498: How To Have Energetic Orgasms with Bibi Brzozka

It's not about reaching orgasm as a goal, but rather it's riding the wave. So can you speak a little bit about what does it mean to ride the orgasmic wave?

Yeah. Beautiful. So it's actually to sum it up opposite of what we're doing as a default in our society, because we only know one type of an orgasm. It's a climatic orgasm, and it comes down to a buildup of pleasure in our genitals. Then there is an explosion, a climax release of that energy, and it's followed by contraction. We in Tantra like to call it a peak orgasm because it's sharp, it's short. It usually lasts about from 5 to 15 seconds. And there is so much more than that. But again, this is mainly the orgasm that we see or pornography, and this is what we think the orgasm is. But there is so much more to it. So what I like to talk about is valley orgasm. And really the valley orgasm is an opposite experience. So when in the peak orgasm, we focus on the genitals, here we really allow the pleasure and that energy and that eros to move and expand for all whole body.

Welcome back to the Highest Self podcast. My name is Sahara Rose, and this podcast is all about taking spirituality and making it modern, fun, juicy, relatable. I bring on my personal teachers and friends to guide you on this journey of embodying your fullest expression. Because to me, spirituality is not about leaving this human experience and having no pleasure and no sensation and no desires and living as a monk in the Himalayas by yourself, but rather, it's being integrated in the full human experience. And that includes our emotions, that includes our pleasure, that includes our shadows, it includes the full spectrum of what makes us alive. And personally, I have been on a tantric path. I am on a path of really embodying the sacral chakra's energy, which is that second chakra related to pleasure, creativity, abundance. And for me, tuning into my own sensations and what feels activated within me opens up sparks of ideas and insights that I then share with the world. So the past few years on this tantric journey, I came across this incredible teacher. In fact, she's been on the podcast before. We share more of her story. But I'm just gonna, like, give you a little microdose right now. I went to this workshop of hers in Tulum, and it was this energetic lovemaking workshop. And that name really called to me of, like, you know, I'm a very energetic person, and I'm like, how can we bring that into our lovemaking? And this queen liter lies down on the ground and has a full body orgasm in front of all of us without touching herself, with her clothes fully on. Like, there is. There is nothing. She's just lying down, having an orgasm, like in front of 60 people. And I was blown away, first of all, just by her courage of doing that, but also the fact that it just showed me that it's possible to have an orgasm without anyone touching you, without you touching yourself, you just through the waves of energy. And the truth is that I've learned now, years later, is we are living orgasms. Like, if you think about it, we are an orgasm that came to life and sprouted legs and is listening to the Highest Self podcast now. But we are living orgasms. And if you've ever experienced with psychedelics or with meditation, sometimes when you tap into your true nature, you feel that orgasmic energy and you remember, this is who I am. So it's really like a radio channel that we can tune into at any time. And when we tune into that orgasmic channel, we realize that that energy was always available for us. And this is so profound, whether we are single in relationship or not. You know, for me, on my single journey now, I've realized that I don't need anyone else to feel orgasmic. And that releases that pressure of I need to find someone or I need to make something work and seeking anything outside of yourself. Because the truth is, every part of your body is orgasmic. And you can always tune into an orgasmic state. So this episode is all about your body being an orgasmic wonderland. We were like, what should we call? We're like, your body's an orgasmic wonderland, duh. And we're going to be dropping into the many types of orgasm, but infusing in that, that tantric sensual approach. Because orgasm is not a goal to get to. And we're going to be speaking about that. That's a very Western model of like, oh, I need to have sex, or I need to masturbate to have an orgasm. And it' the point. But rather looking at orgasm as a state of being, a state of consciousness. And if you look at the koshas, the layers of our energy bodies, in the Vedic wisdom, our truest body is Anandamaya kosha, which means bliss. So actually, who you are at your core is bliss. It's just we have forgotten. So with that, without further ado, let's welcome the queen, the founder of energetic lovemaking, my personal friend and teacher. Welcome on the Highest Self podcast. So good to have you back.

I know. I'm so excited, especially that I have received so many beautiful messages and feedback after our last episode. We definitely planted seeds for a lot of orgasms. Yes.

We've had almost 100,000 people now listen to that episode, and it's one of the top, most downloaded episodes on the Hisel podcast. So here we are now, two years later, with so much more experience, and I'm excited to see where this conversation takes us. And we've taken it up a notch of what we talk about on the podcast. So what I love about you is, like, when we're together, we're like, let's get specific here. Like, what are you doing? In what position was that? Can you share more? So before we get into all that, those juicy details, I would love to ask you, what makes you your highest self?

Yeah, what makes me highest self? And this is actually something so related to what you do, really. Being in my purpose and being of service, and it's just especially alive. Before this podcast, I was on some of the group calls with my students and just listening to the breakthroughs and listening to the transformation and witnessing it, and knowing that I can be a portal to that just makes me feel alive, makes me feel fulfilled. And this is the best feeling that I can experience.

Yes, purpose and pleasure are really hand in hand, you know, because when you step into your purpose, you experience so much pleasure, but you also remember how important it is. And sometimes when we're just like, I need to work, I need to achieve, we forget about pleasure. And that's why so many of us don't have pleasure practices. We don't prioritize sex with our partners. We don't even prioritize intimacy in general. And we were, we were chatting this weekend about how we often we schedule time with our friends. We schedule time to go even to the gym. We schedule time for our work. But do we schedule time for intimacy? Even with ourselves? And for most of us, even one hour a week, it sounds like too much. And it's like it's the thing that we want more than anything, but we don't.

Absolutely. And I know that there's a lot of talk about scheduling time, and it became really a trendy thing. And there is also a lot of resistance towards it because people have that idea that it's gonna take away the spontaneity of it and it's gonna become mechanical. But something that I also shared with you this weekend is that currently in my couples course, the number one realizations that those couples had that when they were continuously lacking and they were behind with the home play. They realize that often they don't even have one hour a week for the intimacy. And for them it was a huge aha moment because all of them want to have sexually thriving relationships. But if you don't even dedicate one hour a week to that, let's be honest, it's going to be challenging that it's thriving and especially long term, right?

