573: Sneaky Energy Leakages Are Zapping Your Life Force—How To Find Them with Sahara Rose

I feel like we talk a lot about boundaries in communication, but what about energetic boundaries? What about energetic leakages? What about energy protection? Do you have good boundaries with your friends, but all of a sudden your crush texts you and your entire day goes away? All of our focus goes towards them and we forget about ourselves. Take a breath. Remember your life, remember your friends. Remember everything you love doing. You know when you hang out with someone and then they leave, or if you have someone staying with you and they leave and you're like. And it feels like a relief, that's because you weren't able to be your full self around them. It's exhausting to wear a mask. Wouldn't it feel so much better if you were so radiantly yourself? I feel we have lowered the bar so much and technology makes us think that we are connected, but we're actually just flow, surrender, let go, trust. Flow, surrender, let go, trust, flow sooner, let go. I'm the one I've been waiting for. Welcome back to the Highest Self podcast. My name is Sahara Rose, and on this podcast I love to take spirituality and make it modern, grounded, fun, relatable so it can actually serve your needs. And in today's episode, we're going to talk about one of my favorite but like, only favorite, because I needed to really learn IT topics and that is boundaries. Okay, we hear the word boundaries a lot. What are boundaries? But I want to take a more spiritual approach to it. Like, I feel like we talk a lot about boundaries in communication, but what about energetic boundaries? What about energetic leakages? What about energy protection? These are things that we aren't aware of but are constantly in our field. And it wasn't until I sat in mostly silence for two weeks on my Rose Dieta, which is working with one plant, taking the tinctures, the tea, but really working with the conscious of the plant that I really started to see different ways that I was leaking and giving away energy in my life and where I needed to set boundaries. So in today's solo cast, I want to really dive into boundaries and how we can continue to open our hearts and be loving and saying yes to new opportunities while also having boundaries. And before we drop into this episode, be sure to hit subscribe wherever you're listening to this podcast. That is the best way to stay up to date on the latest episodes. We've got this in video format, so if you're just hearing my voice, be sure to also watch our fabulous outfits on video as well on Spotify, YouTube or the Apple Store. This is the best Way to stay in the flow with future conversations and also allows the podcast to reach more people. So hit subscribe so I can keep vibing with you on all future episodes. Now let's get into this one. So one of my favorite definition of map boundaries is by Mark Groves, who's been here on this podcast. I'll link him below. But walls are quite different than boundaries. You know, walls are just blocked walls, but boundaries are where we have a door to allow someone in. So boundaries are not saying, no, I can't, or shutting off, but they're saying, this is what I need and here is the door. And there may come a point where you set the boundary. And it's not honored that it does eventually become a shut off, but it allows people and yourself a point of awareness of like, how can I remain in relationship with this thing in a way that honors me, who I am and what I desire in my life? And boundaries aren't just with people, but it's like boundaries with our phone, you know, boundaries with ourselves and how we talk to ourselves. Boundaries with how we communicate with people in our lives. There are so many internal boundaries for us to set with ourselves. So in this conversation, I want to talk about external boundaries, Internal boundaries and also just energy leakages and where we may be giving up our power on a day to day basis that's leaving us feeling depleted or at least not focused on our dharmas, our soul's purposes, because our energy is kind of going down these rabbit holes that we are not even consciously choosing. All right, so let's get into it. This is gonna be a good one. Okay, so I will share what my experience was first. Because this is a unique understanding I received on boundaries through working with the rose that I think might resonate with a lot of people here. So if you asked me like, oh, do you have good boundaries? I would say, yeah, I. I totally do. I feel like I can speak my truth. I don't feel I have like a codependency on things. I feel like I'm pretty good there. I'm a Capricorn as well. However, it showed me that my biggest lack of boundaries was with my phone. It was with. When I got a text, I felt like I needed to drop what I was doing to get back to that person right away. And it was coming from this place of I don't want to forget or I don't want it to be this thing on the back of my mind that I have to keep remember. So let me just like get it out off my plate and respond to them right away, then they respond to me right away, then I'm responding to them right away. And now I was focused on this thing and now I'm on my phone in this conversation. And that would happen through text messaging, that would happen through voice notes. It showed me my lack of boundaries with voice notes and the energy leakage on voice notes that I would, you know, I have like hundred plus open conversations with people who, you know, hey, how are you? What's going on in your life? You don't hear from them for a few days. You're living your life, they're living your life. Now you hear back and now it's like they've responded to that point of the conversation. Then you live your life, then you respond to them and the conversation never ends. Like, guys, remember when we had aim and we would put an away message up when we got off the computer, like brb just eating dinner. We don't do that shit anymore because we live here, we're always online, you know, like we don't say BRB cause we're expected to always be available. And what the rose really taught me was that I have all of these open ended conversations going, these open loops, these open tabs, even if it's just with my friend. But there's no opening and closing to these conversations. So it's this open loop that my energy was going into. So there's such an importance to an opening and a closing of anything. Right when we have sacred space, when we host a ceremony, a goddess circle, we have an opening of the circle and a closing of the circle. And this is really important because when we're working with energies, we are inviting that energy in and then we're closing it. So when I opened up working with the rose dieta, I had a rose altar, I meditated on the rose and I decided for the the next 10 days I'm going to be in conversation with the energy of the rose. And I purposely cut off. I was not in conversation with anyone. I was not getting back to text messages. I wasn't hanging out with people. I was putting my full focus on myself and working with the rose. Now all of a sudden I'm getting deeper into my own consciousness because all this outside noise is gone. And then after the 10 days, I closed the portal and then opened conversations back up. But now from a completely different point of awareness, of kind of being aware of, of how do I want to converse with whom do I want to converse? So one big shift that I have decided to make is to no longer voice note with people. And if I do voice note, it's like something quick. And really my intention for text messaging is to make a plan to either see that person in person or to actually hop on a zoom call, you know, because it showed me that we actually are not respecting the conversation with someone by just voice on each other back and forth. Because what we're doing is we're actually just