205: How to Actually Love Yourself with Paul Fishman

Namaste. My name is Sahara Rose, and welcome back to the Highest Self Podcast, a place where we discuss what makes you your soul's highest evolvement. Welcome to the Highest Self podcast. If it's your first time listening, welcome. If you've been listening since day one, what it do? Well, in this episode, we're going to talk about how to actually love yourself. You know, I did an episode a couple months ago, check that out, called what is self love actually? And in that conversation, I talk about. We talk about self love, but what really is it? And my definition of self love, which I share with Paul in this episode, is that self love is the abandonment of shame. And self love is such a hot topic right now, but it's not the same thing as self care. And that's something that we also get into in this episode. Episode. So Paul Fishman is a self love expert. He has dedicated his life to helping people love themselves more. And guys, he is a kapha unicorn. I mean it in all the best ways. Like, he is so warm and fuzzy and gentle like a teddy bear. Like, so sweet. And such a unicorn. He's so unique. He's so himself. He isn't afraid of marching to his own drum beat. Right. I think it was right before this episode, actually. We met up and went to a torque and it was our first time meeting and he had watched my Instagram stories that I love to twerk. If you don't follow me on Instagram, amsaharose, I'm always twerking. And he's like, let's go twerk. So actually, no, we did this episode and then we headed over to the twerkland. It's literally called Twerkland class. And we busted it up and it was so much fun. And he's just one of those people who is so loving and he's the ultimate person to teach self love. Like, if there's anyone out there who is meant to do it, it was Paul Fish. And be sure to listen to the end of the episode because we do a little self love song for you. And also he has a new show that is coming out called the Road to self love. And in that he interviewed me. It's like one of those karaoke car games. And we wrote a song together called what's your dosha? What's your dosha, baby? Oh, what's your dosha? What's your dosha, baby? Ooh. And we, like did raps and stuff, so that was pretty lit. And I'm really excited to just share this Fun loving episode with you. So without further ado, let's welcome Paul Fishman to the Highest Self Podcast. And before we get started, check out these brands that make Highest Self Podcast possible. Okay, Real Talk, the product I'm about to tell you about is literally the best thing I've ever put into my mouth, and that is saying a lot. And this is Organifi's Gold. So essentially it is the hot chocolate of your dreams with none of the sugar and all of the turmeric and reishi with a touch of ginger as well. It is delicious on its own, just with water. When I was on my poncha Karma and I couldn't have any sugar or chocolate, anything like that, I brought my Organifi Gold with me. Pon Karma approved. And all I needed was hot water. And it was the perfect, just sweet, soothing, desserty taste that I so deeply crave after meals. And it makes me feel so calm, so restorative. It is my optimal nighttime tonic. And literally I've gotten all my friends on it and I'm pinching myself that they are my podcast sponsors because even if they weren't, I would still be telling everyone about it. So. So head over to Organifi.com and use coupon code Sahara for 20% off. That is Organifi O R G A N I F I dot com. Use coupon code Sahara for 20% off your gold. Welcome, Paul, to the Highest Self Podcast. It's so good to have you here.

I feel high as myself.

So the first question that I'd love to ask you is, what makes you your highest self?

That's a great question. I've prepared for this question by just living my best life, but I would say what makes me feel like my highest self is like speaking from my true core virtue, which is to empower and inspire humanity to love unconditionally. So I do this throughout my life, whether it be on Instagram or with a client or just having a conversation like this, I always check myself like, is this truly connected to my true core virtue of loving unconditionally? That to me, makes me resonate at that Highest self, that highest vibe.

I love that. And really, your whole brand and message is coming back to that. And you had an incredible story about cultivating self love within yourself because you did not start here. So can you share with us how you came to be the Paul that you are today?

Absolutely. I hope you're all ready for three hours of me talking.

Were you born? What's your human design? Yeah.

So my Self love journey started when I was 25. Prior to that, I was the epitome of a people pleaser. I was just living my life for everyone else and really the expectation that I'd placed on myself of what I thought others expected of me. Lots of expectation, lots of shame, lots of judgment. And throughout that experience, I had put on 75 pounds of excess weight.

And are you a kapha dosha?

See, I was driving up and like I've done all the research and I've took your test and it's just like it says, I'm all of the things, but you just tell me.

Well, this sounds very kapha what you're explaining right now though. Gaining weight, putting other people in front of yourself. This right now was definitely your kapha period.

