516: How To Be The Dream Girl with Rosie Acosta

That's what being my dream girl self is, is like 50% human, 50% art. That, like, everything I'm doing is an expression of my creativity. From the way that I adorn myself, to the poetry that I write, to the way that I start my day, to the conversations that I'm having. And then like, even when I'm sad, it's like, you know me, I'm writing a million poems about it. I'm in my fields around it, that it's like, even I'm like, cry little dream girl tears, you know, and it like makes everything so much more beautiful because that's like what romanticizing your life really is. Welcome back to the Highest Self podcast. My name is Sahara Rose, and this podcast is all about taking spiritual concepts and making it fun, grounded, relatable, sexy. And I'm here today with my bestie, Rosie Acosta. This has become a monthly tradition here because our voice notes have been so lit, so off the charts, incredible for the past like seven years that we're like, okay, we need to bring this shit on the podcast. So these are conversations that we are having in our real life reality that we bring to the podcast because probably you have thought about some of these things or you wish you had a friend that you could really dive into. So we might bring up some new concepts and things you may have heard or thought about before and just sharing our two cents on it. So for those of you who don't know, Rosie and I are in very different places in our relationship. So for both of us, we are so serial monogamists. We, we're serial monogamous with each other, but, but first and foremost. But I was in a seven year relationship that ended last year. She is in currently in a 20 year relationship. So gold star to her. I'll just listen to whatever the fuck she has to say. So we love talking about relationship stuff and really grounding it in because there's a lot happening in online dating and I feel like relationships are having a massive renaissance right now because back in the day it was really clear what the roles were. Husband, wife, mother, father. And while it was limiting, it also brought a lot of clarity.

Right?

This is what Amanda does. This is what a woman does. And you might not like it, but you could expect what was to come. Whereas right now everything is kind of like up in the air and I feel like the dust has kind of been lifted and we're sort of finding our own places in relationships right now. So on one end, there is a lot of confusion about well, what do we expect? What are these roles about? How can we be in the types of relationships that we want? What are the relationships that we want? And then on the other end is this liberation of, wow, we get to redefine this thing for ourselves and no longer follow rules that were not really serving us. So a topic of conversation we've been having recently is about being the dream girl. And what is a dream girl? You know, when I think of dream girls, I think of that. That movie with BEYONCE from, like, 10 years ago. But we. We hear about this concept a lot, so we wanted to break down how to be the dream girl and what that means for both of us.

So welcome, Rosie.

Hey.

Thank you. I'm excited. What a great topic. What a great topic. By the way, you're my dream girl right now.

Do you remember that movie with Tyra Banks also? Eve's great.

No.

No matter where she goes, dress her up. It was called Life Size, and.

Oh, yeah, it was.

She was like a Barbie that came to life. No, she's a mannequin that came to life.

Came to life.

So that was like the OG like, 2000 version. Now we just had this Barbie movie came out, which is having a huge Barbie renaissance. And we can, like, talk about that movie, too, in this conversation, because I feel like it's all related to this concept of the dream girl that has been a concept who's like, OG Dream girls, like Cleopatra, like Aphrodite, like, these goddesses were dream girls in their time. So I feel like there always has been this, like, aspect of culture, of the woman who is in her full power, in her full beauty, in her full glamour, magic and sensuality and abundance and femininity and not having an allure and a draw, not just from the men, but also the women who are like, how can I access that dream girl in myself? So I'm curious, when you tune into the energy of dream girl, what do you feel?

Yeah, I think. Well, first of all, it's really interesting to me because of what you're saying. Sounds very empowering. Right? And so for. For me, I have a little bit of a different ideology about it, especially when. When I was younger, because a dream girl was, you know, the sports illustrate, Sports Illustrated model. It was the Victoria's Secret model. It was something that was so unattainable, Right? Especially when you're growing up in a certain environment where you don't really see a lot of what is being fed to you. That is dream girl, right? We have these aspirations of this is What I'm supposed to look like, this is what I'm supposed to be like. This is what I'm supposed to talk like in order for people to like me, right? So I think that the most important question is what is, where does this dream girl concept come from in the first place, Right? Because I love what you're saying, and I think you and I, when we've had this conversation before, this idea of dream girl is more of an empowerment piece. It's more immersive, it's more grounded, it's more empowered. It's. It's very confident and it feels very connected as opposed to this idea for me. And I'm older, so for me, growing up, there was just a different archetype of what a dream girl was. Right. So, for example, you asked the question. Before I was in my now 20 year relationship, I had dated, I want to say boys, but I guess, you know, I was between high school and my late teens. I was with men who were very vocal about the way that women are supposed to look, right. I had a boyfriend at the time who all of his friends would say in front of their girlfriend, we won't sleep with our mate unless they're wearing lingerie. Right? Like, that's just the. That's we won't even look at you type of thing. And in the beginning, I was like, okay, this is fine. They have a fantasy or that's their way of being attracted. But it was a little bit more derogatory than it was something of empowerment. It was, if you don't look like the women I see outside or the women that I see in magazines, then I'm not gonna want you. Right? So then for me, this idea of dream girl was a little bit corroded because it made me feel insecure and it made me feel like, I'm never gonna look like this, right? I'm never gonna look like these women. And I'd buy lingerie. And I'm, you know, you're 18, 19, and I have baby fat, you know, and it just, it just didn't feel good to me. And, you know, it wasn't until later that I started to really explore what being a dream girl or what being confident meant to me. And then I can explore the dream girl concept from a more connected and more feminist, I guess, perspective of empowerment. So, yeah, I think that's really interesting. I'm curious if you think back, if you've had any sort of similar experiences like that.

