064: The Art of Mending What's Broken with Author Candice Kumai

Namaste, it's Sahara Rose. And welcome back to the Highest Self podcast, A place where we discuss what makes you your soul's highest evolvement. Before we get started with this week's episode, I am so excited to announce to you my new offering. The Doshas and Dharma program is back. It is all about how you can discover your purpose and make an impact in a four week immersive experience that is totally online so you can be anywhere in the world coaching with me and other phenomenal people in a group coaching setting through the power of the Internet. So this is for you if you know that something else is out there and that it is possible to make a living doing what you love, but you just don't know what that thing is and you're a little bit confused on which path to turn and what you're really good at and how you can make money doing it. And you need the support of a coach and a community to help you see the other side. And I get it because I've been there, lost, confused, not trusting myself. And even the last year, drastically changing my life around from blogger to best selling author and really making my dreams, my goals and my visions, my reality. And I created this Doshas and Dharma program to show you that the doshik constitution that you have, the gifts that you are born with, is exactly related to your Dharma, your life purpose. And when you're stepping up to that purpose, that's how you can serve the world and help more people. So if you're interested, head over to my website. I am Sahara Rose. I am taking applicants now. Every week there's going to be a video, a live call with me, plus a group coaching program with your Doshas and Dharma coach and a small group coaching coaching setting. So you're gonna get all of that as part of the program. I have the syllabus, more information, everything on my website. It's also on the show notes, so head over there. We're getting started at the beginning of May, so I left a little bit of time because I want you to hear the call and either jump on it or know that it's not for you. But if you're feeling the call, you wanna work with me on a closer setting and you wanna be motivated and inspired and on the path and you don't wanna waste any more time because that's what happens when we don't sign up for programs. We don' invest our time and action. We end up just wasting our time, wasting our life and not making as big of an impact as we can. So I'm so excited to introduce to you the Doshas and Dharma program. I just had the most amazing three hour long conversation with our guest today. About two hours of it was us just chatting. It was my first time talking to her. We ended up becoming super good friends and I know you guys are going to really connect with her. Her name is Candice Kumai. We're going to talk all about her new book Kitsu Sungi about integrating Japanese philosophy, personal development and spirituality into our contemporary lifestyles. You guys are going to love this one. I also wanted to make the announcement that I will be heading to New York City next week and doing a live event in New York all about discovering your Doshas and living your best life, incorporating Ayurveda with just modern wisdom. So that event is on April 19th at Ishta Yoga 6:30pm you can get tickets on ishtayoga.com and I'm so looking forward to connecting with more of you guys in New York. I rarely come out to the east coast so it's going to be really fun to get to visit my Mind Body Balancers tribe over there. So let's talk about this episode. But first I want to tell you about this week's podcast sponsors. The first one of course is my favorite for Sigmatic. They are mushroom elixir company totally obsessed with them. They take medicinal mushrooms and make it really easy to consume. They have these great little pre made packets where they flavor the mushrooms with different types of herbs, vanilla rosehip things that make it super delicious. Some of them have stevia, some are unsweetened so it really makes it the perfect vehicle for getting your medicinal mushrooms in. I had the pleasure of interviewing the founder Taro on the Highest Self podcast. If you go back you'll find that and I actually got to connect with him this weekend at the Longevity now conference hosted by David Wolfe which I'm going to do a separate podcast about because I just learned so much there, learned so much about Reishi being the feminine of the mushroom family, Chaga being the king, the masculine and really how we can balance our Yin and Yang with these mushrooms. And interestingly enough Reishi is my absolute favorite and has been so helpful for me to heal my adrenal fatigue. So I highly recommend checking it out. For Sigmatic you can get 20% off discount with the code Sahara so The website is free. 4 F O U R Sigmatic S I G M A T I C.com Sahara you will get your 20% discount. I definitely recommend checking out the Reishi. They have an amazing matcha. It's like matcha with medicinal mushrooms which is like so perfect for this episode. So definitely recommend trying that too. So check them out at four Sigmatic. And we have a new sponsor, Hum Nutrition. Hum Nutrition is an all natural line of powders supplements that are backed by clinical studies. They're sustainably sourced, non gmo, free of soy gluten, artificial colors, preservatives and really targeted for specific formulas. So I love their powders because they blend in adaptogens with great flavors like vanilla. And so it makes it really easy again for getting those qualities in because I think a lot of times we buy these like powders, greens powders, et cetera and they taste so bad that we don't end up having them. But Hum is like just super delicious. And it was all made by a rd, a registered dietitian. So they are really good at like targeting in that issue that you have like how to have clear skin, how to have shiny hair, how to lose weight, et cetera. So it's all targeted for that. So you can also get 20% off your first order with the code SAHARA at humhumnutrition. Now let me tell you about this week's guest, Candace Kumai, author of Kintsugi Wellness. And you spell that K I N T S U G I. If you're like, what's that word? Kint Sugi Wellness. And Kintsugi is the Japanese art of taking what is broken and finding the gold lining to it. So really Kintsugi is the practice of when something breaks, like a bowl breaks, a cup breaks, they repair it and they kind of mesh this gold glue or something to it that makes it stick together and that's actually what makes it beautiful. And the whole story is about how she herself, Candice was broken and she talks about how she suffered a horrible heartbreak and her whole world felt like it was crashing down and all of these, you know, totally unexpected things started happening to her and she was really at rock bottom. And by incorporating these Japanese philosophies that she grew up with, though she was not aware that she grew up with them. We talk a lot about that. She was able to find mental well being. So we speak a lot about what it means to, you know, really practice what you preach. To come from an immigrant background, that was a huge thing that both of us experience experienced growing up with. You know, both of my parents weren't from here, her mom is from Japan. And how they oftentimes like just they live a different way. They don't compliment their kids. It's more like being really critical of their kids. But that's also the way that they show that they love you and how to deal with that, how when you grew up feeling different, looking different from everyone. She also dealt with the same thing as I did of, like, talking more about, like, the. The skin, the beauty, the weight loss, and then feeling like I really need to dive deeper into truth and helping people really become their highest selves. And we speak about the Japanese word about that and all these amazing other Japanese words that are perfect for really encompassing these emotions that we all feel. And Candice just explains it so beautifully. And her new book is coming out in April 17th. You can order it on Amazon, Barnes and Nobles. It's called Kintsugi Wellness. I definitely recommend checking out. It also has 40 kind of Californian Japanese recipes, recipes in there, which are super fun. So, without further ado, let's invite this week's guest, Candace Kumai. Welcome, Candice, to the Highest Self podcast. It's so good to have you here.

