138: Sex, Money, Magic with Alexandra Roxo

Namaste. It's Sahara Rose. And welcome back to the Highest Self podcast, a place where we discuss what makes you your soul's highest evolvement. This episode is brought to you by Uveda Uva is a modernized ayurvedic supplement company that takes certain issues that we have, such as mood, joints, immunity, digestion, and creates these custom little packets exactly for us, infusing ancient Ayurvedic herbs with modern vitamins and minerals. I take the mood formula daily. It is great if you work a stressful job, had adrenal fatigue, ever suffer from anxiety or even depression, and it really heals you from a fundamental and holistic level. So if you want to try it out, head over to Uveda. Y-O u v e d a.com use the code Sahara and you'll receive 35% off your first order. And they now ship to almost every country globally. So check it out. If you live internationally, they may be shipping to your country too. And they just added India. Guys, if you are a coffee addict and trying to get off your coffee routine, then I have the solution for you. And it is called Rasa Coffee Coffee with a K. A coffee alternative made of seven adaptogens and two medicinal mushrooms. So what these adaptogens and mushrooms do is they provide you with skin, stable and calm energy without the caffeine, and also act as a gentle buffer against stress. The formula that Rasa uses has been meticulously created to balance most of the doshas most of the time. And it is 100% organic, made with obsessively sustainable herbs, packaged in a beautiful compostable bag, which you know I am all about. You can brew it and drink it just like coffee, or use it as a nourishing base for adaptogenic elixirs. Head over to Rasa Coffee R a S a k o f ee.com and use coupon code SAHARA to receive 20% off your order. Again, head over to Rasa Coffee Coffee with a K and use coupon code Sahara to get 20% off your order. You're going to love these herbs. How are you guys feeling this Scorpio season? Feeling passionate? In love? Dark?

All of the above.

Isn't it beautiful how seasons change? Our energy shifts with it. I absolutely love it. And what better time to really celebrate Scorpio season than to talk about the most taboo subjects on the planet? I'm talking sex and money. You know, if you think about it, the two things you were told to never talk about are sex and money, and they're literally the two things that create life. I mean, sex is literally how we're born and money is how we are able to get our food, shelter, water, all of the things we need to survive. So we should be talking about it, right? But there's so much shame and guilt involved about these things that are essential for our well being. So that's what we're gonna dive into in today's episode. This is with my dear friend, Alexandra Roxo. She is a total rock star. She is a transformational mentor, healer, writer and artist who is so passionate about empowering women. Her writing on personal growth and female empowerment has been on GirlBoss, Teen Vogue, mindbodygreen, well and good and many other places. And she's a dear sister of Min. And we've actually joined forces to create an offering called the Sex Money Magic Program, which we will be sharing about at the end of this interview. So if you love the topics that we're speaking about, you want some more sacral chakra energy in your life, head over to Sex Money Magic program dot com. It is a five week program that you can do at your own time, plus an interactive webinar with us where you will be able to ask your questions and we will be there to support you. It also includes an embodiment practice to get further into your body, as well as a manual with different prompts and journals that you can do to get yourself deeper into the experience. So without further ado, let's welcome Alexandra Roxo to the Highest Self Podcast. Welcome Alexandra to the Highest Self podcast. It's so good to have you here.

I'm so glad to be here. I have to tell you, I've been listening to your podcast off and on for a really long time and I love it.

Well, I'm so glad to bring your voice and your message to the community. So the first question that I would love to ask you is, what makes you your highest self?

What makes me my highest self is staying connected to source and the sparkle inside of me. Some people call that a soul or your heart or the essence of love. Some people call that divinity, God, goddess. If I'm connected to that, that life force that animates me, then I know I'm connected to my best self. And so, you know, if that's higher or just more potent, more vibrant, if I'm connected to that, then it's like I can't go wrong.

And what I love about your work, that you show every day on your Instagram, if you guys are not following her at Alexandra Roxo is for you. Your highest self is not this like lofty, airy, fairy thing. It's extremely grounded and it's rugged and it's real and it's raw and it's untamed and it's this sort of new type of spirituality that I don't see talked about that much in this community, which is what made me like, gravitate to you. So can you share with us a little bit about just your flavor, your viewpoint, your expression?

Yeah, you know, I was talking about this this morning and last night with my friend Betsy. And for me, my practice when I was 19, I came upon yogic traditions and Eastern spiritual traditions through the work of Ram Dass and Paramahansa Yoganand, which if you haven't read Be Here now and Autobiography of a Yogi, they're two classic books that really prompt a lot of people's spiritual awakenings over the last 40, 50 years. So I was one of those people when I was 19 in New York City. I read those books and they prompted something inside of me that really woke up. And through that I came to Eastern traditions and I knew there's something really powerful there for me at a certain point. I knew that there was something else that I wasn't getting there. And what I've kind of come to the conclusion of is that the Eastern traditions are very much geared towards the heart chakra up and that the traditions of shamanism and earth based traditions and paganism are kind of heart chakra down and their feet on the earth, their blood, their guts, their dance song, but really connected down with like the heartbeat of the earth. And then you have the traditions that connect you to the third eye and to a crystalline awakening and to this idea of transcending the human form so that you can, you know, not have to incarnate again or so that you don't have to be in the wheel of Samsara of suffering in Buddhism. And so for me, I really feel like my practice has been the balance of both. So I've studied and I've done a lot of plant medicine work, which is through Latin American tradition and South American tradition. I've studied earth based spirituality, the reclaiming tradition of Star Hawk. I've studied the Viking traditions and Western European paganism because I have family roots there like Irish and British and Scandinavian. And yet I still have my daily practice. I do Buddhist practice and I do yogic and Tantric practice. So it's the a combination of the two that it actually feels important. You Know, and I was just saying, you know, that the traditions say of the Amazon, they, like, want to take care of the Earth and the animals, and they're just so pissed, in a sense, not everybody, I'm generalizing, but that the Amazon is getting torn down and that 200 species of animals are getting extinct every day. And then you have traditions in the Eastern world, and maybe they're not so focused on environmentalism or animals becoming extinct because it's like, well, we're trying to transcend our karma here, Right? So I think us, as the modern guardians of the planet and the bridges between the Earth and the heavens, we have to bring it all, because it doesn't work anymore for us to just sit in some sort of a spiritual practice where we're transcending the form and we're forgetting that, like, the Amazon's getting cut down and that animals are becoming extinct and the global warming, there's fires raging all over the place. So my practice is that it's a combination of, like, the blood and guts of the Earth and, like, the just, like the deep, like, dancing truth with your feet dirty, your nails unfull of dirt, and then also, like, oh, manipod me home.

