502: Pleasure As A Pathway To Healing with Jo Portia

My body's not a tool, it's a fucking temple, you know, and when you treat it as such, and yes, like anointing yourself with oils and beautification and adornment, these were all sacred ritualistic acts. These are the spiritual path of the feminine. And it's our Western culture that makes us feel like it's superfluous, like, oh, you care about beauty, like you're superficial. It's like, oh no, look at the goddess. You know, beauty is how she inspires. And it's not beauty in the western filtered standard, but it's to be an act of beauty, to observe beauty in everything. And yeah, to me, it's made this whole path like so much more filled with pleasure because I see beauty everywhere that I go. Welcome back to the High Self podcast. My name is Sahara Rose and this podcast is all about taking spirituality and making it grounded, modern, fun, relatable and filled with pleasure. So my own journey has really been about seeing the body as sacred and sensuality being this powerful tool that we can use to bring more aliveness and richness and joy into everything that we do. And it's not something that is just related to sex. Oftentimes we think of sensuality and sexuality as interchangeable, but rather sensuality is to be involved in the senses, your taste, touch, smell. And when we bring more of our sensuality online, we're able to actually receive all of the gems and delicious flavors and textures available for us that we have just been so hand sanitized away from. So in my own journey, I find a lot of different sensuality coaches. And I found this amazing queen named Jo, Portia. Like the moment I saw her Instagram, I was like, who are you wearing? We are best friends now. This is happening. What's going on? And I just loved her journey of sharing her reinvention, especially after her divorce, which was something that I've also gone through, and how she used it as fuel to make her more open and pleasure filled and juicy alive, which has been my experience as well. So I'm super excited to have her here on the Highest Self podcast, sharing how we can create pleasure filled lives and reinvent ourselves at any stage. You don't need to go through a massive initiation to choose to reinvent yourself right now. So Jo, welcome to the podcast.

Oh my God. Actually here, hearing you say that, I was like, I'm so fucking turned on right now.

Oh good. Because yesterday we did a coaching session. I loved it. And you were like, should we start with the breast massage? I'm like absolutely, yes.

Yeah.

And you were saying how it's so important to bring that pleasure into everything that we do and pleasure outside of food. So can you share a little bit about how we can utilize pleasure in our healing?

Yeah, I mean, pleasure is so important for the nervous system. First off, like, the more pleasure your body can access, actually experience, the more ability your nervous system can relax into itself and actually open up some of the different areas of your nervous system that's currently trapped or like traumas being trapped in the body. And so we often know that trauma lives in the body. I often tell my clients, issues live in the tissues. And when the body can experience more pleasure, it actually has more capacity to heal.

I love that. And when we are allowing ourselves to experience that pleasure, we can go into these dark portals and they don't seem so scary anymore because we have our nervous systems, we have that sense of safety within ourselves. So we were chatting right before this about how to tune into your pussy's desires. So can you share a little bit more? Like, what does that first of all mean? And then how do we do it?

Yeah, I mean, first off, like, your body is a vessel of power, of pleasure, of boundless. It is the most extravagant and exquisite instrument that you have in this lifetime to be able to do anything, be anybody that you desire to be, and create from your body's desires. I think tuning into your pussy is super important. And one of the biggest ways that we are so disconnected from our bodies, especially as people with pussies, is we're often told to not listen to our bodies. We're often told to fix things. We're often told that our bodies are something that we're ashamed of, that we need to reject and we need to deny. And I've always found that when you are tuned into your pussy, which is this incredible portal of transformation, creativity and life, you're able to really change and shift things. One of the things I often tell my clients to connect to their pussies, or how to connect to their pussies, is really slowing down, which we all know is really difficult in this modern day time. But the best way to do this is to just close your eyes, connect to your breath. I like using a conscious breath, which means it's an inhale in through your mouth, open mouth, exhale, sounds a little like this. And seeing if you can bring the awareness straight to your womb, space or your pussy. And the more that you can slow down in your body, slow down in your breath, and really connect to this very Sacred part of you. The more that you can begin to listen to the very subtle ways that pussy wants to seduce you in the way that maybe she wants you to move through life, sound through life, experience life. And the more and more that we can connect to this part of ourselves, the more innate wisdom is there. Because it's the most truest part of our bodies. And if you think about it, like, our bodies are so beautifully designed, right? Like pussy is in between the legs. Legs tend to keep things closed if we need to. And because of that, like, the way that I like to see this is that this is a part of us that is like so filled with wisdom. And all we have to do is connect with it.

