565: What's Your Kind Of Freak? Awaken Your Erotic Feminine Archetype with Sheila Kelly

Many, many, many women are inculcated into.

Being blissful pleasers, especially with motherhood.

Thank you. And relationships. And it's about giving, giving, giving, giving, giving, giving, giving without the figure eight of eternity that you're talking about, which is giving out. And then I give in to fill up, become the cup that runneth over. Then I can abundantly spill out into you. And we've missed the step for women to fill themselves back up, blissfully please themselves. Right? So we want to make sure that we're spinning the plates of all of our iconic energy in a healthy way, in a constructive way.

Trust, flow, soon to let go. Trust, flow, surrender, let go. Trust, flow, surrender, let go. I'm the one I've been waiting for. Welcome back to the Highest Self podcast. My name is Sahara Rose, and on this podcast, I love to take spiritual matters, matters of the heart, and make it really grounded, fun, relatable, and actually serve your needs, especially as women, because our spiritual journeys look a little different than what we see out in the world. You know, a lot of us, we're not here to ascend and just be completely neutral with all things and feel nothing, but rather, we're here to go into the body and into the womb and to our eros and our energy and our hearts and our emotions and our sacred embodiment. And I feel for so many of us growing up as children like myself, we were told not to be those things. You know, oh, my God. Don't. Don't dress like that. You're going to get attention from the neighbors.

Oh, what are.

What are you watching? Don't watch that. That's not what you watch. Like, for me, I was told nothing about sex and just presumed that once I got married, I should just know everything about it. And so many of us, whether you grew up in a culture or a religion that was just more conservative, we didn't come into really understanding ourselves as erotic beings until later on in life. And often because of a big catalyst moment. Like, for me, it was really diving into my divorce that took me deeper into it than I ever have before. And for so many of us, we've had different dark nights of the soul that ended up being our greatest phoenix rising from the ashes, moments on the other side. And that's why I'm so excited to talk about Eros and the importance of that energy in our own healing journey. And today, I'm bringing someone who deeply inspires me, someone I've been following for, like, maybe a decade. I want to say, from her documentary that you might have seen on Netflix, Strip Down, Rise Up. You may have seen her on tv. She's like the person who really brought that whole pole dance movement as empowerment to our mainstream collective, that now we see so many incredible pole studios around the world that have that empowerment piece. And she's really the one that showed us that we can take something that we have considered profane in our society and realize that it's also sacred. And I actually got to go on her retreat last year, which was so incredible, so deeply healing. It was a few months after my divorce, and it was so incredible because growing up as a dancer, I was a competitive dancer, and I was always really good at performing. But to see women just barely even dance, but more just feel and how captivated I was by witnessing the powerful inner exploration that they were having. And it just showed me that sometimes the most powerful thing that we can do is just to enjoy our own bodies, explore our own bodies, be present within our own bodies, rather than try to perform, which, you know, whether it's dancing or, like, in our relationships, I feel like as women, we're kind of always performing a little bit and to just really feel what feels good for us and realize that in relationships and in our lives, the things that feel good for us is what's going to serve the relationship. So I'm really excited to dive in. We're going to be diving into her erotic creatures, which are her archetypes of different erotic energy. And I'm really curious to see which creatures resonate with you. They're really, really fun, and they help kind of personify different sensual types of exploration. And we'll also see where the conversation takes us. And before we drop into this episode, be sure to hit subscribe wherever you're listening to this podcast. That is the best way to stay up to date on the latest episodes. We've got this in video format, so if you're just hearing my voice, be sure to also watch our fabulous outfits on video as well on Spotify, YouTube or the Apple Store. This is the best way to stay in the flow with future conversations and also allows the podcast to reach more people. So hit subscribe so I can keep vibing with you on all future episodes. Now let's get into this one. So without further ado, let's welcome Sheila Kelly on the Highest Elf Podcast.

Hello, love. Hello, beautiful. That was beautiful.

Divine timing. It's, like, amazing when these things work because I'm like, oh, like, I. I really feel. I like, I got it, but I, like, really really fully get it now.

Yeah, you do. You do. What you just said was so powerful that witnessing a woman's personal, intimate relationship with her own pleasure and her own erotic body and erotic, when I use the word erotic, I am not saying sexual, I am saying life force. Erotic is how much aliveness moves through the cells of your body. And in a world that wants to deaden our bodies and kind of neuter the masculine and the feminine. And we were just talking about that. They're succeeding. They're succeeding in neutering our gifts, our greatest gift, our embodiment. So you really get it. It's not about what it looks like, it's about what it feels like. Yeah.

I love how you said erotic is really the feeling of aliveness. Because I feel so many of us, we think of a rot like the way it's like in, back in Blockbuster days. It's like the erotic section porn, you know, and.

Yeah.

And so can you just speak a little bit into what the word eros means?

It's a great question because there's so many different connotations of it. But for me, the essence of Eros, erotic is resuscitating and re enlivening the deadened or quieted cells of your body. I mean, I get into the cellular aspect of your body. I get into re. Enlivening pleasure. You just talked about being told. No, no, no, no, no. It happens to everybody, not just women, although it's triply. So for girls and women, we're told, don't touch that, don't look at that, don't speak to that, don't say that, don't wear that. Every single no. Causes a muscular contraction. So I want you to, like, it's just, just so you can kind of really feel this. Do you have any idea what it takes for like a two or three year old child to stop crying? When you say stop crying, that child wants to please you. This is how the body is. The body wants to please you so that. But that child will clench its jaw, pull its thighs together, tuck its pelvis, inhale, hold its breath to keep from crying and then to stay not crying. That little child will hold its body in this posture so that the muscle in the fascia actually forms in this shape of denial, the denial of natural flow of emotional response. Now take that to the erotic level. Because we are born as erotic creatures. We are born alive. Everything's titillated and alive, right? We come out as babies and we are seeking pleasure, we're avoiding pain. And that is what it is to be alive, right? So then you tell that little baby or that little girl all those no's, and what does she do, right? She pulls her thighs together, she tucks her pelvis, she holds back on this natural flow toward pleasure. And to stay in that way to make her mom and dad or society happy, she stays there and her muscles get shaped, her fascia gets shaped into this form in this shape of denial again. So it's really about what I teach, what I love, what I'm passionate about is actually breathing new life back into the parts of our body that we have shut down, repatterning our body, not in denial, but in possibility, in yes, in abundance, in beauty, in pleasure.

