072: Creating Your Own Mentorship Tribe with Lori Harder

Namaste, it's Sahara Rose. And welcome back to the Highest Self podcast, a place where we discuss what makes you your soul's highest evolvement. I loved recording this episode because it was truly like a conversation with a friend. I've known Lori Harder for almost a year now. I interviewed her for the podcast back in October, which you can listen to where we started to discuss what tribe was all about. And she actually let us know on that episode that she's writing a book on the subject. And now the book is coming out so soon. She's having her book launch May 15th at Wanderlust Hollywood. I'm going to be there. So if you're there, would love to meet you and just have some major tribe time. And in this episode we talk all about the importance of a tribe, how it's crucial for your success, and then also all the behind the scenes of the book writing process. So I'm so excited to dive in this one with you. But first I want to tell you about two amazing new products from our sponsor, four Sigmatic. So four Sigmatic is a mushroom elixir company and they just came out with two new products that have my name and your name. All the Ayurveda names written all over it. The first one is their golden latte. It has shiitake and turmeric. So it's all about awakening your inner beauty. It's very glowy. It has an adaptogen called tulsi which is an ayurvedic herb, very good for pitta balancing, detoxifying. It has warming ginger. So that also makes it tridoshic. Has the black pepper again, the turmeric, amazing for your skin. It's sort of like an amplified golden milk. And the other one is their chai latte mix. Oh my God. Heaven on earth. So this has this mushroom called turkey tail, which is a mushroom as well as reishi which is very calming and different carminative spices. So it kind of is like this spicy chai with different adaptogens that help calm you down. So it takes your chai to the next level. So if you want to give these a shot, go on. Four Sigmatic.com F O U R S I G M A T-I C.com forward slash Sahara and you will get 20 off your order. Highly recommend the chai latte and their new golden milk. And our other sponsor is Hum Nutrition and I am so obsessed with their green powders. My boyfriend is not one to enjoy the green powders. He does not like putting spirulina and chlorella and all those green things in his smoothies and whatever. But I gave him Hum Nutrition. They have these two incredible flavors. One is their mint chocolate chip and the other one is their like tropical, it's like a coconut pineapple flavor. And he was like, can I have more? And I feel like a proud mom because I'm getting this boy to eat his greens. So I love Hum Nutrit Nutrition. Their greens powders are amazing. They have great supplements for anything you need from digestive enzymes, radiant skin, hair, green tea formulas. So specific for just beauty and health and radiance. And I really recommend giving them a try. They are also evaluated by a registered dietitian. They have very cute packaging. It also makes really cute gifts. So you can give it a try over at Hum Nutrition. H u m nutrition.com use code sahara and you will also get 20% off your order. And remember to get the mint chocolate chip. So let's get cracking with this episode. Lori Harder is seriously so inspiring. She is a fitness model, she is a life coach, she is a teacher and now an author. Her new book A Tribe Called Bliss coming out this week. So definitely pre order your copy. And it's all about how we can get together and form tribe in our lives. So this episode we really talk about the importance of having like your lady squad, your people that you would go to bat for and do anything for and how oftentimes, because of the social media world that we live in, we think, oh, if I like text someone now and then, or we Instagram DM every day, like that's enough of a friendship. But we need to actually formulate friendships, have meetings with our friends, have these regular conversations with them. Otherwise we're not going to really gain value from our friendships and relationships. And just this episode is a prime example of two women like supporting each other, helping each other. She, you know, really opened her door. I mean, I literally went to her house and I interviewed her husband Chris right after. But like open the door of like what is behind the scenes of this launch and being really frank and real and honest. And that's why I love all of Lori Harder's work because, you know, it's like talking to a friend and she doesn't put herself on this pedestal and doesn't let you know how she got there. She will let you know every single step. And if you're willing to put in the work and if you're willing to really dedicate yourself to whatever it is you want to do, you will become successful. So Check out her book A Tribe Called Bliss. Make sure you come to her book launch. If you're on a. She has book launch events all over the country. Boston, Minneapolis, everywhere. You can find them on her website, loriharder.com on her social media, aurieharder And I'm so excited to meet you guys and form our tribe together. Hi Lori. It's so good to have you here on the highest self podcast.

I'm so excited to be here.

Yes. And you are, I think, one of the first guests that I've got to interview two times. So I'm really excited about this.

Oh my God, I'm so honored.

Yeah, that's awesome. And the last interview that we did, which was back in October, we started to touch upon the subject which birthed into this beautiful book and movement all about tribe. So congratulations on release of the Tribe Called Bliss.

Oh my God. You know what it's like, like releasing a book. It is all the feelings. Yes. It's exciting. It's crazy. It's equally, I mean, you know what's so funny is coming out with a book and I think it's so important for listeners to hear because I think most of your listene probably either want to write a book or they're probably readers. But it's such a beautiful process. But it's also like a massive up leveling in your life. Definitely can only imagine what you went through putting your book out. It's beautiful. And it's also just this whole new world that you didn't know about that you have to learn about.

Yeah. And I think with releasing a book, it's like really what you want to make of it. You could just kind of. Some people have the attitude of the right people will find it. I'm just going to release it and focus on writing the next book. And some people, which I see you're doing, are really going out there get finding the podcast to be interviewed, filming stuff and putting content out. So it's like really your opportunity to go as big as you want.

Yes, totally. And honestly it's. I feel like you have to be a cheerleader for the book if you don't have a natural, you know, audience built in, which we have a great audience. But it takes a lot for people to, we know, even purchase a book, purchase a program. I think it's important that we know even as teachers, as spiritual teachers, as, you know, people who are trying to bring people to the next level, that we also do our job in making sure that they purchase what they need. I think that's really a huge message for people to hear who are wanting to be teachers, are wanting to put themselves out there. Like there's so much now being put out there. It is our job to also not only put the message out, but also let them know why it's so important for them to actually put a monetary value behind certain things. I know for me, some of the biggest things that I've done in my life like switching careers or moving into where I want to go, it's been because I've invested, invested in an event or I've invested in a program or I've invested in a book. And it's because I think along with being a teacher, you don't realize that you also have to learn how to make sure you are a really amazing marketer of your message. So it's been really powerful in that regard to making sure the book gets out.

Totally. And I was just reading in your, in the forward that Gabby Bernstein wrote for you that you were her coaching student. So I was like. And it was like a few years ago. So like Gabby was totally like in the height of her career. And I was like, what I love about you and Chris is like, you guys really invest in yourselves. You find the best coaches. You did Lewis Howes mastermind. You find the most inspiring people. And you're like, they have something that I want to learn from so I'm going to pay whatever price it is. And I think most people are not will they want it, but they're not willing to actually go do the work so they can get there and get coached from that person.

I think you're right. And the thing that I want people to hear is that we did not feel ready for either of those. In fact, it was such a crazy, scary, earth shaking, soul shaking conversations like where it was like, are you sure? And my answer back would be like, well, no, but here's what I learned is that I have invested a lot of time and money in half assed things and I get half assed results which take way more time and energy. It actually takes more energy to go with the discounted thing that you know, is not quite the best. And you end up wasting so much time and energy.

