540: My Body Is An Altar - All About My Debut Album with Rosie Acosta

When I was going through the pain after my divorce, I could not read a book. I could not listen to a podcast. Honestly, I couldn't even listen to an audiobook. I could just listen to music because it was just. I needed to think and be with myself. And like, I just pray that this album is able to help people go through those transitions in life in the way that so much of music helped me. And I didn't really have like music I could have listened to. That was like the frequency I was calling in. Yeah, like, I liked the beats of it, but it was the lyrics. If anything, the lyrics were still projecting that old love story of a man choosing you and this and that classical romance. And so my prayer is that for this, it like gives you that like, like that like sexy, embodied frequency, but with lyrics that are just like, this love story is about you. You have everything you need. And that doesn't mean you're going to be alone forever, but it means that when you have yourself, you're way less likely to self abandon when you see someone else come. Because the reason why we end up in toxic relationships and situationships and whatever situation is because we don't want to be alone, right? That we're like, well, this sucks, but I don't want to be alone. So I'd rather do this than be alone. But when you can really sit with being alone, you're just like, do I really want to do this dance? Is it really worth fucking up my vibe right now?

Right.

You know, and then you can, you can choose. You can choose to have the experience, choose not to, but you're coming from it, from a place of sovereignty and being embodied and being so full and rich within yourself. And I really hope that this album, whether you're married in relationship, not in a relationship, we still need to remember that within ourselves. Sometimes in marriage we even forget that we're a sovereign person to. And then that's going to also make you so much more magnetic and your relationship so much more palpable too. And it's not coming from this like, I need you thing, but it's like, I am so good and I'm so rich on my own, and then that just floods out in the love that I share with someone else. Welcome back to the Highest Self podcast. This is probably the episode I have been the most excited ever to record because you are witnessing me in real time transitioning into the next iteration of my dharma. I started this podcast seven years ago because I was a young spiritual girl just wanting a place to Talk about the things that were on my mind and on my heart. I wanted to talk about the spiritual journey and past lives and Ayurveda and manifestation and in a way that was diverse and grounded as a woman of color, as someone that came from a family of immigrant and refugees who, you know, were just exposed to a lot of different things in life. And it just started with me and my $16 microphone, you know, looking out the window and just having these stream of consciousness conversations. If you go back to my first episode, you can hear the difference in my voice, but also feel like the same resonance that's still here today. And my journey since has been a wild ride. I wrote books and created multiple businesses, including Highest Self Institute, and have reached so many millions of you. And I got married and got divorced and learned a lot about myself and, you know, faced some of my deepest fears and deepest shadows, and through them emerged my voice and emerge my inner artist. So December 2022 is the hardest month of my life. It was when I found out about a betrayal that was happening in my marriage, and I had to end it after seven years of being with this person and really just step into the unknown. And I didn't know who I was going to become on the other side. I didn't know how I was going to get through it. Any of you guys have gone through a divorce or a big breakup, you know how daunting and confusing and scary it is. But I knew then, even in that moment, that I would make this the best thing that has ever happened to me. I didn't know how. I had no evidence, but I knew I did not want to become one of those cynical people who had their heart broken and forever detested and hated men. But I knew that this heartbreak would lead to my greatest heart opening in my most romantic life on the other side. And I just trusted and I flowed and I surrendered and I let go and started to say that mantra in my head. Trust, flow, surrender, let go. Trust, flow, surrender, let go. And flash forward. That next summer, I started producing music. You know, I always listened to music very deeply. I've been DJing for five years. And I started to just think of, like, drum lines and melodies and putting them together. And I didn't even know I had this gift in me. But it was really, if you've ever gone through a hard period in life, like you're broken open and you just hear things in such a deeper way. And this heartbreak made me, like, listen to music on such a deeper level. And I started, like Listening to all the layers in the music and all the ad libs and all these things. I was like, whoa. Like, I didn't even hear these parts of music before now. I'd really hear them. And then I started to make them and turn my poetry and my affirmations into the music. And I thought I would make like one song and then I made another one, Devana, taking Persian and Afro beats elements together. And then I made the next one be the vibe. And. And then flash forward, a few months later, I was in London and, you know, all this music started coming through me and I thought I would just like have a single for the rest of the year. But my friends were like, you should make an album. I'm like, I can't make an album. Like, I'm not. I'm not a singer, I'm not a rapper. Like, I can't make an album. They're like, this is good. Like, this is something different. Like, I've never even heard this genre of music before. It's. It's like Afrobeats and Middle Eastern, but like high vibe lyrics and like. And I realized that my music was around things you felt good around getting stuck in your head, you know, because sometimes I would have a song stuck in my head and I'm like, why is that my affirmation? You know? And instead I would make music that I wanted to get stuck in my head and music that really spoke to me. And in this moment and especially going through what I had gone through, I wanted to tell my story in a way that I couldn't necessarily share the details of what was happening, but I still wanted that expression. So I wrote this song, My body is an altar. And it's was one of the first thoughts I had after my divorce of realizing that I am a sacred site and will always be treated as such and will only put myself in situations that I am treated as sacred. And I got these Egyptian hieroglyphic tattoos on my back. And it was really in that moment that I attuned to this energy of My body is an altar. So I wrote that song again, not really thinking much of it. It started as a poem, turned into a song, turned into this album, and turned into this movement of my body as an altar. So I'm excited to share with you the music video. We're gonna have a conversation on the message and the story behind the album because this really has been the embodiment of the past year and a half or so of my life into musical form and really dive deep I'm excited to see where this journey takes me. I'm going to be interviewed by my bestie, Rosie Acosta, who you see here on the Highest Self podcast every single month, and she's come prepared with questions. So we'll see where this journey takes us, not just in this conversation, but with this movement of so many of you. I just shared for the first time a little snippet of the music video. And today when, when it's out, you can pre save the album. So this is the best way to support, like, if my work or in this PODC has ever helped you in your life, like, the one little thing that you could do that would support me is to pre save the album on Spotify. So what this does is it tells Spotify, like, hey, people actually want to, like, listen to this, like spiritual Afrobeats, like Middle Eastern kind of vibe. Like, we like this. And it really helps the music get out more because again, I don't make money off this music. It really is a passion project. So it literally takes two seconds. The link is in the show notes. You just click the link, you pre save it on Spotify, and then you get notified first when the album comes out. And I will also be sharing my music video link there that also drops on March 8th. This music video, we're going to be talking a lot about it. It really is the embodiment of my transformation of transmuting my deepest fears, looking face to face at my shadows and turning it into art and no longer being afraid of the serpent underneath the shadow realms, but actually dancing with it and integrating it and becoming one with it, which led to my greatest feminine awakening. So please pre save the album right now. Just hit pause on this, go to the show notes, pre save the album and then you'll be able to really understand what it stands for from listening to conversation. And before we drop into this episode, be sure to hit subscribe wherever you're listening to this podcast. That is the best way to stay up to date on the latest episodes. We've got this in video format, so if you're just hearing my voice, be sure to also watch our fabulous outfits on video as well on Spotify, YouTube or the Apple Store. This is the best way to stay in the flow with future conversations and also allows the podcast to reach more people. So hit subscribe so I can keep vibing with you on all future episodes. Now let's get into this one. So, Rosie, welcome back. Yay.

Oh, what a beautiful intro. I mean, truly, it's so great. To hear you say what you're saying, because in a way, you. You kind of answered a lot of questions in that, you know, I've always said, you know, knowing you for as long as I have, your love language is music like that is your love language, you know. So I think first I want to know this is. Aside from questions that I prepared, I just want you to share what that means to you. When you think of just your entire life and you're thinking about music across every genre, why is it that music just really resonates with you so much?

