195: Overcoming Your Quarter-Life Crisis with Christine Hassler

Namaste. My name is Sahara Rose, and welcome back to the Highest Self podcast, A place where we discuss what makes you your soul's highest evolvement. Welcome back to the Highest Self podcast. If it's your first time here, welcome. You've made it in divine timing. And if you've been here since day one, what it do? Because this episode is gonna be your new baby, Bo. Okay, sorry. My name is Sahara Rose. I love talking about consciousness. I love helping people become their highest selves, and I love connecting you with people who can also help you become your highest self. So a lot of this podcast is on. Finding your dharma, finding your divine purpose, your big why, you know, why are we here on this planet? Why are we in these monkey costumes? Why are we even living these lives? Well, a lot of people have a lot of different answers, but it really all comes down to the same fundamental truth that you were born here to share your gifts with this world. And a lot of us, we really want to so badly. We want to serve, we want to shine our light, but we just don't know where to start. And this is why teachers and books and podcasts and all these beautiful educational tools are so important, because they can open up your perspective and allow you to see blind spots in your own life that you may not have been aware of previously. So let's talk about the quarter life crisis. What is the quarter life crisis? Well, essentially, it's the midlife crisis, but it's happening to, like, 20 year olds. Why? Because what I believe it's because we see people on social media who are travel bloggers, who are moms, who are gardeners, who are traveling to Antarctica on the weekends, all of the things. And it's inspiring, but also really confusing because you're not sure which one you want to do. Do I want to be a professional macrame weaver? Do I want to become a Buddhist? Want to sell turmeric lattes? I don't know, I like them all. And it can be a mind trip on top of that. I think with this raise of consciousness, we are questioning things. We're not just going to take the job that pays the bills to buy the white picket fence home and buy a big screen tv. We want more. We want to live our lives being our highest selves, and we just don't know what that entails. And this is when the quarter life crisis comes in. We. We want to know what's next, but we're not sure to start. So oftentimes we get paralyzed and we do nothing. We end up just, I don't know, it's all too much. And then you just sit in that exact same spot and nothing changes. And the sad thing about that is there's so much talent that you have untapped potential that if you sit on the sidelines and you miss out on your life, all of us are going to suffer as well. Because we need you. We need you showing up, coming through, sharing your gifts with this world. So please allow yourself to be confused, allow yourself to feel stuck, but take action and move through it. You know, you don't know where the destination is going to be, but what you can figure out is what is the next step that I can take? You know, what is one email I can send, what is one event I can go to, what is one person I can reach out to, what is one job I could just try out. And those little breadcrumbs are going to eventually lead you towards your dharma. But if you just stay complacent, you will never get there. So that's my little spiel on quarter life crisis. I should do another podcast that I'm just solo jamming about this because I clearly have a lot to say and I don't believe that everyone suffers a quarter life crisis per se. I think there are some people who kind of were born knowing exactly what it is they wanted to do, some people who figure it out on a young age, some people who have these crisis later on. So it's not a necess your 20s, you're going to break down and not know what's happening. But it is a common enough thing happening that there are books and podcasts and all of these things about it. And Christine Hassler is someone who is an expert in this topic. She has written books about it, she has put out tons of content about it, and she's someone that suffered from it herself. So in this episode, we're going to talk about Christine Hassler's own quarter life crisis. What got her to the point of realizing that she had the money, she had the contacts, she had everything that one could ever hope for, especially in their 20s. But she was still unhappy. And that led to her eventual burnout, which led to her revisiting everything in her life and eventually building a life that she is proud of. So without further ado, let's welcome Christine Hassler to the Highest Self Podcast. And before we get started, check out these brands that make Highest Self podcast possible. This episode is brought to you by uvaida. Uvaida is a modernized Ayurvedic supplement company that takes certain issues that we have, such as mood joints, immunity, digestion, and creates these custom little packets exactly for us, infusing ancient Ayurvedic herbs with modern vitamins and minerals. I take the mood formula daily. It is great if you work a stressful job, had adrenal fatigue, ever suffer from anxiety or even depression, and it really heals you from a fundamental and holistic level. So if you want to try it out, head over to UVA. Y o u v e d a dot com use the code Sahara and you'll receive 35% off your first order. And they now ship to almost every country globally. So check it out. If you live internationally, they may be shipping to your country too. And they just added India. Guys. This episode is brought to you by four Sigmatic. Four Sigmatic is an incredible mushroom elixir company. I proudly drink their elixirs every single day. My favorite is their chai mix. It is insanely delicious. I quit chocolate cold turkey and what helped me was drinking this chai mix every day. And best of all, they use stevia to sweeten it. And there's no sugars like the chai lattes you'll find at Starbucks or wherever else. And the mushrooms are really good for balancing your hormones, helping heal adrenal fatigue, healing your body on an adaptogenic level. So Adaptogens really kind of relate to what your body needs. So if you are high, stress will bring you down. If you need more energy, it will bring you up. And that's what's so amazing about Adaptogen is they adapt to your body. And mushrooms, medicinal mushrooms have a lot of adaptogenic properties. So you can head over to their website, 4sigmatic.com F O U R S I G M A T-I C.com Sahara I have a little shop up there with my favorite four Sigmatic products, so you can try it out. And you can also get 15% off any four sigmatic product using the Code Sahara. Welcome, Christine, to the Highest Self podcast. It's so good to have you here.

It's so good to be here. I love being in your space. I walk in and it's like, ah, my kind of place.

Yes. So the first question I'd love to ask you is, what makes you your highest self?

