504: Awakening Your Most Incredible Orgasmic Pleasure with Kim Anami

And that's why yoni massage and the egg and self pleasuring are so essential to clear energy out and to let go of stuff from the past. And our vaginal orgasms do that G spot and especially cervical orgasms are so cathartic and powerful and releasing to let go of so much of this stuff that can lodge itself into the vaginal tissues, into the cervix, and we can release that. You know, women often talk about having crying, screaming, guttural, hysterical, and blissful cervical orgasms. And a huge piece of that is letting go of all of this tension, stress stored trauma that has lodged itself within the vagina.

Yes, that is the most powerful part of it. It's just so clearing of whatever is there. And, you know, I know a lot of women like, why am I crying? It's like, well, those tears were there, that grief was there. Whatever, whatever is coming out. And sometimes you only give yourself the spaciousness to go there in your own self pleasure practice. Welcome back to the Highest Self podcast, a place where we discuss what makes you your soul's highest evolvement. My name is Sahara Rose, and I am an ancient soul in a modern body that wants to have fun and dance and enjoy life and do it in a way that is sacred and grounded and embodied. So on the podcast, I bring in my personal teachers, friends, people who have deeply insp. And the woman you're gonna hear on the podcast today is very much one of them. So my own spiritual practice really has been in devotion to the goddess, to the feminine, and the path of pleasure and how much pleasure I can allow into my beingness, because my ancestry definitely was not in alignment with their pleasure. Lots of abuse and child marriage and just the patriarchal wounds of the Middle East.

So.

So my pathway has really been about reclaiming that within myself and releasing the shame and releasing the stories that, oh, I don't deserve this, or I don't have time for that, or, you know, whatever else. It looks like a lot of the projections around, oh, well, a woman who speaks this way is a slut or a whore and she'll never get married and no one will ever love her. And I have had to majorly unravel a lot of these stories within myself. You know, being raised to have my highest outcome in life being to be married and then to serve my husband, to step into this empowered, divorced version of me that talks about sex on the Internet. And it has been scary and empowering and beautiful, and I still feel like I'm very much at the beginning of this journey because there's so much more for us to go. We think we've reached the levels. We're like, oh, yeah, I have orgasms, like I'm good, like I know sex, like I know intimacy, I know this. And there's so many deeper layers for us to dive into. And the more we go into ourselves and our consciousness, the more we dive into every aspect of it, and that includes our sexuality. So this has been a huge piece of the puzzle for me. And a woman who has deeply inspired me, whose podcast I've been listening to is Kim Anami. She is bold, she is out there. If you think I'm on one, she's on a whole other level. So I'm super excited to have her here on the podcast today to talk about what it means to be, as she calls it, a well fucked woman and to dive into sexuality, tantra, self, pleasure, and so much more. So without further ado, let's welcome Kim to the self podcast. Welcome.

Thank you. I'm delighted to be here.

Same here. And the first question I would love to ask you is, what makes you your highest self?

What makes me my highest self? Being able to tune in and access the most authentic, raw, real version of myself. And that was a huge, I think I've been on that path for decades. Like, what makes me the most real version of me? And that was actually a big part of me connecting to sexuality as a pathway is realizing that when I would have these deep, profound sexual encounters, I felt like all the false versions, the civilized, the conditioning that I'd taken on over the years and decades would fall away and I would be left with this very pure, self realized version of who I am, my deepest self. And so that was, you know, incredible wisdom for me because in terms of what we're taught about sexuality, and especially the relationship between sexuality and spirituality, which are in diametric opposition in most of our modern world, is that in my experiences they came together so I would have these transcendent, powerful spiritual experiences. And one of the fastest ways that I could get there was through my sexual life and through my vagina and through my deeper cervical orgasms. All of those things helped to bring me into alignment with my highest self.

I so agree. And it really, I believe, is just the new paradigm of healing, of healing doesn't need to just be like talking about what happened and all the trauma and all the shadow work, but rather letting our pleasure heal us. And I know for myself and for a lot of women, it comes a lot of shame, you know, and it starts with like, maybe as a kid you masturbated and you were told, hey don't, don't touch yourself like that or hide that. So starting with self pleasure, I feel like a lot of women, they maybe have a vibrator, they pull out for two minutes and like that's their self pleasure practice. So how can we begin to cultivate of a deeper awareness of like, what does it even mean for us to well, fuck ourselves?

And that's a great point, is that we can be well fucked even if we're single and don't have a partner. And I'd say it's essential to be. And my definition first of all of being well fucked is being deeply in tune with and connected to your sexual energy and inhabiting it and then harnessing it as a power and creative source in your life. So it's not just about busting out an orgasm to go to sleep, which I would say is the most base use, lowest use of sexual energy, no judgment there. But it's more like what is giving us energy and what is taking away energy or depleting us or making us less of who we really are. So the self pleasuring path is essential to really know thyself and to take time and explore. And you know, there's such misinformation out there in the sexual realm where people think that clitoral orgasms are the only orgasms or that oh, only some women can have orgasms and some, some can't. Or the G spot is just some women have one and some one don't. And that's all bs. And what I tell people is that I guarantee that every type of sexual experience is available to every person, man and woman. And so the realm of self pleasuring is so important to get to know our own vaginas especially. Many women have spent some, as you say, vibrator oriented time with their clitoris. But all of the good stuff, just like the tip of the iceberg, is really inside the vagina. All of the life changes, power and pleasure and transcendent rebirthing orgasms live in the vagina. And by that I mean G spot and cervical orgasms. And so in particular that internal stimulation and exploration is essential for women to get to know every nook and cranny of their vaginas and to figure out. And most women start out numb. Well, maybe not start out numb, but develop numbness over a lifetime of misuse, underuse, lack of, you know, sexual vaginal exercise. And so they have numb vaginas and so they Might not even think that it's worth bothering going inside when they can get a quick immediate, what I call junk food sex kind of hit from clitoral stimulation. Whereas in the vagina it might take them a little bit of time to denum awaken activate to get to know the pleasure that's really there. But I guarantee that it's there for every woman. Every woman can have G spot orgasms, every woman can have cervical orgasms, Every woman can shoot ping pong balls with her vagina. The domain of every single woman on the planet and not just reserved for some special few. It's just a matter of a believing that you can and me giving permission that yes. And guaranteeing the anami guarantee is that everyone can and then having some committing to the practice, right. Whether that's a regular daily, even self pleasure practice or several times a week breast massage, yoni massage and then you know, once the yoni begins to wake up is really following those threads of pleasure and spending time with ourselves to become well fucked whether we're doing that on our own and then also within a partnership.

