254: From Missy Elliott Dancer to Spiritual Awakening with Alyson Stoner

Namaste. It's Sahara Rose. And welcome back to the Highest Self podcast, a place where we discuss what makes you your soul's highest development. If it is your first time listening, welcome. This is a place where we discuss all things spiritual and make it fun, easy, and relatable. And if you were here every week, what up? What it do? How's 2020 feeling out for you? It has been a good year. It's been fun, it's been expansive. It has really caused me to step up my game, and I'm here for it. So this episode is with Alison Stoner. If you do not know her, you probably actually have seen her on TV or in a show before, most notably the Missy Elliott music videos. Do you remember the music video work it in 2002? Well, remember the little girl in the pigtails that was like dancing and crumping and popping and locking? That's Alison Stoner. So she actually started off on Disney Channel's My Superstar show. I don't know if you guys remember that, but I used to watch it when I was a little kid. And then she was on successful comedies like Cheaper by the Dozen, Suite Life of Zack and Cody, that's so Raven, Drake and Josh Sam, Step Up, Phineas and Ferb, Camp Rock, the list goes on. She has been on dozens of shows in movies, done voiceovers, and really grew up as a child star. Now, most of us, when we think of child stars, we think of them later on, you know, having a nervous breakdown or getting addicted to drugs or something happening. But she actually took a different route, and she is on a mission to share mental health and consciousness with with the world. And she uses her background and her ability to reach a lot of the mainstream people who otherwise would not be aware of this world to share, especially on topics like depression and anxiety and different mental health issues that we experience. She also talks about what it is like, you know, growing up extremely well known and realizing that she's on this mission of becoming her highest self. And no matter what is happening outside of her, it's all about what is happening within. So she is a really beautiful example of showing up no matter what other people expect from you, shifting positions. You know, she shaved off her hair and speaks about not being in the heteronormative, you know, woman, despite growing up in a strict Christian tradition and being true to herself, despite haters, despite anything that comes her way. And she's a great example for all of us to embody your highest self no matter what. So without further ado, let's welcome Allison Stoner to the Highest Self podcast. Oh my Goddess Sister Queen. I am so excited to share with you that Rose Gold Goddesses is officially open. We are accepting new members for the most high vibe community on the interwebs and in real life as well. What Rose Gold Goddesses is is your sacred sisterhood collective. We have our very own app with all types of content to support you on your spiritual journey. From all of my master classes, I upload content specifically for Rose Gold Goddesses. From manifestation to launching a podcast, to writing a book and everything in between to support you on your journey of becoming your highest self. There are thousands of like minded women who are there to connect with you. Whether you want to meet up for a cup of ceremonial cacao or about your Dharma or whatever it is that you need support with at this time, Rose Gold Goddesses has got you. Consider it your spiritual gym membership with all things to support you on your journey of becoming your highest self. So you can come join us at rose gold goddesses.com again, that is rosegold goddesses.com and we are so excited to welcome you in. So you may have heard me talk about how much I love Uveda's Mood Formula, but now they've just come out with a new Mood Essential oil roller. It contains a blend of Ayurvedic herbs including jatamansi, calamus, ashwagandha, bacopa, centella, rose and tulsi, which is holy basil. It works to support mental clarity, reduce stress, and produce feelings of calmness. I love putting it on my temples and the soles of my feet to absorb itself straight into my bloodstream. And best of all, it's 100% therapeutic grade, vegan and crueltyfree. It balances all three doshas, vata, pitta and kapha. So it works for anyone. Because you know, we could all use a little bit more help with the stress in our lives. So you can head over to uveda.com that's y o u v d a dot com and use coupon code Sahara Oils for 10% off. That's uveda.com with coupon code Sahara Oils for 10 percent off your oils. Welcome Allison, to the Highest Self podcast. It's so good to have you here.

Thanks for having me.

So the first question I'd love to ask you is what makes you your highest self?

Wow. I didn't walk into this room prepared for such a wonderful we're going in icebreaker. The question is, what makes me feel.

Like my what makes you your Highest self.

What makes me my highest self? I think my curiosity, my ability to adapt and transcend, but also include the previous lessons. I'm so thankful for the mentors in my life who taught me about holistic living and integration. And I think all of those concepts have kind of provided boundaries for me, the parameters, so that whenever I go a little too far outside of them or I lean too far into one, you know, set of concepts, I'm able to rebalance and reintegrate and ground. And that's been life saving. But also that launching pad where I feel like I'm able to step into, you know, optimal living. And also, of course, that includes my contribution to others, not just myself.

I love that so much. And you are such a good representation of the work that you do within yourself.

You.

You share it so outwardly with others and with your community and with people who may not found this work on their own. They may have found you because of the TV shows that you've been on or music videos or whatever it is, and you're like, teaching them this whole new paradigm that maybe they wouldn't have gone down that rabbit hole themselves. But you're saying, well, you've resonated with me in the past and here's where I am at right now. So I invite you to walk this journey with me. And if it's not the time and place, then that's cool, too.

Exactly. I'm glad you're noticing. Yes, it's been a slow shift. I feel as though I didn't take the direction that many of my peers took in regards to shock value and reinvention. And that is necessary to shed one's skin and to, you know, develop and cultivate a new identity for people, to meet you as your adult actor self versus your child actor or whatever your profession or story is. But for me, I always wanted to bring as many people along to the full story as possible. And I noticed how fortunate I was having worked with rappers and, like, hip hop artists on one side and then family entertainment with Disney on another side, and then yet another was like, random voiceover or, you know, Japanese video games, whatever it was. And so I had this really wide spectrum of people coming together through my resume, and instead of trying to hone in on just one target demographic as many would recommend, especially 10 or 15 years ago, pick one and just, you know, tire out that narrative until you need to exploit some other quality you have. I tried to hold all of it in tension and say, y' all really contradict each other. You probably wouldn't meet or be in conversation, but what if I can be that intersection, that bridge? And I think that there's something really powerful about that that's now coming forward in, you know, my podcast and in the content that I'm making. I'm starting to, like you said, directly talk about these things, but I've spent a long time in waiting doing the work myself, making sure I've internal it, but then also giving people time to catch up. Because, I mean, to my last breath, I'm sure people are just going to want to know me for my childhood work. That's okay. But, you know, I try to showcase how much more exciting it is to expand. And if you can watch my expansion, then, yeah, hopefully it unlocks yours as well. But instead of just saying marvel at me, I want you to be empowered with the tools. Like, if it doesn't translate to impact, I'm so over, like, trying to create a Persona that people buy into and pay money for. Like, I became an independent artist for a reason. Don't become the label and the machine and the monster you were trying to get away from. So. But those are all patterns that had to be broken and that takes a long time and a lot of support, a lot of patience, a lot of failure and experimentation and. But I feel really, really grateful for where I am right now. Very grateful.

