448: How To Overcome Your Fear Of Sharing Your Message with Julie Solomon

Namaste, it's Sahara Rose. And welcome back to the Highest Self podcast, a place where you discuss what makes you your soul's highest evolvement. I'm really excited to share this episode with you because it's an episode that I wish I had earlier, earlier on in my journey. So if this is your first time listening. I began my journey first as a health coach, then an ayurvedic practitioner, and then essentially shifting into spirituality, but having a lot of fear around what other people would think if I was too young. I had so much fear growing up wanting to get my parents approval that I didn't want people to not like me. And I had never met anyone before who was an author or influencer or any kind of person putting content out there. So I had a lot of questions that I'd figure out on my own. How do I get on a podcast? How do I get a book deal? How do I share my message? What if I get a hater comment? How do I deal with this hater comment? And they were just things that I've had to learn along the way now in the past decade plus that I've been doing this work. And I will say that I definitely experienced a lot of anxiety around it. And I'm so grateful for this conversation because we are really able to speak into some of these experiences, these fears, these limiting beliefs that happen when we are afraid of being seen, we're afraid of being judged, we're afraid of people saying, who are you to be talking about this? You're not an expert, you're not this. But at the same time, we have this deep desire inside of ourselves to share our voices, to share our story, to share our messages with the world because we know it can help people. So in this conversation, I sit down with author Julie Solomon to really dive into these topics. So she was a publicist that now is helping people to pitch themselves, to share their messages, to understand their origin story, and to be able to now use that origin story to give permission to other people to share theirs. So it's just such a powerful conversation, especially if you want to be a content creator, a coach, maybe you are a coach already. You're anyone that's essentially sharing your message in any capacity, even if it's internally. But we face all of these fears regardless of how we're doing. And sometimes when we don't talk about these things, they become bigger and bigger and bigger. And I know for myself definitely that fear of haters was a huge thing in part of my journey and it's something that I've had to do a lot of work around. And we really talk about it in this conversation of what do you do when you're getting a hater? And how much more important it is to stay connected to your bigger vision, your big picture why of why you're doing this and to not let other people's opinions and feedback get in the way. So she offers so many tiny tools, practices, and she also teaches us her method, her four part method for you to pitch yourself to anyone, whether it's a podcast, a media outlet, whatever it is. So many people don't know how to pitch. I get a lot of people pitching themselves for the podcast, et cetera. And we really share what being on the other side, what people often experience and how you can change your pitch so you're giving value to that person and then you're way more likely to get a yes. So whether you're a coach, a content creator, or just wanting to share your message more with the world, you're going to find so much value in this conversation. So without further ado, let's welcome Julie Solomon to the Highest Self Podcast. And before we dive into this episode, I am so excited to share with you that early bird enrollment is now open for Dharma Coaching Institute, which is my institute that certifies sole purpose and spiritual life coaches. We are recognized by the International Coaching Federation, and in just six months, you can actually launch a new and thriving career for yourself as a sole purpose coach. So you'll be able to guide people into discovering the big reason why they are here and moving through any spiritual blocks that are holding them back from living their fullest expression. You will also transform so deeply along the way and really redefine what your dharma, your soul's purpose, is all about. We spend the first two months diving into all of the coaching fundamentals, the next two months diving into all the spirituality, and the last two months teaching you everything you need to actually create a thriving business for yourself, from pricing to scheduling to sales and everything in between. So if you want to get $500 off enrollment, come join our early Bird special over@dharmacoachinginstitute.com you can find that link in the show notes, get some more information, even hop on a call with someone on our team. So again, that's Dharma D H A r m a coachinginstitute.com and you can find that link in the show notes. Class starts week of October 10th, and I am so excited to see you inside. Welcome, Julie, to the Highest Self podcast. It's so great to have you here.

Thank you so much for having me. It's so great to be with you. And I just had the pleasure of having you on my podcast. And so any. Any time I get with you is amazing.

And the first question I'd love to ask you is, what makes you your highest self?

What makes me my highest self is when I am 100% aligned with source. And for me, that means really embodying the ease of being in that mode. To receive without expectation.

Yes. And allowing ourselves to expand with ease. And sometimes I feel like we think those are juxtaposing things. Right. Like, if I'm going to expand, it needs to be really hard and it's going to be a lot of struggles. Or if I'm going to choose the path of ease, I need to stay exactly where I am. And I think for a lot of people, they have this genuine desire to share their messages, to share their stories, to create these movements. But then I think a lot of people get overwhelmed by all of the steps that it can take. So then they. They kind of gaslight themselves. Oh, I don't really even want it. It's not that important to me because they're afraid that it won't be easy. So a lot of people listening to this, they want to share their message. Lots of them are coaches, wanna be coaches. And you really specialize in helping, especially women get what they want, which is what your book is all about, and share their message, their origin stories, receive press. So first, I'd love to go to what holds us back. Right? What holds us back? That fear of being seen. And how can we overcome this?

Yeah, you know, the. The subtitle of the book is how to Go from Unseen to Unstoppable. And that really comes from one of my favorite quotes in the book, which is, you can't hide yourself and expect to be seen. And that is. I see. I don't know if you see it in your community as well, but with most of the women that come to me for support or guidance or coaching, whether they are free fans on my podcast or whether they are clients or students of mine, it is this expectation that they should be farther along or that they should have more success or that, you know, they want all of these things, but if they're really being honest with themselves, they're still hiding. And I think a lot of that comes from our origin stories. And the way that I describe it in the book, and kind of to myself, is that we all have an origin story which is essentially the story of our origin. It is the beliefs, the ideas, the. For some, the religious background, you know, that really shape the way in which we view the world. But there is a fine line that happens as we're getting older where when we're younger, we don't know that we have these origin stories. We don't know any other story. Our origin story is the story. But as we get older, we realize that there can be other stories and different ideas and different ways to believe. But we have to choose to step out of our own resistance, to start rewriting our origin story. And if not rewriting it, at least accepting it for what it is, but then choosing to write a new script. And so I feel that we actually fall victim to our origin story when we use it to define and shape our current realities. And that's what I see happen with a lot of people that come to me feeling helpless, hopeless, powerless. You know, they want what they want, but they don't know how to get it. And it's because they are living from these origin stories that keep them from being seen. Perfectionism, control, people pleasing, no boundaries, overextending of their energy, exhaustion, negative ways of achievement, Shame, guilt. All of these things that really keep us from being seen. And it's not until we're able to really identify what those are that we're able to step on to a new path to freedom.