People in relationships.

Totally.

I'm gonna fix this guy so, you know, he has half the things I want. But maybe if I change his outfit and, and I see this happening even with like virtual assistants that I hire, I'm like, oh well, you know, they don't really speak English. They don't really do this, but, like, I'll make it work. And, you know, sometimes it does, but it never ends up working because it's like little things that. Like the language barrier or something, that if you just paid an American or someone who understood the concept a little bit more money, you'd be able to do it. So I think. And I know that you guys are also very big into, like, expanding and hiring the right people, and most people are afraid of committing that way.

And I think you do. It's almost like you have to do it in the beginning, but please, for the love. Like, I did it, so I did it. You know, I made the mistake. Not once, not twice, but I'm talking, like 10 times, because my husband, and he'll totally admit this, he also has this part of his personality where he likes a deal. Right? So. And it wasn't until. And this is so perfect. We should actually tell him about this. Like, to do a quickie on this. On his podcast. Like, he also talks about, you know, yes, he wants a deal, but also, like, having to know your worth. So it goes back and forth. I think it wasn't until he really wrapped his brain around, wow, I have to pay someone what they're saying they're worth in order for me to get what they're worth out of them. Exactly. So it's like, yeah, it's like this dealing back and forth, which I know that everybody wants a deal. And yes, you can bargain and you can negotiate, but at the same time, if you want the best of the best, they know their worth and they're gonna charge it and they're gonna get it.

So true.

It's like, okay, when we learned that and was like, is there negotiating room? There may be, but maybe not as much as you think. And a lot of times we won't even try to negotiate with the best of the best because we're like, I want them fully to show up in our stuff. And that's been incredible. That's been something huge with the book is, like I said, with this book, I'm like, this is so important to me, this message. I did not spend two years of my life, or more technically, four years, really creating and thinking of this book and writing this book to be looking for a bargain team to get this out. I want the people who are, like, firing on all cylinders and can really say, I feel like I am getting all of, you know, I'm getting paid and compensated to really show up 100% to get this to where it needs to go.

Well, this is such an interesting conversation. We can have it on the podcast because maybe other people are thinking about it, but you know, with the traditional media, you know, so much of it, I listen to Gary Vee and stuff, and they're like, don't invest in traditional media. It's all about the online. Just create the movement. But then it's also like, you don't want to half ass your book launch. So you're like, I want to hire the best pr and it's a pretty penny and you can't just do it for three months and then no one hears about your book. It's sort of like a. You're committing to this. So it's like this thing that I'm like, I don't really know because I've done PR before and it hasn't ended up really working out as I wanted it to be. So, like, how did you come about? Like, you're figuring out what you want to do for the book launch, you know?

Well, I'd watched a few book launches before and, you know, being in a podcast, you also get to kind of see the back end of other people's book launches because you're a part of it, you know, while they're booking you. And you can also kind of sneak into their world and see what else they're, you know, go to the PR companies if they're tagging them or anything like that, and really look at it. And so I'm actually working with two different PR companies because what I'm finding is that the west coast and the east coast are actually really two totally different things. And you really do have, you know, boots on the ground kind of if your company's in one area in another, and they know, like, they actually have relationships with people who are closer or nearby. So I can tell you a couple people after this too, but it's been a. At first it was a little rough because here's, here's the thing. We have expectations and we think if we're paying X amount of dollars, Whoa. Like, are you kidding me? That's insane. But you think you're supposed to get stuff right away, and that can really create some inner conflict. It can create conflict between your relationships. So you have to set your expect. You have to have really real expectations of, hey, you know, yeah, this person may have used your. This PR company, but they kind of already had a name or they were out there. And of course it's going to be easier to book them if they have this or that or have already done stuff and also really, really getting honest about the work you're putting out into the world. Is this a topic that's popular right now? Is this something that's, you know, people are really going to be able to grab easily? Because there's some stuff that before, you know, my topic is pretty easily grabbable at the moment because it's so hot about female relationships and women empowerment and what does it really look like to support a woman? But even then, I had to figure out what the best pitches are for the book. And it can't just be like, oh, well, you know, I want to really connect women. Okay, but why? Like, what else is going on right now? Okay, well, gossip. Okay. Comparison, okay. Judgment. Those are really. You have to learn how to pitch your own book or how you want it pitched. So you have to work with these people. You have to figure out, is this something that's really pitchable and create expectations around that and know that you're. Know that you're new and media is getting. I can only imagine, to be in pr, what it's like to pitch people who have not, you know, been out there. You can have the biggest Instagram person in the world, but if they're not mainstream and you're trying to go to mainstream media, which can also be great. It's so weird because people are like, don't go mainstream. But at the same time, they're like, well, what has she been on exactly?

Because we're in this weird. In between.

So weird. So I'm just kind of going for both. And also so much of it. And, you know, this. So much of it has to do with where you're at internally. I've had to shift about, I don't know, a hundred to a thousand times a day with, like, going from, yes, this book is amazing, and it's got a soul of its own.

And.

And it's all taken care of. And it's like, like, so divine. And it's being supported to, like, oh, my God, it's not getting out there. Lack mindset, lack mentality to back into fl. It's just. I mean, because it's so. I'm in new territory and people don't use the language that we use in the mainstream world.

Right.

It's not like, oh, well, you know, have faith and we think you're amazing and support women. It's. Nope, not for us. Or, yeah, this has been done before. Or. Or this message isn't awesome or whatever it is. And it's like, oh, because we do really good at creating a little bubble, right?

Yeah.

Yeah. We're so good at that.

Yeah. And then sometimes it's like, well, if you. I mean, you already have that bubble, and what you're doing is both, like. You're doing, like, the social media, the grassroots, like, connecting with people one on one, going to different cities, but also getting it out into the mainstream. And I think that this is a really good place for people to kind of like. Like, look at what Lori's doing for her book launch. This is a really good place. And I see a lot of people, they come to me with, like, these book ideas that they have, and it's like, so, so, so niche that I'm like, write something at least for your first book, that's more general, that can have this mass appeal that anyone could relate to. Because if it's like the red moon, da, da da, da, da. It's like, okay, well, don't expect, like, Huffington Post to write about that, you know, and you can go there. It's like a lot of spiritual teachers started off really broad, and then they went off like. Like Deepak, for example. Now he's off into these crazy, crazy places. But he started off as something that anyone could relate to, because he can't.

Exactly, because he can. And in the beginning, I was. That's not where my soul is right now. And that's not what I can, you know, what I really want to be writing about. But at the same time, it's. You have to be able to. Like you said, you have to talk to a lot more people than maybe you want, you know, about something that can really relate to so many more people. I totally get it. Like, because if you're pitching yourself, really think of, if you had to pitch to the mainstream, how many people would you get over something? So, I mean, honestly, it would be painful to really. Even if you have this massive audience, it's painful to think about what the launch would be when it's so niche. It's like, for real. It could be, like, a couple hundred books, and that's it.