I mean, it's the portal that creates life. You know, it's literally the hologram. There's not one person who's on this planet that wasn't like a 3D printer in a womb space.

I mean, I create two children.

Pussy portal. Exactly. And it's heartbreaking that we see it as anything less than sacred. And I think a lot of us, you know, we've disconnected ourselves from it because of fear, you know, and some of this fear makes total sense. It's rightfully so. Like, it's not safe to be a woman in the world today, in most places and oftentimes, you know, and our wombs and our pussies carry so much for us. And I know in my own experience, you know, and I'd love for you to share this desire map process that you do of tuning into it, but I think sometimes we're afraid of what our desires are because we feel like we won't be safe if that happens. So how can we connect to like what our desires really are when we have this like, voice in our heads being like, that's not safe or that's never gonna happen.

Yeah, well, first off, I think it's. We are often taught that our desires are just not safe, Period. Right? Like, desire. That word carries so much co opted patriarchal conditioning. Whenever anybody hears desires, even I see this in my clients. Like, they immediately brace their bodies because they're like, desires. Like what? Like, I don't. What do you mean? I get to talk about my desires or even just like, is my desire safe to be spoken out loud? And one of the things that I like to say is goals live in our mind. Desires live in the body. And so when I do a process like desire mapping, what it really is is about tuning into what that core desire is. And that core desire, from my experience in coach, women in sexuality and sensuality and relationships is really around finding safe, beautiful, sustainable, exquisite love and partnership. And I think women these days, especially in our modern day society, we don't want to claim that. It's hard for us to claim that because we have to be the strong, independent woman who's getting it all done. And the moment that we say we want partnership, it's almost like that entire narrative. Being a strong person is no longer something that we can also own. But the reality is some of us yearn to be in love. Some of us yearn to be in, like, rich, deep partnership. So when we connect to our desires through our body, I like to encourage my clients to just connect to their breath, really slow down, get back into their body and think about what their desire really is. And then through our five senses reality, which is using sensuality as part of that practice, I help them build out and visualize what would their desire look like, what would it sound like, what would it feel like, what are the things that they would touch in their environment once they actually can experience that desire, what do they taste, what do they smell? All the delicious things. Because what that actually does, it shuts off the prefrontal cortex and allows us to be inside of our bodies when we're experiencing this desire. Once our bodies know that this desire is real for us inside of our bodies, then we can begin to start moving towards those things in our lives completely naturally.

So one of the core pillars of the sacred feminine is the art of adornment. That is to adorn your body and treat it like a goddess, like a temple, like the sacred site that it is. And that's why I love adorning myself in high quality jewelry. That really means something to me. So after traveling to Egypt, I was blown away by the mythology just seeing these incredible hieroglyphics and the meaning behind these symbols, such as the ankh, which represents merging the masculine and feminine within yourself. The snake, which is our kundalini energy. The scarab, which is all about resurrection and renewal. So when I saw these pieces at Katori Life Jewelry, I was blown away. So their jewelry is ethically handmade in small batches made out of recycled metals. It's a woman owned business and it's just some of the most beautiful pieces that marries these ancient Egyptian spiritual themes with a modern look that you can wear in or wear out. So they're offering our highest l podcast listeners 20% off any purchase. So you can head over to katorilife.com that's C-A T O R I L I F E.com and use coupon code Sahara Rose for 20% off. You can find that link in the show notes.

And it's so powerful because, you know, you guided me through this process. And I was witnessing, like, my desire was to be on a yacht in Italy just being real. So I'm, like, imagining I'm on this yacht and the sea breeze and I'm having so much fun and Bambaleo is playing. She's guiding me through this. And then I'm like, my mind is like, bitch. That's the first scene in Taken. You're gonna get kidnapped on this yacht. Like, this is not safe. And, like, I could see my mind was already going into, like, where are your friends? Do people know where you are? Like, all of the safety precautions of this. And I was, like, stopping this, like, desire of mine even in my own head because of all these limitations. So let's say someone's desire is, you know, to be in healthy partnership or to go to a play party or whatever the thing is. But then they're thinking of all the reasons why it won't happen. How do we, like, catch that or even, like, work with that part of ourselves?

