509: What Makes Someone Magnetic with Rosie Acosta

I would say what holds woman back from being magnetic is this. I'm gonna zoom into how you feel about me, and I'm gonna be your perfect girl. And it's like, how are you reading me? Do you like me? Do you this? And we're, like, maneuvering and, like, perfecting ourselves. And that very thing is what's making us repelling, because it's like, we're not being ourselves. You're being the yes person of like, oh, do you like this? Yes. Do you like that? Yes. It's not fucking interesting. It's like, you don't need to agree with everything that person has to say. Welcome back to the Highest Self podcast. My name is Sahara Rose, and on this podcast, I love to take spiritual concepts, but make it really grounded and modern, fun, relatable, so it can actually serve the needs of our lives. And this episode that you're about to listen to kind of has become like a monthly segment. So you're gonna hear my bestie, Rosie Acosta, and I just kind of shoot the shit on the things that we go back and forth with on our voice notes. So her and I, honestly, our voice notes, if, first of all, if they were ever released, I think we would just, like, go to jail. But secondly, they would be a podcast because we love to talk about things, especially around relationships and dating and sensuality and spirituality and shadow work and trauma and kind of we go everywhere. So after six years of doing these post notes, we were like, maybe we should just, like, have these convers conversation on the podcast, because a lot of you guys are like, I want to have friends that I can talk to about these things. There are things I've noticed in society, things I've noticed in myself, but I want a safe space that I could actually have these conversations. So she's back on the podcast, and today's topic is going to be about magnetism. So what does it actually mean to be magnetic? What does this energy mean? We talk about a lot in spirituality, but we're going to be kind of giving our own definitions and then what makes a man and a woman magnetic? So we're gonna be speaking our own experiences of what we've noticed within ourselves and other people. And hopefully it gives you some really good advice and takeaways of, first of all, what makes you feel magnetic and you come alive, because that's what matters most, how we feel about ourselves. And then also, who are we drawn to in dating and relationships and how can we cultivate more of that energy? So without further ado, let's welcome Rosie back on the podcast.

Yay. It's been so long. Cannot long at all.

So long. A good two weeks. I missed you, kid.

You know what I was going to say is that you are very magnetic. Yeah. But, like, right now, and I know you just came back from an event, but that's. You know, what I noticed about you? Anytime you do an event with a lot of people, you do come back radiating this magnetism, this excitement that's very contagious. It's very inspiring. It's very full, and I think it's really interesting that we're having this conversation on the heel.

Thanks for noticing, girl, but it's because I'm living my dharma when I'm doing it. Dharma, for those of you who don't know, it's your soul's purpose, it's your unique frequency, it's why you're here. And so when I, you know, this weekend I had the highest self weekend, which was 300 people over three days. Day one was all about the inner child. So inner child healing and workshops and poetry. Day two was all about the inner teenager. So our rage and releasing it. But I also did the most amazing DJ set I've ever done in my entire life with, like, all of my favorite 2000s throwback. And I'm talking, like, raise up, PB Pablo. I'm talking kryptonite. I'm talking, like, that stuff that you're like, oh, my God, I have not heard this song in so long. I be on it on the. And I'll be on it all day. Straight up, pimp if you want me you can find me in the air I'm on it, I'm on it it was so good and so fun and so, so joyful. And then day three was all about the highest self and the integration. So I guided this, like, channeled meditation that we were, like, standing up and channeling our higher selves and back down and having this conversation, it was just like, oh, this is why I'm alive. Like, I am living my soul's purpose, doing so. And it was so much flow. And I was just surrounded by the people who listened to this podcast, which, like, lights me up so much and having conversations about how this has impacted their lives that I just feel so, so oozed up with life force in myself that I feel. I just feel radiant. Even though, I mean, I haven't even seen anyone since. So thanks for the feedback. But it shows. And that's, I think, the number one thing for me on my List. We both wrote lists of what we feel makes a woman and man magnetic. And I think for both, in all genders, it's living your dharma.

Yeah, I think for sure that has to be. But it's like, what is the lead up to living your dharma? You have to be in that state, state of confidence. You have to be in that state of trust. You have to be in that state of authenticity to be able to even approach something as challenging as following your purpose. Right. But I think that's absolutely one of the biggest magnetic traits that we can have. I mean, think about when you are inspired by somebody. Oftentimes you are inspired by, you know, maybe something they're teaching, something that they're really excited about. The people that you're most drawn to. Let's say for you, you know, you really love 2000s music, you know, or you really love a certain genre of Afrobeats or whatever it is. It's not just the music. It's not just because you love to dance. It's because you are connected to the soul of the song. You're listening to the lyrics. You're feeling what the artist is. Is feeling in that moment. Right. Because you like to go deep. So for you, it's that appreciation of this art. And so it magnetizes you to a specific genre or a specific artist or a specific music type. Right. Because we feel when somebody is being fully who they are, it gives me permission to be fully who I am.

But.

And when we're talking about in terms of the people that we attract into our life or the people that are magnetized into our lives or the people that we find magnetic, it's like, what are those traits? And again, we can go back to the list of what we discussed, but I think for me, what magnetized me to you was exactly what I just said. It was this energy of somebody that was very open. Because, you know, I'm not a group things person, right? So for me, I would have never met you at a group gathering, which is where you shine. Right. But you also have this. This energy that can also be immersed in by one person. Right. I can sense from you that you have the capacity to hold a room full of people. Right? So to me, that's really inspiring because only people who are fully immersed in their Dharma and their purpose and their passion can do that. But you're also very playful and very open. It's not intimidating because there are also people who are all of those things, but they're very cut off from connecting with people. Right. We've seen a lot of those speakers. They can be totally charismatic and magnetic on stage. The minute they come off stage and you see them backstage and maybe they don't know you're a speaker, they don't treat you well. Right. But I think it's really important to be a well rounded, magnetic person. I don't know, what do you think?

Well, I think magnetism is you being your full expression all the time and not wearing a mask. Right. So if you're wearing a mask, and this is the problem I have with a lot of like the dating advice out there, it's like, say this and don't say that. Show up this way. Don't show up that. Let's say you memorize and let's say you did it. Okay, great. You make it to month three of the relationship, which tends to be month three is when the masks come off because you can't be playing this game. You can't be so calculated anymore. And then it's like the relationship will dissolve because you weren't being your authentic self. So you might as well lead. And I'm not saying lead with like all your traumas from the get go, but lead with who you are going to consistently be because that's who this person is, is signing up for and that's what you're signing up for. So getting into magnetism, I want to share with you my list. I want to hear your list and then let's, let's zoom into them. So to what makes a woman magnetic is her openness, how much you can feel her heart. The best compliment I've ever gotten from a man is, you're so open. And I was like, I loved receiving that because I don't think the old version of me would have gotten that compliment. And I know it's like a direct result of the work that I have been doing. And I feel like. And we're speaking about more women who identify with feminine energy, men who identify with masculine. So if you're non binary, non gender conforming, this will probably look different from you not the expert in that. So I can only speak from it, from my personal experience of this. So that's my little disclaimer on that. But I would say for feminine leaning women, I would say our beauty comes from that softness. It comes from that receptivity. So receptivity is one of the things, the beauty being inner and outer. Because, you know, you see people who are perfect Instagram models, but you see them in person and it's just something about them is like dry, it's like a dried up well. Energy. And often it's that she doesn't feel confident within herself. So that confidence, that sense of joy, feeling her heart, feeling like she's filled within herself, a sense of radiance and glow. So taking care of yourself, feeling fulfilled, rested, vibrant. And on that sense of confidence, also a sense of self, of knowing yourself. So I feel one of the shadows of the feminine is that latchy energy of like, I need a man, I need to be saved, I need someone. And a lot of this, if you look at like the biology of a woman, like we have this literal womb within our bodies which, which is this empty space, this void that we are carrying. So a lot of that like deep feminine desire is to be filled. It's to be penetrated with a masculine force. And there's such a beauty to that. And I don't feel that. I think our western psychological model is like, just love yourself and you are enough and you don't need anything else. And it's like, I don't know about y', all, but I'm a lover, you.

