556: What Ayahuasca Taught Me About Self Love + Relationships with Sahara Rose

So we want someone to accept us in our frizzy hair and our humanity and our full spectrum and our highs and lows and shadows and emotions and laughter and joy. And we're breaking barriers of what women have ever been before. You gotta keep up with us. But you, my friend, you gotta stay Lord Sheba at all times. Do you see? We can't play this game, conscious woman. We can't. I'm calling myself forward because what the medicine really showed me was I was looking for a God. And I do believe, and I still desire to worship whoever my man is in the future as a God, to worship the God within him, the aspect of him that is godly, just like we all have one. And to be with someone who. And this is what we want. Someone that we look up to, someone that inspires us, someone who listens to us, holds space for us, honors us, cherishes us. And these are beautiful and worthy things that we all are deserving of and capable of having. But let me tell you, it's not always going to feel like all of that all the time. Just like you are beautiful and worthy and creative and smart and capable, and you also don't feel like that all the time. I'm the one I've been waiting for. Welcome back to the Highest Self podcast. My name is Sahara Rose, and on this podcast, I love to take spiritual concepts and really ground them into your life so they are approachable, accessible, relatable, and most of all, fun. Because the spiritual journey was not meant to be this, like, hard, serious thing that we master, but rather it is us being integrated in our full being. So if you're new here, welcome. If you're here all the time, let's get right in. If you haven't noticed, I look a little different. So last month I was in Peru, and I spent two weeks sitting with plant medicine ayahuasca and San Pedro Huachuma, and in my first ceremony with Mother, ayahuasca. If you're not familiar with ayahuasca, Ayahuasca is a plant medicine. It is a combination of two different vines that really allow you to access your subconscious and to see patterns in your life, to go deep into your inner child and also see from a broad level the nature of reality and actually have a conversation with this very wise and ancient consciousness that really works with our own energy to shed light on the blind spots in our lives. And for me, one of the first and biggest lessons that she taught me was to be my natural self. And before we drop into this episode. Be sure to hit subscribe wherever you're listening to this podcast. That is the best way to stay up to date on the latest episodes. We've got this in video format, so if you're just hearing my voice, be sure to also watch our fabulous outfits on video as well on Spotify, YouTube or the Apple Store. This is the best way to stay in the flow with future conversations and also allows the podcast to reach more people. So hit subscribe so I can keep vibing with you on all future episodes. Now, let's get into this one. So in my journey, you know, I was never really someone who wore makeup. I was never really someone who was, like, super into fashion or anything like that. But I always loved beauty. I always appreciated it, but it was never my thing. I definitely, like, wasn't that person in high school and college. I was way more of an academic child. However, later in life, but especially after my divorce, you know, when you go through a heartbreak, you feel like, right. Like you feel like you're crying, you're grieving, anger, all of the things. And so I started after that, I'm like, I feel like. So, like, I'm gonna at least try to look cute, because looking cute at least makes me feel better. So I started to put more energy into the outfits I was wearing and, you know, doing my hair and doing my makeup, and I started doing this podcast in person. I've been doing this podcast for almost eight years now, and to do them in person. So there was like, lights and, and cameras. So I felt the next logical step was to start to get my makeup done because the cameras are really bright and, you know, your face is. Is really on. On. On screen and you're investing in this. So, you know, like, if you look at TV show hosts and things like that, they are wearing a lot of makeup. So I started to get my makeup done, you know, every single week, and it just became normal. And I loved it. And on the podcast, you have seen me serve many a mermaid glam. We have gone 2000s bubblegum pink. We have done shadow looks. We have done red, vivacious, like purple, futuristic. I mean, I have had a lot of fun experimenting with different hair, different makeup, different outfits, and really channeling my inner glam goddess. And it has been so much fun. And we are always on a cycle and there's always further initiations of growth. And what the medicine really showed me was, you know, a year and a half later, I have gotten so now used to that that I almost forgot who I was. And how to show myself without that. And more than that, it was this fear of if I'm not wearing makeup, then I'm not gonna look as pretty and people aren't gonna wanna listen. So I need to keep showing up and I need to keep looking amazing and serving all the looks because that's people want that. I gotta give the people what they want. So it sort of became this like self fulfilling prophecy. And you know, I actually still don't wear makeup in my day to day life, but definitely on camera. Another thing that I will admit that I was doing was when I would do Instagram stories, put on those freaking filters. Those filters, have you used them? I'm sure you have if you're a girl. And it was showing me how when we were using these filters, we're literally putting an AI fake version of ourselves out into people's consciousnesses and making people think we look this way that we don't even look. And it's putting just this fakeness out into the world where we don't even know what reality is. And how are we going to have relationships if we aren't in reality? We're going to have fakeationships