Well, I think I'm always my highest self. It's am I aware of being my highest self? Because our essence is love and truth and joy, and sometimes my mind takes me out of that. So I'm my highest self always. Am I Aware that I'm my highest self always. No. So it's that awareness that dropping into the present moment, dancing, expressing my purpose, those things that help me remember the truth of who I am.

Mm, I love that. And it's so important for us to realize that our highest self is always within us. It's not this thing over there that you have to do these things to get to. It's just remembering.

You don't have to meditate for 20 years. You don't have to fast for 20 days. You know, you don't have to, you know, do anything. It's always. It's always there. It's just removing the obstacles to remembering.

I think what that fear of people to realize that they're already their highest selves comes from. Well, if I'm already my highest self, then wouldn't that make me lose the motivation to do anything?

That's a really good question. Because a lot of times we just are motivated. We're not actually inspired. So a lot of motivation comes from wanting to be better because we think we're not enough. It's a human epidemic. We think we're not enough in some way. We think we're broken in some way. We think we need to do something in order to be fill in the blank. So I would love for people to be less motivated. I want people to be inspired. I want you to be pulled by a vision that just lights you up so there's no pushing. Because motivation can feel very pushing and it can feel very masculine. Nothing against masculine. We all have it, men and women. But let's just forget about being motivated and let's be inspired. And most of us have a pretty loud inner critic. We have that part of us that tells us where we're not enough, where we could do better, where we don't belong, where we need this to have this. And it's effective at getting us to get things done. I mean, just think of New Year's resolutions. Most people make a New Year's resolution because they don't like something about themselves. So they go into self judgment and they're like, I'm going to do this so that I can be better. That's straight up motivation. And it's effective. You move on the goal line of life, but you get very depleted on the soul line of life because your come from is always from a place of judgment.

So true. And one of the things that I realized for myself a couple years ago is I want to be an inspirational speaker, not a motivational speaker, because they're two different things.

They're two different things. I think it's one of my speaking mentors. I don't know if it was Lisa Nichols. I think it was Lisa Nichols. She talks about there's an inspirational speaker, a motivational speaker, like an educational speaker, an entertainment based speaker, and then a transformational speaker. And I'm like, I want to be a little. I want to be a transformational speaker. My intention is to create something. Create something that creates an aha moment where someone has a miracle, meaning a change in perception. They have an insight that. That inspires them to do things differently again, not from the place of more, better, different, but from a place of remembering the truth of who they really are.

I love that. So can you share with us a little bit about how you came to be yourself, a transformational coach and speaker?

Total accident, not planned. Which is funny because so much of my identity was planning everything, especially being a Virgo.

It's like, I like plans and I think you're a pitta dosha. I don't know if you've taken a.

Quiz, I would love for you to analyze me and let me know. I'd love to know more about that. That sounds good. So I, growing up as a kid, dealt with a lot of insecurity, a lot of bullying, had abuse in my background, things like that. And that created a very strong, what I call compensatory strategy. So anytime we feel less than scared, alone, isolated, hurt, traumatized, the ego has to come up with some kind of survival skill to feel like we belong, are safe, are loved. So we kind of create these compensatory strategies to get love, get validation, belong, feel safe. And so mine was to be an overachiever. I thought, well, if I don't fit in, nobody likes me. I'm just going to get the best grades and be, quote, unquote, somebody. And so that took me all the way through college. And then I pursued a career in Hollywood because Hollywood's a good place to come if you're really insecure with something to prove. And I worked my way up, and I was the youngest ever female agent. And I kept checking things off the checklist. I was a good girl. Like I was. I was like a good student. I was. I had a plan. I was gonna go to college by this age, graduate by this age, move out to la, be promoted by this age, be married by this age, have a kid by this age. It was all totally planned out because that's the way I thought you were supposed to do it. And I was well on track, and I was 25 and making a lot of money living the Hollywood life, like everything you can imagine. Private jets, celebrities, Oscars, Golden Globes, how to beautiful office in Beverly Hills with an assistant who was my age. And I still wasn't happy. And it was starting to. I was starting to have the awareness that no matter what I did, it wasn't filling the void inside of me. I also was diagnosed with depression at 11 and was still medicated until I was 30. So I was also dealing with depression and by that time, anxiety. So I was taking antidepressants and anxiety pills. My hormones were a mess, my adrenals were shot. But I looked really good on the outside. I look like I really had it all together, and my ego liked that. And it was an identity and a mask that I took great comfort in because it made me feel like that's who I was, you know? And as somebody who never felt like she belonged, once I kind of had this identity of being this successful young woman, I clung to it, but I was miserable. And the.

Did you know you were miserable at the time?

Oh, yeah.

Okay.