Well, of course. Child of the 90s. I mean, Cosmo Magazine, all of you know, the celebrity gossip and the idealization of that like, super anorexic body. So for sure, the Victoria's Secret Angels being like the pinnacle of a woman's success. So. So yeah, I would look at them, I would remember reading articles like, Britney Spears does a thousand crunches a day. I'm like, I will do a thousand crunches a day. 20 crunches. And you know, so I feel like there's like levels, right? And I love looking like at levels of consciousness. So level of consciousness, one of Dream Girl is that it's this unattainable beauty standard that no one can get. She's perfect. She has it all figured out. She never sweats, never farts, never shits, never bleeds. Like, she is the Barbie in the Barbie box, you know, and then I think we go through this, like, backlash of like, I'm not that. So screw that. I'm gonna be the opposite of that. You know, I'm going to, you know, and for everyone, it's different. For some people say I'm gonna grow out my body hair, I'm gonna shave my head or cut my hair. I'm gonna wear all black. I'm going to. You know, for me, it was like I went super yogic. Like, I was only wearing like baggy white clothes and, you know, my, my Indian shawls. And I never. And that was me being like, you know, because before that, when I was in college, I was very into getting dressed up and going out in designer bags and shoes and all of the things. And then towards the end of it, slash after, I went the opposite way. And I think you need that equilibrium to be like, I am not that. I'm gonna, I'm gonna get rid of all of these standards and see who I am outside of that. Then I feel like eventually comes this level three of. There's something so innate in the feminine consciousness that attunes us to beauty. And you see that from the time a little girl who ears feminine is a child. And it's not something that's just societal conditioning. Like if you, if people who have kids, it's like you, you see it. You know, it's like the girl, she wants to put on her mom's makeup and her shoes and she wants to take care. It's like in the feminine consciousness. There's a lot of science in biology. You know, there's a really interesting book called Survival of the Prettiest of how due to evolutionary and biological, you know, procreation, women wanted to be the most Beautiful because it meant the highest likelihood of for them to get the alpha male sperm. So, like, there are evolutionary reasons to this, But I also think it's like, that's what the feminine does spiritually. Like, the feminine is here to bring beauty and inspiration to the world. Like, the feminine is the flower, you know, she is the muse. We are the prize. And we forget that.

Yeah.

And like, even in the Barbie movie, I feel like that's what they missed. Like, it was very stage two consciousness of, like, screw that. Like, we're feminist and we don't need no man and we're taking over. And it's like, great. Woman can do everything a man can do. But do we want to, like, do we want to actually play both roles?

You know?

And again, I think it's a matter of choice. Maybe some people do and some people don't, but then I feel the stage three is like, what is being a dream girl to you? You know, and she might have different times and textures. I'm my dream girl when I'm, like, naked in a waterfall with no makeup and I'm just, like, so attuned to earth and I'm, like, writing poetry and I just feel like my, like, best mermaid self. I feel like my dream self there. But I also feel like my dream self with these amazing extensions and my glam on and my cute little outfit and my nails. And I'm just like. I feel like I just, like, made myself a walking piece of art. And I feel like my dream girl there. I also feel like my dream girl when I'm standing speaking on stage to hundreds of people and I'm inspiring them. I feel like my dream girl self when I'm like, holy shit, I built this business on my own, or I wrote this book on my own. And it's like all of those things make you your dream girl. So I feel it's. It's realizing it's not just the thing that society tells us is the dream girl, but it's finding our own relationship with it.

