How to Hurt a Narcissist
In this YouTube monologue, the creator discusses the growing conversation around narcissists and shares personal experience dealing with an extreme narcissist. The speaker critiques the overuse and weaponisation of the term "narcissist," acknowledges that everyone can display narcissistic traits, and outlines common behaviours of narcissists: constant arguing, victim‑playing, refusal to accept responsibility, and a need for attention that fuels them like oxygen to a fire. The video systematically debunks ineffective tactics—reasoning, arguing, trying to get apologies, forming agreements, or silencing them—explaining why each fails. The core solution presented is a strict no‑contact strategy: block the person on all platforms, limit communication to essential logistics (especially when co‑parenting), and avoid any engagement that could provide emotional fuel. The speaker also warns about trauma‑bonding, stalking via fake accounts, and the impact on children, urging viewers to seek therapy, share their experiences, and reach out for support. Throughout, the creator invites audience interaction, references viewer comments, and emphasizes that emotional abuse can affect both men and women.
Chapters
How to hurt a narcissist. Now, um, it seems to be coming up a lot more in conversation in my content about narcissists and how to deal with them. I've never actually spoken publicly about, um, how to hurt and handle narcissists, though I have had one in particular very extreme case of, um, having someone in my life who was a very extreme narcissist, um, and it proved very, very difficult to deal with them and move on. So I thought for the first time ever I'd do a bit of content on this. Um, so first off, let me know in the comments, have you ever, um, had a narcissist in your life or, or had to deal with a narcissist? Let just give me a yes in the comments or give me some detail about it. Um, also, have you noticed there being a rise in narcissism? And, you know, are you experiencing more narcissistic people? Um, yeah, someone has said this is a random crossover of content. It's not something I've ever actually talked about before, but I have got some thoughts on it and I have got some experience now. Linda says she lived with a narcissist for 4 years. Connor says it's a largely overused term. I actually agree with you there, Connor. I think a lot of people call people narcissists as a weapon. I see a lot of people on the internet, you know, attacking someone for being a narcissist, and I'm thinking, well, you should look in the mirror because you're probably one yourself. So yeah, I certainly think the term is often banded around as a weapon. Um, so yeah, sometimes if people are talking to me about how their ex was a narcissist and how their ex-boss was a narcissist and how their dad was a narcissist, I'm like, right, well, you're giving me a lot of information about you. Um, yeah, and maybe, um, someone's gonna think that about me. I hope not. But, um, I thought this might be interesting to talk about. Now, Linda has said we all have tendencies. I definitely agree. I think all of us can exhibit what we might label as narcissistic tendencies. Um, certainly if you're in self-preservation or protection, certainly if your ego gets hurt, you might lash out and exhibit some narcissistic behaviors. I think there are some people who maybe there's the odd behavioral trait, um, that comes out of a narcissist Um, but then I think there are other people who fit that label very well and seem to be like that the whole time. Um, someone has said here, if you ever find yourself questioning if you are one, you're probably not. Yeah, I mean, yeah, if you start to question yourself for being a narcissist, you're probably not, because a narcissist wouldn't have the self-awareness to know they're a narcissist. So by the way, I'm going to tell you the one thing I believe you can do to, to beat a narcissist, to cut them, um, to defeat them, to get rid of them. Um, but telling them that they're a narcissist is not one of them. And you know, narcissists are not self-aware. They don't know that they are one. They think everyone else is one. Um, they won't admit that they are themselves. Um, interesting, I can see in the comments there's quite a few of you that have got narcissistic exes, so clearly this is a relevant thing to, to talk about. So what you can never do, never do with a narcissist is, um, reason with them, you know, win an argument or, or talk them around, reason or bargain with them. That's absolutely impossible. They will go round and round and round and round and keep you up all night and beat you down and break your will, um, until you submit. So arguing and reasoning with a narcissist is completely futile. Steph has said truth. There's this saying that I love, and it always reminds me of, um, narcissistic people. And that is never wrestle with a pig in shit. You both get covered in shit, but the pig likes it. So remember, never wrestle with a pig. You both get covered in shit, but the pig likes it. A narcissist loves to argue all day and all night and break you down. Marissa said, so basically you should just give in. Absolutely not. I'm not saying you should give in. I'm going to give you the solution. I actually managed to achieve this from someone who, um, I won't go into the details, but caused me a lot of grief. So you can't reason with them, you can't argue with them or win or beat them in an argument, you can't prove them wrong. They're never wrong. Um, a great, um, behavioral trait