Which is the norm for most books.

Yeah. You know, people don't know that.

People don't know.

Thousands and thousands.

No, I think the average book sells 300 copies like that for that first year. Like, I mean, given there are, like, 10,000 books released on Amazon a day. But, like. Like, most books do not sell. Like, I mean, to get on New York Times list, like, you're selling at least 12,000 copies, like, minimum. But people don't realize, like, just because you have a lot of Instagram followers. Doesn't mean all those people are buying books. Most people wait until the book's out and they've seen other people buy it, and they wait and wait and wait, and maybe six months later we'll buy the book. And for the author, the pre sales are the most important part.

Right.

And I feel like people like, hear authors talk about, oh, pre order, pre order. They don't understand why, but it's like this is like the time that all the lists, us today, New York Times, whatever, is looking at the book. So if you really love someone, you want to support them, just trust that it's a good book and pre order it.

Yeah. You know, I love this conversation because it's a business conversation, along with getting your message out. Like, your message is so important that you have to do it. The service of finding out, yes, write it. Yes, pour your heart into it, but how do you support it when it's ready to come out? And I think that's where a lot of spiritual teachers and a lot of, of teachers in general, a lot of people who have programs in general, we think that the program and the book has to be so perfect, but then the whole plan fails. It does not get it out there.

Or even shame about promoting yourself.

Yes, totally.

So much. And like, oh my God, they're going to get sick of it. And I've even had people be like, oh, all you do is promote your book. I'm like, wait, if I can't even promote my own book, then it's like, wow, like, how do people expect authors and content creators to survive if they can't even promote their own products? So I think it's like also changing. Like, if people want to be doing this full time, there needs to be some sort of product or something that you are creating around it. And there shouldn't be any guilt or shame around that. It's like you're helping people the same way, way more than Nike sneakers are, you know?

Right. And that's the difference now is that no one else is promoting our stuff.

Right?

We are promoting our stuff. So yes, we have to be promoting all the time. And you know, you do amazing things, like give a free podcast and you give. Give so many free things in your life that it's like when people say, just find it hilarious but amazing. And I also totally understand it because I've probably been there before where someone's giving out free. You know, right now where I'm running a free challenge and I saw a bunch of comments like, oh, yeah, but then she asked you to buy a cookbook. I'm like, the challenge is totally free. It's all free videos. Like, it's. I'm giving you. This is how a person who gives free content actually get. Gets paid. So it's like, we want the free stuff, but we're not willing to support them in their life of creating the free content. So honestly, this is the conversation in the book. It's, how do we. It's not necessarily a business conversation, but I talk about it. But it's. What does it really look like to support another woman? You know, and to say, and this was, I had a podcast yesterday and I know that we're the same way. It's kind of like, what can I do to support you? And to be, you know, having a follow through and be confident enough and be bold enough and be proactive enough to show up for the answer. Like, I don't want to just ask you, how can I support you? I want to really be like, okay, what could I really do? And how can I really make sure her message gets out in the world and what's important to her right now? Because I want to build this trust among these women. Like, I will show up for you. When is your launch? Okay, do you want, where do you want your podcast out? Like, how can I really help you? And then, okay, well, how can I help you? What feels good? What's an equal energy exchange? And to be brave enough to have the conversation to say, you know, I love that, but I don't know if I feel like maybe it's totally equal yet. Would you ever be willing to do X, Y and Z? And I just had this conversation right before you came to the house talking about, you know, okay, well, what's your audience like and what does this look like? And how could we support each other, be willing to be open enough to find the middle ground of what feels like equal support to each other? And that was really, it's not that you have to have equal support at all times at all, but if you are going into and opening up a conversation like that, it's like, okay, well, how can we do this and feel really good about the exchange?

I mean, I was just in a situation like that. And it's the same way as like paying the coach what they're worth so they show up fully. Well, it's also the same way of, like, if you have a friend that, you know, maybe they're just starting out and so you're shouting it Out. But it turns into this like one sided relationship. It's like where you know you're not going to end up feeling good about it. So I think what it is is like a lot of, of people, one don't think it through, you know, they, they think, oh, well, this person's just doing a favor for me. And they don't really think of it as an energy exchange. But it's like for us to take this more seriously, for us to go bigger with this, it can't just be favors. It has to be, how can I help you? How can you help me? How can we grow together?

Oh my God. This, I mean, we just megaphone. We need to megaphone this. Yes. It's so important. And I think what's happening right now, especially maybe it's because I think there's just movement of women going on right now. It's really trying to bond over. Where are you going? What are you doing? There's not a whole lot of time that we have to just like really connect. So how can we also connect and collaborate so that maybe like having this.

Conversation over a podcast, which we could have, but it's like, okay, let's help more people.

Right? Yeah, exactly. Just really connecting, collaborating, supporting, having what is an open conversation really look like? Because I think, I think women, I'm just using women because my book really speaks directly to women right now. And really that's kind of where my heart is, is helping women have the more challenging conversations around business, around. Okay, yes, we all want to have an event and we all want to have a book and we all want to have programs. But what's happening is they're either getting burnt out or they're starting to think it's too, they're like, this is too hard or how do I get this out? Well, you don't get it out alone. If we all kind of had an inner circle of like three or five women that maybe kind of expanded into 10 or 20 that we also helped, but the energy was all different. Your inner circle was die hard. You know, I am going to, I'm gonna mail for you. I'm going to. And what I mean by that, if you don't know, is like, I'm gonna mail my email list that I've, you know, taken so much love and time to build and invested so much money in. And maybe that's your inner, your inner three to five when they do different things. And then maybe you know that outward, everything after that is like, okay, well how about social posts for this. Or we can really go to town, depending on, you know, what your schedule for your social is. Cause. Cause here's the. We're in that weird place where people still think social is social. Your website is just your website, but it's your business. It is your money maker that has a schedule that is supporting your message.

Yes.

So it's not just like, I remember thinking, like, why can't she just mail for me? I don't get it. She has this big list, and it's like, because if you mail too much stuff, your list stops buying from you.

Exactly.

If you post too much stuff, your people stop wanting to purchase. Purchase your stuff because they think that you're diluting it, that you're just trying to make money off everybody else's stuff.

Exactly.

So it's really saying, I support this crew. God, I love that we're having this totally transparent conversation. People are gonna be like, oh, wow.

But it's important because no one talks about this.

Yeah, I love that. But I think it's just the. What does the inner conversation look like? And how could we create that group that we're like, yes, I'm here. Like, let me know what I can do. And honestly, also, I will tell you when I can't. And it won't be weird. It's just like, I'm so sorry, I can't do it right now.

But try to keep that conversation back and forth. That's the conversation we're all afraid of. Because you love that person. You want to make them happy. But if it's, like, not feeling right for you, do you just do it or do you say something and then potentially damage your friendship?