Love that. And you embody that so beautifully. Like, I see one day and you're dressed in all red. Another day it's, like, all white. And it's like you really have your hands in both. And it kind of shows that I think people are so quickly that they have to follow one lineage, one path. Like, oh, I'm only Buddhist tradition. I'm only shamanic tradition. I'm only Ayurvedic tradition. And you don't. And I. That's why on this podcast, I try to bring people from different backgrounds, because this is not just like Vedic zone, only. Nothing else exists. There's truth in everything. Truth is universal. And you're finding the same truth, that same core essence in all of these different wisdom traditions, it's just coming through different chakra centers and different vortexes that we have all limbs in.

Yes, exactly.

Yes. So, and I think a lot of people really resonate with you because you are so sexually empowered and you're so yourself, and this was not always the case. So can you share with us a little bit about your story of embodying and being, becoming who you are today?

Yes. So I grew up in Georgia, and Georgia. Marietta, Georgia. Shout out to anyone listening who's in Georgia. I love you and I feel your heart. Georgia is a wonderful place. And it was also a really Christian and really traditional Christian, Protestant space. So I went to the Presbyterian Church, and it was like. It was so internal. Nobody was feeling any feelings. You know, it's the opposite of, like, going to a gospel church south, you know, where there's ecstasy and bliss and movement. In the Presbyterian Church, it was just like. I remember the preacher just being like an old white man standing on. Up on the front talking about alienation. And I thought, jesus, what's an alienation?

What is an alienation?

No, it's just about being alienated from God. And I was just like, God, I.

Like, he was talking about aliens.

That's kind of cool. And I was like, God, this Presbyterian stuff is so dry. Like, can we dance a little?

This is spirituality I want nothing to do with.

Exactly, exactly. And bless my mom. She was super New Age and progressive. And I went to my first spiritual teacher when I was 12, who taught me about karma and explained to me that that's why I was here on Earth school, to learn certain lessons and to move through certain karma. And he taught me that when I was 12. So my mom, you know, she wanted us to have a little bit of a normal vibe by going to church, you know, because we're kind of black sheeps in Marietta, Georgia. But through that time, I was told repeatedly I was a sinner. Just, like, banged over the head at all the church groups. You're a sinner. Masturbation is bad. You're bad. Don't wear that. Your shorts are too short. You know, you look like a whore. I was just like, Jesus, I'm 12. You know? And that was just such. So confusing for a young woman. And I'm not the only one. You know, so many women, it's just like. Well, you're told you're bad, and the moment that your sexuality starts to blossom is like, your power. You're coming in your power. And it's like, no, you don't get that power. Put it away. Like, be skinny. Don't talk too much. Look normal. Act normal. Because, like, you're really this fountain of energy and gorgeous beauty. And, like, there's so much power. If you ever see. And I don't mean this in, like, a creepy way, but, like, seeing a young woman, like a teenage girl blossoming, you see, it's like watching a, you know, a rainbow form in the sky. There's something so beautiful about knowing that a woman is entering into her power. And also, our culture has no rites of passage around it. So it's just like this weird thing. All of A sudden where you're, like, becoming this powerful, sexual woman and you're.

Like, covering your boobs and you.

Yeah.

Just like, so much shame around it.

Strap down the boobs.

Yeah.

Like, put on those tight pants and, like, you know, keep it all together. Stuff the cotton up your vagay chin.

It's like, make it stop.

Yeah. Yeah. So luckily, I think that because of all the work that we've done and the women before us have done that women growing up now probably, hopefully, are not going to have as much of that contraction and constriction around their sexuality, I hope. But we still have a long way to go. And this is just talking about Western culture, and I'm talking about a specific Western culture in the us But I know that there's so many places where women do not have any kind of rights of being themselves, essentially. But my dad was Brazilian. And so when I would go to Brazil in the summer, it was like the total opposite. I would wear, like a string bikini and my cousins would make fun of me. They'd like, be like, take off that Lands End bathing suit. Like, what is that? They'd be like, are you going to the winter to snow? I'm like, snow. This is. Baby. They're like, it's so big.

Swim team practice.

Yeah. They're like, it's so big.

What's that? Speedo?

Yeah. So I would put on a little string bikini with them, and then we would dance the samba together. And we were like 12, and the parents would take us to the nightclubs for teenagers, and we'd go make out with boys.

And I was.

It was normal. Like, the parents didn't care. And then I would go back to Georgia and I'd be like, guys, I had the best time. Brazil.

I was just running around, I mean, sexy Brazilian men.

Yeah.

Drinking Malibu at the club.

So luckily, because of that, I didn't kind of shut down my sexuality. And I think that if I hadn't had that Brazilian side, I wouldn't have had that celebration of woman. Because even though Brazil is super complicated, because with women and appearance and all of it, they do celebrate women. They also sexualize them. They also, you know, you. You really are supposed to be a certain way. Skinny, pretty, boobs this and that. But women are intensely celebrated there in a way that's very outright, you know, and that was important for me as a young woman coming up, so. So I feel like that Brazilian spice on the dad's side and then that Protestant.

That's where that root and the crown chakra energy is coming from right there. You chose these two parents to show you these two different polarities.

