226: Q+A—Self-Love After Failure, Relationship Blues with Paul Fishman

Namaste. My name is Sahara Rose, and welcome back to the Highest Self podcast, a place where we discuss what makes you your soul's highest evolvement. What's your dosha? What's your dosha, baby? Oh, what's your dosha? What's your dosha, baby? So this is a song that my friend Paul and I created together, and he's back on the podcast this time to do a Q and A episode. So if you haven't listened to his episode yet, episode 205, how to actually Love Yourself, you're going to actually love this episode because we are back answering your questions that we got from you guys on Instagram. So I put in my Instagram story. What do you want me and Paul to talk about? And these are the topics that you wanted us to discuss. So Paul is a self love coach. He's a great friend of mine, and he is almost like the yin to my yang in this episode because he's like, just love yourself. And I'm like, do your Dharma. And I just think it's like so funny and awesome to hear you know, people from different perspectives, different walks of life, different life experiences answering the same questions. And it kind of goes to show that there isn't one solution, There isn't one answer. It really just comes from your own truth. But at the same time, Paul and I did end up agreeing with a lot of things. So it kind of also shows that the truth is universal as well, despite our individual differences. We also do an epic sing along at the end of this episode because, you know, if Paul and I are together, we are singing. So stay tuned for that if you want to hear our Grammy award winning performance. We were thinking just the next episode, you guys could just send us songs that you want us to sing. I mean, let's just cut to the chase. Is what we're here for this is what we're here for this is what we're here for this is what we're here for to help you find your dharma. To help you find your dharma. Okay, without further ado, let's welcome Paul Fishman to the Highest Self podcast. Are you interested in having a career focused on health and wellness? Well, if so, then the universe is calling you to become a holistic health coach. I am offering this incredible deal, a discount of 1500 hundred dollars off my alma mater, Institute for Integrative Nutrition, which is the world's largest nutrition school. With guest teachers such as Deepak Chopra, Chris Carr, Dr. Hyman, and Dr. Andrew Whale, and so many others. It is split between six months of health coaching programs teaching you hundreds of nutritional theories, including Ayurveda, as well as six months of business coaching. And as an additional bonus, I am offering a webinar where I will teach you how to use social media to create a thriving career as a coach. On top of that, I have created a private Facebook community just for the Highest Self podcast listeners who are becoming health coaches to connect with each other, meet up with each other and support one another on this journey. So if you're interested, send an email over to Sahara S A h a r aat feel fresh.com with subject iin again, Sahara eat feelfresh.com with subject iin and I will personally send you back the email that will allow you to get a 1500 off discount as well as my business coaching webinar and the private Facebook group. I'm so excited for you to begin your journey as a health coach. What's your dosha? Well, if you want to find out, I invite you to take my quick little quiz over on iamsaharose.com and in a couple questions I will let you know the exact percentages of the doshas in your mind and in your body and email you a free three day mini course on how to include Ayurveda into your modern lifestyle. So head over to my website am saharose.com to discover your dosha today. Welcome Paul, to the Highest Self Podcast. It's so good to have you back.

Oh my gosh. I mean, I feel like my highest self in this apartment, right?

Because last time you were here, you were in my old apartment, which was not this one.

No. And it was raining in la, which.

I know, I remember when you came in, I was like, oh, it's raining. You're like, it's okay because we're warm inside. Like some you like flipped it.

I was like, we needed it.

Yeah, you, we needed it. I was like, oh my God, this guy's a real deal. So everyone loved your last Highest Self podcast episode. We've got so many people sharing it, tagging us to this day. Even months later. People are like, oh my God, that was just such a feel good episode. So that's why we wanted to do another one together one answering your question. So both of us posted on our Instagrams, I am Sahara Rose Paul Fishman, asking you what questions you have about self love. So this episode, we don't know what's going to come up. We haven't even looked at the answers and we're just Going to be deep diving, going through and answering your questions. But before Paul, what are you working on in terms of self love?

I mean, I'm working on some like, are we getting. Let's get real.

Let's get fucking real.

Let's get so real. Okay. So I'm kind of like, I've been doing the self love coaching thing full time for almost a year. I know it seems like I've been in the game for a really long time, but I mean, I've been doing it full time for a year and then prior to that I was doing it part time for like five years. So I guess I've been doing it for quite some time. And this is the first month where I'm just. The struggle is real. I thought that I knew what I was doing and then I didn't. And then I'm just trying to learn all the lessons. So I think it's like right now I'm practicing what I'm preaching and that if you're listening and you can relate to this, it's the hardest thing to do.

I feel like when you give your keynote speech, you're going to be like, listen, when I was one year into my business full time, I had a failure, which allowed me to learn about self love in this whole new way.

Yes. Because you know, you got to love yourself even if you're living on the street.

Yeah. And I think that what you're saying is really important for people to talk about because I feel like on social media we see this trajectory of, oh, you were part time and now you're full time and now life is great and you're like, no, actually financially I'm not in the best place. In fact, I'm in the hardest place a year in and knowing that that changes and it just teaches you and maneuvers you and allows you to redirect in a more aligned way.

Yeah. And it's really noticing like what our mind has the capability of doing. You know, the. That's why I love to dance. And I always, whenever I go live on Instagram, I always start with a dance party and just like try and start my days with the dance party because it gets me out of my head. Because when I'm in my. I'm just like spiraling out of control, you know, it's like, oh my gosh, I told my husband that I would be able to do this and now I have to ask him to help me out with my part of the rent and here I am. And it's just like, what is going to happen. And it's not all rainbows and butterflies, but the thing that I know to be true is that I wake up happier than I've ever been ever. Just doing this and knowing that, that speaks volumes. And because of that, I know that this is just an opportunity, like you said, to, to have a great keynote speech.

I love it. When I was going through the hardest time in my life, I would remind myself, this is just the shitty part of your memoir. That's it. This is just the part that's going to give you all the character and make you skyrocket later on in life. And it's. And it's true. And it actually ends up being what I talk about the most. Because everyone wants to know about the.

Failures because then they see the beauty and that we made it to the other side.

Exactly. So how have you been practicing self love through this?

I've been really getting back into my journal. It's the one thing that sometimes I forget about. Just something that has been a real journey for me throughout life is reminding myself that I'm safe. As a child, I never felt safe. I didn't feel safe in my body. I didn't feel safe in my home. And that's something that I've really had to work through is just like practicing this conscious belief and knowing that I am safe, whatever that means in the moment. So you'll find pages and pages of me just writing, I am safe. I am safe. I am safe. Because having that, that knowing is what gets me through the day, saying, okay, I don't have a client, or oh, my membership launch tanked, whatever, you know, like, I am safe because I'm meant to do this.

I love that so much. And I think most people don't have that awareness of what it is. And from you doing that work and unpeeling the layers, you're able to see its root chakra, its safety, and then able to, you know, ground dance connect, which is all root chakra activating. Whether you're conscious of that or not, you're. You're doing fruit chakra work and even just repeating, I am safe. I am safe. That's what a baby wants when they're crying. That's what a spouse wants when they're fighting. We all just want to know that we're safe. And then to have an opportunity for you to really trust into safety, like finances, which is what we equate to as safety in our day and age, to have that experience and know that you're still safe. I Think grounds you even deeper into your root.

