479: Taking Care Of Your Mental Health Even When Someone In Your Family Is Struggling with Karena Dawn

When I think of what pure joy is or something and healing, I think of love and just doing things in love. Because the more that I use, like, that mantra or what I do and my life's purpose with the word love, the happier I am, and the happier, the more I heal from my own trauma and just connect with others.

Yes. And I think that, yeah, like, as we heal too, what are we doing it for? You know, it's like, I'm healing so I can. And like, as long as you have a reason, then, like, keep going. Yes. Like, do. Do every modality. Do the infrared sauna. Like, don't feel selfish for that. But if you don't have a reason, you're healing for the sake of healing, to heal, heal, heal, then that's. And, you know, in biohacking space, you definitely see this in a lot of spaces, that it becomes another addiction, it becomes another escape, and it lacks purpose and it lacks that transmutation, because really, the whole purpose of healing is so we can pass those gifts to other people, not so we can clog the channel and it just goes to ourselves. Hello. Hello. I'm Sahara Rose, and this is the Highest self podcast, a place where we discuss what makes you your soul's highest evolvement. If it's your first time listening, welcome. I am so grateful to be reconnected with you in this lifetime. And this podcast is all about taking spirituality and grounding it back to this human experience, because that is why we're here. And I believe in the path of beauty, creativity, and joy. I have written multiple books, including the recent Discover your Dharma and created a community called Rose Gold Goddesses, all about empowering women to connect through sacred feminine wisdom. I'm also the founder of Dharma Institute that trains certified sole purpose and spiritual life coaches. And what I love talking about on this podcast is just real life issues that we experience every single day that, you know, often bog us down and make us feel like, oh, I can't. I can't be spiritual because this or my family, that. And, you know, oftentimes those obstacles are the way and they're showing up for us for a reason, because it's through integrating the lessons that we learn from those experiences that we truly, truly evolve into our highest selves and live our dharmas, our soul's purposes. So rather than seeing them as. As obstacles or challenges that are taking us off course, rather seeing them as our soul's unique curriculum so we can embody and really step into the energy that we are here to share. And for me, and for many of you, our families have been one of those hurdles and blocks and challenges in our lives. You know, there's only so much that we can do, but then it's like our families out of control with. With changing them. And sometimes that's the greatest lesson that we learn, that we can do all the inner work, but we can't change our families. And often in life, we have this idea that if I just, you know, meditate enough and do enough, then everyone else in my life will fall into alignment. And the truth is we just learn how to become more adaptable and more patient and calm and accepting, despite the challenges that are showing up around us. So in this episode, I sit down in person with Karina dawn, who you may know as the co founder of Tone it up, which is an incredible fitness and lifestyle brand. You may have seen their videos on YouTube. And I came across her work years ago. We actually shared the story here on the podcast. And I've witnessed her really evolve in the past few years of being a stand for mental health, especially after the death of her own mother, and opening up about her mother's mental health challenges and the impact that that made in her life. And she recently wrote a memoir all about this. So in this episode, we talk about what to do if someone in your family is struggling, whether it's with mental health or anger or anything else. And I really also open up with my family struggles and how that's impacted me. And she shares her tips on how we're able to find acceptance in the best way that we can. So this is a very emotional and vulnerable episode. And I especially in times like this when we are around family, it can bring up a lot of triggers. And it's important for us to really look face to face at what is it that we're avoiding and also know that we're not alone in these challenges. So without further ado, let's welcome Karina dawn to the Highest Self podcast. So in my own spiritual journey of really honoring the sacred feminine energy within me, I realized that we're not all the same and we all have different pathways that we can take that I put together in creating five archetypes, which I call the Rose Gold Goddess archetypes. They are the Embodiment Queen, the Womb Whisperer, the Intuitive Oracle, the Expressionista, and the Joy Priestess. And I've put together a free quiz so you can find out what your unique combination are. So the Embodiment Queen is the person who's always in her body, dancing, moving, very connected to her nervous system. The Womb Whisperer always knows where she's at in her menstrual cyc cycle and probably has a yoni steamer in her bathroom. The intuitive Oracle has three oracle card decks on them, a pendulum, and knows about their past lives. The Expressionista is creating art through everything, through singing, dancing, writing, poetry. Everything for her is an opportunity to create art. And then we've got the Joy Priestess who wants to laugh, dance and not take herself super seriously. You can find her doing karaoke at an improv class or twerking it on the dance floor. You can guess which one I am. So you can head over to art rggquiz.com to learn what your unique Rose Gold Goddess archetype is. Again, that's rggquiz.com and you can find that link in the show notes and I've created custom graphics that you get in your results so you can share which Rose Gold Goddess archetype you are. I'm super excited to see welcome Karina, to the highestelf podcast. It's so great to have you here.

