529: How To Awaken Your Yoni Pleasure with Tantra with Henika Patel

Because of the way that we experience sexuality as this very quick, like, 10 minute clip, for example, through porn, or through the way that somebody with a penis experienced pleasure, which is this outburst, we also apply that then to ourselves, and we apply this kind of sneeze in the pelvis, which is a way that most of us, and myself included, I thought that's how orgasms happen. And there's actually another way. Like, it can be a wave. It can be something that peaks and comes down and peaks and comes down and peaks and comes down. And the thing is, the beautiful thing with a body, with a yoni, is that it's not one time, it's not one sneeze in the pelvis. We have infinite amounts of orgasmic potential and energy available to us. So don't stop at number one.

I'm the one I've been waiting for. And before we get into this conversation, I would love if you would hit subscribe on this podcast. This is the best way for you to stay tuned on future episodes, and it helps raise the vibration of the planet. So wherever you're listening to this podcast, hit subscribe and we'll keep the good juju flowing. Welcome back to the Highest Self podcast. My name is Sahara Rose, and I started this podcast over seven years ago because I wanted a place to have the conversations I have with my friends in real life. And some of these conversations have gotten real spicy, y'.

All.

You're about to see, because I. I really believe the spiritual journey is the embodiment journey and that we can't separate sensuality and sexuality with spirituality. So especially this past year, after my divorce, I have gotten so deep into my own relationship with my body and my pleasure in all of the ancestral programming that many generations in my Iranian heritage has had. Forced child marriage, a lot of abuse and abandonment, and just pain and shame of the patriarchy and the conditioning that I was brought into of being the perfect trophy daughter and then being the perfect trophy wife. Until one day I realized what a lie that was. And essentially, God said, you. You want to live a life of liberation? Well, this is what it looks like. It looks like going into the unknown and going into all of your deepest fears because within them lies your greatest gifts. And a huge part of that has been reclaiming my relationship with my yoni. So you're gonna hear us use this word, yoni. Essentially, your yoni is your sacred portal. And, you know, we kind of minimize it with this word in the United States, vagina. When vagina is actually even just the inside of it. It's not even like the vulva. So when you hear us say yoni, we're really referring to the sacredness of the pussy. The. The beautiful portal that we have to bridge worlds. And when terminology and we go back to the ancient tantric ways of being, we realize that our sexuality is sacred and that our. I always say you are an orgasm in human form. Like, you are an orgasm that like, grew legs and arms and like, has ideas and listens to this podcast. Like, that's who you are. And for me, when I am in my self pleasure and orgasmic states, which has become my greatest form of healing and alchemizing the pain and the trauma in my life, in my ancestor, ancestral lineage, and I have these moments of or orgasmic oneness, I realized that is who I am. Like, this is actually what my state is. And I remember the first time I ever sat with psilocybin when I was 23 years old. So it was almost 10 years ago now. I felt these, like, rolling, like, orgasms come through me. And I was so. Because it's like I had this awareness that I was in this space, but I was also like, in this orgasmic realm. And I was like, embarrassed of like, oh my God, what if people, like, hear me or see me? Like, the orgasm is the most shameful thing. Like, no one can ever see you or know that you have any form of pleasure in your body, you know, and it's that fear of, like, what. What will happen to me also if people see me like that I could become a target. There's a lot there. But I realized, like, there's just a veil between me and this physical reality. And if I were just to remove the veil and like actually feel my full soul self, it is a constant orgasm, you know, an orgasm of creativity, of expression, of channeling, of connection. That's why when I'm on this podcast, I'm having these conversations or if I'm writing one of my books or I'm doing anything in my creativity of set us with the energy, I'm in my orgasmic bliss nature. So my studies of spirituality, rather than going up and up and up ascension, go back to your alien pleiadian starship family. Get out of here. It's like deep. Like, how deep can I go? Into the soil, into the root, into the womb, into the yoni, into the abyss, into the unknown. And the deeper I go, the more wisdom that I find. So I love bringing different teachers who really embody this message in their own ways. And a Science and a spiritual study that I have been studying now for over 10 years and continue to is tantra, to weave. So this queen that you're going to experience today is also a teacher of sacred sensuality, of tantra, of connecting with the Yonis Shakti energy, all the things we love to talk about here on the podcast. So without further ado, let's welcome Henika to the podcast.

Thank you. Thank you so much. And, yeah, it's just so beautiful to see you embodying that knowledge. Like, I can feel that from you when you speak. So I'm really excited to be.

Oh, girl. Been a journey.

Let me say, before we get into.

It, what makes you your highest self?

Amazing. So I think for me, my highest self comes from my ancestral lineage, which teaches me that at my very core, at my very essence, I am bliss. That is Ananda. And that there are all of these portals around that. There are all of these gaushas, these layers that form around that central part of my body that is bliss. There is the physical realm, that is the anamaya, like our senses, our sensate touch, the way we sensually ornate ourselves. But sensuality is also like this pranamaya experience is this experience of the energetic body. It's also this experience of wisdom. It's also this experience of the mind as well. And so at the very core, that is bliss. And I think what connects me to my higher self is that unraveling, that constant coming back to that center, that is Ananda.

So beautifully said. So I'm curious for you, coming from Indian heritage, where, you know, in ancient India, sex was sacred, but in modern India, it's not. And then, you know, I was telling you, I lived in Delhi for two years, which has the highest amount of rape per capita. And often women are super shamed for being sexual and they're told you'll never be married. And same thing in Persian culture if you dress like this, if you act like, if you talk about this. I mean, my mom has panic attacks.

Every day because of this podcast.

So I'm curious, what was that journey about? Like, being able to own your expression?

