148: Public Speaking To Be Remembered with Alexi Panos

Namaste. It's Sahara Rose. And welcome back to the Highest Self podcast, a place where we discuss what makes you your soul's highest evolvement. This episode is brought to you by uva. UVA is a modernized ayurvedic supplement company that takes certain issues that we have, such as mood joints, immunity, digestion, and creates these custom little packets exactly for us, infusing ancient ayurvedic herbs with modern vitamins and minerals. I take the mood formula daily. It is great if you work a stressful job, had adrenal fatigue, ever suffer from anxiety or even depression, and it really heals you from a fundamental and holistic level. So if you want to try it out, head over to Uveda. Y-O u v e d a dot com, use the code Sahara and you'll receive 35% off your first order. And they now ship to almost every country globally. So check it out. If you live internationally, they may be shipping to your country too. And they just added India. Guys, I am so excited to be bringing to you a woman that deeply inspires me to the Highest Self podcast. If you have not heard of Alexi Panos before, she is literally one of the most amazing speakers of her time. She's someone who is truly passionate about what she does. Not only is she a speaker, but she's an author. She leads incredible workshops all around the world with her beautiful husband, Preston Smiles. They are literally relationship goals. And she's also a mother of a newborn baby, Kingston, who is so, so, so adorable and was in the other room as we were recording this podcast. And she's just really an expander for me because she's someone who's going after her life full power and not really, you know, saying, oh, well, I'm just a mother, so I can't do this, or I'm just a speaker, so I have to stay in this lane. Like, she does not stay in her own lane at all. And that really inspires me about her. She doesn't put blocks and labels and, you know, these boundaries around herself, and she just says, this is what I feel like doing, so I'm going to go do it. And I think that we need more people like this now. One area that she just really excels at that I wanted to dive deep into was her public speaking abilities. I know public speaking is something that many of you guys listening on, on to this podcast want to do more of in the future, and maybe public speaking is your biggest fear. I remember I was really afraid of public speaking, and I Started to do, you know, small workshops with like 10 people and then from there 20 people, 30 people, 40 people, 80 people. And now I speak to stages of 600 people. And I'm actually realizing that I like the bigger stages more because I fuel off their energy. And this was someone who did not want to be in the spotlight at all before. And it's really important for us to hear advice, advice from speakers because we're able to see what are the things that they're working on, what are the things that they're doing, and then also what comes naturally. Because sometimes you think that all speeches are like contrived and pre written and pre deliberated in every way and that's actually not the truth. And what Alexi and I both share in common is neither of us write our speeches in advance. So both her and I, we kind of think about in our heads what do we want to say. Maybe we have like an outline of like what that's going to look like. Sometimes I don't even have the outline of what that's going to look like, but I have a feeling that I want to convey. And you just get on the stage and you let spirit speak through you. And that is the essence of channeling. The essence of channeling is to get out of the way, get your mind out of the, you know, the driver's seat and allow what needs to come through to come through and just to allow yourself to be a vessel of the sacred wisdom. So I do believe that public speaking is something that we are all capable of doing. Without a doubt. There are some people who are naturally better at public speaking than others, just like there are some people who are naturally better at singing or dance or whatever it is. But that does not mean that you cannot grow and learn it. I don't think anyone was born just like perfectly speaking on a stage. It's something that comes with loads and loads of practice. So we dive into this in the episode and we also talk about what does it look like to be a new mom on social media and how, you know, it's almost like if you have a baby, you need to show everything about your pregnancy and the birth and what's the baby doing every day. And like it's almost like your whole social media and your whole brand has to shift around being a mother. And she was saying how she actively made that choice to not do that because being a mother is one of the most important things in her life, of course, but she is still a speaker and she still wants to speak about the same subjects that she wanted to speak about. She's coming from a greater depth from being a mother, but she's not a mom blogger now. And I thought that that was really powerful because obviously I'm not a mom, but I've always felt like, oh, wow, like, once you become a mom, is like, pictures of your kid the only thing you're going to post about? Like, do you let go of everything else? And it was really clarifying for me to see someone who made that decision to really keep her mom life and sacred and not to share everything that the kid is doing and just to focus her work on her work. And I think that in this era of social media, you almost feel like you have to put everything out on the table and tell everyone everything about yourself. And she was saying how she doesn't want to do that. She's a private person and she doesn't want people to know everything about her personal life. And that's okay. And that doesn't mean she's not going to grow. She has a massive following and speaks all around the world, and people love her. And we don't know everything about her personal life. And we got a glimpse of it on this episode, and I really honor that about her. And she's also a Virgo, I'm a Capricorn, so we both got that earthy energy. You'll definitely be able to feel it on this episode. So without further ado, let's welcome Alexi Panos to the Highest Self podcast. Namaste. And welcome Alexi to the Highest Self podcast. It's so great to have you here.

Yeah, thanks for having me.

So the first question that I would love to ask you is, what makes you your highest self?

That's such a good question. I've actually never been asked that before. So I love that you're asking me. What makes me my highest self is my choices. And I think it's the moment to moment choices that I make that continue to have me vibrationally shift into alignment or shift completely out of alignment. So choices are the game changer.

I love that. And I heard this quote that's like, you are a result of the choices that you've made.

Absolutely. I love that.

Yeah. And it's so true, because every moment it's like the red pill or the blue pill, like the orange juice or the milk. And like, that makes like, there's all those movies of like, where they end up like 20 years from now because.

Of fighting little choice.

But we're constantly making choices and our Choices really define who we are.

Absolutely.

So you are an incredible speaker and a leader and an author and you and your husband. I feel like everyone knows you guys as the couple relationship goals. So can you tell us a little bit about your journey and how you got to where you are today?

Yeah, well, super long, like 12 volume novel short. I had a really interesting journey that started pretty young. So I got into personal development at like 8, 9 years old. My mom was into Tony Robbins and Wayne Dyer and Marianne Williamson, and she was a model and talent agent, but also was kind of like a psychologist on the side to all of her clients. And so she was always really into this stuff. And we do these long road trips and I would listen to her books on tape and be like, oh, this stuff is kind of cool. So fast Forward to about 15 years old. I'm this kind of like nerdy, weird, interesting kid that really wanted to fit in. And so how I fit in was being the person who would say yes to a dare to any dare. Right? So my sister's friend dared me to enter the singing contest and I enter it. Long story short, I got and I ended up getting signed with Rodney Jerkins, who was a massive producer. Destiny's Child, Whitney Houston, Michael Jackson. And at that point I was like, okay, my life is shifting. I left my small town of Erie, Pennsylvania. I moved to Atlantic City, New Jersey, where I didn't know anybody, and became a musician kind of overnight, even though I didn't want to be. But I was like, this is fun. I could be famous. Perfect. And then that led me to getting signed with Murder, Inc. Ja Rule. Murder. It's murder, girl.

That's amazing.

I was a little gangster.

I still am a huge Ja Rule fan. I just saw him in concert like last year with Shanti.

Oh my gosh, that's awesome.

Day of my life.