Thanks, Sahara. Thanks for having me. I'm excited, too.

Well, we've just been chatting for like an hour before this and have so much in common. I'm so excited to dive into everything. But the first question I want to ask you is, what makes you your highest self?

Wow. I really like this question. And I never really take the time to think about these questions and answers besides going on these amazing interviews and podcasts. And so I think you get this about me, too. Like, I really like all of the questions to be organic and off the cuff, and I don't want to know them ahead of time because I think that is me being my true and highest self is when I'm in the present moment, when I take my mask off and I just lay it out how it is. I tend to be very hard on myself. And so the moments where I feel like I'm contributing a lot to society and making change and implementing really good content out there into the world, I think that when I am working from my heart and my hands, that I tend to create really great content that can vibrationally get out there on the highest level and speak to other women that are like you and I, where we're from different backgrounds, we're from different religions, we're from different parts of the world. Originally, our ancestors are, and we're practicing, like, a high vibration of our true self, our highest self. And it truly comes from the gut and our ancestry, our heart and our hands.

I love that. And that's so beautiful. And I love how you're so honoring of the ancestors, and it's something that so many of us are so disconnected from. So I would love to know more about your journey and how you got to this place.

Wow. Okay, so where should we start?

Start at the moment you were born. What time? What day? What's your sign? Whole. We did the whole chart.

82. 414 in the morning. Like, lots of 14.

14 is my number. Like, I'm obsessed with 14. Yes. Like, I could go on a 14 tangent right now.

Crazy. 4 14.

I was born on the 4th. I was born on the 14th, too.

Oh, wow, that's amazing. Which month?

January.

Oh, that is so crazy. One of my best friends was on August 14th. And we always say that 14 is the best number for birthdays, too.

The best. Yes.

My mom is a Japanese school teacher, and she was living in Japan. And my dad was a US sailor in the Navy, and one day he was stationed at Yokosuka in Japan, near Tokyo, and he saw my mom. They were visiting a Buddhist monument and they fell in love. And my sister and I are children of war through that experience. And I was born 514 in Oceanside, California, only because there's no hospital in Carlsbad, which is really where I'm from, which is right next to Encinitas and Del Mar in San Diego. It sounds fancy, but it is where the Deepak Shopper center actually is, which is really cool. And I go there every now and then. But I didn't grow up in, like, the ritzy part. I also felt different my entire life, since childhood, because I grew up in a predominantly white neighborhood or Hispanic, and I loved both my white and Hispanic friends. But I never felt like I fit in since I was in preschool. I write in my new book, Kintsugi Wellness, about how I felt different at a young age. So in preschool, I liked who I was. I was always really fun and funny, and I. Apparently I was cute because, like, most mixed hapa kids or Indian kids are adorable.

Yes.

Or most all kids are adorable. But, like, let's just say they're extra adorable African American kids, too.

Oh, my God.

So I grew up, like, feeling different, though. Like, I'm sure we all did. And when I got older, I had to learn about celebrating my imperfections, which is something I write about in the book, too, which is the practice of wabi sabi, celebrating your imperfections. I went to Carlsbad High. I played volleyball and surfed and Swam. And then I went to Long Beach State, which is where I met my girl gang of besties from college. I still am very close to Steph and Christina and Tina and Andy, Suzanne. We all still talk on the regular, which is great. And then my best friend from high school, Courtney, I still talk to all the time. Crystal and Dana as well. And then I just. I fell in love with cooking. So my boyfriend in college, I loved him. His name is Doug. He ended up marrying an Indian girl, Sahara. But he, like, he was the cutest. He went to ucsb. So I would drive up there with all the girls, and I would cook for everybody. And it would be like a house full of party boys in Santa Barbara and cute girls from Long Beach State. And I would just fell in love with cooking for everyone. So then I went to culinary school at California School of Culinary Arts. I enrolled in myself on my own dime because I couldn't afford to lose my fit modeling and modeling clientele that I had built up over the years. So I was a fit model and print model back in la, in New York, and kind of all over the globe. But I did that because it paid my bills and it taught me how to hustle, and I couldn't afford to lose my clientele and go to the CIA in New York, which is a school. I went and checked out in Hyde park here in the city, but it's like two, three hours outside of the city, and I just had to make the decision. So I stayed in Pasadena for culinary school. Then I cooked on the line at many restaurants. And then, lo and behold, I'm taking, like, an intro to Meets course that I'm studying on a piece of paper. And on the other side was this ad for Top Chef. And it was the first season, and my friends were like, I, like, crumpled at the piece of paper that I was studying on after the test was over. And then I saw the Top Chef logo again, and it said, like, bravo's casting for a new show, the producers of Project Runway. And I was like, you know what? Maybe I should do this. And they were all like, hell, yeah. So that was sort of the beginning of me and food media. Since then, I've written six books, including Kintsugi Wellness, which is the new and most prominent of all. I'm very proud of it. And I also have been a food editor at large at Shape and Men's Fitness, a columnist there as well, a columnist at Men's Health and Women's Health, And I live in New York City. I've hosted many TV shows and worked in media. But I think to date, the most special part about my job is that I'm able to bridge the gap between the US and Japan in health and wellness. And I absolutely love the girl gang I have out here, as well as the support system and the following on Instagram that's sort of been so positive and loving and really engaged in what I'm working towards. And I love how you and I have connected because you. We have so much in common being Indian and Asian American. Like, we can really change the game here. And we are doing so. And I think you and I should really acknowledge that. But that's who I am. It's not necessarily all that I am, but it is a. It's at least a baseline of who I am right now. I write for well and good now I'm on their council. I'm one of Ariana's top 20 influencer, like, role models. And I write for GirlBoss on the regular. And I also am a regular on the Dr. Oz Show. And truly writing this new book on Japanese wellness has been a gift.

