599: What Men + Women Really Think In Relationships + Dating with Aaron Doughty

What the fuck is going on in our relationships? Right now? We're going to talk about relationships. Aaron Doughty, a fan favorite. He's one of my dear soul bros. So I'm going to be channeling the voice of the feminine, and he's going to be channeling the voice of the sacred masculine. Hopefully we don't get into a massive fight from this. How do you know if someone's the one?

One of the best ways to meet the one I always pay attention to. What energy am I in? I recognize that everything in my life is such an equal reflection to the energy I'm embodying, that it will naturally attract somebody that complements that.

It's funny because every time we podcast, they're like, why aren't Sahara and Aaron.

We do, like, business networking.

Imagine us in a relationship. We would be like, what do you think about having this? Like, we wouldn't shut up. And then we would, like, go into our funnels.

Yeah. Do I want to be around somebody that isn't in spirituality? I'm working, making spiritual content six to eight hours a day. Do I need to have certain conversations at night?

If a man says, I'm not where I want to be in my career, you deserve better. What do we do?

I've been in that situation where I've been that person that says that. And here's what I learned about myself.

Where are all the spiritual bros at who aren't buck boys? Come on.

I don't know yet. I think so.

I will share my vulnerable story.

Thank you for sharing that very vulnerable story. I'm happy to hold space for you.

I feel a big release from that one I've been waiting for. Let go. Just flow soon to let go. I'm the one I've been waiting for. Welcome back to the Highest Self podcast. My name is Sahara Rose, and on this podcast, I love to take spirituality and make it modern, fun, and grounded and relatable so it can actually serve your needs. And for me, spirituality is actually about going inwards into the heart, talking about love, relationships, intimacy. These are the things where our spirituality is actually put to the test. So I wanted to bring on none other than you probably know him. You probably already subscribed to his YouTube channel. Aaron Doughty, a fan favorite here on Highest Health Podcast, One of my dear soul bros. And I was like, aaron, I think we need to have the conversation, the conversation. Channeling the voice of the masculine and feminine, especially from a spiritual perspective, of what the fuck is going on in our relationships right now. And So I don't know where this is going to go. He's nervous. Our palms are sweating. Hopefully we don't get into a massive fight from this. And I just feel there's just, like, a big collective, you know, misunderstanding in every video you listen to. It's like, boundaries.

Open your heart.

It's like, which one is it? And so every. Every spectrum in between. So I'm. I know you guys, because I am you guys. So I'm going to be really, like, channeling our voice and the voice of the feminine, and he's going to be channeling the voice of the sacred masculine. We're going to talk about relationships. We're talking about dating. We're trying to. We're going to see where it goes. So without further ado, Aaron Doughty, welcome back to the podcast.

That was awesome. Thank you for having me on.

I feel like we're in, like, a WWE showdown.

You're like Bruce Buffer.

Exactly.

And here we are, actually.

I am the Rock. Do you know what the Rock is cooking?

I can feel what you're cooking.

I think you're stone cold Steve Austin.

I'll take it.

Okay.

Yeah.

Because you live in Austin.

Yes, that makes sense. Okay, I'll take it.

And before we drop into this episode, be sure to hit subscribe wherever you're listening to this podcast. That is the best way to stay up to date on the latest episodes. We've got this in video format, so if you're just hearing my voice, be sure to also watch our fabulous outfits on video as well on Spotify, YouTube, or the Apple Store. This is the best way to stay in the flow with future conversations and also allows the podcast to reach more people. So hit subscribe so I can keep vibe with you on all future episodes. Now let's get into this one. So here we go.

Yeah.

Where are all the spiritual men?

It's kind of funny coming off this conversation after we hung out last week, because pretty much the whole entire time, we were kind of talking about stuff like this, Right? We're talking about masculine energy, feminine energy, relationships, and all of that. But what. So what is the question? The question is, where are all the.

Spiritual bros at who aren't buck boys? Come on.

I think it's a tricky thing sometimes because I think a lot of times if you want to go down a certain route with this that I could maybe find a little bit interesting. One thing that Carl Jung talks about is that when people go through a spiritual awakening, it's common that men go through what is called the anima and the woman go through what is called the animus. Or it's. Maybe I have that flipped, but it's anima and animus. One is the masculine side and the feminine side that we each have. And as we go into spiritual awakening, into elevating our consciousness, we have a tendency to lean into the other side, to go through a certain level of healing. And so sometimes this will manifest. As you see men that start going through spiritual awakening, and what can sometimes happen, they go into a very feminine kind of flow. They might all of a sudden go vegan. They might have perspectives where there's like, they're getting in their heart. They're meditating with crystals. There's much more of a feminine kind of energy they're leaning into. And on the other side of that, what can happen is women start going into individuality. They start going into their power. They start tapping into their own masculine energy in the same way that men may lean subconsciously into the feminine energy. And it said that this is one of the stages of integration. So we're going into this so that we can heal the other side of it, to become more integrated and whole so that we can then in a way, attract someone or have it reflected back to us, that wholeness. So I think what happens with men is if there are spiritual men, a lot of times I think spiritual women may not be attracted to them if they're still in their feminine energy. And at the same time, that might be mirroring back their own maybe necessity to be in their masculine energy. So it becomes this, like, kind of stalemate, in a way. But that's like the stereotype a lot of times with, I think men that are getting into spirituality is there is kind of a feminine energy underneath the surface. And then it's like some spiritual woman maybe aren't attracted to that energy. And the goal is for them to go through the process of kind of integrating that, to then come out feeling in their own power, on their own purpose, in their own mission, still having a kind of like a connection to that feminine energy inside of themselves, but also grounded in their own masculine energy. And then that allows the safe space for women to then go and relax in their feminine. So it's something I notice both do in their own way. So where all the spiritual men. I don't know. I really don't know. Like, I think they're out there. I think that in my audience, my audience is probably majority 70% women. And I think part of that is because more women maybe are going through spiritual awakening and are opening this kind of information. So they're attracted to the content that I make. There are men that go through it, obviously, but I think they're. They're out there. They're just maybe going through their stuff as well. You know, I think. I think we can also, though, get into a trap where what happens is we develop a belief system that there aren't a lot of spiritual men. So what happens is through our belief system, it's like they can't reveal themselves to you almost because your belief system negates it. So I think that can also be a thing too.

So we are living in crazy times. There's so much happening in the world, and even within ourselves, there's this feeling of overwhelm, and I'm sure you're picking up on it of like, there isn't enough time. You know, there's so many things I want to do, and I don't know how to focus my energy. Well, that is because you likely can feel that timelines are shifting, momentum is building up, and this is your moment to actually take action on your dharma, your soul's purpose, the big reason why you are here. So even heard this term before, it was the biggest game changer for me when I discovered it because it brought together everything in my life. Like, the things I was interested in, curious about, excited about, but also obstacles I've overcome in my own life. My childhood, my ancestral lineage, the things I was good at, the things I was bad at. Like, how can I tie it all together so I can have a career that supports me in living my highest self, and also where I am supported in the things that are like my holes in the pocket that I'm not so great at. And when I brought it all together and understood my dharma, it was like the thing that led to my ultimate abundance, my ultimate purpose. Like, I can firmly sit here today and say, I am living my truth in every single way. And that is because I made understanding my dharma, my soul's purpose, my priority. So this is your moment to do the same and create a career that honors the full spectrum of you, the parts of you that want to deep dive with people, have deep conversations, that are an empath, that's sensitive, but also the part of you that is a visionary, that is here to reach the masses, that is here to share your message and speak to the collective and how to integrate the two. So this is why I've put together, which is now five years in running the Dharma Coaching Institute at my school. Now Highest self institute. So becoming a Dharma coach is actually learning step, step by step, how to discover and embody your own Dharma, your soul's purpose, but then how to take action as a career in becoming a Dharma coach, where you actually help other people discover their Dharma. And they say the greatest way to learn is to teach, right? Like, if I really want to study for a test, I would start to teach it to someone else because that helps me really integrate that thing. So you might say, I'm not sure what my purpose is. Well, you're going through the training for six months. Every single week, you are being practice coached with the other peers. Every single week, one on one, you are deep diving into the curriculum. You are understanding more about yourself than I guarantee you ever have in your entire life. Like, let's be real. The only time we've ever really thought about, like, what do I do with my life? Is like, maybe the guidance counselor at school that's like, girl, you talk a lot. So maybe become a lawyer. And it's like, I can't read law books, you know, but we think that that's our only option. And then, and then that's it. And then we end up in whatever job and climbing that corporate ladder and hopping off a few ladders and until we're trying to find the one that fits. But you're not meant to be on a ladder. You're meant to do your own thing. And that own thing, it doesn't necessarily mean you need to be an entrepreneur, but could even be working within a company as a coach where you honor your full self. So we have supported now 3,000 people in creating careers that align with their Dharma, their full expressive selves. And we are so excited to support you. So doors are open right now to become a certified Dharma coach. It is a six month program taught live. So I will be on the call live with you answering your questions every single week. Along with Dr. Neetha, we have a team of incredible, incredible coaches that will be guiding you in practice coaching sessions. You'll be receiving feedback from the other students. We have an incredible Facebook group to dive deeper, support each other. And so many of our grads have gone on to co host podcasts together, to run retreats, to speak on stages. The list goes on. And it really is a lifelong community of rainbow sheep, so that's what we call ourselves. So if you're interested, you want to explore the curriculum or even hop on a one on one discovery call to ask one of our team members any question you have, the link is Below. We so excited to support you. I can't wait to see you live on the calls and see where you will be six months from now as a certified dharma coach. So head over to the show notes to learn more, to reserve your spot, to hop on a one on one call. And I can't wait to see you there. Yeah, that was the best answer. Cause I thought you were gonna tell me. Yoga, kirtan, bhakti music. I was like, okay, fine, I've already been now. But it's so true because I can. I can recognize both sides. You know, it's like I like to think of. I don't know if you've read any David Data books.