Oh, yeah. I remember on New Year's Eve, sitting next to George Clooney, having a conversation with him, and having the thought, I'm sitting next to George Clooney and he knows who I am, and I am still not happy and still don't feel like I belong. Something's wrong, something's off, you know? Cause I achieve, like, the fantasy of what I wanted to achieve. And like I said, the void's still there. So to make what's already turning into a long story a bit shorter, the misery started to get stronger than my ability to hold the mask. And I really just felt like I needed to make a change. And I hated my job, which was hard because I worked really hard to get there. Like, I was so ambitious. I worked really hard to get there. Long hours, lack of sleep, dealt with a lot of things that could be part of the Me Too movement. And so giving that up was really scary. And that's how it is with most big life decisions, because uncertainty is really scary. Especially if we've been a planner our whole life. And it's somewhat easy to make a change when you have a plan, you know what you're going to next. But when you're taking that leap of faith, there's a free fall. And that really scared me. But like I said, the misery started to get stronger than the fear. So I decided to quit. I was really into health and fitness. Thought I was going to be a personal trainer, didn't like that, got more depressed, was engaged at the time, got broken up with by my fiance, went into more debt, was estranged from my family because my mom and I got in a bad fight and got diagnosed with an undiagnosable autoimmune disorder. Not shocking on top of the depression and anxiety. So that was my rock bottom at about 26 years old. And I'm sure people listening have been through worse for me. That was enough. It got my attention and I had the awareness that I was the common denominator in all those things. And it was a very sobering awareness. And something in me, like definitely a higher self moment, saw that I had two perspectives to look at it like I was a victim and life just doesn't work out for me. Works out for other people, but not for me. I'm a failure like that. Total inner critic victim mode. Or I could go into being a seeker and I could get super curious and go, maybe this is happening for me, not to me. And if I don't the common denominator and all these things, I must be a creator, so perhaps I can create something different. And that was the turning point. Now it wasn't like I had that insight. And then, you know, I heard the angels singing and all the answers came and my depression lifted and money came in. But it was a pivot point in my perspective. And that is the most powerful pivot we can often make because when we change the way we look at things, we truly become miracle makers. And it just opened up a whole new way of looking at myself and of life. And I'd been working with a coach, but I wasn't really listening to her because she was telling me things that I wasn't willing to do quite yet. I went back to her and I said, I'm all in. Tell me what to do, I'll do it. And I just started studying with her. I started devouring personal growth books, but I couldn't find the book that really spoke to what it was like to be a 20 something woman and feel all this pressure and confusion. There were books about how to like find your job and really relationship and all that. I couldn't find a book on how to deal with the inside stuff. And the personal development books felt like they were written for people a lot older than me. So I thought, well, I'll just write a book. Start of any great entrepreneurial venture is solve a problem that you have. And So I wrote 20 something, 20 everything. It came out. This is where my agenting days came in handy. You know, you never know in life where the dots are going to connect because I knew agents, I got a book deal. And that book just really struck a chord with people because it was for 20 something millennial women having their quarter life crisis of like, who am I, what do I want and how do I get it? And as I was writing the book, people kept reaching out to me and say, will you coach me? Will you counsel me? And as a personal trainer, I started to discover this gift I had for talking to people. My personal training clients never really wanted to work out, they just wanted to talk to me. And they were older, they were in their 40s, 50s, 60s, and they'd come to me for advice, which just felt strange to me. So I started to discover this gift and I went back to my coach and I said, Mona, I, you know, people are asking me to coach. And she's like, yeah, that's your gift. And I said, I've been coming to you for years, like looking for my purpose. And you knew it all along. And she said, it's not for anybody else to tell you your purpose. You have to discover yourself. So that's how it all started. It was just, I was my own best client. You know, I found a way through something that felt insurmountable to me and created a system that helped me. And then sharing that with other people was what turned into my purpose in my career.

I love that and I relate to that so much because that's how I found Ayurveda. Needing it, wanting a book that modernized it, not knowing where I could find it, being like, okay, I'll write it myself. Like literally that same thought. And I think for a lot of people are like, well, I don't get it. You just like think you're going to write a book and then you just go and write it. Like, I guess what a lot of people are dealing with is how to take an idea into action.

Yeah, one step at a time. So my favorite way to explain overwhelm is being at the bottom of a staircase, knowing you're going to the second floor and standing there and going, how do I skip all these steps and jump to the top? Overwhelming. But most of us don't get overwhelmed when we see a staircase because we can just go one step at a time. So it truly is one step at a time. And this is where co creation is so important to know because I really do feel like the universe meets us at the point of action and Intention. So when the how question comes in, you back it down to that first step. With my clients will draw out a staircase and we'll be like, okay, goal up here. This is where you are now. What's the first step? And if writing a book is it, maybe it's talking to someone that's wrote a book, then maybe the next step is writing for 20 minutes a day. And you just step and step and step and step, knowing that if the universe is meeting you at the point of action and intention, that next step is going to come and the next step is going to come and the next step and it's going to come. The number one thing I see that stops people from going after something they want is being scared. They don't know how. And because they can't see the whole entire thing, they don't take any step forward.

So true. And I think a lot of people, we don't realize how much information we have available to us. Like, I see a lot of people who. They are asking people things you could easily Google.

Totally.

And it's just like, I would never do that to someone. Because if it's, if it's like an advice, like, Christine, I want your personal advice. Totally. But if it's like, oh, like, how does a whole publishing a book thing work? Like that's something you could.

Or how do you proposal? Yeah.

Like it's something you could easily Google. And that comes back to responsibility. And I think it's like so much easier for us to be like, I don't know how it's never going to happen to me than to just take responsibility that, like, no one knew how and we're all just figuring it out.

It's the victim versus seeker.

Yes.

It's the helpless versus curious. You know, that when we get into that energy of overwhelm. Helpless. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. And that's like a. That's not a great affirmation to repeat for sure. Like, it's great to not know things, but. But be in the not knowing with curiosity.

Yes.

Not in the not knowing with helpless.

So my affirmation that I was repeating in my quarter life crisis when I was 23 was, I'm confused because I was labeled by my parents as being confused because I was interested in so many different things. And they were like, how can I be interested in so many different things? You're just confused. So then that's the story I would start telling myself. And I think a lot of people Are too. How can we shift that story?