How can we know how our bodies have shut down and kind of start to feel where our patterning is?

That's a really sophisticated question. Now, lady, I would say it starts with your breath, especially with the feminine. I've been working with the feminine for 25 years. I've been working with partners for 10 years and with men, with the masculine for six years. So what I would say is that it starts with getting conscious. The most powerful thing you can do is switch your brain from the critical thinking mind, that is the masculine mind, to the. What I call the magical mind. So the critical thinking mind is the mind that says, you need to obey me and do exactly what I want to your body, right? You need to be obedient. So your body gets obedient. Obedient, shaped in denial, as opposed to the magical mind which is looking at your body and saying, how can I serve you? How can I give you the greatest experience of life on this planet? So the magical mind is subservient to the body. And that when you first bring awareness to anything in your body, your jaw right? Now you. Your jaw, right? Anyone listening? Your jaw just go there for a moment and just bring awareness. And then I always say touch. Because guess what? We women, we heal everybody on the planet with our fingers and our hands, our dogs, our cats, our moms, our dads, our kids, our husbands, our lovers, our friends. But when do you turn them onto yourself? I touch my body every single day. So I go to my jaw, I go to my breath. If I can't take a deep, huge, round marshmallow breath, which is a breath from the very bottom of my pelvic girdle. 360 degrees up my spine, up my belly, all the way into my shoulders, up into my neck. If I can't take that deep, long breath, then I've lost My organic feminine rhythm. And so that's where I would start with somebody about how do you check in? You bring awareness to the places where there's injury. You bring awareness to places that can't quite move as freely as other places. For example, some people, they can't take their right arm over their head. It can only go to a certain place. So you need to kind of go into the genius and the mythology of your own body, because your body has a mythology. Stories to tell tales, to tell truths, to expose, emotions to express. That got cut off. Right. And the body needs completion. We need to complete her desire for pleasure and her desire for emotional release and her desire to connect. Right. And each body is idiosyncratic. My body's not gonna do anything similar to your body. And then your story, the whole life story will be revealed through your body. How your body moves, how your body dances.

Okay, guys, I literally just got a second puppy, full time job. Plus I do the podcast, all the different things. So cooking is one thing I really just don't have time for. Like, I'd love to make all my own meals from scratch, I really would. But the thought of going to the grocery store and figuring out what ingredients I want and also just like living by myself and then having all the leftovers. To be honest, I had not been doing it for years, despite me starting my entire brand as a food blogger and writing a cookbook because it was just getting so time consuming. That is until I tried Hungry Root. So I know you've probably heard about a lot of these boxes, but let me tell you why Hungry Root blew me the freak away. So first of all, the quiz is incredible. Like they ask you, do you prefer simple four ingredient recipes or longer ones? How much time do you have? All of the ingredients are really high quality. There are lots of organic options on there. They have options for vegan, paleo, keto, the list goes on. So on top of giving you all the ingredients portion sized for the foods that you want to have, they offer these incredible snacks, drinks, breakfast, like things that you would see at a grocery store and have to spend money on come in your box. On top of that, for high self podcast listeners, they're offering 40% off your first delivery. That's freaking crazy. So 40% off your first delivery and on top of that, free veggies for life. So head over to hungryroot.com highest self. Again, that's hungryroot.com highest self to get 40 off your first delivery, your free veggies and the most Delicious meals on earth. I'm so excited for you. You can find that link in the show notes. So everywhere I go, people are talking about fairy sex. I'm gonna be real. Like apparently the fairies are in tulips and it's super, super hot. And it just goes to show the power of a turned on when like we're all like reading these books out there and sharing with each other. Like, girl, you need to know. But I'm gonna put you guys on something and that is dipsy. So I know like, few of us have time to sit down and read a book. So imagine someone reading you short and sexy audio stories. That's right. And not just fairies, but you can have a sexy summer fling with a Cuban lover that you met in the Havana dance floor. That's personally what I'm gonna go for. Or maybe the sexy African king that wants to you you to be his beautiful Cleopatra. Or maybe it's a farmer who has picked these gorgeous fresh strawberries for you and wants to protect you out in the wilderness. I mean, I would sign up for all of these actually. And dipsy, it's got you covered. So for listeners of the show, dipsy is offering an extended 30 day free trial when you go to dipsystories.com Sahara that's 30 days of full access to sexy audio stories. Feel free when you go to D I P s e a stories.com Sahara and you can find that link in the show notes. So trust your intuition, trust your inner wisdom, trust your inner guidance. Yeah. One of the biggest things I took away after your retreat was using pleasure as a form of healing. You know, I feel so many of us when we're in deep grief, sadness, loss, we, you know, you just kind of cry yourself to sleep. You wake up and you cry and then you kind of just like shake it off and go throughout the day. And what I really started to especially do after that was to just like touch my arm like I would a lover and to start to scratch my own head. And you know, I feel so many of us, especially if like a betrayal happened or something. And all of a sudden you're single, you long for someone else to hold you, someone else to touch you, someone else to caress you. And. And then that's how a lot of times you just jump into relationships where you might not see, you know, all of the red flags and things around it. And what this allowed me to do is to be my own lover, to give myself that touch, to give myself that affection that I only knew through another and then when you're able to give yourself that, you're self sourced so you're not going to take like the cheapest one available. But then you're able to see, sit with your discernment of, of who actually is, you know, bringing value to my life. Who actually is someone that I would want to co create with rather than what I feel a lot of women do is. I'm just so lonely, you know, I just want someone to hold me.