of a narcissist, by the way, is that they're a victim, that it's everyone else's fault, that it was their parents' fault, that, you know, that They are the ones that are suffering, not you. Um, this is so— they— it will never be their fault. They will never be wrong. Exactly. Linda has said you can't win with a liar, so don't try and prove them wrong. Just like you— I don't believe you should try and argue and reason with them. The next thing you can't do, you can't shut them up. You know, you can't silence them, then they're never going to apologize. You can't make them apologize. Jackie has said, this sounds like my ex. Um, so trying to get them to apologize, or, you know, or quieten them down— impossible. Can't do that. Tony said, save your point and leave it there and go. Okay, we'll get back to that in a moment. Um, okay, the next thing you cannot do with a narcissist— you can't, you can't form an agreement with them. You know, you, you think that maybe you can come to a deal and they agree that deal, and then they'll renege out of that deal. So you can never come to any kind of agreement or deal with them, um, and they'll just— like I said, it'll be someone else's fault why they, they wriggled out of that Um, so Kimikins has said there are different types of narcissists: sociopaths, psychopaths, narcissists, Machiavellians. I mean, look, ultimately I think these are just labels. Someone said earlier that, um, sometimes it's just ego. I agree with that. Someone also said, you know, we can all exhibit narcissistic traits at times, especially if we've been shamed I certainly agree with that as well. Okay, so here's what you can do. Here's the only way that I've ever seen to defeat and hurt a narcissist, and that is cut them out of your life. Rip off the Band-Aid, cut them out, leave them, block them. Don't have any communication with them whatsoever. You know, like a fire needs oxygen, a narcissist needs your response. They love arguments, you know, they love attention. They want your emotion, your anger. Anything, anything small that they can get a little touch of is like oxygen to the fire. The only way you put out a fire is you starve it of oxygen, and therefore the only way you hurt or defeat a narcissist is cut them out of your life. Block them, have absolutely no contact with them, give them no oxygen whatsoever, and that is the only way. Now someone has said, what if you have children with them? Well, then obviously you have to keep all contact to an absolute minimum, only logistics. Um, you know, don't give them the time and the fuel. Connor has said they thrive on the attention, just like the fire thrives on oxygen. They need the supply. Tony has said that it is sad when children are involved. I'm seeing an instance of that at the moment. And it's— yeah, I do also think that toxic bonding is a thing, Errol, you know, where you can almost become addicted to this narcissistic treatment where, where you're conditionally, not unconditionally, loved. And when you're— where you're essentially emotionally abused, where you're treated really badly, but then it's made up with you with some overblown affection. And yeah, I think that trauma bonding is a thing, um, and I think it's sad. And I've got a lot of sympathy for anyone who's been in this situation, um, and, and it's sad that we end up ruining our kids, but this is life and this happens. So, um, let me know what you think in the comments, by the way. Also, um, I wonder if you wouldn't mind sharing this because, um, I, I do feel like there's, uh, the world is creating more people who are starving for attention and, and who want to manipulate and control people instead of just allowing people to be themselves. Um, yeah, the comments are going mad. A lot of you clearly have had some experience, so If you have had some experience but you don't want to talk about it, but you know, maybe you could share this video like Marie just has and Johnny just has, um, and maybe use my words here, um, to help someone. I've got personal experience in this. I, I got stalked, I got blackmailed, um, you know, the list goes on, um, and you know, I'd have long periods of creating distance, and then just the smallest little response or acknowledgement, and all of a sudden the door is wedged and it's opened wide, and you can put yourself back months. Oh, and by the way, um, this happens to men as well as women. I mean, it happens to all, um, and there's nothing to be ashamed about if, you know, you're honest that you've been emotionally abused, even if you're a man. I mean, you know, obviously, um, narcissistic men can treat women very badly, but narcissistic women can treat men badly too. And men can be emotionally abused, and there can be this trauma bonding, and it is a real thing. Um, you know, I had a therapist and that really helped me. You know, maybe, um, you know, you would want to speak out about this someone has said they're kind of embarrassed to share. Don't be embarrassed to share. Just see it as looking to solve a problem. And you know, you'll look back and you'll be glad that you spoke out. And you know, it's okay to say if you're being emotionally abused, um, because yeah, this does go on and it happens to men as well as women. Um, so if at all possible, completely cut them out of your life. No contact ever. Um, the mistake I know some people make is, um, because by the way, narcissists are very good at creating fake accounts and finding ways to see what you're doing and, and watch you and stalk you. And you know, you might be tempted just to