526: How To Make The Most of Being Single with Sahara Rose

And I believe in love and I believe in romance and I am a lover girl at my heart. And I know the only way that I can truly have that is by loving myself and loving being alone and loving my solitude and knowing myself and doing the inner healing work. So I can not just find but hold a level of relationship with that that is truly in integrity where all parts of me are being seen and activated and I am not in hiding. I can't do that if I'm just trying to bounce and be in a relationship. To be in one period like the type of relationship that I am calling in requires deep levels of reflection and gnosis and alignment. And as I'm quantum leaping in my own expression of myself, it's like thank Goddess for that. Because whoever it is that I meet is meeting that version of me. And I'm so grateful they haven't met a former version of me. Because I'm no, I've already transcended that.

Trust flows soon to let go Trust flows when to let go Trust flows soon to let go When I've been waiting for Trust flows soon to let go Trust flow sooner Let go Trust flow sooner let go I'm the one I've been waiting for.

And before we get into this conversation, I would love if you would hit subscribe on this podcast. This is the best way for you to stay tuned on future episodes and it helps raise the vibration of the planet. So wherever you're listening to this podcast, hit subscribe and we'll keep the good juju flowing. Welcome back to the Hisel Podcast. My name is Sahara Rose and on this podcast I love to take spirituality and make it modern, grounded, fun, real, relatable so it can actually serve your needs. And I love to just share concepts and realizations that I've had on my own pathway, especially this past year being single for the first time in seven plus years and share it with you because I know a lot of us right now are on this journey. I am seeing so many empowered, beautiful, heart centered woman be single unexpectedly leaving relationships where they're not being met or are in situations that are disrespectful, abusive, toxic and I'm just seeing such a rise in the feminine right now that we are saying enough of, you know, a lot of these patriarchal conditionings that have plagued society for so long that women have put up with for a long time. You know, you're told, well that's just what marriage is like or that's just what men do and you're made to Believe that that's normal. And I'm seeing so many women say, no, it ends with me. So if you're in that situation, I just want to celebrate you and congratulate you for the courage that it takes for leaving a situation where you're not being respected and seen and acknowledged. It takes immense strength. And I just have so much respect for any person that's going through that right now. I know for me, it has been definitely the hardest thing of my entire life. But it's important for us to recognize that power that we were giving away to someone else is always within ourselves. And being single can actually be the best thing that has ever happened to you. So how to make the most of being single? So I have found that being single has exponentially increased my growth, my creativity, my expression, my radiance, my style, my glow up all of, of these things in a way that I don't think I would have ever in a relationship. Because, you know, especially when you're, when you're in a new relationship, you're like very focused. It's like that new relationship energy and you're like, you're just. I mean, it's a beautiful feeling. I love that. However you're, you're focused on getting to know this like new person right now. And then oftentimes when you're in a long term relationship, you have a sense of identity that is entwined with that other person. I find that often how you enter the relationship is who you stay within the relationship. That there is this sort of unspoken subconscious agreement that happens of like, you're the serious one and I'm the fun one, or you're the extroverted one, I'm the introverted one, or this is just how we are with each other. And it's not just in romantic relationship, but every friendship, it has its own tone to it, right? So often in relationship we enter into it as one version of us, but we change. But we kind of feel indebted to still being that person in the relationship that then we end up playing a role that we no longer are. And a true conscious relationship is to allow ourselves to continue to get to know that new person in all of their metamorphosis and layers and different iterations of themselves. However, that takes really continuing to date each other and get to know each other and be curious. And by the way, that new version of them might and likely will not be what you signed up for. They might go a different direction that you might not understand, you might not even approve of, but that's who they are. And true love is to you, you know, as long as it's still respectful and in accordance with you. But to unconditionally accept someone, maybe they're going through a stage like, I have a friend that, you know, they were in this like, very like tantric sexual relationship. And then he decided that he wanted to be celibate for a time. And she could have said, well, I'm leaving this relationship because this was supposed to be like a very sexually charged relationship and now you wanna be celibate. But she trusted that that's what he was called to do. And that took her on her own journey of her own inner pleasure. And. And now he's in a different phase and they're back in that with actually higher level of connection. So relationships take on their own life form and you will continue to die and be reborn in relationship. I find when we are single and in ourselves, we get to do a lot of these death and rebirth cycles on our own. So it speed tracks it. Because when you're in a relationship, you have to like, first solidify that change within yourself, then have the courage to express this desire to change the relationship with the other person, then that other person getting on board. This is like months slash, years long process. When you're single, you're just like quickly changing so much. You're like, now my identity is this, now my identity is that. So the first way of making the most of being single is to try on different identities, try on different characters, try on different sides of yourself. Because we are all multidimensional and multifaceted. And there isn't like, for example, I have an aspect of myself that is like Bali wild woman, just like my mermaid, messy hair in the jungle, in the waterfall, drumming, barefoot, ecstatic dancing. And like, that is very much a version of me. And I've also been living here in London for the past few months. And, you know, I have this version of me that loves, like, exploring Europe and staying in luxury hotels and getting massage and pampering myself and going shopping and getting my hair done and, you know, just being super glam. And I have that