528: A Step-by-Step Guide To Healing Your Inner Child with Carina Talla

A lot of people, they start a spiritual journey and they haven't done the inner child healing that then the spiritual journey brings it to them because it is. It's. It's hand in hand, you know, like, we can only, like, live our dharmas to the point of liberation that we have within ourselves. We're holding on to these limiting beliefs, these. These shadows, these repressed memories, traumas, flashbacks. Of course you're not gonna be, like, courageously going after your dreams, you know, And I just find so much of what's happening in the world right now is hurt inner children. Yeah. And before we get into this conversation, I would love if you would hit subscribe on this podcast. This is the best way for you to tuned on future episodes, and it helps raise the vibration of the planet. So wherever you're listening to this podcast, hit subscribe and we'll keep the good juju flowing. Welcome back to the Highest Self podcast. My name is Sahara Rose, and on this podcast, I love to take spiritual concepts and make them grounded, modern, fun, real, relatable, so they can actually serve your needs. And I love to bring on my personal friends, teachers, people who have massively shifted my life. So for those of you who have not been on my journey, maybe it's your first time listening around this. This time last year, I got divorced, and it was full on Dark night of the Soul, like, caused me to just question everything and ultimately become this radiant expression of me, who I love more than any other expressions of me before. But it took me really diving deep into my ancestral healing and my inner child and, you know, all the little things that we often don't look at until something big happens in our lives. And I recognize, like, so much of, like, my attachment style and, you know, the way that. But I really wanted my dad's attention. But I was, like, okay with, you know, having a man who was, like, physically there but not emotionally there. Cause that's just what I was used to with my dad. I'm Persian, so kind of in, like, Middle Eastern culture, dads are not really expected to be emotionally there for their kids. It's like they're there to be providers. And my dad was an amazing provider, but that was sort of like the limit of our relationship or it was like, a lot about him, like, lecturing me and teaching me, but it was never really about, like, being curious about who I was. So it kind of set me up for, like, not even expecting that in relationships and just being like, you know, as long as he's like, there and like, we do, like, fun things. Like, sometimes, like, that's enough. Because my dad, when we would go on vacation, he would be really fun, and he would be, like, playful and give us attention. Then we would go back home and be at work, and he was just focused on that. So it even set me up for that in my relationship and all the ways that I kind of was just, like, sustaining myself on breadcrumbs of love, which I feel like so many of us do. We're not. We don't even know what the full feast looks like, and we don't even believe we're worthy of it because we've never seen it before. And so this divorce caused me to really go deep into my inner child and start to give her, like, all of the love that she really needed and to see how, like, deeply just, like, disappointed she was and how badly she wanted, like, her dad to notice her and love her and accept her and, like, be enough for him, be perfect for him. That I had this, like, identity of, like, I will be perfect and I will be the perfect girl, and then I'll be chosen. And, you know, I'm so grateful for the situation that I was in, even though it was really, really painful. But it got me to really look at the fact that I am worthy of love, like, regardless of what I do and how I perform and what my grades were as a kid or how I'm. How I look or all of these things that I deemed that I needed to be loved and how that was like, my inner child, just, like, trying to make sense of the world. So inner child healing has been major in my pathway. And, you know, this whole year for me, I've been traveling, living in a lot of places, and I was getting clues to live in London. And, you know, I was actually calling in someone. I'm like, I am calling in someone who is spiritual but also really fun and loves to go to festivals and loves to travel, and I can just laugh with. It's just such a playful relationship. And we get to go out to nice places and eat, and they're, like, stylish and, like, they're, like, Portuguese. Like, I love Portuguese people. And it wasn't a man. It was this girl, Karina. That's who I met. I manifested exactly her in form of a new bestie. And we've had so much fun than I would have ever had with any man. Let's be fucking real. So we've been in a relationship ever since, pretty much. And it's been so amazing. Just, like, you know, when you meet Soul Fam like that and you, like, drop it and have so much fun. And I wanted to bring her on the podcast, like, also to talk about like, our beautiful friendship and how that's, like, you know, evolved and, like, really quickly, like, dropping in, but also her work of doing inner child healing work. And I did a session with her just the other day, and I had such a huge realization that already, like, cleared my field in such a massive way. So without further ado, let's welcome Karina on the Highest Self podcast. Welcome, Sister Queen.

Hi, bestie. Love it, love it.

My love, my London boo.

So good to see you. Haven't seen you in ages.

Well, haven't talked to you in forever. We've just been sending raccoon memes pretty much every day.

That's all we do.

Yes, yes. So before we dive in, what makes you your highest thing, what makes me.

My higher self, is when I'm in service, truly, when I am in my heart and I've left my mind and I've left the thoughts and the worries and the confusions that we can feel in everyday life. And I remember that I am here for a purpose and I truly believe in my heart. My purpose is healing the inner child and guiding women to love themselves, to believe in themselves, have self love and self respect. So when I'm in service, it is almost like it's me, my higher self, with my inner child. And I have the most fun, it brings me the most joy, the most liberation, and I truly feel like I'm living my Dharma. And that is when I'm feeling like my higher self for sure.

And you do so so beautifully. And you know, your inner child experienced a lot. So if you can share with us some of your journey and your childhood and how it brought you on this pathway.