Ooh. Really? Really? That's a, that's beautifully articulated. So what you're, what you're mentioning is we live in a masculine compartmentalized culture. That's how the masculine functions. They compartmentalize everything. I'm going to go over here and do my workout. I'm going to go over here and watch a movie and cry. I'm going to go over here and talk to a shrink. And so everything is separated and we have had to, we of the feminine have had to find our way into living in that way. What you're talking about, what's happening to you, what happens in this process of re embodying is you come back into integrity with the feminine body and spirit and soul and you begin to integrate all of those boxes, all of those separations, all of those compartments. Because that's how the feminine lives. We don't separate all of these things into where they should go. Everything is aliveness, everything is connected. My friendships are connected with my emotions, which are connected to my sexuality, which is connected to my intellectual, you know, it's all interwoven. And so that is, that is just a really powerful revelation for women to have to say, give yourself permission to reintegrate, pull it all together. Self love. I mean, who go to any gym and do what I do at my S factor and you know, start to touch yourself with your hands in pleasure down over your head and massage your brain like I'm doing right now for your podcast. You know, let yourself do in a gym and see who, what audience you develop because that's not what they do there at the gym. But you know what, it's what I do everywhere I go. Self touch is not off limits to me anywhere. And I have a story. When I was watching my daughter play basketball in high school and I was, she was a star, a basketball star. And she scored a three pointer and I stood up in the stands, I went, oh my God. And I looked down and I'm holding my breast and I'm like looking around and all these parents are looking at me and I'm like, I don't give a fuck. I was holding my breaths because they were so proud of her. I was so excited. I was celebrating. And that was giving me not sexual pleasure, but just the pleasure of touch, of my own touch.

It's so beautiful because when you start to really go slow with yourself, you feel so much more alive. And I feel so many women. I saw this quote today, actually, and it was like, a lot of women say they want it rough because they've never had it slow. You know, we just want to feel. And sometimes the only way you can feel, we think, is rougher, faster, whether it's with the vibrator, with the person, and it's like. But if we actually just slow down, you know, it's like scarfing down your bar of chocolate because you want it all in your fucking mouth right now versus, like, having it bit by bit. Like, sure, maybe in the moment you think, I just want all the chocolate right now. But, like, does it ever actually feel as good as sitting and really tasting the chocolate?

No. God, no. I call that tool slow beauty. And it's a tool we practice as, you know, at S factor. And, you know, believe it or not, Sahara, so many people are so. What's the word I'm going to say? Shut down. They don't. They can do this with their hand on their arm, but they don't feel anything because the cells have gone to sleep, because they haven't been used. You know, there's two ways we shut our body down culturally. We shut it down through evolution because, you know, we used to be hunter gatherers. We used to live wholly through our bodies. Get food, get water, get sleep, get fire, right? And our bodies did it all. And now we're living with our finger, with our fingers from our armpits up. And we don't use our body. That's one way. The other way is from shame, which we talked about earlier. You know, it's a way of controlling. It's a way of mass control, is to shame human beings into deadening themselves. And they need it rougher, harder, faster, because their cells. But when you take this journey, anyone takes a deep journey of conscious embodiment. I call it conscious awareness of intentional embodiment. I mean, there is nothing sexier on the planet. I know it doesn't sound sexy, but it's so incredible to witness the nerve endings in every centimeter of your skin waking up, because there's thousands and thousands of nerve endings. And when you can connect that conscious magical mind to the Part of your body you're touching right now, I'm touching my wrist and I'm consciously coaxing them to wake up. The way you would coax Chai to come up on your bed, right? And just coaxing my body to awaken through touch. And all of a sudden I'm a super feeler after I was deadened for so long. So the journey of re enlivening, oh, it's profound because it brings up. You talk about the dark night of the soul, you talk about the shadow. It brings all of that to the forefront, but not just from outside in having to do with anybody else. It's your own dark night of the soul and shadow work of falling in love with the shadow, falling in love with all of yourself. Which brings me to the 10 erotic creature iconic energies.

I love that. And I'm so excited to dive into the erotic creatures. But what you said, you know, I started to really just feel the energy of my heart, you know, something I saw, it was like my first time smoking weed in like 10 years. This was like last February, I was in Trinidad. I'm like this Rasta land. I should just try smoking weed. And I basically met my future self. And she was 75 years old and she was such a vibe. She was like wearing all these colorful things. She had like short white hair. And I was like, what? I'm never going white. But she was rocking it and she was so happy and she was so confident herself. And I was asking her questions and I asked her, how can I heal, you know, from. From this betrayal? How can I ever trust again? And she showed me that my heart had a cage over it. And my guides did this, like psychic surgery on me. And all of a sudden the cage door opened of my heart and all of these butterflies flew out. And it was like all of this love inside of me that I've always had but never felt it was safe to share. Starting with being a little girl. And my dad, you know, have to be perfect for him. He just came back from work and ask a good question and do the right thing. And just in life, I feel love is such a vulnerability. And so many of us, especially women, like, we have endless love inside of ourselves and we just want to love, but it's like, is it safe to love? Are you going to leave me? Am I going to come on too strong? And all of the stories and it's more and more repression, more and more repression. And so just feeling all those butterflies in my heart, which is actually what led to me Getting these butterfly tattoos right here. People can see it through this shirt, actually.

Oh, my God, that's so beautiful.

Thank you. And, yeah, and I actually breed butterflies now. I'll show you. I have, like, 33 caterpillars here that I breed more. Okay. Take a full butterfly path.

Oh, that's cool.

But so that got me to start really touching my heart and really just, like, touching like this, like, just opening my heart, really, just with soft, soft fingers. And just starting to feel more. Doing the infinity sign, figure 8, which is like that Taoist practice as well. And then going into breast massage. But even the breast, it wasn't really even a massage as much as it was the way you were just touching your wrist, just really slow, really gently. And I've always had, like, sensitive breasts, but this was like a whole other level of just, like, sensation, like, beyond any orgasmic feeling I've ever had in my entire life. Not even touching my nipple, like, just feeling the energy around my breasts and the aliveness there. And I'm like, all of the. My whole life. I went 33 years of my life, like, not knowing this about myself. And. And even this, to me is like. It's like a meditative practice, you know, of just, like, touching, starting with my heart, doing the figure eight and just touching around my. The underarm, you know, and you have us, like, go through so much sensation, so many nerve endings there that I will have breast gasms just from doing that. And. But, like, not like. And I feel like every orgasm has its own flavor. Those ones are like pure love. And if I didn't just start that journey of just feeling what was in my heart, which was also the sadness of my heart, the despair of my heart, like that old. I feel like a lot of us have this, like, old, haggard woman in us that's just like, oh, my God. Like, I'm just so disappointed. Like, they've just. The men keep disappointing me and, like, meeting her and letting her have the microphone and say what she wanted to say and, you know, and it's a journey. It's not like I'm always in this, like, beautiful love. I'm not in this Lakshmi all the time. In fact, deeper heights, I notice I go to deeper depths, but I can always come back to knowing it's just making me become more alive. And that's the purpose of life.