That's best day ever. Hashtag. And honestly, like, it was, it was awesome. I was this 17, 18, 19 year old traveling the world with Ja Rule and Ashanti and LL Cool J and like all these amazing people. I'm like, this is awesome. Had this early taste of success, realized it wasn't quite what I was looking for. How to like come to Jesus moment in Africa where I recognized I was kind of taking and like just wanting to be successful and famous and all of this stuff, but my heart was just really disconnected and I felt fake. And the tour bus home from that particular stop on tour, I like reassessed my life and got back to New York City and quit the music. Industry and was like, I need to do something that matters. So I started a non profit organization at 20 that led me to doing service work in Africa, which led me back into entertainment to make money to fund my nonprofits. I was doing television and modeling and all of that on the side. I was still doing personal development stuff because I loved it. Tony Robbins, landmark, all the things before the age of 20. But I was utilizing personal development to become successful and not necessarily to know thyself. And at a certain point, I was 27, I had all the things. I had bought my place in New York City. I knew all the people. I was quote, unquote famous. I was quote, unquote rich. I was quote, unquote, all the things. Still feeling empty. And I'm like, what am I missing here? You know, I'm doing all the things that personal development is telling me to do, but what am I missing? And sure enough, I started reflecting. I had another come to Jesus moment in Africa where I was out there drilling a well through my nonprofit. And these women were, like, showing their gratitude and appreciation for me. And nothing was, like, landing in my heart. Like, I was mentally processing it, but I was just not, like, feeling it. I was like, I'm totally shut down. Like, what is going on? And then I started peeling back the onion. And that's when it took me deep into the spiritual work and deep into my own work and my own, like, shadow. And my goodness, I peel back that onion and it was like layers upon layers upon layers. And all these things started coming up. And I faced off with a trauma where I was raped and sexually assaulted at 20 years old. And that led me to working with women who had similar situations, which led me to realizing how great it was to be in community and, like, how I was really effective and really amazing as a coach and on the side of my hustling as a TV star. I was doing life coaching before. Life coaching was cool. Like, people are like, life coach? Is that like a soccer coach but for your life? I'm like, yeah, kind of. Now everyone's like, oh, yeah, life coach. I know what that is. But back then it was, like, weird. So I didn't tell people that I did it. I was just kind of this thing I did on the side. And sure enough, about seven years ago, I had had enough of television. I was working at E. Entertainment, talking Reese Witherspoon's outfit she was wearing while she was playing tennis. And I was like, what is happening with my life right now? I'm like, this Must be, like, the most mindless thing I've ever done. And I'm an intellectual, so for me, it was, like, extra painful. Sure enough, I finished that little segment and I quit, and I was like, I'm done. I'm gonna pursue this thing full time and just, like, go for it. So I left New York, moved to la, and the rest is history.

Wow, that is so amazing. And I think it's so important. And I can so relate to, like, identifying as that coach. So you go to all the different things to, like, learn how to, like, do it on your clients, but you're like, oh, but I'm healed, so nothing for me.

I'm good. Yeah, no work needed here.

Totally. And then you go and you're like, oh, my God, this is totally all about me. But that's. That's the only way so many people jump the gun of wanting to be the coach or the healer or the teacher because they don't want to go through that path on their own. And it's so much easier to be.

Like, oh, no, I don't. I don't need that.

I'm good.

Totally. And I love that you're bringing that up because we're in an age where I feel like so many people are inspired to become coaches and inspired to be change makers, which is really exciting. But at the same time, it's not something that we should take lightly. You know, I think. Not that we have to be perfect, like, we're always a work in progress, but there's a certain level of tenacity and mastery that I think we as coaches have to hold ourselves to. And in my opinion, we always have to be the student. We always have to be continuing our education, because if we're not, how can we expect our students and our clients to be doing the same?

Absolutely. Yeah. And I think that a lot of us, we. It's almost like coaches are like today's, like, celebrities. Like, that's actually what is cool to do. So, yeah, again, it's just a really easy way to, like, spiritual bypass, to label yourself the coach and heal other people of things that you haven't fully healed yourself of. And then you see a lot of coaches going into areas that they're still really rough and sensitive and new for them. And it's like you can really only coach a former version of you, not a 50% version of you.

Such a good point. And that's. It's a blessing and a curse in some way. Like, someone who wants to coach might be hearing this and Being like, oh, man, well, that means I can't, because I haven't. And I always like to encourage people and say, listen, you are five steps ahead of somebody else for sure, and you're also five steps behind of someone else. So keep yourself humble, but also know that you have come far. You know, you have had your own journey, and that journey matters, and that journey is just beginning. And I think if we can constantly remind ourselves of that as coaches, then we're keeping ourselves humble but also proactive in our own expansion.

And I love that you brought that up, like, being humble, like, I feel like no one really talks about that anymore. It's like, we're in such an age of, like, go for it. You got this. And it's. And it's amazing. And I say these things all the time too, but it's almost like, causing us to step into a position that we fully haven't really recognized and acknowledged what it takes. I remember when I was, like, I started coaching, I was 20 years old, too, and some of the people that I was like, oh, yeah, I can coach you. Because I was so excited to coach who I didn't end up coaching. Looking at them now, I was like, oh, my God, thank God. Because I still would not have been able to handle it. I thought I could because I thought, like, oh, yeah, I'm good. I'm a natural born coach.

Right. And it's that thing of, like, what is it? Pretend. Fake it till you make it. Right, Right. And like, to some extent, yes, like, we need to step in and play the game and. And get our feet wet. But to another extent, we also have to be realistic and say, well, I actually haven't taken myself down that journey yet, so I'm not ready to lead somebody else down a path I haven't walked. So. So important.

Yes. So I'd love to know, at what point did you recognize that, like, your voice was really your superpower?

Yeah. It's so interesting because I've never shared this before, but this just popped in. My mom went to a psychic. She still sees a psychic, like, for fun. She doesn't, like, actually, like, plan her life by this, but she wants to go see a psychic. And the psychic was like, your daughter's gonna be famous for her voice. And when I wanted to quit the music industry, my mom's like, no, you can't. This psychic said, you're gonna be famous for your voice. And I'm like, whatever, mom. Like, okay. And I always just kind of, like, put that aside and, like, oh, that's. That's not what I'm gonna be known for. And sure enough, here we are. And I am known for my voice. I am known for the messaging that I am a vessel for. And I don't think it actually really hit me until, like, the last couple of years because I've been so head down where it's just like, create, serve. What can I do to make an impact? Innovation? How can I innovate this? How can I expand this? How can I express this? And it was never about, like, oh, I need to be significant or known for something. And now in hindsight, like, I'm working with a business coach, and I was talking to him the other day, and it's like, like, I think I just realized that, like, I've built a really cool business. It's like, I think I'm like, just like, oh, yeah, wow, I have built a really cool business. Because I haven't. That hasn't been the goal, right? So it's. It hasn't been the front of my focus, but in recognizing when my voice actually started to matter for me was when I used my voice to truly face off. And I say face off in the sense of not with somebody else, but with. With the person in the mirror. And utilizing my voice to actually admit certain things that had occurred in my life, admit certain things that I had done to other people, to truly just express the authentic version of me without trying to pretend or hide or placate to this idea of someone who I thought I had to be for people to like me, but just truly, like, being myself and being comfortable in that and not hiding anymore. I felt like for a really long time, unconsciously, I was just hiding because I was afraid that I wouldn't be accepted, you know, And I recognized that out of my own pain, I didn't want to do that anymore. It's like, I can't physically be this person anymore. It's too painful. And now it's too freeing to be anything other than just, like, fully myself.

And what did that process look like for you, having that conversation with yourself? Do you actually speak in the mirror? Do you journal? Do you talk to God? What does that look like?