side of myself too. Then I have another side of myself that's like a mystery woman and a mystic. And she goes to Egypt and she's channeling and doing rituals and creating altars and connecting to her spirit guides. And then I have another side of myself that she goes to Trinidad and she's wearing her. Her carnival outfit and she's dancing on the streets and she doesn't give a fuck. And she's winding up her waistline. I have another side of myself that she's. She's rapping and she's freestyling, making music and she's producing and have all these different sides of myself, right? So because I'm single, I got to really get to know them. And. And that's why you, like. I'm sure if you listen to this podcast, you're like, oh, I know that version of Saharan. I know that version of Saharan. I know that. So you can't put me in a box, bitch. Keep changing, you know? And. And that's what's so fun when you're single is like, you don't have to, like, slow it down. You don't have to explain. You don't have to be like, well, let me try to, like, tone it down so I can, like, meet you here. It's like, you used to be all out you. You know, because what I have found is, like, at first I was like, I wanna be with a partner who, like, loves carnival and wants to go to museums with me and wants to go to Egypt with me and wants to do business and this. And it's like, how, like, I'm all those things, but how can I expect another person to, like, be simultaneously those exact same things as me? And so it removes this, like, expectation we have for our partner to be everything, and we get to, like, actually be all of the different sides of ourselves and explore them fully. And I find that when we're in relationship, we, like, turn off the sides of ourselves that feel won't get the approval of that other person. So let's say your partner doesn't like it when you post dancing pictures. And they're like, why are you posting that is you're trying to get attention. Like, I don't want you showing your body. They're saying stuff like that. Well, then you're obviously not going to do it because it would take a lot of strength for you to go against your own partner saying that to you. So probably you're going to convince yourself, well, I actually don't even want to do it. It's actually not that important to me. I don't. Yeah, yeah, I see what they mean. They're just trying to protect me. But then when you leave the relationship, maybe the first thing you want to do is put up some dancing videos of yourself and start dressing sexier and start being in your expression. Then you can recognize that that actually was a part of yourself that you toned down. Because you felt like you needed to to get their acceptance, approval, and perceived love. So this is often what we do, especially as women. We sacrifice our liberation for perceived love. And we put ourselves back into the cage, back into the muzzle, which so many women have been in for thousands of years. Because when a woman was outspoken, when she was allowed, when she was in her pleasure, when she was in her power, they put her in the mental asylum, they burned her at the stake, they covered her up. So we have had thousands of years now of conditioning in this 2000 plus year patriarchal era that it is not safe for me to be expressed, it is not safe for me to be free. And I find that when you're single, it like removes that and like, to really be like, single single, like, not kind of dating anyone, just like in your own energy. So there's no one that you're like, trying to impress with your stories and, like, putting up the thirst trap so they like it. And you're like, oh my God, how much freaking time do we guys spend on who watched our Instagram stories? Like, can we just like, collectively decide to not do that anymore? Cause I saw me going into it, I was like, yo, this is a fucking time suck. Like, the one thing I will say is about being single is it takes a lot of your mental currency, especially when you're like, newer to it and that it. After a while I was like, I can't. Like, I need to focus on my dharma right now, you know, so be in your full expression, but not for the approval, not for the story view, not for getting that little hit, that validation for him, but for you. And so I find, like, really, like, not dating anyone and just being in your own energy field allows you to make decisions for yourself and not to try to attract or gain the approval or the attention of anyone else. So then you can try on these different identities of yourself, whether it is through travel, going to different places. You know, like, I've been living here in London, totally exploring my Harry Potter side. And then I'm going back to Bali, I'm going back to my Wild Woman and, you know, going back to Trinidad. And I'm physically going to these places that activate different parts of me. But it can also just be through friendship groups that you have, you know, maybe you have your friends that are your dance friends, your friends that are your painter friends, your friends that are your photography friends. Maybe you go to events, festivals. I find festivals are such a great way to tap into a certain frequency. Like you go to Burning man, it's a very specific frequency versus medicine Festival is one frequency and envision's another frequency. Lightning in a bottle is a different frequency. Coachella is a different frequency. So I find festivals are a really great way of like being in a physical place that is often even in your own country where you're surrounded by people of that shared culture and value. And you can, like, be your hippie self, be your rave self, be your this self, be your that self, and get to know those sides of you that you may just. It's like that part of you that, for example, you have a muscle, you just haven't worked in a very, very long time. And it's like, oh, my tricep is pretty weak. There may be aspects of your identity that have weakened because in relationship you have suppressed them. So try on different identities. Try. And characters, even the way that you dress, the friends that you have, these are all things that can help. The next way to make the most out of being single is to look at your limiting beliefs. So a limiting belief is a belief that you have something that you believe to be true. You don't even know it's a belief. It's just like a program running in your brain. So imagine like your brain is a computer and you have all these different programs that you have downloaded at a certain period. So one of the programs might be, I can never be rich and do what I love. Another program might be, well, men don't like loud women. Another program might be, you know, life is always pain and suffering, you know, and these are all things that maybe you were told as a child, you saw play out in your family, you saw play out in movies, in society. So you have just believed them to be true. And we all have them and continue to have them. And it's not. A lot of them are planted in our