542: Turning Your Heartbreak Into Art + Healing Through Sensuality with Everett Satoru

A lot of us women would rather be with the wrong person than be alone. And that's why women limit themselves, because they're like, well, it's better than me being single, being by myself. And so a lot of this year has been me being really comfortable with my aloneness, really comfortable with my solitude, making friends with that, making art with that, making love with that. Even though it was fucking confronting. There were so many times that I was just like, oh, my God, like, why can't I find a boyfriend? And it's like to remind myself that being in the wrong relationship, it's like the biggest, biggest area of your life. If you have, like, the wrong person filling out that spot that, like, influences everything, it can completely take you off track. And proof is, is like, look at so many people after breakups, how they blossom. They move countries, they step into their purpose, they meet new aspects of themselves. Like, they look different. I look totally. I'm a different human. And it's like, from one person not being in my life that it's like, then when realize that you have so much more discernment instead of just like, oh, my God, I can't be alone, or like, you know, you're 50, so whatever, I'll just, like, not look at the rest. And instead of being like, wow, like, let me be slow, let me be patient, and let me, especially in between relationships, get to know this new version of myself. Welcome back to the Highest Self podcast. My name is Sahara Rose, and on this podcast, I love to take this spiritual journey and make it really grounded, fun, and relatable so it can serve your needs. And a huge part of this podcast has been sharing my own spiritual journey. My spiritual journey started with the health journey, like many of ours does, and then it went into Dharma, my purpose, into expression, and more recently in the past year, into making my own music. At the end of December 2022, I went through the hardest chapter of my life so far, which was a very unexpected divorce. And after that moment, I knew that this was either going to be my demise or the greatest thing that's ever happened to me. And I was the one who was going to choose. And there was a moment that I was on my knees crying, which I'll share with you in further detail because you're going to actually see it in this music video that I'm sharing with you today, that I just looked myself in the mirror and saw myself, like, in that vulnerable state that I had never been in before, and just looked at myself and said, I will always have me, and I did not know where the journey would take me. If you've ever been divorced before, there's a lot of questions and uncertainties and where am I going to live and what happens next? And it's really the death of an old world and the death of an old you. And I can honestly say that that version of me is no longer she is in the sands and the dust in Egypt, and a new version of me was born. A version of me that for the first time understood what liberation meant. That began really sharing my voice. Not like sharing my voice, but like, do you still like it or will it not intimidate this person? Or is my light not too, too bright for them, but like to actually step into what sovereignty and expression is like for me in this lifetime, especially for all of my ancestors, women in the Middle east, who have been forced into child marriages at young ages in both sides of my lineage. So in today's conversation, I am sitting with the director of the My Body Is An Alter Music video and we're going to be sharing the story, the symbolism and the message behind it. I also really invite you to watch the music video because it really is an art piece and with this conversation you're going to understand so much of the nuance on a deeper level. So I have it linked below so you can watch it on YouTube. We're going to share a little snippet of it right now so you can take a sneak peek and then you can watch the full transmission on YouTube. I actually recommend watching it maybe once right now, listen to this conversation and then once after because you're going to start to notice little, little symbolisms that begin to come alive for you from understanding the deeper storyline behind this music video. Rose petals on my feet Incense as I breathe Honey dripping down my lips I fulfill prophecies Crystals on my waist Blue lotus in my tea the way I'm winding slow bliss through my body Dripping in a rose of gold Real Life Fantasy Baby I'm an altar the secret sight is me look baby, on my altar the sacred site is me look baby, on my altar the sacred site is me. And before we drop into this episode, be sure to hit subscribe wherever you're listening to this podcast. That is the best way to stay up to date on the latest episodes. We've got this in video format, so if you're just hearing my voice, be sure to also watch our fabulous outfits on video as well on Spotify, YouTube or the Apple Store. This is the best way to stay in the flow with future conversations and also allows the podcast to reach more people. So hit subscribe so I can keep vibing with you on all future episodes. Now let's get into this one. So without further ado, let's welcome Everett to the Highest Self podcast. Welcome.

Hello. I admire you so much. That was a beautiful intro.

Oh, well, you actually witnessed me right after my divorce, like one month after I was in Bali healing and I was a corpse of myself. I had probably lost like 30 pounds, honestly. And I was almost like, I don't even know who I am in this next chapter of mine. I hadn't been on a camera in I guess it was like, it was like the end of January, so about two months then. And we did our. And that was like our first time meeting actually. And we did this goddess embodied piece and you interviewed me for the first time and I'm actually just going to link that video below too, so people can like watch the one year trans transformation. Because in that video, like my soul knew the old version of me is dead and there is this new version of me and she's a wild woman. We ended up recording it at the waterfalls that day. But I didn't have that poem written until after it was on my way to Trinidad that I wrote, inside of me there's a wild woman who has torn apart the Barbie box that society placed her in. And that really was such a symbolism to who I was in my previous lifetime of meeting my ex husband when I was 24 years old. He was also Middle Eastern very much I was like the good girl, perfect, doing all the right things then facing this betrayal. And I'm like, I did everything right and now I have to experience this. I didn't even know really about the shadows. I didn't really know about the darkness. And I had to come face to face with it and look at it in the eye. And that's what I really feel like my body's alter is. It's like one year later of like, okay, shadows. Okay, snake, I see you. I'm not afraid of you. I'm going to integrate you, dance to you, make love to you. And that is how my true expression arose. So I'm curious for you, like, what did you witness in that, like one year, that video to this my body is an altar.

It really felt like bookends to me. It felt like the beginning of a chapter and now the end of a chapter. Entering into a new. And like, yeah, physically you are very different then than you are now. Your radiance now has just, like, so much brightened. It's brightened so much. And you're just so with it. You're there. Which I love. Which I love seeing.

Yeah. Because it's like when we go through these really traumatic events in our lives, it's almost like we're like a deer in headlights. Like, when I look at that version of me In January of 2023, it was like I was so fragile. I was like, like new to this world. It was like, born again of just like. Like kind of like you're going through life, but you're not fully there. You're kind of like, witnessing it. And then what happened next on my journey was a lot of shadow work. I understood what shadow work was, but not fully until this of, like, how was I in this relationship? Like, how did I not know? Like, my childhood, my ancestors, like, everything I've ever been afraid of. Being alone, you know, and we have so many deep conversations about, like, love and intimacy and things like that.

One of my favorite things.

Yeah. And I remember, actually, I don't know if you remember this. It was like April of last year, I was like, I want to do a dark, feminine photo shoot with you. And we used to stayed in Bali. We didn't end up doing it, but I feel like my body is an altercation, is very much the dark feminine energy.

Absolutely.

Yeah, absolutely.

Integrated and anchored in and understood exactly after that. And you know something that I really noticed during that time when we first met a year ago, even though you were feeling all of these things inside, I couldn't really see that because you were holding yourself so well. And something I really noticed and admired was your curiosity for life. Even in the midst of that difficult time that you were going through. You were like, I'm here in Bali and I'm open to life. Let's see how things go, see how things flow. And that curiosity, I believe, is what carried you to where you are now. Right. Just this openness and this curiosity for life and seeing how things flow. And you're like, I don't even know where I'm going to be in the next month, but we'll see. And that's the energy that we took into the creativity when we first shot that ceremony for you at the waterfall. And that's the same curiosity and energy that we took into this music video.

And I feel like that's where art comes from. It's, you know, we have ideas of what we want, and then we sort of show up and allow the muse to be channeled from something that's greater within ourselves and just to touch upon the. The dark feminine energy. I feel like a lot of us think it's like she's like, angry and like, like physically dark. I mean, I am, I am wearing black today, but. But almost like she's opposed to the world. And I feel like my body's an alter. There's also like, let's, let's get into it. Like, to me, it's the story of facing the shadows eye to eye, facing the snake. So when we were talking about it, I think the snake is probably like the snake and the rose are the two biggest symbolisms of it. And for me, and I'm curious what the snake means to you, but I remember right after finding out about this betrayal, I was in Egypt, I was supposed to go with him, found out about this, and I went with my friend. And I'm in these tombs looking at these hieroglyphics and seeing the symbology of the snake again and again. And to me, the hieroglyphics really spoke to me. And they told me that the snake is the shadow that is passed on intergenerationally until someone is brave enough to say that it stops with me and that I was that person who said, no, I'm not going to pass along this pain and this trauma to someone else. I'm going to be brave enough to really look at it in the eye and do the deep healing work, to say that no one deserves to experience this. And I also know, like, the snake in many religious texts is like, it's. It's evil, right? Just like we've made Eve to be evil. But the snake is divine feminine energy. She is kundalini shakti. She is our sacral and sexual life force energy. And when I sat with Mother Ayahuasca, I actually turned into a snake and I felt that serpent. It's funny because I always love to belly dance and I always channeled serpentine like movements. And it was like I became one with her. And the snake is also the symbolism of death and renewal, shedding of skin and releasing of old and the cycle of life. So I'm curious what the snake means to you.