So powerful. So for someone who might think, well, I didn't have an interesting life. I don't really know if I have an origin story, how can we find maybe those gems or maybe those things that actually are quite extraordinary about us or very relatable about us, how can we begin to tell those stories to other people?

Yeah, I think that it's first about really identifying. Why are you even saying to yourself that there's nothing interesting about you? What about your origin story has told you to downplay where you've come from, your experience, your background, your worth, your creativity? Really getting curious about that, I think is huge. And stepping into. I always love the idea, too, of, let's say I did have something interesting to share. What would it be? If you can't figure those out yourself, allowing yourself to just get curious and even step outside of yourself to say, what would be those things? That if someone. A friend or someone that cared about me, that, you know, what is the one thing that lights me up or that really kind of makes me stand out? Or what is it that people, when they want to feel seen and heard and they come to me, you know, what am I reflecting back to them, what am I mirroring back to them and getting really curious about that. So it's a good question because that in and of itself is a limiting belief.

Totally. And I see so many people say that. They're like, oh, well, nothing special about me, but they have these specific life experiences. Like maybe you were a nurse during the pandemic, like that's a specific life experience. Or you know what it's like to feel completely burnt out from your corporate job. That's a life experience. Or you know what it's like to come from a small town where you wondered what it's like in a big city. That's a life experience. And I think again, just like you said, because we're in the story, we don't realize it's actually a unique story.

Yeah. You know, one of my pitching students, she has a physical disability. And still to this day, and we have to constantly working with her and her mindset, but she's always wanting to lead. When she goes to pitch a brand, she never wants to talk about her disability. And I'm always saying to her, that is your unique, beautiful gift. I mean, how many other influencers or content creators or people out there have that unique perspective on life? I mean, you having what you have and you being born with that has given you such a unique perspective that not a lot of people can understand. I can't. I don't know what that's like. No one else in this virtual room knows what that's like. And that's what I'm curious about. How do you see the world? How do you experience the world? How are you able to reach up to a microwave when you can't normally reach it up because your hand doesn't extend that far, just the day to day. The simple things like that could be revolutionary to not only the people that you want to partner with or align with, but even when you're just wanting to build deeper connections, connections to the community around you.

So true. And it's often the things that we're the most ashamed about or we're like, well, I don't want people to only know me because of this thing. So we hide that part of ourselves. A friend of mine, she was arrested in her teen years for Grand Theft Auto and now she's this beautiful yoga meditation teacher. And for a long time she didn't want to tell people that story. She felt like they won't take me seriously. It's embarrassing. And then when she was able to own her story. It actually really expanded her message. She ended up writing a book about it and it made her so much more relatable to people. Not just people who've been arrested, but people who just had something from their past that they felt shame around that her reclaiming it was able to see. It's possible for me to reclaim those parts of me too, totally.

And that's. I think that it's really about coming from this place of a. Working through those. What are those? And I love that question too. Or like, what are those things that you think if anyone ever found out about you, your entire world would crumble? You know, what are those things? Write them down, work through them, get to the other side of them. Which of course takes a lot of work. But then I think the goal is to be able to use that experience to give others the strength and hope to do the same. And it really comes from that place. So I think that that example is a great one and I share a lot about that in my book about the credit card. I hid over $30,000 of credit card debt from my husband for years and then he found out. And that was definitely a rock bottom moment for me. And I had to start getting really honest about. Why am I so afraid to be honest about money? Why am I so afraid to be honest about my fear around managing money or using money or overspending money? I had a lot of really shameful ideas around money limiting beliefs that came from my origin story because I grew up. We didn't have a lot of money growing up. It was a very scarcity, kind of limiting based mindset. And so I had to. To work through that. But I couldn't work through it if I refused to be aware of it in the first place. So I had to stop sticking my head in the sand. I had to stop denying what was there and the truth of that. And so that would be, I think, a great just jumping off point for people listening that what are those kind of deep dark secrets that you never would think that you would want somebody to know and really get aware about what those are for for you, because they're going to reveal to you a lot of deeper origin story wounds that you may have then can get you to a place that you can start sharing and connecting with people on a much deeper level.

I love that so much. And, and also even just our interest that may seem out of the box. So for me, I grew up dancing and twerking and like that's a huge part of Me. But then coming into, like, writing books on Ayurveda and, like, spirituality, and you're supposed to wear all white and mala beads. I'm like, well, no one can know that I twerk. Like, no way. Gotta hide that one. And I remember the first time I went to a torque class with my friend, and he put up a video on his story, and I was like, oh, my God. Like, people are gonna see. Like, I was so nervous. And he was like, wow, I'm getting great feedback. So I re shared it on my story. And I was freaked out. Like, I kept. You know when you keep rewatching your own story? Like, okay, like, am I safe? Like, are people gonna cancel me? Like, is everything gonna be over? And then people were like, wow, cool. Like, I didn't know you did that. And then I started to share it a little bit more and a little bit more. And then people started to. At first, there definitely was maybe a split between people who are like, that's so cool. And then people who are, like, disgusting, and those people who are, like, disgusting faded away. And more people who are like, wow, you give me permission to show the multifaceted goddess energy that's within me too. I just. I never saw anyone else do it like this. That now spirituality and twerking is, like, such a huge part of my brand, and it's definitely controversial for some people, and it elicits an emotional response of like, you're either a hell yes or a hell no. But I'm so glad that I was able to integrate that aspect of me, because it's now given permission to other people to do it in their own ways as well.