Absolutely. So step one, put an hour a week for your self pleasure. And I want to just talk about orgasmic energy and how now it's not about reaching orgasm as a goal, but rather it's riding the wave. So can you speak a little bit about what does it mean to ride the orgasmic wave?

Yeah. Beautiful. So it's actually to sum it up opposite of what we're doing as a default in our society because we only know one type of an orgasm. It's a climatic orgasm and it comes down to a buildup of pleasure in our genitals. Then there is an explosion, a climax, release of that energy and it's followed by contraction. We in Tantra like to call it a peak orgasm because it's sharp, it's short, it usually lasts about from 5 to 15 seconds. And there is so much more than that. But again, this is mainly the orgasm that we see or pornography. And this is what we think the orgasm is. But there is so much more to it. So what I like to talk about is valley orgasm. And really the valley orgasm is an opposite experience. So when in the peak orgasm we focus on the genitals, here we really allow the pleasure and that energy and that eros to move and expand through our whole body. So that's number one. The peak orgasm is focused on the buildup of pleasure. Right on movement, action. A lot of doing here it's going to be the opposite. We are actually doing less and being more. And I like to say instead of chasing and forcing, we are allowing and inviting. That short peak orgasm is again short 5 to 15 seconds. The Valley orgasm can be as long as you want, but it's a prolonged, it's a state of being. Right. You don't have an orgasm, you become orgasmic. Good. Valley orgasm is I would say at least 20 minutes. And another thing that we do here instead of.

So you're feeling orgasmic energy for 20 whole minutes.

You can feel. Yes. You feel orgasmic for 20 minutes, half an hour. Really? As long as you want. Because again.

But you never climax. Correct.

I don't climax in the way that I don't climax through genitals. I'm gonna come back to that wave because what's important here is that we are not directing the energy downwards and outwards, we are directing the energy inwards and upwards. So I'm going to combine all that information. I think one of my talents is that I'm very practical and relatable and I make things easy and it's easier for people to apply. So we're going to combine that with pleasure scale. So again, we want to start observing how aroused we are from 1 to 10. One, we are not aroused at all. Ten, we are having an orgasm and we are not going to run from 1 to 10. Right. So normally the average time of sex in our society is 5.4 minutes.

I just can't believe that when you told me that I'm like, the average person is having sex for five minutes.

Yeah. And actually when it comes to ejaculation, especially more than half of men ejaculate within less than two minutes. So men, come on, we need 20.

Minutes just to warm up. No, 35 minutes.

35, 40 minutes. Yeah.

Can you imagine?

Yeah. So we kind of run, we sprint from 1 to 10. Right. So there's few consequences of that if we sprint. First of all, there is not enough time for us to fully relax. So there is not enough time to create space for this energy to expand. There is not enough time to build up more of that energy and to start circulating that. Right. There's not enough time for this relaxation, non doing, surrender, invitation. There is this grasping, chasing, forcing. Right. And when we start to ride that wave, we can bring ourselves to a seven and then slow down a little bit and surf that seven. Breathe into that seven. Observe where in the body that seven is.

Okay, so what does a seven feel like exactly? Because to me, and I like to just be vulnerable on here. It's like when you feel an orgasm coming, it's like you are kind of focused on that energy because you want to have an orgasm. So what is it like to just stay at the 7?

So let me. Maybe it will be easier enough to explain a little bit how it feels to be at a free. Okay, three versus nine. How about that? So a nine is. Imagine that the fire is burning. You put a lot of wood, the fire is burning. There's a lot of heat and it's quite overwhelming. You can't really be fully present with so much heat. Right. With the free, there is less wood in that fire. The fire is lower, it's less. He's three like kissing free can be kissing. But that's what also is interesting here, I want to say. So let's say you can be kissing and you focus all your awareness to that point of touch. So you kind of really meditate on your lips, right? So not thinking about what's coming next. Oh, are we going to penetrate or not? You're fully enjoying that sensation in your lips. And then you breathe into it and you sound into it. So you can kind of intensify that experience through breath, through sound. So this feels that energy starts to expand, and it's even more delicious, and it expands to the bigger area of your body, and you're becoming even more present. So we can use the breath and sound and the movement to help us ride that wave.

So one thing. Cause I took one of your classes, and you mentioned using the breath and the sound. And I was like, well, isn't it weird if I'm kissing someone? I'm like, ah. So it's like, how do we bring in sound without the two spiritual? You know what I mean?

Yeah, but. And I'm sure you also teach this in the goddess collective, but our throat and our womb and those two centers, the sex center and our throat, are two of the centers that historically has been most suppressed for women. Right. So actually, sounding is really huge. So on one hand, it really changes the game. Okay. Because the vocal cords are connected to our vagus nerve. So we're literally tuning in the vagus nerve. We are relaxing, but we are also letting go, and we're building that energy up, and we're also creating vibration. So that allows that energy to be distributed all over the body. And I want to say the following. At the beginning, it might sound a little awkward. Okay.

It kind of sounds you talking here.

It can be just a simple sigh. It can be, mm, mm.

These are hot. I like these ones.

Ah. But what's so beautiful about it, Sahara, is that once you truly let yourself go, once you truly allow this energy to move and you go into those orgasmic state, your critical mind, which is there telling you that you are sounding weird and that you're gonna be judged for that, that is quiet. It's not online. And it all stops to really be relevant. And you're just allowing that energy to move through you, and that sound will come naturally. You're not going to even be thinking if you're doing ah or oh, it will just move through you. And the more energy will be moving through you, the more sound there will be, and vice versa, because it's a two way street.

