274: Making Your Life Your Art with In-Q

Namaste it's Sahara Rose. And welcome back to the Highest self podcast. A place for discuss what makes you your soul's highest evolvement. This month for me has been really tapping into my self love in rose gold goddesses. This month is all about Kuan Yin. So what does it mean to be compassionate to yourself? What would be the most compassionate choice given moment and to really honor that. So it has been beautiful. I have had more time to paint, to reflect, to heal, to work with incredible people and it's been just so amazing of to really fill up my cup and to honor what it is that actually truly makes me happy and to reframe everything in my life from this higher perspective. And I think a lot of us 2020 has been a year of massive up levels already and sometimes life can move really fast and it's important to look back and to refle and this episode is one of those. So have you ever had your favorite singer perform your favorite song in front of you? Probably not. Most people have not, but I got to in this episode. So in Q is not a singer, he's actually a poet. He's a very world renowned poet, national poetry slam champion, multi platinum songwriter, named one of Oprah's Super Soul 100 list of most influential thought leaders, been featured on HBO's Def Jam Poet. And I had heard of him before, but one day I was listening to this song by this producer called Zoo. I really like Zoo. I was listening to this song and it was called Good Life. And something about the lyrics just moved me. I kept like the song would end and I would listen to it again and again and again. And you know those songs that you just like can't get enough. And every time I would listen to the lyrics of this song, I would find another layer to it, another meaning, another depth. And I needed to know who it was by. The name wasn't listed on the song. So I like looked up the song credits, I found the voice's name, I googled his name, tried to figure out who it was and guess what? It was nq, who I had already heard of and in fact knew my husband from before. I actually knew my husband. So when his book, his new book Inquire within came out, I had to have him on the podcast. And in this episode he actually performs that very poem live in front of me. And I literally, literally wanted to cry because I was so moved because I had listened to it so many times, just walking on the street listening to it and we kind of break it down and the beautiful thing about this episode is that poetry can have so many meanings, and your interpretation of something may be different than someone else's, but it's exactly what you need. And I also really liked INQ's perspective because it was very different than a lot of the people who I have had on this podcast or am, you know, in this kind of community with. I feel like there's a really big trend right now now of like, the law of Attraction, Abraham Hicks positivity movement, which I love, and I definitely am a part of that. But he offered this other perspective of, like, sometimes it's not positive, and you don't have to make it positive. You can find art in the pain and in the struggles of it. And it was really beautiful. It's really just like shadow work at its core of, like, you don't need to, you know, like, find the thing that's going to make you happy and. Or, like, choose the better thought. Like, sometimes you can just sink into the sadness and sink into the pain, and you fully sinking into it is actually what you need to release it. So all of his poems, he actually performs three live poems for us on this episode that you'll be able to hear. But all of his poems really have that substance. They're based off of difficult moments of his life. But the fact that we are all able to relate to it shows just how universal pain is and how we often try to deny it, deny it as a part of our experience, but. But in the denial of it, we're not able to transmute it into love. So this episode is definitely that. Talking about the things that are more difficult, more challenging, going into the shadows and finding art in it and really showing that your whole life is your art, everything you do is your art. You get to have a normal experience and see it from that poetic lens. And that is really what makes magic on earth. So I will play for you at the end of this episode the song that I became obsessed with that made me like the die hard in Q fan that I am today. Good Life by Zhu. But this episode, it's a journey. It's beautiful, it's authentic, it's real, it's rhythmic, and I know you're going to love it. So without further ado, let's welcome INQ to the Highest Self podcast. 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So essentially it is the hot chocolate of your dreams with none of the sugar and all of the turmeric and reishi with a touch of ginger as well. It is delicious on its own, just with water. When I was on my Poncha Karma and I couldn't have any sugar or chocolate, anything like that, I brought my Organifi Gold with me, Poncha Karma approved and all I needed was hot water and it was the perfect just sweet, soothing, desserty taste that I so deeply crave after meals and it makes me feel so calm, so restorative. It is my optimal nighttime tonic and literally I've gotten all my friends on it and I'm pinching myself that they are my podcast sponsors because even if they weren't I would still be telling you everyone about it. So head over to Organifi.com and use coupon code SAHARA for 20 off. That is Organifi O R G-A-N-I F I.com use coupon code SAHARA for twenty off. Your gold welcome INQ to the highest Self podcast. It's so great to have you here.

Thank you very much.

Happy to be here.

So the first question I'd love to ask you is, what makes you your highest self self?

Hmm. I would say just trying to be present to who and where I am and to live into that truth in every possible moment and then to notice when I'm out of it. And I'm kind of in my projection rather than in reality because I think if you're in your projection, it's more difficult to operate from what's actually happening. You know, you're operating from a story. So noticing when I'm off and then trying to get centered and get aligned.

And I'm sure you know, you're a poet, which we'll talk about, but also you are promoting a book and you're like, doing all these things out in the world, but like, you and your soul is so creative. How do you balance that, like, being in society and then also like coming back and having that space to just purely create for art?

Well, first of all, I'm not very good at self promotion. It's like the least thing that I've ever been good at or even interested in. I'm probably not good at it because I'm not interested in it. You know, I'm one of these people that, like, I need to be passionate about something, to step into it, you know, fully. So that's been like an interesting transition process. But this isn't really me promoting myself. It's me promoting something I created. And so there's a separation there. So it's actually a joy to promote the book because I feel like I want it to have a life of its own and to go wherever it needs to go. So that's something I'm actually really excited about for the first time, is promoting something. Because I've never had a home for my art before in terms of separating the promotional aspect of it from the creation aspect of it. I mean, they're definitely compartmentalized on their own. Like the stages of creating a book. As you know, you go through the creation stage and then you go through the editing stage and the packaging stage, and then you go through the marketing stage, which is really just like a Fancy way of saying, finding a way to get it out to the most possible people that you can. And if you believe in it, then that's something that feels good rather than feels like an obligation. And then in terms of creating, I'm always just paying attention to the things that spark me, the things that move me, the things that inspire me, the things that annoy me. And then, you know, if I start a poem in a place that's true, and I give it time and space, the rest of the poem will almost write itself. So it's just paying attention, being aware, and then creating the time and the space to explore it.