I think that, what if we open up the dialogue of, you know, this? I don't necessarily feel like this is either a fit for the time of what I'm talking about. What else do you have? Let me see what you have coming out in the future. Where else, you know, could I support you? And honestly, if it's just not energetically a fit at all, that's the really tough conversation. The other one, you can kind of be like, let's dance. Let's see where we can, you know, maybe play or stupid idea time. Let's just have fun and see, you know, what are your Facebook groups like? How could I add value there? Whatever that looks like. But. But it's when you know there's no energetic match, perhaps in your gut that's where it gets tough, is because it's like. But also understanding I'm not an Energetic match for everyone either, right. And being okay with like, okay, well if I get rejected here, that's okay too because that's the universe, God, source, whatever saying, okay, you guys may have had a connection at one point, but it's time to just go invest elsewhere, you know, because maybe you are going in two different directions or maybe it's just not, not a match at this time. And it's also massive growth for both of you or for one party. It's just, okay, well, you get to practice releasing, you get to practice forgiveness, you get to practice compassion or still loving that person even though maybe you're not for each other.

Yes, totally.

It's a crazy journey, man. It is like every day is self growth and building a business or connecting with people.

Well, I think of it as like, especially when you're in a sort of mastermind tribe, like as you describe. And the way that I had done it before, it didn't end up. We didn't end up consistently doing it, but we all had our own businesses. So I feel like it's like a bunch of women with kids and then they end up like, well, my kid needs this and my kid needs that. And it's like, so do you recommend having these masterminds as sort of like a business thing where you bring in the business or do you see it as more of a personal thing?

So, and I chat about this in the book because I think it's where you need the most support in the beginning because some people can be hardcore in their business, but they're like, man, emotionally I'm just feeling like I am not getting fulfilled. My mastermind kind of started out more like, how can we support each other's life and what does that look like? Because we all really didn't know. We just knew we wanted female support. And it turned out that it became this perfect flow of if business is number one for me. And I'm like, I just really need to talk about what's going on my business. My launch is like failing right now. Any ideas? Then that's what I'm talking about that week. Because I meet every other week. And that's how the book, I teach you how to structure that so that you can meet every other week for an hour. Some people only want to meet once a month for an hour and that's enough. That would be more of the soul connection, but I think business every two weeks would be really important once every two weeks. And it ended up being, you know, if life is the most pressing thing for Me like, wow, I just got hit in the gut by something that someone said about me that is like really hurtful. Can I just, just have some sacred space to share and process like that's what it looks like or hey, let's celebrate. This week is amazing. You know, I just finished the book. Oh my God. Like whatever that looks like for you. That's kind of where mine is at now. But I always say what do you feel you want the most support around? Like where are you feeling like you're lacking the most? And that's kind of what you can create it off of. So that's the people that you would kind look for and seek. But for the most, most part I feel like if you're kind of out there and doing it in business and life, it can be both. It can be what's coming up for you right now.

And would you recommend doing it with people who are in similar businesses than you or people who are in totally other fields?

You know, I chat about this too because if you go with people who are outside of your realm, you are going to get way more perspective, you're going to grow more. But we're so lost like program to want to be with those like minded people. And honestly in the beginning of my first mastermind, yes, we were like minded. We were all on the path of either. You know, I have a woman who had four kids. Like I wasn't, I was like, whoa, I don't even know if I'm going to. This is so interesting. I'm not in the space of having children at the time, you know, because ours started four years ago and I was like not thinking about kids at all. And she had four kids. She was, her husband and her had just sold a big company. She had done like coaching and massive corporate coaching, like things like that. So it was fairly different. I was like, that's so different than where I'm at now. She's doing more yoga and retreats and things like that and writing books. But that also shows the power of, you know what happens in a mastermind. Like she's totally launched this other new business. She's always been successful, but it's just been so supportive and I've had their support in so many ways. But I can tell you that for me, having her coming from such a different background was so powerful for me. I mean the wisdom that has come from her in my life has been life changing. And then of course the other woman who was in health and wellness, that was, it's amazing because we were on the same path. So that was helpful. But honestly, I love the diversity like in my other masterminds now business masterminds. It's been so powerful having people not in my field at all because they're like, well, did you think of this? You know, someone who maybe has a brick and mortar restaurant who wants to grow their restaurants, they're like, you know, this is what we do for marketing. Have you ever thought of this? And I'm like, that is mind blowing. That would somehow translate to my business. Like, I could do that. That's so brilliant. So that's been very powerful having just new and different ideas because we can get very stuck at looking at, you know, people who are just in our arena.

And yeah, I mean, I could see it like that, but I could also see it, you know, like sometimes when you're talking to, like, your parents or something about your business and they just literally have no idea what you're talking about. You're like, I don't know, should I do a podcast or Instagram Live or. And they're like, you know, they don't even know. So it's like. So I'm like, I don't know, should I pick with people in a very similar field? But what I found, and I'm sure this has happened to you, is sometimes when people are in very similar positions, they get competitive with each other. How do you deal with that in a try?

So I have these seven sacred agreements around tribe, and I also talk so much about Tribe is only going to work if you have the mindset of abundance. And I will honestly tell you that no matter how many things I have given away to the right people, no matter how many resources I've given, even if there's an opportunity up for people, and they're like, well, do you know anyone else who would like this opportunity or who we could look at? And I'm up for the same opportunity. And there's one spot I'll be like, yes, you need to look at my friend because she's X, Y and Z or whatever. And I can't tell you the amazing things that have even come from that because of the. And yeah, sometimes they have gotten chosen over me. But what happens is now when my friend who got that opportunity because of me, now when something comes up where it's like that, she also brings my name up. Like, I've been in rooms, you know, I just was. Speaking of pr, I was out in New York, like, pitching to Oprah Magazine, and they're like, can you Tell some other women who are doing what you're doing right now. And I was like, okay, here they are. And then it was just this amazing opportunity of, wow, thank you so much for sharing these people. And just then, you know, with the women that I've recommended, they've given me opportunities beyond my wildest dreams, because they know that when I am in those rooms or talking to those people where they have their dreams as well, that I am going to be abundant. So they know when their opportunities come, and I fully believe they do. And they have. And it's just how it is, you guys.

The law of reciprocality.

Yeah, it's the law. It's the law. So the thing is, you can't be like, I'm gonna hoard this opportunity.

It's like, a lot human nature. We can't.

Exactly.

When someone's done something for you, it's like, you really feel, like, indebted to them and totally find a way to make it up to them.

Oh, and it's also in the way that it is made up. Up to you is different than you think. So you cannot have an expectation around, okay, well, where is it and when is it next? Or how's it gonna look? Or, why isn't she pitching me over here? Or doing this or that? It's like, it can be something so small. Is she was at an event, you came up in conversation. This person knows that you're good friends with them. So from that you have, like, this in. It's insane. Like, even, you know, I have this amazing friend who she just. Just sometimes will bring my name up, and they're like, oh, yeah, you're friends with her. I know your name. And that's awesome. So it's an immediate in. Instead of being a stranger to somebody, it's just, you know, this person's always kind of bringing you up in conversation because you're close to them, and they know that you're doing the same thing for them.