Yes. On the topic of sound, you know, I think a lot of us as teenagers, when we started, you know, self pleasuring, you didn't want your parents to know, so you taught yourself how to be quiet because that would be so embarrassing. Right. So we have learned. And also a lot of us have roommates, live in apartments, things like that. So we've trained ourselves to be silent in this thing that. Or to make sounds in a performative way based on porn, which is not actually what the sounds that they would want to make.

Absolutely. And I always say that we kind of almost lost this ability to have that natural sound of pleasure because on one hand it is suppressed. And even as a child it was uncomfortable to catch your parents having sex. Right. Or just the idea of that. So we're suppressing something that is a part of our natural expression. So what happens then it comes out on the opposite end as perverse. And then we have pornography with all the performative pleasure and fake sounds. And I was guilty of that myself. And where is this natural way of sounding for your pleasure? We almost lost that ability.

And I think it's like informing your partner, you know, of like the way that this would be helpful for them that you can actually feel more when you make sounds because you're immersed in the experience and using all of your senses. And the more of our senses that we bring online, the more full body it comes.

Absolutely. And to me, sound is also non verbal communication as well. Because if someone is touching you or you are completely silent, what are you communicating? You are communicating, you're not feeling much. And then what happens is that often our partners will go into a more intense stimulation because they think we're not feeling. Instead, if someone is touching you and you're communicating with your breath, then it's so much more easy to start dancing together as partners.

Then you know that person is enjoying this. If not, you're like, okay, did they not like this? Did they like this? And then you're like trying different things. But then people, yeah, they're, they're not sharing because of whatever shame. So okay, so I'm gonna add two.

More things, juicy things to you actually.

Because we want to continue this wave.

Of all the numbers, we actually can have soundgasms or voicegasms. So I recommend if you wanna guys experiment with that. Bring yourself to an arousal level of an 8, pause the stimulation and start sounding really loud and observe what happens and what I am also playing with. Since I was having a couple of dates with A lover over zoom who was far away on the other side of the planet. I can actually also orgasm to someone else orgasming just hearing them. I can orgasm to the sound of the orgasm. It's so hot, it's so powerful. So there is so much we can do here with the sound. So I really encourage everyone and the more resistant you are, the more of a breakthrough there will be on the other side.

I love that. Okay, so a three could be just feeling the sensation on your lips starting to feel like putting the fire in the embers. So what does that. You said around a six or eight is where you would pause.

So to be honest again, once you get into a state of flow, you kind of gonna intuitively move through it rather than exactly giving it the numbers. But I would say you want to start observing. For men there is, it's very clear. It's called a point of no return. For us, we don't really have that point. We are more multi orgasmic, but just to a point where you can easily slow down. So were you getting to a point? Sahara, you mentioned that you really don't want to slow down and that slowing down feels like a burden. Then maybe you went too far.

So that would be like a nine.

Nine for some. So there's also an interesting part to it. The more you practice that that point will move higher. So probably when some people start, it might be at a 7. But the more you practice this, you will be able to hold more and more pleasure in your body without a needing to release, without a needing to climax. So you start with a seven. But few months in into this practice, you might realize that it's actually an 8 or a 9.

And that's like sexual maturity, you know, to be able to hold and be in turn on energy without needing to have a climax. And I feel like a lot of times we are conditioned again. The first times that we had sex is like we just stay like that and it's like, you know, we've shared different stories of things which I won't get into. But I think it's important for us to know. It's like you can be in a state of turn on and you know, and really into each other and it not lead to sex and that still be enough. It's just our western model thinks like, oh, if you guys are kissing and making out, like you have to come at the end.

Absolutely. And you know, I shared many times, I don't think we talked about this on the last episode, but what I really love are the Breastgasmic dates.

Oh, yes, let's get into that.

And I love to play with Eros. I am a sensual person, but I not necessarily want to have a penetration with every guy I meet. And so, so there is this. And I feel there is so much awkwardness in this realm, in our society. And I get asked this question so often. So I actually, how do I go about that? I communicate this from the very beginning and it's an invitation. So if I'm vibing with someone, I would ask, hey, I feel attracted, I feel tingling in my body and I would like to play with that. And would you be open for a sensual breastgasmic date where I guide you through a breast massage where we engage sensually, maybe energetically, but I would keep it within the boundaries of staying in our underwear and honoring that boundary. Are you open for that? So that is from the very beginning, very clear.

Yes. So then there's no irkiness of is this leading to something else? Is this foreplay? It's like, no, this is exactly.

And at the beginning, everyone looks at me, is like, wow, really? And so many of my clients put this into practice and the feedback that I get is absolutely amazing. I also teach at a lot of festivals and this tool has been so beautiful. So many women came to me saying, okay, we met someone at a three day festival, we're not necessarily ready to penetrate. And we invited those partners for brisgasmic dates. And it was so beautiful. And usually actually the partners say, yes, I know that there is idea that you're going to be laughed at or maybe judged for this, but it's really very rarely the case because especially men, they vary not very often. They hear a woman who knows what she wants, who is actually being very clear about her desires, and they're curious, they're open, so really, really play with that.

I love that so much. Because people would think, oh, Bibi, you're a tantra teacher, you must like have all this crazy sex all the time. And I even asked you that and you're like, no, most of the time, like 99% of the time, there's no penetration involved because it's your temple and it really is so intimate. And so there are other ways that you can play with sexual and sensual energy that are actually not sex at all.

Absolutely. And first of all, I am a sensual, energetic blueprint. I'm not a sexual blueprint. So I like penetration. But I get even more lit up if there is a slow, sensual teasing. And I can go for hours like that. So there's the sensual play, there is the energetic play. Right. Without penetration, sometimes even without touch. And there is of course BDSM and kink.

And we're going to get into sex.

We're going to get into it.

Doming. You did it at Envision Festival. We're gonna get into all that. But I wanna go through all the different types of orgasm. Because your entire body is capable of being orgasmic.

Yes.

Your wrists can be orgasmic, your ear can be orgasmic, and then of course your outer labia, inner labia, G spot, A spot, cervix, perineum, the list goes on. So let's talk about that. Of all the different types of orgasm, there are. So you started with breast. And let's go into that a little bit more how we can have breastgasms.