because we're in fake ality. So the Ayahuasca really propositioned me. She said, do a podcast episode with no makeup on. I was like, seriously, can I, can I at least put on some mascara? Like mascara doesn't even count. She was like, just no makeup. And I was like, blush. She's like, no makeup. Just try it and see what happens. So here I am, zero makeup, zero blush, zero mascara. And let's see what happens. I'm curious, just, is this helpful for you? Is this healing for you? I mean, regardless of. For you? I know for me, even just showing up this way of just bare faced is really baring my soul. And I feel subconsciously the reason why we also wear makeup is to a level we're hiding, you know, to a level we feel like we have to put on this Persona, this, you know, pretty mask so people like us, so we're approachable, so they want to be around us. So girls want to be friends with us and guys want to date us and the guy we're with will never leave us. Isn't it so fun in Barbie world? Oh, but one thing's missing. It's a little fake. Weird, right? But don't we look cute in it? Oh, you don't actually want to get to know me. Oh, you don't actually connect to my soul. You don't actually really? Oh, it's fine. Because can we take a picture? And I feel like that's how our society has gotten, like, no shade at all. I'm just speaking as it comes up. But, like, we've all seen people who. You just met them, and they're like, let's take a picture. And they're, like, posing like your best friends and posting the picture up, and it's like, you guys don't even know each other. And it's again, trying to show people, oh, I have really great friendships. When you don't. When. When it's time to call someone, when you're really in need and you don't even know who to call, and. And I see this happen, and I see it actually really breaks my heart. I see a lot of people who don't know me reach out to me when they are in really dark times. And I know I put out content and it allows people to develop a trust. But we gotta have relationships in our lives for these things. We can't go to strangers with them because I don't know your life, and no one else knows your life. And I feel that even in our friendships, we have such masks on that it's more like the complaint and coffee rather than deep connection. So my invitation for all of us, and I'm leading by example, is to take off the mask, take off the filter, take off the makeup, take off the glam, and even energetically, the way that we do it, the way that we, you know, only share the highs of our lives and put on a smile and, you know, really sugarcoat everything we say to the point that there's, like, no truth left in it. And we're so afraid of being too loud, too bold, too emotional, too needy, too. All of the things that we're just hiding and diluting ourselves and drowning in our own shallow water waters, when really what we're all craving is depth. I know for myself, I desire depth in all of my relationships, in my friendships, in. In romantic partnership. I'm like, intimacy is my love language. Like, I want to know you. I want to know your dreams. I want to know your soul. I want to know that funny thing that you thought of when you were at the grocery store line and that situation that happened and what you were like in high school and, you know, what you thought you were going be when you grew up and what toys you played with. Like, I love that. And I. I want to be in relationships where people want to know that about me, because that's where the juice is it's in. It's in the depth. But most of us, we never reach those depths because we're not showing our full selves. We're not showing who we really are. I'll. I'll speak about this in relationship, romantic relationship first, because that's where a lot of the messages were coming through for me, because I'm single. If you're showing yourself as this smiley filtered eyelash extension, you know, perfect girl who's, who's pretty and on and, you know, suntans and just always has so much fun all the time. If you show yourself as just that, that's a side of you. But if you just show yourself only as that, then who you attract will be someone that's only interested in that. So then when the other sides of you start to come out, which they will, then all of a sudden this person will be like, well, I just signed up for, you know, the hot tub, Bahamas, bikini version of you. That's what I saw on your Instagram. But this version of you that's, you know, emotional, this version of you that's like, wants to do new moon rituals. This version of you that you know is talking about my attachment style. I didn't sign up for this. You did not tell me this. You lied. This is not. This is not who you are. You've changed, actually, you've changed. So the person you're in relationship thinks you've changed is actually who you really were the whole time, but you hid those parts of yourself because you felt you needed to to secure the relationship. 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And I know if you're listening to this podcast you have a really important message to share because regular people don't listen to this podcast. So if you're feeling the call, come join me in Speak with Soul. I have a special 25% off discount for you listed below. So head over to the Show Notes or over to speak with soul course.com that speakwithsoulcourse.com to receive the 25% off right now. You can also find that link in the Show Notes. I'm so excited to hopefully be on your podcast. We all could use a little bit more romance in our lives, whether we are happily married or single. Because let's be real, romance makes life worth living. So whether your thing is an adventurous romance, maybe you meet in the jungles of Fiji and fall in love and make love on your surfboard. Or maybe you're into the fairies court of thorns of rose type of vibe and it's more of like Thumbelina in a flower. Whatever your thing is, I don't judge. And Dipsea has a story for you. So they are an apple full of hundreds of short, spicy audio stories