childhood. But, like, as we go through life and I find that with these limiting beliefs, when you have them, you start looking for evidence to make that belief true. Because we all want to be right in our minds. So let's say I have this belief of I will never be met by a man because men are all emotionally unavailable. And that's just the belief that I have because my dad was emotionally unavailable. And I only saw emotionally unavailable men. And I don't know, it just seems like they're all like that. So that's my belief. Now, if I don't question that belief and unravel it, then guess who I'm gonna forever attract emotionally unavailable men because I will wanna prove myself Right. And so I could say, see, they're all emotionally unavailable. I keep finding them, but it's because I have this program and this belief that's only making me, like, download those type of people so then I can create evidence of the contrary. And I literally, this was actually one of mine. So I started to make lists of men that I knew that were emotionally available. And when I say emotionally available, I mean men that I could, like, be myself around, communicate with, like, have like an actual, like, level of conversation I would want to have with a girlfriend to have with a man. And I was finding a lot of people, a lot of my friends, partners, friends that I have friends who've been on this podcast. And I'm like, oh, wow, I have like 30 people right now written here. So how can I say all men are emotionally unavailable when I have 30 men that I personally know who, again, I don't know everything about them. I don't know what they're like in relationship, but I can say they have taught me things. I've had deep conversations with them, I have felt their vulnerability. And they have all shown me a beautiful side of the masculine. So that creates evidence in my mind so that anytime any little stinges of the men or emotionally unavailable thing comes up, I can refer to my list and say, oh, no, that's actually not true. Right. So what are the beliefs that are holding you back? You know, maybe it's this belief of I'm gonna die single, I'm just gonna be single forever. Like, you know, I think then we perpetuate it by we have our guard up. The moment you meet someone, you already are thinking, this is never gonna work. Relationships don't work for me. So you're already trying to find the flaw in that person. And then guess what? First of all, you might energetically even block any, any talking from happening. They might actually just ghost you. I find when you're being ghosted, there's typically some sort of energetic block or protection that's happening. So if you're like, I'm just gonna be single forever, dating doesn't work for me. You're just gonna keep attracting situations like that and perpetuates the belief. So what if you say, well, actually, it does work for me. It has worked for me. Because you've dated someone before. You know, if you have. So there's belief. There's some evidence right there, oh, I actually have dated someone before. And maybe even looking at, maybe I'm choosing people who are not ready to date, who are just coming out of long term relationships who live on the other side of the world. You know, I think oftentimes who we're attracted to can give us a lot of information about where we're at. So if you're continuing to find long distance partnerships, it's like, what part of you doesn't feel ready to find someone that lives where you are? You know, maybe a part of you is actually self sabotaging it because you actually don't want to be fully met. You actually don't feel fully ready. Like I see a lot of women talking about, I want to be with a conscious man. Well, a conscious man is going to likely call you out on your shit and he's going to bring up some shadows and he's going, you're not going to be the smartest person in the room anymore. And I think like, especially as spiritual women, we're like so used to being like the teacher and the healer and like the person that knows it all that when we're actually like fully met by someone who's like, like seeing our shadows, it can be so confronting that we push those people away. And then so we look for the person who's emotionally unavailable, the person who's not willing to date because we actually feel safer because we're not being fully seen. Right. So we're actually, we're perpetuating this belief of all men are emotionally unavailable. I want the conscious man, but we're staying away from the conscious man because we don't fully want to be seen ourselves. So this is the importance of questioning our beliefs. You are in your life based on your beliefs. Your life is a reflection of your beliefs. If you don't like something in your life, there's something in your beliefs that need to be adjusted, period. And we all need to take responsibility for that. Yes, there are factors that are out of our control 100%. But there are people right now who are living completely different realities. And a lot of the reason why is they've shifted beliefs. And even in your own lifetime, you have lived many different realities. I'm sure you have had many different lives in this one life, and they all started from you changing your beliefs. So being single is the best time to do all this deep inner healing work. To write out what are all my beliefs around men or women, whoever it is that you're wanting to be in a relationship with, what are all my beliefs around them? And then question that, is it true? Is it helpful? How can I create evidence that the actual opposite of this is true? And Then once you do that, then the belief no longer has any hold of you anymore. And then you can start to see every single person for the unique snowflake that they are, rather than from this lens that you are automatically comparting them into. Oh, you're a narcissist. Oh, you're emotionally unavailable. Oh, you're a cheater. Oh, you're this. It's like we don't even take time to get to know someone anymore because we're, like, looking for the thing that's gonna go wrong to protect ourselves. Which brings me into the next thing, that being single is the best time to open your heart. So a lot of people, and I have a really different stance on being single than, like, most of this thing to me. Like, being in relationship versus being single. I actually prefer being in relationship, and I don't have any shame around saying that. And I feel like a lot of times in, like, the single space you're supposed to be, like, being single is amazing. Like, be single forever. And some people feel that way. Like, I have some friends that they fucking love being single. Like, for me, I love this chapter of my life, but I know I'm meant to be in partnership. Like, that feels true for me. I know this lifetime for me is about sacred union, and it is about having a dharmic relationship where we are creating something larger together. And I believe in love, and I believe in romance, and I am a lover girl at my heart. And I know the only