Yeah, so I'm first even gonna take a step back and I'm gon into two types. So I would say physical orgasms would be one category and energetic orgasms would be another category. So breasts will come to the physical. Right. Because we are starting with the breasts. So the nipples. Actually there was a research done. So now it's not a spiritual woo woo. The nipples are connected and when we stimulate the nipples, the same part of the brain lights up than when we are actually having G spot orgasm or clitorial orgasm. So research confirms that we can have breast chasms. So I teach a lot of breasts massage. So no, we're not gonna go straight to the nipples. Really massage the whole breasts, warm them up. You always wanna start with the least erogenous zone. So from the outside of the breasts, slowly coming closer to the nipples and really this whole area is sensitive. So playing with the whole area and.

Even just massaging your heart. Absolutely opening your heart in this way and tapping your heart. Because we all hold so much, so many la and being guarded that for me I just like touch my heart and really open that up and feel so much love for myself.

Why don't I share three of my favorite moves when it comes to breast massage? And I love you. Just inspired me because one of my favorite moves, I call it Raindrops. So literally it's a little bit of tapping, literally. But when you're really aroused, that's gonna feel so delicious. And I tap all over the breasts and especially focusing on the area of the heart. And to me this is actually the number one gateway to heartgasms. And my lovers learn that pretty quickly. And they tap. Or when I have a zoom date, they tell me to tap my heart And I almost immediately go into heartgasm. So that would be one the raindrops. Another one that I really like is an infinity. And you can do this with a feather. You can do this with your fingertips or with the entire hand and the coconut oil. But really, where I love this move is because it just reminds me of the infinite potential of our breasts. You know, there is a double meaning to this. And another one that I really, really like is what I call palm dust. And I have really really sensitive nipples, so I am open for squeezing, but really maybe 20 minutes into the stimulation. But what I really like is teasing. And again, I'm an energetic, sensual type. So what I like to say is when this is your nipple, you kind of hoover your palm around the nipples and tease. And I call it palm dust. So these are some of mine. There's many more, but, you know, I hope.

And when we tease, we actually allow our bodies to reach the totality of the turn on, which is going to make even if you have sex or penetration so much better. But most of us are preemptively going into it that we're not at our full blossom. You know, it's like a rose and it's like, partially starting to bud, but, like, not really. And then, like, tearing it off. It's like it never reached its full potential. And I think that so many of us, we feel pressured because men tend to just be faster. They don't need as much stimulation. And then we feel guilty about taking too much time and, you know, being annoying. And we feel like they're not gonna be patient with us. So we, like, force ourselves to just get into it. And that's why so many women need, like, lots of lube and. Or even have pain with. With penetration. So. So doing these things is gonna allow you and your partner to have better sex for both of you when you're able to really tease yourself and make your body want it and call it in.

Exactly. I like to say you create a yearning, right? And there's even a funny saying or a little anecdote that I can say that I wanna share here. Makes people laugh. And actually, it's a beautiful metaphor because there is a story. You can say that we wanna worship a woman's body to a point that she's begging for penetration and she should actually beg three times before we enter her.

I love that. That's really funny because in Persian weddings, the man has to ask the woman three times if he wants to get married. And she has to say no, no. And the Third time she says yes. So there's something to that asking of three times.

I like that, I like that. And really so, you know, this is where we are really, really open and ready.

It's hot.

It's hot.

Oh, I want it. It's like, nope, you can't have it. It's like, oh, I want it. Like that is like. Then you're gonna be so ready for it.

Exactly. Gonna touch on kink in a second. Right?

Okay, here we go. So we've got the breast spasms. What else?

Well, we have some of the obvious orgasms. So we have the orgasm of the. Actually those marriage on the outside maybe a little less obvious apart from the clitorial orgasm. So I'm gonna skip that because usually there's a lot of conversation about that one. But I wanna talk a little bit about the orgasm of the entrance of the vagina. There are so many pleasure nerves, so I definitely can feel like a separate orgasm there. And there is also a U spot. So this is literally our pee hole that has skin glands on the left and right side of the P hole. And it's actually also therefore called Hue spot because it can be orgasmic as well. I definitely experience orgasms that are really, really laser focused on that spot. So even on the outside we can have so many different types of orgasmic experiences. Then when we venture inside of our vagina, we of course can have G spot and an A spot and a cervical orgasm. We also can have anal orgasms. So this would be all kind of typical physical orgasms. Now there are also some orgasms that will be kind of on the verge of, I would say physical and energetic. So I experience an eargasm or a neckgasm. And then there are also all type of energetic orgasms from that full body. Orgasm, energy orgasm, valley orgasm, but also a sadgasm or a lovegasm or an angergasm. And to be honest with you, I don't even think we can kind of give a complete list because there are infinite possibilities.

I think if you just take enough time with any part of your body, it will become orgasmic.

Absolutely.

It's just like you're giving it that love and attention and I know like inside your elbows and knees or really just like anywhere that's sensitive in your body. Even just like really gently touching and stroking your arms with the tips of your fingers up and down, it feels orgasmic.

And I love that you mentioned that because yes, we have all these non genital erogenous zones that we kind of know it's maybe not something you heard for the first time, but I really going to ask everyone who is listening to pause and observe and reflect, are you spending time stimulating those zones? And is this our scalp or our ear, neck, the inside of the wrist, the inside of the elbow, our hips, the inside of the knee, our feet, our ankles? And actually, research shows that there is at least 12% of women that can have orgasms just from stimulating those areas alone.

You're gonna say ankles. I was like, whoa, anklegasms.

Yeah. Ankle gasps.

Yeah. I mean, some people are into feet stuff. Maybe that's why.

Yeah, but those are really.

And foot massages can feel orgasmic too.

Absolutely. Yes.