Mm. I so agree. It's been very trying, but only in my mind. Like, my body is like, we're fine, boo. You've got this. You know, I. And I just continue leaning into the things that I love to do, like my podcast and, like, working with the few clients that I do have right now. It's just like, gosh, that lights me up. I wouldn't have it any other way. My husband was like, so, what's the plan? Like, when are you gonna go back to Lululemon? And I was like, never. Like. But, you know, I sat there and. Because I worked at Lululemon for a hot second, and I was like, that could be an easy job for me to go back to, right? And I was just putting myself mentally there and, like, physically in that space. And I was like, I can't do that. It's not only a disservice to myself, but a disservice to everyone who's a part of my community. But, you know, I went there.

That's exactly how I felt when idiots got to Ayurveda came out. You know, I was paid. I got $11,000 from that book. And people, guys, 11,000 for a book is not a lot of money because you put, like, a year of your life into it, and that's like living on $11,000 for a year. But I thought, you know, once the book comes out, like, everything in my life is going to change. And the book came out, and it's like, nope, everything is still the exact same. So my parents were like, are you going to become a real estate agent? So I was like, I guess I'm going to just start studying for the test again. And I remember every single time I would open those textbooks, I would start crying. My body was like, no, what are you doing? Like, the mortgage and this, like, it's so not for you. But I didn't really know what's the other option. I thought, you know, maybe the Ayurveda thing is my passion and the hobby, but I had to do something else to make money. And then I was like, maybe my parents and everyone around me was right. The thing that you love to do is not the thing that's going to make you money unless you're Justin Bieber. And I'm so glad that even through that part, I still listened and I just got more creative and I started to learn more. We were talking about online business. I started to learn so much about online business, which I love talking about now. But for some reason I thought, like, I don't even know that stuff. I'm just going to focus on Ayurveda and the rest will figure itself out. And it's like, no, I just had to put on my pitta pants and figure out what are the ways that people really make a living, which you've been doing. But like, my first program I did, I didn't make. I was like, it's out and nothing happened. And you just learn and you, and you get better. And you get better.

Yeah. Yeah. And I'm just so grateful for our friendship. It's been really, it's been really.

We send late night voice notes.

Yeah.

Membership program.

Like, I'll send it at like noon. And I'm like, I will guarantee. I heard from, from 11pm yes.

Like, finally, when all the work is done, I'm like, okay, this is how to launch. But no, but I've, I've loved watching. And I mean, you're a year into doing this full time, which is incredible. And you've gone so far. So for everyone listening, just know that if you have a failure, if you think things are gonna work out and they don't, rejection is rest. Just redirection. Which has been my quote recently.

And to get even further deep down into it, I didn't, like, there was something in me that was like, this isn't, this isn't gonna happen for you. Even though, like my goal was 200 and I had eight enroll and then two have already canceled. So it's like, but I'm those six people, I am showing up for them so beautifully. And it's, it fills me up because I want to be of service and that's, that's really what it is. So.

Absolutely.

But how are you practicing self love?

Yeah. So, you know, I've been thinking a lot about self love as I'm writing. I'm juggling a lot of hats right now. So launching Rose Gold Goddesses, which, as we know, launching anything, creating it, figuring out the technology you're going to use is a massive full body endeavor. And so is writing a book. And then so is like managing your life and moving and all of the other things. So I'm like having all of these beautiful things in my life that I dearly want and I don't have time for them all at the same time. So it's not even like before where I was like, oh, I have to do this thing for money to do. It was like, no, I actually really want to do all these things. But there's just only one of me. So that's really taken. Reaching for support, prioritizing, and also dropping my stories of what I need to be creative. Like, I had this story that, oh, I can't write unless the whole day I'm writing. If I have one call, it's going to take me out of the writing zone. I needed to be this, like, full on creative channeling. And now I'm like, no, sometimes I'm writing in the 30 minutes I have between calls or like, when I get home after a long day and I can just get into it. And I think that as we get older, especially, I'm sure mothers feel like this too is like you just fit it in, right? It's like, for example, when you started to ride a bike or do anything, even do this podcast, when I first started, I thought, like, for me to do a solo cast, I have to, like, light candles and do sage and like, get into the zone. And now I can just, like, hop on at any time and the wisdom will come through. And that's what I've been seeing with this book. If I just show up, it will come through. But instead of spending the all the time of like, am I in the zone or not? Am I just. Just do it. And then also on the topic of self love and really, like, I've been really going into the who I was when I was 23, because when I was 23 was when all of the, like, do I have a purpose? Do I not like, all of those things were happening. I'm just really getting into my brain at that point and realizing that sometimes self love is doing the work, sometimes self love is not having the easier life. I could have had a much easier life, but I chose this harder life out of self love. So, yeah, I would love to jam on that with you.

That was so good. I was like, I was just like, really in it with you. And I was like, okay, take notes, Take notes, Paul. That, that's so true. That that's like, we could have a lot easier lives. I mean, my life was really easy when I was managing the accessories department at Cartier on Fifth Avenue in New York City and making six figures. And from the outside it was amazing, but on the inside, I was dying. So it's just like, yes, it might be easier. I mean, looking at the sunset is easy, but it's like, is that worth it?

And does it even exist? Is it actually easy? Right? It could look easy, but it still doesn't feel easy. And you get to a Certain level of consciousness that you just can't do it anymore. It's like, you know too much. And then when you know to a certain point, it starts eating you alive. It's like, you know, your friend's boyfriend is cheating on them, and, you know. And it's like, the more you're around her, you're like, I just need to tell her. I need to tell her. Until eventually you're just gonna have to say it. I feel like that's how consciousness is. When your life is not in alignment with your potential, eventually, if you don't honor it, it's just gon hit the fan.

Yeah.

And you're gonna have to.

You're gonna have to honor it. And it's also okay if it hits the fan. Right? Like, it's okay to hit rock bottom because you can't go any further than that. And I feel like this is kind of my second rock bottom, even though it's really not. I'm being dramatic, but, like, it's been a struggle for me. And it's interesting because, like, a year ago, when I told my husband that I was leaving my consistent paycheck, he was like, mmm, I'm not sure about that. That doesn't sound safe or comfortable. And I was like, well, I have to do it. And granted, I wasn't saying that like a. It wasn't a gentle. It was me on the floor, kicking and screaming, crying, being like, I can't do this anymore. But I'm so glad that I did. And if you're listening to this and you're at that point where you're just like, I know that there's something bigger for me. Which I get messages all the time on Instagram, being like, you've shown me that there's something bigger for me. Like, what's my next step? How do I get out of that? And it's really just like, we have to get out of our own ways.

Yeah. And I think sometimes we're almost being tested of how bad do you really want it? Because let's say you declare what you want to the universe and you don't get it. Do you take the cop out? Do you take the. Okay, well, I didn't get it, so I'm just gonna grab onto this next available thing. Or do you still hold your ground of, like, no, this is gonna work out. And that actually creates more energy and more momentum to.

Mm. It's so true. And I'm just, like, a real, real believer in trust. If you're not trusting and there's also, I was someone. I don't know where I saw this, but someone said, like, if you're going and asking someone else's opinion, you already know the answer.

Exactly.

You already know what you need to do. You're just looking for validation. You're probably also looking for someone to convince you not to do it because you'll go to the people who are scared. Yeah. And that's, you know, I know who to go to when I need someone to convince me not to do it, you know, and it's my mom.