Oh, that's so true. And I think it's that permission piece that is the driving force. And, you know, and I always love to go back to the why. And, you know, sometimes we'll never know, but I always get curious as to. So why, if it is so triggering for you, why? Why is it so triggering for you? What have you been told to believe about physical expression or sexual expression or intimate expression of the body? And really kind of just diving into that, because the more that we start to learn our own defects, our own character defects that are keeping us from fully being human, fully being free. That is really kind of the jumping off point, I think, to really start to step in and to get what you want. And so you've got to start answering those deep questions and being reflective. And it doesn't mean that you have to love or, like, everything that you see or everyone that you see, but really getting. Using that as a mirror as to why were you so affected or triggered by something that you saw someone else do or say?

Totally. And I think that on social media, when we see someone that's expressing themselves in a way that we would never give ourselves permission to, it's very triggering. And I often get people, and I'm sure you get this too, of like, at first I was triggered by you, and then I started to realize it was, you know, my own work and you were actually huge expander to me. So on the other side of that, I think a lot of people are very afraid of triggering people. And even myself too, when I get comments about, I don't like it. Like, I don't want to trigger people. It's like that inner little good girl in you that wants everyone to like you. So how can we get over the fear of being judged when we do share those different sides of ourselves?

Yeah, you know, I think that that really comes from that embodiment of confidence, which deeper comes from, I would say, awareness, acceptance, and action. So these are called three A's. Yeah, I'm like embodying this as I'm saying it to make sure that this is where I want to go. I think the three A's would be perfect for that. So the three A's I didn't make up myself. They're very well known in therapy circles and 12 step groups. But to me, when I started, when I learned what the three A's were and then B started embodying them in my life, I really started to feel free. And the things that used to bother me didn't bother me so much. And I think the biggest gift to the three as is that it started to allow me to really keep the focus on myself. And when I say that, I don't mean I became a selfish person or I didn't care about other people, but it's kind of like that old saying of if you spot it, you got it. So if I'm so afraid of being judged or if I'm judging other people, how can I keep the focus on myself? Because that's really all that I can, to some degree, control anyway, the three A's, I would love to kind of walk through them a little bit. The first A stands for awareness, which I know I've mentioned a little bit. And so this is just really the identification that some problem or dysfunction or challenge in your life exists that you want to change and really becoming aware in that. So, you know, why am I judging I need to become aware that I'm judging or why am I being bothered that someone is judging me and having the awareness of that. The second step, which is the absolute hardest one of the three, is acceptance. And that is the sometimes very uncomfortable place where we have to come to terms with the idea that this problem is not all of me, but it is a part of me. It doesn't define me, but it does begin and end with me and this problem or this feeling that I don't want to experience anymore, it's one piece to this puzzle that no longer fits for me and it needs to be removed. And so acceptance is the answer to all of my problems every day. And it's also the hardest thing to come to terms with because with the example that you used to, I have to be aware that someone is judging me. And then it bothers me. And then I have to accept that I can't do anything about it. And that's the hardest part. I'm most likely not going to be able to force them to see my side or to see that I'm this person that I want them to think that I am. Or no, no, no. Like the people pleasing, all of that stuff comes in. But with acceptance, you can just say, hey, I'm going to let you be you. I'm going to let me be me. I'm going to accept what is as it is and nothing more. And then you can go into action, which is basically, now, what am I going to do about it? And so that's when we can start to really restore and recover some of the things that get lost with the lack of awareness and the lack of acceptance. So this is self esteem, lack of confidence, lack of serenity, imbalance in our lives, hopelessness, helplessness. All of those things that we start to feel that really stem from not being aware in the first place and not wanting to accept what is as it is in the second place.

So good. As you were saying those, I was like guiding myself through it because I think people don't realize that it doesn't end, the journey doesn't end, and it's just bigger levels of it. Right? Like, I remember getting my first hate comment ever, and it was so triggering to me and I wanted to comment back to that person. I was like writing a million things I wanted to say back to them and like, no, I'm a good person. Like, you just don't know me. You're judgmental. And like, you know, you just witness that part of you that, that wants to be Liked. And you're trying to do whatever you can to make that person like you. And I think the deeper level of that, at least for me, is that fear of if they don't like me, will I be safe?

Right.

And I think that that's really triggered especially with media and pr, when there's cancel culture.

Yes.

And there's like groups of people that could potentially band up against you. And then I think a lot of us were witches in past lives and we were burnt at the stake and we did have groups of people coming against us. So how can we. I don't think it's even possible to overcome. Like, would you just keep using that tool? Especially if people are getting hater comments, reviews. What practices would you do to not let this linger with us as long as it sometimes does? Because I know even for me still now doing this over 10 years, like, sometimes, like, I've gotten better at letting it brush off of me, but sometimes it can really linger and then make you afraid of being seen and make you afraid of taking that next step in your visibility and career.