Yeah. No, and that's the part I think that. I totally agree with that. I feel like a lot of those components. Yeah. Were missed in the Barbie movie, which was a great film. I really enjoyed it. But I do also feel that there were components that weren't there. And look for somebody being in their, you know, tracksuit, you, sweatsuit and, you know, just feeling good about that. And maybe that's their, you know, way of feeling good. I remember when I used to work at a hair salon, I had to Be in glam all the time, wear the heels, have the hair done, makeup 24 7. It was part of my job. And I remember wanting to just go home and take everything off. And I didn't want to wear makeup on the weekends because once I was done with work, I'd. I didn't want to have anything to do with that type of wardrobe. Right. I just wanted to put my sweats on, and I wanted to wash my face and just have my hair be naturally wavy and feel good about it. And I. I did have moments when I was feeling that way where, you know, Tori would. Would just make me feel so beautiful. You know, he's like, oh, you. I. You know, he's like, I just. I really love your fresh face. You know, I really love to just see you this way. And he's like, I love when you dress up, too. But what's interesting to me, and this is where we can sort of dive into this. I think there's also this. We've talked about magnetism before. There's a little bit of that magnetic piece. I feel like he was picking up more on how I felt as opposed to how I looked, because I. As time passed, I do love to put extensions in and put makeup on and look nice. I mean, I've said this to you before. You know, there's moments where I just want to dress up. You know, being a mindfulness coach, I don't get to put the heels on and do the whole thing, and I really miss that, and I like doing that. And it's the same thing when I am in that state or when I dress up and I'm feeling good. Toriel, come to me and say, like, I really love when you're dressed up or when you're really wearing that dress or when you put your heels on. But it's not necessarily the external aesthetic. I'm sure it helps, but if it helps you, then it helps the whole energetic field, because it's that thing, right? Like, dress. Dress how you want to feel. Right. If I'm feeling uninspired, I would do this with writing, too. If I'm at home and during the moments when I was writing my book, I was in my sweats, and I'd wake up and I'd do the writing, and I just would feel like five hours have gone, and I'm still on the computer, and I haven't showered and I haven't brushed my teeth, and I haven't done anything. And then I would get this writer's block. And I remember Hearing Elizabeth Gilbert's book Big Magic, where she talks about seducing the muse, right? And I think that the muse is connecting to what you're saying, right? The different stages of the. The dream girl Persona, that she would shower and get dressed and light a candle and really bring that muse in. And I think, again, it's a feeling that you bring in. So this dream girl energy really is exactly what you're saying, how you feel about yourself. And if you believe, oh, my dream girl Persona is doing the hair, putting my makeup on, putting my jewels on, adorning myself, which we've talked about, that's gonna make me feel like the dream girl Persona, then that's what's gonna make you feel like the dream girl Persona. But my question to you is in terms of sort of interacting with another person, like, say, in a relationship, right? We want to be the best version of ourselves for that person. Right. So whether Tori admits it or not, there is a archetype of a person that he is attracted to and that he likes. Right. We know that. And so for me, I want to be able to fit in that mold as much as I can while still keeping my own sense of identity and my own sense of self. But is that possible?

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Well, I think this brings us into the next part that we talk about a lot is, like, relationships and the dream girl. So it's like the ideal is that you naturally are his dream girl without having to change you. Just being you, authentically, you is his dream girl. Because if there's like, this much maneuvering you have to do, that's not gonna have longevity. You know, obviously in your. You are his dream girl. And that's why it's worked for 20 years. But what I see a lot of people do in starting a relationship is like, what do I guess? His dream girl is like, okay, I think she's like this, and I think she's like that. So let me dress the part, be the part, change myself, and then maybe you can get that role for a month, two months, three months. They say typically it's three months in a relationship that you can't hide your real self anym. So great. Maybe you got it for three months and then your real self comes out and then you're not that dream girl anymore. And then you kind of just have to end the relationship and start all over again. And then you just would just keep repeating that cycle. Maybe you can hold onto the mask a little bit longer, a little bit less. So I think it's really important in relationship to naturally be that person's dream girl. Now, what does that mean? It's like, you're maybe physically their type, you know, and it's. This doesn't always happen. I do hear of relationships where they say, this person was not physically my type, but I would say a lot of the times, like, you are Torey's type. We know that, right? He loves the Latinas, you know, so being physically their type, having them, like, the way that you dress, I think that's really important too, because if you don't like someone's style, it's like there's always going to be that, like, ugh. Like, I wish I could change. And I see a lot of. I don't know if men care as much about women's style as women care about men's style, but it's like, I see a lot of women, they're just like, let me change it, let me. And it's like, you can. I think men are also less attached to their styles, that they're, like, more likely to Change it if it really was bothering you. But for a woman, it's like you want something, someone that loves the way that you dress because that's an expression of who you are and how you see the world. You want someone who loves your little mannerisms and the way that you laugh and the way that you see things and your quirks and you know, no one is all light. But even someone that out of all the shadows in the world, they would choose to be with yours, you know, even that is being part of the dream girl. Because even the dream girl has her. Has her shadow side too. And it's like, what shadows am I willing to. And I think the nature of the feminine and masculine is like the masculine is the hunter, he is the provider, he is the protector. And the feminine, she is the flower, she is the muse, she is the prize. And I do feel there needs to be that element of a man being like I am with my dream girl to continue pursuing her on a daily basis. Whereas if he doesn't feel like he's with his dream girl, he's gonna wonder, well, what else can I hunt, right?