reporting rather than connecting. We are sending out a report of what has happened in our lives. Oh my God, so and so said this and oh my God, my colleague that I dated this guy and this is the thing that happened. And oh my God, you won't believe. And I'm sending a report while I'm not even being present. I'm probably, you know, walking around my house getting things done. I'm not even, you know, I'm just kind of like, right then that person maybe hours later is listening to it in their own time space reality. That thing that I was just talking about doesn't even exist anymore. I don't even exist in that space anymore. Now they're listening to me offload a bunch of things and give my daily weather report. And then they don't even see my body language. They don't look me in the eye. We don't get to laugh about the thing. They just heard it all. And now they're sending their report and their divulgence of all their things. And then I, hours later, in my own different time space reality, when that thing's not happening anymore, am listening to that and I'm taken out of my reality and I'm now trying to remember what you said in your thing. So. And what I said in my thing before because I totally forgot where I was this morning and now I'm responding. Is that actually human connection? Like, is that actually what we want out of our friendships? So in my own spiritual journey of really honoring the sacred feminine energy within me, I realized that we're not all the same. And we all have different pathways that we can take that I put together in creating five archetypes which I call the Rose Gold Goddess archetypes. They are the Embodiment Queen, the Womb Whisperer, the Intuitive Oracle, the Expressionista, and the Joy Priestess. And I've put together a free quiz so you can find out what your unique combination are. So the Embodiment Queen is the person who's always in her body, dancing, moving, very connected to her nervous system. The Womb Whisperer always knows where she's at in her menstrual cycle and probably has a yoni steamer in her bathroom. The intuitive oracle has three oracle card decks on them, a pendulum, and knows about their past lives. The Expressionista is creating art through everything, through singing, dancing, writing, poetry. Everything for her is an opportunity to create art. And then we've got the joy priestess who wants to laugh, dance and not take herself super seriously. You can find her doing karaoke at an improv class or twerking it on the dance floor. You can guess which one I am. So you can head over to rggquiz.com to learn what your unique rose gold goddess archetype is. Again, that's rggquiz.com and you can find that link in the show notes. And I've created custom graphics that you get in your results so you can share which rose gold goddess archetype you are. I'm super. I feel we have lowered the bar so much and technology makes us think and feel that we are connected, but we're actually just reporting to each other. Even social media is just reporting. Hey, here are stories of what I'm doing in my life and then you guys are spectators watching me in my story. And then I'm a spectator watching you and your story. That's not connection, that is watching. And even in romantic relationships and dating, we put so much focus on someone watching our story. Do you want someone that silently watches your story and doesn't reach out to you? Or do you want someone who actually takes the time to reach out to you, to make a plan with you, to be with you? We actually receive so much more by being with someone even in silence than we do from a 20 minute long voice note or watching their stories and going through their feed for an hour because there's no connection there. I'm not in person with you. I don't feel your breath. I don't get to laugh with you about that thing in your story. I don't get to ask you a question. I don't get to read your body language. I'm just hearing your voice and I'm hearing your report and then I'm just doing the same back. And again, it's coming from a light place. Trust me. I would voice out my friends all the time, but I realized that I'm like voice from 20 people a day. It was crazy. And it's like all different people's oh hey, so and so like I would think about someone and I would reach out to them and my gift is communication. But then I have all of these people now that I'm like, would stop my workout. Cause someone would reply to me, and then I would reply to them, and it was like. And I would make that more important than what I was doing. So I was constantly taken out of whatever I was doing. If I was working, if I was sending emails, if I was this. And I got so used to it that even if I didn't get a voice note, I would check WhatsApp. I would check my Instagram, I would check my text, I would check my emails looking for a hit. Like, someone, can you send me something? A crackhead looking for their next little tweak. And that's what I was like for messages. So it's funny because it's like, we're like, oh, my God, I'm so bombarded by emails and texts and whatsapps, I don't even want them anymore. But then when we don't get them, we keep checking our app for them. Because our brains now, with, like, Pavlov's theory, have been wired to waiting for that reward. Because we get a little dopamine, hit that little reward. When someone sends us the message, we're like, aha. See, I didn't have a reason to check my WhatsApp. I would have missed this. It was only. It was sent three minutes ago. I needed to be there and make sure. You know, when we post something on Instagram, how long do you spend refreshing that post? Someone look at it yet? Anyone? Okay, we got a, like, we got a like here. Okay, good job. Like, let's just nurse this thing. Make sure it's like, are we going to hit. Are we going to hit 30 likes on this shit? Okay, let's. Okay. Oh, my God. So and so. Watch my story. They watch my story. Screenshot. Send it to three people. Oh, my God. They watch my story. What do you think this means? Oh, man, they totally in love with me, bitch. That guy watches everyone's stories. Let's be real. Do you even want a guy who sits at home watching girls he's not talking to stories? Like, do you want a relationship with that guy? Just. Just think. Just think about it. Trust me. So we place so much importance on all of these energy leaks, and we lack boundaries within ourselves, and we give up our power to someone texting us. Drop what we're doing. Someone said this. Respond what we're doing. I need to report what I'm doing. Respond to what we're doing. We wake up. We're all of a sudden combating with the world we haven't even sat with ourselves. Have we checked in? How do I feel today? Did we write down our dreams? Do we even stretch our arms up? Or do we just wake up, roll over and pick up our phone? Do you know how many people even in partnership will wake up and check their phone before they turn over and look at their partner? Because the phone is the thing I can get the hit with. The partner is already there. If we want to end these addictive behaviors, we need to take time away from them. It was only through taking my time away, through doing the diyata and being in silence that it started to become so upset apparent to me my addiction with communication and you might be like addiction to communication. That makes no sense. Isn't the communication great thing? There's such a big difference between true authentic communication like us being in person and having a conversation than me watching a million tiktoks or me watching all my friends stories or me again going back and forth on voice, that's not actual communication. And we again feel like we need to constantly be in touch with people all the time but we're not actually going deep. Like these friends that you're voice noting, when's the last time you saw them in person? Like it showed me like some of my friends live