Know, she's like, I need this void filled.

I am not giving up on that. However, if it's like save me from myself, that can create that repelling energy. Because it's like no man, no person can fill you up with something that you are lacking within yourself. So it's like having that openness without it being a void. And I feel like that really is what magnetism is of like, you can come dance with me, but if you're not, I'm good dancing on my own.

Yeah, well, it's that confidence piece, right? It's the confidence piece of us being in a state of self acceptance, of self trust. And I feel like for many of us that have had experiences being in toxic relationships, we come in with this armor, right? We come in to the world having experienced pain. And so we have to learn how to de escalate the fear when we go into a new relationship or a new space because we have all this armor and of course we want all the things. I want to have my armor because I want to protect myself, but I also want all the things on my list that I've created, but you can't really have both. You know, you have to be able to release the armor in your time doing whatever healing work you're doing and also learn, relearn. Because we lose our trust when we're in a. So when we're in a toxic relationship, right, we lose that Self trust. Whether we like it or not, that little bit of discernment that we once had has now left the building. Or it feels like it's left because we feel like, oh, I missed something, I didn't see something, and we start to doubt ourselves. Right. So then this is where having friends, community, therapist, loved one, really comes into. Really comes into a place of helping you. Because then if I'm not really clear on my discernment, I need help reflecting that. Right. So I'm going to send you a voice note and I'm going to say, hey, I'm, you know, kind of going through this or I'm thinking about this. You know, I want to run this by you. Your community, your tribe, then shows up for you in a way to help you sift through the discomfort of not knowing whether your intuition is right or you're, you know, what you're thinking is correct because you've lost that edge. Right. So I think being able to navigate that for most of us creates that level of confidence. Once we could get into that state of self acceptance and self trust and we can build back up that discernment, we can then get into that state of what you're saying feeling fully embodied. Like, you and I have had these conversations before where, you know, we talk all the time, you talk to a lot of your friends, but at the end of the day, you've said this before, I'm gonna do what I'm gonna do because I trust myself. Right. Because you can be grounded in that empowering state. That's magnetic. Right. And I think that that's also recognizing everything else on your list. You know, you have to be in a state of openness, like you said, to be able to receive the lessons that we learn from past relationships and past traumas or, you know, past hurt to get into the state of feeling confident and feeling magnetic and feeling like we can continue to move forward. Right. I know we kind of deviated, but I think it related to what you were talking about.

So one of the things that makes someone super magnetic is their voice. We actually pick up on someone's voice, their tone, their texture, their quality. It tells us so much about their energy, their chakras, and whether we're attracted to them or not. But the thing is, a lot of us are really in our heads when we speak, and other people can hear that, and that's going to make us less magnetic, and that's not what we want. Because girl, boy, we know you are fire. So if you are ready to start speaking With Soul. Not just for relationships, but to one day start a podcast, speak on stages, go on Instagram lives, or just have better communication with your friends. I have created a revolutionary course that has had literally thousands of success stories called Speak with soul. So in 21 days, I'm going to take you from an awkward stumbling to confident on fire speaker in just 10 minutes a day. The testimonials I have are literally insane. You can check them out on the website and learn more about and get signed up today. Because who knows where you'll be in 21 days from now. I mean, I know you're going to be magnetic, AF and so much more. So head over to speakwithsoulcourse.com again that speakwithsoulcourse.com to get started, and you can find that link in the show notes. Now let's dive into it. Yeah, I mean, I knew in my own sense of self, like, after going through my divorce, I was like, oh, my God, like, what did I not see? How am I in this situation? And made me lose that sense of like, can I trust myself? Is my intuition off? Which is like the most disempowering space that someone can be in. You know, if you can't trust yourself and your own intuition, it's like all radars are off. And I feel like that's why so many systems are actually trying to make that happen. But then, you know, then I just started to realize, like, wait, I freaking love every area of my life. Like, look at this life I've created. Look at the friendships I have, look at the business I have, look at the ways that I've shown up. It's like, I can definitely trust myself because if I couldn't, I wouldn't be living this experience. And then it's like, even the things that are harder for us, like leaving relationships, et cetera, it's like, oh, I trust myself enough to leave.

Exactly.

And that's the trust right there.

That is also very empowering. And that is also empowering even for the people listening to this podcast that are watching you through your journey and seeing how magnetic that becomes, you know, this ability. Because then like, is gonna attract, like. Right? We were also discussing what makes makes women magnetic or feminine leaning individuals and what makes a man magnetic. Like, what makes people magnetic in the first place?

Let's break down. Like, what do you even see as the definition of the word magnetic when you think about it?

So when I think of the word magnetic, I mean, somebody that is a lighthouse, somebody that is just shining so bright that you cannot help but look and feel in that direction. Somebody, a human, a person that is just radiating so much light that you want to just. You want to know what they did, you want to know what they're doing, and you want to follow that path. That, to me, is what magnetism is.

To me, magnetism is like they are alluring to you. There is a draw. Because I think about that. What is a magnet? It's a. A push, pull. It's like. It's a merge, you know? So to me, someone that's magnetic is like, I just want to be in their energy field, you know, I want. Yeah, I want to be around their orbit. I want to know more about what are they, what are they sipping, what's.

In that cup, what's in that, what are you drinking?