Like, what else can I get? And can I find somebody that fits exactly the way that I want them to fit? It's really interesting. I have a question and this I'm going to use my own personal experience. I'm curious to hear your take because you said the, the clothing aspect and men are less attached. You know what I noticed though? I noticed that Tori had a different, like he had a little bit of a different style before. And I noticed that I would kind of comment in a negative way if there was something that he wore that I didn't like. He used to have this. It's not velour. It was like a vel. Like a, Like a eggplant colored, kind of a fun design dinner jacket. I would call it like Purple Rain. Even though, like Prince. Whatever. I love Prince. But I was like, oh, your Purple Rain jacket. I just did not like it. I thought it was so obnoxious. I just, you know, and I, And I love. Tori's got a very unique style and I love. And he's a designer, you know what I mean? But just kind of randomly he comes out with certain things and I'm just like, this is no, this is a.

No brainer fashion risk.

We like that. Right, Right. But do we. And so my.

You weren't into it and he retired it.

Right? He. It took a minute, but he ultimately did. And I bring it up sometimes and there are certain Things that he made. Purple Rain, Purple Rain. And we would start singing that song.

But I kind of like a guy with a little bit of a backbone that's like, I'm keeping the jacket.

Look, you have to be neutral in this because I want to ask you a question, and I know you're team Tori.

I'm Team Tori for everything Tori can do no wrong.

She's like, I'm going to just call him and say, hey, dig out that Purple Rain jacket and put it on when you guys go to dinner. Okay, so here's the question. The way that they are counterpart may dress. Do we agree that the way that we dress is a form of expression?

I would say if you're consciously choosing the way that you dress, yes. But I would say a lot of people just buy whatever, Especially guys. Okay. I find women, because of the feminine energy, just tend to be a little bit more attuned to, like, how does this make me feel? What does this say about me? Not always. Some people just don't. They were L.L. bean, whatever. But I see a lot of guys will just wear the T shirt and whatever, and sometimes they actually want you to help them get dressed and choose their style. I'll say, there's something so sexy about a man who can dress well. Like, and. And you like his style. It's like, oh, shit, we're speaking the same language here.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, I. I personally could not. Well, I guess I have. But moving forward, I could not date a guy whose style I don't like. Because what I. She's dying right now. Because what I've learned is that you probably don' vibe with a lot of other stylistic choices in their lives. Maybe because it's like the way that you dress says a lot about your culture. Right? Like, I remember, okay, like in middle school, in my school, at least, maybe in your school, it was like you were either hip hop or goth. Like, choose your track. You know, you're either Evanescence or Ja Rule. I was hella Ja Rule, you know, so I was like, June sneakers, Baby fat Alphabet, like, velour, like, that whole thing. And then I have, like, a lot of friends who. They went the goth. Like, they went the Hot Topic route. And it's like, that wasn't just how we dressed. That was the music we listened to. That's how we felt, you know, like, that's like really deeply spoke about where we were at, even, like, emotionally in our lives. So I do think the way that. And I know for myself, my style changes as I Make big shifts in my life. The first thing that I do, you can see right now, I change my hair, I changed my style. I'm going to London. So I'm dressed up like London, you.

Know, we're going to London.

But for me, I am such an artistic person that I probably more than the average person does that. So I would say. So what was your question? Can we judge someone or can we change their style?

I think that what does it say about us if we're wanting to change the way that somebody dresses? I'm asking for myself. Right.

I mean, I think it's like if they were to have never changed their style, would you still be down for them?

Yeah.

Like, if the, if the purple jacket was here to stay, would you have continued being your relationship with her?

I think it'd be really hard, but I would do it. Like, I would struggle because for me it, it just. I don't know, I feel like I. I think it's one. It's more one of those choices that just because you think something looks cool on a hanger doesn't mean you should wear it.

Right.

You know what I mean?

But the thing about clothes, like, for example, my friend Ali, she. She talks a lot about how when she met her, she did not like his style at all. It was very New York, slicked back hair, not her thing. And over time, she softened him, like emotionally. She softened his heart. And also she changed his style too. But like, not like you need to, but rather like it was just a natural result of him stepping more into his spirituality. Then he grew out his hair, then he started to wear more cotton. And now he's like dressed like this like spiritual shaman man. And that's what she likes. So. But it was his choice. But she supported the softening, which led to the stylistic.

Interesting, you know. Yeah. Because it's like maybe this is his natural state and the other was just him sort of doing well.

Yeah, he lived in New York and that's how people dress in New York. Because where you live also determines a lot.

Absolutely. Yeah.

And I think that's also a big thing about being the dream girl is like, is how you dress your dream girl. And, and also one thing I want to add about being the dream girl is like, it sometimes needs to be a little over the top.

Okay, let's. Let's dig into this.