Well, I think there are very few people in the world out there who've had that experience of really being in Hollywood and the behind the scenes. And I was like, telling you how I looked at your, like, IMDb and it said, mike, super short show. That, like, reminded me of, like, me and my brother when we were kids. And like, you know, when you're kids, you never really think about what are the lives of the people behind the shows that you watch. And as we know, many people who do did have that background, went through breakdowns or, you know, had very tumultu teenagehoods. And I feel like you've really transmuted. You know, I'm sure there has been a lot of hardships of dealing with that and having all of this media and attention, but you've transmuted it in. I don't know anyone actually in the world out there who's transmuted into like, spiritual awareness and sharing these tools. And I think it's this beautiful opportunity that your soul chose to have had these two strong dualities and be able to be like, this is the light in it all.

Thank you. I feel very, very privileged with the different figures who had an important role in my life early on. My vocal coach was really like a life coach. I chose to go to therapy at a young age because I recognized just how chaotic my environment was both at home and on set. And I knew that I needed resources, I needed tools, I needed someone to go, hey, we can be safe still in here. You can say whatever you need to say in here. So without access to all of these different people, I'm not sure if I would have had the language to describe my experience and articulate it to both myself and to others around me. But also, I have a few theories here. First. Well, yeah, I've got three things that just came to mind. So first, if I haven't broken down yet, there's still time. Maybe I actually just haven't had my breakdown in God forbid it's going to be after. I'm like, trying to show people how to be healthy. But if that's the case, that's the case. Hopefully not, though. And the second is that being a kid actor, I learned so much about people pleasing. So in many ways, as I'm stepping into my power and owning my own voice, it's now getting harder to cover and conceal my suffering or what is disturbing me or, you know, things that I no longer want to tolerate. And what I notice is that in interviews, you know, some comments are, wow, she's like, you need to check your ego. And it's only, I've spent 20 years answering the same question the same way with the same, you know, hopeful dignity and grace and elegance and poise and inviting people in as though they're experiencing the moment with me for the first time, even though it's my billionth time saying this. And now I'm starting to go, you know what, I'm kind of sick and tired of talking about this. And people go, u so ungrateful. And I'm like, no, actually, I'm so ready to outgrow this. But you continue to pigeonhole me and pin me to my past. And I think we do that in our relationships with our friends, with our schoolmates, colleagues. We speak to who they were yesterday. That's who we remember instead of elevating people to the highest versions of themselves at all times. And so I've noticed that my community now, yeah, we meet each other where we are, but we also see speak to the future highest version. And that changes the dialogue. If you're going to reference the past, it's simply to extract a lesson or, you know, share a quick joke or a nostalgic moment, but then you move on because you've got better things to do. So that's sort of what I ask for people now when they're joining me, you know, if they've stayed with me the whole way or they're just tuning in, it's like, yeah, we'll make reference here and there to the Missy video, or, you know, we just had the VMAs moment relatively recently, and that obviously stoked a lot of press. And that's great. I'm grateful. Also, the main focus is her, not me. So, like, it was her award, not mine. Society is funny like that. Those are two of the things. And then the third, I forgot. So we can. We can just keep tiptoeing.

And I'm sure, I think the third is that your soul chose all of these experiences and to be a wise old soul in it, to be able to not identify with everything happening to you, but have that, like, witness or perspective of, okay, why is this happening for me? And how can I transmute it and turn a lesson from it?

Yeah. And not only a lesson for myself, but how can this help subvert entire systems? That's the kind of stuff that those raw ingredients have always been part of who I am, but I haven't brought them forward. And now they're the ones that are in the spotlight. It's my intellect instead of my body dancing. Both are being beautiful and wonderful. Grateful for both. But I'm simply pivoting and letting other aspects of myself come forward. Because these aspects, I believe, are the ones that are going to create curriculum, going to create products, services, programs that actually translate to people not only changing their lives, but being able to see the constructs of the world, see through the illusions. You know, like, I get so much joy. And it's such a gift when someone has that aha realization. Because once they get it in one area, parallels is everything is, you know, mirrors the different areas of your life. If you have the pattern with your relationship, you probably got the pattern, or it's opposite with work, with whatever. So if I can help, help guide you. And by no means do I consider myself the expert. I consider myself the friend who's like, I'll step with you, I'll walk with you. Maybe I've explored these areas a little bit more, but you will have the answer for yourself. I'm just here to hold space, give you some thought experiments, some fun exercises, get creative with it, know that you're not alone in it. And then from there, you know, you watch people Flourish. And then you're transforming systems because suddenly they're like, wait a second, I was tolerating so many things that weren't okay in my job, in my whatever. And, and, and you slowly see this shift of, like, they create new criteria for how they're going to go about moving in the world. And I can only imagine that that's going to have, you know, a compound impact if everyone starts coming to those, you know, aha moments.

Absolutely, yes. And I think a lot of people out there listening are feeling in their soul that they too have internally shifted, that the things that they're reading and curious about have shifted. But maybe they're working in a job or they have to be stuck into this former version of them, or friends, family. So how can we make that pivot without feeling like we have to alienate ourselves or, like, sound crazy? Like, how did you even discuss these kind of topics with your colleagues, producers, et cetera, who may have had no clue about this entire world?