Have you ever been in a situation when someone's like, listen, I'm just super jealous of you, and, like, I want to be your friend, but I'm jealous. Has that ever happened?

You know what? I feel like someone said that to me, but it was a couple years ago, and I'm sure there's some of that without people maybe saying it to me, but I haven't had anything recently like that. I think part of it is because I. Sometimes I'm like, whoa, I'm really approachable. Sometimes I'm like, whoa, this is overwhelming because it can be in your inbox so much, just like, whoa. And that. That's me having to flex my boundaries of no. It's like, yes, I'm so approachable, but also I have to flex that boundary of no. But for the most part, I haven't had people say that, but I used to. So I wonder if my energy has shifted around that.

Well, I've been. And just in the past few weeks, have had numerous situations of people being like, I'm really surprised you're actually the real deal. Just to let you know, I've been super jealous of you. And that was keeping me from getting closer, close to you. And now I see you're different. But then that also makes me be like, do I even really want to be your friend now? Just like, no. Like, knowing that that's like, kind of the underlying current. So it's like, do I have faith that that person has gone past the jealousy, or is that going to be the dynamic of the relationship?

Oh, that's interesting, because I can actually put myself back to a place where I have been jealous of somebody and wanted to be their friend. But, like, I will, you know, And I think it's the beginning of learning abundance and. And celebration. I don't wanna say the beginning of learning. I wanna say the next levels. You know, you can celebrate people. You can be so excited. Then all of a sudden, when you're kind of going for the same opportunities, that's where the practice begins. So I don't necessarily think that you need to be worried. I think that there could be an open conversation around, you know, maybe even saying if it is someone that you're interested in connecting with. Like, hey, I've totally been there before too. And that's the beginning of really learning what it's like to support another woman and making her wins, your wins. I talk about that in the book because I have legitimately been, like, in love with a woman as far as, like, I'm so obsessed with her. I love her, I'm supporting her, she's amazing, she's a friend. But then when they've gotten something quicker than me, and I'm like, why is this taking me, like, two years longer? And she got this way faster from me having to go back into abundance and saying, it is just not your time yet. Like, how can you celebrate her even more? How can you celebrate. I've been on walks with Chris where I can remember, like, a year and a half ago, a friend got, like. Got an opportunity that I really. She was just like, Getting all of these opportunities. And I was like, why am I not getting anything right now? And it was a moment for me to reassess where I was at mentally. And was I needing something? Was I feeling like I was lacking? And it wasn't her. She was just a trigger for the things that were coming, you know? And I was like. Like, it's not her. She's just triggering this lack inside of me because she's obviously getting these things and going back to really looking at, well, there's obviously something here for me to learn. I'm obviously maybe not ready for something yet that's at the next level. So how can I grow from whatever is going on here? And that really was huge for me. It was also huge for the book because it was like, okay, this is what's happening in our female relationship. How can I go back to celebrating her? And I remember in the moment when I felt that, well, number one, I went on a walk and cried and got it out. And, like, I was mad because I was. I felt upset with myself because I was upset over that. And I was like, God, this is exactly what I don't want to be happening right now. And it was just a beautiful moment for me to dive into. How can I support her? So once I processed it, don't do it while you're still processing, because it comes from a weird place with a weird intention. And then I came back and I was like, how could I celebrate this woman? Or how could I help her? And diving into celebrating and helping her even more? Because when that time comes for me, I want my friends to celebrate with me. You just work so hard. I want them to celebrate like it's their win, not be jealous. Like, I want them to realize. And that's also what I realized. Hey, the more friends that I have doing this and the more women that are blazing the trail, the more opportunity there is for me. So thank her for blazing the trailer trail. Thank her for getting out there. Thank her for going first, because it's just gonna be that much better and more abundant for you.

Totally. And showing you that it's possible. You know, it's like when you see someone that you know and you're close with and they're doing amazing things and you're watching their growth, it's like, yes, this is also a reality for me too, but also, like, I feel like a lot of people come into it with that, but also just genuinely being happy for that person, too. Not just as a celebration for you, you know.

Totally. Totally. And that's the work. Like that.

Yeah.

You know, we're healing, like, and we know this. We're healing deep, ancient wounds. And, like, and everything that we've seen in our life and what we've seen, our mothers and our sisters, and it's like, if she has it, it's less for you. Right? Or if she's getting this, you should be jealous or fight for the top or whatever that looks like. And it's just. It's not the case. There's not just a top that people are selecting anymore. It's not like, you know, first, second, and third place. The more women that get to the top, the more that they are literally bulldozing more spots for us at the top. So if you picture it, it's almost like they're getting to the mountain first and they're colonizing the top of the mountain for us. They're like, okay, okay, well, we need some more roads here, and we need some flat ground here, and we need this because there's more women coming up. And that's the women that I believe are really coming up right now is the women who aren't just claiming this spot, they are bulldozing communities for us at the top. So. And it's unlimited, and that's the way that we have to see it, and that's what we have to know. And we also have to know it's not their job to help bring us up, necessarily, because they only have so much energy. So I really look at some women, you know, I think of all these women who must have so many, because I'm starting to understand it now. And this is another conversation, you know, I look back to when, you know, Gabrielle Bernstein was a huge mentor for me. She still is. And just how many times you either message or you email and things like that. And it's like, I can't imagine how many messages or emails she's getting. And she only has so much time outside of doing that. And I know that you know that, too. So it's also understanding when these people can't get back to you that they're actually doing a job for you without doing a job directly for you.

Exactly.

So energetically release them to go blaze that trail and know that they're actually working for you without being like, yes. What exactly do you need? You know, this is such an important.

Thing to say, because I'm sure right now you've been asked a million times, can you be part of my tribe? Yes. And it's like, I'm here to teach you to create your own tribes. But now everyone wants you specifically to be in the tribe.

This is a huge conversation and it's also the conversation around, you know, I used to think that I had to fit into the groups and we all know that there are groups out there and they're amazing, but they only have so much energy too. Like, you know, if I'm going to make it. And this was my lack mindset or fear based mindset. It was like, if I'm gonna make it, I have to be in with this group. Oh my gosh. I have to get into this circle. I have to get in with these women. And you know, we look at these women, we put them all on a pedestal and it's like if you don't, you're just, you're not gonna make it. Except. Except actually my energy and my body was saying, you know what? I don't actually think that's your group. Like, they're amazing. They've shown you everything and taught you everything. But energetically, I don't actually think that's your inner tribe because I feel like I have to change to be in it. And that's nothing against them. That's.

And they've already created a bond and they've already done.

This is like, you know, they're building their community and this is what they're doing. And they're giving back in a way that is so big beyond anything any of us can imagine.