Yes. Which I've always resonated with Mother Mary and Mary Magdalene and this kind of archetypes of the Virgin and the horror. And those words are so silly and like, I don't like them as a woman and a feminist, but it's interesting because it's an archetype of two different energy, like a sexually expressed energy and a non expressed energy. And both are great, you know, are times where your sexual energy actually can be turned into like compassion and this beauty and through something else. Right. And accessing that with say Mother Mary is beautiful or accessing sexually expressed energy, how can that move towards, for me, passion for writing, for creating change in the world, for inspiring other women to be themselves. Like, so I've always had this sort of duality between these two shifting things, which is like you say, I like to wear red and white and black too sometimes. But because I like these two sides of myself that the saint and then like the brazen woman, so beautiful.

And you really embody it so beautifully. And I'm so excited to share with them at the end the program that we have available for everyone.

I know, I'm so excited too.

Yes. So one thing that comes up for a lot of women and comes up for me is sometimes when you're sexually expressive, you, you dress the way that you want to show your body. You get two types of feedback, which is you're just doing this for attention. And then the other one is, is that attention the male unwanted attention? So how do you continue to show up and being like, yeah, I'm sexy, I'm this, I'm that, and handle like both the haters and like the creepy men?

Well, that's a really good question. And at different phases of my life, this has manifested differently. And from my spiritual perspective, you know, we attract energetically the opposite or some sort of contrasting or complementary energy to where we are now. I don't mean that in saying like, hey, if you had a bad day, it's your fault. But I mean, we attract what we need in order to learn something. So when I was younger, I would attract a lot of unwanted male attention. And I'm not blaming myself, but part of it was I didn't know how to protect myself energetically. And I wasn't claiming a part of my feminine energy, which is essential, which is my fierce feminine. So I was claiming my sexy feminine, my kitten sweetie feminine, my saintly mother feminine. But I was not Claiming my fierce feminine. And so I was like 19, 20, walking around in New York City with my cute little outfits on and men would chase me, grab me. Someone once sucked their tongue in my ice cream.

That's horrific.

Yeah. And I mean, I woke up in Europe. Someone pinned me down in the middle of the night in different places. Like I've woken up with people on top of me when I've been spending the night at a friend's house. And you could be like, damn, girl, you got a hole in your auric field or something. How am I attracting this? But this was at my early 20s and I didn't know how to embody my sexuality with my ferocity and my power. And so I was so beautiful and open and dewy eyed, but it was like people wanted a part piece of that so much. And so then I learned and I was telling my friends the other night when I was probably like 21 or something, I was riding the Greyhound overnight through Florida. And I've done a lot of crazy. You know, I've hitchhiked around the world. I've slept in the street. Like I worked as a stripper in a truck stop strip club for vice. And I was hitchhike or I was taking the Greyhound through Florida and it was overnight. And they stop in the middle of the night and they just drop you off at this bus station for like two hours at 2am they have like a layover or something. This was because I was broke at the time and I was like a traveling mystic. Okay, you guys should have seen the look.

Traveling through Tallahassee, I was like, oh.

My God, I'm on my walkabout. I'm on my pilgrimage home, honey. But I had on like a long white dress skirt.

Panama City beach.

Panama City mystic. That's me, baby. And I remember in the middle of the night, all these men kept coming up to me and I started just looking at them and going, I hope that scare you guys.

Now we're into the college, the energy here.

And at that time I really got to know the fierce feminine.

What would they respond?

They will walk the away from me. I hope you guys are okay with a little.

Oh, no, we swear all the time.

Okay. They would walk away and I started really understanding that the fierce feminine was so important to feminine expression. And that was one of the ones that almost all religion takes out, except in like you mentioned Kali in Hinduism and in Tibetan Buddhism there's fierce Dakinis and. But in the western culture, there's no ferocity. We got mother we got wife. We got the.

Or you're a.

Or you're.

Which is not like. Yeah. I mean, now we're kind of reclaiming the word, but it's not something that people are trying to.

But I mean, specifically in spiritual tradition.

Oh, yeah. Not at all.

Yeah, there's not even a. In spirit. I'll take her. Well, I guess there's a Lilith. And in the myth of Adam and Eve, Lilith was Adam's first wife. And she was. I don't think she was a bitch. She was more of a whore, you know, she wanted it her way. And so he was like you.

Or we have like the witch.

Right, right, exactly, exactly.

Like haggard old lady that no one loves.

Yes, exactly, exactly. But like this concept of like a fierce feminine who is strong and protective as if she's protecting her babies. And she could be beautiful and vibrant and amazing, that clicked something in me. And I was like, oh, this is how I can walk through the world. Being beautiful, being radiant, being magnetic, claiming my sexual power. Whether I'm gay, bisexual, straight, doesn't fucking matter. But I can walk through the world being me, but I am claiming this ferocity. And I started doing, chanting and praying to Kali, the Hindu goddess, when I was quite young. And we had a painting of her hanging above our doorway in the East Village on our apartment in Avenue B when I was 19, which is 15 years ago. And that was when I really first started getting to know her.

So can you share with us what that chant is? A mantra if someone feels like they need more Kali energy. And first, who Kali is, in case people don't know.

So Kali is a Hindu goddess of death and rebirth, the creator and the destroyer. And she is a part of and you know, Hindu mythology probably better than me, but she's one face, right? One face of the goddess. And you have Lalita, you have Parvati, and they're all of different sides of Kali. So one is more the erotic. Lalita is more of the erotic and beautiful and young. And Kali is more of who comes in and destroys any illusions and moves the energy. And Parvati is the wife of Shiva. And I love. Actually, when you told Parvati's story on the podcast, you guys got to listen to that one. It was a good one. But for me, calling on Kali's energy. And I had different teachers and shamanic teachers that I worked with that I asked for, you know, kind of assistance with this, because if you enter into a deep ritual or a sadhana or a 40 day ritual in any way with any deity, you're really getting into a relationship. And the first time I did a 40 day Kali chant, a lot of painful things happen in my life. My father showed up here in la, and I had just moved here. And the first thing that we had lunch, and he looked at me and he said, aren't you ashamed that you have nothing to show for yourself? And. And, you know, I had directed a movie. I had raised a million dollars for another movie. I'd been on a television show. I had, you know, I had.

