312: Don’t Hate, Meditate with Meg Monahan

Namaste, it's Sahara Rose. And welcome back to the Highest Self podcast, a place where we discuss what makes you your soul's highest evolvement. We have officially made it to September back to school season. Energetically, we are feeling these shifts. It is vata season. Vata is the air dosha, the element in Ayurveda, which is all about creativity, new beginnings, new ideas, new directions, just moving with the direction that the wind is blowing us. And I think this year we are feeling that to a greater degree than ever before because of coronavirus, because of the Great Awakening, because of the fact that you cannot plan. That is not possible in the new paradigm. It truly is about taking it day by day. And this moment in time, there's no greater proof than that. I mean, when in our lives have we not known what next month will bring us? You know, we have never truly known that, but we have believed to have known that. We have made plans for the holidays or next year or next school system, and now that's all gone. We're living day by day, moment by moment. And in a way, this is. This brings us a great amount of freedom and possibilities because nothing is truly set in stone. I know so many of us are going through shifts. I myself am going through shifts. I'm going to do a whole other solo cast about that. But I want you to know that it is normal to be questioning everything in your life from where you want to live to your relationships, friendships, career, Dharma, sense of purpose, all of it being because we are in this time of a great redefinition, because everything is up in the air. And that means it's up for our choosing. And we choose what we want to ground down into our reality. You know, I'm kind of thinking of when you'd play popcorn on the trampoline and everyone would go up, and it's like, okay, what do I want to ground down? Like, what do I want to just fly away? And what do I want to ground down? So because everything, in a way, has been taken from us, now we get to declare, okay, here's what I'm going to recall into my life. Maybe more relaxed. That's something that I've experienced this year, and I want more of that or more community or more this or more that. So really use this time to get clear about what it is that you want to bring in and then take the action. You know, we are now in Virgo season, so it is a bit more action oriented. And we've been really. I mean, this year has been, I've been calling it an ayahuasca experience. We've been confronting our greatest fears, our greatest shadows, our greatest things that have been swept under the rug that we never wanted to look at. Fear. Fear of death, fear of loss of freedom, loss of purpose, loss of safety. You know, all of that has shown up for every single person on the planet, no matter where you are right now. So from that, from that complete fear, chaotic state, root shocker, we've worked our way up and found more grounding, more grounding in the uncertainty. The fact that, yeah, we still don't know, but we've become okay with the not knowing. So we really have energetically and spiritually grown so much this year. Whether you're a quote unquote spiritual person or not, you're spiritually growing right now. And the fact that you're choosing to listen to this podcast right now really shows that you are someone who is committed to this path. So I encourage you to take this time to really solidify practices that resonate with you. Take that extra step to, you know, as things maybe open up or things pick up again. What aspects of myself have I learned through this quarantine that I want to keep? And what are things that I've seen, shadow sides, habits, etc, that I'm like, nope, that, that's gotta go. So notice that in yourself and then take action on it. So I'm super excited to bring you today's guest, Meg Monahan. She is actually a dear friend of mine in LA who I've known for a couple of years, and I was so excited when her book Don't Hate Meditate came out last year. And I read it and it was super funny and just really relatable. Felt like a friend talking to you. So I really want to have her on the podcast to talk about meditation, which is a thing that so many of us have, you know, really decided that it is a practice that we want to do, but there are still obstacles that are keeping us from getting there. You know, there are things that can feel more important or social media takes you over. So many things like that. So we really talk about why meditation is so difficult for people and then why it's worth it. You know, what are the actual benefits that you get from it, which you don't notice in meditation, but you notice outside of your life and different forms of meditation that exist and what to look out for and all questions, questions that you have. Meditation, mind, body, connection. We talk about them in this episode. Another great topic that we ended up speaking about are friendships because friendships are a huge part of our life. You know, with Rose Gold goddesses, my sacred sisterhood collective, all about embodying the goddess within. It's all about fostering community. And so many sisters come in there saying, I have no friends. I have no spiritual friends. I feel like I am completely alone. I don't have anyone to talk to about the kind of things I'm interested in. I don't have anyone to, you know, jam out astrology and past lives and Ayurveda and shamanism and crystals and all these things I'm now interested in. And I feel ostracized and weird. And a lot of people, especially during COVID like friendships are breaking apart and sometimes it needs like a solid friendship breakup and other times it's more of a natural ebb and flow or a natural flow away. So we talk about that friendships and navigating it because it is a topic that I feel like we discuss so much as a society on relationships and breakups and datings, but we never really get a guide to friendships. And in a way, it can be so much trickier because at least with a breakup, it's sort of like, okay, you know, you know what a breakup is. You know, you're not going to talk anymore. With friendships, you don't really have that clarity. And it doesn't because there's no romantic element involved. It's just not as clear cut. So it can get really, really confusing. But the thing is, a toxic friendship or even a friendship that's not in alignment with your truth can take away from your life. So it is something worth noticing and stepping away from if it is not serving you. So we talk all about that and really jamming out about friendships in the 21st century and how to navigate them, especially as you're spiritually evolving. So without further ado, let's welcome Meg Monahan to the High Self Podcast. And before we get started, check out these brands that make High Self Podcast possible. Are you that person that all your friends and family members come to when they need wellness advice? Are you constantly looking up new ways to heal and balance your mind, body and spirit, including listening to this podcast? Well, have you ever considered having a career becoming a holistic health coach where you get to decide your own hours, work with people, tackling the subjects that you are the most passionate about, and having financial freedom along the way? Well, I am so, so excited to be teaming up with my very own alma mater, Institute for Integrative Nutrition, to offer their biggest discount yet you'll receive $2,250 off tuition, an extra bonus that they're offering just with My Highest Self Podcast listeners on how to launch your dream book. This course is going to get you super clear on what your book is about and how to bring it out into the world. I've created a webinar for you on how to have a thriving business as a health coach. So using social media, creating passive income, how to have a wait list of clients and the best known coach in your niche with raving testimonials, tickets to a live upcoming IIN conference where I will be meeting you over there. Super excited to connect and a bundle of all digital wellness guides like Ayurveda, Selflove, whole food eating, etc. So all you have to do is head over to my show Notes. You'll see the link over there. It's a little bitly link. It'll take you right there. You'll be able to receive a sample class, check out the curriculum, get all your questions answered and I'm so excited to have you on this mission. Raising the vibration of the planet together as a health coach. Again, head over to my Show Notes. You'll see the link right there and I'll see you inside. A lot of us don't feel comfortable going to supermarkets right now and cafes are closed, which means we aren't picking up green juices or even buying fresh produce as often. But right now it is more important than ever before to keep our immune systems high, especially with greens and superfoods. I've been drinking organifi green every single day and it's been a goddess send. It contains immune boosting ingredients like moringa, chlorella, spirulina, wheatgrass, ashwagandha, turmeric, lemon mint and so much more. It takes only one minute to add into my water and I feel so good knowing that at least I got my greens in for that day, which frankly, I may not have had otherwise. I've also sent it to my family members to keep them healthy at this time too. You can receive 20 off your Organifi at Organifi.com using coupon code SAHARA. Again, that's Organifi O R G-A-N-I-F I.com using coupon code Sahara and that link is in the show notes. Welcome Megan to the Highest Self Podcast. It's so good to have you here.

I'm so excited about this conversation.

Hmm. First question I would love to ask you is what makes you your highest self?

Oh God. I mean, meditation. Not to be too cliche. Without regularly being reminded of who I really am, which is what happens every time I meditate. I am a lesser version of myself. I forget that I can be trusting. I forget that I don't have to worry about everything. I forget that I have the ability to choose how I see things. I forget that it's not my job to figure everything out. So without that daily dip into, like, reminder land, I'm not my highest self.

Love that. So a lot of people, and I can actually relate to this because we'll talk about my journey with meditation. But when you say I go back into who I am when I meditate, a lot of people's experiences when they meditate is they're just annoyed.

Yeah.