What is it? And I feel like there's this. I don't give a fuck energy to them, you know, it's like they've let go of the polished perfection and they're just themselves and there's something very relaxed about them. And that relaxation makes you drop in. And it also exudes confidence because someone who is confident doesn't need to try so hard, you know? And one of the huge realizations that I had within myself is the last time that I was on stage in October at my Sun Being Gwe event to now this event in June. So like eight, nine months between the old me. I used to think like, oh, when you go on stage, you gotta like, be behind stage and like giving yourself the pep talk. Like, you know how you see the videos of like, the speakers and it's like, you gotta prepare yourself for the talk. And I used to do that. Cause it's just what I saw. It's like, how the fuck am I supposed to know? And with this, I was just myself the whole time. I was like talking to people. I would get on stage, I would do the practice the other speakers were doing. It was just me flowing in through life. And there was no me in the audience. Me on stage, me talking to this person versus me talking. I was just oozing me at all times. And I believe that was what made me magnetic. Because so many people were like, holy shit, we've never seen you on that level and on that vibe that you have right now. And it's because I let go of this need to perform now. That need was a need to perform in on stage that can show up for people in relationships, which is a huge piece. I feel like one of the. Actually, it's Both. I would say it's equally both. I would say it was going to say feminine, but masculine performs a lot as well. I would say what holds woman back from being magnetic is this. I'm gonna zoom into how you feel about me, and I'm gonna be your perfect girl. And it's like, how are you reading me? Do you like me? Do you this? And we're like, maneuvering and, like, perfecting ourselves. And that very thing is what's making us repelling. Because it's like, we're not being ourselves. You're being the yes person of like, oh, do you like this? Yes. Do you like that? Yes. It's not fucking interesting. It's like, you don't need to agree with everything that person has to say. Sometimes it's just being like, you know, for example, I mean, you've seen me, like, I don't watch movies and shows really. Like, I watch never have I ever this. But basically about it. And so someone might be like, yeah, what movies? And it's just like, I don't watch movies, you know, And I could try to, like, come up with something. And it's like, you know, and it's just like, okay, like, I'm not gonna pretend to be someone that I'm not. You've definitely seen that happen. But I feel like there's something magnetic about just like. Yeah, I would rather, you know, have conversations with people and stuff. It's just not my thing. And at least I'm being myself from the get go. And then if someone who watches movies is a deal break for that person, then it's like, I'm just not. I'm not going to be their cup of tea.

Yeah. Oh, man. The deal breakers, the lists and that whole. I think that the magnetism, one of the faults for your journey towards magnetism, is building lists, I think.

Oh, it's holding me back.

No, no, I'm not saying you. I'm just saying in general for people, because it's limiting. You know, you're creating a list in a way.

Well, a list of what you're calling an inverter. Exactly.

Because I guess one of my questions while you were talking was, is regular human magnetism different than relationship magnetism?

I would say they're connected. Okay. You know, because when you are feeling sexy and you are feeling embodied and you are filled with pleasure, that's gonna ooze into your meetings and your conversations and how you show up on stage and in life. Right. It's just like, you feel alive now because Then again, if you're only one way in your work and you're not that way in your relationships, there's a performance element going on.

Yeah. There's a mask. It's like what you were talking about, you know? But I feel like for some people, maybe they're in that process of. Yeah. De. Escalating the fear, and maybe they have the armor on. Right? So maybe they're in that process of de. Armoring themselves. And that's why I'm a fan of everybody taking the masks off at your own capacity.

Mask off. Mask off.

Like, we have to have that future song playing in the background. But I also. I agree with what you're saying. I think that they're definitely connected because a sexual magnetism and just an outwardly magnetizing person is gonna have all of those check marks. Right? They're gonna have all of the same qualities. Confidence, optimism, embodiment. They're gonna have a sense of humor. They're gonna have that charisma. It's something that really draw. Again, it draws you in because most of us want to have that level of confidence, that level of connection. When Tori and I first started dating.

Actually Riley, Tory is her partner of 20 years. Guys, she's got the street cred.

Good old Tori. Yeah. All those relationship experts out there move out of the way, jk. But one of the things that Tori. One of the biggest compliments that Tori gave to me that really stayed with me was one of the times that we were having a good time. We were just walking around naked. He was like, I love how you just. Just don't give a fuck. And I'm like, what does that mean? I'm like, should I give a fuck? You know what I mean? It was one of those experiences, like, wait, should I not be walking around? But he's like, no, I mean, I love how you just are so comfortable in your skin. And I'm like. I'm like, okay. And I had never felt that comfortable with any other person. And it was almost. Well, truth be told, I didn't really care because I wasn't trying to be in a forever relationship at the time. I was just, like, wanting to have a good time, and I just was comfortable, you know? And I. I think it's going back to what you were saying. I just didn't. I didn't care what anybody else thought. I just. In that moment, I just felt embodied. I felt comfortable. I felt like I could be authentic and honest and myself. And that. That always stayed with me. I'm like, oh. And even now, 20 years later, he's still very much attracted to my ability to be confident. I've never once. And even if I did feel insecure in the relationship at times, or even within myself or my body, he's never made me feel any type of way. And I've never asked for him to validate me. And he appreciates that. You know, he really appreciates the fact that I don't rely on him to make me feel comfortable. And I think that that's a big mistake that sometimes happen in relationships, you know?

Right.

Well.

Cause it's the embodiment element. So let's say you're in the embodied practice of covering your breasts and covering your stomach and turning off the lights and closing yourself. That's what's going to be felt in this space versus regardless of what your body looks like. Maybe you feel like I'm out of shape or I have stretch marks or whatever. The thing is, which, by the all, have things that we hold that shame around. But if you're just owning it, it's like the person's not even looking there. It's like whatever we try to cover is actually where that person's gonna be zooming into. It's like, I see a lot of women. They're like, oh, I'm so sorry. I have the zit right here. It's like, I wouldn't have noticed the zit had you not said that, you know, but it's like, we feel like we need to do this disclaimer as if everyone's looking at it, but they're not. And it's like all these little ways we minimize ourselves, which sucks us out of our magnetism. And that's why I love going to different countries. Like in Trinidad at the carnival, there are women of all shapes and sizes there wearing the skimpiest of outfits, bedazzled to the nines. And they were so confident and radiant and magnetic and alive because they were owning themselves and their expression. Whereas you see these women in, you know, Brentwood with, like, stick figure, perfect little Gwyneth Paltrow bodies and hair and Botox and this and that. And it's like zero. Part of them is magnetic because you can feel they don't love themselves.

I think that's the heart of magnetism.

Yes. Self love.

Yeah. It's always gonna come back to self love. As always.

Self love. So what do you think it is for men? Because I feel like what makes a man magnetic is different. In fact, I wrote a list.

Let's Hear it.

So to me, what makes a man magnetic is a sense of direction and his dharma, but, like, really having a sense of where he's heading. And I feel like with a woman, it's a little bit different. It's more like she's so filled up with her life, it's her fulfillment. Whereas a man, there's something about, like, where are you taking yourself?

You want to get in that car?

And exactly.

You want to know that he's driving you exactly where you need to go.

Do I trust the direction that you're taking your life? Because I think the ultimate feminine desire is to surrender to that, you know, of. Like, can I trust you more than I could trust myself? And for most men, it's a no, you know, But I think in deep partnership, there needs to be an element of that, because you can't always be in control. And if it's someone that you can't truly trust the direction of their life and actually give up the keys at points, then that's not your person. And I feel like most of us women, we've never had that, that we're like, our guards are up. And then that creates the shield. It creates the armor. And it doesn't. It's like the magnetism is always there. It's just how many barriers and armors and layers we have on. It's like when we release it. That's why you see people after a divorce get a glow up. It's actually they've just released all this energy that was not theirs, that was in their energy field, that it's like, oh, I can just be me and just process my stuff, which is like hot pink, you know? So I would say a sense of direction and dharma, to me, a man, that's inspiring. So I feel that when you're having sex with someone, especially as the feminine, like, think about it. Biologically, you're. You're laughing anyway.

I'm just, like, inspiring. I wonder. I don't know.