Yeah. Well, initially it was journaling. Journaling was really powerful for me because I had so much resistance to, like, being fully authentic with myself and being fully real. So, like, putting it on paper felt a little less intimidating. It started there, and then it started in groups and being able to share my voice with other women and being able to share my story and realizing that my story had an impact, it was like, oh, if I can share my story with people, that lights something up for them. It illuminates something. Okay, well, what could this part of my story do for people? And then I started thinking, oh, well, I have all this on camera experience, so let me start sharing my voice in videos, because I'm really good on camera. I used to have a production company where we used to shoot travel videos all over the world. So I'm like, well, let me use my travel research brain and my production brain and my on front of the camera brain and like, fuse them all together with this love and passion of this work and just share it with people. And then obviously the numbers and the global tribe started happening. And it was like, oh, wow, okay, this is working. This is effective. Keep going.

Yes. So do you think that your speaking abilities came to you just blessed as part of your Dharma, or was it something that you had to actively work at?

It's a great question. I think as a kid, I've always been the kid that's very, like, gregarious. And like, Jim Carrey was my idol as a kid. Like, I wanted to marry Jim Carrey. My dad's like, you're so weird. But I was like, oh, my God, he's amazing. He's so funny. And, you know, my cousin and I, I just like, I remember these family Christmases where we would do stand up comedy acts. And I actually leaned into stand up comedy as, like a dare for myself, a challenge as an adult. And it was scary and awesome.

Do you know about the, like, Michael teaching archetypes? No, I'll tell you about them. But you're totally the sage, and you even look like the sage. Like, how they describe it. It's like, so you. Which they love to entertain. Like, that's what lights them up.

That's so funny. And that was so me as a kid. And then.

And Lori Harder is also. Of course.

Of course she is. Oh, my God, I love Laurie. But yeah. And then there was like a point in my teenage years where I became very reclusive and, like, very just. I felt like I couldn't relate to anybody. I grew up in a small town. There was like this weird disconnect between me and everyone. I got bullied and I just like. Like I was a smart kid, but also kind of athletic. So I kind of fit in everywhere, but never really belonged anywhere. And that just had me just totally shut down. And nobody really knew the real version of me at that point. And I Found myself just like being like, oh, I'm an introvert. Oh, I'm like a studious person. Oh, I'm just gonna read all these books. Oh, I'm just gonna go hang out with 20 plus year olds. Like, all my friends were older and like, I didn't really have a tight knit group of friends in high school. So then I had this story going of like, oh, you're not somebod that's a performer. You're not someone that's an entertainer. You're not somebody whose voice matters and makes a difference. And I would just shrink. I would shrink at events, I would shrink at parties and I would just be like, oh, I'm just introverted. And to an extent, I am an introvert. And I also know that now my voice matters so much that like any story of introvert, extrovert, whatever, is not bigger than my mission.

It's so funny how you're talking about the introvert story because today I asked my fiance, I was like, oh, do you want to do anything for like 4th of July? He's like, oh, there's this party. I'm like, I don't know, I'm an introvert. He's like, you need to stop with the story. I was like, no, it's real. He's like, if you keep on telling yourself you are, then you're gonna shy away from all social activities.

Totally.

No, that's who I am. But it's like, also you're wrong. But it's also not because we love to speak on stage and stuff like that. And I think it's like choosing the right social environments. Like, you may be an introvert because you don't want to go to a party where everyone's like drinking and, and you know, not your vibe, but it. If you're in a juicy conversation with people on your level, then you're not an introvert at all.

So. Totally. And like, have you tested introvert?

Like, have you done the Myers break? No, I got extrovert.

Oh, how funny. So I'm right in the middle. I'm like literally a zero. So I could go either introvert or extrovert. And like, testing wise, I'm like, okay, I can see that. But I think it's more about choice. Exactly. Because, okay, am I more leaning towards an introvert when I walk into a party and I don't know a lot of people? I'm not that person that's like, yo, what's up? What's going on? Hey, who are you? I'm the person that will find one person and, like, deep dive with that person, and I'm gonna stop making myself wrong for that and calling myself an introvert as if that's a bad thing.

Right.

I just like to deeply connect with one or two people instead of, like, surfacely scanning the crowd.

Exactly.

Yeah. So that's how I changed that story.

Totally. So in one of your videos, I think it was one of your videos, you said that. That you had a client who she was good at podcasting, and she tried to do video, and it, like, wasn't really translating and how important it is for people to kind of choose their. Their mediums. Yeah. So can you talk about that a little bit?

Yeah. I think everybody in today's world is trying to be everybody and, like, trying to do everything, which I'm all for encouraging you to, like, try things on and test things out and get in the game and, like, don't write yourself out of a particular thing until you've given it a shot. But for some people, video's not their jam. Right. Other people, like, voice is not their jam. Like, they'd. They. They translate more on video because they're more expressive or whatever that might be. For other people, writing is, like, amazing, and, like, the words pop off the page. For other people, writing sucks. So the point of the matter is, like, know thyself. Know what you are a rock star at, and we're all rock stars at something, and then double down on that. Yes, you can still do video. Yes, you can still do all the other things, but double down at least, if not triple down, quadruple down on the thing that you're phenomenal at, the thing that you were born with, because that's, like, in my belief, like, we've all been giving. Given a toolbox and then source God, whatever you want to call it, universe goes. Here's some wisdom. I'm going to give it to you and other people. This isn't yours, but I need it to come through your toolbox, because there's a certain group of people that can only hear it from your toolbox. So why are we running from our tools? Let's utilize what we've been given and, like, actually put out in the world. What is ours to put out in the world.

Oh, my God. Like, I just want people to, like, rewind and listen to that again. I love. I speak a lot about Dharma on this podcast, and I love that messaging of the toolbox and the source consciousness. Really. It's like going to a lot of people at the same time. Which is why you see like patents, they're like totally at the exact same time in two different states issued. Or you know, there's a quote that said like the poem is almost surfacing in the clouds that lands in like multiple poets heads at the first time. And it's who gets it first on paper.

Thousand percent.

Yeah. It's like we all are like, given these ideas and it's just a matter of how you present them. And it's also like, people are so scared. Oh, the market's so saturated. There's already people who are teaching about, I don't know, hormonal health or whatever it is I want to do. It's like, well, they don't have your experience and your voice and they're not going to connect to the same people that you can. So we could all talk about the exact same thing, but it won't come off as the same way because of this toolbox.

Totally. And our experience is such a deep part of our toolbox. And I think a lot of people, I don't know if you found this in your audience, but a lot of people reach out to me and they're like, I really want to do X, Y and Z, but who am I? Like, my story doesn't matter, I don't have a story. And I'm like, what do you mean you don't have a story?

If you've walked on this earth, there is a story.

Come on. And people really discount and don't give enough credit to their story and their unique experiences. And the truth is, my unique experience is going to resonate with at least 100,000 people in the world. At least if not more. But 100,000 out of seven plus billion, those are pretty good odds. So why not own your story, share your story? And people go, well, I don't want to talk about myself. It's not talking about yourself. It's cultivating your message so that people can go, ah, I relate. I see myself in her or I see myself in him. Now let me listen deeper. Because there's an element of trust, right? And that element of trust is what gets people to opt in for themselves so that whatever transformation or medicine you're serving can actually land within their body.

Love that so much. So how did you go about crafting your story and kind of like choosing the bits and parts that you thought would really give value to people?