I love that. And I can still relate to being like that ethnic foreign kid in school. And everyone has their perfect lunchables and this and that. And that's also where my wellness journey started from. Getting for me. I actually became addicted to junk food because I wanted to fit in with the other kids. And then. Yeah. And then eventually came back to owning it. So I love how, I think it's like anyone that when you grew up as, like, the different kid, you first run away from it and then that ends up being like, the very pearl of who you are, and then you fully own it.

Did all the boys tease you too and then ask you out later on in high school?

For sure. I mean, like, they used to call me Harry Seri. That was my name because I was like. I had, like, hairy arms and of course I'm like, brown. But then, like, later on when, like, that was considered sexy, they would call me Latica because that was the girl in Slumdog Millionaire, and apparently I looked like her, so that was their little way of complimenting me. I guess so. But it's funny because when you're a kid, you everyone wants to be blonde. And then when you're older, everyone wants to be, like, ethnic.

We had so much in common because that's exactly how I felt too. And. And later on, people looked at me as a half Japanese, half American girl and said, like, wow, like, you're so unique and you have so much to offer, and you're so different. And all of it kind of comes into play in the writing that I do now because I want women to know, like, who you are from the inside, from your core, from your past, your present. Good, bad, ugly, makes up exactly who you are. And it is the bricklaying foundation for your story and your brand and who you really, truly are to the core. And you shouldn't manipulate any part of that. You should absolutely embrace each moment as it comes, as tough as it can be sometimes. You and I were talking about so many lessons that we learn every day, which are a gift. And as much as we want to punch, you know, somebody in the face, sometimes, it's like half the time I have to learn to be resilient and graceful. And I think learning from my Japanese ancestors has really, really helped. And it's okay to do you and be different, truly.

I love that and couldn't agree more. So tell us a little bit more about Japanese culture and what is the work? You've broken it into 10 principles. Can you tell us what those principles are?

Oh, my gosh. So the work is really important. And I'm going to go off on what I can remember. May not be in the exact order, but I know that the opening chapter is kintsugi because we wanted everybody to learn about kintsugi wellness. So kintsugi is the practice of golden repair. When an object breaks in Japanese culture, you put it back together by mending it, and then you dust it with golden powder. And there's a special lacquer and a real gold powder that's used. And then we move into the wabi sabi chapter, which is all about celebrating imperfection like we talked about before. So it basically means you are beautiful just as you come a lot of times in Japanese culture. We refer to wabi sabi in the design and aesthetic industries. But truly, it can be compared to a person's heart or their scars, their wrinkles, their smile lines. It could also be like you could look at it as like a beaten up leather jacket or like a pair of Chucks or vans. Like, they're way cooler when they're a little bit worn in. So we move from kintsugi and wabi sabi, which are both kind of about embracing your imperfections, your golden cracks, your smile lines. And then we're going to move into Gamon, which is practicing great resilience. So Japan sees a lot of turmoil, like everything from natural disasters like earthquakes, tsunamis. The landscape itself is really traumatizing for a lot of the country. So they live in preparation to be resilient and to absolutely live with the great resilience in their heart. They don't complain, they don't whine, they endure with kaman. Then kyotsukete is learning to take care of yourself. Eoshoku is about nourishing your body. Ganbatte is the term in Japanese. We say to always do your best. Kaizen is continuously improving, much like a business practice that's used in Japan. Shigata ganai means it cannot be helped. It is learning to accept and let go. And the last few chapters are yui maru, your inner circle, which you must care for and cultivate. Kansha, which is the practice of gratitude, which we all must do more of and be more mindful of others. And then lastly, your favorite chapter, osetdai, which means of being service to others and embracing the welcoming gifts. And so that's the work that's in this book. Those are the chapters. And it is no mystery that these were instilled in me as a person and as a child at a young age, along with my sister Jenny. And I didn't know what the fuck any of this was when I was a kid. But now that I'm older and I've written this is book six, I was like, oh, my God. This is exactly why I work with great resilience. I always do my best. I continuously improve. I try to accept what cannot be helped. I'm of service to others, all of it. But you know what? At the end of the day, no joke, Sahara, I'm not perfect. And I certainly don't practice these as much as I should. And so when writing this book, thousands of miles away in Japan when my grandmother was passing away and my boyfriend at the time just straight up left me one day when he lost his job and visa. I mean, I was a broken person when I wrote this book. So a lot of people ask me what my turnaround was, their shock and demise. I'm always like, it was being absolutely crushed into a million pieces, which is the art of kintsugi. I had to learn how to put my shit back together on my own and pick up the pieces. And nobody is gonna do it for you. You are going to have to do it on your own. But yeah, I mean, it's a documentation of, like, life through a Japanese lens.

I love that. And, you know, a lot of us have read tons of different personal development works, but very few of us have ever gone into, like, the Japanese philosophies, which is super unique. Indian philosophies are very common now with yoga and Ayurveda, et cetera, but Japanese, not so much. And there was this other Japanese book. I can't remember the name, but I was reading it the other day, and it was about, like, productivity and how, you know, part of Zen is also to be really productive, but to be mindful in that. And I was like, ooh, this feels really good. I'm, like, really resonating with this because I feel like a lot of, like, the spiritual world right now is, like, do nothing and, like, just be. And it's like, that's good. That's, like, stage, like, level one. Like, when you've been doing a lot, just be. But then, like, get the strength and, like, know how to, like, take that action in a way that's like, cuts like a knife, you know, straight to the point. We were just joking about knives. But, like, I love how in Japan, it's like, do the work. And that's also part of the spiritual practice.