Yeah.

Because my mom, like kind of lives in that little scary world. But if I need someone to tell me to just trust, it's my dad or a lot of people in my life. You, my friends.

Well, I loved sharing. And I think it's really important for entrepreneurs to have these conversations. And let's dive into some of the questions that people had. So we got a whole range of questions. Let's pull these up. Okay. Where to begin?

So many good ones.

Okay, so we have a stay at home mom who feels like she's lost touch with herself as an individual. How can she reconnect?

Yeah. So you've already done the first step, which is noticing that you've lost touch. And I really think that the next step is like, like just paying attention. Like, we got so caught up in having to have the answer really quickly. Like, need to have it. I need to know right now, what do I have to do? And really the first step is noticing. And so every day, notice the things that bring up that feeling of not knowing yourself and make a little mental check note or even put it in your phone and be like, this didn't fill me up. And then you lean into asking for support around the things that don't excite you. And I've worked with a lot of stay at home moms, and there's a lot of burden around that. Having to be perfect, having to be like, take care of the kids, also have dinner on the table, keep everything clean. And you can't step on your partner's toes because they're paying financially to support the household or however it goes. And you really just have to get okay with asking for support after you've pinpointed what isn't serving you. Because when you step into a conversation with a significant other to say, like, I'm unhappy, da, da, da. Well, and primarily if, like, if this is a heteronormative relationship where it's a man and a woman, like men receiving that from women, like I don't want to do this. Da, da, da. We want answers. We want like, well, what's the solution?

Yeah, he's just gonna shut down, right?

Shut down. And it's so really, it's like, okay, so if we know that I love cooking, but I don't like cleaning up the dishes. Hey, honey, would you be willing to clean up the dishes for me even just once a week so that I have that time to just like sit while the kids are still eating alone? Because a lot of it is just something. You're alone.

Oh, yeah. And there's so much of the mom's like, I just noticed my own mom, my own grandma. Of like, you're buying the groceries, you're preparing, you're cooking, you're putting it on the meal. And then while everyone's eating, you're planning the cleaning. And it's like true martyrdom, you know, it's this expectation that people grow up with of like, that's what a mom is supposed to do. But it's like, no, they're full on restaurants with chefs, waiters, busboys who are doing all of that. Like, why is it expected for one, if you could calculate how many jobs a stay at home mom is doing, that's like four full time salaries right there. So, yeah, I totally agree with like, looking, pinpointing. The first thing that came up though when I read this question is you said you lost yourself as an individual. That's actually the highest state of consciousness. To be able to not even see the self and to be like, I am the unit, I am the all. Like, you are the fabric of the family, you are the bloodline of the family. Instead of maybe compulsive complaining or feeling like you're inadequate because you're not the individual, what if you stepped into I am the everything, you know? And I feel like that is just so much more of an empowering and going back to the matriarch energy of like, you run this tribe, like, you run this village, like, we need you, you are our lifeline. So reclaiming that you are the all, that this selflessness really is a higher state of consciousness that most of us are incapable of doing that parents step into. So owning that, acknowledging yourself for that, and then also within that, to separate your egoic self, which is important in this lifetime. We're here to also be individuals. And I always love quizzes. I think quizzes can help us because it could be like, who am I? I don't know. But it's like, take a quiz that's like, what's your Myers Briggs? What's your Enneagram? What's your Dosha? What's your Michael Teachings? Like all of these different archetypes. And I feel like that will just give you a good framework to play with of like, who you are as an individual. And then reading those, you'll see like, this resonates with me. This doesn't. And then naturally, when those codes are inside of you, you're gonna know what you need.

I love that. That was like the polar opposite of what I said, but it also made so much sense.

But we're. I love how we're coming to this with like two very different angles because I think it's like there is no one size fits all approach.

Because self love is the devotion to your individuality.

This is why I love hanging out with you.

Same.

Okay, so jealousy in regards to my spouse having a lot of girlfriends and interest from girls, how to handle it.

I mean, I don't really even have time for this question. But this is because, well, this isn't a hap. I do have time. But like, this is really just like, this has nothing to do with the partner. This has everything to do with you and everything to do with, like, why don't you feel enough the worthiness. But this is also societal shit, you know? And I mean, it's like I want to pass this over to you first because I want to jam off of what? Because I feel like you're going to have a very elevated concept and I'm just be like, go look in the mirror, get naked. Look at yourself. You're hot shit. Okay? You don't have anything to worry about.

Well, actually with this, you know, having an ex that, that cheated on me and that's why a relationship ended. Sometimes jealousy can be pointing you to something that you're overlooking. You know, I remember with my ex was very secretive, over his bone. Like, he always had it on him. He could be having a conversation with me, texting on bottom, and I would let it pass. But then I would notice he'd have like all these girlfriends, but I didn't really know much about them, and I would let it pass. Turns out he was like cheating on me with like a million different people. But I was like telling myself, like, don't be jealous, don't be jealous. Just ignore it. Everything's fine. And not looking at like, we not in an open relationship, like, that wasn't okay. And also he wasn't communicating it. So if you're feeling like he's Hiding something and you're not in that open relationship, then maybe your jealousy is actually leading you to something you need to look at. But if this is your overall pattern, you're just a jealous person. You're jealous. None in this situation only, but of your friends and the people on Instagram and this and that. That's going to take the looking into yourself. And also if you trust your partner, he could be in a room of naked women who are like dry humping him and he would, he would not do anything locked with you. Yeah. Like, he would be unfazed. So again, it's gonna have to come down to your and his partnership and how solid you guys feel like you are.

Yeah, that's. And really it's just like stepping into your vulnerability and sitting down with him and being like, hey, this is something I'm struggling with, you know, because that's the type of a relationship that I want, you know, that's the type of relationship that I hope most people want. So deep, communicative and just like, hey, I struggle with this, you know, but it's just like also just like being like, hey, I have him, you know, and there I think it's tough to know with like this sort amount of.

We need to meet you and him.

Yeah, we need the details.

Okay. Self love in a sexual relationship and overcoming libido blocks due to negative self belief.

So what I'm hearing from this is just like that we've lost sexual chemistry or sexual drive and there's no. And we're blaming ourselves that it's not happening because we don't think we're attractive or we don't feel we're deserving of stimulation of pleasure. Like these are really deep seated things that really come up and are born out of like conditioning from childhood. And it's really like you gotta get comfortable with yourself first. If you've lost the sexual drive. Getting comfortable being alone with yourself. Like this is like whenever I would talk about like in the early stages of being a self love coach and my dad would be like, oh, you're a self love coach? You're gonna teach people how to be alone with themselves? I was like, really dad? Are you serious right now? But that's what I'm telling you, you to do right now. Basically, you know, go, go into the bathroom like Epsom salts, like set up like a really sensual area for you and just like to like love up on yourself. Because there, I mean, if we're digging deep into like sexual chemistry and sexuality and like between two Beings like you have to love yourself enough to give yourself permission to even experience that pleasure. And if you don't, then that's the first step of breaking through that. So how do we do that? We get along with ourselves first. And really this is another opportunity to really communicate to your partner. Be like, hey, I'm having a hard time doing this. I feel guilt and shame about taking care of this on my own. Would you be willing to be a part of this journey with me where it's like we're not being sexually intimate, but you're laying next to me in bed, experiencing me touching myself and all of these types of things. These are ways that I'm just all about full on communication, getting vulnerable. Because if you can't share it with this person that's so close to you and being sexually intimate is very, very, very close. Even when it's a one night stand, like it's an intimate thing. So it's like, I really believe that just gotta say it like it is and dig a little bit deeper and all of these things. Just you ask the question. So it's like noticing that this is something that you're worried about.