Everything that you just said. And it feels like. And we had some really awesome, amazing, deep conversations about the sn. But it feels like a shadow aspect that gets to be faced and also gets to be loved and understood and seen. And I think the approach of connecting with that aspect, that shadow aspect, it's not to shun, it's not to judge. It's not to create any sort of distance or adversarial type energy, but it's more about really seeking to understand and really learning how to love that side and really integrate that part into our lives in a way where they're almost like allies, you know, Like, I've also looked at, I've also. My version of shadow work is also like, you know, where I've almost personified these versions of myself as creatures or demons or monsters or dragons or something like that. Right. And if we keep them in a cage, if we keep them in a cage, if we keep them locked up, then eventually they're going to get out. And when they get out, they're going to be really angry and they're going to cause chaos. But when we can actually look at them and understand them and really see them for where they're at, we can actually go deeper and find the aspect that's actually in pain, that's actually hurting. And when we get to that place, then it's like, wow, I actually understand you. Right. Like taming a dragon in a way. Right? Or taming the snake in a way is really seeing it from where it's coming from. And once we see that from where it's coming from, we can really start to understand and create connection points. And then from that place it's like, oh, actually now you're my protector, you're my guardian, the snake is with me. And what's beautiful about the video and even the experience of shooting the video, this was your first time, really?

My first time dancing with a snake.

Dancing with a snake. And there was like one snake, but three snakes.

And the one at the end was like 18 foot long boa constrictor. Guys, they strangled people and it was longer than the entire stage. Like when it was out, how was.

It knocking over candles?

And there's candles, there's like hundreds of candles with real fire. These are one of this, one of the candles actually in the music video that were like this snake. And these snakes, they don't sit still and pose, they're not on drugs. Like they are fully alive snakes. And we're just like, okay, one move the snake makes and like the entire house is burned down. So we were like playing with fire.

Literally playing with fire and playing with snakes. And when before, when we were talking about this, because before it was just a cool symbol to be in there. And as we were getting deeper into the symbology of the snake, we were.

Like, wow, this snake is like, I'm taking over this music video.

Is really about your. Your taming of the snake and your connection with the snake. And so we actually going into this, we actually wanted to have some authentic moments where you were connecting with the snake and kind of unsure. And then as the video progresses, like you're one with the snake.

Because you're listening to this podcast, I'm going to make a quick assumption about you. Your friends come to you for advice. Whenever you're at a party, someone corners you and at the side of the stack table and starts telling you all of their childhood dramas. And you actually love diving deep into spiritual topics. And you have a really good way of communicating with people. So the best way to actually create a career doing this is through coaching. But I know a lot of people, they're like, I don't even know where to start. I don't even know what type of coach I would be. So I've created a quick, easy quiz to discover your unique coaching style. So there are three categories. The intuitive, transformational or empathetic coach. So the intuitive one really works with your intuition. You're able to receive downloads. You just have insights about people. The transformational one has more of that fire energy. You love to keep it real and help people go through the deepest phoenix rising from the ashes moments in their lives. And the empathetic coach really loves to listen, hold space. They're very grounded, nurturing. So if you're curious which type you are, you can try my free quiz@quiz.Highestself institute.com Again, that's quiz.highselfinstitute.com which is my school that certifies spiritual life coaches and you can find that link in the show notes. I'm super excited to see what type of coach you are because I'm a hire you one day. So just intuition, trusty inner wisdom, trust you in the guidance. And I remember right before because like two months before the video, I was like, oh, ever I'm going to dance with stakes. You're like, cool idea. And I just thought I would have liked like someone would like put a snake on me for like a second and we would do like a photo. I just thought the album cover was going to be me on an altar with a snake. And then as we went along, it ended up being our friend's friend who has a bunch of snakes. And it was. And then I remember two days before I was just like, I have no idea how to dance with a snake. I'm on YouTube how to dance with things. Guys, there's no. If you want a Good SEO niche. There you go. There was not one video tutorial on that. And I was just like, oh, my God. I just. Just kind of signed myself up for this whole thing. And I actually don't know, but I just trusted. And there was not an ounce of me that was scared that day. Like, I was so excited when I saw those things. I was like, oh, they're here. And they were such babies. And now, honestly, I want to get a pet snake. Nice. Yeah.

That's awesome. And such a testament to your growth internally.

Yeah.

To be able to do that in the physical.

Yeah. Because so many people are like, were you scared? And I'm like, there was not a moment in me. I was so excited. I loved just the feeling of when a snake is on you, especially, like, that very big one. It's like you have to be so connected, and you have to anticipate its next move because they're always. They're always crawling and going for what's next. You have to, like, put your hand here and give it there. So it's like, you have to be so deeply present. And for me, you know, some of the other shadows that arose between these two videos through. Through my divorce was like, first of all, looking at female versus male gaze. That, for me, like, the sexuality that I've learned, that a lot of women have learned is for male gaze. It's like, you know, the maiden sexuality of, like, be. Be, like, cute. Like, for him, you know, like the naughty school girl or French nurse Halloween outfits is like, you know, a huge symbolism of that. And this is sexy, but, like, it's. It's not for anyone's gaze. It's for my gaze. You know, like, snakes are something that scare most people, especially most men. I've no. I always ask men, I'm like, what do you feel about snakes? And that's like my. Because I have a snake tattoo, it's like, you don't like snakes. It's like you're afraid of the feminine. You know, you're afraid of that, like, wild, serpentine, like, energy that's within all shakti. So. And then also the long claws. And also when I sat with Ayahuasca, the way that she appeared to me was like this Thai goddess with long nails, like those, like, Thai fingernails like this. And that's why I got them and wore them in that. Like, I'm in my own sexuality, but it's like. But you can't just come in here. Like, I'm also fierce, and I protect myself and I protect my Boundaries, and I protect who I am. So there was definitely, like, the old me would have never presented myself that way. I would be like, you know, more like, I don't know, just like me being cute on a beach, which is great. But this is just like, here I am. I have arrived. Take it or leave it.

Yes. This is me. For me.

Yes.

And that's something that when I work with women particularly, I always know the difference between when they're doing it for me, doing it for the camera, doing it for themselves. And it's so important that I create presence and space for that to be like, hey, don't do this for me. Don't do this for the camera. Do this for you. I want you to be lost in yourself. That's the secret to being the channel. And once that's there, I'm so here to support.

Yeah.

And so here to capture that authentically. And once we hit that note, that's when magic happens.