So I'm super excited to be sharing our certified embodiment coach certification. So this is for you to dive deeper into your own embodiment journey or to actually create a career for yourself as a certified embodiment coach. So it is a three month long program. I'm running it live, so I will be on the Q and A calls with you every single week. We're taking a really small group this time because you're our first batch of the so we're gonna be really in the webs together and honestly this summer is gonna go by regardless. So you can choose to commit just two hours a week to creating a new career for yourself and diving deeper into your body's wisdom and actually getting to the root cause of your ailments. Or you can let the summer pass by and scroll through Instagram and be exactly where you are in September with the same things and the same patterns showing up. So to learn more about it and to check out a free embodiment practice with me, head over to the show notes or highest content. You can find the information there. Enrollment is open right now. This month early. We hit the ground running in July and if you're listening to this later on, be sure to head over to HighestSelfInstitute.com you can find that link in the show notes to get on the waitlist for when we open up again. I'm super excited to dance, breathe and just embody Our fullest expressions together. And I can't wait to have you with me on this journey. I think one of the biggest things we're missing in our self pleasure practice is we go like straight for the vagina, you know, like, we don't open up the rest of our bodies. We don't touch ourselves and embody and touch our breasts. So sometimes it's like maybe she's not ready for penetration. We just like go in and we're like expecting her to have this amazing orgasm. So how can we get her to a place where she's like blossoming like this beautiful dripping flower that is like desiring penetration when. Yeah, we feel like. I don't even know how to turn myself on.

Well, I think when we're with ourselves, time is the answer. Spending lots of time with all parts of the body. I talk a lot about breast massage, breast stimulation. I mean, vulva massage is great as a prelude, right? Like clitoral massage as a warmup to going inside of the vagina. So I've talked a lot about how foreplay becomes a sex act unto itself, right, so that we can have extended sex play dates with ourselves. Like you can spend 30 minutes, 45 minutes on breast stimulation, on vulva stimulation, on overall general massage and really warm up the body. And then in partner play, it's all of that physical stimulation and foreplay for one, but also emotional connection and foreplay. If a couple is barricaded towards each other, if they have unresolved issues, and I often give the example, let's say a couple has an argument at breakfast time and then they go to have sex in the evening and they haven't cleared the energy of that argument, it's like feng shui of the relationship. Then there likely be some kind of expression of that in bed, she might not get very wet, he might not get very hard, he might ejaculate very quickly, she won't come to orgasm. And people will think that there's no relationship between what's happening in their bedroom and what's happening as a precursor to what goes on in the bedroom. But it all is intimately connected. And so the emotional connection, the availability of each person to themselves and each other, and the level they're able to surrender and really open and let go and let the other person in, all of those things are really the ultimate foreplay, right? The deepest foreplay possible. Because if people could just get to all these magical places by doing the physical steps that you can find on the Internet, right? It'll tell you how to have a G spot orgasm, then why aren't people having them? So it's clearly not just about physical technique. And I would actually say that technique is 10% of the equation. The rest of it is that level of connection, openness and primarily surrender that we have again with ourselves and with a partner.

I think that's so important because our western society kind of makes it this clinical thing of like, oh, maybe you don't get wet cause of this thing and just use this lube, you know, and it's like, maybe she's just not ready or there's something deeper going on. Yeah, potentially wild idea, right?

That lubrication actually means the woman is ready. And we've been. That's the programming and the narrative, especially in allopathic circles and even in so called progressive circles, like lube is a girl's best friend. Lube, you know, everyone needs lube. Don't feel bad if you need lube. It's not about shaming people. It's about the reality of listening to the vagina. Its voice is wetness. And when it is aroused and it's ready for penetration, its language of enter me is wetness. And if it's not wet, it's not because of hormones or you know, the time of your life or menopause. Like I actually don't buy into any of those excuses. It's about being connected to your body and your turn on and when you are turn on. I have one of my favorite, you know, series of success stories are menopausal women. All the menopausal ladies who are wet, wet, wet, wetter than wet, leaving puddles all over the place, have to carry extra tissue with them in their handbags because they're just wet throughout the day. Like that is their life and that is their reality. Without hormones, without any artificial interferences just from claiming and inhabiting their sexual energy, claiming and inhabiting their vaginas so that they do what they're meant to do, which is be gushing wet at any age and any stage of their lives.

And I think also plumpness too. We don't really talk about that, but a lot of us, we're just prematurely entering into the vagina with ourselves or partnership. And really she needs to be like plump and moist and ready. I just went for this beautiful V steam yesterday at this place in la and she was so plump after and I was like, this is the state of a happy yoni. But we don't give ourselves that time to get her there because we're in this like masculine linear time dominated. So if someone, let's say they only have, I don't know, 20 minutes or something, do you think that it's better to just warm up the body and maybe not enter yourself just to get your body to an aroused space? Or do you think that we can like train ourselves to get turned on faster? Because they say like it takes a woman 20 minutes on average to even get turned on. Some even say 45 minutes. I'm curious your take on like timing in this.