Yeah, absolutely. It's really, really sad what's happened, I think, to a land that once really revered sexuality and that not only revered, it made it an art form. You know, all these beautiful sacred texts that we have that really teach us how to harness sexuality as this energy that doesn't only need to be performed, but which can inform us, right? That can go inwards, that can heal us. And to you know, connect to our shakti, to connect to our sensuality, to connect to our creativity. And you know, as many, many countries have been through, colonization has meant that that has had to go underground. And sexuality is this process that was, was really quite open in ancient India also had to go underground. And with that came shame because you know, for indigenous populations, if you connected to that were once sacred, that were once practiced, that were once your family's very DNA, then that was a threat, that was a threat to your survival. And so I think that's where sexuality also now comes with this threat. Like even speaking about it, like you said the word vagina, the word sex, even reading that word used to give me this charge and I was like, oh my God, can I even say that word? And yeah, we've got a lot of unraveling to do from that to get back to that space and to bring it forward with us into this modern world. I think as well, I wanna lick.

You from behind your toes and I wanna move from the bed down to down to the float and I wanna you make it so good I don't wanna breathe. But I gotta know what's your fanta to see. So whatever your fantasy is Dipsy, which is this really sexy app full of hundreds of short sexy audio stories designed for women by women. They have the scenario, the fantasy for you. So maybe it's with Ludacris or a second chance romance, or maybe you're into the fairies or the vampires or an adventurous vacation fling with a warrior Viking. Whatever tickles your fancy. They have a story for you as well as sleep stories, wellness sessions and Greek gods and I mean everything in between. So whether you're waiting in line at the DMV or you're just really annoyed with your family and need some me time, highly recommend some Dipsy. So for listeners of the show, Dipsy is offering an extended 30 day free trial. When you go to dipsystories.com Sahara that's 30 days of full access for free. When you go to dip s stories.com Sahara you can find that link in the show notes. I absolutely agree with you. I feel like even for people often listening to this podcast, it's like, oh my God, is anyone watching me? You know, it's like even the hearing someone else talk about it is like, am I dirty? Am I shameful? Am I wrong? And this programming is in the Catholic church. It's in, it's in like every major patriarchal structure, you know, because that's the best way to keep women out of power is to disconnect us from our very power source, which is our yoni. So I would love for you to share a little bit more about tantra and your experience. And it's such a wide range word and what this word means to you.

Yeah, absolutely. I love this question because I feel like every single practitioner will have their own variation of it. There are 64 different schools of tantra, so each lineage will have its own variation of it. I used to give very mind based answers to this about when tantra started and why it started. And I've actually decided to move more into the body with that because for me what tantra is is this absolute dissolution from separation of myself with the outside world. So it's the ability to be in this world and of it rather than trying to escape from it. I think in that tantra it means like you said to weave, but it's also any instrument for expansion. So it brings together all of these beautiful practices that are so embodied that really, really bring us back into this source. And it's so, so w. Sexuality is about 1% of the entire field of tantra. Right. So there's this other 99% that I'm really, really passionate about expanding in the western world. And I think it's been cherry picked kind of the same way that yoga used to be just stretching and now there's this awakening that it's deeper than that, there's more than that. Right. And I think it's the same with tantra. I think people come to tantra for better sex and then when they open the door and they, they go to a few classes and they get more embodied, more into it, it's actually opening this entire world of expansion, of liberation. And I have a wonderful teacher that says liberation from what? Because actually it's a reverse process. It's this realization that Ananda is within. So it's actually this unpicking and I love that, I love it as a path of unlearning.

I love that. Liberation from what? And I had this huge realization just yesterday around my throat chakra and there were, you know, some things that I wanted to express that I couldn't with my ex husband. And it was like, it was quite difficult. And then I just expressed it and I'm like, wait, I put this girdle on myself. It's these things of liberation. We think, oh, it's because the other person can't handle it. But it's really us and us and as we shift, we actually change our. The other person From a subconscious level, because everything is our mirror. And I feel like that's really what, for me, the Tantric philosophy is of, like, the whole world is our playground. It's not like I'm going to sit here and meditate and this is my spiritual practice. Then the rest is just. Maya is like the Maya is the practice. Like, it is not even Maya. It's all you.

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. I love this kind of seesaw. Like, is it Maya? Is it the illusionary world or is it Lila? Is it divine play? And I absolutely love that because it's this constant switch of, like. Like, is this happening to me or am I happening to it as well? And kind of seeing that play, being playful, being joyful with it, it doesn't need to be so serious. And I think that's something I really love about the way that you share spirituality, that it doesn't need to be this, like, sit up with a straight spine for seven, eight hours a day. It can be this really rolling, playful, circular, moving experience, which I think is so much more natural to women as well, to be in that space.

Absolutely. Yeah. It's very masculine pathway, the very Shiva consciousness, to be like, sit, discipline, regimen. And, you know, back in the day, I feel we needed that because we were, you know, in the wilderness and, you know, there. There was, like, a lot of chaos. Whereas today we're so regimented in everything we do. We are living in this like. Like toxic, not even true Shiva consciousness, toxic masculine consciousness, where we're at our desk, in these boxes, on our computers, that what we need is more wild, free, expressed, playful, shakti energy. And in the topic of tantra and sexuality, I'm sure you've noticed this too. I noticed, like, when you go, if you got on eventbrite, you looked up tantra. It's, you know, a lot of Neo tantra, which is very. It's like sex parties. And, you know, and I think that these things are really important. So, you know, I was always. I always knew because I studied Osho. I was an osho ashram, like, 10 years ago. And, you know, I love Osho's work. And I've watched the docu series as well. So, guys, don't. Don't stone me. I just like his work. But. But. So then I was like, I'm gonna learn, like, the real original tantra and, you know, study with Chandrash and many different teachers. And. But then I noticed there was, like, almost this fear of talking about sexuality, of, like, oh, we're above, like, real tantra. Has no sexuality and then that being looked down upon. So how are you able to like, you know, talk about self, pleasure and yonis and also honor the ancient text and seeing them as connected?

