553: A Message For The Single Spiritual Girlies with Sahara Rose

It's not because he likes you so much and he just doesn't know what to say. And he's sitting at his phone, he's asking his friends what he should text you because he likes you so much. This is what my tarot cards say. But like, you guys are soul mates. You guys are twin flames. You guys are just made for each other. The cards that all a hundred thousand people on Tick Tock are watching right now. All of you guys have the exact same fate. Some of you have seen those before. It's like if you're watching this, you manifested it. The cards say he's obsessed with you. Obsessed. I just can't get over you. That's why he's not texting you. Cuz he likes you so much. It's. Oh God. Oh God. Four of cups. It's a lot. Whoa. He's just, he's. I knew it. Maldi's wedding. Let go. I'm the one I've been waiting for. We need to stop centering men around every single decision that we make, thing that we do. The reason why we're not being able to be present in this incredible experience that we're in, because we're thinking about whether he texted us back. We need to reclaim our power. Welcome back to the High Self podcast. My name is Sahara Rose and on on this podcast, I love to take spiritual concepts, matters of the heart, conversations I'm having with my personal friends and bring it to you here on the podcast. And this is a conversation I am having with so many of my single friends. And these are women who are successful, soulful, spiritual, sensual like dreams of women like yourself. And it's why can't I be happy in this incredible accomplishment that I have in this beautiful life that I made in this trip that I paid for? Why can't I be happy? Because all I'm thinking about is that I'm not there with my man. And before we drop into this episode, be sure to hit subscribe wherever you're listening to this podcast. That is the best way to stay up to date on the latest episodes. We've got this in video format, so if you're just hearing my voice, be sure to also watch our fabulous outfits on video as well on Spotify, YouTube or the Apple Store. This is the best way to stay in the flow with future conversations and also allows the podcast to reach more people. So hit subscribe so I can keep vibing with you on all future episodes. Now let's get into that. This one. So I'm Going to be speaking to this from a heteronormative perspective, because that's mine. And looking at the natural biology of women and men, women tend to center relationships more. There is a biological component to this, but there's also a massive cultural and societal conditioning component to it. So I'm going to talk about where this comes from, why our brains are like this, and how we can move beyond. So if you have caught yourself in everything that you're doing, thinking, I wish I was here with a partner. I wish I could find a man. This moment is incomplete because I have no one to celebrate it with. You're not alone. You know, I remember after my album launch party where I literally DJed and performed at Envision Festival, my. My first debut album. It's like pinnacle of my life, peak experience. It was off the charts insane after I came off that stage. And I was so fucking sad. I was so sad that I did not have a partner to share that moment with. Granted, two of my friends were with me. Lots of people came from all over to be there with me. I have a very full life. But there was still this sadness within me of like, I wish I had a partner. And instead of being on the high of, I just performed. I went into the slow. I went into the slow of, when am I ever going to find anyone? Have you ever felt this before? Maybe it was something you worked for really hard for a long time. You finally got that thing. But all you're thinking about is, why am I still single? Why don't I have anyone to celebrate this with? Maybe you've always wanted to travel somewhere and you decide that you're going to go to this place on your own or maybe with some friends. But you're thinking, I wish I was here with my partner. So if you've ever felt this way, I just want you to know that you're normal. So let's talk about the biology then let's talk about the sociology of it. And let's talk about, like, the real deal, how we can move past this, because it doesn't need to come from this void place. And I always just share with you from my personal experience, just being a single woman in 2024, where there is. It's hard, it's rough out there in the streets. If you know, you know. And it's really easy for us to fall into this. Like, I'm going to be single forever. Like, there's. I'm never going to find someone. I've become too conscious, too expressive to this to that, and let's just talk about where that's coming from, because I feel we shame ourselves around it. We think we're the only ones who experience it. And I want you to know that that's not the case. So let's talk about the biology of why this shit's going down for you right now. For thousands of years, women's safety has been based on men. If we did not have access to the tribe, we would literally die. So we needed to learn how to fawn, how to people please the most powerful man or men in the tribe to make sure we had a place in the tribe for our survival and safety. So if a woman was considered too loud or too expressive, she could actually be kicked out of the tribe and no longer have access to food, resources, safety, and die. And this was the case for thousands and thousands and thousands of years. So it's coming from a really pure place of I just want to survive and I can't survive without a man again. That's what the biology is telling us. Is that the truth of today? No. But our bodies are telling us because I am not protected by a man, I am vulnerable. So this is why, you know, for myself, when I first became single, it was like. Felt like my arm was chopped off. It was like I didn't even know how to be in the world. I felt so vulnerable because I was so used to having a partner to depend on. And it was like this, like, deeper biological of like, I need to find someone to replace this void in my life that I really sat with until it no longer feels like that place. So if you feel that it's a subconscious feeling that's part of the process, we all go through that and it's completely normal. However, it's really important that we don't stop there and we don't definitely go into relationship from there, because if we do go into relationship from there, I. There's a void in my life. I am not safe. Well, we're probably going to attract someone who is controlling, narcissistic. We may overlook red flags, toxic behavior, simply because we don't want to be alone because we don't feel safe. And that's how we end up in actual unsafe situations. So we actually manifest the thing that we do not want to happen by being so afraid of being on our own, when we're actually more likely to be unsafe by being in a relationship with someone who is abusive, with someone who is controlling, with someone who is narcissistic, with someone who's sociopathic. Which is a very real experience for many, many women. So it's interesting how the very thing that we're the most afraid of, we actually end up creating it by not addressing it. So let's address it right now. It's normal that when you're single, sometimes you just feel like you're the only one. Like, you are left out. Like, everyone else is going to get old with their partner and you're going to be left alone and you're going to be the only one left standing. It's normal to feel that way. We have all felt it. I know it sometimes feels like you're on a game of musical chairs and, like, all the chairs are getting taken and there's going to be no more chairs left. And then it's like, like, what do I do? I'm kicked. I'm kicked out of the game. I have to, like, go move up into the hill with all my cats. And that's not the case. So we have to address the biology of my body thinks I am not safe. But the truth is, the truth is I actually don't need a man for my safety. I'm not saying let's all repel from the men. I'm not saying that at all. I'm such a fan of love. I'm such a fan of sacred union. However, we can't go into sacred union from this place of I need a man. I need