Episode 84: Built to Survive

Hey, you know, sometimes as, as men, the hardest thing that we have to admit is that the version that survived might not be the version that can build the life that we want. And maybe we, maybe we learned it early to keep our mouth shut. We don't cry. We don't need anybody. We take care of business. We handle our own problems. We take the hit. We get back up. We keep moving. And for a long time, that worked. And it's gotten you, it's gotten me through some really, really ugly years. But eventually, survival stops being a strength and it starts becoming— A weakness. Hey, welcome to Stand Sure Coaching. My name is Rob Anderson. I'm your host of the Stand Sure Podcast. Hey, my journey has been defined by 3 distinct chapters. Chapter 1 began with my time in the military, where I learned the true meaning of leadership and resilience in some of the most high-pressure environments. Then on to Chapter 2, I transitioned into corporate America, serving as a learning and development professional and leadership coach for Fortune 500 companies. Now I'm in my third chapter, dedicated to helping men navigate their own transitions, rediscover their purpose, and find what it means to lead with conviction in their second half of life. Hey, I know I was focusing that towards men. I can't speak as a woman. I just can't. I mean, it's not right. It's not my place. I coach a lot of women, have a lot of women as clients, but what I was talking about in that intro, I only know from a man's perspective. So that's where I'm going to focus that. You know, today we are talking about what happens when the version of you that got you through the hard years is no longer the version of you That you want running your life. And man, if it pertains to women, that's great, but I can— again, I can only speak from a man's perspective. So ladies, if this resonates, that's awesome, okay? This is for you too, but I can only speak as a guy. But I'll tell you this, there is a massive difference between knowing how to survive And knowing how to actually live. And I want you to stick with me until the end because I'm going to tell you about this offer that I've been working on and tweaking for over a year now. And it's called the One Year Transition. And it's an offer that's built for people who know that they are ready for something different. But need some structure, they need some accountability, and they need somebody walking beside them while they build it. Now, by the way, this is what I've gone through as well. Not only my clients, I just, I got sick and tired of being sick and tired of being sick and tired. And I had to reach out and I had to do something different. And I'm still doing things that are different for that transformation. But I want to share that with you at the end. A lot of us learn survival before we ever learn how to live. We learned it from our families. We learned it from bad relationships. For a lot of us, we learned it in the military. We learned it from loss. We learned it from getting our ass kicked, getting knocked around enough times that eventually we figured out one thing. Nobody's coming to save me. So what do we do? We toughen up. We stop asking. We stop talking. We stop expecting much from anybody. We go and we solve our own problems. And then people start looking at you like you're the guy who can handle anything. And pretty soon, that becomes your identity. Now you're the strong one, the dependable one, the fixer, the one everybody calls when they need help. When everything goes sideways. And there is nothing wrong with being strong. The problem starts when strength becomes the only gear that you have. Because eventually, there's a moment. Maybe you're sitting alone in your truck and it's right after work. Maybe you're standing at the kitchen sink. Maybe you're out cleaning the pool, mowing the lawn, whatever it is. Maybe everybody else is asleep and you're staring at the ceiling at 3:00 in the morning. Something starts scratching at the back of your mind. There has to be more than this. There has to be more to life than living in this desperate loneliness and isolation. That's the epiphany. That is an important moment because That's awareness, and awareness is where transformation starts. You begin realizing that you've gotten really good at surviving, but not really thriving. You're not sure you're enjoying much of it. You work, you pay bills, you provide, you protect, you handle the problems, you take care of everybody, you grind through another week, and Friday comes. And you're done. And before you know it, Monday's there. Another month disappears, another year disappears. And eventually you start wondering, is this really what I fought this hard for? Because surviving is something different from building something. Surviving is different than thriving. Survival says, just get through the day. Building— building says— it starts to ask questions. Where am I going? Survival says, hey, don't get hurt again. Building says, what relationships do I actually want? Survival says, keep everybody at arm's length. Building says, who's earned the right to know me? You know, survival's keep, you know, you keep moving forward and you keep, you just keep moving. Maybe not even forward. You just keep moving. Building says, maybe, just maybe I should figure out Where the hell I'm going, and that's where things get uncomfortable because the old version of you worked. The old version of you protected yourself. It the old version of you kept you moving. It carried you through some things that you probably never even talked about. So part of you feels. Like changing means somehow disrespecting that old person. But it doesn't. You see, that guy did his job, but he was built from a different battlefield. I want you to think about it like this: if crawling kept you alive during the fight, then crawling was exactly what you needed to do at that point. But eventually, That fight ends. And at some point, you've got to stand up. You can't crawl through the rest of your life just because crawling is what once kept you alive. But that's exactly what we do with the old survival patterns. We keep carrying anger because anger once protected us. We keep people out because somebody once betrayed us. We refuse to help Because there was a time that nobody showed up. And we control everything because losing control once cost us. And we bury our emotions because there was this time and we just didn't have the room to deal with them. And those patterns made sense at that time, but maybe they don't make sense anymore. And that's one of the hardest parts of transition. You have to start separating what still serves you from what is simply familiar. And I'll tell you straight up, familiar is going to fool you because familiar feels safe, even when being familiar— even when familiarity, it's miserable. But you know how to operate from there. You know how to be angry. You know how to be disconnected. You know how to bury yourself in work. You know how to avoid the conversation. You know how to tell everybody you're just that you're fine, that