Yeah, so I didn't necessarily bring these topics to them, you know, that that would be almost like trying to speak two different languages and hope that things don't get lost in translation. So I'm pretty selective with who I share what with. And it doesn't mean that down the road we won't talk about it, but it does mean that the way I approach the conversation with my mother is very different than a partner, is very different than a boss. And that's just context, right? Context is key all the time. But if you're looking to sort of make these huge paradigm shifts, or you're already feeling it, you're undergoing it internally, and you're going, all right, when can this be reflected in my outer reality? What I did was I sort of, you know, married the spiritual internal work with a very concrete, practical timelines and goals. And, you know, we were talking on my podcast when we did the episode with you, that downward current of bringing, you know, the thought and the idea into actually the manifest action. And so for me to make something tangible, I actually took the book Four Hour Workweek. And at first that seemed so outlandish, and I was like, well, I'll never have a four hour work week. But there were so many principles in there that challenged my then paradigm of what was possible. So it took time, but work small, small bit by small bit and stay really committed to that vision. It's possible. It really is. I recognize that I walk with a certain advantage that I have. You know, I was fortunate at a young age to be Able to learn how to resource myself. So some of that hunger and ambition help. When I was like, all right, I gotta make money because they're not gonna be paying me anymore. So what can I teach a seminar on? Okay, well, where can I teach this? I'll go to an acting school. But all of the odd jobs that I've done in this interim, like, don't just watch my content and think that I started making content or that I figured it out. Right now I'm still, I'd say like 65% done with the implementation process of where my vision is for having that independence and self sufficient kind of, you know, entrepreneurial, creative lifestyle that's actually sustainable. So, yeah, just love yourself through the process, but make it real practical and work just bit by bit.

I love that and I think that's really good advice. Something that I wrote in my book, discover your Dharma is some people do take that big leap of like, I'm quitting my job and I'm moving to China and whatever it is. And for other people, it's like a slow fade away. It's like, maybe I'm stepping away from this job or I'm like, you know, like just loosening up ties a little bit. And then for some people, it's like a total accident. They just like end up in this totally different type of career trajectory. And so there's just no one path for everyone.

Yeah. And I think that brings up a good point of whatever your impetus is, if it's all or nothing, or if it's one small thing or a surprise, just as you go along, check in with all the different areas and aspects of who you are and ask, okay, now that I've made this huge leap, did all of the areas of my life come with it or did I leave my health behind now that I've got this new dream job? And just make sure that you're moving as a whole wherever you go and however slowly or quickly you go there.

Absolutely. And one great topic that you did a video on on your YouTube channel is stress. And I really liked your approach that stress is related to this decision fatigue that we all suffer from. So can you explain a little bit more about that?

Yeah, sure. I mean, it's definitely not my concept, but it resonated with me when I was in the middle of managing. I have about 12 different projects in different stages of development right now, but a lot of the stress that accumulates is from how many different choices we're making. And I don't remember the specific stat off the top of my head right now, but it's something like the amount of information that a brain takes in a day could fry a laptop in a week.

Wow.

So all those gigabytes of information and all those neural networks firing and misfiring, and you have so much on your plate, and you get overwhelmed in a day. And so decision fatigue is speaking to exactly what it sounds like. At a certain point, you go, you know what? I don't even care anymore. I'm so tired. I'm just going to have that unhealthy snack, like, I don't have the willpower anymore. And just like a muscle when you're making decisions, if you overuse it, then you really are like, all right, I'm toast. I'm exhausted. I'm done. And so the quality of your choices starts degrading, and you'll start seeing that, you know, even how you communicate with your partner or friends, you're not as patient and loving and understanding. And so, you know, a solution to that. Yeah, you would think, okay, I just got to make fewer decisions. But your brain is constantly deciding between two things. A lot of it is autopilot. Your subconscious has figured out enough stuff. You don't have to think every time you see a green light, should I go or stop? But you can isolate a specific area of your life. For example, if you spend 15 minutes every day trying to figure out which shirt to match with your pants, I would say a good use of your time and is to ruminate over that if you're a designer, and that is something that really brings you to your highest self. And with that outfit, you step out into the world, and you're capable of anything. All right, then you take that 15 minutes. But if that's not the top identifier, qualifier element of your life, that's like make or break, then simplify your wardrobe. Get a little capsule wardrobe. So you just choose between A, B, or C, put it together, put it on, get out of the house, and then you've got a little bit more brain power to get through the rest of your day. And so I chose to do that with minimalism. I got rid of a lot of my belongings by donating, redistributing, selling whatever it is and having that clearer space and having fewer things to, you know, pick from cabinets and whatnot. It's just like, no, I use this fork every day, this bowl every day. And now I've got more time, more energy to make the decision to for my life matters more, which is like, are we gonna go with, you know, one company or another. So. Yeah. Reserve your energy for those, those important areas of your life and then simplify the others, so.

Well said. And to focus on what decisions really bring you to your highest self. Because we spend so much of our decisions on things that really don't matter.

Yeah. Oh my gosh.

I mean, I feel like just like for people what to post on social media that day, take, take so much of their mental energy and it's like, well, what are you creating in the world when Instagram shuts down, which is on its way soon, you know, And I think, I mean, I know for me, I'm not good with like fashion. So when I am trying to figure out an outfit for going out, it takes me so much brain space because I'm like, I don't know what works. I just want to wear like leggings.

Right.

So for me, just like being like, okay, this is like my going out outfit and that's it. So I can just focus on who am I going to meet and like getting excited about the actual event, not like stressing and like running out of the door late and just being in that frequency.

Yeah. And I think getting creative with your solutions too, and, and recognizing, like, remove the judgment from what I'm about to say because I know some people go, ugh, easy for you. And yes, this is to me a smart way of making the most of the people I have access to. For me, when it comes to going anywhere that will be on camera. I'm now working with a wardrobe stylist and I say, let's meet once a month. Let's go through all of the outfits. Mind you, I pay her a fee, but I don't have to pay for the clothes because she rents them, then returns them to the showrooms. And I'll happily tag whatever companies or whatever you need. But there are companies that do this. You don't have to be on camera, but you can rent something affordable.