Oh, my God. Yes. That's so beautiful. Yeah. And it has to do with. I love that. This whole breath stroking and. You know, when I saw you at the retreat, I had such A deep. There were so many women there, and then I couldn't get to you right then. And I. I always think of the journey of embodiment as an iterative journey that builds on itself. It's a journey. It takes time. The body is an animal. You can lead the body to water, but you can't make it drink, right. And keep it soft and fluid. So I think of you often in your awakening to being surrounded by all of this really vulnerable, deep, emotional, erotic energy and just watching your ey get wider and wider and wider and go, what the heck world have I just come into? And there was an I need this in you, which is what's happening. It just. It seems after that retreat, all of this beautiful enlivening is happening. And it's. It's bold. It's bold what you're doing, because it's not easy to do it by yourself, which is beautiful that you've got this community to do it with you. Because when you reawaken, like you said, when you reawaken the nerve cell, you know, these nerve endings here on my arm. I'm not just reawakening nerve endings on my arm. It's not compartmentalized, like in a patriarchy. I'm actually beginning to reawaken emotional stories and memories and feelings and pleasure and pain. All of it comes with the package of those of us who identify as feminine.

Exactly. And the biggest thing I've learned through this divorce is, you know, before, I would say I was like, oh, I just want to, like, live in joy, you know, manifest my own reality.

Duh.

I'm like, oh. I mean, I think when it's a step, right? If you're like, everything sucks in my life, and then you listen to Abraham Hicks, you're like, oh, wow, I can create my own reality, but there's a step beyond, you know, and a step of fucking surrender. Step of like, I don't know. And just trust that you'll be shown the way.

Exactly. Yeah, exactly. And talk about the thing about the feminine, the thing about everybody, the masculine and the feminine, is, you know, this is a cultural revolution to reclaim your masculine essence and your feminine essence. Because the definition of masculine feminine is erotic. You know, you're. If you are a masculine being, you are an erotic being, and if you are a feminine being, you are an erotic creature. And so awakening these energies that have been still, you know, stilted, it's creating what I would call individual autonomy. So this codependent thing that women have for men, it disappears. The more the more cells, the more nerve endings you wake up, the more emotional flavors you wake up, the more pleasure you find. You become more and more autonomous. And you don't need or want or feel desperate or even yearning for another that becomes a want instead of a need. And that, to me, is one of the most. I've been. I've been with my guy 35 years and it is extraordinarily erotically hot. Now, how is that possible? I've never heard that. Because we keep it erotically hot with conscious awareness of embodiment of his masculine, my feminine. We keep that dynamic very, very separate, so that when we come together, you can cut the fucking electricity, the erotic electricity of us. Because he holds his masculine so deeply and I hold my feminine. I practice it daily. A day that goes by that I don't swish my hips and I don't move my upper body and I don't touch and feel and find little nooks and crannies of pleasure in my body. And I can't wait to show him. So this, this idea, this beautiful journey of autonomy that we're both on, that gives you so much, and I'm going to say it, surrender to your own power of vulnerability.

Have you recently gone through a heartbreak that rocked your world? And honestly, you're still maybe picking up the pieces. You've learned so much from this experience, but you also know there's so much more awaiting you. And probably you have an intuitive sense that this was meant to happen for you to become your highest self. Well, I've been there. At the end of 2022, I found out that my then husband had been cheating on me. And it was the most horrible news I've ever gotten. But now looking back on it, I can say it was my life's greatest blessing. Because without that, I would have never left the marriage. Where honestly, we were quite incompatible in many different ways. But it took me getting to that level for me to actually see what was not working in the relationship and for me to set off and create this new life where I traveled the world for a year, started producing music, singing, rapping, dropped an album called My Body is an Altar that has hundreds, hundreds of thousands of streams around Spotify. Creating music videos, moving to la, dressing in these really cute outfits, becoming my fullest expression, and most importantly, not having anything in my consciousness that I'm afraid of anymore. I have become truly liberated. And that is the gift of a heartbreak. So all my friends would come to me when they would go through their heartbreaks. I know, a lot of people are in it right now. And this is why I've decided to create my ultimate heartbreak healing course. So it guides you step by step with the exact tools and realizations that I used on myself during my heartbreak that have allowed me to not just heal from it, but become this version of me that I am frankly obsessed with. So for 33 days, every single day, I will be guiding you through a practice journal prompt will be writing poetry, healing, and transmuting so much. But most importantly, taking this as the opportunity for you to become the version of you that you've always felt it was too soon to be. So I'm so excited for you to get started. As soon as you join the course, you can get started on day one. I have seen insane transformations and I can't wait to see what awaits you on the other side. So head over to IAM saharrose.com Heartbreak and use code Coupon Code Podcast for $50 off. Again, that's IAM Sahara S A H A R A rose.com Heartbreak and use Coupon Code Podcast for $50 Off. You can find that link in the show notes. And I'm super excited for you to meet the version of you that's on the other side. And an important thing that you said is you found these nooks and crannies that felt good within yourself and you can't wait to show him. And it's just so different than the way we have been condition perform for him. You know, so many of my friends even have never had an orgasm from sex. And I, when I talk to them, they're just doing things that they think will feel good for him. And they're never once checking in on what actually feels good for me. They're afraid what feels good for me will bore him.

Yep.

You know, won't feel good for him.

Or make him feel less than like.

I feel or take too long.

Yeah.

You know?

Yeah.

And I think you have said this and maybe in your documentary, but why are we attracted to watching strippers? Right. Because they're feeling themselves. It's the feeling of themselves that we're drawn to. You know, if you've ever gone to a strip club that the strippers are not enjoying it, it's not fun to watch. It's really sad, you know, but when they're having a good time, you're having a good time. And it's the same thing, whether it's, you know, your partner watching you or even with women cheering each other on. When someone's enjoying themselves. It doesn't matter what. What they're doing, but we are drawn to the them ness that they are in.