Yeah, well, I mean, we've got all these things that are protecting us, right? Like, our mind is constructing ways to protect us because we've had experiences where parts of us weren't in safe situations. And I think one of the ways to be able to work with that is to identify what is protecting you. Is it a protection? Is it a fear? Like, what is the actual subpersonality or thing that's keeping you from that desire? Each of these things within us have some sort of need fulfillment, just like we do. And so when we can identify what these parts of our body or parts of our mind might need, it's easier than to offer it reassurance. Maybe if it needs safety. Like yesterday it was like, if it needs safety, maybe just, like, figure out, do you need a friend to call you? Do you need, like, just a checklist? I even was like, you can tell me when you're going on a date. I offer that to my clients all the time when they're dating around the world and they want to just, like, create that additional sense of safety within themselves. So finding out what these parts of us that are being activated, the parts of us are saying, no, you can't have that. And really reassuring that sometimes these parts of us are old conditioning, old trauma. And if it is an old trauma piece, maybe like, an inner child wound, really tuning in and tapping into that part also and asking, what is this part of us need? And how can we reparent that side or how can we reprogram that side so that we could start to lean in towards what we actually desire?

Totally. Like I witnessed that part of me was like my mom's voice of like, be careful, like you never know what's gonna happen. And like. And also that part of you loves you, you know, it wants to protect you. It wants what's best for you. It's not about throwing it away because then we become children again who like, you know, fall and scrape their knees and just don't understand, like there is a need for safety in this world. And it's like, how is that part of you actually really giving you what you want in a way? And it's like the part of me that wants to protect me, wants to make sure that I won't have to recuperate from something later on. So it actually wants me to have a good time, but a sustainable good time, not a short term, long time.

Totally, totally. And I also think too, it's like those parts of us were our heroes at one point in our life, right? Like they were there for a reason. And one of the things that I've recognized in my work with my clients when there's maybe not a need to fulfill those parts or like those parts that need a particular need or want. I often say, what would it look like if we offered this part of you? Gratitude? What would it look like if we can offer this part of you just acceptance that it was a part of your life for so long? Can it eventually melt away and soothe and just integrate itself into the nervous system? Because really all these parts are looking for is to integrate them within yourself.

And I think that's so key in reinvention, you know, because often we're like, yes, I wanna reinvent my life, be a brand new person. But it comes with looking at why you were the way that you were and bringing those parts of you and having compassion for why you had those beliefs, why you were in those relationships that you were in. And it doesn't mean you need to like throw those things away, but it's rather like, how can I integrate those lessons? So let's say someone is post breakup or divorce and they're feeling a lot of feelings, but also there's this huge sense of hope of what's possible. How can we take the lessons from previous relationships and then use them towards our North Star of where we want to go.

I love that. Actually, it's funny as you're saying that, I'm, like, thinking about just what is often said to me about the desires of what they have in relationships and using those parts. One of the things that we can do is actually find out one same thing, find out what they need. But also, those are the red flags too, right? Those are the lessons that we learned in love. Those wounds that we had. Those wounds turn into the wisdom of how do we navigate this new relationship? How do we navigate this new life? You can build values or a new vision based on some of those lessons and looking at them and going, okay, this is what I don't want. So now what is it that I do want out of this new situation that I'm having or this new life that I'm trying to create?

I love that. Because often we're so afraid of finding ourselves back in those patterns and situations. And if we've really sat with it and looked at our shadows and looked at those parts of ourselves that accepted that type of relationship, then we can trust that we're not gonna go into it again. Because we've learned and we've grown and we've learned more about ourselves. And I think often, like, we limit our desires of what's even possible, and we jump into what we already know of, like getting back together with the ex or the thing that's comfortable for us. Because it's like, well, I already know that, shit bag. You know? So I know what I'm gonna get. As opposed to, I've done it before.

I'll do it again.

Exactly. As opposed to trusting and being in the void of like, I have this desire to be met, to be seen, to have this beautiful relationship and sex life and sensuality, and it's not here right now. And I'm gonna sit in the yearning. I'm not gonna make it my whole entire life, but I'm going to sit in that space because it's only from having that space that it can actually.

One day be filled.