one for safety. I need one because there's a void. So literally telling your body when you're in those states of, you know, that, like, feeling of, like, loneliness that sometimes takes over, that you just want to be held, you just want to be loved, you just want to have someone like, like, just, like, hold you. Those are the moments to hold yourself and to literally hold yourself, touch yourself, caress yourself and tell yourself, I got you. We're all right. We're all good. We're safe. Look at where we are. We are safe. And I dive more into practice on how to do that in my ultimate heartbreak healing course, which I'll link below. So now let's talk about the societal component. So the societal component is, for thousands of years, we have also been told by society that if you are not in a marriage, you are an outcast. You are a witch to be burnt at the stake. That literally happened to millions of women in Europe and then moved to Salem. And that's actually where I grew up, right outside of Salem, Massachusetts. I was always visiting where the witch trials took place because a deep part of me resonated with that archetype of for sure, in a past life, I was a witch who was burnt at the stake for being too magical, too spiritual, too mystical, too out there. And so for many of us, we have this deep conditioning that if I am my full self, I will be too much for any man. And no man will be able to hold me if I dress too much. Definitely can't wear the top Sahara wears. If I dance, if I sing, if I, you know, show a picture of myself in a bathing suit, if I express my opinion too much, if I have political beliefs, if I talk about money, if I make too much money, if I have a business, if I have goals like all of these things, it's like you're damned if you do, you're damned if you don't. Because then also if you don't have those things, then we're thinking, what is he going to think? So do you see here, the key is that we keep centering what is he going to think as opposed to what do I want? And we have been so conditioned to be like that as a society that when we do see a woman who's wearing a cute little sexy top, we assume, oh, that must be for a man. You have to be doing that for attention because I can't fathom a reality where you would want to dress for yourself. I can't fathom a reality where you like to dance because it feels good for you. I can't fathom a reality where you are doing anything for yourself because it all must be for a man. So then if you're doing it, oh, now you're attention hungry. Do you see the thing here? So we have been so conditioned that every little thing that we do must be to get acquire a man because that will acquire and get our safety and space in society. Therefore, we simultaneously judge people doing those things because we think, oh, you're just doing it for the same safety that I'm actually trying to go for. I'm just trying to not make it look like I'm doing it for the safety catching on with me here calling all the certified lover girls out there who's looking for a romantic or even steamy story that just opens up your heart and makes life a little bit more interesting because maybe this love story is really about you. So you don't need to chase toxic men. You can just listen to sexy short audio stories that will open up your heart and allow you to reconnect to the romance of life through Dipsea. So they are an app full of hundreds of short spicy audio stories that bring scenarios to real life. I'm talking second chance romances, adventurous vacation flings, maybe werewolves, Greek gods, fairies, whatever your thing is. Dipsy has a story for you. So for listeners of the show, Dipsy is offering an extended free 30 day trial. When you go to dipsy stories.com Sahara that's 30 days of full access for free. When you go to D I p s a stories.comsahara and you can find that link in the show notes. So trust your intuition, trust your inner wisdom, trust you in the guidance who is benefiting from this? Who is benefiting from the story that we have told Young girls who turn into women. That if you're too expressive, if you're too bold, if you're too opinionated, if you take up too much space, if you talk too much, if you exist more than this little box and we have put you in, you'll never be married, you'll never be loved. No man will ever love you and you will end up alone and miserable. You'll be the fucking cat lady and no one will ever love you. So stay away from all those things. Stay away from that spirituality stuff that makes you a witch. Stay away from your body that makes you a whore. Stay away from talking to boys. Definitely you're asking for it. You're just asking for it at this point. Stay away from anything that gives you any form of life outside of a home. Well, because then you're an outcast. No one will ever love you. No, us men will take away our power of loving you and you will be miserable without us. That's the ingrainment that's in every single movie we watched. I love a Disney movie, but let's be fucking real, go back and watch some of those. I watched Little Mermaid. I couldn't get through it and I love the soundtrack. But it was just like, wait, she had to give up her voice to be with the guy. Ursula's like, okay, you can be with the guy, but you can never speak a word. And he's like, oh, a silent bitch. Love that. Do not let the patriarchy fuck up your vibe. As Lizzie Jeff says in our song the feminine is rising. I'll link that song below, but you could see here how deep it is. Imagine our tiny little four year old brains are being programmed with that to be chosen by the Prince Charming. I must cut myself off from my voice. That's the only way I will be loved and I will be accepted and I will have the life that I want. And we might Know this, like, consciously, like, yeah, of course Disney movies fucked us up. But, like. But, like, let's bring it back to now. Like, I'll be real. I just hosted a fucking festival, My own festival. Spiritual teachers, African dancers. I DJed. I live performed my album. Like, 300 plus. People came from all around the world, from Singapore, from Trinidad. It was, like, the best day of my life. It was so amazing. And I'm going to be real with you. The days before the event, I literally was barely thinking about the event because I was thinking about if someone texted me back. I'm embarrassed to say it, but I'm going to say it here because I know it's just a single girl who's watching this right now. I was thinking about some. Some guy liked me, and I caught myself, and I'm like, sahara Rose, you have your own festival. This is the biggest, pinnacle of your career. You have worked over a decade for this moment, and you are giving up your power thinking about if someone who you literally just met likes you. And I was like, damn, if I, even with my career, even with my friends, am in this. I'm like, everyone must be going through this right now. And it's so fucking crazy, because I talked to my other friend who was speaking at this event. Powerhouse of a woman. She's like, dude, I cannot stop thinking about why I gave my number to these guys. And they're not texting me because they said they would ask me on a date, and they haven't asked me. Is it me? She is a queen. And this is where her thoughts are going. That's where my thoughts are going. It's probably where a lot of your thoughts are going. We have so much going for us, so much beauty in our lives, friends, careers, you know, and even if not, everything's flourishing in your lives. It's like, you've come a long way. If you're listening to this podcast, you're not the average Muggle, let's just say that. But how much of our mental thoughts do we give to romantic relationships? And if you're heteronormative to men, And I, I have many male friends. I love men. But it's a different relationship we get when we're romantically interested in someone. All of a sudden, it's the games. All of a sudden it's, does he like me? Is he gonna choose me? And then we start to become the perfect version that we think he wants. Oh, I noticed on his Instagram stories he loves basketball. So I'm gonna, like, watch basketball. Oh, he loves this style. I'm gonna start dressing like this. And it's. It starts with these little innocent