that bring to life all types of romances, adventure, even hot and heavy hookups. So whatever your flavor is, they've got something for you. So for listeners of the show, Dipsy is offering extended 30 day free trial when you go to dipsystories.com Sahara that's 30 days of full access for free when you go to dip sa s e a stories.com sahara and you can find that link in the Show Notes. So trust your intuition, trust your inner wisdom, trust your inner guidance. So instead let your full spectrum be shown and you know one Version of that is social media. If you are a social media user. We aren't all but for me it was really showing me like the content I put out, you know, the content and just the nature of Instagram and the app, which I'm definitely very critical of because it does make us feel like everything needs to be curated because of the algorithm. So we put so much time and energy that for something to be on a feed, it basically needs to be like your fucking prom picture. You know, like it's gotta be so thought out, posed. So then all we're doing is we're putting out prom pictures of ourselves. You know, we did not always look like how we looked at our prom. That was prom. How'd you look in AP Calculus if you were in AP Calculus? I mean, I don't think you're listening to this podcast. We're all really bad at math here. But how did you look in maybe AP Sociology? How did you look at school lunch? How did you look, you know, early morning when you had to get into class by 7:40am Lord knows why they make high schoolers do that. I'm protest if I became president, it's the first thing I'm going to change after daylight savings. Like, how did you feel in those times? How did you look in those times? How did you show up in those times? Because those are who you're going to bring in a relationship. A relationship are not just highs and lows. And often we're just looking for that. You know, on social media we see the guy surprising the girl on her birthday with the balloons and the cake and the chihuahua and all the things and we're like, I don't have that. Why don't I have love? Or if I have love, why isn't he doing that? And it's never enough. But a relationship is the mundane and missed flights and awkward conversations and you both organize the fridge in different ways and you might have a little situation about that and staying with your in laws. And that's actually what a relationship is like. 99% of it is is that 1% of it is you go to the Maldives maybe. But that's all we see on social media. So I'm I so not to blame you, not to blame me. It is the nature of this app. But do you see how it's creating this bias within our consciousness that only highs are worthy of being shared? So then it's the only thing we are sharing and then it's the only thing we are then seeing. So then other people who meet us, who go on our Instagram, which even on dating apps it's like the first thing people ask you for are only saying hi, hi, hi. Filter, filter, filter. Perfect, perfect, perfect. For some reason now thinking that just must be you because I guess we all forget that social media is a highlight reel. And then we then play that role of who we are on our social media, of, oh, well, I am, you know, Mindful Melissa. So I've always gotta be white mala beads, my human design on fleek like this and that. Like I'm always that. And then so, you know, ascension Angelo came forth and he's like, mindful Melissa, like I love how deep you are in your wait for the invitation projector being. I'm just like that with my, you know, vipassana meditation. And so now you're both going into it as your Instagram bios. And now you're both stuck in that role because you feel the other person only chose that role. So you gotta remain that role because then you'll be left. And then what happens if you're left? You'll be alone. We'll put a little pin on that. There's a lot to say there. So now we're in these role playing. Except this time it's conscious one. We thought role playing was just what mom and dad did in the ninth 1950s, but oop, little llama here. But you might be playing hot pink llama role. You might be playing, you know, emotionally available and always there shoulder to cry on role. You might be playing always a good time role. There are all these different roles we play. And a relationship is like a ship that when you got get on this ship, the ship is going off. And I feel that we don't change as rapidly on our own when we're in relationship because now you're anchored to this other person. You're still changing. It's just not as fast as when you're single. And y' all know what it is like if you know, it's like every day is initiation. When you're single, you can decide, I'm gonna move countries, you can decide I'm gonna change my entire personality. Like you can, you can literally change anything because it's just you and you. Whereas now that you're in a relationship, they have met this version of you. So you have to maintain this version of you while simultaneously they are bring bringing forth other things. So you start to create this like joint Persona, joint vocabulary. It's like a world. You start to create a world together and that World becomes so much more of who you are. And, you know, at best, you create this beautiful world that is so much more than what one person could be. On our own, I do believe we are designed to be in relationship, and that's one of the most important things. Let's put a pin on that as well, especially with the Wachuma ceremony, that life really is about relationships. So I'm not at all bashing relationship. However, it's being mindful of how we dilute ourselves and play dress up and, you know, start reading off a script to get and stay in relationship, because that is the ship that you are getting on. And once you're on a ship, honey, it's harder to get off. You know, it's possible, but it's harder. Sometimes you're really deep out into those waters. You're going to have to really jump ship. And it's really for freaking scary. It's never too late. But the