Yeah, they're the enrichment ones. I've heard of like 80amonth. And they send you new outfits and then you return them, which is sustainable too.

And that's another key for me was my. The wardrobe stylist I'm now working with. I'm so in awe of her because she doesn't want to be just adding to the excessive waste issue that we have. So we will pick, you know, vintage pieces and even vegan friendly. And so she does a lot of the ethically sourced, ethically made, eco friendly everything work for me because I Don't have time to find what brands are and aren't doing that. And you can find these companies. You know, all you need is one. You just need one creative solution for that area. And so that's my solution in that area. I go. And then if I'm not on camera, I wear the same yellow dress every day. Same dress every day. And that's wonderful for me. That makes sense for me. Now, if it doesn't make sense for you, tailor it. But not only tailor it, enjoy that. You have this creative, artistic part of you that can design your lifestyle to a T. That's within your budget. That's within the logistics, you know, and your rhythm and your pace. And you really can do that. There is always a way around the status quo. And I've just learned that my life is. The sooner I embrace that my goals are not average, the faster I can realize. Well, that means that the tactics for getting there are probably not going to be average either.

Yeah, no, that's super interesting. And I think there's so much more support available for us than we're even aware of. It could be something as simple as, you know, maybe a friend of yours loves to cook, and you don't love to cook. So once a week she drops off meals and you help her with, like, business, because you're good at that. Or graphic design. Like, there's so much support available for us that doesn't even come financially. That can come from friends, that can come from the universe. That can come from so many different things. And like a mantra that I always repeat is, I receive the support I need so I can focus my energy on my dharma.

Yes. Yeah.

And just calling in the support of people who are in their zone of genius. Like that stylist that you use. Like, for a lot of people listening, that's their dream job, to be able to go and research sustainable vintage clothing for people to wear. Like that. Like, you could set that goal for yourself. That. That's all I want to do. And then she probably has someone who's, like, cleaning her house and doing the things that she doesn't want to do. So if we all just. Just stepped up into what makes us shine our brightest light and let other people do it, too, we would all have everything that we need.

But that requires delegation, it requires trust, it requires cooperation, and it requires community. And I do think that, you know, we here in the west love working in silos, right? Like, we love being segmented, fragmented, isolated, protecting our own, looking after number one. Whatever it is. Gotta Be top dog. And no one else is allowed to be up here with me. And that's just ridiculous. It's silly. I've learned lessons the hard way. Wearing every single hat and playing every, you know, member on my own team before, but that was a part of the interim. It was me going, okay, I've got to get out of this machine. I don't yet know where these other new people will exist. So I am, you know, just by force of, like, circumstances, I am wearing all these hats right now. But I won't be able to do this forever. So I'm eventually going to have to trust someone. And that's going to require me not only being vulnerable, but also holding someone else accountable and creating terms and conditions. And some of that interpersonal work is really uncomfortable for people. But it's, you know, these are all the necessary steps. If you're like, okay, I need to take my dream and somehow make it into a livelihood or I'm trying to become a business person, like, you're gonna have to do a lot of self development and just get some of those soft and hard skills. It's just that, that's just the name of the game, you know, Otherwise you will be carrying more than necessary and you'll, you'll be so burdened by how alone and difficult it can feel to tackle, you know, to climb the mountain yourself. But if you, if you really allow yourself to invest and be invested in and like you said, shine where you shine, I think that's a, it's a beautiful way to, like, stay in touch with friends who, otherwise you're like, try to schedule a phone call with them because you're all so busy. Well, what if I am cooking for you and what if you are, you know, kind of doing some consulting for me as I'm building my website? But that brings us together. While you're speaking to me, I'm making your food. It's an exchange. It's equal, it's respectful, but it's also so fun and like, we can do, we can have the village mentality and experience. Like, we have so much to learn from other cultures.

Yes. Going back to those village ways.

Yeah.

With electricity. Yeah, right. With wafat, long before mouthwash, there was oil pulling. This practice of swishing oil in the mouth has been an essential part of Ayurvedic health for centuries and only now is becoming. Become popular again, which I'm super excited about. So most people oil pull with sesame or coconut oil, but Banyan Botanicals Daily Swish combines sesame and coconut oil so your mouth gets the benefits of both. It also has ayurvedic herbs for supporting teeth and gums and comes in two delicious flavor options, mint and cinnamon. As an ayurvedic company and certified B Corp organization, Banyan has a variety of organizations organic products to support health and vitality. Daily Swish is one of their most popular items of all time. And it's seriously amazing. You can save 20 on Daily Swish by heading over to banyanbotanicals.com Sahara again, that's banyanbotanicals. Com Sahara so I am all about activating my brain. I need it for a lot of things and I also love to play and have fun. So I recently came across a game called Best Fiends which you can just download on your phone and it is so much fun. So basically you are the bugs and you're here to defeat the slugs, but you're doing it through puzzles. So though it looks like this like beautiful, colorful kids game, it's actually made for adults and it's helping you use your brain in new ways every month. They change the levels, they change the event so it never gets old and it just, it doesn't require any Internet to play. So when I was stuck on my flight, I was playing it the whole time. I love the cute characters and it's just such a good game to get you out of your, you know, busy, hectic headspace. And sometimes playing a game is the ultimate act of self care that you really need. So you can download it on the app store. It's called Best Fiends. Like friends but without the R. So that's Best Fiends and let me know what level you're on. I'm on level 6 7. So another huge just like epidemic that's happening right now with people is just anxiety. And I feel like a lot of us are so worried about the future and not getting everything right and not finding the purpose, not making it all, all happen. So how do you cope with feelings of anxiety?

Well, I was diagnosed with general anxiety disorder. It's got to be more than a decade ago. And you know, I have like the clinical version and so I started learning tools early on. Y it includes maybe breathing through it. Of course, meditation now is a great tool, but I think fundamentally a few things that have helped me. Just stop me if this gets too.

