412: Deepening Your Intimacy With Tantra with Bibi Brzozka

Namaste, it's Sahara Rose. And welcome back to the Highest Self podcast, a place where we discuss what makes you your soul's highest involvement. I loved doing this episode, and I have a feeling you're gonna love listening to it because it is sexy. I mean, tantra energy, orgasms, breast orgasms, G spot orgasms, vibrators, verse crystal dildos. We talk about it all in this episode. So a few years ago, I went to Tulum, and I ended up in this workshop called Energetic Lovemaking that I heard someone say, when you go to Tulum, you gotta go to this workshop. So it was a rainy night, like those torrential tropical downpours, and the entire street was flooded. And Steven, my husband, was like, I really don't want to leave our hotel room. I'm like, we need to go. Like, someone said, we should go, we need to go, we need to go. And he was like, dude, like, how are you going to get there? So anyways, I did what we women do, and that dragged his ass. And we made it over to this tent that was, like, surrounded by water. We, like, get into this tent, and it's, like, packed with people, and this queen starts talking about how we can have orgasms without even touching each other, just from moving the energy that is already in our bodies. And then she dropped on the ground and showed us an energetic orgasm right in front of us. And I had never seen a person in real life who's like, not my partner orgasm in front of me, especially a woman, because I'm straight. So I had never just seen. I had never even seen someone not touch themselves, just lie down fully clothed and just have an orgasm. And she was going for, like, orgasming for, like, five minutes at least, I want to say. And then just kind of, like, got up and was like, so that's the energetic orgasm. Like, went back to teaching. And I was like, what is this magic? So we became friends, and I have been in touch with her since. And I'm so excited because this February for Valentine's Day, she's coming into Rose Gold Goddesses and teaching us an energetic lovemaking workshop. So in this conversation, we dive into all things of what is this energy orgasm? What is actually going on in her body and how can we cultivate it? Are certain people more likely or more primed to have these orgasms than other people? What is tantra? What is the tantric approach to sexuality? What is Neo Tantra? How can we open ourselves up to cultivate more sensuality, especially starting with our breasts as feminine beings. What do we do if we have a low desire for sex? Feeling like we have a low libido. The conversation between vibrators versus not using a vibrator and what she feels about it. How to have this conversation with your partner who may not be open to this type of stuff and so much more. This is such a juicy conversation. My invitation for you is to be really present for this and to take notes. Because honestly, if you applied every single thing that was discussed in this episode, you will have the most rockin sex life of your life. And not rockin in the sense of you're having the most number of orgasms possible, but rockin in the sense of the fulfillment that you feel from it. The heart, the joy, the pleasure, and the connection to oneness. Because sexuality really is a portal to higher states of consciousness. It truly allows us to feel the oneness that is always available inside of us because when we're feeling those orgasmic waves, we lose sense of our ego. So it really is such a spiritual practice. And like we talk about in this episode, it's almost like you're eventually going to get to sexuality when it, when you're in a spiritual journey because you, you start to redefine the way that you do everything and you're like, okay, I'm going to eat differently, I'm going to start my morning practice differently, my dharma is going to shift and then your sexuality is going to be one of those frontiers. So if it's new for you, welcome. But. Or if you're already in this, there's so much to learn and grow from. I could talk about this stuff forever. You'll feel the excitement I have. And I'm so excited to bring you along in this journey and to dive even further into it, into Rose Gold Goddesses. So as a reminder, doors are open for Rose Gold Goddesses, my Divine Feminine Mystery School, this week only. And we have teachers like Bebe who's coming on this February. Such incredible other teachers, guests from the High Self podcast, such as Christopher Witecki. Hello, Weston Axel, Amber Valdez. So many more teaching their expertise in a private zoom call where you can really get things on a deeper soul level. So if you love the podcast and you're like, I want to experience this in real life and alongside a community of other people who listen to this podcast, who care about tantra and Ayurveda and all things spiritual and mystical and magical and manifestational. And we're actually going to have an in person members only retreat in Miami this year. So if you're feeling the call, your intuition is saying yes, or you're just interested in learning more, head over to rosegoldgoddesses.com that link is in the show notes. And we are so excited to welcome you inside. So without further ado, let's welcome BB to the Highest Self Podcast. Welcome Bebe to the Highest Self Podcast. It's so great to have you here.

I'm so excited. I'm a big fan of your podcast, so it's nice to be on the other side now.

Yes. And the first question I'd love to ask you is, what makes you your highest self?

What makes me my highest self? So I kind of want to give a twofold answer to that. Okay. If I'm allowed to cheat a little bit, number one, I would say being of service and helping people, inspiring people and being this catalyst of growth. And I especially love to empower women. So just seeing them blossom and being a part of the journey is something that makes me feel my highest self. And then the second one I want to throw in there is being in orgasmic states. And when I get into this state of full bliss, riding the orgasmic wave. So I like to say instead of having an orgasm, I become orgasmic. And it's extended period of time is a state of being which is really, you know, it's magic, it's cosmic, is divine, and you feel limitless and you feel connected with everything and everyone. And definitely that is the other one I will throw in there.

I love that so much. And we'll get more into the energetic orgasms later on in this podcast, But I had the pleasure of witnessing you orgasm, which I can't say I could ever say to any other podcast guests, but I went to Bibi's in person workshop in Tulum on energetic lovemaking, and you showed us your energetic orgasm right there. And I was like, almost like, wait, is that for real? But it was. It was so obvious that it. It was real. And just your vulnerability of. Of letting us witness you in that state. I think for so many of us, we don't even want our partners to see us orgasm, right? We're like, oh, what if I'm making a weird face? Or, you know, I don't look good, I look strange. So thank you for your vulnerability and showing us and then also showing us that it's available without any form of self touch. You are not touching yourself. You are fully clothed. Your arms were beside you. It was like a spiritual experience. And I had never seen that before in my life. So thank you for that.