They just want to stop. They're like, I'm not experienced the truth of who I am. So what shift happens when you get that kind of experience that feels like the most important and profound thing of your life versus this, like, thing that you have to overcome?

Yeah. In the beginning of your meditation, like in a sit, and in the beginning of your relationship with meditation, there's this little hurdle that you have to get over where your mind has to stop being the thing that directs your attention. And that's really excruciating in the beginning because your mind is used to having all your attention. Your mind isn't used to you saying, you know what? I'm just going to take a few minutes and observe you. We're just going to notice what is without getting involved, without replying. And that's turbulent. You know, there's that great line, though, and I don't know who said it, but if you can't sit with yourself for 20 minutes silently, what makes you think anyone else wants to? Like, if you can't handle what's happening in your mind, you have no business speaking what's happening in your mind or acting from what's happening in your mind. So I would say be okay with the fact that that's going to be a little bit of an experiential learning curve. That might be uncomfortable in the beginning, number one. Number two, there's a difference between change and transformation. And transformation takes longer because you have to actually embody the things you know and not just intellectually understand them. As you start meditating longer, you start to embody, you know, all of the. All of the qualities that reflect your highest self. And every time you go back into meditation, that's what you are then plugging into. But all of that takes a Minute, you know, or 20 twice a day. It's not the instant, you know, I'm inspired and now I'm changed because that's not lasting. So be okay with it not feeling magical, and also be okay with all the meditations. You know, my teacher Davidji always says there's no good or bad meditation. The only bad meditation is the one you don't do. And the magic of your practice reveals itself more often than not outside of your practice. Yes, you have. You know, I've had some, some epic meditations. I had a really epic one in, in Rome at the Vatican. Right? No big deal. And that one was dope. Like, that was a dope meditation that I remember. But that meditation is just as good as the one that I had yesterday where all I heard was leaf blowers and I was thinking about how unnecessary they are and how annoying it is and feeling really irritated most of the time. Both of those are equally good. One just felt better. One was a little more magical. But the muscle that I'm building to be able to notice my mind, to be able to control where my attention is, to be able to expand my awareness, that muscle is being worked equally and will be flexed right equally outside of, outside of that meditation.

So beautifully said. And I think when you put it that way, we're like, okay, I get that. I want that. You know, anyone listening to this podcast wants more spirituality in their lives. And I think it's hard because we live in this mind based society. So the way that we even get to spirituality is by reading about book about spirituality or pulling cards or even, you know, doing something creative. So what would you distinguish what is meditation and what are kind of like meditative activities? Because I think like we were talking about before, these days we say, you know, me cooking is my meditation. For me, I often say, me dancing is my meditation. But now I've realized that it's. It's not necessarily meditation, it's something else. So what would you say are the distinguishing factors?

Yeah, and you can do all those things mindfully and you can use rituals and like dance to invoke an energy to write to all of these things. But when you meditate, at least when you meditate the way that I talk about in the book, with a mantra, you're building this muscle of awareness to just be able to notice your mind. You are innately, whether you realize it or not, creating a space between you and your thoughts wherein you have the ability to notice the thought, to say to yourself, wow, look at that thought. Isn't that interesting. And then you get to decide from there, do I want to believe that thought? Do I want to invite that thought to become a word I'm speaking, to become an action that I'm taking? Every time you drift from that point of focus, which again, for me is a mantra, silent repetition of a mantra. Every time you drift from that point of focus and come back, it's like doing a mental rep and building again that muscle of awareness that you are then using in every moment. After that, when you leave your meditation, you know, we're really bad at noticing our mind. We immediately get involved. We immediately believe the thought we're having, and then we lose all power and we're a victim of our mind. And most of our minds are super fucking conditioned and not in the best ways. Most of us were not raised with the daily conditioning of the world is here for you. There's an opportunity in every moment. There's abundance around you every way, always. And most of us aren't raised with that because we were raised by parents that were raised by parents that were raised by parents that were kids. And so in order to change how you're seeing the world, you have to first notice how you're seeing the world. Which is why I put a quiz in my book too. Not just because I love quizzes, but.

Love a good quiz.

Love a good, like, Cosmo quiz, circa 1999.

So what do you say that there is a difference between, like, meditation is sitting, having no thought, focusing on a mantra, and everything else is mindfulness. Is that how you would kind of.

I would say yeah. Being mindful, being present, being in your body and feeling your body while you're dancing, when you're cooking, looking at the colors that you're using, noticing the texture of, like, cutting a vegetable and like, the smell and experiencing those things with complete presence and mindfulness. That's incredible. And will enrich your life and will will absolutely make you feel something that's beneficial. But that's different than being the witness, right? Learning how to be the observer of your mind.

Yeah, it is. It is a different skill.

It's just a different workout.

It's a different workout.

It's a different workout.

Yeah. Like, what I've experienced is when I dance, the same thing happens that my mind can be very involved at the beginning or like, let's say I'm at ecstatic dance. Like maybe the first 30 minutes, I'm like, oh, I have other things to do. I don't want to be here. Oh. And then sometimes I'LL get into that moment where I'm just fully in the dance and I'm immersed in it, and then I'll come back to my mind and it's like that same type of thing is happening, but it's not necessarily my goal. I'm not really going there. I am going there for that, but it's not the same as like the meditation the soul focuses on. I'm trying to get into my body, which the side effect is, is losing the mind. Whereas meditation.

And you do get into like that flow state.

You get into the flow state.

There's for sure magic in that.

Yes. And. And I think like, different people are. Some people are more somatic, some people are more emotional, etc, and I, I feel like I'm a pretty somatic person and that's why it works well for me. But what I noticed is then when I. When it's like, okay, like it's 4pm, I should meditate now. That is when I'm like, no, no, no, because I'm so in my day and what I'm doing and all those things to be like dragged out of it for a meditation that feels like the last thing that I want to do. So what do you recommend? Because I know a lot of people I don't know. For yourself, like in the TM training, they say meditate in the afternoon, not before you sleep. How does one make that happen?

Yeah, it's really important to know why you're meditating. I am the first to admit that meditation feels a lot like sitting and doing nothing. And when you have all of these, some things to do that are either more important or more fun than sitting by yourself or going to a studio and sitting with a bunch of strangers and doing nothing, quote unquote, that feels unappealing and unattractive. So it's really important to know first and foremost why you're meditating. So I started meditating purely for stress. I had no spiritual intention behind it. It was purely because my body was freaking out from stress in my life. And so that's what made me sit down. Because I learned all of these ways in which meditation was going to physiologically balance me and be restorative and regenerative and help me not have chronic hives and help me not have all these things that I was dealing with. And at a certain point, that reason changed and now it's this deeply spiritual thing in my life. But connect with why, in this moment, with why you have at least a little bit of the desire to meditate and that is the thing that will get you to sit down. Because everything might be more fun than sitting and doing nothing, but everything isn't more fun than balancing your stress that's causing you severe physical imbalances. Not everything is going to be more important than, you know, you sleeping better than you having less reactive relationships, than you feeling, you know, fearful about money and not as trusting. And when you can connect with that deepest root, that, like that Sankalpa, you know, that deepest intention, it'll be easier to prioritize it, I would say also, if you are a very type A kind of person, just put it in your schedule. Just put it in your schedule. The days that you know, the times that you're going to meditate each day. You know, in the training that I did with Deepak Chopra, we do say kind of first thing in the morning and then after the most productive part of your day. So for you, that might be 7pm, 8pm the reason they tell people not to meditate right before bed is just because you'll then associate meditation with sleeping. And whatever technique you're using will start to put you to sleep. You'll have like that Pavlovian response where it's like, oh, it's time to fall asleep.

That already happens to me. Whenever I meditate, I'm either I'm either like thinking or this or I'm like on that brink of falling or sleep or not. So now I associate a good meditation with one that I'm like kind of as in a dreamlike.