Yeah, yeah. We're really proud of all of you for asking. And, and I love that with the ritual and, and making it really beautiful. And that's very similar to what I'd say. I'd say dance. You know, to me that's the biggest thing. Especially something that's like more on the erotic side. Whether it's twerk or pole dance, floor dance. Most cities in the world will have a pole dance studio. If you look it up on Yelp, you'll find a pole dance studio. Even if you've never been on a pole, they'll have a beginner's class or they'll have a floor class that you don't even need to be on the pole. When I come back from like a tort class or anything like that, I'm so in my sexual power because I just got to explore my sexuality in such a fun and innocent and playful way where it's like with other women and they're cheering me on that when I come back I'm like this like tigress who like wants to like jump on my husband. When like a lot of times I'm like, oh, leave me alone. I won't. I want to work. You know, it's the Capricorn in me. But after that it's like I feel like feel so just in my body and even if it doesn't lead to sex. I just, for the rest of the day, really feel like a fierce queen. So maybe going to a dance class could feel really intimidating to you. So going on YouTube, there are tons of videos just, like, sensual dance, twerk, lap dance, all these things. I. That's what I used to do in college all the time. I would go on YouTube, watch these videos, and, like, do it in my dorm room. And that's. That's what gave me the foundation, which later on, I got the courage with you, Paul, to start posting it on my Instagram story. And I get such amazing feedback from so many women being like, oh, my God, I wish I could just dance like that and do that. I'm like, I couldn't either. I just got myself to keep trying and keep trying. So twerk it out, girl.

Girl, you have gotten so good, like, since you and I went the first time. Now I'm just, like, mesmerized. I'm like, how does she get her booty to move that way?

It's just. It's the practice and enjoying your body. You know, it's like, we just don't enjoy it. We. We forget we even have bodies in this day and age. I mean, in like, 30 years from now, we're just gonna be in, like, pods, and, like, no one's gonna hang out. It's. It's happening already. So any opportunity to be in your body, it's interesting because as a society, we're so not in our bodies, but we're so obsessed with sex. And I feel like that's why there's so much like, wait, you didn't instantly have five orgasms in a row? And it's like, no, because we're not even in our. Like, being in your body is a foreplay that we're normally doing all the time that we just don't even have. And then we're expected to go from, like, 0 to 100 real quick. Whereas tribes are, like, naked and in their bodies and in the garden and the jungle and, like, drumming, like, that's foreplay all the time. That's root chakra, sacral chakra activation happening all the time that we just don't have. So even if it's like yoni sunning, that's another really beautiful practice, which is to sit. You can even do lingam sunning, which is. Is the penis. But to sit in the sun and allow the sun to enter your private areas. Your yoni, which is your vagina, your lingam, which is your penis. And the sun has such Healing benefits has such vitamin D and rich vitamins that's going to soothe and rebalance your hormones. And just it. And it feels so good. And I feel like even allowing your yoni to see the sun is like, yes, boo, I see you. Like, you are worthy of sunlight. Think about how dark it is in there.

I mean, yeah, we're, we're. We're sunning ourselves right now.

Yes, we're here. We're here. Yoni and Lingam study. So good. Okay, so tips to stop negative thinking patterns once they start and how to find their root cause.

Well, for me, all of my answers go back to noticing, like, you can't in this day and age. Just like you said, we want to have the quick fix. We want to be. Negative self talk is never gonna go away. So first things first. Get comfortable knowing that it's always there. Secondly, I think that negative self talk keeps us from the things that we want most. So I'm working with a client right now, and she is so good at manifesting crazy shit happening in her life so that she doesn't have to focus on the things that she really needs to focus on. And it's really important for me to always pull her back and be like, hey, do you notice that this happened? Because we just had this breakthrough and I told you, and then you told me you couldn't do it because this crazy thing happened. And I was like, and this is the third time a crazy thing like that has happened.

So she's manifesting good things or bad.

Things, just like distracting things, you know, and they're primarily bad things, but, like, it's kind of neutral things. It doesn't really matter. But what does matter is that, like, the avoidance and this is just her spiral. And I would also say if you've got negative self talk, just to dance again. You know, I, I talked to. I don't know if we were on or off, but I love to move. I just, whenever I have like, negativity in my head, I just turn on a song and start dancing because it get. Our head is where all of that lives. Our body. Two completely different things.

Yeah, I definitely noticed, especially like before my wedding, I would get into these loops that, like, it would actually be a lot of times when I was in an exercise class because I feel like that's like, you know, you're like, like in this kind of miserable state. So I would think about one thing that's bothering me and just keep thinking about it over and over and over and over again. And I would Drive myself crazy. I'm like, why am I thinking this thought for the 30th time, this minute? And I just kept going. And for the first time, I was like, wow, some people's heads are like this all the time. Like, I don't want to live in this. So I would literally have conversations with myself. I would be like, sahara, you thought about that a lot. Like, don't. Don't you think you gave that an affair time? And, like, thinking about it more is not gonna change anything. And, like, literally talking to myself be like, nope, we're done thinking about that. That. That thoughts out. Imagining myself pushing the thought out. Because when we're able to talk to ourselves like a friend, we're able to see ourselves with, like, compassion and be like, okay, like, come on, Sahara. Like, you don't need to stress about the wedding Planner for the 8,000th time, but when it's in your head, you're not even aware. It's just. It's just happening, right? So when you have that point of awareness, that gives you one step. Step. Also writing it down. I felt like sometimes I would get into these loops because I was afraid of. I. I would forget it. Like, I would forget. Like, I was in a workout class, and I'm like, oh, I need to send this email. For the rest of the workout class, I would only think about, I need to send this email. I need to send this email. I was, like, panicking, you know, and I was like, why don't I just, like, the moment I have it, just write it down. Even if it's in my phone, I'll, like, literally just, like, walk off the reformer machine, write it down. Because then I'm like, okay, it's there. Like, you don't need to worry about it. You can handle it later on. So little things like that. And then the other day, I actually, when I was at a workout class, I noticed myself doing it again. I was like, oh, wow, we have not been here for a while. Like, interesting. Like, I'm gonna focus on my core now, you know, And. And then you're able to see that you really can progress. And it doesn't have to be like, the brain you're born with is, like, always that brain that's gonna be operating. That way you can improve your self talk. You just have to be aware of it. Have that conversation. Maybe giving it a different name. Like, I have overanalyzing Olivia. She's like, well, did you think about that? I'm like, olivia, come on. I have Beatrice. She's like, you're gonna look fat in your wedding dress. Like, she's like, beatrice is very, very mean because she doesn't love herself well.

And also that's her name.

Yeah. So. So she tries to bring me down and then noticing, like, okay, is it Beatrice talking? Is it Olivia? Like, you can. Whatever your things are. Maybe you have, like, anxious Annie. Like. Like, whatever it is. And then separating yourself. Like, you are not that person. That's just like this shadow element that's infiltrating your mind that you can brush aside.