here in la, but we're voice noting more than we are even seeing each other. It's like they literally live 30 minutes away from me. But we get lazy and we think we're connected because we voice note. And then what happens is when we hang out it's almost like there's nothing to talk about because we just like already informed each other on a day to day level that then you hang out and it's like so like what else? You know, like isn't it fun to have something to lead up to? You know, like it's so much fun to give friends updates on your life when you're with them. You're like oh my God, you won't believe what happened. Like tell me. And then you get to like laugh over it. Then like the voice note and like you know when you're voice note laughing and then the voice note doesn't record like oh, you can't believe who I just saw. It's like I didn't. My thumb came off. You couldn't believe what I just saw. You're like have to act and like redo it in the same way. Like that's not communication, that's acting. And again it's coming from the purest place of wanting to connect, you know, but we're not actually getting there. We're not actually with one another. And these are all leakages in our energy because they're going on 24 7. We're always getting texts around the clock. So a really good boundary that you can do is there are different programs that you can do that allow you to only receive your emails in specific time periods. So you can like once a day get all your emails at once. It's called like freezing your inbox or pausing your inbox. There's a lot of different programs if you just Google them, like how to freeze or pause my inbox. And so you can set once a day or twice a day or three times a day to get your emails if you are someone who's compulsively checking your emails throughout the day. And you can also unpause at any time. So if there is like a crucial email, you can always unpause and you'll like get all those emails. But when I used to check my emails a lot, I actually had that set up and it was like helpful because then when I would check my emails, there was nothing there because they were paused. And then I didn't like stop what I was doing and start responding to emails. I was like, okay, nothing's here. And then when I, when it was time for me to check my emails, I would set an hour and just reply to all of my emails instead of like throughout the day, keep. I'm working out between reps. I'm responding to an email, I'm checking an email. I'm this, I'm that. We think we're being more productive, but we're actually being way less productive because we're not present with what we're doing. We're not fully doing the workout. Our brains are scattered. We're not going into focus mode. We can't reach flow state when we're constantly ping ponging with life. So I wonder if there is something for text messaging and WhatsApp that can allow you to have time periods. Of course you can turn off your notifications, which is really helpful. I have my notifications off on, on everything. My phone is always on. Do not disturb because let's be real, like 90% of the phone calls we get are like scams anyways. It's like, oh, you got charged $10,000 on Amazon. Please give us your credit card to reverse it. Like, no, bitch. Like if we get a call, like I was, I was reminiscing on prank calling actually. I was like, yo, I really want to prank call. That was so much fun. But I'm like, no one picks up the phone these days, you know, Like, I tried on my friend and he didn't even pick up. So that was whack. So anyways, like, what's the point? But instead we're all texting each other, so I wonder if there is a thing to pause your text, maybe you guys can let me know because that would be really, really cool. Because I'm gonna be real. Even though my text and WhatsApp alerts are off, I will still like go and look, right? And same same with Instagram messages. I really feel that would be helpful. Now. One boundary I've set with myself is I have a timer on Instagram. So this is free. If you have an iPhone, I'm sure it's on Android as well. But you can set up time limit. So if you look under your settings and you go to screen time, you can set how much time you wanted to pick to any app. So I have my Instagram for 15 minutes a day. That is enough time for me to post, reply to comments and check my messages. And I'll be real once the 15 minutes is up. Sometimes it's like, do you want an additional 15 minutes? I will do that sometimes even a few times. But I'm like, you know, this is my work. But at least like, at a certain point when it goes away, I'm like really having to sit with like, am I actually using this, like, in a way that I really want? And then I noticed too, if I start scrolling on people's reels, I'm like, stop. I'm using up my 15 minutes. You know, I'm like a lot more precious with my time on Instagram now than I was before when I would spend hours a day on the app. And let's be real, I think the average person spends like eight hours a day on their phone. It's like a full time job, a full time workday. We're on our phone and it's just think about, I was noticing I would wake up and check Instagram, go to the bathroom, check it again, sit on the toilet, check it again. Like, go wait at the elevator, check it again. Like, get to my car, check it again. Like, it was crazy. You know, it's just like, why, like, did anyone knew? It's like, even if they did, like, you're not even going to get back to them right now. Like, why do you feel like you need to like, check it? It's this addiction that we have. And yes, the apps are designed to make us addicted to it. They do use neuroscientists to use the dopamine reward. They use people who build casino, like gambling games, like these slot machine games. They use delayed gratification. They have all of these techniques in there that they're working against our brain to make us wired to want more hits. That's why when you are checking if some how many likes you have, it's like a second pause. Or even when you open Instagram, do you notice it's the Instagram logo for like a second and then it opens the app that is purposeful, it's not the app loading. But I actually read that they do that because it's that like anticipation of like what am I about to get? Okay, I got it. You know, and that's build makes your brain actually release more dopamine. So it's giving you more of a dopamine hit. Thing is dopamine is not serotonin. It's a hit makes you feel an instant gratification, but doesn't last. And our, our world is such a dopamine centered world. So this is why I recommend doing a dopamine detox. If you really want to get clear on where you need to set boundaries in your life, do a dopamine detox, which is essentially like the silent retreat that I did. A dopamine detox is you take however many days or even weeks off from your phone, from sugar, you know, obviously like nicotine, marijuana, alcohol, a lot of people take off from music. Essentially do as little as possible. Right? Like the ultimate would be to go like kind of full of a posh in a style where you're just like sitting and meditating. But I understand. Maybe you want to read a book. For me, I was listening to music, but I was mindful of the frequency of the music. Like I was not listening to Bia during this Rose Dieta, love her, but like that's just not the vibration that I'm calling in right now. So I was just listening to like really conscious music and it actually made me like feel the music so much more. So stripping away all the things and that's what made me realize like I would start to feel that itch of wanting to check Instagram, wanting to send a voice note, wanting to check my email, wanting to reach out to my friends and then setting those boundaries within myself. Now the next piece of it is you've done, let's say you stripped away, you take time off the app, you put your Limits on you. You take a few days