Why we Should NOT Campaign Against Bullying
Rob Moore argues anti-bullying campaigns fail because they target bullies instead of root causes. He was bullied about his weight, lost it, and credits the bully as an inadvertent teacher. Moore proposes instead teaching the bullied to defend themselves and extending kindness to bullies to heal their underlying insecurity and pain.
Chapters
Why we should not campaign against bullying and against bullies. It's Anti-Bullying Week, and I thought about sharing a positive message about bullying as someone who was bullied significantly as a child. And then I thought about it, and I thought about what it was really like to be bullied. And to put myself in the shoes of the bully. And I believe that campaigning against bullying, which is essentially campaigning against bullies— I believe we have this the wrong way around, and I believe we should stop immediately campaigning against bullying and change the way we look at this. Otherwise, it will not change. Now, my daughter got sent to school today in odd socks to commemorate and honor Anti-Bullying Week. So the first thing we need to do is define what bullying is. Now, anything that is illegal, you know, acts of violence that are illegal, this obviously should be dealt with by the law. By the law. But anything that isn't illegal, I believe— I'm just gonna say it how I see it because I was bullied myself. I do not believe we should be teaching people to campaign against bullies and ostracize and essentially bully the bullies. I believe we should look at it the other way around and teach people how to handle bullies. Um, I believe we should teach people to defend themselves against bullies, to disarm bullies elegantly, to handle the challenge thrown at them. When you get sent to war to fight the opposition, you don't get sent in without a gun. You don't get sent in without training. And I believe that campaigning for those who are bullied and teaching them how to disarm, handle, charm, um, and fight back is a far better way to handle the process of bullying than it is to campaign against the bullies and further ostracize the bullies. Now, I have been bullied, and let me tell you this: I am so grateful to my bullies. My friends didn't make me lose all of my weight. I was grossly overweight. I was probably moving towards obesity. I hated being overweight. Obesity is obviously really unhealthy, really unhealthy. And my friends who supported me did me no favors in losing my weight. None whatsoever. I only have the bullies to be thankful for losing my weight. And I hated myself, and I wanted to lose my weight for 3 straight years, and I couldn't do it until I got bullied enough that the pain of the weight plus the pain of the bullies was so strong that it motivated me to do something. Then I lost all the weight. So it is not the people campaigning for me that I am thankful for. It is the bullies that toughened me up and gave me resourcefulness and gave me motivation. So thank you to my bullies. I have often thought, what's the purpose of a bully? Because no parent wants to send their children to school where there are bullies. And I believe if there was no purpose in anything, it wouldn't exist. So therefore, bullies must have a purpose, otherwise it wouldn't exist. So if we're to think about what's the purpose of a bully— bullies are sent to the weak and the insecure and the people who have areas of their life that they've disowned to own them and to strengthen them. That is what I believe the purpose of a bully is. A coach, a mentor, a bully, they're all sent to you to toughen you, to challenge you, to teach you to grow through the disowned parts of yourself. So in that regard, my bullies were my greatest teachers. Now remember I defined them at the start. So if we campaign against bullying, we campaign against our greatest teachers. Unless they step over the line and break the law, and then that has to be dealt with. So we should not be campaigning against bullying and bullies. We should be teaching ourselves to be strong and learn from the bullies and the challenges. And this is a complete reversal of how actually a lot of the woke— um, I won't even go into that. Now here's another thing. Do you think bullies want to bully? Do you think bullies are strong and secure? No, bullies are probably more insecure than the bullied. Bullies are probably more in pain than the bullied. The bullies probably self-love as much as the bullied. The bullies probably just want recognition and importance and love. The bullies, just like the bullied, So why do we not spend more time also helping, nurturing, and teaching the bullied? Bullies as well as the bullied. Because if you think about it, bullying is the effect, not the cause. It's a symptom, not the disease. Danuta said bullies are weak. So why don't we teach bullies to be strong instead of campaigning against them? Bullies are often the most hurt, the most in pain. And like the problem, for example, with Big Pharma is that it's teaching the symptoms, not the cause. It's alleviating and removing the symptoms, not going to the disease. It's not curing the disease itself. And in bullying, the disease itself is the pain and insecurity of the bullied and the bullies. So if we strengthen the bullied and we show care and nurture and support to the bullies, then I believe we change bullying. But only then. Why are the bullies bullying? Probably because they got bullied and abused by their parents. Often the case. So why don't we kill them with kindness and love and support instead of campaigning against the art of bullying or the effect of bullying? Let me know what you think. These are my views. I'm not going to summarize because I don't want to do it an injustice, so watch the video again. In this week campaigning against bullying, I feel we're going to be campaigning against the wrong thing. We're treating the symptom, not the cause, and that's dangerous. One more final thing I will say is that I have been bullied. Emotionally and nearly physically, but definitely emotionally. Much of that pain was real, much of that pain was in my own head. I beat myself up more than the bullies could ever beat me up. I understand this. I'm not speaking about something I've not been through myself. And I'm very grateful to my bullies because they strengthened me up and they got me losing the weight more than any of my support network did. But what I will say is this: we're all going through different things, we're all going through different pain. Kill the bullies with kindness. Let's see how the world changes then. Don't campaign against them. Now, of course, some people are ill and that needs to be treated, and some people are breaking that law and that, that needs to be dealt with. But if you're struggling, please reach out to me. If what I've said touches a nerve but you're not there yet, email me support@robmoore.com. I am here to help anyone who is really struggling, and I understand the pain you go through when your family member or your children are being bullied. I understand that it's difficult. Actually, I've got one of my children that's dealing with some challenge with one of their friends, and to be honest, it's the best life lesson that they could get. Far better than anything myself or my wife could articulate to my child, because you only grow stronger through challenge. So if you're— but if this is touching a nerve but you're still struggling, please email me support@robmoore.com. I'm not a trained doctor, psychiatrist, mental health professional. I'm just someone who's been through bullying and built an entrepreneurial business and done a lot of personal development. And if I can help, I will. support@robmoore.com. Let's campaign to strengthen the bullied and love and give kindness to the bully and change the way we have this campaign against bullying that's going on right now. Let me know what you think in the comments. Also, I wonder if you wouldn't mind sharing this, because I hope there's some useful points which people can relate to. Thanks for tuning in, and remember, if you don't risk anything, you risk everything.