Yeah, absolutely. And you know, it's interesting. And I started doing it because I have observed how powerful it is and how many seeds are planted in the subconscious mind when people actually just witness how the body responds to the movement of energy. And even at one of my workshops, there was a woman who was over 50 and she shared with me that few years ago, someone has sent her a video of a full body orgasm. She didn't even know what it was. She was not into conscious sexuality. But few days later she started to have this experience. And that is actually what got her into Tantra. But just from looking at it, there is already there are dots connected in our subconscious mind. And actually before I experienced my first full body orgasm, the teacher showed a video of half an hour of a person having a full body orgasm. And then I went into that experience. So this is my main intention behind that. And yeah, I'm glad it inspires people.

It's so beautiful just to witness someone in that full expression because, yeah, it's like, it's who we are. Like sometimes after I experience an orgasmic wave, I'm like, wow, this is the truth of who we are. Like, this is what we're meant to feel. And I'm like, how are we not doing this every day? Like, how are we so busy to try to make money and get success and get this and get that, that it's like we have access at any given moment to feel the most heightened state of pleasure, but we're just like too busy to do it. So, like, what actually matters to us. And you know, I think, and really a lot of it is the sexual conditioning and trauma and shame that we have. And you shared a bit about your story, how you were basically Samantha of Sex and the City for your days, which so stuck with me. And every time I hear about your stories, like back in New York City, like, I read one of your Instagram posts that on your 30th birthday you partied for 30 days in a row, like when you lived in New York. And I'm like, I love it. That's so fun. So how did you go from Samantha of Sex and the City to.

Yeah, yeah, so I was kind of, you know, I was. I always say I was in between. I was in between Samantha and Carrie somewhere.

Dramas in there too.

But it's interesting because back in the day when I lived in New York, again, I was in corporate life. I wasn't fulfilled. I was quote, unquote, successful, earning a lot of money, flying around Got my Rolex and all that, but was not really fulfilled. So I looked for that fulfillment in a lot of different things, like we all did at some point in life. Visits, you know, partying, alcohol, shopping, traveling and casual sex was one of them, right. It wasn't really meaningful. There wasn't really much connection. It was mainly a form of entertainment, I always say, and a form of validation. And often there was alcohol involved and often you didn't even know the person name or they would never call you again. It was just really shallow on a physical level. But what's astonishing to me these days is that actually there was many times it wasn't even orgasmic and I would often fake an orgasm. So I really asked myself what the hell was I thinking back then, right? But that whole lack of fulfillment was kind of getting stronger and stronger and that voice in my head, I couldn't distract it anymore with any of partying and traveling. And it's kind of for the first time that I paused. I was over 30, my company sent me to Brazil and I didn't like anything about it. I really did not like neither the place nor my role there. So it kind of, I hit the bottom. And once you're there, it's enough of a pain to make you start revisit where you really are in life. So that was a painful enough moment. I call it a mini midlife crisis. When I really paused and asked myself, okay, what am I doing in this lifetime? What is my passion? What is my mission? And they were so overwhelming that yeah, again got me into my midlife crisis and I decided to quit. I embarked on my personal growth journey. And I think some of the stories we actually share around that turnover, right. And once you start really your awareness journey, I believe that sexuality will kind of pop up sooner or later in there because you're just going to start questioning everything you do, right? Why do I do it? How do I do it? What's the intention? What's the quality of it? What are so. So sexuality came and I ended up on that workshop, which I actually ended up almost by a coincidence or rather a serendipity. And it was a workshop on using sexual energy as a healing modality. And my sexual energy had awakened, I had a full body orgasm. I didn't know what it was exact back then, but I felt something happen. And interestingly enough, once that energy got switched on, it kind of remained switched on. And on that same event, I had a little romance, flirting even. Actually not a romance, we were flirting with an interesting man who had the same experience. None of us knew exactly what happened, but we started kissing, we were in our clothes and the energy started moving and we started having one full body orgasm after the other. And we just stayed experimenting with that for five hours because none of us has ever experienced this before. And it was so powerful, it was so deep, it was so beautiful that we kind of wanted more of that. And we dated for a couple of months and intuitively played with energy and moving it. And when we split, I was like, okay, I don't want this experience to be dependent on that particular man. I want to continue to have this nourishing, energetic sexual experiences. So I started reading books first. I simply started reading books and because I was already experiencing it, to me it seemed really easy to connect the dots and to my surprise was like, why is no one teaching us this? It really isn't that difficult. And just to finish the long story short, I was so excited about it that I started sharing this with all my friends and talking to me about full body orgasm and how I shaked and what happened. And friends started to come back saying, well, you talked about a full body orgasm. I think I just had one last night. And I think after three of my friends came back I realized that just again talking about it already shifts something and already planned seeds. And that led me to giving those talks that you attended in Nomade called Introduction to energetic Lovemaking. And then I actually never planned on being a conscious sexuality teacher. It's, you know, it's. And I'm so happy because after quitting the corporate job, I went into much more feminine way and just going with the flow and looking where life is taking me and being present to all those signs and people start coming back and more people started coming back and people started bringing friends and lovers. I remember one guy, a handsome guy, came to my class five times. Every time he had a new lover, he would bring her to my class on one of the first dates and it started growing and growing and. And that's how it all started, really.

