567: How To Heal From a Break-Up/ Divorce You Didn't See Coming with Michelle Arias

I'm all about sacred rage. I had to go through that. I had to admit to myself that I was actually angry because I used to say, oh, I'm not an angry person. I'm just really hurt. And no, bitch, like one day I just was like in my car screaming at the top of my lungs. I went to a rage room and I was just like, I broke so much crap and I was literally on the floor and actually gave it a voice. And I realized at the end, yes, I was in a lot of pain. I was just in a lot of pain. And it wasn't just my pain. All the women in my family, including my grandmother, I realized I was like a modern day version of my grandmother. My grandfather wasn't financially supportive, actually on both sides of my family. Both grandfathers were alcoholic. They weren't financially supporting the families. And those women weren't able to fully leave the relationships where here I am able to have positioned myself in a way where I could do that. Granted, it took my ex leaving me or else I would have never left. And for me, I'm like always so grateful for that. I'm like, man, had this person hadn't chosen themselves again and said, like, I want out of this, like, I would have stayed and I would have been in the same place. And seeing where I am now and not even sure what the next few months are going to look like, it actually leaves me open to all the possibilities where before that used to scare me. Let go.

I'm the one I've been waiting for. Welcome back to the Highest Self podcast. My name is Sahara Rose and on this podcast I love to take spiritual concepts and make them modern, fun, grounded, relatable, especially matters of the heart. You know, I feel that breakups, divorces, shifts in our relationships are the biggest catalysts in our life because nothing rocks your world quite like a heartbreak, you know, whether it's actual dissolving the relationship or working through a really rough patch, I feel like these are times that we start to really question everything. It was certainly like that for me in my journey, going through my divorce. And it led to my greatest awakening yet. It led to me sharing my voice on a larger level than I ever had before, but not just large, but like more authentic and true to who I am. Like taking off so many of the masks that we are subconsciously wearing of. You know, I gotta do the right thing and say, say the right thing and be this person. And I feel when there is a very big role in your life that's suddenly Gone. You know, you think, I'm always a wife, I'm always this, I'm always that, and that's gone. Then all of a sudden you start questioning all the other roles that you're playing. And so for me, in my journey, it just brought me so much deeper into myself. Like, fuck, I have one life. Like, who do I want to be? Like, how do I want to show up? And what are the things I just am noticing within myself that I don't want to hold on to that anymore. You know, people pleasing ways that I was just playing small, minimizing my light, minimizing my expression because of all the programming of, oh, well, if you're too confident, too bold, too successful, too beautiful to anything man will ever want to be with you, so dim that light. Be small enough, put yourself in the cage so you will be loved. But sacrificing your liberation for love is not love. It's confinement, it's delusion, and it's what so many of us have decided in this incarnation to move through. So I find many of us, you know, those of us who are empaths, we see the best in other people. We end up in relationships with someone who often, you know, can take advantage of that thing. I'm not going to use the typical narcissist, empath role words because I feel there's a lot more nuance to that. But you. You can see a pattern there. Those of us who are more spiritual, you know, we. We see the best in everyone. And sometimes we don't see the red flags. Sometimes we do give and give and give and give, and don't ask if it's reciprocal. And sometimes it takes us reaching a rock bottom and like rocky, rocky, rocky, rocky or rock bottom to actually make a change. And I truly believe that that is God. I believe that that is God awakening us, saying, this isn't the path for you. There's something, a life, a way of being, that is so much more in alignment with who you truly are. But you need to leave this relationship to be in it. Because when you're in a relationship, it's a ship, and that ship set sail, and you were likely in the same path in the same direction when you got to on the ship. But then oftentimes we go on a spiritual journey and our ship starts, you know, going this way towards the sound baths and the ecstatic dances and the dharma coaching, and then their ship may go elsewhere. And it can be harder to be honest about the different directions the ships are going until there's something that often is like catastrophic. And it takes getting to that level. So for myself and for the guests you're going to hear about, it was finding out about our then husband's infidelities. For some people, it is through health crisises. For some people it is through even abusive relationships. I mean, it can take so many different shapes and forms. And while no one deserves any of those things, I did not deserve it. She did not deserve it. No one deserves anything bad happening to them. I will say from my own experience, it has been the greatest learning lesson of my life. And actually now, almost two years later, looking back on it, I'm so grateful. So whether you are in it right now, maybe you're in the relationship and something's feeling off and your inner voice is telling you there's something more. You just ended a relationship. You've been on your own healing journey. Maybe it wasn't necessarily relationship, but another catastrophic life life event that has caused you to start really asking yourself, what is my purpose? What is my calling? Who am I here to be in this life? I have one life, and we spend so much time, it's like, who am.

I going to be with?