further and further the ship goes, the further and further along and away you are from, from that version of you. And so to be really intentional about the ship that you get on and making sure that it's in the direction of your highest self together. So that brings us back to, then why wear no makeup? Because we want to make sure we're on the right ship. We want to make sure before we get on that ship, hey, this is who I really am. This is what I actually look like when I wake up. This is who you see or would see after lights, camera, action comes off and the makeup comes off. And, you know, I'm. I'm back home and I'm ordering Uber Eats, and I'm tired and I gotta walk my dog and it's midnight and I'm on my phone, like, this is who you're with. And I also want to see that version of you. And I know if more people showed up in that version of themselves, first of all, I believe you'd be so much more magnetic because very few people have that courage. I believe it's actually the most beautiful thing, you know, someone just being vulnerable. I fall in love with everyone a little bit. That. So that's vulnerable. I think we all do. And, and then we can also be discerning and, and, and be like, thank you for your vulnerability. Thank you for showing that. Because every, every person has lights and shadows. You're not going to find someone with no shadows. But are these the shadows that you choose to dance with? You know, some people's shadows are completely not conducive to your Path, right? And some people's shadows, it's like, it's hard and it's triggering, but you know that it is part of your path for your highest growth. And that's what the energetically removing the makeup and, you know, speaking to men, I mean, the masks men wear with still no makeup on, I would say, emotionally, are actually much, much higher than the masks that women wear. Like, we do, like the pretty cute thing, but I think as women, or I feel as women, we do show ourselves earlier on, is what I've collectively noticed. Whereas men, because of the way that, first of all, there are biological differences around for centuries, men literally had to disconnect themselves from empathy to fight wars and hunt and, you know, they're. Imagine you're fighting a battle and your brother was killed next to you. You have to cut yourself off. So many, many thousands of years of this have brought down men's empathy, but brought up other survival skills and analytical skills and leadership skills. And we're just different, you know. But on top of that, societal conditioning tells boys from the time that they're young, don't be emotional, don't cry, don't be a sissy, don't be a girl, you're gay. All of these things. So then men are on top of that, then conditioned out of it. So men are really trained to be a man is to wear a mask. So they're wearing a mask and they're being tough and they're, you know, holding it all together, and they're not sharing how they feel to the point that they don't even know what they feel. They've pushed it down for so long, and it just goes into this bucket of, you know, of shame. Like anything that they feel ashamed about adds and adds and adds to this bucket, and this bucket gets more and more putrid. And, you know, the thing is, it finds its way out, but it could be through, you know, pornography and kinks and cheating and violence and addictions and gambling and drug use and vaping and, you know, the list goes on. So I find that with. With men, that tends to really be the shadow, hiding, suppressing addictions to numb. And then all of a sudden, it bursts and it comes out and then it's a. Where was all of this? Why didn't you tell me this? A deep hurt, a deep loneliness on both parts. The loneliness was actually felt for longer for the man, for him to be able to hold his true self for so long. But this deep loneliness of the woman, of, how could you have hid all of this from me. Didn't you really love me? Doesn't love mean we tell each other these things? But the man feeling, if I didn't, if I told you all of these things, you would have left me. And the truth is, woman might have. Because you're listening to this podcast, I'm going to make a quick assumption about you. Your friends come to you for advice whenever you're at a party. Someone corners you at the side of the stack table and starts telling you all of the their childhood traumas. And you actually love diving deep into spiritual topics. And you have a really good way of communicating with people. So the best way to actually create a career doing this is through coaching. But I know a lot of people, they're like, I don't even know where to start. I don't even know what type of coach I would be. So I've created a quick easy quiz to discover your unique coaching style. So there are three categories. The intuitive, transformational or empathetic coach. So the intuitive one really works with your intuition. You're able to receive downloads. You just have insights about people. The transformational one has more of that fire energy. You love to keep it real and help people go through the deepest phoenix, rising from the ashes moments in their lives. And the empathetic coach really loves to listen, hold space. They're very grounded, nurturing. So if you're curious which type you are, you can try my free quiz@quiz highest self institute.com Again that's Quiz highselfinstitute.com which is my school that certifies spiritual life coaches and you can find that link in the show notes. I'm super excited to see what type of coach you are because I'mma hire you one day. So trust your intuition, trust your inner wisdom. So this is the dance I see in many of relationships. And you know what these journeys really taught me. And again, obviously I've been in this situation. I know about it so well. What this journey really taught me is the only way above. I can't say out. But to move beyond this role, these masks that we're both playing is to just put our own guard down. To put our own guard down and say, this is what it is. This is frizzy hair. These