I mean, if you look at a little kid and you play music, they instantly start moving, they instantly start dancing. And every day, people send me their little kids, and they're like, like dancing to trust flow. And it's like, it's. It's in them, and it's in every single culture. And for me, personally, I grew up from age three dancing. You know, I did ballet, tap, jazz, lyrical. Then I was a competitive dancer on dance team. I did the step squad. And it's just always been the way that I communicate with others and, like, even in conversation, the most is. Is dancing. And I also played Persian classical piano and used to also, like, perform in piano competitions as well, which a lot of people don't know about me. And I. And I also played, like, the guitar and drum, so it's been this frequency. Like, my family would often, like, gather and we would drum. And also being Persian, especially my mom being from South Iran, which is Afro Iranian, it was like lots of different, like, tribal instruments and dance moves. And it was always, you know, sometimes with words, I find that it brings people apart. But music always brings people together. And flash forward, last February, so a year ago, I was in Trinidad for the first time. And Trinidad has been a huge awakener for me. It was. It was like a carnival that I always wanted to go to, but it was always like, you know, when you're married, you kind of do what that person does. And he didn't like soca music, which red flag, you don't like soca. This. I don't know this is gonna work.

But from here on out.

Exactly. So I never went. And then finally when I went and I was like, around all these people in, like, colorful costumes, and they're on the streets and they're dancing and they're in community. I'm like, this is how I meant to live my life. Like, this is who I am. And someone who resonates with this, like, I will resonate with that person. So after the carnival, I sat on the beach and for the first time since. Since college, I smoked weed. Like, I never was a weed smoker. It always made me anxious. I decided, I'm in Rustle there, let me smoke some weed. Let me try it, see how it goes. And it communicated to my soul and it was insane. I saw my future self at 75 years old. And I saw her, she was like this kind of like, short, like, colorful. Like, she had, like, short white hair, which I'm. I would always be like, I'm never gonna go white. But she was just rocking it. And she had this pagoda house in Costa Rica. I was like, talking to her and I'm like, what do you want me to know right now? What can really support me again? This was like three months after my divorce. And she's like, in the future, your books are not going to be books, but they're going to be albums and they're going to be transmissions of frequency. So instead of writing a book around sex, sensuality and being like steps one to five on how to harness your sensuality, you're going to make an album on the transmission of sensuality, of what that feels like. And she showed me her wall and she had all these plaques. And it wasn't just like Grammys and musical awards, but it was like all, like, she made films, she made all sorts of things. She was just like, creative. Like, she had like a Frida Kahlo energy, but, like, in her own way. And I was just blown away. And she's like, but right now, that's not where you are. But just trust that it will show up at the perfect time. And I took that as something that might happen, like, 10 years from now. You know, I didn't, like, decide then and nothing. I just sat upon it. That was in February, and then in June is when I started to produce music. And so sometimes we have these visions for our future selves, but it really isn't that far into the future. And what's interestingly enough, I didn't even realize that I was just making song after song. I wasn't thinking of an album. But this is the transmission of sensuality. And sensuality has been my greatest healer because it was my greatest pain in this. Because when you experience a betrayal, it creates a story that sex with me is not enough, that I am not enough. And it is. It sends you through many, many spirals. So a lot of my healing was in that. That, like, my body deserves to be treated with patience and care. And, you know, that's how I developed the practice of like yoni mapping. I was realized how even though I could be central in my dancing, I was actually very disconnected from my my like actual like yoni and my tangible sensuality. And just like learning to self care and love myself through like touch. And you know when you're going through so much pain, it doesn't always need to be so painful to heal it. It can be through pleasure. Just like even just like touching your face and caressing your face the way that you would a lover. And especially when you're out of a long term relationship. You're so used to like having someone there to give you the tangible experience of love. And when you're on your own you must learn how to self source that otherwise you will end up in toxic situations which you know, they may happen regardless. But, but I had to really learn self soothing. I had to really learn self touch. And that's actually what allowed me like thank God as to escape, you know, many potholes. I could have gone and like every single time when I was just like oh my God, I want to get out of this. It was like remembering my body as an altar. Is this person treating me like an altar? If not, no. And that really became my mantra and the resonance for myself. And I see so many women going through such similar stories of betrayal and abandonment and abuse and suffering and it's like remembering that you are holy, you are sacred and only share your space with someone that sees you as such.

Yeah. As you were creating music and obviously I, I was very fortunate enough to be there during this process. I really loved that you didn't choose a specific genre. Right. That you allowed yourself to just create for creating. I wonder if you had made a decision to be a specific genre and create a specific type of song if it would have sort of hindered that process for you.

I don't think it could have worked because none of this really came through the mind. So the way that most of my music starts is I will write my lyrics separately. Like they start as poetry and then when I'm making music it's totally something. It's a, it's a different part of my brain, it's a different part of the journey. So often my music will start with. Every song is different. So sometimes it will start with like the actual beat of it. But oftentimes it actually starts with the lyrics. So I'm like, like I, I write the song, for example, another song called Past Life. Shit. So it started with a poem. He worships my Body like Egyptian go this he is my pharaoh for him I'm the hottest Fingers on my skin like I'm hieroglyphics this ain't normal Love is some past life. And I just wrote that. And then I was like, okay, what, like now what's the. The world around it? I'm like, okay, it's definitely this like Middle Eastern Egyptian vibe. So then I start going on different websites, like Splice and even on YouTube and I get sample packs. I start listening different, different things and then I start pitching them on different pitches. So instead of it sounding like how it normally would sound in Middle Eastern song, maybe I'll. I'll layer it with something else so it sounds different. So then I'll start like fine tuning it so every single beat you hear here is actually produced and completely creatively produced by me, like start to finish. And I have an engineer that I work with, Willy Noir, who's on some of the songs, who is also just such a helpful, like, collaborative partner. And it just showed me, like before, if you told me, like, how to produce music, I wouldn't have known where to start. But instead just taking this idea you have and just. I would sometimes repeat in my head those words and then the melody would start to come with me. And then I would try to think of, okay, could I come up with another melody to these same words? But oftentimes it was like that melody wanted to come through. Like I. Like I wrote, be the vibe got it hypnotized Then you'll magnetize don't you compromise that started as a poem, but then as I was saying in my head, I'm like, be the vibe got it hypnotized Then you'll magnet. So now I have the melody. Now I'm like, okay, what would the drum line be? Okay, it's definitely a slow drum line. More of an Afro beats type of thing. So, yeah, I would say my lyrics are really what stands out most to me. Whereas a lot of artists, they will start with the beat and they kind of just mumble jumble a rap or something. Like, you see Nicki Minaj does that. You know, that she'll hear the beat and she'll be like. And come up with the flow of the rap and then the lyrics come in later. Whereas mine is very much about the message first. I consider myself a poet above all. And then the music is what creates the landscape that supports it.

Yeah. So saying that, tell me a little bit more about the emotions. You wanted to relay the messaging, Right? Either for Me, specifically right now, my body as an altar is like, the one that stands out the most. And every time you release a song, I'm like, okay, this is my favorite. Okay, now. Now this one's my favorite, you know, because I feel so much of you went into it. And I want to actually add an addendum to that, but I want you to answer this question first. Like, yeah, the. The messaging, how you wanted to relay that, like, what. As you were writing this music, this. This poetry, like, what did you want to convey to us?