Yeah. So inner child healing is a very specific modality. You know, I think those that practice it and teach it, it has to come from a place of passion because it is a serious subject. It is a complex, trauma, informed healing topic. So you need to be really, really passionate and you need to live and breathe it as well to ensure that not only are you teaching it correctly, but it's actually helping the lives that you touch. And it has to have made your life transformed first. So I came to discover inner child healing at the beginning of my healing journey around my early 20s. And it came on my path because during that time I had to start facing my own childhood trauma that was making me really, really sick. By age 20, my physical body completely shut down. And I was bedbound for nearly a whole entire year. When I mean bedbound, my legs would not even move. I was completely drained, burnt out. I would need help just walking across the room. My hair was falling out, my eyelashes were falling out. I was covered in hives, head to toe, just like burning, itchy skin. And I was completely depressed, suicidal, just not wanting to be here. But that pattern had been in my life for already about 10 years. So that was what I was very much used to. But my physical health shutting down was the thing that was like, right, you need to stop, you need to start looking at what is causing this. But at that time, I thought it was random. I didn't understand trauma, I didn't understand stress and how it manifests in your physical body. And my path then took me to discover your work, Ayurvedic medicine, which led me to an Ayurvedic doctor in London. And that was the first time I'd ever seen a health professional speak so clearly that your mind and body are connected. And I walked into the office of this Ayurvedic doctor and I didn't even say a word. And I just sit down in front of her, and she just looks at me and she said, you, childhood is making you sick and you need to let go. And at that point, I hadn't spoke to anyone about anything that I had been through. Not a friend, not a counselor, not a therapist. So for the first 20 years of my life, I was holding it all inside, all in my body, all in my mind. And for someone to say that to me, it was so freaking. So I was like, how does she know this? Where is this coming from? And that ayurvedic doctor set me on the path to holistic healing and to start looking at my trauma in a deeper way. So that was really scary for me because for so many years I was like, when I'm older, I'll look at it. Maybe when I'm like 50, maybe when I'm 60, then I'll look at my childhood, but I'm just going to avoid it. I'm going to bury it deep down because it's too painful. I don't know what to do with that pain. I don't know how to feel it. I don't know what to say to it. Will it overtake me? Will it win? Will I almost lose and be defeated? It was just such a scary concept of how do you start healing from trauma, especially childhood trauma. So inner child healing came into my awareness. And that path really began, and it started with one of my, my first therapists, Jim. He was so lovely. And he sat there and he looked at me and he was like, you really need to learn to become your own mother. And I was like, that is such a weird thing to say. Like, what does that mean? Like, I have one. He was like, no, you need to learn to become that mother, inner mother to your inner child. Because she is alone right now and she is lost and she is hurting. And if you don't look after her, no one else will. And if you can't love her, no one else can love you. You can only receive love when you're loving yourself truly. And I was, you know, trying to understand these concepts he was telling me. But slowly the pieces of the puzzle started making more sense. And I then began to feel strong enough to start looking back at those past memories that really started from when I was born. So my dad was extremely mentally unwell, alcoholic, schizophrenic, depressed, anxious. Just a dangerous, dangerous man. Stereotypical 6 foot 2, big thug style looking guy in his big work boots, bald head who just had a crazy look in his eye. He's the kind of person, if you saw him on the street, you would cross the other side. And he was so violent and aggressive and dangerous. So already from a young age, from around four, I was already really conscious then. When adults drank alcohol, they would turn into monsters. So I remember being four years old, saying, please, can you not drink tonight? Because when he was sober, he was like a normal ish person. And then when he would drink, his demons would come out. And then we all suffered from that. So I'm an only child. And then growing up in this house of chaos, you're like survival of the fittest and you're having to protect yourself, the adults, no one else is protecting you. And looking back at those memories were raw because they're really graphic, really gory. There was so much domestic violence in my house. You know, furniture being smashed, front doors being smashed down. Like we had no money. So remember one Christmas, we didn't actually have a front door. It was like taped up. It was so hard. And that level of survival, it's not just emotionally, it's like your material needs. Like, my mom wouldn't eat, so I could during those years. And she did everything she could. And she was technically single, parenting. She was so young. She was like 24, like crazy when you think about it. Learning English herself. She had just moved from Madeira to England, had me one year later. And my dad was violent from the start. So this is such a common story for women that get trapped in domestic violence. They're young or no money, relying on the man to bring the income. But now they're trapped and they have a child in the mix, you know, So I have so many memories of in the middle of the night being on my own and my mum being taken to hospital and my dad being arrested, and I would have seen the whole fight and I'd just be waiting there in an empty house on my own, waiting to be picked up by a random family member, not knowing if my mom was dead, would I ever see her again. Who's going to take care of me now? So those inner child feelings, I had to go deep inside, like, the deep loneliness of, is my mom ever coming back? Because as a child, you don't know that as a child, your core needs are to have both parents safe and emotionally well and able to meet your needs. So from such a young age, had so much that just ripped away and it caused so much anxiety and depression. In my teenage years, I'd have this constant feeling that someone around me was going to die or that I was going to die. And it was just like an obsession, like an ocd. And it was literally my inner child. And her first ever core belief system was, I'm going to die. The people I love around me are going to die. The world is not safe. I am not worthy of being protected. People are dangerous. Men are dangerous. Men don't respect you. Women can't protect you. Like, these are the stories and the belief systems I've had to work through over the past few years. And I can, you know, safely say that they're no longer there. I believe the opposite of all those things now. But it took a lot of deep trauma work to face those parts. And, you know, there were the difficult times in my early childhood, but I was also such a bright little light as a kid. There was. I do believe I was protected, even though telling that story, it sounds like maybe. What the fung. You don't sound very protected. That's crazy. But I honestly believe I was because I was still able to smile and play and have an imagination, like I was still able to be a kid despite the abuse and the traumas going on at home. I think that's my gift with the inner child, is that she stayed there despite it all. She could have shut down, never returned. I wouldn't be doing this work today, and I would most likely still be addicted on drugs and never have made a life of myself, because that was where my path was going up until I was 20 years old. And that's where most of the people I know are still from the past, right? They never got out. So teenage years came, and it was around 12 years old when my mental health really started decline. And it was the ptsd, night terrors. You know, I hated being awake because I was just swamped with flashbacks and memories and triggers. And it was like I'd be walking down a road and I would see someone that maybe looked like him or a smell or a voice or just something. My body would freeze, and I'd freeze in the middle of the road. I'd freeze on the underground, in the tube, and I'd be stuck. My nervous system would just shut down. I was like, how can I live like this? It was happening so young, but I didn't know what it was. I thought I was honestly just losing the plot. That was none of the terminology we have now, no Instagram account. So this is like ages ago. So you're just you and your own thoughts, right? And as that became more intense and the depression got deeper and this whole. This wounded inner child that felt so unlovable, so disgusting, so unworthy, so shameful because of so many of the things that happened that my then vice was, okay, I'm just gonna copy what I've seen around me, what I've seen my uncles that would shoot up heroin in front of me. This is how we do things in this household. I'm gonna start taking drugs as well. Cause that looks like fun. That looks better. I don't have to deal with this monster in my head every single day. So from 12 until 19 was this just battle with addiction. And it was all I really knew. It was like your whole life evolves around when you're next gonna take drugs, when the next hit, when the next, you know, time picking up from dealers, waiting for them to message you back. It was like this cycle day in and day out, and I would only have about two days off a week, where I would just sleep because I was just so messed up. And obviously your body can't go for that long, but we would have times where we would be awake for 72 hours straight, sometimes longer. And I've seen some horrendous situations, and that was just like my teenage years, and it was just kind of normal. We got in so much trouble. We got in trouble with the police, with everything. Like, we were running riot because all my peers, it was the same thing back at Home, parents not there, father not there. We were just like almost just made a family together. So we do have some crazy stories and some of them still make me laugh. I can't deny it. You know, you're just like running wild in the world. It's just a few of you. But that was also crazy because you're still too young to not have adult supervision. And we would just be on our at home, on our own for days and days. Like my house was known as a house Karina's mom is never in. That's the party house. That's the house where we all go and stay. Like her mom's not going to come back for a few days. Perfect. And with that, just layered, more loneliness, not having support. I didn't have any after school clubs, never got taken to a class, nothing. Like I literally didn't have those experiences. So a lot of my even inner child healing now is like even I went to a dance class with you for the first time in my life the other day. And that was really healing for my inner child because I never had those experiences. And I don't think it's ever too late to reclaim life in adulthood. But it does come with grief because it's like those are just things that all kids should have and all teenagers should have, right? So story goes on and there's a key moment. When I was around 14 years old and one of my best friends, I found her mid suicide. So many crazy things were happening and I just had had this overwhelming sense of I can't cope. I actually can't cope anymore. I'm holding too much, too much trauma. It's one thing after another. And I have fully planned my suicide and I was so ready. I didn't feel anything when I was planning it. I was like, I just can't wait to go. I cannot wait to leave this planet. I don't understand why I'm here. I don't have a reason to be here. That's all I could think. And I remember just being broken down. I would obsess over thinking about it all day long. I remember this chemo and I'm like collapsed on the floor crying. And I just start like pleading like, somebody please help me get out of this. I'm 14 years old and I heard this voice and the voice said, that's the first time I ever heard my inner voice. They said, don't give up, you're going to help people one day. And my whole body went cold. It was like my first ever spiritual experience. But I got freaked out. And I was like, where did that come from? Who was that? I wasn't raised with religion, wasn't raised with spirituality, wasn't raised with any concept of anything like this. So for that to happen was really, really shocking. But it stopped me doing it. That voice stopped me taking my life that day. And I sat for the first time and I thought, maybe I'm here for a reason. Maybe everything I've gone through, I'm going through. Maybe it's for a purpose. And that was in the back of my mind for so many years. Okay, maybe everything that just keeps getting thrown my way, maybe it's teaching me. Maybe it's the lessons. Maybe I'm going to use it for something one day. Which was so weird because it kind of kept me ticking even when things were really, really hard. I didn't have any other role models or adult guidance or teachers or anything. It was just me, myself and my thoughts that kept me going. And when it came to that moment where I was bed bound and going through that really deep, dark night of the soul and read Deepak Chopra's first one of his books, the Seven Spiritual Laws of Success. And that's the first ever book I read. And that's when I saw the word Dharma for the first time. I was 18 years old. I was in the back of the bookstore when the self help section was this big. And it was like, no one really goes there. It's kind of hidden in the back. And I saw this concept of Dharma again. And then I discovered your teachings and this message kept coming, which is so.