for yourself, you get clear on where you're leaking the energy. And another thing I want to say is some of us have stronger boundaries with women than we do with men. Like I've noticed in myself, I have pretty great boundaries when it comes to my friends. I'm kind of able to communicate what I need. But when it came to something dating related, my boundaries would go away. If someone I was interested in texting me, it would like, oh my God, they texted me, like my whole day would go to that, you know? And now that I'm decided I'm no longer dating, I'm only looking for life partnership. Like, if it's not that I'm like literally not interested, I have so much more time to my hands. Like I'm no longer on these like energetic roller coasters of like, oh my God, does he like me? Does he not like me? What does this text mean? Analyzing it. It was like so much of my energy was going there. And now that that's cleared, I'm like, great. I want to create more content, you know, I want to travel more, I want to do more ritual, I want to make more music, I want to create more art, I want to make bracelets. Like, I want to do all these different things with my creativity instead of the whole day going to some dumb conversation with someone that it's likely never going to become anything, you know, what's the point of this? So notice, do you have good boundaries with your friends? But all of a sudden your crush texts you and your entire day goes away? You're analyzing what he meant, you're sending it to your friends, he responds to you and took him seven days to respond. But then you instantly feel like you need to respond back right away because these are all lack of boundaries within ourself, you know, Especially when we're dating people, we prioritize them so much and we're like, do they like me? And all of our focus goes towards them and we forget about ourselves. So to just take a pause, you know, take, take a breath. Remember your life, remember your friends, remember everything you love doing. Whether this person becomes your life partner or not. You want to come from a regulated nervous system, not from this place that like, you can't think, you can't sleep, you can't work, you can't respond to anything. It's just only about what's going to happen with this person. That's a really clingy energy and it's not attractive and it's going to put actually like so much force towards it that they will likely feel it and repel. So these are boundaries we need to set with ourselves. Do we have boundaries when it comes to our dating life or do we lose ourselves there? Because that again, is an addiction. So these are all our inner boundaries. And then of course, some more inner boundaries that we can set are around food. You know, chocolate. I will self profess after a meal. I'm always craving something sweet. And for me it was chocolate. Like, but it was a good chocolate, High quality monk fruit. And I'm not saying don't eat chocolate and I still eat chocolate, but I was noticing that if I didn't have the chocolate, I was like a crackhead. I was like, I need chocolate. I need to find chocolate. I need to go to a store to buy the chocolate. Like, even if this chocolate has sugar in it, which I don't want, I feel like I need something sweet after my meal. So it's like, okay, how can I have that boundary within myself of like, do I really need this thing outside of me? And the thing is, if you actually release it for like three days, it goes away. So instead, after my meal, I just switched to what did I do? I did this like sugar free jam for a little bit and then I had like a grapefruit. Then I had these like sour candy, but they're getting all sugar free. I just tried different things. So it's like, I'm still having something sweet, but it's like, not the chocolate. I did that for so long that that chocolate I used to like, literally travel. Like, my bag would be overweight, not because of my clothes, but because of my chocolate. Like, it would be so heavy. My mom was just like, girl, half of your suitcase is chocolate. I'm like, I'm gonna be gone for a month. I eat four a day. So, like, I need all of this chocolate. Like, that's addiction. And now I'm like, I don't even like that kind of chocolate anymore because I'm like, it feels fake to me. So again, these things that you're addicted to that you're like, I can't imagine life without it. Like, I was like, I can't live abroad because they don't sell this chocolate abroad. That was the level I was at, guys, but then got off of it. And now I'm like, actually repulsed by it. Right? So this is why when we like, we need to step away from the things that we feel like we can't live without. And that's how we Find our own like happy medium with it, right? When we stop having the chocolate, we. We go into that crazy like, withdrawal mode. Then we're like, okay, what, what do I actually need? Right? So that was really helpful for me to find my own. So internal boundaries around food, around exercise. Are you someone that will work out and be fit unless a friend comes over and then you forget about everything. You're traveling and all of a sudden you're eating everything at the buffet. You are feeling overwhelmed, so you forget to take care of yourself. So many of us, when something else is happening in the external world, we forget about ourselves. So set that boundary for yourself of even when I'm traveling, even when I have family members staying with me, even when I'm staying with family members, even when it's the holiday, even when my partner is not able to, whatever the thing is, I will commit to eating healthy. I will commit to movement. There are so many amazing YouTube videos online of no equipment, workouts that you can do anywhere. Lunges, pushups, all the things. Even just 20 minutes of that, you will feel so good. I guarantee you, even just next to your bed on a tiny yoga mat with no space, doing that, you will feel so good. Instead of, I have no time for this. And then you're giving, giving, giving to everyone else and then left depleted and then resentful. Do you see yourself one day starting a podcast, writing books, speaking on stages, sharing your message with the world? But the thing is, you are afraid that you're not a good enough speaker yet. 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There's a long list of randomized placebo controlled single and double binds studies proving the great benefits of Lila Q Quantum products. I actually had the founder Philip here on the podcast. I will link that episode below where he dove deep and I've personally been using their quantum block since interviewing him in the past couple months. And I really notice a difference. And not only do I charge and activate my food and water, but also my cell phone and AirPods to reduce EMFs so you can receive 10% off your first Leela Quantum tech order with coupon code sahara@leelaq.com that's 10 off with coupon code sahara@lilaq.com and you can find that link in the show notes. So just intuition, trust your inner wisdom, trust you in the guidance. So what are the boundaries within yourself? Boundaries with friends? You know this is a hard one especially you know, now these are actually stuff. Now let's talk about boundaries with other people. You have the realization of the boundary. Now it's communicating the boundary. And that's when things get tricky because we are afraid of the person that we're setting the boundary with. To get disappointed, to feel abandoned, to not just not react in a way because it's a new chapter. It's a difference. Right. We get used to flows of relationships and connections, and they're done certain ways. And then when you make a shift. Yeah. The other person may have their own interpretation of it and what it means, and they may feel like they might lose the connection. Or, you know, I feel like we often, like, villainize people of, like, oh, like, if you