things that we do. You know, I'm gonna take interest in his interests and, you know, we'll have something to talk about. Starts there and then it's, you know, you go into it. Let's just say this guy loves basketball. And you're like, I'm gonna start like learning more about basketball. Cause then we'll have some. Maybe he'll invite me to a basketball game. So I'm going to be like his basketball buddy. That's my plan. Because let's be real, we do that shit. We plan the dates in advance before these. He's even asking us. So you start watching basketball and then you go on a date. And then you're like, I love basketball. That three quarter, that Stevenson shot was amazing. You say the thing. He's like, wow, I didn't know you love basketball. I'm going to take you to a basketball game. You're like, I manifested. I did it. He's taking me to a basketball game. And then the whole basketball game, he's like, whoa, whoa, whoa. He's like super in his mask and he's doing the thing. You're like, yeah, so tell me about your. Oh, my God, he shot the alley oop. He did that. Wow. Amazing. Like, yeah, cool, cool. So what do you like to. Oh, my God. The way he did that reverse. And then. So you're not even being met, but you're like, okay, whatever. It was this. It was a seed planted now. Now we're going to have this relationship. Well, he thinks it's a basketball relationship now. So every time you go out, he's like, let's meet at the sports bar. And then at the sports bar, you're like trying to have this deep conversation, trying to be seen. He's talking about basketball or he's talking about other things. He assumes you're just like a chill sports girl. And is he wrong? That's how you presented yourself, because you really wanted the date. You really like him. But then your inner lover girl is like, stern get dehydrated. She's like, he never really asks me how I'm doing. He never really shows interest in what I like. He's never gotten me flowers. He never really wants to spend quality time together. It's just always like with his friends, sports bars, you know, obviously he wants to have sex with me, but like, he doesn't like, deeply know me. I don't feel like he like, Values me. I don't feel like he does like anything romantic for me at all. Have you ever been there? And then what happens is you are now in this relationship with this person and your needs aren't being met and you're starting to feel resentful. And that resentful is coming off as like little passive aggressive, like, well, you never do anything nice for me. Oh, well, Willa's boyfriend gets her flowers every Sunday. Oh well, Stephanie and her partner go to the farmer's market together. Oh well, you don't even try knowing anything about my day. And these little comments and how men receive them is like, this is like a stab to my identity. Like, what are you saying? And then it creates more distance. So you're not really saying the full truth. You're just making these little comments thinking, like, I'm planting the seed. And he's taking it as, you don't value, you don't respect me. More separation, more separation. And then eventually the relationship will end because you're not going to feel seen, heard, met, understood, the very things you wanted a relationship for. But you thought, well, I want these, I want to feel this way. It's through a relationship. But now let me be the version that I think he wants to get into the relationship, and now I have to stay as that version of me in the relationship. Someone who is not romantic at the beginning unless he decides to really work through it together. There's that possibility. But 99% of the time he does not all of a sudden magically become romantic because you've made some passive aggressive comments. Most of the time. People show you how they are at the beginning of a relationship, especially men. If anything, they Sweden it at the beginning. So if he is 50% romantic at the beginning, it's likely going to dwindle. Unless he's great at communication, great at taking feedback, and it can grow. And that does happen. But if he already has a hard time with communication, doesn't take feedback, doesn't seem to value this thing. Please don't think that I'm going to get him into a relationship and he's going to become the guy of my dreams. We do this to ourselves so much as women. We think, well, I like him, I see the potential in him. I know he's capable of it. I know he's a deep soul inside. I see it. So, you know, I'm gonna, I'm gonna like, do the things he wants to do and dress how I think he would want me to dress and definitely dim my light. Oh my God. Can we talk about the dimming of light that happens in relationships? I mean, I definitely did not dress like this when I was married. And it's a two way dance here. There's this feeling as women that we get in a relationship that's like, I don't want him to think I'm trying to get other men's attention. I want him to know I'm all in. I want him to know that I'm a good girl. I want him to know that I'm wifey material. So I'm going to start dressing more conservatively. And you see these like feminine femininity, they call themselves like YouTubers and stuff. They're like, be modest, be this, be that. Meanwhile, that exact guy who you're trying to get follows a bunch of only fans, girls, and likely is cheating. I'm just saying, if you're going for someone who's only with you because you dress modestly, he clearly doesn't see you for who you really are. Okay. But back to what we do to ourselves as women. We shut off the parts of ourselves that could be too sparkly, that could draw attention, that might make him feel any form of discomfort because we feel, I want to secure the relationship. I want him to know I'm not talking to anyone else, so I'm going to dress the part. And again, there's beauty in dressing modest. Modestly. I come from the Middle East, I grew up family members wearing hijab. There's beauty in that, but it has to come from you. If you have all of a sudden change your style because you've entered into a relationship or you think that this guy is more likely to invest in you if you cover yourself up. But that's not how you were before. You're changing, you're changing right now. And it's important to note that. So then what often happens is we start to cut off the parts of ourselves that might draw any form of attention. And we start to lose ourselves. We start to become little shadows of who we used to be. And we lose that spark. In fact, we lose this, the very spark that drew him to us. And I see this happen in long term relationships. You know, the girl is like super amazing, shining her light, enters into relationship and is like slowly over time, she's just prioritizing him. And that's just the beginning. But there's also the energetic prioritization that we do in relationships of waking up. How does he feel today? Oh, he's in a bad mood. Did I do something Wrong. Are you okay? Are you mad at me? Are we good? How much of that takes up your mental space when you're in a relationship? I remember if my ex woke up and he felt distant from me. The whole day I'm thinking, what did I do? Like, did I do something wrong? Is he mad at me? Is Because I would ask him, he's like, yeah, everything's fine, everything's fine. And. But in a way that it wasn't fine and kind of implying, like, you did something. So I'm in my head, like, what did I do? I couldn't be okay unless he was okay. And again, especially those of us who are empathic, we really feel people's energy, especially if we're living with the person. So then my whole day is going to, is he okay? And then, then he'd come out of his office and he would just be okay because it had nothing to do with me or it had to do with his own shame and his own secrets and his own things that he was up to. And then here I went, giving my whole day to making sure that he's good and he's okay and I can't be okay unless he's okay. And then all of a sudden, his moods shifted. Did he at all acclimatize to me? No. This is what we do as women. We give up our full selves to the partner and in this case, to the man. And men don't do the same thing for us. Like, do you think that guys sit around on their phones, most men wondering if you're going to