Totally. And it was also my own journey of sharing sensuality publicly. Like, that was a huge shadow. I really sat with this, this year of, like, why do I even share on social media? And I had to really get down to the bottom of, like, what is underneath this? Is this my need for attention or validation? Or is this coming from me, you know, and really getting to, like, having those honest conversations with yourself? And what I came down to is, like, my natural heart. I love to dance. I love to perform. Ever since I was a child when I didn't know what social media was. I love to do a recital for people and that. And like, that is such a huge part of my gift and it's who I am. But just like, everything has a light and shadow. Like, the shadow of that can be like. And do you like it? Am I good enough for you? Do you? Do you? You know, I was also on a dance team. Are my feet pointed enough? Is it so? And then also, being Persian and Middle Eastern family, you don't share your sensuality, your sexuality. It's like, oh, my God, Sa haram. It's like, you will never. Like, you'll. No one will ever marry you. And so a lot of my journey over the past few years has been, like, becoming more and more comfortable that the old version of me would have never presented myself in this way that felt safe enough to. Namely, because of how I would be judged by my family. Probably that's the number one. And then, like, what they would say other people think, namely, now no one will marry you, which is like, basically, you're Gonna go to the tomb. In Persian culture, no one will marry you. And it's like, I feel I had to go through my divorce to let go of that, you know, of like, great, you know, I did the marriage, all the things. And it's like. And what we're here for is not to, like, be married and happily ever after. And it's a guaranteed of safety. Like, we are here for our dharma. We are here for liberation. We are here to know the totality of our being. And also, I don't ever want to be with a man who's like, how dare you dance sensually? Like, you cannot do that. And so I would notice in myself, like, throughout this year, the ways I would, like, self limit myself of, like. Like, for example, if I would go on a dating app, I would think, oh, what do they think of my podcast? If they saw my podcast? And they'll probably think I'm too much and this. And it's like, okay, someone might feel that they're not for me, you know? And it's like, so if I don't show that side of me now, well, eventually it's going to come out. The cat's out of the hat. These podcasts are on the air. So it's like, why would I go backwards? But it's this, like, concept that I think it's in a lot of women's psyche of, like, my liberation is at the sacrifice of my love. And, like, if I am my full feminine self, no one will ever be able to, like, fully love me and hold me and contain me. So I got to minimize my emotions, minimize my purpose, minimize my creativity, minimize my expression, minimize my beauty, minimize my curiosity, minimize my voice, minimize all of these things so I can be loved by a man. And then let's say you get that, but then you end up losing your spark and you end up seeing other women and you're just like, damn, I remember I used to have that and it's gone. And that's why I see a lot of women in long term relationships, myself included is like, you lose yourself because you're so caught into, like, am I his perfect version of a girl? Instead of like, who is this next version for me? So old me, like, before even a book would come out, I would be so scared of, like, what are the Amazon reviews? And what are people gonna think? And now New Me, this music video is out. I'm just like, whatever. If people don't like it, I don't give a fuck. You know? Like, this is honestly, like, when before doing it, I'm like, at the end of the day, this is for me when I'm old to look back on and to remember this chapter of my life, and I happen to be sharing it with other people.

And it's a lighthouse of truth. If that's how you're going through life, then you know what, you're going to filter through all the people that are not in resonance with you at all so much quicker. And that lighthouse is going to be the thing that attracts the person or maybe people that are meant to support that and be in alignment with that. Right? And it's kind of counterintuitive, right, in a way where you're like, oh, like, I'm kind of afraid, is it going to be too much? But honestly, go all out. Go all out, because that's going to just get you to the place that you want to be so much faster.

And I feel that a lot of us women would rather be with the wrong person and be alone. And that's why women limit themselves, because they're like, well, it's better than me being single, being by myself. And so a lot of this year has been me being really comfortable with my aloneness, really comfortable with my solitude, making friends with that, making art with that, making love with that. Even though it was fucking confronting. There were so many times that I was just like, oh, my God, why can't I find? If I find. And it's like to remind myself that being in the wrong relationship, it's like the biggest, biggest area of your life. If you have, like, the wrong person filling out that spot that, like, influences everything, it can completely take you off track. And proof is. Is like, look at so many people after breakups, how they blossom. They move countries, they step into their purpose, they meet new aspects of themselves. Like, they look different. I look totally. I'm a different human. And it's like from one person not being in my life that it's like, then when you realize that you have so much more discernment instead of just like, oh, my God, I can't be alone, or like, you know, you're 50%, so whatever, I'll just, like, not look at the rest. And instead of being like, wow, like, let me be slow, let me be patient, and let me, especially in between relationships, get to know this new version of myself. Because between relationships, you change so quickly that the version, whoever I would've dated one year ago is very different than who I would date today. And, you know, and that will continue to happen. But I Do think there is this like, like really rapid change energy that happens because it's like you were kind of like your growth slowed down a bit in the relationship because there's another person. So it's like you're still changing in relationship, but there's another person. You got to kind of loop in and bring in the picture and you're kind of changing with them. Then when you're out, it's like all of this growth that was like delayed. It's like, like all these things that you wanted to do, you finally are able to do. Like the moment I was out of it, I'm like Trinidad Carnival. I'm getting tattoos. I'm like, like all these things that like deep down inside I wanted to do, you know, and now I could. And then you start to like find homeostasis and find your rhythm and, you know, find your flow and eventually love finds you again and divine timing and then you go on a new journey. But I feel that this video was almost like again, to me, it almost felt like the completion of this chapter of like my aloneness and I'm in my sovereignty and learning this. And it's like I really anchored that in and it's like the art piece of that. And I feel like now that it's out in the world, it's like this, this new chapter that I'm stepping into.

Absolutely. That you've actually been stepping into.

Yeah.

I would say that this is a time capsule that holds the frequency of this entire journey that you've been on this this year. Right. Like all of what we've created, kind of frequency wise, energy wise, is encapsulated in what we created in the music that you wrote in the. In the visuals that we put together and all of the choices of the props and the wardrobe and the claws and everything. All of that is just a manifestation, it's a potency of all of those lessons in one video song, really. And that's what I think people are going to get to feel in that. Beyond just the lyrics and the beauty and the visuals, all of that, like they're going to feel that frequency.

Yeah. And it was so cool in making the video. I like, I shared you out loud. I'm like, it's so cool. I like produce this beat, you know, it's like down to like the beat. I'm like the da da dunna. Like I remember being in London thinking of that dinner. Dunna. I remember writing what was first the poem that became this. I remember being in the studio and recording It. And it's like, then, you know, I'm the stylist of it. It's like every. It's like I got to, like, handcraft this thing, start to finish, and. And it feels so like, Sahar rose, too. Like, we didn't even realize. So I want to also talk about the symbolism of the rose and the symbolism of the mirror, because that's also a very big part of it. So what do you see as, like, the rose medicine coming in?

I mean, kind of the Magdalene codes that are kind of dropping in there. There's also Sahara Rose. And also in the first ceremony that we shot synchronistically, remember the.

We found a white rose there?

No, it was a bouquet of roses.

Oh, my God. And they were the exact. Their Sahara roses.

Like the beige color. Yeah. So just for context, we arrive at this waterfall, and this is the first time Sahara and I are shooting at the beginning of this chapter. And we arrived there, and there must have been some sort of wedding shoot or something that happened before. And there's these bouquets of Sahara roses that are just waiting in a jungle, in the jungle that are just waiting there for us. And it was really. It was so beautiful to just, like, walk into that and be like, thank you, spirit. We're right on track. And we, like, leaned into that. You grabbed it and you just started, like.

And I remember we even went into the waterfall, and it was like, finally at the end, I did, like, my, like, free flowing thing. And I remember thinking, like, when I was married, I could have never done that because I would have been judged, you know, like, oh, how. How are you presenting yourself like that? You're married. And then I was like, oh, wow, now I'm. I can do whatever I want now, you know? And it's like, from that feeling, like a huge stretch to me to, like, now my body is an altar, which I couldn't even fathom this. So let's see what next year's music video breaks. Lord, I'm gonna be, like, freaking climbing up walls. Who knows?

But exponential growth. We'll see what happens.

We'll see. But yeah, the. The rose, you know, know, the rose frequency is so powerful. It's Magdalene and the Isis mystery schools of ancient Egypt as well. And the rose is the highest vibration living being flower slash fruit, ever. And it just carries such wisdom. Like, we can see how the rose is so beautiful, but it also has thorns, you know, that we can love it. It's supple, gorgeous flowers, but it's also, like. And you can't just like grab it it, you know, and. And I feel that that really is the energy of the music video as well. Of like here I am in my sensuality and my vulnerability and my, My softness as well. Like, there's such softness in that rose scene. You see, I'm just like dancing and like feeling myself. And like there were so many times throughout this year, especially being on my own, being celibate for over a year as well, and choosing to take that journey of like giving myself that love and that affection that we're so used to getting from someone else and just, Just, you know, for the first time, learning how to just like touch myself the way I would a lover. And sensually and non sensually also just like, like touching your face, touching your hair, as well as sensuality and sexuality and yoni mapping and like, you know, the rose is also the yoni guys honey dripping down my lips and. But also it's like through that journey, you know, Flash forward in last January of 2023, the day after. No, the day of us doing that waterfall shoot is when I got my tattoos, the hieroglyphic tattoos. And I remember telling you that these symbolize to me that I am a sacred site and will always be treated as such. And that I did not know became seed planted, literally became the lyrics of My body is an altar, the sacred site sight is me. And the song starts with rose petals at my feet, Incense as I breathe. So, you know, I feel that what happens for so many of us women, whether we dealt with betrayal or, you know, just society telling us that we're not enough, we forget our sacredness. And especially the dating world can really mess with your self worth because there is a lot of ghosting that happens. There's a lot of just, yeah, lack of communication, lack of transparency, feeling like you're just being replaced by someone else. And it can really, like diminish your sense of love, you know, that you're just like, well, screw love. Like, I'm just gonna get money or, you know, use people. And I feel what, what the reminder of my body as an altar is, is like. You are a sacred site. You are the temple. It's not outside of you. It's not. The altar is not this thing that you have to like, go and give offerings to it'. You are the altar. And when you walk like that, you magnetize people who also see themselves as that. Thus, see you.