I think once you really open up and you exist at what I call a sexual simmer. So if you have an ongoing self pleasuring practice, a yoni egg practice, if you and your partner are having sex regularly, then and in a more gourmet sex fashion as I like to call it, so that's extended sex, much more deeper connection, deeply emotionally connected, then you'll be hovering. If we look at 0 is ice and 10 is boiling, you'll be hovering at a 7 or an 8. And so to make that leap into penetration. And orgasm is much faster when you're living in that place. But most people let that simmer drop down to a one or a two or a five. And so it takes a lot more time and energy and work to get back up to that place. But I advise and say that everyone can be living at an 8 or a 9 out of 10 where you can have an orgasm by the touch of your partner's hand on your elbow, by hearing the sound of their voice. And yes, like you can get to that super aroused and orgasmic place much faster. But that's a buildup and accumulation over time of the connection and the time that you're putting into your relationship, your body, your vagina, where yes, you could get to that place. But for a lot of people, they need to go back and do the groundwork of rebuilding that connection again with themselves, with their partner to build up to living in that simmer.

Totally. I think we're so out of our bodies most of the day that then we're expected to have sex and like be these like turn on radiant goddesses. And it's like when you're so in your head, it's gonna take a lot more time to, to get to this open space. But then it's like, you know, and I feel like sometimes women feel shame around taking too long and cause men tend to be quicker in just getting aroused and kind of in everything. So then women are just like convincing themselves like oh yeah, I'm ready and they're Not. And then they can't have an orgasm because they weren't fully rest, right.

Posted a meme on my Instagram today that's like, you know, in that Tom Cruise, Renee Zellweger movie, Jerry Maguire. And he's like, I love you. And she's like, you had me at 3 hour sex dates where, you know, when we're having extended and expanded sexual interaction is where you can generate the most pleasure, generate the most sexual energy to then channel into your day to day life. It's everything. And so I recommend that people have a minimum three hour weekly sex day where they can just dive deep and have no time pressure, no interruptions, no nothing. And it's not a dinner, walk in the park or movie. This is just three hours of intimate time touching each other, right? So manual play, oral play, intercourse. And when I suggest this to people, often their first reaction is first of all, how are we gonna have sex for three hours? I'm like, okay, look for, at the beginning, you don't have to have sex for three hours at a time. And then as they get into it, they're like, wow, we had a five hour sex date last night. We had sex, we had intercourse for two and a half hours. And then we did other things beyond that. And the time passes by like a blink of an eye. They hit this transcendent other level, multi cosmic dimensional space that is what sex is meant to be. Where they're out, they're in the body, but they're out of the body and they touch these higher planes of existence through this conduit of their sexual energy. So that's the place I'm trying to gear people up and give them the tools to get to and then live there. As I believe that everyone can, everyone can have lifelong passionate sex if they put in the time and the energy.

Yes, you truly do enter into this flow state and this merging of consciousness, which is like why love is the most powerful force, because there is no separation between you and I and that gets you out. If you're in this performative method of sex of like, okay, dude, did you have your orgasm? Did you have yours? Okay, like high five. Moving on. It's like you're never going to have that. But rather when it's like a conversation between two bodies that are transmuting God source consciousness through them, it's like you don't even exist really. And a question that I have, in the Tantra space, they speak a lot about not hitting an orgasm in terms of a peak orgasm and release but rather riding the orgasmic waves. So when you have these gourmet longer sex sexual sessions for the woman, is she having multiple orgasms or would you suggest riding the wave and not letting her have like a peak orgasm?

Well, since I gear people more towards G spot and cervical orgasms, then they can have as many of those as they like. If they're having clitoral orgasms, then unless they're learning how to breathe and re channel that energy, then that could be more depleting. So minimal with clitoral orgasms, which again I, I steer people away from. I think the clitoris is a great warmup and an appetizer. But the main course, the main event is in the vagina. If a woman can have clitoral orgasms and not feel a depletion of energy, then great. But if she notices that she feels like she's done, she wants to rest, then I would say stimulate the clitoris if you like, as a warmup and getting things going. But then focus the majority of your attention in the vagina once you're getting in there and go for these deeper orgasms. And people can have, have 10, 20, 30 orgasms at a time. And so long as they're breathing and recirculating that energy, they'll come out of that feeling higher than ever.

Yeah, because I know for men, you know, because they are actually ejaculating. So for a man, would you suggest that he holds it until the end or would you actually suggest semen retention?

Like the ultimate, I would say is semen retention. But if men really practice breathing techniques and recirculation of energy, which is something that I teach, then they can lose much less energy through an ejaculation. But you know, the best of both worlds is having an orgasm without ejaculation. So not necessarily just retaining semen, but if you are retaining semen that you're conscious about moving and redirecting that energy in your body. But I think the ultimate goal for men is orgasm without ejaculation.

So for women who feel or have never had an internal vaginal orgasm, what are ways that we can re sensitize inside of ourselves?

Yeah, I mean, I think the big tools would be self pleasuring as we've talked about, reconnaissance, exploration, setting time aside to just.

And would you suggest always starting with your finger before using like a wand or something?

Definitely, yeah. And then even if someone's not even feeling pleasure at that early on, then I would say yoni massage, where the intention is slightly different. For me, when I Talk about yoni massage versus self pleasuring, where yoni massage is really with the intention of healing, activating, waking up the vagina. And so we're going in and touching and massaging and loving with that is our focus. And then once we start to feel, if we start to feel, and once we start to feel pleasure in the vagina, we can follow those pathways, right? And that's how we learn what really turns us on. But some people don't feel anything at the beginning. And so with the focus of yoni massage and no expectation that they have to attain anything other than spend loving, intentional time with their vaginas is a great tool. Yoni massage and then a jade yoni egg. I mean, that's the thing that I'm probably most known for, is women using yoni eggs in their vaginas, which not just help to wake up the vagina, but everything from strengthen, bring back blood flow and circulation, which brings back lubrication, increases sensation, pleasure, prevents urinary and reverses urinary incontinence, prevents pelvic organ prolapse. All of these things that are done through exercising the vagina. And I laugh like I was watching somebody. People send me these crazy things. Like some woman, an obgyn is talking about using microneedling in the vagina as a way to, I don't even know, like bring collagen flow back, like lubrication flow back and just, just exercise your vagina. It's really simple and you know, I'd almost call it a quick fix, but I don't think getting microneedling in your vagina is like a quick or easy fix. It's a ridiculous distraction to the actual root cause, which is having weak vagina, which we fix by strengthening it with a practice like a jade yoni egg. So yoni massage, jaydioni egg and self pleasuring, I would say are the most important pieces to cultivating, awakening, developing that relationship with the vagina.