And I think that is smart to compartmentalize things, because I think sometimes we try to juggle multiple tasks at the same time. We're like, oh, like, why aren't I creating things? Because you're just in a different stage of your life right now. And to just fully be in that, like, not putting the pressure on yourself, like, oh, well, I should think still be making poems for the next book. Like, this is just what I'm doing right now. And if it comes along, it comes along. And that's just a gift.

Yeah, I think pressure actually stifles the creative process. Or I'll speak for myself, pressure stifles my creative process because pressure leads to expectation. And expectation leads to me, like, strategizing my inspiration, and that's fucking boring. To strategize inspiration, you can't, like, try to contain inspiration. Inspiration comes out of empty space. You know, when there's empty space, there's creation, there's infinite possibility. I like to be surprised about where the poems go or what the next thing I'm curious about is. And then follow that breadcrumb trail. And then along with my audience, hopefully, at the end of it, be like, wow, I didn't expect that. You know, the poem has something it wants to say. So I feel like I'm the vehicle for it, but I'm also kind of the obstacle.

I love that. And when I'm reading your poems, too, sometimes I, like, I know you're talking about something else. So I, like, almost want to skip to the end of, like, what is he really talking about? But it's almost like, you know, that's how we kind of are conditioned as humans of, like, what is the result? Like, where is it guiding us to? Instead of, like, going on that journey of, like, not really knowing and seeing where it takes you. And that's the complete surrender, and that's what you have to be as a poet.

Well, Art is a ride. Life is a ride, you know? And you can either hold on for dear life or you can throw your hands up, you know? So when I'm experiencing art, I like to let go. And when I'm creating art, I like to let go.

Beautiful. So there was this song that I found on Spotify when I was listening to this artist called Zoo, and I was like, what? What are these words? Like, I kept listening to it. It became like one of those songs that you listen to over and over and over and over again. Like, it's done. And you're like, okay. Again. Like, you're just. It's on loop. I would go on walks. I would keep listening to the lyrics of the song. I would keep finding more meaning in the lyrics. I would wonder, like, take one line and wonder and break it apart. It got to a point, I'm like, whose voice is this? And so I started Googling and I'm. It's like, adam Schubert. And I was like, stephanie Schubert? Yeah. So small hopes. Yeah. So then I googled the name and realized it was you. And I was like, what the.

I love the name Adam Schubert.

It was like, something that sounded kind of Jewish. Like.

Yeah, definitely, like, vaguely Jewish and Eastern European. You're like, where is that dude from? Czechoslovakia, Germany, who knows?

But holy crap, that. Guys, you have to listen to that song Good Life by Zoo, because INQ wrote the poem, the lyrics that are that song, and, like, I think we could even send the whole podcast just breaking that poem down. But before we talk about it, could you perform it for the audience?

Yeah, sure. I get DMs all the time. You know, he plays it at festivals, so, you know, my voice is just booming out for 20,000 people, and nobody knows it's me. It's kind of cool, actually. It has an anonymous, mysterious factor. And, you know, mystery makes history.

Yeah.

Life is all about you and not at all about you. Now that's two opposing thoughts.

And yet both of them are true.

How can we experience everything we choose to do while observing the experience we're having from a higher view? See, it's the question, not the answer that's the higher you. Otherwise you couldn't differentiate between the two. Awareness but of who I am the journey that I'm getting to Gratitude is my destination. My destiny is perfectly aligned with this location I am the map so my rhymes are like road signs I have everything I want because my imagination's mine but mine is not enough for me Because I am not my mind I could see it all and never get to see. I'm truly blind. I could be it all but all identity is intertwined. The moon is only bright because it reflects the sun's shine. And I'm not entirely convinced I even write these lines because my DNA is coded by divine design. But if I manifest abundance while humanity is dying, I am equally responsible for.

All that I'm denying.

See, you can tell the truth and still be lying. I did it for years. My perception was a fun house mirror and my projection was exaggerated on reality till my reflection back was nothing more than technicality. So who am I if I'm not who I am? What if I didn't have my name or my age or my friends? If I didn't do my poetry, who.

Would I be then?

The things that I've become are not the things I truly am. And everything I think I own owns me. In the end, existence doesn't owe me anything. Quite the opposite. Existence will exist long after I am missed. So the art is more important than the artist is. It's not a human race. It's just the human race. There's nothing left to chase. We do not run this place. But both medicine and poison are acquired tastes. So I started taking selfies of somebody else's face.

Oh, my God. Like, you know, when you, like, hear your favorite artist, like, perform in fucking front of you, it's so cool. Like, I'm just, like, overwhelmed with emotions and. Oh, my God. I just want to know, where were you when that poem came through?

Well, can I ask you something first?

Yeah.

What connects to you about the poem? And what does it make you think about specifically or feel?

So one. One line that I kept repeating and I kept thinking about was, the moon is only bright because it reflects the sun's shine. And I wanted to ask you, like, what. What were you thinking when you wrote that? Because I came up with a million interpretations in my mind. And for some reason, like, to me, what that meant was revealing your shadows. Right. Like, the moon is your shadow side and it's only a reflection of your sunshine. So that side can't be there without your bright side. And they kind of need each other.

See, that's beautiful. Then that's exactly what I meant.

Right.

No, I actually meant something completely different. But that's the whole point of what art is. It's not really about the artist. It's like you say in the poem, you know, that the art is more important than the artist is because the person that hears it, their interpretation is what they need. To explore in their life. You know, that's why I also don't control or even attempt to control, because control is an illusion. But how my audience experiences my work, you know, I want them to experience it however they experience it. But it was very. Actually a simple concept. That line was about. You look up in the night sky and you think, wow, the moon is so bright. But the moon isn't the source of the light, it's the reflection of the light from the sun. And how everything is interconnected. And we don't tend to realize that on a moment to moment basis. And that's one of the reasons that we kind of feel so isolated in our own experience. But, you know, everything is connected. The things that we see and the things that we don't see.

