040: Why Your Tribe Is the Key To Your Success- Interview with Lori Harder

Namaste, it's Sahara Rose. And welcome back to the Highest Self podcast, a place where we discuss what makes you your soul's highest evolvement. I can't believe my book launch just happened. Yesterday at Tantrus Yoga in Los Angeles, I had my book launch event where over a hundred of you beautiful souls showed up to support me. I felt so loved by each and every one of you. I met so many of my readers, so many people who have been following, following me on Instagram for years, lots of my friends, Instagram friends, real life friends, my family, my first time my parents and my brother ever seeing me speak. So it was really just a momentous moment for me. So thank you all for being a part of it. I'm going to upload an album that has pictures of everyone and the whole day on my Facebook. If you are not a fan of my Facebook page, it's just facebook.mediamsaharose or if you just look up Sahara Rose, Eat, Feel Fresh, you'll see it right there. And I also am going to have a few fun videos edited of the day so you can see the beautiful Tantra space. It literally looks like ancient India and we just had so much fun there. We had a beautiful shamanic medicine music group perform, we had Cafe Gratitude food, we had different tonics, lots of fun wellness things. So it was really a beautiful day and I can't believe in two weeks I'm going to be heading to India. I'll be shooting my next book, Eat Feel Fresh, which is a modern Ayurvedic cookbook, plant based, really fun recipes using ancient Ayurvedic ingredients like turmeric and cumin and cardamom, but in a fun modern way. So I'm really excited for that to go come out. And I'm going to be shooting all the photography in India. So it's going to be really authentic and sacred and all of the things. So I'll be sharing that on my Instagram story and I'll be also taking some cool videos. I have an idea for this cool series that I want to actually do, sharing the roots of Ayurveda yoga meditation in India itself. So I'm going to shoot, try to shoot a few few episodes while I'm there just on my own and see how it goes. Because it's some a vision that I really have of creating a show about this. So fingers crossed.

Pray for me that this will turn.

Out well and the rest of the world can really begin to experience this ancient Vedic knowledge that has been passed down for centuries and is now being reawakened. So this week I have an amazing podcast interview for you guys. Her name is Lori Harder and she just had me on her podcast, so.

Be sure to check that out.

Her podcast is called Earn your happy. So Lori Harder is a leading expert in the field of fitness, transformational work, mindfulness and self love. She is an am amazing businesswoman and author, a three time fitness cover model, she's spoken on the TED talk, she's been featured all over the place. But she is so humble, so down to earth and she offers some amazing advice. In fact, one of the things that she recommended for me to do that she's actually writing about in her next book book was to start a mentorship group. Just grab two of your friends that you guys are kind of in the same path and start this mentorship group that every two weeks you guys just talk on the phone for an hour and just uninterruptedly share what's going on in your life. And she discusses this more in depth and how she organizes it and things like that in this episode. But that's one takeaway that I took from it that I immediately implemented into my life and I've been doing for the past like month and a half now since I recorded this episode and it's been so amazing. So me, my friend Liana and Maria, both of them have been on the podcast. We formed our little mentorship group and it's just an amazing way to remain accountable, to have someone to share what's going on with and you know, just have this ongoing support because sometimes with our friends we don't really talk about our business things.

So it just provides you a safe.

Space to like, okay, for 20 minutes I'm just going to talk about what's going on. And no one offers you advice unless.

You ask for it.

And a lot of times if you just talk it out, you begin to realize the answer yourself. So I'm so excited for you to.

Check out this episode.

You're going to learn so much. She's such an amazing inspiration and light and I'm excited for you to also listen to her podcast, Earn your happy. And you can check out my interview on there too.

So without further ado, enjoy this episode.

Lori Harder.

Lori, I'm so excited to have you here on the highest self possession podcast. Welcome.

Oh, thank you so much for having me on. I'm so excited to chat with you.

Yes. And now I get to be on the receiving end and hear all of your Amazing wisdom.

I had so much fun when you were on my podcast. I loved it. I'm actually still thinking about it. So.

Good, good, good. So the first question that I'm going to ask you, that I ask everyone, is, what makes you your highest self?

Okay, this is an amazing question. What makes me my highest self? I wouldn't have been able to answer this the same way even five years ago as now. I'm positive. What makes me my highest self is playing, having fun, and just taking that time to have some space to get quiet, really listening into what is going to make me feel like my highest self that day. And to me, that is what makes me feel the most connected. And some days it's play, some days it's creativity, some days it's space, some days it's completely becoming a turtle. So it's always different, but for the most part, I feel like I can connect to my highest self when I am creative, when I'm playing and when I'm having fun.

I love that. And yeah, and it just shows that, you know, women especially, we're so multifaceted and, you know, like every day we might feel like a turtle one day and feel like we want to go spinning the next day and just to honor wherever we're at.

I love that the older I'm getting, the more I. The more I check in in the mornings and really understand if I'm just saying, you know, maybe I'm. I don't hate to use the word lazy, but sometimes, you know, that's kind of an inclination of mine. So am I being lazy or is this really something that I'm feeling and so I feel into that and you've.

Just achieved so much. I've been. I watched your TED Talk yesterday and I was watch looking at all of the Bliss Project things and it definitely doesn't seem like you're lazy. You're putting together so many amazing resources for women to empower themselves and so many of the things that you say and how making your mess your message, that was like something that was huge for me. And yeah, and I just love what you're all about. And I think listeners, you know, if you have ever felt followed Lori or go on her website, you'll see it's just so beautiful and it just makes you really feel at home. So I think all listeners would love to hear about your personal journey from the beginning and then also more just like building this brand because in your TED Talk, you talk a lot about your childhood. But then I would love to know how it became this.