you're okay. Hey, I'm good. And you practice that stuff for years. Living differently requires learning new skills: talking, listening, setting boundaries, trusting people who've actually earned trust. Taking care of yourself without feeling guilty about it. Looking out for, looking out for your money, looking out for your finances, looking out for your health, your mental health and your physical health. And for that matter, your spiritual health. Looking out, you know, looking at your relationships, looking at what habits you have, looking at promises that you keep. That you're making to yourself, but you keep breaking them. And it may be asking, what do I want to become now? And that question, what do I want to become now, that changes everything. Not, not who you were, not who you needed to be 5, 10, 15, 20 years ago, not who everybody expects you to be. Who do you want to become now? Who do you want to be? I talked to a guy today and I asked him a question. When you and I are sitting in this spot— we're out at the golf course watching the Albertsons Open— I asked him the question, when you and I are sitting at this spot a year from now, who do you want to be? I want to be a better man. What do you want to be different? That's where transition starts. And I'm not talking about waking up tomorrow and suddenly becoming some completely different person. And I don't believe that— you know, I just don't believe transition works that way. Transformation is a lot less dramatic. It's getting up when you said you would. It's having the conversation That you've been avoiding. It's going to the gym when you'd rather sit on the couch. It's looking at your bank account instead of ignoring it. It's being present with your family instead of just physically sitting there while your mind is somewhere else. It's keeping promises to yourself one at a time. You know, you, you keep one promise. To yourself, then another, then another, then another. Those small decisions start stacking up and eventually you look back and realize something, that you're not living the same life anymore. That's why I believe that one of the biggest mistakes that we make is trying to change everything in 30 days. We want the quick fix. We want the challenge. We want the reset. We want the motivational hit. But what happens is you spent years becoming the person that you are today. So give yourself some room to become the person that you want to be next, because there is nothing weak about changing. I mean, honestly, most of us, the reason why we are who we are today was accidental. It wasn't making decisions. It wasn't choosing to transition. By the way, there's exceptions to that. I get that. But I've got to tell you, there is nothing weak about changing. Sometimes strength is taking another hit or maybe it's deciding you're tired of getting hit. Sometimes strength is carrying everything yourself. But sometimes strength is finally admitting that the load's too heavy. You know, a lot of us, we feel like strength is just pushing through. But maybe instead, it's stopping long enough to ask whether you're even headed in the right direction. The tough version of you, it deserves respect. And that's what got you here today. But you don't owe that version of yourself the rest of your life. You get to choose what happens next. You get to build something— better relationships, better health, better habits, better control of your money, more purpose, more connection. A life that doesn't require you to constantly white-knuckle your way through another week or through another month or even, even another day. Because making it through the hard years I'll give it to you. That was an accomplishment. But making it was never supposed to be the finish line. I'm going to say that again. Making it through the hard years was an accomplishment. But brother, that was never the finish line. That's right. That right there is why I had to go through a transformation. That's why I had to open up a new chapter. And that's exactly why I created the One Year Transition. I promised you that if you stuck with me to the end, I was going to make an offer. And if you want to tune out right now, that's totally cool. But just hang with me. I'm just going to ask you to hang with me for a little bit longer here. Tell you straight up, this is not another program where you watch a bunch of videos, you fill out a workbook, you get fired up for a couple of weeks, and you fall right back into, into the same life. This is a year of intentional transition. We're going to look at the areas of your life that matter: your relationships, your health, your finances, your habits, your purpose, your faith. And it revolves around those 4 Fs: faith, family, finances, fitness. We look at that and the person that you're becoming through all of it. Hey, in this offering, you get private coaching, you get accountability, you get somebody walking beside you while you figure out what needs to change. And start taking action. Not somebody telling you how to go live your life. I don't know your life. I can't tell you how to go live your life. But we're going to work together. We're going to partner. We're going to co-create. We're going to help you slow down long enough to see what is actually happening, decide what you want next, and keep moving when the old habits start pulling you backward. And here's the cool thing. You don't have to wait a year to start seeing the change. The results begin when you start making different decisions. And sometimes that happens in the, in the first couple of conversations. Sometimes it happens when you're finally to say something out loud that you've been carrying around for years and you won't say to anybody else. Sometimes you won't even say it to yourself. Sometimes it's just, it's a small commitment that you finally keep. You know, the year gives us a runway to make those changes stick. So if you know how to survive, but you're ready to learn how to build something better, I want you to take a look at the 1-year transition that I'm offering. You go out to my website, www.stansherdcoaching.com, look under my offers. It's the 1-year transition. Because here's why I'm so excited about walking through this program with you. It's all because The person who survived, the person who got you this far, that guy deserves respect. That person deserves respect. But now it's time to decide who takes you the rest of the way. Where do you want to be a year from now? If you go back and you listen to this podcast, Can you say that you made a difference? That you changed? And here's the other thing I'm going to throw at you. One year can change the next 10 years of your life. Look at where you are today accidentally in most cases. A year from today, Who do you want to be? Go out to StanSherardCoaching.com. By the way, for the month of August, it's $500 off. But hey, set up a discovery call. Let's make sure you and I can— are going to be able to work together. That discovery call is free. All right. That's all I've got for this episode. Love you guys. Excited to work with you. Thank you so, so much.