That is so beautiful and so true. I mean, a piece of art, a painting, anything has so many interpretations and so many meanings. And what's amazing is like, words. Like, we think of words as like, you say a word, it's like direct, it has a meaning, but it's just actually this like, open invitation of like, whatever you're working through, you will find and pick through that, you know, so often.

It's also completely imaginary, by the way. All words, I mean, they have so much meaning, of course, to our lives, the things we say to ourselves and the things that we say to other people. And I absolutely love words. I've been in love with them since I was a kid. And the way that they sound and, you know, the way that you can put them in different orders and make different meaning. How one thing means one thing to someone, and to someone else, it means a completely different thing in terms of just even that word, you know, what it invokes or evokes. But it's all fucking imaginary.

Yeah.

I mean, literally, these are just symbols that we've all, like, agreed upon. We learned when we were a kid. Sometimes I trip out when I'm just talking to people and I'm like, how the fuck do I understand what they're saying right now?

I understand that too. Yeah. You know, it's these sounds that we've like, attached meaning to.

Yeah. And you and I are communicating.

Yeah. Through making weird sounds.

Exactly. And if you didn't know the words.

Certain sounds are like, negative and certain ones are positive.

That's right.

Like even like swearing, like the word fuck. Like, I find it empowering. I like when people swear. But other people, it's like it hurts them.

Right.

You know, and that's just the conditioning around the vowels the word fuck like creates such an emotion, but, like, fudge doesn't, you know?

Well, fudge creates a different emotion.

Exactly. Yeah.

You know, people hear fudge and they're like, yeah, Mm. You know, it's pretty funny.

Like, well, people hear fuck, they might feel it too.

Yeah. Well played.

Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, for me, for example, I cuss, right?

All.

And I cuss on stage and I cuss offstage. Some people only cuss offstage and some people only cuss on stage, you know, but I do both. And I, you know, for me, it's all about. I think it's like a great equalizer many times because it drops people down, you know, and when I'm on stage and I say it, it either makes someone uncomfortable or it makes them comfortable. And both are actually ways to make people lean in or lean back.

So true.

And either one is fine when it comes to art.

So I want to go into this poem a little more. So I started taking selfies of someone else's face. I take that you are a non dualist from this poem. It's just a lot about how our identities don't exist and how all identities entwined. And I'd love to know a little bit more of what your spiritual interpretation is and how that kind of reflects in your poetry.

Well, like, I don't know if the audience can hear the sirens in the background, if they can hear the sirens in the background, which we're hearing. You know, everything is happening simultaneously. You know, we're sitting here, we're having a lovely conversation, there's a gorgeous view, and yet everything that's possible to happen in the human experience is happening in this moment. Someone's getting murdered, someone's making love, someone child is being born. I mean, there's infinite possibilities, and they're all playing out in this one moment. So this moment is true to me, you know, because of where I am and what my experience is. But I try not to forget that, you know, there are many other realities happening at the same time. The end of the poem, where it talks about taking selfies of somebody else's face, you know, I was inspired by the humans of New York Instagram because I liked that idea of using a platform to explore other people's stories and then to mirror back the human condition, that the circumstances might be different, but the experiences, you know, are always the same. How we cope with it, what we go through, our emotional landscape, what we want in life, you know, and so I think it had a lot to do with that. You Know, not just thinking that if I created the perfect life that I wanted to live and I lived in full abundance, but just ignored what was going on with the people around me in either my immediate circle, my community, or humanity at large, that something would be missing. And you have to kind of straddle both worlds.

So that's another part of your poem. If I am manifesting abundance while other people are suffering, or however you worded it, I'm equally responsible for that. How do you deal with that? Because I think that that thought feels so overwhelming for people that they can't fully feel happy where they are because they're thinking of other people who are not there. And in some ways, that's not really serving us too. How do you deal with, like, you like, living this beautiful, blessed life when so many other people don't have that?

Yeah, I mean, it's definitely a conundrum, you know, and it's something that I still struggle with. That line isn't about an answer. It's about the awareness of the question that never gets answered. But, you know, you can decide to do small things or big things to be aware of that and then to actually take action. And I don't think that because something is overwhelming that means we shouldn't look at it. You know, I just. I don't choose to live that way. So it's something I'm still, of course, working on, something I'm still, of course, aware of, not only in the, I guess, subjects that I choose to explore in my work, but in what I do in everyday life.

Yeah, I think it's interesting because we have a lot of these, you know, law of attraction teachers who are like, just think positive thoughts, and if you only think positive thoughts, positive things will happen to you. And then this other responsibility of, like, the war and the suffering and the patriarchy and all of these things. And it almost sometimes feels like for people that they have to choose, like, do I choose living in this bubble and, like, ignoring the pain and the suffering, or do I try to help it and potentially suffer myself?