Okay, so I really feel, especially for 20 somethings today, or really any age, we suffer from a little bit of what I call Cheesecake Factory paralysis. And for those that have been to the Cheesecake Factory, you know what I'm talking about. Because the menu is an encyclopedia. It has a spiral. I've counted, it's 127 food options, not including cheesecake. And so you go there and you really, you don't know what to order because there's so many choices. And you take all this insight, you ask the waiter, you ask other people, what do you want? What do you want? What do you want? And then you order something, it comes and you don't like it and you're obsessing about it, you didn't make the right choice and everybody else did it just, we have go through the lettuce wrap.

Yeah, exactly.

Always a safe bet. So we just have so many options. So for me, sometimes instead of looking at something and going, how can I change this? It's more, what can I develop instead? And instead of looking and go, how do I get out of confusion? Just accept, accept. There's a lot of options, especially in your 20s. There's a lot that we feel pressure to figure out because it's like the first time we're really adulting and it's like, what do I want to do? Do I want to get married? Where do I want to live without a lot of on our own to make that decisions. So maybe it can be confusing because there are so many options. So instead of like trying to fix confusion, let's move over to developing intuition and really developing a practice, which I know you teach so well, of connecting in and practicing that skill of discernment. Because intuition just isn't just about like getting a sense about something and getting a download. Connecting to our inner wisdom and our intuition and our inner coach gives us a chance to practice discernment, to like feel into different options and feel what feels true. I actually have. If you want to give people a free gift, I actually have a six step intuitive decision making process. That's like a practical. Because people kept asking me, okay, I want to develop my intuition, but I'm super in my head. So I was like, how do I develop a practical way to develop intuition? That's such an oxymoron. But it's just easy. They just text, text Christine my name to 444-9999 and they get my six steps. And it can help you start to really make that intuitive decision making to flex that muscle. Because I think that that really is how we get out of confusion, is we don't try to fix the confusion. We don't try to figure it out. Because figuring things out with the mind just creates more confusion. We have to put it aside and come to, okay, let me drop in and feel into what's most aligned for me right now and to know. And this is a hindsight thing. I really thought every decision in my 20s was going to be like life determining, and it was and it wasn't. It was life changing and life determining, and that was part of my path. But no decision locked me into something that I regretted. Now we have the freedom to make choice and the freedom to change directions. And making mistakes and failing is not a bad thing at all. It's often how we learn. I think the worst thing that we can do to slow ourselves down is to make no choice, is to sit in limbo and to sit in confusion and try to figure things out. Because oftentimes the answers aren't crystal clear. They aren't. Sometimes you get a total hell yes. Like, I've even posted, if it's not a hell yes, it's a hell no. And often that's very true. Sometimes it's a leap of faith.

Yeah, I used to do a lot of pros and cons lists. And for me, it was like since I had. I didn't have my intuition, intuition at the time, at least I could just, okay, let me step into all the pros, let me step into all the cons. And then naturally from doing that, I felt like one. Just like then I intuitively was able to see that way.

Yep. And that's a great example of combining mind and intuition, of using the mind and then the intuition does the rest.

Love that. So let's say you're that person there and you're like, okay, I literally have no idea where to start. It's not like I know I want to write a book or I want to make a movie. It's like I just don't really know what I'm even into.

In terms of career.

In terms of. Yeah, career, career, passion. You're just maybe working a job, but you don't know. You're kind of interested in a lot of things, but there's nothing really grabbing you.

Yeah. Well, there's two things I would say. I used to. When I spoke at colleges, I used to talk about kind of the four different types of people and career paths. And. And one of them is What I call a noodle thrower. I like food analogies. I've used two already. When I was little and we cook spaghetti, you'd throw the noodle against the wall, and if it stuck, pasta was done, and if not, you had to put it back in the pot. And for a lot of people, when it comes to their career path, they're a noodle thrower. They've got to try a lot of things until something sticks. And it truly is a process of elimination. And that's okay. That's. That's one path. And you have to try different things to see what you like. And I think within that, you can do things like informational interviews. A lot of. When I was coaching millennials, a lot of what I did was had them pick, like, different career types that they really liked. Like, I'm interested in May nursing, and I'm interested in a nonprofit, and I'm interested in this. And then find somebody through LinkedIn and just send a simple request, I'm not looking for a job. I'm not looking for an interview for a job. I just have an informational interview. 15 minutes of your time to learn more about your profession. And I'd help them pre list the questions so they could really be curious and learn about these different things. And that helps because it helps come to a path. Path from curiosity and from seeking.

And did you find. A lot of these people would say yes.

Yes, a lot of them do, because people like talking about themselves and people like giving back. I really do think inherently people are good.

Yes.

You know, and when you come, when you make a specific question, when somebody sends me an email and they're like, hey, will you mentor me? I'm like, that's. Don't ask that way.

Yeah.

And I try to give them some coaching on how to make a powerful request. But when you send a very, very specific email, this is what I'm looking for. I'm not looking for this. This is the time. These are the questions, and this is the purpose. And you're just very, very specific.

Yeah.

Most people really do say yes.

And I also feel like maybe if it's someone who's not getting, like, interviewed professionally. Yes, you're more likely to get a yes. Because if it's someone who's getting interviewed professionally, it's like you can listen to them in a lot of places, and they're more likely to just be like.

This is something I've done. This is why looking on LinkedIn and finding people that aren't like, you know, Celebrities. You're not gonna hit up Oprah and.

Be like, hey, I just have three questions.

Can we just go for coffee? And. And please don't ask anyone if you can pick their brain. Like, please don't. Don't do it. Don't do it.

We're like, you know, I feel like the intention is so good, but imagine if someone's like, hey, can I pick your brain? It sounds like the most like. Like someone's taking something out of you.