But you weren't married with kids. Yeah. You must have nothing to show for yourself.

But that was Kalima coming through. To really ask me that was like a fire that I needed to sit in because I had some kind of residue around that in myself. Yeah. And then I had a series of things happen in that 40 day ritual Sadhana practice I was doing in that chanting I was doing with Kali that it was like everything crumbled out of my life that was no longer serving me. And I don't know if everybody can handle sometimes that much fire at once. So what I would say is, if you do ritual with Kali, ask for the compassionate side of her and ask for compassion and grace. I did not ask for compassion and grace that first time. The second time that I did a 40 day was at the beginning of this year, and I asked for compassion and grace again. One of the hardest 40 days that I've had.

What is the mantra?

It's Om cream kalikaye namaha.

Okay.

Yeah. And there are other mantras you can use, too. That mantra you can find. There are some Spotify songs that have it. There's some.

Yeah. I love going, like, looking up whatever goddess on Spotify and listening to, like, all her songs.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I did that with Parvati, too. I was like, all right, we need to take the Parvati side. And now I'm working with Lalita, and I'm studying with this teacher, Sally Kempton, who wrote the book Awakening Shock. So that's been a journey, but really claiming that and not being ashamed to have that fierce feminine and to be less stigmatized about, like, look, if something is. Is stale in your life, like, let it crumble away, you know, and don't be attached to it, because the energy of Kali comes and it moves it quickly if you're really in that relationship. I also did another ritual that was like the Sri Yantra with Amma and Kali. And Amma is the hugging saint for those of you who don't know who's amazing and who Embodies Kali energy. And that one was specifically clearing karma around love. And it was this whole thing with these candles and da, da, da, da. And so, again, usually when those things start, like, comes up really fast, and you're like, oh, my God, I didn't want this to happen. You're like, no, you did. You actually asked for it, you know, so, yeah.

So for people who maybe when they show that more sexual or fierce side of them, they get feedback from their family, from their friends, like, oh, like, what are you trying to prove? Or you've changed. Or like, this isn't like you. How can someone respond to that?

The thing is, if you know who you are and if you believe in you, then the greatest test of that will be that everyone else around you doesn't. And if you can keep believing in you even though everyone else around you doesn't, then you nailed it. Killed it.

That is so true. I've never heard someone say it like that. And it's so true.

Yeah. I think about it, I'm like, oh, why did I incarnate to my father? And I'm like, he's teaching me that you're worthy of love. His lesson. He said, yo, Alexandra, this life, I'm going to teach you that you are loved. You're going to learn that you're just pure love. You'll never have to question this again. And I said, cool. And so guess what? When I landed on planet Earth, he treated me difficultly, we'll say, so that I could really be like, am I love? Am I love? And have to learn that lesson. And to me, that is the soul's journey. That is the deep work. On this planet. It's like, we each come. We have our karma. We have our lessons that we need to get through. We can either look at it as, I'm a victim. Wow. People hate me, or this person in my family treat me like shit. Or we say, great. What a fabulous opportunity to claim who I am so deeply. And, I mean, that's the way I look at every shadow work, every demon, myself, every unconscious pattern, every painful thing. As an opportunity.

It absolutely is. There's always that lesson through it. And we, unfortunately, on this human plane, oftentimes, at the beginning, have to learn lessons the hard way. And then once we've learned lessons the hard way, we're like, wait. We don't have to continue learning them the hard way now. We can learn them through ease and grace and surrender. But at the beginning, we have our walls up, and we need the universe to Knock them down so we can decide how we want to build them up again.

Exactly. And we're just remembering who we are. We're remembering that, like, foundation of love and peace, the ground of our being, which we forget when we drop through the tunnel all the way down to Planet Ear. We.

We totally forgot. And we're here to remember and to recalibrate and to take those parts of ourselves and be like, oh, I'm reclaiming love. I'm reclaiming sexuality. I'm reclaiming spiritual presence. Like, that has always been mine. And I've just been made to believe that it is not.

Exactly. Exactly.

So I'd love to ask you, because I get asked this all the time. How do you deal with a breakup? And also, how do you find forgiveness for that person sense.

Oh, this is so good and so funny, because my friend asked me this the other night. She said, how are you not angry at that person?

Yeah.

So how I deal with the breakup is I do embodiment practice. And in our Sex Money magic program, I'm including a 30 minute embodiment practice.

Which is so good, by the way.

Thank you. Which people have gone crazy for. Like, they're like, people who've done my full class with that have been like, whoa, that was crazy. Orgasmic. Life changing. Because the thing is, to fully feel your feelings in your body is something we're not taught to do. So if I'm going through a really painful situation, like a breakup, I set a ton of time aside to be alone. And I cry a lot. And I lay on the floor and I do the practice and I moan and I groan and I write in my journal. And what I do is I move it up and out. I don't hold it in. I don't go victim. I process. I grieve. And I really give myself the time to grieve. Really, really do. I don't do this well. I don't like him anyway. Well, this wasn't good anyway. Well, forget it. I'm just gonna. I'm gonna make myself the best revenge. I'm just gonna go be the best me. I'm gonna walk down the street looking so hot, I'll forget about it. I'm gonna start dating someone else right now. So I forget about it. Right. All the shit you do instead, like, nope. I'm gonna lay on the floor, I'm gonna cry. I'm gonna write in my journal. I'm gonna sit in the bath and I'm gonna process the shit out of this, and I'm gonna Do my work. This is my cleanup, my homework.

But how much time do you give yourself for that? Do you give yourself a time?