Yeah, I mean, first of all, I don't even agree that you should only think positive. I think that's just bullshit, to be quite honest, because I think if you are only thinking positive, you're actually denying a part of your truth and suppressing it. You know, walking around only being positive when you actually feel negative is denying a part of your human experience. So I don't tend to subscribe to that philosophy. What I think is, is that you have to feel through every human emotion that you have. But you also have to choose not to operate from a victim mentality, no matter what you've gone through, even if it is impossible to make sense out of it. Ultimately, you have to make a choice of are you going to be a victim to this, or are you going to find a way to be empowered through what you've gone through and to ultimately alchemize those emotions. So I don't think that it's about only, you know, looking at the things that are positive around you. I think it's about accepting and acknowledging all of it, but then feeling through it and then using that energy to create something else. And that's where you find the transformation, and that's where you find the alchemy in terms of, like, you know, living in those two realms at the same time. Yeah, it's very, very difficult, but that's what it means to be human. I mean, if you even look at, you know, these two realms of the spiritual world and the physical world, you know, I mean, we're definitely in a physical reality right now. Everything around us has its own space in this room. You know, we both have our identities. We want things for ourselves, we want to create. We have accomplishments, goals that we're setting. We want to live in abundance. And all of these things are true, and we deserve that. We deserve to follow our purpose, follow our passion, discover, explore, be alive to the fullest in every possible way. And that's amazing. But then the other truth is that most of this is empty space, really. We're all literally just like vibrating energy when you really get in on it or you pull out on it, you know, I'm saying in the universe or in ourselves, right? So in that way, it's like our frequency and how we're vibrating changes what we're attracted to and what we're attracting. I think that's a reality as well. And so then you have this spiritual world, and that's all of that. And how do you keep both of those thoughts in your head at the same time as you're navigating life? I think that that's something that we're all trying to do, or at least I'm trying to do. And I know that you're doing the same thing in your way. So in that spiritual reality, we're all one. But in the physical reality, there is a lot of crazy shit going on in the world, you know, and if we just focus on the things that make us happy and we don't look at institutionalized racism and populism and, you know, the crazy things that are happening in politics right now, the gun laws, I mean, there's a lot of things going on in the world that really do need to be changed. The fact that climate change is the biggest existential crisis to humanity that's out there, and the president didn't even mention it at the State of the Union the other day. I just want to make sure that I'm trying to have both of those things in mind.

And I think what you're doing is you're tackling it in a high vibrational way. You're alchemizing it into art. I think a lot of people hear about all the negativity happen, and I know I was like a hardcore activist when I was younger, but I was so angry about it and I was just almost like fueling to the fire. And I'm not able to create a higher vibrational world when I'm just fighting against the fight. And I think that that's where a lot of people get stuck. But then it's that guilt of, well, if I'm not fighting and they're fighting towards negativity, then I'm giving in and then it's my fault. So it's like this really hard dance to be a spiritual activist, because one is so ethereal and one is so damn physical.

I don't mind anger. I think anger is amazing. I just don't like destruction. I think there's a difference. I mean, you can use anger to build something up or you can use anger to destroy. And that's a personal choice. And everybody has to define that on their own.

Yeah, that's a good perspective, too, of letting yourself be angry, letting yourself be sad.

It's necessary. You have to allow it to move through you. Otherwise it gets trapped inside and you take it out on somebody else in traffic or it becomes a disease or something like that, you know, and you have to move through. You know, my mom has to put her dog down today, and I was speaking to her earlier and she's sobbing. I'm gonna go see her after this. You know, I would never tell my mom. You know, you have to just be positive. And look, she has to go through the grieving stages. She has to allow those emotions to move through her. And so I don't know, that's one specific example, but I think, you know.

And a lot of us don't know how to hold space for that. We're like, oh, you'll get another dog. You know, we like we, like, can't sit in that sadness and that anger. So we try to just, like, get out of it because we feel like if we sit into it for too long, we're gonna stay in there.

Right.

And I think that's what unconditional love is, is just being with other people in their suffering and not trying to change it or them. Just, like accepting them for where they're at and holding space, as you said.

Yeah. So you yourself, in your childhood, and you wrote a poem about this, which is at the beginning of your book, dealt with some anger and internal suffering when it came to not knowing your father.

Yeah.

Can you share that poem with us?

Yeah. Yeah, sure. This particular piece is called Father Time. I'm staring at the number Wondering if.

I should call I can hear the tick tock from the clock on the.

Wall as it meshes with the thump.

Thump beat of my heart. Sometimes getting something started is the hardest part.

I didn't meet my dad until I was 15.

I'd seen his photograph, but his image was sickening. A coward with a dick, but no.

Balls to back it up.

See, when he left me as a kid, I had cause for acting up. The funny thing about hate is the person you hate doesn't feel that hate. You feel that hate. But wait. The weight can be too much for a person to take.

And personally, I was hurt. So I just locked it away.

I was angry all the time and I didn't know why. I couldn't handle my own rage. So I would hide it inside. Pretending everything was fine. Became a daily pastime. Time passed and I started to believe in my own lies. I took it out on my mom because she raised me alone. The rage that I couldn't own had left me totally numb. It was like landmines in my mind that I didn't understand. So when the boy inside cried, the young man outside yelled. I think I learned about my masculinity from tv. The people weren't real, so I knew they couldn't leave me. I would sit there for hours right.

In front of the tube.

The images that I saw were my depiction of truth. It was manhood in a box and I bought into it. The censorship of any. Anything inside of me that's sensitive. The sentence is a lifetime of tears suppressed in the stone face and overblown ego They've distracted through a paper chase. Back when I was nine, I imagined in my mind that my father was a spy working for the FBI and that's why he couldn't stop by, write a drop of line. He was off saving our lives from the bad guys. But that was just a lie that I used to get by so that you wouldn't see the tears welling up in my eyes. When you're rejected by the person that you're created by, you secretly feel like you don't have a right to your life. I thought if I confronted him, then it would make it all right.

But since I couldn't forgive him, it.

Just recycled my spite. I remember meeting him for the first time. Every time a person passed by, I would ask mom, is that him? I look a little like him, right? No.

Oh.

What about that guy? And that was what it was like to meet the man that gave me my life. To shake his hand and look into his eyes.

We talked till he apologized, then said our goodbyes. I walked away on my own. Then I began to cry.

Now for years after that, I acted like it was all resolved. I'd told him what I thought, so I figured problem solved. But it just re evolved. My insecurities were eating at my mental health. I took it out on the world because I hated myself. That's when I finally decided I needed some help. I opened up. I started writing and sharing about my past. I got honest with myself and I started chipping at my mask. I looked into the mirror and confronted what I saw. Accepting the reflection by embracing every flaw, then directing the connection into breaking down the walls by reflecting the perfection of the God inside us all. I stopped focusing on everything that I had been hateful for and started focusing on everything I could be grateful for. And personally, there is a lot I can be thankful for. If pain is dragging you down, just cut the ankle cord. That's when the weight lifted and I really started living. That's when my hate shifted and I really started giving. It's when my fate twisted. It was like an ego exorcism. Your mind state can be the most powerful of prisons. My father never played catch with me or gave advice. But if nothing else, that man gave me my life. And that's enough for me if that is all he could ever give. Because I'm appreciative for every day I get to live. And even though I don't need my dad to validate me, I thought that I should write this poem to thank him for creating me. Because every moment that we are alive is like a gift. And if that's not enough to forgive, then what is? I'm staring at the number wondering if I should call. I can hear the tick tock from the clock on the wall as it meshes with the thump, thump beat of my heart. Sometimes getting something started is the hardest part. I pick the phone up, the dial.