Crazy because you watched my YouTube video on Ayurveda 10 years ago.

10 years ago.

And like, here we are.

Yeah. And can I say 10 years ago, I was living in Hoxton, East London, which is where the studio is today.

Crazy. And here you are sharing your story. And the exact message that came through when you were going to take your life at 14 is the truth. It's what you're doing right now.

Completely. So it's incredible. So, yeah, that's a. A bit of a backlog to. To how we got here today.

Do you hear that song playing in the background? That is my new song Divane, that I produced and wrote using instruments where my mom is from the south of Iran, which is considered Afro Iranian because we're blended in with the different elements of East Africa paired with a vibey Afro house beat. So I grew up listening to this tribal style of music, and I wanted to create a song that could modernize it. And bring these ancient instruments into our lives. Because the truth is we are all indigenous to Mother Earth and when we hear these ancient instruments, it awakens something within us. So I am so excited to share music from my lineage with you and bring it to life in this brand new way. So you can stream Divane, which means to have gone crazy for the divine in Farsi, on Spotify, Apple, itunes, wherever you listen to music. And I'm curious, what does this song evoke in you? You can find the link to listen to it in the show notes and I'm super excited to share a piece of my heart and lineage with you.

Foreign.

It'S just so incredible to see the way that you have taken something that can be so painful and like, you know, take the lives of many. Addiction is such a problem, it's such an epidemic and, and it's coming from deep unresolved pain and trauma that feels never ending that it makes total sense why someone would want to numb out and why you know, the very purpose of your existence becomes to like not feel. You know, it's. It takes so much courage to actually feel. And you absolutely were divinely guided and I love that like our journeys were similar that like the Ayurveda, Deepak Chopra and like these tea, these ancient teachings came through of like come back to a greater path and even you sharing because I know you don't normally share your whole story like this and I'm so as a friend I'm like watching you and I'm like wow, you have such a and gift of sharing your story. And I do believe like your soul chose that like your soul chose to go through everything that you've gone through because you're an example of someone that's whose inner child has gone through like the worst of things, you know, like domestic violence, like all sorts of abuse. And so you can firmly say that inner child healing works because you are the embodiment of it completely.

And I think that's so important and I truly want to people to know that it's possible to heal no matter what you've been through. You just need to know how to heal and the tools and that's what I teach. I have a really clear 12 step method for inner child healing that honestly takes my 10 year healing journey and has made it so easy and digestible in 12 simple steps of how to really start healing your inner child. And it works. Wouldn't be sat here with you today if it didn't work. I wouldn't be running my own thriving Beautiful company. Helping women heal, helping so many inner children heal. Women transform their lives. You know, if it didn't work, it really, really does. And I think we've been sold such a misconception of what inner child healing is. It's like, okay, kind of old school, patriarchal paradigm approach to healing the inner child. Yeah, very masculine, very logical, very serious, very cold that almost makes you retraumatized because all you're doing is obsessing over your childhood traumas and not really moving forward. And I have so many patients that come to me like I've been in therapy for 10 years and I feel the same. And they're feeling helpless at this point. And it doesn't need to be that way. It really, really doesn't. And I really believe that my approach in a child healing is new paradigm, is feminine. It's more in the body instead of in the head. We're feeling and creating safety and nurturing. It's the mother archetype, the divine mother archetype is how much softness can we bring to that harshness that we hold? How much more compassion can we replace with the criticism that we give ourselves all day? Because there's so many symptoms of a byproduct of trauma. And it's often in everyday things that we don't even realize the negative self talk, the limiting self beliefs, the comparison, the not feeling good enough. It is like everyday modern lives and we actually don't realize it's coming from a deeper place. So I do believe that every single person has trauma. You know, I think that is just a fact at varying levels and different amounts. And inner child healing can be applied to anything that you've been through. You know, I work with clients that have been held at gunpoint, knife point when pregnant. You know, clients that have been abused their whole lives, not just early childhood, but up until their teenage years and they've had to escape. You know, I've just worked with the worst case scenarios and also scenarios where the trauma is being bullied at school, not getting the first job, or not getting the first, you know, dance at school and feeling embarrassed, not getting picked for the sports team. Like these are also emotionally traumat to a child and to a teenager. That is so valid too. And your pain threshold is as painful as you know it. So someone's deepest, biggest pain might be being bullied, and someone's deepest, biggest pain might be the loss of a parent or going through abuse or trauma. Those pains are both still so valid. So I think that's really important to Clear because so many people are like, oh, but my trauma's not big enough or bad enough or I don't think I really have it. But I'm like, okay, how emotionally available were your parents? Right? How many people can say yes to that question? I don't think many at this point because it's just the world that we have come from and we're going to a different direction now. But not having your emotional needs met is childhood trauma what we call a small T trauma, where it hasn't threatened your safety, but it has threatened your psychological and emotional development as a person. So not having those emotional core needs met does fall into that category. So that can affect our self esteem and self worth, our ability to build healthy relationships, even to go live your purpose and your dharma. If you don't believe you're worthy of it or it feels too scary to be seen, then how can you step into your purpose in the world as well? So it's all interconnected for sure.

So let's get into your method. So what is the first step?

Amazing. So the first step is safety and calming your nervous system. So it's all about somatic regulation, nervous system regulation. That is step one. And this is what makes my approach a little bit modernized compared to inner child 70s old school methods is because those approaches don't include the nervous system so much, very much more in the head. But this is so important. So the first step is we have to be feeling safe in our body. And I like to teach the nervous system through a traffic light analogy. So everyone teaches it in different ways, but I like to teach it as almost like an upside down traffic light. So you have on the traffic light, the green light, which is your parasympathetic nervous system state, which I like to teach my clients. Imagine that when that button is pressed, you are in the green light, and it sends signals all around your body that you are calm and safe. So that is kind of like healing goals. Is we want to be in the green light mode in our mind and our body. So when we start going through external environment stresses, even our own thoughts can dysregulate our nervous system. What we're seeing on the media, tv, news, conversations, triggers, is that your body will then put you into the amboli, which is the sympathetic nervous system state. And this is stress and anxiety mode. So this is when we start to feel, okay, racing thoughts, sweaty palms, heart's going, we're overthinking everything. You know, the da da, da da da, like going 100 miles an hour. And that's just your body trying to communicate with you. Hey, something feels a bit out of balance right now. I need to slow it down a minute. So often those that have been through childhood trauma of any level most likely weren't living in the green state, but were in this constant state of amber. Hyperarousal, on edge, heightened sensitivity, which really affects everything from memory to concentration. You know, we're having add, ADHD diagnosis left, right and center at the moment, more than there ever has been. But it's your body and your mind in amber state. That is where ADD and ADHD lives. So it's important to have the nervous system regulation skills as well as your inner child wants to feel safe. And you have to think, if your inner child lives in your heart and your body, your body's your home. So your inner child. If your nervous system isn't safe, your inner child won't feel safe either. So the next lie on the traffic light system is red, which is the dorsal state. And this is when our nervous system says, hey, I have reached my maximum level of stress right now. I need to take it down a notch. And I'm going to turn on the SOS Emergency red button so we can shut down. And that shutdown can lead to the state where chronic illness begins to manifest. Depression, lethargy, also social isolation. It's that feeling like, I don't want to be near anyone. I don't want to have a conversation. I can't even bear it. And those that go through depression, I had this for so long in my life. I would just sit in a dark room for like weeks on end. And I don't want to see anyone. Cause my body just shut down. So the nervous system is actually really, really clever. And it's not doing this to hurt you. It's doing this to love you and keep you safe. Because it's saying, hey, if everything feels too scary and too big out there, I'm gonna make you shut down. So we can regenerate and we can feel safe in like a little cocoon almost. So I want anyone listening to know that if your body is feeling in that shutdown mode, or maybe you're feeling stressed and you're having anxiety and panic attacks, your body is not trying to hurt you. It's trying to speak to you. It's trying to say, listen to me. We need to heal. So that's step one is all nervous system regulation tools. And they're fun and they're playful and they're enjoyable because this is Inner child work as well. So we make it beautiful and feminine, that essence. But yeah, step one is all about the nervous system so needed because you.