Yeah, same. Do you have any voices Panicking Paul for sure.

And then how does panicking Paul talk?

Oh, my goodness. Oh, my gosh. Paul. Like, this is gonna. It's just not gonna go well. It's just. It's gonna totally mess things up. Just can't even handle it right now.

I feel like he said dwarf or something.

Yeah. Sitting on my shoulder. Like, really? Do you really want to send that email? Do you really think about it? Or. Then I have just like, you know, my stomach voice because that's where all my fear resides. And I'll be like, so, Paul, like, how does that really. Do you think that's a smart idea right there, doing that shit like that?

It's like a grandfather love that. Okay. How to encourage your partner to do more self love. Like things like meditate, yoga, journal, versus being manly.

Just have to be a leader. There's a. My dad calls it being the beacon. You have to be the beacon of light, shining light on it. But any person, like, especially when you're in a relationship, like, anything that I tell my husband to do, he wants to do the exact opposite. I just have to continue doing all the self development stuff and the journaling. And, you know, then he'll be like, oh, I read this great book, the Clarity Cleanse. And I'm like, yeah, I bought that and read it and left it on our bookshelf. He's like, oh, you did? I thought I ordered.

Let him think it's his idea.

Exactly. It's. I think that unfortunately. But fortunately, you know, you don't have to be his healer. You don't have to be his teacher. Yeah, just like, heal. Work on healing yourself because. Because soon enough he'll realize that he either has to get on the ship or it's gonna leave him. And I don't think. Don't use that. Don't be like, if you don't get on the ship, that's gonna leave you.

That's what Panicking Paul told me right.

Panicking Paul told me panicking Patsy would be better. Can't use the same name.

I'm Paul. Yeah, Patsy.

Panicking Patsy. Overzealous.

Oswald, your girlfriend's gonna leave you if you don't meditate.

If you don't meditate. But it's really just. Just gotta be a leader. Because if you're also like, what I hear in this and what I'm picking up is that you want someone to be a partner for you in these things, like you wanna go to yoga with your boyfriend, you wanna meditate with your boyfriend, then unfortunately, that might just not be his role for you. And it might be a bigger mirror for you to look and see what you truly want and value in a partner. Is he the right one for you?

Love that. So I would say is why. Why do you need him to meditate with you and do yoga and journal with you? Like, what in you feels like you need this. And I feel like we feel like we need this one because of the story we've told ourselves that, like, my partner is going to do every single thing, like from start to the start of the day to that night, we're going to work out together in this. And that's going to be like, you know, friends. And most relationships are not like that. Secondly, would you even be attracted to someone who was your clone, who wanted to do every. There would be no polarity. And polarity, the differences between us are actually what makes us attracted to someone. That's why people want, like, the sexy bad boy or like the Italian, like, you know, Spaniard, whatever. Because they're different from us. And that's what makes us curious and wanting to know more. So the very things that made you attracted to him actually are his manly qualities. And now that you have him, you're trying to change him, but then you actually won't be attracted to him. And I remember before I was dating Steven, I was like, I want a conscious man. And I would, like, date these guys who are like me. You know, they're like, what's your human design? And like, let's drink cacao. And then I would be like, all about them for like three minutes. Then I'd be like, I'm just so. I was, like, repulsed by that. Like, I couldn't even put what it was. And I. And it was because there was no polarity. I felt like I was, like dating my girlfriend. And, you know, there was nothing new to talk about. So then when I met Steven, he was definitely not into anything health and wellness. And I Kept trying. And I was like, this is exhausting, you know, to be like, are you gonna do this meditation out with me? Like, are you, you're not gonna go to yoga? Like your body is. So I was like, I feel like I'm his mom right now. So I was like, you know what? I'm just gonna let him do whatever he wants. And sometimes he's like going to the gym and doing yoga all the time and other times for months. He, he's not. And I just let it go. He can do whatever he wants. He's a sovereign being. It has no effect to my personal practice, no effect to my energy. Our love is past his daily habits. If he was doing something self harming for sure in our relationship. He's even smoked cigarettes before. And I've been like, it's been definitely hard for me, but I've had to love him even through him making that choice. And then eventually he came to his own conclusion. So I'm a big proponent of you be you and don't let any other person's vibration affect that.

I just have to say that this conversation is really challenging my belief that I'm always right.

You are always right and I'm always right.

Okay.

Can we both be right?

Yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

And I think it's like, yeah. I have friends who are like, they need to be with someone who's like a Kundalini astrologer. And that's what they need. That's the story they're telling themselves. So they need it. So if you have that story, that's gonna be what shows up for you. If you drop that story, it's gonna open up a whole world of between you and that partner or other partners. All of the girlfriends I have who are super spiritual, none of their partners are quote unquote spiritual, but they're good people.

Yeah. My husband works a 9 to 5 in, in insurance and he loves it. And I don't understand it, but I'm grateful that he loves it. Cuz that's all I want for him is happiness. And that's really what it comes down to in relationship. Like all I want is my partner's happiness. And that's. And if you're pushing someone to do something, or if I were pushing someone to do something, it's. It never feels good. Right? Like, because that's the funny thing, I do not like doing yoga. It does not excite me. My. I just have a really hard time cooling down my brain. My husband loves it. He's like Babe, will you come to yoga with me? And every time I go, I'm like, why the am I here?

Yeah, different, different approaches for different people. He may meditate in one way or another. Like my friend Rosie, she's a yoga teacher and her husband is like, like pretty much creating their house. Like, he's like almost like a carpenter. I don't think it's what he does professionally, but he loves doing it. He loves building things and measuring them and that's his meditation practice. So I had to also realize, like my husband's meditation is him being in the music studio in the dark, making beats. That's how he connects to source. Who am I to say that mantras are better?

So true.

Yeah. Okay, what to do? Well, I guess we kind of talked about this, but when you are in a shame spiral. So more, less negative self talk, more.

Of like shame, shame. So I've created this fun little shame kind of exercise.

The words fun and shame in one sentence.

I call it the stop, drop and roll exercise. Okay. And I know it reminds me of like if, if your clothes are on fire, you stop dropping your roll. But okay, you stop what you're doing, you drop the stories and you roll your arm up and you bend it and you pat yourself on the back.

Oh, yes. You shared that with me before. I was like, it's so simple, but it's so good.

Yeah. And it's like there's no shame in your game. But really, like, shame comes from the unwillingness to look within and really take ownership for what's going on. There's a. And we also live in a shame based society. Like, oh, and that word should, you know, should, this is a big piece of, of my teachings is turning the word should to will. Should is such a shame word. And we throw it around all day long. But it's the best word to shame yourself and use that as an excuse. Because I was like, oh, I should go to the gym. If you don't go, you should have, but you didn't. And it's also like, oh, it's fine, I should go, but I'm not going to. Right. So I would say if you are in a shame spiral, it's just like, like what's going on? What are we experiencing shame about? I feel like I'm stuck in this noticing thing because it's like really, it's really important.

We have to be self aware. Yeah.