Yeah.

But he talks about level one, level two, level three, consciousness. And it's like level one of consciousness is to be unconscious. I am man, you are woman. These are gender roles. You cook and clean, I provide. That's it. And that's where most people are at. Then you go on your spiritual journey, and it's like, let's speak with nonviolent communication. When you said this, I felt that. And these are my boundaries. Are we codependent? Are you a narcissist? And like, you know, figuring all of that stuff out. And then it can also become very gender neutral.

Right.

It's like we are both all. And, you know, the, the whole 50, 50 concept and, and fluidity. And that's like where a lot of the pop culture, like psychology, pop culture, spiritual kind of level. The start of spiritual journey is. And then I feel we're like, shit, I'm no longer attracted to you now because we have just become the same. We have merged so much. And also everything's so formulaic and overly intellectualized, you know, and like, I'm realizing it's like it's impossible to fall in love if all you're looking at are, is there a red flag? What are our trauma bonds together? Are this because you're gonna. Whatever you look for, you will find.

Right.

You know, it's like there is a level of like, you gotta just drink the wine and get drunk with it and, like, see what happens. Like, that needs to happen. And that's that level three of like, you kind of go back to level one, but from a conscious place.

Right?

Right. Of like, I know I can do it all.

Yeah.

And so can you, and so can everyone, but I don't want to.

Yeah.

You know, and it's like choosing to lean into your feminine, choosing to lean into your masculine, but having the integration of the other side and it's interesting because when I think of, like, the spiritual dude, he is, like, ecstatic dancing and fluid, you know, Smells like Paulo Patchouli. Not even Paulo Santo. I freaking wish. And sweat and, you know.

Yeah.

And I remember when I started my search at 23, I was like, I wish I could meet a man at ecstatic dance. Like that.

Right place.

We'd be a power couple on the dance flow, you know? And now I'm just like, God, like, I can't even go. But then also, I had to go through my, like, boss babe, learn how to make money, learn how to run a business, not have to depend on someone. I had to go through that, which are more of my masculine qualities, and then the integration. But what I find really interesting is, and you can question me, and maybe this is my belief system, but I find there are less men than there are women at that level three who've, like, gone deep into the spiritual journey and found their way on the other side. And I'm recognizing with a lot of my spiritual, female friends were like, okay, I want a man to be in the masculine, right? Who wants to protect, to provide, to be solid, to be consistent in integrity, grounded. I'm finding that more in the level one guys than I am in the level two guys, right? I'm finding that more in the guy who's just like, I go to work and I want to take care of my family. Then like, the guy who's like, I don't know, like, this is too much for me and, like, you know, processing everything and all of that. So do you feel there are maybe less men in the level three space?

Well, honestly, I don't, because I'm not dating men. I'm not. Not as aware, honestly. So what I find interesting about what you mentioned, too, is that connection to the level two, where it's almost like the woman is becoming more individual. So it is, like, more of a neutral energy. There's less polarity and same for the men on that side. It's kind of like that leaning into the anima, the animus type thing. And then it is. It's almost like the energy of level 3 is similar to level 1, but just like it doesn't need the other person to be playing that role. It's almost like they prefer to be in that energy. So it's like, as a woman, you're like, well, I know I can be boss chick and get all this stuff done and get into my masculine, and I'll use that when I need to, but I Prefer to be softened in my feminine and then finding a masculine person that's just strong in their masculine. And the second level is a very intellectually heady level. So I guess the question is, do. I guess we're back to the same thing then, right? Is are there more men out there that are at level three and the same. Same answer? I'm not. I don't know.

I feel because of society's pressures on men around, like, financial success. For most men, spiritual growth is just not a priority for them, you know, even if they want it to be. They're so overwhelmed with just like, the pressure, you know, which I do think is a lot harder on men than it is for women. Women, I feel, first of all, intrinsically we have wombs in us, so we're like, more connected to the unseen, the spirit realm. We have female friends that supportive of it. Spirituality is like, you know, it's a kind of a feminine principle because it's like intangible, right? So I do feel women kind of have, like a natural leg up in the spirit realm. So I do believe there likely are. And I believe the feminine has kind of collectively risen before the masculine just because there has been so much suppression. So it's led to this, like, collective rising. But I'm witnessing right now, and I'm curious if you are like a lot of men hitting rock bottom, like, finally hitting that breaking point that's causing them to realize that they have to change. And so a lot of women are in relationships with these men, right? And outcomes that they were hiding in addiction outcomes, you know, infidelity or even just like the guys hasn't been trying to grow, you know. So the next question that a lot of people sent for us is what to do if your partner is not like, matching your spiritual growth. Do you stay in the relationship? Can you support them? Does that make you become the spiritual teacher and affect the polarity?