Weird and woo woo, never here.

Okay. To step into the place beyond my small self and to remember the atoms in my body are mirrored in you and I am you and you are me, and I am that building over there, and I am the floor beneath me. That kind of universal energy and connectedness really takes the pressure off of small little Allison figuring it out and brings me to that. That place of awe and gratitude. And it's not to escape it or to avoid it, and you have to be careful about when you're doing that. But for me, that kind of grandeur and that healthy stupefication of just how glorious the world and life are can at least create that healthy buffer that I need to, like, get past the panicky, finicky thing. You know, I've almost got to, like, distract myself with the amazing universe. And then it's like, all right, do.

You do a meditation to connect or just thinking about it, I'll usually kind.

Of stoke it by seeking out something I know nothing about that's just fascinating and interesting. And it just takes the pressure off my situation. It just draws me into a bigger picture. And that can be like, researching something. It can be pausing and kind of looking at my surroundings and sort of creating a potential narrative for the person next to me and being like, wow, like, what's going on in their lives and what's their path? And this is incredible that we're all so interconnected, Whatever. So that's like a strange, you know, maybe cheap shot at what I do with anxiety. But I also think that knowledge is power, information is power, and those lead to freedom. And so what I've learned now about algorithmically and technically, how our devices are literally designed to keep us addicted, different apps and software keep us checking and measuring and comparing and all of that. So when I realize that there's kind of something to debunk or subvert, you know, beat the system, that gives me all the more incentive to go, oh, now I'm really going to prioritize this piece, this calm, this meditation, this self care, whatever that looks like for me, because now I've got a mission along with this. Now I recognize that they're actually. They have reasons, economic, political reasons, that they want me to stay anxious. And that kind of like, somehow fuels my fire to calm down. So these are sort of roundabout ways, because I don't. I just feel that if you really wanted to talk about basic skills, you can just Google that. And at a certain point, you're gonna have to actually do them. You're gonna have to try them. But I don't need to tell you things that you already know. These are sort of adjacent, weird commentary on what I do. With my anxiety and what inspires me to keep working through it. Anything that eventually, you know, will help you step further into your power or get to your goal. That includes your learning to manage anxiety. This is all about you, like, becoming that optimal self and thriving and thriving hard so that it's infectious and everyone around you, it's contagious and they end up getting empowered.

And I think that that's a really interesting point you brought up of, like, the systems that make us anxious. And sometimes I think about how we are in this, like, massive of informational era with all these new technologies being created, and we're just, you know, people are making these inventions. Like, there's no test about how it's going to impact people later on. We're just putting them out there. So we're essentially just like, throwing out all these tools that have never existed. Humankind in the past 10 years has radically shifted. I mean, you basically don't have to leave your house anymore. And it's only further going in that. That path. So we don't know what, what it could do to mental health. And we're seeing now, I mean, I feel like a couple years ago is way more about, like, physical health. Green smoothies, like six pack, really. Mental health is a huge thing that people are talking about, and soon it's going to be spiritual health at the forefront. But it's almost like this. On this one side, I feel like we have no idea what we're putting out there is doing to mental health. And then this other side of, like, the forces that are benefiting from us being anxious and not sure of what's happening, which is giving us decision fatigue, which is letting the greater powers have control.

Yeah. And I want to go back to something. You reminded me of a scientist, Midgley. I was just reading about him, and he had something to do with either discovering the chemical compound or something that, like the gas that CFCs and aerosol sprays that at first were like, heaven sent to society because, oh, my gosh, now it's this thing that makes life so convenient. It's so easy. We can create this, you know, in a lab. And then later you realize that it's piercing a hole in the ozone, and you're like, wait a second. And I read a quote. Someone was commenting on his life, maybe in like, a biography or I don't know, but they were saying this character Midgley, you know, did more for society maybe than anyone else, but then also had the most harmful impact on the planet at the same time. And had we tested longer? Had we had some sort of moral or ethical approach to things? But that's the fine line of, like, when you're walking into a group of scientists, you can't just say, hey, I want to impose these limitations on your free intellect and your free creativity. And of course you want them to be able to explore and invent. But, yeah, the ramifications are real. And I just think, okay, now we know CFCs are harmful, but what are we doing right now that in 20 years from now we're going to go, how? Oh, my gosh, we were so reckless that we all carried our phones in our hands and we didn't realize we were supposed to have, you know, a blue light. Yeah, like an inch buffer between, like, skin contact, and that it creates, you know, 150 million cases of this kind of cancer by 2075. And so, you know, you just. You want to be not. It's not about being more afraid. It's about being mindful. And then I think, move at the pace of nature too, right? Like, return to. To earth in your process and be like, okay, are we just trying to push, push, push an agenda forward? And of course, like you said, who's, like, who's profiting behind this? But that also gives you new eyes and a fresh way to look at everything happening around you. Always look at who's benefiting, always look at who's in power, always look at the true mission, the values, and see if the action plan lines up. And I also encourage people listening. If you're wanting to make different changes in your life, you're wanting to, to become more mindful or integrate that mindfulness into your job. So if you're trying to integrate all of these new tools and you set a goal, let's say, for your business, you want to launch by this date, you want all these products out in the market by this date. And you realize along the way that one, you can't pay the people helping you properly. Two, you can't care for yourself in order to reach that goal. And then maybe you actually need to slow down that timeline. If you can't stay whole and stay in integrity throughout the process, maybe, just maybe, you don't need to be so influenced by American exceptionalism for this moment. And you actually can go, you know what? I'm gonna allow my goal to be a little smaller because I know I can reach this while not compromising these other really important areas of my life. Life. If you find that you are. If. I mean, if that's your Value. Right? Like, maybe you don't care about your relationships or your health, but if you want everything to be sustainable and healthy and holistic, then sometimes I think we have to allow ourselves to slow down that dream, slow down that assembly line and be like, y'. All, like, we have to take a lunch break. We can no longer do these long work days and not take our lunch lunch breaks. And that's a literal piece of advice because I am very much the person who's like, oh, there goes 12 hours. Haven't eaten. And that's cool for a day if you were in flow state, but, like, living your life like that and not replenishing or not properly nourishing yourself, you're gonna see that show up in other ways.