way that I can truly have that is by loving myself and loving being alone and loving my solitude and knowing myself and doing the inner healing work. So I can not just find but. But hold a level of relationship with that that is truly in integrity, where all parts of me are being seen and activated. And I am not in hiding. I can't do that if I'm just trying to bounce and be in a relationship. To be in one period, like, the type of relationship that I am calling in requires deep levels of reflection and gnosis and alignment. And as I'm quantum leaping in my own expression of myself, it's like, thank goddess for that. Because whoever it is that I meet is meeting that version of me. And I'm so grateful they haven't met a former version of me, because I'm. No, I've already transcended that, you know? So when you're doing this single healing work, you are like, moving up elevators of consciousness. And let's say I moved up, like, at the breakup. I was at the ground floor, and I'M just like, total heartbreak. And then, you know, I move up to the third floor and now I'm like, okay, I'm kind of over, like, the grunt of the heartbreak. But there's still some, like, anger and still some distrust. And then I get into a relationship right then because I don't want to be alone, which I see a lot of people do. Well, guess what happens. You're on the distrust floor. Guess what the lesson of that relationship's going to be. You named it. Do you really want to spend another year of our life going down that pathway again? Do we really want to? No. So imagine if instead I'm like, okay, I can start to smell the little stinges of this distress. I'm gonna choose to not. I'm gonna choose to be within myself, go deeper within, do the inner healing work. Now I'm on level seven. Maybe level seven is, you know, another lesson of to be loved, I have to be a certain way so I can find myself. I found this person. I'm very attracted to them, but I'm putting myself back into the box. I'm saying the things that I think they'd like. I'm dressing the way that I think they would find attractive. I'm limiting how I share myself on social media. So let's say you enter into that relationship. Well, you're going to have the put yourself in a box relationship where you're not being your full self. And guess what's going to happen? You might get into the relationship, but a year, 2, 5, however many left in, you're going to have the exact same problem of, wow, I don't feel fully seen in my relationship. This person doesn't understand me and who's to blame because we weren't being our full selves when we enter that relationship. We were wearing a mask. So if we're wearing a mask and we're trying to be the pick me girl to get this person to like me, well, they're like, okay, this is who I think you are. And then we're like, oh, no, no, no. That was just a mask for you to get into a relationship with me. This is actually who I am. You don't love it. They're like, who are you? So this is us. This is ourselves self sabotaging ourselves of, like, just wanting to be in the relationship at any odds possible. But then eventually the truth will open, will always come out. And personally, I would rather move through the lesson faster than spend years of my life than coming back to square one. Do you hear that song playing in the background, that is my new song divane that I produced and wrote using instruments where my mom is from the south of Iran, which is considered Afro Iranian because we're blended in with the different elements of East Africa paired with a vibey Afro house beat. So I grew up listening to this tribal style of music and I wanted to create a song that could modernize it and bring these ancient instruments into our lives. Because the truth is we are all indigenous to mother Earth and when we hear these ancient instruments, it awakens something within us. So I am so excited to share music from my lineage with you and bring it to life in this brand new way. So you can stream this divan, which means to have gone crazy for the divine in Farsy, on Spotify, Apple, itunes, wherever you listen to music. And I'm curious, what does this song evoke in you? You can find the link to listen to it in the show notes. And I'm super excited to share a piece of my heart and lineage with you. So I find that the longer I remain in this void and doing this healing work and trusting that the people that I met, I will, I will feel when it feels right. And I find that as you really refine your frequency, you start to like, fine tune little things that it's like you're. You're actually now meeting like amazing man or woman. You're meeting people that it's like, wow, it's like everything I was looking for except this one thing that's like a real deal breaker, you know, and then that's when you know you're getting close, when you're like, wow, I didn't think a person like this actually existed, and here they are. But I'm not willing to settle on this thing. I'm not willing to compromise. And I don't mean like their style, like, I think stuff like that we like, overplay, like, oh my God, like, I got the ick because of their, like, Velcro wallet. Like, bitch, like, look at a new wallet, you know, style their hair, things like that, that don't matter. But if they're like, I really want to have kids and you don't want kids, or you really want to travel and they can't travel, they're not interested in travel or, you know, in your relationship, you want to create with someone, they're not interested in that. Like things that for you are like big deal breakers, which is different for every person. I would say, you know, how you want to live your life is probably the biggest deal Breaker. You know, if you. If you have a vision for yourself that you want to have children and live on a farm, and that sounds like that person's nightmare, but they're everything else that you want. It's like, are you willing to compromise on your vision for your life? And again, maybe you're not set on that vision. Maybe that's a new vision for you, so you explore that relationship. But if, you know, like, this is where I see myself going, and they're like, that would totally not work for me. It's a heartbreak. But sometimes the best thing that you can do is just to set each other free, you know? And I find that what happens sometimes is, like, we just, like, want to be in the love so bad that we're, like, willing to then compromise of, like, oh, sure, like, I'll live in, like, the middle of Michigan where it's freezing and cold, even though I told myself I was gonna be single and move to Hawaii, but I met you, so I'll do this. And again, maybe it doesn't matter to you, and you're flexible on that and great, you know, trust the intelligence of love. Or maybe it was your test of, like, you have this vision of creating a retreat center in Hawaii. Are you gonna stand true to that vision, or are you going to have scarcity mindset of, well, I'm never gonna find love again. He lives in Michigan, so let me just drop my