We are. And we're drawn because I. Look, I was at one point, all I did was go to strip clubs, was I was preparing for the film, Dancing at the Blue Iguana. And that's where I fell in love with this movement. So I've spent so much time in strip clubs, and these women have taught me so profoundly the beauty of every single feminine creature on the planet. Doesn't matter. What you look like doesn't matter. Your size doesn't matter. Your age doesn't matter. When a woman reclaims the natural, beautiful, curvaceous, sensual and emotional expression through her body, she is the only thing that lives. She's the only thing. She's riveting in her beauty. And I have seen every kind of woman dancing. And we who grew up in the world where we were told, no, don't do that. That only, only naughty girls do that, or whatever. When I first went into a strip club, it was like many, many years ago, probably before you were born. It's incred. It was just. I was smitten by how beautiful it was because she was doing a movement that deep in my soul I knew I had in my body, but no one had let me do, no one had taught me, no one had encouraged me that actually discouraged me from doing what she was doing. And what she was doing was so mesmerizing.

So beautiful. So I want to get into the erotic creatures. Can you share what they are? And let's start diving into the different ones.

Yes, yes. So I, as you know, am a body geek. I think the body is the oracle of your life. And for those of you who don't know, that's too esoteric. If you've seen the movie Star wars, the character Yoda, that's your body. Your body can teach you about its genius, whether you're a masculine or feminine at this point. And so the body, I study somatics. I'm fascinated by it. I have a wonderful teacher named Stanley Kellerman. So I understand how emotional energy moves through the body, how emotional energy shapes the body and how it, when it's released, how it releases you into perhaps the greatest expression of yourself that you've ever experienced. So what I have found over the 25 years that I've been teaching is that there are 10 iconic body shapes, and they're based in 10 iconic emotional body emotions. The way that the body expresses emotion. Right. It's not intellectual emotion, it's embodied emotion. So there are five dark emotional flavors, and there's five light. Now, we live in a world that likes the light, and they like women to express the light emotional energy. And we're told not to express the dark emotional energy. So you start to see Sahara, I think that the dark emotional energy is usually dealing with your shadow side. Because every single person, especially women, have all 10 of those energies in your body. You have the potential for them. Many of us have been told, no, don't express those five. Many of us have been told to only express the light 5 so that we begin to explore through embodiment. What are these emotional energies? And the five light are Joyful playmate, Innocent teaser champion, and lustful lover. And did I say joyful playmate? Which one? Who am I forgetting? Did I say blissful pleaser? Innocent teaser, Blissful pleaser. Did I say that one? Sometimes I can't remember.

Okay, we'll go through them. They'll all come.

Okay, good. So each of the. Let me just tell you about the emotional energies that shape them. So the innocent teaser is shaped in the embodied structure of surprise. That's a core emotional energy. Right. When a baby startles, when you have a little infant and it goes, that is like maybe one of the first times, you'll feel that surprise and it carries forth throughout your life. Right? So she's an energy of hope. She is based in the body of curiosity, of possibility, of what's next, what's happening. Every kiss is as if for the first time. Every time she's touched or she touches herself, it's as if for the first time. So think Dory in Finding Nemo. You know, she has short term memory loss. She's just so present. I think of the innocent teaser as the Buddha body. She's just so present. Every nerve, every cell, everything's turned on. The joyful playmate comes simply from joy, from engagement, from wanting to play, from wanting to interact. Whether it's interacting with another playmate or whether it's interacting with a lover on a light level of laughing and giggling, or it's interacting with yourself in a joyful, playful way. And maybe a vibrator. So there you've got this beautiful, ebullient energy of adventure.

That's definitely one of mine.

Yeah, good, good, good, good. Then you have the lustful lover. The lustful lover is based in pure, unadulterated sensual pleasure. Her nerve endings are so fatted up and ripe for touch, like she's a super feeler. That barely wants to move very far because she just wants to enjoy the pleasure of smell, of touch, of sounds, of sights and tastes. She's just so luscious, right? And then you have the champion body. And the champion body is what you've been called to right now, Sahara, given the pain and the knockdown and the re merging. The phoenix rising. The champion is the body that has experienced great pain, great disappointment, great weight in love or in life, right? And it's the body that has to choose to stay down or become brittle and break, or stay soft and slowly rise back up and prepare ourselves to meet love yet again with an open, surrendered heart. But the power and the strength of the thighs and the legs of the champion keep her upright and soft. And then the last one, I believe, is the blissful pleaser. So the blissful pleaser is the body that's shaped in nurturing and giving, which in the modern world we call love. We call somebody that is empathetic and compassionate, that that is what love is. So it is the body that is compelled to hold, to heal, to nurture, to touch, to soothe. It's the body that if anyone of your listeners have had a baby and the baby cries in the other room, and then all of a sudden they have this warm rush of milk coming down into their breasts. That's the body of the blissful pleaser. If you see a little puppy with a broken paw in the rain on the street corner and you cannot help yourself, but your body goes to pain, pick that creature up. That is the blissful pleaser. In love with a lover, she yearns to move towards those who have been hurt and wants to heal them, soothe them, love them. Any of these resonate with you?

Yeah. I feel like the luscious lover one was the one that I definitely started stepping into and where I desire to step further into through the embodiment practice of, like, slowing down and joyful one. I feel like I always have naturally been that. And the champion one definitely happened with the phoenix rising from the ashes, but definitely the luscious lover one is the one that I'm like. It's very Venusian energy. I desire more of that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's. You know that character in Roger Rabbit with the.

Yes. Jessica Rabbit.

Yeah. Jessica drama sway. She's. Yes.

Marilyn Monroe.

Yes, yes. Those are the light ones. Are you ready to go? You want to go to the dark ones? Okay. The dark ones have a very, very tender place in my heart because I have reawakened over the many years I'VE been doing this each one of those and fallen deeply and madly in love with them all. I am so in love with this array of my erotic energy and my everyday energy. So. Well, you have the dangerous challenger. The dangerous challenger is she. Her core shape was created from anger, whether it was stilted anger or expressed anger. But she wants. In love, she wants something to push against. She wants a little bit of a battle. She wants a little bit of a fight. You know, she just, she feels turned on most when she's like maybe gently and lovingly pushed against a wall, but she can't push back against him because he's stronger. And then that she, that. That's her turn on, right, is the fire of love. She's been shut down so much by, by people. And so I. I love talking about them because I want to encourage people to reawaken each of these flavors in a constructive way.