Like, I feel like people look at Marie Forleo, Gabby Bernstein, Kris Carr, and it's like Danielle laporte and it's like they're just trailblazers and they. And that's their tribe and we can create our own. We don't need to specifically be in theirs.

Yes, it is time to create our own.

Yeah.

And that's what we have to realize is that we are going to be the most powerful versions of us when we realize it's not about getting in or fitting in, it's about creating your own and rising up together. And that's when I think we're going to get it. Otherwise, we're just doing the popularity thing all over again.

Yes.

We're just doing the I need to be in this in order to get this. And it's just such a place of. I've been there. It's a place of desperation. It's a place of not enoughness. It's like as soon as we can embody who we really are and how we are and loving every weirdo part of us, like you know, goofy, weird, awkward, like, but what. What. Also along with what are your gifts and, like, how can you just be more you to attract the tribe that you're going to grow with. With. And that, to me, is the crazy powerful message of this book, because I think we're all just trying to fit. And it's not about fitting. It's about being more you and attracting that tribe and growing together and knowing how to treat each other and support each other. Because that's what these women have done before us. They've learned how to support each other and just be so loving and accepting of who they are and where they're at.

Yeah. And we probably all found out about all of them through each other. You find one and then they shout out their friend and their friend, and then you. You lear about this tribe and it's like, that's the only way we can grow. It's like we are each other's PR team.

Oh, my God. Okay, so that's the conversation as well. Okay. This is like, you know, 50 mini conversations within one big conversation.

Yes.

Because it's not going to be. Even though I'm doing the PR thing and the magazines and whatever, it's not going to be that as the main thing that gets our messages out. It's not at all. Not even close. It's like it's all your sisters. It's all their communities. It's all the people in our communities. Because really, when we look at the it, yeah, it's sister to sister, but it's the women showing up in our communities who are like, yes, this is my message. This is also, you know, something that I can get behind. This is how I'm going to learn also to create my own community and get out there. We can. I mean, really, when we look at our inner tribes, it's kind of like, okay, well, yeah, we know 15, 20, 30, maybe 40 epic, amazing women that we know that we could, you know, support each other on and run through a wall, share our stuff, whatever. And that's big. Right. But that's kind of in our world of online and once you. Once you really start creating those connections. Right, okay, well, you know, 40 programs or 40 books doesn't really cut. It doesn't do anything, really. So it's kind of like, no, it's their community. So it's just thanking and being there and showing these people and just being so grateful for the entire sisterhood that's just rippling down. But I think we are taking. I think this message is so Important because it's how it's all going to happen.

So you have amazing templates in the book, which I love because a lot of people are afraid of having, like, the awkward conversation. You, like, write them out, which is fantastic. So I would love to know, what's your template for messaging someone on Instagram to be your friend?

Ah, okay. So the reason that I do templates and scripts and things like that is because if you've never been taught, how are you supposed to know?

Totally, Totally.

Oh, my God. That'd be like going into a sales job and being like, okay, good luck. Make sure you make your quota, though, and make sure you sell some extra.

Right?

And you're like, well, I've never heard this conversation.

Yeah. And it's also new for all of us because I'm sure you've. I get messages sometimes that feel like, oh, this person's trying to suck my energy. And then some, which are like, oh, my God, the life story. And it's like so totally. Someone that you just want to network with, connect with in a deeper way. What would you message them?

So there's a few different, different things going on here. So if you are someone, let's say I myself am messaging someone who I know their career is like light years beyond mine right now. They've gone through it. Like, they've blazed the trails.

You're messaging Oprah.

I'm messaging Oprah right now. I am not gonna ask Oprah to pick her brain or for.

Wait, please, can no one send this message anymore? Like, I feel like someone, like, heard, like, just ask them to pick your brain. It's like, like no one has time. If you phrase it that way. It's, it's. I'm taking from you, I'm picking from your brain, and I'll buy you a cup of coffee in return.

Right? Exactly. And please forgive yourself if you've said that, because I'm pretty sure I've said that before, but don't say it anymore. I will not say it ever again. And it's really like, you know, because that person, energy wise. Here's the thing. Oprah's only going to spend time with people that she knows are going to take something and run with it and prove that they already have. Have. She's only going to spend time with people who are on her same, like, mission and who are into her same things because she has spent her whole life building something that she wants it to go in a particular direction. She knows who she wants to help. And so for someone Like Oprah, you better believe I would do all the studying in the world that I could to not ask her how she could help me, but how I could add Val. And I wouldn't even ask her how I could add value. I would tell her what is possible in my world of how I would love to add value with no expectations in return. Because those are the people in my world. And that's how I have shown up in other people's world, as just adding so much value to their life that all of a sudden they're like, who is this person, like randomly adding value or saying, oh, I just bought 20 of your books and I'm giving them out to my community with no expectation. And I just keep seeing, let's just say there's this handful of 10 women that are showing up that way for me, of course, then when there's something that I could use them for, they come to mind because I'm like, this woman just shows up like she has just proven over and over that she is doing the work and taking action. Like, and honestly, in the, in the forward that Gabby wrote in my book, that's what she talks about is it was like, I just was like, you're coming to LA, great. I'm bringing 10 women. Okay, you're coming here. Oh, I just shared your book was the book of the month in my 2000 person group. And you know, X, Y and Z amount of people, people are buying it. And it was just like non stop. How can I add value to this woman's life?

Yes.

And then later on when it was just, you know, different thoughts of, you know, thinking of people, it's like that's how the energy later on down the road, long down the road. I'm not saying right away, I'm saying years down the road. But that's the difference when it's on a totally different level career wise. Now if it's like me messaging you, you messaging me, where we're in a similar path, we're like, you know, connecting it. You're putting books out in the world. You're amazing things like where you really are looking for like a soul to soul friend, how can we support each other, business type connection. That's when. So I literally have a friend who we're now going to be doing an event together soon that I messaged like this when I. This was probably two years ago, maybe three now. And I was looking to connect with women in LA who were doing similar things. And I was looking up hashtags, I was doing Hashtag women's LA event. Women's event in la. La, women's event. Like, I just searched all of it and I just wanted to know someone else who was doing women's events. Like, is there anyone else out here? And my friend Sarah Pendrick came up and she wasn't my friend at all at the time. I was girl, girl, girl talk.

I just woke up their event a few months ago.

Oh, I love that. So I instastocked her.

Oh, my God.