Yes, absolutely. So I gained the weight and also because of this excess weight, I had all these stress stories that I was telling myself that I wasn't good enough, that people weren't gonna like me. So I got really into dressing this part. So I would go and I'd buy the really fancy clothes and I would show up to acquaintances birthdays with like $300 gifts because I'd be like, here, I'm giving you this gift. Hopefully it'll mask the fact that I don't truly like myself and feel ashamed of how I've let myself go. So the 75 pounds of weight gain landed me in a massive amount of credit card debt and financial crisis and really just cultivated and turned into this really just pit of despair. I was in a very toxic relationship. I'm gay, but I was very closeted and was dating women and convinced myself that it was just a phase and it would pass. And here I was just like really, really sad. So that all the culmination of events really was me realizing that I needed to take my life back. It was mine to live and it wasn't someone else's story. So I started, I took my, you know, pen and put it to paper.

What created that shift though?

I was working a job that I had this end goal and they kept on shuffling me around and saying, you have to do this before you can get that. And I would do the things and then they'd be like, no, we have to do this too. And I'm like, I'm not feeling like enough. And it was the three year relationship that I was in that was just like, when are we getting married? And I was like, I don't want to marry you. And so many other just like the credit card debt, all of these Things like feeling like I'm drowning. Right. So the catalyst was me getting out of this relationship. Got out of the relationship. Within two weeks, my body had released 20 pounds of emotional weight. Like, it was just this, like, the universe being like, you're doing great, Paul. Keep on putting one foot in front of the other. And then maybe like a month later, I was contacted by a recruiting company that put me on the trajectory to land into the dream job that I always wanted at that time. So this also can kind of come back to this idea that what you think is truly what can happen, you know, manifestation, if you will. And it was so powerful for me to be in that journey. But I didn't realize that it was a self love journey until like 12 months ago. So that was really like, the beginning of me just learning that when you put yourself first, nothing else really matters, if that makes sense.

I love that. That's so beautiful. And I think a lot of people can resonate with being at that place where it's almost like in every corner you look, it's like, relationship sucks, work sucks, body sucks. And it's just like, where do I even start? And you just put one foot in front of the other and didn't, you know, make this an enormous thing and was just like, okay, I'm gonna leave the relationship. Oh, wow, now I'm losing weight. Oh, now. Now this is happening. And it's like the universe was just supporting you for going towards your dharma, your highest self.

Yeah. And the thing is, is that it wasn't smooth sailing. Like, when I got out of the relationship. I slept on my friend's couches for two months, you know, before I was able to afford to move into my own place. And my own place was with two other roommates. I was living in New York City at the time, and the job that I ended up getting was all fine and dandy, but it ended up being the same shit, different day, you know? So it took me going through that, then having to move from New York City back in with my parents, because I just couldn't afford to live in New York anymore to going to the family business and realizing that that wasn't my calling, that wasn't my path, but learning so much and then becoming a fitness instructor because I was so terrified that the weight that I lost was going to come back if I didn't work out. And I knew that if I was getting paid to work out, that I would work out. We're going twerking later. Like, I love to do a dance Moment. But, like, working out isn't something that I love to do.

Yeah, you're definitely kapha then.

Okay, great. I feel good about being a kapha. Yeah, I feel good about it. So there's this just whole thing where people look at me on social media. I'm sure you get this a lot, too, and they're just like, you have it all. You're living this most amazing life. Well, I mean, it took me almost 10 years to get to this place, and I'm only human. I still on an uphill battle to figure out my truth. Like, it's not so cut and dry.

And something amazing about you. And I don't know if this is something that you consciously learn in a book or a course or something, but you choose you want to be at. Like, for example, you walked in, I'm like, it's raining. You're like, it's okay, totally fine. It's la. We needed the rain. And it's like in that place, I was going down, and you were like, nope, meet me right up here. And I was like, yeah, like, he's right. You know, so even just something as small as that, probably subconsciously you just did that, but you're just like, let's raise the vibe. Like, let's bring everyone up here. So did you learn that somewhere? Is that just something that happened?

I've always been a happy person. I think that for the first portion of my life, it was more of a facade. But now it's like, I always like to say, weather is a state of mind, you know, like a lot of things. And this is a lot of the work that I've been doing with a lot of my clients. And just my community is like the conscious decision about blame, like, playing the blame game. You know, we can say, oh, the rain is ruining my day, or look from within and, like, how can you make your day better regardless of what's going on externally? So you're not in the room listening. You can't see us. But when she said that, I, like, lit up. I was. I don't even know that I'm doing it, but it's. It's really like.