So a lot of it is about my journey of being alone. You know, being alone was my biggest fear. I realized, like, that there were so many times that I was just like, get. Like, get me out of this. And I would be like. And I would sit myself, like, what is it? And it's like that feeling of being by myself. And it's funny because when I was married, I was very independent, you know, I was traveling by myself. I was. We had very separate lives. But there's something different about being single, especially when you're another country and no one knows where you are. And I would think, like, wow, if I, like, died, like, no one would even know for a few days. Like, literally no one in this country knows who I am. And I. So I went into the depths of aloneness. And then when I even came back to la, I stayed in Airbnb in the middle of the mountains, like, literally by myself, because I knew I had to go into that thing I was afraid of. So all of the music, it has that theme in it. There's this one song I don't know if I ever played for you. It's the last song on the album called Love Story. And it was this thought I had that, like, maybe this love story is really about me, you know? And sometimes after a breakup, you're like, I'm gonna be with someone so much better. And this love story is actually gonna be about this better love that I have on the other side. And, you know, and it would hit me when I would, like, go to these other countries and have these experience. And there's always that, like, especially as a single girl, that, like, inkling of hope. You're gonna meet someone and I don'. That I would be like, maybe it's just about who I've become, and that's actually what the love story is. And we're waiting for this happily ever after with them. But it's like, ultimately, everyone in our life is going to come and go. Like, it's a Sad truth, but that was, like, something. A huge realization I had. Trees die, Nature shifts. Everything has a life and a death cycle, and ultimately you are just left with you. And, like, the first phase of really healing my. My myself through this was like, go into the aloneness. Go into that fear of being. And then I realized that when I would really sit with being alone, I was actually at peace, you know, And I was, like, afraid of that. It was almost like I was so used to who I was, was entwined with someone else that when I didn't have that, it's almost like I didn't even exist anymore. So, like, for example, one of the song is called Self Love Anthem. And I say, let go of the past I'm moving on my own no more looking back now I'm chilling on my throne I raise my vibration now I'd rather be alone Working that back Y' all watch at home, it's like. And I also. I, like, make everything a little spicy, but it's like I'm. I'm here on my own. And oftentimes on social media, you see people and you think they have this, like, big, like.

Yeah.

Like, it's like, even today, I, like, release my album. It's like I'm. I'm alone, you know, and, like, there's nothing wrong with that. And I think as women, we're so afraid of our insignificance outside of relationships. So a lot of this album has been about, you know, bodies, altars, about reclaiming your divinity. But then the other music is like another song. Glow every order is like. Like fluffing up my aura My radiance on fleek Glow every aura. You know, I'm doing me and it's like, starting to be like, yeah, like, I'm not going to share my energy with someone who's going to bring down my vibration. Because as you spend time more alone, you raise your vibe Raise your vibe. It's like people have watched my transformation in real time, you know, and it's like, I wouldn't have had this transformation if I smack one to another relationship after, you know? And then you start to be like, wow, I love my aloneness. I love my solitude. I love who I've become. And then the people who are not adding to that are. Are no longer a match for you anymore. And you start to ra. Raise your vibe and, you know, raise your vibe, Be the vibe and end up in this entirely new world that you would have never stepped into. So if you listen to this podcast, I'm going To make a couple assumptions about you. One, you're a spiritual person. Two, you are an empath. Three, whenever you're at a party, people start coming to you and telling you all their childhood trauma, let's be real. Four, you are able to see a bird's eye perspective into other people's lives and see the patterns and what limiting beliefs are playing a part in it.

It.

And five, you want to create a career for yourself where you are sharing your wisdom. I'm also going to guess you have an incredible story that you aren't quite sharing yet, but you have this deep dream inside of yourself. Maybe it's still a little seed that one day you're going to speak on stages and write books and have a podcast, but maybe you just don't know where to start. So where I started and where many thought leaders today started is in coaching. By learning how to have these one on one transformations with people, you end up learning the tools, the know how and the method that you eventually share with with the world. So about four years ago, I created my school Dharma coaching institute that has now transitioned into the highest self institute and it's the leading spiritual life coaching certification institute. So our leading certification is our Dharma Coaching certification. The word dharma means sole purpose. So as a sole purpose and spiritual life coach, as this is a dual certification, you are able to guide people into understanding who they are and how they can translate that into their careers. So we give you a step by step method that we call our Dharma Discovery method that we hand to you and train you in with dozens of hours of practice so you can hit the ground running in having your own private practice or taking it to companies for corporate wellness, which we all know they have an enormous budget due to the huge amount of employee resignations that are happening right now. So the six month program is set up like this. The first two months you learn everything about coaching. How to do discovery calls, how to book clients, how to have agreements. We really teach you everything. And you start practicing from week one. Then the next two months you're going to dive into the Dharma Discovery framework. So how to understand someone's Dharma archetype and then put it together into their Dharma blueprint so they know exactly what to focus their energy on, whether it is a career transition or a new project. Then for the last two months, we dive into everything about the coaching business. So collectively, my three founders and I have over 30 years of coaching experience. So we teach you everything. And we have experienced many, many things in coaching from how to successfully choose your niche, how to people what your niche is really quickly in your elevator pitch, how to charge people, how to create programs, what to do in every single session of your programs. All the things that I feel like a lot of coaching schools, which trust me, I have done, many of them are unclear about. We really take the hood off of the tip of the car and make it really easy for you because we want you to succeed. We have hundreds of success stories right now which we want you to be a part of. People who instantly made $30,000 raises at their jobs from becoming their internal purpose coach coach. People who have gone on to write books, many of whom you've heard here on this podcast. People who have created full time careers for themselves, transitioning from social working into becoming spiritual life coaches and making 10x what they used to. And we want you to one day be here with me on this podcast telling your success story. So if you're interested, you're curious, you just want to learn more. We have lots of free workshops and resources available for you. We also have free discovery calls with our team members so you can ask any questions that you have have. So head over to highest self institute.com that's highest self institute.com you can find that link in the show notes. You can book a call to learn more about the Dharma coaching program. And we are so excited to invite you inside. Instead of being the black sheep of the family, we consider ourselves the rainbow sheep and we can't wait to have you. So if you're anything like me, you're a super busy person, but you love eating well. So this is why I'm obsessed with food delivery services. But the thing is, a lot of them are are like frozen foods or things that you have to like cook yourself. And that's why I love Factor so they're fresh, never frozen meals that are chef created, dietitian approved and ready to go in just two minutes. You have over 35 different options to choose from every week including protein plus, keto, calorie, smart, vegan and vegetarian. They also have really fun breakfasts like pancakes and smoothies, midday bites. And they're flexible to your schedule so you can get as much or as little as you need. You can also pause and reschedule deliveries at any time. So you can actually get 50% off your Factor Meals by heading over to Factor Meals.com Sahara50 and using coupon code Sahara50 for 50% off. That's code SAHARA50@Factor Meals.com Sahara50 and you can find that link in the show notes. So trust your intuition, trust your inner wisdom, trust you in the guidance. Close.

I love how the process for you has been so non. Linear and I think that part of what the album is going to provide is, is that insight, you know, it's. You can be in this, this place of self worship, you know, your, my body is the altar, you know, and, and you also can be glowing every aura. You know, it's like you can go through all of these phases in life and still, still feel empowered and connected. I'm. I'm curious though, you know, thinking about this last year and what this journey has been like for you. You know, most people wouldn't do this. Like most people wouldn't just, you know, pop star. Yeah. Become a complete pop star after some, some really life altering, you know, it's like it is life altering. Most people would really take some time to, you know, go into this internalized space or, or might have some other type of reaction. But you literally were able to make something so unexpected into art. Like you, you died and came back to life and you are completely. I've said this to you before, but like you are a completely different before, after. Sometimes like earlier today, I'm like, like. But I, I think that who you are now is like more of who you really are, you know, does that make sense?

And that's the thing. It's like actually this is who I was. I just wasn't able to be that in the relationship.

Oh, can you tell me a little bit more about that?

When we're in relationship, especially as women, we dim our light to make the other person comfortable.

Like, you couldn't have done this in a relationship.