You know, it's just like, oh, and there's so many. There's so many free resources. Like, if you. If you're a little intimidated by the informational interviews, you can read biographies, you can go and listen to TED Talks. You can just get super curious. And the other thing I would say is that one thing I did in my 20s that I'm so grateful for, because it's made my, you know, after my 20s so much easier, is I really realized the importance of personal development. I really realized the importance of looking at the traumas that happened in my childhood, things that happened that weren't necessarily traumatic but that I made made mean certain things, and the belief systems that I formed that were ruling me. I looked at my relationship with money. I looked at my relationship with my mom and dad like I just dove. I looked at all my health ailments and, like, why I had them with.

A therapist or how are you with.

A coach with personal development? With. I got my master's degree in spiritual psychology. I took NLP training. I took priestess training. I just was like, I made almost my job understanding myself. And it was my job, too. I happened to be developing my career at the same time. But even if you don't go into the coaching helping field, I know a lot of your listeners are going into that field anyway. And my best advice to them is be your own best client. Like, really be your own best client. And you don't have to be there. You don't have to be totally healed. Because we're all human and we're always learning and growing. But when we make our own personal growth, healing, raising our consciousness a priority, then one, everything becomes a lot more clear. Because a lot of times why we're confused is because we've just got belief systems that aren't serving us. We've got unprocessed wounds that we're carrying onto. We've got an old story about ourselves and the way life works and what we need to do. We're more driven by other people's expectations, like what Mom and dad said we always should be versus what we truly want. So if you feel confused or you don't have a clue, it might just be because your windshield is dirty and you need to put the wipers on and get clear about what's impacting you and your thought process and clear some clutter out so that you can see more clearly.

So true. And now I feel like there's no such thing really as confusion. It's just not listening to your truth.

Totally.

If you're confused, you're just not listening. And I think that's such good advice. Instead of going after the purpose and like, da, da, da. It's like, okay, what can I fix right here? It's like when you're looking for something in your house, instead of looking for. Looking for that thing, maybe just clean the clutter and then you'll just find it.

Yeah. Mona, my old coach, who's no longer physically on this planet, she used to say confusion was being in the past, present and future all at the same time. You're triggered by something in the past, you're trying to figure out something in the present, and you're trying to project the future all at once. And if you're in three different places in your timeline all at once, you're gonna feel confused. So, going back to what you said, get only in the present moment and ask yourself, what's most important for me to know or to heal or to see right now. And start there.

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Yeah. To get a job. You know, I did so many things in my 20s, including hand modeling, to thank you so much, to afford things. I remember I wanted to go on this one yoga retreat and it was like twelve hundred dollars, which to me was a lot of money at the time. And so I wrote all my friends and family members and I said, I don't want a Christmas or birthday gift for five years. I want to go to this yoga retreat. You know, would you please donate whatever you feel in lieu of a gift to this? Like, I was just so committed to it. And I really do feel like when we are committed to something fully, the resources show up and the. The I can't afford it. Look deeper at that. What are you really saying? Do you not want to do what it takes to come up with it. Do you not think you're worth it or is it really not that important? Yes, because when you do know you're worth it, when you are willing to do what it takes to come up with it and you are committed to it, the resources do show up. And sometimes, like, I've done a bunch of things to pay bills and to support myself as I built things that weren't glamorous and that I didn't like doing. After I left the Hollywood job, I did the personal training. I could only support myself for a little bit. I went back to work for a production company for a period of time, full time, when I did my business at night and on the weekends. And it wasn't great. Like, I didn't love it. If anything else, it even like, made me go even more all in on my business because it reminded me how much I hated having a boss. But sometimes those things are required. But they're short. Short term. They're short term.

And I think coming into that perspective of, I'm doing this job so I can do the thing that I want to do. But a lot of people, they start doing it and I. The common complaint is, well, I don't have the energy after my job. It sucks everything out of me.

Well, it sucks everything out of you because of how you're looking at it. So if I go to a job every day and I. Okay, let's. Let's make up a hypothetical. There's a taco shop downstairs, right?

Always food.

Okay? So, yeah, always food. People are gonna be like, man, that pie, guys. Christina was so hungry afterwards. So let's say two people work there and person A goes in grateful and excited. I get to connect with people. I get to feed people. Fastest way to people's hearts is through their stomach. It's new people every day. I love it. I love playing on the cash register. It's just fun. Person B is like, I hate this job. It's so beneath me. This uniform sucks. People are annoying. They're doing the exact same job but with a different attitude. Who's going to feel tired at the end of the day? Day totally Person B. Yeah. And that's more draining how we do things our self. Talk as we do things drains us more than actually what we're physically doing.

So I think the issue is that person B sees that this job is beneath them. So they're like, well, how am I going to fake excitement for something that I know is not on my. On my level?

Yeah. Well, you don't have to. I'm not a big fan of faking till you make. I am a big fan of acceptance and of gratitude and appreciation. I don't know too many women that are like, oh, my gosh, yeah, the pain of labor and the hemorrhoids and pregnancy and waking up at 3am Like, I loved it. Most people don't talk about, like, the ha. About having a baby, but they do those things and know that they're part of the beauty of having a child. And so I think it's important for some of us for us to have some grit sometimes, for us to go through things that, you know, aren't totally ideal, but we can be in acceptance and appreciation of them because they're part of the plan, they're part of the journey. And the more we move into acceptance of those things and know that they're part of the journey, and what can we learn from them? Because I tell you, like, again, using the taco shop analogy, if you want to build, like, say, a health coaching business, you're going to learn a lot about people working there. And so you can go in and go, all right, what can I learn? Learn. What can I learn? What can I. How can this serve me? How can I serve? How can this serve me? And that's going to shift things a lot quicker. And with that attitude, you're not going to have to be at that job very long.