Dharma and be with this person. So there's like. And I can't answer that question of, like, Hawaii or Michigan. It depends on where the energy is coming from. Is it coming from scarcity? You know, I feel like often when we're single, we, like, go into the scarcity thing of, like, I'm never gonna find someone like, this is it. Let me just, like, settle. And that puts us on these floors of the elevator where we're, like, stuck in these karmic relationships. And on the other end of the spectrum, there's the, I want this, this, this, this, this, this is that. And if it's not all these things, I'm not even gonna look your way. And I see people like that, and they are single for the rest of their lives because the perfect person also doesn't exist. So it's like, where are you in the spectrum? Are you such a perfectionist with what you're looking for that maybe there's an amazing person, but they're just not your type that you just get to open up and give a chance to? Or maybe you're not even letting them into your field because you're so holding on tightly to who this person is supposed to be. Then open up. Trust, flow, surrender, let go. Or maybe you're in relationship after relationship and there's toxicity, there's karmic patterns because you don't want to be alone. You have scarcity, mindset, it's not settling. So just really, it's like we're all in different places in the spectrum at different times. So being single is the best time for you to find your own sovereignty of being open to a relationship, even desiring. I can claim that I desire to be in a relationship. I desire to be in partnership. I love sacred union and I love love. And that doesn't make me weak or anti feminist or anything like that. Like, I do believe there's like a special place in our heart for romantic love. And you know, I remember this like healer lady, I was telling her this, I was like, I just really feel this like deep feminine yearning for love. And she's like, you just gotta love yourself. You just gotta love yourself. And I'm like, I do love myself and I will continue to love myself. And I mean, the life I've created is obviously a embodiment of how much I love myself, you know, but it's like telling someone, oh, you don't need friends, just love yourself. You don't need friends. It's like, you can love yourself and there's a need for friends. And again, not everyone wants romantic partnership. I can only speak from my own experience and from friends that I have close to me. But I think a lot of us, we do want it. And I think being single can also be our chance to like claim that, you know, we don't need to harden when we're single. We don't need to be like, I don't need no man ever. It's like, you don't need a man. That's true. But do you want one? And where's the want coming from? If it's like, I want one cause I don't wanna feel alone. That's coming from a more shadowy place. It's gonna play out some old karmic patterns. If it's, I know I can love being alone. And you know, being single is the best time to learn how to love being alone. Like traveling by yourself, going to restaurants by yourself, going to festivals by yourself. I have so many learn to be alone so much that I like just travel. I go on like full like excursions by myself. Like, I was like in the desert on this like thing Alone, like, eating the dinner. And, yeah, there were some moments that I would, like, see, like, couples or, like, families together. And I'm, like, by myself, but I'm like, you know, and resisting the temptation to, like, be on your phone and distract yourself of just, like, wow, I get to experience this for me. And I don't have to, like, have small talk or, like, be in conversation and, like, really just do this for me. And I have loved that. I have loved solo travel so much. It's brought me so deep into myself that, like, even when I'm in a relationship, I'm gonna continue doing solo travel as well, because I find, like, it is such a good way of getting to know yourself because you're, like, confronted with different things. You're out of your comfort zone, you're thinking in new ways. And then you also open up to, like, meeting people that you would have never met before as well. So learning how to love, being by yourself. So then when you are in partnership. And to me, it's like, changing this idea of, like, oh, my God, what if I'm single forever? Of, like, trusting that love will always find you. You don't need to go out looking for love, trusting that love will find you when you are ready, when they are ready, and instead enjoying this chapter that you don't know how long it's gonna last, because the moment you meet someone, like, it's on, you know, and you can't go back. And what I, like, hear from a lot of my friends who were single for a while, and then they're in a relationship, they're like, damn, I wish I enjoyed being single longer. And I wish I enjoyed it more. Because when you're single, you know, there is that, like, sometimes you're just like, oh, my God, like, I just want to find my person. Like, get me out of this. And then when you find them, which you will, you're like, damn, I had so much freedom, you know, I had so much free time. Like, I was doing all this healing work. Like, I was, like, having so much fun. I was so open. Like, that's what I love about being single. It's like, you are so much more open to life. Like, I would have never gone on the adventures that I had gone on this year had I been in a relationship. And, like, just, like, random things. Like, when you're single, I think part of it is, like, the dangling carrot of, like, you might meet someone. So it's like a Friday night. You're not likely going to just, like, you know, the Whole weekend, like, sit at home and, like, do nothing again. Maybe when you're in the healing process, yes. But when you're, like, full, like. Cause there's different chapters of being single as well. I want to include that. So, like, the first part of being single and leaving a relationship, you're healing. You're not even really single. And it can last different lengths according to the relationship, how long you were in it, what the breakup was like. Like, I would say for me, the first six months, I wasn't even really single. I was healing, you know, because there were just a lot of layers. And I took it as the opportunity to do all the ancestral work, the inner child work, like the deepest work of my lineage and lifetime. So I wasn't even in a place of, like, thinking about dating whatsoever. Then after six months, I started to, like, open up to that. Like, not, like, seeking it, but, like, I'm open if it. If it happens. So oftentimes, like, after a breakup, we're like, oh, no, I'm single. It's like, you're not actually. You're in healing. Then there comes that part of, like, you're. When you're single that you're no longer healing. You're no longer processing. You're no longer really even, like, thinking about the other person anymore, and you're just, like, fully in your own energy. And I