To self awareness. And I have this five step path to self love. And the first part is self discovery, which we've talked a little bit about. And the next piece is self awareness. And then once you get to the self awareness, then the self acceptance and then self expression and then self love. And there's different like yes or no questions to ask around that. And it's actually a heart shaped success path. Because I think that when you're going through these types of things, you can't get one place, you can't get to self love and then think that you're just done. Like self love isn't finite. And I think that that's something really important to talk about as well. So when it comes to shame, what's going on around that? Like, why are you so ashamed? And really the hard part about all these things is like, like every question that we've answered, like the person who asked it knows the answer, knows deep down inside of them, regardless if they're conscious of it, like knows it. So it's like, why are you ashamed of what's going on? Why are you experiencing shame and what can you do to fix it? Right? Because it's easy when we feel shame, it's really easy to blame. It's really easy to point our fingers out and say, you hurt me. You feel like. Because I'll be having conversations with clients or friends or anyone and I'll be talking about something and I was actually DMing with someone last night and I was like, okay, so that's really, really great that you feel that way. So what about you? Like why are we talking about this person? Like, it has nothing to do with this person. It's everything to do with you. And they're like, well, da da da da da. And I was like, you're changing the subject. So we know deep down inside that.

You know, you're like full on life coaching on DMs.

Oh my gosh, they venmured me $75. I was like, thank you.

Oh, wow.

Yeah, it was cool. We've already talked about the runners and I was like, I will take that, I will receive. But I didn't ask. I mean, how beautiful like for someone in DM to be like, I'd like to pay you for the past 30 minutes of you DMing me. I just like I'm leaning into service, you know, and it's like you serve the right people and you just. And you create that boundary within yourself. Then I don't feel any shame about saying, I will receive that money.

Yeah, Yeah. I think you nailed it on shame, you know, I was, wait, I nailed it. Yeah.

Thanks.

You're right, I'm wrong. No, but I think. Okay, so shame. I mean, Brene Brown. We just have to mention her. Her whole. She's a shame researcher.

I taught her everything she knows, by the way.

But this person asked the question, or anyone who has feels like a lot of shame. Read her books because it's all about it. And there's a difference between shame and guilt. Like I've noticed my patterning in my life has been more guil guilt oriented than shame oriented. And they're different.

Same, actually.

Yeah. Like I'm gonna be a bad daughter. Like I'm selfish if I do. But it's more. Guilt versus shame is like there's something fundamentally wrong with me. So shame is the lowest vibration emotion in totality. Shame is the very, very bottom. Guilt is actually above it. Anger is above it. Sadness is above it. Shame is the lowest, lowest state you could be. And what's interesting in our society, maybe it's been in religion, all these different things have made us shameful to have bodies. You having body is like, you should be ashamed of that. You have a sex drive, you have this, you have that. So we were like born these animals and then taught to be shameful that we are animals. So shame to a level has been conditioned in all of us. Right. But then when you step into, I'm a sovereign being and you actually own that, naturally the shame begins to dissipate. If you have not stepped into that, the shame is still there because you almost feel like, who am I to be free? Who am I to have these wants and desires? Who am I to, you know, want to improve myself? And then you feel the shame. So you could have shame towards so many things. But I think at the end of it, it's you not believing that you deserve a life to live on your own.

My perception of it, I mean, that was deep. I took it. It is. It has hit me where it counts. You are right.

You're right. Okay.

I have a question that someone asked me.

Yeah.

That kind of like rolls into that whole shame thing about where's the line you draw between self love and selfishness?

Love that. Yeah. So whenever, when I was growing up and I would be like, I'm going to. I don't want to go to that event, mom. Like, I hate those people there. Like, it's, I never have fun. I want to stay home. She's like, you're selfish. If I ever wanted to make a decision on my own, I was considered selfish. But because the culture I came from was very tribal like, you had to do what the family wanted to do. Like you having your own, your own wants. Like, are you, you freaking crazy? So I was always labeled as selfish, but I knew fundamentally inside that me again being sovereign, me not wanting to be somewhere that brings down my vibration is not selfish. So I really had to battle of, like, is it selfish for me to want to live my own life? And the answer is no. That's my only responsibility here on this planet. Like, the only reason I was born here is to live my own life life. Even if I came from my parents, sperm and egg, there was no contract that says now I owe them my life. This is not slavery here. So if you feel selfish about choosing yourself, then you got this shit twisted because the only thing you can choose in this life is yourself. Like, you have to put that oxygen mask on first and everything else comes next. And those people who are calling you selfish have a lot of self worth.

Issues blown away right now. I have feelings on this. She was like, you got that shit twisted, Boo. I mean, I, I would second that and know that if there, whoever's making you feel selfish or if you are feeling selfish around it, there's absolutely self worth and there's absolutely, once again, time to sit down and be like, where were you taught that, that honoring you? Because for my entire life I was told that, you know, I need to give my father grandchildren or my parents grandchildren. And then I was conditioned to think that because I didn't want to do that or don't want to do that as of now, that I'm being selfish.

You don't want to have a child to make us happy. You're so selfish. I mean, but this is the real conditioning.

Like, well, it's like, but how do we break free of this conditioning? That's the deeper question. Because we're conditioned by so many things every single day. Media, our parents, our friends, our family. I just watched the Netflix documentary the Great Hack and I was just like.

Oh my God, what's that?

It's just about how the Cambridge Analytica and the Facebook and how they came together and how the Trump administration used Facebook ads to basically win the election and stuff. Like, and it's just like how there's all these data points on people and it's like we are so easily manipulated. But it's. The real awareness is being okay knowing that you're being manipulated and taking ownership or just not.

And I think it can stop by being aware and then making a decision. Like, it doesn't take years, you can just decide, like, okay, I don't want to operate from that place of guilt consciousness or being called selfish for living my own life. Like, I don't abide by those rules anymore. You can make that decision, and every time you go back on it, make that decision again. And at the same time, I do want to say that some of the self care love world has become selfish in the way that it's only focused on the self.

Right.

And not focused on the greater picture, which is why do we practice self love? Why do we take care of ourselves? Why do we become healthy so we can be our of service? And I'm seeing it really just end right there of like, it's all about my bubble baths and my essential oils and my cbd. And those things are great. Those are tools. But the purpose of your life is not to practice self care. Self care allows you to live the purpose of your life.

Right. We talked about that last time. The difference between self love and self care and, and media is blowing up self care as self love. And it's not. It is not. It's so far from it. And if you're not practicing self love, which is the mental awareness and acceptance that you are doing this for you and for your sanity and your clarity and just us living your best life, then self care is just self destructive.

Yes. And I think it's again, like, I'm very inspired by Marianne Williamson right now because she's running for president. Here she is as a spiritual author with, you know, all the tools, like, if anyone knows how important it is to have a self care Sunday or do a meditation, it's her. She's written books on it. But she's still out there from morning to night, just campaigning, going to all these different states, talking to all these people, like, running for president. Imagine how we're like, oh, my God, it's so hard to launch a membership, let alone a political campaign. And she's still in it. Why? Because she's fueled by something so much greater. And I think that a lot of us, we just so focus on like, the self, self, self. And it's like, yes, heal the self. But you're also never gonna be 100% healed. There's always still gonna be another past life to go through, another childhood wound to uncover. But eventually, if you just give it up to being of service, that's gonna heal you a lot more than like, the fifth face mask will.

Yeah, I just like, really see a beautiful vision of like, Paul and Sahara.

Like, I think we should run for president. But we just don't wanna do all the work.

Yeah, like, but can we be like co president.

Co president.