I could not have with that person, you know, it would have been very intimidating, I would say, you know, for him. And I think for a lot of us, we dim our lights because we don't want to outshine them. We don't want to be too much. We have certain expectations in our minds of what a wife is supposed to be. Whether that's even said by that person or something that we internally felt. And it's funny because I don't know if you remember, but I actually was trying to write music before like I started DJing five years ago. So I was on that journey of like very much drawn to making music. I, I don't believe there was a coincidence that my ex worked in music as well. So I think my even 24 year old self knew I was meant to work in music, but I didn't know it was possible for me, because I, again, I wasn't like a classically trained musician. Right. So I think my soul even chose that relationship to give me some insight of, like, what is the music industry? Like, what is the music business? Like, the light and the shadow of it. And then inside myself, I remember there was a time period I was like, trying to write music, but it like. Like, it just wasn't hitting, you know, it was very like, you are allowed to be multi dimensional. It was like coaching music, you know, like, you are, you know. Yeah.

Because you had some spoken word stuff.

It was a spoken word over beats, but I didn't know how to make beats. And I like. Long story short, I tried to get this, like, DJ teacher I was working with to make a beat, and he, like, ripped someone else's. But then I played for my friend. He's like, this is someone else's beat. I was just like, okay, this is not working. And I was like, well, I don't know, because I was around music producers all the time, but I saw how hard they work.

Yeah.

They were in edm. And I was like, I could never do that. I'm for sure not a music producer. So it was just like I was at a standstill.

Yeah.

And to be honest, it wasn't the time. I needed to go through that heartbreak to become this version. I needed to kill the good girl mentality in me. I needed to kill the trophy wife, the perfectionist, the people pleaser. There were a lot of layers to me that had to die for me to step into this, Whatever you want to call it, awakened energy. I don't even fucking know that I'm in now. And that's. Now I can understand. That's where most art comes from. You know, it's like my number one most played song throughout middle school and high school was Unbreak My Heart. Say love me again do this hurt you? Cause when you walked out the door and walked out of my life uncried I cried so many nights. But, like, what a song. I mean, I'll never. I'll never get sick of that song because it's so much emotion, you know, it's like, I didn't have a breakup when I was 11 years old, but I.

But you felt that.

I felt that. I remember my brother was like, are you okay? Like, we had like, itunes or something for the first.

You're 11?

Yeah, I was in middle school. 11, 12. And we just got it. And he was like, oh, my God. How many times did you play a song? I played like Eminem 12 times, Unbreak my heart was already at like 73. He was just like, you, like, was like something in my soul. Like, new. Like heartbreak. Like, what a potent medicine. Like, we all like to sometimes listen to some.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Even if you're not sad, just takes you back, you know? So I, like, was living this life that things were, like, good. Like, I wouldn't say it was like the best life on planet earth, but it was like things were good. So it was like my music was like, have multiple revenue streams. You can be a spiritual life coach. You could be a sole purpose coach. You could be any kind of coach you want to be. Just believe in yourself. Live your dharma. Actually, I wrote this song and it was like, I was like, what's your dharma? No, what's your dosha? What's your dosha? Baby, what's your dosha? Imagine I had an album release party for what's your dosha? It wouldn't hit the same, you know, So I needed to get my heart. Oh.

Heartbreak and tragedy.

I mean, and none of my songs are actually heartbreak songs, funnily enough. No, but it was who it made me that it. It made me realize that I wasn't at my full range of feeling before. It was like I had. I was like. And I give this analogy on the podcast. It was like I was operating on, like, radio stations, like 800 to, like 112 or whatever. 1200, 1200. So I'm like in the median range. It's like I could feel sadness. Like, I could, like, empathize with a movie, but I wasn't like. But I also wasn't on the highest levels of, like, joy and love either. I was just how most people are, you know, I would say a wider range than that, but there's this moment, and you see it in the music video of my body is an altar. And it's what it starts with. And it's like me looking into that mirror. And that was actually based on an actual moment that happened, which was the day after I found out about the betrayal. And I was so fucking devastated. Like, it was beyond computing. And I just looked at myself in the mirror and I was like, literally having those, like, on your knees crying moments that, like, you hear about, but when you're, like, crying so hard that you physically can't stand anymore, like, your body can't even hold itself together, you. You're crumbled and, like, it's beyond devastation. The world has gone black. And I just was on and I looked at myself in the mirror. It was like my face was, like, almost, like, unrecognizable. When you just, like, cry so much, it's like I saw myself as, like, a child, you know, like, so it's like how a baby cries, and it's like, no one's coming to get you. And then, like, I just cried and I looked myself in the mirror, and I was just like. Like, I will never be in this situation again. And it was like that feeling of just like, you know what? I don't know how, but I'm gonna make this the best thing that's ever happened to me. I'm gonna make this have the greatest love on the other side. And I got me no matter what. So spirit lead me. And that moment of really seeing my reflection and witnessing myself like that in that state is like my highest self came through and was just like. Like, I got you. And. And there are so many moments, like, often when I'm meditating, that I'll go back to myself in that moment and talk to her and tell her, like, look at what you've created. Like, I had no idea I would make an album. Like, you know, so far from that. Like, I had no idea I would put my things in storage and never see them again. I don't have anything from that life. I never know. Never knew that I would end up up in Egypt and then in Bali and then in Trinidad, and then here. And doing some of the deepest shadow work of my life, not speaking to most of my family members for long periods of time because a lot of conflict of their projections came up going through the pits of hell and then coming back shinier, sparkler, sparklier, more beautiful on the other side. Like, I had no idea any of this. And so I'd, like, tell her, and I'm like, what could I have said in that moment that would have helped her? And it's like, almost nothing could have. Like, I could have said, things are going to be better than you could have ever imagined on the other side, I wouldn't have believed it. Like, I ha. I had to go through that. I had to go through the not knowing. And I say this because if someone's, like, in that not knowing right now, and you might see me and be like, sahara has it easier, Guys, my divorce was not. It was like. It was. It was a stage 10 trauma one because it was very, very multilayered. And one day I'll be able to fully share the story. And I can't right now. Now. And I share this, because that was not that long ago. And I can actually boldly say that knowing what I know now, I would go through it 10,000 more times to become who I've become today. Like, I would go through all of that again if I knew what was on the other side. All of it. The pain, the. In the uncertainty, the fear, the feeling unsupported. All of it. Because. Because I love myself so much right now. And I never really understood what self love was until this. Like, I would definitely say I loved myself, but, like, to hold yourself through your darkest fucking moments and it's like something just happens that you just stop caring about certain things. Like, I cared about so many things that I just don't give a fuck about now. Like, I used to, like, be so anxious before my books would come out of, like, what are people gonna say on the Amazon reviews? Now I have this like, album, like, me fully danc with like a snake. It's this that I'm just like, yeah, I hope people like it. Like. Like, I actually don't have that same motor.

Driving.

I had a fear of driving. I didn't even drive a car, guys, for three years between 2019 and 2021. It was like actually the whole course of my marriage.

Wow.

I did not drive a car. That's crazy. 2019 to three years, we're married. And it was like a subconscious. Like, I had this fear of driving because I felt like, like, well, first it started because I got dizzy once while driving and I had this thought of, like, oh my God, what if I lost control of driving? What would happen to me? Like, I would hit the side of the car and like, that created this, like, trauma. And then every time I would drive, think about that again. And then I would get into this, like, panic attacky state and I would try to ground myself. And then when you're trying to get yourself out of that state, it makes it worse that I was just like, I'm not even gonna drive. And then Covid happened, so I didn't need to drive for like two years. And then it was just like the thought of getting behind the road.

Road, yeah.