are baggy eyes, this is hair on my legs. This is stomach fat. This is uncertainty and anxiety and eating too much chocolate and spending too much time scrolling. And here's me and here's beauty and here's shadow. Show me you. And for them to also put down that guard and say, here's me, here's some numbing and avoidance and here's what I'm numbing and avoiding from. And this is what I've struggled with and this is my childhood and this is how it manifested and here's how I'm healing it and here's how it still shows up and both parties sharing these aspects of themselves and communicating of when this thing shows up. For me, the best way to support for us to remain in connection even when we want to go apart is this and you know, likewise and both to not take it personally because the problems that end up destroying a relationship are often issues that already existed in that person before the relationship. It's just the relationship now brought it forth. So for example, someone who cheated 99% of the time has cheated before. Someone who is very jealous 99% of the time was very jealous before. Someone who is extremely avoidant 99% of the time was extremely avoidant before. Someone who's extremely anxious 99% of the time extremely anxious before. We think these things are from us and again sometimes we trigger more or less of them, but it really is is still an inside job. And I feel that often we pretend we don't have these things. I'm a clean slate. Especially for women. The clean slate, purity, consciousness, you know, white Madonna, virgin bride. I come with no history. And we feel that we have to pretend this role. And then when we come into it it's oh, and I had this experience and that experience and again both parties just understanding that life lifes you, you know, like if you're a human above 18, I will say you've had at least one relatively traumatic experience in your life. If anything, just watching what's going on in the world and just to be honest from the beginning. And if your honesty pushes someone away, then they are not ready for a real life. If you saying, hey, you know, sometimes I get anxious and I overthink and I get really in my head about things and that makes me, you know, sort of get quiet and you know, in times like that that happens. I would really appreciate physical touch if you saying that is there like you get anxious. Excuse me, buzz kill. I can't have that. I need you to be in a good mood all the time. Well, they were looking for role play. And unless you want to engage in role play, that's not going to be a relationship. So better to know earlier on than six months, one year, five years down the line, which is often when people have enough courage or actually can't help because life will just bring forth those situations. I will be surprised if you even make it to five years. Normally in the first year, these situations happen. And the beauty is when we're honest about it, it's not like coming out of left field or feeling like we were betrayed or surprised or taken back. And the trust thing that happens, but rather it's just coming forth with honesty. And again, and you gotta be honest with yourself too. If someone came forth to you, okay, I'm talking to the woman right now because we got to work on this. If a man came forth to you and shared his shadows, if he said, hey, in the past I've struggled with pornography use. Hey, in the past I've struggled with gambling addiction. Hey, in the past I've cheated. I'm working and I've been working on it. This is my journey and that's part of it. How would you feel? And again, I feel it's. It's situational, but I feel as women, we also need to be more forgiving that men are humans. And that was another really big theme, especially my ayahuasca ceremony. I'm gonna speak to the divine feminine space right now. I see often, like these posts on Instagram that can be very empowering. It's like, wait for your king. He is a God. He chooses you fully. You are the Cleopatra. In his life. There is no one but you. And he wants to provide for you. He wants to protect you. He wants to give you a slow, soft, gentle life. Soft girl season forever. He wants you to be a pilates trad wife. He wants you to be at the farmer's market. He's gonna hunt for you, he's gonna farm for you. He's gonna look good while doing it. He's gonna be emotionally available, sensitive, Tantric light worker in his masculine has done David data work, Vipassana ayahuasca. But not too much. He's not too conscious. He doesn't even know what the conscious community is. He doesn't even have Instagram. He doesn't even talk to girls. You're the first girl he's met. But he still has great experience with women. Where he at though? And so I saw myself falling for that shit. I'm calling it out. Should this just be called the call out podcast now? I'm calling it out because I was like, yes, that's him. That's him right there. Yes. My mountain man, who's never been on social media yet finds me, you know, and again, I'm not. I'm not saying that doesn't exist. Please comment below if you were that person. But what I'm saying is we collectively, as women, are, like, creating this, like, Aquaman Santa Claus guy in our heads. And it's, like, all the same guy. Like, if we look at all of our Pinterest boards, he's just Jason Momoa. Like, we're all collectively thinking of this one guy. He's like this, like, Viking man with tribal tattoos. But he's a poet. And he's strong and emotionally available and sensitive, but courageous and, you know, all of the things at the same time in the perfect amount, especially for you. And only chooses you and knows you and never has a doubt of anything in his life and especially you. Forevermore. It's starting to sound funny when I say it out loud. Right? And again, I am not knocking on any of those qualities. I think these are all great qualities to strive for. And realistically. Guess what, Guess what. I'm gonna whisper this one. Men are humans. Yeah, I'm gonna say that one one more time. Men are humans. They're humans. Who would have thought? I mean, I realized the boys were. But I thought the men, they were half God, Right? Right. Where are they at, though? Do you know any? I actually haven't had any. Have you. Has anyone met this guy? No. Let's all be real right now. Out of all the relationships, you know, all the men, you know, like, do you know anyone that's, like 90% of this guy? 80%. 