Yeah, that's a good question. I think it's important to understand what your role is within a relationship. And I think sometimes what happens is when we go through a spiritual awakening, we become so excited about all these new things that we're learning, and we want our partner to grow as well. But then what can happen? And I fall into this pattern in the past, past where you become aware of certain patterns and you become aware of certain insights and epiphanies, and you want to not be alone on your journey. So what you do is you try to get your partner on board, you try to help them, but then you're also depolarizing the polarity in the relationship. So then what happens is you go into, like, a teacher role. You go into a role where you are, in a way, holding space for them, helping them, trying to direct them, which also enables them. It's a form of codependency. It's a way of taking their power away from them in a way and not reflecting back to them that maybe there is a dissonance from where they are to where you are. But there's also a certain level of control that happens where it's trying to control and putting a condition onto the relationship that in order to be in relationship, you need to be at the standard which you can be aware of within yourself. But I believe that the biggest way I've learned to help people grow is to hold a vision of them that they can come, that they're. They have the power to figure it out by themselves. And to hold the frequency of that, to hold the energy of that. But not to believe that I need to help fix them or be the one to give them that information. Because then it doesn't last. Then they will fall back into old patterns, or they'll resent you, or it just messes up the energy dynamic. So I think it's important when you're getting into a relationship to first off understand what your values are. And if you value spiritual growth, then hopefully that's something that you've communicated in the past. It's something that you're focusing on within yourself. And that may be a reflection that you get if you're in a relationship now where maybe there's more dissonance between that. I think it's also, on one hand, it could be reflecting back to the person that maybe there's a dissonance. But also sometimes we get frustrated with other people because we're actually frustrated with a certain aspect of ourselves. So sometimes it also, I think, can become a projection. It's like, we want this. If this person would change, I would feel different on the inside. And a lot of times what happens, I believe, is that inside of our energy field, there's certain energies that have been normalized and familiarized from our past. So what happens is, if we felt like mom and dad did not understand us, if we feel like it's our job to fix someone in our family, if it's our. We feel like it's our job to rescue someone, then we're in a relationship now where we feel like we must fix them. We must help them come on board subconsciously. If my partner understands me and my partner grows, then I'm healing the wound from childhood where mom and dad didn't get it and weren't able to meet my needs. So subconsciously we end up projecting that into the space and onto the partner. And what I believe is I ask myself questions, is this a normalized energy from my past? Have I familiarized this with this person? And if this person weren't here, would I maybe find another area of my life to funnel this energy into? So it's almost like it's also serving a purpose. And this is a realm of psychology that's called Alfred Adlerian psychology. Alfred Adler, he talked a lot about these different psychology concepts. One is called separation of tasks, which is this understanding of what is your job versus what is my job. And it's from a book that's called the Courage To Be Disliked is what it's called. But it's all around understanding that true freedom is when you're able to be disliked. It's when you don't need anyone else's validation or approval. If you can let someone dislike you, that is freedom. And part of that is, is because you understand that your role is not. Your role is to choose your values that you live by and to take care of yourself. You can take care and understand your dynamic and relationship, but someone else's work and someone else's stuff to figure out is their stuff to figure out. All challenges from Alfred Adlerian psychology come from mixing up tasks, trying to fix someone else, trying to save someone else, trying to get someone else to come unto certain realizations. And what happens is when you learn separation of tasks, which is basically understanding what your role is. And your role, even within a relationship, is to focus on under. You can understand your patterns, but you're also, in a way, not necessarily projecting onto them that they need to meet your needs and they're just the problem. You know, there could be situations where there is like part of your separation of tasks is setting a boundary and saying no to a relationship that doesn't serve anymore, that is also part of it. But one of the other things that Alfred Adler talks about is this idea of understanding these subconscious goals that we have. So what he believes and what he talks about and why his psychology, why his view on psychology is so revolutionary is it also goes into, like, the Joe Dispenza teachings and different quantum mechanics of what we're learning, where the past does not equal the present. Normally we look to our childhood, right? Where is this pattern in the past and how does this equal who I am in the present moment? And what Alfred Adler talked about is how the past does not equal the present moment. In the present moment right now, there's certain energies that are activated inside of our body. There's certain patterns and goals that we have. There's subconscious goals we have. So what we do is when we look to the past, we find evidence of what we're looking for, but it's not why things are in the present moment. In the past, what we decided was we had a subconscious goal to feel familiar emotions. So maybe in the past we have a subconscious goal that says, I'm feeling like I need to fix mom and I'm not good enough. I'm feeling like my needs aren't met and mom and dad weren't able to meet them. And there's some, maybe some subconscious blame there. So our goal subconsciously is to blame someone else for our problems. Maybe there's an open loop from childhood. But what we do is then we're in a situation where we think, well, I don't want this person to be arguing with me. I don't want this person to not want to be focused on spirituality. I want them to spiritually grow. But subconsciously, you have a subconscious goal of keeping, of wanting people to give you familiar emotions from the past. You want people to reflect back the same victim blame story, which is a form of codependency, where it's the perpet. I think we were talking about that the other day. The perpetrator, the rescuer and the victim. And what happens is, if we're playing out those dynamics with people in our.

Lives, can you share what those three are?

Yeah. So there's the perpetrator, there is the rescuer and the victim.

In every situation.

There's these three in all codependent dysfunctional dynamics. There are these three. And with different people in our life, we may play different dynamics, but the perpetrator is the person that's doing something to you. It's the person that's being mean. It's the person that's imposing their will on you. And what happens is the victim is the person that's receiving it. It's the person that doesn't that's not in their power. It's the person that is receiving the negative, you know, the negative energy of that. And then the rescuer is the person that comes in to save the victim. So what happens is a lot of times these three. These three dynamics play themselves out over and over and over again until people become aware that they're playing out the dynamic. So people will be rescuing other people, saving other people. They'll attract partners, which probably that question is coming from people. I find that our audience in general tend to be a lot of people that are in the rescuer dynamic. They were the people that as a kid, there was tension in the household. Mom and dad or somebody was the perpetrator who was the person that was like, not able to meet the needs, who was maybe angry or there was just chaotic tension. And then they were either the victim or the rescuer. So what they did is they shifted into that role now to be the rescuer. Also. There's a certain level of vulnerability that you don't have to move in if you're always trying to fix everyone else. Right. So it's. I'm doing my personal growth. This person over here isn't doing their growth. And I'm going to help them. I'm going to fix them. I get so much value out of helping other people and out of helping victims. And I think subconsciously what's happening is we're trying to save the inner child part of ourselves that maybe was a victim. And we're afraid a lot of times as spiritual people. Spiritual people tend to have a very strong deterrence from lean into tension because they're afraid that if I give anyone tension, I'm going to become a perpetrator. I'm going to become this person that's like a villain. But it's funny because that's the disowned part of the psyche that I believe is the part that you actually grow the most from. So in a way, this dynamic of rescuer, victim and perpetrator becomes something we play out over and over again until we stand in our power and until we don't choose it anymore. I've had moments in the past where I replayed a similar childhood dynamic from childhood with the villain perpetrator that's controlling. For me, it was. My story was that there's someone that's trying to control me. So if it wasn't a parental figure from when I was a kid, it was a boss or an authority figure, like a manager. And I would then have a controlling manager. Then I would be over here as the victim. That's like, this isn't fair. I need to, like, walk on eggshells around this person. I can't express myself. And that was the kind of dynamic that was in my life until I learned to stand up for myself. And then what I would do is after I was Learning that and attracting less and less perpetrator villain type energies that I was blaming took my power back. I would then find myself in the role of becoming the rescuer for people. Becoming somebody that was helping women I would date. It'd be woman that I could help somehow. I would resonate with their trauma in a certain way, and that was deep. And then I would try to somehow help them. And I was also, I believe that was a block that I had to, where it felt more safe to then. Then to be at an equal partnership. It felt more safe for me to be in the rescuer mode because then I'm kind of like a coach. I'm kind of like I'm not in the victim mode, which I don't want to be in, but also I'm in this like kind of safe zone of, of being one up kind of. So I could tell that that was like a block that I had and I had to learn how to stop one. Attracting people I felt like I needed to fix. And then also realizing that the best way to fix other people isn't to even try to fix them, because fixing implies that they're broken. So instead what I did is I would see people as strong enough to figure it out themselves. I'd be there for them if they had advice or they wanted me to, you know, to hold space or whatever. But there was a boundary to the space that I'd be willing to hold. There was a boundary in the amount of help I'm will be willing to give. And sometimes help gets tricky. I've got family members that maybe aren't good with money, that I'm helping them with money, and then that becomes this codependent thing where I'm literally enabling them. So who's to say that the way you help someone else is by trying to get them on board? Who's to say that the way you help your partner spiritually grow is by helping them, by giving them books and telling them all the blind spots that they need to look at and that they should rise up to your level. We don't, we think that's help, but that might not actually be helping them. Maybe the best way to help someone is to draw the boundaries of what you're focused on and what your, your values are, and then to see and audit your life if you are living in those values and if you're not, maybe sometimes if you're not with someone that mirrors those values, maybe the best thing for you to do is to take a step back and to realize is this, does this resonate? Is there an opportunity for me to go deeper in myself and do, am I still resonating with this relationship at the same time or is there an opportunity for me to lean into the uncomfortableness here, to open up my heart more? And that will really only be understood by people doing honest self inquiry and self reflection. So there's not really like a one size fits all for everybody. For some people, the lesson is the best way you can love someone else is by setting boundaries and maybe ending a relationship. If it's not in alignment, there's codependency. Another option is to express how you really feel and to see if that puts things in the right direction and establishes a healthier dynamic between you and the other person. The other option is to see is this one up dynamic of being the rescuer, keeping me from seeing people at the same level. So is there an opportunity for me just to hold space and like envision people as being able to handle it themselves? And I found that to be very powerful, holding the vision, like even when I'm coaching people, instead of me thinking like I need to fix you and get you to understand things, it's having a, like a vision. They can, they can like hold in the space for their own realization and letting people have their own realization. So a lot of coaching from what I've learned, and I'm sure from what you learned too, is asking the right questions. Because when somebody gets it themselves, it's theirs to keep. When you give someone the advice, you're the power dynamic that a lot of times they want to rebel against anyways. Think about if you didn't have a great relationship with mom and dad, which a lot of people who go through a spiritual awakening do, have some type of resentment there anything an authority person tells you, you resent or you resist, right? So you don't want somebody, even though you might think, oh, I want someone to tell me what my blind spots are, you're robbing yourself from coming at it, from your figuring it out yourself and doing that self inquiry practice. So I think for a lot of people to really do this deep inner healing, you know, this deep inner healing that we talk about, I think it is about going inwards, doing that honest reflection on self inquiry and being honest with is it just the other person, the problem, or have I normalized this energy and is this a subconscious goal that I have to stay in this energy? So what I'm really fighting for is the dopamine spikes of things aren't right, things aren't fair. They're keeping stories alive. I had to let go of the story that things aren't fair. I had to let go of the story that I need to fix. You know, there's a lot of stories. I had to let go of that. With it came a lot of codependent energy. And once I released that, I felt so free because I'm no longer carrying around people's stuff. I no longer have the burden of fixing a partner or people or even people in my audience. If I'm like coaching people, it's a much easier energy that also allows people to, in their own field, come to their own realizations that they get to.