Yes. I think looking at it, like, almost like you're an anthropologist, you know, like, oh, the taco people. What do they want? Like, using it as a cool experience instead of like, oh, I'm stuck here. Why am I here?

I did that in dating too. Like, and when I was just like, oh, so over the app and, like, another coffee date. And, like, you know, another. So where'd you grow up? Where'd you go to college? How many siblings you have? I just want to hand people one sheet, just read this, and then let's have a deeper conversation. And I was just, like, not enjoying it. And that was not the energetic I wanted to be in. So I would just go in with the attitude of, what can I learn from this person? Because everybody has, like, a unique experience or a unique passion. I remember this one guy with super passionate about spiral dynamics, and I learned about this, and somebody else was like, the butterfly effect. And I just got curious and went in with that attitude, and it made it a lot more fun.

Yes. I love that. And I think, again, it comes to that fear of, well, if I'm Fully grateful and acceptant of where I am, then I'm not gonna grow false. Right.

False gratitude and appreciation just breeds more gratitude and appreciation. It's one of the highest frequencies we can be in.

Totally. Yeah.

Not settling.

I think it's like almost like when we're not happy we have to be like I'm not happy, I'm not happy. Let me let everyone know that I'm not happy. And then it's just, it's actually just going to bring everyone else around you down and bring the whole like vibe generally lower. So yeah, if you're in a job that you hate, try to find the best of it because you're going to have more energy after to do the thing that you want to do.

Absolutely. And let's make the distinction between a job you hate and being in a toxic job. So a job you hate is. We're talking about your attitude and the judgment that's beneath you. A toxic job would be an abusive boss or working hours that you know are just uncalled for. Co workers that are super, super toxic. Being in an environment where it's very drinking culture and that's not your vibe. Those kind of things you may need to look at. All right. I don't want to be in a toxic environment. Let me find a healthier place for me to go. I think those situations are important to leave and not try to be hero in that situation. That's much different than shifting your attitude about a job. That's okay for now.

I love that. So a lot of people want to be a coach like you and a lot of questions I get are, do I need to go to a life coaching school to become a life coach?

I do feel training is essential. Life experience and being self taught is wonderful. I think that there's a limit to how far you can really take your class clients. So it's just knowing what kind of coach you want to be. If you want to be an accountability coach, a goals coach, then maybe not. But if you really want to be a life or health coach, I do think whether it's a certification, studying with a coach, going through some kind of program, I personally feel that that's part of the integrity of being a coach. Because our life experience and our own self study is a massive part of it. It but learning from people and having the training and you know, when I train coaches and when I was trained as a coach and when I got my degrees in spiritual psychology, you know, I had people evaluating me. People that like had decades of experience on Me, people that were psychiatrists and psychologists and you know, really. And that to me helps me be in greater integrity as a coach and also expand the container that I can hold for people. So I do think it's important depending on what kind of coach you want to be.

And I love that you said maybe not for the accountability or goals coach because I was just speaking with someone and he's very much an accountability coach and he's like, I'm not here to tell you something you haven't heard. I'm just here to hold you up to you being there for yourself. And he didn't have to go to school for that. It's just him being there. Exactly. And that's, and that's one thing that you could just of jump into. But if you're trying to like be like Christine and be like, I'm going to transform everything in your life and go in there and you have like tools and exercises and prompts and all of these things, like that takes like learning. Yeah, yeah.

It takes training and skills and supervision from people that really have know what they're doing.

So a lot of people think, well, how can I coach other people when I have a shit ton of problems myself?

Well, the human journey is never ends so we're always learning and growing. I will say that the more I have done the work, the less shit ton of problems that I have and the quicker I move through my shit done. So there's no perfection for me. It's more. Are you walking the talk? Like would you tell a client to do something that you're not doing yourself? You don't have to be there, don't have to have it all figured out. Mona, when I first started coaching, she's like, like just coach women in their 20s who are a little bit behind you on their journey. Not beneath me, but behind me. So like where I'm, you know, move through certain things, they're still in them. And I think that's a really good way to start.

Yeah. I just posted that your ideal client is a, is a former version of yourself.

I say the same thing.

It's so true and it's so true. And it's like you don't have to have everything figured out, but you should be further along the path that your client is walking. Otherwise you're just like, this is an inspirational quote I read. I don't know, let's see how it goes for both of us. And that's not really doing anything.

And you're going to get triggered by your Clients. Yeah. So I always knew. And this is another thing that my coach helped me with, which is why it's so important if, first of all, if you're coaching people, you should have a coach, like, period, end of story. So I would go to her. I'll tell you two stories. I went to her after one session because I'd go to her and tell her about my sessions. And I was like, oh, my gosh, Mona, I help this person so much. She had such great insights. It was so awesome. I feel amazing. And she's like. And I go, what? She goes, anytime you're in high ego or low ego after a session, you are off course. Neutral. Neutral. Gratitude, yes. Acknowledgement. But like, any time you think you did something, of course I'm like, oh, she gave me a lot of humble pie. And then the set, I remember I went to her another time. And I'm like, oh, my gosh, I coached three people today, and I'm so tired. And I. I'm just. I'm just. I don't know if I can do this. And I'm just tired. And she's like, you're tired because whatever they talked about triggered unresolved stuff in you. Like, what do you mean? She's like, what did somebody talk about today? And I can't remember what the thing was, but it was whatever that client was working through, I hadn't worked through yet inside myself. So it was unconsciously triggering me and draining me. So that's another thing that when I train coaching is really knowing, like, when your client is triggering you and how important it is to. Again, you don't have to be perfect, you don't have to be done. But processing your own stuff and having your own coach along the way is so important. So you can have a clear container with the person and not have anything they're talking about trigger something in you.