Yeah, absolutely. So I think one way to look at it is that there is no such thing as good or bad in the tantric path. There's no such thing as right or wrong. There just is. So I don't think that either tantra or yoga were meant to stay exactly as they were. They have evolved and they have carried forth with us because they continue to evolve. It's like the common law in England. It continues to evolve. It didn't need this big revolution. And so I used to be a real keyboard warrior. Like as a South Asian practitioner, seeing tantra kind of slung on all sexual workshops as this kind of buzzword. Really, honestly, it really, really used to upset me because I knew from my grandparents from my parents hometown in India that there is so much more than sex. And that was really upsetting. And I think actually stepping back from that keyboard warrior phase of mine, which I think I had to go through, I can actually see now that this is Neo, right? This is the evolution of this path. And I think that the universe brings to the world what needs to heal. So if sexuality is what really needs to heal right now, and tantra is a path for people to even get on it, to even step into it it, and then discover there is more on the other side, then I think so be it. Like if somebody goes to a yoga class because they feel like they need to stretch, but then they realize there's more, then so be it. Just allow people to come to the experience. And I think keeping my gate wide open for all people to experience it is better than kind of gatekeeping it shut and saying it's mine, right? Because I don't think. Yeah, I don't think it was meant to stay in India. I think that's why it's traveled.

Do you hear the song playing in the background? That's my voice. Yes. My new song, Be the Vibe, is now out. This song really shares my story of overcoming my divorce and awakening the goddess in me and remembering who I used to be, letting go of the adversity and tuning into simplicity because this life was meant to be free. Those are some of the lyrics. And you know, for me, my musical journey has been majorly stepping into my voice. Like, growing up, I was always told, oh, you're such a bad singer, don't sing. And I just never felt comfortable in that medium. But I've always been very musical. I was a dancer, I was a pianist, and it just feels so good coming back home into production. I produce all of these songs as well as write, sing, and soon to be rapping in them as well. So you can stream be the vibe. Wherever you listen to music on Spotify, on Apple. This is the perfect song to just like get you in the zone. Whether you're taking your hot girl walk or you're relaxing during the holidays, or you just need a little morning pickme up to get your mind in the right vibe. This song is for you. So you can find the link in the show notes. And I'm so excited to share a piece of my heart with you. That's a really elevated perspective and, and it's hard being South Asian and seeing the way that people are misusing the term and not honoring the ancient practices and, you know, the importance of sitting in reverence with it and also knowing that yes, just like religions change and doctor, everything changes, you know. And I do believe sexuality is the greatest shadow of our time from, you know, all the sexual abuse happening, the sexual trafficking, which is the biggest problem in our world. Like it is biggest collective shadow that almost all of us have some level of trauma around. And I think that that's why tantra is having this renaissance right now. But it's like meeting people. It's almost like plant medicine. It's just meeting people where they're at. Some people come to medicine thinking it's going to be like a fun drug. Medicine's like, no, I am not that. But then you get on your own path of healing and then they become, you know, after they go to the gym, fitness yoga thing, they're like, wow, I feel really amazing doing shavasana. Let me dive deeper into that. And that brings them into, you know, hatha yoga and meditation. And you know, I, I think there's a wisdom to the science that it also knows how to communicate with you.

Yeah, absolutely. Shakti always gives you what you, what you need in that moment. Right. Whether that is one thing I really love is like, even in meditation, if you're somebody that falls asleep a lot, the great thing about tantra is that it says that is what shakti is giving you sleep. Your body needs rest right now. And it's so nice surrendering into that in meditation. Because I used to fight it a lot when I was in that really shiva path. I used to be like, no, I have to keep my spine straight. I need to keep awake. I need to be Conscious. And actually Shakti is just like surrender. Just see what happens. You don't need to watch your breath. You don't need to do anything other than just be here. Be here in that Leela. Be here in that divine play. And for me, that is so relaxing, like, so liberating.

So I want to talk about bringing more Shakti into your yoga and your movement practice. Because I like you, I was a hardcore Ashtanga yogi. So three hours Mysore practice every single day. Raw vegan, living in India, like, super disciplined. Reading my Bhagavad Gita in my free time, like, super in it. And I didn't get my period for two years and, you know, was completely out of touch with my feminine. And it wasn't until for me, belly dancing and I was like, wow, this just feels so amazing in my hips. And you know, and now I'm seeing people are bringing more circular under undulation, wave like movements to their yoga and movement practice. So what has that journey been like for you and what does your practice look like today?

Yeah, absolutely. So I also started off like this. Like my, you know, there's one reason why the mats are rectangles, but our bodies, like the female body is not a rectangle. It's got shapes, it's got curves, it's got these beautiful, yeah, just beautiful circular movements that are available to it. And so Surya Namaskar, for example, is like moving from the front to the back of the mat. Chandra Namaskar is moving from the side to the side. So Shakti is side to side. It's up and down.

And for people who don't know, Surya is sun and Chandra is moon.

Yeah, exactly, exactly. So Shakti is really this essence of the night. And I think my practice, I saw it coming like growing up in my home. And to me when I was growing up, it was like the Bhagavad Gita. So it was the path of devotion. And when I experienced a lot of grief in my teenage years and I didn't process that grief, and then in my 20s, I realized there was this deep blockage in me, like four griefs that I had not processed. And so that's when my path led me back into yoga and then into tantra as this way to really heal what was in my mind and what was in my body. And I think I tried that really moving back and forth and it just wasn't. There was still something that was like leading me deeper. And yeah, I think that circularness, like that movement, that shaking of the Hips is really how we evoke Shakti. And you know, in my childhood, we would go to this festival called Navratri. And this means like the nine nights of the divine feminine, right? And that is dance. That is a dancing meditation. Garba is the dance that it's called. Garba means womb. And it's done in this beautiful circle. And that circle represents the womb at the center. There used to be. It used to be like a little lamp, a garb deep, but now it's these beautiful Durgals as these beautiful goddesses. And if you look at a Garbhau who have to go because it's coming up next month, then you will see that people are pounding the floor with their feet, so they are evoking Shakti in their pelvis. And when people come together to do this, like in a massive hall where there are thousands of people, it charges your entire body with Shakti. And Shakti is not only the divine Femin, and it's your power, it's your strength. It is the manifest world itself. So, yeah, it's really nice to have now linked what I used to see in my childhood with the study that I've now further done to see, like, okay, this is there all along, you know.

