Episode 81: The Waiting Game

I've got a client that I meet with on a weekly basis. And by the way, she knows that I'm sharing this. But a couple of weeks ago, she tells me, I don't think this is ever going to happen. She'd been applying for promotions. She applied for different positions. She interviews great. Her resume looks fantastic. She's taken classes, she's taken workshops, she's very aware of where she needed to make improvements. She worked late. And every single time she would hear things like, we've decided to move with a different candidate, or, you are a very close second. You know, always a bridesmaid, never a bride. By the way, that's her words, not mine. And every single time, someone else got that opportunity. And, you know, she's not lazy, she's not unqualified, but she is tired of waiting. And that's when together she told herself something that I think all of us need to hear. And she said, don't mistake the wait for failure. Hey, welcome to StandSure Coaching. My name is Rob Anderson. I'm your host of the StandSure Podcast. Hey, my journey has been defined by 3 distinct chapters. Chapter 1 began with my time in the military, where I learned the true meaning of leadership and resilience in some of the most high-pressure environments. Then on to Chapter 2, I transitioned into corporate America, serving as a learning and development professional and leadership coach for Fortune 500 companies. Now I'm in my third chapter, dedicated to helping men navigate their own transitions Rediscover their purpose and find what it means to lead with conviction in their second half of life. So you know that we're going to have honest conversations. If you— if I happen to be your coach, we're going to have very, very honest conversations. And those conversations are going to be about growth, resilience, becoming the person that your future is waiting on. And if today's episode helps you, stay until the end and I'll tell you how we can continue that conversation together. Because I thrive on helping people stay in the fight long enough to become the person that not only themselves, but employers and leaders, what they're looking for. Today we're talking about something that nobody enjoys, and that's waiting. We don't like waiting in line. We don't like waiting in life. We don't— you know, we have microwave ovens because we hate waiting for things to cook. Waiting for the job, waiting for the business, waiting for a relationship to heal, waiting for your finances to recover, waiting for all the work That you've been putting in so it finally matters. Here's the truth. Some of the best things in life take a lot longer than we want, and that's exactly where most people quit. But let's take a moment and talk about why you shouldn't quit. And I get it. It's frustrating. I've been there. I've been the person that was told, man, it was a really hard decision, but we decided to move with an internal candidate, or we decided to move into a different direction, or stay in touch with us because we'd really like to create another position just for you. Well, that doesn't help me out right now, and it's frustrating and it's hurtful. You know, in the intro, it always says that I work with men. Okay, yeah, that's my niche. But I actually have a lot of female clients that I coach. In this case, she'd been doing everything right for almost 2 years. The position that she was applying for was something that she was looking— I mean, she had seen something out there very similar to it before. She started working towards that, even though that position, she was not qualified at that time for that position. But she started working towards an opportunity. You know, and we always talk about that luck is really, you know, opportunity and training, or opportunity and knowledge, or opportunity and experience coming together, right? So she was out there gaining the experience and gaining the knowledge and really transforming herself. For almost 2 years. She kept learning. She kept applying. She kept showing up with a great attitude. And I've done a lot of work with people who are out of work or that are transitioning careers. I spent I spent a year doing work for Idaho Department of Labor where I was really trying to position people to be the best, you know, to be the best selves when they go up and they interview for that high-level IT job or whatever it happened to be, right? Or sometimes just getting them back into the workplace on something that they can make an affordable living. But, you know, on the outside she looked really successful, but on the inside she wondered if any of it was making a difference. Every rejection, for her, it felt like it was, it was evidence that she wasn't enough. And you know what? Maybe you've been there. Maybe you've been the person that, hey, your resume looks great, you interviewed really well, but we decided to move into a different direction. Maybe you've been faithful doing the work, But now you're wondering if any of it is actually paying off. You know, the real challenge for her wasn't the job. It wasn't the interview. She blew through the interview. It wasn't the competition. But the challenge was believing that because the results hadn't arrived, that nothing was happening. Because we live in a world that rewards immediate gratification. Fast shipping, instant streaming, instant communication, microwave ovens. So when progress doesn't happen quickly, pretty soon we, we feel like that we're failing. I love being in those conversations with people. Oftentimes it's because they feel that there's nobody else out there. Growth doesn't usually announce itself. Most things that mean anything at all, they develop quietly. Confidence, character, leadership, trust. They're built long before anyone notices them. You know, my, my client actually ran into 3 roadblocks, and I think all of us face them. And the first one's comparison. She watched other people move ahead and assumed that they were moving faster because Maybe because they're better. I get it. I've been there. People that I started out with at a tech company 20 years ago are now senior directors and VPs. In some cases, they're now retired. At 58, I burned the boats, had to start all over again. And I'm watching all my people that I brought up in my line of work and that I mentored, that I helped set them up for promotions, that I worked on projects with. I'm watching them hit the point where they're retiring or they're senior directors or they're VPs. So I totally get it. But man, if you're comparing yourself to everybody else, you're never going to be happy. I mean, we see that happen with Instagram, Facebook, TikTok, whatever, right? You see somebody else's life, you're like, man, I wish. And we think that they're moving higher or faster or stronger because they were better. That was her first challenge. Her second one was discouragement. As humans, we hate discouragement. I mean, it impacts our primal instincts. When we're rejected, it feels like we're getting kicked out of the tribe, and now we gotta go fend on our own. You know, for her, every time she got told no, it sounded louder than every lesson that