I've heard that if you're a woman that tends to be like tighter, so maybe you're like stronger or you clench yourself more. That a J dag might not be the best practice for you because you need to loosen and soften. But I know for you, J dag has been like your primary pract. Curious your take on this. If it's for everyone or it just depends on what you need, it's for everyone.

If I have somebody who comes into my programs and they have that as their focus, then there's just different exercises that I would give them so you focus more on opening and relaxing than you do on the contraction immediately. But then you can build that in. So it's still an excellent way of focusing in that area. And the way that I teach it is much more holistic than just an exercise. Right. So there's creative visualizations and connecting to those organs and using different energetic practices to awaken them. Right. So it's not just about doing sets and reps with the egg.

And do you recommend sleeping with the egg overnight? Cause I've also heard contradicting things.

Never. I mean, I think these things when the jade egg became popularized via my vagina, like people started selling them all over the place and didn't really know how to use them. And so they were just giving them, selling them to people and telling them, oh, you can wear your egg around the house when you're vacuuming. And you know you can do it while you're doing yog can sleep with it in. And all of these things a aren't doing anything in terms of creating any kind of strength and resistance training to build muscle in the vagina or build tone in the vagina, which is the whole point of the exercise. And sleeping with it is the same thing. It's like me sleeping next to a dumbbell and thinking that I've built my bicep overnight. Plus when you sleep with it, it's heavy enough that if you're, it's weighted so you're sleeping what, eight hours and you're crushing your delicate vaginal tissues with this egg. Like it's, it's just comical to me. Some of these like instructions that are non instructions that are given out there, anything like basically 10 minutes a day, three to four times a week will give you a super powered, fully articulate flute playing. Orgasmic, sentient, pleasurable, lubricating and ejaculating vagina. Not wearing an egg around the house.

I love the flute playing. It's a great just description of it. So are there any practices that you suggest for people to get started with? I know teach so many different types or for using a J Dag for someone who's just getting started, do a course.

Right. Like I wouldn't just tell someone to go buy a jade egg and give them a couple tips. Like the way that I teach it, I give people guided MP3 exercises that include the timing and the different instructions for the exercise. And it's like going to the gym, right? Where if you really know how to work out, you're timing your sets and your reps, you're timing your contraction and your release, you're timing your rest between your exercises. There's a science to working out, and that's how I teach it in the jade egg. It's not just like, go and clench your egg 50 times and you'll be good. So you wouldn't send someone to the gym to do 50 reps on the leg press and expect that they're going to have any results from that. So for me, it's a comprehensive mind, body, spirit program, and I don't think it's successful. Even if I was just to give people exercises. Like, even when I was at the height of popularity for talking about the J Day, I refused to just sell a jade egg on my website. I wanted people to take it with the instruction, with the whole emotional and spiritual and energetic component of healing. Because again, if a woman, let's say, doesn't even want to put an egg in her vagina, what good do these exercises do for her if she can't even get started right? And some people with sexual trauma have that going on. And so for me, it's a whole mind, body, spirit endeavor. And that's how I get the results that I get. Because it, it's not just trying to get a quick fix band aid.

And do you recommend that people start with an obsidian one? Cause I've heard that that helps with clearing sexual trauma and blocks.

I mean, I go with Jade because jade is the original stone that was used by the Taoists 5,000 years ago. And jade has this whole visualization, dreaming, rebirth like birthing element connected to it as a stone plus nephrite. Jade. Nephrite was the Latin word for kidney energy. And so nephrite, like. So there's this whole connection the Taoists make with the kidneys and the waters of sexual energy that are responsible for making sex drive and balancing hormones and generating libido in the woman. So I've always used Jade as my stone. I haven't. I mean, I know there's so many other stones out there and if people. It's not like it's gonna reduce the efficacy of it by choosing different stones. But I've always just stuck with jade.

Yeah, I know there's rose quartz ones, amethyst ones, I mean, every crystal now. But I know the porousness is very. And that's what jade is so good for because it's a non porous stone.

Yep.

This episode is brought to you by Better Help. So if you are someone that's going through a major life transition, one of the most powerful things that you can give yourself is a therapist. Like someone who's not a friend, but an actual trained professional who can sit with you and ask you questions and hear your thoughts. And that's really where you're going to get come up with your own revelations and your own insights, and that makes all the difference. Sometimes we use our friends as therapists, and while that's great, we need to get professional help. And that's why I love Better Help. So it's completely online, it's flexible. You fill out a brief questionnaire and you get paired with a licensed therapist. And you can also switch them up at any time to find your soulmate therapist, which is gonna make all the world of a difference. So to get 10% off your first month, head over to betterhelp.com Sahar Sahara. Again, that's BetterHelp. H E-L-P.com Sahara S A H A R A. You can find that link in the show notes. So I want to talk about bringing this into partnership. So a lot of listeners, they, you know, maybe they have their self pleasure practice, but then when it comes to sex with their partner, or maybe they don't have a partner, how can we begin having this conversation in a way that feels sexy and not like, emasculating for the other person?

Well, I have a great video called Vitamin BJ on my YouTube channel that I made kind of as a joke, but also half serious for women to give their men to be like, I found this great sex coach online and she thinks that women should eat more ejaculate. Why don't you watch this video and tell me what you think? Do you think we should study with her? What do you think she's like, all about women giving their guys blow jobs all the time. There are very clever and playful ways to have this conversation with your partners. Right? And, you know, find an episode of my podcast that's all about, like, how blowjobs are healing and metaphysical.

They're like, sign her. Sign her up.

Exactly.

There she is.