To me, a man needs to be archetype inspiring because essentially what you're doing is you're creating life with him. Whether you want to have children or not. That's what your body is doing. And so evolutionary, you would look at the man that had the qualities that you would want your offspring to have. So whether you wanted, like, a warrior child or a very common, peaceful tribal leader or a poet or whatever it was that you were looking for, and often these are qualities that you don't have within yourself that you are desiring, and that's what makes that other person attractive? It's like, I want to be you, right? And that's what I wanna fuck you is. It's. I wanna be you. I think about it as Kirby in Super Smash Bros. I don't know if you ever played that. It was this little pink ball that would, like, suck up the superpower of the other person. And then for, like, 30 seconds, it would, like, have that person's superpower. Like, you know, I was always the dragon with the egg. What was his name? Yoshi. Yoshi. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was my main boo. But Kirby was great because you could just try a little bit of everything. And I feel like that's actually kind of like the. Of, like, when we are attracted to someone, it's like, ooh, I want some of that magic. I want some of that. So it's like, to me, if you're not inspiring to me, then I'm not trying to, like, merge with you, you know? So inspiring. Sense of safety.

Huge. Safety. In what way? Physical safety or financial safety or emotional safety? All. Just all?

Yes. I mean, it's all related. And I think, you know, certain women are attracted to certain things. We could talk about, like, the differences between your sense of safety versus my sense of safety, but I think a woman needs to feel safe to express. And the reason why many of us are not in our fullest expressions is because it hasn't been safe to. There has been judgment. There has been, you know, unwanted attention. And it's not a safe world for women. And oftentimes, even in relationship, it's not safe for her to be emotional. It's not safe for her to speak her needs. It's not safe for her to own her desires. So having a sense of safety that, like, all parts of me will be met and loved and cherished makes a woman come online so much deeper and become so much more magnetic to know that all of you is held. So having a sense of safety, protection, which is related to that, but having a man, I really believe, like, again, this is more of if you're looking at the traditional feminine, masculine polarities, but to me, I want a man that I know could kill for me if need be.

Okay.

That's what I need.

Do you hear that on a Tinder profile? Will you kill for me?

But think about it this way. It's like, will you, like, face the depths of and not kill like a human? It's like, will you face the depths of consciousness? Will you face the depths of, like, what this life has? Like, how far Are you willing to go, or is this just a thing for you right now until you find something better? And I think the feminine can feel that. She can feel if she's just an option and he's waiting for the next best thing or whatever, and then she's not gonna fully bloom and open. So for me, what makes a man attractive is like, he has that warrior energy to him, but it's contained and he's calm and he's peaceful. And he's not just fighting random people on the streets. And like, you know, because that's very unsafe. A man that can't contain his warrior self. What is a samurai? You know, a samurai can kill, but he's not going to. He's extremely discerning with how he's using his power. And I think that sense of like. Like the next one I have is emotional intelligence. A man who's emotionally intelligent tied together. Exactly. Who can read you and feel into you, whether it is romantically, sexually, conversationally in life, of he's not just like in his head of like what's supposed to be done or what he's seen in porn or whatever the thing is of just like, how deeply connected can I be to you? Which I feel tends to be harder for the masculine. Oftentimes they need to like, take mushrooms or something to like get base level empathy. Though some men are getting there and whatever your tool is. But it's like to be able to not have to minimize yourself and water yourself down. I feel like that really creates magnetism, sensuality being in his body. So like, for me, a man that can dance, because I dance naturally. So now that I know this about myself of like, this is a requirement for me in relationships moving forward of can we dance together? Because what kind of dance are we talking here? Any dance. It's just any dance. It's just. I mean, I love afrobeats music, so I would prefer to have someone that has similar music taste to me. Afrobeats. I really want to get into kizomba dancing, salsa dancing, bachata, partner dancing. But I feel when a man can dance, that shows that he's not so in his head he can release and soften and be silly. And then that's also a sense of grounding and connection. So it's really. Dancing is like almost like a symptom of who you are. Right. The more liberated you are, the more you can actually.

You know, it's interesting. I've never even real. Cause you've said this forever and I'm like, oh, that's what it is. It's not necessarily the, oh, I want. Well, I'm sure, yeah, dancing. Cause you're a great dancer and you love to dance, but at the same time, it's. That's what it is.

Yeah, it's who you are. The fact you can't. If you're like, no, I can't dance, it's like you're in your head. And that to me is unmagnetic.

Yeah, it's rigid.

It's rigid. And then to me, and this is a personal one, is creativity. Because that is such a huge part of who I am. And what I desire in relationship is someone to co create with. So specifically for me, it's music. I'm always attracted to men who are DJs, music producers, singers, like some sort of musical talent. Because that's what I desire to see, step more into myself. And I desire to be in dharmic relationships rather than karmic relationships. Karmic relationships are those that like, bring up all your wounds and all your shit. And dharmic relationships are ones that are going where you want to go. So for me, like, the purpose of relationship is really to go somewhere that you can't go on your own. And it's like to join forces and co create something that's so much greater. So to me, what that looks like is enhancing not just my DJing, but just like creating frequency on this planet here. But I know for you, your list actually looks different based off of your childhood and your parents, because again, let's bring in the dad component to it.

Let's talk about this.

So my dad was, I mean, he had a very strong sense of direction and protection, I would say, but definitely not a creative dancer central type, very type A, rigid, traditional alpha man, very emotionally disconnected.

I would marry your dad.

So for me, I want nothing like my dad. You know, I'm like, I know what it's like to be with someone who's just like, okay, the bills are paid and all the things are done, but there's no, like, emotional intimacy in his marriage and his relationship. So I saw what that looked like. I saw how lonely that made my mom. And I don't want that. So for me, I'm attracted to men who are way more in their hearts. Right. So to me, a singer. Also, if you're singing, that's so vulnerable of you. You're literally sharing your heart. And that to me is very attractive. Whereas your dad was a professional singer.

So share with us the oversharer. Yes, I'm like the he. Yeah, my dad was overtly emotional, like to a fault. And I love my dad, he's great. But he's very much in the frequency of the creative. He's an incredible singer, incredibly talented, very emotional, very much charismatic, very magnetic. My dad can walk into a room and. And everybody's watching him. Everybody. He's talking to everybody. He's making everybody feel special, like they're the only people that exist. And he's a superstar. He's a superstar in his own right. He is that superstar. It's like if it's his daughter's birthday, it's his excuse of having a concert for himself so that he can shine. You know, if there's a pinata, he's pulling out the microphone and putting the spotlight on himself so that he can announce the pinata. You know what I mean? Like, and I love that quality about him. I think it's very special. And you know, my dad's Mexican and so he's a very emotive. He's really in his feels. He's always talked about his emotions. I mean, he's like hopeless romantic. He is a romantic to the very end. I mean, he's still very much in love with my mom. Like, that is the love of my mom.

So I need to marry someone like your dad. I'm like, yes, sign me. Love song, please, in Spanish. Great.

