519: Moving From Sexual Trauma to Liberation + Using Sex Magic For Manifestation with Layla Martin

Collectively, we speak about the feminine rage, but we don't speak about the feminine disgust. And it is so big, and it's something that, like, you so don't want to feel because it feels unending and it feels icky to transmute. And even so, I'm curious, for you, having that discussed, and for most people listening, there's disgust. Whether it happened from sexual trauma, from someone cheating on them, from really anything, how were you able to release this energy from your being?

Yeah, so disgust and shame, for me, are two of the hardest feelings to feel. And so the. The way the. The thing that I say is, like, I eat disgust for breakfast now I eat shame for breakfast. And what I feel mean when I say that is when I first started to feel the disgust. It's. It's literally like. Like, the way I can describe it is like I ate a bunch of, like, fetid, rotting maggots, and now I have to go inside and, like, eat them again. But now they're inside of me. It literally feels that bad. So the hardest thing about feeling disgust is actually the story that it's so hard to feel, because we got raised in environments where the science shows that you relate to emotions the way the people around you relate to them. And the way I grew up, you didn't let yourself feel disgust, you didn't let yourself feel shame, you didn't let yourself feel anger. So there's usually an embedded story of never go there, never feel your shame, never feel your disgust. So when we first go there, we not only have to face that psychological barrier, but I also had to face that when an emotion gets embedded in your nervous system, it gets embedded with the way that you felt at the time about it.

Welcome back to the High Self podcast. My name is Sahara Rose, and in this podcast, we take spiritual concepts and make them grounded, relatable, so they can actually serve your needs. And I bring on my personal friends and teachers on this podcast, people who have influenced my life in deep, profound ways and a journey that I have been on since my divorce is over, really tapping into my sensuality, not as a way of seeking connection with someone or performance or, you know, trying to get validation or attention, but really, what is my sensuality? To me, I grew up from a family that escaped from Iran, where. Where any form of female sensuality was seen as dangerous and vulgar and something that would make no man ever want to marry you, which is pretty much a death sentence in Iranian culture. So I grew up quite, quite disconnected from my sensuality. No one in My family even told me what sex was. I think it was something you're supposed to figure out after you're married. And on top of that, you know, my entire ancestral lineage came from forced child marriage, including my grandmother to my grandfather. So sex has deep, deep patriarchal wounds in my lineage. It's something that was seen as a service that you give to your husband. And it's almost like your virginity is this, like, thing that you offer him and that equates your safety and your worthiness. So it was always seen like, oh, if you want commitment for man, if you want something from man, that's what sexuality is for. It's a way of a means to get something. And I inherently knew that there was something off with that. I was always very drawn to sensuality. You know, I was a belly dancer since I was a teenager and just like, always really drawn to beauty and hip hop dancing and things like that. But it also came with the shame related to that. And, you know, my mom would tell me, don't dress like that. And I was really taught to turn it off, to be accepted, to gain approval. And it really wasn't until after my divorce that I fully was able to step into redefining what that looks like for me. So my own inner practice, and that you've been hearing a lot on this podcast, has been diving into tantra, which is the ancient Indian science of weaving together to be one with the world, with the universe, with humanity, with our shadows and the soil and the death and the richness and the fertility, and merging the feminine and masculine within ourselves. And for me, that's what being your highest self is really all about. It's not about being above or higher than this, like, dirty human self, but really it's about integrating all parts of you and seeing all of them as sacred and holy. So I am so excited because today we are bringing on Truly a pioneer in the tantra space. She is someone who has taught me so much. She's been a personal friend of mine for years. And if there's like one podcast I listen to besides this, it's hers. So I like, I've listened to all of her episodes. It's a brand new podcast. It's so good. And what I love about her is she takes tantra, sex magic, which is something we're going to be talking about today, and makes it really relatable so it can actually be implemented into your life. And a huge thing that's been showing up for me and being single is like, how will I ever Find a man that can, like, hold all of me. And, you know, she's just such an example of letting her full, like, sex witch out and never feeling that it's too much. In fact, like, turning it on more and, like, amplifying that light more and more. So without further ado, let's welcome Layla Martin to the Highest Self podcast.

Full chills. Just hearing and feeling you, Sahara.

So I'm so excited that you're finally here. Years in the making. So the first question I'd love to ask you is, what makes you your highest self?

Mm, mm, mm, mm. I want to really think about it because I want it to be the truest answer. So I received a similar religious conditioning to you. I don't think people really know, actually, that Islam was designed to be a version of Judaism and Christianity for Arabian people, like, consciously. So it's the same strain of transmission, and it got distorted in very, very, very similar ways. So I was also raised with the conditioning that your highest self in Catholicism is transcendent it of this world. It is fucked up and dark as a human, but somehow is supposed to be purer than pure. And so it sets up this, like, internal battle of self, right? It's like, okay, there's something wrong with me. I made from original sin, and I need to beg for forgiveness and follow this religion so that I can be saved. And I don't think that is true. True, true Christianity, the heart of the religion, but that is the way it was taugh to me. Also, as a woman, there's something just dirty and wrong about me generally. So I'll probably never actually fully be saved. And the best I can do is just get through this lifetime hoping that I don't fuck it up so bad that I burn in hell, right? And so what that meant was that my original conditioning to be the highest self was so confusing because it was like, you better pray your way to being your higher self. You better. I used to pray to God every night. I would never get my period and never turn into a woman because it. It felt so unthinkable to me that I could be holy and divine and also a woman at the same time. So there was all this religious shadow about, like, being a higher self is to not be of this world, not be a woman, not be human. So how, like, how do you ever become your highest self with that original imprint and that conditioning? And then on top of that, I was sexually abused by my biological father. So there was also so much rejection of sexuality, of pleasure. Like, I never Knew what safety was. And so the reason I'm saying all of this is that when I first went to try and find my highest self, it was like, please, just let me out of this hell. You know, My highest self must be a key to heaven. Because it's not here. It's gotta be. It's somewhere else. It's with some God, the Father. It's out of this human body. It clearly doesn't have a pussy. It never wants to orgasm. It's some version of perfect wife. But even that still feels too human. So just like, get me out of here, out of this body, out of this life, out of this gender, so I can be my highest self, which I equated with heaven, which I equated with not fucking here, not in this body, not in this life, not in this trauma. And so the path to highest self was unlearning all of that and following both ancient goddess religions and traditions of the Eleusinian ecstatic strain of European, my European ancestry and Tantra, both classical and Neo Tantra. And being so devotional and those spiritual traditions unwound that conditioning and showed me that my highest self is the unwavering consciousness eternally married to this moment. And that this unwavering consciousness is an eternal devotion to the experience of this moment. The original marriage, the original sacred union. And so my highest self is here when I am in devotion to this moment, to this life, to this experience on the deepest, most profound levels. And so I consider my highest self to be an act of devotion to all that is. And that we say that. And you like to make it real. It's no fucking joke, right? To find devotion in the deepest, hardest moments, in the trauma, in the messed upness of it all, and to finally. And this was the key for me. I don't want to escape this body. I want to be in devotion to it. I don't want to escape having a pussy. I want to be in devotion to it. I don't want to never have an orgasm. I want to be in devotion to my orgasm and in devotion to all of the blocks put in my path to keep me from those things so that I could know what true devotion and union was. And so it's even devotion to the blockage, Even devotion to my childhood religion of Catholicism. Devotion to the entire play of the universe, which is designed to not only reveal divinity to us, but to conceal divinity. This is the act of the Goddess. And so it's like in the raging against all those things, which is a really important step also eventually having devotion to all of them, including my trauma for being my highest teachers.

So a lot of people ask me, how do you just record a solo cast where you're going off cuff telling these amazing stories, making it really interesting and conversational and funny at the same time. Like, do you have a script? How do you do this? And the truth is, no, I don't. I just enter into this kind of channeled realm and I share with you my process on how I was able to go from an awkward to a confident story speaker in my new course, Speak with Soul. So this is a 21 day guided journey that I custom curated just for you, for the people out there who have incredible messages to share, but they feel like their throat chakras are a little bit blocked, they're in their head, they stutter, they don't know how to tell an interesting story. So every single day for 21 days, we're going to be working together in this course and by the end of it, you're going to record your podcast intro. So if you're ready to get started, head over to speak with soul course.com again that speak with soul course.com and you can find that link in the show notes. And hey, you better have me on your podcast when you're blowing this shit up. Wow, just that answer right there is a podcast. Everything you just said, like, but the connection between sexuality, divinity and the present moment and how us abandoning and distancing ourselves from our sexuality is us distancing ourselves from being in the present moment. Because that's what sexuality is. It's. It's just being here and the now in the receptivity, in the allowing, in the being, in the cosmic orgasmic waves of all that is like if we actually just remove whatever wall is between us and source, like we are orgasms in human form. It's just that we have forgotten in It's. It would just maybe be too much for us to always be experiencing it. But like, for me, every time I've. I've dropped into a deep meditation or psychedelic experience. I remember the first time I did mushrooms. It was like these rolling orgasms coming through me and I was like, oh, wow, this is the truth of who I am. And it's so. And then even like the words we use, like achieve orgasm makes it feel like it's this thing you have to like achieve and get and do and like all the Cosmo magazines and it's like the things and it's like, oh, this is who you are. And even beyond like the physical orgasm. It's like you are our life blossoming, expressing, expanding, like the universal expansion of the orgasm. But that also comes with the waves of the shadow. The waves of the what comes, you know, like a literal or as a lot of women right after. It's. It's the shame that comes up. It's the, are you gonna leave me? That comes up. It's the, who am I? So I'm curious for you, what was your journey like, having faced, you know, what is probably the biggest sexual trauma that can happen, which, you know, related to it happening within the family? And now having talked to a lot.