Can'T even receive any wisdom, information if your nervous system is not open. You know, I went to this trauma healing conference at Oxford. It was just so much just like information and there's this trauma and that trauma that I left feeling so heavy, you know, and like a victim.

Yes.

You know, I'm like, great. I got my family's trauma, my culture's trauma, my ex's trauma, my, this trauma, like what do you do? You know, and ultimately the practices like breath work, dancing, art, community, sunshine, like these are the things that like actually heal us. And so I love that you, you start there. So what's the second step?

Yeah, so the second step is then self care rituals and routine. So this is really just the simple. So in the steps we build up like a staircase, step by step. So the next part is this because often if we've had these emotionally neglected childhoods, it's most likely your mother or your father didn't sit you down and say, hey, here's the self care routine to practice when you wake up so you have a really calm and soothing start to your day, that you look after your mind and body before school, before you go to college, before you go to a friend. It's most likely they didn't teach you a bedtime routine either. Right. How many kids routines is wake up, get up, open the curtains, banging on the door, why are you not dressed yet? Oh, you're so lazy. Oh you, you know, get yourself together.

Go to sleep, brush your teeth.

Yeah, literally. And then bedtime is like crazy operation again and the kids rebel because the parents are stressed and then the kids don't want to listen. And then kids are falling to sleep, stressed out and anxious and dysregulated and it's just so much disconnection. So with that step two, it's like, okay, we are all going to reparent ourselves by giving ourselves the proper morning and bedtime rituals that we needed. And of course just the general lifestyle management in between that as well. Making sure you have your healthy meals and having your meal times is really important again, if you had like a child, you would be like, right, we're have breakfast, lunch and dinner and we're going to make sure you eat well and then we're going to have that routine. So why is that so healing for people that have been through trauma because often their needs have just been so neglected and forgotten. About and everything's felt really mindless and disconnected. So we can develop, you know, binge eating, restrictive eating, any type of kind of eating disorder, insomnia, just fear of even waking up to the day because there's been no safety or regulation around it either. So that step two is really important also. It's empowering. So it's like, right, let's start looking at your lifestyle. Let's start changing it. Let's start making some really beautiful improvements. So the morning is really nourishing. Rituals that I teach in my steps and bedtime as well. So my clients, like, I'm so excited to wake up and I can't wait for my bedtime routine now because it feels good. And they both involve connecting with the inner child, speaking to them, loving them, and of course, obvious things like, you know, little meditation and your journaling and self love hug is something that's really important that I teach. And just these really nice practices that make you feel empowered. Yes. All the.

So I feel like during the holidays, it's actually the best time to focus on the thing that you've been putting off. So for lots of you, you guys, it's speaking, whether it's one day, creating your own podcast like this, please have me on. Or speaking on stages, writing books, creating social media content, creating a personal brand around your wisdom. But for a lot of us, the speaking part is a little bit scary. We stutter, we feel like we're not good at telling stories. We lose people. We just don't have that confidence to show up on camera the way that we want to. But you know that you have an important message to share. So if this is you, I'm really excited that my course, Speak with Soul is available for 25 off this week only. So this is my flagship course that has taken thousands of people from awkward to confident speaker in just 21 days. I mean, if you check out the testimonials, people are like getting on the news, they're launching podcasts, they're getting keynote engagements. It is insane to see the transformations that are happening. People who've never spoken before and also people who are like on their A game who just take it up a notch. Speaking is my forte. I love doing it. I've been doing this podcast for over seven years and I've learned a thing or two about telling a story. The tone, texture, quality of your voice and getting your message across in a way that anchors into people's hearts. Because we don't need any more of this, like, super cerebral TED talk. Of like, hey, I have a vision and listen to me point A to B, but like, instead to actually feel like you're having a conversation with someone in a way that's also educational and resonates. So if you're interested, you're curious, take advantage of 25 off@speakwithsoulcourse.com with coupon code SWS25. That's speakwithsoulcourse.com with Coupon Code SWS25. You can find all of that in the show notes. I'll share this because I should just share everything about myself on this podcast. But after we did our session, I had a dream that night of, like, remembering my mom, like, opening up my curtains when I would wake up, like, in the morning. And my mom is a natural early bird, and I'm a natural night owl. And so she would always be like, why are you sleeping in? It was always this, like, wake up. Like, I think a lot of immigrant families are like this, too. Of like, seize the day. Like, you know, And I was just so used to her just, like, waking me up. And I think also part of it, too, was, like, she missed me, that she, like, wanted me to be awake, but she wouldn't be, like, doing it in a gentle way. It was just like, the curtains are open, and I'm already feeling I'm falling behind. And so my inner child, like, showed me this. This dream. And I recognized in myself that, like, after my divorce, I would, like, wake up and check my phone. I used to not do that, but it was, like, me, like, clinging to, like, did someone message me? Like. Cause I was so used to that human in the morning, whether it was my mom waking me up, but it was still a human connection. Or waking up with my partner, which you just wake up and you're like, oh, they're in the bed. Like, you know how you wake up sometimes and you're like, where am I? And you, like, kind of, like, recalibrate. Like, especially me. I'm like, what country am I in right now? Where does this bed? Oh, it's London. Wow. Okay. But, you know, but then you have another person that, like, biologically, I mean, for thousands of years, we have co. Slept. It's very, very new to sleep by ourselves. So I would, like, cling to my phone as this, like, way of, like, grasping to another. And so now I tell my inner child, like, you can sleep. You don't need to, like, wake up. Like, we're okay. We're safe. Like, you know, we get to sleep in if we want, we don't have to wake up. Like, our boundaries are protected here. No one's gonna barge in. Like, you get to rest. And just. That has, like, really sh. Even for some reason, it's energetic has shifted my relationship with my mom that, like, I've never told my mom that I was doing this, but it's like her and I were, like, in a fight, like, last week, and now we're, like, talking all the time. I'm, like, calling her and, like, now it's like, it was like sisters that fought. Now we're, like, really good. And I'm like, something. It was, like, energetic that I needed to forgive her for waking me up. And now we're, like, able to have a deeper connection.