Thank you for having me.

The first question I'd love to ask you is what makes you your highest self?

Wow. Just being me and being okay with that and being a good damn person. No matter what obstacle in life comes your way, being able to move through it with an awareness that any obstacle doesn't have to change your life, but it can improve it to not freak out.

And you have gone through this journey in many different ways, but this journey hasn't always been easy for you. And you share in your new memoir about your journey, struggling with a mother with mental health challenges. So can you share a bit about your journey for us? And also, even when you had the realization of like, hey, there are some mental health struggles in my family because sometimes we don't even realize that until later on in life.

Yeah, so my mom was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia when I was like 1112 years old. This was in the 90s, so no one was talking about mental health. Right. And mental illness. It is an illness. It's a disease of the brain. So I had to self educate on that and go to the library and look up a book on schizophrenia and figure that out. It's affected myself, my family, in so many ways and I've been able to turn it into a positive thing through.

My life and for people who don't know. And this was something that I learned in your book. What is the difference between schizophrenia and multiple personality disorder?

So schizophrenia, My mom was paranoid schizophrenic, and she had delusions. And then I would say the best resource. And I'm going to, because I'm not an expert in this, would be to go to NAMI.org or the BigSilence.com to educate yourself on the many variables of mental illness. So my mom, being paranoid schizophrenic, she thought that my father was part of the Antichrist. She thought that she was a religious ciliate. Just, you know, we couldn't have any graven images or watch TV or listen to music or have CDs, or. It was. It was a crazy upbringing. It's all in the book. It's, like, too much to even describe here. But she was a missing person many of many parts of my teenage years where we had to hire private investigators to try to find her, but it was just. And she had voices in her head. And later in her life, she passed away a little over a year ago now. But later in her life, she recognized that she did have a mental illness, but there was the stigma around it where she didn't want to take medication, she didn't want to admit it.

And for you, as a child, when did you have that realization of, okay, there's something different going on in my family.

I don't think I realized it until eight years in. I thought that I normalized it, because when you're growing up with a household where crazy is the normal. And I say crazy and just. It is. You normalize it. And then you realize, oh, why? And then I talk to my friends about it because I always say, like, my mom brainwashed me in a way, because she would share her delusions with me at a very young age. And you believe whatever your mother is saying. You're like, okay, Dad's the Antichrist. The church is bad. All of my friends, parents are part of the Antichrist. They're gonna take over the world. And it's like, okay, I can't trust anybody. And so at such a young age, it's instilled in you. So imagine the years that it takes within, once you find out what truth is, to dig deep in that trauma and undo what you thought the truth was and realize what real is real.

So how are you able to understand what is real? Like, I think a lot of us, whether we grew up in a religious family, in a cult, in a family with mental illness, what I hear happen is a feeling of, I can't trust my intuition. I don't know what's real. So how were you able to regain that trust of your intuition.

It took a decade, it took a decade of my own. Just not believing in love, believing in hope, believing in anything, not trusting anyone. So isolation, drug addiction, suicide attempt, all of that because of the confusion. And back then like no one again was talking about mental health, mental illness. And so you're just alone by yourself. So then, I don't know, it was after a decade of darkness finding out like when you talk about like your dharma and your purpose, I literally after a three day bender was like, this is not my purpose. There is something like deep down and I am not meant here for this. I'm not meant to be here on this earth to feel this pain, to be this trauma. We need to change this. And that's when I went back to when was I my happiest and it was when I was moving my body. I went through ever self help book therapy, everything to heal myself, move my body, got into the water. We were talking about like the pitta needs water. Oh, I started surfing. That was a huge healing process. But yeah, just going through the healing process and being like, you are not going to be your mother. Because that was my fear. Because my mother's dad was diagnosed with schizophrenia as well and committed suicide when my mom was 18. And I just thought I was going to be like that, but it skipped a generation. So.