Yeah. So that's, you know, with that acceptance piece, there's a few things I would love to share. So a big thing that is not always easy, but it helps me. And I may, I may have to like just literally talk myself into this. I may have to go outside for a walk. Like, depending on how triggered I've been by like not being loved and adored and accepted by everyone in existence. Why don't they love me? And I have a whole chapter in the book about how when I was little, I desperately needed everyone to like me. And so I have really had to work on when you're on my validation and self worthiness being contingent on other people liking me. And when you are setting yourself up for that. You're never gonna win if your value and your worthiness and your safety and your love is contingent on other people giving it to. It's a long road down to your rock bottom, but hopefully you will hit that bottom so then you can work your way back up. And for me it's, it's that acceptance piece. The other, the other thing with that, I call it Q tip. Quit taking it personally. Which is really hard. But I know I'm like, okay, I got a Q tip. This, like, this does not have my name on it. Even though, like, I wish that I could make them see what I want them to see, when I want them to see it and how I want them to see it. Like, this just has nothing to do with me. And it purely is a reflection in something that they see in themselves. Because we all view the world from our own projection, from our own lens, with everything that we do. So that's the first thing. There's another thing that actually a mutual friend of ours told me once that I love our dear friend Susie Moore, that she just said, as you're growing and you're building a brand in a business and you're sharing your message with the world and you have something that matters that people want to hear, you should expect to get the negative feedback. If you're not getting negative feedback, you're not creating really a lot of impact. And so to think that you wouldn't get it is actually quite delusional and insane. Like, expect to get it. So remembering that is really helpful. And then just, you know, when you do expect to get it. And if you get it, it's like, what am I going to choose to focus on? Because I control that. And am I going to focus on the one nasty comment or the one person that said this or the one person that did that, or am I going to pivot and actually focus on the lives that I'm changing, the messaging that is moving people? And really, what my core purpose and vision is, because my vision of doing what it is that I'm doing is to not have everyone like me. It's really not. And so getting back to what that purpose really is.

Totally. And it reminds me that there's no one on planet Earth that everyone likes. Even someone like the Dalai Lama, the whole country of China, like, wants to kill him, you know, like, so there's. You can't even. Vanilla ice cream is not liked by every single person. Chocolate's not liked by every single person. And then sometimes it also, you know, not that Kim Kardashian is, like my idol by any means, but I look at that and I'm like, oh, she was actually really able to harness people not liking her and the controversy and build her career that way. I'm sure she's had many therapies sessions and had to create a lot of boundaries and separation. But it kind of seems like today in the media, it's almost like situations happen and then people want to give their feedback and their take on it. And sometimes it can be hard for you as the creator, to be that person that people have their take on. But it's the same thing of people maybe learn from the experiences of others. I've had, like, on TikTok, these teenagers, like, not, like, what I said, and at first I was like, why don't they like me? And I was like, oh, like this is their way of having a bigger discussion, right? They have to use this person as an example. So if you're being used as an example, great people are actually thinking about you and talking about you.

Right? I mean, and really that is the definition I think of. And not that we care about like popularity, but then that the definition of popular is like, it's not who you know, it's who knows you now that can stem from impact and service and a greater meaning of vision. You know, instead of just, I want everyone to like me and I want a bunch of followers. But that really, really is the core case, that if you aren't making waves, if you're not getting someone to think or feel differently, if you're not. And it went back to what you said with a lot of the women that have come to you to say, you know what, Sahara, initially you were triggering the crap out of me and I didn't like it. But now it's like, you have paved a way for me to see things in myself that I never would have saw if I wasn't so triggered by you. So I think it's also important to remember that as human beings, when you look at the history of Homo sapiens, we are hardwired to group off into tribes and we are also hardwired to cultivate our own tribe and then to disassociate other tribes, because that's how we survive. And so it is part of our DNA to find groups of people, of like minded people that give us the confirmation bias that we need to feel safe and then to want to exclude other beliefs, ideals and people that could potentially take some form of our survival away from us. And that's just that reptilian brain stuff that then we have to work on the awareness of, am I coming from this reptilian brain or am I actually coming from a place of higher evolved consciousness?

It really comes back to that. It comes back to those, those tribal survival ways of thinking and the group think and, and that's really what cancel culture was on a large scale of people, like, I need to be liked by the tribe. So if the tribe is disowning this person, I will be safe. If I also disown this person, it will prove that I'm a good person and I'm on the side of the tribe. But then we're not questioning, okay, who created this group Think, where is this narrative coming from? And I think I talk to a lot of my students, and after that they have become a lot more reserved around sharing their truth and speaking their voices. But we really need it more than ever. And one of the things that a lot of people have trouble with is I feel imposter syndrome around calling myself an expert. I feel like I'm not an expert. And it seems like media wants people to be an expert in something. So how can we overcome that fear, realizing we're the expert in our own experiences or even not positioning ourselves as an expert per se?

Yeah. So I want to touch on a bit of what you were saying. Just about like, the feedback that people can get and how that makes them feel afraid to show up more and then kind of leading into how this can kind of come into expertise and leadership. But something will do. If I posted something about a month or so ago that was triggering to people, something that I had witnessed, the whole world witnessed. And I had. I was triggered by it and I had an opinion about it. So I shared. And there were a lot of people that just didn't have a lot of great things to say about it. And the way that I manage this is that if you don't agree with me, that is fine. And I will keep my Instagram open for you to have a sacred and safe space to tell me that you don't agree with me. But if you're going to name call and chastise and bully and belittle and try to, you know, steamroll someone else to get what you want, I am blocking you 2.5 seconds. I don't care. And if you want to go and say that I only want people who agree with me or what it's like I don't care, like I don't care, I'm not going to take your response to me cultivating a healthy space for my own mental wellness personally. So I do want to advocate for people to. If you're in true alignment with what you are saying, and you know that it is coming from a place of true integrity and alignment with your soul and with your divine source, then no one can touch that. And so you. The more that you're coming from that place, and you are steadfast in your belief of coming to that place, and you know that your side of the street is clean. Say it, share it, spread it, the world needs to hear it. And if someone is going to come at you in a way that is toxic, diminishing, belittling, not in service of anyone else else, block them faster than you can Blink. They do not deserve to be in your space. You do not give people the dignity to come into your social media bedroom and just poo poo all over you. Not happening. You can go to the tabloids if you want to do that. You're not doing it here. And so I think that it's about having really clear boundaries and non negotiables also around what you want to say and where that's coming from. But then also how are you allowing people to treat you? How are you allowing people to talk to you and about you? And I just don't, I don't leave space for that stuff at all. I have zero, zero tolerance for that kind of stuff.