Yes, completely. And thank you for sharing that. It's just so important because these are key things that I'm sure so many people have dealt with and maybe not even realize, wait, that actually is a block that needs resolving, that's gonna affect other areas of my life. And the energetic shift that happens with inner child healing when we re parent those parts, or what we call rewrite, the story, happens instantly. It happens straight after. Usually I always say, okay, give it 72 hours. After inner child healing, you're going to start feeling huge shifts. Because what happens is when we have these unresolved stories, unresolved parts of ourselves, is that the inner child is the part of you that's connecting to your mom. Still. It's not adult Sahara. It's little Sahara. Still. There can be resentments and angers and frustrations that the inner child holds. The inner child holds creativity and magic and expression, but she also holds pain and upset and frustration. So when we rewrite those stories, that part of the inner child integrates, which means it heals and it becomes a healthy part of you. So now adult Zahara can have an adult conversation with her mom without little Sahara being like, oh, you're just so frustrating. So annoying. You just want to fight them all the time, you know, especially mothers and daughters. It's like a universal thing. So, yeah, with inner child healing, we have something called parts work. So through kind of similar what we did the other night together, just really gently start journeying into a part of your memory or subconscious mind that reveals itself that it's ready to be worked through. And sometimes, obviously, we have have specific things we want to go through that day in a session, or sometimes it can just come up spontaneously. So say, for example, okay, quite a common one for a lot of people is getting bullied at school or not feeling like they fit and or belong. And for example, say you did get bullied, and every time you'd walk in the classroom, it would just feel a horrible feeling in your stomach of not wanting to be there or not looking forward to the day ahead. So how you can imagine it is we would go into the subconscious meditation and we would visualize your adult self being there in the classroom with your inner child. And what we do is we freeze the scene so no one in the class can move. You're in that memory. And adult Sahara is saying to little Sahara, you are so safe. I love you. I believe in you. Today is going to be amazing. I'm here if you need anything. You're not on your own, and you just give them parenting and love and encouragement. And then you can even visualize the other kids in the classroom saying, hey, do you want to play with us today? Or, I like your pencil case. Or just something like that to heal that part of the inner child that maybe didn't have friends at school or felt always alone on the lunch break. So you actually rewrite the whole entire story to give solution and aid and healing to those wounds. And the reason this works is because our subconscious mind is extremely clever, but it's also not that clever because it believes anything that it sees and as fact and truth. So it cannot differentiate between if something is real and if it's not anything visual the subconscious mind sees, it takes that as truth. So when we are rewriting trauma stories and bringing healing and creating these whole new scenarios, your subconscious mind is registering that as fact. Your body will produce the same emotions as if that was happening. Chemical reactions, neural pathways in your brain are forming to say, I am now safe and loved and chosen people are safe. You know, I feel heard and seen. So that's the reason it works. It's like how I shifted my own life. So much was all in here through that deep subconscious reprogramming. So it's really important to know that whatever story anyone is carrying, you can literally go into it like you're kind of climbing into your brain going into the story. You can rewrite anything. It is unbelievable. So even, for example, mentioned earlier, part of my story, you know, there's really crazy graphic domestic violence scenes. I've gone into every single one on my healing journey multiple times. And I've gone in as adult Karina today. Imagine I've knocked on the door, I've gone up the stairs, found where my inner child was hiding or where she was alone. I literally Picked her up in my arms, wrapped her in a blanket, and, like, you're safe now. I'm with you. No one's gonna hurt you. And then I bring her back into what we call my world, which is where I get my clients to visualize or myself. I've done it almost like a white door with a gold handle. I always had this kind of, like, vision. And you take you and your inner child through that, and then you arrive in what are called the inner child healing garden, which is a safe place in your subconscious mind that is just, like, beautiful healing, safety, calm, sanctuary. And your inner child can have anything there. And you get to play with her and dance with her, and she's safe. So anytime we reprogram a trauma, there's always the white safety door out. So you never leave that part of you in the memory. You have to bring. It's like, kind of going through, like, a portal. You have to bring them into the new part of your subconscious mind. Otherwise, that memory stays active. And I'm just so specialist in this work now because I've practiced it thousands of times with people. I've done it on myself, and it is just unbelievable what happens when you keep doing that. So I've done that with the, like, all the things I've ever been through, and it just works every time. And I honestly feel in my mind, my body, my heart, my soul, like, the trauma is so clear. Like, there are scars, of course, but I'm not teaching from a wound. The wounds are healed. Like, it's fully integrated. Won't be able to speak about it otherwise. I have no emotional reaction when speaking about my past anymore. I used to, because it was still healing and it was raw, and I would choke up, and I would get teary, and I would probably feel really stressed after. But now I'm like, I just. I feel so genuinely grounded, and I want everyone to have this feeling because I know how much it hurts every day when you're facing the anxiety and the depression, the stress, and you're like, how do I escape this? So I just want anyone to know that there are ways out of this that are actually not as hard as you think and don't need to take, like, 20 years of your life. Like, I promise. You know, it is phenomenal how these practices work.

So you go back to the time of the trauma. You, as your adult self, pick up your inner child, take them out of the situation, bring them to your healing garden, which is your visualized space of safety, and tell them that they're safe. And is that where it ends or what happens next?

So, yeah. So with that. So it might be in the scene. Obviously, those meditations can go on for 45 minutes to an hour. So there's a lot of details in it, but that is the brief conclusion of what would happen. So what would happen next is you would then visualize your. What we call the inner parent, which is adult you, with your inner child, and you leave them there together in the garden. This is really important because some inner child visualizations, meditations, they're kind of like, go and see your inner child and then just leave them there on their own. But so much feedback I've had over the years. The inner child gets scared because you're just leaving me on my own again. So I always have to leave that inner parent there with them. And then whenever you close your eyes or any of you do a meditation, you just go back to the garden and you see them, and then you go back into that healing almost, I want to say healing, role play. It's like the inner parent is meeting the needs.

And now. So the inner child stays in the garden and you check up on them, or your adult self stays in there?

Yeah, the adult self stays there as well. Yeah. So it's basically there whenever you want to meditate, whenever you journal, close your eyes before you journal, check in. Because every time you see your inner child, she'll be different. It is incredible. So sometimes when I start with clients and the inner child reveals themselves, and I always say, what does she look like and what is she wearing? They're like, that's an interesting question. But the inner child will actually express how they're feeling even through their clothes. So sometimes my clients have said, oh, my goodness, she's like, looks really sad and she's crying and she's in rags. And she's like, I didn't wear rags. Why is my inner child in rags? It's like, okay, she's showing that she feels neglected. I feel forgotten. No one cares. Right? And then we go through the inner child healing process, and let's say 12 weeks later, when we've come to the kind of graduation of working together, the inner child will be showing herself, like, in a fancy dress called she wear a princess outfit. And she. She looks healthy and taken care of. So your subconscious mind will visually communicate what stage your inner child is at, their emotions. And if you're taking care of them or not. And if you're not, your inner child will show you when you go to the garden, she either might run away, she might throw something at you, she might like, make silly faces. If she's being a bit like, rebellious, like, you've forgotten about me, like, I'm over here, no one's listening. But when you're taking care of them, close your eyes, you go to the garden, she'll run up to you, give you a hug, bring you a gift or a present or a flower. So it's one of those experiences, like you have to go through it to understand, but when you do it, it's like you can't ever go back. Like, this part of your mind is open and connected and it's just so beautiful, it's so healing.

What if you like. Whenever I think of my inner child, I have to think of pictures that I've seen. Like, is that normal? Like, I almost like refer to her as like, different. Like the outfits are just different pictures I've seen myself wear.

Yeah. So definitely at the beginning of inner child healing journey, it will always be a reference of a picture or something you've seen already of them, because that's what your mind is at that point of reference. But when you go deeper into the work, it almost becomes like, I can't explain it. Like you're almost in like a movie with them. Like the picture's no longer needed and your inner child is literally showing up to you in different expressions, different ages, different styles. You'll see their expressions moving their face. And I've done this with people that have never meditated in their lives and it always starts with the picture or sometimes a blank mind. Sometimes we actually can't even see them. And then over time, I would always genuinely say it's around the six week point where suddenly we've really put the wires together, we've healed a lot of the traumas and suddenly the channels can open to the inner child because they have to be blocked to start with for protection. So the more we clear, we do that, like, deeper trauma work, the channels open and the inner child world appears, which is kind of amazing. And again, worked with people that have never meditated, never done a visualization journey that by the end of the few weeks they're just like, in this beautiful connection with them. So, yeah, it's amazing.

So what is the next step?