Keep so much gold in everything that you just shared. And I want to just speak into a subtlety that you mentioned that I feel some people miss. I feel a lot of people hear stuff like this and then they're like, my partner has all these issues. Right. That I can see. And I don't want to be their coach because I don't want to be in this rescuer mode. So I guess this isn't. Isn't the right relationship.

Right.

And the subtlety you're speaking into is the part of us that feels like we need to fix you can be in that exact same relationship and just completely release it, you know, Completely release even this idea that you can do anything to fix them.

Yeah.

That in itself is the illusion.

Right.

And I feel a lot of people are then looking for this person that no part of them will want to fix. You will look at every person on earth and find something you'll want to fix about them. Because we all have different values. Right. And especially then when you are the person in the relationship that's just done more trauma healing work, you're just going to see their stuff more clearly. Plus, in relationship, you just see other people's. It's always easier to see the stuff in. In other people. So I find a lot of people then leave relationships or won't get into relationships because they're like, well, I feel like I need to be his healer. I feel like I need to teach him about spirituality. I feel like I need this. And it's like, so why do you feel that? Because you could be in a relationship with someone who has no interest actually in doing any of this and you accept them.

Yeah.

You know, and. And that's a choice. Right. Or you might want to be with someone that you guys are always processing and doing your spiritual journeys in tandem. And that's a beautiful thing too. But I'VE realized, like, in my own relationship with my father, who our childhood story was, like, he was perpetrator, I was rescuer, mom was victim. Right. So I always, you know, took the rescuer role in every kind of relationship, especially being a spiritual woman who does this work, who teaches, who teaches, coaches, and what I've come to find. And mirroring my relationship with my dad is like, I will never heal him. Never will. Yeah, he's on his own journey, you know, and it's like, completely releasing any part of me that's like, trying to send him articles, trying to get him to go to therapy, trying to get him to sit with plant medicine. It's just like completely letting that go and then completely letting that go, which a part of my little girl had to mourn that of, like, you will never heal your dad.

Right.

You know, and if anything, I think when parents get older, they get often more senile, and it gets harder, you know, and in me allowing myself to completely let that go, then I'm no longer seeking that relationship with that person who's, like, completely healed. Or it's just, like, accept people as they are and don't also expect your partner to be your coach as well, to be that person who's going through. Through it. I find a spiritual woman. Like, we're often looking for our male partner to be the person who goes deep with us, who wants to, like, talk about, you know, the astrology and our shadows and our this and our that. And I've had to make peace. And again, I don't know how my life and really my relationships will end up with, like, I have so many friends that I can dive deep with. I dive deep with people on my podcast every single day that, like, maybe my relationship is a place for, like, love and joy and family, and it doesn't need to be another place to have the same conversation I'm having with all of my friends.

Right. Yeah, I love that you said that, because I'm thinking to myself, like, basically the woman asking, where are all the spiritual men? Where are all the spiritual men? Where are all the spiritual men? It's like the caveat that they maybe don't see is the rescuer, but also that it has to be a spiritual guy.

Right?

Right. Like, what. What is our definition of spirituality? Some of the most spiritual people that I've met don't even identify with the word spiritual. I've met people that are just. They're very present. They like being in a flow state. They're. They still have strong morals Even though they might not be into, like, spirituality, religion. But what happens, I think, is if we have this label that I want a spiritual guy to be in a relationship with, there's this expectation that then filters out a lot of other people that maybe you could have beautiful connections with. And maybe it's people that it's just a different type of connection. Not to say it's not a spiritually deep connection, but we have this tendency in our society to categorize spiritual as somebody that meditates with crystals, that watches the certain podcast that like, does the meditations. Like, that's a spiritual person or spiritual beings having a human experience. But we're all spiritual beings whether we're aware of it or not. So what's interesting, I think, is that even questioning the fact that we're asking that women are asking that question could be a big insight to why maybe there's blocks because they've defined spiritual as, this is the archetype for what spirituality is, and this is what I'm looking for in the world. And then, yeah, it is going to be more scarce because there's a very scarce, like, limited viewpoint of what it means to be spiritual. But in the same way, that's something I've had to ask myself, do what are. Like, as I'm in the process of dating and getting to know different types of women that I date, what I become aware of is, do I want somebody that does what I do for a living? Do I want to be around somebody that isn't in spirituality? Can it be someone that, like, it's. It's. That's the process of dating and self inquiry. Because I found that if I'm like, it has to be this very specific type of person that we need to have spiritual deep talks with and all these things. You know, I'm basically working, making spiritual content like six to eight hours a day. Do I need to have certain conversations at night? You know, like, that's. That's the question I ask myself now for myself. What I realize is I do have this deep, like, I do have a lot of. I like depth, I like spiritual depth and like connectedness. I like emotional connectedness. So there's. Through the process of dating, I've become aware of, like, what that is for me. But that's why I think it's important for people to become aware of what's important to them. Because then when they're dating, they have a different filter to put things through. And then maybe it's not as limiting if they have an Archetype of what it means to be spiritual. And then they're only looking for that. And in my life, that's what I've realized I had to become aware of. Is there, you know, other ways to approach this, to allow myself to feel more connected and then also to realize that sometimes I think there's projections that happen when we're judging other people. So like to. To look for spiritual men, I imagine that then the going up women are going on dates with guys and vice versa. This works for men, with women as well or whatever the dynamic is. But. But it's almost like is this person spiritual enough for me? Is this person good enough for me? There's like this energy that then as a projection comes back to you where then you may be choosing people that are like, is this person too spiritual for me? You know, is this girl? Is this person too woo woo for me? Like it. It's sometimes a one on one reflection, I think. But I think that's one quick way that people watching this may be able to open up. Not to say they're having less standards, but just get clear. If you take the word spiritual out of it and you realize everyone is on their own spiritual journey, whether they meditate with crystals or they have a meditation practice, or they do Pilates or yoga for men, I think it's more. So is this person on their purpose? Is this person have something greater than themselves they are about? Is this person grounded inside of themselves? Do they feel like a stable rock or like. Like that is like a very general energy to go by. But then through how you feel around them, you can kind of like feel what that polarity is and what that energy is. But the more more specific that we get on that, the more we limit ourselves, you know. Whereas like for a man or whatever the dynamic is, is like is this woman emotionally in her body and expressive and. And like expressing that beautiful divine energy into the air that I feel like, you know, that I feel great around that I feel like I can kind of relax around and kind of enjoy that. Like, do you see? So it's a very general energy, right? But it's not like is she into this? Is she not into this? It's like all these things that I think limit and siphon out the probabilities which then also as a projection attract all these people that are also going through the same thing subconsciously.

So much truth in everything you shared. And a lot of what we see as spirituality is actually culture. It's like a culture of dressing a certain way doing certain types of modalities and practices and, you know, oh, well, do you know your human design? Oh, what about your gene key? Oh, have you done inner child healing? And have you done this? And it's like, it's just a certain pathway. Right. But, like, think of all the people in Tibet. I would say they're some of the most spiritual people on earth who've never don't even know what any of this stuff is, you know? And then the people in Peru, it's just different. And it's like, what is spirit? It's like to be in spirited, to be connected to your soul. Maybe a gardener, you know, is the most spiritual person of all because they're with the land and with the earth. And it's like removing this culture of, you gotta, like, do the ecstatic dance to be spiritual.

Right.

And I think the other piece that you spoke into is. Is really around. And I'm so interested in the science of attraction. And so much of, like, why we are attracted to someone is actually because we want to, like, siphon their energy. Right. Like, we're attracted to them because we want to be more like them.