I feel like that's why 50 shades of gray was such a huge phenomenon of women. Like, I want that.

Yes, yes, yes. That's beautiful. The next dark one is the deep, soulful siren. So she is a body that has felt a lot of pain. Whether it's emotional pain, it's psychic pain, it's ancestral pain, it's physical pain. Whatever it is, this body has definitely felt, has life has really carved a deep canyon of empathy and pain in her heart and her body and her soul. It's not like she's always sad, but she just has extraordinary empathy for any and everybody. And when she seeks love, she seeks somebody in love who can deeply, deeply penetrate, deeply enter and fill up that canyon with lust and love pleasure. Then we have the naughty provocateur. The naughty provocateur is one of my. I have an everyday naughty provocateur. She likes to push the envelope. She's a rebel. She likes to make right things that are wrong. She has no problem wearing ripped up nylons. She has no problem smearing lipstick all over her face if she feels like it at a club. She has no problem taking her erotic energy out and being very unabashed about it and not giving a flying banana like she wants. She gets turned on by provoking, by like taking that shell and like pushing it to the edge and see what you'll do. You gonna do something, you stop it. So, like, she'll do that with love. And two naughty provocateurs, a male and a female together are combustible. They're so. I mean, I turn eight shades of red when I see them together because they're so out naughty each other. You know, they're the, they're the tongue sticker outers and the lick lippers and the, whatever they can do to make you blush. The next is the Ice Queen. The ice Queen is one of my favorites and one that I have cultivated most recently in. I am so in love with her. She is the embodied version of discernment. She likes things the way she likes things and she likes nice things.

I'm definitely ice Queen, also a Capricorn.

So there you go, There you go. There's something to that. But she, she's not going to lower her standards anymore. She's going to bring a lover up to her standards. But she's tricky because she's got a cold streak. She's got a frozen streak. And what she needs in love is a lot of heat. And that heat needs to be strong enough and fiery enough to melt her into a puddle. Because there's female erotic energies and there's male erotic energies. And there is a dangerous challenger, male that has a lot of fire. But he better have enough fire to melt this creature, this ice Queen. Because a joyful playmate won't melt her. A Leo won't melt her. A Scorpio might melt her.

Oh, damn. This is why it's so easy for me to be a celibate. I'm like, none of you guys are at my standards.

Yeah, they're hard ice queens and champions have the hardest time finding the right mate because they have so many standards and then there's so few champions in the world. And a champion woman really needs a champion man to meet her. But when they meet, it's incredible. I think of the Obamas. The Obamas have a lot of champion energy and they are just. And I think the last one is one of my all time favorites as well. And she's called the shy reluctant enigma. Well, she and he, because he has the same name. And this energy is from fear. Fear of being seen, fear of being wrong, fear of being loved, fear of being not enough. And so she stays very, very much in the shadows and she stays resigned a lot of the time to the way that she's been told to live. And so when a shy, reluctant enigma comes to S factor, it comes to me come back out and really explore the beauty of the Shai reluctant enigma. She's like the aurora borealis. Oh. When she's living in a constructive way. So when she's in the shadows, she's in freeze and she's not. She's lonely. I mean the loneliest body on the planet. So when we can coax her out and see all the beauty and the gifts of who she is and how that. That mysterious hidden shyness is actually quite arresting. Then she becomes like a magnetic pool. You can't escape her when she's in a constructive place, when she's consciously aware that, yeah, my body has this tender shyness. I'm not going to force her out, but I am going to shine the light on this part of my body that has a little more boldness or this part of my body. And the right lover, he'll. He or she or they will see me in the shadows, shining.

So is it best for people to find a similar archetype to them for their partners or opposing one?

Great question. Depends. Ice Queen and Ice King shatter bad. Cause neither of them has heat. A lot of it has to do with the temperature and the energy of emotional energy. Right. What turns you on? And the Ice Queen and Ice King, I don't think they don't. I haven't seen them be as successful together as like a dangerous challenger Ice Queen.

Right. Because I think the Ice Queen, like gets off on being pursued. So if you're not like pursuing me, I'm not definitely gonna pursue you.

No.

Yeah.

You know this well, don't you? Yeah, she gets off on being pursued. She also gets. Gets off on being forced to melt.

When I was a kid, like the first experience I have with feeling the energy of turn on was that Pepe le Pe Skunk and he was like kissing up the arms. He was like obsessed with her.

Yeah.

I'm like, I want that.

Yeah, exactly. He's gonna just kind of go in there and laser that.

Exactly. And I'm like, no, no, no. And they're like, no. I'm like that.

That's.

Yeah, it's just the Scorpios. No, no.

Well, let me give you a little hope. You know what else melts the Ice Queen? The deep, soulful siren. Yeah.

Like when you were saying that, I was like, oh, I really love, like, I love like a lover boy.

An artist, like someone who's got heat. Right. He's got deep internal heat. The danger Challenger has external heat. Right. So they both. They balance out the two joyful playmates. They're okay together. They're good together. Two innocent teasers not so great together. An innocent teaser and Ice Queen or Ice King is spectacular because especially with the.

So what's an innocent teaser man?

Like an innocent teaser man might not be good. I'm going to Correct myself. An innocent teaser. Feminine. Feminine energy. And an ice king is phenomenal because she just is so present and so doesn't take anything personally. And she'll just keep pursuing with so much guileless, you know, she's just so like pure. And that just burns a hole into an ice king's heart. It's like very rare. And I think a dangerous challenger female and an ice king wouldn't quite work because he's just like, get away, you're too angry. But a deep, soulful, siren feminine and an ice king might work, you know, so it's definitely a dance. My everyday essence has a lot of innocence in it. Right. I have a lot of openness. It's the pattern I was raised in and handed down from ancestors.

So yours is the innocent one.

I have a lot of innocence in my everyday. My husband has a lot of dangerous challenger ice king in his everyday, which is why it probably works so well because I just keep coming at him with like all this hope and all this newness and let's do this. And he's like surly and I'm an arrogant fuck and he'll just get burned. He'll get a hole burnt in his chest from my innocent energy. In my erotic. And this is where it gets a little more complex. We have to go deeper into the journey. In my erotic, I have a lot of shy, reluctant, dangerous challenger. So my erotic likes a little bit of that. Pursue me into the dark shadows where I glisten. And then I'm going to have a little battle with you. I'm going to have a little erotic tussle, see if you're strong enough for me. That's, that's powerful. So there's a lot of dancing in these energies. There are energies that I've seen like repel each other, but it seems like there's different formats with the masculine feminine. Right?