This is such an important conversation because there's so much nuance around it of people like, oh, if you're blocking someone, you're not willing to hear a disagreeing point of view. And I'm the exact same way. If you are respectful, you want to have a genuine dialogue, like I am here for it. I to hear different voices. But if you are coming with your own perception and your own that sharp dagger of like you're not even really here to have a conversation or especially if I comment back and you just want to keep fighting, like, I don't have time for this. And also going to someone's feed, it's like, I'm coming to your house. Like, I'm not going to come to your house and be like, hey, your carpet sucks and your painting sucks and why aren't you this? And it's like, you're coming to my house, bitch. Like, respect the space.

Right? And I'm going to shut the door on you.

Like, exactly. So when people come on your and it's like, if you have such a strong point of view, go on your own page and post it. But 99% of the people who do this are on private profiles with no profile pictures because they're hiding from themselves. But they want to be seen, but in such a shadow way that they put down people who are sharing their voices. I learned the same lesson in 2020 when there was just so much political noise going on. And I made a video about the ICE detention centers, something totally random. And was it. It just spewed this crazy political debate. And it was at the time that people were saying, don't block people. So I thought, okay. So I kept tolerating the abuse, really that was coming and the abuse and the abuse. And then it just trickled into such a huge thing that made me so anxious. Like my nervous System was off for a good month after that day. Like, it really stays with you. And now I've learned that lesson of I should have just blocked them as soon as I saw people were being nasty and rude because it was taking away from the message. But it was again, it was becoming people's ways of like getting attention from someone else's page. And also to people who engage in cancel culture. Like I have seen other people engage in cancel culture that makes me not trust them.

Yeah.

Because I know that, you know, if, if anything were to happen, if I'm misunderstood or I say the wrong thing because I'm a human, you know, like, those are the people who might take an opportunity. So I think it's so important to know, like, you don't need to hold on to that. And also, people who are. Are putting other people down will probably jump on the opportunity to one day put you down.

Oh, I mean, yeah. And people that are literally trying to build a business and brand by burning other women's businesses and brands down. Like, I'm not signing up for that like you do you. But like, I am aware that, like, that does not feel good in my sacral. And I accept that. And my action is to, like, I do not subscribe to any of that stuff. And I think that now that we've been so far removed a couple years from all of the height of that, it still happens. But, you know, there was an intensity of that and, you know, it was cancel culture coupled with, you know, blm, coupled with just the anger that we all had with George Floyd. I mean, it was a lot happening at once. We were all locked down. It was a lot going on. And I think that now that I. That people have been able to get a little bit farther away from that and we're not so reactive and we give ourselves more moments to pause. There's so much power in pausing. Way more can be revealed in that. And so with that said, I highly advocate for anyone listening to not open yourself up for toxic emotional, psychological abuse. End of story. You do not have to answer to anyone when it comes to that. And you get to decide what abuse is for you. It's going to be different for everyone. You get to decide what is okay and what is not okay. I have an entire chapter on boundaries if you want to dive into it in my book. I'm very, very passionate about that. A lot of times what you'll discover too is that the ones that are coming at you on social media, they don't follow you. You, they've probably never followed you. They're not in your community anyway. And so they're not someone that you even need to hold any kind of space for because they're literally coming to attack you because they are so hurt and so disconnected in their own lives. So wish everyone well and then you move on so you can step into your expertise and into your leadership and really be able to lead from a place of advocacy and from a place of clarity and from a place of true alignment with what it is that you are here meant to do. And it's what Brene Brown says that I love that she talks about the women in the arena, that if you're in the nosebleeds throwing apples at me, I'm not really going to give you a lot of time to tell me you're not in the arena doing the work. So leaders, we need leaders. We need leaders to lead us. Followers don't follow leaders. I mean, followers don't follow followers. They follow leaders. We need leaders to pave the path, pave the way, Give the followers behind them a path to purpose, let them see what's possible so we can evolve into this new state of being in awareness and where it is that we want to go.

So good resonating with all of your words. And I think it's so important for people to have these conversations because, you know, on social media we are. Especially when you go live and you're being exposed to people who don't follow you, like, those are often the people I think they just like go on people's accounts counts and just hate, you know, like, that's probably because they're in so much pain themselves. And it's like, bless you, I hope you find healing. And I'm not the one to give it to you. I'm not the one to explain. And oftentimes too, those people, they do really want to be seen. But then the more you argue with them, it's like they finally got that juice, that attention that they're looking for that it's very, very rare unless you can have a healthy dialogue. But there's a different tone and a different energy and you can, like, I feel like as I've gotten and older and doing this more, I can kind of just see from the beginning, like, what is the intention of this person's comment? Is it to understand or is it just to prove themselves right? And if it's the latter, it's just don't entertain.

Yep. Agree a hundred percent.

So a lot of people now who are just Starting, they're wondering, should I focus more on traditional press, like pitching myself to magazines, tv, or should I be focusing more on social media, linking up with different content creators, podcasts. If you were to start your brand right now, what would you put your focus on?