50, maybe 50 on a good day. Cause men are humans. They are human. Men are human, too, just like us. So if we want someone to accept us as we are, birthmarks and all, all guess what we have to do to accept them as they are used to. Because men are mere mortals. We all came from the same portal. So what? As soon as we see each other, we can be in love with one another. So it's time to recognize. Yeah. That we all want the same time. Yeah, we want to love one another. So we must stop judging each other. Cause men are human. They are humans. Yeah. Men are humans. They are humans, too. Men are humans. Yes, they humans. And guess what? Women are, too. So we want someone to accept us in our frizzy hair and our humanity and our full spectrum and our highs and lows and shadows and emotions and laughter and joy. And we're breaking barriers of what women have ever been before. You got to keep up with, with us. But you, my friend, you got to stay Lord Sheba at all times. Do you see? We can't play this game, conscious woman. We can't. I'm calling myself forward because what the medicine really showed me was I was looking for a God. And I do believe, and I still desire to worship whoever my man is in the future as a God, to worship the God within him, the aspect of him that is godly, just like we all have one. And to be with someone who. And this is what we want. Someone that we look up to, someone that inspires us, someone who listens to us, holds space for us, honors us, cherishes us. And these are beautiful and worthy things that we all are deserving of and capable of having. But let me tell you, it's not always going to feel like all of that all the time. Just like you are beautiful and worthy and creative and smart and capable, and you also don't feel like that all the time. And relationships are made. Here's the other thing. Relationships are made. They're not found. It's not like, let me find the right relationship for me. Is it over there? Yonder over there? Who's the one I'm gonna have the right relationship with? Looking for the right one. It's not that relationships are made. And where are they made? Well, just like most things, they're forged in the fire. You want to get some beautiful bronze medallions, you gotta forge it in the fire, baby. So we're looking for this person where we're magically not going to have any triggers or problems or shadows or issues with. With. And when it's not that person, we just look for someone else, but that person that you're sleeping on. It really showed me. It was like, love is everywhere. Love really is everywhere. Love is a choice. Love is a pair of glasses. We can start to look at this exact same world. We could just put on a little pink glasses. Love glasses on. Now all of a sudden, that random person you would have never thought of before, you're starting to see, wow, they have a really beautiful smile. Something's really magnetic about their energy. They might not be love of your life, but you're starting to see them through the eyes of love. See people through the eyes of love. If you want love, start seeing people through the eyes of love. Because that's how it starts. It starts with, rather than seeing them through the eyes of flaw, to see them through the eyes of love. Because when I'm seeing people through the eyes of love, I'm. I'm looking for the things that I already love about them. That is love about them. And so guess what? I'M experiencing love. And the beauty of that is now I don't need to attach relationship with it. I don't need to decide, well, I can only feel the energy of love towards you. If we're going to be in a lifelong committed relationship. Relationship with 2.5 children. If not, cut it off right there. I don't got time for this. I'm waiting for my king, man. So instead, we all want to feel love, but we can all just start seeing everyone as love. You can start feeling love with your friends. You know, one of the gifts that my heartbreak gave me is before that I, like, only would experience, like, physical connection with, like, my partner. And I was very not touchy with friends. I grew up Persian, so it's like really like, that's lesbian, you know, and that's what I was trained. So I was like, if people hugged me, I was kind of like, here you go. On top of that, I'm a Capricorn, so you can't. You can't blame me. But I really didn't like it. It made me feel uncomfortable. I. My family was not touchy at all. And I just. So for me, then after my divorce and all of a sudden, the one person I had had physical intimacy with was gone then, you know, I was. I was alone. I was really by myself. But the heartbreak made me start opening my heart that just with friends, I start to be more, like, loving, you know, like holding my friend's hands and like hugging them, you know. And like, you know, sometimes when we talk, we'll like stroke each other's arms. And it was like a little by little gradual, and it was never really like this conscious of, like, like, okay, I'm going to get touchy. But I just started like a little bit just like when people would hug me, just like, let them hug me, you know, and not kind of like do the defensive, raise my shoulder, like, put my arm up, like, guard, protect thing that I used to do, and instead just like, let them hug me and like, hug them back. Like, really hug them. Like, I loved them. My friends were like, whoa, that was like. That was like a real, like sister hug right there. And they were loving it. You know, some of my friends are very, very cuddly already. And so they were like, celebrating it. My friend Mia, who's been on this podcast, every time I'm like touching with her, she's like, I can't believe my