Oh, girl, we're gonna go way back.

Okay. It started day one. What time were you born? Exactly what time?

I'm a Sagittarius, so.

Oh, I'm a Sag rising. That's why we like to play.

Okay. Love. I love, love, love my sign. Okay. We're also all crazy like that. We all just love Earth sign, spontaneous.

Travel, all those things.

Yes. Which is kind of crazy because I also love rituals. I love being very rooted, but then I get really bored quickly if I'm too rooted. So. Okay, so let's, let's go way back. I am from a tiny town in upper Michigan called Market, Michigan. It's literally like borderline Canada. It has record setting snowfall every single year and nine months out of the year are cold. So I'm really, really from the woods, to be quite honest with you. So, you know, on top of that, being from a really small town, I was also in a religion that was very strict and really isolating. So while I did go to elementary and midd school, I was homeschooled through high school. And when I was in public school, I wasn't allowed to associate with anyone outside of school hours. And we also didn't celebrate any holidays. So that was a huge challenge. Although growing up with it, it's kind of like I was very used to not being able to do those things, but at the same time it was really challenging because I wanted to go hang out with those kids, I wanted to go and play, I wanted to go to dance class afterward. I wanted to do all of these different things because I was. I've always someone who's wanted to be a performer. Even when I was young or whether speaking in front of people or just making people laugh like that was huge for me. I just wanted to go and be out there, whatever that meant. Right. I didn't know what that meant at the time, but because I led such an isolated life and I wasn't allowed to do those things, I got a lot of anxiety early on and I was made fun of a lot for my religion and also my sister and I for our weight. Now I wasn't even that overweight. But at the time I think just everything combined and my family struggled with their weight as well. So for me I just thought that it was my genetics because I was told that I was going to struggle with my weight my whole life, that this was normal, this was just our family way. But what happened is when I was a teenager, because of the isolation and the religion where I Wasn't allowed to hang out with people from, you know, my school. In order to start being able to have friends as a teenager, what would happen is we would go look at the congregations that were around us, so it would be like two hours away, and we'd go and visit some people or things like that. And I met this girl who became a really good friend of mine. We hit it off. She was my age, so what would happen is I would go to her house for like a week at a time because my parents would be willing to drive so that we would connect with people who were in our religion. So with that said, I had this huge moment of where I thought that I had these. This genetic background where I was going to struggle with my weight, where life was really hard, where, you know, I felt really isolated to going to this other girl's house who lived a few hours away and spending a week with her family. Well, her family was very fit. And they had a completely different mindset around money. They had a completely different mindset just around the way that they lived life. They had a really abundant mindset for the most part. And when I went away for this week, it was like, I remember I had this moment of thinking, okay, what is up with these people? Like, they are living a totally different lifestyle. It was after dinner, it was like 6:30 or 7:00pm and I was like, okay, where are the snacks? And she's like, what do you mean, snacks? We just ate dinner. And I was like, no, we eat snacks after dinner, like all night. Like, where are the snacks? Like, I was jonesing for snacks. And she's like, we don't have snacks. We have an apple. And I was like, an apple? Are you kidding me? Like, this is coming from a kid who was like, doritos and ice cream and marshmallows and sugar. And like, my mom always had a cup next to her, a little dish of like chocolate chips, and she'd drink Coca Cola. Like, that was just what we did. Like, we always had snacks next to us all through tv. So she was like, there's no snacks. So I go for a week, right, without snacks. We just eat these three square meals. And they were like normal, healthy meals, like very, you know, like your proteins and your heart. It was hearty. So it's not like we were starving. And I go home and I lost like five pounds. And I was like, what just happened? And that was the moment that I realized that habits were different from genetics. And I was probably about 13 at the time. And I had started Begging for fitness magazines early on just to learn a different way. It was like I wanted to read about what these fit people were doing. Because I had this breakthrough that despite what my family said, because I'm telling you, they didn't want to believe it. They still don't. And if they're listening, they know I'm very open about it. That it's not your genetics majority of the time. And epigenetics is obviously proving this. It's our habits and our environment. So that's really when I started to say, okay, I'm going to start to see if I can do everything that I can do to not only make sure that I genetically, I'm not faced with being 100 pounds overweight or more the rest of my life, but also I noticed that from that week and from when I would move my body, I felt so much better. Because I remember I had said that I had anxiety. It was like I was starting to get anxiety at a really young age. This was making me feel crazy. And I noticed that if I stayed inside when I had anxiety, you know, I'd feel a lot of my heart would race. I'd feel a lot of overwhelm. I wouldn't know what to do with myself. I would feel really just complete despair. Like, very almost like depressed. So when I would go outside and move, when I would go for a walk, I would notice I immediately felt like a totally different person. And it was pretty quick. So between eating and between moving my body, I was like, this is amazing. If I just do this all the time, I have control over my anxiety and my thoughts. And also I realize it's not my genetics. So this is really what I started doing. All through my teenage years, I became a bit obsessed just because I learned that I had massive control. And that was empowering to me. So for me, I really wanted to teach this to other people. So when I got into my early twenties, I decided that this was going to be my career. I wanted to go into fitness. I wanted to teach other people how to do this, and this was who I needed to be. Except I still had a lot of that fear and anxiety because coming from the background I was in, it was like, we weren't told that we needed to go to college or we needed to further our education because it was about going and being and teaching the religion. And while that's great, it also wasn't what in my heart was the absolute calling in my heart wanted to somehow incorporate things about spirituality and life and feeling connected to source or whatever you believe. I also knew that people were not going to get there or feel connected to it because I wasn't at the time. Because I couldn't get past this anxiety and this fear and this feeling of not feeling good. So it was like, okay, now I'm dealing with this fear. How do I overcome this fear? I went and got certified like three different times. I'm not even kidding you. Before I even started training people, because I had so much fear. I just kept on taking these jobs that were soul sucking jobs that I knew that I would be good at. And all of a sudden I'd be at this job and going, okay, I am surpassing everyone at this job. This is not fulfilling me. This is not hard, it's not challenging. Why aren't people doing as good of a job as me? What is going on here? And then I was like, well, maybe if you'd start going for the jobs that you actually know you're supposed to be going for, that's when you're going to start feeling fulfilled. Except that's when my panic really started coming back. And that's also when I started to get more into the self development world. So there's a few different stories going on. I know that you have that you watch the TED Talk as well. And that's. That was a whole other step in when I really wanted to get into the magazine world. But first it was just. Or uncovers for those of you who don't know, I really, really, really wanted to be a version of like Jillian Michaels. But before that, I was just trying to overcome wanting to train people, like really wanting to get into that community or get into that field of just teaching women that they had a say. So what ended up happening is that I went to Landmark Forum. Have you ever heard of that?