would say that that's the part that we, like, shorten and we, like, skip. And it's such a special time because it's like, you're not still. You're not in the grief. It's not painful anymore. You're just, like. You're just, like, doing. You. You're just, like, waking up when you want. You set the temperature when you want. You can, like, play podcasts out loud. You can, you know, put your face masks on. Like, I freaking love that. Like, at first I was like, oh, my God. I'm, like, waking up by myself and, like, I would, like, wake up and cry. And now I'm just like, ah, this is so nice. I have the whole bed. It's warm and toasty in here. Like, that's like, the nice part. You get to have things your way. And I think we. Then it's like. Then you start feeling good, and then you're magnetic. And then that's often when you meet someone, and then you're like, damn it. Like, I was actually feeling really good being single. And, like, that's when I met the person. And, you know, trusting divine timing. But I find that we, like, don't fully enjoy that period to the max. And so I end up going on all these adventures where before, you know, when you're in a relationship, let's be real, are you going to do your hair, do your makeup, put on a nice outfit, put on some high heels, and leave the house at 10pm I could say I for sure was not doing that. I still don't really do that, but I am more likely to. And there are times that I have very proud of myself for that because it's like that dangling carrot of, like, I might meet someone. Like, I can't be single, staying at home, like, let me go out and explore. And then, like, most of the time you don't meet anyone, but you have a fun adventure. And like, my friend, I met this amazing woman here in London who's. She's about to come in on the next episode for the podcast. And her and I have just become, like, London besties. And we just went on. We went to Portugal together. We went, like, kayaking and in caves and we were, like, pulling oracle cards. But, like, also, we go to concerts together, in festivals together in carnivals. And it's like, we're like, you know, we're both single and we're both in that chapter of, like, just, like, enjoying our own energy and, like, you know, loving being single right now. So it's like, we've, like, become like, our own partners with each other and doing all the things that you think you need a romantic partner to do with you, but you actually could have, like, just a really close friend do with you. So that has been so much fun of just, like, letting myself be girly and silly and playful and, you know, like, her and I, we went to the Notting Hill Carnival, which is like the carnival here. And we were just like, anytime someone would talk to us, I would, like, make up a funny accent or a voice and just be like. Like, they were just like, are you okay? And just. We would just scare them off and, like, do weird things. And these are the kind of things you honestly can't do with a guy. You know, they, like, they don't get it. Like, they don't get our humor. So I loved doing that because it's like, yes, before, I would definitely hang out with my girlfriends when I was in. In the relationship, but not for, like, the extended periods of time the way that I am when I'm single. It's like, when you're single, it's like your girls are your fucking family. Like, you're telling them Everything. You go so deep with each other, and especially, like, single woman to single woman, it's like we get each other on another level. It's like a different type of humor. It's a different kind of memes. You're sending references. Like, I know you guys felt me on the who watched your story thing. Like, it's like a specific genre, you know, and it's made me so much more in my feminine. Because I find when you're in relationship, you kind of, like, depolarize. Like, you become very much like your partner. So, like, you kind of have to adapt. If you're in a female with a male partner, you kind of have to adapt to them. So it's like you kind of have to, like, find movies that you both like or things that you both like to do. So you kind of do things that are maybe a little bit more masculine. They are doing things a little bit more feminine. And you're also, like, energetically around each other all the time. So instead of there being polarity, which is separation, difference between masculine and feminine, you become more similar because you're bonding, you're connecting, you become family. And this is like a natural progression that happens in relationship. It's biological. It's how we create children. So there's nothing wrong with it. It's just, you know, after time, you do lose that spark, and you have to work towards creating that polarity in the relationship. So how do you create the polarity? You spend time by yourself. So I have found now in spending this whole year by myself, I am so in my feminine. Like, I am, like, not just, like, girly, but, like, I feel I'm so much more sensitive. I, like, listen to music. I, like, long for things more. I'm, like, so much more trusting. I'm so much more easygoing. I'm, like, sexier. I'm more sensual. I feel things more. I feel pleasure more. Like, my interests have shifted. Like, my voice has shifted. I'm singing, I'm rapping. I'm wearing cute outfits. I got amazing hair. Like, it's a fucking vibe up in here. And it would have not been this way had I been in the relationship. And it keeps getting better. So, honey, keep giving it to me, you know? So that's the kind of swag that you only get when you're single, when you just doing you. And I fucking love it because it makes you fall in love with you. And, like, ultimately, that's what this love story is about. It's about you loving you. We think it's about the guy. Like, especially, like, the first few months of being single for me, it was like I went on these apps like, oh, God, I had to delete Hitch. It was just train wreck after train wreck on there. I mean, ugh, for real, this is the general population. But, like, I found this, like. Like, at first, like, this, like, almost, like, naivete in myself of like, oh, my God, like, I met someone. He seems amazing. Like, maybe this is the one. I never met this person. Like, I'm in love with a stranger. But his pictures were so good and, like, what he wrote about himself. It feels like a perfect fit, right? And then, like, after, you know, what I've learned is do a FaceTime. Don't even meet them in person until you do a FaceTime. Likely, you're probably not going to want to meet in person. Sometimes you might, though. There are some marriages that have happened on Hinge. I've seen it happen. But I have found that that, like, naive maiden energy in me has sort of dissolved of like, maybe it's him. Is he the one? Could it be him? It's like, you know, like, I love this. This is like if at this point, if you're listening to this, you're fucking single, you know, like, there's no way a person in a relationship would be listening this deep. We're