Well, that in between place is great. Yeah. And if you do fall asleep, people fall asleep all the time. It means that you either need more sleep. Very deep insights here, or that you're sitting too comfortably. Like, I am very Kaffe in my nature and I can fall asleep sleep anywhere. So when I meditate, I generally don't have my head supported because that's not a recipe for me staying awake, you know, so. So check in with where, like how you're sitting.

So what about lying? What if you sitting up, it kind of hurts your back. Can you lie down and meditate?

Yeah.

If you didn't say that you have to have like your chakras in balance.

There's definitely a reason why people say, you know, sit with. Sit as if there's a cord coming from the crown of your head, elongating your spine. Right. There's a reason why we hear that if that's not comfortable, then the benefit of doing that is being outweighed by the discomfort because you won't do it. We don't do things that aren't comfortable.

Right.

So in the.

That's all I can think about. My back hurting.

Yeah. So in the beginning, if your back hurts when you're, when you're sitting up, then lie down. You know, my. The first time I ever meditated, I had my legs crossed. I was with Deepak Chopra at the Chopra center and I got my mantra and then we went into the room to meditate for the first time with our mantra. And there was an altar in the middle with rose petals and all these little blocks around it and then a bunch of just chairs. And my 23 year old self walked in and was like, oh, I obviously need to sit in front of the altar. And so I propped myself on one of these like very conservatively cloth covered blocks. It was a block. And I sat down and I crossed my legs and I put my hands in a mudra, not that I knew what that meant. And I elongated my spine and I closed my eyes and I started meditating. And within, within 12 seconds, my legs were numb and I was miserable. And I sat like that for my entire, for the whole 30 minutes. And then the teacher comes in and says, how was that? And I said, that was awful. My legs are numb. I can't feel my legs. I'm never doing this again. And he goes, well, why didn't you just move? I was like, oh, well, I didn't want to ruin everyone's meditation, right. And that was my first moment of being humbled by meditation. So.

So now how do you sit?

So sit comfortably. I usually sit. Part of my couch has like a chaise, like an attached chaise lounge kind of eye.

My legs are kind of out.

My legs are usually out. My back is supported. Usually my neck isn't super supported, but I sit on my couch really comfortably.

It's so funny you share that because I was also at this conference where Deepak and this Buddhist monk were facilitating a meditation. It was like the first ever this green pochet and Deepak coming together for this meditation. Everyone was so excited about it. And I was like, like this is like a couple years ago. I was like, I'm gonna just do this whole. And it was like a two, three hour long meditation. I was like, I'm going in. I went right in the front. There was no space to even lie down. So I was like the person in the front, like back up, right, Everything.

Yeah, exactly.

I'm here for it. This is gonna be my most spiritual, profound experience. My back hurts so, so much. And there were, like, 200 people in that room. I'm like, I just don't know what to do. So then I'm kind of, like, leaning on my hands, and my hands are going numb.

Yeah.

It was like. Like, it's so funny because we all have this, like, image of meditation. We're like Lord Shiva on the Himalayas. And then when we're in, it doesn't feel that way. And then we tell ourselves we're bad meditators.

Yeah. My ego is what picked that block in front of the altar. And I sat down and I said my mantra maybe twice. And then thought to myself, you look so fucking good. You're gonna be such a good meditator. I hope someone can take a picture of this. Right? And then. Right? So, yeah.

Oh, my gosh.

Just sit comfortably.

And it's so funny, because it's not that serious, right?

It's not that serious.

Well, that's. That's where I think there's so many different schools of meditation, and I've tried. So I did the TM training, Transcendental Meditation, for those of you who haven't heard of it. And that was a more serious approach. Definitely. The training was like. Like, you really had to be committed to it. And, you know, I was like, you know what? This is it. This is because I heard, so Oprah does it, Deepak does it, Tony Robbins, all these people. I was like, wow, if they're all doing something, I feel like I should be doing that thing, too. And it was in Bali and, you know, recipe for spiritual enlightenment, right? And right before it was, like, my session to that we do the puja and give the offering. I was sitting on the grass, like, grounding myself, and all these red ants I did, which I didn't realize were in the grass, were all over my body. So I was, like, bit, like, hundreds of times with these red ants, and it was, like, hurting and itching, and it was, like, time for me to go in for the puja. And like, you, this actually happens to me all the time. But I was feeling very itchy during the meditation, which happens to me often of, like, an unrelated itch. And I want to actually speak to that, but this was, like, real to, like, actual bread.

Like, I know why it's itching.

So the whole time, I'm, like, trying to look into, like, the candle flame, and he's giving me the mantra, and I'm, like, trying to make this. And all I can think about is how badly my body hurts. But I was like, this is the universe testing me. It's trying to make me overcome my body. And if I'm able to overcome this, I can overcome anything. And perhaps that was the path. But honestly, it might have just been the ants.

It might have been the ants.

Because I never really. I never stuck with the practice. I also didn't like the mantra he gave me.

Yeah.

I didn't like the name, the word. I'm allowed to repeat it. And I was like, it just reminded me of my ex. I was like, I don't want to keep saying this forever. And it just felt like. Like, where did this come from? What? It doesn't mean anything. How come it doesn't mean anything? What Goddesses. It doesn't mean any. So it just wasn't my path. But I think a lot of us, we try one path and then we realize it's not. So first I want to talk about why a lot of us feel itchy when we're meditating.

I've never heard the itchy thing before.

You don't feel. When you're meditating, you don't suddenly feel like you need to itch something?

No. Sometimes I'll get, like, My hands will get tingly, but I feel like that's a good thing. That feels nice.

No, mine is always like, your foot itches, your foot itches, your foot itches.

Yeah. Well, then, number one, itch your foot.

But then. Then something else. It's my mind trying to take me away from experience.

Yeah. I don't get a lot of that.

What happens? What are your resistances and common resistances.

That come up in meditation? For me, it's more judgment. Like, the New Yorker in me can turn on like Larry David instantly, internally. So for me, when I'm feeling restless in meditation, it's less physical, and it's more again, like, why is that leaf blower going? Why are they doing that? Why do they do that every day? What are they even doing? Where are they blowing? Right. It goes into that in a negative way. Not in just a, what should I do later in a. I think we've.

All been in, like, that yoga meditation class, and someone likes. He breathing sneezes, and you're like, you ruined everything. Why are you here?

You're sick. Yeah. Like, I can easily. I can easily become again Larry David. So my resistance comes in the form of judgment. Yeah.

It's so funny because it actually gives us an opportunity to realize what our unique blocks are.

Yeah. Because that's where I go when I'm my lesser self in the world. You know, it's interesting.

So talk to me. How do we find the right type of meditation for us?

I think, you know, there's so many. I would say notice what are the.

Common ones for people who might not even know.

So there's a mont. There's mantra meditation. So I teach what, Deepak, sort of primordial. Primordial sound meditation, which is similar to tm. Slightly different mantras that you might like better. They're three words. We call them a circular mantra. It's not so hum. It's still based on your birth information. Represents the sound the earth was vibrating at when you were born. No big deal. But there are a lot of universal mantras in the book I use, so hum as one. I like mantras. And I think, especially if you have a very active mind, mantras are so helpful because they act as a thought. So you're repeating silently this one thought. And the practice is to notice when you drift away to the other thoughts in your mind, to a sound, to the itching.

So how.

And then you come back to that mantra.

How do we repeat the mantra? Because I end up up singing it and I'm like making up songs with it and I'm like, this it. I'm just singing a song of the mantra the whole time.

Yeah. You know, it's kind of different for everybody. Some people that are more visual, you're like, this is a hit. Where's my record deal? I'm a more audible person. Right. I'm a singer. So sometimes I'm not quite crafting masterpieces like you are, but I definitely hear it almost as if it's being whispered. Some people are more visual and they'll see.

Yeah, they see it being spelled. Yeah.

And some people especially so hum, you can link with the breath. So some people find that to be really helpful where you inhale so. And you exhale. Hum.

I imagine myself dancing to it. And I imagine dancers, would that still be meditating, Like Broadway show going on up there? I'm doing a choreography.