Yes, I've heard amazing things about it.

Okay, so it's amazing and awful all at once because.

Which, I mean, you know, I've heard both too.

I mean, challenging. Yeah. So someone had said, because I said that I was dealing with all of this anxiety and it was holding me back from my dreams. Wah, wah, wah. Like on for years I said this and you know, I was just so stuck with this story. I have anxiety, I have panic attacks. I can't. This is just who I am. This is the cards that I've been dealt. This is what's going on even though my soul was screaming at me. Have you ever had that where you're like Sahara when you're like, okay, I know I'm supposed to do this except. And you have the but, right? You have the but that. Oh, my gosh. And I know that so many of you know, your listeners probably deal with that too. It's like, but I know I'm meant for greatness. I can feel it. I can hear it. But. So I was stuck with this big but. And it was anxiety. It was just anxiety. It was this looming focusing on, you know, things that could go wrong. I had this repeat story on my head that I'm not good enough, I'm not smart enough. Who's going to listen to this small town girl who was raised in this restrictive religion who didn't, you know, go to college. College. Or didn't do these things? Like, I just kept comparing myself the whole time. And when I went to Landmark, it was really this breakthrough of, number one, watching other people who have come from similar stories and worse, Right? Because nothing is going to make you realize that you don't, you know, you're not struggling quite what you thought, as when you see someone who's come from a background that's even more challenging. And not only that, I'm watching these people learn different ways and different focuses of coping with what they're going through, whether it was trauma, whether it's abuse, whether it's anxiety. And obviously, I'm also able to apply these different things that they're learning. All the while I have. I'm nervous, I'm having my own panic attacks right in the background, and I'm not stepping up to say that I, you know, what I'm dealing with. So I watch for two days straight at Landmark Forum, which is this event where you're, you know, doing a lot of personal development. You're going up to this microphone, you're saying what's going on? And the teacher helps to work through it. Except I'm not going up to the microphone because it's scaring the crap out of me. And finally, on Sunday, the teacher says, okay, if you have not had your popping moment yet, if you have not had a breakthrough yet, and you've not yet come up to the microphone, this is your last chance. And I was like, lori, if you do not do this, like, you can't go back to the person you were. You can't go back to your life and have it be the same. Like, this is the final straw. I know that, you know, the only person, the only thing that's gonna ever make this change is me. I'm. I'm the common denominator of all of these different Things right, Just, it always goes back to me. So I stood up out of my chair. I basically like did 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Mel Robbins. Without realizing it, I was like, go. And I jumped up before I could even know what I, what I was doing. Which is, by the way, the best advice you'll ever get in your life. Just before and even know what you're doing. I got up to the microphone and I just got totally dizzy. I was like, what did I just do? I got up to the microphone and I'm like, I go, oh my God, I am freaking out right now. And that's what I said to this room full of people. And he's like, he just helped me work through it and made me really realize that. He's like, what story are you thinking of right now? What are you playing in your mind? What if we played a different story? What if you looked out to the audience and these people were supporting you? What if you got really present and grounded in your body right now? What if you looked at every single face and gave them, you know, a story that's going on in their head about wanting to support you, about needing to hear your story, about needing to hear your message, about every time you speak, you help someone break through. It's just really powerful to actually feel it at the same time while you're there. And that was kind of it. I think what happens is that we get that reference point for the rest of our life. So if you can do it once, it was that reference point for me for the rest of my life. And that's really when I started getting into understanding the mind body connection, how important it is that we do the mindset work to create those shifts to go where we want to go. Long winded story.

That's so beautiful. Like, I literally got emotional just hearing what that landmark teacher said to you because that's just such a beautiful way to think of life that everyone is rooting for you and everyone wants the best for you and everyone is there to support you because that's the story we should all be living through. And then even if we find those like one off people, it's because they're telling themselves another negative story.

Absolutely. I love that and it's true. And if we can know that and have that, you know, have that compassion for people, that's really where, that's really where the growth is. And boy, that's daily, isn't it?

Yes. And I think what's so inspiring about your story is you started in this fitness world and wanting to, you know, be the next Jillian Michaels and be on these covers. And now what you do is. I mean, it's so much more. You have workouts as part of your event, but it goes into so much deeper. And I think a lot of people, they feel like, well, if I started in one industry, I have to stick with it. So what was that transition like for you? Of, like. You know what? I kind of want to talk about more than just fitness.