Okay. So for example, when I was in Bali, I met my friend Bianca Quinn, who's an R B singer. And one of the things that really inspired me about her is she Would get dressed to the nights. She has this very like Zoe Kravitz style. Like crystals in her hair and like, just like all this cool jewelry. She looks like a mystical being at all times. And that really inspired me about her because it was like to go to the, the, whatever the convenience store, she would like put on her septum ring and like her rings and like all these things. And I was like, I love that. Because she's not waiting for the date, she's not waiting for the photo shoot, she's not waiting for the thing. Like she is choosing to just be art all the time. And that really stood out to me and made me like, consciously. Because sometimes you can get really lazy when you're working from home. You wear your same sweatshirt, you put on your hair in a messy bun. Especially when you're in a long term relationship. You're just like you, you just stop caring. And that's one thing I will never go back to again. Mark my words here on this podcast. I will never go back to just not caring about how I look at home because I realize that that it, it just like you said, it changes your energy with yourself. And I feel like that's why in a lot of cities like in New York and in London and places like that, people spend a lot more time outside of the home. So they need to get dressed up. So that gives them this more social energy. Whereas in places like LA or Texas, where you're at home most of the time, you it, it feels almost weird of like, why would I get dressed up to get on a Zoom call? But, like, even my team members, like, I have, I had a team member who I never even met her in person, only on Zoom. She would do her hair and put on these beautiful earrings. And it to me just made me feel like I was talking to a professional. The fact that she would do that as opposed to some people would be like in their bathroom in the messy bun. Even if it was a Zoom call. Like, the way that I felt like she was showing up for her work was so different based on the way that she was, you know, being a little bit extra. So I would say go a little extra. Because our space line, we always try to like, not be that tall flower they have that term for in like Australia, New Zealand. Yeah, Poppy syndrome. Yeah, be the poppy. The dream girl is the poppy. Yeah, like, go over the top. Like, do the nail color that you think is too much, do the hair that you think is too much, do the thing. Wear the outfit that you're like, people are going to stare at me. Good. Because people stare at dream girls because dream girls stand out. Dream girls are not attuned to this 3D reality. We're here on our own motherfucking planet. So wear that thing that you would be like, oh, if I saw someone walking down the street like that, I would say, that's my dream girl right there.

Yeah.

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I love that. That is so true. I mean, it's a level up, right? It's a level up. I really feel like, especially in relationships, we get so complacent, and I think that we lose that. I mean, I felt like a lot. I mean, during the, you know, 2020, I was like, you know, I don't think I put makeup on.

2020 was the year that Americans had the least sex than ever. So we were spending the most time with our partners, but having the least amount of sex. And sex has drastically declined in relationships since statistically, really, it changed our dynamic. Because what is our attraction based on? It's based on the unknown. It's based on the space, the missing. Exactly. The you went for work and you came home and like, wow, what happened to you today? Oh, this smells different. And that trigs interest and mystery. But when we're together all the time, that person's in the room. We baseline, and instead of being in our feminine and masculine, we both become neutral. That there's no longer that polarity, the opposite sides of the magnet anymore, that you just want to cuddle and eat and watch Netflix, which is cute, and that's an important part of relationships. But then that, like, I want to jump your bones feeling is gone. And I think a lot of our natural inspiration for getting Dressed up and being that dream girl is related to desire?

Yeah, I think so.

And when that desire I've noticed in myself, like being single and single girls that I know are a lot more attuned now to beauty and sexuality and sensuality because it's like this desire, this yearning that when you're in a relationship, it's like you already know your man's obsessed with you. You don't need to, you know, you feel like you don't need to, but then what happen? You lose it. And it's not about making the man want you, it's like, don't you want to want you? And that's the thing that I see a lot of people, and myself included in long term relationships. Miss. You're like, ah. I remember thinking I missed my. I never really dated. I missed those days. I took it for granted, you know, and it's like what I missed was the unknown and the mystery within myself that anything could happen at any time. And guess what? You could just step into that energy right now.

Yeah. You don't have to wait. And I think that's beautiful what you're saying. It kind of goes back to what I was saying about the getting dressed for your muse. Right. You're essentially putting on or expanding your peacock feathers to essentially seduce yourself, to draw yourself in, to feel that energy. Because ultimately that's what people are going to be attracted to. And we talked about this during our magnetic conversation. Right. But I think it's so important to be able to really embody that and embrace that and do the thing like put the makeup on, get dressed, put the earrings on, you know, for the meeting or go work out, work somewhere else where it requires you to dress up. Like that special outfit that's been sitting in your closet. When are you gonna wear that? You know, are you planning on wearing that? It reminds me of during that, that year, I think I had had a wedding dress picture that I posted. During that time, Tori and I had planned a wedding. 2020 got pushed to 2021. And I had ordered one of the three dresses I had planned to wear. And it was just sitting in my closet. And I'm like, I'm never gonna wear this. Like, why is it just sitting there collecting dust? And he was like, why don't you just put it on? And I thought that was such a great idea. And so I put it on. Then I did my makeup and then I did my hair. And then he got the camera. He's like, well, let's go take some pictures. And it. And then we had a dance party, and then, you know, we ended the night perfectly. You know what I'm saying? Like, it was just.