So powerful and such a prime example of someone following their soul's purpose that it's not like you can set out. But you were just like, this is so important to me and other people should know about this. So I can't help but scream about it on the top of my lungs. And that just naturally transitioned to you coaching people and you're going to be doing a workshop in rose gold goddesses and working with people individually and so much more. So there's so much I want to.

Share and I just want to say, Sahara, one thing that also thank you for what you're doing. Because this finding my dharma, this is the most important, I want to say event or moment or turnaround in my life. And this has changed everything. And I know it's not easy, but again, I want to salute for what you're doing, because once people find this, you just really become a superhuman and just everything changes within and within your environment. And it's so beautiful. So just want to say that, well.

Thank you for being such a living example of it and such evidence that your pleasure can be your dharma. You know, it doesn't like you. Being of service can be pleasurable and joyful. And I think so many of us, the old paradigm ways for me to help people, I must suffer. I must be a martyr. But you're really helping people have orgasms and, like, experience more bliss and connection in their relationships, connection to themselves. So it's just a. A beautiful, fluid example of what you're just so passionate about oozing out of you and supporting other people. So thank you for being you. Now, before we get started, to all the questions on energy orgasms. I know you have them, so I know a lot of people watch that Love Sex Goop show. I don't know if you watched it. The new Goop show.

No, it's on my list. I almost started watching it, but I'm leaving Tulum and the WI fi went off. So it's on my list. And I know Sherry Winston and some of the Michaela Bloom, some of the practitioners listed in the show are obviously, I read the books and et cetera, et cetera. So I know it is absolutely worth watching.

Yeah. So in one of the episodes, the guy has an energy orgasm. And the teacher, who is Ms. Jaya, who created the energetic, the erotic blueprint, she said something along the lines of, like, someone is eligible for an energy orgasm. So that made me think, are certain people more primed or more likely to have an energy orgasm or can truly anyone have one? It's just a different amount of maybe work to get there.

My belief, my what and I what I have seen over and over again that we essentially all have that life first energy within us. We all have that sexual energy within us. Otherwise we wouldn't be even alive. So it is a matter of learning how to tap into that energy, how to cultivate it, expand it, and then start moving it and directing it the way you want. And, you know, since we all have that energy, I believe that we Are all capable of that now how long it's going to take you? And you know, is it going to be easy? For some people it's maybe going to be more challenging. But I have seen people who have not even meditated or not being spiritual and they just had a huge breakthrough and an energy full body orgasm. And I actually was interested in my last lover who was not into conscious sexuality, who is more like a tech guy. My intention was to initiate him and to see how easy it will be to kind of inspire and guide him into having this forward, energetic, non ejaculated orgasm. And it took four days and on the fourth date he had 10 of those beautiful orgasms and it was actually a huge breakthrough from him. So yeah, I would say that we are all capable of that.

So beautiful. So for people who aren't sure what is tantra and what is tantra in general versus tantric sexuality.

Yeah. So let's say, because there are different, obviously different flavors of tantra. How can I explain it in the easiest way? I would say that tantra is the ancient spiritual path to the divine where we use sexuality as a portal for growth, for self realization, for expanding your awareness. Now there are different, let's say, flavors of tantra, the one that is more ancient and sometimes referred to as a white tantra, where we focus more on the spiritual aspect of it, the expansion and Neo Tantra, which is mostly what I teach, where we really tap more into that sexual energy and sexuality aspect.

Love that so much. So really more so this sexuality focused part would be under Neo Tantra and then the overall spiritual practice of tuning into your desires as a pathway towards oneness. Our tantra.

Yeah, I love how you rephrase that. And there is just in general, there is the aspect of sexual sacredness that we bring into sexuality, there is aspect of mindfulness awareness. And I like some people would say that tantra is actually the new yoga because there is so many elements from yoga and we use intention, we use sacred space, we use meditation, we use pranayama, we use mula bandas, and on top of that we're going to use sexual energy that it's almost going to be like a fuel that amplifies those experiences.

Yeah. And tantra, I feel is much more of the householder path. So for the person who did plan to be in society, maybe have children, etc. Whereas yoga originally was for someone who was on a yogic path, which meant that you to be an aesthetic and not be part of this society, which is why so much of it is based off of resisting your desires. So I think that in this day and age, what most of us are desiring is actually more of that integration of the worldly pleasures in life with more awareness.

Absolutely. And I would say in yoga, the sexual desire, sexual energy would be a little bit more suppressed. While in tantra we really see this natural, it's sacred and something that we want to embrace.

Mm. So for someone who feels like, well, I feel like I have a really low sex drive. I feel like I'm not really that interested in sex. Do you think certain people are just born like that or do you think that there's some repression or shame that's blocking the sexual energy from flowing?

So definitely there are different reasons for that. And obviously some people will have a higher libido in general and some people will have a lower libido. But then there are other things like our lifestyle stress level, general energy level. Right. If you are continuously working hard, tired and stressed, then obviously you're going to have less desire. So that's now what I believe. A big part of it is that we don't really tap into full potential of sexuality. And some teachers like to hold it. We kind of almost have this junk food sex rather than having gourmet, farm to table organic sex. And let's be honest, that junk food sex is not that nourishing, it's not that exciting, is not something that you know, especially a lot of women who don't. Most of us don't even experience vaginal type of orgasms. We might lose interest after a while. So to me, one of the big reasons for that is that we never tapped into that soul nourishing, divine, expansive type of sexuality. Because I have seen over and over again that once people, and especially women, once they do tap into that, it's actually them wanting to have more sex. And that definitely has been my case as well. Then they partners.