Oh, my God, I love that we're talking about this right now, because I actually have a talk this weekend about the transitions and what to do. I love this. Okay. God, we're always being looked out for, aren't we? This is so magical. Okay, so the transition. And this is where we really. This is huge for people, and this was huge for me. So we can get stuck in little ways, even to the food that we're eating and the titles that we put on ourselves. So maybe you were vegan and you're like, oh, my God, I've announced that I'm vegan. Right. It's just like, well, I'm this fitness person, and this is who I have to be the rest of my life. My whole identity is fixed on this fitness person. If I'm not this fitness person, how am I going to get love and attention? How are people? You know, maybe I'll lose credibility. Maybe people will stop loving me or following me. Who am I to step into this other arena? So for me, one of the first things that I did was I found a tribe of people who were in the other arena. So what I wanted to do was make sure that I was supported in that area. And I didn't even realize I was doing this until later. And I looked at every transition I've made, and it's always that I create a tribe of supportive people around that thing that you want to transition into. Because the thing about transitions is we think we're just supposed to start changing all of a sudden one day, and we think we're just going to cross this bridge and it's, you know, yes, it's going to be hard, but that's just. We think the journey, we're doing it alone. And I find that the people who trans so many times in their life and so gracefully and so beautifully is because they have those other people that when the transition gets tough, when it gets rocky, when it gets ugly, you have the people who are doing it right now and have gone before you to tell you, hey, that's normal. Hey, that person who said, that to you, okay, let that go, because that's a really normal part of it, or here's how you can deal with it, or, wow, that's a beautiful lesson for you on this journey. It's a reminder of why you should be on it. So if you can find that tribe before the transition and put yourself in the rooms of the places that you want to be in long before you even feel like you're ready, that's how you start transitioning. And that's what I did. So I went to this Jack Canfield train, the Trainer event, and I was like, what better place to show up than in this room? That scares the crap out of me of all of these people doing exactly what I want to do. And that was something that made me say, okay, I can do this. Okay, I can see all the things coming. Okay, I can see how this relates. All right. I can ask these questions. And I knew that I had to transition because fitness wasn't just fulfilling me anymore. Because our life, we're realizing more and more now we're not just one thing. We are multifaceted. We can dance in many different arenas, and fitness is just one of the foundational pieces. So for me, the transition, that's what my transition looked like, was making sure I was fully supported around everything that was going to happen on the transition.

That's such amazing advice. And I think all of us, who I think everyone, you know, it's so hard to, like, you think you find that one passion, like, oh, well, I found it. So if I lose this, who knows if I'll find my passion again? And we, like, cling onto it, knowing that, like, our dharma, our purpose is, like, always shifting and our interests shift because the world needs us to serve in a different way.

I love that. And, you know, I'm just thinking of one of the biggest or a really scary thing for people. And I'm just going to use this as an example, and I'll explain it to you. So I am a part of a network marketing company, but what happens in different network marketing companies? Because there's a lot, right? There's so many out there is sometimes people will join because maybe they're natural salespeople, but it's not a fit. So let's use that with. Even without network marketing, you can say, let's use this in terms of getting a job that you don't feel like you're a fit at, but you just take it because of the income. And all of a sudden you're like, wow, I am not fulfilled here anymore. This is not necessarily the place that I want to be. This is really scary because, A, I have all these relationships. I know what I'm doing here. This feels easy. It's not right. It just becomes a habit. And you think of all of the new things in the new arena where, let's say you find that new company that you love and all of a sudden you're like, oh, my God, that's the. That's the place I'm supposed to be at. Except over here, I know everyone. I'm comfortable if I leave, I'm gonna disappoint people. But what most people do is they start this slow transition. So in a network marketing company or even with a job, what do you start doing? You kind of start looking at that other company. You start talking to people. You start letting them know, hey, this is my story. This is how I'm feeling. It's going to be. I. I'm pretty sure I want to leave, but, man, I am struggling because I know it's going to be tough. So what do those other people tell you, right, if it's a great company, they say, okay, the transition is never easy. But here's what it's going to look like. You're going to have really tough days. But what's going to happen is on those tough days, you're going to come talk to us because we've been through it before. On those tough days, we're going to remind you why you're coming to this company. And you're going to, you know, maybe put that out in front of you. You're going to put that up on your vision board. You're going to put that up on your computer, and you're going to have that safe place to land on the really tough days. So that transition, right, because you've already gone over to the other side, becomes much easier. And what we do is we don't. We don't necessarily think that way, and we don't do that. So all of a sudden, it's like we feel so blind, we feel so unsupported. So we stay in our old job, we stay at our old company because we're so fearful, and we don't have that group of people that soft landing on the other side.

And for people listening who might not know anyone who's on the other side, how do you suggest that they. They find people to create that community?

Okay, so this is an amazing question because it's so much easier than you think. And you guys, if you are listening to podcasts. This is one of the easiest ways. You know, I have people reach out to me all the time. If you, if you are looking to be in a different arena and you don't necessarily know, let's say you want to be in. You want to learn about nlp, neuro linguistic programming, and you're like, I have no idea how to do this, who to talk to. Just look it up on a podcast or look it up online. Look for some of the main names that come up. And you guys, this world is so easy, beautiful and accessible now that you can pretty much just email them or email their customer service and say, hey, I'd love some resources, I'd love to learn more. Or I'm really looking to get into this field. Could you tell me what you would do if you were me? What would your first step be? Just ask for the first step. Please don't ask for anything after that because that is old. You need. So just ask. Become an asking machine. Make it who you are to collect data.

That's such amazing advice. And it's so, it's so interesting because like, I get people reaching out to me all the time about like Ayurveda suggestions and I always like, respond to them and I'm like, it's, it's so easy for people. Like when, when I wanted to learn about this, I didn't have anyone to message. And now it's like, you can message me, you can message you and so many other people who are doing what you want to be doing. And yeah, even sending like an Instagram message, it's just much easier than we think. I think it's just overcoming the fear.