Because I don't give myself a time limit. And I would say, of course, ask for support from your community. But I do it as long as I need to, But I don't fall into the victim of the story, right? So I. It's like, okay, if you. You could do it Italian opera style, where you're like, oh, my God, woe is me. And you're literally like. You're literally just walking around your house. I was like, oh, oh, my God, my life is terrible. Okay, that's not what I'm talking about. Processing your feelings. I'm talking about being like, yo, girl. Like, it's time to be quiet and cry, and it's time to write in your journal, and it's time to lay on the floor and do some practice, do some yoga, do some meditation, and sit with these feelings instead of eat them, instead of drink them, instead of pretend they don't exist. But am I saying go into victim mode with them and identify with the feelings? No, no. And that's tricky. What I mean by that is if you start identifying with the story of being broken up with and the sadness, and then you become that person that's just like, I'm so sad because he broke up with me and da, da, da, da, da, Then you're in victim mode. You're in the story. But if you're like, hey, this happened to me. It totally sucked, and I'm hurting and I'm moving through the hurt, that's a whole different story. Right? It's a whole different. So I don't indulge over dinner with friends about, oh, he was such a dick. I can't believe. Nope. I mean, I definitely tell all the stories and I laugh, but I look for the opportunity for the lessons. And I know that each person I come in contact with is bringing forth an unconscious pattern in me that needs to come to light. And so I look for what the lesson was. What was the lesson in this? And sometimes it takes a while for the lesson to fully drop in. It could take three months, it could take six months. But that's why you do daily practice, because otherwise, guess what's going to happen? That same pattern is just going to keep cycling again and again and again. You attract the same person, attract them again. Maybe they're a different gender. Maybe they're different complete everything. It doesn't matter. You will still attract the same pattern. So I first really commit to daily practice and feeling my feelings, really feeling them, and not going into victim mode.

So good. And I think for a lot of us, I mean, I did a poll with my Instagram audience. We're on Instagram Live right now. And I said, how many of you guys have been cheated on? And it was like 90% of people. So this is something that we've all dealt with. And you hold a lot of anger towards that person. And it can be hard to find the lesson when you're just so mad that this person broke your trust. But sometimes that situation needed to happen because it was the only way you would have let go.

That needed to be like.

Like this slap in the face. Because clearly there had been signs before that you probably were just not noticing. And the universe is like, okay, you're not letting this go. I'm going to put this massive catastrophe in your face that if you keep holding on, then you're going to really start to feel bad about yourself, you know, because then you see the people that keep going back with a cheater, and the same thing happens. The same thing happens. And it's like, when are you going to choose yourself? When are you going to choose worthiness?

Yeah. And it's. It's you guys. It's hard because the problem is some of this, this is so subconscious. And if you look at the mind, we only have access to 5% of the mind. The rest is subconscious and unconscious. So on the conscious mind, you might be thinking and knowing, oh, God, why do I keep dating unavailable men? Why? I know I don't need to.

That's just the wave on top.

Underneath, there's this little root in you. There's little sneaky thing that's coming through, and that starts to show up everywhere in your relationship. How do you get to know that sneaky thing? You meditate every day, you do your practice, you do plant medicine ceremony. If that floats to your boat, whatever floats your boat. But you get to know that otherwise that subconscious patterning will run your whole life. It's like someone else is driving the ship, the boat, the car, whatever you want to be in. And you don't know. And you're like, well, I kind of know that I don't like that, but I don't know why I can't change it. And that's why when we go into deep meditative states, we can come in contact with those subconscious patterns. And when we go into plant medicine ceremony like ayahuasca or psilocybin mushrooms, you can be in Contact and you can see. And sometimes it's like a light bulb goes off and you're like, holy shit. I did not even know why I'm manifesting the same kind of person now. I see it because this part of my childhood is unresolved within me, way deep below the surface, and she keeps coming forth. And, you know, I've been doing spiritual practice and meditating since I was 19, and I'm still dealing with this. Hello. So, I mean, maybe I had a lot of karma to deal with this life. Or maybe this is how it is for everyone.

Well, you're just aware of it, right? Yeah, it's like, you're not sick until you go to the doctor. It's like, no, you were sick. We just aren't aware. We are pretending it's okay. I think we all have. We're all like onions with, like, layers and layers and layers. And, like, you get to the bottom, it's like another fucking onion. There's more to peel out. And you just have to choose, like, okay, where do I want to just, like, play at a certain point, which you can keep doing while keep healing. It's not like there's a end. Okay, now I'm done healing, so now I can play. It's like you play and you dance and you practice throughout all of these processes.

Yeah, we're on planet Earth. The constant is that everything is changing. And that shit gets real weird. And sometimes it's joy, sometimes. Sometimes it's pain. And the waves will always keep going. And you know that with any type of spiritual teacher, it's like the waves in the ocean. So it's like, that is consistent, right? The consistent is that the outside is always going to be changing. So how do we create a sense of peace and wellness and power and excitement and beauty, whatever it needs to be in a moment. We cultivate the inner so that regardless of what's happening on the outside, we have some sort of an inner compass. And depending on what your practice looks like or how you practice, it doesn't matter. There are many paths to that. But I don't think we ever graduate to a point where we don't have suffering come through, you know, it just does. And it's just the difference is how we deal with it. You know, it's like if you're a little kid and, like, someone takes your toy, you're like, oh, this is the worst thing that's ever happened to me. And of course, if as you get older and you mature, then that's different, right? If someone were to do that, you maybe your whole world wouldn't be shattered. So it's the same thing as we grow and we progress spiritually, then if something happens, we have more access to just not letting it shake our whole world down.

So beautifully said. I think that's something everyone can relate to. And just the things that maybe were bothering you before, now you're able to look at them from a new perspective. And even the healing process, like you may finally realize a lesson from an ex partner from like 10 years ago. Like, you may have that realization only now, because only now is when you are ready to hear it. So it's not like you end the relationship, you learn all the lessons, and then you move on. It's like this never ending process. And every person had that seed of something that you needed to get to that next level.

Exactly.

So I'd love to talk about your relationship with money because it's something that's really inspiring for people. You bring this kind of, I wouldn't say tantric, but what you call like sacral chakra energy and really looking at money as a means of, of pleasure and creativity. So can you talk a little bit about your relationship with money?