There's like an overture.

But then am I meditating right now? If I'm just thinking about like, like dancing my mantra?

I mean. Yeah, your point of focus. I would say that counts. I mean, if you're like backstage getting people into costumes, like, maybe then we've drifted away a bit. No, it's like.

It's like a very like, odyssey, classical type dance that comes through.

Yeah. I think that's so interesting.

Our own guides and our own interpretations. But then I'm like, wouldn't True meditation be like absolute nothing.

So as long as you're alive, you're gonna have thoughts. As long as you have a pulse, you're going to have thoughts again. With mantra, we're giving you this one thought to keep coming back to, and that's always gonna be there. You know, there's mindfulness, there's more of a breath point of focus where you're focusing on the physical sensation of inhaling and exhaling, or just acknowledging I am breathing in, I am breathing out. I can do those now. When I first started meditating again, my, my New Yorker mind had a very hard time just like resting on the physical sensation of my breath because we don't pay attention to the fact that we're breathing most of the time. So all of a sudden to just notice that that wasn't enough of an anchor for me. But there's that, you know, there's. And then you have mindful walking. You have. Right. Some of these more mindfulness based things. But if the idea of sitting silently with yourself is excruciating, then you should probably sit silently with yourself. Love that.

And yeah, I mean, there's so many great apps now that have so many different types of meditation. But some meditation teachers that I've spoken to said that meditation apps are not helpful because you're not cultivating the awareness within yourself. What is your perspective?

Yeah, I think, I think as an entryway, they're so helpful. I think they count as meditation. You know, I think, I think they're useful because holding space for yourself, it can be really difficult. Right. So it's hard enough to sit.

It's like working out with a video.

On versus doing it yourself versus doing it yourself. When someone else is. If you're in a studio, right, when someone else is holding that energy for you and all you have to do is show up and stay in the room and do what you're told. I don't do burpees on my own, but when I'm with my trainer and he says, Do 20 burpees, I will fight a little bit and then I'll do 20 burpees. It's not that dissimilar with meditation. So again, in the beginning, if that's what gets you meditating, then use an app. If at some point you realize that you are absolutely dependent on that app to sit and meditate, then it might be time to go a little bit deeper and it might be time to connect with a teacher. It might be time to take a course, to go on a retreat, to Just get some more tools to be able to hold that space for yourself.

Yeah, I mean, if you think about it, like doing a workout while YouTube video is on doesn't make it any less of a workout. You know, you're still doing it. So that's why like, for me, I feel like meditation apps are still helpful because otherwise I'll just go into other thoughts. But some of my most spiritual experience, I would say all of my most spiritual experiences have not been through an app. They have been natural and organic on their own of just, you know, walking in nature and having that, and deciding to sit down and just having that beautiful spontaneous experience. But most of us, us don't allow that in our day to day lives. So we have to just like put it in our schedule.

And I think if you, I think it takes you getting comfortable in that space within yourself to be able to have those kinds of magical experiences that you just explained. It takes you being mindful, it takes you being comfortable being, being silent and noticing what's around you. It takes you being present because otherwise you miss those things.

Yep. It's so true. So I want to talk about how meditation changes our personality because you mentioned how you to be a cynical New Yorker, you were in victim mentality and now it's like the complete opposite of who you are. So how did meditation change you?

So I like to think about around seven or eight years old. I'll never forget when Deepak Chopra like said this to me 1112 years ago. It blew my mind. Around 7 or 8 years old is when you have that initial imprint of conditioning. So I like to imagine it's when you're given a set of prescription lenses for how you see the world. And it's made up of everything that you've seen and heard and been told to see and hear from when you were born until that point. And then after that point, most of us see the world through that very specific prescription lens. And over time that lens gets thicker and thicker and thicker and thicker because we keep reinforcing the same way of seeing and the same way of being, which is unhelpful, wildly unhelpful. Because again, unless you're raised with this expanded awareness and this pure lens, most of us get really far from who we were when we arrived here. You know, two year old Megan was not running around being like, of course this is happening to me. Why wouldn't this happen to me? I was a little bit sarcastic. Four years old, five years old, but two, I was still just unapologetically looking for joy and bliss and being present. That's why kids are so powerful to be around. Cause they're not as conditioned. They haven't been told who to be after that point, right? That lens gets thicker and thicker. So every time you meditate I like to imagine that it's like shaving away a layer of that lens and you get closer and closer to who you were when you came. So I am still, I still have my New York wit and a little bit of sarcasm, but not in that self deprecating way, not in that victimy way, certainly not in that negative way. And when I am tempted to go back into that, I notice it, right? If something happens and I go into judgment mode, I notice it and I can say, wow, do I really want to show up like that right now or do I want to be the better version of me?

We'll take a quick break so I can give a shout out to our sponsors. Calling all budding herbalists, aspiring yogis, wildcrafting enthusiasts, and especially those with an interest in learning Ayurveda, Banyan Botanicals has a great opportunity for you. The Living Ayurveda Internship is an intensive program that blends together Ayurveda and herbalism. Learn basic Ayurvedic training, Vedic astrology, plant Bodhini and other valuable teachings with respected Ayurvedic experts in various fields. And speaking of fields, all of this is happening at the beautiful Banyan Botanicals farm in Williams, Oregon where interns will spend 11 weeks weeks learning and growing. There are two sessions coming up in 2021 and enrollment starts on August 1st. If this is striking a chord with you and you feel inspired to apply, I highly recommend sending them that application early. Learn more about this one of a kind learning opportunity@banyanbotanicals.com internship and remember, you save 20% off on any Banyan Botanicals product every day@banyanbotanicals dot com Sahara both links are in the show Notes so a couple of years ago I had the worst digestive issues, adrenal fatigue. I felt so tired during the day and then wired at night. And it wasn't until someone recommended me to take magnesium that my entire life shifted. I could sleep better, I felt better and I was able to actually digest food. So since then I've gone totally geeked out on understanding the best types of magnesium and I actually found out that it's in pretty to get all seven forms of magnesium for your body to truly function. And most of us just from getting it in Our diet are getting one to max two forms. This is why I recommend Bio Optimizers Magnesium Breakthrough. Taking this magnesium before sleep helps you relax and wake up feeling refreshed and energized. I've really noticed the deep sleep benefits on my aura ring. I also love that Bio Optimizers offers free shipping on select orders plus a 365 day money back guarantee on all of their products. You can get 10% off magnesium breakthrough, the best aid I know for sleep@buyoptimizers.com Sahara that's B I O P T I M I z e r s.com Sahara and you can find that link in the show notes. So when you were meditating, were those thoughts coming up and you were like allowing yourself to think about it and think about why and like doing that unraveling work in yourself or did it actually come from you not even thinking about it and it just, just naturally dissolving?

It naturally happened. It naturally happened because I feel like.

Sometimes when I meditate I like come up with this like earth shattering thought of like, maybe the reason why I've always been like this is that. And then I start like psychoanalyzing myself.

Yeah, I usually do my like reflecting my like quote unquote meditating on things at the end of my meditation. And I will ask the question, ask for clarity, ask for whatever it is that I'm looking for and then let it go. And I'll sit for a few minutes in silence and just notice if in that moment any of the subtle answers are kind of bubbling up to the surface of my mind. Usually they don't. Usually they come when I'm driving, they come when I'm working out. Like they come very much outside of meditation. So I don't do a ton of. Because that's just thinking, it's more productive thinking. But that's really just you sitting there thinking. So I tend to not go into that too much. And anything that I've needed to remember, I've remembered post meditation.

Yeah. What if you're afraid you'll forget?

Yeah, I mean if you're really afraid you'll forget, put like a notebook near you. But don't get, don't get addicted to like every time you have a new thought being like, oh, let me record that, you know.

Right. Because I feel like often what happens is when I start to meditate within five minutes I'm like, I forgot to send me that email or this and I'm like, oh, this is really important for me to remember and Then I'm like, oh, when I look at my thumb, I'm going to remember. And then, like, then I'm like, should I get out of it? And then it, like, turns into this conversation of what I should do about this thought.