Oh, absolutely. It's just, it's now with, now with everything we have. It's. It's almost insane how we could talk about some amazing author or speaker we want to meet and we could message them and probably at least get a smiley face back or something for sure.

No, it's amazing. So when you moved, did you move directly to California? Do you think that, like making a, that move helped you also find kind of like minded people? Because I know a lot of listeners, they live somewhere that they just don't feel inspired.

Okay, so I live somewhere that I did not feel inspired until I was, I think, 31. I was just asking this last night. I was like, when did we move here? Oh my gosh, it flies. I am 36. So I lived in Upper Michigan, then Wisconsin and then Minnesota. So I was like, where is the next coldest winter? I Could move to. And that's where I went.

No, that's not how you missed Boston, where I'm from.

From.

Right.

Exactly. Okay. I. You know what? I can't do it. Now that, you know, now that you're in Kelsey, it is like, whoa. And yes. Does it make a difference? Yes, it does. But I built majority of my entire career in a cold weather place that I was not motivated by. By doing things and going places that motivated me and making sure I would tap into groups of people that inspired me as well. So all the while that I was there again, I think it's so crazy we're talking about this because starting tribe, right? I started tribe and people. I started connecting with people and making sure I had regular connections and workouts and coffee dates in order to show up because I knew that I was struggling with showing up. I was really unmotivated by really cloudy, dark winters. It was easy for me to slip into just wanting to hibernate and go to Munchytown. So I would do things knowing that it was a struggle for me to get moving. Especially like in the deep months of January and February. Let's be honest. All you want to do is sleep and eat and stay in. I mean, it's below zero in Minneapolis. This is when we were really building our different companies. So what I would do is make sure that I had people to meet at the gym and I would do crazy stuff. I was like, this is my future that we're talking about here. This is my life and this is my happiness. So the gym I belong to. If I would see a woman there working out or someone that, you know was there all the time, I'd be like, hey, do you ever want to meet here on Wednesdays at 9 and work out?

Like, wow, that's amazing.

You know what? It's your dreams, though. It is your life and it is your happiness. And until we understand that and stop living just in the moment, we're not going to take life seriously and it's going to slip by and all of a sudden we're going to be. I'm sorry. But I think the reason that I'm able to do all the things I'm able to do is I'm really aware that I'm to die. And I think that's powerful because when we're not aware of that, when we're not in touch with that, you treat life like it's going to last forever and it's just not. It's going to fly by. So it's Kind of like, how do I want to live? What do I want to experience in this life? And how am I going to start treating it like the fragile, beautiful gift that it is? And you'll start making moves, right? So it's that whole, like, you got to just make moves. You got to just go for it. You got to just understand that rejection is all a part of it. So I would create these support systems in my life and start asking people who. Maybe I didn't really know them well. I'd reach out to people on Facebook if I knew that they were into fitness and say, would you ever want to meet for a workout and coffee? Or, you know, if I wanted to talk more about business with someone or ask them questions, I'd ask if they wanted to go to lunch and if I could ask them a few questions, and how can I add value to your life? So really creating the support systems, because I love that quote, in order to feel supported, you have to first support yourself. So this was huge. If you do not feel supported, what we tend to do is we blame our spouse, we blame our background, we blame our family. We blame the fact that we don't have the resources or the education, but it's really the fact that you are not reaching out and supporting yourself because there's more than enough support. And people really ultimately inherently want to be helpful. So when you start asking, you learn that really quick.

That's so amazing. And I think, you know, you went up to those people for the accountability of it, but really what it was teaching you is to ask for what you want in life and also to not be afraid of rejection. And in case someone's like, no, I don't want to meet up with you to go to the gym, you're like, okay. And moving forward in your career, I'm sure that's been so helpful for you, because everyone here knows.

Mm. You know, and I just want to. I really want to use some things that people might be like, well, that's totally not me to be able to go up and ask. And honestly, it wasn't me either. I mean, I told you where I'm from, and. And I told you, like, that I had anxiety and panic. But the thing is that I learned some things about languaging. And I learned this actually when I. When I was in. When we joined our network marketing company, because I needed to be able to. And also when I was doing fitness training sales, I needed to be able to ask people for the sale. I needed to be able to make sure That I was making money in my passion and that I was supporting, you know, our families. So. So with that said, I learned that if I asked a certain way that I actually patted myself for the react, the rejection, like I was prepared for it. And I also gave them an out. Right? Because a lot of times people are going to reject you because they haven't had time to think about it or they feel a bit pigeonholed, right? So the first initial answer is going to be no. So if you ask in a way that gives them an out and gives them some space, it also ups your likelihood of a yes. And it also allows you to just kind of, you know, pad that, like, okay, I know that I could get rejected here, and that's okay. So let's say I'm going up to that woman to ask if she wants to work out. I would say, hey, you know, I really want to create accountability for myself. And I view you as someone who is always here and you always inspire me. I don't know if this is good timing for you, but I would love if you wanted to meet at, you know, 9:00am or 10:00am on Wednesdays for a workout. If it's not good timing, totally fine. If it is, great, let's email and try to be as consistent as possible. Is that something that you think you'd want to do? And then you could even say, you know, I can shoot you an email. You can have some space and some time around it and feel into it. If not, no worries. So it was kind of like, okay, cool. I understand that she might be a busy person, right? I understand she might not want this, this. And it's not necessarily me she's rejecting when she says no. It could be the time, it could be that it's just not the right, you know, fit for her at the time. She might love to work out. So also having compassion and understanding that it could just be timing, you're not getting rejected. It's just all about where the person is at.