And I've heard similar fears of that, of, well, what if I become like that? And would you say right now, knowing what you know now how much of these different types of mental illnesses are genetic verse induced by childhood traumas verse lifestyle? Like how do you see it from your perspective today?

Interesting. Again, not a professional, but from my perspective I was raised knowing that or thinking that I was just genetic. That's what, what's going to happen. And then I was like, well shit, I loved raving and like doing every kind of drug. When I was a teenager, I was like, well, there goes my brain. But I learned all these healing methods naturally to overcome my own. I call it situational depression as a kid. I don't know, it's, you know, mental health is crazy, literally. And you know, for myself, I was so fortunate to figure out how to really connect the brain, my thoughts. And I think with my mom, she never wanted to go through therapy. She never wanted to do healing. She just wanted to keep running from herself. Where I think you need to like run into your emotions and face them and then you can heal yourself.

And what were some of those healing modalities that were the most helpful for You. You mentioned surfing. Like, what else would that did that journey look like for you?

So when I was in my early 20s and I was living in Hollywood, having a grand old time, I had psoriasis on my body, so, you know, a rash all over my body, and I went to a clinic, and she was like, are you stressed out? And I was like, yeah, I am. And she said, I'm not gonna prescribe you anything for your anxiety, for whatever's going on. I am prescribing you vitamin D and yoga. And so at that time, I was like, well, I can't afford to pay for yoga classes. So I volunteered my time at a yoga studio. I started with Kundalini. I laid in the sunshine. So there was that. I got into, again, fitness, vitamin D, and therapy.

And for you now, like, going deeper into this journey, what have some of the biggest lessons been growing up in this kind of environment?

My biggest lessons are that, I mean, I'm an empath. So my biggest lessons are that nobody should have to go through that. As a young kid, going through what I had to and being so alone. I don't want kids to be alone. It was horrible. But now that's why we started the Big Silence, or I started the Big Silence foundation around mental health to make sure that no one has to feel alone. That's why I wrote my memoir. It took me five years. I thought it would take a year. When you've written so many books and, like, you can do it in under a year. It literally took me five years because it's so personal. Yeah. And the story was never done. I thought it would be done. And then, you know, my mom passed, and then I had to write another chapter. Writing is also healing for me.

Did you ever have fear of. Well, I still struggle with mental health or, you know, I still don't feel like working out every day, or I'm not the fittest person, so who am I to be teaching other people about this?

Yeah, always. You know, But I finally got to a point. Number one, yeah, imposter syndrome is a major thing. But then I just. Like, once I started to speak out and just be me and say, this is who I am. I've gained weight. I've lost weight. Everyone's like, oh, my God, Karina, like, is heavier now. And then she lost it. And then I. It's, you know, just openly talking about it. You don't always have to be perfect. Even if you're this fitness superstar. You don't always have to be a fitness superstar. You Just be you. But if you can motivate people, like, for you and what you do, you're not always in, I'm sure, in the right mindset, and neither am I. And I'm okay with that. But just to be able to break that silence and to be open, that you don't always have to be perfect. And I am not here to be perfect, but I am here to help others know that they don't have to feel that they need to be perfect at all times. But together we can live our best life and support one another and pick each other up when one of us is down and vice versa. And I think that's so important.

Yeah. What you shared about people just, like, critiquing your body of, like, oh, my God, Karina gained weight and lost weight, and just the social media world, where you're putting yourself out there for people to just, like, critique and see you as not a human, you know, and sometimes I read comments and they're. I'm like, do people not realize it's like a human being who's going to be reading those? And. And I think that that fear of being judged holds a lot of people back of even uploading the video in the first place. You know, I remember in my journey with Ayurveda, I was going through, like, health challenges. And, you know, when I was finally, like, eating more, from going raw vegan to eating more, I had gained weight. And I remember I put up a YouTube video and someone wrote, you're getting fatter. Each video. And that, like, broke my heart because I'm like, wow, now it's being reflected back to me and people are noticing it. And then people aren't gonna trust what I have to say because they're thinking, oh, she's fat. I'm not gonna take health advice from her. And the way that just like that one person with a private profile who, you know, God knows, probably just puts hater comments on everyone's videos, but it made me delete the video, and it made me, like, so shameful and so embarrassed. And I, like, just remembered that right now, because sometimes little comments like that, like, imagine if that just held me back permanently. And it's like. And then I never posted a video again. And, like, that could have happened. And that does happen to people. And I think that it's so important to share that we all get those comments sometimes, and it does hurt, and we can't let that stop us.