Was scary. And then now I just drove across the Swiss Alps for a week by myself at night, through the ice, in the ice storm, this. And I'm just like, unbreak my heart, say you love me again. I knew this her that took us. And I'm like, oh, wow, polar bear. But it's like, nothing can teach you that except going through the pits of fucking pain. And trust me, I Love a good Abraham Hicks. I wish I could have just manifested this all through my joy all the time, but I couldn't. But guess what? The interesting thing about being in this experience, I was like, okay, I'm awake within a dream. Yeah, like going through the pits of hell when you aren't spiritual is like, oh my God, this is the end of my life. What's happening? Had I not known what I known, I would be like, like, this sucks. I'm a victim. Everything. I'm never going to trust again. I have ptsd. I'm never going to love again. I would have taken that story on. I remember I would read some books about, you know, betrayal, etc, and they're like, they would repeat all those things and I was like, I'm not going to become that person, you know, because truth be told, everyone experiences betrayal in their life. And the more I go through this journey, it is the number one cause of divorce in the United States. And it's not, not. It's like sometimes we have so much shame when it happens to us of like, what will people think about me? They're going to judge me, they're going to think I wasn't good enough of this or that. And it's like, no, it actually has nothing to do with you and everything to do with that person. And sometimes for those of us who are more on the loyal slash people pleasing side, who always see the best in everyone, we would have never left a situation unless things had to get to that level. And I would have never, never, I would have never become this version of me had the truth not set me free. This show is sponsored by Better Health, so most of us wish we had more time. You know, I don't have time for this, I don't have time for that. But I'm curious, like, if you could wave a magic wand and have unlimited time for anything, what would you actually do with it? And the thing is, most of us don't actually know how to answer that question. We want more time, but we're not sure what we actually value in life. And this is where therapy helps. It helps us dive into what matters to us. Is it more time living our dharmas, our soul's purposes? Is it more time in relationships? Is it more time for rest or more time for exercise and movement? I feel like it's so important to have those clarifying conversations with your therapist because then you can set up a life where you prioritize what matters to you. Like for me, I really prioritize music, dance and Spending time with my friends. Friends. So while I don't have time for everything in the world, I make sure these are integral parts of my life. And these are the kind of things that it takes, really working with a therapist to get clear on what matters to you so you can begin living your dream life. So if you're thinking about starting therapy, give Better Help a try. It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. You just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist, and you can switch them at any time at no additional charge. Charge. So Better help is offering 10 off for listeners. You can head over to betterhelp.com Sahara that's betterhelp. H E L p.com Sahara you can find that link in the show notes.

Wow. Yeah. Yeah. And it's. It's so true. I think that coming back to the music video with everything that you're saying, I'm. I'm curious if you can share with us if there was a story that you weaved in there, you know, like. Yeah. If there was an intentionality behind how you shot the scenes or why you created it in the way you did. I'm so dying to know.

Yeah. So I'm Gonna link the YouTube Premiere for it below so you can get the YouTube Premiere get notified first when it comes out March 8th. If you listen to this later. Now it's available, and I'm doing a full podcast with Everett, who is the director of the video. But in thinking of the video, you know, the song starts with rose petals at my feet. Incense as I breathe, Honey dripping down my lips. I fulfill prophecies. And so my first idea of it was like, I want to have Blue Lotus. I want to have the altar. I want to have this. I want to have that. But then when really sitting with it, I'm like, but it's not about the altar. It's about me being the altar. So it's actually really stripped back. And it's about me, my expression as the altar. And because sometimes in spirituality, it's so much outside of ourselves.

Yeah, it's external.

Put. Put the things on the altar. Your spirit guides you manifest to this. Your. Your whatever, your ancestors, you're. That you practice. And it's like, you are the medicine. You are the sacred site. You are the goddess. You are all the things that you are seeking. So a lot of the storyline is about that reclamation. You know, you see the snake movie, and I don't want to ruin the video for you guys, but yeah, don't ruin it without see me first coming face to face with a smaller snake. And we had four snakes between four feet to the largest one. You see 18 foot boa constrictor. Boa constrictor is a strangle a. I have never danced with snakes before this either. But I've always been really drawn to snakes. Snakes. Like I have a snake tattoo. And even when I was in high school, I started belly dancing. I was very intrigued by like serpentine, like snake movements. I just love how they move and they flow and it's very like feminine to me. And it is that like shakti kundalini energy that's like non linear and moving and flowing. So I was like, oh, like I just remember like saying like, imagine I was like dancing with snakes, you know, and I thought like, maybe in one shot they would like put a snake on me. But like, no, the snake and I, I, we were like in a portal together. And the snake, you know, after my divorce, I ended up in Egypt. I was supposed to go there with him. I decided to go myself. And I kept seeing the snakes in the hieroglyphics. And when you're in such an open state like that, after something really traumatic happens, it's like everything is communicating to you and everything's a sign. So I would be in tomb surrounded by hieroglyphics. I would like pay the people money so I could just be in there by myself bawling. And then this hieroglyphics would literally, it was like a psychedelic experience. They would speak to me and they would tell me stories and they would show me what happened. And they showed me the snake. And I could see the snake, like was passed down. And it was like the snake was the trauma, the trauma that happens in families. And that trauma is passed down and passed down and passed down until someone is brave enough to look at that snake dead in the eye and say, no, no, I see you and I see the pain that you're in, and I'm not going to pass that along to someone else. And that was my role, you know, to not take this pain and not pass it on to someone else. But to be like, this ends with me for all of the women in my family and his family who have been oppressed and violated in different ways. And so when you see the darkness face to face, the darkness actually has nowhere to hide. It wants to be felt. It wants to be integrated. It's only this like, big scary boogeyman until you look at it eye to eye. But when you look at it, like, it fades away and it turns into something beautiful. So you see in the music video, that snake, it's like we first make contact, and then it's like we start dancing together and we become one. And then it's like I am the snake. And that was also my own inner shadow work journey of. Because the divorce is one piece. But I really took this divorce as the catalyst for me to do. Do all of the deep healing work of my lifetime and my ancestors lifetimes. Deep, deep, deep work on my own with plant medicines, with different healers and different modalities. And I recognize that I have always been very afraid of. Of pain. I had always been really afraid of, like, anything dark. Like, I never like scary movies. I didn't want dark things because I was very scared of it. And it was like I had to come face to face and, like, sit with it. And that's actually why I show up with this, like, way more like, fierce, bold, and sexy and playful and loving energy that I have now, because there's no longer anything in my consciousness that I'm afraid of, you know? And, like, you know how sometimes you have, like, that little lingering thought in the back of your mind, but you won't really let yourself think it?

Yeah.

You know, and you're just like, no, it's like, you know, that's the real reason why you're doing what you're doing, but you don't even want to admit it to yourself. Like, and then we pushed away, pushed away. And now it's like, now I just know it and I know, oh, it's just my shadow part, you know, and it's just the part of me that wants to experience life. And I think I was very much. Again, I started practicing yoga when I was 12 years old, and I was very, like, on the path of, like, do what's right, do what's good. And it was almost like I always was the good girl. And, like, look at what happened and it's like, okay, so what if I, like, go into the shadows? What if I go into the pain? And that doesn't mean do it doing bad per se, but it means, like, no longer being afraid of that. So you integrating. Integrating it and seeing that everything in life is duality. I wouldn't have this album without duality. We wouldn't be alive without duality. So a lot of the elements that you see in there is like, you know, when I sat with Mother Ayahuasca, the way that she portrayed herself to me was this, like, Thai goddess with these, like, long gold fingernails, and she was dancing like this. So I wanted to, like, give an ode to that. And it's like, you know, know, long nails like that. For a lot of men, it's scary, it's intimidating, but it's also, like, so fierce and beautiful. And we were talking about, like, what is a person's relationship with the snake.

Yeah.