said a boundary or something, they don't like it. Like, cut them out of your life. It's not necessarily that. It could just be they're like, do you want to be my friend? What's happening here? Like, it's just a shift. So I do believe it's important to express the boundary if it's someone that you desire to have in your life. You know, share. Hey, you know, I. I took a few days to myself, and what I realized was I was spending a lot of energy around voice noting. And I love hearing your updates. I love sharing with you mine. I love talking to you. But I really value our connection. So I would love to instead, like, schedule a zoom call with you where we can see each other face to face and talk and, like, have breakfast together. And I feel like that would just be so much more connective. And I really love our friendship, and I actually want to actually spend time with you even though we're not in the same city. So what do you say to us hopping on a zoom call next week? Week? Like, that's actually showing people that you want to even more so be their friend than less so. And everyone that I've shared that with, friends that I have in my life that I really want to stay connected with, I've told them about this and that I want to actually hop on a zoom call, and they're like, I would love that. And they feel really grateful. And it's almost like we assume that everyone's so busy that we don't make time for one another. We just assume like, oh, they don't have time to hop on a call with me. Like, they don't have time to be zoom with me, so we don't. And then we settle for these breadcrumbs of the voice notes back and forth. When instead we actually would have a much stronger relationship with the Zoom call, let alone, hey, let's make a plan and travel and see each other, or, I'm gonna be here. Like, if that works with your flow, like, come meet me there. Let's do this thing together. The friendships that you want in your life, you need to have some sort of plan to see. And I realized that I had a lot of connections in my life, but there was, like, no plan to really ever see each other again. And I'm like, so why am I spending so much time updating them and voice reading them and back and forth, like, 30 minutes of my day, minimum, right? When I don't even know if I'm going to see them. So be mindful. And that was a huge thing of, like, what are the friendships that I want in my life? What are. It is an investment in time and energy. So that is the next thing. Choose the friends that you want to have in your life and make time for the Zoom calls. Make time to see each other. And also, who do you choose? If you're like me? I'm such a people person. I love friendships. I love human connection, and it can lead to me having just, again, so many, like, loose connections that I'm like, this doesn't actually feel like it's giving and nourishing to me. So I actually wrote down a list of, like, who's my inner circle? Like, who are your top five, if you even have. Or your top three? Who are those people that you want to really keep up to date with your life? Like, the day to day they're in it. And honestly, day to day, maybe there's one person, really, and it may evolve throughout your life. So who are those people in your inner circle? Like, the ones that you're like, I would travel to see, I would go on trips with. I see them in my life, like, forever. Like, they are worth my time and energy. These are like, relationships to me. Who are those people? And write it down. And then the next circle is like, who are your friends? Like, even your close friends. Like, your people that maybe once a month you're in contact with, but you want to know. Like, once a month, like, you can go for a coffee or hop on a Zoom call. Like, it's not an all the time thing, but they're people you stay in touch with. Who are those people? Write it down, because then you can be mindful and you can actually choose. Okay, today I'm going to reach out to those people who are my friends and you know, hop on a zoom or be in the loop with them or even just send a quick voice note if you want. I'm not saying never do that, but to be intentional around it instead of like, oh, I just thought of this random person. And just like all these things that we're not really even knowing what do we want out of this connection? And it's not so transactional either. But it's just like, you know, I have some friends, they live in other countries. I have no plans to ever see them. But like, I know one day we will. Right? I know one day we will cross paths and they're in alignment with who I am, and they're people I'm curious about and I would like to learn more about be with one day. So these are people that I do like to kind of keep in my life, right? So these are kind of those friends and then who are just acquaintances, who are people that you probably won't spend one on one time with them, but you see them and you catch up and maybe you invite them to things. You would like to be invited to their things. And who are those people? Your life. Right. And this is really helpful because those are good people for when you have birthdays, when you want to have a gathering. I feel sometimes we don't have those things because we're like, who would I invite? But actually knowing who your acquaintances are is really helpful. So then when it is your birthday or you decide to have some sort of, you know, goddess circle or something, that's the time to bring those acquaintances in. And sometimes those acquaintances can become tomorrow's friends and tomorrow's inner circle. So actually writing down a list and this helps you know for yourself where your time and energy are going. And there may be people in your inner circle who transition into friends, who transition into acquaintances, or even out. And different seasons, you know, will bring different chapters closer with certain friends and others. For example, when you and a certain friend are single at the same time, you're gonna get closer. And then when one person gets into a relationship, there's a natural, a little bit of partying that happens, you know, when a friend has a baby. Often there's, you know, not all the time, but often it's just different priorities. And then she has more mom friends and there's a flow, you know, and. And that's going to happen in life that's always going to happen. So I think it's important for us to not hold on to things so tightly as well and kind of allow for the Natural evolution of the friendship to unfold fold. And that does require us to be honest because I, I feel like a lot of us are holding on to friendships that don't actually meet us in this chapter that aren't really who we are today. But maybe we have long standing history with them. But they're not actually gratifying friendships. Like we can't actually talk about the things that we want to talk about. We can't be ourselves. We definitely don't feel understood. But you've known them for a long time. And I do believe there's such a beautiful gift in that of like someone who's seen you in all the chapters and even if you have nothing in common, like you guys care about each other and your fam and like that's so beautiful and keep that in your life. But if your entire inner circle is just that, and there's no one in your inner circle that actually meets this version of you, well, that's something to become aware of. That's something to be aware of. Of like, okay, I'm noticing that I actually haven't really let anyone into my inner circle in like 7 years. I'm desiring to have friends that can meet me in my spirituality and where I'm at in this point in my journey. So maybe I open up and I spend more time with acquaintances and I get to know them more, I go to more events, I get to know more people. Because it is important to have friends who can meet us where we are today. Because you know when you have those friendships that you're just