Of people, it's so common.

It's so common. So what did that pathway look like for you from healing from this?

Well, I really. I want to share, like, how, like, what it was was like for me when I started, because I think a lot of everyone can relate to being alienated from your own body and feeling scared of your own sexuality. I think we've all been there. And my level of alienation was such that I was so freaked out by my own that I would bathe. I would take showers in my swimsuit when I was like 9, 10, 11 years old. I would obsessively shave any hairs that came in because I was so scared of becoming a woman. It was so embedded in me that my sexuality was going to cause another abuse or another rape that I wanted to eviscerate it out of my body. So that's why I was praying to never have my period. Shaving the hairs off of my body. It was so deep, I wouldn't even go into Victoria's Secret. So when I was, you know, a teenager growing up in Colorado and Victoria's Secret was like, where you went to go, like, check out lingerie and, like, think about, you know, growing into a woman. I couldn't even go into the store when I was 15, 16 years old. That's how deep this trauma ran inside of my body. When I had my first boyfriend and went to go down on him, and it was a loving experience, and he was actually a wonderful human, I froze so bad. And I didn't know back then what a trauma freeze response was. And I couldn't speak for a whole hour. Like, that's how bad, like, sexuality freaked out my nervous system, freaked out my body, how profoundly shut down I was. And because I couldn't function sexually without going into freeze, I started drinking and smoking, and I never tried to have another sober sexual experience for another seven years. And I actually got into spirituality and the spiritual side of tantra before I started to really address how much was embedded in my nervous system, because I was trying to out of my body and out of my trauma. So I first went to Asia when I was 15. I went to Tibet, India and Nepal on this amazing trip. So I had started to connect to the Indian traditions, to the Tibetan traditions. I went back. So I went to Stanford University when I was 17, started studying sexuality academically, and then I would go back and forth from Asia. And so I was starting to learn what you just shared about that ecstasy was possible in my body, right? That it was actually possible to feel good, which I didn't know that I lived completely in my head. And my first kind of coach, therapist was like, what do you feel in your body? And I was like, what the fuck do you mean? You know, sometimes we're like, oh, get in your body, get in your body. And like, when people are like, you know, what do you feel in your body? When I first started this work, I was like, what are you talking about? I don't feel my. What would be the point of feeling my body when it's in pain, when it wants things that are bad, it wants sex, it wants food, you know, it wants life. And all of that is wrong. Why would I want to be in my body when it carries so much trauma, Right? If I live in my head, I feel a certain level of fearlessness, a certain level of audacity. And honestly, there are generations of women who came before us who survived by having ironclad minds. So I also don't want to judge that too badly because to my ancestors, thank God for their ironclad minds. I don't know how I would have done it as a woman, even one or two generations ago if I didn't live from this, like, steel mind of just, like, survive and make it through. It's actually an honor to be able to feel my body. It's a privilege. Sometimes we take it on, I find, as, like, a burden. Like, oh, I have to heal my trauma. Oh, I have to feel my body. And it's like, how many generations went before us that never even had the opportunity? So even though it's so painful, like, what is that privilege? So as I was, you know, starting to go to tantra school, starting to do all of the practices, starting to feel my body, I was getting more ecstatic. I was learning to meditate, I could quiet my mind, and I was like, we're going to be in heaven. We're going to get. I'm going to get out of this body, right? I'm going to like, boom. And I got my first adult boyfriend. This is about 21 years old. And he wanted to look me in the eyes when he made love to me. And I was like, no, no, no.

No, no, no, no, no.

And he loved me. And my whole system didn't know what to do with love. So all I knew how to do was push him away, attack him, go into projections around him. He was the biggest gift that any human could have gotten in a relationship. And I didn't know what to do with him. And it's good for us to know this because sometimes people can behave horribly to us in relationships. I behaved horribly towards him. It was everything to do with my trauma, everything to do with my fear, nothing to do with him. And so, so I was like, I can't live like this. I have to find my way through it. So when you would try and have sex with me in a connected way, I would throw up over the side of the bed and I went super numb. And I was like, what's going on inside of me? And I was like, why am I so numb? So many women ask themselves this question, why am I numb? Why am I numb? Like, why can't I feel anything? I finally dissolved the numbness by getting more present, getting more in my body, doing more safety. And all I could find after that was disgusting. Like, I was so disgusted with pleasure, so disgusted with my own body, so disgusted with intimacy because having been sexually abused, all of my original imprinting was wrapped in experiences that disgusted me. If you think about it, disgust makes you want to go like this. So it's a last ditch attempt to protect yourself. If you can't be angry, if you can't physically protect yourself, if you can't say no and be honored, the last thing you'll do is become disgusted. Because the disgust. If my body is unsafe, my sexuality is unsafe, connection is unsafe and I can't protect myself. I can't say no. I'll just become disgusted with everything that I am. So I was like, okay. I was railing against all the numbness, but actually the numbness was way better than the disgust. So I had to get into this like crawling, horrific feeling of disgust, go all the way back down to my body, to my pussy, to my original desire to connect to my orgasm and step by step. And it sounds really simple and in some ways it was, but it's also a lifetime's journey. Choose fucking love. All the places that got abused that were unsafe that were wrapped in disgust. I had to go visit them. I had to feel them, and I had to not just love from my head, but be the consciousness of love so that those pieces inside of me got the experience that they never received. And I had to receive all of their pain and all of their trauma and all of their struggle and then have them be met with love over and over and over and over again. A lifetime's work. And there were two things that kept motivating me. And one was, if I get through this, I'm not just going to be a survivor. I'm going to love better than I ever could have hoped for. I'm going to have an actually, like, more outrageously good sexuality than I ever could have hoped for. So this is gonna be the calling to love myself so deeply, the calling to meet these parts of myself. And number two, I swear to God, if I can go from being this disgusted, this terrified, this shut down, to being an orgasmic queen, I will tell every single person in the world what is possible, because no one said it was possible when I started. And the deepest, hardest part of it was wondering if it was just lost. And so the thing that I got to say on the other side of it and the thing that I can say to you and all of you is, it doesn't matter what you've been or how bad it feels or how alienated you got or how long you forgot, like, you can have that kind of sexuality, too. And it's not just me and you who now look like these orgasmic, sensual firecrackers. It's like I came from hell and even my beauty changed. My whole sexuality changed. I can be an orgasmic queen now for hours. And, like, I fought for it, I worked for it, and so I know that anyone can do it.

Wow. Thank you. Like. Like, I just felt every core of what you said. And that energy of disgust is something that's so real for so many of us and people. You know, I feel like collectively we speak about the feminine rage, but we don't speak about the feminine disgust. And it is so big, and it's something that, like, you so don't want to feel because it feels unending and it feels icky to transmute. And even so, I'm curious, for you, having that disgust, and for most people listening, there's disgust, whether it happened from sexual trauma, from someone cheating on them, from really anything, how were you able to release this energy from your being?

Yeah. So disgust and shame, for me are two of the hardest feelings to feel. And so the thing that I say is like, I eat disgust for breakfast now. I eat shame for breakfast. And what I mean when I say that is when I first started to feel the disgust, it's literally like the way I can describe it is like I ate a bunch of fetid, rotting maggots and now I have to go inside and eat them again. But now they're inside of me. It literally feels that bad. So the hardest thing about feeling disgust is actually the story that it's so hard to feel. Because we got raised in environments where the science shows that you relate to emotions the way the people around you relate to them. And the way I grew up, you didn't let yourself feel disgust, you didn't let yourself feel shame, you didn't let yourself feel anger. So there's usually an embedded story of never go there, never feel your shame, never feel your disgust. So when we first go there, we not only have to face that psychological barrier, but I also had to that when an emotion gets embedded in your nervous system, it gets embedded with the way that you felt at the time about it. So as a child, because I didn't want to feel disgust, I didn't want to feel shame, and I didn't want to feel the things underneath it. There's a child's. I won't survive this. There's a child's. I put the disgust in there to protect myself from the things underneath that I don't feel are safe to feel. So there's almost like this glow that comes off the disg. Disgust and the shame that's like, never feel me, never feel me. It's almost like a garbage pile that's gotten old and rotten in the sun. And you can smell and feel the grossness coming off of it. That's literally what old shame and disgust can feel like. And it's my inner child's wrapping of these experiences, my sexuality, that was so unsafe with disgust, as like an X marks display. Don't ever go there, Right? And so to feel my disgust, I not only had to stop telling myself a story that I shouldn't feel it, that it's not okay to have it it, but then I had to cross the barrier of going straight into, like, the garbage rotting on the street in the summer and like all the maggots and feel that, like, in my nervous system, that's like, don't feel that, don't feel that, don't feel that. Once you get through that. And the reason.

What did feeling that look like for.

You feeling that looked like. When I started to feel it, like, it, like, it became, like, moving from the unconscious where I never felt it, into my consciousness. Instead of being like. And eating or taking drugs or. There was no social media back then. But getting on the Internet or going to a party or avoiding, avoiding, avoiding. And all those things can be done for fun, right? You can eat for fun, you can take drugs for fun, you can go to a party for fun. But there was a real quality of like, I don't want to feel this. I'm going to do these things as an avoidance mechanism. I had to literally notice that when I would start being like, I want to run, I want to get out of here. I want to distract myself and be like, actually move towards it. And if I can say, like, people look at me with this kind of, like, awe of what I've done in my life.

So were you, like, sounding it, moving it?