I was like, he's the real deal. Because we don't realize that. You know, it's so. It's so easy because one person's state can bring down the others if we're being unconscious about it. So if I was like, oh, it's ring, like, yeah, I know. And we're like. And then our energy said it up. But if you're like, no, come up here, I'm up here, not coming down, not doing that weather blame game. And it's something so easy that we can all do for the people around us. Because I feel like really your version of self love is not this, like, take a bubble bath and put on a face mask. Like, yeah, that could be a part of it, but it's a mindset switch. And we have opportunities to make this mindset shift at any time. But maybe it's just a little bit of tools at the beginning to kind of learn how to do it.

Yeah. And what you just said about bubble baths and face masks, that's actually self care. And the thing that I like to remind everyone about is self care cannot exist without self love, which is the mindset shift. However, a lot of people confuse the two and maybe separate the two. So primarily, like, you know, self love has had this big media craze. Like that word is like we were talking about that word has been thrown around and it's like, well, what even is self love? Well, on Instagram, SelfLove just went out to Chanel, bought me a bag, got my hair, did my nails done and I'm just like looking fabulous. Okay, well, that's self care. But if behind that Instagram picture, this person has anxiety because they put it on a credit card because they can't afford that actual lifestyle. There's no self love, self care. You can't describe anything that they're doing as that. So it's time as like this kind of like this society that focus on materialism and consumerism is just like, take a step back and really focus on your why. Like, why are you doing the bubble bath so you can get the cute Instagram shot? Or is it really because you, you need that alone time? And I think that I've been challenging a lot of my clients to do that and it's really, really fun. Like, I'd love to actually share a story of a client I was working with who he came to me and he is a voice coach and he was really suffering in his business. He was losing clients left and right. And it was just like, why me? Why me? Why me? I'm so like, what am I doing wrong? What am I doing wrong? It's all me. And, and over the course of working with me, we realized that his poverty mindset and his scarcity mindset was scaring people away. He was undercharging. So he had a goal of bringing in 30 clients within the three month period that my group coaching program is. And within seven days, he had attracted nine new clients because of just simple tools that I gave him to shift his mindset. And, you know, we hear, oh, mindset hacks and this and that, but it's really as simple as believing in yourself.

So can you share with us, like, what are some examples of tools for self love mindset?

So the biggest thing that you hear of, whenever you hear like a super successful person on a podcast, you're like, I'm a multimillionaire. They always come back to a gratitude practice. And regardless of if it's financial success that you want, a relationship, career, you know, whatever, weight loss gratitude practice is so powerful because especially when you do it either in the very morning, the second you wake up or right when you go to bed because you're conditioning your mind to focus in on the good, not the bad. And yes, some people will be like, well, I can't find anything I'm grateful for today. Well, I. After doing some research and hearing how, like, Dr. Michael Gervais kind of reframes the concept of gratitude, I decided that I wanted to call my gratitude practice researching awesomeness. So what I love about this is like, yes, it's raining in la. I felt like I hydroplaned like three times driving over here. Like, those could be very negative things, but I'm sitting here drinking this amazing tea and there's beautiful crystals in front of me having amazing conversation. Like, if I focus on those types of things, my world is automatically gonna be shifted. And it's one of those things, you know how, like, you go to the gym and. And then you're there, like you've been going for a year and you look in the mirror like, oh, wow. I didn't realize that I was losing all this weight or getting all this muscle tone, but I did it. It's kind of the same way as gratitude practice. Like, you continue doing it and then one day you're just like, oh, my goodness, I have no reason to not be grateful today. And that's the power. It's consistency. Gotta be consistent. So that's the first thing. If you take anything away from this conversation, if you're listening, just try writing down some good things that happened.

I love that every morning I always say to my fiance, I'm like, what are three things you're grateful for? And he's always like, you chubby here. Like, I don't know. They're like, so unoriginal. And I'm like, the crisp of the air. He's like, oh, what do you think of these things? But like every day there's new things to be grateful for.

Yeah, exactly. And even if there aren't, and I really love that you have the conversation with your partner because like, like that is something really powerful. I've had some clients come in who are having really tough times in their relationships, but they know that they don't want to give up. And I'm like, let's do this with your partner at night. It's that you connect and you connect over powerful, beautiful things. Like, it's not like an argument. It's like today I saw a beautiful flower that was really awesome. And today I, X, Y and Z. And then your partner shares and it's like this, this overwhelming, just like effect that happens and it's so beautiful. So I love that you do that with him.

I love it. So what are other self love tools we can use?