I love that so much because, yeah, you like. As an influencer, I'm sure you get asked by people all the time, like, oh, can you meet up with me for coffee? Can you meet up with me for tea? And like, as much, much as, you know, we would love to with everyone, it is a timing thing. And I feel so bad saying no to people, but it's because I just literally don't have time. So I think that's such a beautiful way of, of just having that in the question. So the person on the Receiving end doesn't feel like, oh my God, I kind of have to say yes to you or just like, not respond because I just don't know how to say anything else completely.

And you know, when people ask that way, don't you feel even more likely that you want to make or more likely that you want to make it happen instead of being like, wow, that was really, like, abrupt. They're not even taking into consideration what's all going on in my life right now. So it kind of is like this more of an ease and grace and just respectful way of asking for sure.

Do you ever listen to Abraham Hicks?

I do, yeah.

My friend is very into Abraham Hicks. And when I was, When I met TPak Chopra and I was asking him to write the COVID quote of my book, I was like, just going to send this. My email is very like, Mr. Chopra, if you have the time, sir, like, very like, like, like, you totally don't have to do this, but if you want, like, that's how I positioned it because I was like, so scared of asking and she was like, no, you need to listen to Abraham Hicks. And it's like, position it in a way that it's like, for the best intention of the universe. And she like, helps me like, rewrite the email and it ended up, I mean, working perfectly. So it's like just positioning the. I think the way we word things is just so, so important. And I'm so interested in learning about neuro linguistic programming and stuff too. But positioning it so like, us being accountable would be good for both of us. And positioning in a way that it's like both parties on the receiving end will have a greater benefit.

Ooh, do you remember what you wrote? Now I'm like eating out of your hand. Do you remember any sentences that you have?

I like, did a whole podcast episode about it. I mean, I can, I can forward you the email, but I was like, basically like, you are the person who introduced me to Ayurveda. Your book the Perfect Health was the first book that I ever read about it. And I think it would be. Be amazing for everyone to have you introduce this book, Idiot's Guide to Ayurveda, which is going to bring Ayurveda to the masses, because you are the person who brought Ayurveda into the mainstream, us 26 years ago. So, like, just kind of in a way of like, you know, it's, it's really going to be beneficial for you, Deepak, even though, like, obviously he does. He doesn't need it, but, but it also, it's not like he's doing a favor to me. It's also like it would make sense for him to write it.

So good. You just really helped me actually with an email I need to craft.

Yes. And then you know when, and then when they see like, oh yeah, like this is. I'm not losing anything from participating in this. I'm gaining, she's gaining. It works for both of us. And then he ended up writing the forward to my book. We ended up doing a 31 day challenge together and we do so much stuff together now. And it's really because of that first email. And I met this guy for five minutes at a conference.

Oh my God.

It's, it's the languaging and also just like, you know, the energy. If you're really giving off energy of just like, I love what you're all about and I want to support you and bring you out more, then I think people are way more likely to say yes.

Oh my God, yes, definitely. Amazing. I love that.

Yeah. So I think anyone out there who's listening and has someone that they admire or someone that they want to learn from, like just write that email or whatever in a way that is going to, to sound like a good idea for them as well too.

Oh, yes. So good. And, and honestly, it's just like reach out. Use that tribe, right? Reach out and say, hey, could you read this? What do you think could, because did you craft that with someone? Is that what you said?

Yeah, my friend helped me write that, which is like, literally I like, she's like my angel to this day. Liana, she was just on the pod. Do you know Liana? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. She, I was staying with her and she helped me write in. She's like very interesting to like Abraham Hicks and all, all of that stuff. So it was so helpful.

See power of a tribe. Reach out, ask, get help and, and.

And sharing what your dreams are. I think we've all grown up being like, don't share your dreams because like someone else is going to take them or someone is going to get jealous of you and it's like, no, put it out there. And the more people you tell, like, the more like it's going to happen.

Oh my gosh. So coming from the Midwest, it's all about a humble thing. Like it'd be like, I remember telling my friend, oh, I want to. I had an Oxygen magazine and I said, I want to be on this cover. I'm going to be on this cover. And she laughed at me. She was like, you're going to be on that cover. Uh huh. And I was like, okay, that didn't go over as expected. But that's the whole thing is you have those moments where you're like, this is why I don't share my dream is because it's not humble or did that come off braggy? Oh my God, I didn't mean it to be braggy. And that is one thing about living in California is honestly when I first came here I, I was like, whoa, people here at first, right? Because the lenses I had on were, oh my God, everybody talks about themselves, they're all into themselves. And then I realized, wait, they all have their own businesses. These are all entrepreneurs and if they don't talk about their dream, they might not eat or they may not feel fulfilled. So now when I can hear it through the lenses of, oh my goodness, amazing, they have a beautiful service that they are excited about offering and they are in complete alignment with who they really are and you know, giving their offers and service to the world, whoa, then the world really opens up, number one. Because I can see them for who they are and what beautiful gifts they're offering. And then it seeing them in that way by not judging them and you know, pulling back and seeing their gifts, I can see mine and I'm not afraid to share mine. Because really when we're in that judgmental place of other people, we then become afraid that we're always getting judged by other people. So freeing yourself up to share those gifts and just never ever, ever, ever, ever judge somebody for what they are getting or doing because that just flips right back on you.

Absolutely. I couldn't agree more with that. I felt the same way when I moved to la. I was like, oh, everyone here is like a model or actor, like a real estate agent. Like what? But now I see it's like there, even if you're a model actor, real estate agent, you're an entrepreneur, you're doing your own thing. And I just have so much respect for that. And yeah, and just being able to speak about yourself like on a global scale scale and being like, yes, I'm going to change the world. And like really meaning it, that's so powerful. Yes. So I would love to ask you about some of the practices that you do in your Bliss Project event and if there are any practices that you recommend that like people can do at home to help them tap into, you know, what their bliss is.