The first thing I think that's defined my life was a willingness to move towards it. Then once I moved towards it, yes, it was sounding the experience of the disgust, like, getting intimate with it. So literally taking, like, you know, when we're like, oh, I'm in my head or I'm in my heart, right? And you can kind of like tell the difference, it's like, I'm in my disgust. That same quality of beingness in a certain part of you, it's like, I'm gonna be in my disgust. Here's the biggest thing. So in tantra and in a lot of the kind of goddess traditions, moving with the disgust will alchemize it. So when you sound it, when you move it, when you embody will alchemize it. Now, if it's sitting there rotting in your system, alchemy will look like releasing it. But the psychological trick, the spiritual trick, is that when you go in thinking, I'm going to release it by sounding, by moving it, what's happening is you're subtly putting yourself in your head and in your head. You can't alchemically transform anything. Where transformation comes from is the spiritual beingness, the eternal presence within you, meeting yourself with no agenda. So even though we can sound our disgust, move our disgust, embody our disgust, which is so important. If you go in thinking that's what you have to do to the disgust, you subtly lock yourself in a trapped cycle because you're meeting an experience with your mind. Because if you think you know what's supposed to happen, you're actually in your mind trying to create a future outcome. And the key to healing that most of us never like, like can be so hard to get sometimes and can keep us trapped in our healing journey perpetually is that when you go in thinking I know how to heal this, you're thinking and thinking doesn't heal. So you have to get out of that and meet the disgust first with an experience of. This is one of the classical tantric teachings, is that every single emotion, every single experience is Goddess consciousness. So when I meet disgust, I am meeting an aspect of the Goddess, which means I don't go in and meet the goddess saying you need to be different, you need to look different, you need to be. I meet the goddess with devotion. So when I meet my disgust now, it's with pure presence and acceptance. Maybe this disgust never goes anywhere. It's an aspect of the Goddess. She is everywhere. And I'm a human in this lifetime. So how can I be with disgust in such a way that I'm not just trying to make it move, I'm letting it be from there. Alchemically there's an impulse. And so sometimes the impulse can be to sound, sometimes the impulse can be to move. Somet impulse is stillness. And so this is what I find is a common misperception is to go to the sounding, go to the movement, go to the embodiment first rather than if we start with the presence, the movement comes next as an impulse of the truth of life rather than an agenda from our mind. And the alchemy will happen so much faster and so much quicker with any of the challenging experiences that are trapped within, within us.

It's so important to show up with it, with that non judgment of just it's here and to not hold on to that like I'm gonna sound you away. Because then it's like that superiority. And I think in disgust there is this feeling of superiority of like I am better than that thing.

Yes.

You know, than that person, than that thing. But then you're creating that separation and divide within yourself. Because then underneath that, if you're better than that thing, but it's in you, it's like then you are the thing that you are looking down on. So it's to not have that and, and to even just see like that what is disgusting is just trauma that has been passed down and that came from somewhere else, that came from somewhere else, that that person who maybe created the disgust that's on you. It's almost like this like splatter of paint that someone put on them and on them and on them and it just continues until someone is brave enough to purify it.

Yes.

And that's why I feel that, you know, in our western world, we look at trauma as this like, thing that like, messes up your brain, like the, the post traumatic brain. And it's like you have. You're fucked. You know? And it's like the way that I saw it was that trauma can be the greatest purifier of our lives because it causes us to question and refine everything in a way that nothing else really can of, like, who am I? What? And it, it becomes this putrid energy when we hold onto it. It. And that's when it turns into that summer garbage that's just with the maggots everywhere. But when we have that thing coming to, it's like, look at you. From having experienced what you've experienced to literally teaching millions of people about tantra and being this expression of like, you took that as the ultimate, ultimate fertilizer, you know, and so it's like, are you going to make that shit fertilizer or are you going to make that shit putrid? And it's up to how you take it and transmute it.

And what's cool is the actual spiritual practices that you would learn, let's say, even if you had. No trauma will teach you the same thing. So trauma is inviting you to meet the world in a deeper, more profound way. It's just those of us who've experienced a lot of trauma feel like we have to do it in order to get our lives back, to get ourselves back. But it's in some ways like a ninja path of learning spirituality, which is so profound and like, you know, if you're gonna have massive daddy issues, like, why not build an orgasmic empire and turn yourself into like a hugely successful sex queen?

Exactly. It's all about transmutation, baby. Yeah. A friend of mine was like, every breakup I make like a hundred thousand dollars. I'm like, that's how it should be. What are you gonna do? Cry in the fetal? Exactly.

No, watch a YouTube channel.

Exactly, exactly. So I want to talk about sex magic, because that's something that I've learned and many people have learned from you. And you know, when people first hear that, they might be like, what the hell is that? Sounds like some black magic over there. What is sex magic? And how. Because I've sat in, in person sex magic ritual with you and you really teach it as this way of, of purifying and channeling our chakras and also for manifestation. But Also, even beyond it being like to get this thing. So what is sex magic? Magic.

Okay, so sex magic is a practice for manifestation. I'll break it down. But if you think about it, the keys to a successful manifestation are basically three things. Number one, you want to have a clear vision. You can't manifest unless you're super clear on what it is that you want. Number two, you have to have your unconscious mind on board. So you can say, as we all know, until the cows come home. I don't know what that phrase means. I guess the cows never come home. That, like, I want this thing, I want this job, I want this partnership, I want this health, I want this whatever. And when you're saying that over and over again in your mind, you're in your prefrontal cortex, where you vision things. But your body and your deeper nervous system and your trauma can be saying, that's not safe. It's not safe to make a million dollars. It's not safe to be seen. It's not safe to be in love. It's not safe to have the orgasm. It's not even safe to be health because you'd go out and do all these things, right? So I don't care what my mind is saying all the time. I am going to do what my unconscious mind believes is safe. And so in a lot of manifesting, right, we're journaling, we're doing affirmations, we're actually staying in our heads. Even just visioning is still being in the prefrontal cortex. So when you're going to manifest powerfully, you need your unconscious mind on board. Now, in the tantric tradition, your unconscious mind lives in your body, so you need your body online when you're doing manifestations, you need your body listening. The last piece of successful manifestations is to be in a high energy state. So when you're in a low energy state, a low vibrational state, you're not a vibrational match, usually to the highest things in the universe, which is usually what we are manifesting. You want to be a vibrational match. So what sex magic does as a practice is, number one, it gives us a very clear vision. And I'll break down how it does that in just a second. Number two, your whole body is online and listening. I'll break down how it does that in just a second. And number three, you're taking the highest frequency energy and power of the universe, which is not only your erotic energy, but your orgasmic energy. And people are like, how is that the highest frequency energy in the universe, that's the energy that creates life, right? So the impulse to orgasm. When you said we're always orgasming all the time, it's our natural state, that's because we are life itself creating itself. Life is making something out of nothing every single moment. We are the perpetual big bang. We are the perpetual lovemaking of presence and energy. We're the perpetual lovemaking of consciousness and manifestation. So our universal state is orgasmic and ecstatic because that is the state of making something out of nothing, right? So when we go into a state of high peak pleasure or orgasm during sex magic, we're actually infusing our manifestations with the energy of creation, right? So that makes us not only a vibrational match to what we want, but it's. It helps magnetize. So we'll put all this together in what is sex magic, step by step. So number one, you want to create a ritual space, right? So you want to do a meditation. You want to light some candles. You want us to feel safe. Number two, and I always start with this is to offer up the sex magic manifestation in the highest good of all beings. I say it and I mean it. Please. Only bring this in in alignment with the highest good of all beings. And what I mean is, as I would never want to override. There is no amount of money in the world, no relationship in the world. No. No desire in the world that is worth it to me to make things turn out worse for anyone else. Now, I don't know what that looks.

Like, so don't do it. On I'm manifesting back my ex or this certain person. Because we don't know if that's for the highest good.

No. And you can say my desire is to bring back my ex, But I let this go and surrender to the highest good. And what I'm going to manifest is the partnership that I want, right? The vibrational partnership that I want more than anything else, right? And how that looks and how that feels. So there's that prayer. May it manifest in the highest good of all beings. And then next you decide what you really want more than anything else. You put yourself into the state of having that thing. So let's say I want the highest vibrational partnership. I do what's called a five senses reality. So I put myself in having that partnership and I say, what do I say? See what is around me? Because I have that partnership right for me. I've often seen myself on my wedding night and this is a pretty out there manifestation. But I'm gonna I'm gonna share it with everyone. And me and my partner are sitting in Yab Yum, right, on our wedding bed. And we are in ecstatic union. And my friends are around us having energy orgasms. So we're in this, like, super high state of aros and activation and beauty and magic, right? Then it's like, what do you hear? Right? So I'm hearing my partner whispering into my ear that I'm a fucking queen, that he's so in love with me, right? And I'm saying to him how much I adore him, right? And how much I worship the ground he walks on. And what do we taste? So do I taste his mouth as he's kissing me, right? Is he feeding me chocolate and strawberries? Right? What do I smell? His sweat, right? My perfume that I'm wearing, right? The incense in the air. Air. What am I touching? Right? What am I wearing? There's usually like, like faux furs everywhere. And, like, I'm touching, like, his clothing because he's wearing some sort of, like, you know, sexy, modern tulum.

I'm singing burner outfit, a white burner outfit, slash Osho ashram.