Absolutely, absolutely. Yeah, that's exactly what I was going to touch on is once you hold yourself as the temple See how life responds and reacts to you as. As a walking temple. Because that's exactly what you are. That's exactly what we all are. And when we can see that and understand that and actually embody that, that all the decisions that we make come from that sacred place, right? And it's not about seeking for validation or needing a partner to fill a void. It's like, actually, I'm the temple. The sacred site is me. I'm going to hold this. And whoever is worthy and is attracted shall come.

This episode is brought to you by Better Help. So what's the first thing you would do if you had an extra hour to your day? A lot of us spend our time wishing we had more time, but the question is, time for what? If time was unlimited, how would you want to use it? For me, I would definitely love to spend more time going to dance classes. I always just feel so alive when I'm dancing with a group of women. It's just something that just opens my heart unlike anything else. It's the ultimate embodiment practice. And I realized this about myself from every time I would go to therapy and they would be like, when were the times you were the happiest? I would always remember dancing dance classes. So I learned to make that a priority. So I have definitely benefited from therapy, not just from the time that I've spent there, but the changes it has helped me make in my life that have made me become a happier person. So if you're thinking of starting therapy, which the truth is, we all need some help right now, it's been a crazy year and a crazy time, I really recommend giving Better Help a try. It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, suited to your schedule. Useful. Fill out a brief questionnaire and you get matched with a licensed therapist so you can find that perfect soulmate therapist for you. And you can switch at any time for no additional charge. So learn to make time for what makes you happy with better help. Visit betterhelp.comsahara to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp. H E L p.comsahara and you can find that link in the show notes. Yeah, like even like adornment and beautification rituals are extremely ancient. You know, in ancient Egypt, we had milk baths and, you know, adorning our body actually with. With honey and drinking the blue lotus tea. These are all lyrics in the song as well. And. And even in preparing for the music video, I told you, I was like, I feel like I'm in these Beautification rites of like all the things you got to do. Your, the nails and the spray tan and the hair and the this, that, that. And it was like, wow, I'm putting so much reverence down to like my body glitter, you know, of like every single beautifying, every sight of you. And then when you're in that state, it's like when you get dressed up and you feel really good is like you walk different, you talk different, you show up in a different way as opposed to when you just like roll out of bed, sweatpants, messy bun. And yeah, we need those days sometimes too, but you hide a bit. Like days that I walk out of the house and I haven't put much effort is like I'm kind of just like, don't look at me, you know. And days that I'm like this, I'm like, hello, I have arrived. I'm here.

Queen is here.

Bring rose petals to my feet. You know, and in my own journey of healing through this divorce, it was a lot through just like self care of just like, oh my God, I treat myself like this. Like I buy myself really nice dinners and I get myself massages and I do these things for me. So it's like, so why would I lower my standard for someone else? So self care being one end of it and the other end of it being through sexuality of like we talk a lot about like just like casual sex culture and how we have made being sex positive. Meaning that you're okay with just like casual heartless sex. And I feel that that is how many women have forgotten their royalty within themselves. Because again, they feel that sex is my means of gaining your attention, maybe your a relationship from you. And if I give to you, I will receive love. And then a lot of women end up feeling depleted, feeling their bodies were used, taken from, taken from. Which is funny because men don't have that same conditioning, you know, like if you have as a man, like if you have casual sex with someone, do you feel like she took from my body? Or maybe you and your journey, I mean.

Yeah, me and my journey, yes. Because I actually want and value lovemaking. The lovemaking frequency is where it's at that, you know, if I'm not connected, and we've talked about if I'm not connected, it's. It just doesn't mean anything. So I'm not going to do that.

Yeah.

And I also as a man hold my body as a temple, as a cathedral for everything that I be.

And men are not trained to at all. Most Men are not like woman. We are now talking about that of, like, self care. And your body is a temple now. Your body is an altar. But we also need this conversation with men, too, because if men see themselves as a sacred site, they also won't be just like, casually having sex with whoever.

Definitely. And I think most men. Men see themselves as disposable, right? Because, you know, throw the men in the wars, throw the men out there, they're more disposable. So, you know, they're a lot more cavalier with how they treat their bodies and things, which is kind of great because you can push your edge and be a little bit more bold. But from the perspective of, I am also a temple, I hold this sacred. Like, imagine when two temples, right, like, meet together in that way. Or imagine making decisions based off of that paradigm, right? Like, I'm not disposable. I actually hold myself in reverence as well.

And that's what we want more of as women. We want that king frequency, you know, of a man who's not just like, yeah, I'm disposable. Like, we. We don't need more like, soldier. It's like they're not even being soldiers in the army. They're just like, oh, whatever, I'm just gonna hit this, and it doesn't really matter. But at the same time, I feel a lot of women feel they're disposable, like, as a woman. And a lot of conversations I have is it feels like there's so many more hot, successful, beautiful woman than there are men. So it feels like if you don't give out fast enough, he's going to find someone else who will. So let me be at least in his life, even if he's not respecting me, rather than being by myself. And I think I know that when it's slower when you hold yourself as an altar, sure, you're not getting a million men every day who are going to show up as a king in devotion, but when you do find it, and it may take years, it's so much more worth it.

It's quality over quantity. Yeah, it's really quality over quantity. And I think it's so important to be able to have the courage to say no and to step away from something that's just okay or even good for the opportunity of great for yourself.

Yeah. And I feel again, it's like coming back to the patience piece of, like, instead of being by yourself and like, where is he? Where is he? The searching, the conquest energy which many of us women we have had to learn to become hunters because of our society is hyper masculine and we have to be driven and get things done. But then when we take a step back of just like, oh, I'm an altar. And when there isn't anything happening in my romantic life, I'll be making my own life my greatest romance. I will be getting myself the roses, and I will be doing my own beautification rituals, and I'll be communicating with my guides, and I will be giving myself the beautiful rose petal baths, and I will be writing music and poetry and going to goddess circles with my friends. Because then your life is so full already that then when that king, you know, you're first of all able to see the frequency of the king, that you can't even see it when you're in that, like, hustle for a man, get him energy. And then when he comes into your life, it's like you're so much more like in your throne, which is like this leaned back energy which allows him to come to you as opposed to this, like, oh, my God, there you are. And that. And I feel men can subconsciously feel that huntress energy. And then they're like, oh, so I'm the prize here.

Oh, subconsciously. It's also. It's very obvious. It's very obvious to me. Yeah, but. Yeah, and that's. And that's such a big difference. That's the difference between the queen and the maiden.

And I feel that this music video was really me stepping out of my maiden into this queen energy. And the maiden, you know, there was this mourning I had to do for my. What I felt a perceived loss of innocence after the divorce, after the betrayal of, like, damn, like, I trusted someone, you know, I trusted love. And I was never anyone. I never had a trust issue in my life, you know, And I'm just like, oh, my God. Now. I saw this, like, underworld that, like, someone can lie to you this much. And, like, and I had to really mourn in many months that, like, loss of innocence that I'll never have back again. But then what I learned is it wasn't a loss of innocence. It was a loss of naivete. And those are two different.

Great distinction.