And those pictures are amazing, and you use them for a long time, and they made you fall more in love with yourself.

Yeah. And it was. It was this. This feeling of, yeah, I'm gonna treat myself that way. I'm gonna treat myself like my own dream girl. I am my own dream girl, you know, And. And the people around me should feel that and sense that. Yeah, I love that.

I think taking photos of ourselves, while it sounds like, oh, like, you know, Deepak always says, don't confuse yourself for your selfie. And I agree with that. We are so much more than our physical looks. And there is something about feminine consciousness that we feel ourselves. We are turned on by ourselves. Like, even in sexuality, like, when a woman is turned on, she's touching herself, she's lost in herself, she's looking at herself in the mirror. Like, guys don't do that, you know.

So maybe some do. Some they post pictures topless.

But even, like, us women were like, we're not into that, you know? And it's something about feminine consciousness that like. Like, beauty is part of our spiritual pathway. It's always been the way that we've honored the goddess. We give her and worship her with flowers and fruit and honey and beauty as a pathway. So what photo shoots to me do is, like, they crystallize a moment of consciousness within yourself. Like, you're always going to look back on those pictures and remember that day where instead of being in that slumpy, random Wednesday that you would have totally forgotten about, you have that memory, which might be, like, one of your few memories of that year.

Yeah.

For the rest of your life. You know, like, literally, we forget. It's only peak experiences that we remember, you know, so it's like you're gonna look back and you're gonna remember that time that you put on your wedding dress for no reason for the wedding that you ended up not even having yet. And even though it was three years ago, it's like that stands out in your consciousness. And to me, like, this summer when I was going to Afro Nation, I got this, like, long ponytail extension with a braid in it. And I was like, I don't know how to do this. It's so hard. And I just, like, figured it out. And I put on this, like, Y2K outfit of, like, these jean cool shorts and this, like, metallic shirt. And I got, like, henna on my hands. Like, they Were doing henna on the street. I was like, sure, I'll do henna. Like I was just in this like say yes to everything mood and I put on this Aaliyah song and my friend just recorded me and I just like did this dance to it. I was just like feeling myself and vibing and that is probably like one of my favorite videos of me of my life. Like when I'm in a bad mood, I look back at that video of me because I was just in such a vibe. I was was feeling myself. I was not performing, I wasn't doing a TikTok dance or something, but I was just like in my dream girl energy. And when I watch that video, I fall more in love with me. And I don't remember who looked at me that night or what happened, but I keep looking back on me. So I think it's important to have these crystallizations of our dream girl selves. And even if you're not like a coach or whatever, you don't have anywhere for these photos for yourself. Like doing a boudoir shooting is such a fun thing that there's so many amazing boudoir. I have not actually. You've not? I need to. Yeah, I totally need to.

I'm shocked.

I'm shocked too.

But we should do this next episode. We should have that right here. Yeah.

But a boudoir photo shoot, for those of you who don't know is like they, it's like a really empowering thing is typically like a female photographer, they dress you up in lingerie that makes you feel really good and you just take these like sexy but self loving pictures of yourself. So doing a boudoir shoot, getting an outfit that you've always wanted to get wear, getting your hair and makeup done, doing a dance, like maybe wearing your wedding. Even if you're not, I know someone that she had a wedding for herself. She's like, I don't wanna wait, I just wanna have my own. It's like having these things like that. Like I started doing so many more photo shoots this year that I would like get these cool crystal outfits and like wear them in instead of me just going and hiking in the waterfall and like taking a picture on my phone. I'm like, I am the waterfall. Here I am. And now those waterfalls carry so much more meaning to me because I took that extra effort and initiative to and merge with art. And I feel like for me that's what being my dream girl self is. Is like like 50% human, 50% art that like Everything I'm doing is an expression of my creativity, from the way that I adorn myself to the poetry that I write to the way that I start my day to the conversations that I'm having. And then, like, even when I'm sad, it's like, you know me, I'm writing a million poems about it. I'm in my fields around it, that it's like, even I'm like, cry, little dream girl tears, you know? And it, like, makes everything so much more beautiful because that's, like, what romantic fantasizing your life really is about.

Yeah, I. I love that you're describing this as art. Like, you're walking art. You feel like a piece of art. And I think that's so important because I think as women, we have so much preconditioning to think that, oh, I don't want to overdo. I don't want to be extra right.

Because what will girls think about me? What will guys think? And that's the shadow side that I have experienced about stepping into my dream girl is. It is a lot for some people. You know, there are. If you're single and dating, there are a lot of men who will be like, oh, my God, I can't handle. But guess what? Perfect. Because if they don't want someone who's, like, fully in their expression and magnetism, they want to be with someone who's a little bit insecure and that needs them. It's like, thank God you dodged that bullet.

Yeah, it's true love. That.

And I feel like also it's the sister wound of, like, if I'm too beautiful, then what will other girls think about me? They won't want to be my friend and.