Yeah, I'm touching myself. And how do I feel? Right? I feel safe. I feel an ecstasy. I feel deep love, right? So this manifestation of using the five senses puts you into the reality also. When you put yourself in that reality, when you then do the sex magic, you're training your nervous system to know on a vibrational level that that experience is safe. So everything in my nervous system might say, being that in love with a man, being that sexually connected to a man is unsafe, given my history being that sexually expressed. But when I do this manifestation, this visualization in sex magic, I'm going to re imprint the experience. And I'll show you how that's done in just a second so I get clear on the vision. Boom. That's the manifestation. Okay, next, I have to turn myself on because I need erotic energy, and I also want to move towards organ orgasm or peak pleasure. So let's say for five to 10 to 15 minutes, depending on how long you need, I'm gonna let go of the manifestation. I'm gonna let go of the sex magic, and I'm just gonna feel as much pleasure as I can. So I'm gonna play sexy music. I'm gonna touch myself. I can be essentially stroking my body. I can be touching my clitoris. I'm turning myself on basically, so that I'm erotically charged to do the actual chakra process. Once I'M erotically charged. I'm gonna be turning myself on, and then I'm gonna start to circulate the turn on the arrows and the pleasure through the chakra bands. And what that means is not through the actual location of the chakra vortex in the front or the back of the body, but through the band of the body. So in the root, I'm going to rotate my Eros and my turn on through my pelvic floor, my booty, my cervix, Right. My vaginal opening. Right. This is where I'm feeling. So as I'm turning myself on, I'm actually usually I'll be moving my body. I'm rotating the energy energy through that entire chakra band next. So you can give it, like, when I'm guiding it, I'll usually do two minutes if I'm doing a quicker practice. Because if you think two minutes per chakra, that's about a 15 minute practice. If I'm doing longer, you could go five minutes in each. Especially if you really want to feel it, you really want to go deep into it. Then I'm going to do the second chakra. So now I'm rotating the energy and the pleasure through my womb space, my sacrum, my lower belly. And the way that I feel it is like the arrows. It's filling up each sacrifice cell and it's overflowing. Sometimes I'll visualize gold light, if that helps. So it's like my turn on is this gold light. And as I'm doing the sex magic, it's filling each cell with the gold light and overflowing. Then I'm gonna do the band of my belly, my solar plexus, right? Then I'm gonna do the band of my heart and my breasts and my chest and the back of my heart. So you're doing the whole band of the body. Then I'm gonna circulate it through my throat, the pit of my throat. Then I'm gonna circulate it through the third eye. And finally I'm gonna circulate it at the crown crown. Now, royalty took the physical crown to be a representation of our golden spiritual crown that we all have. So our golden spiritual crown is when we have lit, powerful energy at the crown and we're connected to knowing that we are the highest self, right? Because they took a mandate to rule over others because they had a special connection to God that not everyone had, they wore physical gold crowns. So when you circulate the sex magic energy at the crown of your head, you're actually building your crown. You're literally becoming queen, King, royal Sovereign through this practice. So we're doing that. We're circulating. Activate. Activate. So what you've just done is you've brought your whole body into alignment and activation. That's how your unconscious is online. When you're doing the manifestation. And you're not just doing it from your head now, you're doing it from your whole body. You filled your whole body with erotic energy, with primal life force orgasmic energy. So your whole body is buzzing and vibrating at the highest manifestation and energy capacity. And you've gotten super clear on what your vision is. So that when the energy's up on the crown, you're then going to move towards peak pleasure or orgasm. So you don't have to push yourself into climax if you're not feeling it. But once you're this turned on, you can go into a high state of peak pleasure or you can have an orgasmic experience, depending on what your body's feeling, where you're at that day. So you're gonna. Usually for me, it's like touching my clitoris faster, more intense. Right? I'm getting turned on. Turned on. Any energy continues to circulate. Now. Now I've made an upward vortex going all the way. And then I'm going to go into peak pleasure or an orgasmic state. And I'm gonna lift the energy off into the universe. As I do that, I the five senses reality. So I'm now seeing exactly what I'm creating. I'm creating this dream partnership. And what am I doing? I'm infusing the five senses reality. So I'm there having what I have in the five senses with the most pleasurable feeling in the universe. This re imprints my nervous system from feeling like what I want is scary or dangerous, which I must feel on some level if I want something really badly and I'm not getting it. So the re imprinting overrides my childhood experience of that being unsafe and re imprints in my nervous system. It is pleasurable and safe to have this thing. It's imprinted with the highest vibratory energy of creation in the universe. And I am crystal clear on exactly what it is that I am manifesting. So this is the practice of sex magic. There's more nuance to it. You can do it with a partner, you can do it solo. It's very powerful with a partner. And you're doing the same energy circuits. You're just making love while you're doing doing it. So Good. So incredibly powerful.

So I remember I was getting body work done and they pressed into my inner thigh and it hurt so bad, like not a normal amount of pain. And I learned that this was related to the liver channel. Now our liver is our body's filter. It's in charge of flushing unwanted elements and breaking down what we consume into essential nutrients. And liver help impacts everything from your brain, your skin, your gut, health, digestion and everything in between. So when I learned about Dose, I was obsessed with because it's all about optimizing your liver health. In fact, it's equivalent to 17 shots of turmeric juice and they've done tons of studies to show how powerful it is when taken daily. It's formulated with organic herbs, it's vegan gluten, dairy free and with zero sugar. Plus they don't contain any standard juice or powder. So if you want to give Dose a shot and invest in your health, do is offering high self podcast listeners 15% off your first order plus an additional 15% off if you subscribe for a monthly delivery that's 30% off your first order. Go to dosedaily co sahara and use code sahara. Again, that's dosedaily co sahara & use Code Sahara and you can find that link in the show notes. I love what you said. That on some level, if there's something that we are desiring and we don't have it, it's because we feel that it is unsafe to have.

Yes.

Period. And it's like, like the money, the relationship. If you don't have it, there's some part of you that's saying, no, we can't. And sometimes we think, oh, it's because I didn't work hard enough or I didn't, you know, do the action related to it. And I love the combining it with this most like. Yeah, like the most beautiful sensation that one can have. So you're showing your nervous system, you're reprinting your nervous system and creating evidence that I can have this thing while feeling really good and I don't have to feel unsafe. My question for you is for a lot of us, we have trained our nervous systems when we are going to have an orgasm, to clench.

Yes.

To hold our breath. That even the practice of like bringing the energy all the way up and continuing to breathe and relaxing through it, it's like our bodies are incapable of it. So how can we re pattern our bodies to not have that same clenching pattern?

So that's why, you know, in my work I teach people pretty extensively Prior usually to them being able to do, like, full sex magic, right? So doing womb breathwork practices, pussy breathwork practices pleasure practices regularly. So a pleasure practice is like having a yoga practice, right? You wouldn't just ever spontaneously do yoga. You have to have a yoga mat and, like a designated time. You like, yeah, we might spontaneously meditate, but you have a meditation practice, you show up and you do it and you. The point is to do the practice rather than to have an outcome, right? I don't sit down on my meditation pillow and be like, I have to feel amazing and go into oneness today. You sit down, you do the fucking practice, right? Come hell or high water. So with our sexuality, we get so programmed to believe I have to have a climax, I have to feel amazing, I have to, like, you know, get off at a certain amount of time. So a pleasure practice is let me be with my eros, with my sexuality, with my orgasm in a way where the point is that I showed up and did the practice, not that I had a certain outcome. And in that, you can heal, you can open, you can learn new things. And so having a regular pleasure practice where you are incorporating breathwork, where you're slowing everything down, where you're consciously relaxing into your pleasure rather than pushing it out. So what you're describing is more of a fire climax sometimes where we get really intense and then like, push the climax and like a fire, it explodes very quickly and then is over. That's why it's called a climax. But there is a water orgasm, which is where you, like, slip and slide into the turn on, where you open into the turn on where you soften into it. And when the orgasm starts to happen, rather than tightening around it and making like a firework explosion, you open the river and ocean of your body into it and it rolls through you. And because it's rolling through you, water can go forever, right? A river can run forever, whereas a fire will burn through things and be done. So you're opening yourself into this greater sexual power. The reason most of us don't do that and why we shouldn't feel ashamed of tensing is because it's very vulnerable. So when you open into your pleasure, you're actually letting the pleasure of life penetrate your entire body. If there's things you haven't healed yet, it's going to knock on the door of that. So my disgust will get its door knocked on if I haven't processed it yet. My shame will get felt if I haven't processed it yet. And eventually that Energy is going to make its way to your heart and ask you to open your heart. And many of us think we want love, but we actually contract against love. We contract against pleasure. We spend a lifetime saying that we want to surrender and be open to life, but there's a tendency, terror of it. So when I. When I teach people about this water orgasm of opening up, it's so important to realize that it can be so psychological. It's not just like, oh, relax. It's like, relax, open and feel how vulnerable you are, that you're going to die one day, that anyone could leave you at any moment, that everything you care about will turn to dust. Feel your shame, feel your disgust, feel the closure of your heart. Feel the ocean of grief within you. If you haven't touched your grief yet, we all have it. Feel your heartbreak. Everyone on this planet is walking around with a broken heart for one reason or another. And if you haven't felt it yet, you aren't paying attention. So opening into a water orgasm asks you to feel. And then you get to feel all the most beautiful things too, right? You get to feel your true ecstasy, your true aliveness, your true heart, your true love, right? And the universe is such that we don't get to pick up and choose. So the reason why a lot of us tense is because we say, I'd rather have the control of a quick, fast orgasm that happens like on cue, if we can, than the surrender of an orgasm that will take me to all the poetic corners of reality, come hell or high water. An orgasm that will encourage me to open my whole heart and be penetrated. But most of us want to be penetrated by our lovers, penetrated by the universe, fucked open by God. We want to feel, feel the full openness of our pleasure. So the reason why, when you say, yes, we're tensing during sex magic, how do we open? That's a whole. Like, that's a process, right? Which I teach, because what does it take to actually get open to life? What does it take to let yourself be truly penetrated? Not just by a cock or a tongue or a finger, but like, penetrated by another soul, right? And so these are like, let's say, adventure advanced practices. And that's why I teach a whole methodology for people to be able to fully open into it, to dismantle those psychological blocks, to heal the trauma and to come into their fullness, right? Because it is a deep process. So when you learn all of that, then sex magic becomes second nature.