That's so true. So what about if you have a client that you. You're feel like you're really getting to them, they're saying they're going to change their life, and then like, two weeks later, you have your next session, they're back to square one, and this keeps happening and you're growing increasingly frustrated. How do you handle that?

Never work harder than your client. That's a big thing. Like, never work harder than your client. And don't get attached to their results. Their results aren't reflective of your effectiveness as a coach, because really, it's truly up to them. And this is where the extra training comes in. Because if people are getting excited but not taking action, there's an unconscious block that usually has to do with. With a childhood event that's preventing them, that's creating saboteur behavior. They have like a not enough belief system running. They're scared of success. That's when you have to go a little bit the psychology route and drill down into, okay, what's the block here?

So true. Yes. Because I remember back when I used to do coaching, like I had a client that was always like the same thing. And I'm like, I don't get it. Like, we're still. And then I was like, this is something that's way bigger than what I can help you with. And I think that she did end up getting help. But I think it is wise of coaches to know that you're not going to be able to solve everyone's problems.

You can't. And a lot of times people come in and they want action, action, action, action. But the soul, if there's something the soul needs to learn. Like if the soul needs you to go back and heal what happened to you in fourth grade, or look at the fact that you never felt loved by your father, it's gonna keep frustration happening. You know, you're not gonna get that thing you want unless until you go back and look at the block to where it is. Because that's how consciousness evolves, is we. You know, as a coach, no one comes to me and they're like, christina, everything's great. Like, I just wanna be even better. Most people come cause there's something that's a block. They want something and it's not happening, or they can't get over something or whatever. I call it an expectation hangover. And it is that very discomfort, dissatisfaction that takes us back to something that needs to come up and heal. As soon as that happens, the block removes and the person has momentum again.

So how do they come down to, oh, it's this thing that happened to me in fourth grade?

Well, this is where the work of a great therapist or coach comes in handy. The easiest way to take someone there is to. Because it's our feelings about things that create most things. When we talk about manifestation, yeah, the thoughts are a big part of it, but it's the feeling that goes along with the thought. You can think, I'm grateful, I'm grateful, I'm grateful. But if you don't feel grateful, like, you're still not vibing in gratitude. Just the thought alone doesn't do it. So you take whatever feeling is Present, like, let's say someone can't get their goal, like, leaving their job. So, like, every time they come close, what's the feeling that comes up? Is it fear? Do you feel, like, a sense of rejection? Like, you just. You zone in on that feeling, and then you ride that feeling back in time until it pops up in a memory and you start there.

I love that. So good. And your new book is called Expectation Hangover as well. So can you tell us about that?

Yeah. So, Yeah, I wrote two books for 20 something then. Expectation Hangover is all about how to leverage disappointment. So an expectation hangover is when things don't go according to plan. They do go according to plan, but you don't feel like you thought you would. You achieve a great result, get in the relationship or the job, and you're like, why am I still not happy? Or life just throws you an unexpected curveball. And I. You know, as a. As a seeker and a coach, it was expectation hangovers that always led to the greatest transformation if people were willing to go into it and not just try to jump over it. Most people, when they have an expectation hangover, they just want to move on. How do I do the next thing? How do I do? Or they numb themselves. Like, a little more eating, a little more drinking, a little more Instagramming. Like, anything to kind of distract from the pain. What's also popular is spiritual bypassing. Just, like everything happens for a reason. I'm learning from this La dee da like, next thing. Yes. And then it's like the same Expectation Hangover over. So we are. We are light, and we are love, and we are the highest self, and we also are human. So we also. There's sadness, there's anger, there's shame, there's. There's those emotions that are emotions. Energy in motion. And there are times in life where it's important to acknowledge those and get those out. Not from the place of sitting and stewing in them and being a victim, but being like, you know what? When I was bullied in fifth grade, I never got to yell at anybody or tell anybody off. I just had to internalize all of it. And maybe it's time to give that a voice. So the book really helps people move through disappointment on the emotional, mental, behavioral, and spiritual level. And the book, you know, people love it and just were wanting more, wanting more tools because it was like this. They were really starting to pop. And so that's when the personal mastery course was created that I know we'll talk about, because I wanted to help people learn how to, how to relate to themselves and deal with the fact that we have emotions, we have a mind, we have behavior, and we have a soul. Like, how do we become masterful at all of that? Not just one thing. Some people lean into the mental part and just affirmations. Some people are action, action, action. Some people are like, I'll just meditate all day. And other people are like, emotional. But we're, we need to be integrated, holistic beings.

I love that. And can you tell us about the mastery course as well?