Hell, yeah. And I love that you and I are so, like, we can't forget and deny. Like, you are Indian American, and I am Japanese American. Together, we're both Asian American. And you and I. I love that you brought up Gerard earlier, who's a mutual friend of ours, Gerard Adams, who totally sees the light in you and I without even trying, because after a while, I started to see it in him, and I was like, wow, this. This is crazy how we all just kind of get each other without even trying. I think the thing that we all have in common is we're just being ourselves. At the end of the day, we're not doing anything for fame or fortune, and we truly just want to be of service to others. And I think being Zen and trying to talk about wellness is cool and everything, but if your intent is for profit, I mean, there is so much more to life than money, fame, or fortune. Being beautiful and being young and gorgeous, great, you know, Like, I came from that world of modeling and fashion, and looking fabulous is part of my job, but it is certainly not the meaning of life.

No, not. Not at all. It's just, you know, it's like beauty is an appreciated means to the way of life. It's like, if you're doing something, you know, you have your house, it's to live in. You can also make it beautiful, but in no way is the purpose. It's beauty, you know?

Absolutely. And everything in this life does serve a different purpose. Sometimes you just can't see it. Right away. And I think patience and resilience, the practice of Gamma to endure later means to find the gift in the lesson or the hardship or the turmoil.

I love that. And I just resonate with so much with also in Japanese culture, it's like, it's exactly what Kitsungi is about, that shit happens. You know, you write in the book, like, Japan is a place where there have been natural disasters and earthquakes and, like, Fukushima, and, like, a lot of horrible things have happened in Japan, but when you go there, like, it's almost kind of changed the aesthetic and the value of, like, the cracks are what's beautiful, like, the city. Simplicity is the desired perfection, truly. So can you speak a little bit, like, more of that? Of, like, what Japanese culture has become because of its history?

Yeah. I love that we get to talk about this, because it's not really normal that two American girls get to sit together and say, here's why we both work from our heart. So I'm going to go a little bit into history, which I find fascinating. I'm gonna try not to cuss a lot because I cussed a lot on Lori's podcast, and I feel terrible. Sorry, Lori. Okay, so I am a New Yorker, though, by trade, so, like, let's just leave it at that. It's okay that we cuss, but. So the Japanese have endured quite a bit of trauma, and I date this back to the war. I interviewed the elderly that had lived through World War II in Okinawa, along with my grandparents that had. Through my aunt. My great aunt, Takuko Nechan is what we call her. So I learned about the great resilience of the Japanese and the Okinawans. I learned about the history of how the Okinawans were completely robbed of their land. They were their own nation before the war had started. They had just converted to be a part of Japan right before the world started. So essentially, Japan had used Okinawa as, like, a slaying ground for war. And thousands of people were killed just because they were in Okinawa at that time during the war for no reason at all. I mean, they had no ill will towards anybody at the time. But because Japan had invaded them and taken over, they had to learn Japanese. They were forced to learn a new culture, and they were completely robbed of. Of everything that the Okinawans had ever stood for. So there was that endurance. They hold no ill will, though, because you'll learn Shikata g? Nai, it cannot be helped. Comes into play a lot. The Japanese then also had two bombs dropped on them. The atomic bombs hit Hiroshima and Nagasaki and I've been to Hiroshima. And it is one of the most pivotal points in my life where I cried an entire day, tears of sadness from my heritage of the US and Japan together. And when you learn of the history of the bomb dropping, it is not only disturbingly gross that we still have nuclear weapons on this planet, it is horrifying that it came down to that. The beauty in the bomb dropping, which I'm telling you, there is a thank you and a grace and empathy towards everything we must do in this lifetime, is that much like Kintsugi, Hiroshima and Nagasaki rebuild to their golden cracks. They embrace. They say, we were in war. We hold no ill will towards you. We actually adore the Americans and that is how they live. My Great Aunt Takugo said we have no ill will because. Because it was war. And that is all she really needed to say. So there is a graceful acceptance within the Japanese culture that I've never seen other people embrace, and an understanding of Shikata Gnai it cannot be helped and the endurance of Gamma. And those are all chapters you'll read about in the book and really be able to deeply connect with these stories from people I interviewed all over Japan for the last few years of my career. There's also the Japanese internment camps in the US that you may not know a large portion of in our history of US Culture because they tend to wash this part away from our history books. But indeed, during the war, thousands of Japanese people were forced out of their homes. They lost all of their land, all of their property, all of their businesses and homes were taken from them and they were forced to live in camps. They lived there until they found no spies from the Japanese. Keep in mind, these were American citizens. They were not actually Japanese, but of Japanese descent. So kind of like you and I, Sahara, like we would get in trouble just for being Indian American or Japanese American. I would have had to pack up my bags and go. And so I hold dear to my heart compassion and empathy for these thousands of Japanese people. Gaman comes into play, which is of great resilience. So the other sad portion to this story is the Japanese were never really given any. There was like an apology by President Reagan, I believe, later on in life. But they don't talk about what happened to them, so nobody really knows the story. And I'm so inclined to write about this in a documentary one day because my heart has been telling me to do it forever. And I'm so attracted to other Japanese Americans because there's so few of us It's a very small country, about the size of California. And I encourage everybody to visit Japan and learn about the history. And the love behind Japan and the US is really profound. I'm a member, proudly of the US Japan Council, and also I speak at the Japan Society, the Morikami Museum, and I've spoken all over the nation, predominantly on the relation between the two cultures and matcha tea and fun things like that, too. But I hope that everybody can learn a little bit about the history between the two nations and that this book, Kintsugi Wellness, is not just for anyone interested in Japanese. It's actually a book for everyone. And I know you can testify to that. Sahara, for sure.

Yes. Yeah, I mean, I see it as like, it is a personal development slash cookbook, but in a new, refreshing frame that's like. Like language that we've just never heard before, but, like principles that resonate true with everyone.

Oh, I hope you liked it. You're one of the few people that's gotten to read it. Did you know that, like, you really. You might be one of the few people that's interviewed me that's read the whole thing.

