becoming. Yeah. And that's one of the biggest misconceptions about coaching. I see coaches advertise all the time on Facebook and TikTok and everything else, right? They're giving motivation, they're giving direction. People think that coaching is giving advice, and it's not. That's consulting. A coach helps you discover the beliefs that are quietly either ruining or running your life. They're those stories that you didn't even know that you were telling yourself. Because once those stories become visible, you can change them. That's why as a coach, I'm going to ask you questions instead of giving you answers. Because awareness always comes before transformation. On a previous podcast, I talked about the transformation I'm going through right now with my health. Went to a doc a couple weeks ago, found out I was type 2 diabetic. Left that, went out to my truck, dumped out the remainder of the Coke that I had in the in the center console, and since that time frame, I haven't picked up another Coke, another candy bar, another sweet cake, none of that stuff, right? Because I know it's not good for me, and I wanted to transform. I don't want to be a type two diabetic. Having that awareness always comes before transformation. And as you start becoming something new, instead of asking, what should I do? The question really becomes, what do I need to become? Maybe it's someone who follows through, you know, setting up a sales call. Setting up a meet and greet, sitting down with your spouse. Who do I need to become? Maybe it's someone who keeps commitments, someone who is willing to have the difficult conversation, someone who takes ownership, maybe someone who chooses courage over comfort. Every small decision becomes Every workout, every healthy meal, every difficult conversation, every promise that you keep is another vote for your future identity. You're not trying to prove other people wrong. You're now proving something to yourself, and man, that means so much more. Hey, I want to give you 3 things that you can do today. First, stop introducing yourself with limiting labels. And that means even self-talk. Stop introducing yourself with limiting labels because those words become your future. And maybe it's not an introduction. Maybe it's as you're having a conversation and you'll blurt out things like, you know, I'm not disciplined, or I'm bad with money, or I just can't do that. That would be nice. All those kind of things, right? Those words become your future. Second, pick one habit that supports the person that you're becoming. Don't do 10 of them. Don't do 3 of them. Pick one habit. Because small wins build identity. And finally, third, celebrate consistency more than intensity. People are always chasing the giant breakthroughs. I can't stand it when coaches will sit there and tell you that you're gonna have a big breakthrough, you're gonna have 3 breakthroughs by the end of the session. Honestly, transformation looks boring. Because it just happens one ordinary day after another. Man, I had a lot on my mind for this one today, and I'm really glad that you hung out to listen. You know, hey, if you feel like you've been becoming the same person year after year, day after day, don't beat yourself up. Instead, ask yourself one question, and that is, what identity have I been reinforcing? Because once you answer that honestly, you can begin to build a new one, build a new identity. It's not through motivation. It's not through willpower. But through intentional transformation. Hey, if this resonated with you, I'd love to help you go deeper. I'm gonna ask you to do a couple things. One, share this podcast show with others. But the other one is reach out to me at standsurecoaching.com. Because it's about helping you uncover the beliefs, the patterns, the blind spots, That are keeping you stuck so you can become the person that you're created to be. And if you're ready to stop collecting information and start experiencing transformation, again, go out to stanshurecoaching.com, book a discovery call. Let's just get on the phone, 30 minutes, no pressure, no hard sales. Let's just get together and let's talk. And I think I outran my music. I'm not sure if I did or not. Well, I guess I didn't. No microphones, no headphones, just blasting stuff into the, into the iPhone today.