Yeah, Right.

So when we are not fully embodied in our spiritual journey, we become attracted to these very spiritual people. That's how you see people new on their spiritual path. Like the spiritual teachers, right? Yeah, because they're like, I want more spirituality. And so this person is going to be my way of getting there quicker. Right. Because when you're in relationship with someone, it's like you're. You're getting a PhD in them, in their essence.

Right?

Yeah, but, like, once you've gone so deep in your spiritual journey, it's like, do I really want, like, in your. Your life is talking about spirituality, your friends are spirituality.

Right.

Do I really need, like, another person to have that exact same conversation with? And it's funny because every time we podcast, they're like, like, why aren't Sahara and Aaron together? And it's like, imagine us in a relationship. We would be like, well, what do you think about something this, like, we wouldn't shut up. And then we would, like, go into our funnels.

Yeah. Would you like business networking?

There would be no polarity there because we're like the same person. You know, it's like we. We are walking the same path. Like, I mean, we can teach each other, but we would be teaching each other the same thing, you know? Whereas, like, who we're attracted to is, like, you know, for you, and the feminine is, like, more of the like nurturing qualities and you're in the discovery and I'm in the discovery of like the expansion of that. So it's interesting because from the outside we look at, well, these two people have a lot in common, so they should be together.

Yeah.

It's like this balance too of you don't want someone who's like, you're attracted to them because you want to be like that, but you don't have that at all within yourself because then you pedestal them.

Y.

Right. Of like the girl who's not making any money who's attracted to the sugar daddy. Right, Right. It's like, okay, you need to embody your own inner sugar daddy, you know? And it's like once you embody that inner sugar daddy, probably that guy's not going to be as attractive to you anymore, you know, because you won't need that. You've self sourced that. And ultimately there's always going to be something we're wanting to lean more into and that's going to continue for the rest of our lives. And I feel that's the hard part in when you know so much to like settle down.

Right.

Because you're like, well, I'm attracted to this. What does that mean about me? Okay, let me embody that. Okay. Now I'm no longer attracted to that anymore. And it's like we'll go forever. So it's like, like I'm curious for you. It's like, how do you know if someone's the one?

I don't know yet. I don't know. I think there is a very much a balancing of energy. Like my best friend, him and his wife have been together 15 years, they've got three kids. He, my best friend's very. He's very much more introverted and much more kind of still and kind of quiet. His wife is extremely extroverted. She'll talk to anybody out anywhere. Even between my buddy and I, we're both very, we're very opposite in some ways. There's times I've introverted, but I'm also very extroverted. And that's why our dynamic works well even within our friendship. Right. But they've brought each other up through their spiritual journeys and the way that he described it to me. So speaking with friends that I that have been in like long term relationships with, still having strong polarity too. I believe him and his wife have very good polarity despite being together for over 15 years. The way he describes it to me is when one person makes a little bit of a jump, the other person, basically this person holds space for it and then the other person kind of eventually like kind of comes up to the surface and, and raises back up as well. And it's kind of like they just constantly go back and forth with who's like having breakthroughs and becoming aware of their patterns and all of that. But ultimately a lot of it is self like acceptance, acceptance of the other person. So it becomes like this dinette, this dance of, of energy and of acceptance and all these things that it's reflecting back. But it like holding space for it sometimes and having a little bit more tolerance at times when it gets challenging because you can kind of see someone's shadow that they're in, but you kind of can't tell them that they got to fix it or put pressure on them, you know. So that looks like what is like kept them together and whether they know they're the one or not. I don't know. I haven't found that yet. So it's like, I don't know if is it something that you feel on the inside of yourself and you just feel, I mean the goal and the intention is to meet someone where there's like this very familiar like at home feeling where you can really be yourself. And there is like that acceptance. There is like these qualities that we can cultivate inside of ourselves. But I personally believe for myself that also huge component of it for me that I've always felt is that when I, I was kind of telling you last week when we were hanging out, as I get more into live events and as I step into the even more like aligned version of myself that's a different version of me than the version of me that's like putting videos out on YouTube out of autopilot. Because I've been doing it for seven or eight years, you know. So I believe one of the best ways to meet and to become find the person that's the one, which, the one is kind of also a belief system that there's just one out there for you. I believe that there are different people that can align with you. And when you get into energetic frequency with this, this, this version of you, that's like the highest vibrational version of you. You could say that's when you become and you put out in a way an antenna energy that then attracts somebody that is a reflection of that. So one of the best ways to know if this person is the one is to really also ask yourself if you are living in like the highest vibration you can and by that I mean are you doing what you love? Are you in your zone of genius? Are you loving your life? Are you developing positive relationships even within your friendships, within your family and different dynamics that you have? And I believe if the energy is in alignment there, it opens up the potential for this energy to come in because it's such a close, energetic match. So subconsciously for myself, even though I haven't met that person, I believe that over the next two or three years, as I'm going into running more live events, not putting pressure on myself to do the thing I've been doing for seven years, but I like really get into my zone of genius and I love what I do. I think that whenever that time is right, will reflect that back to me and then I'll know, I'll feel it, I'll know. But until then, it hasn't been something that's presented itself or like, you know, this is the for sure cues that it happens. I think there's so many different ways it can happen. But for me, I recognize that everything in my life is such an equal reflection to the energy I'm embodying. And as a man, maybe that's also something because I'm a. Because I'm a guy. It's like being in my purpose, I think is just so important in general for masculine energy that it will naturally attract somebody that's on the other side of that polarity that complements that. But it'll come when I'm really in that vibration. Doesn't mean I have to be at the peak of my career and like, you know, all this, like a certain level of success and then I can find that. But I think I need to at least be in the energy of it, which is more empowering. It's like get into the energy of that alignment and then see what the kind of people and synchronicities and opportunities you attract. And then you're more likely to attract someone that's a one on one reflection to you being that version of you. But if you were to meet that person when you're not doing what you love and you're not in that zone of genius and you're not in that vibration, I'm not saying you can't get into that vibration. Someone else can elevate with you, but you will literally be like a different version of you. So the best advice I have for this, for myself at least, is I want to get into that vibration. Not because it's gonna attract that person even I wanna give that vibration. Cause that's who I am. But I have the trust in knowing that as a reflection that will attract a different woman to me, that has a different level of polarity with me when I'm in that leadership. Like, it's also a different level of leadership. It's a different level of masculinity once I am in the energy of doing that, in that flow and that kind of groundedness. So for me, I feel like I always pay attention to when I meet people. What energy am I in? And I'm not saying this is for everybody because someone could say, well, I met this person in this, like, really dire situation. And so you're saying it's not going to work. But I've seen people and friends in the past where like, they going through something really dark and then they meet somebody and they kind of get with them out of desperation. A lot of times it doesn't. Doesn't work out well because the energy state that you're in, that's kind of a reflection sometimes, you know. So I always kind of am aware of that when I meet certain people, when I'm in a high vibe state, there's certain people I'd run into a lot of even not even just as romantic partners. Just like certain people when I'm like, really in flow, like certain people reach out to me or I find myself in synchronicities around certain people.

One of those people.

You're one of those people. Yeah.

Okay. I want to speak into just like a feminine experience right now.

Okay.

I find a lot of women that I know are, you know, they. They start talking to a man and then the guy gets into this. I'm not where I want to be in my career.

Yeah.

And pulls away.

Yeah.

And is like, you deserve better. I need to focus on my work. And the women are like, I can be with you through that. I don't need you to be at the apex of your career to be in a relationship with you. Especially because most men in their 30s are not at the apex of their career, you know, but then this, like, internalized pressure or maybe it's an excuse, I don't know. But this, this feeling of like a man feels like he needs to be in his king energy before getting into a relationship. But, you know, in Alison Armstrong's work, she talks a lot. Do you know Alison Armstrong?

I've heard of her, yeah.

She talks about, like, these different stages and, and for both, for men and women, but for men, it's like you have your. It like starts with a night where you're very testosterone driven. You just want to have different experiences, different woman, you know, adventure. And then you go into your early prince, which is like figuring out what you want to do and, you know, trial and error. Then you get into your mid prince, which is a kind of like hustle, hustle, hustle. But you're still not quite at your thing yet. You start to find your thing. Then late princes, you have your thing, but you're really working on it. You're working on it, you're working on it. And then finally she says, most men enter king in their early 50s.

Yep.