Tone begins to sing.

I punch his number into it and it begins to ring, ring, ring.

Hello?

Mike?

Hey man. It's. It's Adam. Your son.

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Wow.

Like, part of me is, like, what happened next? Did he pick up, like, what? But maybe you don't tell that story. I think this brings up a lot for people with any type of parent issue, which is every single person. Because everyone has. Has something.

Yeah.

I think a lot of us, we feel so guilty about being angry to our parents because of this. Well, they gave me life. And I see often in myself and in others of, like, well, I can't go into what they did wrong because they were doing the best that they could. How did you balance that? Like, having this, like, gratitude for he gave you life and just being fucking angry that he wasn't there for you?

Well, I don't think that I was able to get to the gratitude without going through the anger first. And I think once I was able to release my anger and fully acknowledge it and realize that since I hadn't alchemized it, since I was still, I guess, victimizing myself and I hadn't fully transformed it into finding a way to be empowered and grateful for it, it was seeping out into other areas of my life. So once I realized that, I had to go digging and once I was able to really pull out that anger and totally fully acknowledge it, accept it, and ultimately, like, integrate it. Because the integration has to happen almost. I don't even know before the release. Maybe it just is instead of the release. Because the integration means it becomes a part of you and you own it. I mean, if I think about what happened with my dad, I mean, it's just one of the experiences that I went through in my life that were more difficult, but it was a cornerstone, you know, for who I am. I mean, I don't think that I would be the person that I am. In fact, I know I wouldn't. I know I wouldn't be the writer that I am. I think growing up with just me and my mom, My mom was a schoolteacher, grew up in Santa Monica. Not having my dad around, you know, made me very observant to myself, what I was supposed to be like, it kind of made me externalize my masculinity. Like, well, what is a man supposed to be like? You know? And then it made me analyze my environment a lot more. And those are the very tools that I use as a poet. Those are the stories that I put into this book, you know, so it's not only, like, who would I be without this? It's finding a way to be grateful, like, genuinely grateful for every Single thing that I've experienced in my life because it's made me who I am, and it's made me where I am, you know, And I. I love being here with you right now in this moment, you know, it feels really good. And everything led me here.

And perhaps your soul chose to have had that situation because it allowed you to, like you said, think about masculinity externally, but think about all areas of life, identity externally. And that's really what you do. That's your dharma. To look at these things that we all are living in from this outside perspective, and that takes a level of neutrality and separation, aware. Even just the fact that you're thinking about what are words. They're really just sounds. Is this investigator mind, and maybe you wondering, well, what is a man like? What is a father like? What does a normal family look like? Was your schooling and your preparation to even to think this way?

Yeah, absolutely. I couldn't have said it any better.

Yeah. It's amazing how I truly think our souls, like, set us up for those experiences that we need for our highest evolvement.

What about you, when you say that? Do you have something that you're specifically thinking about for your own life?

For myself. Oh, 100%. I mean, I had my family really not believe in me, so telling me that I was going to fail and I'm a loser and that they want nothing to do with me because I was taking this alternative to path. So it took me essentially letting go of that child need of approval and that. That gold stamp of, like, okay, you can go on and giving that to myself and being like, even if I am disowned by my family, even if I have no relationship with them, I would still rather choose that and know what I potentially could become than lock myself and never really truly be able to love them either, because I haven't been able to explore my truth.

Right. You would be playing small in order to be loved by them.

Right.

Which means that even if you're being loved by them, they're not really loving you.

100%.

So then who are they loving? The parts that they want to see. That's not really love.

Exactly.

Loving is actually loving the parts that are harder to accept in a moment, but still saying, I fully accept the things that are hard to accept, even if I don't agree with them, even if I don't understand them. And that's because I love you.

And I think a lot of us are not. We don't have that courage to go through that because it's so hard to let go of what you were brought up to become. Then that's when the guilt stuff comes up of, well, they sacrificed so much for me, they did so much for me. Did you ever have any resentment or people telling you that becoming a professional poet you weren't going to make it, or putting their own fears into your mind?

I mean, first of all, what the fuck is a professional poet? I mean, it's not even like, if I say that at a party, people look at me like, I just said, I'm a race car driver. You know, there's no. But I just wanted to say one more thing off of what we were saying before that, which is you have to. You have to be willing not to be liked in order to be loved 100%. So it's just something to keep in mind and keep in heart. Yeah, I mean, I had a very bizarre road to even creating this book. So the book is called Inquire Within. And, you know, I've been running around the country and the world, you know, performing these poems for years and years and years. And they've always been these kind of living, breathing documents that would change as I would change and as I would evolve. I would kind of, like, edit them in real time. And, you know, I'd say, I don't believe in that anymore, or, I'm going to change this word, or, you know, so this is the first time that I've brought it all into one space, and it's been the most gratifying creative process of my life. I originally started out rapping when I was a kid, and I would say that freestyling was kind of my first form of meditation, because when you're freestyling, you can't think about anything else but the next word and the next rhyme. So it puts you in the moment like nothing else can. And I absolutely fell in love with the freedom, the concepts, the expression. And then when I was 19, I wound up in an open mic for poets called the Poetry Lounge in Los Angeles, and I started doing my rapping a cappella. And I just loved the community. It was like church without religion. It was the first time I ever saw people being celebrated for vulnerability. You know, the same way in a battle rap some, you know, you do a punchline, somebody's like, oh, you know, if you got up and you said something true in that environment, everybody would snap, they would cheer, you know, And I was like, wow, this is fucking amazing to be celebrated for saying something that's real for, you know, the things that you're thinking the things that you're feeling. And I just thought it was amazing. So I just went back every single week. And then one day I woke up and I realized I was more of a poet than I was a rapper. You know, years went by. We won the National Poetry Slam Championships. I was on HBO's Deaf Poetry Jam. And then I had to figure out how I was going to make a living at this. So eventually, I ended up getting a publishing deal to write songs at a place called Rock Mafia. It's an incredible, incredible record company, publishing house. They're two artists, Tim James and Antonino Armato, that run it. And I ended up writing songs for all sorts of people, from Selena Gomez and Miley Cyrus to Foster the People and Alo Black. So I very, very consciously took the success I had in songwriting, which gave me a financial foundation, and I used that to get back into my poetry. And that's when we started to build the business around what I was doing. And still I had absolutely no interest in writing a book. And then only last year did something shift, and I was like, you know, I actually want to bring all of my stuff into one place. And so we created my first product. You know, and I don't even say product is like, you know, the branding sense. It's just, as I said, a home for my art. It's something that people can hold in their hands and experience, and so that's incredibly exciting for me to finally give it away to the world. And, you know, we did an audiobook around it.