Yes. I will always be innocent. Innocence is the purity inside of ourselves. Innocence is to look through life through curious eyes. Naivete is to think, well, because I trust you, you must never do anything bad to me. Well, I could trust a murderer to change what he does. The naivete is something we really have to step into out of our Maiden, the naivete is la la la la la. I don't want to hear it. I want to live in my fantasy world. And I feel when you go through a betrayal, especially by someone that you deeply love and you deeply trust, and it's very. Throws your world upside down and you feel very gaslit and all the things. But then you're no longer living in delusion. You know, your eyes are open to the full spectrum of reality. The full spectrum of reality being that we live in an unknown world and anything can happen at any time. And while there's this happening over here, there's also the snake dancing in the corner. And. And life will. Oh, it's always going to be like, this is the best one of my life. And then this thing happened. They're like, oh, my God, this is what's happened. I was having the best day ever. And then it's like, go through that and it's like, well, life not even got even better than it was before. And it's like. And it's gonna keep growing and growing and growing. And I feel like this music video, even as I'm speaking about it, it was like a. It's like a jump between these two worlds of, like, there's me with the snake and the altar and the nails, and then there's me just, like, dancing in the rose and just like, so feeling myself. And. And then we have the mirror scene too, which I want to talk about. So the mirror scene is like I mentioned in the intro of this. It came from that moment the day after I found out about this betrayal. And I was on my knees, like, just sobbing to a level that I never have before. And it was one of those moments that you look at yourself in the mirror and you're just like. Like you see yourself like that. It's almost like I didn't recognize myself. I was just like, I will never go through this again. And like, no matter what, I got me. And it's like something within me awoken. And it was just like. And I trust. I trust that I will be guided by spirit on this journey. And there has to be some sort of reason that I'm not seeing right now that I was taken out of this former life because there is a new life awaiting me that I. I just right now can't fathom. And now I can see it over a year later. But little me didn't know. It's like, you. You're a fish and you're in the ocean, and it's all, you know, you Know that little thing. And then all of a sudden you're like in a bigger sea and you're just like, wow, this existed. But the mirror keeps showing up in the music video. And it's almost like me continuing to look back and reflect within myself, to witness myself, to know that this I have myself through my darkest of times. I think there's this shadow of the feminine that we want to be saved. And I would even catch myself of like, when is this all going to be done? Like, when is this pain going to be over? And it's when I'm in a new relationship and then the pain is done. And that's not how it works.

Fairy tale.

Yeah, exactly. Happily ever after. And then I'm done with this being single chapter. Woo went through it. Never again. It's not how it works, you know, and the people who actually go straight into another relationship, the pain follows them. In fact, sometimes it's worse because now you're suppressing it and then it comes out in the relationship through another person. So I'm curious, your relationship with like the mirror scene and yeah, I mean.

That was also a big symbol that when we talked about it visually, it was gonna be awesome. But it was to me that tied together the sacred site is me. For you to actually be saying that to yourself and looking into your eyes, which everything we've just talked about was a journey of so self discovery. Right. And so to visually create that and express that, I think is really why the mirror existed. And to put that in the scene with where you're just laying on a bed of roses, this is your sacred space to be vulnerable, to be open, to be sensual, while also doing that not for anybody else. Right. Because if you look at those mirror scenes, you're not performing to the camera or to people or anybody, to an audience. You're performing to yourself and not even performing your being with yourself. And that was such an important element and aspect that I wanted to add into this video because one of the fears that we had going into it was like, oh, hey, look at me. Sacred site is me, blah, blah, blah, right? And it was less about, hey, everyone, look at me. It was more, I am seeing me, I am doing this for me. And to also tie that into kind of this year or this chapter of celibacy and self discovery where you, you didn't immediately go and find a rebound or find someone to fill that void. You actually stayed with yourself. I think that is such a powerful rite of passage for anybody, man or woman, to find sovereignty within Themselves to then level up. That gets a whole other echelon of vibration, to then be in this kind of new resonance with a whole new group of people that we can attract that can actually see you for who you are. And every time, like. And I've had chapters in my life, too, where I've decided to just be with me and not externally start to look. And in those chapters, yes, I've also discovered so much about myself, so much shadow work. But in those chapters, I was able to really look at how my channels of intimacy, of giving and receiving, were primarily through the doorway of sex. You know, And I've. And I've kind of mentioned this to you also, that I went through a year. I chose to go through a year of celibacy because prior to that, I was relationship, relationship, relationship. And my pathway to experiencing intimacy was through sex. It was like, I'm attracted to you. Let's have sex. Now that we have sex, I like you. Let's get into a relationship, and now let's get to know each other, which is kind of how a lot of us do it, right? It's just point and shoot kind of thing. And by. By choosing to not do that and look at myself and explore intimacy for what it is, I was like, wow, okay, all of my intimacy is going through the channel of sex. How can I experience connection and intimacy not through sex if I can't? If I'm not letting myself have sex for a year, if I'm not jumping into relationships for a year, how can I experience connection and intimacy? Intimacy? And that made me get really creative with how I was connecting with women, with community, with family, with people, with brothers, right? And in that time, it was like, I was like, whoa, I can experience intimacy in friendship and brotherhood and community, in sisterhood. And that really shifted a lot because now I was able to create these connection points, these deep connection points where I was able to find. Find the alchemy between myself and another and really lean into creativity, really lean into passions, really lean into the inner child, which is also a form of intimacy and love. And from that place, it was like, wow, I'm filled. I am abundant. I am in a place where I don't need a relationship. A relationship actually just adds more to what I already have, which is why I think it's so important for anybody to. For everybody to get to a place of really understanding yourself. And I think that's what we mean. Like, fill your cup first before you can fill that of others. Like, that's really the actual journey that we need to go on to get to that place. And so imagine somebody doing that, meeting another person who's been on that same journey. And then that's when you're like, oh, my goodness, who are you? You know, like, wow. This whole time I was like looking over here, but really I just needed to be with me on my path and just. I know and I trust that the universe is going to put me exactly where I need to be with the people that I need to be.

Yeah. You know, I feel most relationships out there would crumble without sex because it's likely the only thing that's bringing them together because they haven't played with each other's inner child. There's so many levels of intimacy besides sex.

Yes.

There's creating together. You know, we're gonna do a whole other podcast because we're, we're making a docuseries, guys, about all those seven layers of intimacy and connection. But like hearing each other's dreams, watching the clouds together, cooking together, taking care of animals together. You know, there's dancing together, singing together. Like, there are so many levels of intimacy. But, like, even the word intimacy has become synonymous to sex. Like, we're having intimate time. What does that mean? Sex? Whereas what is actually intimate? Intimate into me. I see. So actually intimacy is kind of starts with celibacy into me. I see.

Right.

You know, I believe everyone should if when they're and when they're not in a relationship. But even I know some couples that choose to have like 44 days of celibacy in their container to build the relationship outside of just the sex. Because a lot of times in partnership, sex becomes that like, okay, there's tension, tension. You have sex, it diffuses it, but it doesn't actually get to the root cause of what the tension was about. You feel more connected because you have this oxytocin bond. But the underlying issues are still there. And for me, after the marriage, I didn't say I'm going to be celibate for a year like you did. I was just like, I'm going to wait until I have a heart and yoni connection. And then the deeper I went and the more I realized just how sacred sexuality was, I was like, I would personally never do a one night stand for myself. And I would want someone who is aware of, like tantric energy because that is such a huge part of my spiritual pathway and not someone who's just like reenacting pornography and someone that I feel a level of like, emotional connection with, trust with Safety with, Didn't realize how rare that was. And you know, the first maybe six months of it, I was kind of like, I don't know, like still I didn't want to be in it, but I also was deep in my healing and like I, I could not have honestly felt, dealt with dealing with another person at that time. I really just need to be with my own thoughts, my own emotions. And in a way I was cosmically cock blocked that like I didn't even need to do anything. Like, God was just like, there's gonna be no options available for you. Even. There were times I would like go on a dating app, something. It was just like no one. But that was like I needed that first six months of just like grieving and feeling and going deep within myself. And then after that it just became like, like I just held myself to such a higher standard, you know, and then, then there's never any temptation. And to this day that now honestly I would only want to share my sexual energy with someone who I'm dating exclusively for me. That's what feels true. And I'm a very like sensual and sexual person. But we often think that that must mean share with other people. And again, different people have different pathways. But I honestly believe I, I gained this level of sexual and sensual mastery through celibacy because I, I learned my own sensual pathways through my own yoni mapping and self pleasure practices. I learned what touch really felt like for me outside of performance, outside of everyone else. And also sex is an energy exchange and when you're in relationship there's a level of womb clearing that needs to happen as well. That if you go straight into sex with another person, then you're bringing on their karmas and their patterns. Because we have to be real. We are. Sex is the energy that creates life and you are creating life with every person you have sex with. And in no way am I sex dreaming, like, do whatever suits you. But I, I, the more I talk about it, the more I see many women who are choosing this. And then now it's like just the frequency I'm on and who I attract and the, it's like the things that I see I could have never seen if I was still looking at people from like the sexual viewpoint that I look at people from the soul level first of like, do I resonate with you on a soul level outside of your attractiveness or whatever the chemistry is. And then I attract these, I tell you some of them, these like very deep soul connections with people, you know that it's like. And even for them, it's not sexual at all because I am so in my own sexual power that I'm not leaking any energy which is, which can be felt by the other person.