text them back? Do you think that they can't enjoy the accomplishments of their lives because they're not sure if you like them? Do you think they're like, at the biggest thing of their careers? They're hosting a massive event, hundreds of people, and they're like, is this guy, Is this girl into me or not? I can't even be. I can't even focus. Is she, is she into me or not? Hell no. Hell no, they are not. Because a man's biology, and let's look at them and their sociology is like a man's biology naturally is. They're hunters, they're very goal oriented. They're focused on one thing at a time. Again, I'm not just saying this. This is actually based in the neuroscience. And you can look up, there's tons of research around the male brain, the female brain, I'll let you go at that. And I'm also sharing this from just personal experience as well. Men actually are way better at being present than women. And they focus much more on their purposes than women do naturally. Women, we are more relational beings and men are a little bit more goal driven beings. There's a natural propensity towards that. But then there's also the conditioning element. There's also that men from the time they were little boys were trained, go after your dreams, play the sports, do the thing, be the best, go out there, be loud, be bold, take up space. They are trained to be all those things again. They have their own shadows and conditionings. They're told not to be emotional, which really hurts them. Patriarchy hurts both men and women. But the taking up space thing, like, you never hear a man, like, I don't know, I think I'm too much. I think I'm just too successful. And that's why no woman wants to date me. I'm just too conscious. I'm just really living my dreams. And it intimidates most women. I've never once heard a man say that. Why is it that the more successful a man gets, the bigger his pool seems to become, Whereas for a woman, the more successful we get, the smaller our pool seems to be. Come. Why is that again? It's because of this. The conditioning is real. It does exist. There is this natural propensity that women want to date and marry up and men want to date and marry equal to down and woman's equal to up. And what that means is a woman wants to align herself and partner with someone who she feels is smarter than her, more successful than her, doing bigger things in the world than she is. Right? So we want someone who's like, better than us. Men tend again, biological and conditioning want someone who's tend to not as successful as them, you know, not as successful, maybe in the same thing that they're doing. So until we address this conditioning and what we're even considering success, we're going to keep finding ourselves in these, in these loops. So for women, and I've had this experience myself and a lot of my friends who we are not just successful like externally, but like internally. It does feel harder to date. Like, it does feel like, damn, it was way easier when I had less going on because there were a lot of men that were better at things than I was. You know, and then when you become really, really great, it's like the pool is smaller. You know, the. We can't deny that I would be lying to you if I'm like, there are infinite numbers of men you can be with when you are A conscious, empowered, sensual heart opened, you know, woman. No, there aren't. There aren't. And it does become easier for men because we're trying to look up to someone and they're kind of trying to not look down. But men tend to want to feel further ahead. So wherever they are, there's obviously just going to be more people who have not gotten to where they are than for a successful woman who's gone somewhere that she hasn't gone. Does that make sense? And I, I know you know what I mean, if you're like a single woman listening to this podcast. So I want to address that elephant in the room, because until we address that is a real thing. But then what we do is we say, so then let me cut myself off from all of it. So let me cut myself off from my beauty and my success because I don't want to be too intimidating, because I want to find a man. And then we Little Mermaid ourselves, you know, of damn. It feels like I have to choose between my purpose and love. And I really, really want love. So I guess my purpose has to go away. The kind of man that you want to be with would never want to be with you because you've cut yourself off from your sense of purpose. The kind of man that you want to be with is not the majority of men. The majority of men who are just like, yeah, I just want to feel stronger than you. And that's the only thing that matters. That's not who you want to be with. The kind of man you want to be with is going to take longer to find. You know, it's. If there were so many of them, then this whole world would look very different. And the further along you do go in your spiritual journey, your dharmic journey, the pool does become smaller. But you want that because it means you're actually attracting a way higher and more in alignment caliber of person. Right? Like, if I just wanted to eat, I could go to many, many McDonald's, that's all around here. But if I want to have organic, grass fed, gluten free, Paleo vegan, there is one grocery store in town that has that and it's only open certain hours of the day. So I could just say, well, most food out there is McDonald's. And it's true, most food out there is McDonald's. Most men out there you will not want to date. However, what you are desiring exists because everything in reality has its opposite. One thing cannot exist without its opposite. You know, if you look at the light spectrum it's like there is red and there is purple. You know, there is light and there is shadow, there is night and there's day, there is winter and there is summer. Everything exists in pools. So if you exist, he exists. However, you are not going. I don't want to use the word find or even attract because there's no action you actually need to take for this. You are not going to be in calibration with him when you are coming from this energy of centering what you think a man would want, because that is not what he wants you in. He doesn't want to be with a woman who's making choices or covering herself or cutting off parts of herself because she thinks that's what she needs to be in relationship, period. He wants to be with the person who is so fully her that meets so fully him. And when the two yin and Yang come together, it's in perfect harmony. But if you are this Yin piece and he is his Yang piece, but you are trying to change your shape and flatten yourself out because you feel like you're going to be too much, he's not going to fit into your space. Even if you find him, you're not going to be in alignment. You need to get to a level where you are so fully yourself unwaveringly. And I say this because I feel like sometimes we get these peaks of ourselves of like, oh my God, like, this is who I really am. And we like share a video of ourselves, like speaking our truth or dancing or, you know, we. We go out and we coach someone or whatever the thing is. Then we go back into what will they think? It's too much. They're going to judge me. I can't dress this way, I can't talk this way, I can't show up this way. And we put ourselves back into the cage. If you are trading your liberation for love, that is not love, that is perceived love. Because true love will never have you sacrifice your liberation. True love is liberation because the only way to be in true love is to be be your full self. Your full, 100% unapologetic, full spectrum. Take up all of the space. Let all of the parts of me be seen self. Like, without that, it's not true love. Even if you're in it, you're in the basketball relationship, you're not in true love. So if what you want is to truly be in love, to truly have sacred union in this lifetime, the predecessor is to be your full self, including the parts of you that will repel Some men. You want that? You know, I used to think, oh, my God, like, what will guys think of my podcast? You know, I remember I matched with some guy when I was living in London, and he was very cute guy. And that episode, the episode that came out that