What you said about how every single person is walking on this earth with a heartbreak is so true. And we're so afraid of tasting that grief that we do anything we can to control. And like that, you know, even in my own poor practice now, pleasure practice, I'm with you. Like, it's like I need to now I'm like friends, you can't stay with me because I fail to do my pleasure. But to notice in my own body of like how I tighten and tense in. And then like the story you create in your mind of like, whatever. It's just this time, you know, or like I deserve to have an orgasm. Or like, yeah. Or like, you know, we. We just want to have that, that thing now. And I think a huge part of it is the time of like, like I don't know when I'm going to be back here, so let me just have the orgasm right now. And you know, a lot of tantra teachers talk about like, don't be attached to the orgasm. But it's not even the attachment. It's. I love how you talk about what's underneath it, you know, it's like, it's not that I want the orgasm, it's on a deeper level of like, what is underneath that orgasm, you know? And to use sex magic as a way of healing and transmuting pain has been the biggest healer of my life. Of all of the ways that that grief, that disgust, that shame is like lodged in our beings and touching different points that were numb and then feeling it come alive. And maybe there's tears, maybe there's like this like deep grunt of this like old haggard woman who's been like, sentenced up to the hill and is like, fuck all men. And it's like her, you know, we all have her.

He's a bitch of 40 cats.

Yeah, exactly. But she just wants to be fucked.

Yeah, that's all they want.

It's like they just want to be fucked open to God too. And then when you can bring in pleasures to all of these different cor, it's like every single part of you has the opportunity to become orgasmic.

Yes. And also realizing this is what's so fascinating, right? Like, the Catholic Church went on a full witch hunting campaign against older women because they're the ones who passed on the psychedelic plant medicine potions to the younger women and taught them to be high priestesses so that they could facilitate spiritual rights and rituals that reminded people that they were God. And if you want to be the Catholic Church, the largest landholder and one of the wealthy wealthiest in longest running institutions on this planet. You can't have people remembering that they're God. They gotta remember it through you so that they have to pay you. So all of that means that when the Catholic Church went on this huge crusade against older women, they also made us feel like, you will be that old hag in the woods and you would be alone, and it would be the worst outcome. Or, if you dare, didn't get married, you'll have 40 cats and be alone. Every scientific study shows that the happiest population in the United States are single. On marriage, married women consistently over and over again. So that is a serious lie we've been told as well, that we get to counteract and realize, like, holy. No matter what I want to be, that hag in the woods would be doing sex magic, having orgasms with the trees and the stars. And she would be, like, taking plant medicine. And maybe she'd have four lovers. We don't know what her happiness is. I'd be, like, stoked with my cats, you know. And so there's also this, like, reprogramming as well. Well, of these deep fear visions into how happy we truly could be and would be as women. And rewriting that narrative in Farsi, they.

Have this term called torcida, which means you've turned into a pickle. So a woman who gets a certain age and is unmarried has turned into a pickle. She's rotten, she's sour, and no one will want to be with her. And there's, like, songs about this that you and my dad would, like, jokingly sing to me. Like, in one of the song is like, you've turned into a pickle. You never found love. You turned me down. Well, now everyone's laughing at you. That's like a pop song. And it's like, imagine that's like, going into your subconscious of, like, oh, shit. Like, while I still have my youth and I still have my beauty, let me get a man to marry me. Because that will be eternal safety. And it's like at any moment, anyone can walk away.

Yeah.

You know, we think that, like, marriage, or even, like, sacred union, partnership, is this, like, guarantee that it's gonna last forever, and it won't. And it's like such this biological conditioning that if I'm not with a man, I won't be safe. I will become that old hagg. And that's, you know, But. But she's gonna be fine.

Well, let's look at two things as well, right? Which is under patriarchy, when you're dependent on a man for Your sexual, economic and social power. It is terrifying to be without a man. It is terrifying to not be married. Right. So it plays right into that very real female sense. Many places around the world still, but even just a few generations ago, almost globally, that if you did not have a man, you were so vulnerable, so unprotected. Right. So that's one piece of of like, we're past that now. But number two is I've actually thought about this. I've never heard anyone say this before, but I was really thinking about it post menopause. Back in the day, that was the only way that you could have had a lot of sex and not got pregnant. If you think about high priestess culture, where women were seasoning in to their spiritual power, learning the rights and rituals of high priestess culture, including everything about sacred plants, everything about mantras, everything about medicine and magic, in a astrology, you would have grown more and more and more into your power right around the time where you could have fucked anyone and not had any kids. That would have been such a real consideration back in the day. Like any sex that I have, right. When birth control is less consistent and reliable than it is now. Right. They would have been women post menopause in every culture in the world, would have been the most spiritually powerful, the most wise, and the most sexually liberated. They would have been the who ones. Ones most suited to pass on this goddess wisdom tradition that got globally destroyed during patriarchy. So you know what you want to do if you want to keep women from ever finding their way to that? You want to tell them that that is the worst possible outcome they could ever imagine. You want to tell them they'll be terrified and lonely and miserable. Now, here's the thing. We can be hot, sexy, sacred witches, retain all of our wisdom, and be married for 50 years to a dude or to someone of any gender. Like, we can also break all of that conditioning as well, that to be a high priestess, you have to be single or you would have five lovers. No. Like, you could be married for 50 years and have that. But there's a very specific conditioning that taught us to be terrified of that state. But what if that state could be one of the most beautiful, empowering, wonderful things we've ever experienced? My teachers and best friends who are in their 60s are having the best sex of their life, the best times of their life. Some of them have been married for literally 40 years and are super happy. And some of them got divorced or have been single most of their lives. They're all joyful not by virtue of their relationship status or their age, but by virtue of the amount of work they did in this lifetime to become themselves, to stay erotically activated and alive and to live out their desires. And those women are the happiest fucking people I know, independent of whether they're married or not.

So how can we. Right now, a lot of people listening to this, they're like, maybe I'm in a relationship that we're not having the best sex ever, or I'm in just a dynamic where I'm. I'm selling bit. How can we begin this process now so we don't have to wait until we're, you know, in our 60s and, you know, in that crone, like, I don't give a fuck energy, like, how can we win that? Like, very real, like, biological urge of, like, I need to be with Amanda is, like, so active within us. How can we also have this, like, beautiful liberation that can come with our sexuality?

Yeah. So the desire can be be there. The preference can be there. I prefer to be in partnership than not. And I'm really happy when I'm single. In fact, you could argue happier. Like, because I do so well on my own. And my preference is to be in partnership, right? My preference is to have sacred, epic partnership with a man. Where the lie becomes toxic is when you are fixated on telling yourself that you will only be happy if you only be whole. If you will only be okay if. If. Right? And so what I do in this, it sounds like some really advanced practice. But what I literally do, right? My version, like I mentioned, of I end up alone is, you know, no one ever chose me. No one ever wanted me. No one could ever meet me. So I just acquired a cat or two. And then before you know it, I'm like, yes, living in the woods. I've got 40 cats. And I literally thought in my head, I was like, the 40 cats are actually a sign that something going, okay, because I have money to feed them because my even deeper fear, you'll be.

Able to take care of 40 cats. Wow.

I'm a sex, love and relationship teacher. So what if I spend my whole life showing everyone else how to have the most epic partnership and orgasms and magic, and I facilitate all this sacred union and no one ever wants me and I end up alone. Do I get so bitter that I quit my own Dharma? Right? And then I don't even have any cats. So maybe it's actually, you have a giant dog.

It could fend for itself.