Oh, really? No, I, like, literally was, like, just glued to my phone, like, reading it all, and I. And I loved it. And there's one quote that you wrote that I want to read out to, too. It's a Marianne Williamson quote. And, yeah, it's your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in us, some of us, it's in everyone. And as we let our light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. And I just loved this quote so much. And it's exactly what you speak about with the Osetai and just sharing what's unique about you and what's honest about you and, like, making that. That mess, your message, that dark part, be your light.

It's so unique because I want people to know that there was a lot of darkness in my life over the last few years, and I'm not going to cover that up because I suffer from depression, I suffer from trauma. I haven't found somebody that I've wanted to date recently. And it's. And it's mainly because I'm not interested in Finding somebody at this moment because I'm working on myself. I still love men. I mean, don't get me wrong and going out with the girls and all that and dating. But I profoundly and deeply want to work on myself first so I can be a really rad and amazing and giving and perfectly like mindful partner to somebody else and possibly children one day. So, like, right now is the time to work on thyself and to be mindfully selfish so that I can fill my cup first before I go to others. But yeah, when I spoke to Lewis Howes the other day, I was amazed. I couldn't stop actually listening to how deep our conversation got. There is something magical about people like you and him that we can get to this other level where we say we are liberated within our light and our openness and our allowing to share versus the darkness. So when I was depressed and alone and I had just been broken up with and left, I could not share because my body and mind were broken. Like Kintsugi is the metaphor in, in which my life took shape over the last three years. There is no denying that God, the universe, whoever is watching over me, virtually put this book into my lap and said, you are going to write it. And here we are, Sahara, like three years later after me not wanting to write this book, not wanting to show you my darkness. I never would have told people what happened to me years ago. I was ashamed and I was fearful and I was broken. And I would never tell you about my personal life. And you know what? I don't give a fuck anymore because I have done it all. And I quite honestly don't care to be rich or famous. I care about helping others and being a gift and a light and of service to you. And if I can do that with my story, that's.

That's why we write Beautiful Chills. Love that so much. And I love how you said, like, this book almost chose you. It chose you as the vessel. And looking back on it now, do you think that maybe some of those hardships happened to you? You broke so you could learn the message of Kintsungi and repair yourself.

As much as I hate when the fires and the troubleshooting has to happen, like we were talking about just his girlfriends chatting earlier. It is so hard for me to have a, like, important conversation with like an employee or a staff member who's not doing great or something. It is so hard for me to like tell somebody, like, you need to step it up. And I just find myself on that edge of my Rope. Some days just like blurting it out, you know, because I've held it in for so long and it's very Japanese to hold things in. It's probably why I didn't go all out with my career, because I never really wanted to be that big. And that is the truth. For many reasons. But no, I mean, I didn't plan to get dumped.

Right.

And I didn't plan. I. My publisher will be the first person to tell you. I went in there with three years ago with two different book pitches. Clean Green Wellness and Clean Green and clear, how to clear your skin, blah, blah, blah, with your gut health. Yeah.

The universe was like, no, you're not going to talk about this.

Like, I don't think so. And I was like, come on. Clean Green Wellness. This is fabulous. And how basic. How basic viewed Candace? You know, looking back now, I can say that to that girl who was traumatized, sitting on her couch at HarperCollins, broken. And if it wasn't for her saying, it is time for you to write your Japanese book. I was so scared. I was like, oh, no, not happening. Sorry. And then I realized slowly that it wasn't the 23 year old on Top Chef anymore and that I needed. I just. Just ever since preschool, I have felt different. Even when I got teased and I knew I was like, you know, I just. I had always felt that light in me. I have no idea where it came from, though. And you know what's so unique, Zahara, is I got into this game before, like, Twitter and Facebook and Instagram were even a thing. And so in my opinion, it was like God's true and universal way of showing a lot of people who the real deal pioneers are. We did not do this for show. You know, I went to culinary school, not for any other reason. It wasn't even cool at the time. I went highly in debt. I just paid off that loan like a few months ago. And that was like 10 years plus later. And I did this for a reason. And God knows when you're going through your tough times, you can visualize it as a puzzle where, like, every little piece of your life will start to make sense. And when I started putting together the pieces of the book, the pieces of that breakup, the Kintsugi pieces, just like a puzzle, started to go back together. And I regained my strength and honor and dignity and grace through my parents. My mother and father are the two most wonderful people in the world, and I will honor them for the rest of my life. And no, I was not a good kid in high school, and I was awful to them, and I was a party girl. And so there is a very deep contrast that goes into where I was to where I am now. Who you are now is not who you were five, 10 years ago. And who you are right now in this moment is not who you'll be in five to ten years from now. And. And so if you can sort of embrace the cracks, the good, the bad, the ugly, the whole story in every piece. I mean, I guess I do have to say thank you to my ex because I wrote a great book based off of being completely broken. And I hope to live to see other women use this book as a guideline or a new set of framework that will help them to live deeper and more mindfully.

That's so beautiful. And I definitely think it all happened for a reason. And those times that felt like you were just at the bottom and the world was crashing down, it was the pages of this book being written. So what advice do you have for people who are at that point? They are at that point, the. I'm so broken, I don't even know where my pieces are. What's your advice to those people? How do they create this kintsugi and build themselves back together?

Oh, my God. I mean, my heart aches for those of you going through any sort of grieving or pain or breakups. Oh, I am, like, putting my hand on my heart. My God, will I pray for you. I cannot tell you how awful and how hurt, tortured, and tormented I was to myself. And I will never allow myself to be in that kind of a position again. I don't know what's going to happen in the near future or in the far future. I just know that my dad kept telling me, who barely speaks, he's a man of very few words because is so wise. And he said, you will come out of this better, Candace, and you will look back on it with so many lessons. And he said this to me in, like, the very recent days after I went to California afterwards. And I just had my best friend Crystal pick me up from the airport, and another best friend, Courtney, picked me up at the airport. And they sat me down on this green lawn. And I had flown from New York, where I live now, back to Carlsbad. And they sat me down on this green lawn by the lagoon by where all of our parents live. And they were like, okay, like, what happened? And I told them the story of, you know, this person losing their job and their visa. And instead of being honest with me, he Went behind my back and bought a one way ticket and just left me. And I got 30 minute notice noticed before he went to the airport. And the next day my new book, Clean Green Eats came out.