Well, the thing is, let me go back to when Karina gained weight and everyone's like, oh, my God, what's wrong with her? They don't know that that was the year or two that my mom was dying and I was her caretaker and I was stressed the fuck out. I wasn't taking care of myself. And not only like, the stress hormones, the this, the, like, that's not in the public, so you never know what is going on in someone's life. And so then when my mom passed last September, all of a sudden, just like, it fell off, the weight fell off. Not saying I'm not stressed out still or that. I mean, there was trauma and everything else that we're going through, but it was very interesting to me. I was like, wow. I wasn't even, like, trying. It's just like this part of me, these, this stressor in my life is all of a sudden, after 30 years of trauma, she's gone and my body just changed.

Yeah, we hold onto energy somatically. And sometimes when you're just holding onto so much energy, tension, trauma, past, your body needs to, like, literally get bigger to hold onto it. And then people are like, you must be lazy. You know, and it's like quite the opposite. You're just holding onto so much.

Yeah.

Yeah. I think that a lot of people, you know, just that fear, I know for myself too, of writing books like that, fear of the reviews and people not liking the book. And that's. That's always the thing before a book that I am the most anxious about. And then, you know, I'm like, if someone's like, job is to, like, write mean comments on people, pouring their hearts out, like, I don't respect you as a person and I'm not gonna take your feedback because I take feedback from people whose lives I look up to. And. And that's not a hater, especially one that's not creating change. So now with that going from YouTube, then you created your first protein powder. How did you know the steps? I think for a lot of people, especially spiritual people, it's like, I have the vision. I wanna see this happen. But it' I don't know what to do. Like, I'm not good at business. I'm not good at organization. Like, how did you know what steps to follow? Did you hire mentors? Did you take business classes? What did that look like for you?

No business classes. Didn't go to college, but I'm very good at intuition. Kat and I both, we didn't, you know, Kat went to college, but we didn't go to school for business. And just like, following that intuition. And I've always been really good. I mean, when I was a little girl, I literally ran businesses in my basement. I would, like, have. My parents couldn't read a book in the house unless they rented it for me because I was the library. And I stamped when they had to return it. And if they were late, they got 25 cents per day. I would have a lemonade stand every weekend on the corner.

That's your pit of energy right there.

Yes. Okay. I would go around the house and be like, parents, what do you not need in here anymore? And I would have a yard sale. I mean, when I was, like, eight years old, I made $300 in a day at a yard sale. Oh, wow. Selling my family's shit. W. I've just always had it in me, just the business side of it. So I don't know. It's just following intuition and. I don't know. Just going with your gut. I've always been just a Go with your gut and your intuition girl. Yeah.

I think also you've been resourceful, right. Of just, like, figuring it out, diving in, doing a Google search, asking people, going to meet the right people. I think sometimes we're like, yeah, I don't know what to do. And then we're, like, waiting for it to come to us instead of lean in. Google.

Yeah. People. I'm like, google has everything. Right. But also being resourceful. You say that. So as a kid, too, with my mom in and out of the house, I had to learn how to take care of myself at a very young age. And that resourcefulness of growing up early, definitely. I had to learn to be an adult at a very young age.

Yes. So I want to talk about this, of being parentified as a child, because I know I have felt that way. And you share that. And I think a lot of people listening to me, how it felt being parentified is like, realizing that I maybe had more wisdom than my parents in a lot of things. I'm like, they're, like, fighting about this thing. Like, can't they see this other perspective? And then that led to me, you know, kind of being their marriage counselor and, you know, having. Okay, now you talk. Okay, you stop right there. And, like. And then I would find a feeling of maybe confidence in doing so, of, wow, I'm so mature. Like, I even help my parents. And then that becomes part of your identity of, like, I'm a helper, and that's what makes me a good person. And my family needs me. And if I'm not There, they'll break apart. And I could see how that led me on the journey of coaching. You know, it's of, like, finding joy and helping people and seeing things. And, like, part of that was my gift, but also is the shadow of a feeling of responsibility for others and being the savior. And if I don't save the day, everything will fall apart. So I'm curious what that journey of parentification looked like for you.