So what does your personal movement practice look like today?

Yeah, so for me, I call it Shakti Flow. So it's a lot more about emotional empowered choice when I move. So whether one day that might look like shaking my entire body because I feel like there's something that's stuck and I need to release it, whether that is like rolling my spine, whether that is squeezing and releasing my yoni to get more energy. Right. To bring that energy inwards and up. So I think that there's a lot of freedom in my practice now. And sometimes it's on a mat and sometimes it's not. Sometimes it's just in my bedroom, just kind of moving around and seeing what is. Is intuitively there. And I think that intuitive practice, like giving your body what it needs rather than what you're being told for it to do, is a really, really nice way to. Yeah, to be. To honor it.

Because you're listening to this podcast, I'm going to make a quick assumption about you. Your friends come to you for advice whenever you're at a party, someone corners you, you at the side of the snack table and starts telling you all of their childhood traumas. And you actually love diving deep into spiritual topics. And you have a really good way of communicating with people. So the best way to Actually create a career. Doing this is through coaching. But I know a lot of people, they're like, I don't even know where to start. I don't even know what type of coach I would be. So I've created a quick easy quiz to discover your unique coaching style. So there are three categories. The intuitive, transformational or empathy empathetic coach. So the intuitive one really works with your intuition. You're able to receive downloads. You just have insights about people. The transformational one has more of that fire energy. You love to keep it real and help people go through the deepest phoenix rising from the ashes moments in their lives. And the empathetic coach really loves to listen hold space. They're very grounded, nurturing. So if you're curious which shape you are, you can try my free quilt quiz@quiz.highest self institute.com Again that's quiz highselfinstitute.com which is my school that certifies spiritual life coaches and you can find that link in the show notes. I'm super excited to see what type of coach you are because I'm a hire you one day. So trust your intuition, trust your inner wisdom, trust you in the guidance. I find when you start allowing your body to move in this dynamic and non linear way, the spirals, the circles, the undulations, it's almost like you don't want to stop because your body's like finally you've given me some permission to move the way like if you look at like the DNA, the double helix, it's always spiraling. Everything in nature is spiraling. Our, our spines, they want to spiral, they want to undulate. And you often see now there's these energy practitioners that they move energy in the spine and it's like that Kundalini Shakti moving through and my times sitting with medicine, it's just started coming through me and it's like that's that real Shakti energy coming alive. But we have trained ourselves. Sit at the desk, wear the tight pants, wear the blazer, like be small, you know. And even right now as you've been talking, I've just been like rolling my hips the whole time. And even the condition came in me of like, oh my God, people are gonna watch this video and they're like, why is she moving? Because people look down, well you must have adhd. Why are you moving all the time? And it's like that's what the feminine is. She is movement.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. And I think with Shakti as well, like if we connect to I do tantric body work, so that's about kind of releasing shakti energy from the pelvis and allowing it to move, like, those waves through the spine. And one of the most beautiful things that I see in my clients is that the shakti will find where there are blocks. So that wave, that charge that starts to move through the body, there'll be indications in the body, for example, a little, like, nudge, or there'll be a little just movement that tells me. Me to go intuitively to that area. And once you move intuitively to that area and you release what's there, you don't need to know what it is you see. So much. So much can come from that. And it's not even always bliss. It's not even always joy. Sometimes for us to move through what's there, we need to cry, we need to scream, we need to laugh. We need to do all of these things that our body hasn't been allowed to do from our childhood, like sit there, be quiet, that kind of thing, and just allow that space for us to expand and release it. And then underneath that, there is ananda. And so it's really beautiful.

Just.

Yeah. This intuitive guiding of shakti to where we need to go in the body.

This has been my greatest practice for healing after my divorce. And at first it felt like the grief, the rage, the disgust, it's never ending, you know, And I feel like that's why so many of us, we don't even try to go there. Like, so many people tell me, they're like, like, if I started really crying, I would never stop. And it's like, let yourself. It will stop, you know, but it's like, you gotta clear the pond of, you know, all of the muck that you've been holding onto. And, you know, I see in the collective we talk a lot about the feminine rage, but I do feel the feminine disgust is a really big one as well. And. Yeah, and feminine shame.

Yeah, absolutely. And I think one of the things I really love about the tantric goddesses is that they actually invite us to look at the disgusting things. Like, they allow us to actually look at them and weave them into ourselves. So if for us, that is our yoni, then it actually invites us to go straight there and look at it and to actually be with that disgust. Because the more that we are with it, the more that it actually dissolves, right? The more that we can actually see where is this coming from and allowing ourselves to close the cycle that is happening inside us. Like, if we have Experienced trauma, for example, whether that is heartbreak, whether that is something we've experienced in childhood, there are these cycles that are ongoing inside of us and allowing ourselves to embody that closed process inside of us, whatever that looks like to us, is so important, because otherwise we're gonna keep repeating it, right? We're gonna keep trying to find ways to close that in other people and partners that we attract in jobs that we take in, whatever it is. And I think closing those cycles inside of us is so, so, so important. Important, so important.

So I want to talk about actually working with the yoni to release trauma and also to access more pleasure. And I think for a lot of women, it is that disgust that comes up of, like, disgust of touching yourself, of, like, ugh. Like it's this organ or it's gross or it's this. Or a lot of women just use vibrators. They don't know how to touch themselves. You know, I had this realization a few years ago. I went to a. A workshop, and it was yoni gazing. And we were paired with another woman, and we were to look into her yoni and tell her what we loved about it and her do the same. And I mean, deep, deep tears from so many people who've never been witness. And we all have this realization of, like, we've let men. Like, men know our yonis more than we do. Like, I had never really looked into another woman's yoni in my life, you know, and it was like this realization of, like, wow, how little we actually know about ourselves. So how can we start to deepen our connection with our yoni?