Something that eats in the wild, like it's, it's gotten that desperate, right? I literally go there. I literally go there. And one of my tantric mentors, Ernest Morrow, really taught me this practice. And I find within myself could I still know the gift of my life. And this is so important because so many of us want to hold onto our desires with an iron, iron fist, right? But the truth is we don't know what's going to happen. People fall from grace all the time. This universe is light and dark, yin and yang, right? Expansion and contraction. We're going to feel every emotion, right? People are like, I don't want to feel sad, I don't want to feel heartbreak. It's like, I hope you feel sadness and heartbreak and grief in this lifetime. You wouldn't be living otherwise. Whether it's because your partner of 20 years died, right? Or your child goes through a hard time, or you feel the heartbreak of all your friends getting married and you have to go to all their weddings, right? And you're still single. Like wherever that heartbreak comes from. Hope you feel heartbreak in this lifetime. I hope you feel sadness in this lifetime. And that means that we're living, we're always living. That's the one thing that you can't take away from us, is the fact that I am alive. The universe made something out of nothing and of its infinite possibilities. Fucking made me right? That's what true love is. The universe could have done anything with its infinite capacity and it made me. That lets us all know how loved we really are. Could I sit there in my hut with like, let's just say 40 cats. Let's say we're like, we're like a 0.2 out of 0 here. And could I feel the preciousness of that, the gift of my breath, the beauty of my life. Life. Even if I'm heartbroken, even if I have a lifetime of fuck ups with men and women to cry about and I can get to a place now where I can unequivocally say yes, that I could find the beauty of my life there, that I could be okay there. And so many of us are like, no, no, no, no, no, no, I never could. But we think that we have to be that terrified of the fear in order to get what we want. But it's the opposite. When you, you can be at peace with your deepest fear in the face of your desire, so the opposite of what you want, then you're actually free to pursue your desire. If you're too afraid of the opposite, you will be too Fixated that you won't open yourself up enough and be courageous enough to really go for it, right? One of the things in being able to do all I can do in my career was facing down my fear of failure. And when I sat there and I was like, even if I fail my entire life, life, and I live in a van and I, you know, have some job that is not my dharma, could I still love myself? And the moment I said yes and I meant it, I became free to pursue my desires, right? The moment I faced down the cat lady inside of me and knew that I would be okay, I freed myself to love at the bigness that I'm capable of. I freed myself to choose partnership at a level that. That might break my heart or devastate me, but it's that level of courage. And you know this. You have to have that level of courage to get what you want in life. So when we face down and find peace with the deepest fear, we liberate ourselves to have the courage to truly go for what we desire. It's often the shadow of fear and pain and unsafety that keeps us from what we desire, not a lack of courage or desire. So sometimes we have to focus more on the shadow in order to get what we want. So that's one piece of it. The other piece, and when you kind of alluded to you teach sex magic in this kind of even letting go of manifestation way. The beautiful thing about this universe is we are guaranteed nothing. I'm not even guaranteed that I'm going to take my next breath. I'm not guaranteed to live beyond tomorrow, right? So you think the universe owes me anything, right? We are owed nothing. And we get everything, right? We get another breath. We get our bodies. We get this life to write poetry and magic and beauty with. We even get all of our pain and trauma and sorrow to teach us. We get a shadow, right? We get an ancestral lineage to grapple with, right? All of that, we could have had nothing. And the universe owes us nothing. And we get all of that. To me, that's where gratitude comes from. Gratitude is the MO not comparing ourselves to other people. So usually when we think about gratitude, we compare ourselves. Well, I have more than other people. That's a hollow gratitude. The gratitude is that you have anything at all and you are owed nothing. So when we're in that manifesting state of gratitude, things come more powerfully. But number two, we're not supposed to get everything we in this lifetime. That's not the idea. So you play the game with the universe. You're a co creator with the universe. And that means when I manifest. The beauty is that I don't know if I'll get it. It would be boring if you could just make anything happen all the time. What you do is you stand for the desire of your heart with a courageousness in a universe that guarantees you nothing. And you can co create and like enhance things happening. You can magnetize things, you can end up with a more glorious fulfillment of your desires than you might otherwise have had. But you can not guarantee it. So what I say like, like how I teach this is when you hold sex magic that way it's to manifest with an open palm. I still trust that I will live out my karmas, I will live out my shadows, I will have hard lessons in this lifetime and that those are part and parcel of life. So this life isn't just about getting my desires, but I'm willing to stand for my desires. So here's my desire. I'm going to sex magic the shit out of it. I'm going to take informed action. I'm going to do everything I'm that I can, but I'm going to stay grateful and connected to the gift of this life no matter what happens. That way I can manifest with an open palm. So I want this level of partnership. And you know what, if I end up with 40 cats, I'm going to find the gratitude anyways. That might seem really far fetched for a lot of us, but to me this is part of the high priestess path that I'm not telling the world. Things have to be a certain way in order for me to be happy or okay or whole. That's patriarchy. And I'm not telling myself the story that I have to have everything in order for God to, to love me. God loves me anyways. God loves you anyways. It doesn't have to do with whether you get everything that you want. And in all of that we can still play the game.

Girl, you just took us to church right now. Holy Spirit was just channeling through what you said around how we have this fear of not getting the manifestation. I feel like with this like modern manifestation movement, the Abraham Hicks, it's almost like, like we, and I see it in myself too. It's like if I even allow in the possibility for my manifestation to not happen, I'm like cracking my energy and then the thing I don't want might not happen. So let me like just like imagine this not even a possibility, you know. So let's Say it's like you're manifesting partnership, you know, and it's going to look a certain way and the guys looks like this and does this and blah, blah, blah. When we are so caught up in that happening that we can't imagine a reality with it. Not we are grasping onto it so tightly that we are first of all projecting that on whoever shows up in front of us. We're like, oh, you must be the king. Let me not look at all the ways that you're not, because I manifested the king and you're the first person that shows up. So this must be God, you know, so we do that, we do that fantasy thinking and then when it's not going, you know, that way, we're. We're in this delusion that we're like holding on and holding on. I see a lot of women doing that of like, of the waiting, you know, well, no, he's going to change. He's going to whatever. And it becomes so hard for us to walk away because we've manifested this thing and we can't let it go. So it's like to be okay with, you know, for myself too, of like manifesting partnership. And I think patience is one of the hardest things that we struggle with in our, you know, capitalistic world. But like, manifestation has become a part of that. It's like, I want to manifest this thing and it like better happen by the next new moon because that's the cycle. And it's like, you know, and then when it doesn't, it's like you, you take on the shame of like, am I not a powerful manifestor? Like, did I, did I do something wrong? It must be I have like a crack in my. Or it must be like something about my astrology. It must be, it must be like the excuses because I must. And it's like we can do all of these things, but ultimately we don't fucking know anything.

Yes. And that, that is true tantra. And that knowing that is what liberates you. And so there's two pieces to it. Like, like, thank you for the wisdom of that. Which is one of the things I love in the Tantric tradition. Right. Is there's the mahavidyas, the ten wisdom goddesses. And so, yes, you have Kamala, Right. And you have Tripura, Sundari, and you have Tara. Right. There's so many goddesses that are beneficent, pleasure filled. They give you what you want. Right. They're incredible. But then you also have dhumavati. She's in her 90s, she sits in the graveyard, she has fangs. She likes her worshippers to come to her impure. Right? There's Kali. Right. These are true aspects of the goddess. That means that you're not just interfering with facing with one great consciousness that just wants to give you everything that you want. This great consciousness wants to give you everything that you want. But she also wants to teach you. She also wants to sharpen your soul. She also wants your highest wisdom. She also wants you to play out your karmas so that you can become enlightened. Right? We don't always know what our karmas are in this lifetime. We don't always know exactly as you said, what's good for us, right? So yes, we can connect to the goddess that wants to give us everything, that is sharing us with the highest blessings. But we're also connecting with the whole goddess, right? Who wants so much more for us than just that. The other thing about being on the left handed path of tantra, right, so, so I'm what's called a lefty. And what that means is giving up the egoic delusion that is a version of what you just said, that I know it's good for me, but giving up the egoic delusion that I even know what's gonna make me happy.

Yeah.

Because the truth is, I don't fucking know.

Imagine you manifested everything you want when you were 13 and like that was your permanent reality, you know? Right.

Or like we, you know, we have friends who did the manifestation magnetized the king exactly as they said. And I can say some of those women are the most fucking miserable I've ever seen my entire life. Right. Sometimes it's a version of Satan in a Sunday hat. Sometimes it's everything you've ever wanted. And so here's the biggest, like one of the tantric initiat that I've been riding on the path of surrender is we get in the egoic delusion that I'm gonna do something cause it's gonna make me happy. I'm gonna do something cause it's gonna make me whole. I'm gonna do something because it's gonna make me feel finally lovable or worthy. Most of us think we're manifesting, but what we're really doing is trying to make ourselves feel spiritual truths that we haven't yet found. And no book, no man, no baby, no amount of money, no partner is ever gonna make use you whole. It's never going to make you one with God. It's never going to make, you know, Your infinite unconditional lovability. So we think we're playing the manifestation game, but we're really doing is feed the hungry ghost game. Feeding the hungry ghost game is why manifestation can feel hollow, why it can be part of the capitalist system. So what is what, like, okay, what do you do with that? Right. Feeding the hungry ghost is identifying those deep wounds and doing the actual real work on them. That's real spirituality, right? And that happens no matter how much money you have or what's happening on the outside. The other thing is, if I don't know how anything's ever going to make me feel, I don't know if a certain job is going to make me feel whole. I don't know if a million dollars is really going to make me happier. I don't know if the husband in this lifetime is going to be everything I ever dreamed and desired. He might be a simple man in service to God. He might be a king with a billion dollars, a private plane and an empire. I've played with the whole spectrum. I actually don't know what the full truth is. So when you're no longer trying to heal your hungry ghosts, what game are you playing? Playing? To me, it's the game of truth. What is true? Is it true for me to be in partnership? Is it true for me to write the book? Is it true for me to uplevel my business? Is it true for me to be in this relationship situation? Truth as well will carry you into some pretty crazy rabbit holes, right? And you're no longer doing them because you think you're going to get some certain outcome. You might be purifying your karma. You might be healing your ancestral line. You might be liberating yourself to fall in love with the next person who's actually going to be the true king or queen. It'd be something totally different than you ever desired, right? I had this amazing friend who like, was manifesting her king. She left her partner. The king came. He was like six foot something, super wealthy. Swept her off her feet. The other guy was like bald and older and had no money, right? She ran off with the king. He was a full knight narcissist, devastated her. Years of pain and trauma, but it cracked open her heart. She went back to that bald man and found the love of her life. They've been together six years, right there in their 60s, madly in love, having the best sex of their life. He suddenly shot up in his career, made a bunch of money. Like we don't know, right? And so when we're playing the game of I know we, exactly as you say, can get so attached to our manifestations rather than playing the game of truth. And this is the heart of real spirituality. In some ways this could be the path of higher truth for people who really reson resonate with this, that the game of I know I want the baby, I want the money, I want the partnership, I want all of that because it's going to make me X, Y and Z is the biggest egoic game in town. I know what I'm going to get out of life. And I need life to be a certain way so that I can be grateful, so that I can feel love, so that I can be in oneness. Right? With everything. The spiritual game in my experience and the spiritual game that I endeavor to play and by no means imperfect, but like day in and day, day out, is is it true? And people are like, how do you know if it's something that's is true or not? We don't teach ourselves to listen to truth. We teach our daughters they need to fucking find a husband before 25. So then turn into a pickle or a Christmas cake or whatever. Right? As opposed to teaching our daughters what is true. Because this lifetime will take you to the far corners of the universe and the only compass you might have left is your own truth. And that's true in love and partnership as well. Well, people are like, how do I make a dream partnership? How do I become enlightened? We can give you all of our truths in the book and it might accelerate your path, but at the end of the day, you're going to be standing on the path and you can only choose your truth. That's what the universe wants. It wants us to be radical co creators of our own truth in this lifetime, not people following some playbook of what's going to make us happy or whole. And so what's so cool about sex, magic and manifestation is we can use our desires to enmesh ourselves in Samsara, to become more egoic and more attached, or we can use them to liberate us. And I feel like that's actually one of the heart truths of Tantra.