Honestly, trial and error. Like I found myself in these women's circles and I found myself sharing different pieces of my story with different women based on how they showed up and based on the story that they shared. And like, certain women would say, oh, I left home at an early age and I was on my own. And I'm like, well, I can relate to that because I left high school at. At 16 and graduated early to get out so I could pursue this and was living on my own, traveling the world as like a minor, you know, and it's like, okay, I can relate to that part. So let me share that part. And honestly, it's. It's about deep listening. You know, I remember some of my first talks, like, my first speaking gigs were at these, like, really hardcore masculine entrepreneur events or like startup events. And I was like, the only female. They're like, hi, we're going to talk about vulnerability. And at first I'm like, oh, my God. Like, these guys do not want to hear my story. Story about, you know, sexual trauma. And, like, they're going to be so uncomfortable. And I used to get in my head about I need to make sure that it works for them. And then I was like, you know what? F that, Like, I'm gonna make sure this works for me and I'm gonna call them into my space and invite them into this conversation. And sometimes I would go completely against the grain of what I thought they want to hear and just go with like, this is of my highest alignment right now. Let me just share this because it's what's on my heart. And then I would, like, see that the whole room would shift and guys would come up to me afterwards and be like, wow, thank you for sharing that. I had a sexual trauma. I've never spoken about it before because men don't speak about that stuff. And it's like, oh, wow. So I had a whole story about you guys that wasn't true. And now I can actually, like, honor myself because I know that there's something here for me to give right now.

So, so true. And. And yeah, I think that especially in those corporate type settings, they're like, craving and yearning for something, like, real and of substance and of life. Because so much of the presenters that they're like their corporate headquarters assigned for them are like, all about how can you be more productive this, that. And now wellness is kind of bringing in. And now wellness is more than just the food and it's the mind and the spirit and the emotions and all of that.

Totally.

So I'd love to know, do you rehearse your speeches before? Do you have a protocol or do you just kind of of feel your best when you let it flow.

A little of both. So my on stage speeches, I tend to write out an outline. Like, I'm like, okay, topic of my speech. Because the event organizer is always like, what's your title? You know, and like, not that it ever matters, but the description, you're like.

Yeah, no idea what I'm gonna say.

I'm not sure yet. Can I get back to you on that? Yeah. So there's always, like, a title. And I always ask them, what's the result that you want your audience to. To be left with after I leave the stage? And that, for me, is how I craft the entire thing. Because those people know their audience more than I do. So if I can deliver on that one thing, then I win, right? And then they win too. So it's like, perfect, everyone's happy, and it gives me a clear path. So I'll take that clear path and say, okay, what's the outline? To get to this result, I'll go A, B, C. Those are my three touch points. And then, like, little side note, I want to add there. Little side note there, little side note there. And I have a framework. And then I do just flow in between them. And for instance, my videos are all off the cuff, like, nothing's rehearsed, nothing's planned. I may have a. Like, I have a list of topic ideas, but I don't actually have anything written. And I find those are the most potent and powerful because it's just like, like, what's here? Like, creative inspiration. Go. And I also find, like, my best speeches are when I just have that framework and let it rip. Because otherwise I'm like, like, oh, wait, did I say the thing I was gonna say? And then if I miss one point, my brain's still on that one point, and my mouth's still moving. And I'm like, what am I actually talking about? Right?

Totally. Yeah. I find when I outline or try to write sentences or anything, I become so prefrontal cortex that I'm like, did I make the pause? Did I not? And if I just, like, throw away the paper and just, like, look at the audience members, I think that helps a lot just to kind of, like, see their reactions and go based off of that. But I do feel like when I started, I would, like, write out the speech. Just. I felt like I couldn't go up there if I didn't have something, like, planned.

Yeah, no. My very first couple of speeches were all, like, written out to a tea, like, every. And to pause, dot T, you know, like, all the things. And I just felt. I felt really robotic and like, you know, fearful because I was in that analytical part of my brain and not trusting the channel and trusting again. This isn't my. These aren't my words, you know, this isn't my thing. This is me doing, just getting out of my own way. Be the space for whatever needs to emerge, to come through. And that's when it's like, so magical.

So how, like, a lot of people want to be speakers, but they haven't done it yet. So how did you go about getting your first few opportunities?

Yeah, it was all about network. Like, it's all, you know, I was a part of because I had my production company at the time, and I was a part of this, like, little business networking. We met every Tuesday morning at 7:00am at this corporate bank on Wall street. And we had a little meeting room, and it was people from different industries. And I was there representing my production company. And I would just speak to everyone and hear what was going on. It's like, oh, yeah, we have a corporate retreat happening this week. And I'm like, oh, if you ever need speakers, let me know. I do pieces on vulnerability and authenticity. That's my work right now. Oh, that sounds really cool. What would that look like? Oh, it could be like 20 minutes, an hour. It could be interactive. It could be a workshop, whatever you want. And they'd be like, sure. And I'm like, okay, great, now I need to deliver. That's literally how it started. Then I would record it and I would get a testimonial from the event organizer and say, like, hey, could you put this on video? Or send me a little written testimonial? And then I collect those and have like a little binder of all of my things that I did. And then eventually put together a speaking reel. And then I started going out and actually labeling myself on my website as a speaker. If you'd like to book me for your events, click here. And it was like, then I started getting inquiries about it, and then those free talks that I was doing turned into, you know, 5, 10, $20,000 speaking opportunities, which. Which I would have never thought that that would have turned into, but I just kept at it. And again, head down, diligent, like, how can I serve? What can I do? And always being a student, huge. And putting myself in groups and in rooms of other leaders that had other events, becoming friends with them, genuinely making those connections, and then them going, hey, I'd love for you to speak at my event. Oh, perfect. Great. And it just worked out that way. Now I will say, side note, note. I also created my own events. You know, I think a lot of speakers are like, I'm waiting for my speaking agent. I'm waiting for someone to call me. I'm waiting for someone to email me. And I'm like, are you out there speaking for yourself yet? Well, no, because I'm waiting. And it's like, stop waiting. We live in an age where the middleman is literally cut out day after day after day because we have this thing called the Internet. Create your own events. Go to meetup.com like, create your own stuff. Go to the local coffee shop and say, hey, would you mind if I did a little community gathering here of four or five people and just speak on whatever's alive for you right now? That's how you get your feet wet. Stop waiting. Get in the game.

So just so much resonance to that. I can so relate. I meet people who have never spoken before. They're like, oh, well, I need a speaking agent. I'm like, do you realize speaking agents, like, only want to work with people who are making minimum 10k a speech? Otherwise it's not worth their cut.

Totally, totally.

You have to build yourself to get there. And, you know, once you start speaking at one place, I find that, that it's a guarantee that someone in the audience is going to invite you to something else. It's like it's never not happened and it just turns into this, this web. So, yeah, just start doing it. We take a quick break from this episode so I can share with you an amazing opportunity. Are you interested in having a career focused on health and wellness? Well, if so, then the universe is calling you to become a whole, essential, holistic health coach. I am offering this incredible deal, a discount of $1500 off my Alma mater, Institute for Integrative Nutrition, which is the world's largest nutrition school. With guest teachers such as Deepak Chopra, Chris Carr, Dr. Hyman, and Dr. Andrew Whale, and so many others. It is split between six months of health coaching programs teaching you hundreds of nutritional theories, including Ayurveda, as well as six months of business coaching. And as an additional bonus, I am offering a webinar where I will teach you how to use social media to create a thriving career as a health coach. On top of that, I have created a private Facebook community just for the highest self podcast listeners who are becoming health coaches to connect with each other, meet up with each other, and support one another on this journey. So if you're interested, sending Send an email over to Sahara S A H A R aatfeelfresh.com with subject IIN again saharaatfieldfresh.com with subject IIN and I will personally send you back the email that will allow you to get a $1,500 off discount as well as my business coaching webinar and the private Facebook group. I'm so excited for you to begin your journey as a health coach. If you're looking for the perfect holiday gift, I have the thing just for you. I recently came across Vodom teas while looking for a super high quality loose leaf tea online and I was blown away by their array of 10 different chai alone. And you know I love chai. I ordered it and arrived in the cutest packaging. Literally felt like a Christmas gift to myself. And the tea was the freshest and most flavorful I've ever had. And that's when I knew I had to contact them. Well, turns out Vaadum is one of the only tea company that procures directly from plantations and tea growers within hours of harvest. While most companies spend months in that transition time, they package garden fresh in India and ship it all around the world. They've eliminated the middleman. So you're getting the freshest quality tea straight from the farmer. They're fair trade, pesticide free and pay the farmers a higher wage for their produce. They also educate the tea growers children, which is really special to me. So you can try them out. Definitely get their chai sampler so freaking good by heading over to vadamteas.com v a H-A-M teas T-E-A-S.com again vadim-v a h d a n M-T-E-A-S.Com and using coupon code SAHARA for 20 off, Oprah just listed it as one of her favorite things. So I take Oprah's word for it. So I had this question for you. How long were you doing free speeches for until you began charging for them?