getting specific here. But it's like, when everyone you meet, you're like, in that question of, like, is it him? Is it him? Is it him? And there's such an energy of desperation with that, you know, of like, you really just want this thing to work. And then you learn a little bit more information about them and you realize they're not it. And the heartbreak that happens, and it's like the heartbreak of this, like, fantasy that you had. It's not even, like, you weren't even with that person. Like, you probably haven't even met that person. Like, I had people on Hinge or these apps that I thought were this way and then realized they're not. And then it's like, you have to, like, grieve the fantasy relationship you created in your head, you know? So at first I was, like, doing that, and I was just like, yo, this shit ain't healthy. And now I'm just in the place of just, like, I would only want to be with someone that I have, like, a mutual friend with or, I don't know, someone to vouch for them. I just feel like meeting, like, a stranger on the Internet that I have, like, nothing in common with again. I met my ex on Bumble. I would say one of the biggest obstacles in our relationship was we did not have the same friends. We did not vibe with the same people. We're not of the same culture, the same community. And I want someone who is, someone who, you know, I can have these kinds of conversations with because it's what I do. And that's something I'm not willing to compromise on. And so for myself, I would rather it be slower and just have the spaciousness of the in between and be in my own energy field and find someone who. There's shared community, there's shared values. I like their friends because their friends are a reflection of them and their friends are who you're going to end up spending your time with. It really does make a huge difference. You can't be an island on your own. I really learned that in my past relationship of like, you may really love that person, but like, they come with their friends, their family, the people around them. And if you don't accept that, you're not accepting them. So instead of being in that, like, could it be him? Could it be them? I think, like, online dating has, like, really messed with our psychology, you know, because it gives us this, like, idea that there's like so many fish out in the sea at first. And then you're like, wait, now I see why they're all on this app. And then it's like, there's no one. So it's like, there's everyone. There's no one. And it's like these extremes and we don't get to know the nuance of a person and their humanity. And like, what I have found, like, it's interesting. Cause a friend of mine, I won't say he or she, they live in. They live in Bali. And they were around another friend of theirs and they were like, working together, spending time. They were friends. But there was like, nothing romantic going on between them for years. They just knew each other. And then all of a sudden, something changed and now they're in a relationship and I'm like, wow, that could have never happened on a dating app. Or if you're supposed to meet someone one time and like, have this love at first sight. Because it took them being around each other for like two, three years. And then like, all of a sudden something shifted and they start to see each other in this different way because they went through different life experiences together. They changed. They were vulnerable, they were honest with each other. And to me, that's really inspiring because when you're friends with someone. You're not wearing the mask that, like, we talked about of, like, pick me. Like, I'm perfect, but, like, you're just yourself. You're not, like, waiting six hours to respond to their texts. Cause they took six hours to respond to yours. You're not playing these stupid ass games, you know, you're just like, oh, you saw your text, you respond right away. You're sharing the parts of yourself that you feel like won't be accepted. You're being vulnerable, you're being honest. And I feel like, like to have that foundation and then it turns into something more that really has solidity, that has roots. And it doesn't always happen. I don't know how it will happen for me. I'll let you guys know when I know. But that's the one thing I wish I had had. Because I do believe at the end of the day, your partner, it's your friend, it's your best friend. And if you don't have a strong foundation of a friendship, the chemistry and the romance and things like that, it doesn't go away. But it's not as easily cultivated as it is at the beginning. It requires effort on both parties. And having a strong friendship is gonna make you put in that effort. So my hypothesis is that it is harder to date in big cities than it is in small towns. Because in big cities you're constantly meeting new people all the time. So you're like, oh, my God, I'm in New York. There's. There's millions of people here. I must meet someone. And I was like, yes, there's millions of people. But everyone has the mindset of there's millions of people. So then they meet someone and then they're like, I don't know, I didn't really like this, this and that about them. So they don't give them another chance. Whereas when you're in a small town, it's like, okay, well, I know the, you know, 10,000 people who live here. And this is the kind of the demographic of people I even could be in relationship with. And it's not that you settle, but it's like you grow in love, you know? And I think that's like so much of what love is. It's like we don't give ourselves a chance to grow in love. I mean, how new is dating? You know, it's like we act like this thing about, like, dating. Oh, you have to date a bunch of people to find the one. Dating is a very new concept. You know, like our Parents didn't even really date. Like, some did, but I mean, my parents didn't. They, like, met and two months later got married. But. But this idea, especially online dating, it's completely new. But this idea of like, you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince, I don't subscribe to that. Like, in my life, I have always known what I want. And I don't, like, feed myself like junk food, you know, like, if I want to eat sushi, I won't eat McDonald's before, but I'm gonna wait for sushi, you know? And even in life, like, I applied for one college and that's where I went. And. And I feel like that's why I have, like, done things in my life in like, a faster and easier and more seamless way. Because I'm not like, I don't know. Well, maybe try this, maybe try that. And like, maybe it's there, maybe it's there. It's like, I just feel like we waste so much time. It's like, be clear of what you want and what you're calling in and then put your energy on yourself and your own healing and your own growth and your own expression, your own creativity to then actually be a vibrational match for that person. Because let's say you want to date someone who you deem as, you know, a high