You know, and if someone's like, oh, my God, I hate snakes. I'm super scared of snakes. They're demonic. They're this. It's like they have not integrated the darkness within themselves. Right. Those are the actually darkest people because they are separating themselves. It's someone who knows. I am light and shadow. I am. I am all things within myself. There actually is no good and bad that, you know, there is no heaven and hell. It's all here. It's all states of consciousness that we simultaneously move in throughout parts of the day. I'm not afraid of those people because they're truthful and they're honest. And that was the journey that I really needed to move through of, like, life is going to give you these experiences. And if you take it as a gift and you're not like, this is bad. This is wrong. This wasn't on my path. It actually leads to your greatest liberation on the other side. And liberation is like, really what the key message of this album is, is like. Like, life is not about being happy all the time, but it's about liberation. It's about letting go of the shackles and the conditioning of who you thought you were supposed to be. Because what happens on the other side of that, it's full spectrum. It's aliveness. I would say the point of life is to be more alive, not to just have one side of the spectrum. That if I only want to feel good, well, that becomes my baseline, and then that just becomes neutral.

Yeah.

And I just become neutral again. But if I want to be more alive, I feel into all forms of experience, you know, And I believe that's why our souls even chose to incarnate here on this planet. Like, we want to experience life. We want to burn myself here. Oh, that hurt. Let me try something else. Oh, this. That felt good. And again, everyone has different life paths. But that, like, Shakti path is about the richness of life, is about, like, being in community, being in the dance, being in nature, being with the people, people. And I feel so many of us, we have become on such a masculine path because of our society. That's just like, the Same thing. The routine. That's it. And it's in Shelter, and it's one way of living. But if there's anything I've learned this year, and this year has had ups and downs and in betweens, is I would never trade it for anything because I'm like, damn, I'm fully living life now.

That's great.

You're like, pray for me. Who has to hear the stories? You know, I think it's great.

I think the way that you approach and you have approached your process has been fully. My prayer for you has only been to be awake. It's like, just be aware we have a little more work to do. I know, but we'll talk about that on the next episode. But, yeah, I really love this sort of trajectory that you've taken with your career because looking at the macro of what you've created in the last eight, 10 years, you know, even, like, it all still is part of the same connective tissue, I think, you know, it all still very much is you following your dharma. You know, it's following that path. And. And to me, I think, I mean, for me, as. As your friend, I was just so grateful that you did have these practices and that you were willing and open and that you didn't let this experience. Well, it did break you, right? But it didn't. It didn't defeat you.

And I believe that my. My heart needed to be broken open for it to feel. And I believe I personally, on my path, I believe I manifested that situation, and that was the level of broken I needed to become this level of alive. And now that I know that, now I can feel into my heart and its subtleties so much more. Whereas before, truth be told, I could have been living completely different lives from him, and I would have stayed married because that's what people do. I was just being a Persian person is like, you're married. That's your husband forever. You don't question. Thought of divorce. It was like a curse word in my family. Could have never, you know, unless I'm disrespected, you know, and that needed to happen for me to be like, oh, I can't continue in this container anymore. And, like, I never had a road map for this. I had never seen it. Like, my. I was always told, like, oh, divorced people gave up. They're quitters. It was like, in statistics, divorce rates are going up. It's like a bad thing. And now I have so much respect for people who have divorced from toxic situations, from being betrayed, from being abused. From not being met. I have so much respect for the amount of courage that that takes. Like, in no way is that like quitting and giving up. Like, of course, if you're just like, I don't know, I just don't feel like it, then, you know, maybe there's more work to do there. But I would say most divorces are not that, like, they're last drawn, they're extremely painful, and we have so much stigma around that. I never, no one ever thinks they're going to be part of like that statistic of the like 50% now in California. 75%.

Yeah.

And it shifted my entire view of. I always thought marriage was this stable, secure thing that, like, once you're married, like, no more questions on that area of your life, like, you're good. It's like, you know, they have like the X and Y diagram. It's like now you have this constant and it's like, you know, and I, and I believe I, you know, I was married. Married my most. My twenties. I was, I was in a four year relationship before that and then in a seven year relationship. So I've basically been in a relationship my entire life, you know, and truth be told, I wouldn't have the business that I have had. I not had that. It did give me a level of grounding and stability. And I wasn't going around dating and I was just working. It's almost like I feel like I did my 20s and 30s backwards. Like, my 20s, I was married and I worked all the time and I was just like in my routine. I didn't. I stopped drinking alcohol when I was 21 years old. I didn't even drink alcohol at my wedding. Like, isn't that crazy now? We were like shots before this podcast. I started drinking. So you started drinking. You know, but you know what? Like, I was so just like, no alcohol? No this, no that. I barely drink. It's like sometimes we like to have our margaritas and be cute and like.

We'Ve done that once last year.

You've done that once? We did it on my birthday. Yeah. When or maybe you brought me the company. Yeah.

So that means that's why I was trying to take a shot with you today.

Yeah. Every three months we'll take one shot. Call ourselves the drinkers. Literally.

We drink now.

Yeah. But you know what? To me, it's about letting your fucking hair down. You know, Like, I was so disciplined and right and, and I needed to be that. And I think it really helped me. I re. I really cultivated that strong, Capricorn, masculine, get things done energy. And it provided me the stability to, like, be able to become an artist today, to be able to fund a music video, you know, to be able to do these things that. Had I not had a business, I wouldn't. A lot of artists cannot make music videos. They can't, you know, have a. They don't have a podcast. I can't say can't because I didn't come from it. I made all the money myself. So I'm not going to use that as an excuse of, like, she got. I didn't get it handed to me. I worked my ass off to get here, here.

And let's be clear.

Let's be clear on that. And I put in the dues so I could. Now it's like, I could still choose to be like, well, it doesn't really make sense with my business. I just need to keep focusing on my business. I see a lot of people who become entrepreneurs get stuck now in the hamster wheel of entrepreneurship, of coaching.

Still that same, almost that same consciousness.

They recreate it. They recreate the jail.

Yeah, exactly.

And I'm like, what is the purpose of money? For me, it's about freedom. It's about expression. It's about the ability to be able to, like, take a risk on something that I just love, you know, And I don't care if I ever make money from music. It doesn't matter to me. It's like, I just love doing it and it makes me come alive. And so I feel that my soul chose to have that experience in my 20s to also, like, I see a lot of my friends who are in their, like, 30s and they haven't been married or just like they pedestal marriage so much. They're just like, I just want a guy to, like, propose to me. And the ring and the wedding and this. And it's almost like I had, like, the perfect proposal. Like the sweetest. Like, he was a very nice guy, you know, the sweetest proposal, the most beautiful of weddings. All those things to realize that that is not a guarantee to eternal, everlasting happiness. Like the Disney movies tell us. Yeah, you know, that people change and that we don't. We don't know. Know everyone. We don't know. You think you know someone and you don't. Oh, you even seven years in, you don't know everything about that person. You know? And that to me, it was a rude but necessary awakening. And at first I was really resentful of like, oh, you took away my Innocence, like, I was so angry of like, I just believed in love and that stripped away from me and now how am I going to believe in love again? But if anything, it's made my eyes open to, like, there's love and there's relationship and they're. They can go hand in hand, but they're not always, you know, you can love someone and not be a fit with them in relationship.

Yeah.

I think whoever we love, we will always love. I don't think you will ever stop loving someone you felt love for, you know, but you can very much not ever want to be in a relationship with them or, you know, attracted to.

Them, or you can also not like them.

You can not like them. But like. And also there are many people that you might find that you find love with. And it's like you're. But you're not meant to be. And. And relationship is something that the love springs you together, but you need to put in the work. You need to both. And it can only go as far as you both go. That I used to think, well, I'll do all the work. You know, if there's something bothering me me, it's my problem. I will do the healing work. I'll go to my coach, I'll do the journal prompts. I'll do this and I'll process it. And I see a lot of a spiritual woman or spiritual people in relationships. You want to partner with someone who's not. We're like, it's fine. It's not about that. And that's what we're actually told in relationship. We're told it has nothing to. That person has to do with you. That's, you know, because if all I do, let's say hypothetically as friends, and I'm just putting you down and putting you down, you could put all the work of like, hey, I'm not going to take this personally. This. It's like, at the end of the day, why are you staying in the dining?