Right? Right. Because you don't need it. And when you don't need it now, you're actually able to find the thing that you and this other soul are meant to do. Right? It's like what happens if you can connect to someone without having to go through the doorway of intimacy, intimacy and sex and all of that. Right. If you're self contained, you're now meeting someone you feel attraction to. And maybe it's not an attract, maybe it doesn't mean I'm attracted to you. Let's get in a relationship, let's get married. It's maybe I'm attracted to you and we're meant to create something together. Maybe we're meant to go on this experience. There's some sort of codes that are meant to be shared in this moment. And so I think having a clean vessel, right? Just like kind of we mentioned having a clean vessel or being self contained allows you to show up in those situations without any of that leaky or needy energy. And you're actually able to see the soul for the soul.

Right? And I also feel that so much of female sexual energy or female sexual dynamics are performative based on what we see in pornography. That woman perform of what she feels he will like faking orgasms, doing sex positions that don't actually feel good for women and then they're stuck in this performance. And that's why it's like 60% plus of women do not have, have never had an orgasm like through penetration. And that to me is actually really sad. It makes me really sad, really sad that over half of women are not. To be honest, most women that I know still need to use vibrators during sex to have an orgasm. And in no way is that shaming. But girls, you can have an orgasm through sex. You can have an orgasm through your finger like your. You can have an orgasm without touching yourself, without even touch, without touching yourself. Your body is meant to be orgasmic. You can have an orgasm just from closing your eyes and feeling into that energy and like completely arouse yourself and not just have a quick fleeting orgasm for a few seconds, but stay in an orgasmic state for hours. Actually, every part of you, the inside of your elbow, the back of your knee, just, just like you can touch yourself in a way that's orgasmic. And we have forgotten that that we're so gross and overly stimulated rather than subtle in our society. So we're like, reach to the vibrator, the highest level. And then that eventually is not enough. And then the higher one and the higher one that, like, a human penis is not enough. You need that plus vibrator plus to watch porn at the same time, and that's not enough. And it's like, like, what are we really doing this for? You know? And I feel like sometimes you need to just, like, you know, when you ate too much, you just kind of fast a little bit. It's like. And. And I. I've actually never used a vibrator in my life. To be honest. It's never been my bad. But even my wound in this relationship of the betrayal was around sexuality. And it was the story that my mind created that sex with me is not enough. And that's such a sad story of like, okay, I guess I'll, you know, I guess I'll have to, like, be with a guy who wants to be, like, polyamorous because, like, sex with me is not enough. And, like, all these things and. And to go into your own, like, to be so slow with yourself, to be so present with yourself. And I'm like, oh, my gosh. Like, my pleasure is so sacred. It's so beautiful. And when I treat myself with such patience and curiosity and getting to know myself, then of course, I will only be with a partner who sees me as such, rather than someone who's like, like playing you like a video game. Make it squirt. It's like, think so many men just see women. It's like porn. It's like, get. Get the squirt button going. And it's like. Rather than, like, what actually feels good for you and being present and listening.

Yeah. And something that I've also experienced with partners is initially, when we first start being intimate or sexual, I notice that there is tension in the body. And I also. I noticed that mentally their mind is elsewhere and they're tense. And a lot of times, really all it takes is just saying, hey, you can be with me. It's okay. You can be here. I'm with you. And as we're here, also go. We don't have to get anywhere. We don't. It's not. This isn't an end game. This. We're not going into this beautiful experience to, like, get to the end as fast as we can. It's not about that. Let's be present. Let's be present and, like, see how long we can just be in this energy together. And when that happens, it's just, there's just like a softness and an opening and like a lot of times in the beginning they kind of glitch out a little bit. Like, wait, what? What do you mean? Like, you know, it's like, yeah, yeah, it's okay. Like we don't, like we don't even have to orgasm in this, in this experience. Like it's mostly about us just being connected. Be with me, be with me. And then you know what that does is that really slows down the energy and that calms it and brings it to a place of presence. And from that place of presence now, now we can connect. Now that like need to like finish things. That frantic energy that you were speaking to, all of that with, that can just dissipate and then we can just be. And now when we just be, let's like, you know, for me that kind of opens up the dynamic range of what's possible, right? It's almost like when you listen to loud music all the time and you're at the club, it's just one crazy beat that's always there and you can't really go up or down from that. But when you just remove everything altogether, there's like space to take it really, really low and to go really, really soft. And that's kind of what you're saying. Like even non touching orgasms are possible, but you have to be. I think it takes both partners to be able to play into that and to choose that paradigm to be like, you know what? It's not about getting to the end game. It's not about finishing. It's about being connected and being present. And let's be soft and let's touch and let's explore and let's be curious and let's have fun, right? And that take and that kind of gamifies it and that brings in that purity, that innocence that was lost that you were speaking to. That innocence can combat back and can feel safe and can just be.

Yeah. I find that for men it's often an interesting perspective that I, because I like to listen to a lot of things from a male's perspective to understand. And a lot of men don't actually enjoy sex because they're so focused on making her come. So he's just thinking in his head, don't come, don't come, don't come, don't come. And so he's not even present in the moment right now and he's like, try to make her Come. But then he's doing things that's not actually listening to her. Based on what doing She's. He thinks how he would want to be touched harder and faster. And then sometimes a woman, if she's enjoying it, he thinks that means go harder and faster. But she actually enjoyed it just as it was. So he's literally telling himself don't feel right to stay hard longer because his ego is tied to that. And then the woman is thinking, I don't want to bore him. If he knew how long it actually took for me to be turned on. On. He's going to get soft and he's going to be bored. So let me make myself turned on. AKA just use lube. Because I'm definitely not naturally lubricated enough.

Yeah.

For kind of get it in. Then kind of do the thing that I like. Then do the thing that I know that he likes because that'll make it done. She's already checked out. You know, thinking about what she's going to eat and the groceries and that kind of thing. And then the whole thing. We were actually googling. Remember the other day we were like how long is the average sex session? And it was. What did we.

It was four minutes low. I think it was like 10 minutes or something.

It was like 10 minutes including foreplay. Four minutes of penetration is the average sex sexual encounters in the United States according to Google.

According to Google study. Whatever. Whatever it is.

But it's just insane because it's like it takes on average what I actually learned for female engorgement of the vulva. It's actually 40 minutes. Minutes prior to penetration for full engorgement. How many people's partners are actually spending 40 minutes before any form of penetration? Less than 1%. You know, because we live in such a fast moving culture that we're just like, I have other things to do. You people will spend seven hours watching Lord of the Ring in one day. But spending two hours having sex, which is the most beautiful thing that we're all obsessed with sex in our culture. But then we're having 10 minutes at sex. It's like if we're all obsessed with gourmet food, why don't we eat gourmet food? Why are we eating junk food? We're so fascinated by this thing that we're not actually taking the time with. And I feel like bringing it back to your body being the altar is like, we can only have this gourmet sex that we're talking about when we first start to learn to have it within Ourselves, you know, when we first start to learn to be slow and gentle and self, self touch and curious within ourselves. I feel another shadow of the feminine is she's looking for this, like, sex God to like, take her to another world, which sign me up for that too.

That's a great fantasy.

And if you don't know what you like, how is this sex God going to take you?