week is, God is my Dominican. And this guy was from the Middle East. And I am like, what is he going to think of my podcast? Like, I'm literally talking about having kinky sex. This is a lot. What is he gonna think? Oh, my God, I need to, like, mute him from my story so he doesn't find out about my podcast. Yeah, like, that's off to a really great start, right? I actually did mute him from my stories. Gonna be real. And then I ended up meeting up with him, and it was, like, total friend vibe. Like, it was, you know, he's a very nice guy. It was just like. So then I didn't really care, and I unmuted him for my stories. And since then, he has, like, become my biggest fan. He loves everything I do. He's always liking my stuff. He's so sweet. He's so supportive. And here I was, I created this whole story around, I'm going to be too much for him. He's going to hate me. It was bringing up all of my, like, Middle East, Muslim conditioning of what's he going to think about me? And da, da, da, da, da. And I was, like, going into a full spiral, and I was like, he could not know this about me, meanwhile simultaneously wanting to date him. Like, what? But I'm being honest with you. This is where my thoughts were at last year. And so once that wall was gone of like, oh, I don't even want to date this person. I can just be my full self. It was me being my full self that was attractive to him. The parts of me that I tried to hide were the parts of me that actually ended up being the most interesting. And today we're just friends. So I share this because sometimes we create a story around. If I share this part of myself, I won't be loved. I won't be accepted. I'll be castrated. I'll be alone forever. So I want you to think about what that is for you. Is it the way that you, deep down inside, want to show up on social media, the things that you want to talk about, the ideas you have, the way you want to dress, the way you want to dance, the way you want to sing? What are the parts of you that you feel like are too much, that if I show this part of me, he's going to think I'm way too much and I have to limit this. People can't know this until later on. I have to reel it in once, once I'm in the relationship, then I can show them this part of myself. What's that part for you? This episode is sponsored by Better Help. So this year has gone by so quickly. Like I can't believe we're already in June. So I'm curious, what's something you are proud of in 2024 and what's something you still want to accomplish? When life moves so fast, it's important to slow down, celebrate your wins and make adjustments so you're focusing your energy on the things that matter to you. And this is why I love therapy. So you can really take inventory of where you've been spending your time, how you've been feeling and set aligned intentions for the next six months. So I know for myself I want to create a lot more spoken word poetry and do a lot more solo casts as well as music. And I also know I get distracted when I spend a lot of time on social media. So that's something therapy constantly reminds me of, of making sure I create my more than I consume. So if you're thinking of getting started with therapy, I highly recommend giving Better Help a try. It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible and suited to your schedule. So you just fill out a brief questionnaire, you're matched with a licensed therapist and you can switch therapists at any time with no additional charge. So take a moment for yourself. Visit betterhelp.comsahara to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp hp.comsahara and you can find that link in the show notes. So trust your intuition, trust your inner wisdom, trust you in the guidance. Have you recently gone through a heartbreak that rocked your world? And honestly, you're still maybe picking up the pieces. You've learned so much from this experience, but you also know there's so much more awaiting you and probably you haven't in intuitive sense that this was meant to happen for you to become your highest self. Well, I've been there. At the end of 2022, I found out that my then husband had been cheating on me and it was the most horrible news I've ever gotten. But now looking back on it, I can say it was my life's greatest blessing because without that I would have never left the marriage where honestly, we were quite incompatible in many different ways. But it took me getting to that level for me to actually see what was not working in the relationship and for me to set off and create this new life where I traveled the world for a year, started producing music, singing, rapping, dropped an album called My Body is an Altar that has hundreds of thousands of streams around Spotify, creating music videos, moving to la, dressing in these really cute outfits, becoming my fullest expression, and most importantly, not having anything in my consciousness that I'm afraid of anymore. I have become truly liberated. And that is the gift of a heartbreak. So all my friends would come to me when they would go through their heartbreaks. I know a lot of people are in it right now. And this is why I've decided to create my ultimate heartbreak healing course. So it guides you step by step with the exact tools and realizations that I used on myself during my heartbreak that have allowed me to not just heal from it, but become this version of me that I am frankly obsessed with. So for 33 days, every single day, I will be guiding you through a practice journal prompt will be writing poetry, healing, and transmuting so much. But most importantly, taking this as the opportunity. Opportunity for you to become the version of you that you've always felt it was too soon to be. So I'm so excited for you to get started. As soon as you join the course, you can get started on day one. I have seen insane transformations and I can't wait to see what awaits you on the other side. So head over to iam saharrose.com heartbreak and use coupon code podcast for $50 off. Again, that's I am Sahara S a h a r-a rose.com heartbreak and use coupon code podcast for $50 off. You can find that link in the show notes. And I'm super excited for you to meet the version of you that's on the other side. Now I want you to think, and we can use. We can use myself as an example on this. Now imagine me and this guy, let's say, you know, we went on a date and we hit it off, but I was just a little bit more of my conservative Middle Eastern girl self. We start dating and we start getting to know each other. And then little by little, I'm like, by the way, I have this podcast. He starts listening to it, he's like, what is this you're saying? You know? And then I start to show like, oh, yeah, I'm making music. I'm sure that my music video. What is this? I start, Yeah, I definitely would not be dressing like this, you know, like, I would have become a shell of myself had I entered into this relationship. I would have stopped growing last year and it was actually before my album even came out. So likely the album would not have come out had I entered into that relationship. My entire career and trajectory of my life would not have happened had I entered into that relationship. And I share this because we don't realize how big these implications are. We think, oh, it's not a big deal. Like, I don't, I don't need to show up like that on social media. I don't need to do that. You know, it's not that big of a deal. If it's making him feel any type of way, I'd rather not. So imagine if me I did that. I would not have released any of the episodes I've had in the past year. I would not have stepped into my music career, which is the thing that has given me the most self love. And I would definitely not be here sharing this wisdom, wisdom with you in a 2000s pink, little cute, top tier, you know. So I share this because I do believe that God actually protects us and blocks us from the relationships that it knows will delay our progress. But it's up to us to listen. Like, we can just choose to ignore the signs. We can choose to be like, but I really want to be in love. I just really want to be in love. Like, I just miss being in love so much and sacrifice our liberation. And then we would never get to the next