And so for me, although that archetype is very beautiful, I was always very repelled by artists in general because I was around them. I was around my uncles, my cousins, my friends. Growing up in la, there was a lot of musicians and artists and actors, and I appreciate the arts, I appreciate the creativity. But to me, I needed somebody who was stable, who could keep me safe, who was secure, who I didn't have to coddle, who I could be my full strong self, who wasn't gonna be intimidated by me. My mom had more of the, I guess you could say masculine qualities because she was very much a left brained thinker. Very much into routine, very much into like executing the household in a very organized way. And I feel.

Let me guess. Your mom's a Virgo and your dad's a Pisces.

My dad's a cancer like me and my mom's a Taurus.

Okay. Earth and water.

Yeah, same thing. Yeah. So it did not mix. They made a lot of mud together, but yeah. So I wanted to find somebody that was. I love creatives. I never thought I'd be able to meet somebody that was creative and also could give Me the security and build me a house, you know, and have that. Yeah. Like I need somebody who is like your dad, you know, that's very structured and has a routine. Because I didn't have that growing up. You know, I was taken to clubs here in LA at 3am on a Tuesday night and then I have to go to school the next day cause my dad had a gig and like we had to be there, you know what I mean? So for me that, that world, although it was very inspiring and very beautiful and very. Yes. Magnetic and fun. I also felt like there was only room for one star. You know what I mean? And I just didn't feel like I wanted to be in a relationship where I was gonna have to cater to somebody else's overtly bright star. Not that having a star, we all have that star. Right. But I just never wanted to be with somebody who their ego was gonna come before me. Right. And that's something that I've worked through. And fortunately Tori is like the perfect combination of all the things and he definitely has his flaws. But.

And I wanna talk about the star thing. Cause we've talked about this before of how like I've heard a lot in relationship there needs to be one kite and one rod. So the rock is like the grounded person, the behind the scenes, the taking care of the details. And then the kite is the one who flies, who's often inspiring, who's more of the visionary in the relationship and often in relationships. Like I'm curious for you guys listening, are you the kite or are you the roc? Because we tend to fall. It sounded like your mom was more of the rock and your dad was the kite. And in your relationship you're more of the kite. Torey's the rock and in my relationship I was definitely more of the kite. But the thing is I'm not really attracted to rocks. Yeah.

So here's the thing, right.

I'm like, I want another amazing too.

So the thing is, I think it depends, I think it's both. And I think that two rocks can absolutely. We've seen two rocks together, but two rocks.

I think the relationship, it's very stable but boring.

Okay, but that's your opinion. Cause you're a kite.

Right?

Right. Yeah.

Some people might want just like two very kaffa people in a relationship and.

They'Re just like totally. My sister and my brother in law are two rocks and they're just like perfect for each other. Like they're happy. It's great. I have another couple of friends that are Two kites. Very dynamic, you know, it's very dynamic. What I will say is that it works, but there are moments where one kite has to pretend to be a rock sometimes. You know what I'm saying? And I feel like of course you're gonna be attracted to another kite, like, because kites are for fun.

Well, I think about it like Ariana Grande. Okay. You know, like she dated like Big Sean and you know, all host of different people. They're all in that song. Thank you. Next. What is Matt Mack?

Oh, no, no. Right. Thank you. Next. No, not Mack. What was his name?

Mac Miller. Mac Miller, yes. And Pete Davidson. Anyways, lots of kites. And then she ended up marrying this like real estate agent guy who's like total rock. I don't even know how they met. And I think she's really happy. I mean, I don't really know her, but. So you see sometimes a lot of.

These people, a lot of these celebrities, a lot of these Oscar award winning actresses go on to marry their agents.

Right, Right. So it's like, I feel like, I mean, look at just an extreme example. Kim and Kanye, two total freaking kites. Huge personal brands, huge personalities. And it did not work because Kim needs the Kim show, Kanye needs the Kanye show, and they couldn't. Couldn't be each other's rocks. Right. So they fled off into different directions. And I think both of them are now looking for more rock people. Whereas then you see other partners like Angelina. Though Angelina and Brad did not work out. They did Two Kites. I think most celebrity relationships don't work. Okay, I'll share an example. These two photographers that I know, they're like these beautiful, creative German photographers and they like travel around the world and do these gorgeous wedding shoots. And they're so creative. They're both very vata. And it's like they. That's their relation. It's like their relationship is their work and it's all like mixed in together. And I feel like for the level of creativity that they desire, they couldn't be with a rock. So I guess it just depends on what you're wanting in your life. Are you wanting a relationship that's gonna boost your creativity or are you wanting a relationship that's going to be more of your solid foundation? Because also some of the things that you feel like you need a relationship for, you could literally just hire someone, like an accountant. Like, do you need to. Do you need. We are not talking about sex workers, but you can do that too if you want. No judgment.

No judgment. No judgment, but I see a lot.

Of women, they're like, I can't leave my husband cause I can't manage my finances. I'm like, you know, you can hire a bookkeeper. Like, you don't need to be fucking your bookkeeper. They're like, literally not that you could even find them in the Philippines. It's literally not that $150 a month. Like, please, girl, like, want more for yourself. So it's like. So I feel like, too, as we ascend as consciousness, we're not needing someone to fill these voids within ourselves. I don't need to be with a man for his money. I don't need to be for a man to manage the money. I don't need to be with a man for security because I have all these things within myself. So it's like, what do I want that money can't buy? And that to me, is intimacy and creativity and pleasure and passion. So those are the things that I look for in a relationship, because those are the things that I can't get from anywhere.

Yeah, this is true. And I think that it's very. This is where it gets very specific for different people, you know, because some people would be willing to have the same requirements that you're asking, you know, or want the same requirements that you're asking. Intimacy and connection and all of that. But maybe they don't have the stability of having a job, Right? So it's like, what's more important to you? The fact that they can provide the prerequisites that you've placed? Or are you willing to do that? And some people.

But are you willing to sacrifice love for money?

Yeah.

And I think that's where the whole, like, sugar baby, sugar daddy thing comes from. That's like, yeah, you could get a sugar daddy and do that, but it's like, will you ever feel love? And I feel like love is why we're here. Like the one thing to not. It's like, I don't know, figure out the Dharma piece before sacrificing and feeling like you need to give up on love.

I feel like I agree with what you're saying. But I also think that, you know, for some people, maybe the security, maybe the financial security supersedes the desire for love. Maybe, you know, it's hard because there's so much factors in that. Right. If you didn't have a loving childhood and you've never experienced that level of connection or love and care, why would you look for it later on in life or the Opposite it, somebody that doesn't grow up with it, maybe that's all they want. They're just craving that connection. They just, they don't care what that person does for a living. They just want that love. I think our childhoods have made us either predisposed to good situations or predispose us to bad situations. Because maybe the person that didn't get that love and care and connection is very easily love bombed, you know. And so, I mean, look, this is such a complex and I think it.

Comes back to the more magnetic that you are from a genuine space. You're not gonna be looking for those things in a relationship anymore because you're fulfilled, you know, like 20 year old version of me. If you said, what are you looking for in a man? I'd be like, tables at the club. You know, because that's what I wanted in my life at that point, you know, like I wanna go out and go study abroad in Barcelona, you know. And now it's like, that's not my desire. So what is my desire? It's like, okay, I wanna dive deeper into my spirituality, into my sense of awareness, into my sexuality, into these things. And then if you ask me this next year or in five years, those things are gonna change as well. So I'm curious for you. Do you feel like in your being in a long term relationship and shifting, do you feel like your level of attraction and magnetism to your partner has shifted as like you and what have access to has shifted?