I totally relate. I often have, like, I want to create these events and do this and do that. And I'm like, is it worth the like. Like, jeopardy? It's going to play on my life? The emotional toll, lack of sleep. And I'm like, no. Like, some things are, like, you know, writing my book when I'm feeling very aligned to do that. And that does get in the way of my relationships or extracurriculars in the time being of writing it. But to me, that is worth it. But working on every idea that I have is just not. And it's like, you know, you kind of have to leave things on the table because we are so powerful. We. We can create anything. It is that we want. And I think that our own jurisdiction of choosing what it is that we want is our most powerful tool.

Yeah. And something I've had to accept. I should say I've gotten to accept. And I should remove that. Should. So we're gonna try that all again. I am thankful that I've gotten to realize how beautiful it is to embrace ordinary gold and not always think that I have to be, you know, on stage at an award show in order for me to live out my dharma. That my goal and my level of operation might look different than the person next to me. Maybe they'll look a little bit fancier, a little bit, you know, bigger, like, head honcho of something that might not be my mix of, you know, details in my life, but staying true to my process and to who I am authentically will illuminate the path. And that path is good enough, and that path is great, and it's okay. And I just think, you know, taking the pressure off and going, yeah, I know I'm capable of writing a book. I know I'm capable of. And what People in my field do is write a book. And what people in my field do is create products and services and merchandise. But don't assume that I've got to just, like, fit that cookie cutter and version. Like, if you're a certified yoga instructor, you don't just have to do the same thing that every other yoga instructor does or it won't play out for you in the exact same way. Let that be okay. And set the goals and the size of the goals according to just your being, your limits, your potential. And don't get so phased by what your country, you know, says is bigger, is better, more is better. Grow that mega church. Like, get more people in there. It's like, not always, maybe, sometimes, maybe for you, but not necessarily for me.

Yeah, I think some people are afraid of how big their dharmas are, and some people are afraid of how perceivingly small. Like, maybe what you truly want is to live, like a simple life off grid. And that is you, and that's you and your truth. Or maybe in a season of your life, that's what you want, to just replenish yourself. And it's something else. And I think that we think it's like, okay, well, this is what I say I want to do. So it's like I always have to be that. And it's like different. Different linear, different doshas, different energies. So I want to talk about how you deal with haters. You did a video on that. And I think, I mean, I've done episodes on this, and so many people who are not even, like, in the public eye at all have haters. And it's like these. These people are on the Internet and they're angry. And especially when you say something that is questioning how people think.

Right.

That can trigger a lot of that. So how do you energetically deal with these haters?

Yeah, so in the video, I talk about the concept called the mirror effect. And again, like, I coined that for the video. You can call it anything you want to call it. It's not about the name. The concept itself is simply that if you recognize something in someone, it's because you yourself possess that quality or the potential to operate in that way. So if I see, you know, joy and love when you're smiling, then that's because I too have experienced that and I recognize it. So there's a little bit of mirroring happening. But then you see that dissonant moment where it's like, well, you're happy, but I'm upset that you're happy. And you go, what's going on? And that can be confusing, but it's all in how you're perceiving, perceiving each other, recognizing that we as whole beings have the capacity for all the sides. I have the capacity to be just as much of a hater. In fact, if when they come at me and go, ew, gross. If I immediately match that from the same place, then we're just going to get in a fun little tango of operating at that level. So I think it's about pausing and raising it to a higher vibration, higher octave, and saying like, hey, I recognize that. And I too have felt that before. And I'm not going to take it personally because I know that we're all like, we're just what we see out in the world is really what's going on inside. And so I get that you may be in this season of your life going through that. I've been there. I don't want to do that again. So I invite you up here and up here we just sort of accept each other with compassion. And that's really helped. So, you know, for me, the mirror is almost like it's a dual shield as well as a portal through which you get to immediately see like, ooh. You give all your cards away by how you respond to me. I know exactly what you're made of. But again, if you think it's just this one sided thing, like you get to see what's going on and in someone else's life, remember that the mirror effect goes both ways. So how I'm responding is to what's going on inside me. So yeah, it's just like it takes off, it takes away some of that like, spite for people and that, like getting even that edge. And hopefully you can transcend ego altogether. That's obviously like not gonna happen every time perfectly and smoothly. But if you can cultivate that space in your life when the people aren't bashing you, then as you approach, you know, as you are met with that response, you can hopefully have that little extra ounce of space the next time and go, okay, before I react now I can choose how I respond. I can raise this whole situation to a higher place. But yeah, I mean, it's not easy. I had some beds, some people this morning just, just going after me with things and me being like, y', all, like, if we, if we really wanted to go after someone, like, let's go after the entities and the, the powers that be, not just the human self, but like the powers in the world. And the energies and everything that are, like, really not serving the highest good. Like, let's. Let's place our effort there when we have that call to action and that anger. Let's have that galvanizing anger for injustice socially and not just what I'm wearing and why I look horrible or whatever the comment is.

Yeah, definitely. I think that there's just a lot of killing the messenger. If someone brings something totally up instead of maybe something is stirring inside of you, and that's really beautiful. Instead of looking into that, going to the source of that, it's like, oh, you brought it up. So I'm just really angry at you and projecting all my. On you when you were the person brave enough to even bring up the conversation. And. And it can deter a lot of people from talking about things that are important because of all of the backlash that you experience from it, that a lot of people are like, screw this. Like, I don't want to talk about social justice, politics, any of it, because it. It shakes the pot too much. But then if we have none of us more sensitive people talking about it than the people who do talk about it are the ones who just don't give a shit. And that kind of shows that. That you're a bit of a narcissist if you're just like, I totally don't care what anyone thinks. Like, we all care. Whatever. I get hurt. We all get hurt from it. That just means you're a human. Like, that means you're a compassionate being. So let's. Let's take that anger towards, like, the banks.