So some other self love tools are. I love to always. Like we were talking about a little bit before, like reframe blame, but also bringing it inward, right? Because we can sit and victimize ourselves so much. You could have a crummy job that you don't like, your kids could be ungrateful for you. You could feel like you had to do this, you were forced to do this to make ends meet or whatever it is. And these are all external things, right? We have complete control over how we feel about the world around us and most importantly, how we feel about ourselves. So it's really, if you fall into this concept of woe is me, how can you reframe it in your head? And how can you change yourself? Because I'm not going to be able to change you. And that's the funny thing is when I'm on these calls with my clients, they're like, you've changed my life. And I'm like, actually, you changed your own life. And they're just like, okay, Paul, but you help. And I'm like, sure, sure. But it's just like we need to give ourselves credit. So the next tool I'm gonna give you, a twofer is celebrating everything. And I'm not talking about celebrating going out and buying something. It's really, really simple. And I'm gonna actually have you do it with me right now. So if you're driving, please just keep one hand on the wheel. If you wanna do it, you arm up over your head, bend your. Just one. You just need one. You could do two if you want though. Bring your hand back to your back and just give yourself a Pat on the back. Doesn't that feel good? It's so weird that it feels so good, but it's just like, you're doing so great. There's so many things that life has thrown at you, and you've made it. You're here, you're doing it. And that is also just a tip. So if you ever feel overwhelmed, just give yourself a pat on the back. And if people look at you weird, it's none of your business.

I love that. Oftentimes I just, like, sit and start massaging my shoulders because it's like, why not just give yourself that. That love? And I feel like sometimes it feels even better from yourself because, you know, like, where you're, like, really tight and I do that, or I, like, oftentimes just, like, caress my arm or caress my leg lovingly.

Love it.

You're probably like, what the hell?

I mean, I kind of. But, you know, I love it. You do? You. That's. That's. I'm a big proponent of, like, doing what makes you feel best. It's like, who cares what anyone else thinks, really? It's none of your business what someone thinks of you.

So what if you're, like, in a place that you're like, I feel like I love myself. I mean, I don't think that I hate myself, but your life is just not lining up how you want.

I think this step, this is some of the research that I'm really starting to dive into, is all about worthiness. And I think that although on the basis, like, maybe a foundational level, you may feel that, like, I love myself, I'm content with where I am, but the world around me doesn't feel like it's lining up with this vision. It's worthiness. And I would challenge you, if you're listening to consider really diving deep into what are some true things that you want. So, for instance, if you're here and you're like, well, I love myself, but the world, like, my world around me isn't lining up with that. Well, what isn't lining up? Is it your job? Like, you don't love your job? Okay, so write down. And I'm really, really. I think it's so powerful to put pen to paper. Like, take a pen, get some paper. I'm not talking about the notes app on your phone. I'm saying, like, there's something cathartic about writing. So write down your job and write all of the things that you love about your job. And really, like, once again, practice that gratitude. And then either it might not be as bad as we think it is, or you'll realize that you don't like your job at all and why are you working at a job that you don't like? Simple as that.

Yeah. I think most people are at that point where they feel like they love themselves, but it comes back down to worthiness. And I feel like worthiness is a huge thing that we are just getting. And it's that feeling like, well, I can't leave the job because I'm not good enough to do the thing that I want to do.

Yeah, Yeah. I mean, whenever I finish up, like a Facebook Live or Instagram anything or any type of message, I'm always like, remember, you are worth it. You deserve it, and you are not alone, because you're not.

I love that. That's so beautiful. And I feel like people hear that and they're like, you know, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm worth it. I'm enough. But like, like, really embodying it is such a different thing.

Right.

So what do you recommend for people who are like, okay, I feel like then maybe it's some worthiness stuff. What can I really shift inside of myself, like, energetically to attract the things that I believe that I'm worth?