Yeah, of course it's shifted. Absolutely. I think it goes in waves. I feel like there are moments where I think we talked about this the last time, where we've grown apart and there are times we've grown together. But what I will say is we know what each other's magnetic spells are, right? Like for him, when he is doing something a certain way, or speaks to me in a certain way, or treats me a certain way, it makes me want more and it makes me feel more connected to him and it makes me feel like I still get those butterflies in my stomach. You know, we take breaks from each other sometimes. You know, it could be a couple of days, it could be. I mean, I used to travel a lot more before, but it could just be throughout. I mean, we both work from home, so it's, I mean, it's not that hard actually. He works on one side of the house and I'm on the other side and we, we just, we're not talking all day long. But at the end of the day when we Reconnect. There's something really special about being able to talk. We have a nightly download, and we. And I've told you this before, too. And in the morning, we have breakfast every morning, and we try to have dinner every night, but sometimes it doesn't happen. You know, we run different schedules, but breakfast is that non negotiable. And, you know, there's just, like, certain things that. That when he is fully in his secure and confident self, when he's really satisfied. So this is what I noticed. So I'm going to backtrack this because we're talking about magnetism. And I said, we know each other's magnetism spells. So his magnetic spell for me is when he's fully happy and he's excited and he's working on something that he's totally, 100% ignoring me, focused on. You know, he is so immersed in this project.

That's that sense of direction.

Yeah, he's so immersed where it's like, I'm not even a thought. I know I am, but it's like he is just that. And I'm like. So I'm like, wanting to talk to him, like, so into him. I'm like, I put makeup on, and I'm just like, oh, honey, like, do you want to take a shower? You know, like, do you want to hang out? You know, do something? He's. He's like, I definitely do, but, you know, I can't. And that's the only reason why you're telling me. And it's true.

You're like, oh, I'm wet.

Yeah. Like, let's go take a bath. Come take a shower. But the same thing, you know, it's the same for him, you know, when he sees me fully immersed in what I'm doing or if I'm not around or if I'm traveling a lot, it's, you know, he very much gets that desire. Like. Like, oh, she's disconnecting from me. I better.

Well, I think it's seeing them in their zone of genius.

Yes, that's exactly what it is.

Yeah. And I don't know if it's like the disconnection is like a little part of it because we're like, oh, give me the attention. But I think it's like you're seeing them doing what God designed them to do.

Yes, exactly.

Which is living their dharma. So there's something that's so attractive about that because they're in their flow and they're in their element. And that's. If you're not attracted to someone in their flow, don't be with that person. And that's where the inspiring piece comes. Because if you're not attracted to that person, if you're not inspired by them, if seeing them in their float isn't turning you on, then it's like, do you want to merge with them? Do you want to be Kirby on them?

Yeah, exactly, exactly. Because even if you're not into what they're doing, if your partner is like an accountant and you're just like, oh, this is not turning me on, but they're really into it. You're like, ooh, crunch those numbers. You know what I mean? It just, just. It's about being fully committed to what it's. The sense of direction is what you're saying. It's being in the zone of genius. It's being fully. None of what we're talking about is, oh, you have to latch on to them. You have to try and get their attention. Where. Put some lingerie on, Try and get them to love you. No, it's like, love yourself. Get into what you're doing. Fully immerse yourself in your own life and in your own authentic self. And the person or people will become magnetized to that. They'll become attracted to that, you know?

This episode is brought to you by Better Help. The number one tool I recommend for anyone getting started on their spiritual journey is therapy. Because the truth is, we're not going to be able to really tune into our soul's purpose and tap into our divine feminine and all of these things. When we have these underlying issues. It may be feeling anxious or limiting beliefs or just. Just fogginess in your mind that's not allowing you to think more clearly. So I highly recommend everyone finding a therapist that they love. And I adore BetterHelp for this because it's completely online, it's affordable. You fill out a brief questionnaire and you get matched with a licensed therapist and you can actually switch them up and see to find your perfect soulmate therapist. So it makes it super convenient. Now, if you want to try it, we are giving a 10% off discount so you can head over to betterhelp.com Sahara that's BetterHelp.

Help.

H E L p.com Sahara to get your 10% discount. I'm so excited to see the ideas you channel forth to the world through having a clear mind. And that's what men are so attracted to women. When a woman is feeling herself and her own pleasure. That's why men are attracted to women. Touching themselves, even strippers. It's not, she's trying to get the man's attention and show off, but it's like she's literally feeling herself. And, and from what I've been studying in like polarity teachings is like, men have a lot of harder time doing that. Men don't typically have like self pleasure rituals where they light candles and like gently touch and caress their faces and be like, I love you so much. Like, men just don't. It's. They have a harder time accessing that, you know, and we'll do a separate podcast about like porn and all of these things. We gotta dive into that topic. Whereas the feminine does like, we do do get turned on by ourselves. Like we do like look in the mirror and feel with that sense. And I don't, I don't know, but I don't think men really have that as they don't really look in the mirror. And like, I mean, they would be kind of narcissistic, I feel like.

Right.

Whereas for a woman that's like, totally. It's like, you should love yourself in the mirror, you know?

Interesting. What is that about?

Even, even in bed, like a woman is like often turning herself on, she's touching yourself. You never see a man doing that?

No. And what's interesting, it's like, anytime, again, I'll use my relationship as an example because it's the one that I've had the longest. But anytime I even, you know, tell Tori, like, oh, you're really, you look really sexy or like, you look really hot today or you're so beautiful, you know, he'll say, thanks, but there's times where I'm like, what is your problem? If I look like you, I'd be like, naked.

I think men typically don't resonate with words of affirmation as much as women do as well. I find most men, I would say 90% of them who I've spoken to and I always ask people's love languages. Physical touch and acts of service.

Oh, Tori's acts of service. I tell you, I tell you, I'm like, oh, I wanna get some tonight. I'm gonna make them food, I'm gonna clean the house. And it's like instant, right?

And physical touch because they have such a harder time with emotions that they need to feel that physical connection. And for women, I would say, I mean, it's a range, but I would say quality time is a big one. Words of affirmation, it's like, tell us how amazing we are. Whereas for Men. I don't think it hits as much, not all, but it doesn't. And I noticed I was the most magnetic when I would come back for my dance classes because I was so filled up with myself and so juicy and so turned on and alive that that was just like. Like just such a natural radiance to me. Because I didn't need. I didn't. I think there's something that's very repelling about you need to turn me on. Because then it turns into your partner's responsibility. And then they're not really knowing necessarily what to do or what you need. And then you're feeling frustrated and they' feeling frustrated. So it's like the very thing that the feminine wants, which is to be taken to God by the masculine. Well, it's actually your inner job, you know, you can only take yourself there through finding what takes you to God, whether it is your dance, whether it is poetry, whether it is being in nature, whatever the thing is. And maybe you get yourself there. You can take yourself to God all the way. But then there's that extra like 10% that you can go with a partner, but you can't expect them to go all 100% for you.