sending reels back and forth but like it's like an old friend. So you're kind of like sending reels about a chapter in your life that you're no longer in. You know, maybe you and this girl used to like party a lot, right? And then so you're sending like party reels to each other, but like you haven't even like drinking alcohol in like seven years. You know, it's like haha, that time in college and it's like, that can be fun. But if like that's still your best friend and your reels are like about taking tequila shots and being passed out and you like have a one year old and you know, can't remember doing that. It's like maybe it's time to open up to also having friends that meet you in this chapter. So just notice the quality of those connections. And you know, why am I talking about the sitting boundaries? Because again, most of our boundaries do come with friends. And come in relationships. So let's talk about having difficult conversations. I've done a podcast on having difficult conversations. I will link that below. And I have found the further I go in my spiritual journey, the less needed it is to actually be a difficult conversation. I find conversations become difficult when we haven't been honoring our truth for a long time, and it reaches a point where it needs to be difficult. However, when we are constantly checking in with ourselves, we're maneuvering in a way that it feels like a lot more ease. And it's not like dishonoring my boundaries. Dishonoring my boundaries, dishonoring my boundaries. Now all of a sudden I need to tell you I've been feeling this big thing that does happen at the beginning when you haven't talked about it for a long time, right? But when you start to live more in flow, like at this point now, conversations I have even around shifts that I make. New boundaries, new ways of being are no longer difficult because I'm speaking them while they're happening instead of repressing being a version of myself that I am not and now having to explain myself. So trust that it's not always going to need to be difficult conversations. And at the beginning of setting a boundaries, it may need to be. There's also an art of what is worth having a conversation around and what's not, and communicating our boundaries versus being our boundaries. I find when we are starting to set boundaries, we do need to communicate them. We're communicating them to that person, but we're also really communicating them to ourselves. It could be a boundary of you said this thing about me, and I really did not like that you were sharing something really personal that I shared with you to someone else. And that is a boundary of mine. And that person might apologize, they might have their own side of the story. But also it's asking yourself, like, do I also want this person in my life? And that's like sort of the unspoken boundary of it doesn't necessarily need to be a you talked about me, and now I this, and now you need to process it. But the unspoken boundary is also just being the boundary of if you found out your friend is talking about you, if you want to remain friends, then you can have a conversation process. But also what I've learned is just like sometimes you just gotta keep the circle tight, you know? And I feel we hold onto friendships when we're afraid I'll never find someone like this again. But to me, if someone has just dishonored you or there's a lack of trust and safety. To me, it's really hard to rebuild from that, especially if you found out a friend's talking badly about you to people or sharing your personal secrets or whatever. The thing is, it's like, do you want that person in your life? And that is a decision for you to make, and you may share it. And the thing is, sometimes people don't honor the boundary. You may set a boundary and say, hey, I really did not like that you spoke about this. And honestly, I'm gonna need some time and space to myself, and I will reach out to you when I feel called. And that person might be like, let's process this, or, I'm going through this or what's happening in my life, or, you know, kind of trying to keep this thing going. And the boundary you might set is just to stop responding. And you might be like, how. But it's like when you've spoken your truth and that person is still continuing to not listen. Now, the boundary is an internal one because you've said the thing, right? You've said the boundary. But if someone is not listening to your boundary, if someone is saying no to your boundary, now, you must set the boundary of actually creating that space and that distance. Because if someone doesn't honor your boundary, they don't honor themselves and they don't honor you. And I've had situations with friends that something happened, and, you know, I've taken space from them and they've honored that, and we've come back together. But if someone is not honoring that, it's very unlikely for me to want to come back together because I don't feel like I was heard. So sometimes it's not an end, but it's a pause. It's that this thing happened. And I honestly just need some time to decompress, to process, to be in my own energy rather than, like, trying to make this friendship work. That fundamentally, I don't even know if the foundation is even there anymore. And this is so, so, so big. I feel like in female friendships, because, again, what happens is a lot of times the ground gets shaky, and we're afraid of having that conversation. We're afraid of setting the boundaries. We're afraid of hurting that person. We're attached to the history we have with that person. And so we don't. But then it's like a fake. It becomes a fake friendship. And you don't want to be in practice of fake friendships, because then that becomes your norm. Because what we practice becomes what we accept. So you might be like, let's say you have a best friend and they talk badly about you and you don't want to give up the friendship completely, but you don't trust them anymore. So you're like, you know what, I'm just going to invite them to things, but I'm not going to really open up to them again. Now you just have a fake friend because now it's like you're pretending to be intimate with them, but you're not. So you actually become the fake person and then that becomes your way of just being in friendships. So you're actually more honoring of yourself and them by being honest, by allowing space. But then just, you don't need to over explain. If someone is not listening to your boundary, you can tell it to them a thousand times, they won't listen. Someone who's not listening to your boundary doesn't want that boundary. There's so no amount of you explaining it. It's like now you're gonna have to negotiate on your boundary and that's fundamentally disrespecting because you're not a given in anyone's life. You don't owe your friendship or your relationship with anyone. And if you mistrust someone, you don't feel safe with someone, you don't owe them anything. And this is so important because so many of us women with that good girl conditioning, we're so conditioned to even though they hurt me, even though they lied to me, even though they this, even though they that I still need to show they have this beautiful side to them. And it's like everyone has a beautiful side to them. A murderer has a beautiful side to them. Do you want to be their friend? When we're living in fantasy, we're only looking at the beauty. And yeah, how amazing to look, only look at the beauty. But then we wonder why we keep ending up hurt again and again and again and again and again, let alone taking this into relationships. If you are dating someone or in a relationship with someone, they've disrespected you, they've lied to you, it's going to be impossible for you to actually be open hearted with that person. And I see a lot of people, they try, you know, maybe their ex cheated on them or something and they're