So true. Because if all you've experienced is sex that you're not even having an orgasm, you're just kind of doing it to satisfy your partner. Of course you're not going to want to do that. And then you might label yourself as, oh, I just have low libido, but it's just like you're just doing something you don't like.

Yeah, absolutely. And you know, so if sex on average, I think there's different research, but in sex on average lasts about four minutes, penetration lasts four minutes, and it's a little bit of a slam bomb. Thank you, mom. It's just simply not that exciting. And also another reason to that because I actually in my online courses for women when they're one of the reasons women come with is oh, you know, I haven't had a partner for a while and I kind of almost forget about sex and I'm not even really drawn to that. So what you don't use, you lose. Right. So it's really also up to us to cultivate that sexual energy. And in the moments that I am single and I don't have a lover or I don't have a partner, I still have my conscious high vibration masturbation or self pleasure, self love ritual scheduled at least once a week for an hour in my calendar. And I show up and it doesn't matter. Sometimes I will be tired, I will be stressed, I will not be in the moon, but I am creating that space. And it is always, I say similar to a yoga class, sometimes you will have to get up in the morning and you won't be really in the mood to go to a class. But you're going to show up, you're going to go there and you're going to feel absolutely lighter, relaxed and amazing after the class. So similar here. You're going to show up for your self pleasure practice, you're going to honor your body, you're going to cultivate, you're going to ignite that fire within you and this will kind of bring more of that, more of that openness and willingness to explore with sexuality.

So good. And I know you have this beautiful self pleasure altar in your home. Can you share a little bit about how we can make an altar like this? Because I feel like that's just such a great reminder in your day of what's valuable to you.

Absolutely. And you know, altar just brings so much more sacredness and intention. And what do I have on my altar apart from all the things that we like to put in the altar that are meaningful for us. So it can be drawings of a goddess, it can be crystals, candles on top of that. I also have all things pleasure and senses related. So I want to bring sensuality. So I do have feather to work with the touch. I do have all kind of essential oils and rose water and spray for the sheet. So I want to bring in the sense of smell. Then I also have a lot of coconut oil, again, touch and something that I use a lot in my self pleasure practice. So bringing all this sensuality tools and then obviously my jaded egg, my collection of crystal wands. And how amazing because all the jade egg and the Crystal wands are from crystals, so they perfectly fit into what I call a pleasure altar. And a lot of candles because again, that will play with a sense of sight. So just I would say a lot of elements that you normally have in your altar, but then bringing in more senses and more things that are related to pleasure.

I love that. So beautiful. So I want to talk about vibrators because for a lot of women, their self pleasure practice is, I have 10 minutes, let me grab my vibrator and do the thing that I know I can do to make me finish as fast as possible. I know there's varied opinions on this. Some say if the vibrator is making you orgasm, that's the only way, keep doing it. Other people say it's actually desensitizing your clitoris and you kind of more numb and less likely to have these energetic orgasms. What's your take on it?

Yeah. So I first want to say that there's no consensus on it and there are so many opposite opinions on that. And some people say, no, absolutely go for it. It's not true that it desensitizes the clitoris. Some others say the opposite. So I will express my own personal experience and my own personal opinion. It's not an absolute truth, but from what I have experienced with my own body and with so many clients that I work with, clitorial vibrator was not really something I would recommend for a few reasons. Number one, it brings you in what you just even expressed in that fast food mindset. You don't really have to warm up your body. You don't really have to breathe, you don't really have to move. You don't have to take time to connect to your body. You just put a device that does it all for you. So for me, it takes away the sacredness of the experience and it also really kind of makes it so fast. I don't even think 10 minutes. I think 10 minutes with the vibrator it's probably, you know, I would say maybe two or three or somewhere along those lines. Right. So it's not really that we're going to be, you know, moving the energy or fully indulging in that bodily experience and riding the wave of pleasure. It's again, slam, bam, thank you, mom. But this time we are just using a vibrator. Now. To me, the way we have love with ourselves, the way we make love to ourselves, sets the tone for our lovemaking style with the partner. So if we're just using a vibrator, doing basically nothing Being completely passive, having the device for two minutes and that's it. Then that's going to set a tone for when we have sex with our partner. That will be fast, that will be mainly clitorial oriented, et cetera, et cetera. Now, I have many clients who shared with me that they indeed were feeling less and less. And I remember one of my clients was laughing. At first she was using a speedone, then she had to move to speed two. And when we talked, she was on speed free. And she was concerned because there was no number four on her vibrator. And many of women who are addicted to vibrators also share with me that they have a trouble even feeling a penis inside of them. And true penis will never vibrate at that speed. Neither your hand will vibrate at that speed. So I would say if you want to use vibrators, I would probably recommend the G spot vibrators rather than the clitorial one. And to me, I just also want to invite women to go beyond the clitorial type of orgasm, which is great, which I really like and enjoy myself as well. But I always say I like to compare it to an appetizer. And don't get me wrong, I love appetizers. But I also want to experience delicious main dish and delicious desserts in my life, not just always stay with the appetite. So this will also take away the focus of just always going for the clitorial type of an orgasm. So that's my personal opinion and my personal experience.

I mean, I think of it like a massage tool, right? Like there's like theraguns and stuff. But it's like no masseuse's hands are going to be able to go that fast and that hard, like a theragun massage machine. Again, maybe if you have like a kink in your neck and you need to do it and do it. But I think it's like the habit that most people I know who, who use vibrators, I myself do not use them, but people I know who use them, it's like they need it more. Maybe they need it as like a daily habit. It's like this nervous habit they have. Even they use it in sex because they can't orgasm in sex, a vibrator. So it's like again, I'm all for women having orgasms and it's like, then how are we going to take off the training wheels? You know, it starts somewhere and sometimes it's just like. And I feel, I know we've had conversations of like, so Many women are like, but I deserve to orgasm. Like I deserve pleasure and if I take this away, then I'm not going to have it. But it's really building those neuro pathways for you to experience it in a greater way than you already are. But the only way you're going to do that is to like kick the habit so you can actually desire this greater thing.