If you're really worried, put a notebook near you. And if you absolutely need to, like, write it down. And then just go back into your meditation. But generally you'll remember.

Yeah, it's hard. All the good. It's like once you just get still, all of these things that you remembered of, like, I didn't text that person back. And then clarity. Yeah.

Goes deeper and deeper because when you're meditating, you don't stop your thoughts, but you slow them down. And all of a sudden there is this space that's revealed in between your thoughts. And you go from just the same thoughts you've had over and over and over, because most of us have, you know, I think it's estimated 70% of the same thoughts every single day.

It's crazy.

It's our conditioning.

I don't feel like I do. Do you?

Well, not anymore, because I meditate.

But prior to that.

Absolutely, absolutely. You know, so when you. When you create room, there's new thoughts that have all of a sudden this real estate to reveal themselves to you. So it's a really. It's an incredible thing and a really cool thing when you notice that that starts to happen. And it might happen in meditation and it might happen outside of meditation. I have a whole note on my phone that just says new thoughts, because I have new thoughts all the time. Or I'll be having a conversation with someone and I'll just stop and say, I'm so sorry. I need to, like, I need to take a minute and write that down because I've never said that before, and I really like that. And I think I need to, like, get into it a little bit and love that. Annoying to have lunch with, but yeah, you'll have new thoughts.

Yeah. Yeah, that's a great idea. Because I do think oftentimes when we're in conversation with someone, we're like, oh, wow, I haven't thought of that rabbit hole before. I want to get back to that.

Yeah.

So start.

Start, you know, writing those things down.

Writing those down. And less meditation, more in conversation.

Notice your new thoughts. Yeah.

So for someone out there who's like, well, I feel like I have, you know, spiritual practices that work for me. I feel like I don't really need to meditate. What would you say?

I would say that's great. And I hope that that works out. You know, meditation is the greatest tool in my life, and it's kind of like the adaptogen herb that continues to shift and show up in different ways, whether it's physically balancing me or emotionally or mentally or spiritually. It's the thing that has allowed me to, when there is a low, not be so low, and when there's a high, not be so dependent on the. To keep me happy. It's the thing that has connected me with who I am, the thing that has shifted my relationship with money into one of scarcity to one of trust and abundant. I mean, it's the thing that has changed my life.

Wow.

So I am an.

Obviously, everyone, I think, can benefit from anything.

I think everyone can benefit. And I think there's always room to go deeper within yourself. So if you are already doing incredible things and you have rituals and you have a connection and you feel great, like, imagine what might be beneath the surface of that greatness. Imagine what you could unlock and awaken.

It's so true.

And I think I'm obviously wildly biased.

For the record, but yes. And I think that. I mean, I've seen in myself, like, the more resistance you have to it, I think the more you need it and look into, like, why you're being resistant to it. For me, my resistance really came. Came from being so active and being so just like, pitta in my life, and that I didn't want to stop because I was like, I want to keep going. And I used to be, like, productivity is my meditation. And I do think I still love being productive, and I love doing all of the things. And I was afraid of the pause. I was afraid of, oh, well, if I slow down, what's going to happen to my whole life? I'm going to lose my accomplishments. I'm going to lose my achievements. And all of that is, you know, conditioning from a child of, you know.

Being told to work, otherwise you're not good enough.

Exactly. And then a lot of us are just so afraid of slowing down, even for 20 minutes, because we're like, well, that's 20 minutes taking away of my work time. Whereas, like, you know, put a time limit on your Instagram. You see how quick 20 minutes goes away?

I was gonna say, right, go do a plank for two minutes. You'll notice how long a minute is. And it really is very counterintuitive. But when you can step away, what you become saturated with and what you bring into the rest of your time is so much More potent than the version of you that existed before that. Step away.

So good. And you write a lot about how meditation helped you see patterns in your relationships. And a lot of people listening. And I know you're writing a book about that in the future. So how can you know a lot of people right now dealing with breakups, a lot of people, relationships with narcissists and that type of breakup patterns, you know, falling in love with an addict, this, that. How can we use meditation to help?

Yeah, it's so important to notice what you're attracted to. You know, one of the biggest things in my. In my personal work was realizing that for so much of my life, I was mistaking dysfunction for passion. And I'm like, no, it's not. It's not passion. It's just really fucking dysfunctional. And those are not the same thing. And it's okay to have a relationship that's stable and grounded and isn't filled with. With uncertainty and unsafe feelings. Right. You know, meditation gives you this ability to notice what lessons and what stories you're playing out over and over and over. It gives you the ability to say, why am I attracted to this? And ultimately, what the. You know, I think we all, with romantic relationships especially, we all have the thing that we are trying to prove from our conditioning. So, you know, my conditioning, I was raised by an alcoholic parent. My dad was an alcoholic. And so much of my life I heard, and he was, you know, I was so close to him, and he's the reason why I started meditating. You know, we had a lot of karmic things wrapped up in our. In our love for one another. But there was also this element of dysfunction. And so I heard a lot. You're the most important thing to me. I would do anything for you, but I just won't stop drinking. That was the action that I then saw. So there was this discrepancy of what's being said and what's being done. And so I constantly, for years, was looking for men to choose me. And of course I would find the unavailable man that wasn't available to choose me. Which is like the most unhealthy thing. Right. Cause we get to choose ourselves. But I was looking for that to be fulfilled. Like I would find the one that was unavailable in some way, shape or form, geographically. I really covered all the bases, and a lot of times they were alcoholics, which just made it extra fun.

Attracting long distance relationships is one that I've seen a lot of people as a pattern.

Yeah. And I Would say, okay, great. Now I'm in this position of this guy that isn't available for me in some way. And if I'm good enough, if I'm thin enough, if I'm successful enough, if I'm funny enough, if I'm whatever enough, then he'll choose me. And that will be validated. Looking back, I can now see that. And I had to live that lesson, you know, count not countless. Probably four times. Four really solid times. The last one was a real doozy. And then. And I started to change that conditioning. Through meditation, I started to be able to more easily notice where I was being attracted. And then at a certain point, I just stopped being attracted to those people and I stopped being attractive to those people because a big part of my conditioning was being codependent, was managing other people's feelings, was being the perfect partner to an alcoholic. You know, I was like, bred for that. And so. So those people were also very much attracted to me. And that just started to stop happening. So there was definitely some therapy and some understanding around why that was, but a lot of it was just a really organic shift because I started to uncondition myself in that way.

So true. And I think as we shift, the people that we are attracted to and attractive to elevate with that as well. And you know, maybe before, like, a lot of women are attracted to the emotionally unavailable bad boy.

Yeah.

You know, I think all of us women, at some level, because of our conditioning, want to be chosen. I can definitely relate to that. And then we, as we choose ourselves and our self worth goes up. Then suddenly we realize, like, that's not sexy, that you're sometimes ignoring me.

Right.

Like, that's not. But it's. It's interesting because a lot of it, this stuff is biological too. And we could go back into like how the men were hunters and we were like waiting in. In the caves, like, is he gonna come back? Is he not? Which is like equivalent to like, is he gonna text me back or not? And then like, the conditioning that has come from, like millennia of doing this in this lifetime is like a lot of big work. But we're doing it. Yeah. And it's amazing. It just shows how capable we are of changing and transforming, as you'd say.

And when you have just another muscle to be able to flex in that journey, which is being able to notice your thoughts, it's just. It's just a game changer.

So what would you say? Because I've experienced this a lot and people I've spoken To that they are in a relationship with a narcissist and trying to have a breakup. What makes us attract a narcissist?