Oh, yeah.

The audiobook would be. Because you're. I want to know a little bit more. Like, how do you perform it so well? Like, did that naturally come through? Did you have to do speaking, coaching? A mix of both.

What do you mean? Did I go to other people to.

To, like, help you to perform and narrate these poems so well?

No, you just. I mean, it's like anything else, I think. You know, someone can teach you definitely art, but they're never going to be able to teach you your voice.

Right.

You know, that's impossible. You find your voice by using your voice, and that's what people are afraid of. Often. They're afraid that if they use their voice, it won't sound right.

Right.

You know, and the only way to.

Know your voice is to use your voice.

And so that's what I did just over and over and over again. You know, Miles Davis has that quote. It took me a really, really long time to be able to play like myself. Something like that, you know, and so I can certainly relate to that. And I know many other people can as well. And it's just I put in so many hours, and I did it because I was in love. I did it because I was obsessed. I did it because I had that sense of wanting validation, you know, which was, you know, an unsustainable fuel source. But it worked for a while, and then I kind of transitioned into something else.

Yeah, I mean, the same for me. I've never taken speaking classes, and some of my friends were like, well, now you're doing so much speaking. You should sign up for these courses. And I was like, you know what? I genuinely think that it would disserve me because it would be teaching me how to speak in that way, which everyone is being trained in, and it would kind of take me away from my flow and my voice. And I think it's just your quirks and the things, like, for you, I mean, you're like an actor, too. Like, you guys can't see him right now, but, like, you can feel every word. And that's something that no one could ever train you to do.

Right? Yeah. Thank you. I mean, I think a performance is a part of it, you know, but even the performance can get in the way of communicating what it is that the true message is or what the poem wants to say. So that's why I was saying earlier, I'm like the vehicle for it, but I'm also the obstacle for it. And that's in the creation, and it's also in the sharing, you know, in the creation. As I'm, you know, writing, sometimes I'll write something that's really, really great, but it's not right, you know? And then I'll have to say, oh, this great thing that I wrote is really about my ego, but it's not really right for the poem. And so I'm the vehicle and the obstacle. I have to move it out of the way so I can get back.

I'm like, I need to make this line work somehow, because I'm attached to it. But it's like, no, it's just not the flow.

Exactly. So it's paying attention to that. And then in the performance of it, it's. Yeah, using those tools to connect with people, which can be taught, by the way. But there's a difference between using tools and having your tools use you, you know? So if they're getting in the way of the actual communication, then, as you said, it's kind of a disservice you.

Know, so I went to your poetry workshop, which was phenomenal. I highly recommend it. If you see on his website, go to them. And it was amazing because you didn't really tell us, like, okay, here's how to write a poem, and here's how to perform it. Like, you just gave us the space. And just giving us the space was enough for us to come up with them in ourselves. And I went with one of my best friends, and I learned about a piece of her that I would have never known had we not gone to that workshop. Because I don't remember what was the prompt. But can you explain to us a little bit about how your workshops work?

Yeah. I don't remember the prompt of the particular one that you came to, but.

It was like a hard moment in your life, something like that.

Got it. So then that prompt is a moment that changed who you are. And kind of exploring that through a poem and then sharing it with either someone right around you, or getting up and getting a chance to be vulnerable from a place of strength in front of the whole entire group.

Yeah.

I mean, as we've already been talking about, when I take a teacher position and I'm facilitating, I don't try to tell people what their voice is. I don't even, like, give any constructive feedback, really. I mean, one thing that I will try to do is after I do a few poems to warm everybody up, I will make sure that whatever I'm asking of them, I do first. Because if I'm asking other people to be vulnerable and to trust me, I have to lead by example. Otherwise, it's actually irresponsible. Like, it's kind of irresponsible to ask other people to do something that you're not willing to do first. So I make sure that I'm doing that first. And if I fully step into that and I create a safe space for other people, then they're usually willing to follow. And if they explore something that's moving and meaningful to them, then. And when we get to the portion where they're just writing from the prompt, it usually comes really easily. And then to your point, when people get up and share, the only thing really I will do is I'll push them a little bit beyond their comfort zone. So if they are really quiet, I'll make them yell the poem. If the poem has anger but they're not showing anger, I'll make them bring up the anger. If they're not in their bodies, I'll make them move around a bunch, because then just Having. Having that experience expands your system. You know, you've had a new experience of yourself, and you realized, wow, I didn't die. I'm still here. You know, so then when you come back, you have a new normal. And then sharing it, obviously with the people in the group, one on one, is an interesting experience because whether they're a stranger or whether you've known them, you know, your whole entire life, you know, people don't really care, often talk to each other about. It's so easy to not go into what's actually going on, even when you're really close to someone, even when you're deep, you know, it's because we don't.