And to mix and match them, that you could be having, you know, sex or foreplay or something, but then touch the back of their knees or inside their elbows, and it's like, I feel like we. The moment it becomes sexual, we're so focus on genitals and it's like sometimes bringing it to another area that's maybe not used to being touched, it creates this new feeling.

Absolutely. And trust me, those are really, really, really delicious. And when it comes to breastgasmic dates, so I often get asked, okay, your partner is mostly men in this case. I also have done breastgasms with women breastgasmic dates, but they gift me with this kind of stimulation, and I often gift them with the stimulation of the neck and area. And I have given so many neckgasms and eargasms, and therefore I know it really, really works, but just again, building up errors and excitement and anticipation and really slowing down and focusing on that specific area can be so delicious.

So this is a natural segue into our exploration at Envision Festival, where I was DJing and you were there. It was so much fun. So we were with our friend and you were telling me you were like, I just went to. To this tantra meets BDSM retreat, and I've channeled this new modality called sensual doming. I'm like, tell me everything. And you taught me it. And then I was doing it on our friend Mickey, and we were all, like, practicing and you're giving us feedback. And it was so cool because, you know, for many of us, like the beauty, like a lot of us who listen to this podcast, we're spiritual and we're probably sensual, energetic blueprint, which is. Which is my own. And if you're not sure, I'll link the podcast below that we did with Ms. Jaya, who created the erotic blueprint archetypes. But sensual is like you. You need you love to listen to the music and the candles and the sensation and take your time and feel the energy. And then actually energy is more like. It's not even just about the sensation, but it's more about just the energy and the. And the thought of it, even anticipation. Anticipation. Yeah. She gave this really amazing analogy of how you would eat a cake, says your erotic blueprint. So she said, let's say there was like this delicious chocolate vegan gluten free keto ca in front of you. Erewhan made. What would attract you the most about it? Would it be just the thought of knowing that you had this cake waiting at home in your kitchen? You're just thinking about, oh, I can't wait to go home and eat that cake. That's me. So that's the energetic. Or is it? You open up that cake, you put on perfect music, some masego, you light your candles, you dim your lights, you start channeling down, you have this whole ceremony with the cake.

That's also me.

And then you, you just slowly put that cake in your mouth and you swirl it around your mouth and you're feeling it and it just tastes so good and so rich and you're like, this cake is just so delicious. That's me. That's the sensual. Or are you like, I'm gonna eat this cake, put in my mouth, give me that cake. Oh, it's so good. That's the sexual. Or are you like, hey, hey. You're not allowed to eat this cake until I tell you you can eat this cake. You better be a good girl if you want to eat that cake.

I love that.

Or like you can eat that cake but you can only use your mouth and you can't use your hands. Let's see how you can do it. That's the game.

Love this. I love this analogy. So, so good.

So that basic or is it just like, it just depends your mood and then that's the shape shifter. So I feel like that basically describes the erotic blueprints right there. You don't even need to do the quiz. But for a lot of us who listen to this podcast, I find it's sensual and energetic mostly. And then a lot of kink. Like we all watch 50 Shades of Gray and it's like dark and painful and we're like, I don't want pain. Like, I don't wanna be tortured. But there's something really hot about like that polarity that happens with the Dom and the sub of like letting yourself surrender and be ravished. And that's that deep feminine yearning of just, like, letting yourself be, like, adored and ravished and someone just want you.

So bad they cannot resist.

Yes. And I feel like that's the core feminine desire and the core masculine desire is to penetrate, and that's where these kink polarities can come in. So what you've created and you're, like, really developing right now with sensual Dom is infusing the kink dynamics. Power dynamics, but not painful. Instead, make it sensual and soft. So can you share a little bit about how to work with this?

Yeah. So I want to just say that I also had my judgment around BDSM and kink. And even when I was filling up the test initially of the erotic blueprints, I scored very low on kink, because, to be honest with you, I realized I actually never really experienced it in a conscious container. So I was like, I'm saying no to those things, but I never really tried them.

It's like someone slaps your ass out of nowhere. You're like, ow.

Exactly. But there was something. And a lover planted a seed, and there was a curiosity, and I'm always, yes, for exploration. And the Tantra meets BDSM was really even more inviting for me. And again, my mind was blown away by the depth of it, by the variety of it, and by the fact what I didn't realize, really, is that the kinky blueprint is the one that can, let's say, play or combine with all the other blueprints in an easiest way, because you can play kinky, energetic and kinky and sensual. So there is, again, such a beautiful way to create variety of experiences. Now, I. You know, I'm just at the beginning of my Dom journey, but Dom and SAB and BDSM journey. But because I am sensual and energetic, that combination of kinky with sensual and energetic felt so natural, felt so home, that it almost, you know, that I felt like I've. You know, it's been in me forever. And what I love about that is, is that kinky can be very subtle. So imagine that I'm just gonna blindfold you, or am I just tie up your hands? We gonna do sense deprivation. Right? So you cannot see and you cannot move. And then I'm gonna start sensually tease you with a feather. So the same kind of stimulation will be so much more intense because you're focusing all your senses on that feather tightening. And because the fact that, in a way, you cannot move, but there is pleasure, you might act on it makes it even harder. So there doesn't necessarily have to be a lot of pain or it doesn't have to be aggressive. I love to play with the feather and in this game this is exactly what I was doing. I am teasing the neck and the ears and I think I actually have been able to give. Give partners or playmates, let's say call it like that. More of the eargasms and the next gasms. When I have this kink element that I add on top of that. Is it with blindfolding someone or telling them they cannot move or lie down and then I start to tease them and I feel that as you mentioned there is. I actually want to be teaching this to especially more men because so many women craved it and I already played with this idea. I actually. I have permission to share this story. I domed someone's wife on this retreat and she was not into kink. Her husband was and she was struggling and I kind of saw her sensual blueprint coming online and I asked, would you be open to me doming you sensually? And we went into a two hour play and she had all the types of orgasms that we mentioned from a laugh gas, breastgasm, eargasm, neckgasm. She actually had her first energy orgasm in that session and the energy is moving till today. I just got a message from them a few days ago and you know, that combination unlocked something and I feel like there's this deep yearning for women to be on one hand dominated, but in a conscious way and then touched sensually because so many of us are sensual. Well, blueprints. Yeah.