So, like, that's how we met. That's how I even started. That's how I spoke at her event. And now we're gonna be doing something together. Love it. So I messaged her and I was like, hey, I'm gonna slaughter this message, but I'll give you the general idea. Number number one, I wanted her to know I don't want anything from her. I would like to see if we can add value to each other's life. Number two, I'm gonna let her off the hook in this message in case she thinks this is weird and that's okay too. Number three, I was ready for rejection because I had so many people at this point. I probably did 30 different messages, maybe more. Probably 50, to be honest. And, you know, maybe only three messaged me back. So you have to be prepared to have people think you're a weirdo. Believe me, it doesn't matter. They just ignore it, whatever. So I wrote her and I said, hey, I'm new to the area. I do women's events as well. I noticed that you have an event. It looks absolutely amazing. I was looking at some of your stuff. I went on your site. I completely resonate with your message. I know what you're doing is challenging, and I'm so like, I just think you're incredible. I would love to meet for coffee and maybe see if I could support you in any way. You know, I have this incredible group of women that I lead as well. And I said, if something comes of it, great. If not, awesome. We just had an awesome coffee together. That's it. And it was like, honestly, we can meet for 30 minutes. I will come to you. What's easiest for you? Are you interested in meeting? And she was like, oh, my God, this is great. Awesome, let's meet. And I was like, okay. But I hit on everything in that message. It was like, let them off the hook. Let them know you don't want to just sit for hours.

Time is really good too.

Yes, totally. Put the time in there. Honestly, leave it at 20, 30, minutes. For real?

Yeah.

Bring them something. Buy the coffee, buy the meal. Like, just be like in nothing afterward. Like, if the energy was not fully there on both sides, don't make. Here's on that one appointment. I don't care if your energy was off the chain unless you both equally are like, we got to do something together.

Yeah.

If one person does not say that, please do not make another date on that date. Let the energy settle. Let her come to you. Like, I swear I'd be the best man because I would, like, date women. Like, non. I know how to date women and, like, finesse them non stop. Because it would just be like, let them. Okay. Like, add value. Like, energy. That was a weird comment, but I make weird comments to I am. Yeah. Okay.

No, but that totally made sense because it's like if you're that pushy guy who's like, so, do you want to hang out again? It's like you're almost obliged to say yes. And I feel like sometimes you end up in friendships like that.

Yes.

And it's like, oh, the person wants to hang out again. And you know, they just keep calling. So I just have to say yes.

Yes.

Like, no.

And that's the thing about female friends is I talk a lot about expectations in this book is her expectation of being your friend might be that you guys talk only once every two months. Yeah. And your expectation might be that you have to chat three times a week. So what's happening is, even though there was great energy there and you want to support each other, now you're about to be totally disappointed and butt hurt because you're like, why isn't this woman, you know, she's rejected. I want to be best friends. And she's like, this is how I am with my friends.

Like, the front expectation thing is so real.

Yeah.

It's very real. Oh, my God. It's like some. For some people, a friendship is almost like a relationship. And you have to check in with that person.

Yes.

And they'll have a talk with you if you're not checking in. And it's like, I'm so not one of those kind of friends. I'm sort of like, when we see each other, we'll vibe. And I might not see you for six months because I'm busy and traveling and you might be too. And I can't have any form of guilt around that.

That's exactly where I'm at. Yeah. So. And it's. That's kind of a. It's a tough conversation sometimes. But now I, I have that group who's all on that same level as me. Yeah. And then I'll have women come in and they, I can feel the expectations. I can literally feel them like, oh, well, you know, I'd love to be doing something once a week. And I was like, whoa, like, I don't even get to date my husband once a week. Like, that's insane. Yeah. So that's a conversation also is, where are your, you know, what does it look like to you to be in this friendship? Like, what would that feel like? And if it's so different, be okay with that.

Yeah. And that's why sometimes it's easier to have a friend that does a similar type thing as you. Because, like, if you're an entrepreneur, it's like, you know, that other person's also all in. And it's like, you'll make it work. Whereas if someone works in nine to five, it's like happy hours might be the way that they connect. And if you're not available during happy hour, then what are you gonna do? And it's like everyone has their different schedules and ways that friends fit in there.

Right. And that. So this is the navigation of why I wanted to write a book around it is we're not voicing this at all and we're taking it all personal or rejection and then we just stop trying. And it's like, no, if you need to meet once a week or twice a week, there are other women who want to do that for sure. So what community is that? Is that like, hey, I'm looking for women who want to meet twice a week to be accountable because we're on this, you know, fitness.

So how, how would you find them though?

Outreach? Like, I did just like, yeah, honestly, look, it took me what, how many messages? I mean, honestly, it might have been way more than that, but I made it a goal every Monday to go on a friend date. So I would do either a workout with them and then a 20 or 30 minute coffee afterward. And I was just, I was ready. I wanted a tribe. I was so sick of not feeling connected, like deeply or supported. And to be honest, I just wanted to feel really rooted and have community. So I knew what that was going to take. So when people are like, I can't find my tribe, I'm like, what have you tried so far?

Right.

Because if you want to, if someone wanted to get married or find a spouse, how many dates do you go on to find that person? How committed are you? And it's just like a Business. They're like, oh, well, that failed. Oh, really? Because I've been failing for 10 years. But you have to know how committed you are. So if you really want this, because it is life changing on the other side. I know that you know that, like, to feel supported even by one other woman or two other women or ten other women, start learning this new language of how you can really support and how you can let go and how some women are gonna be your inner circle, and some are gonna be so far out there, but they know if they need you that couple times a year, that you would be there for them. So really figuring out what those different spheres of friends and circles look like and how much energy you have to help, do you only have enough energy to really go to for one other woman? And that's so okay. Like, that's so okay. And you know, that's one person more than we have right now. And I think that. That it's just a conversation of constant self forgiveness. And I think that's most of it for us is like. Cause we hold it, you know, we take it so personal. And it's like, okay, well, I feel terrible if I'm not fully showing up for these people. How am I supposed to actually build this tribe if I. I have so much guilt around this?

Definitely. And seeing the value, like, what you just said, like, please, if you have friends that maybe you want to start a try with, they're like, oh, I don't really have time to talk every two weeks and like, play them this podcast. And I love how in your book, it's like, has that invitation in there of like, this is why I want to spend more time with you. I want to connect with you on a deeper level. So I am, like, cordially inviting you to join my tribe. And I understand if you want to take this book and maybe start a tribe with someone else.

Yep.

And I. And I love how it had that permission too. But I think it's like, so important to vocalize that desire because we kind of are like, I don't really know. They don't really seem like. They seem like they're really busy and they don't want to hang out. It's like, yeah, that person doesn't. We don't even know that this is an option.

Right.

No one's ever talked about this any before, you know, but that's why this book is, like, revolutionary. It's like, oh, my God, what if we saw friendships the same way as we see, like a business meeting or a Date with your trainer. Like, we. What if we actually, like, formalized it so we can. You know, sometimes when you create that formalized date, that's when you can really sink in and get vulnerable. You're not going to have the time to get there just through DMing your friends, which is the way that most of us end up communicating and keeping in touch with people.

