615: Why So Many Women Are Choosing To Remain Single with Sahara Rose

Why is it that the women who are on their own are actually happier? 40% of them say they're happy every single day. Now, I still desire partnership, just like you probably do, but that hungry ghost inside of me that felt like, okay, I'm out of one relationship, I need to get into another is, she's gone. And I'm realizing that boogie monster they made us so afraid of. Oh, you're gonna be alone forever with cats. I would love some kittens. That would be the freaking dream. I would love a whole zoo, actually. So when you realize the boogie scary monster is like, I get to continue to be me. I don't have to, like, sacrifice, like, my life and my identity and all my hobbies and my sense of purpose and my mental health and all my time to, like, be happy. I get to just keep living life for me, God forbid. That's so selfish. Would you ever see a man called selfish for that? Just. Flow, surrender let go Chess. Flow, surrender let go I'm the one I've been waiting for Surrender, let go Trust Flow, surrender let go Trust, Flow, surrender let go I'm the one I've been waiting for. Hi, my name is Sahara Rose, and welcome back to the Highest Self podcast, a place where we discuss what makes you your soul's highest evolvement. If it's your first time listening, welcome. I love to talk about spirituality and really make it modern, grounded, relatable, and fun so it can actually serve your needs. Especially focused on the divine feminine, because I know for the person listening right now, there's one thing about being an embodied woman in today's world, and there's also just the real world challenges of it. So in this podcast, I love to address it all. And before we drop into this episode, be sure to hit subscribe wherever you're listening to this podcast. That is the best way to stay up to date on the latest episodes. We've got this in video format, so if you're just hearing my voice, be sure to also watch our fabulous outfits on video as well on Spotify, YouTube or the Apple Store. This is the best way to stay in the flow with future conversations. Conversations. And also allows the podcast to reach more people. So hit subscribe so I can keep vibe with you on all future episodes. Now let's get into this one. And today's episode is gonna be one that might get me canceled. But you know, you can't really cancel me when I self fund the show. So. Just the thing, I'm not Oprah. I don't have any Advertisers, I need to make happy my business is what makes this all happen. So that's the beauty about a woman having money. So today we're going to talk about why so many women are choosing to remain single. So before this gets on the Andrew Tate side of the Internet, don't me here. I'm not saying we should be single. It's superior to be single. I'm just having a real life conversation that I'm having with my single friends every single day of why we are actually in the space of choosing this over what's mostly out there today. So this is a conversation for the single girlies and we're gonna actually start with talking about menstrual cycles. So I'm gonna talk about what seeds to have for which cycle that you're in and we're gonna really get into the right seeds for cramping during your menstrual phase. So make sure you listen till the end. It's gonna be a good one. Did that get the boys out? I hope so. Normally they chew out when we start talking about our menstrual cycles. Okay, now that it's just the girlies, grab some chai, some matcha. I had some coffee this morning, so, like, that shit's drugs. I'm on another one right now. And we're about to throw it down. We're about to get real right here. Why are so many of us choosing to remain single? Is it because we don't desire love? No. Is it because it's super easy to be a single woman who's paying you for your bills and apartment and life and food and self care? No, it's because for the most part, what is out there would cause a drop in our mental health, in our lifestyle, in our dreams, in our emotional well being, and the list goes on. Now, I am not saying all. There are some amazing men out there. There are some incredible relationships out there. I've had incredible men here on this podcast. Lots of them are single. You should reach out. But for the most part, what we are seeing right now is an epidemic. We are seeing an epidemic of a lot of women reaching at this place, you know, the feminine we just want to love. We are naturally all lover girls and we were brought up watching Disney movies, waiting for our Prince Charming. It's so easy for us as women to drop everything for a relationship. Like historically we have given up, like, of course, our last names. That still happens. But women have moved to the husband's country or town, lived with his family, taken on his life, his legacy. And that has gone on for so many generations historically, that now women are at this place of what am I receiving in this exchange? And is this actually supporting my well being, my happiness, or is this actually a detriment? So before, women could not ask this question because for the past 2,000 or so years, with the rise of patriarchal governmental and religious systems, women have been seen as property. It wasn't until very, very recently, I'm talking the past hundred years, that women have gathered a right to vote, a right to work, a right to have credit cards, a right to make their own choices. And still in many parts of the world, such as where my family is from, Iran, that is still not the case. So we're not on an equal playing ground here. And it would be delulu to pretend that we are. Now from this place of women finally starting to have the choice to even ask themselves the question of do I desire to be in a relationship? The next question is what am I receiving from this relationship and what am I giving? Giving. So statistically, and this is not something I'm making up, this is a stat, women who are married long term tend to have higher rates of anxiety and depression, whereas men who are married long term have lower rates of anxiety and depression. So why is that, you know, shouldn't it either both be up or both go down? Why is it that women are long term literally having mental health challenges, whereas men are having less? It shows that what is being given in the majority of these relationships is not matched to what is being received. Now, I am not saying that is the only way. And I do believe the new paradigm of partnerships is a reciprocal relationship. And it doesn't mean that it's exactly the same. We all have our unique gifts. But right now I'm not here to be politically correct and it's actually pretty annoying that in our society, like for every little thing, I have to give like a disclaimer. So moving forward, this is just going to be my disclaimer that this episode is not for everyone. And if this pisses you off, I really, yeah, don't care. So I'm just going to be real right now. Most women I know that are in very long term relationships are struggling. They are struggling because they are the ones that have to compromise. They are the ones that have to take care of the children. And on top of that, they are paying for oftentimes 50% of the finances. And I'm not just talking about, you know, single mothers and things like that. I would say A lot of married women are single moms. My mom was married. She was pretty much a single mom. You know, most women are doing 80% of the child rearing, taking care of the household, just like keeping everyone alive on top of working. So