Okay. There's so many there because the biggest Events that shifted my life. You know, just how you were talking about Deepak, like, this is the first person who brought these practices to you. It was like when I went to that Jack Canfield train, the trainer, it was like three really intense weeks from like 8 in the morning until 11 at night where you're learning how to train people in a small room with him and like 60 other people. So with that said, I learned really how to facilitate, like I just watched what it took to facilitate what was creating breakthroughs in myself. So everything that I do at the Bliss Project was things that I've either done or learned or, you know, throughout different events or throughout books that I want to be able to take these exercises and have people do them firsthand. Because what happens is we can listen all day, but if we don't experience it and try it, we don't have that reference point for the rest of our life. So kind of how I was saying earlier, like, you have to create a reference point for yourself. So if you can't be at an event, you can also do these. Maybe you find, you know, two, three, four other women that you want to do this with. But really creating these experiences that model the different fears that you have have and then create ways of you breaking through them. So for example, you know, one of the exercises, this is just something I'm thinking of is we have an asking exercise where they have to ask 10 different people their most pressing question that would move the needle forward right now. Like, what do they need the most right now? So one time I was in a room and my most pressing question was, this was before I had written a book. Do you, do you have, or do you know anyone or have access to a literary agent that you could introduce me to? So, right. These are like game changing questions that are huge questions, scary to ask, that could move your needle forward. So let's say you're, you're with these women that you've created this group with and you're like, hey, you know, let's just do some exercises so we can really start to experience breakthroughs. Do you want to go through some different things, maybe some different fears in your life? So you can use this asking exercise and say, okay, we're all going to come up with our most pressing question, we're going to pitch it to the group and then all of us are going to go in on it together and see if we can find an answer or we can connect to anyone for these answers. So this is a really quick way to realize how Important asking is how important tribe is. And also getting your answer immediately so that you're like, okay, wait a minute. I've had this question for six months, and we just got an answer in five minutes. Like, why am I not using this in different parts of my life? So you can see how just one exercise, and we do, like, 10. Sometimes we do more than that throughout the weekend, where you can see, wait a minute. Why am I not applying this out in the world in my life? Because I just did it here. And, you know, these women aren't. I don't really even know these women. So you're creating those experiences that mirror different parts of your life, and it proves to you it's. It's not as hard as we think. It's just the initial trying it on.

Absolutely. So did you find your literary agent that day?

I found different people. Not the one of, you know, I wasn't actually ready for it. I thought I was, but I wasn't ready for it at the time. But it got the ball rolling, so.

Right.

Yes. I think that it's. It's so scary to ask people those things. And, like, you meet someone that has a book and you're like, well, I can't be rude and ask, but it's like, sometimes when you're ready for it, you're just gonna have to.

You have to. And what quicker way you're either gonna go home and you're gonna spend the next six months going, oh, is this. I thought this was supposed to be, like, how am I supposed to figure this out? Or you could have just asked that person and either gotten rejected or got an amazing answer. Like, it's just next, right? Just say next if they. You don't get the answer you want.

Absolutely. And, I mean, Maria Marlowe, who is also on your podcast, like, all of my, like, closest friends have been on your podcast. But she and introduced me to the literary agent that I work with today. And now, like, the more and more I think about it, I'm like, wow. Everything I've ever had in my life is, like, thanks to a friend helping.

Me always, no matter what, you can trace it back. The most successful people that I know and everything that I've. I literally, because this is what I'm going to talk about this weekend, is tracing back everything that we've ever gotten that is beautiful. Anything beautiful that's ever happened in my life is through a connection or through an experience that I saw someone else had that I wanted to. We're all just. If we can Learn to tap in and use each other and also give value back. It's like the world's most beautiful system of just, you know, it's better than a monetary system. It's just like, if we could just trade services, it would all be fantastic.

Totally. But one thing that always comes up for me, and I'd love to ask you about it, is I'm naturally just an introvert. And we were talking about how, like, space is so important that, like, for me, a Friday night, I just love to stay home by myself. But then when I hear and I remember, like, tribe is everything, I'm like, I need to be out there and network networking. So it's like, how do you balance that? And, like, are you still at this point actively trying to find new friends or just kind of like, build with the ones that you have? Because I think a lot of people listening are just naturally introverts, and it's really hard to make new friends.

Okay, I know it might sound crazy, but I. I have alter egos. So my. One of my alter egos is out right now because I am naturally introverted. So. And when we know we can tap into those and we can give them a rest afterward, that's also great. But I have to schedule things or. Or things don't get done because if I don't meet people because people, like I just said, people are everything. Relationships are so important. If I don't schedule times to nurture the relationships I have and to cultivate new relationships, then I'm not doing anything. Like, I am such an introvert. I love my couch and my husband and my dog and my choose.

I really, yes.

So much that I could be one of those creepy people who's like, I haven't left the house in three years.

100%.

I could probably totally do that. Like, if someone came and like, you know, taught me dance lessons or yoga or something, like. So with that said, I have to schedule it. I have a scheduled mastermind every other Thursday so that I talk to girlfriends because I hate the phone that much that if we don't schedule time, I just won't call them.

That's smart.

Somewhere where we process. We've done this for almost four years now. It's changed my entire life. We just talk about what's coming up for us, what do we want to be held accountable to. And just sometimes we just say, hey, I need space today. 20 minutes. I'm just going to talk about what's coming up for me and process through.

How do you do the Mastermind, like do you have like, does everyone share? Like that's just such a smart idea to do with a group of girlfriends.

Oh my gosh. Okay, so this is actually what my book is on.