Well, I think there's always, you know, you get to look at the reflection. So I don't know if I've ever dated a narcissist. I think I went on two dates with one though. It was terrible. I think you get to look at what it's reflecting to you that you believe about yourself, which is probably an ugly thought, which is probably an ugly feeling, which is probably an ugly part of your story. You know, my reflection was like, I'm not good enough until my worth is very conditional. And so I attracted men that affirmed that. So I would say first and foremost, well, first and foremost leave and then start meditating and get yourself some support around you. But look at what that mirror is showing you. Is that mirror showing you that you don't actually love yourself enough? That you don't have unconditional love for yourself, that you only love yourself when someone else loves you? Like, look at what the reflection of that narcissist is revealing. It's just like a point to lean into.

And I think a lot of times the women who are the most giving attract that because they want to give their all to someone. And oftentimes people who are narcissists or sociopaths are super charming and they have that charisma around them that makes you attracted to them. But then the more they take, take, take, the more you give, give, give. And it creates this codependency which is a huge.

Yeah, so boundaries. So it's like a narcissist, there's really leaky boundaries. So you can look at within where yourself, like where do I have boundary issues? Where am I not putting up boundaries? Where does it feel uncomfort? Say that's not working for me. And it's okay if you don't feel okay about that on the other end of that sentence. Right, because codependency. And I think it's such a misconception what codependency is because a lot of it is really thinking that you have the ability to control other people's feelings and manage other people's feelings and also your well being being wrapped up in how someone else feels. So for a long time I was so codependent with my dad and when he was good, I was good. And when that relationship didn't feel okay, I didn't feel okay. So with a narcissist it's really easy to feel like you need to keep shifting and managing how you're feeling so that they feel a certain way and you don't feel safe unless they're feeling good. So there might be some, some work there.

So what would you say is the difference? Because everyone these days, I'm an empath. Yeah, I think we use that label a lot to justify codependent behaviors like, oh, well, you know, I'm an empath, so I feel everything in this. And, you know, we justify why we don't have boundaries with people. So what do you think? You know, where do we draw the line of being like, empathic and taking on everyone's shit?

Yeah, there's a huge, like, line that gets to be drawn there. You can acknowledge that you can feel someone else's pain and also say that pain is, isn't any of my business and it's not my job to fix your pain.

I think a lot of people, their thoughts, they can't control their thoughts. Like, you see something sad that happen, you know, like in the, in the news right now, so much sad stuff and you just can't stop thinking about it. And then I think again, that comes back to the meditation.

That's why we get to meditate. So you can say, wow, I'm feeling really sad right now. I'm feeling really upset. I'm feeling really. And it's a really healthy detachment when you create that space between you as the observer, as the witness and your thought. Because again, you are not your thoughts. And it doesn't mean that you are walking around like a robot, not feeling and experiencing things, but especially when it's a heavy feeling or a heavy energy that's coming through, even if it's just for the length of a breath or connecting with the space between two breaths where you can just take a step out of it and just say, wow, I'm feeling really overwhelmed. I'm feeling really, you know, meditation also kind of is the fail safe, I think, on not creating a story without your permission. You know, it's so easy to get wrapped up, especially in the juicy, like, seductive nature of, I don't want to say negative emotions, but of like sadness or anger or resentment or grief. You know, it's so easy to become that and to say, ugh, I'm so. I mean, even the whole, you know, I'm an empath and I feel everything, you know, that's a really juicy story and you can become a victim real fast in that and it feels believable. So it's just, it's so Important to regulate and to just notice the story that you're telling yourself and to make sure that it's one that's actually supporting how you want to be living. I think it's. I think it's Emerson that said, the ancestor to every action that you've ever.

Taken is a thought so beautiful. And I think a lot of us, it comes down to, I think, the female guilt of, like, if I don't feel really sorry for you and sad about your. That thing, that I'm a bad person. And as women, you know, we're. We were tribal. We were taking care of the family, we were taking care of the kids. So that's why when our friend is going through something, we're like, sure, vent to me for two hours and we're thinking about the friend's issue, but we're also, like, kind of mad and annoyed. Like, why'd you vent to me? It's so long and it's just like everything is so entwined, but we feel like we're a. If we get out of it, if.

We don't do that. I have this with a few friendships where I will say to people, like the people that I want to vent to, you know, I'll say, can I just vent for 20 minutes? And if they're like, yes, then I'm like, great.

So if they say no, how do you take that?

Then I'm like, okay, great, thanks.

See, I think a lot of people, if I was like, can I vent to you? And you said no, they'd be like, what the.

Yeah, Yeah. I think it's like a mutual respect that you get to have. And especially in our world right now that is filled with so much stimulus, you get to ask if someone is capable of holding space for you.

I think that's really important to ask somebody.

I was telling you, I've had some really difficult conversations this week. And somebody asked me this morning, somebody said, can you talk today? Which is like a very vague. Especially for this person. Especially for this person. And I said, what kind of conversation is this? Because that's gonna change when I tell you that I'm available, right?

Cause if it's bad news you don't want, right before you get on a.

Podcast, if it's gonna be a difficult conversation. Right. And so because I respected my time and my heart enough and loved myself and had enough worth to be able to prioritize my well being, I was able to have just that little bit of boundary and ask for a little more clarity and then say to Them. Yeah, I can actually, like, let's. I can talk about that. 11. Does that work? And. Or, you know, I had another. I had two today. The other one, I said, another, can we talk today? Great. Nightmares. I said, what is this conversation about? And how long do you need? It's like a work thing. I was like, I can do 30 minutes at this time. If it's longer though, it needs to be later.

Right.

And the more that you can respect and value yourself enough to say those things, the more you set yourself up to not be resentful. Because the reason you're resentful isn't because they're not respecting your boundaries. It's because you are not respecting your boundaries.

I think that's so beautifully said. And like, people just like go back and rewind and re listen to that. It would just save so many fights and so many misunderstandings and frustrations. I think as woman, when someone says, can you talk? I know I often immediately go into worst case scenario, they're mad at me to fight. What did I do? This, that. And then it takes a lot of boundary setting to be like, like, okay, what is it about? And then if they say, oh, it's some. Do they ever respond? It's like, I'm mad at you. You know?

Well, the one today was like, I wanted to have a conversation about our relationship.

Okay. So, you know, there's some shit going down to be like, okay, I could put you in my schedule. Like, I feel like a lot of us would be like, I need to know right now.

Right. Well, again, wildly biased because I meditate. I am equally connected with the part of me that is completely unbothered by the uncertainty. There is a sense of worth and connection to who I am beyond all of this. And I realize that me as Megan in that role as a friend is just like one of the roles that I'm playing. That's not who I am.

Right.

And if that relationship isn't going well, I'm still okay. Yeah. Because until you connect with who you are, you are constantly plugging in to all of the external outlets, like, thirsty for a charge. And when that outlet goes away or when it stops working, when you bought the like shitty apple cord and it stops being compatible and you're like, it's not charging. It's so hard to be. It's so hard to be detached and flexible with how those things are going, with how your job is going, with how your romantic status is, with how your friendships are going, with your money, whatever it is. If that's who you are, then you will always be beholden to those things going well, and that's out of your control. So.

Well said. And I think that we have a really hard time with someone not being happy with us. And even if it's someone we, like, don't even know, like, we're like, why are they not happy with us? What can I do to fix this problem? And to have that discretion of, like, Alex should be okay if this friendship doesn't work out, you know, maybe it's for the best. Like, they're not all meant to last forever. And I think when you have that discretion, you also realize, like, I had a friend of mine who came over. She's like, do you have a lot of processing with your friends? I'm like, not really. And she's like, I feel like I'm always processing with my friends. Like, they're going through something in our relationship and me. And. And I'm like, just for where I'm at in my life, I don't have time and space for, like, friendships that are, like, relationships, and some friendships. And some people need friends that are like, can you talk right now? Or, I'm feeling this, or I'm feeling that. And the relationship is this thing that requires maintenance. And for me, because my career is such a huge part of my life, I just don't have time for that. But I met that. Met this girl briefly, and then she, like, from seeing her once in a group setting is like, texting me like, can you talk right now? And like. And I was just like, oh, wow, she's one of those. And then part of me was like, is she mad at me even though I just met her for three seconds in a group setting? But part of me was like, I need to fix whatever she's mad at me about.