Absolutely. And you know, I think that also what's important to mention that I think one of the challenges in our society is the overstimulation. And it comes in every possible form. And to me that's a little bit of an expression of that and using the vibrators that we just need so much stimulation and overstimulation to feel anything. And I always say to women who are using the vibrator, when you at the beginning going to put their vibrator away, there will be a dull and boring period of time because you are not going to experience that intensity anymore what you're used to. But you don't have the sensitivity yet to really perceive the subtle sensations. And it's going to take time. And the more you want to stay with this discomfort, you're not going to run away, you're not going to distract yourself, but you want to stay. Every time you're going to feel a little bit more and a little bit more and a little bit more. Now to everyone I would say much better alternative. Again in my experience and from the clients that have worked with me and hundreds of them, holistic tool, which is crystal wants. And I will tell you, Sahara, over and over again, women in my courses, first they ask, do we have to use the wants? I get this question a lot. Can we join the course and not use the wants? And then while we do the last call and favorite moments, more than half of the women say the first practice with the wants. Where the hell was I? Why was I never introduced to the wand before? It is so powerful, it is so magical. So I really, really invite women to explore the wand and vaginal type of orgasms.

Do you think that before using the wand one should get more acquainted with their finger to kind of like build that mind body connection.

So I actually in my courses first even teach our anatomy and how you can really play massage and activate all the pleasure points outside of your vagina because this is even the area we don't know and we don't understand. And there are so many powerful, beautiful pleasure points and so many different glands and so much of the erectile tissue that we can stimulate and Massage So we women actually can have our own erection before we even go anywhere near the entrance of the vagina and inside of our vagina. So I actually start there and to be more precise, I even start step before which is our breast before we even go near our genitals. Start with the whole body, breasts, then your vulva outside and only then finger and then essentially later on the wands. So that's the exact path that I like to follow.

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Yeah. So I like to explain it very easily because you can even see how our genitals look like for men. It is the penis that literally I say sticks outside and man penetrates the world, impregnates the world with his penis and that's his positive pole. That's where the energy builds up and there where he gives the energy from. Now for us women, if you look our vagina, it is a receptive part of our body we receive inside of our body. But which part of the body literally sticks outside. How do we women penetrate the world? Right? It's the breast we nurture from here, we radiate from here, we give love from here. This is how we go to the world. And this is our positive poll. And you will read in a lot of texts that. And I totally resonate with that. That heart is really the gateway to a female sexuality. And the breasts are the closest erogenous zone to the heart. So we really want to open. It's not just the breast. We just want to open this whole area and this area. How Mother Nature is so genius, right? Because our nipples are connected to the endocrine system. So when stimulated, we release bonding hormone, feel good hormone, we relax, right? So when the baby is sucking the nipples, we really bond and create that special connection with the baby. But the same is the case when our partner stimulates the nipples, right? And we actually can even have breast chasms. And to me, this was probably one of the biggest discoveries on this journey. How powerful the breasts are, how orgasmic they are, and how they completely change the experience of sexuality. How they open your yoni, how they open your heart, how, again, beautiful, orgasmic that experience of stimulating the breasts can be.

Hmm. And it's so important to know this difference because for a man, you can kind of just like, start touching their penis, like, pretty immediately, right? Like, they might be just, like, ready to go as long as they're there mentally, of course. Whereas for a woman, if you just, like, start touching her vagina, it's like, ugh, like, get away from me. Like, I don't feel ready for that. So it's so important to start with the breasts and open up the body in that way. Otherwise, it's like someone coming near you too soon can actually make you close up even more.

Absolutely. And I would even say we call it indirect approach when it comes to female bodies. So we actually, even before going to the breasts, you can play with the hair, you can play all the other erogenous zones that we often forget about the ears, the neck, the wrists, those are all juicy erogenous zones. So we want to activate that. And then we're going to go around the breasts, right? And only then are we going to approach slowly the nipples, which are the most erogenous part of that area. Then we're going to go to a lower belly, the inner thighs. Then we're going to go to outer lips, inner lips. And the last thing we do, we're going to approach the entrance of the vagina. Since our vagina Is a temple. I like to say we're going to ring the temple bell before we enter. I teach women in my courses to tune into with themselves. Is my vagina open and ready to be penetrated? Is it during a self pleasure if you are inserting an egg or a wand or are you with a partner? I absolutely teach my partners to ask that question and it's so beautiful and it really changes everything. So that's indirect approach as you need.

Advice to a question I had which is like sometimes as women we're inter masculine where we're working or you might be taking care of kids and you're just not in your receptive state. So sometimes I feel like I've like put pressure on myself of like, oh, I should have more self pleasure and like, you know, be more in my orgasmic practice. But it's like I'm not energetically there yet. So I feel like this indirect approach, it gives you so much more permission. It doesn't mean like oh, if I have a night of self care I need to masturbate. It could just be you just touch your breasts and like that can be your self pleasure practice.