iteration of our dharmas, of our soul's purposes. So I believe a lot of us actually are purposely being guided and protected by God, the divine source, the universe. To sit in the mystery school of being single, to sit in that mystery school of what is it like to be so fully myself without anyone else influencing how I show up, what I say, how I dress, and what I post, what I think. Like to be so fully you and to be in it for however long it takes for that to become your norm. So when you do find someone, you don't start quivering or start to get into their head of what you think they want you to be and becoming that person. Because by doing that, not only do you end your progress, but you also end the potential impact you would have had on everyone else. Me entering into that relationship would have delayed all of the impact that I've made on all of your lives since then. So that ripple effect is real. Of like, sometimes as women, we're just like, there's this part of us that's Just like, but I just want to be loved. And like, if it's between my career and love, like, of course I'm going to choose love. And there is a huge difference between capital L, like love, universal love, the energy of love, which is the purpose of our lives. It is the highest vibration. There is a difference between capital L love and lowercase love that we put into romantic relationships. And not all relationships are created equally for show true love, capital L. Love is love for the self and love for the divine, not love for myself. Of like, oh my God, I'm so amazing. But like, love for. For the fact that I'm fucking alive and I'm showing up with such courage every single day to do the most that I can to be of service for humanity despite everything that I have overcome. Like, damn, I got me like, that is love. True love. Universal love is beyond relationships. Love is relating, not relationships. Love comes in experiences with other people, but it's not encapsulated to that experience. It's easy to feel the energy of love when you are in romantic relationship with someone because it's so palpable. You're literally feeling your heart chakra expand. You are feeling yourself being mirrored back by that person. It's like all of a sudden, this energy of love that's always there, it's in this container. So imagine if there was like, you know, all of this helium in the oxygen, right? Like, there probably is helium in our air right now. But imagine if I took all of the helium in this entire room and I put in a balloon. But, well, now I have a helium balloon and that balloon can even float. It's like made of something else. It seems, right? It seems this balloon is this special helium balloon. Wow. I've never seen something like this before. It's never existed before. But actually that helium was in the air. It was all around us. We've just contained it now into this balloon, and now it's flying. But actually we were breathing that helium in all the time. It was just mixed in with oxygen and hydrogen and all the other things in our air. So I feel like that's like a really good analogy. I actually love that. I just came up with that because love is everywhere. Love is all around us. Love is in your friend who texted you asking you how your day is. Love is in the way that your dog or your cat looks at you. Love is in hearing your kid or your niece or nephew or any child laugh. Love is in watching two old people just like, hold each other's hands walking down the street, help each other in the bus. Oh, my God, I cry. Love is in everything. Most importantly, love is in how loved you are. You are so loved and held by the divine. You are so loved and held by God. Your spirit guides your ancestors, your angels, all of the unseen beings that have your freaking back. Like, if only you could actually feel how loved you are and how divinely protected you are, you would never second guess yourself again. And you would say, thank goddess, for making sure that guy didn't text me back because he would have been a huge freaking distraction. I did not see it because he just looked like my childhood crush. But thank you so much for making sure something came into his subconscious that it was not meant to be. Even though I was thinking about it for a few days, I did definitely give it a lot of my energy, but. But thank God it didn't happen because then the veil, the illusion broke, which, by the way, you know, you have a crush on someone, it's like a veil goes over you. It's like you're drunk. It's like you're high. You're not seeing clearly. You're seeing that person in these special pink glasses. And then all of a sudden, the glasses come off, you get sober, you see them, who they are, and you're like, what the fuck was I smoking? Oh, my God. The moment of freedom that happens when your crush is done. Whoa. I'm like, finally, I got my thoughts back. That was exhausting. So let's not give up all of our power to someone that didn't earn it. Let's not give up, like, all of our thoughts to something that, like, might not even happen. Let people earn the space in your mind. Men do that shit. Men do not sit around thinking about us all the time. They don't. They're focused on other things. They. When they say, I forgot to text you back, I think they actually did a lot of the times forget to text you back. Or they were trying to slow play it because they have the other situationships going on. Neither of those are, like, the best thing. It's not because he likes you so much and he just doesn't know what to say. And he's sitting at his phone, he's asking his friends what he should text you because he likes you so much. This is what my tarot cards say. But, like, you guys are soulmates. You guys are twin flames. You guys are just made for each other. The cards that all 100,000 people on TikTok are watching right now. It's all of you guys have the exact same fate. Have you ever seen those before? It's like, if you're watching this, you manifested it. The cards say he's obsessed with you. Obsessed. Can't get over you. That's why he's not texting you, because he likes you so much. It's. Oh, God. Oh, God. Four of cups. It's a lot. Whoa. He's just. He's. I knew it. Maldives wedding. He's planning your Maldives wedding. And he's just taking his time right now. He's taking his time. He's gonna come back. He's gonna come back. Trust me. He's coming back. Yeah. Two of wands. Says here four kids. Yeah. He really sees you as the mother of his children. And he just. He doesn't know where to start. He doesn't know where to start. So he's decided to not reply to your text because it's just. It's a lot for him. Just the level of love and devotion and lifelong commitment that he has for you. This is why he just watches your Instagram stories and sends you some fire emoticons sometimes, but doesn't actually reply to your texts. It's because he likes you that much. Be sure to head over to the link in Bio and pay me 150 if you want your own virtual tarot reading. All 300, 000 of you watching all have the same fate. He's obsessed. I mean, once I watched one of those, I was like, the little toxic girl. Part of me was just like, I know. I knew it. This was meant for me. I manifested this video at the perfect time. And then the Capricorn in me was like, see? This is what girls we do to each other. Like, we. We need to stop this. We need to stop this. We've gotten a little too delulu for our good. Let's be delulu around how amazing we are and how much our dreams are going to happen and how, like, incredible everything in our lives are going and how hot and beautiful and glowing our skin is and just, like, how incredible we are at everything. Let's, like, get more delulu about that and less delulu about this guy being secretly in love with us. And that's why he's not doing anything about it. I know this saying, people don't agree, but, like, if he wanted to, he would. Because we've all experienced men who are into us. They showed us. Likely you didn't like them back, but they showed us. So that guy that you're putting all your time and Energy towards. He's just not thinking about it. He's just not. And energetically, us obsessing over it is actually pushing it away. It's pushing it away because it's putting him on a