Yeah, absolutely. I think one of the most powerful ways to do that is to reframe the language that we have around it. Firstly. So, you know, I always say, if you need to. If you want to call someone from across the room, what do you do? You call their name. And the thing is that we don't know the different names for the different parts of our yoni. For example, we only know the word vagina, which is, like you said, the part that either exists, exerts something or somebody out or is for the purpose of letting someone in. It's the part that is used for others and actually renaming, re. Owning, reclaiming the parts of the yoni that are for our pleasure.

Even the word vagina means sheath.

Yeah, exactly.

It's like a thing to cover a sword. It's like, so that's what we're limited to. We just cover you.

Exactly. So if that word is full of shame, then look at the other words that are available. Like, one of the practices that we do in one of my workshops is call out all the different names for the words that our yoni has been called over our lifetimes. And I mean, 99.999% of the time, they are offenses, right? They are horrible, horrible words that we do not have a good association with. So I think the first step is that reframing of language. Language is so powerful. Powerful. And once we start to call our yoni, you could call it whatever you want. For me, it's yoni, because that means something that is sacred, that is something that is divine. And it also encompasses not just the vagina, it encompasses the vulva, it encompasses the womb space. So it encompasses this entire portal that is not only about what comes in and out, but that is just divinely there for us to access. So I think language. Language is. Yeah, one of the first ways. And then, of course, learning the anatomy, learning, you know, that's the sciencey stuff almost. That's learning the names for the different areas. And one of the. I think one of the most beautiful things I want to share here is that we don't only have the clitoris. We have these other incredible tools that, you know, we can use for our pleasure. So, for example, in Taoism, which is further east, very similar sister path of tantra that uses sexual energy as this practice of self cultivation, there's this idea of the three gates. So the first gate, you can say, is the clitoris. And the clitoris is not only what you see on the outside, but these beautiful bulbs, right, that come behind. And the same way that the penis gets erect, so does the clitoris, actually. And from behind, these bulbs engorge. And I think one of the things that. That we don't take our time on is that this process needs to happen before penetration. So the average time for those bulbs to actually fully swell and close the urethra to stop us getting infections is 45 minutes. And that doesn't mean, like, going straight there. It means, like, really sensuously going across the whole body, like, preparing the whole body to relax. And then there's the second gate, and that's this G spot that is. You know, people are saying, is it even there? Right. Because we've never experienced it. And it's only like 2-3 cm inside the vagina upper wall. If you place your tongue to the roof of your mouth, kind of feels like that. And it's not even a spot. It's a tube, Right? So this is Another beautiful area that can cultivate shakti for us to draw inwards and up. It's not just for others to find, it's for ourselves. And then we have the third gate, which is the cervix and the cerv again, this big mystery spot. Like we have so much trauma around the cervix because it's often just used for smears. There's forceps that go up there. Often we're not ready for that. And of course it connects through the vagus nerve to the heart. So it holds a lot of trauma in that area. And that's one of the deepest places that we can hold trauma. I have a teacher that says that the waters that can be released from the yoni is. It's called yoni crying. And it's every person with a yoni's birthright to cry from their yoni, to release this really deep rooted whatever we're holding in our yonis. From the second gate, that's like something with pressure. That's like water splurting out from the third gate, that's literally like a river. You don't even realize that it's happening. And so much is released from this. And eight ancient, ancient practices would, you know, they'd call this amrita. They would call this, this nectar that gives you life and vitality. People used to drink it. It's sweet, it's beautiful. And there's so much shame. Have I wet myself? Oh my gosh, what is this? And so, yeah, just coming back to this, I feel like I've done a little sexuality lecture there. But coming back to this knowledge actually that it's not something to be shame influence all of our birthrights.

It's so true. You know, the cervix has been such a powerful healing portal in my life and cultivating my own relationship with her because my most powerful spiritual downloads ever have been through the cervix. And she has shown me so many things and codes like ancient lives in Egypt and me being a witch and like, you know, like just all. And also just this practice of yoni mapping has also released so much just like this haggard woman in me that just, you know, we all have this like, archetype of the woman who's like, alone and will never be met by the masculine and is hurt and angry and like really like releasing and bringing orgasmic energy to all of these sides of ourselves. And yeah, with the cervix, so many of us, our only experience are these, you know, going to the gynecologist which is so violating. The way that they do this is just like, first of all, they make you wait forever and then they're like, okay, this is going to be cool. And then they give you unnecessary. You know, these leap treatments that they're doing are literally tearing apart a piece of your cervix. And, you know, there's a lot of debate around whether they are doing this too soon on people and the trauma that that's creating. And I've just really been diving into the cervix as a pathway of healing and I feel like it's the next front because it's also the seat of our nervous system. It's like the first part when we are like little embryos that's being created. And so we're talking a lot about nervous system regulation, but we still are working with the outside of our bodies. But if you want to go straight to your nervous system, it is your cervix.