So step number three is then heal your inner child. So I feel like we've actually just covered that through what we've expressed. But yeah, it's about knowing and understanding your inner child and the different ages. So we actually have not just one inner child. Sometimes we think, oh, it's my four year old self. We have 18 inner children from all stages of our childhood development, from obviously naught to 18. So it's actually understanding, okay, what key ages in your life need the healing and the nurturing. You might have had a really key, significant experience when you were 14 years old. That's the primary one that needs looking at the most. Or maybe it was four years old or maybe younger. So you kind of start to identify and map out your inner child's story. And the key points that need working through with the inner child work as well. This is when we then learn how to connect and communicate with them. Not just in session with me, but on your own. So, so really simple things, such as, of course, following a guided meditation, letter writing. This is a really beautiful part of it. So there are two ways we can letter write an inner child healing. The first way is you as the adult writing to the inner child. So you would always start by saying, you know, dear little Sahara, I'm sorry you're feeling upset today. I'm here for you, I love you. And you kind of just have a dialogue with them and you would then sign it, you know, love, big Sahara. So you have that dialogue. You always put the name don't ever. Don't just put inner child. Whose inner child? Talk to your inner child, right? Make them feel special, make them feel love. So you can do it like that. And then you can also flip it over where your inner child writes to you. So she's going to write, dear Big Sahara, you know, I need more love, I need more care, I want to have more fun. Can we do this? Can we do that? You know, they start talking to you. But what you can do is also, when you're writing, swap your hands so you're writing from your opposite hand when the inner child's talking to you. Because then what you look at on the page looks like your childhood handwriting. And you're like, oh my God. It just connects you so much more to your inner child. So letter writing is really, really important. We may need to do more therapeutic styles as well where we need to write some real anger f U letters to get our resentment out, to get our pain, we have to let that out too. So that's so important. Emotional validation. So lots of letter writing. Also using an inner child photo ritual. So having a lovely photo of your inner child in a nice frame and having it on your bedside table. So the first thing you do when you wake up is you just literally pick it up and you look at it and you say, I love you, I'm proud of you. You're amazing, you're clever. Like whatever she needs to hear, with your hand on your heart, looking at the photo there and then just put it down. And the way that connects you to that part of you for just the first five seconds of your day is like it puts you into adult mode. It stops the inner child hijacking your mind and your thoughts and it makes sure that your adult is in the driver's seat. Because the minute we get triggered, our inner child is the one that's taken over. So little things like that and of course, you know, having fun, playfulness, laughing, dancing, creativity, art, like you mentioned earlier, is part of the inner child work too. So that part is step number three.

Okay, and what we got a lot more steps, so what's step four?

Let's go through. Amazing. So step number four is reparent and meet your needs. So we have core needs in childhood development and if they're not met, they will create emotional and psychological wounds in our adulthood and this affects our relationships and things like that. So we have core needs of affection to be heard and seen, praise and attention, love and approval. And often if we don't have these needs met in childhood, we will seek them outside of us to fill that hole. The only problem is if it's not being filled from us, it's kind of like we have this kind of and everyone gives us their love and affection and praise apart from us. So it's like there's a hole in the bottom of the cup and all the praise the outside world gives us just goes through the bottom and it's like neverfull. So when we give it to ourselves, it's like we have our cup but there's no hole and it just fills up to the top. And then the overflow of our self love can nourish ourselves. So that is about learning the key. Missing me from our childhood and then learning how to fill them, which is what I teach in those steps, which is really amazing because how many of us know what our emotional needs are like? None of us do. You know, I didn't for so long either. But when you know them, it's amazing because you know what triggers it, you know the solution for it. And it can save just so much like hassle and issues because we're constantly like, why is my partner not filling all my needs and you should make me happy and make me fall in love. But if you don't love yourself, then Everyone in the world can love you and you'll never feel it. You know, if you can't make yourself feel safe, then no one else can. If you can't make yourself happy, then no one else can either. You know, it is a form of deep self responsibility in a child works. It's like, right, I gotta take responsibility for everything. I can't blame you. I can't blame you and I can't blame you. Like this is on me now like an adult should. You know, we're pointing fingers. We're still being in that childish mode and we need to like emotionally mature. I feel like inner child healing really allows you to do that. So yeah, that's step number four.

So good. And what is the next step?

Yeah, so step number five is emotions. So it's called Feel youl Emotions. So teaching emotional regulation, which is so important and of course we all need this. So again we go in and teach the inner child what is an emotion? Why do we have them? What are they there for? And then how do we process and release them from the body in a really simple somatic way as well. This is trauma informed, including the nervous system. And just really gives each individual the confidence to no longer be afraid of the emotions. Because when we're kids we have massive, huge emotions. Because remember that little human is feeling those things for the first time ever. They are humongous. They've never felt them before, right? And we're like, kids are so noisy. Stop crying, stop being so angry. Can you imagine being that young, right? We all once were having these big emotions and then being told you're not allowed to feel them. So so much emotional trauma globally around emotions. And that could be culturally too as well in like many different aspects and different parts of the world. So this is about, okay, emotions are a really normal part of being a human. They make you not a, you know, inanimate object. They make you a living human being that feels okay. And they're really healthy and safe and they can tell us amazing things about our life and the world. Even fear, even anger. So we teach a new relationship with emotions. We're like, fear, I love you and you're safe with me. Anger, I love you and you're safe with me. What do you need? How can I help you? And we empower this new connection with emotions. So that's, yeah, really important.

So important. And in a way, like when we're children, we feel, we let ourselves feel, you know, like you have a temper tantrum and then you're over it. Whereas then as adults, we're like holding it in. So it's like letting our inner child know, like it is safe for you to express. But often in the adults, we're like, stop. You know, and we, it like stopped us from fully transmuting that energy and remains locked in our bodies. And then we're like holding onto these unreleased tears, grief, anger for lifetimes, you know, it was just the child needed that. Okay, so what's the next step?

Yeah, absolutely. So next step is step number six, which is reframing your thoughts, triggers and belief systems. So as a result of childhood, we will pick up a number of limiting beliefs. These limiting beliefs show up as blocks in our life. They're the things that we don't feel good about, that we criticize ourselves for, that we feel shame around. And we have to start looking at these beliefs. So I have some really amazing tables and exercises and experiences for my clients to start working through. We look through every belief that anyone can possibly have. And through each belief, what's important from the inner child perspective is that when going through them and starting to bring awareness is that with each belief we write down the number of the age we first started thinking that belief. Then we write the name of the person who influenced it. Where did you pick up that conditioning from? Because it wasn't from you. I can assure you that now you got it from somewhere. So when we're going through this table and we're looking through those core books beliefs, and we look at every area of life, we look at health, we look at relationships, we look at family, you know, personal self esteem, we look at finances, everything. Because you pick up all your beliefs as a child, those beliefs are already formed by the age of seven years old. So we're looking at the mind of seven year old, right? So usually when, you know, my clients, they've written down all the Leamington beliefs and I'm like, okay, is your name next to any of those beliefs? And they're like, oh my God, no, no. It's like my mum or my dad or my sister or school. They're not even yours. The whole entire workings of your brain doesn't even belong to you. Then who the fuck are you? Let's start creating that person. Do you know what I mean? Like, this is it. Then we then reframe them all and we start creating a whole new set of belief systems that you have chosen as a conscious adult today at the age you are at. So it's kind of like we have to update the software it's like you wouldn't have your new iPhone with some like old software from 15 years ago, but that's kind of what it is. Your body is new and upgraded, but the software running your whole system is from the 90s, quite literally, you know, or the 80s or whatever year you were born in. So reframing beliefs is important. And the same applies to thoughts. How to manage your thoughts on a daily basis. We think 60,000 thoughts a day. 80% of those are hardwired to be negative or fear based. And we have to learn to retrain the brain that it's safe. Now that's a very primal survival thing. So we then look at the inner child's influence on that. You always know if it's the inner child because it is catastrophe based, future based, past based, or fear based. So when we're coming to regulation, the adult thoughts will be present, calm, safe, and feels like secure. It's like, okay, everything's gonna be okay, you know. So we're all subject to those fear based thoughts. But I truly believe those can be healed genuinely as well. Like I spent my whole life with crazy anxiety, overthinking everything, but now I just genuinely don't. I'm not even exaggerating and it shocks me sometimes. I'm like, oh my God, so chilled in here. Like, that's crazy. So yeah, that's a really important step. And triggers is a whole nother part. Very connected to nervous system as well. But yeah, that's important stuff.