So. So here's the conundrum, right? So then for women, we have stages. It's not as detailed, but we have like, you know, our princess stage, waiting for the man to save us.

Yeah.

I don't know if she goes into micro stages of that, but it's like, you know, probably similarly, you start to find your dharma. You start to step into your purpose. Doing that more your queen energy, where you're like, I have my own queendom. I have a beautiful life, and I want to share it with my king. Just more women get there earlier in life than men. Maybe woman gets there. I feel I'm there in my early 30s, so I don't want to be with a guy in his early 50s. So I don't know. A little bit of ancestral trauma there. I don't know.

I'm just kidding.

So if a man says, I'm not where I want to be in my career, you deserve better. What do we do?

It's a good question. If I'm being completely vulnerable, I've been in that situation where I've been that person that says that. And here's what I learned about myself. That was a way for me to avoid saying that I didn't feel I was compatible with that person long term. So it's interesting how fresh this is for me, because I don't know when this podcast is going up, but this is something I'm recently becoming aware of in myself because there's someone I was seeing, and it's like we were seeing each other going on dates. And I could tell that there was this desire for that intentionality, like, you know, like a relationship. And I just feel like there is no relationship, but to express and to say, like, intuitively, because for me, it's kind of like I do base some of the. There's like an intuition that I have, and I can kind of tell when I'm with someone if I'm going to Be with them long term or not. It's just kind of something I've always had. But I've recognized in myself that I have avoided the disappointment that they would feel. As somebody that can feel other people's energies. If I turn this person down, they're going to feel disappointed. And if I were to make it about them, they'd feel even more disappointed. And it's not me saying it's their fault, it's just I'm recognizing there's a certain level of non compatibility there. I don't see it turning into a relationship. And because of that, it's easier for me to say I'm focused on my business. I've done this in the past. It's like a year or two ago I was dating someone, same thing. I was like, I'm getting ready to run live events, I'm going to be very busy, I don't have time for this. Really what it was is I didn't feel like there was a future there. I didn't feel that compatibility long term. So it was easier for me to say I'm gonna be focused on my business. I got a lot of stuff I wanna do. It's not you, it's me. But really it's neither of us. It's just not. I just don't feel it's compatible right now. It's not compatible. Is it gonna be compatible one day? I don't wanna say maybe because then you might be hanging on. And I think the thing also just with where I'm at, it's like spiritual men like you say, are so hard to come by and all this stuff. So sometimes I'll be dating someone and they do feel that way. So like they've, they've met me and there's this pressure and I can feel that pressure and that pressure kind of of feels like, I don't know, like lack of freedom from a guy's perspective maybe. But also where I look at myself is, is my opportunity to lean in here. Is this like an avoidance pattern? Is it just focused on my business? But that's where the self inquiry is for me. And I had to really look at this over the last like while as I've been like looking at the shadow within myself, like why can't I just be upfront and direct and be vulnerable and be like, listen, I've enjoyed my time with you, but I just don't see it turning into a relationship. And if that's a challenge for you, then we don't, we don't have to continue seeing each other, knowing that it's. I don't feel it's going to turn into that. That was so hard for me to say. That was so hard for me to say because I could feel their disappointment. I could feel the hopes of. Of something. It turning into something. I'm looking at myself and saying, well, maybe it will turn into something. Maybe if I just give it a couple more dates. But then it just continues to linger and keep that energy alive. And then as that's causing her to, like, keep entertaining me in a way, she's saying no to any other opportunities coming in. And then I'm also keeping that energy. There's. So I look at my own childhood. I'm like, why? Why is this energy there? Well, as a kid, I wasn't able to really express how I felt. There'd be a lot of tension if I did express how I feel. And there's this avoidance of making people feel tension because I feel like I'm going to become the perpetrator. I don't want to be the bad guy. And the. Another thing that happens a lot when I'm dating women is because of the. There's like a. Something I do get told a lot is they feel. People feel safe around me. They feel safe like there's nothing I want. I'm not like, trying to manipulate people into, you know, like, getting anything. So there's no. There's no pressure or anything. And people. Women aren't used to that. They're used to every guy they date has an agenda with them and is pushing for things. So when someone's not. They're like, what the hell's going. What is. What is this guy's deal is even, you know, so it's like an interesting thing when it. When there's no pressure there. But what I'm. What I'm recognizing inside of myself is the ability for me to lean into those uncomfortable conversations to express that is something that I'm just now coming more and more comfortable with as time goes on. It's actually expressing the truth of it. And that's. Honestly, I'm not saying that's for everybody. So, like, that's probably how the guy felt for everybody. But I think a lot of times it's probably an excuse because it's easier to say I'm focused on my business and it's me than it is to say it's a thing. It's just not compatible. It hurts a little bit less. And the thing I've been doing my best not to do recently is in. It's still something I'm working on, but it's like communicating more. It's just that how often are you supposed to communicate? Like every time if you go on a date, you're like, hey, I think that, you know, maybe we'll go on a date. Maybe there's another date option here and maybe it gets deeper. But I'm not completely feeling you. Like, how, how honest do you have to be? Right? But there is like a certain bar that I'm setting within myself where I'm like, I want to be direct because I think, I think that avoiding tension is a disservice to both parties because it also keeps their energy tied up. But also to be honest, it's a form of manipulation. Right? It's like I subconsciously, I'm not overtly trying to manipulate, but it's like, I don't want you to feel pain. So here's what I'm. And I don't want to feel the pain of disappointing you. So I'm going to kind of dance around this and be as, you know, be this way. So that's my, my lesson from this, speaking as somebody that has done this, is that it just honestly wasn't the right person. And that would kind of feel uncomfortable for me to say that. But what I'm learning to do is learning to be more honest. Not in a mean way, like, you're the problem. And there's nothing like, like literally, like, it just, I don't feel this is going to go anywhere. I don't feel that kind of long term connection and I don't want to waste your time and I want to be direct with you. And then I think if a man's watching this, you at least give that woman an experience of somebody that's actually expressing from a safe space that direct energy. So, and then maybe that's a good reference experience for the other person. Not that you need to fix them and you need to give them that to reframe their view of the masculine. However, that's kind of where I'm at right now, where I'm being very honest, where when I'm dating someone, I don't have to feel the pressure to make it like, keep it lasting or to turn into a relationship. Like, I just had to be very honest about up front. And that sometimes is more challenging than others, you know, especially when you don't want to hurt someone's feelings or when you do feel like I, this person I do feel a connection to, I just don't feel it's going to turn into that. And when she's looking for reassurance that this is probably where it's going, I can't lie. I can't say, yeah, this is where it's going, and I'm not going to lie. To then, like, continue, you know, to. To. To have that relationship dynamic keep going even in the way that it is. So the breakthrough for me has been to actually express how I feel, to actually express where I'm at and to kind of, like, realize that whatever tension this person experiences, I. It's not my job to mitigate it. Maybe this helps the person, like, by having a safe, you know, conversation with the masculine that's direct. Maybe that then it reflects something back to them that they say, you know what? I want to go find somebody that does choose me or something, you know, like, because you're gonna have to say no to the person that's not choosing you to then say yes to the person that does choose you. But a lot of people, I think, are not addicted, but they are used to the dopamine spikes of the story of am I good enough? So you choose people that never are really gonna choose you because it reaffirms that emotion we've been talking about since the beginning of the episode about this subconscious goal of not being chosen feels familiar. So it's like, that's the familiarized energy. So the goal is maybe the way you choose yourself is by accepting that this relationship dynamic, you don't have to, like, beg for someone's attention. You don't need them to come around. Just, like, subconsciously you might be trying to get dad or mom to come around. That's where it gets. Like, you can. There's layers to it. But as I guess, as on behalf of the masculine, my commitment isn't towards expressing this more and being direct and upfront and I guess not holding it back or not keeping things going that aren't, like, not just keeping it around just to ease tension, I guess. So. My guess is sometimes in that situation, it may have just been an excuse to avoid vulnerability and because if. If it was the right person and you. They did feel that way, it doesn't matter. If they're in their business and they have everything figured out, it wouldn't matter. That's the. That's silly, right? Like, if I met somebody that I felt that deep of a connection with, I wouldn't be like, well, I'm not running live events consistently five, you know, five times a month right now. So you're not, I'm sorry, I'm busy and it's not the right time. If that was the right person for me and I felt that connection, I would, no, no doubt about it, be like, I'm busy right now, but this is, this I'm, I'm though they would know, they would know that I'm pursuing them or I want something like, you know, like, I, I, I desire that deeper connection. They would know, you know. So I think it's more of a lesson for people to, to, to say no to someone and to accept that someone else may not be in that, you know, that energy. And by saying no to them, you say yes to other options. And a lot of times what can happen too is when you say no to that energy and you, you come at acceptance with that, you may then get in your own frame and then that person may come back, but you're not doing it to get them back. But a lot of times that energy can switch around. When you start putting the energy back in yourself and you stop wanting to see it on the external, well, thank.