No, you can't. I can't for sure. Yeah, yeah, no, I'm fascinated by the topic. Obviously, we've talked about it a lot, and I just. I think it always comes back to our commitment to ourselves to be able to just commit to doing that work for ourselves, to loving ourselves, to being in self acceptance, to being in self trust, to be in that state of embodiment.

And I think also prioritizing the things that, you know, fill yourself up. I see a lot of us, we lose ourselves in the work and the grind and the getting things done. And then we wonder why our relationship's not sparkly anymore. And, you know, why we don't feel inspired, why we're not having the intimacy. And it's like a huge realization I had through being single is like before, I didn't have to be intimate with myself, like just on a spiritual level as much, because there was always someone that there. Right. That. It's like I came home and there's someone there. There's always someone to talk to, there's always something. Whereas being on your own, it's like you must become very into. Now I notice these, like, micro. There's something on my heart and I like, sit with it and go into it. And that intimacy within myself allows me to have more intimacy than with other people. And Then allows me to then eventually one day partnership whenever that day comes. So I think taking time to be by yourself. Whereas when you are in a relationship that feels like loveless or you're single, it's like the last thing you want when people are like, you have to be alone. You're like, no, no, no, please don't make me be alone. I felt so alone already. And it's like. But that very like true aloneness with no distraction, no guided meditation, going no anywhere to escape, that's gonna take you to the those like deeper levels of penetration that you're actually really desiring, which is going to open up that pathway to then have that penetration from relationship.

I don't have anything to add to that. That is so good because you know, I love me a ten day silent be by yourself.

You love it.

Retreat. Oh yeah, I love it. You know, I, I agree with that. And look, I know plenty of people in relationships that have somebody and are some of the loneliest people I know, right? And I know so many people that are single and living their best lives and they are the most filled, most connected people I know. I don't know. It's very complex. I think we tend to let the mind make these things, relationships, you know, issues that we might have. We make things so complicated all the time.

Time.

We're always trying to figure out how to heal, how to make something better, how to connect more. How could I feel like more of myself? How can I, you know, be more confident? How can I be more magnetic? How can I be? It's like we're not broken beings. Everything we have is already here, it's present. It's just a matter of exercising that muscle. Just like a regular muscle. You have to, to do the work, you have to practice, you have to fail, you have to practice again, you have to fail. It's like the idea of mending something that's broken. It's like we feel like, oh, I've been broken or I'm not good enough or I'm not confident or I don't have Sahara's life. So I can't be there, I can't get there. I can't get to that state of joy or fulfillment. And, and it's like you can, you know, we all can. I think we all have the same capacity to get to a state of connection. And ultimately it's in that state of connection that's gonna lead us to being that lighthouse, right? That magnetic, full of life, full of joy, being that we need to be for Ourselves, not for anybody else.

And those very things that, like when we're sitting alone, those things that come up, those distractions, those thoughts, like, whatever it is, is, that's the path, that very obstacle is the thing that's holding you back from being magnetic right there. Whether it's, I need to buy another outfit online. It's like, why question that? Whether it's, I don't like being bored because I'm not making the most use of my time, because I feel like I always need to be productive because I feel like I'm not worthy of my time here on Earth. It's like, well, there it is. And it's like, unless we go to those actual, actual core, deep underlying beliefs, everything else is just surface level. You can put on the fancy bra and get your hair done and twerk on the Internet. You can, you can do all those things. But it's like the deeper level of self awareness. That's really what magnetism is about. And then you can. You can wear anything, you have your hair messy, you could. Whatever it is. And people can just feel that you so deeply are intimate and know every little nook and cranny of yourself. And very few people are like that. And there's something so magnetic about someone who's actually gone there. Because I think on a deep core level, we all wanna go there. So if I can feel like, oh, wow, you can hold me, all of me. Because you can hold all of yourself, I think that's actually more magnetic than anything we've ever said.

And the mic has been dropped. Snoop.

Doot doot doot doot.

Oh, my God. We should do a dance when the.

Podcast'S in the crib. Ma. Drop it like it's hot Drop it like it's hot Drop it like it's hot When Magnuson tried to get at you. Pop it like it's hot. Pop it like it's hot Pop it like it's hot. And if Rosie get an attitude, park it like it's hot. Park it like it's hot. And also, I want to add, being playful.

Oh, yeah.

Not taking ourselves so serious. Go to the depths of consciousness and then also sing a Snoop Dogg song right after, because it's like, also, we're all gonna fucking die.

I mean, all of us, every single one.

It's the one thing. And when we realize that, it's like, I feel like, I mean, we're always just la at everything. We're like, yeah, this is a horrible thing happened. It's so funny. We just Start laughing.

It's kind of fucked up because there's.

Something about detachment that's also very magnetic of, like, I can go to all those places and question the beliefs, and I'm not those beliefs, and I'm not that. I'm not any of those things. And then that's freedom, and that's liberation, which also is the most magnetic thing. Someone who is actually liberated and not their stories, not their past, not their. Well, I don't know. I have trust issues because this happened in my relationship. It's like, that is so compartmentalized. And then it's like, I feel like a lot of these, like, relationship, again, advice Instagrams that I follow. It's like, show up with your deal breakers on date one. And, like, literally, it's like, create a slideshow presentation of, like, all your traumas and this and see if they lie. It's like, it's so clinical and heady. And it's like, I also want to say above all of this, love has its own intelligence, that we can write the list of what's magnetic to us and things like that. And it's like, love will guide the way. And by the way, most couples I know, the person that they're with is not the person on the list. Right. It's something energetic that's happening, and you might think you have this type, but ultimately, it's like something deeper that your soul is being called to. To not just learn. Because I feel like that's like a lower octave. It's like, oh, I need to learn the karmic lessons. But it's like, I'm inspired to become.

Yes.

And that's really what. That's why I'm magnetized towards you, because I'm inspired to become something together, greater with you that I can't on my own. And there's something here for us to explore.

Yes. And there's no list that's gonna get you there.

It can't.

I cannot believe this. Really. You know, one of my students told me this story. She's recently single. She went out on a date, and the guy she was sitting across, she said, he pulled out his phone and had a list and said, okay, so we're gonna start like this. Before we order any food, I'm gonna go down this list, and you're gonna tell me if this applies to you.

You, like, how do you get out of a date like that?

She said she just got up and left.

And I'm like, oh, she actually did.

She's like, no, she's like, I couldn't tell if he was joking or being serious. And I'm like, this is red flags all over this situation. Like, you go to a date and somebody pulls out a list and starts saying, oh, let me see if. Before we order anything. Because he said, oh, I don't want to spend money on a date that's not going to go anywhere. He said, what?

See, this is how out of touch we are with our own intuitions, that instead of getting to know this person in front of me, me, I'm going to look down at my list and see if you fit the criteria. As if love is a mental process. And what I've observed, too, is that a lot of people go into dates. Like a freaking interrogation.

Yeah.