Oh, good question. I'm racking my mom brain right now. My mom brain is completely rewired to think about my baby. So my memories aren't that great. I probably did about 10 to 20 free talks before I started getting paid. Well, like maybe I got like a, like 200 bucks or like travel fees covered or you know, something like that. And now I want to say this too so people can hear this. Not only now do I get paid, you know, tens of thousands of Dollars to speak. But I still say yes to free opportunities. Why? Because sometimes the opportunity in and of itself is worth more than any amount of money. Like, for instance, Preston and I got asked to speak on stage at Thrive and we got to speak on stage next to Gary Vaynerchuk and Jack Canfield and Tai Lopez and John Astaroth and Grant Cardone. And I was like, yeah, I'd like to be able to say that I spoke on the same stages as those people. Heck, yeah, I'll do that for free. You know, it's like, and I will never poo poo an opportunity. Be like, you haven't paid me enough for this. I'm too good for you.

It's like, no, so true. I know. I see this happen all the time. Because sometimes the best opportunities are the ones that don't pay. But you can make your money in other ways.

Totally. And network to me, like relationship building and even impact. Like, Thrive was such a big event for Preston and I because we got to speak to our ideal avatar, we got to speak to our ideal audience. And there were, you know, 600 plus of them in a room that most of them had never heard of us before because they were focused on focus strictly on business type of people, not like spiritual, personal development types. And so we just opened ourselves up to this amazing new audience overnight, like that. And we got to meet all these other speakers that we had never known before. So it was great.

Totally. Yeah. And I think also, like, the size of the audience, it's like you would even pay for an opportunity to speak and have the attention of 600 of your ideal clients. Like, what an incredible opportunity.

Totally.

It's like, I will pay you to see this event.

You mean you're not going to charge me to do this? Okay. Right, yeah.

And I think so many people, they get like, so in their heads about like, oh, well, I'm not getting paid for this. Like, say, I say yes to so many free things if it's worth it. But if it's going to be like 10 people, I've done so many of those for free that at this point it's not worth it for me. But at the beginning, I would just say yes. So if it's like, I feel like if it's something that's going to add to you. Yeah, that's going to add to your resume or reel, do it for free.

Totally. And honestly, like, Preston and I have a checklist. Like, if it doesn't meet our minimums on our checklist, it's A no. And it's any opportunity, whether it's a podcast interview or a speaking gig or, hey, will you come in and lead a portion of this thing at our retreat, it's gotta meet our minimums. If it doesn't, it's a no. And we put that in place because we were having so many opportunities coming and flooding us, and we were like, how. How do we mitigate this? Like, how do we actually say what works, what doesn't work? And we had to put metrics on it just to make it really simple. And our assistant could look through and be like, oh, sorry, it's not going to work out at this time. And then the ones that did fit our criteria, she'd hand it to us and we could say yes or no. And it was perfect.

So how does one go about, like, choosing those criteria? Is it based off of, like, the number of audience members or the other speakers values?

So it could be who else is involved in the project? It could be. And we have these, like, who else is involved in the project? What's the audience size? How long has this person been around? Around? Do you know anybody who knows this person? Like, can this person be vouched for? And honestly, a lot of these metrics came from really terrible things that have happened.

Right.

And we learned our lesson.

Yeah. That person's first event and it's with you. And then it. No one shows up. Oh, my gosh.

And so you've had one of those where I'm like, they're like, 500 people are going to be there, and it's going to be amazing. And I'm like, great. A week before the event, my tickets aren't booked, my hotel's not booked. Book. It's around. It's across the world. I've shared it with my audience, so I know my people are coming. And turns out it was only my people there. And it was like, oh, my gosh.

This happens to a lot of people.

I know. And it's really frustrating because you want to believe in these people's visions. And like, a lot of times the vision's great, but the implementation isn't there.

Right? Yeah, because we don't realize really getting someone to an event these days is really hard because people are so in their comfort zones. And it's almost this, like. And you do a lot of live events, which is. Is like a beautiful choice because it's so easy now to just be like, I'm just gonna make social media content and, like, not get out of my house. And then People are like, oh, I'll just watch it on YouTube later. But it's such a different experience to go see it live and to be in that energy and to like network with those people.

Yeah, to me, and honestly, like the easy route, like I, I, we were talking earlier, I love efficiency, I love convenience, but there's something about live events that I just can't say no to. Like every time we do a bridge experience or extreme leadership or one of our ret, I'm so lit on fire. Like, I am fully in my channel, I'm fully in my purpose. I'm fully, like, I am living the thing that I know I'm here to do. And I get to see the impact and the results and the transformation happen in real time, which there's a certain level of accountability to that that I can't, I can't trace that online. You know, I can't say, hey, who's watching my video? Did you implement this? Like, I can't do that. And at the end of the day, like, like, yeah, the videos are cool and yeah, I want to get that message out in that way and it's an amazing vehicle for that. But at the end of the day, my highest value is getting my people results. And like, I know that the best way to do that is to get them in a room with me. Which is even why like, I have, I've got my business mastermind where people in my industry are like, why do you do an in person piece of that? Like, you should just do it all online. Don't make it hard on yourself. I'm like, the in person piece is everything. We start out with seven days deep diving together as a crew so that I then know you in a deep and intimate way to call you forward through the rest of the 90 days, you know, and so there's just, there's a magic to that high touch in person thing that I think a lot of us are missing nowadays too, because everything is so digital and so offline or online that it's like the offline thing is what we're craving.

Yeah. And it's almost turned into like, we all went into automation now. It's, it's like entire businesses are automated and it's almost like you're not even connecting with the people that you created this business for.

Totally. And I found that even true for myself. Like the minute I automated everything, I was kind of like, I feel so out of touch right with my peeps. And then so I just like went against the grain and was like, well, I'm still gonna go in and I'm still gonna.

And your message is always changing. I find the moment I automate something, I'm like, oh, that's not even what I wanna talk about anymore. Can we cancel this?

Can we stop that? Because I wanna do something else.

Because if we change like you know, and I wan your own shifts into like motherhood and I heard you on other podcasts of like choosing what's important and you called it like trimming the fat.

Yeah.

And like now being full hearted. Yes or no.