Yeah, like, why am I still here? I'm leaving.

Yeah. And I think that sometimes our souls need to learn from it. But it's like, at till what level? Right? And it's like sometimes the plate needs to get scorching freaking hot for it to burn you enough for you to let go.

Yeah.

And I see that. That's why a lot of us empathic people who just see people's highest selves. That's my gift in life. I see people's highest selves before I see them. I see people's Dharmas, that's what I teach. That's what I created my school and wrote my book about. And so I meet people, I see what they're possible. I see what we could be possible. I see this. And it's not necessarily where they're at and where they'. They're going. But then I don't want to look at the snake. I don't want to look at the shadows. I don't want to look at that. So now my journey has been like, okay, let me look at it within myself first. Because it's so easy to be the shadow worker of everyone else. You know, let me look at it within myself. What are my shadows? What are my. And then I can see it in others. And then you're never going to find someone that doesn't have shadows.

Right.

Frankly, it would be freaking boring.

Yeah.

You know, it's like we. We learn. We learn through it. And. And even right now, it's like I'm kind of in my dark femme era. Like, this music video has a lot of dark femme energy to it. Of just, like, she's sensual, she's dancing with the snake. She's in one, but she's also in her own power, and she's not doing it for the male gaze, and she's not doing it. So you choose me. It's very different from maiden sensuality or sexuality, which is like the little school girl, the French maid, the, like, do you like me? And like, that dark femme is like, no, this is for me, like, this is my own sensual practice. And, like, I'm doing this for me. And, like, you can watch if you want, but you need to. You need to show up the way that I show up for myself, for me to be sharing energy with you.

Yeah. Oh, so good.

Yeah.

I'm curious what the version that you are now or, like, the. The space that you're in now. If you could talk to Sahara 2022, December. If we could teleport you this version of you right now to the tombs in Egypt, to Sahara December 2022, what would you say to her right now?

I would say that right now, none of this makes sense. You feel like you're going to have questions for the rest of your life, but eventually you'll just stop asking. Because it won't matter why someone did what they did. What matters is what you become as a result of it. And it hurts. And it's going to continue hurting for a while, but one day you'll wake up and you won't want to Cry and. And you're going to find yourself on the adventure of your life that's going to take you places that you could have never imagined. And everywhere you go, you're going to meet a new version of yourself that you would have never met without this happening. And you're going to dance in a way that you've never danced before. And you're going to sing in a way you've never sung before. And you're going to feel in a way you've never felt before. You're going to connect in a way you've never felt before. And you're going to cry in a way you've never felt before either. And you're going to start listening and you're going to really hear the signs of the universe in a way that you never have. Like, everything is going to communicate to you. And you're really going to just start listening to where you're meant to go and where and when. And instead of your mind leading your life, you're going to let spirit and God. God and it's going to take you exactly where you need to go to have the realization that you need to have to meet the people that you want to have. And you'll just continue to be guided. And everything is happening in divine time. Like when you look back, you will see just how everything needed to happen, exactly how it did for it to lead to this version of you now. And know that you're always supported, like you always have the next breadcrumb for what is to come next. And it's never going to come too soon. And the times that you feel like, I just want to get out of this, and you start escaping, like those are the moments for you to really dive deeper. Because when you sit with yourself in those moments, that's when you have that realization and that aha nugget moment that opens up your mind to an entirely new trajectory of being. And you will start to, to, to glow more than you ever have. You will start to just be so full of life right now. You feel like you're never going to wear bright colors again, but you're actually going to become way brighter on the other side. And soon people will start to feel the shift of the energy in you and you're going to start to notice it too. And then you're going to look back at pictures of yourself from months ago and not even recognize yourself. And that will keep happening and keep happening. And you're actually going to start reverse aging. You're actually going to start Looking way better than you ever did in your. In your 20s, because you've let go of all of the shackles of conditioning that you're holding on to, and the things that you look up to in other people and crushes are within you. That muse is you right now, personified, another person. And it's who you know you're meant to become. So lean into that and just really start listening and really just like, sit with yourself and let yourself think, let your mind wander, because you're going to start to notice a lot of patterns and synchronicities and get nuggets of ideas, and it's going to take you on this journey which leads to you producing music and writing and eventually writing an album. So know that you're exactly where you need to go and you can't rush the steps, even though you want to. And you want to know when. Like, when will I feel better? When will I get over this? When? And let go of the time frame and let go of the agenda and let yourself just be really present with the stage that you're in, because there's so much gold in that stage. When you learn that lesson for what comes next. And you can't skip any of those steps. You're so supported beyond, like, you are supported by unseen forces in ways that you can't even comprehend. And even the hardest things that happen, you know there's going to be a hard experience that happens at the end of the year, which I can share that here on this podcast that my place in London was broken into to. But even that led to me moving back to LA with my best friends and having this podcast studio and being able to, like, have my own stability and my own root chakra and not be looking for it anywhere outside of myself. So even that, like, that was my biggest fear, like someone breaking into my home as a woman by myself. But even that led to my best gift. So don't be afraid of. Of anything, because it's all take. You're not going through these experiences for yourself. You're going through these experiences because everything that you learn, you share with others and you transmute them. And your soul came here to learn love. You came here to learn love. But the only way for you to learn love was to learn what is the other side of love that makes love possible, which is heartbreak. And that's your curriculum. To learn the highest levels of love, you must learn the depths of heartbreak. Break. And I'm so excited to see where this journey takes you. I love you so much.

I loved that so much. Wow. You just took me on a journey. You know, my friend always says, if you spot it, you got it. So that's good to know. You know, if you spot it, you got it. So I guess that could be good and bad, but maybe let's focus on the good for now. It's true. True. It's true.

I mean, and also. And you saw me, it was like anyone that I had a crush on this year were always people making music.

Yeah.

Because I knew.

But earlier, seeing the things that you were had within yourself, I was like, wow.

The way that they make ad libs and arrange their music is so amazing. I must have a crush on them. It's like, no, I just like their music.

Yeah.

But as women, we do that because we think, like, someone else must have this thing. And it's like, be it. And then there's that fear of like, well, what if I become too big and no man will ever hold me? And it's like, so what, you're going to limit your expression? Because that's. That's not what love is.

Yeah, yeah.

Sometimes I think I'm like, look at Beyonce, how bright her light is. Like, you know, it's this idea that, as women were told, if we're too loud, we're too bold, we're too expressed. There's going to be no one for us. There's just higher levels of embodiment for us.

Yeah.

I don't want to be with a man who's like, yeah, you're. You're too shiny for me. It's like, get some fucking glasses, bro.

Yeah, right. Put your sunglasses on and have a seat.

Fluffing up my aura my radiance on fleek and glow Every order you know I'm doing me.

I mean, she said what she said.

Arrested sparkly other boys wanted but they can't get me I said I would agree they blasting up my phone but I'm focused on me Gee, my looks inspire me the way I manifest it and do it aesthetically. Gee, hand me H I T I kill him with the vibe Dancing like Shakti yeah.

I. I mean, you've answered all of my questions. I. I feel like I can sit here for hours and just talk about this, but I feel like the album really speaks for itself. Is there anything else that you want to share with your audience?

What else is there to share? You know, my whole life story now. You know what? When I was going through the pain after my divorce, I could not read a book. I could not listen to a podcast. Honestly, I couldn't even listen to an audiobook. I could just listen to music because it was just. I needed to think and be with myself. And like, I just pray that this album is able to help people go through those transitions in life in the way that so much of music helped me. And I didn't really have, like, music I could have listened to. That was like the frequency I was calling in.

Yeah.