It's like, but who are you? And especially as women, we often define our lives around the person we're in relationship with. That sometimes God is like, let me take you from that. So you can really sit with who you want to be and become that version of you and sit and incubate in your own energy, bask in your own aura, let go of all the other energies and the ways that we feel responsible to, holding on to that relationship by again minimizing ourselves. And then in this journey, we rapidly evolve and grow and explore new edges and redefine ourselves. And then when the time is right, we align with the person who meets us at that moment. And then not walking into it as, okay, now are you my forever, you know, and now eternal safety, but actually understanding that people are changing life changes. But the only thing that's going to consistently be with you throughout your life is you and your dharma, your calling. That is the thing that can never be taken away from you. And in my own dark night of the soul, when I did not know how to file for a divorce, where I was going to live, what I was going to do, all of the legal matters and figuring out life, and it was so unexpected and just felt like the rug was pulled under my feet and just so much grief and pain and anger and sadness. My saving grace through it all was that I was living my Dharma, my soul's purpose. And getting on the calls with my students at Highest Self Institute was like the highlight of my week because it reminded me who the fuck I was. You know, we get so lost in the issues in our relationships that it reminded me. It's like, oh, I am wise. Oh, I am able to be of service to others. Oh, I can get out of my own story and help other people with theirs. And that would give me confidence. And that confidence led to self love. And that self love led to decisions that served me in this like entirely different reality where I'm living in LA in like a way better apartment with two dogs and like, I look so much better and I'm cute and like happy and dating new people and, you know, and it's so much better. But I could never have been in that reality without going through that. So this episode, we're going to be talking about these big life events that you may have gone through, may be going through right now, and how they're actually the breeding ground for a purpose that is so much greater. And this is actually one of my students at High Self Institute in our Dharma Coach program. So you're going to be hearing from her specifically how just in 2023 she joined our program, which is our six month program on becoming a sole purpose coach, and now is coaching other people in overcoming and healing through their divorces, which was exactly what she went through. So this, I love to share these, like live examples because sometimes we listen to podcasts and we're like, oh, that person's been doing it for like 10 plus years. Like how I'm too late, you know? And the guest you're going to be hearing from today, Michelle, as someone who was literally in your shoes listening to this podcast like a year ago and decided to say yes, decided to jump into the unknown and has become a Dharma, a Sole purpose coach, and now has a career helping people. And I'll be sharing her social media and everything below. And I just want this to be a reminder that that muck that you're going through is the very soil that your lotus will blossom from. Your pain was not in vain, but rather it is the fertile soil to allow you to become the fullest expression, to blossom as the sun being that you are here to be. So let her story be just an example that you can like put in your mind of if, if Michelle was able to overcome this, if Michelle's life has drastically shifted in one year, where can I be a year from now? And before we drop into this episode. Be sure to hit subscribe wherever you're listening to this podcast. That is the best way to stay up to date on the latest episodes. We've got this in video format, so if you're just hearing my voice, sure to also watch our fabulous outfits on video as well on Spotify, YouTube or the Apple Store. This is the best way to stay in the flow with future conversations and also allows the podcast to reach more people. So hit subscribe so I can keep vibing with you on all future episodes. Now let's get into this one. So without further ado, let's welcome Michelle to the High Self Podcast. Welcome.

Thank you.

So we've gone through similar things.

Yes.

If you can share a little bit more about your journey of overcoming betrayal and divorce and where you were at before all this and then walk me through what sparked you into becoming a coach.