Yeah. So it's called personal mastery because I truly believe that the, if we want to say recipe for success or whatever is personal mastery really knowing yourself, knowing yourself deeply knowing knowing how you've suffered. Because the original definition of the word passion is suffering. And for so many people, myself included, you included. Our passion in terms of our purpose and expression has come from our suffering. And just like we've evolved our suffering into a purpose or passion, so the word passion has evolved from suffering to purpose. And so I wanted to make suffering like, less daunting for people. And in personal mastery, you really learn how to become masterful of your own suffering so you to don't have. Have to suffer needlessly. And you start to understand, you start to connect the dots. You understand certain life events that created certain belief systems that have led to certain ways of being. You understand something called your avoidance trap. So this is another thing as a coach, I found is that people talked about what they wanted a lot, but they spent way more time and energy avoiding what they don't want. And I call that falling into your avoidance trap. So my personal avoidance trap is rejection. So I core wound for me, like bullied boys never like me wasn't invited to birthday parties. Like, rejection was like a big wound. So I fell into the avoidance trap of rejection a lot in my life. Meaning I'd want to do something and I'd start to do it, but then I'd have that fear of rejection come up. I'd fall right in that avoidance trap and I wouldn't do it. And once I started to understand that, that it wasn't a lack of motivation, I was stuck in my avoidance trap. Then I was able to shift behavior in a different way. So it's. It takes you through again the emotional level. I demonstrate how to release emotions and not recycle them. Because I found so many people be like, but I do cry. Like I do hit a pillow and yell, but like, it's not changing. And that's because we tend to recycle emotions, meaning we have a feeling, but we have a judgment that goes along with the feeling. And instead of releasing feelings with compassion and understanding, we emote them with judgment and analysis. And so they just kind of loop back and loop back and loop back. So I teach you in the course how to actually have an adult version of a temper tantrum that's therapeutic and effective, and teach you how to neurologically reframe your brain and shift your behavior. Because 95% of our behavior is unconsciously driven. So how do we get that number down a little bit so we can. Can operate more consciously? And then we dive into the spiritual, like, how to be a seeker, how to have a stronger spiritual relationship.

I love that. And this is a really good example of a tool that you can use if you're looking to find your purpose instead of, you know, going on a job hunt. Go within.

Yeah. Yes. It's clearing the windshield. So personal mastery helps you clear the windshield so that you can really see clearly which direction you want to go. Because whenever, at least for me and thousands of people I've worked with, whenever we're in that figuring out mode and looking out there for the answer, it's just a longer process and we have to throw more noodles. It's a longer process of elimination because, like, this. No. This. No. This. No. It's a way. I prefer the more direct way of personal mastery. Clearing out the clutter so you can see clearly. And then the answers really do reveal themselves for sure.

I mean, like, how cool is it to know that, oh, everything's not working because of this rejection wound. So it's so freaking cool, like, to know all that stuff about yourself.

Yes. And I. I don't just give you the awareness. I actually teach you how to shift it. Because that was my other kind of just. I take these personal development things and I'd read these books, and I have all this awareness that I have. I'm like, I have so much information, but why is nothing changing? So the course really teaches you how to integrate it so that you don't just have awareness, you actually have transformation.

That sounds so amazing. And we have a discount for highest self podcast listeners. That is $200 off. So generous. So you can go on Christine Hassler.com forward/sahara. I will have the link notes and you will get 200 off to get started in your incredible program, which I'm totally gonna do too, because that sounds amazing. I'm sure I and everyone, you know, you never get to the bottom of it. And there's always room to grow. And it's not like you get to this level and everything's healed and everything's dandy. It's always just unlayering, unlaying, unlayering.

It does get easier. You know, one thing I learned in my spiritual psychology grad school program, my favorite quote, how you relate to the issue is the issue. And with more growth and more healing and more love, when things come up, you just relate to it differently.

So true.

You know, there are things that happen in my Life Today that five years ago, 10 years ago, I would be way more upset and it would impact me far greater than it does now because you just, you don't have the same triggers, you don't have the same buttons. And after doing this for 15 years, I will say nothing is not healable. Nothing. I have seen people create lives that came from horrific abuse and poverty. And people can overcome anything. Really, really, truly. It's, it's, anything's possible.

And I think it's also like, it's not the level of how bad that event was, but it's just how that felt for you.

How you relate to the issue is issue you. Yep.

Well, thank you so much for sharing all of your wisdom with us. And where can listeners connect with you and find you?

Yeah, well, Christine Hassler, I love Instagram. It's probably my favorite social media one. And if they go to ChristineHessler.com, they can get a free coaching assessment from me too.

Perfect. Well, thank you so much for being here.

Thank you so much for your work in the world and thank you for having me.

Oh my God, how much could you relate? I mean, I think we've all experienced some sort of crisis. Whether it's quarter life, midlife, past life, ancestral life, who knows? I'm experiencing them all at the same time. No, but for real, it is so relatable to not know which direction that you want to take. And that's the beautiful thing about this human experience is you don't need to know. You don't need to have everything mapped out. You don't need your 10 year plan. And you know who actually sticks to it. You can have it for your own, you know, vision boarding manifestations, but no one's actually going to stick to it because the universe has such better things in store for you. So. So it's just all about shedding and eliminating what is no longer serving you. Just taking off. Okay, I know this relationship is not serving me. I know this job is not serving me. I know this habit is not serving me. I know this city is not serving me. Whatever it is. Just taking those things out and then naturally it's like the cream rises to the top, the dharma rises to the top, the good ish rises to the top and then you just know. You know exactly what it is you need to do next. So if you're experiencing a crisis at any age, just focus on taking out what is not serving you. And naturally what is serving you will take its spot. So if you loved this episode, I would love if you could leave me a review in the iTunes store and as a free gift I will share with you the first half of my unreleased book Eat Right for your mind body type. Simply email a screenshot of your review over to SaharaetFeelFresh.com again Sahara Sah Ara eatfeelfresh.com and I will send you over the first half of my unreleased book Eat Right for your mind body type. Thank you and namaste Ram.