Yeah. And it's literally that like having a child has not only been the most incredible, like awe inspiring, Amazing, I want 10 more experience, but it's also really supported me as a business owner because I've had to prioritize and show shift my entire life around. Like, I am now a different person. Anatomically, I'm a different person. Spiritually, I'm a different person, Emotionally, I'm a different person. I've got a depth of understanding about these rights of passages now. Like, and like my lineage of women feels like everything feels deeper and expansive and just different. And I can't, I can't hold myself to the same person I was prior to having this child and expect for that person to still be like, yeah, I want to still do X, Y and Z. Yes, I want to still work with. No, everything has changed. So I literally did like a spring cleaning in my business when Kingston was born and just looked at like what gets to go, what no longer excites me, what's no longer aligned, what does excite me, like, what's juicy for me right now, what's on my heart to talk about. And I cut everything out that was just even slightly like, I don't know, gone. Because I don't have time. I went from an 80 hour work week to 20, you know, and that's a lot of time that I cut out where I used to just be hammering away on my laptop, creating stuff and now I'm like, yeah, but does this stuff actually matter? It's been phenomenal for me to just zero me in on what's most important. Not just for me and what feels most resonant for me, but what is going to be the highest, highest impact for my people, for my mission and my message and ultimately for the world. Right. Because I do have that scale of a vision and I got distracted before, you know, before having Kingston. It was like, I have this idea and this idea and this idea and I want to do this. I'm going to do this and I'm going to execute on that. And I'm like, does this actually move the bottom line? And the bottom line not being money, but being impact, like, does it move it? And if it doesn't move it, I'm out. So that's why live events for me feel so juicy right now. Because the bottom line of impact, we don't make the most money off live events. Live events are great, but they cost a lot. You know, we're traveling all over the world booking out these hotel rooms. Like, then we have Airbnbs, not just for my husband and I and now our baby, but now his mom who's coming on the road to help us with the baby. It's like, it's a lot of money to travel, right? And what's my goal? My goal is deepest impact possible. How do I get that events? And then how can I also spread the message wide? Social media. Perfect, I'll keep doing that. Keep doing events and keep doing the things that move that metric the most.

So good. And I think everyone who hasn't even had a baby should do that. Like, just like really spring clean and look at like the areas that you're shifting your time and also like, trust that there are people who can help you in that and also trust that there may be other people out there who like to help people with that problem.

100%. 100%. And that's like, that's the interesting thing. I think I had this whole like, scarcity around, oh, well, if I let go of certain things, like, who's gonna do this? And who's like, will I still make the same money I'm used to making? And we've got a lifestyle to uphold. Down all these things. I'm making more money now than I've ever made. I've got more support, I'm spending more, but I'm making more. And it's this interesting thing. It's like the minute I just truly, truly trusted and not just had the conversation of like, I trust that the universe has my back, but like actually fully felt it. And I felt it on New Year's Eve. Funny enough, we were with a group of friends, we none of us drink, so we like low key visioning for our New Year's. Like, that's our idea of a fun new year. And we're all talking about, like, what's our one thing that we want to manifest this year? And I like deeply sat with that question. And the answer was, all my needs are met. And I genuinely did not have a thing other than a health, healthy baby boy. Like, that was the only thing that I desired and it was the first time. And I had intellectually understood, like, all my needs are met, but I had never actually felt it. And I felt this thing of like, oh, wow, I'm like fully abundant right now. Like, I need for. I have way more than I need actually. I'd love to like make some more space. And that has shifted entirely the way I do everything because. Because I'm not running it for money anymore. I'm not running it for significance anymore. I'm not running it to be a certain whatever or to be on this stage or like, who cares? I'm genuinely here to just do my part and whatever that looks like, however it manifests, whatever results are created, perfect. And that has been such a beautiful lesson for me. And I wish that landed for me a little bit earlier, but it's all perfect, right? I had to go through the journey I went through.

Exactly. Yeah. It's so interesting that you say that because I think this has hit me recently and a lot of people, because I just emailed about this. It's like the dance between the being and the doing.

Yeah.

And sometimes we feel like if I lean too hard into like the being and being present, then I'm not going to be able to do the things that I want to do. And it is so fun and exhilarating and also important to plan for the future. But then in this act of doing, doing, doing, we forget to be. And it's this like sitting in two totally different seats, but both need to be sat in.

Totally. I was just talking about this in Soul School, which is my membership community today, because this month is all about taking action and even in the being. Because one of my students was like, it's so weird. We have this like, what's your 30 day focus? She's like, the thing that keeps coming through is to like take time away from social media, take time away from all the things and just be. I'm like, that is the highest act of doing that anyone could do. Being. And we think that being is this like hands off thing. But ultimately, in my opinion, being is the deepest work that we could ever do. It's the deepest, deepest do. Like talk about a to do list. You want something to do, go into being, you know, because there's so much to be done in the being. And it's just a different type of being, you know, and a type of doing that being is. And I think we do need Time to pause. Because if we're just in that, like, active masculine doing, where it's like, do, do, do, do, do, for the sake of this result, then we're always creating from the.

That.

That pace. Right. And that pace is scarcity, whether we want to admit it or not. Right. But when we go into the feminine aspect of doing, which is the being, the deep, do the deep dive, that's like, pause on the masculine side of doing. Get a little perspective. Let's look at things. Like, let's take a higher view of things. And that doing, to me, is what orchestrates the masculine and, like, guides the masculine in a really profound way.

Yeah. And even when you sink, like, the deepest being of the masculine, the Shiva, is to sit in stillness.

Totally.

And then the deepest of the being of the feminine is just to do. It's to birth, totally create. So it's almost like. Yeah. When you go deep into one, deep into the yin, there's the yang. Deep into the yang, there's yin. And it's like our deepest downloads always come in those moments of just like, I'm not gonna work on this anymore. And then it's like, oh, my God, I would have never thought of this if I had just shown ever hitting the wall.

For sure. But isn't it funny that we. We kind of know that, like, most of us know we get hit in a shower or on a job or, like, in yoga class or Shavasana or, like, whatever. Most of us know, like, oh, yeah, my deepest amazing downloads come in those moments. And yet still. Still we're like, I have to push just a little harder, you know?

Well, because we're also seeing the results of the pushing. So we're like, well, if today, if doing didn't work, then I wouldn't have gotten all these emails and. Which led me to this, which is like, that. Like, I'm like, there's a. Like a. There's a Gary V. And a Deepak Chopra in my head, and they're both fighting with each other.

I love that. That is such a great. It's such a great visual because I've got that, too. I've got the hustle.

Hustle.

Go, go, go.

Also, you're a Virgo, right? I'm a Capricorn, so I'm like, get going.

Oh, I totally get the Capricorns. A lot of my, like, homies are Capricorns. Yeah. Yeah. We love to get stuff done, but at the end of the day, if we're just doing. And this was like, a Big penny drop moment for me. I was doing all the things and, like, like 80 hour work weeks. And, like, part of me was, like, wearing that as a badge of honor. Like, 80 hour work weeks? Yeah.

Like, screw your 60 hour.

Oh, how much did you work? 60 hours? Interesting. I did 80.

Me and my fiance always joke about, like, Gary. I mean, I love him and I watch his videos, but we always do this, like, Jewish mother voice of like.

Gary, you work so hard.

Gary, give yourself a break. Because it's like, did you work as hard as I did? It's like, oh, Gary, just take a nap.

That is so good.

I love that.

And it's so true.

And.

And at the end of the day, like, I was, like, patting myself on the back like, you're such a hard worker. But what, like, star, right? Gold star. What did I actually accomplish? Like, I would look at my checked off to do list, be like, I'm so accomplished today. Then I'm like, I actually really look at it, and it's like, respond to this email, make this phone call. It's like all these, like, little tasks that now. Now that I have a child, just don't. They either don't get done, they get delegated, or I just delete them totally. It's like, right? Not even worth it. And those are things that I used to be proud that I would spend all my time on. Now I'm like, my time is like, gold. No, thanks. I'm not gonna buy that activity with my time. No, thank you.