Yeah, I mean, I'm a registered nurse. I've been a nurse since 2010 and I was working in pediatric ICU, which is interesting because I was a cardiac ICU nurse working with the heart. And now I focus on heart healing in the spiritual sense. I just love seeing all the connections. I think I was always meant to be down this path. I was in a 15 year relationship and four of those years were married and, you know, my life was on autopilot. I rinse, repeat, like wake up, I'd go to work, I'd do the thing, I'd come home, okay, dinner. And to the point where I was starting to notice that I would just be burnt out. Like, I just come home and I'd lay down and I just binge Netflix and I would have this voice in my head saying, like, get up, like, you need to do something. And I just, like, I can't. I was just like paralyzed. I was just so exhausted. Being the financial provider in my relationship, I was, you know, looked at as like the example in my family. I'm a first generation Latina and so I was. Everything was like, oh, look at Michelle. And like, you know, to the external world, it looked like I had it all together, but really inside I was so empty. Somebody asked me, I think the first thing that really started me on this path was what do you do for fun? Or like, what's a hobby? And I was like, fun hobby? I don't even know. The last time I, I had a hobby, I was like, does sleep count? Because that's all I was doing. And then I would start getting into like depression and recognizing that I just felt really Empty, Very alone in my marriage, and I wanted to ignore it. So I would stuff it under the rug, continue on with my life, pretend like nothing's a problem, as I would always do. And I was also going through infertility treatment at the time. So imagine I'm working my Monday through Friday night to 5 o'. Clock. I'm working remotely as a nurse. I'm going through infertility treatment because we're having trouble conceiving. And it involves a really grueling IVF journey. And then there was a mental health crisis within my family that I was spearheading because it was in the middle of COVID and I was the one that kind of just took the role. No one asked me to take the lead, but I was the most equipped to handle what was going on during that time. And my then husband was starting his own business, and so all the financial responsibility was on me and the emotional load was on me and the mental load was on me. I would cry. And I remember feeling like I was weeping and I couldn't even recognize who that was. I almost feel like it was like my ancestors, like, I felt like this deep, like, weep from like within my womb, where I was just like, I have never heard myself cry like this. And I remember my ex husband asked me, he's like, what is going on? Like, I'm concerned, like, what is this happening? I'm like, I just feel like I have a greater purpose. This is not my life. But I couldn't connect the two together. I couldn't realize in that moment that the life I was in with him was also part of the this is not my life. So it was 2022. I had already gone through IVF for about a year. It was three rounds back to back, ended up with this one embryo. And so at that point, we had decided that we would try and transfer this one embryo and just give it a shot because financially, IVF is really expensive and we were financing this. So I just was like, you know what? I'm just going to go with this one embryo, and if it sticks, it sticks. Well, God had other plans as well, because even trying to transfer this embryo, my womb wasn't even ready to receive this embryo. Every time we would try a different protocol, different this, different that, it wasn't working, I think I was actually able to notice a shift in the dynamic. Although the shift in our dynamic had already shifted from before, I just was able to recognize it. And I had asked him one day and it was 2022 in May, and I asked him, like, you need to talk to me. Like, what is going on? And it was in that moment that he had shared that, you know, he. He didn't want to be in this relationship, that, you know, he was on his personal growth and personal development journey, and I was resisting, and he was going through a lot of different changes, and he felt like I wasn't being supportive. But in my mind, I was like, how am I not being supportive? Like, I'm financially providing and, like, helping. But he. He wanted more. And, you know, he said that he didn't feel like a provider, and he didn't feel like he was a man and all of these things. And so for me, I was like, oh, this is so honorable. Like, I have to respect his decision as much as it hurts me. And so I started looking for a place to live so that we could physically separate. I found a place in Orange county, in Irvine, and that was also just on a whim. I was listening to a podcast. I was driving down PCH just to clear my mind, because I was looking in the valley, which is where I'm from and where I had always lived, and I kept finding apartments. I'm like, why do I keep wanting to stay in the same perimeter? I was on a hike, and I went to the top of the mountain, and it was like, all these clouds. And I was like, what's beyond those clouds? Like, why am I just circling in this little space? Like, I. I want to go more. I was actually listening to, like, a Joe Dispenza meditation when I was on the top of that mountain. Something told me, like, you need to go beyond, like, your horizons here. Like, you're not. Like, you've outgrown this area. So as I'm driving, I end up in Laguna Beach. I end up at this park called Heisler park that I had always said before. I'm like, oh, I would love to live right by this park, because this is such a beautiful place. I've always seen, like, other people that I knew coming here, and I decided to take, like, the 405 way, like, back. And I was like, you know what? I can actually make this happen. I always said I wanted to live here, and the reason I couldn't live here before was because of my ex. I can take my job anywhere. I can actually live here, and I can actually be 15 minutes away from this park that I love. And I came back the next day. I saw four apartments. The last apartment that I saw, I was like, I knew that was it. Signed the Lease. And I moved like a week later. But right before then, I was like, I'm going to live in the valley somewhere. I'm going to go, maybe I'll go back to mommy and Daddy's. And I think my higher self is coming through and just telling me no. Like, that's just another escape. If you really want to see who you are outside of being a nurse, outside of being the good girl, outside of being a daughter, outside of being a nurse, a sister, a friend, a wife, you need to be far enough removed from everything that you know so that you can really find yourself. And so I did. And after that move, that's when things started to accelerate more for me. I ended up going to a retreat in Austin in October. I was originally supposed to go to a retreat in Mexico. It was a yoga retreat. And last minute I get this email and it says, like, hey, you might be interested in this retreat. My wife is bringing it back. And I disregarded it. I threw it in the trash. And then I get another email and it said, hey, please disregard that email. Like, we had the wrong information on there. Here's the correct stuff. So I open it. I'm like, okay, let me see, like, what this is about. The retreat started saying things that resonated a lot with where I was at, what I was looking for. I decided last minute to cancel that yoga retreat. Go there. I go there. It's where I felt like within myself, my masculine and my feminine and my inner child, I was able to meet all of that. It was the first time that I actually felt whole. It was like a whole experiential weekend. It was a lot of somatic experiencing and practicing. And I was like, oh, my God, this is a missing link. I've been focusing on mindset work, everything in the mind. And here I was able to bring these parts of me and actually feel whole and actually feel all the feelings. From there, I met somebody who led me to my embodiment coach. I entered an embodiment coaching container for six months. And I was debating doing a different coaching program, actually, because that was their community. And towards the end, it was getting closer to my birthday. So now we're talking about, like, April 2023. I'm on this healing journey and all these things are coming up, and I hear about dci. It just like pops up on the divine logarithm of Instagram is what I call it. And it's you, and you're talking about DCI and, you know, to sign up. And I'm like, oh, well, I haven't. To be honest, I hadn't heard of you up until then. I was like, who is Sahara Rose? Okay, I go, look, I listen to your podcast, I listen to your story. I hear about Nita, and I was like, oh, my God. Like, this all resonate. This feel like a I'm not on the fence. Like, should I, shouldn't I? Like, this is a yes. I don't even know if I want to be a coach yet. At that time, I was more focused on breathwork facilitation, because that was my number one thing. And I kept thinking, like, which one should I do first? You know? And I was just like, it doesn't matter. Like, the call to want to do this is not going to go away until I actually do it, and I'll see what comes of it. So I did. On my birthday, May 2nd of 2023, I signed up for DCI. You actually had sent me, like, a voice message because I had gone on a discovery call, and I was just like, oh, like, this is so nice. Like, there's so many people, and she's, you know, sent a message, and I'm also. It just felt like a sign, you know? So I did. And in that time, I became a breathwork facilitator as well. And, you know, through that whole time, I was also going through my divorce, and that was really heavy. And a part of me was like, why am I choosing to do all of these certifications and these programs while I'm going through a divorce? It's very high conflict. But I realize now, looking back, I was meant to not wait any longer and not wait to start my life until a judge or someone outside of me signed a piece of paper to say that I'm now liberated. It's like, no, I get to liberate myself. And yes, it's hard, but honestly, it was like my lifeline. It was what was giving me life. I was feeling alive, even if I was feeling the pain and the grief and the sorrow. The deeper I went into my shadows as I was going through this program, the more easily I was able to find joy in, like, my everyday life. Like, every little. Like, every day, I would just wake up. I'm like, yeah, like, this divorce situation is super shitty. And, like, kind of like you. I'm like, I lived in an apartment that was nicer. I was making friendships, like soul sisters that I call now. I have, like, my own sister circle that I host. Like, I just became my own, and I flourished in this place. Had I not gone through this divorce had I not followed my gut for once? Because I had always ignored it. I had always ignored it. So now I was like, I'm following those signals, those my intuition. I'm going to trust to have my own back. And if, if I make a wrong turn, I course correct and that's okay. Instead of just like, I'm gonna wait until I know exactly where it's gonna be. Because that's how I had lived my whole life. I felt like I was checking off a box. Like, okay, I, I got the career, check, okay, I bought my own place, check, okay, I got engaged, check, okay, now I'm married. Now I'm trying to have this kid. Oh, I can't check off this becoming a mom, like, getting pregnant box. Like, why, like, why can't. Like, my life is over now, basically is how I felt like. Little did I know that on the other side of that, it's like, no, my life was just beginning. That wasn't my life.

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So trust your intuition, trust your inner.

Wisdom, trust your inner guidance. I resonate with so much that you said. And just, you know, what would you say to the version of you one year ago that just listened to this podcast that here you are now one year later on the podcast. I know, I just thought about that.