Yeah. I love when you notice like the way that you react to a situation has changed and that's how you know, you've evolved of like, wow, this same thing used to really stress me out or send me in a loop and now I'm just like chilling with it, you know. And you're like, the work works.

Yes, completely.

Okay, so what are the next steps?

Yeah, so we are now on step seven, have to keep up with me, which is boundaries and communication. So boundaries are so important for inner child healing. Cause most likely most of us grew up without boundaries. When you grow up in a household without boundaries, you don't know your own personal boundaries. You don't respect others because you don't know what they are either. So boundaries, I like to teach them as bubbles of protection around you, like safety bubbles that keep you safe. Boundaries aren't there to be aggressive and loud and noisy. They're just these really graceful protective bubbles around you that say, I matter too. I deserve respect. And if you cross my line, that makes me feel uncomfortable. That I need to assess it. And you will know if someone's crossing a boundary because your body will tell, your nervous system will tell. You're going to feel anxious, you're going to feel overwhelmed, and also you'll feel resentful, you're going to feel angry, you're going to feel upset. So boundaries are important. So I teach about different styles of boundaries and then communication. How do we communicate them? It can be so scary to have an in person conversation with someone about your boundaries, especially if it's someone that one might not be safe. Two is going to be pissed off by your boundaries because they're used to you not having them. So there are different tiers of boundary communication as well, which is important to know. One, maybe for safety and two, just for your own personal confidence. When you start working through the tiers, you'll be able to sit down and talk with anyone and stand in your power. But it takes time to get there, sometimes years because it's so scary. But yeah, that's an important step that.

Yeah, because it's also like you're afraid if that person will reject you for having a boundary massively. And I think that's like the biggest thing about it, that you're like, well, I'm willing to just deal with it rather than being rejected.

Yes.

You know, but then it's like eventually your truth will come out, whether it's in passive aggressive comments or snapping or, you know, or just like overriding your what you want and then ending up in situations again and again where you're having to deal with that. So I think it's hard, especially in relationship where you feel like you have a lot to lose to say these boundaries. Especially if you're used to seeing like your mom have no boundaries with your dad, you know, so that's definitely been one for me. Because especially Middle Eastern woman, you're taught boundaries is like the most selfish thing on earth. You know, like it's like for when I would say, oh, I don't want to do something, oh my God, you're so selfish. Because it's just an expectation, you know, in a way it's like like tribal culture, right? Like there's no sense of you want to do something different, you're a kid. Like my dad would tell me, he was like, you're lucky you can even talk to me. He's like, I wouldn't even be able to talk to my parents and say, say anything, you know, and, and he, and he wasn't saying like he was just saying As a fact. And it was a fact. Like, in Middle Eastern culture, there's no, I want this, I want that. Parents, you give this to me. Kids don't have a say, you know? So he's like, you're lucky. You get direct access. Access to me. Imagine he didn't have direct access to his own. His own father, you know, so it's, like, very new. And then here I am watching Full House. I'm like, why aren't you that dad? Why don't you want to, like, play catch with me and, like, talk to me about how I feel? And it's like, in his mind. And I told him that, too. After I did, like, some family constellations work, I was like, I wish you were more there for me as a father. He's like, Well, I had zero percent of a dad, so if you had 50% of a dad, it's better than zero.

Wow.

And that's his just, like, very rational understanding, which, of course lacks empathy, but what do I expect? He didn't have any form of father.

Yeah, exactly. This is a piece of the inner child work as well. When we start rising more into our adult self and the inner child heals, we start seeing our adult parents as humans before they were parents, before they were people without that title, and we start having more compassion. You know, it's very valid to have anger at your parents at different levels for not being there or meeting your needs. But then when you actually kind of grow up and, you know, you learn more about their history, you know, I think the best way to understand why your parents acted the way that they did is just ask them about their childhood, ask them about their relationship with their parents and find out.

And then you become. I became amazed that my dad is as emotionally available as he is, based on his childhood of so much trauma.

Yes.

That I'm like, of course. For what my standards are of emotional availability in the relationships I have, friendships I have. No, he's not meeting the cut there. But for someone that grew up, like, yeah, the kids are on their own. There's no sense of parenting. There's no sense of teaching. You know, Then his dad was sick and stroke after stroke, then died and family feud and just so much, much. It's like, wow, I'm surprised you're even okay. Literally exactly like, wow, I am amazed you're here.

It's so, so true. Honestly, it's so true. Like, wow, you guys are not doing that bad. Sorry before, but actually, well done.

Well, it was interesting because it's like, I, you know, I was doing a lot of just like, ancestral healing work. And I'm like, you know, I'm the first person, my ancestor, to do this work. He's like, but what do you think about me? And I never thought of it of, like, like, well, I think every generation has gone the further again, I don't know beyond him if my grand. But I'm sure my grandfather was probably more conscious than his grandfather and my dad was more than his. Like, it just, you know, I'm sure our future kids and the next generation's like, damn, I have to be the one to heal the lineage. Because that person, you know, because we're just gonna keep. We're gonna keep finding new plateaus.

Oh, completely. And that's the thing. It's like coming back to humility and compassion. You know, I think every generation is meant to grow and evolve further than the one before. Like you said, our children will probably be looking at us as parents. Like, you guys. You guys are messed up. So I think that is the humanness. Like, let's just remember everyone is human. Just trying to figure it out with what they know at that given time. If our parents knew different, they would have done different. They had the resources, they would have used the resources. You know, we're in a different time. And for the first time, we have social media, podcasts, the freedom to use our voices in any way that we want. Parents weren't growing up in that time. This is new. So we are so incredibly lucky to be able to use this and spread the message while also, I think by having compassion for your parents, it can help heal a lot of parent relationships as well.

Okay, so we have a few more. So let's just speed track, name them, and they can always dive deeper into it.

Yeah, amazing. So step nine is switch up your mindset. So in this, I go very deep into how to leave victimhood behind. Don't shoot me. And step into empowerment hood. So no more playing the victim. We've got to rewrite the story and decide who you truly are here to be without the victim of your childhood past holding you back. So step nine is really important. Step ten is all about. About self worth, self esteem, and self confidence. So we are now finally rebuilding our sense of self. Once we've cleared all the blocks, cleared all the layers, we're learning to communicate. We learn about our emotions. We're now finally ready to rebuild that sense of self, which is really important. The next step is then self love. Okay, so I leave it all the way to the end. And usually it's like the first thing people teach in programs. I'm like, you're not actually ready to genuinely love yourself until you've cleared the trauma because it feels fake, you're trying and it doesn't land right. And then you feel bad for not being able to love yourself so easily. But it takes a lot of time. So the self love aspect is so, so beautiful. We then have step 11, which is forgiving yourself and others. This is probably the most powerful yet activating one because we actually don't realize how much blame we put on ourselves. Children don't have the ability, no matter what abuse they've been through, to blame the adult or parent. Because children take everything rationally in absolutes. And due to survival reasons in the brain, they cannot question fault in the parent. So what happens is the child blames themselves. So if a child's been through abuse, it's never. That's the adult's wrongdoing. It's my fault. There's violence going in the house is because of me. That's just survival. That's just psychology. So we have to then actually go to the inner child and say, you are forgiven, you've done nothing wrong, you are innocent. This is not yours to carry. Let's give it back to who this belongs to, the big adult that should have done differently. This is not yours. So that part is like, so activating, but it steps you into your power so much. And also that aspect of forgiving others, I never put pressure on forgiving other people from the get go. That is a seed that plants. But it might not come to fruition for a little while because that has to come naturally. I remember on my journey trying to force forgiveness and made myself sick because it wasn't genuine. I had to feel the resentment and the anger first. But when that forgiveness comes, it will be natural. So in that step, it's more about learning to accept so we can move forward, accept that we can't change the past, we can change our present and build an amazing, beautiful future. You know, your past doesn't define you. It's just part of your story. It's not who you are today. So that then takes us to the last final step, which is connect to your higher self. So underneath all the trauma is your buried light, which is your higher self. But it never left. So that last step is like this kind of little bridge. Like, go in now, explore this side of life. Maybe that's when people go to explore the spiritual side of things and they Start going to the next stage because you can't connect to your higher self when you're buried in trauma. I don't know what that is. It feels so numb and empty. But by step 12, you're ready now to have a spiritual connection, which is beautiful. And that last step is so precious because we go back to who we were. And I believe the inner child is the higher self deep down, the higher self. When you're in joy, when you're in play, when you're in creativity and flow, that's children. So it's like a full circle back to where we started. So, yeah.