Absolutely. Absolutely. Like, it starts with you. It starts with you. It starts with you understanding exactly what it is that you want and that you like. Because if you don't know, then you're just like, oh, well, maybe it's this, maybe it's what my partner likes. And then you just become a follower. You just kind of follow and fall into patterns. Especially in relationships.

Totally.

Which is why bringing it back to the sacred site and having this time to understand yourself, when you know thyself, now you know what you want, now you're attracting people that like what you want, and then you're actually able to communicate what it is that you want. I imagine that so many couples actually don't even communicate when they get into a sexual space. They just kind of become this primal, habitual, patterned version of themselves. And then they go, and then they're done and they're like, oh, okay, what are we doing now? You know, it's like that. But to actually be very present, very conscious of what it is that you want and the container that you're entering in, then it becomes this beautiful way of exploring each other and being connected in this feeling of eros, this orgasmic energy that I'm talking about. And, you know, I've actually changed the wording for myself to be sexual to just call it erotic exploration. Because to me, it's more about that. It's, it's, it's. And that's where the foreplay happens. And it doesn't even feel like foreplay when it's. When it's called erotic. Like we're just going to explore erotically each other, each other's bodies, each other's energy. Let's just lose time. Let's just be lost in time and be with each other.

Yeah.

You know, and it's not about an end game. It's not about even the sex or the penetrative portion of that entire experience. If it's erotic exploration, then it could be energetically we're like moving energy together or we're really being sensual with each other or we're exploring all sorts of facets of the erotic blueprints, Right?

Yes. The Erotic blueprints. We talk about them all the time, but it's so great to know. And for people who don't know, it's the sensual, the energetic, kink, sexual and shape shifter. And there's a quiz that you can take online to learn more about it. But I feel so many of us, we don't even know what ours is. We don't know what our partners is. And also, honestly, we can have all of them. You know, like, I'm more sensual and energetic, but. And I was like, least kink when I did the quiz, but that's the one I'm the most interested and curious to learn more about. You know, and I think that sometimes we just, like, label ourselves, or I would say most men are the sexual one, but it's just because our society has, like, conditioned men to just be more just overtly sexual and not sensual. I think a lot of men are actually quite sensual.

They can be. Yeah, they can be and they should be. And really, like, bringing it back to kind of taking that time to understand yourself. Right. When you have that time to explore yourself and understand yourself, you're not in this pattern anymore.

Yeah.

And you could actually remove yourself from the equation and look at it from an outside perspective and be like, wow, okay, Actually, that's kind of how I was. But really where I'm curious is here and here and here. And what if this and what if that. And, you know, bringing in that curious spirit of understanding yourself to then get to the place of knowing.

And also that that erotic, sensual kundalini energy is deeply healing. And it has been the greatest healing force in my life through this heartbreak. Because in when you're going through a heartbreak, like you're busted wide open, you know, and there are days that you are sad and crying, and there are times you are angry and there are times, you know, it's like it's a journey. And our Western culture says, okay, so, like, sit down and journal about it and think about it and get to your. And. And those things are important too. But sometimes you can actually transmute the pain through pleasure, you know, and bring. So sometimes when I would feel that sadness, I would just again, like, just touch my arm, arms gently and bring that feeling of pleasure to them and bring pleasure to the pain. And then it's like, you don't have to suffer through everything in life, but actually that erotic energy is yours to have within yourself. And it can bring you through the darkest of times. And then also sometimes too, through orgasmic energy, you can feel what was underneath the surface that after. Sometimes I would like, cry about something that I, I, I wasn't even conscious about, but it was in my subconscious that I would release that I would be like, wow, thank God for that, that practice. Because I would have never felt that feeling or yearning or a disgust or whatever the thing is that was under.

That moving energy through energy.

And I feel that, that orgasmic energy, it takes off whatever masks you're even wearing within yourself. Because we lie to ourselves a lot or we have all these doorways. I think of like, what I'm actually really, really, really feeling that I think I'm feeling sadness or I'm feeling loneliness, let's say. Like, I think a lot of us when single journey, I'm feeling, I'm feeling lonely, I'm feeling the yearning. But when you actually go deep into that, it might just be this like, deep, like abandonment wound or this deep like disappointment or. And then after every single time, I'm like, that energy would have been living in my body and I would be making decisions from a place of that energy had I not had that pleasure practice. And I believe why I evolved so quickly and my voice changed, which allowed me to start singing and making this music is because of those, those practices.

I admire you so much. You've done such a great job in your growth, in the way that you navigate life and the way that you perceive of obstacles in your world. You know, that's something that's actually that I really, really admire is you look at this obstacle and you're like, well, okay, how can I look at it from this perspective and this perspective and this angle? And you're just open to exploring it from outside the box. And I think that's such a testament to your, to your growth.

Well, if there's anything I've learned in this life is I don't go through the lessons just for me. I'm like, oh, God, you put me in this one. Okay, let's go.

Thank you.

And I know that my dharma is to learn these lessons first for myself. I have to learn them for myself. But I know I'm going to share them. And like, you know, when something new like this happens, you're like, well, for sure I'm never going to share about this. And then you, you, you, you start to, and you lose the shame around it. And, you know, you realize, like, we've all felt that on your on your knees crying moment. We've all felt tears from orgasm. We've all felt stories around sex with us not being Enough. We've all felt those things and we feel like be on the other side on a spiritual journey and like, not have any more problems again. And it's, you know, it's not that at all. And like, what I hope My body's an altar allows everyone to see is like, femininity is such a spiral, you know, such is life. Such is life. And, you know, this album particularly, and not just My body's an altar, but all of the songs were like, really chapters I was in moments of time I was in. So My body's an altar was really like that standing and that testament of I am a sacred site. Right. But then like, self Love Anthem, which is another song, is like, really about, like, letting go of the past and being on your own and being comfortable with that. Patience Breathe was the times that I would be like, am I going to find another partner? Like, what's going to happen of just like, Patience Breathe, allow receive and like, magnetizing what is meant for us rather than chasing. And then there are like, some really fun songs on there. Like, there's a song called Shaky ass for your ancestors is. And just like, having fun and you're in your, like, you're like playful sexual expression and, you know, and just like, the meaning behind that too of like, when we're shaking our asses, we're releasing our trauma and we're letting go of the stories and doing it for all the women who were told that they shouldn't. And, you know, every. Every single song really has, like, a message and a story around it. And yeah, I'm just so excited for it now to be. Be out in the world and to witness people's experiences with it and, like, see them make reels with it and like, the way that music just, like, becomes your own is, like, so unique of like, everyone has their own relationship with a song and what it means for them. So I'm so curious and excited to hear from people and see them, like, dance the music, like, go to nature, like, give birth, like, all of the things to the music and witness it in all of the different areas of their lives. So. So, yeah, do you have anything that you want to share? Any wisdom, especially around a creative process for someone who's like, maybe they went through a big initiation and they're like, I would love to create a work of art that really symbolizes it. Where can people kind of start to get their creative juices flowing?

I think it really just starts with the curious exploration of yourself and allowing and trusting and allowing yourself and Also the universe to unfold. And mandala itself. It's not about having an actual plan to have it all dialed, to just start, I think just the process of starting and stepping into it and trusting that I got me and I got this. And if I'm going to remain true to how I'm feeling and what I'm wanting to express, things are going to unfold. And that's almost exactly like how our music video unfolded is from us, simply from us connecting to the timing being right, to the story unfolding all the way up until we got to set. It's really a mandala effect. And it really just starts with the core and the heart of you and the essence of you. And if you can just remain true to that and let it fly, the next step will open up up, right? And to not be judgmental of yourself, to not need to know exactly how it's going to unfold, but really trust the process itself. Because creating, like when you act, when somebody claims that or proclaims that I'm going to create this art piece, you're stepping into another ceremony, you know, and that's why I really call creation. I really call my productions creation ceremony. Because that's exactly what it is. It's picture a big chapter of your life that's culminating into this, like, potent little art piece here. And within that, the universe is going to give you a bunch of challenges and obstacles and tests and gifts and pathways and secret doorways and all sorts of things. And so just to be aware of that and to step into the creation process like it's a ceremony, you're going to come out of it with so many gifts and so many lessons and so much more embodiment in the process. And I think that's. That's life, right? We're constantly cycling through these hero's journeys, these micro hero journeys. Every cycle, every time we birth a project or want to create a new art piece or move to a new city or whatever that may be. And so life is a ceremony, Creation is a ceremony. And if we can look at it that way, then we can receive the gifts and the lessons as we go through it and also trust the uncertainty of the unknown. Right? Like if someone is going to be creating something, especially for the first time, it's intimidating, it's scary. How do I know if I'm good enough? How do I. I don't know what to do. It's really you. Trust yourself, trust yourself, move forward, take that step, go into the unknown and see what's on the other side.