Oh, I am definitely parentified. But, yeah, so my mom always came to me when she was sick in her delusions, and I always felt like I had to take care of her. And until her dying day, I was by her side, whatever she needed. I always felt like I had to take care of her to make sure she was safe from again. Remember, I was brainwashed as a kid with her delusions. Save her from my father, my family, my friends, everything. And then there's this, like, aha moment later in life, because we always look up to our parents as this. Like, oh, my gosh, you're so amazing. And then you grow up and you're like, wow, you're just like me. You're just like the rest of us, you know? And then there with my mom, there was this moment five years ago when I started taking care of her. I was like, I'm gonna have my mom. I'm finally gonna have a mom. We're gonna be friends. She's gonna be my mother. She's gonna love me in the way that a mother loves a daughter. And then I, once again, was just taking care of her, and then I needed to learn how to take care of myself. And I realized she's never going to have the mental capability to be the quote, unquote mother that you would want. So there's that acceptance of that. And it's such an interesting journey to finally get to that point. And then being the parent to your parent and then realizing that, oh, shit, you've actually done that since you were 10 years old. It's this acceptance and this moving through and. Yeah, and a lot of things that I do. I always want to, like, take care of people, which I love. It becomes a superpower.

This show is brought to you by BetterHelp. So many of us right now are going through major life transitions, including myself, and it's a lot to process on your own. And this is why I'm such a huge advocate of therapy. Sometimes I get so much out of my session with my therapist that I'm like, imagine where I would be if I did not take that Time. So this is why. I'm sorry, so excited that Better Help is sponsoring the show because they're the world's largest therapy service and have really made it accessible for so many people. And they're 100% online. So you take a brief questionnaire, you match with the therapist, and if things aren't clicking, you can easily just switch to a new therapist anytime. There's no waiting rooms, no traffics, no endless searching for the right therapist. So you can learn more and save 10% off your first month at BetterHelp. Help.com Sahara that's BetterHelp. H-E-L-P.com Sahara and you can find that link in the show notes. I think it's that acceptance piece of, you know, we go into these spiritual journeys and we realize that there's so much to heal with our parents. And like, that's that, you know, first stage of really. Because I think sometimes people are like, I had a great childhood. And then they look in and it's like, no, I didn't. And it's, to be honest with yourself, of where weren't your needs met? What were the, you know, shadows under the curtain that no one really spoke about? And doing the healing work. And I think part of that healing work is, like, with the parent, if the parent is alive, of speaking to them how you felt and sharing your truth. But the thing is, we can't expect them to change. And I had to come with my dad to this realization that I always felt like he never understood or accepted me. But in me trying to get him to heal, I was not understanding or accepting him, you know, and like, the very same thing that I wanted from him, he wanted from me. And we were just kind of mirroring each other. Because here I was thinking, like, oh, to be a good dad. It's like, you never asked me how I feel. You never said, I love you. You were never, like, emotionally there for me. But who created this idea in my head of what a dad is supposed to be? Like the full House show, you know, like, watching different things. And I'm like, I want that dad. But. But, you know, I think sometimes we have this high. We set people to high standards of things, and we're upset that they can't meet them. And again, it's like looking at where they're at right now. And the next stage of the healing is rather than trying to change them, it's just to accept them and to not expect anything else. Because for me, the times that I have tried to, like, have These really deep, meaningful conversations with my dad of like, you know, what are the things that you might have regretted as a father? It's like, like he gets so defensive because that means, oh, you think I made a mistake. I did everything for you. I did this, I did that. And it's just so defensive that I'm like, why do I keep trying this? You know, it's like if someone shows you who they are, believe them. And instead of again, trying to get him to be the healed masculine, it's releasing that and not expecting anything else. And then. And then you can find the beauty in how they are because it made you the way that you are.