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you have to come to a place where your body feels safe enough to receive the greatest abundant love, sex, or life that you ultimately desire. And it won't happen when your body's rigid, frigid, freaking the fuck out because it's like, oh, my God, everything is wrong. It's only gonna happen when your entire body can soften to whatever it is, that experience that you're yearning for. I like to use the word craving sometimes when it comes to Desire and focus simultaneously. Because it's like when you have that focus, when you have that clarity, when you have that desire hand in hand altogether, that's something you're craving. And when you're craving for that, your body's yearning to experience that in its full sensorial experience. And so when we can just, I don't know, like to me it's like if we can soften and surrender into the safety of our greatest, biggest desires, the more possibility there is. And I know this, just living my own life. Like I never thought I would be able to be in love again in the way that I am after two decades of being in the same relationship. And it still sometimes shocks that I'm in this incredible safe partnership. Especially after all of the heartbreak I've experienced from my childhood to traumas to heartbreaks in my marriage. It's like, holy shit, I'm experiencing like the greatest love of my life. And it's the things that I've literally written down, wrote down my whole five senses, desires and reality around it and like sat with it and allowed myself to be safe enough to want those things and to also believe I was deserving and worthy enough to have those things. And that took work. Like that's not easy. And I have found that pleasure was the thing that helped me to expand the capacity to receive those things inside of my own body.

So for you, was that a self pleasure practice breast massage? Like what did that look like for you to allow more pleasure and softness in?

Yeah. So I define pleasure as what feels good to your nervous system. So it can be sensual, it can be sexual, it can be as simple as eating a delicious meal, five course meal or even eating like French fries from In N Out. Like it's, it doesn't really matter. It's whatever feels good to me in that moment. And sensuality to me is a practice about being present in your body. That's it. About being present and experiencing your five senses or whatever senses are available to you. And so with all of that in mind, it's like I just practice honestly being alive and living my life to its fullest. Because I think so often we can get caught up with, with, oh my God, I've got to resolve this trauma. I've got to heal this. I've got to do that. And like chasing this catharsis when sometimes the greatest catharsis we're supposed to be chasing is actually just living and enjoying our life.

Yes. So in agreement with you, I had this like realization, like I was like, I love Blackberries. I was like, eating these blackberries so fast, and I was like, why am I eating them so fast? It was almost like I couldn't get enough in my mouth. And I was like, okay, pause. Just, like, really eat one BlackBerry at a time and feel how it has these little balls and they burst and the taste and the tartness. And it's like you could get so much more pleasure from being mindful with one BlackBerry than scarfing them all down our face. And it's like, that's what we do in life, you know? It's like, I need more sex, I need more food. I need more stimulation, something. Whereas if you just took a sip of that water and really just tasted that water, you just felt your lover's touch just so slowly, you don't need all this stimulation anymore because you're so present with the minutia. That is.

Yeah, yeah. One of my favorite pleasure practices, actually. It sounds so silly, but this is how I invite pleasure and sensuality into my entire life. I have this faux sheepskin rug, like, underneath of my feet at my desk. And so after I'm done with a full day of coaching calls or work, I literally am like, I'm going to be this jungle cat and, like, just crawl on this thing and let my body indulge in the way the softness feels all over my skin. I also just love, like, I love imagining that I'm an empress from Egypt from, like, way back in the day, and applying body oil as if I'm anointing my body like royalty. And those little small pleasure practices help me to just tune into that part of my own personal power. The other practice is, like, whenever I put on my jewelry, I'm like, you know what? If I'm a fucking queen, I'm gonna put this on like a queen. Every single piece. I'm like, who is this queen gonna be today? And that, to me, is such a really easy, practical way to create a pleasure practice or a sensuality practice without having to do the whole big old ritual lighting the candles, which I personally still love to do. I'll do that once a week, but every day it's. How can I invite this into my everyday, practical life?

I love that because we are all putting on our jewelry or even just, like, shampooing your hair. How can you make it more sensuous? How can you make brushing your teeth more mindful? How can you make getting into bed even stretching? I noticed in myself because I was a yogi, I was stretching in this. Get to the deepest stretch in like, mechanical way. And I was like, no, how can I just linger here and dance here and touch my leg and just like, feel more pleasure in the stretching rather than, like, get the left leg with the right leg? Like, you know, my body's on a tool. It's a fucking temple, you know, and when you're, when you treat it as such and yes, like anointing yourself with oils and beautification and adornment, these were all sacred ritualistic acts. These are the, the spiritual path of the feminine. And it's our Western culture that makes us feel like it's superfluous. Like, oh, you care about beauty. Like, you're superficial. It's like, oh, no, look at the goddess. You know, beauty is how she inspires. And it's not beauty in the Western filtered standard, but it's to be an act of beauty, to observe beauty in everything. And yeah, to me, it's made this whole path, like, so much more filled with pleasure because I see beauty everywhere that I go.