I would definitely put my focus on the awareness and engagement piece, not the traditional PR piece. And here's why I was. For those that are meeting me for the first time, I was a publicist for about eight years before I got into the business that I am now. I was a music publicist and then I was a book publicist and very traditional pr. And so as a publicist, I am telling you, do not hire a publicist unless you actually have something that is answered, ancillary or tangible to promote. And what I mean by that is like a book, a new TV series, a new movie. Let's say if you're a speaker and you're going to do a nationwide tour, maybe something like that to drum up press in the regional areas where you're going to be speaking, really having something that goes beyond, oh, I'm a content creator and I have fun content on Instagram, you really need to have something that is tangible that somebody can touch, taste, taste, smell, eat, hold that. I think traditional media really lends to. Traditional media is also a long game. And that's something that people typically, they don't really have the bandwidth or the time or the patience for. I think a lot of people think, oh, I'm going to hire this publicist and then I'm going to get on GMA tomorrow and be famous. And that's just not the way that it is. Especially too with a lot of these traditional platforms like a gma, like you could have a million followers on Instagram and they don't care, care. It's like, are you going to be the right fit for their audience? Is what you're pitching something that they're interested in right now? What other kind of noise is happening out there that they're covering? I think now more than ever, it is so, so hard to get traditional media unless you've really taken the time to kind of build it. And so if I was starting over today, I would not start with traditional media, at least in the beginning. I would start with growing a brand and a platform and an awareness on social media. Social media, we have the lowest barrier of entry. We're to reach people the easiest. Even with the algorithm being what it is and people wanting to complain about that, you're going to reach more people faster on a social media platform than you ever would trying to build the traditional media from the beginning. Over time it can serve you. Yes, but that would be my biggest takeaway and to really be focusing on the consistency of that engagement. I mean, even with Instagram, it's not really a growth, growth tool anymore. It's an engagement tool. It's not the place where you're going to go on and necessarily go viral. If you're wanting to go viral, then you need to go over to TikTok or YouTube, because those algorithms on those platforms still lend to those possibilities. It's a lot harder to go viral on an Instagram these days. However, it's a great place to build awareness and to build that engagement and to build the know like and trust and to really create that quality connection that you need with an audience to then be able to nurture them, impact them, and essentially sell to them, you know, in the future.

Such important. And I would do the exact same thing focusing on social media. And I think a lot of people, even myself at the beginning, I thought if only I had the money to hire a publicist, like then all my problems would be solved and someone else.

Then you're just gonna waste a lot of money.

Yeah, exactly. And I remember the first time hiring a publicist and like, you know, they might pitch you to a million places, but it's like maybe 1% of it will, will hit and even that they're and following up and you need to have something to show for it. And I also realized too how timely it is.

Right?

So having a pitch that's like relevant to the holidays or relevant to Thanksgiving or Halloween or whatever is happening at that time, or even your book, like your book coming out now. But if your book came out two years ago, it's not hot enough for the publicist to even pitch it. That, that was a huge shocker for me. Cause I thought, oh, this will just be my thing that I'll forever talk about. But they're like, oh, your book came out over a year ago. Like, what's your new thing that you have? I'm like, oh, shit, like a new thing, you know. So that's why for me, I just put my focus on social media more because.

Exactly.

You can, you can just be yourself. You don't need to like necessarily change it and be able to just speak authentically to your audience. A lot of people want to be on podcasts and I see people, they might not really know how to get on different podcasts. It feels like, like, how does, how does it happen? So what advice do you have for people who maybe they haven't been on a podcast yet to start building that?

Yeah, and this is such a great question, because it. This really essentially comes down to pitching, which I could talk about all day. And, you know, it's really what I started my career on with my course Pitch It Perfect to help people do just this thing. And I will even say it's interesting because I've been on the side where I'm pitching clients, and then I've been on the side as a podcaster where I'm receiving pitches. And I'm sure, Sahara, you've seen these. I'm just like, why? Like, I have to read a novel now. Like, what's happening?

Hello, Name. Right. Hello.

We love your podcast. So I'll just. I'll go on to say that, I mean, we have it listed everywhere we possibly can, that we are not taking podcast submissions. Like, I don't care who you are or what you're doing. We're not. And just the reason why is this because I am now at a place in my business that I am so connected to so many amazing people that I can reach out to Sahara and say, hey, I would love to have you come on my podcast. Or if I don't know Sahara, I'm going to have a friend that knows Sahara that can say, hey, they're going to be able to vouch for Julie, vouch for Julie's podcast and be like, hey, she wants you on there. Or vice versa. You know, I just had our mutual friend Susie Moore connect me with somebody today that she was like, hey, I think this person would be great for your podcast. So because I'm at that place and this is one way, you know, I don't need to be taking a slew of submissions. The other thing that is really important just to me personally is that I am able to support so many amazing clients and students of mine through various, various courses and masterminds and coaching opportunities that I have that I want to highlight them and their success and their growth before highlighting some person that I don't know that came into my support inbox. And so I just. To me, it's that twofold of I've got such a great network of my own relationships, and I have such a great community of clients and students of mine that really, the perk of. I talk a lot about impact and influence and pitching and growing your name and your status. And, I mean, that's a lot of what I do do, helping people shine and so to be able to go to a student and say, wow, like everything that you have done is phenomenal. Your story is amazing. I would love to have you come on the Influencer podcast to share that. That's going to light me up and light them up and light our community up far more than some random pitch that I get. So that's what I want to say first. I think that. And it's probably not going to make those listening feel very good because they're like, okay, well you didn't answer my question on how do I freaking get on a podcast.

I'm going to say how everyone feels. And I think it's really honest.

Yeah, I mean, that is what you're up against. So now that we're aware of the reality and we can accept that as it is and not trying to force it or change it or get mad or be like, F Julian Sahara, I'm not listening to this episode anymore. We can go into this new place of action, of, okay, now what am I going to do about it? And so this is something that even when I was a publicist, I would say to a first time author who wanted to get on Oprah, I would say, I love this story dream. I would love to build towards this dream, but let's start in our backyard first and build it up. So instead of trying to go for the pie in the sky, which you can like pitch your heart out, go for the pies in the skies. I think it's good to do that because it actually, we actually learn a lot from our nose and that's how you're actually going to refine your pitch and we can talk about actually what that pitch should look like. So people actually A, open the email and B, read it. But before that, really getting curated on, on realistically where I am today with my business, my platform, my experience, my niche, the clients that I support, what are the podcasts that reflect that that would be a good fit. If I'm just starting out, then maybe there's some podcasts out there that are just starting out, that they may not have tens or hundreds of thousands of listeners, but Maybe they have two or 300. And 300 people is a lot, lot. Like think about that in a room, 300 people in a room is a lot of people. That is a lot of potential lives that you can change. So if you're just starting out, go and find podcasts that are just starting out, that are just building, that are kind of in the same stages of growth that you are in and just say, let's support one another. I mean, I know so many women in my various communities that do just that. You know, they'll be starting podcasts or YouTube channels or whatnot, and they'll just start having each other on their shows. It allows you to, A, have content, B, not have to go and outsource a bunch of people, C, build relationships, and D, start to really get a knack for. Is this something that I really want to do? Is this something that I want to invest in? Do I even like being on podcasts? I don't know, because I haven't done enough yet. So that would be my biggest feedback to those that dream big, always. Because that gives us a compass for limitless possibility. But also be realistic with where you're at, and that's where the confidence comes in. If you keep trying to pitch these big shows and you're not getting responses, that's not going to make you confident. If you start pitching shows that are reflective of where you are and people start saying, yes, we want to hear from you. We want to have you on our show, that's going to make you feel really good about yourself. That's going to make you be like, huh, okay, I think I can do this. I think I can pitch maybe five more podcasts after this, and then maybe 10 more after that, and then you'll start to build and grow.