It's that perfect combination of like wanting to be. Yeah. Not even dominated, but just like desired. Yeah. Taken, ravished, chosen. Like someone's like full attention is on you. But not to like hurt you.

Absolutely.

Not to make you like tormented and tied up and like whipped until you're crying. Like that does. That's the part that doesn't not sound fun at all, but like to just touch you gently and to open your heart and to connect with you but like they need to do that. So it's like it's the. Whereas sometimes going into sensual, it's like can be a little of a sleepy energy at times, you know, of like you're cuddling and you're touching when you're like kind of falling asleep. And this, which is great in its own way, but this is like a boom. Like I need you but like I just want you to open up like the goddess that you are.

Absolutely. And I think you know, some of the misunderstandings around BDSM Dom is actually in service of the sab. Right. So once we understand that dynamic. And Dom acts from a place of love and from their heart. So if they are spanking someone, it's because the sub asked for it. Right. But again, they are in the service of Saab. I find this dynamic such a beautiful format of embodying that feminine and masculine within all of us. Because I feel with all the me too movement and just the fact that women are living so much more in our masculine and men are not, and there's just this whole polarity thing is becoming increasingly challenging either way, however we configured it. And these tools give us really practical ways of dropping deeper into those polarities, and I really love that.

And we can do it on men as well, you know, and it could be a really good entrance for men to get into sensuality.

Absolutely.

Because a lot of men tend to be sexual archetype, you know, because that's.

What we often see. That's what we mostly see in pornography. So, yes, this is something most familiar.

Right. They're like, okay, I want to go. And so this can really teach them how we want to be touched, you know, and allow them to feel the subtleties of, you know, you showed me with the sensual doming. Essentially, what you did was like. You kind of like. You know, and we were like, we're like, outside guys. It wasn't like in a bedroom or we had our full clothes on. Like, we didn't get that. We're not that kinky, you know, but it showed the playfulness of it of, like, you sort of, like, held me, and then you were just, like, touching my neck really slowly.

And then I was also asking you for numbers.

Yes.

And I love this combination. So I actually used it a couple of times, I'll be honest, on the Envision Festival, because you cheated on me. Okay, I cheated on you because, again, I find I want to play with arrows, and I don't want to be, you know, having penetration with every person I meet on the street.

You're not trying to get those energetic cords in your business.

I am not into drinking alcohol. You know what nourishes my body and lights me up is playing with Eros. And again, this can get very, very awkward. So that dynamic, and this is another element that I love about the bdsm. The clarity, communication, and boundaries.

Best communication I've ever seen is actually in the kink and the polyamory community.

Yeah. Yes.

Wow.

Agreed.

Inspiring.

Inspiring. Exactly. So I've done this couple of even and the festival Was like, would you be open to play? And I found that.

Take us back. You're on the dance floor, you're vibing with this guy, and then you're like, would you be open to play?

No. So we were actually already on the dance floor. There was a bit of touch and there was a little bit of playing. So it didn't come out of nowhere. We were already sensually playing on the dance floor. And then I actually. I'm pretty, you know, transparent, and I'm clear and vocalized. And I vocalized my desire very clearly. And I was like, yeah, I'm actually exploring this recently. This is. I've been fascinated by the dominance dynamic. And would you be open to play? And I will be playing with some of your non erogenous zones and asking you for numbers. And we take it from there. And actually, we had energetic orgasms with different people several times.

Wow. Okay, so you tap him.

So they came to a touch. Non erogen doing that.

First of all, I just want to, like, like, really honor your boldness of that. Of like, hey, guy, we're gonna touch the mirageous jones. I'm gonna give you some numbers. Are you in? Are you out? And like, that is some bad bitch energy right there. Of just like, this is what's happening. And I'm sure people are like, I've never heard of this before. I'm in.

So then it's very subtle and elegant.

Exactly. Yeah. So, like, how, like, how do you bring this up? Cause I feel like in my head, I'm just like, I don't even know how I would.

So we were lying on the beach, literally moon bathing. Okay. And we started with breathing together. There was a little bit of breathing, a little bit of a conversation, what we were open for or not. And then I just started touching him very, very slowly. And it was the arms and the neck and then going down the belly and up. I didn't even go anywhere near the genitals. And I asked him to. To breathe and sound. And I would ask, hey, how does that feel? What number are you at? And it started with a two, and then it went to a four. And 20 minutes in, we were sounding a little bit more. And when I also hear the sound of a partner, I am also becoming aroused again. To me, I'm an energetic type. So just from that sound of the arousal and pleasure, I'm getting off of that as well. Well, so we both started breathing and sounding louder. And yeah, he was actually able to go to a tent for the first time in his life. And funny that I'm bringing this gentleman up, but he literally wrote me a message few days ago saying that this experience has changed his life. He was actually struggling with a porn addiction for many years and had very destructive patterns when it comes to sexuality. And when he met me, he also heard me in a workshop. He was. Was, you know, blown away. And he was super curious and open. And he said that since this was in February, since then he's been reading, but most importantly, he has been practicing. He moved to. He maybe ejaculates once a month. He's now into slow lovemaking. And he says it's been life changing. And I want to thank you. And I'm on this new path. So how beautiful and powerful is this, that?

And that's so beautiful to remind us that this is healing work. It's not just about pleasure for the sake of pleasure, but it's pleasure as a path of healing. That this allowed him to literally change the trajectory of his life, to be able to meet his partners in deeper ways, to heal from a porn addiction, to find just the subtleties within himself, which is going to make him tune into more of his intuition and his creativity. That there's. It's. It's like, yes, it's fun, it's juicy, but, like, this is the most potent work I believe that we can do here on humanity because we're so, so gross in everything. We're so over the top. We're so like hard and fast and more and quick and like capitalistic. And I feel that this slow sex, you know, slow orgasm, really resensitizing your body is a reclamation that we have everything that we need inside of ourselves.