Well, I grew up with like my mom was working double jobs, always single mom, divorced parents, and there was always this kind of lack in the air. And I started working when I was 12 in the church nursery to make money. And I worked all through high school. And I've just spent a lot of time in this life working. And I still work a lot. I work really hard. And I think it's just, it is part of my path, this life. But there was a time where I shifted from a scarcity mindset.

Do you know your human design?

Yeah.

Generator?

No. Manifestor.

Oh, okay.

Yeah. So I want to be in the idea space versus like.

I'm a projector. Well, the manifester is projecting the I. It's coming up with the idea and doing it.

Yeah. Yeah. So a few years ago I really had to tackle this money thing and I was in debt from college and I was just like, I didn't know what I was gonna do. And I had had some feast or famine years, you know, where I like accidentally was in a Bud light commercial, made 80k off of that. It's just like I was in the background and I was, you know, I was working on the commercial and whatever. And then it was like, like. But I didn't use that money to pay off my student loans. Like my relationship with money was still really Tricky. And it was partially because I was mad at my dad and because he had had money and then my mom and I didn't. And so I was still kind of having this internal you about money because of my parents. At a certain point, I was. I remember I was sitting with my friend and she said, it's time for you to deal with these student loans and to make peace with my money. And I was just like, but I don't want to. I want to travel the world and I want to use my money for that. I don't want to pay off my student loans. How come my parents didn't pay for college and everyone else's parents pay for college? And I was just so pissed still. And I was like, I don't want to, you know, And I finally got the over that and. But it was like the moment that I decided to believe that it was possible to receive what I needed, it did. And I got awarded a directing, commercial directing job. So for those of you guys listening, I come from a film background, an artistic background as a filmmaker and an artist. And so I got awarded this commercial directing job, getting paid $8,000 a day. And I quickly made the $45,000 that I needed to pay off my student.

Loans in like five days.

In like five days. I mean, it was over a few months. And I was like, holy shit, that's amazing. And then I was like, this feels so good. And from that, it gave me the. This boost. And literally that was faith, you guys. I received that directing job. I was cooking for this guy because I used to be a personal chef, which is one of my many jobs.

I did not know that about you.

I've done everything. I've done babysitting, I did personal chef. I worked at that strip club, you know, I produced a million dollar movie. I acted in a TV show. Like, I really done a lot of things. Gemini Rising. So I was broke and I was like, I'm gonna. I'm gonna vegan chef for this guy, this yogi in Santa Monica.

He like, lives next door to me.

Who I ran into at a retreat this summer.

Oh, my God.

And he was like, my cook. And I was like, nope, that was two years ago, honey. Three years ago. Anyway, well, I was working for him, and at a certain point I was like, I gotta finish this. Like, I can't do this anymore. But I just, like, didn't know what my next move was. And I was transitioning from being a filmmaker to being a teacher and a coach and doing what I do now. Writing writer. And I said to some friends, I said, I just. I'm gonna quit the job with him. I don't know where the money is coming. I'm moving into a beachfront apartment, and it's. It's a studio. It's very tiny. But my rent is about to increase. I'm crazy. How am I gonna pay my rent? Like, what's gonna happen? And the minute that I said out loud, well, forget it. I'm just gonna quit the cooking job. I looked at my phone, and that's when I was awarded the commercial directing job, literally a minute later. So I do find that you have to make space for the thing. And that was part of my healing. And then my healing process began around money. So. And then it's been a beautiful journey since then, but it was like I had to work through those really hard moments where I was just like, fuck it. I'm about to take a huge risk by quitting this job that doesn't feel good anymore. But I needed to quit that job in order to have a space for something else to come. And through that, then I started healing around money. And that's a lot of what we talk about in our, you know, part of our class is how you do that deep work around money. Because it's so much. Just so much work and so much investigation inside of myself. It still happens. I still have to do work around money, and I'm still living in the world we live in now. It's. It's not like it just goes away all of a sudden, you know, because there are people that are so poor. And I'm a very compassionate person, and I have these conflicted feelings around money and time. That moment was a moment that the scarcity mentality shifted, and I got to exist outside the scarcity of mentality for those two years or year and a half of doing that commercial directing. And that was enough time for me to reprogram.

I love that so much. And really what you did was you didn't just say, oh, I'm gonna quit my job. Like, universe, throw me one. Like, you were all in. You were like, I'm gonna quit my job. I'm gonna just see what happens. And the universe heard, you heard how serious you were. And I think a lot of people are like, I'm gonna quit, but they' not actually quitting. And they're just, like, kind of waiting for this thing to show up. But when you're just, like, all in, like, I'm just fully committed to my Dharma, and I'M going to make this happen. The universe is like, okay, you've stepped up.

I know.

And things start to line up.

I know. And I don't recommend that for everyone. And I would say, like, to have some savings. I've done things in my life.

You're a single woman. I think if you have kids, it's.

A little bit different. And I've also chosen the path of fire many times. Versus is like a more gentle path. And I would say you can choose a more gentle path where you set aside a certain amount of money you need in order to then make that leap, you know, so that you don't have to live with a fight or flight and a bunch of fear in your body and like, all that. I've put myself through a lot of that shit. And I would say, like, now when I'm working with a client, I'm like, okay, before you quit your day job, let's spend some time so that you create a sense of safety for yourself, yourself with whatever that is, your practice, your community, your home, your family. So that when you make this transition, you don't hit rock bottom.

And it depends, like, a kapha person really needs that, right? They need that thing. Like, you have a lot of fire and pitta in you as well as the vata. But that pitts in you is just like, I'm all in, like, poly style. And then the vata person probably is like working on a bunch of things. So it's just like really committing to that one thing and not like half ass it.

Right, Exactly. Yeah.

So, well, I love that. And we dive into the practices to heal money in the Sex Money Magic masterclass. So before we get into it, what do the words sex, money and magic mean to you?