As I was driving and I didn't even allow myself because I just finished Healing Through Heartbreak Workshop, like a series, and the last one was yesterday. So my focus up until now has been on that. And then I woke up this morning, I was like, oh, my God, like, like full. Yes. Like, I'm gonna be on the podcast. Like a year ago, Like, I had just signed up and I was like a few months into dci. Actually, I have it. I'll share it with you. But a year ago, around the time I was actually going on my Instagram telling people that I decided to pursue coaching and to become a Dharma coach, and that I was taking on five women as I got my certification hours. And so now to come full circle and also be like, and now I'm actually soft launching my divorce coaching and declaring myself as that because I didn't know which way I want to go. Because, you know, we say we're so multifaceted. And I was like, well, I could, I could coach people on so many different things. But the one thing that was very clear, which I feel like it should have been clear to me, but I couldn't see it up until about a month ago, was, no, I'm meant to help people through healing their heartbreak, whether it's divorce, separation, or like a long term breakup, because I'm not that far removed from it. And I'm actually still in the tail end of it. But I'm not letting that stop me. And I haven't let that stop me. So, yeah, like, as I was putting my makeup on this morning in the mirror, I was literally talking to myself and I was like, you did that? Like, you weren't even sure you were going to do this. Like a month ago, you were like, should I, shouldn't I? I'm just going to go for it.

Imagine, like, how many times have we seen like the email of like, here's a program and yeah, whatever. And you're just like. And I love how you listen to your intuition. Because I will say, like, there's so many different programs and stuff out there and you felt into your own intuition. There was one you were consider. And then, you know, you Saw my video. And the thing is, it's like heartbreak is an initiation. Like, and I feel women who have gone through it, it's like, oh, I see you. I know, like when you said about the deep cries that your ancestors. Yes, I know those cries deeply. And it's like these guttural wails of all of our grandmothers that this cycle has happened again and again. You know, the abuse, the abandonment, the disregard of the womb, you know, and so many of her grandmothers could not leave, you know, they. They had to stay, but then they would swallow their pain.

I'm getting chills as you're saying this.

Pass it to their children. And just in little passive aggressive remarks, just say, like, don't trust men. And, you know, things like that. But they were stuck because they were financial. It all comes down to money. They were financially dependent on these men, and these men knew that. So they're like, I can cheat on you. I can abuse you. I can be an alcoholic. You know, all these, oh, my gosh, where are you gonna go? And it was a fact, because back in those days, I mean, really, until the 1960s, women could not work, you know? And I'm, in my opinion, the first woman to work, because they come from Iran, you know? And that is why living your dharma, your soul's purpose to me is the most important thing for women, because it gives you the freedom. The fact that you had from your nursing career and now from your coaching career, it gives you the freedom to live where you want to live. Travel, if you want to travel, do what you want to do. And I feel so many women are still in these relationships.

Yes.

Because they don't have another opportunity, you know, And. And that's why it's like. And if you're in it, like, don't feel like you're stuck there. And there's always a way. And please, if you're in an abusive relationship, leave as soon as possible. And I have so much compassion for women who are like, I need time. You know, I need time to figure it out, because there is figuring out to do. And some of us, it's just. We kind of jump in. Like mine, as soon as I found out about the infiliary, I was like, I'm out. But then it was just like, overnight, like, all my stuff's in storage. I have no idea what I'm gonna do now. And some people, they. They just need more. More time. They have kids. It's just. It's just different, you know?

Yeah.

And that's why it's just building that block. Like, like, you know, maybe you didn't know you were going to be a coach, but you're like, at least I'm going to put my energy somewhere. And I so resonated with what you said about, like, waiting for those. Those papers, you know? Like, I was like, I can't wait until, like, I'm legally divorced. Like, I was, like, waiting for that, waiting for that. And now I'm like, why did I give that so much energy? It's not like I ever even. It was like an email. So I looked at that paper, but I was like, I can't, like, move on with my life until it's, like, legally done. And it's like, the heart heals on its own. Time has nothing to do with a piece of paper. And it's like, how much power we give to these pieces of. Of paper. So what advice do you have for the version of you one year ago that was listening to this podcast that was like, I'm not sure if I can be a coach. I'm still in it. I don't have my shit figured out. What would you say to that version of you?

Wow. I mean, I would just tell her, you may not know where this is going to lead, but it's sure as hell a lot better than where you are right now. And I'm willing to gamble on that. And I'm really glad that I did, because I really didn't know. I thought, oh, maybe I'll do breath work locally and I'll still be a nurse for the rest of my life or just something on the side, something that will add fulfillment as opposed to. As I went through the program, I was just like, actually, I would love my coaching to be my primary source of income and let nursing be like, an option or an add on. Right? So definitely just telling myself to. To go for it. Because whatever I feel may be on the other side, it could be that or it could be even something greater. And I think that's something that I stuck with through the entire part of my journey in terms of going through dci, but also just through my divorce. Like, if it's not this, it's something greater. It has to be. Because before I was a planner, there was always a plan B, a plan C. Like, there's always. There was always like a safety net of, like, there's something else. I did not give myself another option. Like, this is it. I am my own safety net. Now. Before I used to think, like, how am I going to do all of this on my own. How am I going to live on my own? How am I going to do all these things on my own? Well, when I moved out, I realized I'm like, oh my gosh, it's actually a lot easier on my own. It's a lot easier on my own. Granted, divorce is hard, you know, that, that I won't take away. It is very hard. But there were some parts where I could actually just relax. Like I could just be with myself, figure it out on my own without outside influences of like, what would he do? What would he say? How would my parents do it? You know, just by myself, find my own community, new solo line, friendships, partnerships, you know, dating, I mean that's been.

Dating is challenging.