And they're like, are you this? Are you that? What time do you sleep? Do you this? Do you that? And it's like, do you get along? Like, are you. Are you vibing? You know, it's like, there's no actual connection there. And all of a sudden I'm on a fucking deposition and I don't even know I'm applying for a job that I don't even know if I want the job. And then I. They're just, like, answering these questions. And it's like, I think people are taught, like, when you go out on a date, like, know what you're looking for and have your deal breakers and ask these questions and, like, don't be shy. Ask it where it's heading and what they want. It's like, like, I was joking to you. I'm like, imagine the first time I met you. I'm like, rosie, are you in this for the long run or not? Because otherwise I'm out. Rosie, do you see this as a forever friendship or a momentary. Because I don't have time. Time to waste on momentary friendships here.

I don't have time to invest in this.

But we're trained to think like that. It's ridiculous.

Or can you imagine you came and you're like, this is how many hours a day I'm going to be texting you?

Yeah, this is. Can you commit to my textile? If not, we're incompatible in this way. It's like you learn and you figure it out.

When you asked me, how do you want me to. What did you itemize?

The voice.

The voice. Don't. Do you want a long one or do you want. No, but wait, let's talk about the communication. I think it's important to be able to communicate that with your person.

Yes. Well, what, Rosie's, laughing at was we send each other voice notes, like, non stop. We're in a codependent relationship.

Yeah.

We'll admit that here. Totally. But often we send these long voice notes, like a 17 minute or like a full on podcast. But then recently I tried itemizing them. So I made one about, you know, one thing and one about another thing. And I was like, rosie, what do you prefer? Do you prefer the itemizer? Do you prefer the long? You're like, I like a variety. Like, thank you. And it's like, that's the kind of thing that a relationship is built off. Imagine if on like the first time I met you, which was, by the way, we interviewed each other on our podcasts in 2017 and that's how we met. But imagine I was like, hey, Rosie, here's how I communicate. If you can't communicate in this moving forward, like, this isn't gonna work. And it's like, we are so trained to see relationships to either be marriage or not.

Yeah.

And if it's not going to lead to marriage and children, then I might as well stop this right now. That we actually don't get to know the person that we may have actually had a beautiful relationship or marriage with or just an experience of life with. Like, you're gonna be my bestie forever. Hope, you know, even though I'm not. But like, but if I went into this, like, you have to be my best friend forever. It's like we wouldn't even have considered ourselves to be best friends for maybe the first, like after two years of being friends. But imagine from the get go, I'm like, if you're not down for this label, I'm out. That's so much pressure.

Yeah, it is, it is. And some people do that, you know, Some people do that. I also, I love what you're saying because I think it's more about the experience. Yeah. People want to know how long they're going to be in this relationship. Right. Is this going to be forever? Is this going to be for a short while? But, you know, it's really about building character. You know, it's like character, the Greek word character. Character is it means to scratch or to scrape. And that is what happens with every interaction that we have with people. Like, maybe this person just came in to shape you a little bit. Maybe they came in to just be this portion of the programming at this time for this specific reason. And we don't have to know the reasons. And not everything has to mean something. It's just character. Building, it's shaping the person that you're supposed to become, you know, on your process, on this spiritual journey that you're.

And you might need that relationship that wasn't it for the next relationship that was. And also, what does it even mean? Does it mean a lifetime? Because I mean, statistically most relationships don't last a lifetime. But does that mean a relationship is successful or not? And, you know, I think a lot of these things actually detract magnetism from someone because when you're going into a relationship, you have all these rules and deal breakers and timelines and this and that. That's putting pressure on the other person. Then it's turning it into an exchange, which is like, initially what marriage was created for was a business transaction rather than, you know, this natural progression of love. And I think that's what's also the hard thing about relationships is like love and marriage were actually never things that were together until you, you know, the 1600s or so. And they talk a lot about that in the book Conscious uncoupling of how business. It was always just a business transaction thing. So I understand the perspective of, like, well, if I want to have kids, I want to know these things from the get go. And I've seen couples who get together both on the get go saying, I want to have kids in the next X number of years. Is this what you want? And I think if that is your intention, like, then be honest about that and be open about that. However, if your intention is just to have the most loving relationship as possible, you can't predict that, you can't plan that, you just don't know where it's going to go. And also on the kids component too. Just because you're on the same page right now doesn't mean you always will be. And I think that it's important to also know, like, will I be okay with having this child on my own? Because that is a very real possibility. And a lot of people go into even having children thinking, well, I'm gonna do this if I'm with them. But like, no way I could ever be a s. And I'm friends with so many single moms and it's difficult and they're beautiful and thriving at the same time. But I think I have friends that have gone into relationships where they just both really wanted kids, but they both had to be honest with. If this relationship doesn't work, are we committed to co parenting? And I think that that's really when you can be so truthful about things. Like that that makes you become so much more magnetic because it's not like there's wishful thinking and fantasy and I'm holding onto you. And you better hold onto your side of the coin because you agreed to this at the be. So you better be that person. That's very repelling but rather like we're feeling called, you know, to take this next step of creating life or whatever it is. And if it's for our highest good to no longer be together, we will still honor what love looks like for each individual. And that's also truly magnetic.

Yeah, that's also very confident and again.

And trusting in God and.

Exactly.

So here we go kids. Back to being more confused than ever before. No, I'm kidding. The beauty of it all is it's like the things that we want the most in life. It's like this spiral. It's like you go super deep and you come back up and you go super deep and you come back up and it's like also that I think that ambidextrous they say like woman on the streets and freakin the sheets but it's like the both or a man who's like stable but also so playful. It's like we also wanna have people who have balance in their lives, you know, and range and I know I gave a really funny quote, that's just what I do here. But that means us having those sides of ourselves too and tapping into our different full spectrum self. And the more of ourselves that we can hold, the more of other people that we can hold and the more magnetic we become. So really it all comes down to your spiritual journey at the end of the day.

Mic drop again? Yeah, again.

Is there anything else you want to add to that?

I mean I think that you covered so I mean this topic, we can do an entire 300 episode series on just this topic because there's so many complex.

We should bring a man on the podcast.

I was thinking that when I was driving here, I'm like, you know, we should have a guy come and answer some of these questions.

Just drill him and be. I'm curious their perspective.

I think it would be really smart to understand that perspective because you know we're just, you know, they might get tired of just listening to us.

How could they were so interesting and funny. Well, if you guys have a man that you would like requesting on the podcast, leave a review on on the itunes store. Not only does it review help but you can share any other topics that you want us to speak about as well, if you know, Rosie and I just kind of based these topics based on what we were voice noting about that week. But we would love to hear any topic suggestions you guys have, whether it's about dating and relationships or about spiritual spirituality or something else. So please leave a review for the podcast on the iTunes store. Put your suggestions there. Put the man men that you want on the podcast to hang with us as well. And as a free gift I will give you my free womb meditation. So this is meditation to connect to your womb's inner wisdom so you can receive her answers. So every single one of us, whether we have a physical womb or not, carries that womb feminine sacral wisdom. So we can tune in and drop into our bodies. We can really connect to our intuition, which again makes us more magnetic. So leave a review, take a screenshot and email it over to me me@saharaamsaharose.com you can find that link in the show notes. Thank you so much for tuning in and I'll see you in the next one. Ram.