Ooh. Well, sex means a lot of things. The way that I like to look at sex is entering into a divine communion with something. So when you could be eating food and having it like you're becoming one with it, or the air is breathing down your nose, and so the air is penetrating you, the food is penetrating you, you are melding energies with that. The way I look at sex is when two completely separate entities, or maybe three or four, depending on what you like, but when they merge energetically and the consciousnesses merge. So I love, you know, in the sort of kind of tantric, some of the Kashmiri shaivas traditions. I was just doing this class and it's like we're breathing. The breath is. She didn't say fucking us. But it's like calming down into you, you know, and some of the other practices that I've done. It's like, as you breathe, you're being penetrated from the bottom up by, like, a divine energy. So you can look at sex as even happening with yourself in a meditation where you're uniting with divine energy, with life force, or with. With an amazing chocolate cake. You're just like. And you guys are becoming one because that chocolate cake is about to become you after you dig.

I remember you sharing, like, your dad, every time he would eat some food.

Yeah.

Do his impression.

Yeah. My dad, when he eats chocolate, he's like, that is orgasmic. And he's Brazilian. He's very dramatic. I love him very much. He's been my guru this life. He's a Taurus. Oh, yes. Yeah. Taurus kava. Yeah. Both of my parents actually are Taurus kafa. They have this daughter that's a total hippie, free spirit, free week yogi. They're like, what the.

But I love that because we rush through food so much and we're just, like, inhaling it, and it's like, it didn't even happen. And that's our same energy with sex. It's like, okay, am I gonna get the orgasm? Got the orgasm. Okay, what are we gonna order? You know, and it's just like another thing off your check, off your to do list. Like, oh, I gotta keep my husband happy. So we have to have our weekly sex. Like, okay, glad I got that out of the way. Like, that is actually how the majority of people are operating.

Yes.

And it's. So that's. I wouldn't even call that sex. I would call that just like. Like, mandatory penetration. That you've. You've set this precedent for yourself that this is what love and sex looks like. But no way is sexual or sensual.

Yeah, that does not sound fun to me. I like to, like, linger and take it slow. And if I. I actually had a. Someone I was dating recently who I was like, for the first time, I was like, hey, so for me, the sexual experience is not penis and vagina penetration, and that's it. And once that is done, that part of this experience, if you just assume we're done, then you assume wrong. Yeah, it didn't work with me and that person, bless their heart. But I was like, that is not what you do with the goddess in the bed. It's not just like, wham, bam, thank you, ma'. Am.

Well, that's the masculine. It's like, okay, I'm going to fall asleep now.

You know, like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah.

It's like looking at, at that meal, at that whole experience and the before, the during, the after, the. The in between. And that's all part of this whole sexual experience that we are living through, not just this 15 minute thing that happens in the bedroom on a Friday night after Netflix, you know? Yeah.

Oh, God, no, thank you.

So sex and then money and magic. What do those words mean to you? Just first thing.

Okay, so money is an energetic exchange. It's time value for time, value for services, value for energy. Yeah. And magic is my favorite definition of magic is changing consciousness at will. So the ability to change the consciousness of something at will. So the ability to change, let's say, the energy of lack into abundance, that's magic, you know, that's changing the consciousness of lack, which feels like a lack into abundance, which feels like yummy, rich, open, overflowing. So I love that.

I love that. And magic exists all around us, you know?

Yeah. Because, oh my God, I was staring at the fire, the campfire the other night.

I was like, magic.

Jesus, this is so much magic. Look at this fire. It's just happening, you know, like, of course there's. And there's fires happening all around California right now. And it's like, that is a weird magical thing. And it's like, because we cannot control it, you know, it is. If you watch a caterpillar becoming a butterfly, can you tell me that's not the most magical thing you've ever seen? But people just take the shit for granted. I'm like, you want to see a bunny pop out of a hat? You think that's magic? Watch the sunset, honey. Then tell me what you think.

Watch a baby be born. Watch some two people that hate each other love each other again. Watch forgiveness. Like this magic.

That's magic.

We're living in magic, changing. And we think that it's separate from us when it really actually is who we are.

It is. Exactly.

So can you tell us a little bit about the sex, money magic program that we have coming up?

Okay, well, when Saharos asked me to do this project with her, I was like, yes, honey. And I was like, what? What do I really have to say about sex, money and magic? I mean, these are things I think about a lot. And I thought, you know, this is a place where we all want to have abundance and excitement and radiance. And these are all things that have been taken from us in a way by the dominant paradigm. And it's just like made money into this part of this capitalist structure. Sex as a part of a religious kind of space and magic as something that's, like, associated with, like, witches and, you know, magicians and. And it's like, no, let's get to what this really, really is about. And, you know, I've been in the practice of redefining my relationship to those things for years and years and years. And it was just so fun for us to come together and be like, how can we share that with you guys? How can we share so that you don't feel guilt and shame around sex anymore? So that you don't. Aren't as scared of money or afraid of money when you pull out your bills, you're not like, oh, and you feel like a stab of pain in your belly or when you open. I used to open my bank account on my phone, and I would get a rapid heartbeat. And, you know, I learned how to actually flip these moments into magical moments. The same with talking about sex. When I was, you know, working through my stuff, I would feel ashamed. I wouldn't want to tell other people my desires, my fantasies. I thought there were things wrong with me. So when you asked me to do this course together, I was like, I have a lot to say on this because I've healed, healed through. And I've turned pain and trauma and discomfort and confusion into. Into like, an amazing, beautiful, abundant feeling around money and sex.

So beautiful. And it's so funny because when we started to talk about, like, okay, what would you want to teach? And we weren't. We didn't have the name, and it just kind of came through as these, you know, just the words sex and money are two such highly politicized, polarized, in your face words. Like, when you see those wor. Like, immediate thought. Like, honestly, for people listening right now, when you hear the words sex and money, what comes to mind? And I think for a lot of us, it's just like the shadow side of both of those things. And what we really need to do is reclaim them as part of us as energetic transfer they both are. That inherently have to do with how we value ourselves. And then when we came together and we started to really dive into what these topics mean, especially. Especially from a spiritual level, we're like, this is all sacral chakra work, which is the chakra, the energy center in the body that is so out of balance. And it's what we call CAP in the program. Creativity, abundance, and pleasure. So when you dive into the sacral chakra work, which is also where hormonal balances are in the body.