Yeah, dating is another story. I'm not like, my heart is open though. So I will say this. In the beginning of my separation, I just remember telling my mom, if I could love for what I knew love to be, right? The attachment. We know that it's attachment now, but if I could love someone this much from such a wounded place, I can only imagine how much more I can pour into and receive from a healed place with the right person. And I don't know if people want to call that like delusional or like woo woo. But like, I live there. I live there because I'm like, if there's someone like me out there and I exist, someone that matches me out there, exists as well, that has the capacity to love and hold the way that I do. And I, I hold on to that every day. Anytime I forget, I'm like, girl, if you're here, your match is out here somewhere. And you just got to continue doing you, keeping your heart open, be discerning, trust your gut. And they'll, they'll appear.

Absolutely. So did you ever feel like before becoming coach, being a nurse, a nurse is like a full time job and a half. Did you ever feel like I don't have time for something else? And how did you overcome that?

Yes, I still, I mean right now I still work my nursing job. It's my Monday through Friday, my 9 to 5. I work remotely, thankfully. And yes, I was like, how am I going to do all of this? Like the programs and the stuff. But I was able to shift my lunch break for when the calls were going on. And if I couldn't catch the call, I catch a recording after work. And even now, like doing my coaching calls when I was doing my certification hours, I would take them on after, after work or on the weekends. Even now like doing my workshops, I was like, I did one during my lunch break and the other two were like Monday evenings. And it's possible, it's just a question of how. I don't want to say how badly do you want it, but like how committed are you to your own liberation or to your own expression or your own exploration of what else is possible for you?

I love that and I feel that so many of us think that either have to be a full time entrepreneur or I can't try. And it's this fear of what if I try and I fail and then I have to go back to where I was before. But you're not realizing you're already there. You're literally already there.

You're already at ground zero.

So, so it's like, and I think it's this like embarrassment thing of like, I don't want to tell people I'm becoming a coach and then I'm like not able to take it off the ground and then they're going to think I didn't do it. And it's like, whose opinions are we so concerned about? People who also are not taking risks.

Right?

Like the only person who would judge you of like, haha, she said she was going to become a coach, but I still see her working at this job. She shouldn't have even tried. Like, like what kind of person is that?

You know, someone that opinions doesn't even matter.

Yeah, someone who doesn't try. It's like, you know, I've studied, I'm always doing certifications. I'm being certified to be a past life hypnotherapist right now. Like I'm always doing things, you know, and I would if I told my friend, they're like, I don't even know why you're trying, girl. I don't think you have the time for that. It's like I would be like, why are you my friend? You know, it's like you try things and it's like what I love is it guides you where you're meant to go. So it's like you became a Dharma sole purpose coach, but you've made it your own through divorce coaching, through heartbreak coaching. So it's like you take the coaching fundamentals which are universal, right? Holding space, presence, listening, asking high mileage questions, you know, rapport, mirroring, body language. These are like universal coaching things that we teach. And then the Dharma framework is now something unique. It's like a north star that you can add to things, the learnings that you learn. Okay, Chakras, you're going to apply that to everything, you know, emotional skill. You're going to apply that to everything. The blueprint. And these are actually not things you can make your own. It's like, maybe your own blueprint is going to have an area of heartbreak too, right? Or your own journey spiral will be focused on healing from betrayal. And, you know, and it's like you can now take these frameworks and make it your own. And that's what we love to do is like, how can we train people to become the best coach that they are meant to be? Because you have a unique story that no one else has. And I feel that so many of us, we're all trying to be the same cookie cutter coach. And we look on social media and we're like, okay, everyone is doing, you know, money coaching right now. So I'm a money coach. Everyone's doing human design coaching right now. I'm a human design coach. Everyone's doing all white branding now. They're doing this champagne branding this, that. And it's like, like, who are you? You know, it's like, you. Are you an Aries?

I'm a Taurus.

Okay. I was like the red, but I.

Heard you say April, so let me tell you, I grew up in the Aries. Right now I'm a Taurus sun, but I'm a Leo rising. I feel like my Leo rising lately has been very much like, girl, you need to get out there.

I love it. I can feel the fire. And you're making it your own. And you know, we always encourage people. We're like, this is like, we're giving you the ingredients but like, add your own spice to it. Like, do you want to add some masala spices? Do you want to add some sesame seed miso? Do you want to some sumac saffron, like, make it your own. Some, you know, Tajin.

Oh my God, I'm the worst Mexican anti spice.

Yeah, I feel you. But it's like, make it your own sabor ya. You know, and it's like I'm always on the calls. I'm like talking, you know, I swear, I. Whatever. And it's like. And that's just who I am. And I feel like it's like refreshing because, you know, what I see happen a lot is like, okay, I'm a coach, so I'm perfect, right? And I have it all figured out. And I like speak and coaching talk. And it's like your clients aren't even going to feel comfortable, like being themselves and being Their most vulnerable selves if you're not being your most vulnerable self. So it's like, the more that you just are like, hey, you know, I don't have it figured. It figured out. You know, I love how you said, I'm still at the tail end of all of this. You know, it's not like this happened 10 years ago. And you're like, oh, yeah, I've been remarried twice since then. I'm trying to rethink what that was like. It was like, no, I'm in it. I'm still. Still, you know, and it's like. And I can resonate with that feeling because it's like, you. You like some of the things that you said. Specifically, I'm like, oh, I was there too. You know, and it's like you kind of lose memory of those things when it was something so long ago. So I always say, like, you are the ideal coach for the version of you, like, three years ago.

Right?

You know, it's like that version of you. And again, the faster we can transmute things, it can be even, like, sooner and sooner versions of us. But I think the first time, when we've never coached before, it's like, who was I, like, three years ago? And for you was like, going into, okay, breathwork really helped me. This really helped me. But then as you grow in your journey, who you coach grows on your journey, too. So for people right now who are listening and they have, you know, just some, like, imposter syndrome, I feel a lot of people, it's around, like, I feel uncomfortable speaking. I would feel awkward showing up on social media. What do you have to say to them?