Want to be a buzzkill, you know, so like a casual conversation, not like, so tell me about, like, the hardest thing that ever happened to you in your life, but, like, those are the things that you really get to know someone from.

Well, you probably felt a lot closer to it.

100%.

Yeah. And I mean, I do it for companies and corporations all the time. That's an interesting thing, too, is because literally, they have no context for who they're working with. Like, absolutely no context.

And then they actually have issues communicating.

With people because they have no context and they're misinterpreting the person's behavior. And if you just then get to know somebody, you know, the context leads to the communication, and the communication leads to better collaboration, and then ultimately it leads to better creation. So it can be as simple as friendship, or it can be as complicated as what I just said.

But, you know, do you have any good prompts that people can use if they want to write a poem themselves?

Yeah, I mean, choosing a moment that changed who you are in your life is a very, very deep prompt because it allows them to go into their history and there's, you know, 50 moments. You could always go back to that. And as long as you're exploring it through a poem and intending for it to be a poem, and choosing something that is charged, that you wouldn't normally, like, discuss to someone after 15 minutes at a dinner party, it will start to flow. It just will, you know, that's a good one. Looking at what your biggest fear is in your life right now and exploring where it came from and exploring who you would have to be to overcome it, what your life would look like if you lived into your fullest potential, how you would impact yourself, the people immediately around you, and your larger community in the world, and making sure that that's a full circle prompt so that you're ending on that empowerment. That's a great prompt. I mean, there's many. But really, it has much more to do with choosing something that is moving and meaningful and charged. Because the prompts don't matter. It's about. They're just roadmaps for someone to get to something that's, like, emotional for them, you know, and then using this particular outlet of poetry, this particular genre that they would almost never express themselves in and using that to explore it and then sharing it with someone, because the end is just being witnessed, you know, 100%.

So I'm sure people are wondering, well, does it have to rhyme to be a poem? What makes a poem a poem?

Yeah, it's just. I don't. I mean, look, you could talk to many poets or many teachers who would have a different definition than me. I just think that, you know, what the fuck is art anyway? It's like our lives are our greatest art, you know? So I think if you intend something to be something, that's what it is, you know? So if you sit down and you say, I'm gonna write a poem, it can rhyme. It can not rhyme. It can be long, it can be short, but it has to be meaningful, you know?

Are there any final poems that you're feeling called to share with our audience?

Sure. Yeah, I could share another poem.

Yes.

There is nothing in life that you cannot breathe through except death.

And since we're all alive, it means at least there's one breath left. So pull it deep into your chest, into your bones, into your breasts, into your blood, into your necks, into the mud, into the depth until it hugs your souls and suffocates the space that you have left until it tugs your heartstrings and leaves your molecules caressed Just a few precious seconds right before eternal rest Will you fight for your survival from this uninvited guest? Will you Rolodex your history to glamorize regrets? Or set your sights on new arrival and go sprinting up the steps? Me, I'll revel in the wonder of the colors and the shapes the way the light resembles floating diamonds dancing on the lake I am nobody's mistake but my existence wasn't planned I had to sneak into the party they were out of wristbands Now I'm sinking towards the exit like it's made of quicksand See.

I got used to spinning my wheels.

But hit the kickstand I want to truly view the world around me while I still can I want to worship every flower Giving prayers over the land. I want to open up my eyes so wide that what I see expands and the beauty beams so bright it overwhelms woman and man. Fuck. A portal to the light. I want to scream. I want to fight. I want to eat and fucking drink. I want to touch, I want to think. I want to feel and taste and see. I want to live. I want to be.

Be.

And I'd give anything but life because I'm dying to be me. I spent half my life trying to.

Be anything but me.

Now my afterlife is spying on my new reality and I'm vying for another breath before he sets me free. I'm defying death with everything because death's defying me. I will rant, I will rave, I will spit, I will rage. I'll go barefoot on the sun or swim a sea of razor blades. I will grow, I will age, I will slow, I will fade. I'll sleep on hot coals or juggle chainsaws and live grenades and though I know I'll never give up in the end I'll give way. Hey, I'm sure there's someone else with.

Something more important to say but instill.

Then I'm living each and every fucking day so when I take a breath I do it like I swear I'm.

Here to stay.

Learned fear can be overcome when you realize the voice inside your head is not yours it's an imitation of the voices from before Repeating on a loop inside your quiet core Receiving since your youth when your choices weren't even yours Perceiving was the proof but reality has many doors so why are we still fighting other people's wars? Learned fear can be overcome when you realize the voice inside your head is not yours it's an imitation of the voices from before Repeating, repeating, repeating On a loop inside your quiet core and you can't tell the difference because it sounds the same but trust me when I tell you Most of what you think is from somebody else's brain.

They.

Have us trained shackled by imaginary chains Imaginary rules for imaginary games but they don't know the reasons either so where should we place the blame? And who is they anyway when we're all the same? Our parents had parents and their parents had parents apparently it hurts to see so I'll be transparent the world is so much bigger than your insecurities.

And.

They don't speak on your behalf without your soul's authority the world is so much bigger than your culture or community and they don't speak on your behalf without your soul's authority. Because if it's all a story, then nobody else can tell it for me. Since I'm always transforming, I defy a category. When you do the same thing the same way, it's habit forming. But nothing in this land of woman and man is mandatory. It's all just transitory. Our world's a laboratory. Experimenting on today can change tomorrow morning. And since matter is mostly empty space, we're in a sea of consciousness where the boundaries are erased. So I stared at my reflection until I couldn't see my face. Face. Then I picked myself and put the flowers in an empty vase. If you came for validation, then you're in the wrong place. The only certain satisfaction is becoming what you've chased. And there's no running from the inner voice. So it's important that you choose. But it's more important that you know you have a choice. You have a choice. Are you living someone else's life? You have a voice. Does it haunt you in the dead of night? Would you fly if you weren't convinced to be afraid of heights? And who convinced you anyway? They had no fucking right. Right? No one can dim your light. You shine within so bright that you could blind the sun from sight and scare him back into the night. No one can dim your light. I said it twice. Because you're greater than the circumstances that surround your perfect life. You're not your nature or your nurture. You're a prototype. And if you hone it right, eventually you'll hack your satellite A little to the left, a little to the right. At first it's nothing. Then nothing turns into a whisper.