Once again, we're gonna dive back into that journal because I love a journaling moment. Start writing, and I call it like present tense manifestation, essentially writing down the things that you don't feel you're worthy of but you know you truly want as if you already have them. So, for example, what I've been writing down lately is my big. My goal of 2019 is I have a brand new program called Self Love on Demand, which is a community, a virtual community where we come together and we. I'll do a lecture around self love once a month, Live on Zoom. And then I also do, like, hot seat coaching calls. And we do. We have a Facebook group and I send out workbooks and you get an email from me every week with a journaling prompt and a mantra and all this stuff. And my goal is to grow that to a thousand members. That's my goal for 2019. I'm very vocal about it because. Because you say it and it will be done right. So every morning I write, I am so grateful that Self Love on Demand has a thousand plus members in it that are learning and growing together because our brain. So I'll give you an example. Like, have you ever gone to a scary movie and you're watching it and you just can't separate the Two, and you're, like, freaking out. You're like, oh, my God, the axe murderer is coming to get me. That's your reptilian brain. And your reptilian brain is. Is just like the part of your brain that lives with the fear and gives you those kind of, like, feelings that you have to do things. The fight or flight. Right. So it's the same way, like, if you're writing these things down, your brain can't tell the difference because it's right. You're writing it down. You're thinking it. Oh, okay, that must be true. It's like, you know, we talk about expanders a lot. Like, you spend time with the people who have the things that you want so that you feel as though you already have them and you can have them. And it's like, that's why I'm here, because you've written, like, a million gazillion books, and I'm ready to be on that plane, too. So, I mean, amongst other reasons, but, you know, so it's just like you surround yourself with the people. You surround yourself with the thoughts, and a lot of people might be rolling their eyes right now. They're like, oh, well, okay, I can write it all day long. Yeah. But the thing is that you continue writing it, and then sooner or later, something's gonna click. Whether the universe serves something up to you, or you're just like, you know what? I've had this idea. I've had this Etsy shop that I've wanted to launch for a long time. I'm gonna start doing this at night. It fills me up, and I'm gonna give myself a goal. I'm gonna start writing down, my Etsy shop is bringing in enough money, whatever that financial number is, for me to leave my job that doesn't serve me. You know, it's like, we're resistant to the things we want the most.

So I love that. And I think that when you keep on writing down as if it happened, you start to think about the solutions and the actions that you can take to make it happen. Because if you're just like, I want a thousand people in my community, and you're just, like, sitting there talking to no one. But now that you have kept on declaring that your mind is going to, okay, well, what are the ways that I can get those thousand people to sign up or those people to go to my Etsy shop? So it's just sort of like setting that altar, and then your mind is then, like, okay, what are the different ways that I can get there.

Yeah, exactly. I mean, you said it perfectly. I have nothing else to add.

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Fear. 100% fear. But it's really like the fear of what others are going to think and the what ifs. Like I'll take myself as an example again within launching this program, I had to put myself out there and I had this big goal when I launched it. I launched it back in October to sign up 20 people and I launched it on my birthday. It was gonna be like the gift for me, for you, from together. We were gonna celebrate together and worked really hard on putting it all together and five people signed up and I was really beaten down because I was just like so scared that that was it, that's all. No one else was gonna sign up. I've reached my peak, I've maxed out. I might as well just go retreat back. And so many stories I told myself, oh well this isn't what you're supposed to do. You're supposed to just focus on your group and your one on one coaching. Maybe not supposed to empower and inspire humanity to love unconditionally. Maybe it's just a core group of people and these are all these things that I could have just been like, you're right. You're right. You're right. But I kept on pushing and I kept on fighting, and I'm just. It's cool to see that it continues to grow. I couldn't just give up. But fear will do that. Because here's the thing. Fear lives in our mind and it lives in our ego. And our ego doesn't want to be bruised. Our ego doesn't want to be made fun of or anything. Our ego wants to feel like. Like we are exactly right, 100%. And getting in this discomfort of challenging the job that we have, maybe the relationship we're in, the relationship we have with our body, our shopping, spending, financial issues and things like that, getting into this whole mindset of challenging that stuff. Our mind and our ego don't like that because they're thinking to themselves, oh, so we're not good enough now. And it's not gonna be fun to change. Wait, you wanna limit and restrict your Gucci shopping sprees? That's no fun. Like, real conversation I've had with myself and it's not fun. So for me, it's just like stepping back into this concept that we have to be okay changing and stepping through the fear. It's going to be so uncomfortable. The most uncomfortable, the most ever. And I have a client right now that I'm working with and we're moving through weight loss. And it's funny because there's a pattern. You know, everyone goes through the exact same pattern. And whenever I have my application calls, we'll talk and I'll be like, okay, great. Yes. Okay. So you want to lose weight, but you don't want to change the way you eat, or you don't really want to go to the gym anymore. You just want to, like, you just want it to be gone. Yeah, Self love's gonna do that for you. Totally. And I'll just, like, listen to them and then they'll be really excited. They'll get into the program and like, two weeks in, I'll be like, so how's all of that working out for you? And they're like, it's not working out. And I was like, I have a feeling that you do wanna start, like, looking at the ingredients and you do wanna start moving. You were just really scared to tell me. They're like, how did you know? And then I'm like, because you're not alone. You know, like, it's scary to look at ourselves in the mirror and just be like, okay, this is me. I'm human. I'm ready to change. You're worth it. You're worth changing. You deserve everything that you want.