And I see a lot of people, they start a spiritual journey, and they haven't done the inner child healing that then the spiritual journey brings it to them because it is. It's. It's hand in hand, you know, like, we can only, like, live our dharmas to the point of liberation that we have within ourselves. We're holding onto these limiting beliefs, these. These shadows, these repressed memories, these traumas, flashbacks. Of course, you're not gonna be, like, courageously going after your dreams, you know, And I just find so much of what's happening in the world right now is hurt. Inner children.

Yes.

And then it breaks my heart because then they are hurting other children right now. And, like, the ripple effects of that. And, you know, in my medicine ceremony that I did, it showed me, like, my little inner girl who just wanted to be understood and never was. Like, my parents just understood me because I was spiritual and creative and different. But then it showed me my dad, and he just wanted to be, like, enough for his parents and gained the approval. And he thought if he was the smartest, the best at sports, the best at everything, then he would. But his parents were not available because they were going through their own feud. And my grandfather had this issue of my grandfather's childhood of, if I'm not working and providing all the time, the people around me will die. So he wasn't there to raise his kids because he was providing because of this belief that they would die, because he saw his parents almost die of an opium overdose. So it was like. And then my grandma was in a forced child marriage. So she had the story of, like, I will never actually be loved. So she couldn't love her child because she was a little girl that was never loved. And it was like, how all like, my dad can't understand me. He didn't get the approval. She didn't get the love he has to provide. They're all, like, connected. You Know, like. Like, so we all actually have the codes for each other if we lean in. But then it also. Then I was like, damn. So why did I choose my dad if it came with all this trauma? And then it showed me how all of our gifts are interconnected and how I came into this lifetime wanting to be a spiritual teacher and share spirituality with the world. And so I grew up with a dad who was angry and. And, you know, so I could learn about empathy. Cause I could see someone that really had a hard time with that. I could learn about energy and how the energy would shift in a room based on what he would say, pairing it with his ambition, how smart and how hardworking he was. I needed both sides of those selves of me to create this podcast and write my books and create my coaching institute and all of the things. And he chose his dad because of the resilience and how hardworking he was. And his mom. Cause she was kind of just like a free spirit at his. And we wouldn't have the gifts without the trauma. And that, to me, was like the cincher of the experience, because it's all perfect at the end of the day, you know? And I think that that's a challenging perspective because it's like, of course there's so much in life that is cruel and unjust and unfair, and I'm not diminishing any of that. And, like, if we choose to see all ends up making sense, you know, like, you wouldn't be here on this podcast sharing this. And, like, the realizations that this person right now who's listening to this, like, you're here with us in spirit even though you're not. And it's like, my hurt inner child needed to be hurt. Karina's needed to be hurt. To help heal your inner. We're all helping each other's inner children right now. Yeah, we're all just like, hey, shout out. You're not alone.

You're not alone, girl. You're not alone completely.

And even our friendship, I believe it's like both of our inner children, you know, because both of us went through really challenging breakups and, like, a lot of just, like, relationship being in relationship. And then our inner children were like, okay, you're gonna watch her YouTube video, and in 10 years, you guys are gonna be besties and take over London and just laugh and have fun and, like, have, like, those experiences you didn't.

Get to have as teenagers completely. And it's so true. And then. And, you know, even coming back to the Connection that we've been able to have. It's like by us doing the inner child work as individuals, we've been able to show up from the get go, from the minute we met, laughing, dancing, playing. Literally, like when kids meet for the first time and there's no ego or like insecurity, like, hi, I want to be your friend. I'll be your friend. And that's it, you know? And we've just had the most blissful time.

I was saying on one of the solo casts how we were at the Notting Hill carnival and any guy that would come up to us would do this weird voice and be like, hi, nice to meet you guys.

You've never seen anything like, Sahara was pretending to be an alien landed on planet Earth that didn't speak English and she was making up this language. Then the guys would be like, bro, why is she speaking?

They were so scared, but turned on.

Exactly.

They wouldn't leave us alone. Even though I talked to my gremlin. And then we would just start running. We would be in it and then we would just like, look at each other and we would sprint and just start running. And then some of them would follow us. Or like, we had this random guy who came up to me and he was just like, put your number in my phone. I'm like, who are you? And then he's like, what's your Instagram? What's your Instagram? He like, somehow found me on Instagram and sent me a DM saying, hey, it's me. We're like, it's. It's me. I don't know you. Like, we just have all these funny experiences and it's like, you know, our inner children get to play. And I think that the healing gets to be fun.

Yes, completely. Oh, so much. And that's even just a motivation for anyone listening. Like, even if you're. You just want to have better friendships in your life and there's no other reason you want to do inner child healing, but just have better friendships and more fun. Make that your goal, because it will give you that. And there's nothing more nourishing than sisterhood. We need it so much, especially in this time. It is so healing and it elevates you so much. You know, since we've met, you've supported me so much in the way that you're best at. I've supported you in the ways that I'm best at. And it's just this incredible synergy and it just keeps growing. So let your inner children out. So you can have fun.

Guys, spice up your life hello to the world Spice up your life Everybody in the world Spice up your life People of the world Spice up your life Ah, slip it to the left if you don't go down Shake it to the right if you don't feel fine Take it to the high we're going, right? I mean, we are in England after all.

This is what Sahara does. She breaks out into musical at least three times a day. And I love her constantly.

Constantly. Yes. That's what we're here for. Well, thank you so much, Karina, for your vulnerability of sharing your story and for creating this method that it's like, wow, people replay this episode 10 times because there's a lot, like, take one of those steps. That's a good month of work right there to really dive in. So this was a jam packed. It's like a masterclass of an episode. So thank you so much for laying it out so clearly that we. It's like taking something that's so vague to many of us of like, you need to heal your inner child. It's like how. It's like, this is the step by step of how you follow these. Your inner child's gonna be spicing up her life. So. And soon you'll be writing your book, which we're so excited about. And I'm just, yeah, so grateful to have you in my life.

Oh, thank you so much, my love. And yeah, it's been amazing to go through it so clearly. And yes. So, guys, guys, stay tuned because these 12 steps will be in a book coming to you soon. So, yeah, remember that one.

Thank you, sir. I love seeing it manifestation into reality. So thank you so much for tuning in. Share this conversation These are the types of conversation the world needs right now because with just the trauma happening in the collective, it's very triggering for all of our inner children. So then our inner children are like, reacting and they're like, you know, just in battles right now, especially on social media. So just like, if one person just embodies this, the ripple effect it has on the people who they interact with, their children, their friends, their family, their partner. And, like, we can create just a more like, vibrant, Lisa Frank colored world. Like, that's what I'm here for. So share this episode and be sure to subscribe to this podcast so you can get notified for future episodes. We have amazing guests and if you loved it, please leave a review for it in the itunes store. And as a free gift, I will send you my womb meditation, which is a meditation to connect, connect to your sacred womb space. So just leave a review and take a screenshot and send it over to me@saharaiamsaharose.com you can find that email in the show notes as well as Karina's website and everything else we mentioned in this episode. Thank you so much for tuning in, for healing your inner child on behalf of humanity, and I'll see you in the next one. Trust your intuition, Trust your inner wisdom Trust your inner guidance Close your eyes and listen Let go so trust your intuition, Trust your inner wisdom Trust you in the guidance.