Like, I liked the beats of it, but it was the lyrics. If anything, the lyrics were still projecting that old love story of a man choosing you and this and that. Classical romance. And so my prayer is that for this, it like gives you that like. Like that like, sexy embodied frequency, but with lyrics that are just like, this love story is about you. You have everything you need. And that doesn't mean you're going to be alone forever, but it means that when you have yourself, you're way less likely to self abandon when you see someone else come. Because the reason why we end up in toxic relationships and situationships and whatever situation is because we don't want to be alone.

Right?

That we're like, well, this sucks, but I don't want to be alone. So I'd rather do this than be alone. But when you can really sit with being alone, you're just like, do I really want to do this dance? Is it really worth up my vibe right now?

Right.

You know, and then you can. You can choose. You can choose to have the experience. Choose not to, but you're coming from it, from a place of sovereignty and being embodied and being so full and rich within yourself. And I really hope that this album, whether you're married in relationship, not in a relationship, we still need to remember that within ourselves. Sometimes in marriage, we even forget that we're a sovereign person to. And then that's going to also make you so much more magnetic and your relationship so much more palpable too. And it's not coming from this like, I need you thing, but it's like. Like I am so good and I'm so rich on my own, and then that just floods out in the love that I share with someone else.

Yeah. Well said. Yay. Well, Sahara Rose, thank you so much for being my bestie and for being an inspiration. I do want to acknowledge you for a moment, though. Are you ready to receive? Be open to receive. It has been such a beautiful journey to see you.

Stop.

She just can't.

I'm trying to.

Why are you laughing? Because I'm like. It's also been terrifying A terrifying experience, if I'm being honest. But, I mean, everything that you've created has been so deep and raw and authentic, and you know how I feel about a good. A good turnaround story.

Turnaround story.

I love it.

It's, for me, like.

Like, I've been waiting for your trauma. Can you imagine? But it's like, I love a good turnaround story. I love a good comeback. Like, you went through the depths of hell, and you came out like a phoenix just soaring through the sky. And when I watched that video, I mean, you obviously saw my reaction, but with the snake, like, the integra, to me, that was so representative of. And in. In a way, a closing of this chapter. Because as I watch it, being privy to your experience and. And all the details, I felt like, wow, this is. This is the closing. Like, that is. That is the end of the cycle. You know, it's the. The sort of snake eating itself. Right? Have you seen that? I don't remember what it's called, but. But to me, that's what I saw. I said, wow, like, we've completed a cycle. It's done, you know, and. And there's a. Like, you said it earlier, and I love that you said that before. I was going to ask you about the Liberation piece because I do feel such a sense of liberation with every song that you've recorded, but in particular, this one for me just feels like. Like I've arrived to that place, right? I've arrived to that pinnacle place that we all need to get to or at some point strive to get to, to feel like I got me, right? It's that moment in the mirror that you were saying, like, I got you, you know, And I think that you've really come such a long way in your journey and in your life.

It's crazy that you say that, because I share this on my podcast, my celibacy journey. Journey, you know, of. Since my last relationship, I didn't choose, like, I'm gonna be celibate, but I was just like, I'm a sacred signal, only be treated as such, only someone I feel heart connection. That has not happened. And at first I was just like, you know, there were times that I'm just, like, I'm over it. And it was just like, God was just like, no, yeah. You know, and that has become something that I'm like, I will share about that because it has been such a huge part of my healing of, like, just, like, noticing, especially as women, all the ways that, like, sexuality is a way that we get closeness, affection from other people. That. That has also made me so much more affectionate with myself, so much more closer with my friends because I was so used to. I shared with you the other night of how, like, even as a child, my parents were never very physically affectionate with me. Persian people never say I love you. It's just very like, you're. You're an adult. I was very, like, parentified. And in this journey of, of making this album, you know, sometimes I would be like, oh, my God, I'm like, like, maybe I should just like, date, whatever. And it would just be like, no, the. The album needs to be complete. Like, and then even, even right now we have these conversations, but it's like part of me is just like, no, like, I need to stay in this frequency that I recorded the album through the album, because it is the end of this chapter of like, deep being within myself, deep being in my healing, deep being self sourced, deep sitting with my shadow. I was sitting with the snake. And even like a lot of that heaviness from last year has really lightened. You know, like last. This time last year, I was doing a lot of deep, deep, deep work. And now it's like a lot of the unknowns have made themselves known. Like, I know where I'm gonna live now. Like, yeah, I have like, my routine. I'm, I'm. I'm back to work. Like, I don't go through portal. Like, I don't like, start. I don't cry about it at all anymore. You know, it's like I've stabilized to this new norm. And I think after a breakup, you're kind of in these, like, waves. The waves have surrender. And I do know the next chapter of my journey is partnership. And I hope to one day write a love album about this beautiful, healthy, healed, whole love that I'm in. And, you know, I'm such a powerful manifestor that, you know, I wrote the song past life shit, and I kind of like manifested it happening.

Yeah, she did real life.

And I'm like, damn, my next song should be like, you have secure attachment style. Yes, you're obsessed with me, but in a really healthy way. And it's not a love bomb. And you're not a narcissist. You're super healed and whole. You're. You're great in every way. So it is funny, but it's like. But I do also think that some of our greatest art comes from. Comes from the other side too. And it's like at the end of the day. We're writing our own stories.

That's right.

We're writing our own stories right now. So we'll see. The next album will write itself. Whatever it's. It's meant to be. But I do feel that now this album coming out is like that full initiation of the underworld, the phoenix rising from the ashes and back. And I know that March 8 will come, which is International Women's Day, and it will be out to all the women and we'll be celebrating. I'll be DJing at Envision Festival that night, sharing the music live in person with over a thousand people. I'm so excited for that. And then God will put me in the curriculum of what I'm meant to. To learn and share about next. So Trust Flow Starter. Let go.

That's right. Always.

Yeah.

Well, thank you so much for letting me host you on the Highest self podcast. Thank you all for listening and for watching us today. This is my favorite podcast number one. Please don't forget to subscribe, rate and review wherever you get your podcasts.

She really said that. Okay, well, thank you guys so much for tuning in. You can pre save or listen right now if it's after March 8th to the album over in the show notes. You can look it up on Spotify, Apple Music. You can watch the music video on YouTube wherever you listen to your music. Sahara Rose, My Body is an Altar. Share with me on Instagram what your favorite song is, what it brought up for you. Share on your stories. That's like the best way to get it out there. Make a reel of your favorite song. Like I want to see you making your body as an altar, adorning yourself as a sacred site, whatever that means for you. Whether you're in nature wearing jewelry or your essential oils or whatever else. And other all there's other. There's 12 songs on the album. Glow Every Aura, Self, Self, Love anthem, Patience, Breathe, which is like the new Trust Flow and many others as well. So I'm so excited to see it like make its way into your homes. I think that's the coolest part of music is like I've seen people like give birth to like different like Trust Flow and like I'm so excited. Like maybe these are gonna be people's like wedding songs or like who knows. And it's just like music just we have such of our own experience with it. Whereas like a book is like you're kind of like sitting and reading that person's voice. Whereas music, it's like your inner voice. So I'm so excited to see how the songs become part of your life and just to witness your own process. It's like this music is channeled through me, but it's for us. Like it's, it's for, it's for the girlies, it's for the collective, it's for the goddesses. So thank you. Like, it brings me more satisfaction, joy in anything in my life than seeing you guys listen. So share it with me and I'm so grateful to have you here on this podcast. I'm also going to be bringing on Everett, who is the director of the music video. So be sure to subscribe so you can watch that. And we're going to go really deep into the music video and the messaging and the about that as well. So thank you guys so much for tuning in. I'll see you in the next one. Trust your intuition, Trust your inner wisdom Trust your inner guidance Close your eyes and listen. So trust your intuition Trust your inner wisdom Trust you and the guidance Close your eyes and.