He went back to Japan. Was he from Japan?

No, no. Now you're being racist.

Where did he go?

He's from. He was like from all over, but he went back to Europe. Like, not important. Like not an important detail. Detail other than the fact that it was like highly traumatic. Like not something you should do to another person. And so, but what I'm getting at is like, the next day the book release party was out and I had to sit in front of 200 people at the ABC Home Depot Chakra center and present. And I mean, I did that, which means you can get through anything, I swear. And it took an army to get me out of the house and into clothes. And I went to the flower mart. There's like a flower district in New York. And I bought a ton of flowers for my entire crew because I was always planning on doing that. And I collapsed, like walking up the subway stairs, looking up at the light, thinking about him and like texting him. Like, why did you. You leave? Like, please come back. The guys at the flower mart were like, are you okay? I mean, it was. It was terrible. And what made it slightly better was when people shared their story with me, which is why I'm telling you. I'm not telling you because I'm harboring on it. I'm not telling you because I'm not over it. I'm telling you because it will help, you know what? Allow people to heal within the amount of time that they all need. Stop being such an asshole and telling them to get over it. My parents told me to do that right away, which is very black and white. That's what, you know, old school Catholic dad and Buddhist mom want you to do. But honestly, you and I are from a different generation of millennials and like, we're going to take time on this because I'm also like a public person and going through a breakup was like, I didn't even know how to deal. But I sit here before you with a whole book of 12 chapters on how you can improve through the process of any sort of grief or trauma. Not from my dumb breakup, but from people that survived the horrors of war and people that lived to see brighter days after they thought they were going to die. So there's that, but there's also a lot of beauty in the book which can help you to heal. Like Learning about my grandmother's best friend, Shizuku, who was her next door neighbor for over like 60 years. They were best friends. And when my grandmother passed away, Shizuku was the saddest and it was like losing a part of her. And I interviewed her for the book and she wanted all of you to know, know that she was selfish her entire life. She did not realize what she had until she was alone in her house in her 80s and had nobody alive or nobody around anymore. So she made new friends. She had to go out of the house every day in her 90s at 96 now and socialize. And she said she doesn't want you to wait to cherish your friends. So the ones that count, be good to them. The ones who are shitheads and you know who they are, you don't have to be friends with them. So there's also a lot of lessons on how to learn how to edit and be really smart about who you give your devotional beautiful heart, mind and time to. Because life is so precious, you do not want to waste it with people that do not love you to the core.

Love that, love that advice so much. And yeah, and I think it's really. Everyone has gone through trauma, has gone through breakups, has gone to loss. And it's interesting because no matter what the scale of it is, we all go through the same emotions, you know?

Right, right.

Losing your family member to. Losing a boyfriend to, you know, there. It's obviously different degrees, but it's like that, that same feeling of like loss and emptiness. And especially with today, I think we don't really value friendships as much because we kind of think we're connected because of the Internet and because we're talking to people all the time that we don't actually like someone's like, oh, I had a breakup, or we text them back instead of picking up the phone, instead of going to their house and going to see them. So it's such an important reminder to like actually make an effort to be a friend and not just when it's convenient.

Yeah, that's called a fair weather friend though. I mean, the people that are friends with you and I, when times are great. I also am not a fan of people telling me what to do with my life. And I will reject that unless I'm going to you as a therapist or you're my mom or older sister and. And so I urge women to stop judging other women and start being a friend versus a foe because you and I already have enough crap to deal with. Every day as public figures, the last thing that you or I or any of you girls listening, the last thing any of us need is more somebody barking at you, telling you what you should do unless it's asked. You know, like, that's like, like real catty women stuff, and you got to watch out for that because there are a lot of girls out there that are just miserable inside and they just want to tell other women what they think that they should be doing. And it's like, yo, dude, I fucking got this. Like, I'm good. I will learn on my own.

Yes. I think it's so important to wait for that invitation because I think a lot of us, especially those of us that are on like a spiritual path, like, when we see our friends make mistakes, we're like, we want to tell them, like, no, do this, do that. And like, because we can maybe see things that they don't, or we think we can, but it's like, if they're not ready for it, if they're not asking for it, you telling them is not only not helpful, but it's actually harmful.

Oh, girl. That happened to me on a girls trip weekend where some friends came to visit me here and. And one of them just all night was trying to tell me what to do with my life. And I was, I just was so hurt and offended. And the fact that nobody would stop her either really was hard. And, you know, it ended in me telling her to be quiet and I just was like, I do not need this after all this stuff I've been through. And to be quite honest, I'm not really the kind of person that would tell you everything I'm going through either. So, like, half of the time we have to be mindful to let up on yourself and others because you don't know what somebody's going through. And you should be really respectful of others and the decisions that they've made with their life. If I don't feel like getting married, if I don't feel like having kids, if I enjoy running a small business in New York City, creating content, writing books, and helping others with their lives as a servant of true devout osetai and gifts and wanting to share and be of service to others, this is my calling and path right now. Respect. Respect. Leave alone, live and let live. Do not judge. Like, don't be an asshole. There's so many of those. Like, we don't need more. And also on social media, if you're writing trash about other people, like, keep it to yourself because nobody needs to see, like, any harmful, negative words publicized on a social channel that is just below the belt and worthless for everyone in every way. So I just encourage people to uplift spiritually, divinely, emotionally, deeply from all parts of you, like, give love to others and be the love that you wish to see in this world. Because the Japanese have taught me one thing that stands out the most is that they always show. They will not tell their actions will speak the loudest, and you will see the honor and grace and dignity, the politeness, the cleanliness, the caring and the devotionally sincere mannerisms in them. Those ring true. The American culture is very different, and it's very loud and boasty and brag and let me tell you my opinion freely and openly, and that's great. But at some point, you do have to learn to keep to yourself and respect a little bit. And I think what this book does is it creates a really nice picture for us to see how they live and how we can utilize it if we choose to in our everyday American lives.