It's just we have this expectation idea of what previous friends were, and it's the best friend, you know, we look at. I refer to Anne of Green Gables. I don't know if you remember it at all, but she had a. It was the show that. That just, like, literally romanticized friendship for me. I remember obsessed with it. Oh, my God. And she had this best friend, and her name was Diana Berry. And they were kindred spirits. Like, they were ride or die, die hard best friends. And I just held every woman to the standard of my Diana Berry. Like, we would just. You know, all you picture growing up is like, the slumber parties and the laughing and the, oh, my God, we're best friends. And it's almost like, even more there for you than your partner. Like, this is my story.

And we've had those, like, in times of our lives, maybe especially when you're in college or something like that. It's like your friend is like everything. But adult friendships are like a different.

Beast, totally different, and you don't have the time. And also, if you really want, you become so many different people in your lifetime that you also need to be able to move, dance, and flow between all of these different people and let it be okay that if that season's over, that it's over. And I know it's gonna be challenging, but that's called relationships. And not everyone is meant to be in our life the whole time. And you will have the inner circle that you commit to, that you want in your life the whole time that you're like, if we really want to do this, guess what? It's not gonna be easy. There's gonna be moments where I'm disappointed or you're disappointed, and we have to have a conversation about it. So, you know, I was. I was just talking with actually, you know, Sherry and Nancy. Sherry Salata and Nancy Hala, who do. This is 50.

This is 50.

Yeah. And I was talking to them, and they're like, you know, because they're best friends, they're like diehards, and they're like, we have been through it. And I was like, that's so powerful for people to hear. Because they think a best friend is just. It's easy, right? And they're like, you know, we've been through our. We've been through it. Like, we've been through our stuff. But they're committed to each other. And that's kind of what this inner tribe is, is you decide how committed you want to be. Like, are you my person that we are just, you know, no matter what comes up, we want to make sure that we are 80 years old in rocking chairs, you know, at certain points in our life, or maybe we meet a couple times a year for our entire life. Is this something we want to do? And even then, you know, even with my Ride or die inner tribe, it's like we will even have a conversation if it's not the thing anymore for us. Like, and that's an open conversation. But we're also so committed to each other that it's like, you know, I believe we'll be together forever, but I'm also not naive enough to say that that's something that could last forever. So I think these are the conversations and like, awareness and authenticity and just the things that have to come in the self forgiveness that has to be a part of being in a relationship, because otherwise we take it personal and we are so wounded we never do it again.

Yeah. And I think for a lot of us, we don't even build the relationship to the point to get to that level of like, okay, are we going to do this forever? It's like, it would be too premature to even have that conversation because they'd be like, oh, my God, we've like, barely hang out, you know, Right. Because of so many friendships are long distance now because we're meeting people online and it's like, it hasn't had enough, like, you know, in person time to even build to that level. Which is why it's so important to reach out to people in your community, even if they're not doing the exact same thing as you and they don't have the same personality. It's like, you know, it's like the number one thing for what makes a relationship work is proximity. That's why people in small towns end up falling in love. They end up getting married. Whereas sometimes in big cities it doesn't happen as much because there's such an option. So it's like, find that person who's near you and maybe they work in makeup and you work at. You're like a hippie. Who knows? But it's like you're there and you can See each other and you can connect woman to woman face to face.

Yeah, I love that. And. And honestly, my. So proximity, I have some amazing women here, but also proximity could be that you do have the connection and agreement to meet on Google or Google Hangout or Skype or whatever. So my tribe is, you know, one's in Costa Rica and one's in Colorado. And every other week for four years now, we have met for one hour in the morning and it's like it's been almost the closest thing you can get to belly to belly because we're able to just chat like that. Like, you know, having that connection. So it does totally work if you're not close.

Totally.

But it is really in person. We know is like one of the most powerful things you can do. I mean, you actually change the body chemistry of someone else, especially females. We release oxytocin when we're together.

Yeah.

And it's like, that is powerful. I mean, that's in itself disease fighting. So our friendships are making us healthier.

They are, definitely.

Which is amazing.

And live longer, as you mentioned in the book. And I think it's like seeing that value because it's like so many times it's like, you do it and then it's like, oh, I don't know, the time difference. This, that. And it's like, this is valuable for all of us. The same way that exercising and eating healthy are. So we need to commit to this because they're all things that are going to keep us living longer and healthier and happier. Happier.

Yes. And when you can look at it that way, because if we look at it short term, it's easy to be like, I have something that I should be doing. This is more important. I mean, I'm resistant around every single call I've done. Yeah. And then the second I'm on, I'm like, oh, my God, this is why.

I need this, like, an event. You know, every time before, I'm like, I don't want to go.

I never want to go.

Right. And then it's like, you. Every event I actually end up going to, I end up meeting someone that ends up always. But I always have. And then I think about all the events that I said no to because I'm like, I don't want to leave my house. And it's like, like, what magic did I miss? Totally. Totally. So it's just saying yes. Okay. Amazing. Well, thank you so much for all of your wisdom. And there's so much more in the book. Where can people Find it.

It is at a tribe called bliss.com. and also if you are in New York, if you are in, let's see, Minneapolis, Toronto, Boston, L.A. area. We're also coming to your city to have this talk in your city on tour. So if you guys want to order the book, it's at that website along with the tickets for that. Oh, and I want to do a giveaway.

Oh, for sure. We'll do a giveaway on my Instagram.

Okay. Yeah, awesome. So we'll do a giveaway.

We'll do a giveaway on Instagram. And I think your events are going to be an amazing place for people to find a tribe.

Yeah. Oh, it will be the place.

You know, it's like those are people who are in it and in your city. Yeah, in your city. So go there for a new hot date.

There you go. Friend date.

Well, thank you so much for sharing with us.

I'm so grateful for you. Thank you for having me on. You're amazing. Like, I love, love, love our previous connection, but now our in person connection too. So.

Absolutely.

Yeah, I love it.

And you're my neighbor.

Neighbors I know well. Creations right down there, if you guys don't know. It's like a little organic cafe. So we have no excuse but once, once a month or once every six months. Yes. Whatever that looks like for you. We'll start that conversation on this podcast.

Yes. Namaste.

Namaste.

So what did you think of that episode? I mean, it is amazing to see someone who's in the middle of their book launch doing big things, giving us this incredible behind the scenes, unfiltered ra Real look. And that's seriously what having a tribe is all about. So thank you, Lori, for sharing all of this with us. And I'm so excited to see you guys on May 15th at her book launch and for you guys to start your own tribes together. So definitely get her book, A tribe called Bliss. And if you loved this episode and you'd like a little gift for reviewing it, I would love to send you the first half of my unreleased book. It's called eat right for your mind body type. It is not available for sale anywhere, never will, because now it is Eat right for your mind body type. 12 week guided program infusing ayurveda with modern nutritional science. So as a free gift for reviewing this episode in the itunes store, you just head over to itunes on your phone, on your computer, click write a review, write a nice review, take a screenshot of it and email it over to me. Before you hit submit. My email is Sahara S A H A R aattfeelfresh.com and I will send you back the first half of my unreleased book Eat right for your mind body type. I hope you love this episode and I'll see you on the next one. Namaste.