Yeah, exactly. I mean, I have an episode called the Million Dollar Blowjob, right, Where this couple was committed to this ongoing practice of having oral sex like 90 minutes a day. And that landed them the biggest multimillion dollar. It's probably like the $10 million blowjob but deal of their lives, of their business right after going on this practice. So that's a whole other conversation. The connection between sex and creativity and money and attracting abundance, magnetizing opportunities in our lives. But yeah, I would Say do it in a way that your partner can't say no. So it's not a serious conversation about, we need, like, this could be, like, you have fun with it. And honestly, if a partner isn't on board with, hey, honey, I want us to have better sex. I want us to have mind blowing, cataclysmic, life changing sex. The only acceptable answer to that proposition is fuck yes. Fuck yes, I would love to do that. Fuck yes, sign us up for that course. Fuck yes, I would love to have sex with you for three hours at a time. Fuck yes, I would love to learn how to eat your pussy to the place where you see God. It's the only acceptable answer. If you have a punishment who's like, well, that doesn't sound like fun. Having better sex. Like, what the fuck are you doing? Right? Get that motherfucker, kick his ass out the door. Right? That's your answer. Your job is not to hold somebody's hand and drag them into the bedroom and pull, oh, could you, could we please have better sex? Like, are you kidding me? But we've somehow become accustomed to that as women. And that's the narrative out there. Like, that you have to pull teeth to get your man to be on board with something that's good for you. Or like, how are we gonna tiptoe around this conversation with our. And it's not like your question is wrong. It's just unfortunate that that's where we're at, that we think that that's acceptable, right? That we have to coddle these men to be like, you know where, Again, the only acceptable answer is fuck yes, I would love to do that with you.

Absolutely. I think that our partners want to have better sex. It's just, they don't know how. They don't have the blueprint, they don't have the tools. And often I find men touch women the way that they want to be touched, which is often, like, harder and faster and rougher. And a lot of women, they need more of a tender touch, a sensual touch. But it's just, yeah, having that conversation and making it be known. Because I think most men, and most partners in general want to satisfy and please their partner. But I think it comes down to women feeling like, I don't know, like if I state my needs, it might not be sexy or I might be telling him what to do and that might turn him off. And I want to be in my surrender, so I don't want to tell him what I want. I find that especially happens when people aren't in partnership. Partnership. And I know you did a podcast about this because people might assume, oh well, if you're single, free sex, have sex with a bunch of different people. And I loved on this podcast you said your times that you were single, you were having, you know, the best sex ever with yourself. And sometimes it's to actually really be discerning with who you share your sexual energy with. Because if you're not able to have these conversations with someone of I like this and I don't like that, like, why are we letting them in our bodies?

Yeah, very good point. And I talk about, about, I mean, the older I've gotten and the more that I've done this work and really come into touch with the sacred power that sexuality really has and the misuse of that power and how it's so encouraged in our world and our culture. And again, I don't have any moral judgment about that. It all comes down to what's the most positive, rejuvenating, restorative, potent use of this energy for me in my life. So yes, I think that in a casual situation then you don't really have the domain so much to have these deeper conversations, to be vulnerable, to share things and really to be on a committed journey to having a conscious relationship. It's all, to me, it's all about having conscious relationships where we're growing and learning and evolving and we're committed to doing that together. Or unconscious relationships where we are cutting off parts of ourself, we're not showing up fully. We're playing this game of I'm going to dip my toe in but close my heart off and, and you know, and I encourage people to really go in, go fuck themselves thoroughly, artfully, heartfully, which raises their own vibration as they get to know themselves deeper and then you attract a higher quality partner. Why waste your time with somebody who perhaps doesn't care so much about your body and your needs and like, what kind of messaging is that imprinting upon your body and your vagina that you will have to go back and heal eventually, right? All of that imprinting stays within us and it gets lodged. Wim Hof says the issues in our tissues. And that's so true. And that's why yoni massage and the egg and self pleasuring are so essential to clear energy out and to let go of stuff from the past. And our vaginal orgasms do that G spot and especially cervical orgasms are so cathartic and powerful and releasing to let go of so much of this stuff that can lodge itself into the vaginal tiss, into the cervix and we can release that. You know, women often talk about having crying, screaming, guttural, hysterical and blissful cervical orgasms. And a huge piece of that is letting go of all of this tension, stress stored trauma that has lodged itself within the vagina.

Yes, that is the most powerful part of it. It's just so clearing of whatever is there. And you know, I know a lot of women are like, why am I crying? It's like, well those tears were there, that grief was there, whatever is coming out. And sometimes you only give yourself the spaciousness to go there in your own self pleasure practice because you don't have another person who's watching you unless you guys are in a really beautiful partnership where you feel safe to express your full spectrum self. But I think what's hard for a lot of us single women is like you deeply desire to have this beautiful soul and heart, pussy and emotional sex. But then it brings you to the realm of relationship which comes with everything else. So I feel a lot of my single friends, sometimes they'll just sort of like pretend the heart doesn't matter just so they can have sex because it's been a year or more. But I always find we end up regretting it because it's like most of the time, especially for women, you don't really get the orgasms. You don't get the experience that you want from casual sex because you don't know each other, you don't love each other. And I just feel as the feminine. I don't know if it's our by design or not, but it's not nourishing for us. Have you found this?

Oh, definitely. When people ask me that sometimes they'll come into my salons and they'll say, oh, should I go get a partner so I can practice some of the home play? I'd say no, practice it on yourself. You can file away some of the mutual pleasure techniques for the future, but it's much more important to cultivate that relationship with yourself. And I would say that the deeper vaginal orgasms, like G spot orgasms and cervical orgasms would be nearly impossible to have in a stranger type situation. Right. And these to me are the essential good fuck medicine that all women need. And so sure, you can maybe bounce off a clitoral orgasm with a non very connected partner, but is it really worth it in the end? Right. And I think that that also comes down to you don't know what you don't know, and if you have a really deep soul connection, multidimensional, you're connected physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, energetically, then nothing compares to that. And so if you haven't had that, you might just be like, you just don't know that that's possible. And why not just bust off a clitoral orgasm with the cute guy from the bar, right? But, but once you get a taste of what's really possible and you can get that taste on your own, once you get deep into that vaginal territory and you start to open up to these higher level orgasms, you'll know, you'll start to feel what' possible and then you can have that with a partner in the future. So I always suggest to people it's much better use of your time to go fuck yourself. And then as I said up level your vibration really inhabit your sexual energy, become and emanate that whole aura glow of a well fucked woman. And you will attract much higher level people. But if you remain in a lower vibration, you're going to keep repeating the pattern patterns of attracting lower vibration people.