Totally. I mean, words like, you know, when you say like, honor, respect, I think they're very Japanese words because we just didn't even grow up really hearing those words. It's like, oh, you dishonor my family. I think, like Japan, you know, because we. We just never, like, honor your family. Never. Never been taught to anyone here.

Totally.

So I think it's really beautiful that you're bringing it back. And, you know, some parts of tradition obviously don't work, but some parts of tradition have lasted thousands of years for a reason. And I think it's so important that we learn. We learn about that, and then we can pick and choose, like, oh, these are the parts I want to continue, and these are the things I want to leave behind. But we're not going to be able to make that choice in if we don't first learn.

Yeah, it is so true. It is. The honor and respect for the elders in Japan is highly practiced, and we don't have that here, and it's kind of sad. So if you have your grandparents, if you have an elderly mentor, you should tell them you love them and respect them, because we tend to gratify and. And really, like, glorify people that are beautiful and rich and famous. But my sister and I often say how wonderful the world would be if we honored and respected those who were wise, who taught us things, and who give devotionally to others, like, every day. That would be an incredible feat to see if the young generation can try to see the Light in other things besides like beauty and fame.

Absolutely. So everyone here needs to call their grandparents right now. This is your reminder. If you have your grandparents or call someone older that you know and just tell them you love them and listen to them. Because old people are so just ostracized in American culture. It's like, oh, we're just gonna put you away in this house and we don't want to hear from you, you crazy. And it's sad. And it's almost like a self fulfilling prophecy of like, they turn crazy because they have no interaction with anyone else.

Well, I hope that we can spend more time with our elderly as we move forward in this life because truly, they are so deserving of our time and our love and honor.

Absolutely. They are walking books. You know, think of all of the experiences that they've gone through and that they've survived and just how many, you know, pages and pages of words are just in their wisdom. And I think if we just sat down and just talked to elderly people, we would, like, have such a broader scope of life.

Yeah, I'm with you. And I wish that for everybody as well. Like, truly, I wish that everyone could find the light in so many different ways. It doesn't always just have to be partying or letting loose or going on a bender, you know, like, there's definitely a time and a place for everything, and I'm like, all about that. Being very real is important to me, but I also think, you know, you can spend time with your mom and dad and enjoy every moment. Same goes for your grandparents. And also just doing something selflessly for another out of the kindness of your heart and the free time that you don't have shows a lot about your character.

Totally. And I know a lot of people listening have had issues with, oh, my parents don't agree with my path. And you can spend time with someone and enjoy their company without taking all of their advice too. So, yeah, absolutely.

Hell yeah. And I mean, when I told my parents I was gonna be independent like 15 years ago, I mean, I've been an independent contractor my entire career, they were so terrified. And then when I slowly kind of showed them that I was an independent girl that wasn't like really looking to settle down with anybody, at least not right now, they got worried again, like, constantly have to really try to relay to them that, like, all is well, different generation. And now they totally get it. And they, they're so chill about it. I have so much more respect for them because they're so, so open Minded and chill. And if your parents aren't that way, then I suggest being really patient with them and still honor and respect and love them. Because trust me, my mom is like, she will get mad. I mean, she's like, you are staying here too long now. Too many days here working in la. Okay? Me and your father, we want our own time in the morning. And then the next days will get, like, meaner and meaner and meaner. And I'm like, okay, I better fucking go now.

That's so funny that she's telling you to leave. My mom's like, never go. Stay here forever. So it's hard.

We'll do the whole, like, me and your father, we like our own time. You kind of, like, shake it all up here and you're not used to your crazy way. Your kind of way is always a little bit crazy. And then Sara, she made up this thing called senior labor. So, like, when I'm getting ready for, like, a shoot or an event in la, I'll stay with them in San Diego because I just love them so much. Like, seriously, to the core. And she's like, you are using me for the senior neighbor. I'm going to charge you my senior neighbor fee. And she'll say, I know you are talking about me and your father during your interview when you. I'm going to charge you a PR fee.

And yeah, does she ever get offended? Because every time I make fun of my mom, she'll, like, somehow find that one thing and then be like, why did you make fun of me? Why? Why you have to do my accent? And, like, gets, like, literally so mad at me.

Well, I mean, it's so awesome because I personally think it's amazing. And a few people have asked, like, other people, like, what does your mom think about your cussing? And I'm like, well, I am a American girl that lives in New York. Like, I run my own business. I slang rocks. Like, what else do you want to know? And then they ask that sort of, like, does she get offended? Thing. And I'm like, no, dude. She's so used to it. And she tells me, because every time I'm on Dr. Oz, Nemet, like, loves hearing, like, what mom would say. It should just be its own segment now. And she'll be like, you know what? I don't even sound like that. Okay? So my sister and I can do her so well, but we think that she doesn't think she sounds like that. So.

Yeah, my mom also doesn't think she sounds like that either. But that's what makes it even funnier. No, And I love that we can laugh about it. And like, obviously, of course, like, you know, in a way, I think they love it because it's like we're bringing them into what we're doing and we're talking about that. And, you know, I remember when I started studying Ayurveda and, like, going on the spiritual path, they were like, also really worried for me. And now they're like, oh, look at her bear book. And so like that thing for people listening. If you think your parents are like, like, so not into the woo woo stuff, so don't want you to go off and, like, be an independent contractor. Eventually, when you find your way and you become confident in yourself and you actually do it, they're going to be the people bragging about you.