Yeah. Because the naughty provocateur one, I'm not that in my life, but I can definitely be that one like more sexually when I'm dancing. I love playing in that energy and it's fun for me.

So that would be your everyday essence. Right. And then I have a feeling that there's something happening change wise with you. From what? Life. And there's something super, I keep saying this word to you, Sahara, this, something super tender going on inside that.

Maybe the luscious lower one, maybe.

Yeah. Something that would be really fun to explore.

Yeah, Yeah. I made this playlist. Deep feminine yearning. And it's all like, do you know the Singer Sabrina Claudio. No, she's like the archetype of the luscious lover slash the siren one. It's very. Just like, she's like a real life siren. It's so beautiful. I'll send you her music. And I listen to it all the time and I'm just like. It puts me so deep in my feel. So I can definitely feel that. But then the ice queen in me is like. But I won't show that to just anyone.

You know.

You have to earn that. There you go.

Oh, my God. You really know her well. Exactly. She's a fun one. She's. But I have cultivated a lot of her in my everyday essence. And it has been a life, lifesaver in this current world we live in. And she's just like, no, no, no.

Yeah. It's like, and you need that. But I definitely feel that joyful one is. That's how I feel like I interact with my friends. I'm always like the fun one and the one who's doing things. But I can feel that energy can be depolarizing if you're maybe two very joyful people in a relationship.

Exactly right. Yeah, exactly right. And there are ways of sometimes, okay, these iconic energies I just described, I just described like, like kind of a superficial level, both erotic and every day. But there is such a. A deeper journey with them because sometimes they're in a healthy place, a con. A constructive place, and sometimes they're in, like a destructive place. So, for example, the blissful pleaser. Many, many, many women are inculcated into being blissful pleasers, especially with motherhood. Thank you. And relationships. Relationships. And it's about giving, giving, giving, giving, giving, giving, giving. Without the figure eight of eternity that you're talking about, which is giving out. And then I give in to fill up, become the cup that runneth over. Then I can abundantly spill out into you. And they. We've missed the step for women to fill themselves back up, blissfully please themselves. Right. So we want to make sure that we're spinning the plates of all of our iconic energy in a healthy way, in a constructive way. People get stuck in the deep, soulful siren and become this victim mentality. Woe's me. Everything sucks my life. And so they get stuck there without realizing the constructive element of deep, profound, soul to soul, penetrative connection. You know that you can take every one of these emotional energies into a constructive place. I mean, they're biological tools of survival, all of these emotional energies. And when you can understand why why fear was important, why sadness was important, why rage was important. And all of these 10 embodied emotions are why we are. We have evolved to the point we have in humanity. Right.

So are these based on our early childhood and the main emotion we experience and we kind of. That becomes our sexual blueprint for the rest of our lives?

I don't think that they're based on any one thing. I think it's based on. I mean, we talk the body, Sahara, you know, I. The body is so intricately layered from the tissue to the cells to the nerve endings to the fascia and the muscle. I mean, there's just so much that goes into creating who we are. Is it nature or nurture? It's both. It's. You know, I inherited my mother's mother's mother's mother's mother's body. Some of the shape of it, right. When we grow up. And my mom always keeps her left shoulder up and her head like this. This is a. This is a posture of what. What does it feel like to you?

Uncertainty.

Yeah, uncertainty. Maybe a little apology. So then my daughters are going to find their way, but they're not going to know what it is. But it's going to create the emotion of apology and uncertainty. Right? So there's that, and then there's. There's, like, daily life. There's things that happen to us that also begin to shape who we are. You know, things like surgery, an accident, repetitive behavior of shame. All of these things work together to shape these bodies we live in. So with. The reason I love what I, you know, s so much is that every single movement is about tuning into the opening and closing of the feminine and reaching your body to the furthest potential it has to reach. And then stretching beyond that to reshape the fascia so that you become this fluid, beautiful, flowing river of energy again. Because we. We've lost it.

It's so beautiful to witness like. Like when your body is able to go somewhere that it never has before, and then you're teaching your body it's safe, you know, Like, I feel so many of us women, let's say we started growing breasts young, covering, hiding, covering our shoulders, sinking our chests in or, you know, tucking our butts, tucking our stomachs in. I mean, that was. We were told, tuck your stomach in, you know, especially if you did dance or anything like that, and just. Just taking up that. That physical space. So is the purpose to find balance within all 10, or is it to really, like, claim your one or two of your own and like, lean into that.

Well, the first thing I would have a beginner do is claim. Find out who you are. Find out who you are as an everyday essence. And in your erotic essence, most of the time, they're very different. And.

And once you know different sexual partners, maybe bring out different ones too. Or do you find it's the same?

What I have found in my experience of teaching for 25 years is that it's when you first start this journey to try and, you know, not try and, but to discover who I am as an embodied being, an erotic creature. I'm pretty sure that what turns you on, the story of sexuality and pleasure in your body, is a story that you discover and through discovering it, realize that it's naughty. Oh, I like naughty action. To feel orgasm or pleasure even. Right. So I must be a naughty provocateur. But then there's all these other ones I want to learn and explore. So once we get the naughty provocateur moving in a constructive way and you're embracing that part of yourself and saying, yeah, I'm naughty. Oh, well, then I can go. I want to explore my deep, soulful siren and find pleasure in that part of myself. So it's really this profoundly deep journey of. I think it's like blossoming. It's like blossoming. The first thing you're going to do is one leaf is going to open and you're going to see who my erotic is. But then I'm going to begin opening all of these other 10 Lius, and I'm going to be, you know, stretching and reaching my whole being into it. And then what I have noticed is, as women have been on this journey for a few years, is that they begin to actually change the shape of their erotic body and open to pleasure in a lot of different ways that they hadn't been able to before, because everything through the shame culture had been shut down. But maybe that one flavor makes sense.