Well Sahara, you nailed it. Nail the point with this comment because this is exactly what I so often say. And it's both. In a relationship of self pleasure and sex with a partner, sex does not necessarily mean penetration in an orgasm. It can be just honoring your body. It can be a little bit of a dance, moving your hips, having a breast massage, maybe a couple of breast orgasms and that's about it. I have a lot of different guided audio practices for women where it's exactly this. There are so many different ways of experiencing this self love and honoring your body and it doesn't mean necessarily an orgasm. And I think, you know, this is another kind of masculine and goal oriented approach that we bring to sexuality, that there needs to be an orgasm. There doesn't have to be an orgasm. You might even enter in an orgasmic state or you might just explore the lower level of arousals. That's what I invite everyone to do, to play with lower level of arousal or with a medium level of arousal and stated for longer. And maybe that's exactly where you want to be in that day, not higher. And when you're fully present and indulging in that medium level of arousal, observe how juicy it is, how beautiful and how it has different qualities of being horny and orgasmic. It has a different depth and beauty to it.

Mm, yeah. It's such a beautiful feeling to just be like open and like turned on. But like living your life from that place. Whereas some of us were just 0 to 100 of just like we're work, work, work, okay, self pleasure. Okay, back to work. But just like living, like sometimes me and Steven joke of like, we should always be like one touch away from orgasming and live our lives like that and just like to live in that just like open, juicy state where you're, where you're playing with life. But a question I have for you is what is your advice for women who feel like their breasts. Breasts aren't sensitive. They don't really feel anything when they touch or a partner touches their breasts.

Yeah. And there's definitely a lot of women that are going to resonate with that. And there's so many reasons from that, number one. And I actually so many women are in this spot, Sarah, that I created a course that specifically addresses that and it's called Orgasmic Embrace. And let's just say that about 71% of women don't like their breasts. Breasts. 71% of women. So how do you want to feel pleasure in your breasts? How do you want to have orgasmic breasts if you don't even like them in the first place? Right. So it already starts with that body acceptance there. Secondly, a lot of women lose sensitivity because of implants. And I don't think the information that is given to women is really, you know, truthful. Most women think there is very little risk from what I have seen and a lot of peers in my business, again, there is no research on that. But, you know, at least half of women are losing in some way sensitivity. Now another reason for that is the conditioning around breasts and also the way we stimulate them, which is often coming from pornography. And there's a lot of biting, squeezing. And let's be honest, breasts are really sensitive. There's about 800 nerve endings in the nipples. So we want to be gentle. And when we come to stimulation, when we talk about breast stimulation is not just the nipples. It's this whole area that we really want to massage. And we want to be gentle and slow and explore with different type of touch and different speed and different pressure. So I would say start with self breast massage. Even if it's two or three or four minutes a day, you can do it as a part of meditation. You can do it under the shower. Start connecting to your breasts. Breasts. Start having a relationship with your breasts. Because let's be honest, what we don't use, we lose again. So if you never really played with the breasts, there is little awareness, there's little connection to this part of your body. The more you're going to start practicing connecting to that part. It's like a piano player or guitar player. The more they use their fingers, the more sensitivity there will be, the more space in your brain, that part of the body will get. Start connecting, start massaging without any agenda, without any expectations. And keep this practice. And you will see slowly and slowly, there will be more sensations, There will be more happening. And trust me, I had so many women who came to me and said, I don't like my breasts to be stimulated. I don't even like my breasts. And then they become breastgasmic. And again, if you want to dive deeper, my orgasmic embrace course is exactly about that.

I love that so much. And again, that reminder of treating yourself like the lover that you wish that you had, that maybe you're like, oh, my partner doesn't even take time with me. But you taking time with yourself will show your partner. Because then when you are in sexual relation, you can be like, oh, no, this is how I like to be touched. And that's also really sexy, too. A woman that knows how she wants to be touched. Because most men are just doing what they think women like. Like, they just watch porn and they think, oh, women must all of, like, nipple clamps and, like, being bit and, like, being spanked and all this stuff.

And.

And some like that and some might not. I think also trying different styles of sex, that maybe you guys are in a routine that you have sex in the same type of way, but trying something that's a little bit more slow and sensual. So do you have any tips on how to bring your partner into this? If you guys have always been having sex for the same time, maybe you feel some, like, shame or embarrassment about even, like, bringing this up. How can we bring more sensuality into our sexual.

And this question actually is asked so often, and I even had some posts on my Instagram giving people exact phrases they can use. So I want to share the following here in this podcast. Number one, just do it. Because more often than not, we are assuming that the partner will say, no. We are assuming that the partner is interested without even trying. So first, give it a try. I would kind of approach it from the possibility and opportunity angle. So I wouldn't say, hey, we always have sex the same way. It's boring. I don't want to do it this way anymore. I want to do something else. Right? Because then you're criticizing. You're putting Someone down and it's, it's a negative motivation. I would approach it from a positive motivation angle, which is, hey, I just heard a podcast with Sahara Rose. They talk about conscious sexuality and how we can experience all these energetic orgasms, how we can dive so much deeper, how there's so much pleasure and new things to explore. And I am so interested. And you are actually the only partner I ever had that I even bring it up to because normally I wouldn't even feel comfortable. But I feel you're open minded. I feel you're curious and I feel safe with you. And I would love to explore and expand and have those beautiful experience with you. Would you be open for that? How does that sound, Sahara?

I love that. Yeah, it's like, who would say no to better sex?

No one.