Gastrointestinal.

Gastrointestinal bloating. Just you see a lot of people, they always have their legs, like their knees put together and cross. Like that's actually, actually somatically sexual shame. And most of us have been shamed about our sexuality throughout our lives. Yeah. And that transitions into how we interact not just with sex, but with money, with creativity, with pleasure, with joy.

Yeah.

Which is why we are here.

Yeah, exactly.

So just taking that all in and looking at it from a new level. And it's not all fun and games. Like, there's a lot of healing in this program.

Yeah. There's a lot of deep work and we're happy to share it with you and like really give you the tools to, to go through each week. And each week you get certain practices and you exercises that you do the whole week. And so it's really. If you want to change this, this is. If you want to change your relationship to sex, if you want to change your relationship to money, like, you come in and you're going to do the work and we're going to guide you through it. But it's not like, just like a little quick fix. This is stuff that you guys have to do. But it's also really fun. I was actually reading through the manuals that we created and I'm like, oh, this is really, really fun. I want to do this actually again.

No, I'm actually gonna. While people are doing the program because we're going to be running this program mid November to mid December and we're doing a live webinar as well. So you have the full five week program. A bonus, which is Alexandra's embodiment practice, which she was telling us about before, as well as a live Q A webinar with us on December 9th. If you're listening to this podcast later, you can then participate this as a replay. But we do recommend you guys tune in live because we'd love to answer your questions on the webinar. But each week you're going to be diving deep. You're going to be unlayering, stripping another cloth article that you're holding onto. And that could look like just eating disorders. Like we talk about that. That could look like forgiveness. That could look like, okay, what does my relationship with money with all of these things actually look like? And then now what do I consciously choose for myself?

Yeah, I'm so excited for people to do it and to hear how it is for you because we all need this shift on the planet. Like, it's no more of like, I'm just tired of the lack of scarcity mindset, this sort of shame mindset around sex, the hush hush mindset around all of it. Like, ooh, don't talk about money. Ooh, don't tell people what how much money you have, don't tell people how much debt you have, don't tell people how many people you've had sex with. All that, we are going to flip that upside down because all that is stealing your power. So the more things you're holding, the more things you're ashamed of, the more your power is leaking out. When you become unashamed of how much money you have, how much debt you have, how many people you slept with, then you become taller in the world. You become more radiant because half of you isn't trying to push down the things you don't want people to know. So you're just like, I'm free, baby. Like, this is who I am. And I love my myself, even with some debt. Or I call that an investment. I call the debt an investment I made in myself, in my well being, in my schooling. I call my sexual adventures exploratory phases and moments in my life. And I'm going to reframe this stuff so that I stop being ashamed of my relationship with money and sex. And anyway, that's just a taste, but there's definitely a lot in there. And I know that you're going to feel more powerful after, afterwards.

Exactly. And that's really why we did this. And this is not just for women. Men are welcome to join as well.

Absolutely.

I'll have a Divine feminine. It's for all sexual preferences, all genders. We do dive into the femininity aspect. But again, we all have that. So everyone is welcome. We would love to have you and you can find out more about it on sex, money, magic program.com so Alexandra, thank you so much for being here and where can people connect with with you?

Please connect with me on Instagram. I write daily poetic spiritual writing on there to help you on your path towards empowerment, embodiment and connection with spirit. And my Instagram handle is at Alexandra Roxo. R O xo.

Thank you so much for being here and if you guys loved this episode, please let me know in the Mind Body Balancers Facebook group. Leave a review on itunes. Share the word with someone that you know that may be struggling with their sexuality, with their relationship with money, money, with embodiment, eating disorders, any of that. We all need to come Together and spread messages like this. And Alexandra is doing this work so we can all come out into our own highest selves, Whatever that looks like. There is space for you at the table. So thank you, Alexandra, for being here, and we look forward to having you guys on the sex money magic program.

Yes. Come play with us. Yeah.

How are you feeling? Inspired? Activated? Empowered? Confused? Open? All of the above. Well, that is what comes up when we talk about these taboo subjects of sex and money, and they need to come to surface. It is time for us to drop shame around wanting to have sex or to have money and know that that is part of this human experience. We are here in this physical dimension, in this plane of duality because we are meant to to experience the primal pleasures that come with being in this vessel. So let go of all judgment, let go of all limiting beliefs, and allow yourself to be fully present in this moment as who you are. So if you want to dive deeper with Alexandra and I, we would love to have you in the sex money magic program. So head over to sex money magicprogram.com you can sign up. There it is. It has five weeks of video content, an embodiment practice that will allow you to guide yourself deeper into your body as well as a manual. And after the five weeks, we will be doing an interactive webinar where we will be answering your questions live this January. So we are so excited to have you. This is something that is near and dear to both of our hearts. We really believe that this work will be able to impact so many people's lives. And it's something that both of us wish that we had earlier in our journey. And I really hope that it's. It inspires you. So head over tosex money magicprogram.com and I look forward to seeing you there. And if you loved this episode and you'd like a little gift for reviewing it, I would love to send you the first half of my unreleased book. It's called eat right for your mind body type. It is not available for sale anywhere, never will, because now it is eat right for your mind body type 12 week guided program infusing ayurveda with modern nutritional science. So. So as a free gift for reviewing this episode in the itunes store, you just head over to itunes on your phone, on your computer, click write a review, write a nice review, take a screenshot of it and email it over to me before you hit submit. My email is Sahara S A H A R aattfeelfresh.com and I will send you back the first half of my unreleased book, Eat right for your mind body type. I hope you love this episode and I'll see you on the next one. Namaste.