Yeah, absolutely. And I think one of the things, you know, if we have our. If we have a headache, we instantly like, would massage our head or seek to move it or do something that involves touch usually, or if we have any ache in any other part of the body, we touch it. Right? But we don't do that with our yonis, right? So many people have pain in their yonis, whether that's through menstruation or through backache or through whatever it is, but we don't touch it. And there are so many incredible practitioners who will help you through that process to release, to release the knots and the tangles, the granthis. Right? Because wherever there is trauma or blocks, there are these knots and tangles which appear in either the physical body or the energetic body or even deeper. Right? And those stop us from accessing that ananda. So we can go there through ourselves, through our own hands, through toys, but we can also go there through the loving guidance of teachers and I wish friends too. I wish, like you said with that workshop that you went to, we can really help each other. And one of the beautiful things, I think if this feels like, whoa, this is way too far. One of the things that you can do is the yoni. The yoni is also an externalized object in ancient India. So it's also a yantra. It's like a sacred geometrical pattern. It's like a downwards facing triangle. So you can also keep one in your home to have the energy of the yoni there, to have your own practice with it. You can also have a sculpture of it as well. So if it feels like going inwards right now is too much and actually falling, forming that externalized process, that externalized devotion. It's called the puja. Right. This beautiful. Giving the elements back to the yoni, back to creation, back to the manifest world. That's a really, really beautiful way to develop the relationship with a portal of creation. And in ancient practices, this was done for manifestation as well, right? Yeah. So giving energy back to the yoni, giving reverence to the yoni. It's so, so beautiful. Beautiful.

And I feel a lot of people, they'll buy a cervix, a yoni wand, you know, and then they'll just go right in. And it's so, like, forceful and mechanical, and your yoni was not ready for it. So then, of course, it's going to be tight and it's going to hurt, and it's not going to be a positive experience. I remember my first time years ago, I bought some, like, special cervix one, and I, like, almost, like, was like, trying to do it, like a myofascial release, like, in this, like, very masculine way. And I'm, of course, did not work on me, and I never did it again. And it wasn't until I actually started studying first pelvic floor, like, healing, and then sat with a friend of mine who's been on this podcast, Alexandria, who does, like, womb healing. And she really taught me about the importance of engorgement and getting your yoni to a place that it is ripe and it is ready for penetration, like you said. And it does take, like, 40 minutes of just, like, external, like, touching your skin, touching your arms, touching your breasts, like touching your inner thighs, touching your outer labia, like, getting your body to a place that your yoni is, like, dripping and asking for penetration. And, you know, so few of us have ever gotten ourselves there because of the way that our capitalistic society is like, go, go, go. Next, next, Next. That, like, 40 minutes. Most people even have sex. I think the average amount of, like, actual active sex in the United States is like two and a half minutes, which is crazy.

Yeah.

But it's like, so of course they're not gonna. Most people are not, let alone. But then it's like, how many shows do you watch? How much time do you spend on Instagram? Like, if you actually calculate right? And it's like, but we spend all this time watching Netflix, scrolling on Instagram, doing these things. And then we say we don't have time to warm up our bodies for 45 minutes. Like, we're so obsessed with sex, but we're done. We're not actually taking the time that it takes to open up our bodies and our hearts to have the kind of sex and self pleasure that we want.

Yeah, absolutely. And I think when it comes to self pleasure, that becomes very, very quick. Like this goal orientated must reach to release stress. It's because that's all we've ever known. And we live in this world that really rewards goals. It really rewards like getting somewhere. And actually this is like a reverse process again. It's about removing the goal and finding that time to be with ourselves. And you know where the world has evolved, where you can literally get anything at a click of a button. I think that our bodies have not evolved that way. Our bodies are actually much older than the last 200 years of technology. They have their own technology. And seeing as it's a new moon today, actually there's this really, really beautiful ancient sacred text called the Chandrakalas. And it's a sensual text. It actually states that on the new moon for 15 days to go up one side of the body centrally to visit all the different erogenous zones. At the full moon, you reach your head and then you go down and you focus on the other side for another 15 days. I love that. Right? So immediately imagine just spending one full day just on your feet, one full day just on your ankles, one full day just on your thighs, one full day just on your breasts. To actually have an entire month of pleasure that is cyclical, that is with the moon is amazing. That is ancient wisdom. And it's like, ah, let's get back there.

I love that of like letting the entire month be your foreplay. And there's always more to go because once you get to your foot again, it starts once more. And you know, even when you were talking about like Amrita, our culture's obsessed with squirting. Did I make her squirt? And it's this thing that a man achieves and gets her to do as if we're freaking an arcade.

Press the button.

Yeah, I want the water. It's like, do you realize the way to get us to squirt is by being emotionally available, right? Like by having, showing up, being dependable, you know, like that's what you want to make a squirt. Like open your heart. Like be in your masculine, be empathetic. Like that's actually how you get a woman to water.

Yeah, exactly, exactly. And it's like this beautiful garden, right? If we start to open those waters These beautiful flowers, like these beautiful flowers in our relationships can start to grow where it's actually based on trust. And, you know, sometimes orgasms, they can make you cry, right? Sometimes they can really bring up these things with you. And sometimes. Sometimes, I mean, I personally have felt shut down because I've been like, I can't cry. They'll think something's wrong. And actually that is again, just shakti bringing us these waves of things we need to release. So to really see, I think our sexual energy is this pathway for inner healing. Right. Rather than performing for someone else, like to bring it inwards. I think that is one of my biggest missions because I think sensuality is very easy when it's pretty underwear that we wear for someone else. And it is that, and that is beautiful. But it's so much more. It's so, so much more. And we've been really denied that, I think.

So I'm curious what your take is on this, because this is a very debated topic. And it's this topic of can all women have orgasms from vaginal penetration? And you know, some say yes, it's possible. It's just a matter of. Of opening your yoni up and the de armoring and the releasing of the numbness and the tension. And that allows your yoni to become this orgasmic place. And some say no, for some women it's not. And to try to get there is making you more in your head. So to just accept kind of that some woman can't. I am of the belief that every woman can, just because it's been my experience, especially through doing a lot of this yoni and de armoring work, that it's made like. It's not even that I go for my juice part. It's like every part. Part of my yoni has the ability to become orgasmic, but it took first going through the muck. So I'm curious if you believe that is possible or it's just people are wired differently.