Yeah, I always say that. I. So when I sat with my mom thinking she was gonna be that what we say, the mother that we always thought we would have and perfect mom, and I realized I wasn't going to have that. Whoever taught us that relationship that we were supposed to have. I always tell her, I'm like, I wouldn't change a thing by you not being in my life and in and out of the house. You made me the person I am today, and I wouldn't change a damn thing. And I even told her again as she spoke of regret on her deathbed after three days in hospice. I said, I'm so grateful for you. And going back also with perspective with our parents, too. It's so interesting. So when I first, like, five years ago, had a conversation with my mom and opened up about my past because she didn't know what my life had been like for so many years. And I told her, and she's like, oh, I thought when I was gone, you and your dad and your sister just had dinner every night like a happy family. I was like, oh, no. But that just made me click in my head, like, when you're dealing with mental illness and like, the connection, it was so with her, so victim based, not even thinking about what was going on at home with your children, I mean, yeah, parents, relationships, it's. There's such a dynamic.

Well, I think it kind of speaks into. And it's a lot of times in that generation of like, oh, I'm not that important. Like, if I'm gone, like, you know, they probably won't even notice. Right. And they don't. They don't realize the impact that all of their actions have on our lives. And again, it's like when you don't have awareness of yourself, of course you're not gonna have awareness of how your decisions and you showing up, not showing up impacts Other people I know. For my. For my dad, like, when I've shared with him, like. Like a little bit of how I felt, he's like, oh, wow. Like, well, I didn't have any father, so even if you had 50% of a father, it's better than none, right? And I'm just like, dad. Yeah. But I'm just like, wow. Like, I see how he sees it. He's like, I had no love for my father, so even if I showed up halfway, you're luckier than me. And I'm like, well, in a way, I mean, I guess that's correct. But his awareness is, well, you do what you can. And again, I think for a lot of that was their only way they could survive. Right. It's like, do what you can. Keep it moving. Don't analyze things too much because they didn't have the time or the safety to even dive into emotions and feelings and all of those things. There was no time and space for that. It had to be just focusing on keeping it moving, what's next? And pull yourself up, you know, and don't dwell on being sad because, you know, people have it worse.

Right. Well, again, you're first generation here and what your parents went through and. So. Okay. May I ask you, are you going to have kids? Are you planning.

I want to in a few years, and I've been doing a lot of healing work around that just because I don't want to. And I already. I'm so different than my lineage. But there is that, like, feeling of, oh, I don't want my children in any way to be raised with that type of influence.

Yeah. Do you think it's possible to break the habit of trauma and having just. I feel like everyone that I know, whether they recognize it or not, they have trauma and from their parents and everything. And I always. Bobbi and I have decided not to have kids, but I just was always like, when I have kids, I'm. I'm not gonna be. I'm gonna make sure that they have the perfect life. Do you think that's possible?

I don't think a perfect life. I think we can heal from certain traumas, and then there's, like, we just go into nuance. Right. So, like, maybe, you know, for my dad, in a way, he majorly healed the lineage of. He moved to the United States, and if he had not moved, I would be in Iran right now, or I could be being killed for showing my hair. So when I was telling him, like, oh, I'm doing all of this healing work for our lineage. He's like, well, wouldn't you say I did the healing work of the lineage because I came here? And I'm like, you're right. That did create a huge shift in the lineage. For thousands of years, our lineage has been on one side of Earth, and now, because of you moving and my mom moving, we're here on another. So, yes, that was a part of it. And now, now I'm working with more nuance. No one's addressed the fact that no woman has ever worked. No one has addressed the trauma. No one has addressed these types of things. And then my children will find the shadows in me that still haven't been healed and go out and get on a podcast and, you know, talk about it or whatever it looks like in that time. But I don't think we ever get to a place as long as we're human, that there's, like, nothing. But I do think it just becomes more of, like, hey, maybe you could have seen me a little bit more, rather than, like. Like, you just weren't there at all.

Yeah. I mean, as humans, we're always going, yeah, I agree with you. There is no perfection as displayed on Instagram.

And I don't think we would be who we were if we had perfect childhoods, you know, because then there's nothing to dive deeper into. There's no reason to heal. I think every healer needed to do the healing work themselves. Otherwise, like, you wouldn't get into this topic because it's, like, super sexy and fun. You know, like, you go into it because there is a need within. And I think that that's, like, the beauty in it, because as we heal ourselves, we find the tools and we want to pass them along to other people. And I also think there can be an addiction to healing as well, of, like, I need more healing. I need more healing. I need more healing. And sometimes it's, you know, taking a little pause from the healing work and integrating and doing things that bring you joy, putting energy towards your dharma, and then the next iteration of healing will unfold. And you don't need to chase it, necessarily, but rather it's the areas of your life that are blocking you from the things that really bring you joy and purpose. Those are the things that are meant to be healed, rather than, like, being, like, on a scavenger hunt for healing.