Like everyone would say yes to that. I think it's just, especially as women, maybe our internal shame of I shouldn't be the one to bring up these conversations. I shouldn't be the one to initiate sex because that makes me a slut. And all of these programming that we have. So I think it's releasing that. And how is someone supposed to know what we want if we never share it or, you know, experience it with them? And I think that's the issue with so many women faking orgasms. Like you mentioned. It's like, how is that partner supposed to know what's actually going to make you orgasm if all you've been doing is faking it? And maybe it's weird if like one day you stop faking it, but it's like at some point you're going to have to take off the mask and be like, hey, actually what I would really love to try is this. So a question that I definitely had was when sexual energy is building up and maybe you're like, body is like, it's almost like pointing you in the direction of orgasm. How do you resist that? Because it feels like such a biological reflex that our bodies like want to orgasm because it's like related to procreation. And so much of Tantra is to breathe through that and to ride that wave rather than letting it pour over. And can you explain a little bit like the difference between riding the wave versus having the orgasm?

So what I would say here is, so it's not obviously we don't want to punish ourselves if we orgasm. I don't again, would not want anyone to have this kind of approach. But the orgasm doesn't become like an end goal that we are obsessively chasing it's a bonus. It's a chair on the top. It's something that we invite and it happens almost as a byproduct of the rest magic that we creating. Okay, so I would say the following here. I would slow down because Sahar, if you slow down and if you're gonna start playing with the lower level of arousal and I always ask people to start observing where they are with the arousal level from a 1 to 10, 1, not being aroused at all, 10, having an orgasm. Let's play with the 6, let's play with the 7 and let's stay there and let's even play with the free. Let's be honest, let's start a four play. Let's play with the free for 20 minutes and then let's play in the rounds of five for another 20 minutes and then six and then let's enjoy just every level, every next level we go on to. So then by the time you get to what a man is called a point of no return, you've already been riding the wave for two hours. So to me, slowing down and enjoying really lower level of arousals. Now what will help you with this, apart from slowing down is being less in your mind. So not so much fantasies and etc. But being more on in the sensations in your body. What will also help you is breathing. So if you're going to start breathing deeper and it's longer, slower, deeper breaths, this will help you to slow down again and it will help you to distribute this arousal away from the genitals and all over your body. Then relaxing is another thing. You want to relax on every exhale, relax your genitals, relax your whole body and this will actually also allow you to distribute this energy all over and again ride the wave. Because observe to get to an orgasm as we know it, this climax type of an orgasm, when it's an explosion, you have to build up, build up, build up the pleasure, push it into genitals area and then you have to tense for that thing to explode. If you take away that moment of tension, there will be no explosion. So relax consciously throughout the lovemaking and that will automatically kind of bring you driving that wave. Okay, now I would say will this be frustrating at the beginning? Probably. And I'm just going to bring the example of my recent lover and I remember the first two times when he got about to a 7 and maybe an 8 and I was like, nope, we're going to slow down. He was definitely frustrated for a couple of times. But then the third time we Met and he absolutely learned to enjoy riding that wave. And what's important for men, especially to ride this wave, is that you have to come to peace with the possibility of losing erection. Okay? We are so obsessed on the penis being hard, big, and erected all the time that a lot of men are afraid of the wave because they're afraid that if they're going to go back to a four from an eight, they're going to lose an erection, right? And maybe sometimes they will, but then often they will get it back and either way it's okay. So once we all. And actually women also get to get in peace that a man loses erection and it's not their fault and they're not less off and this and that, right? So if we're all relaxed about that, we can start enjoying riding the wave. And then from that moment, we will be able to kind of start having those. Those energetic orgasms.

I love that so much because there is so much pressure for men to stay hard. And then also woman, if a guy gets soft, it's like, what's wrong with me? Am I not attractive? Are you bored? Do you not like this? And then that can create issues in your relationship. And I think the other side happens too, of sometimes when you slow down, the woman dries up and she's like, no longer into it or wants to go on to the next thing. So what is your advice? To keep people, like, focused and in the container when, like, sometimes I feel like a disinterest can happen when you're, like gonna peak and you don't have the orgasm, you slow down, that like, sometimes you're just sort of. You sort of are like, over it.

So what I would say again, I probably don't go so close to the peak, so there is not like a sudden drop to me, Sahara. It's more like a dance. A dance meets meditation, meets conversation, meets communion meets pleasure. And it's all wrapped up into this beautiful dance of the bodies. So I sometimes pause and we share and we ask, hey, what do you feel? What sensations in the body? And then we slowly touch each other again. And then we talk. And then we come back to it and then we move. And to me again, it's more a state of flow going away with expectations. And maybe not such a drastic move between 8 and 2, but more of a. Just stay all the time at a 6 or a 5. And again, no expectation and practice. That will just, you know, become. You will become more skillful in that and it will become more natural and easy.

That's so good and such a beautiful explanation. I feel like, like such a powerful connector between two people. And if more couples had that kind of, you know, just intimacy, true intimacy that's beyond, like, oh, we had sex this week, so, like, we're good, versus, like, that conversation and asking each other how you feel in your body and letting it be this beautiful romance. It's just such a powerful bond creator. And, yeah, I feel like in general, so many of us were so used to finishing things with a short amount of time, right? So I think time is one of the things that blocks us from really letting ourselves do that. Because when it's on the back of our mind of like, okay, I only have 20 minutes, or, oh, I need to be doing this next. So how much time should we be carving out for this type of thing?