before there was a little bit more of a clear, energetic exchange, right? The men would go out, work and fully provide. The woman would not have to even think about how her home, bills, health care, food, all of these things, childcare, were going to be taken care of. It was mutually agreed upon that she would take on the childbearing and he would take care of the finances in today's society. And this is neither person's fault. This is a societal problem. Having one income is just not enough for most families to be able to sustain themselves. Now is this an agenda to break apart families? We could go down that rabbit hole. The truth is, I don't know. I am just saying what it is. So it's not men's fault. But for the most part their income is not able to provide for a family. So women are getting to this place of realizing, so I'm the one who needs to, you know, maybe take off time off work, or I can't take time off work because I have to take care of bills. And on top of that I'm pretty much taking on the same amount of childcare as what I used to. So now I have literally what took two different people I'm doing on top of my own self care. Maybe I have some interest, some passion, a sense of purpose potentially where is the safeguarding of these things? And it's sort of mutually agreed on in our society that the woman needs to forget about who she is once she enters into a relationship that, you know, and you see this all the time, a woman gets engaged and then her entire life becomes around planning the wedding. And then once she plans the wedding, her entire life becomes around, you know, their, their house and where they're gonna live. And then once that it's comes around, when are they gonna get pregnant? And then when she's pregnant, it's about giving birth and having the baby. And once she has the baby, newborn toddler, you know, the, the work goes on. And so women are just expected. And in fact they're shamed when they don't take on this role. They're seen as where's instinct. And you know, I do believe there is a lot of research around children needing their mothers. But in a society where women are having to choose between, I either have to go out to make sure we have enough food to eat or stay home and cuddle my child. I think most moms want to stay home and cuddle their children and, you know, read to them every night and do all of these things. A lot of them do, but they can't because they need to make sure the family has their lights on. So you can't win either way. If you're going out and taking care of your family, you're not seen as present enough. Mom. And, you know, you're creating all of this emotional damage for your children, and you're fucking them up forever. And then when you are at home with your kids, it's, well, what are you bringing to the table? Everyone else is 50, 50 these days. What about you? And so many husbands are shaming their wives on this. And so this is gonna be related to the next episode. I do around the question of having kids. Cause this is all tied together. But I do believe this conversation is what is making a lot of women really ask themselves, what do I desire a relationship for? Because previously, a marriage was a business contract. Marriage was never about love. And I'm not talking about like, like true sacred union, partnership. I'm not talking about Shiva and Shakti here. I'm talking about like, marriage. Marriage. PA to city hall. Like, what. Where does that institution come from? It was a business deal. It was. The man had land to be tended to, he needed children to work the farms. And so he would marry a woman that was of a good collateral for them to kind of do this business deal. And, you know, our families are going to merge together and have this amount of land together, and then our children are going to tend the land. That is actually what marriage was about. Chat GPT it if you like. So it was way later on. And there's actually interesting history around where romance even comes from. Well, romance actually came from it was a European empire. And all of the women, based on what marriage was, wanted to marry a king. Right? They're like, okay, if my livelihood is going to be traded for financial security and land and the title that my family gets, I want to be with the king. Like, I'm shooting for gold. So every single woman wants to be with the king. And that's why the king could have multiple wives, because so many women want to be with him. Made sense. And so romance was actually created by the poor men. And they realized there's no chance for them to get a woman when they aren't able to provide anything of value to her. How are they going to get women and so romance was created, and I believe it was around the 1600s. I want to say it was Italy, which would totally make freaking sense. And so they started to learn, okay, if you say poems to her and you say these, you know, sweet nothings to her, and you, you know, like, serenade her, these are ways that a man who doesn't have financial means can also get a woman. Now, I think romance is. Is beautiful. I love romantic poems and movies and all of that. But let's also look at the life cycle of relationships. I feel so many of us women, we're so emotional, myself included, that we often get really swept up with the romance at the beginning of a relationship. You know, he's saying all the right things. He's texting you good morning. He's saying he's never felt like this before. And so our oxytocin is going off the charts because most of what we know as love, I mean, it's spiritual, but it's also scientific and biochemical. So our bodies are producing the hormones that make us want to procreate with that person. And so we actually have this switch that happens that we're not able to see, really, the truth of who they are. Once we start falling in love with them, we don't see red flags. We overlook, you know, inconsistent or bad behavior, because now our bodies are set on, I need to reproduce with that person. And once we begin engaging with them sexually and our body thinks, okay, might be pregnant with this person. I need to attach to this person because I might have his baby. And so our attachment, our oxytocin, gets stronger and stronger and stronger. Whereas for men, they actually fall in love with vasopressin. So vasopressin is the stress hormone. So the stress hormone is they fall in love with a challenge. Again, I'm not saying this to play games. I'm just talking, like, scientifically, what happens. So men fall in love with the stress of not having the woman, the quest of getting the woman. They want to hunt her. That stress is actually what is creating a state of what it feels like to fall in love. Now, this is where a lot of women get it twisted. We fall in love through closeness, whereas men actually fall in love through the distance. So we treat men the way that we would want to be treated. We want to text him all the time. We want to be with him all the time. We want to cuddle. Like, we want to be together as much as possible. The more we are with you, the closer we with you, the more we love you. Whereas for men, the opposite happens. If you actually, you know, start having sex with a man before he has released enough vasopressin to fall in love with you, it actually stops his process scientifically of the falling in love again, it can happen. There are, you know, one night stands that turn into relationships. It can, but research shows it is definitely a minority because he's actually going against his biology here. So we're looking at right now a