So beautifully said. And to connect with how we want to feel. You know, not like I'm manifesting the six foot tall football player, whoever, but rather I want to feel safe and held. I want to feel seen, I want to feel acknowledged. I want to feel this God universe. You show me who that is. And trusting that love has its own intelligence. Yeah, that you will fall in love with the very people that you need to. To teach you lessons, to guide you places, to activate gifts within yourself that only that love could. Because when you love someone, you take on so many parts of them. It's like you kind of like, become obsessed with, like, their interests and their culture and their this and they're that. That. It like, takes you into a school, an initiation of that person's frequency in a way that like, not nothing else ever could. And I noticed in myself even, like, crushes. It's like, it's parts of me that are seeking to be healed. It's my inner music producer, my inner Persian, or my inner, you know, whatever the thing is. And my consciousness knows that by me loving or crushing on someone else with those qualities, it's the best way for me to integrate it in myself. Cause it just knows how some of us girls think. But ultimately, the love story is you with you.

Yeah.

And it's like the other people are just characters that activate different parts of your own being. So. And yes, it's like sometimes I like, have to remind myself because now that I've been single this year, it's like, you go into these depths. Like, I just want the partnership so bad and like, why isn't he here? And like, and it's. It. Oh, my God. I say being single is like the hardest initiation that I've ever gone through in my life. And I've gone through. But it. Because to really be on your own, like, fully on your own, period. And I know you had the queendom, you're living in community, which I totally get.

But.

And like, and I told you, I was like, I think I need to, like, live alone in the mountains. And that's what I've been. Been doing. And it's been like, wow, like, I have been living like the. The wild haggard woman in the mountain, just sitting with myself. And I'm like, it brings up all of the shadows. But then I'm like, oh, I remember I was also married and my life wasn't perfect and I still had fears and I still, like, I wasn't baseline level happier at all. In fact, I'd say I'm more baseline level happier now. But it's like for some reason I went back into like, I wish I had part partnership when I was like a literal married person that, like, you just forget. You think that thing is going to make you happy. And I'm like, oh, I see why my consciousness chose to, like, do the wedding and the dream engagement and the whole Thing like, young in life to be like, oh, shit, that's all an illusion. If you think that's going to give you any form of safety, universal happiness, universal anything, it all exists only within you.

Yeah. Yeah. And I found, like, being single exhausting and sad sometimes too. And I've also found it exhilarating and empowering. But I would always remind myself that in, like, I was in an eight and a half year partnership, right? Just fully bonded with my partner in love and home and business and money and all of that. And like seven years in beautiful partnership. Amazing. My single friends would be out there, like, tumbling through reality, and I'd be like, God damn, I wish I could go, like, have a fuck up on Raya or whatever, you know, like, the fun of it, the exhilaration of it. And then I'm single. I'm like, I want to be married again, right? And then I'm in partnership and I'm like, maybe there's someone better, you know? And you're like, oh, the whole point is life. It's just to be alive, number one. Number two, the whole point is the fucking journey, right? So one of my prayers that I use right when I'm like, highest love, deepest sex, most beautiful, beautiful partnership, right? All of them. And then, and this is something I think we're missing sometimes in manifestation culture as well. I'll do whatever it takes. Maybe I have to be single for four years. Maybe I have to do heart wrenching ayah ceremonies. Maybe I have to have the most fun ever with, like, three relationships. Like, I will do whatever it takes. And I remember that prayer right, because I also had, like, a manifestation of, like, a dream relationship and a soulmate and all that. And I'd done all the work and, like, you know, my God, if anyone deserves it, like, after everything that I went through and the courage to leave my partnership that was so beautiful, and all the goddamn therapy and coaching and tantra I did, like, shouldn't I get this right? And I went into one of those, like, really dark, shadowy relationships that was like so much like trauma bonding and wound matching. And at first I was like, how fucked up can I be? Like, how, like, how much pain and sorrow can there be? And I remembered my prayers at my altar when I said, I will do what I it takes. This is my North Star. I will do whatever it takes. And I was like, maybe this is whatever it takes. Maybe this is whatever it takes. And on the other side of that, who I got to become, the wounds that I healed and the fact That I didn't do that partnership with a sense of, I did this to be happy. I said I did this because it's true. And I did it because I said I would do whatever it takes to be in true love. So I didn't leave that partnership like a trauma mess. I left that partnership more powerful, more erotic, more alive than I have ever been because I listened to my own prayer. If I had been telling myself the story, oh, I manifested this just to be happy. I manifested this just to get married, I would have been so heartbroken, right? Like, so devastated. But I was like, wait, my prayer wasn't, this person has to be the person I'm marrying. My prayer was, I want highest partnership. I'll do whatever it takes. And my karma was such that I needed a call. Karmic burn. I needed to face the shadows, I needed to face the hardness. I needed to face the heartbreak and be in the karmic burn. And it liberated me. So when we listen to our prayer, our own prayer to the universe, it makes such a big difference as well. And that manifestation isn't the, like, oh, I'm just, you know, there's like, a whole culture, too, of, like, easy manifesting and easy magnetism and, like, if you're not on a yacht with this, like, luxury champagne or. Or whatever, like, there's something wrong with you. And it's like, we all actually have our destiny as well. And living your destiny is better than living any imagined dream in your mind. And when I stay with that, it's like, then it's amazing. And then I'm playing the game in a way that feels so good versus playing the game of, like, iron fisting, which means.

And God will eventually wake you up. Yeah, you can't hold onto that fake reality because one day you will literally be woken up in your sleep and given the red pill, you know, and you will have no choice. And it's going to be a lot harder to be like, but the yacht and the champagne and the. The man and the. And it's like, you're going to have to just start from scratch then. But it's. The truth is always going to come out. And if you are committed to the path of the goddess, if you are listening to this podcast, like, you. You are on that path that it's like, you can try to put yourself into a cage as much as you want, but when you realize you a lion, you're never going to be able to stay in that cage very long.

And the truth about lions and the truth about that yacht and the champagne and the dream partnership, Right. I've not only played that game, but I've been very close friends with people who are in that. Right. And if you aren't happy there, you wouldn't be happy anywhere. And if you're happy there, you're the kind of person who would be happy almost to anywhere. Right. Like, we tell ourselves this story that. That's going to make me happy. But, like, I could find a baseline happiness and joy in a dark room. In fact, I have, right? I've done the dark room retreats. So I would find it on a yacht. If I would be miserable in a dark room, if I would be miserable on a meditation cushion, if I would be miserable everywhere, then I'm going to be miserable there. Like, nothing's going to fix it. And yes, There is a reality to, like. Yes. When life is hard and we're like, in this grinding, soulless capitalist system, is that going to contribute to our nervous systems being unhappy? Absolutely. And I'm not trying to invalidate that experience of so many people in this heartbreaking reality. And yet, if we can find our happiness and our joy and start that as a baseline, wherever we're at, that becomes a rocket fuel for us to realign our lives in a way that nurture and satisfy our happiness. But those things don't make us happy, and we know that. So we can bust that illusion and say, it's right here and right now, or it's nowhere.

And it's like, even dropping the goal to be happy. Like, even with. With sex, it's like, it's not to feel the. You can feel the bliss of the orgasm. You also feel, like, the cry of the orgasm. You'll feel all of it. It's all. And like, if there's anything about a relationship, you're definitely not happy all the time, you know, like, and that. And that's what they're for. They are for bringing up the traumas to be healed and to be transmuted. And we sometimes forget that. You know, we just think it's like, I just want someone to, like, cuddle with and have epic sex with. And, like, it's a. It's a part of it, but it's like totality. And it's like you're either on the path of totality or contraction.

Right?

And you get to choose and coming.

I love talking to you, by the way. It's so satisfying. It's so satisfying. But coming back to, like, the lion metaphor, right? It's like, I think One of the things that's happening right now in, like, like, entitlement culture is this idea that, like, the world is supposed to, like, make everything a walk in the park, or we're supposed to make everything a walk in the park. If you think about life, like, we're on a planet where you have to eat other living things in order to survive. And every day, right, that lion isn't blessed because someone is delivering it barbecued deer up to its whatever, cave, you know, or making the birth of the lion, like, pain free or, you know, whatever it is, or making it so that it doesn't grow old and die one day. No, like, the gift is its own aliveness and the challenge of it and the struggle of it and the immense beauty of it. Right? And so thank you for. For really pointing that out, because.