I need to manage her feelings about me.

Exactly. But then I got out of it, and I realized, like, I don't even want to bark up this tree because I know where it's going to take me. And immediately she's asserting her. Her power over me to be like, for some reason, I need your attention right now.

To be like, oh, you don't have boundaries with me. That's great. Same thing with, like, you know, with dating, like, dating a narcissist, you'll start to see, like I said, I think I. Well, not. I went on a date with a narcissist, but I went on two dates with him because very quickly I saw, oh, you don't have boundaries. You don't respect how. Right. And. And so you can see that. And they.

And they can feel that. And I don't think they're, like, really thinking, like, does this person have boundaries or not? They're just thinking about my needs.

Yeah.

And for them, they're like, I feel like talking about something. So this person should stop everything they're doing right now and come back to my feelings. So now I just have a radar that I could just sense someone like that from one text and be like, I'm just not going to reply to this person because I don't want to continue that conversation. Whereas former me before, you know, meditation and spiritual work would have been like, well, let me see what this person's mad about. And then just got involved in the drama of it all. Yeah.

There's so much freedom on the other side of that and of really remembering that what other people think of you is none of your business. Because even if it does involve you, even if you did something quote unquote, it's still that person's perception of you. And you can't control that. Yes. You can't control it.

And I think that that's also, like, this interesting because I've always said you can't control, like, you're always gonna have haters. That means you're actually on track, especially in your career, because it means you're. You're changing things, you're trailblazing et ce. And then someone asked her, like, well, at what point should we be responsible for other people's emotions? And I do think that, you know, there is a level of responsibility we have around our friend's emotions. You know, like, let's say your friend is going through a really hard time and you're like, you know what, you're kind of like, ruining my vibe right now. So I don't want to hear about anything you're going through. And they had like a death in the family or something. So sometimes, you know, like, based off of that relationship, you do have to maybe like, bring yourself a little bit bit down in that moment to bring yourself back up just to meet them. So what would you say around that, like, dealing with friends who are having a hard time?

I think you're never responsible for how other people are feeling, including your friends, but I think that you absolutely have a responsibility with how you're showing up in your relationships. And I think those are two different things. And I think especially with close relationships, but really with anyone, you know, being in integrity with how you. How you have committed to show up means that sometimes you will be inconvenienced. Sometimes it's not a great time for me to talk about anything. But you just had this horrific thing happen. So, yeah, I'm gonna not meet my needs first and we're gonna talk about your needs right now, because that feels important. And I wanna show up for you as a friend with compassion and with selflessness sometimes, you know? So I think it's more about getting clear on how you wanna show up and then doing the best you can.

Yes.

And, oh, by the way, like, sometimes the best you can might not be what that other person really, really wants, and it might be the best you can do. So I think it's. And I think when you come from it like that, then you don't have the issue of getting, like, dragged down because you're not responsible. You're still not responsible. You're just showing up for your friend.

Exactly.

You're just, like, holding that space and you're being there for them. And whereas when. When you think you're responsible, then, like, diving into the pool of, like, oh, you're upset means that you're now holding the weight of that.

And I think it has to do with, like, how receptive that friend is. You know, like, we all have or have had that friend who you keep giving the same advice to. You need to break up with him. You need to break up with him. She calls you crying, he did this, he did that. I can't believe what happened. You go through the whole talk how she's gonna break up with him, all the things, and then the same conversation happens again. And, like, with that, it's almost like you're sawing away this, like, wood board, which is your friendship. And then that person's eventually like, dude, I'm not going to invest my energy in you when you're not taking action on. You keep going back to square one.

Yeah, Yeah. I think it's really. I think being able to consciously communicate is really important. And it's fine to say, you know, you and I have had this. This exact conversation objectively, like, five times, and I'm feeling really frustrated, and it's hard for me to continue to have it with him.

But I think what a lot of people do is we're just like, I give up.

Yeah.

Let him be with him.

Yeah.

Is that the best thing?

I think, you know, acceptance is one of the biggest, you know, ingredients to freedom.

Right.

You don't have to, like, the situation to accept just means you're gonna stop arguing with what is right.

But it's like, let's say your friend is in again with that negative relationship or something. She keeps complaining, you know, that this is a bad relationship for her, it's toxic, but she keeps going back. Does one get more involved or just say like, this is her, her lesson to learn?

Yeah, I mean, I think it's always our lesson to learn. So you can't learn the lesson for her. You can, you can be there for her, you can support her, you can show up, you can listen to that conversation 20 times if that's what you want to do. I don't think I would be able to do that in terms of my bandwidth for that. But ultimately it's not your lesson to learn. So your choice is either to accept what her decision is and her reality and wish her well and be there for her when you can, or to say, I'm having a hard time being friends with you because of the inconsistency and the lack of integrity that I'm feeling. And that's such an important thing in my life. And seeing you not act that way is making it like, is creating a real discord in like my heart. And I love you. You can also love someone a lot and not have them in your day to day life. You can love like, you know, for periods of time. I had a lot of boundaries with my dad and wouldn't speak with him. And it doesn't mean that I didn't love him and that I was angry all the time. I loved him so much. I just couldn't have him in my life for a minute. And those are difficult things. Like these are like heavy boots kind of things. These aren't just like, oh, it's fine, just tell her. You can't, you know. You know, these are things that are much easier to say than to do and that are potentially, you know, catalysts for some pain and for some things that will come up. But you can't control other people's lives. You can accept them and you can love them as best you can. You can tell them to meditate, you can tell them to fucking meditate and that'll probably help, no big deal. But yeah, you know, we hold on so tight to the control that we never had to begin with. With.

Yeah, I mean, I think the topic of friendship is a really interesting one because in this day and age, I feel like we're all so individual and so separate that we've almost let go of the art of friendship and there isn't a lot of willingness to do the communication and work that it takes to maintain a friendship. And I've even seen with, like, some of my best friends were like, we need to put on a calendar when we're all going to see each other again, because if this just keeps going up, we're probably going to stop being friends.

Yeah.

You know, and. And most of us, you know, we don't have that, like, retrospective or in the future thinking. And then it's hard because as we're elevating and we're becoming more conscious, we want to surround ourselves with more conscious people. Like, someone was telling me that, like, Jay Z literally goes through everyone in Beyonce's life before they meet her to make sure they're, like, on integrity, high vibrational. Like, from, like, her backup dancers to everyone in her band. Like, he wants to know them. And that's why the interviewing process is so rigorous, because he knows that you are a reflection of, like, the people around you. So if there's someone who's like, complaining or bringing down the vibe, that's going to bring down her vibe.

And that's, like, not a good thing.

For her queendom to keep up. So that's why he's so meticulous of, like, who gets to be around her. And it's like, imagine if we, like, lived our lives like that, you know, being super meticulous who we share our energy with. And the other side of that coin is like, you love that person. You've been friends for so long, and maybe they're not spiritually there yet, but you want to help them and, like, you know, having that fine line of bringing someone else up without bringing yourself down.

Yeah. And I think, you know, you can support people and support their potential, and maybe they just play a different role in your life. You know, not every friend, just like every romantic partnership, not every friend needs to meet all your needs.

It's so true. Even we were just talking about, like, work. It's like, not every person. Like, I think a lot of us were like, I'm gonna hire an assistant that does every single thing in my whole entire life. And it's like, no, that person, like, doesn't. The person who's like, good at tech is not good at customer service is not good. We're all different doshas. We're all different human designs. And. And just like, with friendships, too. Like, you have your friends that you might. You know, I have my friends that I'm like, I'm going to into static dancing. And, like, they're those people. And then the Friends that, like, are. This business thing just happened to me and this, that, and this, that, and I'm that different types of friends for different people too. And I think what.