Yeah. Well, there's this study where I think it's done on a group of people who are disabled and they lose awareness and contact with their limbs. And actually there's neural pathways that can be built to different areas of the body which can give you the same amount of orgasmic bliss. Right. So our bodies are beyond, beyond wise. Rewiring is possible. So for you feel like, no, never going there, can't go there, can't happen. Just know that there's so much potential elsewhere in your body if you do want to go there and you do want to see what's there? Numbness, of course, is the first thing that we can come into. We don't feel anything. Underneath numbness is often pain. And going through that muck, going through the shit. Underneath pain is sensation. We start to feel, feel like, okay, something is moving, not sure what this is. Underneath sensation can be pleasure. So there's these. We have to be really patient and really give ourselves the time that we were never given. And I think one of the most powerful conversations we can have with ourselves, even in self pleasure is would I like to be entered right now to ask yourself that question? To feel empowered to say actually penetration is not, not in my truth right now, I don't want to do that. And to offer yourself no. With that power. Because then we can give that power in other parts of our lives. We can give it in work, we can give it in sexual relationships. I think that what happens in the bedroom really is this template for what happens in other parts of our lives. Right. So offering ourselves the consent that we were never given, the time that we were never given, all of the things that we have been denied about our yonis giving that to ourselves first.

Absolutely. And I feel like what you said that a lot of people use orgasms as a form of stress relief of like, I'm feeling stressed, let me, you know, grab my vibrator and have a quick orgasm. And that's the thing. And it's like instead, what do you really want in that moment? Yeah, like what are you feeling? Are you feeling loneliness? Are you feeling sadness? Are you feeling anxiety? And just to sit with that and maybe actually what you just need is a stroke on the arm or a breast massage, like to just go straight into penetration is really extreme for, for your body and, and something that I would never recommend to just like go into. And again, it's like this masculine consciousness that like, you know, for a man, yeah, he can get hard and go straight into penetration because he doesn't need to open up like an organ, you know, so. And we're expecting our bodies to be the same. And I, and I feel that's why a lot of women don't have orgasms from penetration because they weren't turned on. The yoni was not ready to be penetrated. So of course she's not going to orgasm because it's like forcing her to do something that she was not ready for.

Yeah. Because of the way that we experience sexuality as this very quick like 10 minute clip, for example, through porn or through the way that somebody with a Penis experience pleasure, which is this outburst. We also apply that then to ourselves. And we apply this kind of sneeze in the pelvis, which is a way that most of us and myself included, I thought that's how orgasms happen. And there's actually another way. Like it can be a wave, it can be something that peaks and comes down and peaks and comes down and peaks and comes down. And the thing is, the beautiful thing with a body, with a yoni, is that it's not one time, it's not one sneeze in the pelvis. We have infinite amounts of orgasmic potential and energy available to us. So don't stop at all. Number one. Thank you.

Oh my gosh. So this, I'm so passionate about this because for some reason, again, I think our society, we like, we love to like clinicalize and label things of like, are you multi orgasmic or not? As if it's like, do you have brown eyes or green eyes? Everyone, I believe, is multi orgasmic. Everyone has the potential to. And everyone has. You can actually have an orgasm from someone touching the inside of your elbow. Like you can have an energy orgasm from no one touching you and you just receive, receiving God's sexual energy. You don't even need a partner. You know, I really believe again, we are these orgasms. And what I find in converse, I've always been multi orgasmic. Like I think just like, just always knew that. But then I would have conversations with friends and they would talk about how like after they had their first clitoral orgasm, it's this like repelling energy of like, don't touch me anymore, I'm done. And that's that like masculine consciousness again of just like hit it and quit it, like orgasm release and you're finished. Whereas to me that's just getting the party started. And that's like your body is just starting to warm up and it's starting to be in the energy of pleasure. And that's what opens up the G spot to have more pleasure and the cervix to have more pleasure. And your body opens up and your cervix lowers and it becomes more accessible. And you know, to me it's so sad that I would say the majority of people on earth have limited themselves just to that first, you know, for women, just clitoral orgasm, even for men, just like a quick ejaculation, you know, men can recycle their energy and be multi orgasmic as well. So do you have any tips for women that maybe after a clitoral Orgasm, they. They kind of just want to stop. And how can they open themselves up to continue?

Yeah, absolutely. So I want to say that I was one of those friends that you have that didn't believe that there was anything left, like any other potential. And I've also come to this path because I was so numb in that area. That was my first indication that something was just not right because I was in a relationship and I couldn't feel anything anymore. So if there's anyone out there that's thinking, I'm numb, I can only orgasm once. I can't orgasm at all. I've been there. I really, really get it. And I think one of the things that we can do is just start to give ourselves the space. So, for example, one technique is edging. Edging means that if 0 is non arousal and 10 is orgasm, bring yourself to a 7, but don't let yourself get to 10. Pause, rest, take a little moment, Observe the shakti. Observe the sensations. If you want to transmute it, if you want to bring it somewhere else in your body that needs love and attention, do that, go somewhere else, Touch your boobs, touch your hair, whatever you want to do, but then go back and then build it back up. And then that's how we actually start to experience this fluctuation and these waves rather than these expansion explosions. So, yeah, just know that there's more.

So a question that I have for you that I know a lot of people feel is, let's say you're at a seven and then you go away to another part of your body. You kind of lose it. And then it's like, I was about to have an orgasm, now it's gone. So I feel like for a lot of women, they feel like I need to get over the top because it was so hard for me to even, like, get here, that if I let go of this, well, I'm for sure not even gonna have an orgasm.

So.

So what tips do you have that it's not like zero to a hundred as much, but we can be more in this, in between?

Yeah, absolutely. I think that's the conversation about it being a goal. So releasing that there needs to be a goal and actually enjoying that there is a journey that you can go on that peaks and troughs and peaks and troughs and, you know, I love dancing to drum and bass music because there are these peaks and troughs. There's peaks and troughs. And it reminds me of an orgasm. It reminds me that, you know, there can be this. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. Like, I'm an old school raver. I love that stuff. And that's, you know, you can experience your pleasure that way. You can experience like the build. Like the way that drum and bass builds is freaking phenomenal. And I think we want that drop. We want like, we want the trap. Yeah, yeah.