I wholeheartedly agree with everything you just said. And when I first started pitching myself to podcasts, it was like 2016. Want to say? I didn't even have my podcast yet, and I would just look at, yeah, very specific ones that were about chakras or, you know, yoga and that kind of thing. And I started to do a couple, and I actually met this girl who to this day, we're such good friends. And then we started to collaborate and have each other on and just that slow build. And I think that it also really helps you refine your voice, tell your story, build those connections. I have the same thing in my Dharma coaching institute. This. The students will interview each other, and it helps them just get that practice. And also, I think some people think that, oh, if I get on the biggest podcast possible, that will be, you know, my ticket to success. But the thing is, I've been on some big podcasts, and truthfully, not always does anything. Sometimes nothing changes. Truthfully, sometimes it's just being in front of the right group of people. So it might be a smaller podcast, but it's like, exactly on the topic and the niche that you are creating content around. And that will take you so much further than maybe even being on the biggest podcast. But it's very general and very broad, and a lot of the people who listen to that may not be your target audience.

Yes. And I think that that really also comes down to what are you pitching and how, you know, the worst thing that you can do is like, pitch someone and be like, hey, you need to have me on your podcast. Cause I have a book coming out. Well, big freaking deal. Everybody and their dog has a book coming out. Like, why should I care about you? Why should I care about your book coming out? What is it that you have to say that's going to impact someone? So you have to be able to craft, craft very quickly and easily and timely. A pitch that actually gets someone curious enough to dig in deeper. You do not need to read a novel, write a novel. Nobody has time to read that. I always say about four to five sentences, max, that clearly state who you are, what you're proposing, why it matters, and how it's going to serve my audience. And one of the things that I teach in my framework, in my repeat.

That, who you are, what you're proposing.

Who you are, what you do, what you're offering, why it matters, and then who you serve.

So good.

Yes. So. And it doesn't necessarily have to be in that order, but those are the key ingredients. And in my PitchIt Perfect program, it's a framework that I use. It's my pitch profit methodology. And part of that methodology that I teach is called the spotlight method. So the biggest mistake that people make when they're pitching podcast anything is that they make it all about themselves and not about the person that they're pitching. I want to come on your show because this is what I want or this is what I need, or this is how it's going to help me, or I have this coming out or I'm doing this. Me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me. You're not considering the other person on the other end of that and how it's actually going to impact their lives or the lives of their community that they've spent years and time and money and energy and resources cultivating? It is an honor to be on someone else's podcast. So how are you going to upwork and level that experience? How are you going to leave that podcast making it better than it was before you got on that podcast? And so really coming take the spotlight off of you and put it on the other person? Do your research, do your homework. Following the person on Instagram is not doing your research. Listening to an episode, the most recent episode, and putting the title in the pitch is not doing your research. Like, really take the time to listen to the podcast, to get to know the podcast host, to really be able to cultivate an idea and craft a story that would actually be attainable and usable and juicy for that podcast host or that producer to essentially consider having you on. So who are you? Why does that matter? How are you going to be serving the audience? And, you know, what are you essentially offering them and keeping it really short and sweet and then following up, following up, follow up 10 times more than you think that you need to. But also give them some time. Don't berate people if they tell you they're not taking submissions right now. Accept that. Maybe follow up a few months later. You know, just, hi, checking in again, be kind, be cool, you know about it and keep at it. And then the other thing is, is that if you have resources, if you have connections, use them. You know, if you want to get on a podcast and you can't find a way to get on yourself, do you have a friend, friend that potentially has a connection to that podcast host? Do you have some other kind of way that you could use? And this is why networking and relationships and connections are so important. How can you leverage the relationships that you have to help give you some credit and to help vouch for you? I can't tell you how many times I've reached out to people that I know to be like, hey, I would really love to collaborate with this person or to be on this podcast or to align with this person. Do you mind connecting us or, you know, or if you don't want to connect us, that's fine. Can I use your name? Like, can I name drop you? Is that okay? You know, always get the consent to do that first and the permission. But with most people, I mean, if they're your friend and they vouch for you and they know that you talk the talk and you walk the walk, they'll be more than happy to allow that to happen. So that's kind of my.

Some of my tips so good. And you really, you really outlined in your book the hard pitch versus the soft pitch. And so helpful for people to go through, because I think a lot of us, and I read these submissions and I'm like, wow. Like, there's just this level of not really understand there's a human on the other side of this. So if I'm like, I'm So great. And my. My book is this and my this, with no acknowledgement to the person who's reading this and what they've built, all the energy that they've put into it, how deliberate and intentional they are with all of their guests. And I think that people don't realize this. Or sometimes I have people too. Like, I had some guy yesterday go to one of my friends and be like, hey, can you ask Sahara if I can be on her podcast? But he wasn't even following me on Instagram. And I'm like, wow. Like, at least, bare minimum, follow me.

Yes.