I love that. And I think that it's really important to have that mindset of self love before you make those changes. Because I see a lot of people go into changing their diet, working out incessantly from that place of I'm not enough. Once I hit that this weight or have these abs, then I'll be enough. And then it turns into an addiction and it can never be an unhealthy addiction when it's really coming from a place of self love. Because then you see when you push yourself too hard.

Yep, that's where my whole programming was birthed from. I was a personal trainer and group fitness instructor, nutrition coach prior to doing this. And that was the missing foundation. Any transformation needs to be rooted in self love. You need to do it for yourself. And that's really why I challenge everyone who's listening to this to really define your why. Why are you working the job you're working? Why are you in the relationship when this is not telling you to go and like, just like go be a mountain man or woman and just like leave humanity. But it's just like it's really to once you're happy with your why, once you've figured it out and it's not going to be overnight and, and that's why there are people like me here to support you figuring out your why. But if you figure it out, you'll realize that everything that you do is rooted in that why. And it's really, really, really important and really, really, like, freeing.

It's so true. I had that same realization when I was doing a lot of nutrition and health coaching. I was like, what is the point of this? You know, like, you got there and then what, like, what are you going to do with that health and that radiance? It's, how are you going to really embody who you are? And I think that was what was missing and that's what led me to discover Ayurveda, which essentially is practicing self love just in a, in a different language kind of. But it's all leading to the same thing. So, speaking of your exercising, I want you to tell us about the Leave it to or receive it to practice.

Yes. So I do a lot of workshops and I'm really excited that 2019 is also a big focus of me is travel and workshops and working with people outside of my community in San Diego. And this is like a cornerstone of what I do. I call it the Leave it and Receive IT workshop. And basically I'm empowering anyone who does this. And you can actually do this right now when you're listening is pull out a piece of paper, one side write leave it and on the other side write, receive it. And this whole conversation, I'm sure you've been thinking like, oh, what it was, what's not serving me? How can I get a little bit deeper into my self love journey? And you might have landed on something that's not serving you. It might be as broad and vague as fear and it might be as pinpointed as eating chocolate at night. What you know, we all inherently know what's not serving us, right? So you write that on the leave it side. This is something that you want to just get rid, banish, say bye, talk to you, never to in your life, right? So if you think of just our whole life as energy, when you are pulling something out energetically, it creates a gap, it creates a void. We have to be really, really hypersensitive about what's going back in there. Because I could just say, I'm done with shopping, it's over. But if I don't fill it up with something that's going to fill me up and actually be a positive resource for me, then something negative might come back in there. So for instance, when I had the food stuff, I dropped the weight, but I was still loving to shop and I felt good, it made me feel great. And then when I removed that, I.

Filled it with so cold turkey. You're like, I'm just not gonna shop anymore.

That's like probably my biggest thing that I'm working through because it's like anyway, so didn't want to shop anymore and then it just turned into exercising. So here I was like, just like diving in. And these are all things that on like the external, like, you know, eating healthy and exercising can look as really healthy things. But your boy was going to spin class seven times a week. And like I would talk, that's all I would talk about, all I would talk about. And then, you know, four years later I just left teaching spin like it was, it was a huge part of my life and my journey. But back to all of this. If when we leave something, we need to be, be super conscious of what we want to put in its place because anything can just flow in there energetically. So that's why on the other side of the paper, you write down something you wanna receive. And it could be something as simple as abundance, it could be something as hyper focused as like these New pair of shoes. There's no shame in your game. You want what you want. As long as there's a why behind it, I'm all for it. So then you focus in on it. So it's like, okay, you've written it down consciously. Okay, I'm getting rid of fear, and I'm replacing it with abundance. And it just gets your mind to think about it once again. That reptilian brain sees it, and so it shall be done. It's a reality, and then we build upon it. So whether you're meditating on it or, you know, I'm going to be leading a dance workshop, or we're doing like a dance around, like, leaving and receiving. It sounds at its core, like, super simple, but the simplest things are the most powerful. It's not this, like, I don't have, like, this big secret. I'm not telling you anything you probably don't already know. It's just I'm here with that extra piece of accountability to get you to be like, hey, guess what? You can do it. And if you. You can't do it, I'm gonna remind you again, you can do it, you know?

And what, what, what are the dance moves that we can do along with leave it during?

Well, I mean, just like, imagine just like, you're like, pushing away.

We're pushing away.

We're pushing away fear, and then we're pulling in abundance. Pulling in abundance, you know, and then. And we're just like, we're like, dusting off the haters.

Dustin off. It's like brushing your shoulders off.