Absolutely. And on top of everything, he's already sharing with all his male friends. Great. So then we can create dominoes. But yes, absolutely. And I think we live in this world of overstimulation. And sometimes I live in Tulum, and you go to a restaurant, not only the music is banging so loud that you cannot even hear what other people are saying. The lights are on and people are drinking alcohol and smoking, and then they still want to buy drugs. And where is enough enough? There is this more, more, more of everything to a point that, you know, everyone is so numb that there is no end to that overstimulation and coming back, back and slowing down. And I know for some of you at the beginning it might be a period of, let's say, it might be dull, it might be dull, it might be boring. And I always like to give an example of Driving a car, you never drive from reverse straight to forward. There's a neutral in between. And that neutral is, that's where people run away because it seems boring. Nothing is happening. I'm not feeling anything. That's not for me. Stay there, stay there. Because every time you're gonna feel a little bit more and a little bit more and a little bit more and it's gonna start building up.

It reminds me of when you go into nature or a retreat. You know, at first you're like angsty, like I need to check my phone, like I probably have emails. You're still in that wired state that almost feels normal when you're, when you're in a city. Cause everyone's there, right? And then after two days you stop wanting to check your phone. And after four days you're breathing deeper. And then after a week, you don' want to go back to the phone. You know, you're in a totally different frequency. And this is what happens when you reorient and re reprogram your body for subtleties. You don't want the vibrator anymore, you don't want the fast food sex anymore, you don't want the porn. You don't want these things because you're having a candle at dinner under the moonlight. And that is so much more gratifying.

And you know, this is interesting that we you mentioned the vibrator. And I know because I also listen to other episodes of your podcast and, and I love that you bring a variety of teachers and there are different opinions and different ways of looking at things and listeners. I always encourage you to take what you heard, practice and see what resonates with you. But with the vibrators and I'm never going to say tell anyone what to do or not to do. This is your choice. However, during my course, I recommend that women don't use their vibrators for 12 weeks. And then I say after the course ends, do whatever want you. I would say 90% of women throw away the vibrators. And I don't think I have one person throughout the history of my course that said, you know what? Nah, I'm going back to my vibrator. Not one. So this just shows me that when we tune into those more subtle sensations, they will become more and more juicy and deeper and there is potential for everyone.

I agree with you. And you know, for me, me it's like anything that's man made is not, it's not natural. It's not natural to our bodies. And we're getting Our bodies used to something that's like. It's not human, you know?

Yeah. Yeah. That's how I see this as well.

Yeah. So then it's like. And ultimately for me, like, sex is about the connection. It's not about the orgasm. And when you're using a vibrator, you're patterning yourself to equate sex with an orgasm. And you're kind of turning yourself into a male orgasm of like, fast, quick, hard. And then you need a higher setting and a higher setting and a higher setting. And again, I. I believe that it's important. So many women, like, you know, 50% of women aren't even having orgasms through sex. And I believe orgasms are our birthright and like, whatever helps you get there, get there. And there's like no orgasm shaming in this building.

Yeah.

And do we want to go deeper, you know, do we want to go deeper into feeling? Because it's not that some of us are like, wired to be more subtle or not. We. We all are. We're all humans. It's just. Just if you're used to being on your phone all the time, you're going to be used to being on your phone all the time. If you're used to being on, you know, people calling you and being. It's like your nervous system is just going to orient to whatever you get your nervous system used to. And I feel like our sexuality is the same way. And it takes an unwinding, you know, it's like when you are used to, okay, when I'm stressed out, I have an orgasm.

I was there for many years, right.

And it's like, then that becomes your addiction, it becomes your patterning, that then you are going to have those with withdrawals at first, you know, but then over time, you can actually build new neuropathways to then have orgasmic experiences through things that actually even have nothing to do with your yoni. And that's really what we're speaking about, which is just going to make you be more intuitive to all subtle sensations out there.

Yeah, absolutely. And, you know, I actually, I want to bring a definition of an orgasm that I particularly resonate with. And it's with. This definition comes from Leila Martin, with whom I studied, and she. She talks about orgasm. She divides it into three parts. Number one is pleasure. So we are going to build pleasure, but not necessarily in our genitals, Right. It can be a breast massage or it can be that neck massage. When we relax into it, this pleasure starts to expand and it starts to move. So there is this movement and expansion and that pleasure combined with the movement and expansion then results in a mind shift. And usually it will be a state of surrender and not necessarily surrendering to a partner, but just surrendering to what is surrendering to pleasure, surrendering to the present moment. And if you look into the definition, it can be with touch or without touch. It can be any part of our body, it can be with or without penetration, with or without a partner. And there is just, you know, so much depth in this definition and it's so beautiful to see. Also women who often criticize themselves or towards themselves thinking that they never have an orgasm. But we actually, especially for us women, there is so much depth into our orgasmic experiences and then they realize, well, I actually experience orgasm this way and it's just so beautiful to see. While we widen that definition, we also realize that so many more of us are more orgasmic and how a big variety of experiences can bring us to, to those states.

Yes. And even before we get there, the foreplay that we have with ourselves. So for me, I notice if I dance before, I'm going to be so much more open and juicy and for even for myself that like if I, you know, in the morning I do yoga and if I just go into doing my own movement and embodiment practice of moving my hips and letting myself dance and being on the floor and crawling naturally, that turn on energy comes on and, and so some of us, we need to turn ourselves on, we need to dance for ourselves. We need to, it's not about a performance for someone else. That's why I love going to pole classes, floor classes, twerking, because then I just feel so turned on by myself. And then that can lead to a self pleasure practice or you just ride that orgasmic wave for the rest of your day.