And it's like, like. And it's that thing of, like, no connection there. And we're humans. We. Everyone that I have on the podcast is someone that I've had a conversation with before, because it's like, if I've never met that person, I have no context of who they are. It's like a little bit awkward sometimes to the first time be dropping in for a podcast conversation. So it's like you're saying, build those connections. If you don't have any friends who have friends that are in the podcast realm, well, guess what, there's tons of courses out there. There's tons of communities out there. There's tons of events you can go to. There's so many ways that you can plug in. No one was born knowing this. You know, we weren't born in a podcast realm even. We met two years ago, I want to say, doing a speaking on a panel. So. And it's also that consistency, too, of like, you know, there are people that you see, it's like, okay, I see you're doing your podcast, and it's like the divine timing that it aligns, and I think sometimes we try to force it. And then maybe it just wasn't. You hadn't built your career yet enough, or your message was different at that time, or it's just that person needed something different at that time. So don't think that maybe right now you're not on whoever's podcast, but you may be in a few years with different circumstances.

Totally. 100%.

So. Very good. So any final pieces of advice that you have for someone that is really wanting to share their message and voice, but they have this fear of other people are saying the same thing as I am. So how will I stand out?

Yeah, I mean, again, that's just a limiting belief. So. So being aware of that, that it's not real, it's not fact, it's just a story that you're Telling yourself. I think what really helps is that a lot of times that comes from this idea of Julie, I can't get what I want because I don't know what I want. And all these other people have figured it out and so why should I even care? It's not going to be possible for me. And what I say in response to that is, well, we always know what we want because we always know what we don't. And so the more clear that we can get on what it is that we don't want. And like, line, I mean, write a list if you have to, like, whatever that is for you. Like if you no longer want to be sitting in a cubicle, then you kind of know what it is that you want. If you know that you don't want that, if you no longer want to be working 60 hours a week because you would like to be home more with your kids, it's going to start paving the path and giving you the direction of where it is that you want to go. And so I think that getting really clear, the less that you focus on what everyone else is doing and the more that you can focus on your yourself and really getting clear and defined hits as to what that is for you, the easier it's going to be for you to start stepping into that. And so that would be my biggest, my biggest takeaway for those listening.

So good. Yes. I think sometimes we follow everyone that's doing a similar thing to what we're doing because we're interested in that topic. So then we create this story of like, well, isn't everyone a spiritual life coach? Isn't everyone talking about erasing your limiting beliefs and stepping into your fullest purpose? Like, no, you just follow the, like, even 100 people out there that do. So we are in this echo chamber that we think everyone's talking about it, but it's like, go to the grocery store and see how many people are talking about this stuff and you're lucky if you find one. So I love that of just sometimes it's just taking ourselves out of that circumstance. Well, thank you so much for sharing all of your juicy, potent, actionable advice today. It was so very helpful and such a great reminder for me as well. And where can listeners dive deeper with your new book?

Yes. So you can get what you want wherever books are sold. We also have an audible, so if you are someone who loves to listen to books, you can get it on audible. If you go to juliesolomon.net what you want and you order from Wherever there there are going to be some bonuses and free perks and you'll get a ticket to a virtual event I'm doing later this summer that really dives deep. It's a get what you want workshop that dives deep into a lot of the things and the tools that that I share in the book. I am always on Instagram Oles J U L S Solomon S O L O M O N For anyone who loves to connect over there, I'm very Chatty Cathy over there in the comments and in the DMs and then the Influencer Podcast. You are podcast listeners because you're here today. So if you've never heard an episode of the Influencer Podcast and want some guidance on really gaining more clarity, building confidence and stepping into that empowered leader that you are meant to be, it would be great for you over there. So you can, you can listen to the Influencer Podcast wherever you love to listen to podcasts.

Oh well, thank you so much for sharing everything. I so enjoyed this and I know the listeners got so much out of it as well. Thank you for being here.

Thank you, thank you.

What a juicy, jam packed conversation that was with Julie Solomon. I hope you took some notes. You can definitely go back and listen to it again because there are so many actionable takeaways. It really was like a masterclass and these are the types of of conversations that I love to deliver you here on Highest self podcast. Things that you can integrate into your life to allow you to become your soul's highest evolvement and raise the vibration of the planet. And that can only happen when we overcome the fears and the blocks that are holding us back. So if you are wanting to share your voice, this is your call. And I also have so many tools available for you. I'll soon be releasing my new course called Speak with Soul that will be teaching you how to how to speak from your heart on Instagram, lives on podcasts and so much more. So if you're wanting more of this speaking element, be sure to head over to my website. I am saharrose.com and subscribe to my email list and that way you will get it first. I'll also have that link in the show notes. And of course I have my Dharma Coaching Institute that trains you to become a certified spiritual life coach and Soul Purpose coach as well as my membership Community Rose Gold Goddesses. So there are some so many communities that you can tap into that you can meet new people, be on each other's podcasts, take that next step you don't have to be alone. You don't have to figure it all out by yourself. And just like Julie and I connected years before this, that led to this podcast. It's so important to be cultivating community, because if we don't have community, we're never going to be able to really expand our network and build those connections. That is so necessary. Necessary that come before getting on the podcast or getting the press. So be sure to join any of my communities or anyone's community that you resonate with, because there are so many incredible people out in this world that you can meet. It just takes stepping into those containers where they are. So if you're interested in divine feminine spirituality and really connecting with your, your sacred sisters, Rose Gold goddesses, my membership is for you. If you're interested in in coaching becoming a spiritual life coach, Dharma Coaching Institute is for you. And if you're excited about speaking, check out Speak with Soul. Julie has her containers. So many of the podcast guests have this container. So I just share this as a reminder to you that this is the time to take action. You know, it's one thing to listen to a podcast, but the next thing is take action on where it will guide you next. So I'm so excited to see the ripple effects of change that you make into this world. Thank you so much for being here today. Namaste.