That's a great question. And, you know, again, I'm going to bring this lover because it resonates with a lot of questions. I remember when I told him and many people when I tell them that I make love for 2, 3, 4 hours and was like, what do you even do number one and why? And who has time for this? And that was similarly the case with the recent lover. And once we were making love and I asked him, hey, do you want to look at the clock? Do you realize how long we've been here? Four hours. And I was, do you want to go for dinner? He says, no, I want to continue. So I would say for soft leisure practice, at least one hour. And when you're with a partner, at least two hours. Okay? Now when you think of it, okay, who has time for this? I want you to think of this as a different type of an experience. So it's kind of lovemaking meets intimacy and connecting deeply with your partner meets spiritual practice meets your yoga and massage practice. And it's relaxing and it's uplifting and it's nourishing and it's healing and it's all of those things. And it's essentially going to make you feel energized, inspired, creative, radiant. And those benefits are just so much more than when you look at the number, the time that you invest into that. And there is so much. And I can get. I received so many letters from women telling me, oh, my God, I became so much more radiant, so much more confident than our sexual energy, when channeled upwards, becomes from energy of creation, goes into the energy of creativity. So your ideas the way. And I actually love, you know, a book, Stealing Fire, talks a lot about that. We really go into higher states of consciousness when we have those prolonged lovemaking sessions. And those higher states of consciousness are not just magical in the moment we experience them, but they do create new neuropaths, right? So we can see our awareness expands. We can see things from a different angle. We become more creative, we become superhumans or supernatural, like Joe Dispenza would say that, right? So there is just so much magic to that. And it's last but not least, something that we have at our disposal within our bodies. So let's tap into this inner source of power, right, that is available to us at any time, that is free, that doesn't have any side effects, that only can make us expand and grow, and so on and so on. So what a better thing to spend your time on than doing that? And imagine that on top of it, you can actually share it with your partner on a deep soul level. So what better do we have to do? I'm going to ask everyone, where are you rushing off to? What sounds more magical than this?

I agree. It's reprioritizing what matters to us. And if I said every week with your partner, watch a movie. A movie's like two and a half hours long. You'd be like, okay, I could watch it, but we already watch way more than one movie. Or if I said every month, watch one movie or watch two hours of television or go on Instagram for two hours, you'd be like, I do way more than that. But if I say every month make love for two hours, it's, oh my God, I don't have the time for that. So it just shows what we prioritize. And as a society, like, we just prioritize output. So productivity and getting things done that we will spend time on or numbing.

Absolutely.

The real reason why we're doing either of those things is to experience pleasure. So let's just skip the middleman and go straight for the pleasure.

And I actually think we do dedicate a lot of time to experience pleasure, but we learned that we need to outsource pleasure. And that's also what we're sold, right? We need to get sugar, we need to go shopping. We need all things external to experience pleasure, right? But it's in there. It requires more time, it requires intention, it requires practice. So, you know, many people don't want to do it, but it's much more powerful and healthy and sustainable.

And I think too, it gives our brains a chance to slow down. Because I know for me, like, at the end of the day, I'm Like, I create content, so my head is, like, spinning with, like, more content, more content. Like, I want to listen to a podcast. I want to listen to a course. I want to listen to an audiobook that almost when I stop, I'm like, I feel like I'm not doing enough or I'm falling behind. I need to always be, like, listening to someone talk and what this gives us. And whether it's by yourself, just taking a bath, or putting a feather on your body, it just gives your brain a chance to slow down and for you to actually integrate and feel all of the things that we honestly are escaping by constantly making ourselves busy or filling up our minds with other people's thoughts.

Absolutely. And listen, obviously, I have similar challenges and I'm busy and my business is growing and things are happening. That's why I'm a big advocate of scheduling self pleasure and lovemaking in the calendar. So it's really there. Like anything else that is important for you, schedule that as well.

Love that so much. And we're so excited to dive deeper with you into energetic lovemaking in Rose Gold Goddesses this February for Valentine's Day. Such a great treat to dive in even deeper into this work. So thank you so much for sharing your wisdom with us. And where can listeners connect with you and learn from you even further?

Yeah. Thank you for having me. Great pleasure. I have a difficult Polish name, so that always brings additional challenges. That's why my Instagram handle, it's a little bit more fun and creative. And it's PlanetB, which is PlanetBI BI, so that's my favorite social media channel. Otherwise, you can also find me my website. And because of the difficult name, I also had an additional URL, which is energeticlovemaking.com and that will redirect you to my Polish surname domain.

Amazing. And we'll have those links in the show notes. Thank you again so much for sharing your wisdom with us today.

Thank you. And everyone listening, have an orgasmic week, and I would love you to take notes of at least two things you're taking away from this podcast that you are committing to implementing. That would be a beautiful seed that both me and Sahara can plant here.

Yes. And share them on your Instagram stories so we can see them and reshare them so we can see each other's takeaways. That'll be a fun way to spread those seedlings along.

Thank you, Sahara. Lots of love.

Ooh, ooh, ooh. How juicy was that conversation? Share with us your takeaways on your Instagram story. Tag me, I am Sahara Rose and LaneTB. So we can see them and share them and cultivate the magic that was really being channeled through and coming through each and every one of us. Each of us is gonna get unique codes out of this conversation that we specifically need. So I'm so excited to see how it resonates with you and I'm so excited to welcome you into the Rose Gold Goddesses community where we're gonna be diving in with Bibi this February and so many other incredible teachers. I have a womb wisdom workshop planned for you guys. We're gonna be diving into cervical orgasms and the cervix as a gateway to spirituality, vocal activation, shamanic rituals, painting your aura, and so much more. So if you're interested, you're feeling the call and you want to join us for our community and our in person retreat, head over to rosegoldgoddesses.com again, that is rosegoldgoddesses.com that link is in the show notes. And I'm so excited to invite you inside this week only. And if you're listening to this podcast later, then head over to the website anyways to join the waitlist list and you'll be able to join when doors open again next couple months from now. Not gonna be for a while. So if you're feeling it right now, I would join now. All right, thank you all for listening and I'll see you in the next one. Namaste.

You.