Yes. And I think patience is such a huge part of it too. Of like it just takes time, you know. And when you have your own self pleasure practice and you're not like reliant on someone else to get you to feel a certain way, but you know, you always have access to that within yourself. And in fact you're like, oh, if this person can't give me better orgasms than I can myself, it's like what's the point of you? And then that's how you actually become empowered and self sourced, which actually makes you more mental, magnetic.

Absolutely. Yep.

So I have a question around surrender and breathing when it comes to especially cervical orgasms, you know, I feel like we have trained ourselves often to hold our breath, clench and have that peak, especially with the more clitoral. And when it comes to something like a cervical orgasm, it requires a lot more surrender. But maybe we're going back into that clench hold pattern. And I feel for a lot of women if they're not, it's hard for them to hit an orgasm if they're really breathing because there's less of that like crescendo, you know. So how can we allow more softness as we orgasm?

I think it comes down to getting to know your own vagina and realizing, I think some people might be clenching and they don't even realize it because they're that disconnected from their anatomy. So the more time you spend with your vagina inside your vagina and feel into it and feel what it's like to release that tension and to open and to open and to open and practice doing that. That's the pathway to the deeper cervical orgasms. Both the physical opening, but the emotional opening, the vulnerability that we like. We're willing to let ourselves be seen. We're willing to be really soft and loved and adored and seen. I think it's like the essence of that is being seen, right? That is the truest, most real part of who we are. The most vulnerable part. Like, like stripped down to our essence. And the more that we will let that come out within ourselves and we share that with a partner, we get to these transformative places and the cervix demands that more than any other part of the body as this utter surrender and letting go and openness. But it becomes, I think it's really just getting to know that terrain internally so you can tune in to whether you are tightening up and you put practice opening and that's a practice that can carry out into our day to day life, right? Like how do we go through life? Do we go through life in a space of opening and surrender and trusting that the universe has my back? That trusting that I can co create the life that I want in the world? Because all of that is related, right? Because if we have, if we're operating more from fear and defensiveness and oh like nothing good happens for me, you know, then we bring that into the sexual realm. And so there's a beautiful symbiotic relationship of the level of surrender I can cultivate in my day to day life. I bring back into the bedroom and back into my cervix and the level of openness I can cultivate with my cervix and in bed I can then bring out into my day to day life. And early on I would say having profound cervical orgasms, I would go out into the world and just feel this total wild oneness and trust and safety, right. That somehow came out of having this magnificent cervical orgasm and being out in the world and just feeling like I could connect to people on such a different level. Like more from the heart and with ease and softness and flow and beauty and grace that the cervical orgasm and the intense sex that got there just fucked away all of my demons and my defensiveness and my hardness and my holding on. So it's all kind of a beautiful circle of abundance that everything feeds each other.

Yeah. I really believe how we orgasm is how we live, right. And are we trying to get to a goal and get there fast and focus and harden and clench everything. And like did I lose it? Did I not? And that's such a masculine way of living life. And we're, but we're taking that into our orgasms. Even the word achieve orgasm, like it's like an achievement, you know, rather than like and like an allow orgasm. Like we are orgasms walking in human form. It's just there's like a layer of separation. So we talked about the J Dag. Are there any other practices you recommend for someone who's never felt a cervical orgasm for unlocking these like deeper areas within ourselves? Do you recommend cervical de armoring like yoni mapping you mentioned?

Yeah, I mean you can do that just on your own in terms of you don't necessarily need to do like a specific practice with that name just by spending time with your own vagina and cervix. Your partner can also participate in that experience with you. Of I think the way you'll know is when you're in an area and it's just numb, right? And the more time you spend with it, you'll start to feel the tissue change and shift underneath your fingers. And that might not happen the first or the second or the third time you do it. It might happen after a while, but you start to then and that transitions into pleasure. And then the main tool for cervical orgasms is really energetic surrender. So you can absolutely de armor and massage and open up the vagina and the cervix. But the thing that's really going to push somebody over the edge is their level of openness and surrender. And so that's the huge key. It's an ongoing journey, right. And that's also about connecting into and appreciating the feminine energy and the archetype of receptivity. Right. So we talked about the masculine and that idea of achieving and I think what people don't realize is that there's a whole lot of effort that goes into receiving, really learning how to receive and to open and to let go takes its own amount of energy and focus to get the there.

How can we practice more of that.

More time spent in the vagina. So with these practices, self pleasuring yoni massage, using the jade egg, all of that stuff, having extended sex dates with, with yourself, with your partner to just spend more time and allow those energies to come to the surface. I think that again, another reason why people might not think that sex can do that much for them is they've had these very short, short Contracted to pump, chomp and jump, pump and schlump kind of experiences or short bursts of clitoral orgasms that peak and then decline, where the whole terrain of the vagina offers so much more. And so time is a huge part of that. Like 45 minutes sometimes it can take to really get a woman fully turned on through penetration. Like 45 minutes, 5 minutes plus of penetration to get to the goals and the good stuff. And again, once you start living more in that space of sexual simmer, you can get there much, much faster. You could get there within seconds to a cervical orgasm, but initially it could take a lot longer of penetration and stimulation of the cervix to really get into that energy and space and learn how to open into it and surrender. And then, like I said, daily life practices. I know you do a lot of work around feminine energy and really learning how to operate from that place in the world. Right. It's not valued, it's not even really acknowledged as a way of being in the modern world. And so what does that mean to live life more from the feminine and cultivate more of that energy and learn then to magnetize things into your life and attract things into your life by nourishing yourself. Right. Versus thinking that you have to work hard and slob to make things happen, which is a very masculine way of getting things done. But even that idea, again, is something we bring back into the bedroom with us is like, okay, this is a valuable life skill, Especially as a woman is learning how to receive, learning how to nurture myself and fill myself up so much that I begin to attract really positive things into my life by nature of connecting with that feminine essence rather than living in. I mean, I. I think that living in the masculine ongoing and defaulting to that is a form of a defense mechanism because we are. If we take charge and we keep in control and we get things done, yes, you will absolutely achieve things to a degree, but often at a cost of adrenal fatigue, of burnout, of exhaustion, and feeling very disconnected to that feminine, flowy essence. And I'm not going to unpack that too much because I feel like. Like that's something you do a lot of. And if people listen to your work, they'll understand that.