You for the integrity in that. Because I do feel, when I understand, like men actually are really sensitive to women's feelings. They don't want to hurt a woman, so they're trying to kind of tiptoe around it of like, I just have so much going on. I still have trauma to work through or I still have this because I do believe that is also happening. But it's like, when are you going to have a point in your life that you don't have a lot going on that isn't something. There's always going to be something, you know, that's taking over every person on Earth, space. And what I've seen happen in, like, relationships is the ones that actually work are the ones that it's like, despite everything happening. And it's often like in the craziest time of your life where there's so much going on and you meet this person and it's like, I am not going to let this opportunity go.

Yeah.

And there's something that, like, I feel especially as a feminine, we so yearn for that, like, that feeling of feeling, like, chosen, you know, and that feeling of like, I don't have it figured out and this might be messy, but I want to be with you no matter what.

Right.

But the thing is, there's really only like one person that's going to feel that way around you. And I feel as women, sometimes our shadows is we want everyone to feel like that around us, you know, so we're like, he. He doesn't like me, him, you know, and it's like, well, not everyone is going to fully choose you because you're designed. And, you know, I kind of do believe in, like, soulmates and twin flames. I'm a little bit more of a romantic, but I do believe there are certain people that like, your souls will know each other. And whether it is a karmic dance or a dharmic dance, like, that just takes time to figure out. But you, you must be in each other's lives. And love of life. Relationships I've had, it's always been that. It's always just been like, like a knowing of like. And. And there's always been stuff going on in both of our lives, but it's just like. And oftentimes that person is like the missing link in that big obstacle that you're going through, that. Whether it's through their partnership, through, you know, where they bring you in in this life, it's often that very thing, that source. I feel like God loves us through that person. You know, God presents this person that can alleviate some of the, like, burden that we're holding onto, like, through that love. And. And so I think that that concept that we need to be like, have space in our lives and be healed and be ready and like, all of these things, like, it's a great thing to reach for.

Right?

You know, but we're always going to be reaching for it, you know? And yeah, I do. Like, I've heard people say, like, in feng shui, they're like, clear up space in your closet for your partner. Have you heard?

I think that's such bullshit.

Yeah, it's like I was like going through my costume closet. I was like, let me move some pink boas for him. But at the same time, when I did my rose dieta, the 10 days of Sanskrit with the rose, it was like, it showed me my apartment. And it's like, okay, you can stay in this, like, pretty pink apartment forever, but it's like, these are walls. You're like Rapunzel in her castle where, like, you don't even see anyone, you know? And it's like, for you to like, even be able to meet people, like, you need to also be able to let go of some of the comforts. And I guess sometimes, especially when we get so deep in our spiritual journey, it's like, I have my alive spring water. I've got my vibration plates. I got everything I need. I don't need to leave. I know you're like that too. And it's like sometimes it's like you gotta do that clearing of house and that letting go to allow that new energy to come. And like, I'm so committed to love as like the calling of my life that it's like I'm willing to live anywhere for true love. And I feel like that higher level of attuning to the frequency of love is dropping a lot of the preferences that we pick up along the way.

Right.

You know, because preferences are still resistances and they're still coming from the ego, which is trying to say this, this, like, even the word want, I want a partner who says I want, that I want. Anytime I capture myself saying the word want, it's like, don't want.

Right.

You know, because it's. It's again, it's this manipulation, it's this greed, it's this yearning, it's this reach. And it's like instead resonate at the frequency of love and, like, see who shows up and just be open to the mystery of this experience that I feel. Love has its own intelligence and its own design. It's like a living force. And. And, you know, it works through the synergies between people. And, you know, if we're so in our heads around like, the. Is this a trauma? Is this a. This is that. It's like. Well, you know, and I see a lot of spiritual people do end up alone for the rest of their lives, you know, because we get so in this overanalyzing mode.

Right.

So. Yeah. I love that you shared about that.

Yeah. Thank you. Yeah. I think it's. Spirituality in general can be way more simple than we make it, but it's like too much awareness. It's good to be aware. It's good to be aware of patterns and stuff like that. But where I see people get caught up is if you imagine you have an energy field around your body, which we all do, and you imagine that the accumulative thoughts, feelings and emotions and actions you take go into the patterns around your body. And imagine you're just always looking for your inner child trauma. You're always looking for the next pattern. You're always going into your past. You're always doing inner child healing meditation. You're always looking at your attachment style, and you're just never satisfied. It's not good enough. I'm not there yet. I'm not completely healed.

And it's like, I'm your number one subscriber, Aaron.

Right. But it's like if you think of the wholeness, like are you patterning the system, the energy field for wholeness, or are you patterning it for like, I'm not good enough. I'm in this, like this self development trap, the healing trap. I will find the right relationship once all my patterns are healed. But what people miss is that healing is a process. It's not going to stop once you get into the ideal relationship. It's not going to stop once you're doing your purpose full time or you're, you're in the perfect expression for the moment of how you want to be expressing yourself with your, your business. It's an ongoing process where there's always layers to it. So if we allow ourselves to enjoy the process and to also open up to the divine, allow the divine to flow through, allow God the universe, whatever name we want to give it, show us the unknown. That's where magic really happens. It's just that we're so often tied to the comfort of the control of. I visualized it. And because I visualized it, I will then experience it because I visualize it once I know what I can expect and then I'm waiting to visualize it. And then that certainty is what people are addicted to. Because I want the unknown. But as long as it's what I visualized or you know, and it could be way better than we even imagined. But I think sometimes it becomes a block where people are, become so familiarized with not feeling spiritually awake enough, not feeling high, vibrational enough, not feeling healed enough. And that dissatisfaction with not acknowledging how far you've come primes your energetic field for more, more, more drama, more patterns of, of discontent which attracts to you more people that resonate with that frequency. So the vibration of wholeness, the vibration of love, the vibration of unity comes from acceptance of yourself. Acceptance of other people comes from being present, having fun, along the process. Sometimes spiritual people, they are so serious about their spiritual development that they're not having fun anymore. They're just trying to find the inner child thing with the magnifying glass in their past. And they're just talking to every person they're around, like, what's this pattern? Can you hold space for this? Let's breathe together. Like, thank you for holding space. It becomes this, this heavy, heavy energy. And it's like it's, it doesn't have to be that complicated. You can enjoy the process, you can have fun and you can really commit to the process. It's a process. The relationship is going to be, it's going to be a process of healing. The purpose that you have is going to be a process of more embodiment and more abundance and all of that. But you have to come from a place of tapping into the energy that's in your field now, because ultimately, whatever we want is already in the field, just awaiting our focus of it, our embodiment of it, our choice of it. And that's where people go wrong a lot of times, because they're trying to change their field using the power of their mind instead of using the power of their heart. And I think that's something for people to really understand. If you just mind heart coherence, you focus on connecting that energy together, your energy field will expand, you'll feel more in alignment. But activating your heart energy will do more for you than just finding the inner child. You know, the inner child energy, which can be beneficial, but people overdo it a lot of times by trying to find every little thing from childhood which recreates it over and over again. And there's power in just enjoying the process, having fun, committing to that, understanding that it's already in your field. You just have to give yourself a reason to feel it now through focus and awareness.

Ah, Erin, thank you for that vulnerable share. I notice a lot in your field. Would you like me to hold some space for you?

Yes, please do. Oh, I feel so seen. This is all I needed.

You are loved. You are appreciated.

Thank you.

The power in me.

Yeah. Namaste.