society where the men aren't needing to release vasopressin to get the woman. You know, it's so easy for men to go on a dating app and swipe on. You know, nowadays these guys have an app that automatically swipes right on every single person. That way they don't actually have to even look at your picture, let alone read your bio to swipe right. So the app will automatically swipe right for them. And then women were a lot choosier. Like woman, it's like one in a hundred. Will we swipe right on? Because again, as a woman, like, scientifically, we have one egg at a time. We can't have tons of babies with tons of people. We can only really have a handful at max children in our lifetime. So we are, we are designed to be a lot choosier because for us, not just having a sexual partner, you're taking on his life and his legacy. So women are a lot choosier. So women, if you see them on a dating app, it's no, no, no, no, no, no, no. For men, it's yes, yes, yes, yes. Then the men wait for who said yes to me? And then to be honest. And again, there have been polls on this. Right now, dating apps are mostly being used for sex. And this is from a male perspective. So men are coming on this app thinking, I might be able to bang someone. You know, it's actually way harder for men to have sex than we think. It's, you know, women, we are protective of our bodies. So men are just like, if I can hit it, I can hit it again. Not all don't at me. I'm just saying the majority. And so they're just waiting for someone to say yes and they're going into with that filter. Whereas women are going on these apps to find the love of their life. Like they are coming on here thinking, I really want to create a connection and I'm not meeting people at my job, I'm not meeting people at this. So just the nature of dating apps, which is the way that I feel most people are, are meeting today. And I, I Believe the research shows. And dating apps, I think now it is over 50% of marriages that are happening right now are created from dating apps, which shows there are definitely men out there who do desire partnership from them. But the majority usage, which I would look at, what percentage of people who interact on a dating app ever actually end up on a date? I'm gonna guess it's. It's 1% of people who actually swipe around each other, let alone had a conversation, liked each other enough to start texting to plan a date for it to like, actually work as a relationship. It's slim pickings because on a dating app you don't have mutual community, you don't have mutual friends, you're not bumping into each other, you're not going to the same places. So it's a lot harder to really build the foundation that would have created a relationship. Whereas before, if we go back to the time of the tribe, you were able to grow in love with someone, like you were watching that person every single day. Maybe you guys were like, you know, you were weaving baskets and he was chopping wood and you were like, oh, I really like the way he chops that. That would. It's pretty cute. And maybe after a few weeks or months or years, you finally connect, whereas now it's based on one interaction. If you like each other enough, you go out of your, you have the state and you're basing it on do we have instant chemistry? Which is, by the way, really, really hard to have with someone at a coffee shop. So you're like, I don't feel any sparks, bitch, you're at Starbucks. Like, who's having sparks at Starbucks? You. And then so we're like, this isn't working. Because of that, we've reached this collective burnout with dating apps. And, and there's finally a decline in their usage because, myself included, so many women have gone on the apps and are met again and again and again by men who just want sex. They're not serious, they're, you know, just spitting lines at you. And you're like, this is not something of substance. And the amount of time it would take to really sort through and keep having these conversations that keep meeting people. I know there are some people who, you know, went on a hundred first dates and made it their, like full time job. It takes a lot of time and energy for a woman to get ready for a date. Like, let's be real, like, I didn't wake up like this. Like, let's say I got ready for A date. And it was this, like, I, like, worked out, got in the right mindset. I got my hair done, I did my makeup. I had to redo these freaking lashes on myself, like, five times. You know, there's so many steps involved. The body glitter, figuring out what to wear, the. Of course, the pep talks you got to give to yourself because you're about to meet with a stranger on the Internet. And then let's talk about being on the date. Now you're. You meet up with this person. You're like, wait, is that them? Like, texting them? I'm wearing the white dress, by the way. It's so freaking awkward. And then you meet, and sometimes within three seconds, you know, I am not attracted to this person. But now you have to sit through a dinner or a drink or whatever you guys agreed to, knowing I'm probably never going to see this person again. And then so what a lot of us women do, because we're conditioned to be people pleasers is we still show up trying to like him, and then we start convincing ourselves. We're like, okay, well, he didn't ask a single question about me. But, yeah, he also lied about his height, like, by three inches. And that job he said that he had. Yeah, he was actually fired from it a couple months ago, but he was funny. Could I make it work? And even the guy that we don't like, we're still thinking, can I make this work? And then even that guy is like, oh, yeah, I'm not even looking for anything serious. Like, you know, I'm just exploring options right now. Mind you, he's 40 years old. I'm just being real of what's out there. If you're a single girl, you. You know, I hope it's just us right now. So after doing that a handful of times, eventually you're like, I could have read a book in that period of time. I could have worked on my business. I could have seen a friend I have not seen in over a month. I could have spent time with my family. Like, there are so many other things that I could have done. And yes, maybe they say you gotta kiss a lot of frogs, but there are 8 billion people on earth. You can't go on a date with half of them hoping that eventually one might be your guy. Eventually you start realizing this system is not working. And so the reason why a lot of women are single right now is systemic. And a lot of what we're experiencing right now is because our society is not. Not set up for love and long Term relationships that are based in community, based in integrity, based in actually seeing each other, based in even having the same goals in life. A lot of men are choosing a path of wanting to be with many women. It's glamorized in our society, even in our spiritual community, with polyamory and open relationships, or should I say radical monogamy. And so these men are like, see, if he's doing it, why can't I? And so if you look at the dating pool, okay, let's say it's 50, 50 men. I think it's a little bit more women. Let's just say it's 50, 50, okay? I think right now it's 13% of the population is, is gay. And finally, a lot of these men are coming out. And let's not talk about how many men are on the down low. How many of these men are pretending to be straight. Like, like, let's, let's be real. Let's just be besties. Like, who are you kidding here? So I'm gonna go, I'm gonna say 20% of them are gay or something based on what I, what