So true. Yeah. And I think that, yeah, we've maybe been conditioned to find certain archetypes attractive based on the media. I mean, probably most women, if you just look at them, you would probably think the challenger, I'm assuming, for men. Or is that what most women are attracted to, like a strong, masculine man?

Well, here's the thing. They can all be super strong masculine. It's. It's. What is their. What is their erotic desire? Is their erotic desire to, you know, To. To meet you shoulder to shoulder, to change, you know, to change the world, to have a baby, to create erotic energy. So the whole world is better. That's two champions. Is the energy that you have. Is it like, I'm gonna make you blush. I'm gonna make you blush. I'm gonna make you blush. And that would be the two naughty provocateurs together. But you can have. Have strong masculine energy there. I would say the dangerous challenger is often called the bad boy. He's the motorcycle winner.

I'm picturing Jason Momoa in my mind. Maybe that was the picture. I'm like, don't we all want that?

Yeah. By the way, some. Many of us love the energy he has because he also has joyful playmate.

Yes.

And he also. He has a lot of different.

Very spiritual.

Yes, yes. But, you know, that dark brooding can be the shy, reluctant. It can be the deep, soulful. It could be the dangerous challenger. It could be all three of those energies. Right. So I do think women love that iconic energy. But then you've got, like, the Barack Obama energy of just, like, take me away. You know, he's like the knight in shining armor. He's got that energy, and he's the champion. I feel that strongly because there's a lot of humility in him. He's not brash and arrogant, and he seems to have such deep empathy, compassion. So there's a lot of love in there as well. Whereas someone shall not be named. I don't want to talk about that. Never mind. There's. There's. There is a lot of toxic Ice King energy in the world right now that gives men permission. Certain men permission to have toxic masculine.

Yes.

Yeah. Ice King energy as opposed to constructive Ice King energy. Totally constructive. Ice King is going to build things with that arrogance. Going to build most beautiful place you've ever seen. It's impeccable, the finest materials. But a negative, destructive Ice King energy is going to tear things down.

Yeah. It's so fascinating that what we're attracted to says so much about ourselves and what areas within us are. Are incomplete.

Right.

And I feel like that's why. It's. It's that magnetism there of, like. There's this spot within me that I know I have, but you're. You're embodying it already. So I want you. And I feel like women, sexually, it's like we're almost like Kirby, like, so in. In Mario, there's this character, and he, like, takes. He, like, sucks you up and takes your superpower for a little bit. I feel like as a woman, we're like, like, literally, our Yonis are like, I want that superpower, you know, and we are, like, taking that energy in, but it's really energies within ourselves that then we can dance and call in. And then you don't need to date the guy and have your heart broken and all the things, like, just so.

Fucking proud of you.

I figured it out, Sheila.

But that's the autonomy I'm talking about. You become all of it. You become all of who you are meant to be. And then. Then you begin to dance. Your soul. Then your soul begins to speak through your dance. And that is. That is. It's. That is so arrestingly beautiful. There's no more yearning to fill up or be filled up by anything or anyone else. You just commune with the energy of the universe.

And then whoever you magnetize is someone who's at that level of integration within themselves. And it's not coming from this. This void place of I need to feel love. And you look like you're in the lover archetype or I have this problem and you seem like the challenger, so you'll help me with this problem. And I feel like, as women, we have been taught to outsource, you know, the things that we are wanting in our lives through a partner of. You know, if you're attracted to Barack Obama, ask yourself what part of you wants to, like, speak on stage?

You know, that's it. That's exactly it. You know, I think of S Factor as an act that I give women so that they can, you know, break down the box they've been told to live in. This little isolating box where you are needy, where you have to need to get your voice heard, where no one really sees you, no one really feels you, no one really hears you. And, you know, you break that box down that society gave you, and you say, I am here. And you stretch. Stretch your body so big and wide and full and. And curvy and sensual and make your presence known because no one else can do it for you. And then you will feel so seen. Because I think we live in a. In a. In a world right now where there's a deficit of people feeling seen. Nobody feels seen because we're all in these little boxes.

And we're not seeing our songs.

No, no, you're exactly right. Right. What you just said. Because we're looking outside of ourselves for something to fill us up. We're looking for a man, a career, a job. It's like going. It's like. It's like going to an amusement park to amuse yourself. Well, no, you and your body Are the greatest amusement park on the planet. Just look here. It's incredible.

And we've just been sleeping on it.

We just been.

Well, we're awakening to it one little wrist.

Wrist flick at a time. Exactly right. I love it.

Well, thank you so much for sharing all of your wisdom. It really is evolutionary and supportive of so many women.

And.

And where can listeners connect with you and join your upcoming programs?

They can go on to follow me on Instagram, Sheila Kelly S. Follow S Factor, go to my website, get on my wait list. We offer the course from the film strip and rise. So that will start in early September for six months. Beautiful.

Well, thank you again for being so brave and stepping into this way before anyone else did. I can only imagine the level of courage that that took when even today I get told things and it is a big movement. So I can only imagine what it was like going on mainstream talk shows like back then.

We will talk about that someday.

Yes.

It was like I was getting it from the left and the right.

Exactly. But here we are now and places are accepting it. So thank you for being part of that.

Yeah. Thank you for having me on. Beautiful.

Well, I hope you love this conversation. I mean, I was, like, moving my hips the whole time. I'm like, oh, that feels good. So good to be in a body. So I hope you just take this energy throughout your day and share this episode. Share it on your Instagram stories. Tag us. Share with your friends and family. This is how we can start to have more of these conversations. I think a lot of us feel lonely even in our friendships and relationships. But how do we expect to be seen when we're not sharing what's on our heart, what we're interested in, the kind of conversations we want to have. So if you're like, I want to dive deeper into this with my partner, with my friends. You know, for me being single right now, I'm like, this is the ultimate time for me to be doing this work because then I can walk into any relationship knowing this about myself rather than seeking someone else to. To show me it. So have these conversations. Share it with your friends. And I'm super excited to also hear what you thought about the episode. So please leave a review for it in the itunes store. I read every single review and it really means so much and gets the word spread so we can have a more erotic, sensual, and fulfilled planet. All right, I'll see you in the next one. Trust your intuition. Trust your inner wisdom. Trust your inner guidance. Close your eyes and listen.

Go.

So trust your intuition, trust your inner wisdom, Trust your inner guidance.