I feel like, because our generation is so open to healing and talking about trauma, do you think we are, like, overcompensating at all?

I think that healing can be Used as an escape mechanism as well. You know, I remember when I first went to Bali, like in 2014, and I saw the community there. I'm like, this is amazing. I want to live here forever. People are just ecstatic. Dancing and yogaing and doing kirtan and chicken green juice. I'm like, I'm living here forever. The first month I felt like that. The second month I started to notice. I'm like, what do people do all day? They just heal. You know, it's like, now I'm healing my past life trauma. Now I'm rebirthing. Now I'm healing my ancestors. Now I'm healing this. This. I'm feeling that. I'm like, okay, like, what are you doing out into the world? How are you being of service? And it's like, oh, no, no, no. I'm not ready. Like, I have my parents paying for me, so I can, like, focus on healing. And another month would pass. Another month. And I started to realize it's like, you can also get into this bubble of healing because, again, it negates you of that responsibility of needing to take action on those things and realize that there are people where you are right now who could benefit from some of the wisdom that you have. So I think it's because the older generation just did zero healing. And we're, like, exploring all of these new modalities that we're, like, diving into all them. Cause they're brand new and we haven't heard of them. But I find the next phase of healing is creativity. And then instead of doing things to heal, you do things to create. You do things because it makes you feel alive. And that's where I want our future generation to go of not having to spend their entire lifetime healing from the first part of their lifetime. But, hey. And I see that already happening. It's like Greta Thunberg, she's like, hey, I'm here to help the environment and I'm gonna do it. Or I'm here to reduce plastic waste and I'm gonna do it, or whatever world's problem that they're here to solve. And it doesn't need to be so focused on healing like we had to do. It's. You know, they talk about the Indigo Generation and the Rainbow Children, but the Indigo Generation often had to be like, the lineage breakers, you know? And then the Rainbow Children, because of the Indigos, get to, like, express and create the new world. So I hope this next generation can be the Rainbow Generation.

Yeah. I feel like that's why I started the big silence, too, is just to. I mean, I could heal all day and do all the. All the biohack and all the woo woo stuff, but really just finding connection and helping others and coming together as. As community and being like, we are one. And I think when I think of what pure joy is or something and healing, I think of love and just doing things in love. Because the more that I use like that mantra or what I do in my life's purpose with the word love, the happier I am and the happier, the more I. I heal from my own trauma and just connect with others.

Yes. And I think that, yeah, like, as we heal too, what are we doing it for? You know, it's like, I'm healing so I can. And like, as long as you have a reason, then, like, keep going. Yes. Like, do. Do every modality, do the infrared sauna. Like, don't feel selfish for that. But if you don't have a reason, you're healing for the sake of healing, to heal, heal, heal, then that's. And you know, in biohacking space, you definitely see this in a lot of spaces, that it becomes another addiction, it becomes another esc. And it lacks purpose and it lacks that transmutation. Because really the whole purpose of healing is so we can pass those gifts to other people, not so we can clog the channel. And it just goes to ourselves. Because if we're not continuing that river, the river, you know, it starts to get mucky and the water gets bacteria on and starts to just be nasty water. And sometimes I see that happening in these spaces of, like, the healing never leaves the circle. And then there's like a whole world of people who could have used even just an ounce of this awareness that you've cultivated.

Yeah. And then turning healing into, like, I think for me, just making sure you're living and present. I think there's so much going on in our world where we're all healing to live, but are we living? Are we living to heal?

And I think that's like how you made the decision of, like, I'm gonna surf, you know, and it's like, for me, I'm gonna dance, I'm gonna DJ someone else. I might create art, I might garden, you know, doing the things that make you feel alive, not just for the pur. Healing, because that becomes another, like, productivity obsession. Right. If you're only doing things so they can heal you, so you can get to the next level of healing, it's like, at the end of the day, what really matters to us And I think ultimately we're here to embody bliss, Ananda. And sometimes the best way that we can do so is to like step away from like the self analysis and just to dive into something that's bigger than us.