Yeah, this is very true. And they may not see it to your face. So, you know, forever. They still to this day get the whole like, oh, yeah, the book looks good. All right, bye. With him, I'm like, all right, thanks. And yesterday I was like, so what did you learn at church? And he seriously goes, I don't remember. And I just started laughing so hard because I was like, well, you were just there like an hour ago. And he's like, well. And it like took him a little while. He's like, oh, they talk about something in the Bible and you're gonna fall on seeds or thorns or wherever you fall, you have to embrace it. And the ones that end up surviving are the ones that fall on the soil or something like that. And so you have to just embrace the moments you do have with them now. And I keep telling my mom, I'm like, you've got to promote Kinsuki wellness, like now, mom during pre sale. And she teaches at two different Japanese schools. So, like, one's a high school and one's just a private Japanese school. And actually both schools are private. But I keep telling her that, you know, her students are fascinated with the culture. And she's like, oh, yeah, I don't want to push the information on until it's not available yet. Or she'd get really mad because we would shoot like Dr. Oz and I'd tell her the date, it would air, and they would, like, change it around. And she's like, I'm really embarrassed that you. Wrong date, everybody. Everyone was expecting it. It wasn't done. And I was like, dude, so like.

14 year olds are like, pissed. They're like, it was supposed to be on April 7th.

Well, I think it was like their moms probably, to be honest, because like, I don't think the 14 year olds, they may think it's cool. I don't know. Like, my sister's really cool and writes like books in London. She runs her own cycling shop there and it's all like tatted and hit. And like I always ask my mom, I'm like, so do you tell the kids about me and Jenny? And she's like, no, they're not interested in you. And I just ask. I ask her all the time. Yeah, it's hilarious though, because they truly become for us single girls or like the ones who like are just, I'm just like truly not worried about that. I'm sure the most amazing guy is going to come along soon. But like for those of us who like aren't dating, like your parents become who you share every little success or failure with. And I'm sure you can agree, even.

If you're dating someone, I'm still like, mom, this is what happened.

Totally. And ethnic moms are the best. Like they say the funniest shit and you just have to embrace it and be like, I'm so grateful I have a Japanese mom. And I'm sure you're grateful you have an amazing Indian mom.

Yeah, my mom's, my mom is Persian, she's from Iran. Yeah.

Oh my God, even cuter.

Yeah. So. But another thing that I think you can relate to and a lot of people listening who have parents who come from ancient traditions, particularly Asian cultures, is a lot of times they don't vocalize that they are proud of you or even that they love you because it's just not really a thing that they grew up with. So I remember when I started doing the work, I was like, wait, my parents never said I love you. And then I was like, oh my God, they never loved me. And then I realized that it's just, that's not how they show it. But it's not this like American of like, I love you and I'm so proud of you and you're the best daughter and you get it a gold star. It's just not like that. Like the way that they show you their love is like by being there and by supporting you and like doing things that no one else would do. So for people listening you, it's like, even if your parents don't tell you, like, you're the most amazing person on planet Earth, like, they do think that.

That is such a non. Like that is not what ethnic parents say to their kids. By the way.

Right?

They do not say any of that stuff. They say, oh, yeah, it was okay.

Yeah, they're like the hardest on you.

Yeah, of course. And that's just part of life, like, growing up, realizing that we're different from everybody. There's a lot of acceptance. And you know what? Now I feel, like, liberated in the fact that, like, everything that I was taught somehow works in our favor now. You know, it's almost like God taught us a lot when we were little to endure the pain and to later on share that we have a lot more in common with other people that grew up like us. A lot more in common than we think.

Exactly. And I think it also made us really find validation in ourselves, because you weren't going to find that validation. Your parents, you could get an A and they'll be like, why isn't it an A? Or they did it better when they were your age or something like that. So that just taught you to do it for yourself, not for someone else.

Right? It's so true.

Yes. Well, so much we can keep talking about. But where can people find your book? When is it out? And where can people connect with you?

Okay, so I'm so excited because I feel like you and I have, like, these amazing aligned audiences of all kinds of women from all walks of life. Maybe a few dudes in there. So the new book is called Kintsugi Wellness K I n T S U G I Kintsugi Wellness and you can get it on Amazon or Barnes and Noble right now. And also I am on Instagram and you can DM me anytime for pretty matcha pictures or just any little comment I usually write back. It's Candace Kumai. C a n D I C E K u M as in Mary A I website is the same candacekumai.com C A N D I C E K u M as in Mary A I and I also am a huge fan of just cultivating more love in this space that you and I work from. So if you have ideas for us, please, like, send them my way in Instagram comments because we want to hear more from, like all of you. And I commend and love and respect all of you, especially those of us who were raised by immigrant kids. Go do something great with your life and make them proud because immigrant kids tend to work a lot harder than most people I've known. And I have mad respect for everyone who is going through anything traumatizing right now. Like my dad said, you will come out of this better. You are Kintsugi art.

I love that so much and thank you so much for sharing. And I'll have all of those links links in the show Notes Namaste. Oh my gosh, just how beautiful was that interview? Candace is such a light. She's so inspirational. I related with her on so many levels. We ended up talking for a really long time after the interview because we were just like hello. We're like lifelong friends that have never met each other. So she's truly a great role model of following your truth while staying grounded in your ancestry and your heritage and really living that kind of ancient modern life. So thank you Candice for being part of the highest self podcast. Thank you Four Sigmatic thank you Hum Nutrition for being amazing sponsors offering 20% off discounts for all listeners. And if you love this episode, I would love to give you a free gift for writing a review on the iTunes store. I will send you the first half of my unreleased book Eat Right for your mind body type incorporating Ayurveda with modern nutritional science. And you will get it free simply for emailing me a screenshot of your review. So write out a nice little review, take a screenshot before you hit send and send it over to me at Sahara S A H A R aattfeelfresh.com and I will send you back the first half 70 plus pages of my unreleased book which is never going to be released. This book is now my 12 week eat right for your mind body type program. So you'll get the book absolutely free just by writing a nice little review which helps me get amazing guests like Candice on the podcast. Thank you so much. Have a beautiful day and I hope you practice Kintsugi. Namaste.

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