like, we're just going to be friends or, or even if it wasn't that, it was just they broke up, we're just going to be friends, but they're lying to themselves. And then, I mean so much of the boundary work is around ending Partnerships of. How many times have you said, this is the last conversation we're going to have? We're not going to talk after this. I'm going to block you on everything. And then we miss that person. Somebody hear a song, something reminds us of them and we so deeply want to say this thing, or we have one last thing we need to say, or, you know, so, oh, there's something we forgot. We, like, make up some sort of excuse. Excuse to get the hit of reaching out to them again. Now we're not honoring our own boundary. And now that person is not going to take us seriously because we said this was the end. And then here we are a week later, continuing again. And. And so if we're not respecting ourselves, how do we expect someone to respect us? And I'm not saying you cannot be friends with an ex. I do believe that it's possible. It just takes a lot of time. Takes time to unfall in love with someone. And I find that we try to convince ourselves, oh, yeah, we're just friends. Oh, yeah, it's all good. But underneath it all, if you are really, really, really honest with yourself, it's because you're still in love. It's because you still want that hit, even if that hit is you being angry because you checked their Instagram story and how dare they go out. Oh, I can't believe them. And actually this makes me hate them again. I'm glad I saw that. Made me hate them, made me remind me why I'm not with them. Did it. Why do you need to check? You know you're actually over someone when you don't need a reminder of anything, you actually, like, forget that they exist. You can honor them and love them, but if you're still thinking about them every single day, you are not completely over them. And that's okay. It takes a long time. It takes years sometimes. They say it takes half of the time of relationships to get over someone. And I'm not saying that that's Bible, but, like, I'm just saying it does take time. So don't prematurely try to convince yourself that you're okay with being in communication when it's a very slippery slope and requires a lot of inner boundaries to not let it get to either getting back together or another fight. It's an extreme. It's always going to lead to something extreme, something that has to burn you enough to just, okay, now I've set another boundary. How many times you need to get shocked to let go of the electrical wire and there's always going to be more that you want to say. There's always going to be another thing to close. There's always going to be something else to update them about and there's always going to be another happy memory. And these are our inner boundaries of write it down. The text you want to send them, write it down in your notes app and trust me, in a day you will reread that text and say, I'm so grateful I did not send it to them. You were just in an emotional state, you know, and we're in an emotional state. We want that feedback, we want that reaction, we want that hit, we want that dopamine. Texting X is our dopamine. So these are all work with our inner boundaries. So getting into conversations with people, that good girl conditioning makes us really want everyone to like us all the time. You know, we want people to think we're nice and, and good to be around. And, you know, historically that created safety. If I knew everyone liked me in the tribe, then of course I'm always gonna have access to resources. So as women, we have been conditioned for generations to be people pleasers, to put other people before us to notice what does the tribe feel. Let me connect with them before I connect with myself because if I get them to like me, then I'll be safe. The only difference is now we're no longer in a tribe that we need to appease, to have access to resources, unless you're in a cult. So most of us have taken a group of random people who we likely just met in the past few years. Our minds have put them as the tribe that we need to be in with all the time and be on the good side of everyone and make sure everyone likes us and, you know, put on the facade and the moment someone doesn't, oh, my God, it's the end of the world. And all of our time and energy is going into making sure that they like me. And if I can't, making sure everyone else knows my side of the story. This is still very tribal like warrior thinking. And in this new paradigm is just no longer the case. We actually, as we're moving into this new consciousness, we no longer need anyone to survive. Like, we actually have all that we need within ourselves. We can come into community and there's such a beauty and interdependence, but it's no longer about, I need to be a version of me that you like so I can stay here. But rather it's, I'm going to be my full self and Then in time, I will magnetize people who them being them full selves were a fit. And there's no need to wear a mask. Right. You know when you hang out with someone and then they leave, or if you have someone staying with you and they leave and you're like, ah. And it feels like a relief, that's because you weren't able to be your full self around them. Then you know those people you could hang out with for, like, hours, days. You have stay with you and you feel totally fine. It's because you were able to be your full self around them. It's exhausting to wear a mask, especially if you're in a relationship with someone. So wouldn't it feel so much better if you were so radiantly yourself? So you, like, you said the weird things that you said, you made the funny jokes that you made, you listen to the music you do. You talk about your spirituality, talk about those things. Maybe it takes longer to find your tribe, to find your partner, to find your community, but when you find them, it's like a full body. Yes. It's like, oh, I see you and you see me, and let's co create rather than, well, this is the community that is accessible to me right now. And even though they're not really fully me, I'm gonna mold myself into that because I feel like I need them. And now that I'm in it, I'm stuck being this version of me that I don't even really want to be. That's fucking exhausting. And also, like, let's move away from the clickiness of, like, we don't. The nude paradigm is like, we're no longer in one community. We're in so many different communities. Communities are like a moment in time, right? It's not like this is our community. We are Wakanda. Like, what are you? It's like, no, like, I have my community of, you know, spiritual sisters. I have my community of, like, entrepreneurs. I have my community of, you know, people who work with medicine. I've got my community of musicians. These are all different communities I'm a part of, and they're part of other communities that I'm not a part of. And it's just like Facebook groups, you know, like, you could be part of many, many different Facebook groups. They're just collections of people. So when I am myself, I'm no longer like, I need to find one tribe that's like, every single part of me. It's impossible. I will never. Because it's only me. But instead I can have my friends that I connect with on this level and my other friends I connect with on this level and another one on this. So between them all, I'm having all parts of me met and then the parts of me that aren't. I'm sitting with myself, which is my own practice. Like my own spirituality is not going to be through other people. It's going to be me sitting in my own stillness, in my own thoughts. And I feel like that's the missing link that makes it hard for us to set boundaries. We're unable to be with ourselves because when we're unable to be with ourselves, we're going to constantly feel we need to impress, you know, get the approval of