And I think that's what naturally happens is, like, as you're doing the work, there's so many opportunities to get thrown at you that it turns into the, like, the art of, like, saying no and choosing and steering your path. And the other thing I want to talk to you about, which I mentioned when I walked into your house, is the choosing of what to share and what not to. Because, like, everyone loves and Preston's relationship and your child, and people are just, like, drooling over anything that you post. So I'm sure there's like this almost like, feeling of, like, that you have to share everything, but you've chosen in your pregnancy to keep a lot private.

I did.

Yeah.

And that's such an interesting space for me because Preston's a very external person. Like, he's always been that way. He shares everything. And, like, he has always been the front runner of that in our relationship. And I'm a very private person. Listen, you know, my. My moon is Scorpio. So I got my little Private moments.

That I fiance's a Scorpio too. I get it.

Yeah, exactly. I'm like, I need to go in my little case and be by myself. This is mine, not yours. And I truly battled with that. Like, even through our engagement, which I know you're recently engaged. Like, it's a thing. And people want in on that. They want a piece of that and it. And I get it. It's. It's beautiful. Like, why would we not want to celebrate that and not be interested in that? I'd rather be interested in that than what the Kardashians are doing. Because at least you're adding value to my life and, like, inspiring me or whatever. Not that the Kardashians can't. Maybe they're inspiring other people, but it was a choice for me, especially with my pregnancy, especially with having a baby. I had so many people, especially my clients say, you should write a whole blog and do videos on, like, how to be pregnant and like, dah, dah, dah. And now it's like, you should do a whole blog on video blog on how to be parents. And I'm like, like, yeah, easy, low hanging fruit. I could totally do that. Milk it, kill it. But that's not what I want to talk about right now, you know, like, my journey with Kingston is so precious. And he's at this age. Like, I mean, you saw him. He's like a little butterball. He's like the cutest thing. And what I share is a fraction of my time spent with him. And I really, like, like, I just think about, like, we're in this new space as parents, as partners, where now it's. There is almost this expectation to share our lives. And there's a part of me that loves to share pieces of it, and then there's a part of me that loves to keep pieces for myself. And I think there's something really beautiful about making certain things sacred. And my son is sacred. My relationship with Preston is sacred. And what I choose to share is very intentionally shared. And you had mentioned something when you came in, how it's like, almost this competition of, like, who can be more vulnerable about what's going on in your life right now. And I absolutely felt that, like, I had friends who are having babies around the same time who have platforms that were, like, sharing all kinds of stuff. And I'm like, oh, should I be sharing more? Like, am I. Am I withholding? Like, am I doing my audience a disservice for not sharing this? And then. And I had to Genuinely sit in that question. And the answer was no. The answer was, I'm sharing what I feel called to share and feel most resonant to share and anything else, it's for me and my son is going to grow up in a brand new world that I never had to grow up in. My parents weren't posting stuff online and, you know, I think my sister and I made all sorts of crazy videos, like music videos when we were like 9, 10 years old old. If YouTube was out, that stuff would be all over you. But I think about, like, our kids are growing up in a different world and he doesn't necessarily have the choice to say, I don't want you to post my face online everywhere. And even that, like, that was a thing between Preston and I. Like, do we actually show our child's face? And then at. At one point we said, let's feel into it. And we gave it a. I think we gave it like a week. We're like, let's feel into it and sit with his energy and feel how his energy is. If his energy is enough. No, it's a no for us. Like, he's gonna dictate that if his energy is very open and expressive and he's really good around people, then we'll share it. And he was like, he's such a people person. Like, you put a camera on him, he's like, what's up?

Oh, yeah, he's very friendly.

Yeah, he, like, he loves it and you know, there's gonna come a point when he can talk and if at that point he doesn't want us sharing anything done, like, he's my priority. Not, not do people like me anymore because I'm sharing my son. I know my, my son gets a lot of love. So, like, it's awesome. Like, Preston and I talk about that. He is surrounded by so much love all around the world. He came into the world with thousands of people sending us well wishes and praying for us. Like, something about that is really beautiful too. And like, he's a love baby and you can feel it. Like, you can feel it in his vibe. So, you know, was that a product of all these people wishing well and sending prayers? Maybe. So I think we get to look at all sides of it. And I think there's. There's a huge giant question mark around the effect of what this has on our relationships and on our children. And I'm sitting in the question of it. I'm not deciding one way or another. I'm like being present with how I feel. Daily and then just being cautious. Because it's a very fine line, I think, nowadays between real life and online life. And obviously online life is like, highlight reel, even if it's the highlight of your latest struggle, which has become the new thing. Like, share your latest struggle, and that's the new highlight. Highlight. But there's something potent about this thing. And, like, if I can sit here and have a conversation with you face to face and then not have to go online and share it right away, it feels more magical to me. It feels more like present. Like, it doesn't feel like this ulterior motive. It's kind of like if you ever been on a date where you, like, know the guy is trying to get in your pants, you know, and you're kind of sitting there the whole day, like, yeah, I don't know. Like, you're saying all this stuff, but I'm not buying any of it. Right. And I kind of feel like social media, in a way is that same thing. Because a lot of times we're sitting in real life across from people, and we're sitting there looking for a moment to Instagram.

Yeah.

And we're waiting for it.

Totally.

Oh, this moment would be so good if I insta story this. Yeah.

And then you're, like, kicking yourself, oh, why didn't I just missed it?

Or somebody else insta stories it.

You're like, send that to me.

Yeah, send it to me so I can instastory it. But I find myself in that conundrum where I'm like, I don't want to mess with this moment. This moment was so perfect. Like, I was just in Mexico with my girlfriend, and she's six months pregnant. And, like, this is my oldest friend. You know, we've, like, traveled the world together and done all these adventures together. And there were so many moments that were so Instagramable, you know, And I posted a fraction of the ones that were, like, because I really wanted to be present and be. Be with her. But even in that, like, there were moments when I felt, when I did insta story, that I was like, oh, did I need to do that? You know, so it's. It's a constant dance. I'm constantly checking myself, leaning into it, feeling uncomfortable, making choices. Sometimes choices work, sometimes they don't work, you know?

Totally. And I think it's almost like when you start, like, being really vulnerable and sharing, it's almost created this, like, expectation from your audience. And, like, I've had people be like, oh, how come you haven't been Sharing as much about your life recently. And it's almost, Almost like, do I. Is it this, like a tax? Like, go around and pay 200 and, like, share your deepest, darkest issues? Because it's like, almost like you, you owe us that. And it's like, we don't owe each other anything. We don't owe a post on Instagram every day. You don't owe a story every 24 hours. Like, you actually don't owe any of this.

Yeah, and that's such a great point. I feel like so many of us who are in the quote unquote influencer, whatever category, there is this expectation and there is this, this. Well, I have to. And there's like this urgency and, oh, I can't go away to this place where there's no WI fi. And it's like, my God, are we now slaves to this thing? Because it. The minute we are. The minute I am like, my highest value is freedom. The minute I feel like I'm a slave to anything is the minute I stop doing it. And I will intentionally take breaks, like, from everything, from email even. And people are like, you haven't responded to my email in. I'm like. And like, just.

It's another expectation. It's like we're expected to respond to emails within 24 hours, get a file. They're like, are you okay?

Yeah. It's like, did you die?

Yeah.

Yes, I'm okay. I did not die. And it's so true. And it's like, when did that rule get put into place? And I'm sorry. I'm over here living my life in, like, the real world. I'm not logging into my Gmail every day to make sure that everybody's requests are being met.

Right.

