Special Episode : Beyond the Rainbow Bridge on the Science of Pet Loss Grief

You're gonna find that I do a lot of these podcasts out here in my backyard, sitting at a park bench, maybe in my Jeep. Right now, I'm out here hanging out with Deco, my Brittany Spaniel, and he's playing with a toy that used to belong To his predecessor. Welcome to Beyond the Rainbow. And this is where we hold space for those grieving the loss of a well-loved companion. My name is Rob Anderson. I'm a certified coach. I'm also the founder of Stand Sure Coaching. I wanted to have a separate podcast that emphasized this part of my coaching practice. I wanted a podcast that is a place to explore the impact that our dogs have on us. And in this episode, we're going to talk about the science behind our grief and also how coaching can guide us gently toward healing. I'm going to tell you a little bit about a dog who changed my life. Now, I've actually had, you know, I think in so many ways every dog I've ever had has changed my life, but I'm going to tell you about a really special dog. His name was Trigger. Trigger was a Brittany Spaniel. He wasn't a hunting dog. He wasn't even close. He was clumsy. He was uncoordinated. He was clumsy. He was uncoordinated. And he had no interest in birds at all, but he loved me like no one else, and he saved me in ways that I will— that I'm just never going to forget. So I deal with PTSD, and I would have nightmares, I would have anxiety, I'd have depression. We learned just a few nights After getting him from a breeding rescue agency, that he had this special talent. He had this gift. And I was having a nightmare, and he actually jumped up on the bed and started licking my face and putting his body weight on me. And he would do that at other times. That when he could tell that I was emotionally or psychologically drifting away from others, or if I was having— I don't like to call them flashbacks, but I was just having moments— he would ground me. He'd put his upper body across mine. It wasn't out of dominance, but it's out of connection. He brought me out of anxiety attacks. He brought me out of depressive episodes. Now, later on, we would get him training, but he did that on his own. He just knew. And when he died, I wasn't ready. I wasn't ready to let go. I'll talk about it in a later podcast, but we found out that he had cancer. I was told that he had a couple of months to live, and 4 days later he was gone. And I wasn't ready. I will never forget the night that he had to cross the Rainbow Bridge. I wasn't ready for the silence in the room. I wasn't ready for the absence of his paws on the floor. And I wasn't ready for the way the world kept moving When I felt like everything had stopped, and my wife, who was my girlfriend at the time, she was there for me. But and and I know that she would never she would never agree with what I'm about to say. But I know that my I know that my grief, my sadness. And even later on, the depression that came with it. I know that that weighed on her, and she tried. I know that she tried, and she put her all into it because she was grieving too, but she wanted to be strong for me. And, and we'll talk about that in a little bit, about having a support network, Specifically with coaching. But first, I want to talk about what the science says about that kind of grief. There, there's actually quite a few studies that show us that pet loss triggers many of the same neural responses as losing a human loved one. Studies using MRI scans show that the same brain regions light up. Especially, especially with those that are tied to attachment and pain. And I've often asked myself, why does it hit so hard? And I think I finally figured it out. And it's because dogs offer nonjudgmental love. They see us at our worst, They see it and they still stay. Okay? They see us at our best. They see us at our worst. They see us when we're down, when we're up, and they stay. They regulate our nervous systems, literally helping our cortisol levels drop just by being near us. And unlike people, we often don't have unresolved conflict with our pets. What we have is presence, consistency, and deep embodied love. There's a bond. So when they're gone, it's not just emotional, it's neurological, it's biological, and it's spiritual. And yet society brushes it off. And if you've ever been in a situation, or maybe you've heard about this, hey, it was just a dog. Or you can get another. Oh my gosh, I hated that. There'll be another one on the way. You know, at some point you're going to find another dog. And we're being asked, hey, it's, it's, it's been a long time. Aren't you over that yet? Grief isn't linear, and grief from pet loss is real. And this is where coaching comes in. I wish that I'd had a resource like this. For one, And again, I know that my wife would disagree, but I know that I heavily taxed her emotions because I could be going on throughout my day and all of a sudden just lose it or just become distant. And I got to a point where I didn't want to burden her, so I wasn't talking to anyone because I know that she was grieving as well and she had other things going on. And I feel guilty for putting that burden on her. But again, that's where coaching comes in. You see, coaching isn't about fixing you. It's about walking with you. It's about creating space to feel what you feel without shame. It's a process that allows you to— it's a process that allows you to name what you've lost. Not just your companion, but the role that they played, the roles that they played in your identity, your safety. And even maybe you're healing from something else, a relationship or the loss of something. When I've talked to other people about grief, I'll ask, you know, oftentimes I'll ask, what part of you did they anchor? I might ask, especially if there's been a time of passing, what rituals or maybe even memories? Still bring comfort. I think one of the things we have to be good with is that healing doesn't mean forgetting; it means remembering differently. If you have lost, if you lost a pup, what I want you to think about. Is the presence that they had in your life— what part of you feels the most empty right now? And what is that emptiness inviting you to explore? Because if you and I were in a coaching session right now, that's one of the the areas that we would explore together. You know, Trigger may not have chased birds, but he chased away darkness. And the ache of losing him taught me that grief, just like love, has no expiration date. If you're walking through that kind of loss right now, I want you to know that I see you. And maybe it's been a couple of days, maybe it's been a couple of years, and it's still unresolved. If you want to talk, if you want someone to sit in that space without rushing, that's what I do. Go check out my website, www.stanshirescoaching.com. On that page, there's an intake form. Reach out to me and we'll book some time and we'll go and we'll walk through this together. It's not a one and done. It's a journey. You know, they were in our lives for a little while, but we were And there's forever. Make sure to take care, be kind to yourself, and remember, healing begins with honoring the love. Reach out.