eyes right now. You're touching me right now. I'm so happy. And, you know, and I didn't even realize that people, like, noticed that I wasn't a physically touchy person with friends until I started to become that. And they were like, oh, my God, like, this feels so amazing, you know, and so now that I just have that, like, naturally with friends, like, I don't feel that same. Like, I need to be in a relationship because that's my only access to love and intimacy. Because now I'm seeing that love is everywhere. And intimacy can exist in many ways beyond sexuality. You know, often we're jumping and thinking that we want sex when we really want intimacy. And even the word intimacy in our language is almost synonymous with sex. But it must not. I'm not allowed to use the word should anymore. Let's pin that too. It must not. Because intimacy can be someone playing the guitars and. And looking you in the eye as they sing, with unwavering eye contact. That happened to me. So intimate without. Without, like, a word or a touch. Just someone being there and seeing you. I'm like, this is the most intimate thing I've ever experienced in my life. Intimacy can be someone just listening to you talk and hearing your story and being so present with every word that you say. Intimacy can be laughing and role playing with friends and, you know, acting out situations in their lives and their manifestations and their future partner and what they're calling in. I just spent this weekend doing that with some friends, and it was so beautiful. I was, like, channeling her future partner and being him. And it was so beautiful that I got to, like, play that role for her. And it was, like, so intimate to be able to, like, be part of her manifestation. Intimacy can look like, you know, I share every morning, my bestie, Rosie and I voiced out each other what our dream was that night. And we analyze each other's dreams and talk about what our intentions are for that day and what we're grateful for and, you know, what's present for us and just that ongoing, like, someone holding your hand, I'm with. You know, intimacy looks so. In so many different ways, and it's something that as a society, we're really thirsty for. You know, we're so thirsty for intimacy that we rush to sex. And it's like, rush. You're so hungry, and then you rush and you eat dessert as the first thing. Like, if you're super hungry, you don't want, like, a massive chocolate cake. Like, that's actually going to make you feel kind of sick. Like, you want food, you want sustenance, you want nourishment, and that's what we want. We want the nourishment of being seen, of being held, of being understood, of being heard, of being with another, even in silence. But we don't know how to say that. And more than that, we feel that we're unworthy of asking for that because we feel that everyone else is so busy and no one has time for that. But at the same time we're not even giving that. We say we want to, but we're still not saying yes to the opportunities that we could also just start that. So we're sort of like pigeonholing ourselves of like, I really want someone to see me, but I'm also like, like not reaching out to people either. And then when there is a connection, which we often just take like physical attraction as connection, which is the one level of attraction, but it's really not the whole thing. And if anything it's like the most short lived. And so we're like once in a blue moon, especially if you're like a conscious woman, it's like congratulations, you're physically attracted to someone. Like we, we applaud ourselves when that happens. It's like a once in a year Grammy. But then it's like, okay, great, you're physically attracted to someone. Are they, are they putting in effort? Is there emotional intimacy? Is there conversational intimacy? Is the reciprocity. Oftentimes there there's not. But then we, we negate ourselves and we tell ourselves the story of well, it's okay, it doesn't really matter. They're busy. This is just for now. I've been single for so long, it's not a big deal. We gaslight ourselves into convincing ourselves it doesn't really matter. So then you start and it's often not a relationship. This is why the word situationship is so big right now. It's situationships. It's. You're talking but you're not dating, but you're into that per. Like there's always like one person who's more emotionally invested than the other and. But you're confused about it, but you're still not really dating other people. So it's like you're not getting closer to having a relationship, but you're also not getting like the perks of a relationship. It's just this like weird in between. It's like we breadcrumb ourselves in this, these situations and then, you know, we start to let these other parts of ourselves be shown such as our depth and our emotions. God forbid you actually say that you have feelings for that person. And then, oh, no, no, no, no. I thought we were just friends. I thought this was just cash. Didn't really matter to me. And then the situationship is no longer. And this is so common today. The one thing I'm going to give myself in a word for is I have somehow avoided all situationships. Thank you, Lord, because I notice. And here's how, if you've been in situationships, you're in a situationship. Here's how I have completely avoided them. And it's hard, especially if you're attracted to the person. So let's say you find someone that you're attracted to and you're talking to them. I really, you know, I like to ask questions, stuff at the beginning. I, you know, I got this from my friend Layla Martin, who shared this with me of, like, the first, like, three dates. Like, show up as the wife you want to be. Be, like, show up as how you would want to be in a relationship. So if you want to be, like, talking every day, like, talk to them. If you want, you know, to go deep, go, go deep. If you want to be playful, be playful. Like, be the version of you that you want to be in that relationship. And if it's too much for them, they're