But it's. It's so true. I mean, it's like. And that's the beauty of this. And. And what I catch myself doing, a lot of spiritual men do, is we're like, our partners are not spiritual enough. Watch Aaron's videos. This is the trauma. This is the. And then we don't like the results, right? We're like, buck, I miss the old him, you know, and that's our own inner rescuer. And it's like, really sit with that because it's like you fell in love with this person for a reason, you know? And I think we all can see people's, like, potential, you know, but it's like, we don't even know if it's gonna go that direction, right? You know, it's like you might push someone on their spiritual, spiritual journey, and they decide, I'm gonna be polyamorous now. And it's like, shit. You know, it's like. And maybe that's just what was meant to be, but I just feel like, let. Let God let source like communicate people's spiritual journeys for them.

Right.

You know, and. And ours too. I think the biggest one for spiritual people is control.

Yeah.

Letting go of control. Control of your partner, control of the relationship, control of how it's supposed to be. Because that is actually the thing that's, like, making all of us collectively sick. That, like, I feel maybe the person who's like, not on their spiritual journey but, like, yeah, goes with the flow, is maybe embodying the principles of it more than this. The spiritual person who needs everything, you know, maybe.

Maybe they're in their life because. And you want to control and change them, and they're in your life to let go of the control and to surrender. And that's the funny thing about being magnetic is you can't try to be magnetic. Right? Like, the harder you try to be magnetic, the less magnetic you are. Being magnetic comes as a result of surrendering to the present moment and also understanding why do you even want to be magnetic? Because people that want to be magnetic. What does that question imply? The question implies you want to be magnetic because you want people to validate and approve of you. You want to have this energy that other people want to be around. But why do you want that? What do those other people have that's going to help you feel different about yourself? So even questioning that and realizing you don't even really want to be magnetic to everybody, do you want to be a magnet to narcissists? Do you want to be magnetic to sociopaths? Do you want to be magnetic to, like, evil people? No. So you don't really just want to be magnetic to everybody. But. But the funny thing with being magnetic is the less you are trying to be magnetic, the more you detach from outcome, the more you live according to your own values, the more that you're in your own energy and enjoying your life because not of what it gets. You can't be magnetic to get something back. That's when you are the most magnetic. And you will also repel away people that don't resonate with that part of you. I'm really looking at this word of magnetic because I'm kind of changing my perspective on it because I have so many videos talking about being magnetic. But I really question, like, why do we even want to be magnetic? You know, and looking at that and being like, that's real freedom is when you don't need to be magnetic. You just trust that you're going to find the people that resonate with the real you. When you're Being the real you, and you're going to repel away the people that don't resonate with the real you. But being magnetic is like this idea that just. That implies validation and approval. But, like, if you don't need the validation approval, then you don't need to be magnetic. And then you are magnetic.

I feel that. Yeah. And the only way, first of all, when I think of the word magnetic, like, I think of, like, the Beatles, everyone was flocking to them.

Right.

Do you want to live like that? That every single person is flocking to you, like you said?

Right.

The narcissist, the sociopath. And then also, like, the only way to then be, like, magnetic to your people is to be repulsive to the ones who aren't your people.

Right.

So I will share another. I'll share my vulnerable story. I matched with this NFL player, like Raya. I had not met him in person. We were just texting. I was in Guatemala at the time, and we were texting. Whatever. I told him I was in Guatemala. He's like, oh, that's so interesting. And then I was like, you know, let me just send him some videos of the volcano and stuff. He's like, wow, so cool. And then the next day, he's like, oh, what are you up to? I sent pictures with the fire ceremony with the indigenous people, and we're like, chanting to our wounds. He never replied. And I was like, perfect. Because if he's not down with me being a witch, like, this is not gonna work out. He was probably like, jesus, I repent for my sins. You know? But it was like, the only way for me to attract the person who's into that is to show that. And it's like. So I pulsed him away. I'm sorry I can't get you tickets to the NFL game, but, you know. But I like to let my inner freak flag show earlier on.

Yeah.

Because it's like, then the people who are drawn to that will find me sooner and the people who aren't, it's like, like, what's the point in playing this game? I'm not trying to magnetize someone who wants a basic.

Right. Yeah. Thank you for sharing that very vulnerable story. I'm happy to hold space for you.

But, yeah, I feel a big release from that one.

My favorite thing is when people say, do I have permission to share? That's like my favorite thing.

My favorite is when the eye gaze for a little too long.

Yeah. You're like, okay. And then it's like an intimacy game. It's like, how long can we hold eye contact?

Right. Because I'm more conscious than you are.

Yep.

I won't even bling right.

Yeah, that's scary.

I'm gonna do some little finger things while we do it. Oh, my God. I had this girl, she, like, saw me and she just, like, grabs my face. I was just like, is this, like, the new thing in the spiritual community? I'm like, your hands are cold.

Don't touch me. Like, that's like, an intrusion of privacy, though.

Somebody, she was like, you're so pretty.

Okay.

Feel like my inner people pleaser. Don't do anything.

It comes up. You're like, I will set boundaries.

Honestly, we're gonna look back at these times like, yo, that's. That spiritual community was fucking weird. What was going on?

I tried to not try to differentiate myself, but I, like, I don't even say if I take pride.

But now you're all tatted up and taking thirst traps. I mean, you've hit another.

What's my thirst trap?

You're back.

Oh, the back workout. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's okay. We all got.

What makes it funny is the Enya song okay?

I didn't notice the Enya song.

Yeah, you didn't notice the Enya song.

Is it that one?

It's the Time song.

How does that one go?

That's. I don't even know.

You have to sing it.

Everyone. Everyone knows that Enya song. The Time song by Enya.

Okay, we're gonna play.

We'll play it in the back.

Just kidding. So. Well, I'm glad. I'm sure. I know it got 25,000 views on your story, which is just insane. So you were very magnetic with that one.

He's talking about. There's this thing, and I don't even know if you need to explain it. Never mind.

What are we going to go into?

Just the Instagram story thing. How? Anytime. Like the hyperbaric chamber thing?

Yeah.

Crazy story view.

People love your.

I'm like, why? Why on Instagram do I post, like, this hyperbaric chamber thing? And it's just crazy. And we're like, what is going on with social media?

On Instagram, people are just interested in, like, what do you actually do?

Yeah.

To be magnetic.

Right.

They're like, it must. Oxygen chamber. Yeah.

I work out and listen to Enya thirst traps and take thirst traps. Exactly.

And get tatted. There you go. There's the formula. You heard it here first. Okay, well, where can people connect with you? Watch your YouTube videos and come to your live event events.

YouTube, Aaron Dowdy Instagram, Aaron Dowdy 44 and Aaron Dowdy.com live events haven't been posted yet, but there are some coming soon. I'll be doing like one day live events, I was just telling you. And then eventually later on in the year, probably mid next year, I'll be doing a three day transformational like meditation event. But anyways, the website, YouTube, Instagram, by.

The way, on YouTube I was manifesting true love and I looked up manifest true love. Meditation was your voice and I, I did it.

You told me that last time. That's my most popular video on YouTube. And what's crazy is not trying to brag or anything. It's got like, I don't know, like 7 or 10 million views. But so many people have attracted love using that. And my theory is that it's a thought form pendulum which we didn't get to. We won't get into it in this podcast. But basically it's like people get on this meditation, they read the comments. Literally people are like, I've been in a relationship for six years, I've married someone three years ago because of this meditation. Like read through the comments. It's bananas. But I think what happens is people read it and then they believe it and then they do the meditation and it gets. All the meditation does really is get them into their heart and then it's like they open up possibilities in the quantum field to attracting love. And it's crazy because. And you found the meditation told me, but like it's bananas. Sometimes I go through and just read the comments from people and it's like, that's what I think's happening. I think people are connecting to their heart. But also they believe by reading the comments it increases belief and then they like attract people in their life that reflect that back. So anyways, this is interesting.

I'm just going to play it more often. Read the comments.

I come over next time. It's on your tv.

It's on lube with Enya in the background. I think that's missing. Okay, perfect. Well, I will have all of his links below. Thank you so much for tuning in. I hope you enjoyed this episode. Be sure to subscribe so you can stay in the loop for future conversations. Share with me in the comments or in the podcast reviews. What other topics you would love for me to dive into. And as a free gift, I will send you my womb meditation. So all you got to do is leave a review or write what you'd like to me for me to discuss in the reviews. Take a screenshot and email it over to me@saharaimsaharrose.com youm can find that email and all the links mentioned today in the show. Notes. Thank you so much again for tuning in and I'll see you in the next one. Trust your intuition, Trust your inner wisdom. Trust your inner guidance. Close your eyes and listen. So trust your intuition, Trust your inner wisdom. Trust you in the guidance.