pedestal. And then if he's up here energetically and we are down here, he's already winning. And I really believe we can, like, telepathically feel how someone feels. So if you are subconsciously sending him a message of, I need you, you're better than me and everything. In fact, I feel like you're out of my league. Well, that's the energy that he's going to feel. And then he's going to be like, well, I'm out of her league, so who do I like? And he's going to be yearning for someone who's ignoring his texts and the shit goes on. So instead, let's just take a little sacred pause. I think from this, like, I feel like this dating game is getting. I don't think dating works. I'm either going to say it. I don't know how I'm gonna meet someone, but I don't think it's gonna be through going through a hundred fucking dates. I think this dating world is a lot of avoidance. It's a lot of surface level. Like, do you fill the void in my life? And how. So I want you to take a moment right now, and this is what is actually going to create the relationship that you want is to actually feel the part of yourself that fills the void. So can you bring to your body the experience that you feel when you feel that loneliness that comes up. So, like, maybe it's when you're working and then all of a sudden you're like, I just wish I had someone to hold me. Or maybe it's when you're going to sleep or when you wake up or when you drive by a certain place. I want you to bring that feeling to your body right now. And we're gonna use my triple E method for my embodiment certification at Highest Self Institute. We're just gonna go into it right now. Where in your body do you feel this void? Where do you feel this loneliness? If you could point it at a place in your body, can you bring your hand there for me? It's my heart. And now I want you to really feel into this place. What color is it? What shape is it? What texture is it? So for me, when I did this practice on myself, it was this black hole in my heart that felt like this empty spot that only a romantic Relationship could fill. Does that feel like that for you? What does it feel like for you? I want you to say thank you. Thank you for your wisdom. I know you believe I need to feel this void in order to manifest my relationship, but I want you to know that that's not true. In fact, me feeling this void is actually what's going to repel me from this relationship and it's going to cause the wrong relationship to come in a relationship that's coming from lack. I know you are here because you feel I need you. And if I no longer feel this void, then I'm never going to manifest the relationship. So I need to feel this emptiness and order for it to be filled. But that's not the case. I can feel that within myself and that's not going to make me lose having the relationship, but it's actually needed for me to truly have the relationship I desire. Take a deep breath in. Exhale out. And now let's fill up the spot in your body with a color that represents the energy you do desire to call in. Maybe it's pink, lilac, turquoise, red. And bring this color and this texture into this place of your body and fill it up and let it spiral all around, really filling this void with this beautiful new energy that is all yours. And now let's express a word that represents this new energy you have packed inside this void that is filling you up from within. Maybe it's self, love, care, nurturing, held, supported, cherished, chosen, free, appreciated, acknowledged, seen, felt. Placing your hand on that part of your body. Take a deep breath in and exhale. Ready? You can open your eyes. So I just took you through my triple E method that I certify coaches in and my embodiment certification I'll link to below if you're interested in learning how to do that process on yourself and others. What we did is we emoted, we felt the emotion, we embodied. That's the second E. We felt where it was in our body and then we expressed, we brought words to it, we conversed with it. So just doing this right now is going to have you show up very differently in relationship. So I really want you for the next few days to keep coming back to this part of your body and now keep feeling like, what is it like now in this part of my body I have this new energy here. So it was once this gaping black hole in my heart is now this beautiful soft lilac energy of self love and just start to be curious from there. Who shows up in your field? What types of thoughts you're having, what kinds of realizations you have within yourself. Because the world shifts as we do, it really is a hologram to us. Whatever we are seeing is a reflection of us. If we have the story there are no good men, her reality is there are no good men. If we have the story of I have a void in my heart, the reality is you will attract people that magnify that void in your heart. And it's other people who have voids in their hearts. Your voids are just protruding each other, but you're not actually filling yourselves up with you, which is what you're actually looking for. What we are desiring in relationship is actually what we're desiring within ourselves. So that word that you put out, whether it was feeling held, seen, chosen, cherished, that's how you want to feel within yourself. So instead of feeling like we need a man to hold us, can we hold ourselves physically hold ourselves, hug ourselves, but also energetically hold ourselves, make sure we have our finances on lock, make sure we're taking care of ourselves, making sure that we got our needs met. If your word is I want to feel celebrated, celebrate yourself. Take yourself on dates. Take yourself on trips. Get yourself flowers. Romanticize your life. If your word is seen, see yourself. Share yourself. We can only be seen if we let ourselves be seen. Share your story. Show up on social media. Go on Instagram live. Share your voice. We use relationships as this, like, playground of I really want to feel this way, so let me find a relationship to feel that way. But then we're always going to be looking for that relationship to feel that way when it was really our opportunity, opportunity for ourselves. You know, I shared that last year I was very attracted to Afrobeats music producers that I was like, that's for sure who I meant to be with. Why? Well, I started to produce Afrobeats music. I knew I had that gift within myself, but I didn't know it was dormant within myself. And so once I started to produce my own music, singing, rapping, putting out my. My album, my body is an altar, the attraction went away because I no longer needed that. I'm like, wait, I don't need to date someone to make music because I'm making music. I'm the person I wanted to date. I became that person. So be really curious with what who you're attracted to, because that is a quality you desire within yourself and fill yourself up with that. Come back to that place in your body. Use a color, use a word. That's what I Love about the Triple E method. It's not just thinking about it, but it's actually embodying. Embodying it. Because our bodies know, our minds can tell us, oh yeah, I'm ready for a relationship. But our bodies might say, I'm really freaking scared. And until we address what's happening in our bodies and emote, embody and express, we're going to keep repeating the same story. So let's all take some time to center our self love, center our spiritual and personal growth, center our dharmas, our soul's purposes, rather than just centering how we're going to get a relationship. There is just so much on social media. How to get a man, how to seduce a man, how to manipulate a man. How did this man, that Amanda, then what? Then what? You get him and you're happily ever after. Have you guys seen that? I haven't, I haven't seen that one in real life. It doesn't exist. I can speak to someone who has been married before. Marriage does not lead to everlasting happiness. I think partnership is really beautiful. But if marriage led to everlasting happiness, your married friend should be the happiest ever. Are they? A lot of them are probably looking at you thinking your life is really interesting. So we always want what we can't have. We spent our whole single thinking about the