I get it. That was me. Maybe in the last year, I've slowly started using my voice, which is weird because before I got in my relationship, I realized I used to speak in front of crowds. Like, I was, like, the spirit coordinator at my high school, like, at pep rallies, on a microphone, talking. And then as I got in my relationship and I went through this dynamic, I feel like I started to forget who I was. This last year really has been about opening my throat and using my voice. And I get it. But you. You start where you're at, and that's what I did. I. I slowly started just by sharing reels without even speaking, but start sharing my journey. Before I even knew that I was going to be a coach, I was just like, hey, like, you know, don't be afraid to look at your shadows and, like, to feel your pain. Like, what waits for you on the other Side of that is a lot of, like, freedom and joy. Your inner child and your future self. Well, thank you. I read that just the other day to see. When I. When did I first start sharing openly about my journey? It was before I even shared that I was getting a divorce. It was before I even knew coaching was a thing for me. It's before I knew that I wanted to facilitate breath work. So to even go back and see, just start by sharing if you feel like something's on your heart. Because a lot of the times people think that we're going through something and it's just us, and so many people are going through the same, and they're just too afraid to be vulnerable and, like, to find support. Like, they feel like they have to do it alone. And I think that's how I started. I just started sharing that, and then I just started opening my voice and just being like, hey, this is a journey that I've been on. This is where it's led me. Now I'm here. Everything I'm sharing with you, I am literally a walking embodiment of all of it. I would not tell you or recommend something or talk about something that I haven't personally lived, experienced, or currently embodied. And I think that's, like, the greatest thing. So even to be here, this. I was just talking to my coach two weeks ago about how. What a test. I kept talking about how, oh, I'm starting to share my voice on, like, I'm choosing now to declare myself as a divorce coach because I was feeling like, oh, it's like, here's the microphone. Yes, yes. And like, I decided, right? And I declared it just a month ago. And then as I started actually sharing my voice, the email comes through from your team, and I'm like, what a way to really share my voice and really crack that open. But all it took was me actually taking a chance on myself and stepping through the cringe in the imposter syndrome and doing it anyways.

This is such a full circle. I'm having a major epiphany right now because, okay, so I was obviously been doing this podcast for eight years teaching about spirituality, and then blindsided by this infidelity. And, like, part of me was like, I don't even want to talk about it, because it's like, you know, it wasn't even my brand. I didn't talk about relationship stuff. I was really focused on, like, purpose and business and, like, things like that. But then I was like, well, this is such a huge part of my journey. This is like, I'm in the muck. And, you know, when I was teaching the DCI students, I was, like, in Bali, like, crying, like, so in it. And I also had a lot of this fear of, like, what are, like, guys gonna think of me if I'm talking about the divorce and the heartbreak healing all the time. Like, you know, social media is like a dating app these days. And that. That was also playing, but I was like, you know what? I don't give a fuck. Like, it's. Anytime I would catch myself going to that, I'm like, no more hiding, you know? And, like, even if. If my story helps one person know that, like, hey, it happens to all of us. And don't look at me thinking I have it all figured out, because I also don't. And I'm also feeling the same agonizing pain that you are. And I would share. And I would even share videos of me, like, crying and, you know, just, like, fully in it and have been very transparent on my journey, even though I'm, like, sometimes re. Listening to it. Like, wow, I can't believe I shared that publicly, you know? But then that led to you, right, seeing it. You were in it. You weren't sharing about it yet, right? And then that led to you going on this journey and, like, maybe through seeing me, like, wow, she's sharing about openly. I'm going to share about it openly. And now declaring yourself as a divorce coach. Then I told my team, because I interview our students every. Every time the door is open, and I'm like, so they sent me a couple people and. Because I resonated with your story. So it's like, my story inspired you. Your story inspired me.

Right?

And here we are.

Know.

So it's so crazy because it's like, I could have kept it to myself, and then you could have kept it to yourself, and we would have never known. Like, yeah, everything's fine in our lives, you know? But instead it's like, no, yeah, we're gonna. We're gonna be. We're gonna be ourselves, and we're not gonna hide. And. And the ripple effect of that of every other person whom I don't know who's sharing this journey of self, every person you don't know who's sharing this journey as hell. Everyone listening right now who's gonna share their voice one day, hopefully be on this podcast. And it's like, the list goes on and on, and it's just crazy how, like, one woman stepping into her power, the magnitude that. That has and like the patriarchy for thousands of years has been so wildly afraid of this. Like, that was the hardest thing for me. And I know that you were going through it as well, of like, the silencing, right, that woman experience and the gaslighting and the like, oh, like you're making yourself a victim. And, you know, all of that. And it's like there's still so much collective wounding. And it's not like you think cheating ex is like, I support everything you do. They're. They're not. You know, it's. It's hard and you know, it's been a, it's been a journey and we're okay now. But it was very, very challenging to share your story when there's another person involved. So what advice do you have for someone that's like, I'm scared to share my story because of my ex, because of my family, because my parents, because of my community, my church.

I mean, I get it. Again, I still feel that way. I still have that programming, that thinking of, like, I'm still somehow responsible for this other person's feelings. And it's something that I work through. But I've just accepted that that will always be the initial response because that is what is ingrained in me. But the more I start talking about it anyways, the turnaround time is so much faster, and I build that trust with myself. So your story is your truth, and it is not your job to protect the other person, but you can do it in a way that actually serves the greater good, right? Like if you're only doing it to just paint yourself as a victim and to basically just bash the other person. I don't think we're in a place to share that yet. Maybe publicly. Right? But getting that rage out on your own, please do. I'm all about sacred rage. I had to go through that. I had to admit to myself that I was actually angry because I used to say, oh, I'm not an angry person. I'm just really hurt. And no, like, one day I just was like in my car screaming at the top of my lungs. I went to a rage room and I was just like, I broke so much crap and I was literally on the floor and actually gave it a voice. And I realized at the end, yes, I was in a lot of pain. I was just in a lot of pain. And it wasn't just my pain. All the women in my family, including my grandmother, I realized I was like a modern day version of my grandmother. My grandfather wasn't financially supportive Actually on both sides of my family, both grandfathers were alcoholic. They weren't financially supporting the families. And those women weren't able to fully leave the relationships where here I am able to have position myself in a way where I could do that. Granted, it took my ex leaving me, or else I would have never left. And for me, I'm like always so grateful for that. I'm like, man, had this person hadn't chosen themselves again and said, I want out of this, I would have stayed and I would have been in the same place. And seeing where I am now and not even sure what the next few months are going to look like, it actually leaves me open to all the possibilities. Where before that used to scare me, like, I don't know what's waiting for me. And now I'm like, yeah, it's scary, but it's also exciting because I didn't know that this was waiting for me a month ago.