Turn the dial and it gets crisper in your transistor.

Wait a while and the whisper turns into a scream. It overwhelms your system and you won't know what it means. But pump the volume up and it can tell you all your dreams. Till pretty soon it's the only voice you'll ever need. Now all you have to do is listen. When you want to lead, your fear disintegrates. When you decide to stop and breathe. It's your authentic voice.

No matter where you go, it never leaves. And that's God. No matter what religion you believe.

I'm starting my own religion. And everyone is welcome. But nobody can join.

If you did, you'd miss the point.

Keep loving through your sadness. Keep loving through your fears. Keep loving through your anger. Keep loving through your tears. Keep loving through your failure. Keep loving through success. Keep loving through anxiety. Keep loving through distress. Keep loving through rejection. Keep loving through mistrust Keep loving through your jealousy Keep loving through your lust Keep loving through your movement Keep loving through your breath Keep loving until loving.

Is the only thing that's left.

Wow. Thank you for that beautiful blessing, that journey. So much there, so much beauty. Thank you for putting your thoughts, all of our thoughts, into words and letting us hear them back. I think that that's what really art and poetry is, is you put my thoughts into words. So for that, we are all so grateful. Where can listeners connect with you, get your book, your audiobook, learn from you and just engage with you further?

Yeah. Thank you for saying that. I appreciate you listening and I appreciate you sharing me with your audience. You know, you can buy the book. We partnered up with HarperCollins, Harper One specifically, and it's called Inquire Within. It's out now, March 31st. So when you're hearing this, it's going to be out. You can feel free to get it on my website. You can get it on Amazon, you can get it in bookstores, but if you do, definitely let me know. You know, tag me. My website is in-q.com and anything on social media is Q Life. And, you know, I just want to spread the word as much as possible. And, you know, the idea of Inquire Within, I mean, you know, on the COVID it has, you know, the tree and the roots and they're mirrors. And if you turn it to the side, it looks like lungs, and the two parts are inhale and exhale. And Inhale is like the personal poems. It's kind of like the poetic journey. And then Exhale is the social and political stuff. And for me, like, having all of the poems in one place, I finally got a chance to see what I've been trying to say all of these years. And it really has to do with the fact that culture and society, consumerism, it's constantly trying to take from us. It's trying to take our attention and our money and our likes and our information and our love. And, you know, if I don't know something, what do I do? I, like, look outside of myself. I look on Google or, you know, read a book or, you know, listen to a podcast. And these are incredible things. Technology is connecting the entire world, and it's wonderful, but people are also feeling pretty isolated. And so, you know, I would encourage anybody listening, you know, and this is something that I learned from reading my own book, you know, that if you have something going on right now, just take some time and be with yourself. You know, and create that space inside of yourself. Because eventually your one true voice will rise and that's going to be your true north. That's your compass for finding your passion and your purpose in life. And only you will know. So you know, hopefully this podcast and this book is a window to help people look within themselves to find the answers.

Well, thank you again so much for sharing.

My pleasure.

Mm, mm, mm. Such a good episode. It's so magical how we all have this ability to turn ordinary or even painful moments and turn it into art. And it's really a beautiful invitation for us to find deeper meaning, deeper resonance, to not just go, what's the next thing I need to do? What's the next goal, next accomplishment? Keep it moving and like, look at everything around you. Look at your childhood, look at the dark spots, look under the rug and see how can I alchemize it? How can I turn into beauty? How can I turn into art? And this is available for all of us. You don't have to be a poet. Everyone is already a poet. So, so great to have in Q. Be sure to check out his new book Inquire Within. If you head over to his website in-q.com you can find some of his live performances that he's doing all around the world. I highly recommend seeing him. He's an incredible speaker and someone who really inspires me to be my poetic self. And if you loved this episode, I would love to send you a free gift which is the first half of my unreleased book Eat Right for your Mind Body type. This is a different book than Eat Feel Fresh, my first book ever which is not released anywhere and I am gifting it exclusively to those who leave a review of my podcast in the itunes store. So all you gotta do is head over to itunes where you may be listening to this podcast and leave a review review. Take a screenshot that you've left it and email it over to me@saharaatfeelfresh.com Again, that's Sahara S A H A R aattfeelfresh.com and I will send you back the first half of my unreleased book Eat Right for your mind body type which goes all into ayurveda, doshas, plant based nutrition, body types, all of the things in a really fun and engaging way. So this is my gift to you for free for supporting the podcast. Every single review I personally read, it really helps the podcast be listened to by more people so we can raise the vibration of the planet together. And I am so grateful to have you on this journey. Thank you so much for listening and I'll see you on the next episode. Namaste.

Life is all about you and not.

At all about you. Now that's two opposing thoughts. And yet both of them are true. How can you experience everything you choose to do while observing the experience you're having from a higher view? See, it's the question, not the answer. That's the higher view. Otherwise you couldn't differentiate between the two. Awareness but of who? You think you hurt me But I promise I was letting you they say we're all one but where have we been heading to? I'd rather die free Than have to live inside of Petticoat I am the journey that I'm getting.

Sam. Let me lose my mind it's the only way to love Only way only way to love Only.

Gratitude is my destination My destiny is perfectly aligned with this location I am the map so I travel back in time I have everything I want because my imagination mine but mine is not enough for me Because I am not my mind I could see it all but never get to see see I'm truly blind I could be it all but all identity is intertwined the moon is only bright as it reflects the sunshine it's not the human race it's just the human race there's nothing left to chase we do not run this place but both medicine and poisons an acquired taste so I started taking selfies of somebody else's.

Face Genius and a child's laughter Are we not simply the children of this world?