A hold to that. And yes, and for so many, you know, it's just this dropping into the body that you want to practice and especially before self pleasure practice. Right. So for someone it may be breath work, but for so many it's movement and dance. And this is also one of my favorite ways. And I definitely dance in front of the mirror for myself.

Love. So you also have these pleasure practices that I've been doing that are amazing and what I love about them is you guide us through audio through a practice. So sometimes it's like a yoga class. If you're just doing yoga alone on your mat, you might get distracted, you might check your phone, you might leave, but if you're Watching a yoga class on video, you're going to do the whole class and you've created these four pleasure practices that you're actually guiding us through them. And it's called your Ladders of Bliss program which you're going to be offering is a special one on one session for everyone that joins and they can find that link in the show notes. So can you share with us a little bit about the pleasure practices that you share?

Yeah, so actually I in the pandemic especially I didn't have a lover or a partner and sometimes I was also lazy. I'm also a human being, right. And I was like I wish I had a guidance for a self pleasure practice as I do for meditation. When I'm lazy, I press play and just follow along. Even some of your meditations. Right. But why don't I really have that for self pleasure practice or when there are. They're quite clinical and there's usually new music and I always like to create something that I myself wanted to have.

Yeah, and your music is always the best.

I have musicians write music for all most of those journeys. And the first one was actually called Ladder to Bliss and then it sparked a whole journey because you'd be surprised, most people actually so many people don't even have any self pleasure practice because either from. Because of conditioning and the religious beliefs, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera, they just didn't think it's something worth exploring. Or if most people when they have it's short, it's shallow, it's this kind of sneeze and snooze type of an experience. And I believe this is so powerful to guide people through this high vibration masturbation process. So I have all kind of journeys starting with honoring your whole body. One is focused on breast orgasms. Another one is with the wand. Another is with the jdag. Another one is focused on the moving energy and energetic orgasms and valley orgasm. Another one is riding the waves of pleasure and it's like a whole journey. So I always say it's from zero to hero journey. I'm not going to just throw people into the deep waters straight away. Especially that there is a lot of shame and limiting beliefs. So we do it very gently, elegantly, in a safe way. In the course, of course we have life components. But I wanted to give women the tool that in their own time, in their own bedroom, they can really go fully in. And so many women share with me that those meditations are almost like mini ayahuasca journeys. And because there's breath, there's moving of sexual energy and they really take you places and yeah, so that is how they hold course came to life which is called ladder to bliss.

And what I love about it is, you know, sometimes you're just like hanging out in bed. It's a weekend and it's like you're either going to be on your phone and scrolling and an hour's going to go by and you can't get anything from it. Or I can just press play, put on this beautiful meditation and practice and it instantly drops me in because I'm not going to grab my phone in the middle of it. And then I've just entered a ceremonial space and I didn't need to plan it or do anything. I'm literally just pushing play like in a guided meditation. And you guide us through, you know, first just, just breathing and doing some breath work and creating safe space.

Yeah.

Like just touching your legs and it's so perfect. And you've come into Rose Gold goddesses and taught us as well. And you know all of the women that were in Rose Gold goddesses and myself, all experience were like, we feel so amazing like even in 20 minutes, you know, just from taking that time for ourselves that even if it's not like self pleasure doesn't mean even there's the yoni involved. Just from breathing and sel touch that I'm like, wow, they should have like drop in studios of this. You know like how we have yoga studios, we should have cycling pleasure studios. You heard it here on the podcast, Seeds planted.

Seeds planted.

Yeah, Seeds planted. They're going to be all over New York City.

And I do events, I do pop up events like that.

It's like imagine in between like meetings you're like, I'm just going to go in for a pleasure practice, you know, and you come out and you're just like ah, you're. You love everyone and so much.

Yeah. And listen, I am again I'm also only a huge human and I have same challenges and struggles as everyone in. And I'm also busy and traveling and jet lag and like visiting here in LA without all my toys and tools. Right. Although we just have to show a.

Little pleasure altar here.

Mobile pleasure altar. But I even love to listen to my own meditations because when I am distracted or when I'm lazy or all things happen, I'm stressed then it helps me as well. So yeah, we all need that little accountability or a little guidance or motivation or inspiration.

Yeah. So you guys can find that link in the show notes and she's doing a free one on one session with everyone that signs up through the podcast. So be sure to use my link, my, my code, Sahara. You can find that in the show notes and you'll be able to join Ladder of Bliss. I've done it and I'm, I'm still going through the practices. They're like something you want to hold onto forever. And she's gonna be running it live at the end of June and she, she does these throughout the year. So be sure to join and get that session with her because there is no one better you can get a session with than her. I have personally done it and it's like completely opened up my worldview. So. We love you so much, Bebe.

Thank you for coming on the platform. So many women from this community have already been in my container. So thank you for opening that community and opportunity for me. And yeah, that's how we get to co create and support each other and rise together. So I'm so honored.

Oh well, thank you so much for being here and sharing all your juicy wisdom. I just feel, I feel like a five right now just hearing you talk. Yes. Thank you for being on. Share this episode with anyone that you believe will resonate in your stories. I mean, if you want to have, you know, better sex, better relationships, share this with the guy you're dating. Be like, I think you should listen to this, share this with your friends. Share this with anyone. I think the world would be a better place if we all tuned into our own pleasure filled energy. If you love this episode, you can leave a review for it in the itunes store and I will also send you my womb meditation, which is a meditation that allows you to tune into your womb's wisdom and ask her any questions that you have and receive her guidance. Because our womb spaces are not just pleasure, but it's also the hologram that creates all life. So you, when you're doing self pleasure practices and when you're tuning into your womb, you're tuning into the energy that literally created humanity. So this meditation allows you to drop in and I'm sharing it free with anyone that leaves a review for this podcast. So again, head over to the podcast podcast app, the Apple Store, leave a review, take a screenshot and email it over to me@saharaamsahara rose.com and you can find that link in the show notes. Thank you so much for tuning in today and I'll see you on the next one.

It.