check and see what, what they're doing, and you just have a little look on their social media, and then you get triggered, and then they saw that, that you saw, and then all of a sudden they open the door again. And like I said, it can put you back months or years. So cut them out. No contact, no social media, blocked on every single channel. And if you are co-parenting, then contact to an absolute minimum, replies to an absolute minimum. Uh, control, you know, the terms of the situation. You know, something that narcissists love to do is to create chaos and change plans and, and, um, you know, as some kind of power play. Another big sign of a narcissist is someone who likes to ruin any kind of, um, important event. You know, if there's a party or an anniversary or there's something that's about you, they'll ruin it and, and they, they can make that about them. Um, you know, they absolutely cannot handle not being in full control and not fully controlling someone. Um, and that's why making an agreement with them won't work for you because they'll renege it. Silence— trying to silence them won't work for you. Um, proving them wrong won't work for you because you'll never be able to prove them wrong. They're, they're amazing, um, debaters and argumenters. Um, You can't out-reason them, so you just have to block them out. You know, like suffocating a fire of all oxygen and putting it out. And remember, um, the saying that I like the most is, never wrestle with a pig. You both get covered in shit, but the pig loves it. Many of you are saying that this has happened to you, that you can relate to this. So I wonder if you would— by the way, just to let you know, I'm not like a, um, a narcissist expert. I'm not a trained sort of therapist per se. I have done a lot of mindset training over the last 17 years. I have got personal experience where something pretty serious has happened to me that I can't really talk about yet. Um, and I, I've actually had an expert on my show Disruptors. You might want to watch that, um, because she mentioned a lot of the things that, you know, I've mentioned here. My podcast is called Disruptors. Her name is Rebecca Fox if you want to go and watch that episode. Um, but yeah, look, if you want to chat, um, or you're really struggling, um, DM me. You know, I don't mind trying to help or being, you know, a listening ear. Um, just in case, you know, you're right in the middle of it. What I will tell you is there is an end, and when you're in the middle of it, it doesn't seem like there's an end. It just seems like it's going to go on forever. But remember, um, because Marissa said any tips— cut them out. No contact, no social media, block them from anything and everything, and then you can start to move on. It's the only way. So thanks for tuning in. Like I said, if you can relate but maybe you don't want to share your own experience because it's too raw for you, then please share this. Certainly I agree, um, you know, being honest and open and, and talking to trusted people and saying that, saying that you think you are being emotionally abused. I have been emotionally abused, and it sounds like a bit of a weird thing to admit, but I was. Um, and it was very complicated and very painful. And I'm really glad I spoke to a therapist and I confided in some, some people close to me. Um, so, you know, that's not a weakness at all, that's a strength. All right, so thanks for tuning in. Um, DM me if you think, you know, you might want to chat, or if you think I can help. I know it's a bit of a left-field subject for me, but actually I've just seen so many comments on this, and I thought it was important. I, I agree actually that therapy and counseling can be life-saving because, you know, some people have suicidal ideations over this. And just being able to talk to a therapist without judgment and being able to be honest and say things that you might otherwise feel weak to say to others, even though it's strong, um, I, I think that that's a really good thing to do. I mean, my therapist helped me no end going through what I went through. Yes, Sarah, narcissists are absolute experts at playing the victim. They will just convince everybody else it's, um, you know, not their fault. They're great at blaming. Here's a sign: when, um, they make out that you're the narcissist when they're in fact one. That's, that's a very classic thing. Or, you know, when they try and turn friends and public attention against you and you're the abuser and they're the him. This is something else that's commonly done. Cut them out. Thanks for tuning in. I really appreciate you. I hope you found this content useful. Um, and remember, if you don't risk anything, you risk everything. Like I said, if you, you're worried to speak out, DM me and we can have a chat. Um, or, um, you know, share this if you'd like to get the message out but you're not yet ready to talk yourself. I think this has to be addressed because I think when children are involved and children end up developing narcissistic behaviors, that's such a shame because children didn't ask to be born. They're innocent. And as adults, you know, maybe we've got consciousness and conscious choice, but as children we haven't. And I think it's really sad when, you know, when children are exposed to this and you want to do, do everything you can to make sure that you know, your children aren't, aren't exposed, you know, to a narcissist or worse, a sociopath. So thanks for all the kind comments, um, and remember this: if you don't risk anything, you risk everything.