Oh, my gosh. Right?

Like, I go to this. I went to this protest the other week about, like, the banks and how they're investing in companies that are. That are chopping down the Amazon. And we're there, and I'm like, where are all of the haters right now? Like, I'm here protesting in front of the bank.

Banks.

None of you guys are here. But you're all here. Like, on the YouTube comments. Like, do all haters hang out on YouTube comments? Like, is that. Is that the spot?

So interesting. God, if I had a nickel for every time I've been called, like, horrible things just because I cut my hair. I'm like, y', all, I could have bought a house by now. Like, it's crazy.

So do you. When do you respond to these hateful comments and, like, explain yourself? When do you delete? When do you block. What's your suggestion?

I would.

I wouldn't.

My suggestion is don't Listen to my advice right here or don't follow my lead, because I think a lot of times it would be better off if I just don't read comments at all. But because I want to engage with my audience, there's no filter of who's nice and who's not. So I do go in and I see everything, and then it's like, ooh, just took another one to the heart. Like, another shot right there. Ooh. But then on the flip side, it allows me to connect with people who really are being vulnerable. I'll say that now that I'm stepping into my power, I'm finding it harder to tame my tongue. And I'm wanting to not just defend myself, but, ooh, really, like, lay it on thick with sarcasm too. And there have been a few times where, like, if they use a certain. And I did it this morning and I looked at my own comment after and was like, do I want to delete this? Do I want to. And I chose the same way.

I believe it.

And I was like, you know what? This is a moment where, you know, someone just said, like, I was speaking about making care packages for people, right? Like, that's pretty mild. And the comment was just like, ugh, but she can. But like, okay, you know, saying like, well, if she has resources and she's. I mean, this is my interpretation of it, of course. Right? Like, so this is also me reading into it, but I assumed that it meant, well, you're rich and you have enough money to make care packages for people, but okay. But I had just spent quite enough time in the caption explaining, hey, if you think you can't do this because of. Of financial reasons, here are the other blah, blah, blah, blah. So my response to her was like, okay, like, caption. But like, okay. So I just.

You're like, what's your address? So I can send you a care package because you need one, right?

And so I responded in her language, but just inserted my thing. So it was like, you know, she said, but she can, but okay. So I went, but caption, but okay, you know, And I'm like, that was. Is so teenager of me. But at the same time, I can hear my younger self being like, you know what, thank you for standing up for me for once. And so, no, I don't recommend operating that way. That's not what I just described in my video on haters. But I think there are times and moments when standing in self respect is worthwhile. And if you're just being completely bullied all the Time, like being able to say this is. Is. I'm not going to tolerate this. This is not. This is not okay. It's not acceptable. I think that's smarter than just coming back with a fist of your own, right? But, you know, so I am kind of acknowledging it or at least meeting halfway on some of the remarks. That comment was an exception. That's not something I really want to be a norm. For me, that's not the personality I also want to give my energy to, because I don't want to become that person who's known online for clapback. Like I'm trying to get us all on the same page, or we can respectfully disagree, but able to listen to each other so we can get onto other bigger business, right? So, you know, it's about modeling the ish that I post. But, you know, I think a lot of it is about, like, those moments can be sneak attacks, right? Like. Cause you're just thinking you're going onto social media, it's gonna be okay. And then boom, someone writes something really hostile. And so it's about preparing and anticipating when you're opening that phone, you know, you are exposing yourself to so many. It's a collision of a lot of different energies, a lot of different motivations, a lot. Even companies targeting you with ads about stuff like you're entering in some ways a war zone. So what can you do to protect yourself in that moment while also building out, you know, that place of refuge so that when you open social media, the people you follow, the pages that come up on account, explore the stuff you're liking and commenting and engaging with, are all carrying you closer to a place of wholeness instead of, you know, being torn down and then also feeling compelled to tear someone else down. And for the record, one of the people who was just like chewing me up today, I just clicked over to their profile and I saw, I think, that either their own child or another young person in their life passed away. And I was like, yeah, there it is. Like, there it is. There is a lot of pain in your life right now. You've got posts of this young toddler and it looks like they passed away. And now you're in my DMs and you are. And that's a very obvious way, you know, of me connecting the dots. Maybe she really just does hate me or I remind her of an ex or something, you know, you never know. Or a part of herself that she rejects, right? A part of herself that she fears or can't accept. But I'M standing in and I'm going, hey, I'm okay over here. And she's like, ah, no, no, no. I hate you. And I hate all of that about it. But in that context, I was like, wow. Yeah, she's potentially going through a really, really rough time, so maybe she thought safely that I wouldn't even see it and she could just go and rant on someone else's page. And it's like, we've just got. It's so convoluted.

Yeah. I think a lot of the people who, you know, I see these people, they write these long, hateful messages. Oh, my gosh. And I'm like, wow. Like, they just really want to be heard. Because, I mean, never in my life, like, even, let's say, like, there's a neo Nazi podcast out there. Like, I don't. Don't actually go look it up and, like, find their Instagrams and send them hateful messages, you know, Like, I've never even done that to anyone in my entire life. But there are people who do this day in and day out. The people who are like, leaving one star reviews to things and talking about how much.

Yeah. And yeah, when I pulled my review on that first one star review on my podcast, and the thing was just, ugh, women over. Complicating things. I'm like, the name of the podcast is Simplexity. We are simplifying the complexities that is the podcast. What are you doing here?

But you click on that person's name and they probably did 51 star reviews, different podcasts. Like, that's just what they do because they're in pain and they want to be heard. And the only way for them to feel heard is, like, put it on some public bureau that they're hurting. That's hoping that someone else listens. So I see that I also have, like, a very, like, strong tolerance of, like, who I let into my life and the energies I let into my life, that if someone even writes a comment not totally feeling like, in alignment with me, I'll block their ass.

Oh, really?