Yeah, brushing your shoulders off. Like, getting rid of the ego, like, by ego seeing ever and just like, pulling the negative thoughts out of your head and just, like, shaking it all off and just like. Because movement gets us connected to our body. And that's really where all this fear comes from, because we're in our heads. And, you know, it's just like, take your shoes off. Like, really just connect to the ground. Even if it's like the ground in your apartment. You know, just like, really get in your body.

I so believe in that. And I think a lot of, like, just like, what Western therapy. And I think therapy can work really well. But what it has been missing is that embodiment element to it, which I think now we're waking up to. It's like, how can I take my fitness, my Zumba, my whatever, and bring in those psychological and spiritual aspects? And I feel like that's really where the. The magic happens for me. Ecstatic dance was A really big thing because there you are in this room where you're not allowed to talk and everyone's just going craz crazy in their own dance moves. And at first I like, I would be like doing choreography. Like, you know, when you think of a dance, you think of, you do dance moves to look good for other people. But like, self care in that moment would be to flail and to twitch and to do like weird things with myself that my body may want to do and I may not know why. Maybe my body just wants to like roll around my shoulder for like 10 minutes. You know, you don't know what are all the things that you're holding onto in your body until you just release them. And then you're like, whoa. I don't even know what that was, but I feel so much better now.

Yeah, that's exactly it. All I know with movement is that it's always scary before, but afterwards it feels so good.

And now that you've come full circle with the self love journey and it's really what you do. And now something else that you speak on is being paid to be yourself. Which when I read that I was like, that's freaking rad. And I think that's what a lot of us strive to do. But we're like, how so? Can you share on that?

Sure. So as just I started talking about this and my community started growing. I've always received the admiration from people. The compliment of you're so authentic. Like, it feels like you are you. And I love that about you. And we've been talking about the entire time. I wasn't always quote, unquote me. However, now in the space of being an influencer, as I roll my eyes, because I feel like we need a better word about that. And we're working on it, people. But the brands come to me and they're just like, hey, we love your message. You inspire us daily. We want to work with you. And I'm like, okay, yeah. Just so we're clear, my true core virtue is to empower and inspire humanity to love unconditionally. That is how I'm going to talk about your cleaning product, or that is how I'm gonna talk about this skincare. And they're like, great. We love it. And I really think it comes back to self love. Right. And getting paid to be yourself is the core definition of self. Love is if we actually define the word self and we define the word love. Self is individuality. Love is devotion. So we get devoted to our individuality. As humans. Because. Because there's not any other Sahara Rose. And the cool thing about that is that no one wants another Sahara Rose, you know, and that's where this whole like trying to be like someone else isn't a cute look for anyone because everyone needs what you are saying because it's yours and you believe in it. And that's belief. So getting paid to be myself has turned into when I. And I can tell a story about before I launched my self love coaching business and I was a personal trainer. All these things. I was sitting. My husband and I had just gotten married and I was sitting. We were sitting in therapy and I'm like, okay, babe, I can't do this forever. I was teaching 11 spin classes a week. My legs were just like, body is gonna give out on you soon, so either get out or you're gonna get forced out with injury. So I said, I have no idea what I wanna do. And he said, okay, well, I want to support you through this, so if you feel like you need to scale back, I've got this. And I said, okay, I have no idea. And I said, well, let me figure this out. I'm going to go and I'm going to be an online personal trainer so I don't have to move my body as much. But it's what I know, it makes sense. So I ended up hiring a coach to help me launch this online personal training business. The entire time my body's saying, you're being lazy. This isn't right for you. What are you talking about? You don't like going to the gym. You like spin because of the music. You love to dance. Since a little boy, you've loved to dance. Like, why are you doing this? No, no, no, no, no. Pay the $5,000 to have this person coach me on launching an online personal training business. And two weeks in, I have a meltdown. I'm just like, oh my God, Paul, what have you done right? And. And I was looking for the easy way out. And then I was on my coaching call and I said, hey, I don't want to be a personal trainer. Okay, bro, what do you want to be then? How are you going to get them?

You told your coach?