not reciprocating, they're not showing up, it's not a match, then just, you gotta let it go. And it sucks and it's gonna hurt, and there's no way for it not to hurt. But do you know what's gonna hurt even more? Staying in it and trying to change it and wishing it was something else. Because again, you're entering that ship of a relationship and that ship is setting away. So even though you're like, yeah, this is just for now, it's not going anywhere. It's just because I haven't met anyone else, so there's nothing else going on. So I might as well just do this right now. Well, energetically, you are siphoning yourself and you're putting all of your energy into this person and your eyes are no longer open to all of the potential people who could have been in your field. And have you ever had a situation where maybe there was someone you had a crush on and nothing ended up happening? And then a few months later you're like, thank goddess, because maybe you met someone else. Maybe you changed something big about yourself? Maybe you traveled somewhere, changed your perspective? Maybe you went on a different path. Path, journey. So many things could have happened. So imagine if you actually got into a relationship with every person you ever had a crush on. Where would you even be? I mean, it wouldn't even work. You would still be with, like, Chad from high school, in a very different life. Not listening to this podcast, Conservative Girl Podcast, you know, not this. So I say this because sometimes God. And when I say the word God, I'm talking about spirit, I'm talking about life, I'm talking about consciousness knows more than we do. Not sometimes. All the time. And so we are, like, trying to make this thing happen. And for those of us who are on a conscious path, God is like, yo, I'm not gonna let you play small with this one. I'm not gonna let you hide. I'm not gonna let you do the mask thing again. I can see things that you can't. You are just in love with love. You know how many of us are just in love with love? We just want to be in love. We just want the birthday cake and the balloons and the ice skating and the Chihuahua. We want all those things. So then we're kind of like, could you be the person I pour all my love into? Okay, you're not really responding to my texts. We're going to need that. Yeah. For it to work. I'm. I'm going to keep trying. Okay. No, you're still not responding. Okay, moving on. Could you be the one I pour all of my endless love into? Okay. Polyamorous. Well, doesn't resonate with me. Maybe I just haven't gotten to that level of my journey. Oh, okay. But only you're polyamorous, and I'm. I'm not. Okay, so I'm monogamous to you, but your polyamorous makes sense. That's called misogyny. Okay, moving on. You know, so we do all these things that we convince ourselves that we are okay with when we are not. And then again, let's just say you've done that before. You enter into the relationship, and you still don't feel the way you thought you would. You don't feel the seen, heard, met, felt, understood, valued, cherished, chosen thing that we're all looking for because you weren't honest with yourself, your needs, and you were unwilling to walk away and sit in the mist. Mystery school of being alone. So in my next episode, I'm going to really dive into this, because aloneness and the fear of being alone is really at the root of all of this. Why do we do this? Because we don't want to be alone. Why are we so afraid of being alone? Well, I've sat with this question for many hours and I've learned a lot and that's what I'll share in my next solo cast about this. So please let me know how you are jiving with these episodes of just storytelling, channeling my life. I. I love sharing this with you. It was a really big piece that I gained from it of just like, do more solo cast, girl, that's where you shine, and I love doing it. I just feel like we're like, hanging out right now and I'm just like, telling all my stories to the whole Internet. It's really fun. Hopefully I don't regret this. But you know what? At least I'm. I'm being my real self, okay? I'm leading by example. If I can do this, you cannot wear makeup on a date. Ok, let's go. All right, so please leave a review for this podcast on the itunes store. That's like the most helpful way way you can help get the word out there. And as a free gift, I will send you my womb meditation. This is a divine feminine meditation to connect to your sacred womb space. So leave a review, take a screenshot of it, and email it over to me@saharaiamsaharose.com and I will send you back the meditation. You can find that email in the show notes. Share this on your story. That is the best way to start having these relationships with your friendships, like, getting deeper with people, having deep conversations, like, really see each other. Share this with your friends. Say, let's all listen to this episode and let's have a conversation after and, like, talk about it. Like, what did it bring up for you? What did you notice? I really love that she said this. Oh, I've noticed that too. Let's talk about this thing. This is a really good starting point to have some incredible conversations. And if you want to go no makeup with me, let's show the world what our faces actually look like. Because I think we have all become delusioned from social media. We don't even know what a woman looks like anymore because on top of all the makeup, there's all the filters and the plastic surgery and all of that that we're just like, we don't even know. Like, we don't even know our own kind anymore, you know? So let's just start showing our bare faces. Makeup is also beautiful and it has its time and space, but we. We need the balance of both. So please join me with my no makeup challenge. It'll be so much fun. And thank you again for tuning in. I'll see you in the next one. Trust your intuition Trust your inner wisdom Trust your inner guidance Close your eyes and listen so trust your intuition Trust your inner wisdom Trust your inner guidance.