under ride ourselves because of these people. Because we feel if we don't have these people, we will be abandoned and then we will suffer. Right? Be alone, not have friends, pain. So we would rather go through the pain of not being true to ourselves and be in the pain of being alone. When you get really good at being alone, which I fucking love now I'm like, oh, this is amazing. Like, why would I ever compromise this? And then of course I can play with different people and try on different hats. There's always going to be a natural molding, right? In any conversation we're in, you're going to kind of like mimic their body language, their language. There's going to be a natural, like finding the match temperature. But it's like, ooh, let me play in this community, let me play in that community. Rather than like, I need to become someone else and talk like them and dress like them to be in their permanent community. It's like moving outside of this and like. And also if I'm not a fit for them, like, it's okay. And even if I'm alone, I'm okay being comfortable of even if it's just me, myself and I. Forever me, myself and I. That's what I got in the end. That's what I found out. It's a fact. That's who you're going to be with at the end. So when you just get really comfortable being by yourself, it's like, great, people are here, great. They're not there. We're not attached. You know, this friend's here and they're in the same city as me and we had so much fun and now they left and I don't know when they're going to be back and okay, that's cool. That was a beautiful experience. And we can let things come and go without holding onto them so tightly, right? And then we can be ourselves. We're not molding ourselves. And then when something feels off, we can speak that or step into what feels right. And it doesn't feel like this end of the world thing, because boundaries only become difficult when we're afraid of the repercussion of the boundary. But when the worst repercussion of the boundary is the person doesn't want to be in your life, and you're like, that's okay, and I will be okay with that, then nothing's scary anymore. Then your boundaries get to actually be really, like, fluid and free, and they're not this. Like, I can't tell you how I feel. That's a constipated thing anymore. It's like, hey, I actually sleep really early, so I'm gonna leave the party early. Cool. Like, rather than, guys, I know you're gonna be really mad at me, and the reason why I have to leave early is because of this. And I know you're this, but I'm gonna make up for it by going to brunch with you tomorrow. And it's like, now it's just become this G thing. Like, you could just, like, leave the party. Like, you don't even need to explain yourself if someone's messaging you on the weekends. You don't need to be like, hey, I don't respond to people on the weekends. These are my hours. Just, like, don't respond until you feel like responding. You know, we don't need to be so strict with our boundaries. We don't need to, like. Like, there was a set. The sentence people said no is a complete sentence with boundaries. I don't like that. I don't believe in that. It's not like a. If someone asks me something like, hey, Sahara, can you this? And I'm like, no. Like, that feels really harsh. But instead of just being like, oh, like, actually, like, this thing is more what I do. It doesn't have to be this, like, no, it could just be like, oh, actually, these are my boundaries. And so it's, like, not in alignment with that. You know, if someone's like, hey, can you, like, come with me to this event and just, like, actually sleep early? It's like, okay. Instead of like, no, you've crossed my boundary there. You know? And it's like, also, guys, people can ask you for things, and it doesn't mean you have to do it. I remember I would get really annoyed of, like, why are people always asking me for advice on this? And Advice on that. Like, don't they see that, like, this is what I teach on and like I have all these resources and this and why they keep. And then just like people can ask all day. It doesn't mean I have to like now give them the advice. The reason why it was triggering for me was because a part of me still felt like if someone asked me for advice, I had to like, stop what I was doing and give them the advice. So I was getting annoyed that they asked me because now I feel like I have to do it instead. I mean, I get so many messages, I don't reply to any of them. I just can't. Like on Instagram, I just can't. I wouldn't be here, I wouldn't be alive. And it doesn't bother me at all. In fact, I see the questions and I'm like, oh, this is going to be really good for a podcast. Whereas before I would get like, like overwhelmed and like I can't answer DMs and reply that on DM. It's just like, what was that for? You know, like, just be the boundary. Like my, one of my co founders on Highest Self Institute, he has really amazing boundaries with work. He only works like three hours a day and that's when he responds. And I remember I was like messaging him on a weekend because I kind of, you know, my work schedule is more fluid for sure. And that's just how I roll and it works for me. And so I remember I would like message him on weekends and I wouldn't hear back. And then I asked him, I was like, yeah, like, what's your workflow? He was like, oh, I don't even see your messages. He's like, I don't open things until I'm ready to open them. So it's not like he was like checking it on the weekend and getting annoyed and it being a thing. He's like, I just am my boundary and I don't check work related whatsapps until it's my time to work on these hours of the day. He just is that. And so there was like 0even charge in him, which I actually. Very inspiring. So we can just be our boundary. It doesn't need to be this like sharp fence that we need people to understand and agree upon and negotiate. It's just like, just be it move through the world in the way that you want for people that you want in your life. Explain it to. And if they're not honoring it, you'll live without them. But most people, they're okay with that. You know, they, they are also evolving. It may give them the permission slip for them to set their own boundary. You know, maybe, maybe the going back and forth was a lot for them too. Maybe they would actually love to hop on a Zoom call instead. Maybe they like to sleep early and you message them late at night and there's something else you weren't aware of. Like there's so many different things and we just assume that if I set a boundary I'm going to lose my friendships. But it actually is the invitation to deepen your friendships because then there's no longer the underlying resentment, but rather the friendships can be really true to you. So I'm curious your thoughts on energetic boundaries, energetic leakages, social media dating friendships. I feel like these are really the conversations we need to have today because this is like what's real in our lives. So I'm curious what other topics you'd love for me to explore. Please share with me in the podcast reviews. Share with me what you loved about this episode. Any questions you have topics and take a screenshot of them and send it to me on email so I can send you a free gift which is my womb meditation. So all I gotta do is leave a review, take a screenshot, email it over to me@saharaiamsaharose.com that's saharaiamshaharrose.com you can find that email and everything else I mentioned in the show notes and I'm so excited to connect with you further. Be sure to follow me on Instagram. I share a lot more. I share clips of this funny reels and more than I'm up to at I Am Saharrose and I can't wait to see you in the next episode. Trust your intuition. Trust your inner wisdom. Trust your inner guidance. Close your eyes. So trust your intuition. Trust your inner wisdom. Trust your inner guidance.