So all of all of the topics keep coming up.

I know, I'm like, are you. This is insane. Okay, so. And my book is all about how to create this because it's been the biggest life changing thing for me.

What's your book called?

It's called A Tribe Called Bliss.

Amazing. And when will it be out?

It'll be out in May, so we're jumping down a bit. But when it's out I'll give you a call. Perfect. Okay, so my group has three women. You can do five women, you can have a few different groups, you can have two different groups. And this particular group, it's really funny because with tribe in your life life, one tribe is not going to be everything for you. Just like your spouse can't be everything for you. So this is really my tribe where I process. This is my super sacred. Like we can go really deep in this tribe, you know, this is not my business tribe where while we do talk about a lot of business things because these are incredible business women, a lot of it's just processing so we can go to the next level in business so that we can work through different things in our life. So with that said, this one is just two other women. So we each get 20 minutes. We only meet for an hour. I'm talking. We are so strict with the rules because this is why friends, friendships and tribes fall apart. They're only going to fall apart from the inside. And it's if you are setting either different expectations or you're putting expectations on people or you're not respecting each other or the time you're time robbers, you over talk, you don't show up and you're not an equal energy exchange. So these are the main reasons. So whenever I show up before the call it's like I have to really step into that space of okay, I'm going to give back on this. Which is not easy. Right. Sometimes I meet at 6:45 on Thursday mornings. It's like not even enough time for a cup of coffee for me and I'm like, wow, okay, I have to show up, I have to be this person, I have to. But it's like if I once I'm there and once I'm in that state it's amazing. The abundant blessings and connection and why we, you realize why we need that so badly. It is. It is like massive serotonin and downloads and connection. And, you know, we just do that every two weeks. It's like, I get 20 minutes, the other women get 20 minutes. We're never going to go over the hour, ever. We have, you know, we make sure that we keep the time. We say a prayer in the beginning so that we're all really tapped in and intentional with each other. And we're asking, you know, really to be guided and led. It's just a really beautiful space. So creating these spaces in your life that you show up for, it's not a lot, right? That's an hour every other week that changes my life. Life that I never want to show up for. But I'm always doing, like, this crazy dance afterward because my husband is like, whenever I come out of there, he's like, oh, you were on a call. Like, you're so happy when you come out of there, right? Because it's just. I feel so good. So it's important to create those spaces in your life. So to your question, I create these spaces all the time.

That's so amazing. And it's something that's free for anyone. Just grab two friends and do it. So when people are sharing like you're sharing, can they also offer advice? Or is it just, you have to.

Talk for those 20 minutes so you can ask? So if you want advice on something, what we do is. I'll say, hey, guys, here's what's up for me. Could I leave 10. I want to leave 10 minutes for you guys to weigh in. Maybe ask me some deeper questions to help me get to my own answer, right? Because we always try to. While they. While they do offer, you know, maybe they've had a similar experience and what they've done, what we really try to do is they try to pull out. We try to pull out the answers from each other. So it's kind of like the idea that you're always your own guru and you always know. It's like just really well, you know, trying to ask deeper questions, ask better questions so that we're kind of guided to our answer ourself. But if it's like, have you had this experience before? I absolutely want to hear. And once you get the flow of your group, you'll. You'll figure out the flow. But in the beginning, it's kind of like, okay, if you want feedback, you say, I'm going to talk for 10, 15 minutes. But I'm going to leave that five minutes because I really want some feedback. Okay, so the timekeeper will watch the clock and let you know.

I love that so much. I'm already, like, thinking, like, who am I going to get to be in my group? I think everyone right now should, like, think of two friends or more and start their group going. Such a good idea.

I hope that you do, because I'm not kidding you. My entire life has been on, like, you know, those moments where, like, life could not get any better. I never thought I'd say that out loud. And I say it out loud all of the time. And so much of it is because. Because of this group and this space and of just being. Feeling so held by these women.

Absolutely. Yeah. I think, like, the number one reason we don't do it is because of time. Like, we feel like, oh, it's like an hour of my time, even if it's every two weeks. But you get so much out of that time that it's just so worth it.

Even when I'm like, oh, I will always show up. Because what happens is you have two people who are going to always go to bat for you, who are always thinking of you if they get asked questions, questions, you know, do you need that? Or can I have someone for this? Could I have someone for that? It's, like, amazing when you know that those other two, three, or four people are always thinking of how they can help you.

So beautiful. I love that. And, yeah, I think if. And if you don't have anyone like that in your life, like, it's just so important to have that because, yeah. Your spouse can't be everything.

No. And he doesn't want to be.

Yeah. It'll be a lot to deal with.

Yeah. No, he doesn't want to process with me for, you know, hours like that.

No, of course. Well, thank you so much for sharing all of this amazing advice. You've really offered so many nuggets of wisdom for people, and I think everyone has taken so much out of this interview. So thank you.

Oh, thank you so much for having me on. You're amazing. You're incredible at what you do, and I love, love, love having you on as well. So thank you guys so much.

Much. Yay. And where can listeners connect with you?

They can connect with me@lori harder.com. otherwise, I also love Instagram, so just at Lori Harder.

Perfect. And I'll have all those links in the show notes, and I'll also link to the Bliss Project event if people want to go this upcoming year as well. What month does it take place?

It's March 2nd through the 4th, 2018. And it truly is one of the most life changing weekends that I can think of. So I hope to have you there.

Yay. I hope some of the listeners come and let us know how it transformed them afterwards.

Yes.

Well, thank you again and I'll see you soon. We'll have to do a soul cycle class with Lindsay.

Okay. We've got it documented. It's happening.

Absolutely. Have a beautiful day.

You too. Thank you. La.