And I find met so much resistance with that. So much. I don't pick up my phone calls. Like, my phone is always on silent unless somebody's coming over. I'll flick it on to hear my phone's always on silent. Notifications off. Like, I. My friends know if there's an emergency, call me multiple times. And then it'll go through that little emergency break thing. Or it, like, lights your phone up. I just, I. My voicemail says, send me an email, and then they send me an email and then they get an away message. Like, I. I have set my life up so that people don't expect that when they reach out and say, jump, I go, how high? How high would you like me to jump right now? Would you like me to jump 3ft, 6ft, 7ft? You tell me. It's like the majority of people I know, and it's so unfortunate, especially my business coaching clients. We look at. We do time audits. 90% of their time is spent in reaction to other people's requests. That's really sad. And, like, I get how sad that is because that used to be my life, and I. I will no longer do that. It's just I have become so fierce with my time and so protected of my time that if somebody doesn't like that, the standard I have around my time. Bye. I don't care if you're Oprah. Bye. Like, my time is sacred, and I'm not just gonna give it away in the morning to whoever likes my post or comments on this or. Sorry. Like, real life is still happening. And you. Yes, the online world's amazing. And yes, I love my tribe. And yes, I interact and engage with them, but I do it on my terms, you know, And I think that's really important for us, especially those getting into the online business space, because where's the line? You open your phone and you're working. Everything's work. And then what? Then what happens to your relationship? Then what happens to your quality of life gone? And then what did you start this work for anyway? Oh, right, you forgot. Got. You know, and I found myself there a couple years ago where it's like, what. What is happening to my life, Right? It is all work.

Right? Because before we had, like, a mailbox in front of your house, and like, every day at, like, noon, the postman would come and, like, you had, like, a month to reply. And now it's like you got your Instagram, your Instagram dms, your Facebook, your Twitter, your Pinterest, your Facebook messages, like, so many inboxes. And it's like, you wouldn't be the person that you are if all you did was reply to every message that came in your inbox ever. 99% of them, which are repeating of someone else.

Totally. And that's so true. I read that in. What's the dude's name who started Starbucks? I forget his name.

I don't know his name.

Jeff something, maybe. I feel like he's a Jeff. Okay, let's call him Jeff.

Okay.

He wrote a book about his startup journey with Starbucks. And in that book, I forget what it's called, but the Starbucks emblem is on the COVID He said, I had an overwhelming amount of requests from people to meet for coffee. Let's meet at your. Starbucks sent me for coffee. Let me pick your brain. Always right? Always he said, I would not be the type of person that you would even reach out to and have this request for if I wasn't focused on the work that I'm focused on when I'm not meeting people for coffee. So he set up a time. It was like Fridays at 1pm and he scheduled Fridays at 1pm through his entire year, except for when he was on vacation. And then he's like, if I'm booked out for a year and a half, half. You can have the next Friday at 1pm a year and a half from now, that is my time to meet for coffee so people can pick my brain.

Love that.

And I was like, that is awesome. Then there's another dude, Elliot Hulse. He's like a men's fitness empowerment coach. I don't know if you've heard of him. He's awesome. I went on his website just to check him out because I had a male client who was doing something similar, and I was like, oh, you should, like, look at what this guy's doing. I went on his website and it was like, like, questions or like, contact me. And he goes, I get asked, you know, to go out for coffee all the time. I get asked for people to pick my brain. And I did it a few times, and people didn't implement because they didn't value my time, Right? So now he charges $1,000 for one hour of his time and they have to fly into St. Petersburg to sit with him. He's like, we'll go. We'll go for a walk on the beach. We'll have time together. But I need to know you're invested so that you actually take what I'm going to tell you and implement it.

Totally.

Because if you've got no stake in the game, you're just gonna, like, fluff your head up with more ideas and go back to your life as usual and not change anything. And I read that, and I was like, this dude is onto something so good.

It's so true, because all of the times that I have met that person's never implemented it. And if you are willing to put in energy, whether it's a currency or exchange of services or any type of energy, then you're going to to have stake in the game. You're going to know, okay, well, if I don't do this, I just lost a thousand bucks or an hour of my massage therapy or whatever it is that you are investing into that, so totally. Yeah. And, you know, I also think this is like, when you are getting more Requests, like, at the beginning, when you're just getting started, meet people for coffee, do all of those things because you need to get started. We are talking about when you start getting inundated with these requests because it oftentimes turns into, oh, my God, Alexi must have all the answers. So that everyone starts going to you, not realizing, like, like, you would be better off meeting with someone who's also just starting out. And the two of you collaborating because you're both starting at the same time. Like, when we started, things were actually really different.

Yeah, they were.

If I were to just start my first Instagram today, I don't even know what I would do. It would look a lot different because the landscape is different. So it's like, reach out with people who are at the same place in your business, you, and they're going to be way more likely to say yes. Instead of if I reach out to this person with 200,000 followers and I'm just started, like, hey, I want to pick your brain. Like, what's in it for them?

Totally. And I love that you're bringing that up because I find a lot of people discount people that are on the same playing field as them because they're like, well, they're not where I want to be and I need to hang out with people that are where I want to be. And it's like, yeah. And you can also build alongside people who want to be at the same place you want to be at. Honestly, like, our whole crew, P and I, we built alongside people that were at the same level, sometimes lower, and we all came up together. And like, coming up together as a crew is amazing. Like, talk about getting speaking gigs, talk about getting opportunities. Like, we're all supporting each other all, all the time. And I find, like, I just want to keep expanding my container with people that are playing at the same and above and below, because I know there's value in all of that. But it's again, getting very intentional about it. Like, what are we doing here in our time together, no matter what time that is? Like, even you and I went to an event where we met and we finally got to meet offline in real life. Right. And that was a really powerful event. Even though it was two hours, we only really talked to the four people around us. But, like, I got to know four people really well and I've stayed in touch with those four people and now we're co creating together. Like, that is really beautiful.

Exactly.

And who knows where this is going to go? So, yeah, I Love that you brought that up.

I love that. So where can listeners connect with you? Go to one of your live events, your bridge workshops, and all of that.

Alexi Panos everywhere online. So alexipanos.com Lexi Panos on Instagram, Facebook, YouTube, all the things. And truthfully, I love getting to know who's listened to what. So comment on my latest post and tell me that you heard me on this podcast and tell me what one of your favorite takeaways were because this is like, this is when we make those connections of like, oh, this is really cool. That's how you found me. And so please reach out and let me know because that, that excites me. Like having the, those types of conversations excite me.

Well, definitely. Well, thank you so much for sharing all of your wisdom, for making time in your busy mama schedule to share your just truth and your findings along this path with all of us. And I'm certain that this conversation is going to inspire so many more people.

Awesome. Thank you so much for having me.

Thanks. Namaste. I absolutely loved that episode. Did you love it too? Alexi is such a powerhouse. So amazing. She's funny, she's real, she's down to earth. And I'm so happy to have her here on the highest self podcast. So if you're interested in learning from her, be sure to head over to alexipanos.com check out her husband, Preston Smiles. Also, we'll definitely be having him on the High self podcast. They're amazing people to follow. They do their their bridge experiences all around the world. And just a true example of what love and sacred union can look like. Like, honestly, once you start following these two, you're going to become addicted. I'm addicted. Sorry, Alexi and Preston. So if you loved this episode, I would love to send you a free gift which is the first half of my Eat Right for your mind body type ebook. To get the first half free, all you gotta do is leave a review on itunes, take a screenshot before you hit send, and send that screenshot to me at Sahara S A H A r a@eat. Feel free fresh.com and I will send you back the first half of my unreleased book Eat Right for your Mind body type. Namaste. Jam.