And the fact that it goes into the unknown, the. The savannahs every single day hoping that it finds food, and sometimes it doesn't, and sometimes it fucking starves for a long time, and you don't have that thing. And to, like, hold onto the hope that it exists while also letting go of the attachment of being like, and I might just die in the savannah, and that's okay. And if that's my dharma, that's my dharma.

Yes, that is the spiritual truth. It's some radical, radical shit, but that is the actual spiritual truth of it. And when we talk about any kind of form of true happiness, I find that it comes from that. And what you're saying is such an excellent point. When I use the word happiness now. I mean happiness with death and illness and sadness, right? I was even, like, I was in my bed last night. I just come back from Australia and then New York, and I was having, like, a night where I was like, all right, I've got five days of podcast filming. Then I got back Burning man, and we have, like, a night of just, like. Like, blitzing my mind and watching. I. I think I was watching, like, the Amber Heard Johnny Depp, like, Netflix special. I was like, this is gonna get. This is gonna get low. Like. Like.

But it's crazy. You can see what, like, love can turn into.

So I'm sitting there, and I feel this, like, creeping sadness in my nervous system. And I know this sadness right from. From my childhood. It's like, it lives in my nervous system sometimes. And sometimes my story about partnership is, like, it's so wonderful when this sadness. Sadness creeps up to always have someone's arms to go into, right? And I've had that a lot of my life, but I've also not had it. And last night I was like, leila, instead of making some horrible story about this sadness right now, what if you let the sadness just bloom inside of you? He chose to be happy anyways because part of life is going to be watching some. Like, in my opinion, I'm not making a universal judgment on the Netflix documentary, kind of shitty, low vibration documentary about two people who really fucking hate each other right now and how nothing worked out out for them.

Right?

It's sad. You're just gonna sit there and feel a creeping sadness that might always live in your nervous system. And that's okay that some nights of your life are gonna get spent that way and you don't make a big story about it. Cause sometimes I think where my mind can go is like, oh, well, I'm just really a sad person. But because it comes out sometimes when I'm alone, I must actually be sad by definition. I was like, no, you just have a sadness that lives within you. And there was my happiness. Like, my contentment is maybe a better way if I was like, oh, oh, wow. Like, we're gonna have these nights in our life. And that's part of being alive. That's the version of going out into the savannah and there being no food today, you know, because it's like when.

You touch the opposite side of the circle, it, like activates the other side that it's like, you know, so many of us were going from peak experience to peak experience. I remember for me, after my divorce, I was almost like a headless chicken. I'm like, I'm in Zimbabwe and I'm in this, but I like, literally went from, like, Egypt to Dubai to Bali, and then I'm like, djing in Costa Rica. Then I'm in Trinidad and like this. And it was just like these peak experiences of, like, DJing a huge festival and being in the pyramids and then these, like, lows of, like, the next day just like, crying and feeling so alone. And so, like, what the am I doing right now? And then when I would touch those, I would be like, ooh, deeper levels of this. Which means deeper levels of the other side. And my circle is just expanding and expanding and I'm becoming more alive. And that's just the whole fucking point of this all. Yeah.

Yes.

And with that expansion of the circle is like, there's more. There's more life, there's more possibility, there's more range, there's more empathy for other people. I feel so much more just connected to humans now than I ever have been had I not faced the heartbreak. And now I'm like, oh, wow, like what medicine? That again. My conscious mind would have never manifested or chosen it, but my subconscious knew I needed to have this to become the everything I wanted to be. I became having gone through my DNA, deepest fear. It was the only way. It's like, I want to be an artist. I want to, you know, travel. I want to like feel my emotions more. I want to be more liberate, I want to dance more. It's like, okay, you're gonna do all these things and you're gonna have to go through like levels of grief that you never knew existed. And it's like, so would you go back into the cage and feel none of it? Or it's like now, knowing what I know now, I would go into that grief 10,000 times. And it's like, how can we then when we're in it, just know and trust that there's going to be another side? Because sometimes when you're in it, you're like, well, this just must, this must be when it ends. And it's like, but it never does. It never ends.

And there's so much wisdom in that in a couple of different ways. One is, I think, like I've really tracked this in myself because I have these initiations. I know this. I'm like, oh, I'm riding the wave of life. I'm surrendering. I trust, I trust, I trust, right? But it's only a real dark night of the soul if you actually like lose the plot and you're like, no, no, no, this is fucked up. I did trust life, but, but now, now I know the real truth, which is that life is not here with like kindness and benevolence and love. Because I'm here in the realms of hell again, right? And then you find the trust, I find the trust. And the trust goes deeper and the courage gets stronger and the life gets more powerful. And I think, you know, one of the things that's really powerful of sitting here and a message I want people to have is like, I have one of the most beautiful communities, Communities, one of them, like incredibly successful business, mind blowing partnerships with absolute kings, men. I never could have dreamed I would have dated or had partnership with incredible sex and the happiness that's there. Because when people are like, it's lonely at the top. I don't feel lonely. When people are like, money doesn't make you happy, I'm like, are you spending it right? If you Have a lot of it. When they're like, you know, community is one of the scientifically most proven ways to be happy that anyone knows. And I've shown up for my friends for years and years and years and years and years, like, built it one step after the other and allowed myself not to create an egoic identity where it's like, well, you have all this stuff, so you should never be alone in a room watching a Netflix documentary, feeling sad. It's like, no, I go there, I find myself there, I find the truth there. And because I can be with life that way, then when things are amazing, I can actually appreciate them. Because what happens is when we make all these stories, when we're sad, that it's not okay, that life isn't on our side, that the grief and the divorce don't have a point, right? They're just about failure. How can we ever enjoy the good things of life? Because all we'll be is terrified that the they'll go away. Whereas it's like when you learn to ride that way and you're like, the grief will happen, the craziness will happen, the pain will happen. The. Just everyday, like, sometimes it's not even this, like, big explosive hero's journey. You're like, just staring at a wall alone and everything's kind of boring, right? Like, when I realize that that is all an inevitable part of life, then when I make a certain amount of money or have these epic friendships or get invited to the. I know that my happiness is never dependent on those things. So I can truly enjoy them. Because when I found myself at the bottom of the barrel, then I can enjoy myself, just like you're saying in the ecstatic dance. And the thing that we forget is when we don't embrace that shadow, we don't embrace the hardness. Then when the good things come, we're so starved and so certain that we won't be okay without them, that we sabotage them or cling to them or are so terrified with we'll lose them, we can't enjoy them. So there's this, like, deeper, like, what does it mean to like, fall in love with all of it, including the times when you're just like, shaking your fist at the universe and being like.

Damn you, you know, because it makes you not take it for granted. And now I'm like, oh, having gone through this initiation, I'm like, I will never take love for granted again. Because before I would, you know, I never, like, watched or followed, like, love Instagrams and stuff. And now I do. And I see these couples kissing.

I'm like, I'm crying.

It's so beautiful. And I'm like, I. Whenever I enter into a relationship again, I will cherish what precious magic it is for two people to love each other at the same time. Like, it's like, it's a miracle. It really is. And. But the only way you can realize that is to go through the heartbreak.

Yeah. I was so ungrateful for my partner for so long. I've called him so many times in tears, saying, like, I'm so sorry and so sorry. I didn't know how to be so grateful for the ways that you took care of me, for how beauty, beautiful our partnership really was. And I've had the same initia, which is like, I will fucking cherish the person in front of me and the romantic person in front of me, but also the human in front of me, also the Uber driver. Like, what does it look like to cherish the people in front of us and to feel their heartbreak?

Oh, I could talk to you for hours. This is a full sermon here. Where can listeners connect with you? Listen to your podcast and learn more?

Laylamartin.com is the best place. Pop in your email address. We have sex magic trainings, orgasmic breath trainings, all kinds of stuff. So if you listen to this and you were like, I want some of that. I want to hook up with that. I want to be guided. Website is the best. I also send weekly emails which have my podcast, this Tantric life, which Sahar was talking about and how much she loved it, which makes me so happy. So you can listen to this Tantric life on Apple or Spotify. Follow me on Instagram. Instagram at the Layla Martin. But really, if you join the email list, this is where I share my, like, heartbreaks, my life lessons, my deeper wisdom. So if you're really vibing with the wisdom today, that's the way to get that in the deepest way is actually through email, which is old school, but it works. And it's my favorite thing is to write you poetic love letters every single week. And I also have deeper programs as well. So if the pleasure practices, the sex magic is interesting to you, we have Vitus and sacred sexuality, which is our membership, where you can learn all of these practices and get live guided classes every single month. And. And, like, I think it's like four or five classes a week. It's pretty extensive how much you get trained. We also have Vita coaching, which trains you to be a professional sex, love and relationship coach with a Tantric approach in my methodology, which is the Vita methodology.

So yeah, thank you so much for being here and just sharing the depths of your heart. It really touched mine. I know every single person listening.

Yay. Thank you Sahar for everything that you've and awakening. So much beautiful spirituality, eros, sensuality and heart for so many people in this world. Like we're some of the first people to put spirituality online and you've done it better than almost anyone else and the magnitude of change you have created on this planet cannot be underestimated. So thank you.

Thank you so much and thank you for tuning in. Please share this episode this is one that you want to let your friends know about because it can really help facilitate huge awakenings, whether someone's going through a breakup or just stagnancy in the relationship or so much more. And if you loved this episode, leave a review for it in the iTunes store and I will send you a free gift of my womb meditation. So this is a meditation to tune into your womb space and receive her answers because the womb really is the sacred site within ourselves. So leave a review for it on the iTunes store, take a screenshot and email it over to me@saharaiamsaharose.com you can find that email and all of the links mentioned today in the show Notes. Thank you so much for tuning in and I'll see you you in the next one.