It also sounds like to me, it's like you're in the present moment of what's available to you too. Right? Like, so seeing beauty everywhere you go, taking it in, noticing what it feels like to take in beauty into your body as you're looking at things, seeing things, listening to music, sipping on tea can be such a powerful practice of sensuality and opening yourself up. I love to tell my clients whenever we're coaching through a pleasure practice or I'm teaching them how to create a pleasure practice, I always say, your body's an instrument. So if your body's an instrument, how are you going to play her? How are you going to touch her? How is she going to sing to you when you're stroking her or admiring her or moving as if you are this incredible piece that can play any fucking song that you want. And that, I think, is the beauty of it. All right? Like, seeing your body as a temple, seeing your body as an instrument. Whatever turns you on, whatever turns on pussy. Tune into your pussy first. See what pussy desires to be and then follow the impulses.

So beautifully said. I love this. I'm like, these are the types of conversations the world needs right now. Because we've become so rigid even in our spiritual approach, you know, of like, biohack, and you're never enough. And it's like, what if you were so fucking sacred just as you are, you just aren't noticing it?

Yeah, I mean, permission granted.

Yes.

Like, I have this sign in my house when I got my divorce or When I was going through my divorce and it said permission granted. And part of that purpose of that sign was permission to be human. Permission to laugh, permission to cry, permission to be in your full sensual power. Permission to be weak in that moment. And for me and my kids, I have a 19 year old and 13 year old, I wanted them to see a mantra that they were able to actually just like lean into their present self without any pressure of having to change themselves in that moment. That was one of the most powerful things for me at least in reinventing my life was like giving also just permission to be.

So beautifully said. Thank you so much for sharing all of this. This is exactly what my pathway has been. And I know so many, especially women are awakening to this because we have been taught to see our bodies as this constant self improvement project that's never good enough. And most people look in the mirrors and they see all the ways that they hate, hate themselves and nothing that they love. And to me and myself included, like it's been an ongoing process. And I think these little acts of self pleasure are how we reclaim our power and realize like how beautiful we already are. And then when we feel that, we emanate that and then we receive that and then we're all of a sudden it's like you didn't need another cream or whatever else. It's like you just needed to really look in the mirror and see yourself.

Yeah, yeah. It reminds me of this thing I was like telling my girlfriend today because I was walking around Erewhon and for some reason I was like super magnetic but completely ragged this morning and I was like, oh man. It's because I practice coming home to myself every day. And it's a daily practice to come home to myself, to come home to my divinity, to come home to my sensuality. And it's something that I know I feel radiating. And of course it's like when I feel like I'm radiating it, everything else feels like it's coming from overflow.

Absolutely. I noticed such a difference in my magnetism the days that I do my embodiment practice in the morning and I don't. And I'm like, you know, people think about, oh, you gotta put on like glitter or whatever, it's like just embody your juicy pleasure and you are going to be the most radiant goddess. And not just to attract, but like for yourself and like that being enough.

Yeah, yeah. You know, for anyone like listening I guess like, like the challenge here is if you're experiencing shame or experiencing guilt of the way that your body is. The question that you might be able to ask yourself, and this comes from one of my feminist scholar mentors, which is who gets to benefit from your shame? Who gets to benefit from your guilt? Like who is truly benefiting? And oftentimes the answer is, you know, big companies who are creating beauty products or even society and culture because they just want to keep women small. And so when that becomes your answer, there's your truth. Nobody benefits from it.

Absolutely. Yes. It's a multi trillion dollar company. Pharmaceuticals and cosmetics and plastic surgery and all of these things that are gonna continue to put these faces that are not even real, that's not even what they look like in real life and tell you that's the beauty standard to make you on this constant quest for something that doesn't actually exist when the pleasure and the magnetism and the beauty was already inherently within you. So, so yes, we need this message out there and for us to all reclaim beauty as something that comes within ourselves. So where can listeners connect with you, learn from you, and dive deeper into your coaching?

Yeah, you can find me on Instagram, I am Joeportia, or you can also find me on my website, joeportia.com.

Well, thank you so much for tuning in. I hope this inspires you to have your own self pleasure practice. Whether that's eating your blackberries really sensuously or doing an embodiment practice, or dancing, singing, looking at the clouds, whatever brings you joy. And we're so excited to announce our new embodiment coaching certification, which you can learn more about in the show notes below. Thank you so much for tuning in and I'll see you in the next one. It.