Or then they might get torn down by people in their lives. It's that tall Poppy syndrome again. So the whole idea of the tall Poppy syndrome is that if that one tall Poppy starts to grow above the others, the root system of the other poppies will go and pull it down. Essentially, it'll pull it back down so that they're all growing at the same level. And I think that's really something to look at, just as women in our society think about. When you're scrolling through your Instagram feed, if you see somebody who's posting a bikini picture in, you know, the Bahamas or something, what is your initial reaction? Are you rolling your eyes? Are you liking it? Are you commenting? Lots of fire signs, like, what is your initial. This is a really great sort of litmus test that you can give yourself to see where are you in that, in that, that journey, so to speak. Because we all have those, right? We, we have that sister wound where we can feel either judged or taken down by somebody else. Somebody might say a passive aggressive comment and then all of a sudden, oh, I'm not going to post these pictures. Imagine if somebody said to you, you need to stop posting those pictures of you on a waterfall or whatever.

You know, it's like that waterfall and your crystals that, that I just can't am fest. Really triggered my third eye to be like, you need extra. Do you notice?

But, but the. Think about, like, if, if it was somebody really important in your life that said that to you. You know, like, I, I think, you know, if I did something like that and you were to be like, I wouldn't do that. I wouldn't.

And then it's like, why have you given that person so much importance in your life? And again, it might be your parent. Like, does my mom love my shoots? No. For the. She used to, not at least. So it's like some people in your life, you can't, you can't change, but you can't live your life to please your parents. But if it's. You have a friend that every time you shine and they're bringing you down or they're saying little comments, why are you, you can't change the friend. Why are you choosing to have this person in your life?

Yeah, exactly. And, and I think that part of us, you know, we live in this culture now where we share everything. So this is just a part of our life. How we connect with others is sharing. So I empowering whenever I have a friend or somebody pops up on my feed. Because I, I also love the female aesthetic.

If someone saw my Explore page, they would think I'm a lesbian for sure. It's like women like dancing and twerking and being sensual and I'm like, like, love, amazing, Adore. You are a queen. But that, that's what I love.

Yeah. And that I think is, is part of, you know, like, is going to attract, like, and we attract women and people in our lives that are the same. That it's like, oh, fire sign used.

To laugh because he's like, you just sit down and eat dinner and watch belly dance videos like a Middle Eastern man. I'm just like, yallah, mashallah. But I just love the feminine form. I think it's so beautiful. Like, I'm inspired by them, but. But that's the difference. And it's like, you know, for a lot of people, the Thing that triggers them is actually the thing that's their biggest inspiration. It's just when you get through that threshold. So yes, if seeing women dancing, women shining their light, women sharing their full expression, women owning their bodies, women owning their sexualities, women being in their beauty and being unapologetic about, if those are your triggers, there is something there for you on the other side. Otherwise it would just be neutral. Yeah, you wouldn't feel anything. Like, for example, I don't want to have a baby right now. So when I see mom stuff in it just, I just kind of don't feel anything. If I really wanted to have a baby and I was seeing these mom announcements, which I see happens to some of my friends, I would be like, you know, some of my friends have babies, they get messages like, why are you bragging about your baby all the time? Like, why are. Why do you feel the need to show this off? Some of us can't have babies as easily. And it's like, obviously this is a trigger for this person. Is it about this person posting about her baby or is it about how this person feels and her relationship with it? You know, so it's like ultimately nothing is personal and everything is about our projections and how we feel about ourselves. So your dream girl self will be a trigger for people who know they have that dream girl selves within them, but they haven't yet accessed it.

Oh, I love that.

They're like, I feel like I could be that Barbie, but I'm not yet so that Barbie. Barbie.

Instead of just taking some time to do some self inquiry and look, maybe not everybody has to share their dream girl moment. You know, maybe it's something that you again, you're doing for yourself. Maybe you're just getting dressed up for yourself. You're taking yourself out on a date. I mean, I still do that. I still take myself out on a date. You know, I'll go have a little tea date with myself or I'll go, you know, get a little appetizer somewhere. Because I think it's important to be able to just dress. Why bring my book? I'm not just sitting there like staring into nothingness because I don't want to, you know, like. But if you do that. Totally. That's.

And even more kudos to you.

Yeah, more kudos to you. I need the, you know, entertainment. But I, I think it's really important for people to know that they don't need the sort of external validation all the time. Right. They don't have to share their you know, photo shoot. Just because they're doing a photo shoot, they don't need to share it. It's like, I think if you share it, share it for you and for your own reasons. You know, I have no pro. I love again, I love your description of it being art because that's the way I see the female form as art. It's beautiful and it's the most attractive thing and I enjoy it. And I've never felt some type of way of somebody sharing too much or not enough or whatever when it comes to their own empowerment. We love it. Yeah, we love it. Can we be their friend?

Yeah.

It's like, who is this? Is this person gonna be. Be our third?

Yeah, exactly.