partner and then the time we're in a partner wishing we didn't when we were single, we're always wanting something else. The single person's wanting a boyfriend, the boyfriend person's wanting a fiance, fiance's wanting a husband. Person with the husband's wanting a kid, have a kid. I wish I had more time I was single. If you are single right now, it's cuz you're meant to be single right now. It's because you're in this period of incubation, of personal growth, of diving deep, of doing deep spiritual work that you simply cannot do in relationship. There's different levels and forms of spiritual growth in relationship and in partnership. And that's important as well. But the mystery school of being on your own and being single is a whole other field. And you get, you get to go very deep within yourself when you're single. Because when you're in partnership, you have to always think about how the other person's going to perceive it and their traumas and their triggers. And a lot becomes around communication of how I feel this way now. How do I express how I feel and how do I get them to understand how I feel and it's this, it's just a different avenue layer of growth and all are necessary in life. But I feel that when we're single, we try to rush. We're like, damn, like, I wish I had relationship problems. But, like, the fact that we can go so deep within ourselves. And if you haven't been going deep within yourself, start now. Like, sign up for my ultimate heartbreak healing course. It's in the show notes and you have. We have a 50 off code for podcast listeners. Code is podcast. We'll have that in the show notes. Start there. Just that. 33 days of daily videos with me, like diving deep, doing really deep work, using art and spiritual growth and parts work and all the things. This is the time to do that work. Because then you're going to shift as a person. And then the type of people that you could even be in relationship with is so different. Like now I'm like, thank goddess this relationship didn't work with some guy I had put on a fucking pedestal who was not on his spiritual journey, has never done shadow work, has never had a dark head soul. You know, these things now for me are non negotiable. It's a non negotiable for me. But the me last year was just like, well, I just really want to be in love. I just really want to be in a relationship. And you seem to fit the bill enough that I'm so grateful that God blocked me from those things progressing. My spirit guides blocked me because then I could sit and go deeper and deeper within myself that, you know, I'm. I'm still single. But like, now it's coming from this place of I'm really choosing to be single. Like, ladies, if you want to be in a relationship, there are a lot of people you could be in a relationship with. But is it the caliber of relationship that you want? Like, I know for me, everything in my life, I want it to be like the highest, like the highest truth, the highest love, the highest friendship, the highest purpose. So why would I get some mediocre dude off of Hinge just because I don't want to be alone? I would much rather be alone with my own thoughts, my own consciousness, than trying to have small talk with some guy who, like, is just like draining my vibe. So if you're not at that place genuinely, I really want you to get to that place. And it took me a long time to genuinely be at that place of just like, I actually am really choosing to be single right now. And when you get there, where you really are Just like I. I know one day I will fall in love. I know. I know that this love story doesn't end of like. And then Sahar Rose was single for the rest of her life. Instead of a lot of cats, she got a lot of dogs. You know, I actually do want to have seven dogs. That would be a dream come true. But I trust the intelligence of love. This is just what it's going to be like forever. And that's not the case. I love having friends with kids, because with kids, you can really witness the different chapters. Like, every time you see them, they're like, two inches taller. Different personalities, different interests in different worlds. And sometimes we forget that we also are going through different seasons and chapters. Do you remember a point of your life that you were in a relationship, that you were like, okay, this is just what life is. And here you are now, single, probably didn't see that coming. And one day you're going to bump into someone, and you probably didn't see that coming either. And this chapter is going to be gone. And what I really don't want for you is to be like, damn, I wish I enjoyed it more. I wish I put more of that time and energy towards my dharma, towards my purpose, towards my hobbies, towards the things that make me come alive. I wish I traveled more. I wish I spent more time with friends. I wish I self cared more. I had all this time and space, and all I did was cry that I didn't have a partner. And now I have a partner, and he's amazing and all the things. I'm so happy. But, like, I also know that he's not going to solve all my problems. And I wish I just enjoyed that chapter of my life more because now it's just gone. Being single is such a gift. You have been given, like, time at the temple. It's like it's a you and the goddess and what a gift it is. It took me a really long time to get here, and now that I'm here, I'm like, thank Goddess for it. Because when you're single, you grow and you shift and you evolve more than ever before. And you can be the person that you really want to be. When you're in relationships, sometimes it can feel weird to be like, okay, all of a sudden I'm going to start dressing like this, talking like this, acting like this. They'll be like, what? Who are you? And we're afraid of doing that because we don't want to lose the relationship. But you're single. You don't have anyone else to, like, hold yourself, like, attached to. You can change everything overnight. And that's like literally what I help you do in the ultimate heartbreak healing course. You can change all of it. So then the people that you meet are meeting this version of you. They didn't know the old version of you. They're meeting this version of you. And if they're not okay with the way that you dress or the things that you post on online or your work, they're not going to be a fit. And there are men out there who are all about it. I know so many men. Like, so many of my, like, best friends now are guys. And I love talking to them. And they're like, I love when a woman's in her full power. I love a woman who deeply knows herself. I love a woman who's liberated. And those are the kinds of men you want to go go for. They're fewer and far between for sure. They are like a rare breed. They exist just like you do. So let's stop sacrificing our liberation for perceived love because that is not what love is. Love is your commitment to your highest self. So I see you. We're in this together and the best is yet to come. So remember, this love story is really about love. You. So check out my album, My Body's an Altar, which really are anthems for the spiritual single girly self love anthem glow every aura. My Body's an Altar, which is about seeing yourself as a sacred site. It's on Spotify, Apple Music. I've got a music video which is really about me embodying my full spectrum and dancing with snakes, my inner shadows and integrating them. So I'll link that below. Ready to take the next step? My ultimate heartbreak healing course. This course in 33 days teaches you step by step how to make your greatest heartbreak take into your biggest heart opening and to have the biggest glow up. Phoenix rising from the ashes. Transformation of your life. And my embodiment coach certification wait list is also available for you below. So take action. Use this time. It is sacred and it is yours. And I'm so excited to see this love story and who you become. All right, please subscribe to the episode so we can stay connected and I can't wait to see you on the next one. Namaste. Trust your intuition. Trust your inner wisdom. Trust your inner guidance. Close your eyes and listen. So trust your intuition. Trust your inner wisdom. Trust your inner guidance. Close your eyes and listen.