I see out here. So, okay, let's just, let's just give it the, the official statistic of 13. So we've got 13 are gay. Okay. What percentage of men are in a relationship or married? Maybe another 20, 25%. A lot of the securely attached men are going to fall under that category. Okay, so now we're looking at what is that, like half of that. So I believe right now it is like 45% of women between 20 and 40 are single and child free. It actually was 43% in 2010, and now it is 45%. So it's increasing. And I believe there's a little bit more than that. Not who are single men. Now, of these men, what is the percentage of men that have gone to therapy who have done any kind of work on themselves, who are financially in a place to go on dates, who are not addicted to porn or video games or a vape, I think we're down to like, just those couple of things. Like less than 10%, 5% maybe. And then so of those men who are desiring a relationship, who are able to have the lifestyle to be in a relationship, I won't even put emotionally available in that category. Now a lot of those men who are just like, desirable to be in a relationship, they're the men now who are like, I don't need to be consistent. I don't need to show up. And so we're looking at a huge population of the avoidant men. You know, I believe it's like, like top couple percent. Like less than 5% of men on the dating apps get like 90 of the swipes because he's tall, because he's good looking, you know, those kind of things. So those men are like, I got the pick of the litter, so they're not pursuing women. You know, so many women I know, you get older, you work on yourself, you do all of this deep healing work, and then you're like, here I am. I'm emotionally available. I'm ready for a relationship. I've healed my attachment wound. Where are the men that can meet me? And then the men that often this pool of women are attracted to are saying, well, I don't want a relationship. Why should I be in a relationship when I can be with anyone? So we're talking real slim pickings just statistically of the amount of women who are ready and desiring a relationship with the amount of men. And I have a lot of straight male friends before. You're like, you're a man hater. Whatever. My brother and I are, it's called Irish Twins. We're exactly one year apart. So it was very close to my brother growing up. Lots of my best friends are straight men, and I talk to them all the time. And I asked them, I'm like, like, who are some good men out there? Most of my straight male, amazing friends are like, I don't even know a single one. Most of them don't actually have male friends, which says a lot. Now, this is not men's fault. This is societal. This is structural. And there are a lot of men's coaches who are. Who are speaking about that. I want to focus on the voice of the feminine, because I feel like every single time we have a voice, it's turned into, you're a man hater, you're this, you're that. And because women desire love so deeply, it shuts us up. You know, when I first became single, I would have. I would not have had the courage to do a podcast like this because I would have been afraid of what men would have thought of me. And I would have been afraid of them saying, well, you're. You're bitter, you're undesirable. And that is the little flag they're always waving over us of, oh, if you actually talk about the pain and the struggle of being a woman, no man is ever going to want to be with you. And so that becomes the thing that keeps us Women silenced that we don't talk about how hard it is to date. How hard it is for so many women who are giving so much in their marriages. How hard it is for so many mothers who are doing everything on their own and paying bills because we're afraid if we're single that even just talking about it is going to make us undesirable to a man. And that is so sad because guess what? Maybe it does. But who are those men that you're going to attract? A man that doesn't fucking want to hear your truth. So if talking about this makes me a repellent for those kind of men, hallelujah. Because we are here to be in real lationships, not relationships for the sake of I don't want to be alone. Not relationships for the sake of. If I don't grab him now, it's gonna be too late. Not a relationship for the sake of, well, my family's gonna look down upon me if I go to that wedding by myself. We have settled for so many things and been afraid of even talking about how hard it is. For the first time, we are opening our voices and sharing what it has been like to be a woman. And I, I feel for the feminine so deeply because we are such love bunnies. We do want to love. Of course. I know every single one of us deeply desires to be met in partnership. Deeply desires true sacred union where you can look up to that man and be like, oh, my goddess, like, thank God you exist. Like, you are a testament to what is possible for the masculine. Like, we want to be in a partnership where we can, like, thank the Lord every single day for this man. We want that so deeply, and it's so frustrating when we open our hearts again and again and again to be lied to, to be betrayed, to be abandoned. And if we don't talk about these things and be honest with ourselves about how painful it has been, we're just going to keep attracting the same thing. So I made a list of the reasons why I see so many women choosing to be single. Now, again, I'm not saying that we should be single, but this is, like I mentioned, a global trend that is happening. And if the governments out there want women to be, you know, getting married and having children and taking care of the family, you gotta take care of our needs. Have you recently gone through a heartbreak that rocked your world? And honestly, you're still maybe picking up the pieces. You've learned so much from this experience, but you also know there's so much more awaiting you. And probably you have an intuitive sense that this was meant to happen for you to become your highest self. Well, I've been there. At the end of 2022, I found out that my then husband had been cheating on me and it was the most horrible news I've ever gotten. But now looking back on it, I can say it was my life's greatest blessing because without that I would have never left the marriage where honestly, we were quite incompatible in many different ways. But it was, it took me getting to that level for me to actually see what was not working in the relationship and for me to set off and create this new life where I traveled the world for a year, started producing music, singing, rapping, dropped an album called My Body is an Altar that has hundreds of thousands of streams around Spotify, creating music videos, moving to la, dressing in these really cute outfits, becoming my fullest expression, and most importantly, not having anything in my consciousness that I'm afraid of anymore. I have become truly liberated. And that is the gift of a heartbreak. So all my friends would come to me when they would go through their heartbreaks. I know a lot of people are in it right now. And this is why I've decided to create my ultimate heartbreak healing course. So it guides you step by step with the exact tools and realizations that I used on myself during my heartbreak that have allowed me to not just heal from it, but become this version of me that I am frankly obsessed with. So for 33 days, every single day, I will be guiding you through a practice journal prompt will be writing poetry, healing and transmuting so much. But most importantly, taking