So crazy how much life can shift in one year.

Yeah.

Yeah. And I. And I feel you. We. We are our ancestors. Wildest dreams, definitely. So I'm curious, in the Dharma coaching program, what were some of the tools or practices that were like game changers for you?

I think for me, it comes down to the basics. Like when I was finding out about like our doshas and our koshas, and there was a little bit of human design, but even like the Dharma journey, like, I was just like, oh, wow, like I can see myself in this journey or the Dharma spiral. I'm like, yes, because it's not full circle. It's full spiral and it's not linear. It's like up and down. It was just presented in such a way that it just made more sense and it just resonated more. And it didn't feel like cookie cutter, like what you hear from other institutions.

Definitely not cookie cutter.

No, we're definitely not.

We're like in our own sexy way.

No. And then also just embracing, like the shadow part too. Right. Like getting. And I even like the. The weekly calls with our coaching and just allowing ourselves to practice from day one, just getting comfortable with holding space and receiving and getting familiar with that from the get go really helped. And then even with the assistant coaches, like being live with them and actually being able to share our truths and what's coming up. And sometimes it wasn't even about what was just being presented or what the topic was like. Yes, it was. We talked about it. But if there was something else that needed to be said or that had to come through Collectively, that was being felt. We talked about it, and I think that's what coaching is about. It's like, we can have an agenda. We can have a blueprint. We can have a way. Like, even my workshops, right? Sometimes I'm like, oh, like, this is what I'm going to talk about. But if something else is, like, wanting to come through, okay, we're gonna. I guess this is where it's leading us. Let's talk about this. So that's what I love, that it really did harness in on, like, that intuitive and really feeling into things while still having, like, a. A spiritual, practical approach.

I love that. And the reason why I have you guys start coaching from week one is because there's no better way to learn than to teach. It's like, just to put yourself in it. I feel like we can, like, get so in our heads of, like, I don't know, can I code? And, like, even if you don't want to become a coach, just to, like, listen to someone and hold space for them, it brings up so much in you. You see yourself in that person. Like, I'm see so much of myself in you, and. But everyone you coach, you start to see yourself in them, and it reminds you of this and helps you, like, make sense of your own life. And then just going through the dharma discovery system for yourself, you know, like, wow, what stage of dharma am I on? You know, what are my archetypes? You know, what mediums do come through me? What are my superpowers? Just doing this within yourself. It's like, when else on earth do we actually ask ourselves, like, what is my purpose? It's like, the biggest question ever, I would say. And, like, we never. It's like, maybe the guidance counselor is, like, the closest thing. They're like, I don't know you.

Maybe you could be.

You like to talk. Do you want to be a lawyer? Like, they're like, okay, go become a lawyer. It's like, that has nothing to do with talking about this kind of stuff, you know? But it's like the game life. You, like, pull a card. It's like, here's your career. Here's how much money you'll make. And so, yeah, just like, getting started, seeing yourself as a coach, whether you want to professionally do it or not, I just find that that will lead you into, you know, will bring out so much in you. It will cause you to question your beliefs, which is such a huge part of, like, game changer. And then, of course, like, learning how to create a business and Things like that. But then you also just know you have have options. And I just see so many people, they come into it and they're like, yeah, I don't know if I want to be a coach, but I want to just like six months, dive into myself, dive into my purpose, know who I am. And then after, they're like, oh, actually.

I kind of want to do that.

I know, like, I have everything I need. And it's so beautiful because it's like, it builds that confidence for you to realize you already had what you needed. It's just sometimes it's like, I don't know how to make a client agreement or how much to charge. Okay, these are things we teach you. But it's like the wisdom is in you, right?

I think that was the biggest takeaway for me. Or it's something that I knew, but I just was struggling to, like, who's going to accept me by me saying, my lived experience is my wisdom, it's the wisdom that I have to offer. Like. Like, who am I going to sell that to? But no, like, as I went on the program and in the journey, I was like, no, like, that is the medicine. Like, my lived experience, my wisdom, that is the medicine. And it's what is inside inspiring the women that are coming into my containers or that are coming into my space. And actually, I don't know if I'm one of the few or very lucky people, but as I've shared my journey, I don't feel like I've lost a lot of friendships. I don't feel like, at least publicly or straight to my face have been judged. I've actually been really supported and celebrated. And I don't take that for granted. But I think people can really feel when you're coming across authentically, even through social media. And that's something that through dci, just further supported me as, like, no, like, I am in the right path. I am doing what I'm supposed to be doing by showing up however I am, wherever stage that I am. Like, I'm a manifester. So, like my Instagram page, I'm like, there's no aesthetic, there's no nothing. It's just like in October of 2022, you can see where I started and here I am. So you could literally turn track my journey on my social media and through the events that I've started to put on after I got certified. And now that I'm doing this, I mean, I held onto my coaching certification since November because I was just like, okay, I Did it. Don't know what I want to do with it yet. And not until again, like just a month or two ago, I was just like, oh my God, I get it now. Like, I want to be a divorce coach. Oh, I can see now how I can incorporate DCIS teachings, the journey, the spiral, all the. I'm like, I can see now how I can make that my own and fit this into my own experience. And it's just nice to have to witness myself start thinking this way. I never thought I would be an entrepreneurial spirit led girly, you know, and like, here I am.