Yeah, and it's all interconnected because, yeah, if we're. We're practicing the rigidity and then we're like, why can't I be wide open? It's like, well, no wonder, you know, what posture are you literally holding your body in the whole day? Is it like clenched and closing your heart on your phone? Or is it like being open and looking at what's around us? So with the practice of cervical orgasms, would you recommend starting with a wand, your finger, or using a vibrator?

I think that the process of getting to the cervical orgasm is several stages in the making, right. So let's say a lot. A lot of foreplay and body stimulation. So breast stimulation, nipple stimulation, clitoral stimulation, G spot stimulation, and then perhaps heading to the cervix. And I wouldn't recommend a vibrator for the cervix. I would recommend a. A cervix dildo. Like, I make a set of dildos that's actually called the Holy Trinity, which is all about G spot and cervical orgasms. Right. Using the G spot orgasm to open up the G spot. A cervical dildo that's longer and thinner to access the cervix, and then a thicker, girthier one to really finish things off. And so a long, thick dildo is ideal for the cervix is pointy or bulbs.

Cause I've seen one that has, like a point and bulbs on it.

I don't know what that's all about.

Yeah, I was decoration. Okay. I was like, is. Is there a purpose to this or.

No, it's really like length and girth, right. You want to get. And this is when the vagina is open and ready. Like, you couldn't just take this big, lengthy, girthy deal. Or maybe some women can, but, you know, with the unwarmed up vagina, she wants to be like, you were saying, like swollen and moist and open and supple and asking for it. Right. Like a really turned on vagina is asking to be penetrated. And so when the vagina is really ready, then that is like the ultimate filler to really access the cervix, fill the vagina up, give her that feeling of being truly penetrated and owned, and that will help bring her over the edge to cervical orgasm. So the two best tools for cervical penetration are a cock and a cervical dildo. It's challenging to get there on our own with the. And so it's good to de armor and massage as much as possible, but to really bring things home.

Well, I actually found if you do child's pose, that position really helps you access the cervix with just your finger.

Excellent.

Yeah. So one listeners can take home. So I want to talk a bit more about these sex marathons that you speak about. So you said you had like a multiple day Sex marathon. So what does that look like? How can we remain in that like orgasmic state? I'm assuming you took breaks to eat and go to the bathroom and stuff.

Yeah, absolutely. So I started having sex weekends, I don't know, years ago where we would just go away for the weekend and really the whole focus is sex and so you don't have any other activities. Like you don't have other daily dinner dates planned or you have to go meet someone or go do something. You really just have each other. And yeah, once you build up to these places of having extended tantra style sex where you're having sex for hours at a time, you're in bed for hours and hours and hours at a time, then yeah, you might go down for dinner at some point or maybe you go to, if you're at a resort, sometimes you go to a yoga class just to keep things limber and supple and flexible and opened up. But you're always keeping that energy flow going between you, right. And so as you're walking, you might rub somebody in an intimate place or you know, give them a really sexy, passionate kiss. You're always aware of keeping that energy flow going so it never drops. Right. If we use that simmer analogy of an 8 out of 10, what would it take to feel like that energy is constantly moving between you? This electric, beautiful hum and vibration? So and then I, yeah, took that further into week long sex dates where it was the same thing where the primary focus is just being together and being intimate. So yeah, you can go for a walk on the beach or a hike in the forest, but then you're also, you know, you use those moments throughout the whole experience of being affectionate and physically affectionate and keeping that energy high. But really the whole thing revolves around your bed. And, and when I talked earlier about emotional connection and communication, that those are opportunities. Often when we're being so well fucked and getting all of the shit fucked out of us, things will come to the surface and conversations will happen as this additional clearing and cleansing opportunities that we can take full advantage of. We're all lubricated up, we're all blissed out and orgasmed out. So we're not coming at discussions with the same level perhaps of defensiveness and fear and anxiety. We're just flowing and open and things come out of us that might need, have needed to come out for some time and now they can't because we've allowed that to happen.

Sounds like a great vacation to have. And it's like, who wouldn't want that. You know, it's like we want the intimacy, we want the connection. But for some reason we're like, so we have to do these things, right? It's like just have a weekend dedicated to your sex and your devotion and it's gonna bring you guys so much closer and allow you to be in that relationship orgasmic state. And I think it's our pleasure capacity that we hit of like, I don't deserve this much pleasure. I can't hold this much pleasure. And I feel like that's why a lot of women have a hard time with orgasm in general, let alone multiple orgasm. Of like once you have one, it's like, okay, stop. And it's like that push away energy. So if you're feeling like you're hitting like upper limits with your pleasure, like how can we allow ourselves to receive more?

I think it's like building a muscle that initially you just have to make yourself do it. As in you have to, to set extra time. Okay. If we're like the idea of the three hour sex date, right? Or say half an hour of self pleasuring becomes 45 minutes, becomes an hour and we just focus and commit to doing things for longer because that's where all the gold is. And I think that's why so many people can talk themselves out of these experiences. Because in a shortened abbreviated session, they never hit these really divine, life changing, ecstatic places. What they think they had the junk food, sugar high candy bar rush is nothing compared to what's available for them. But I also hear what you're saying is that someone can, out of fear, just kind of, it feels like instinctively push away that depth. And that's where knowing and having some kind of roadmap is very helpful. That yes, you might feel that feeling. You might feel like you get to a precipice where you have to jump into a void and yes, jump into that void. Because if you contract back and pull back, it's like what you're describing, this upper limit issue, is that you are going to be required to leap into places both emotionally, both sexually. And that is part of the whole terrain. And so the longer you have like actual time set out to do these things, the easier it is to actually, okay, I can try, I can do this. Rather than having the made for you excuse of oh, okay, we're done, you know, gotta get back to life, gotta get back to work, gotta get back to kids.