Trust your intuition. Trust your inner wisdom. Trust your inner guidance. Close your eyes and listen. All the words you said are intentional Trust. Flow.

Song.

It's so funny. And. And also, guys, you've heard me talking for the past year. I'm like, I'm gonna make a docu series about love. Well, Everett and I are actually gonna do it together.

Oh, wow. You're gonna. You're revealing this.

I've been talking about it. So these are. These are just. I've been like, guys, I'm gonna make this docu series. I don't know when I was telling every about. And Everett and I, as you can tell, we go into very deep conversations about love and sensuality and sexuality and healing and all the things. So we're gonna be. So that's kind of a ceremony we're stepping into. Like, who knows where it will take us? Inshah. Netflix and. Yeah, and just, like, bringing these bigger questions that I think we all have of, like, what is relationship in this 21st century? Like, what is the purpose of it? Like, the institution of marriage, sexuality, monogamy, you know, betrayal, dating apps, ghosting culture, situationships, attachment styles. I mean, there's so much there, and I feel like most content out there. There is. Has a stance. This is right, this is wrong. Be secure. Don't trauma bond. This is a narcissist. Oh, be careful of your codependency. And it's like, I've never felt more overwhelmed about love than I have, because I've been studying it for a year and a half before. I didn't really have any problems with it. I was just like, oh, yeah, you find someone and you just love them and you accept them and you work your rest. Now I'm like, are you a undiagnosed sociopath? Like, and it's like, you know, to look at those things, to not be naive, you know? And also, ultimately, love is, like, why we're here, you know? And if we pathologize something so much, we, like, separate ourselves from it because we're so afraid of getting our hearts broken because we think it's the end of the world. And if there's anything my body's an altar stands for, is that your heartbreak is your greatest heart opening? And even though the past year and three months of my life have been, like, definitely the hardest of my life, they've also been the best ever. Like, the most opening that I would have never become an artist had it not been for that. So this thing that we're so Afraid of happening, our hearts being broken ends up still being the best thing possible. So it's like, why not trust the intelligence of love and trust that it's the breadcrumbs guiding us to meet the right person at the right time, to have the right revelation that will take us to our highest level.

Always. Every time.

Time.

Every time. Every major chapter of my life, I've leaned into love. I've followed my heart. I went all in. I thought it was forever. My heart was broken. But then I got out of it and I was like, you know what? I'm actually okay. I've learned so much. And now I look back at these chapters, especially these chapters where I had really prominent romantic relationships, and I look back on them with love. I'm like, wow, what a beautiful time. What a beautiful version of myself. That was great. And that was everything that it needed to be. And now I'm out of it. And like, I love you. And for actually, several of my partners that I've had, I'm still close friends with to this day, even though it didn't work out, and some of them may have ended messy, but still, it's like, I'm so grateful for this experience. Thank you so much. And it's liberated me. And I think now, having gone through this cycle multiple times now, I know that, like, I know that I can lean into love even though it's uncertain. And regardless of what happens, I'm gonna grow.

Yeah.

And that's really why we're here, right? For. For our soul growth, for our path, for our Dharma. And perhaps there's one person for us, perhaps there's multiple people for us throughout our chapters of life, but really, just getting out of the fear of, oh, it's gonna hurt, and just dive right in. Because you know what? It's probably gonna hurt, but it's probably gonna be really pleasurable and really exciting. And it's going to lead you through all of these doors that you may have never chosen to do. Have that not been like, I've done the craziest shit in my life because of love. Because I'm like, whoa. Like, I am totally shape shifting myself because I really love this person or because I really want to be closer to this person. And let's just try it out and see what happens. And then I go on the other side of it. I'm like, whoa, that was great. I learned all of this stuff. I have this whole new version of myself that I can, can keep with me for all time. Thank you so much for for letting me love you. For showing me the way.

Yeah. I feel that when you have that love or even crush with someone, it's like a mystery school of that other person. And it will take you to move countries and, you know, take risks and do things that you would have never before. And then you just have to trust that whatever alchemy is meant between you two souls will unfold in due time. Whether you were meant to birth a project together, whether you are made to learn, teach each other a lesson, you know, whether it's a lesson of karma or Dharma or a combination of both, your soul will know. And then also the closing of it is the next part of the lesson. Just like you will move countries for love, you also move countries. Stepping away from that container of love and this. And so my body's an altar is like that other side of it of like the end of a relation. Because there's really. But love is always there. It just changes form. That was one of the hardest things for me is that, like, I have so much love in my heart. I have so much love to give. And it's like, where do I place it? And we're so used to, like, pouring it all into this, like, one person, right? Because it's like this like, tangible thing and it's not there. You're just like, where do I put the love? There's too much of it. And it's like. And I can't say you can pour all of it back into yourself. You could pour into your creativity, you know, because there's so much of the self love. But to me, self, for my highest form of self, love has come through, through creating this music, this music project. Because it's something that I'm like, crystallizes who I am. It's something that I can, like, live with and move with and share. And It's a baby.

Yeah, you know exactly what I was saying. You're giving birth to a baby.

It really is. And you know, like, last February, a year ago, when I DJed at Envision Festivals, like, my biggest DJ thing yet. Like, that was my first, like, really big, like, self love moment of like. Like, I'm the dj. I always wanted to date, like, it is me, bitch. Like, I'm my own fucking motherfucking superstar. And now with this, it's like, I am the Afrobeats artist. I always wanted to date. Like, so those people that we put on a pedestal that we had a huge crush on, it's like, it's us being reflected back to us. What we are desiring within them, is within us. And then when we step into it, it's like I'm the one I've been.

Waiting for every single time.

Time. Yes.

And that is such a universal truth.

Yes.

You don't need plant medicine to know that.

Exactly. Let's watch my Body. So guys, you can listen to My Body is an Altar. The album is on Spotify, Apple Music, and you can watch this incredible music video art masterpiece directed by Everett on YouTube. I will have the link below. It truly is a journey. Now you can re watch it from understanding the backstory, the symbolism of the rose and the snake and the mirror and the dance moves and the sacred sensuality and the celibacy. Like, now you really know what's going on behind there. So please leave a comment for it on YouTube. That really helps support it reaching more people. I really believe what collective consciousness is missing is, like, symbolism. You know, back in ancient Egyptian times, we would see the symbolism of the hieroglyphics all the time. They would communicate to us. And we're kind of missing that, like, things. Things there often is symbolism, but it has, like, like, weirder and darker agendas often. But like, to see symbolism that of things that have so much heart and meaning. So, like, maybe our YouTube comments are going to help someone, like living in the middle of Nebraska. Like, wow, I really am a sacred site and should be treated as such. Like, I'm not going to deal with this abusive partner. Like, I'm going to step into my full sovereignty and like, their children seeing it and the ripple effects it has upon that entire, like, ancestral lineage. Like, it can be something so simple of, like, wow, I am the rogue. And that just like, reminding us of our divinity. So we can all play a role here. And this art piece isn't really mine. It's not really ever. It's not really any of ours. It was really hand. We were just showing up for the role. Like, we didn't even fully know what was gonna happen.

We were stewards for this creative being that wanted to go out in the world. And it's about to start walking.

Exactly. So we can all play a role in this collective. My body is an alter movement together by sharing it, sharing on your Instagram stories, sharing it with your friends. And let's put the kind of symbolism we want out into the world. One that reminds us of our sacredness, our divinity, our sovereignty, our liberation, and that we are always inherently safe within ourselves. So you can find those links listed below. I can't wait to see you and share this episode with your friends. I'm so curious to hear what insights you had from this conversation. And thank you so much for your support. Support. I'll see you in the next one. Trust your intuition, Trust your inner wisdom Trust your inner guidance Close your eyes and listen. So trust your intuition, Trust your inner wisdom, Trust your inner guidance Close your eyes and listen.