this as the opportunity for you to become the version of you that you've always felt it was too soon to be. So I'm so excited for you to get started. As soon as you join the course, you can get started. On day one. I have seen insane transformations and I can't wait to see what awaits you on the other side. So head over to IAM saharrose.com heartbreak and use coupon code podcast for $50 off. Again, that's IAM Sahara S A H A R A rose.com heartbreak and use coupon CODE podcast for $50 off. You can find that link in the show notes and I'm super excited for you to meet the version of you that's on the other side. So let's talk about why women are choosing to remain single. So not being met first and foremost. So after so many years of women not being met, we begin to question if what we are actually desiring in our relationship even exists. And that is a really hard pill to swallow because especially a spiritual woman, we love manifesting we love. You know, writing the vision board and the list and who this man is and talking to his soul and, like, being so positive and, you know, everywhere we go, I could just meet him today. And after doing that for a number of years, you reach a point that you wonder if what you are looking for is real. And I do believe that is a part of our actual spiritual maturity. Because often what we are looking for, that man who loves us, sees us, supports us, is made for us, understands us, balances us in every single way, is just divinely made for us. What we are actually desiring to feel that unconditional love is the love of God. Only God will be that. Only the divine will be that. No human will ever be that experience. No romantic love is actually unconditional. The only unconditional love that exists on this earth is the love of a mother for her children. A child can do anything, and you will continue to love that child. That is is the only unconditional love. Romantic love is not conditional. You are abused, you are lied to, you are betrayed. You are no longer going to, over time, be in love with that person. You might have love for them, but a relationship is not a guarantee. And so I feel it's important for us, because I know we want to lose ourselves in love. But losing ourselves in love, what Rumi and Hafez and all these mystics were talking about was the love of the divine. Those poems were about the love for the God, the goddess, the creatrix of everything. And so those moments that you just, like, want to be held and you just wish there was someone there to put their arms around you, I invite you to envision God putting their arms around you. Like envisioning how loved and held and supported you are by God. Because God is what has made everything happen in your life. And I'm not talking about God in a religious sense. I'm talking about life, source, consciousness, spirit. And when we are connected by spirit and we can trust that spirit has our back no matter what, that is the ultimate capital. L love that we are desiring. So the second thing is partners not adding value to our lives. So like I talked about before, it was a more expected, energetic exchange. Right. I give my life force towards raising these children, and you make sure that we are fully provided for. When that's no longer the case, a lot of women are realizing my mental health is Going down in relationships. I mean, there's this trend on TikTok right now and it's about me before losing my spark. And it's like the girl is so, you know, confident and beautiful and glowing and then her in the relationship and she's gained weight, she's puffy, she's crying. And we see that happen all the time. I'm gonna do a whole other episode about glow ups after breakups. And we can always see at the end of a relationship who is siphoning the other person's energy by who glowed up. I know after my divorce I literally reverse aging. I look so much better now at 34 than I ever did in my twenties. And I was in an eight year long relationship. I was married, I was in a four year long relationship after that. You know, they were nice people. But you could see after the relationship was complete how all of a sudden my aura was expanding and I was glowing and radiant and this new expression and aliveness in me came alive. And so the only thing that shifted my life was being out of that relationship. And so a lot of women once they've had the glow up after the breakup, are a lot more discerning about getting into relationships because you can see how getting into the wrong relationship for you can literally siphon and drain your life force and take years away from your life over time. So the next thing is women are no longer willing to settle for finances again. Before woman needed to be in a marriage to just be taken care of, to have a home, to have food, to have not even credit cards back then, just to be able to freaking survive. Like if a woman was not married off to a man, she would just die. And marriage in a way is like respected prostitution. Like you are literally trading your sex in your womb for finances. So it's actually really not that different. Again, I'm not saying that beautiful sacred union is like this. I'm just saying the institution of marriage, what it actually was, it had nothing to do with you falling in love with each other. It had to do with who was going to basically have the highest price. And so now when women are finally able to work, are finally able to run businesses, are finally able to become coaches, chefs, healers, etc, they no longer need to sacrifice their happiness well being to just marry some man so she can survive. And on top of that, a lot of women and now statistically are out earning men. So they're like, okay, so if I'm also going to be paying for your life as well, are you providing for Me what a wife would historically provide. And most men are not willing to do that. Some are, but most aren't. So if there was an actual agreed upon exchange of okay, as a woman I'm going to, you know, provide for us and as a man, maybe you're going to be the stay at home dad, maybe you're going to make sure the house is taken care of. But there needs to be value given to both parties lives. And I think right now it's getting tricky because we have all become so self sufficient that really we don't need each other for anything. But we still have this biological need for closeness and intimacy and belonging. We aren't meant to do life by ourselves. But what we get to shift is can we actually choose to be with someone based on love, based on friendship, based on companionship, based on shared goals, rather than based on I'm afraid to be alone or I need you for finances. So actually this is a gift. You know, the Andrew Tate people of the world are like, oh my God, now that women are making money, it's the demise of family, it's the demise of marriage and the population is going to decrease and what's going to happen? Well, no, actually women no longer have to be the gold diggers that you hate us to be because women are actually able to choose a man they love, are actually able to get to know who you are. And many women, most of I know a lot of very successful women who are very in their feminine and most of them are completely willing. I myself have, have dated, was married to a man who made less money than me. So women, even when we're making more money, are still willing to be with the man who makes us. It's a lot of men that are uncomfortable with it. It's a lot of men who then feel emasculated and go out and cheat with someone that they feel more superior than. I