she'd ever learned. And third was exhaustion. I get it. You get it. You've been there. And because, yeah, while it might feel like a physical exhaustion— in some cases it can be physical exhaustion— it's emotional exhaustion. It's that kind of exhaustion that whispers, maybe you're not enough. Maybe it's time to stop trying. Maybe you just Give up. I can't tell you how many times in coaching I've wanted to do that, that I've wanted to be the person giving up. I've taken all this training, I've done all these classes, I've got 500 hours a year of coaching. And what happens is, I'll go back to step 1, comparison, right? I see people hopping onto TikTok and Facebook and Instagram. You could be a 6-figure-a-month coach. Man, is that even real? I don't— maybe it is. From my perspective, it's not. And then, and then, and then, you know, you cycle into that discouragement. You know, for me, when I don't get a client And I don't ever go for numbers on the podcast or in my postings, because I'm more about the transformation part of it than— I mean, I'm a coach. I'm not an influencer. I'm not going to get a million followers, and I don't care. I'm happy if I've got 50 followers, because those 50 are the ones who stick around because we're walking together. We're making a difference in their lives. And then people But if you're not careful, that can turn into exhaustion. And exhaustion, man, that's a dangerous voice because it usually shows up right before persistence starts paying off. So I'm going to give you 3 quick tips. I hadn't thought about this earlier, but I'm going to give you 3 quick tips. I'm doing a few things that are a little new on the podcast. One is I'm working with a new microphone set. So the sound may be a little bit different than what it has been. But the other one is I'm just kind of— guys, I'm just kicking it out there. I'm just winging it. I'm just feeling what I've been getting asked and what I've been getting told. So I'm gonna— these are 3 tips that I used to give when I was doing work for Department of Labor and doing resume work, which I, which I still do. Um, but really, I But really, I don't. I don't like just doing resumes. I like taking people's stuff and helping them grow. But tip 1, measure your— measure the inputs, not just the outcomes, because you don't control when someone else hires you. You don't control when your cell phone's going to ring. You don't control who notices your work, but you do control— What you do. Whether you're prepared, whether you're prepared for that interview, whether it's a phone screening, test, face-to-face, you can control that. You can control what you're doing now to prepare. You can sit down and ask yourself, what you know? What what did I do today? That my future self will thank me for? In my case, sometimes, man, I ravenously go through books. But it's one thing to read a book, but then the other is, how do I apply it? Which, by the way, I got some news coming on that in one of the next couple of podcasts. But what are you doing today that your future self is going to thank you for? Man, if you got up every morning and you saw that as a Post-it note, or maybe even in the evenings you saw that as a Post-it note, and then you journaled it, you start capturing those wins. Because if you can answer that every day, you're winning a lot more than you realize. Tip number 2, build evidence, not emotion. When discouragement shows up, when all of a sudden it pops in, that discouragement monster's on your back, your emotions are gonna tell you that you're getting nowhere. I ask people all the time, are you in a groove or are you in a rut? Man, when that monster of discouragement jumps on you, You're in a rut. But honestly, facts are going to tell a different story. So keep a journal, keep a notebook, write down what you've learned, write down new skills that you've gained, the conversations that you had, the confidence that you've built. When your emotions lie, Your evidence tells the truth. If you're trying to get a promotion, if you're trying to get a gig, this is why more than ever you need a coach. I don't care if it's me or not, but you got to have somebody that is invested and that you've invested in. That is not emotionally tied to you. It's where friends can fail you. It's where significant others and spouses can fail you. Because they're the ones that are going to help you call that out. When your emotions lie, your evidence tells the truth. Number 3, you got to stay in motion. You don't have to get up and sprint every day because that's exhausting as well, but you don't stop. If you're, if you're walking, if you're crawling, if you're on your knees just going one small shuffle at a time, That's okay, but don't stop. Send in another application, record another video, read another chapter, take another walk, practice your interviewing skills one more time. You're going to build what you are building through ordinary days that are just repeated consistently. So let me tell you what happened a couple of days ago and why I got permission to talk about my client in this podcast. Because it's what happened yesterday. So today's Monday. She got a call on a Sunday. And by the way, she didn't get the promotion that she originally wanted, but she got something different. There was a leader from another department that had just taken notice of the consistency that she had shown over the past couple of years. Not because of it, not because of an interview, not because of just one conversation, but because of a pattern. And the work that she'd been doing while she thought that nobody was paying attention, this other leader actually noticed. You know, the waiting wasn't wasted. All it was was preparation. Here's what I hope that you take away today, and that's some of the best things in life take longer than what we want. Don't mistake the wait for failure. Keep showing up. Keep doing the work. Trust that today's effort is building tomorrow's opportunities. You know, your future It rarely is it ever shaped by just one incredible day. It's shaped by what you refuse to give up on, what you refuse to quit. And one day you're going to look back and realize that waiting wasn't the story, that the becoming who you are That's the story. Hey, if today's conversation resonated with you and you're in that season where you're doing the work but wondering if it's ever going to pay off, I would love to help. And that's what coaching is for. Not for someone to tell you what to do, but someone to see what you can't always see yourself. Help you keep moving when motivation fades and make sure that your effort is actually leading somewhere. And you can learn— let's, let's, again, if it's me, that's, that's awesome. If it's not, go find somebody, go find a professional coach, but make sure it's a coach that's not giving you advice, but it's actually helping you see different things. But if it's with me, You can learn more or you can schedule a complimentary discovery call. Just go to www.stanshirescoaching.com to set that up. Until next time, I want you to keep showing up. Keep doing the work. Your future is being built one faithful step at a time.