I love that.

Yes. So if someone is in their healing journey right now and they're just starting, maybe they have a parent with mental or a sibling or someone in their family with addiction and it just feels really heavy and a lot of their energy is focused on like, how do I make this person get better and heal. And they almost feel like they can't find peace until that person is better. What advice do you have for them?

Because I experienced it myself. You can't find peace until that person is better. Find peace with yourself first. I put so much into my mother's relationship with my mother, me and her health hours a day that I literally sucked away a lot of my life. I wouldn't change anything because I, I always looked at it as, well, I'm so privileged in this way that I need to give back to her. But maybe I overdid it a little. So I'm still healing now from that. And I get emotional talking about, affected my marriage, my, my mental health. Take care of you first.

Thank you for sharing that. And I know that everyone listening to that right now can so deeply feel that. And, and it's coming from a place of love, you know?

Yeah. Not saying I wouldn't do anything for my mother and, but I took away from me. And we talk about healing and living your life and your purpose, like you gotta take care of you. And if I would have done that, I could have been, I could have been there for her even better.

So for the person right now who's, who's listening to this, who's feeling like I know I need to take care of me, but it's just, I can't even get myself to do that. What advice do you have?

Just frickin do it. Put it in the calendar, call a friend, say hey, I'm just. Whether it's going to therapy or having open conversation and just, I would say accountability. Just like community accountability is number one. Like, hey, I'm feeling this way. I think I'm not taking care of myself. I think I'm putting my energy somewhere that's taking away from me, just conversation, connection, you know, I mean, again, like even my marriage with Bobbi is still, like we're still going through that trauma.

And I think that sometimes when you're in that space, you feel like, well, I don't want to burden people with my problems, you know, and you hold it all inside, and you don't realize that, you know, people want to help you.

Yeah, I mean, I love helping people. I love it when people come to me because I. I understand the struggle. So, yeah, I think. I think as humans here on Earth right now, just being open with each other and knowing, like, I'm always here for anyone who wants to call me and say, hey, I have this going on. Yeah, I think that's part of our process together.

Thank you so much for sharing. And can you tell us more about the big silence and how people can seek all the support that you offer there?

Yeah. So it's thebigsilence.com, it's a 501C3. So we have the podcast, the book, we have events. You can go see our event page. We're developing a mental health app with doctors, psychologists, and programs all surrounding mental health. And we're a community. Yeah, Head over there. It's just opening up, breaking the silence. The big silence is things that we don't talk about as a society. We're breaking those barriers and talking about mental health and support and making sure that all of us live our best lives, whether it's through tears or trauma or happiness and joy and Dharma, you know, we just need to stick together.

Well, thank you so much for sharing that. We'll have that link in the show notes. And thank you for being just so vulnerable and honest and feeling it all. I know it's definitely such a tough topic to speak about, especially given that your mother has passed away not so long ago. So thank you for being so brave in speaking that. And I know in you sharing your story and your voice, it inspires a lot of other people listening right now to share theirs.

Thank you for having me.

Let's take a deep breath together now, knowing that you are safe, you are supported, you are held, you are loved, and you are not alone. I really want to acknowledge you for listening to that episode. I know it can be challenging sometimes to go deeper into these emotional realms that can hold a lot. A lot of trauma and sadness and grief. So I want to acknowledge you for being here until the end and allow you to just give yourself full permission to experience whatever you need, whether it's a cry or a journal or lying on the ground or going outside and giving yourself that space to really let it all into great. So I want to thank you so much for tuning in. Please share this episode with anyone that you believe can benefit from hearing this message, sharing it on your socials. We never know what other people in life are going through and I would love for you to leave a review for this if it touched you in any way. Please leave a review over on the iTunes store. You can leave a review and screenshot it and send it over to me and I will send you back my free womb meditation. Now this is meditation to connect to your womb wisdom to hear her answers that are always supporting you. So again, you can head over to the itunes store, leave a review, take a screenshot and email it over to me@saharaamsahara rose.com and you can find that link also in the show Notes. Thank you so much for tuning in and I'll see you in the next one. Namaste.

D.