mean we see this time and time again. Shakira, Beyonce, the list goes on. And so women are now asking themselves, okay, so I'm providing for you, I'm holding emotional space for you, I'm taking care of the house, I'm taking care of the family, and I'm still not respected and I'm still cheated on and I'm still lied to. Like literally, what is the point of this agreement when there's literally nothing that I'm getting in exchange? And so again, this is not saying to not be in a relationship, but we need to raise the bar of what this relationship is for. And only until we address the shadow of it. Can we raise the bar? Because there are so many beautiful men that want to be in partnership, but we need to actually have conversations of, like, what do you desire a partnership for? What do I desire a partnership for? Are they for the same things? You know? Is the goal of this partnership to raise a family? Okay, what does that look like for us? Is the goal of this partnership to be companions when we travel the world? Okay, how do we take care of that? What is this partnership for? And I believe if we can be really intentional about that, we can have beautiful relationships. But if we are just thinking, I like you, you like me, there's some chemistry here. Let's fuck around and find out. Well, y' all found out. It don't end well, honey. And then you're gonna have to do years of healing on that one. I don't want you to have to go through it again, though. I do have a heartbreak course, but I don't want you to have to retake that shit. So we gotta go a little slower and have these conversations now, like I mentioned, because of the state of the world, most men cannot provide for a family, let alone, you know, the kind of lifestyle that many women want. A lot of women, they want to work, they want to continue to travel, they want to have organic food. This costs an arm and a leg. If you live in the Western world, it is freaking crazy. In la, New York, London, these major cities, you have to be at least a millionaire to be able to have something like a nanny. And again, historically, when we lived in tribes, we didn't have a need for a nanny and daycare and all of these things because we. We lived with our tribe. But now, when we are so isolated, we. We need to have these things. We need to have that support. And so the number of people who are able to provide for that lifestyle is. Is small. And so men get angry of, well, why do women only want to be with really rich men? Well, because women want to be with their children. Women want to be healthy. Women want to not be fighting over finances. And so for a woman to have the natural life that we all, all say, why are women discounted from nature? For women to have that natural life, it costs a lot of money. In today's society, in the Western world, again, we can move to developing countries like I have myself, and that's possible. But a lot of people, they're not willing to do that. So we need to have the conversation of, okay, is my child care taken care of? Is my health Care taken care. If I get sick, what's going to happen? And if there's no plan for any of these things, why would a woman want to put herself in a position where she is vulnerable, where she is near death, which is what happens at birth. There's no security for her. A man can go to a Coldplay concert and do whatever the fuck he wants, and then it's going to be all on her. Why would women be so quick to jump into that? So, yes, it's. It's very natural for a woman to desire love, partnership, family. But we don't live in a very natural world for her. And until we do, women are going to be asking this question of, do I really want to put myself through this risk? So the next thing is, emotional intelligence is a lot lower in men. I'm not here to shame men. It's not men's fault. Men have been raised in today's generation from boys to be stoic, to be like Superman. So if your entire life, you're taught to be Superman, strong, powerful, and save the day, and those are the things that are looked up upon. And then you get older and you're told, well, actually, I desire a man. You know, you don't need to financially provide for me, but I desire a man who can emotionally meet me, who I can have a conversation with, who I can share my deepest thoughts with and can understand me. And the men are like, what's that? I don't know how to do that. I mean, let's be real single ladies. Do men ask you questions on dates? Is this just me? These. These men are asking questions. I'm like, do you have anything for me? You know, and it's not just me. I talked to all my single friends. It's a phenomenon right now. Like, these men will go on dates and just, like, start talking about whatever special interests they have. I've had learned so many different useless facts about all sorts of things, and never do they ask, like, so, like, what do you want in life? Like, what are your values? Like, how'd you get to this point of who you are? Like, for the most part, they ain't asking questions. So women are like, okay, I don't need you to provide for me. I'm willing to take on the majority of the household work. But, like, can. Can we at least, like, talk? And they're like, no, I don't. I don't really do that. I need to be in my. My man cave that you're gonna pay for. So if we're not even getting our emotional needs met. It's like, so what is this for? Like, I've just come to peace with. My friends are gonna meet me emotionally more than any man will, and I've made peace with that. Like, I'm not expecting a man to be. My friends are all like, top level coaches and authors, and so I'm spoiled when it gets here. Like, we are having deep, intricate, nuanced conversations. I don't need you to, like, be on my podcast. But if I am spending the rest of my life with you and having the majority of my conversations with you until the day that I die, like, I would like you to at least be able to relatively understand me. Like, at least 50% of what I say. And I've gone on so many days, I don't even tell them what I do. Like, I know they're not gonna get it. They're like, oh, what are you writing a book on? I don't even bother explaining. And then I tell them, I'm like, oh, it's about understanding the truth of who you are. They're like, like, yeah, only a spiritual person will get that. You're right, Bob. You're right about that one. And so if I'm going on a date and I come home and I'm feeling exhausted, how many of you guys have felt so exhausted after a date? Like, I just learned everything about wrestling or whatever the thing was, and, like, it was draining. Why would I sign up for a lifetime of that again? Back in the day, our grandmothers had no choice. But guys, isn't it quite interesting that most men want a family like their fathers and their grandfathers, whereas most of us women want a life that is anything but our mothers and our grandmothers. Isn't that an interesting fact? So what are we really looking for here? We've got to be honest about these conversations, because if I'm looking to be met and he's looking for someone to take care of him, we're not going to have everlasting happiness. So it's better off to just not start the relationship than spend another couple years trying to pretend that this is what you want, only for eventually the cat to get out of the hat. Because once you reach a certain level of consciousness, you can't go back. Like, there's no get going backwards on this train. You're like a lion and you realize you've been in a cage this entire time. And once the lion comes