Yeah, like. Cause I don't wanna.

We would make breaks. It's like the first. First gay man.

Yeah.

And brown woman.

And then our husbands would just like the first husbands. It'd be great. It'd be great. Okay, so if you could please start that on Twitter, trending Paul and Sahara for prez. Yeah, 20, 30. We're not ready.

Yeah, 20, like 40 maybe. Just needs more time to self care, you know. But I do. I always, you know, like right now my life has been so crazy that I'm like, like, should I go take a bath or something? And I'm like, no, I'm actually so enjoying what I am doing that me like writing my soul's book is the ultimate form of self care. So I think again, it's like, when is it selfish? It's selfish when it's not of service.

Yeah.

Or has is fueling you up to be of service. Yeah. Okay, this is a good one. I got this question a lot. How can you forgive yourself for not meeting your goals and timelines in your life?

Oh, did I ask that question?

Bye, Paul.

Bye, Paul. No, I think this is a. This is a great, like time for me to reflect on like how. Because I don't actually. Forgiveness is like the first step to freedom and it's the first real opportunity to look at yourself in the mirror and be like, I'm willing to forgive myself. Because first of all, outside of the forgiveness of not hitting your goals, it's like, why are we being so rigid with ourself? Why are we being so rigid with the whole concept that we have to make goals and break them at a certain time? If you learned anything from this episode, remember what I said at the beginning. Like, there are lessons that I am learning right now through this entrepreneurial roller coaster. I am going downhill right now. But I know that there's an up. So it's like, okay, so let's say you set a goal and you didn't make it happen. Why is it a bad thing? Like Sahara always says, rejection is redirection. And I like to say rejection is protection. So it's like this whole idea that, okay, so for me, my membership didn't launch as well as I was hoping. So what do I do next? You know, Is it because it wasn't something that I always wanted to do, I have to introspect a little bit more? Is it because I really maybe didn't need to throw the baby out with the bathwater, with my group coaching program, who knows? But now I just get to lean in and know that the lessons that I'm meant to learn are really financial lessons. I need to be smarter with my money. You know, I need to be conscious that the money that I'm making now may need to take me through a few months. You know, it's like, so gotta stop walking into Gucci, Paul. There it is.

Gucci, Gucci. So I would ask, who put these timelines in place? You know, your lower, your old self that didn't know who you are today. You know, when we're all kids, we're like, I'm gonna be married and have my first kid by the time I'm 20. Because it's like we didn't know shit about life. You know, you thought that you just like graduated and had a baby. And then as you learn, you have other opportunities and experiences that change the whole trajectory of your life. So who are you to say that you know your entire future when your future is being co created in every moment? So I would first just ask, whose timeline is this? You know, is it my mom's timeline that set told me, oh, if you're not married by the time you're 30, no one's ever going to marry you. Is it society's timeline that says if you're not making six figures by this age, you're never gonna make it? Whose timeline are you referring to? Because your soul does not have a timeline. Your soul is infinite. It's always been here, it always will be here. Your soul has no idea what time is. So something else is giving you the timeline. It's not you. So I would start there.

Can I share, like a story that's going on in my head right now? Because I just got super vulnerable and I'm like, oh, gosh, I just got really vulnerable about my finances. And now no one's gonna even hire me because they just think I'm a mess. So I just wanted to share that. That's like a story that's happening in my head. The shame just from like me being super vulnerable. And this is just a sad aside that I'm just like, gotta be extra, even more vulnerable.

I love that you shared that because I was, when I was writing my book, I was writing about how you relate to people more when they're vulnerable. And that actually makes you lean in because you see that they're human and there's nothing more. We connect to more than a human. We don't connect to Barbies with perfect lives. So the fact that you said that, I think will make more people lean in and be like, he's. He's real. When I was writing the book, I also shared five truths about me, five uncomfortable truths. And I think everyone should do this. Do it on your social media, something just like five things you don't want people to know about you. And I put it right there in the book. And one of it is, like, I often, most of the time, do not meditate because I'm a workaholic and I'm always king.

Yeah.

And I was like. Like there, I'm a spiritual teacher telling you to find your dharma when I'm always working. And I was like, you know what? I'm going to own that, because that's the truth of who I am at this time. And it's something that I'm working through, and it's something that I'm learning to be better with. And, like, you know, when I'm doing a meditation, I'm, like, thinking about the email I need to send, and that's just my story that I'm. I'm working with. So if you hear me in 10 years and I'm like, I've. I've never overworked a day in my life, you'll know I'm lying.

Yeah.

You know, so I love that. And I think for the person with the timeline, too, is like, be vulnerable with yourself. Like, what is that thing that was supposed to work out that didn't. Most of the time, I feel like it's relationships. Right. Like, I thought I was going to be married. I thought I was going to have the one by now. And I feel like that's the biggest thing we have this timeline for because we have, again, the story that the good people get swooped up. And if you don't, it's like a game of musical chairs. If you didn't take one, take a seat, it's going to be gone. And I have friends who are, you know, 40 plus who are still single, beautiful woman, and it just hasn't happened. And you don't know your soul contract. Right. You don't know your karma. You don't know your destiny. You don't know. Also, maybe, you know, let's say it's a repeated pattern that people keep ghosting on you. That was another question we got. Why do people keep ghosting on me? This is me being real. Maybe there's something you're doing. Maybe you're overlooking something. If this is a repeated pattern. Why can't I sustain a relationship? Maybe you have desperate energy.

Yeah. But also because you're asking this question. That's your expectation. So you're already putting that expectation out into the world that I'm always going to be ghosted.

Right.

You know, ghosted and roasted.

Yeah. You're declaring it to the world. Like all ghosts over here. I'm the Ghostbuster.

But really not the Ghostbuster.

Yeah, you're the ghost creator. You're Casper. It's Casper over here looking for the ghost.

Wow. We're just, you know, roasting the ghost or.

But I do think it's two levels, right? The soul level of what's my destiny? I don't know. And also the human level of there are a lot of things in our control. And if something's not working out for you that you want it to work out for you, I'm sure there are ways that you can look within and improve yourself to make it happen for you. Whether it's in your business, your relationships or whatever it is. There's so much more in our control that we even are able to take ownership of. Because if we fully took ownership over how much control we had, it's a lot of responsibility and it's easier to be like, oh, I don't know why this is happening to me, than take responsibility that this is something that I can co create and I can change.

Yeah, yeah. Change would do you good. Change do you good. I love.

Is this a song?

Cheryl Crow.

Oh, I don't remember that song, but.

I do love Cheryl Would do you good.

Okay.

Okay.

Well, this is the last one that we can dive into. I think we can both really talk on this. Self love amidst weight gain. I'm recovering from anorexia and it's hard to love my new body.

Oh my goodness. So I'm going through this right now, actually. And there's also like, first of all, congratulations to the human that is asked this question. You have worked so hard to get to this point. So first of all, knowing how far you've come. Right. That you were at a point where your body wasn't functioning and you gave yourself permission to heal. So you're here and you are living and you're breathing and you have so much strength. So like celebrating that first because celebrating your body and knowing that it's taken you to all these places and there's lessons to learn. And I'm at this point where my entire life my body has held excess weight regardless of what I have done. I've been on every diet under the sun. I was a spin instructor for five years. Adrenal fatigue, working out, but still excess weight. And I was like, what? What the hell, Jeans? It's got, like, what's going on?