value man, which, by the way, I hate that term, high value man, high value woman, because it's like, we're all valuable, but whatever. Let's say it's your ideal person of who you're calling in. Would that person be a match for someone who has spent the past two years of their life going on a hundred plus dates? Like every weekend they're on like two dates, their life is around dating. Or someone that spent two years of their lives mastering their craft and healing and being of service and being in a state of joy and doing the things that make them come alive. Would you want to date someone who their only hobby is dating? Or would you want to date someone who is so focused on their dharma and their expression and their purpose and then you align with them and it's like just this gnosis within both of you of like, yep, again. And it can also take time. It's not instant. I don't. I think a lot of the, like, love at first sight. Like, yes, it definitely can happen. I think attraction is guiding us to something real. But there's also a lot of trauma that can happen there of like, why am I having love at first sight? With this person, a lot of it is, like, I know this familiarity as safety because it's, like, triggering something within my relationship with my father for women, my relationship with my mother for men. So we can't just blindly trust attraction. I feel like what happens on these dating apps is, like, expecting these, like, fireworks and these sparks with someone who, you know, like, how sparkly is, like, a coffee date with a stranger really going to be? You know, it's like you have no context of each other. It's, like, kind of awkward, and you're, like, asking each other how many siblings you have. Like, I think it can happen, but it's a rarity. So instead, like. Like, go to places that you would want to meet that person. Like, if you want to be with someone that loves to salsa dance, go to salsa classes. If you want to be with someone that loves to go to the museum, like, go to museums. If you want to be with someone that has shared values of you, be friends with those types of people. Like, I find a lot of the relationships that I look up to is through mutual friends, that they have been connected because you know that you have someone in common that you both vibe with. So really, this is making the most of being single to have these conversations. You know, I love reading relationship books while I'm single because then it sets me up for success in the future rather than waiting for the problem to happen. And to really use this time as that fertile soil for you to become that version of you that you've always felt like it's too soon for you to be. You know, for myself, stepping into my artistry, producing my album, where I'm singing and rapping and sharing my story and all the lessons I've learned in this year through art and through music, it's like, oh, I have become the girl of my dreams. Like, I thought everyone I'm attracted to is like, an artist, a music producer. It's like, I've become that. That's no longer what I'm even attracted to because I've embodied that energy within myself that now what I'm attracted to is someone who I have fun with, that I can travel with, that I can adventure with. I don't need that for fulfilling a dharma in my life. I am the dharma. So I share this because a lot of who we're attracted to is, like, actually who we want to be. So taking that time of being single and putting that energy in yourself, I would say I would not have produced an album and stepped into my artistry and made Music videos and like, created my mastermind and my new high self institute, my embodiment certification. Like, this year, I've been the most creative I've ever been in my life because I've put all of my focus and my sacral chakra energy towards my creativity. So make the most of being single by focusing on your dharma, on your path, on your healing, on your heart, on what makes you come alive. And if you're confused, you're like, I don't know what my purpose is. Start with my book discover your dharma. It's available on Amazon, Audible, wherever you get books. I will have that link in the show notes iamsaharrose.com Dharma if you go on iamsaharose.com, you can find all my books and things there. That's a great place to start. I also have a 21 day Dharma discovery journey course which you can also find on my website. I'll have the link in the show notes which guides you step by step into finding your soul's purpose. And then my school highest self institute where we have different trainings. We have the dharma sole purpose coach training, which trains you how to actually become a Dharma coach. Six months of really diving into your limiting beliefs, your healing, like all the things we talked about, like doing it together in community, which is the dharma coaching institute. Then we have the embodiment coach certification, which is learning my triple E method, emote, embody and express. So if you're really interested in movement and sensuality, in healing, transmutation, releasing trauma, healing the nervous system, that's for you. We're also brewing up a new one on human design that's gonna be coming out next year. So you can find all of those on the show notes as well@highestselfinstitute.com so, like, take this time to become your dream girl. Have your main character moment, be the version of you that you are so in love with. And you will magnetize that person who meets you at the vibrancy where you are. So thank you so much for tuning in. If you love this episode, please share it with some friends. Share with some single girlfriends. You know, we gotta hold ourselves down and, you know, share the codes that we have learned along the way. Because you know, this is a journey, right? But we get to make it fun and we get to make it sexy. So share with your friends and leave a review for it on the itunes store. And I will send you a free gift of my womb meditation, which is a meditation for you to connect to your sacred womb space and receive her answers. So this is a really great way of connecting to your divine feminine. If you feel like I'm gonn on my feminine, I'm out of touch, start connecting to the womb. I'll send you my free meditation. Just leave a review for the podcast. Also let me know what topics you would love for me to jam on on the podcast. I love just like creating the content that you guys want. I have so much fun doing this if you haven't been able to tell. So in your review, tell me what you'd love for me to podcast about who you would love on and I will send you my Woo meditation. So just take a screenshot of that review and email it over to me@saharaiamshaharrose.com youm can find that email all the links mentioned in the show. Notes thank you so much for tuning in baby girl. I'm proud of you and I'll see you in the next episode.

Trust your intuition, trust your inner wisdom, trust your inner guidance. So trust your intuition, trust your inner wisdom, trust your inner guidance.