out, she not going back in. And so that doesn't mean you need to be alone forever. But you might be alone. And when I say alone, it actually doesn't even exist because you're never really alone. You're always all one. You're always one with God, you're always with the divine. You're always held by your ancestors, you're always held by spirit. And you get to do things with friends. You know, the past over a year, I've been living with my best friend Christine. We're living here in Bali right now. Every single morning, we do breath work, we have a dance party. We do the same things I would love to do in a household. We go to fun dinners together. We went to the waterfall together the other day. We watch movies together. So I really believe the new paradigm is women living together. Platonic friends living together, us coming back to the tribe. Because when it feels like I'm just alone, unless I get into a romantic relationship, you're gonna just bite your tongue and be with Bob, who doesn't understand who the fuck you are. And that minimizing yourself, dimming your light, which you're then practicing out in the world. And then you're never going to live your purpose. You're never going to understand the full scope of what you're capable of in this lifetime because you're in a relationship that you have to come home and be a shell of yourself. So the reason why so many women are flourishing and statistically the happiest demographic on earth are unmarried and child free. Children don't shoot the messenger. Chatgpt that shit it. So why is it that if a woman in outside relationship, you're going to be so lonely, you're going to regret that decision? You don't even know. Why is it that the women who are on their own are actually happier? 40% of them say they're happy every single day. I mean, I'm literally living my dream every single day. I'm like, I am so grateful for this life because I get to live, live where I want. Bali. I get to do what I want. I get to travel. I get to not have the freaking AC going all the time. A moment for that one. I get to wake up and play my meditation music and go to sleep playing my mantras. I get to have friends over. I get to just be stress free. It's amazing. Now I still desire partnership just like you probably do. But that hungry ghost inside of me that felt like, okay, I'm out of one relationship, I need to get into another to like complete is, she's gone. That old Bish is Ba, ba, ba. And I'm realizing that boogie monster they made us so afraid of. Oh, you're gonna be alone forever with cats. I would love some kittens. That would be amazing. A house with cats. Can I. Can I have dogs, too? Can I have bunnies? I would love a whole zoo, actually. That would be the freaking dream. Don't tempt me with a good time. And I. I get to. I get to have my herbs and my tinctures all over the place. I get to eat whatever I want, not worry about all y'. All. Sign me up for that life. Don't tell me with a good time, like, that's what they made us so afraid of. Notice in every single Disney movie, the old haggard witch who was alone forever in the woods, that bitch was probably twerking, you know, making delicious food, calling up her friends, laughing, dating a younger guy. Like, let's be real. Like, she was living it the up. Oh, she was so haggard. She put on that costume because she didn't want you to look at her. She was like, please, Mel, race, leave me alone. Let me put on this pimple on my nose. So when you realize the boogie scary monster is, like, I get to continue to be me. I get to, like, continue to just be this version of me. I don't have to, like, sacrifice, like, my life and my identity and all my hobbies and my sense of purpose and my mental health and all my time to, like, be happy. I get to just keep living life for me. God forbid. That's so selfish. Would you ever see a man called selfish for that? If a man says, you know what? I just want to, like, like, really live my purpose in this life, you're gonna be like, like, now, that's a man. That's a man right there. If a woman says, you know what? I just really want to live my purpose in life. You selfish. How dare you Live life for you? You don't even exist. You are just a vessel for another human. So my child, who doesn't exist matters more than me. Like, she gets to have a great, amazing life, but I don't. My life's not even halfway through. I have to jump ship. Like, why is it that I'm gonna do a whole other episode about the children, but this is very mutually connected conversation here. But I just want to, like, drop this. Like, someone. I've been talking about all my stories. So basically this all started because I made an Instagram story. It was me looking fierce as with my abs at the gym. And. And by the way, I was not this fit when I was married. That all was after my divorce in my mid thirt. It just keeps getting better, y'. All the stress gone. So I did this. I took a picture of myself and I'm like, this is 34, single child, free, divorced, self made millionaire, witch, heretic, entrepreneur, teacher, author, mystic, thought leader. Like, all of the dichotomy of who I am, and, girl, it was so triggering for some of these men. They were like, you are so selfish. Do you think you're. If your grand. You do. You wouldn't exist if your grandmothers did that. First of all, I didn't ask to be here. I was having a real good time up in heaven. Second of all, I'm actually taking the lineage further. You know what we talk about, like, having a better legacy for the future. I'm kind of doing that right now. Like, I'm literally my grandmother's living dream. My grandmother tells me, she's like, sarojaan, if I could have any kind of career in my life, it would be yours. Exactly what you are doing is exactly what I wanted. But she didn't have the choice because when she was a teenager, she was forced to get married and have children. And she had four children, and her entire life was service of them. Now, my grandmother is very maternal, very nurturing. I don't think she regrets it at all. And isn't it quite interesting, you know, my bestie, Rosie and I, we were having this conversation about our grandmothers, and I'm like, yeah, my grandmother just loves, like, taking care of the home and cooking. And, you know, she's always on her feet in the kitchen, and she loves to serve. And she's like, oh, my God, my grandmother's exactly like that, too. In fact, she told me if I ever had kids, she would move in with us and do all the tribe rearing and cooking and cleaning herself, so I'd never need to, like, ever hire anyone. I was like, oh, my God. That's, like, totally what my grandmother would love to do, too. Like, they have so much in common. And then we realized, do these women just happen to have so much in common? They. They both find their entire sense of worth in serving their family, including their grandchildren that don't exist. They just both happen to pick up on that. Or was there some patriarchy going on? I think a little bit in Iran and Mexico, I think they got some things in common. So these women have been conditioned to like this. They've been taught, your only sense of worth is to be of Service to the people around you. You don't even exist as a person in Middle Eastern culture today. Did you know a woman's name is daughter of her father? So I would be like daughter of Mahmoud, that's my dad's name. So people actually refer to you that they'll be like, like daughter of Chris. Daughter of Chris. Your name doesn't exist. You are only in relationship to your father until you get