So you're the coffee unicorn?

I am the coffee unicorn. But also I found out that my body has had parasites in it for years and dating back to the time that I started gaining weight. So my body has always been in inflammation and been in starvation mode. So when we're in starvation.

Did you know the spiritual causes of parasites? People taking advantage of you, letting in other people's energy.

I mean, well, that's what. That's my story. What's your story, morning glory? That. So now I am on that journey of healing. And my holistic nutritionist, who is phenomenal, she told me, she's like, just so you know, you're going to gain weight first before we can balance this out because your body has been malnourished for, I would say, 24 years. And she was like, first of all, you have very strong, strong will and soul that you made it this far with, like, not thinking. Because the parasites that I have are constantly making me feel anxiety and just, like, feeding off all my nutrients. So my body is very malnourished. Like, I take a vitamin C supplement every day, but because my body is trying to fight the parasites, it's.

Is it like H. Pillory? Do you know what the parasites are called?

I mean, I could look. Look it up in my test right now.

Let's get back to the question about your parasites.

But really, you know, the. The real thing is, like, looking in the mirror and knowing that this is part of the journey, right? This is the. This is. This is the real conditioning. This can be me looking in the mirror and being like, wow, Paul, you really effed it up financially. Like. Like, this is a pillar of your story that you were in financial crisis and you got out of it. Like, you're back into, like, dipping your toes into the water, financial crisis, like, what's going on. You also know that, like, journeys and lessons come in, like, seasons until you're willing to look at yourself like, this is the real message. It's like, look at yourself in the mirror and look at your body. And it's okay if you have those feelings, that it's hard to love your body unconditionally right now because you have this dysmorphic idea of what you need to look like to feel good and look good. It's okay. Just Like Sahara said before, write it down. Because living in your head, it's not going to do any service. And I like to practice what I call present tense journaling, which is writing down things as if they already happen. So it's like, I am so proud of myself for loving my body through this weight gain, you know? And like, and if you write that over and over and over again, like I've been writing, I'm safe. I am safe. I am safe. It's like knowing that you already are, that that's the true, true healing.

So beautiful. I love that mantra. Just to keep writing that I love myself even while I'm gaining weight. That's beautiful. And just to keep repeating that. And also, I mean, with both your Paul and this listener's question is, you're gaining weight to make yourself healthier, right? This is not a gaining weight because you were sloppy and you ate too many donuts. Like, this is you healing yourself. Like, there's nothing to be ashamed of about this. Like, you're doing your body good. So it's a very different energy to gaining weight because you let yourself go, if we could even use that terminology. But so realize that you're healing. So as someone that had an eating disorder and definitely my ultimate fear was, well, can I get my period back? And all the things without gaining the weight back. And it's like, no, you need a certain amount of fat for your body to menstruate and, and be healthy. And I had to get down to, okay, well, what, what am I afraid of that will happen when I gain weight? And for me, I felt like being thin was power and control. That's what it gave me. Like, oh, well, if I'm thin, then I can, can wear whatever I want and still look good. Or, like, be the thinnest person at the party. I felt like that was my way to be, like, in power, which is such a sad way to make yourself feel important. Like, well, if my one accomplishment is to be the thinnest person here. So I had to let go of that being the thing that made me proud. I started blogging, I started other things that actually led to my food blog because I, I started to have fun with the recipes that I ended up making, you know, a whole slew of recipes, which turned into a cookbook, which turned into, you know, going to culinary school and food becoming a major part of my life for many, many years, which wouldn't have happened had I not gone into that. So also invite what's going to come next on this Journey. And I think after any kind of eating disorder, your body has been in such a state of shock that oftentimes it can gain more weight and then ends up. Up cycling down. Like, the weight that I gained back was more than I weigh now, but because my body has. Was so malnourished that it was like, oh, my God, like, let me hold on to all the calories. So it did feel like suddenly I had gained so much weight because I was underweight and then, like, above what I should have been for my bmi, if that even matters either. But eventually you'll find your own healthy way as long as you just have a healthy relationship with food. So I would just. Just, you know, again that stop, drop, and roll, pat yourself on the back, keep going. Knowing that you're. You're healing your body a big thing for me, I don't know if you got your period or not. I wasn't getting my period. And to the fact that I was. I want. I want to have a kid one day. And I was like, I'm preventing myself from the thing that I want the most, which is to be a mom one day because of my desire to be thin for these people that I don't even care about. Like, why does that even make sense? And when you realize that you're just hurting yourself and there's so much joy in eating and there's so much joy in not thinking about, oh, my God, like, well, I want to go to dinner with this person, but I don't want to eat the food there. And, like, it's just this constant, like, neurosis in your head. And to free yourself from that and to, like, be like, yeah, I'm just gonna eat food and move on is the greatest gift that you can give yourself.

Yeah. Amen.

So any last words that you want to share with listeners?

I am so proud of each and every one of you for being here today and for allowing us to share this, like, sacred space with each and every one of you. And know that if any of these stories or questions resonated with you, like, that's the beauty of the human experience, that we are so similar. And just like Sahara said, like, being in your body, getting connected, like, find a community around you. And whether it's in Rose Gold goddesses or it's in self love on demand, or it's just on Instagram or even in your local community, that connection with humans who are going through the same stuff you're going through, that's beautiful. And that is exactly what I Would want each and every one of you to walk away from this is that community is key. And you are not alone.

I can feel you.

Not the words. What are the words? I think it's. And I am here with you.

Okay, again. Okay, start with the.

You are not alone.

I am here with you.

I don't know the rest of it. I just sing that first part.

By the way, we wrote a song, guys. It goes, ooh, what's your dosha? What's your dosha, baby? Ooh, what's your dosha? What's your dosha, baby? Ooh, what's your dosha? What's your dosha, baby? What's your dosha? What's your dosha, baby?

You memorized it. Oh, my gosh. If you want to hear the full version, you could go listen to the episode of Road to Self Love.

Road to Self Love, which is his epic Karaoke Car YouTube show. Actually, it's only karaoke with me.

I know. It's true. You know, I was thinking about that, and I was like, I often get compared to James Corden. And at first I was like, I don't want to be like, that guy who knocks off James Corden, but I was like, I am not. Like, I am the guy who. Anyone, regardless of whether or not you're a singer, can come and join me. But if I have singers on the show, you best believe we sing.

Yeah, I'm not a singer, but I'm glad we sang.

I mean, my favorite episode to date. Thank you.

So for those of you listening, please check out Paul's work. He is amazing. He's such a bright light. We are the besties of buddies, and you're just gonna adore everything that he posts on his Instagram. So go follow him. Love yourself. So happy that you're listening to this. And we. I'm sure we're gonna end up doing another one, so just hit us up. Share this episode if you liked it. If you want us to do a third one, we are down.

So down.

We're gonna do it anyways, but just hit us up. Yeah. Okay. Paul, should we end with a song?

I mean, I feel like it's. It's a thing. It's. We gotta make it happen.

You are not alone I am here with you?

Though you're far away I am here to stay but you are not alone. Okay, Michael. And I am here with you? Though we're far apart? You're always in my heart but you are not. Oh, modulation. And I'm here with you. Michael. Save me. Now we got. Oh, my gosh. He's literally running away. He's like, get me out of here.

Sam.