Yeah, and that's how it was responded. And I was like, I want to teach people how to love themselves. And he was like, so do that. And I was like, but how? And he was just like, well, how do you do it for yourself? Just talk about it. And I was like, like, okay. You know, and then of course I Used the tools that he gave me to launch my business in the self love space, and the universe backed me up. And I think that it all comes back to whether or not we're talking about getting paid to be yourself. Being in a relationship authentically, you being you. You are so valuable as an individual. There's no reason to be anyone else but you. You are on this planet for a purpose, for a reason. It might just be the reason to be a mother. It might just be that simple reason. But you need to be that version of a mother for you, because doing it like your other mom friends, doing it like you see the mommy bloggers do, it's not gonna serve you. And you're gonna hit a roadblock sooner or later. And that's where I landed. And now just stepping into my truth as a self love coach, if we're talking financially, I tripled the amount of money I made in one year of teaching spin in six months just because I was speaking my truth and I was doing what felt so right. And that's how you get paid to be yourself, is by just being yourself. Bye. See you later. Like, and comment, review.

But it's so true. And I can. I mean, I can relate to that so much. When I wrote the Idiot's Guide to Ayurveda, I wasn't being paid to be myself. I was being paid to write a book on Ayurveda. And I was like, okay, well, I have to just do it because this is the step I need to take so then I can be myself. And in a way, it helped, obviously, but the moment that I finished that book, I was like, okay, I did that. And that I don't want to spend the rest of my life regurgitating information that is already there. You know, I want it to come from me and from my intuition, from myself. And then that's how I started this podcast and I wrote Eat, Feel Fresh. And now I talk about all sorts of things that aren't about Ayurveda. But even something that you're doing entrepreneurially, like, is it coming from yourself? Is it your own ideas and how you're doing it in your own practice? Or is it coming from. You're reading something and then telling someone else? I feel like that's. It's really different and it's something like a subtlety that I've just noticed more of and it feels. Feel so much more expansive to be like, this is just what I think and what I feel and. And that's what I'm going To share. And I've noticed that people are more receptive to it because they can't get it anywhere else.

And, you know, it's really the shift generationally, because my parents, they were like, okay, so are you gonna go back to school to become, like, a life coach? And I was like, child, I've had 34 years of schooling. It's called life. And it was rough, you know, so it's just like. Like, there's this whole thing that, like, we have to learn from someone else to be an expert. And that is not true. And there's a massive shift that's going on. However, we're still getting lots of pushback. But within, like, my training and my programming, like, that's all I'm doing, is I'm helping my clients and my community realize that how you want to do it is right. Like, listen to yourself, you know, listen to your heart, Whatever the rest of that song. When he's calling for you. Yeah, okay.

That's probably some of the best thing I've ever done. Thank you for harmonizing with me.

You're welcome.

But it's so true, because I'm sure you got this, like, well, are you a psychologist to be teaching about self love? Did you get your master's in? Or maybe you're not even getting that, but, like, I know I've gotten people maybe more in the past. Like, do you have your master's in this? Like, are you a doctor? And it's like, no, you don't need to be. And that's the whole beautiful thing of what the Internet and the new paradigm and all these things. It's like, if you have a desire to help people, that's enough.

Mm. Amen. Another mic chalk moment. Yes. It is what it is. You know, actually, real talk. No one's asked me that.

Like, that's amazing because it's not even in your paradigm that you're not attracting it.

Right. Because school, not a cute look on me.

Yeah.

I got my undergrad in songwriting because that was the only thing that I felt that I could actually make through school. And I barely made it, but I.

Did, and I love that. And I think that the world would not be as beautiful of a place if you were a spin teacher and not a self love coach. So thank you for stepping up to that. Absolutely. Where can listeners connect with you? Join your tribe and learn more?

Totally. So on Instagram, I'm paulfishman. So that's my first name and my last name, Fish. Like the things that swim in the sea man like me. And if you want to find my website which has all of my offerings and my Blog, it's PaulFishman Love L O V e. And then also you can listen to my show the road to self love. You can watch it on YouTube or wherever podcasts are available.

Yay. I feel like we should end this with a self love song. What should we sing?

I think that we need to sing beautiful by Christina aguilera.

Let's do it.

Okay. Every day is so wonderful inside of me it's hard to breathe tell all your friends those are not the words but it's okay we're gonna slay I am beautiful she changes keys. No matter what they say words can bring me down I am beautiful in every single way yes, words can bring me down no don't you bring me down today.

And other ways you are beautiful no matter what they say Words.

Can bring you down oh no you are beautiful in every single way yes, words can bring you down oh no.

Don'T you bring me down today I hope you enjoyed this episode. If you loved it, I would love if you could leave me a review in the itunes store. And as a free gift, I will share with you the first half of my unreleased book, eat right for your mind body type. Simply email a screenshot of your review over to Saharaetfieldfresh.com again, Sahara S A H A R aatfeelfresh.com and I will send you over the first half of my unreleased book. Look, eat right for your mind body type. Thank you and namaste.