married. Married. And then your name becomes wife of your husband. So you would be wife of Paul. Wife of Paul. Hey, wife of Paul. Wife of Paul. We need you to script the floors until that blessed day that you have a son. Let's hope otherwise he's leaving your ass and getting a second wife. Then you become mother of your son. Even if the son is the fourth child in line. Doesn't matter what those girls names are. You are mother of that son. So then you become mother of Phil. Mother of Phil. So you actually don't even exist as an individual. You are not even considered worthy of a name because you are not considered a human. Did you know in sharia law, like countries like Iran, where my family comes from, a woman is considered half of a human. So by law she gets half of the inheritance that her brother would get she. If there was witnesses needed in court, you need two female witnesses for every male witness. Witness. Because a woman is only half of a person. Chatgpt that this is a conversation they don't want to have. And this pisses me off because it's like the fact that we are doing so well. Until 1989 in Texas, woman could still not order credit cards. A lot of you guys were alive in that time. The woman still needed a man to sign off for opening up a credit card card 1989. So let's be real. The playing ground is not equal. I have a lot of compassion for the men. The men are hurting, the porn's going after them. Society, testosterone. Yes. But like, can we take a moment for ourselves? Like, I feel like as women we are so empathic. We, we're like. The moment we start thinking about our own problems, we're like, but his. But his. You know, I see so many women, they get cheated on and lied to by their husbands and they're like, it must have been so hard for him to come out about that. It's so hard the way he's shamed about it. You know, I'm just going to stick by his side. He just, he had a lot of trauma and so I really understand why he did that. I'm like, are you okay? Because you were also lied to and cheated on. You also just experienced a trauma. And also you also probably had equal amounts of trauma and you have a lot more historical just as a woman. So because we are so empathic, it's used against us all the freaking time that we are constantly, like, it's so easy for us. Like, like, a man does wrong to us and then we're like, but his heart, little boy. And then we're like, crying for him. I did that shit too. And yes, it's beautiful to go there. Like, sometimes go there. It's important to have compassion, people. I'm not saying don't, but also have compassion for yourself. Have compassion for the little girl inside you who is hurt, who is lied to, who is betrayed, who is abandoned. Like, you can also have compassion for her because she's also doing the best that she can. And if you don't have compassion for her, I'm going to for a second right now, because she didn't sign up for this shit and she deserves better. And it's hard to believe in love again and again and again and. And to be taken advantage of. And I just see that happen with so many women. And I'm not speaking from a place of like, I just had a breakup and I need to talk about it. Like, I'm not even dating anyone right now. So before it's like, you sound like you're hurt. Like, no, trust me, I. I receive a lot of male attention. I'm just not interested in it right now because, I don't know, I got some bigger fish to fry, okay? God forbid a woman's got some interests, okay? And so I have loved who I have become in the space of my sovereignty. I have loved how unafraid of being myself I have become. It's like when we're in partnership again, because we are so naturally people pleasing and it's an evolutionary tactic for survival. Like, we just morph into the man and we take on his interests and wear what he likes and not say the things he doesn't like. And I just have really loved, like, stepping into the full space of who I am. And I'm excited for whatever partnership end up in for this version of me to enter. Not a minimized version who's just willing to do anything to be loved, but one that can actually show the truth of who I am. So I walk into this partnership actually being loved. And I know that that is possible for you too. So I got a whole other list of Reasons why it's a very long one. So I won't go get into all of it. It. But I do want to share that whatever stage of life you are in right now is perfect for you. You know, I feel so often we think we should be somewhere else in life. And ultimately, there will be chapters of your life that are about being single. There will be chapters of your life about being in a relationship, and both are perfect. And maybe you listen to this conversation, like, yeah, being single, and you go off and fall in love. Beautiful. I want you to fall in love, but I want you to take your own unique essence into it. Because what happens is we're so ourselves, and then we meet the guy, and then out goes everything. Like, out goes how we've grown and evolved, and we start over performing and over giving and being overly responsible because we're like, oh, my God, like, finally, I'm being loved. I'm being loved, right? Don't, like, can't let this go. And he's not even able to love you because he can't see you because you're not allowing yourself to be seen. So who you become in your sovereignty, I really invite you to really let it marinate. And of course, different seasons and different chapters, different versions of you will come online. And I'm sure in one year on this podcast, I'll be in a different outfit, in a different frequency, and that's perfect. You know, I don't know where life will take me, but I think it's important for us to just be honest with ourselves, because love is so beautiful. But do you know what's actually the highest vibration emotion of all? Authenticity. Because it's only through being authentic that we can feel love, that we can feel joy, that we can feel purpose, that we can feel creativity. Everything else happens from authenticity. So be you. Be your full expression. It is safe to be you. There is so much more of you to come online. And, guys, I'm gonna be real with you. It just keeps getting better. It just keeps getting better. Every time that you love, you have more of a capacity to love. So please don't hold on to, I lost my chance and that was it. And I'm never gonna love again. I'm never gonna dance again. You will, and you will dance brighter and more. And do you know what's the best part is you're not gonna wait for a dance partner to start dancing. You get to start yourself. So be sure to subscribe to this podcast if you're listening to it on Spotify, if you're watching on YouTube by the way, it's all on video so I'm wearing a pretty cute rainbow outfit right now. I would love for you to check it out so be sure to subscribe to it. Follow me on Instagram at I am Saharrose. I share a lot of my like daily thoughts and downloads on my Instagram stories so if you want to like stay in the loop there. I'm the founder of a school called Highest Self Institute. I certify sole purpose embodiment and spiritual life coaches. So if you want to train with me, be in my school and create a career for yourself being of service to humanity while being authentic to yourself and getting that money girl then come join us. Thank you so much for tuning in and I'll see you in the next one. Trust your intuition, trust your inner wisdom Trust your inner guidance. Close your eyes and listen. So trust your intuition, trust your inner wisdom Trust you in the guidance.