Drop, drop, drop, drop.

And it's like, have you ever been to like a gig where you're just dropping all the time? A lot of headbanging and. Yeah, I think, yeah, exactly. Like, giving ourselves that build is beautiful.

I believe because we're so lacking in pleasure, that if you tell someone this, and I've been in these states in myself too, of like, can I just have the orgasm? Like, can I just have it? Like, I stopped eating my cake. Like, can I just have the orgasm, please? You know, and it's like sometimes it's just like, just have the orgasm, like, let yourself have it. But then I also remind myself of, well, if I want to have greater orgasmic potential, it's not having the candy right now, but it's like building my capacity to hold and to hold. And you know, I notice in myself and for a lot of women, we hold our breath.

Yeah.

You know, we hold our breath because it gives us that like peak that then we can like tip over and you have that orgasmic release. But to really practice softening your shoulders, breathing and exhaling, which, yeah, you might not feel as much orgasmic charge in that moment, but you're allowing those waves to build.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. And I think something that I talk about in my book that's coming out is this sensual cycle that we will have. So through the month, our cervix moves up and down, for example, we have different things happening around us in the month and to actually, you know, there's this menstruation tracking that's available. But I think something that's really powerful to do is also notice how our sensuality changes through the month. So if our cervix, for example, if we're menstruating, it might be a little bit lower because it's releasing. If we're in ovulation, it might be a little bit higher. So if it's really low and you're going for pound, pound, pound, pound, pound,. That might not be. Be as sensual for you, that might not be as enjoyable for you. But if, you know, like, hey, I'm actually moving towards ovulation and there's a little bit more space in my yoni for that, then great. And it comes with that Awareness of, okay, well, what's actually happening in my pelvis through the month. What's happening in my body, in my heart, in my mind. And. Yeah, that's sensual mapping. That's sensual tracking.

You know, the intelligence of the way that it rises and falls and even, like, creates space. It creates space for the lingam to come in. And even, like, for a few hours later, I believe it actually holds onto the shape of the lingam, which is very like. And it's like. It's like they took a little screenshot of it. I'll remember you. Yeah, but the intelligence of that. But, like, yeah, we, you know, because of porn, it's like, oh, like go straight into doggy style. And like, for a lot of women, that's hitting their cervix in a really intense and painful way, which is actually creating.

Yeah. And the cervix can curl as well. Like in yoni massage, a lot of cervixes are curled and they can straighten back out. There's nothing wrong with it. But if a cervix is traumatized, it will, you know, like something really sweet. It will just turn its shoulder away from you or a little cervix. Yeah, it's sweet. And, yeah, it's just giving ourselves that, like, that love and that space, that it's safe now. You're safe now. I'm going to look after you, you.

Know, and even noticing the difference between the left and the right side has been really fascinating for me. Like, you know, the right side being your more masculine, your left side being you're more feminine. And which side is there more spaciousness, like suppleness, juiciness. And which side is there more contraction, maybe rigidity, maybe like, less of the sensation. And, like, what is your relationship like with your feminine? Whether it's your mother wound or you being in the receiver or your masculine, whether it's, you know, being in. For example, for mine, my most of my tension was on my left, and I would consider myself to be, you know, feminine. My issues aren't with women, but it was my having a hard time to trust and let go. So that's why my. My left side was a little clenched up, whereas my masculine was like, oh, I can get shit done. Like, I know how to do that. And that's why it was, like, really easy. But then I would spend extra time really, like, kneading and opening and softening the left. And then my greatest orgasmic potential came from that. So it's like where there are the deeper wounds actually. Comes the greatest light.

Yeah, absolutely. And I think, I love what you've just said and I think every time we go into the yoni, it doesn't only need to be for pleasure, it can be for healing too. So like you said, that needing that, being with that, breathing with that seeing is really, really powerful practice to have. And I think there's so much about mindful. There's this thing about filling our minds with things, being aware with our minds. And I think one message that I really want to drive home is that like sensation is the new meditation. I think sensation, being with sensation, rather than reading it with our minds, being with it, I think that's a really powerful, powerful way to know ourselves and to come back to that. Ananda.

So beautifully said. So where can listeners connect with you further? Follow you on Instagram and then soon be able to order your book in a few months.

Yeah, amazing. So you can find me at the school of so sensualarts.co.uk and subscribe to my newsletter. My book Sensual is going to be out in May 2024 so you can get pre released there. And yeah, at the School of Sensual Arts we have a tantra yoga community. So we practice in Sangha with people around the world a few times a week. We have Shakti circles, we have sensual education series and we look at cultural appreciation of yoga as well. So there's a lot of beautiful things that you can explore. And I love myth busting and taboo breaking on my Instagram. That's Henneker X. So you can find me there.

Thank you so much for being here. I loved your wisdom. I reshared your fingering a grapefruit video. Oh yeah, very juicy. Just like this episode. So thank you so much for being here and thank you all for tuning in. Please share this episode with your friends. It's a really great way to get the conversation going. Like we deserve to be able to openly talk about these things and not feel that shame. So share it with your friends and share it on your Instagram. This is also the right way to find the community that you you want to be a part of. If you're like I want to have friends that can this open of a conversation, share it. That's how you are able to connect with that kind of tribe. And if you love this episode, please leave a review for it in the itunes store and I will send you my free womb meditation, which is a meditation you can do to connect to your sacred womb space and receive her answers because they're already within you. So just leave a review on the itunes store, take a screenshot and email it over to me at saharaiam saharrose. Com. You can find that email and all of the links mentioned in the show. Notes thank you so much for tuning in and I'll see you in the next one. Trust your intuition, Trust your inner wisdom Trust your inner guidance Close your eyes and listen so trust your intuition Trust your inner wisdom Trust your inner guidance.