I block that shit because this is my page. This is like, I'm inviting you to my home. This is my sacred space. This is where I share and I give and a lot of things that take me courage and confidence and. And a lot of my time too. And if you're just taking what you see out of me in your limited perspective and you trying to use that against me and like, whatever, I don't have the space and energy for that. So I will put block. I won't entertain. I think definitely, I used to, like, respond to comments and stuff, and now, I mean, if it's like something that it was like a genuine misunderstanding or they had a good point, or a different perspective to add to the table, I'll definitely respond to that. But if it's just like, hate and you can tell, like, a lot of times it's out of jealousy or comparison or again, just feeling like I'm suffering right now and I want someone else to suffer with me.

You're never your triggers, right? Like, one of the worst things for me is feeling misunderstood. Like, just spending time communicating something to you and then you coming back and gleaning the opposite from it and then telling me in a very mean way the exact opposite of what I was intending.

Right?

And I immediately am like, I'm so charged to explain myself again. It's not that I'm upset, you know, and angry with you. It's more so I feel misunderstood. And that's a deep wound. So knowing and recognizing my triggers when I open the app and going like, okay, which trigger did that just. Just hit? You know, which. Which vulnerability did that just hit? That's, I think, also helpful to be like, oh, it's you again. All right, I know you. I see you. Not just the account, but the substance of whatever that caption is. Oh, you're. I get it. You're just getting me in that comparison mode again. No worries. Like, we know better. And I haven't really blocked anyone, but there is one person who I did. And it's like I just watched them create a new account and then come back. And I was like, y', all, this is intense.

Like, yeah, there are definitely people who keep. And then you're like, okay, you are really crazy because that takes a new email address and a new. Yeah, I can't even, like, remember Chubby's Instagram and I can't log in. And you're making 10 accounts.

I think the hardest for me has been the hate on my same sex relationships. Like, that's because it was already such a critical and terrifying time for me to experience it firsthand and have a paradigm at the time that did not tolerate that or accept it or even see, like, that it could be natural that it occurs naturally in humans. And so it was. It took so much therapy. I went through conversion therapy, a form of my own, and yet still I was like, wait a second. I'm also experiencing the most genuine love and acceptance. Like, what? Just confusion, right? We can Go on for hours on all the layers of why I was terrified and why people still think that, you know, I have Satan, you know, for forever being attracted to a woman. Like, I chose it or can control it. I guess you can control how you act. And that's a lot of the cases that people message me are like, you know, you don't have to act on it. And I'm like, okay, if we can.

So we're acknowledging that you can be, but don't act on it. God forbid. Yeah.

And I mean, look, I totally respect where everyone is in their worldview. And I also know that because my life literally depended on it, I've probably done more research and tuned in a little bit further than the average person whose life is not depending on the answer there. And I would be happy to break down movements in society and interpretations and translations and blah, blah, blah, blah, if you really want to get into the apologetics of it, you know, like, it's like. But that still doesn't get to the core of can you or can you not accept me in who I am? And can you or can you not hold space for me to figure this out and to do it with love and to do it in pursuit of truth? Why would I have any other intention than to find wholeness through this process? That's what I'm committed to. Can you or can you not support me in figuring this out? And so to see all of the hate in that regard, that's. Oh, you know, I can feel my throat closing because it's so vulnerable and lives are on the line. I'm thankful that I have a support system where I can process this and continue to go about my path. But so many people who are getting, you know, hated on for their sexuality, that leads to suicide. It leads to self harm, to violence, to internalized, you know, repressed rage that comes out in other places. It's like, y' all like this. We get obsessed over one thing in culture at a time, right? Like, we pick and choose, like, this is the thing that. That our generation is gonna care the most about. And then we decide who's in and out based on where they stand on that issue. And we're like, we gotta be able to transcend that either, or thinking that right or wrong, that black or white. And even if that's where you come from, learn how to hold space for someone who's different than you, because if not, you're denying their humanity, you're denying literally their real lived experience. And that's. That's oh, just so hard to see. So, you know, that's a really vulnerable place for me. But, you know, when someone comes at me for my outfits, I'm like, y', all, if you really want to cut deep, like, yeah, here are the real spots.

Right? Exactly. Yeah, totally. Like, when I see things, it's like, her recipes suck. I'm like, whatever. Yeah.

I'm like, great, then don't use them.

Exactly. Absolutely. Ah. So much good tidbits that you shared with us.

Thank you.

Thank you again for your courage and your ability to share truths about things that most of us are afraid of experiencing. And just to bring such a grounded down to earth perspective and show that maybe a life that a lot of us look upon as the most glamorous life or easy life is not. And how there are obstacles in any kind of journey that you take. And it all comes down to you just have to find your truth. So thank you for sharing that with us.

Oh, my pleasure. Yeah, we're all walking the same general soul journey of, like, we're gonna have to learn through heartache. We're gonna have to learn, blah, blah, blah. It's just different canvases, right? Mine's Hollywood that's got its own strange things. Yours might be in a smaller town or vice versa. It's all okay. Don't worry about the fancy glitz and glamour. That shit is not real anyway.

Very true. So where can listeners connect with you? Watch your videos? Podcast?

Yeah, well, definitely check out our episode that we did on Simplexity and I have my short form series alchemy on my YouTube channel. You can follow me on on Instagram and all socials at. Alison Stoner A L Y S O n S T O N E R and hopefully this next year I'll have. I'll be rolling out some. Some fun programs for people so you can, you know, come along the the for the ride and get activated and, and feel supercharged with. With everything that you're doing.

Sounds wonderful. Well, thank you again so much for sharing.

Thanks.

How fiercely powerful is Allison Stoner? She is someone who truly is on a mission to change Hollywood, to change mainstream culture and bring mental health to the forefront. So I'm super grateful for her standing up and being her highest self. If you loved this episode, I would love if you could leave me a review in the itunes store. And as a free gift, I will share with you the first half of my unreleased book, Eat Right. For your mind body type, Simply email a screenshot of your review over to SaharaetFeelFresh.com again Sahara S A H A R AatFeelFresh.com and I will send you over the first half of my unreleased book Eat Right for your mind body type. Thank you and namaste.