Yeah. And I think whatever the thing is that shows up for us, that's probably our core Wound in life, right? Of like, I don't deserve this much pleasure. I don't deserve to take up this much space. I'm gonna bore the other person if I take so long to get turned on or whatever. The thing is, it's like that fear is there, right? And it's just. This is just bringing it to surface. And yeah, like, sometimes I feel like you have to. It's like to receive. Receive more pleasure. It's unpleasurable, you know, of like, oh, my God, like, it's bringing up all my shit. And it's like to surrender and lean into that. This takes you to a greater state of pleasure and a greater state of pleasure and a greater state of pleasure and can. And a lifelong journey and in a.

Partnership that we have that commitment and permission to go to all these places with each other. And that's why I would say having the agreement to have a conscious relationship is so important. Because all of that deeper our flaws, our wounds, our blockages are supposed to get triggered in deep sexual union and deep relationship. Right. We're meant to. These are the most amazing vehicles for us to heal. Alchemize all of this prior wounding that we've been carrying around with us for decades and lifetimes. And so that's why having somebody who's on the same page and you can have these conversations and when I'm in my. My fear space or my unconscious patterns and I can't see, you can help me see, right? You're on my side. You're my ally, not my adversary. And you're like, hey, I think this might be happening for you. Oh, okay. Maybe it is. And that we can then transition through that together, right? We can shine a light on these things together.

Yes. And it's like this beautiful, almost like magnetism that like God created of like helping two people heal through this thing that's so joyful and pleasurable and feels good and brings up all of the muck.

And that's it right there. Right? Is that's what our intimate sexual lives were meant to be? That is the whole purpose of them. I mean, I guess you could also creative energy and power in the world, but yeah. And so the fact that we have so much conditioning and taboo and misinformation and censorship around sex is both sad but also kind of hilarious because it's the opposite. That's really true. Like, that's where so much richness is for us. And the ultimate healing, the ultimate self realization, the ultimate tools to help us on a spiritual journey can be found within our sex lives.

And that's the beauty of it. It's like it's all the answers are within. Like literally they're all within and just like waiting, waiting for us to tune in and notice. And the thing that society has made us the most ashamed about is the thing that unlocks our greatest power. And I know in my own journey, it's like no one even told me what sex was growing up. It was just like, I think they just thought you'd like figure it out one day. And I know so many people grew up with religious trauma and the list goes on. And it's almost like, what a genius way to keep women out of their power.

And men, right? The irony to me is that this exists within our own body. And for so many people, it could be a million miles and away, considering how connected, how disconnected they are from it, right? That they have so little relationship with and feel so terrified of and separated from their sexual energy, and yet the keys to their queendom, kingdom, self realization, spiritual ascension are in their at their genitals, in their sexual life force, divine energy. And yet all this messaging, which has been so successful, I don't think I can think of a more successful psyop in history than trying to lie to people about the true purpose of their sexual energy. And having people believe it, right? Having people believe that there's something so bad and scary within your own body that it's too dangerous for you to even touch it. How successful a psyop is that?

Yeah. And making people so afraid of love that it creates all this loveless sex, which is just like, you know, perpetuating the same shallow service level culture, which, by the way, doesn't even feel good.

Right? And that's why I think that even that whole emphasis on casual sex and minimizing the power of sex is part of the disinformation campaign, right? Of like minimizing the potency, the sacredness, making it feel like it's a throwaway experience. It doesn't matter, right? It's not that powerful. It's no big deal. You can dump all of your life force energy in just a piece of toilet paper and flush it down the toilet paper toilet. And that's all it's really worth. Right? And so the fact that it's the exact opposite of all of that is. Is wild.

So beautiful. I love this conversation. I could talk to you for hours. And it's so I was telling you that I was in Trinidad in the car, we were driving around, I would always play your Podcast out loud. And the Trinidadian driver at first was just like, what the hell is this? And by the end he was like, that was a good episode, Mon. Like, it was like totally feeling it. So your work is even perpetrating the Trinity men.

So I love that story. That's amazing.

And where can listeners connect with you and learn from you further? And I know we're going to have a special link for your course and stuff in the show notes as well.

Right. So kimanami.com is where I have all of my online courses. I call them sexual savant salons. There are courses for men, women, couples, vaginas, and pregnant women and mamas. So you can find all that there. I have my Instagram Imanami, I have a YouTube channel and my orgasmic enlightenment podcast where we. A big feature of that podcast is we interview what I call well fucked all stars, who are people who have gone through my programs and often been thought that they were just one of those people who couldn't. One of those women who couldn't orgasm, one of those men who didn't think he could last longer than five minutes, you know, and they go through this work and they have these miraculous experiences and transformations. So it's one thing for me to say, like, I can do these things, but I love being able to feature people from everywhere who can also do these things to let everyone know that you too can do these things.

Well, thank you so much for just being bold and brave and taking a stance against a lot of this. Yeah, this misinformation that we see. I mean, even in like the OBGYN space and all these other places that make us so afraid and clinicalize our most sacred parts. And I just appreciate your fire and your boldness so much.

Thank you. I'm so happy to have had this conversation with you.

Yay. Well, thank you all so much for tuning in. If you loved this episode, please share it with your friends, share it with your partner. Share it with, you know, all of the people on your Instagram who also deserve a well fucked life. And if you wanna leave a for the podcast, I'm offering my womb meditation, which allows you to connect to your womb's inner wisdom so you can receive her answers, which is also part of having more pleasure and awareness in your life. So head over to the itunes store, leave a review for the podcast and take a screenshot and email it over to me@saharaiamsaharose.com you can find all of that as well as a link for Kim's amazing courses in our show notes. Thank you so much for tuning in, and I'll see you in in the next one.