But time next year, you're going to be a full time six figure coach.

Oh, let's have it. Let's put it out there, girl. I've been. Thank you so much. I'm looking forward to that.

Well, thank you so much for sharing your wisdom, your story, your vulnerability. We will tag her Instagram below to follow her and connect with her. And you know, I love sharing our students because to me, it's like I can, I can talk about it, but to like, hear and see, like the shift someone made in their life in one year, like, whatever your path is, know that change is so possible. Oh my gosh. This time one year ago, I was like, just had no idea where I was going to live, you know, just starting to figure out how to make music, you know, very still in my healing. And here I am a year later, you know, my own place. Created our new embodiment coach certification or soul Business Mastery. Like, just a completely different person. And I love how she mentioned she was like, I actually didn't lose friends. My friends tell me, I like you so much better now. I'm like, why you didn't like me for that? We liked you, but like, we like, love you now. And so it's like we're afraid of, like losing things, but actually everything is so much better, you know, and it. There's nothing that feels better than getting paid for being who you are, you know, not like you're doing this thing that's like anyone could do, you know, and then you're kind of like, am I even like, making a difference here? But to be doing what only you can do, making a difference in people's life with your life, with your stories and getting paid handsomely for it and not having to show up at a job, like, it's like, this is the cheat code. This is the cheat code. And it's so beautiful. And it's like, if there's one hill, I will die. On and message I will share is especially for women, it's like, be free, be liberated. We need it. This is the greatest example. This is the greatest healing that you can do. You know, like, yes, partnership, like, it's so beautiful. And I know we all desire and deserve that, and there's a lot happening in the collective right now, but do you know what you can focus on right now that will actually make you the greatest match for your partner, your dharma, your own self? Because you want someone who's living their dharma, right? You don't want someone who spent the past five years going on 10,000 dates and being on dating apps all the time and, you know, complaining how all women suck. You know, you don't want that, so why are we doing it? If you want to align with a king, be a queen. Focus on your own empire. And that doesn't mean conquering. It means create your sanctuary within yourself and in your external world. Be in the vibration that you want to live in. By the way, you know, if your dream is to have a house in Portugal, move to Portugal. If your dream is to, you know, work remotely, start. Start working remotely, start building that life, and then start putting the little breadcrumbs together. Maybe, I don't know, maybe I don't even know what my dreams are, but this feels like the right direction. And the rest will show. Because the thing is, even when we know, right? Like, when we all walked down the aisle, we thought we knew sometimes things go different ways. So all, you know, the. The certainty is just an illusion. You know, I. I share this into my song in Love Stories, the last song in my album, which a year later, I, like, have an album and music videos and, like, millions of streams on my songs. Like, what? But I say I now I know that certainty is just an illusion. But I'd rather be free in the abyss than caged in my conclusion. And it's like, to even be like, yeah, this is it. This is for sure. This is forever. This is my path. It's. It's just. It's just thoughts. You think that it might feel really good to feel that, right? Because then we're like, I got it. I got it figured out. I know the path because I know it. It can't change, right? It will always change. In fact, the holder, the tighter you hold on to something, the more that shit changes, you know? So knowing something is forever is very different than it being forever. The only thing that is. That is forever is change, is growth, is truth, and all that we can do is to continue to take the time and the space to connect with what our truth is at this given moment and then create, make the decisions that will align with our truth now. So whatever that is for you, whether it's joining us, whether it's moving to the Himalayas, I support you. Take time for yourself. Connect with your truth. Meditate, pray, breath, work. Take your hot girl walks, do that shit, but keep remembering who the fuck you are. All right, if you love this episode, I would love to have you in our Dharma coaching program at Highest Self Institute. We're now Highest Self Institute because we have a number of spiritual certifications from embodiment coaching to biz mastery. We're creating a new one on spiritual life coaching. And then this one is like our flagship one. It's about becoming a Dharma, a sole purpose coach. So you'll spend six months with us diving deep into living your own purpose. Like we talked about the first two months on the coaching fundamentals, next two, that's all about the Dharma system. So this is a system that was based on my book discover your Dharma with Forward by Deepak Chopra and has turned into its own system that allows you to take these tools and modalities and actually apply it into people's lives. And I'll share our free video series below so you can get a little taste and actually try our Dharma blueprint and learn more about this conceptual age that we're in and why actually the people who can conceptualize and synthesize information right now, in this time of AI, information overwhelm, quiet quitting, you know, the great burnout, all these things, the people who can make clear decisions and help other people make decisions are the ones who are going to actually have the access to most resources later on. So gone are the days where it's all about like climbing the corporate ladder or getting a four year degree. But now it's about how in touch you are with yourself and helping people be in touch with themselves too. So you can join our program, Hop on a free call with our enrollment officer, Natha, learn more about it. Reserve your spot. Doors only open twice a year. It's live. I will be on the calls with you every single week answering your questions with my co founder, Dr. Nita, who also overcame an abusive relationship, death of her parents and brother, a lot of things to also have written four books and both of us collectively have over 20 years of coaching experience. Experience. So you're really learning from people who have walked their talk. And we've really reverse engineered how you can create a business for yourself. So I will also share some of the other podcasts I have done with our students from Kenya who went from being a social worker making $50,000 a year to becoming a Dharma coach making $10,000 a month, 10 weeks after graduating. Like, stuff like that. You know, Jill who got a raise at her existing company, ways you could take it into corporate and so much more. So I'll share the video series, the link to join. You can hop on enrollment call and learn more about it all in the show Notes. All right, thank you so much for tuning in, and I'll see you in the next one.

Trust your intuition, Trust your inner wisdom.

Trust your inner guidance. Close your eyes and listen.

So trust your intuition, Trust your inner.

Wisdom, Trust your inner guidance.