What's happening?

But it just shows our, our own relationship with it. And for, for some people, it, it is that journey. So whatever it is that's a trigger for you move into and then. Yeah, like, you can't only be a dream girl in front of the camera because then it's going to be fake. So it is who you are in those micro moments. That's why I think little things like having your morning practice.

Yep.

Your thoughts. Are you thinking dream girl thoughts right now?

You know, what are some good ways to have dream girl thoughts?

Like, I remember before people talk about self love and I got it, but I didn't really understand what it. I got it. I don't even wrote a book on it. So I read the book, but I was never like, self love. That was never my thing. I'm like, of course I love myself. Like, look, my life looks as a result of me loving myself. But it wasn't until after my divorce that I like looked myself in the mirror and I was like, oh my God, I'm so freaking proud of you. Like the way that you have handled this. And that cracked me open to a level of. And a knowingness of self love that I had never experienced before. And it's shifted now. Every time I look in the mirror, I say something loving to myself and it's not coming from this. Like, I am beautiful. I deserve everything. You know, like the affirmations that are like so forced and you don't believe it, but it's like I just look at myself and I'm just like, you're so cute. Like, look at us doing this thing. And you know, like, life is challenging and there's a lot that doesn't feel dream, you know, and being a dream girl is to connect to your highest self and to elevate to the part of you that is beyond the shit that's happening in your life and to remind yourself that you aren't the trauma, you aren't the story. You are who you create yourself to be as a result of it. So it has entirely shifted my consciousness because before I would look in the mirror and I wouldn't even really think. I didn't say anything negative. I didn't say anything positive. I'd just be like, oh, I didn't really even look in the mirror that much, to be honest. Like, because I was just working, you know, I didn't need to. And now I take that extra effort to not look at my hair and what I don't like and my eyebrows, but, like, to look myself in the eyes and, like, to really see myself in that moment. Because we're going through life so fast, and all we ultimately want is to be seen. And that's often why we get into the relationships and why we put ourselves out there on social media. We just want to be seen. So we could just take moments to really see ourselves and be like, wow, you are doing so freaking well. You are amazing. You are a rock star. I'm so proud of you. And just to take that moment, it just soothes you from the soul. And then naturally, you're, like, from this place of feeling good. What else can I do that makes me feel good? Ooh, I want to, like, dance. I want to. I'm laughing all the time by myself. All the time. Like, I was texting you. I was, like, at the equinox, like, dying of laughter alone, that I started drooling on the floor because I was laughing so hard. I was thinking about some stuff that we were talking about, and I just don't care. People probably look at me and they think I'm crazy. And guess what? If laughing makes you crazy, I don't want to be sane. Take me to the mental asylum, because I'm going to laugh and I'm going to sing and I'm going to live my full expression and feel my full emotion and feel my full range. Because that, to me, is what being my dream girl is.

Yeah, I love that. I think for me, my inner dream girl wants to be seen, heard, and understood.

That is the ultimate expression, ultimate human desire from everyone. Yeah.

And I think that for us to be able to. Yeah. Wake up in the morning and talk to ourselves in a loving way or be present with ourselves and really just appreciate where we are and how we are and the experience that we're in really allows us to step into that power.

Yes. And the next episode, we're going to talk about how we are always in the in between and how we're always in the simultaneous, like arriving yet not having yet arrived. So stay tuned for the next one with Rosie and I. So thank you so much for being on. I love these conversations. We always end up in rabbit holes that I never would have expected. So where can listeners connect with you and learn how to meditate with you?

Oh, they can go to radicallylove.com that's my website, and they can connect with me on Instagra. Instagram. Osiacosta.

Perfect. We'll have those links below. Well, thank you so much for tuning in. If you love this episode, please share it on Instagram. It's a really good way of actually, like, putting out feelers of, like, where's your dream girl posse at? People who resonate with this podcast are going to be people who are on your vibe. Because the way to cure tall poppy syndrome, I want to add that is like, surround yourself with other tall poppies. Because then if everyone's rising tall, it's like, oh, there's the unicorn one there and there's the angel one there and there's a dark goddess one there, and they're like all these beautiful flowering poppies and we're all like, go grow, bitch. Grow. Grow, rich.

Grow. That's the affirmation.

Exactly. Grow, grow, grow, grow. So share the episode to grow, grow. And also, if you leave a review for it in the itunes store, I will send you my free womb meditation. So this is a meditation, help you drop into your womb space so you can receive her answers. So this is really the seat of our feminine consciousness. So all you got to do is leave a review in the Apple store, take a screenshot of it, and then email it over to me@saharaiam sahararose.com you can find that link and all the other links that I mentioned in this episode in the show notes. You can also watch this as a video. If you're not watching as a video, we're on camera right now, too, so you get to have the full experience on Spotify and on YouTube if you just look me up. Sahara Rose High Self podcast. All right, thank you so much for being here and I'll see you in the next one.

Sam.