What's continues to be important for me is that all. And I totally agree with you, and I have that as well, that those people that I keep engaging with all share certain values. And it's okay if. If it's like a shallow version of that value, because you're still like, figuring out who you are and figuring out how to live with a deep level of intention and clarity and all these things. And then it's okay also if you're like the deep end of the pool where you're a master teacher of these things that I'm trying to become and trying to be. Cause it's all a spectrum and there's no destination. That's like the most cliche thing in the world. But there's no, oh, I've arrived 100%. And once you've arrived, then we can hang out because we've both arrived in the place to. So I think for me, it's more important than that we're both on a similar, like, road or at least using the same map or.

Yeah, like, it would be hard to be friends with someone who, let's say their. Their lifestyle is completely different from yours. And, you know, you talk about all these things and they just have, like, no under. It's like when you. If you go to your high school reunion and you might talk to your high school best friend, and it's like, you know, and I feel like that's why actually pretty much all of my friends are doing. They're like authors and podcast hosts and stuff like that. And then I was like, damn, like, I don't have any friends that do. Someone mentioned to me, she was like, all your friends have very strong personalities. I was like, is that. I was like, I guess maybe that's just because that's what they do for their work, is their personality. And I'm like, I feel like that's just what we. Like, that's what my conversations are about, and that's what we connect on, etc, And I think that that's why we all have that invitation to change our friends as we evolve and have friends that inspire us and have friends that are on similar journeys, as usual. And you have your friends who you might have had since you were a kid, Kaphas especially, they really, like, hold on to friendships and pictures, might have all, like, colleagues as their friends. And Vatis might just Be like, we're gonna go to a music festival and.

I just got my new best friend in the bathroom.

Yeah, exactly. And we get to have different types of friends. And I think it's so perfect that our topic like really transformed into friendship with and meditation. Because it's like when you are your own friend, that changes who you're around.

Yes, I love that. Yeah. And I love my own company. I love who I am in being by myself and enjoying myself. And the deeper that I've gone into that relationship with who I am, the more that has been reflected in who, again, who is attracted to me as friends, as romantic, as job, whatever it is. And has given me the flexibility to flow in those relationships in a really organic way. Because again, those relationships don't define who I am.

So this is why we all gotta find friends that meditate so we can raise the conversation. And if your friends don't meditate, doesn't mean you gotta jinx them. Like, you can introduce them to Megan's book.

You can introduce them, I think too, you know, you get really. When you know who you are, it's easier to acknowledge and to recognize what's important to you. Like what your non negotiables are for yourself and therefore, to some degree, not unlike Jay Z, what your non negotiables are. Yeah, you get to be people around you. Like, I don't have friends anymore that are really negative. I don't have friends that are like super gossipy. I don't have friends that drink in excess or do drugs in excess because those things are non negotiables for me. And it's just, it's not so much that you have to. I get this question a lot because I used to work in the music industry. So people would say, oh, did you just get like a whole new life and a whole new cast of friends and characters in your life? And I still have so many people in my life that I worked with. And it's not so much that you have to, you know, quote unquote, get rid of the people that aren't lining up with you, it's that they will just stop sticking to you. You know, once you start shifting, they'll.

Be like, she's fucking weird.

Yeah, exactly. Once you start shifting, like how you're acting and thinking and being right, those people aren't going to want to be around you anyway.

And the ones who do probably want to go on that journey too.

Exactly. So like the people that you know that are super gossipy, I don't engage in that kind of conversation. So they're like, oh, I don't want to talk to her. Like, she won't do, she won't go down that road.

Right.

The people that are like, oh, I want to go and get like fucked up. Like, they don't call me to go out and get fucked up anymore because I don't. Not that I was ever crazy into that, but that's not what I want to do.

Yeah.

And when I'm like, oh, do you want to go to the sound bath path? Like, guess who doesn't want to come? Right. So it's, it's a really natural thing that, that starts to just happen.

Exactly. And again, we all, we all find that vibrational match for the things that we want to do and, and then we can, you know, maybe go down like a fun rabbit hole with your like friends from your old work and like talk about fun, old memories and like kick it and enjoy it. Maybe go to a movie or something that you guys still have commonality around, around and then you do your like crazy past life regression with somebody you met more recently. So we gotta, we gotta have it all. And I think that, you know, this topic of friendship is really important. I think a lot of people have found value because even for me, for all of us, like, friendships can be difficult to navigate in today's age and we don't talk about them that much. I think we talk a lot about romantic relationships. We get coaches and all of this. But with friends, friendships, it's almost like this thing that we should just like, know how to do and it should be really easy and, and it's not always.

Yeah, it's a really good point. Yeah. Yeah, I think, I think the more you know yourself and love yourself, the greater your capacity to know others and to love others.

So good. So where can listeners connect with you?

Oh my gosh, connect with me. I use mostly Instagram, which is Meg Monahan, and my book is available wherever books are sold. It's always on sale on Amazon for literally the price of a smoothie. So, so go get it there. It's real cute. Looks great. With a candle on your coffee table.

What's it called?

It's called Don't Hate Meditate. Five easy practices to get you through the hard shit and into the good.

And I gotta say, I love it because it feels like you're just speaking to me. Like you're just swearing and you're speaking like so colloquially, but still, like, nice writing. And you know, I've read, I'VE tried to read meditation books before and I'm like, oh, God. But with this, it was just fun and, and just the stories and stuff that you share were so relatable.

Good. Yeah, there's a lot of. I'm very passionate about bringing it down to earth, so there's very real ways to look at that. There's a chapter called Spice Girls Wisdom. Just enough said. And I did the audio version as well. So if you're more of an audible person. Yeah, it's my lovely voice.

Yes, you have a beautiful voice. Well, thank you so much for sharing.

Your wisdom than having me.

Love how amazing was that conversation. I just love having my friends on the podcast because it can feel like I'm just sitting and talking to a friend and you guys all get to listen. I think that's what we need more of, like real, authentic conversations that we want to have with people but we don't have the time and space for. So this is really what the podcast is about. Those spiritual questions, those topics, evolution at this time and really making it relatable because we're all moving through the same things, even at a universal level. So we're all in this together. Queen and I'm here to support, support you. So don't forget to join us in this month's Rose Gold Goddesses circle. We are celebrating the frequency of Lemuria, which is all about operating from the heart, freedom, expression, dance embodiment. And next month we have Goddess Ichel, which is all about connecting to the womb and sacred womb wisdom and yoni steams and Mayan abdominal massages and womb shamans and priestesses and all sorts of things. So every single month in Rose Gold Goddess, as we're working with a new archetype, a new frequency and a new aspect of yourself. So this is calling your name. You're craving spiritual sisters who are on the same journey as you all around the world. We have over 2200 members right now and it is growing and our, our community is deepening. We've switched it right now to be annual only, so it really gives you the opportunity to dive deep and really create lasting relationships while going through tons of expertise, guest workshops, you know, for my courses from awaken your powers masterclass with Shaman Durk to my healing and embodiment through dance course to my ten day discover your dharma course. All of that is available for you when you join Rose Gold Goddesses so you can find out more about that@rosegoldgoddesses.com the link is in the show Notes and I am so excited to meet you inside. If you love this episode, I would love to send you a free gift which is the first half of my unreleased book Eat Right for your mind body type. This is a different book than Eat Feel Fresh, my first book ever which is not released anywhere and I am gifting it exclusively to those who leave a review of my podcast in the itunes store. So all you got to do is head over to itunes where you may be listening to this podcast and leave a review, take a screenshot that you've left it and email it over to me@saharaatfeelfresh.com again that's Sahara S A H A R A at E eatfeelfresh.com and I will send you back the first half of my unreleased book Eat Right for your mind body type which goes all into Ayurveda, doshas, plant based nutrition, body types, all of the things in a really fun and engaging way. So this is my gift to you for free for supporting the podcast. Every single review I personally read. It really helps the podcast be listened to by more people so we can raise the vibration of the planet together. And I am so grateful to have you on this journey. Journey. Thank you so much for listening and I'll see you on the next episode. Namaste Sam.