601: How To Open Your Voice, Express Yourself + Become Your Dream Girl with Bianca Quin

Have you noticed your voice has shifted and evolved as you've deepened into your spiritual path?

100%. I think getting in touch with my womb for the first time ever was really the most magic I've ever experienced.

The universe puts people on your path that will help you get to where you're meant to go. And this queen, you might know her music, Quinn. I literally get emotional talking about it because the way that I met her was so serendipitous. Had to leave Bali early. I don't even see who the girl next to me is because she has a blanket over her head until we land in Dubai and she takes off her blink, and then it's her.

I had faced my back to you because I was being a mean girl.

And you have the exact same tattoo in the exact same spot that I'm about to get tomorrow. You flip over. We have the exact same hairstyle of the same braids.

I don't think you know this, but a few days later, a lot of.

Women listening right now, they're wanting to step into that true priestess dream girl frequency. But they're like, where do I even start?

I've always started with space. I noticed that I am the most in communion with my highest self when I am.

Welcome back to the Highest Self podcast. My name is Sahar Rose, and on this podcast, I love to talk about spirituality, but make it modern, fun, and grounded and relatable so it can actually serve your needs, especially for those of us taking the path of the Divine Feminine. What is the divine, Divine Feminine, you ask? Well, you probably already know if you're here, but let me just recap it a little bit, because I feel like even my understanding of it evolves. So the divine Feminine is to honor your full expression. It is to allow beauty to be part of your spiritual path, and rather than renunciate everything and to only meditate on top of the mountain and just become one with the universe. Instead. You're like, with all the things. You're adorning your body like a goddess. You are with community. You are with art, with music, with system sisters sitting in ritual and ceremony, howling at the moon, dancing under the stars, swimming in the ocean, frolicking with the fairies in the forest. If I am speaking your language right now, you are on the path of the Divine Feminine. And she calls you. So this has been my journey, started with yoga and, you know, was in Bali doing yoga every single day and found a group of belly dancers, and I traded my little yoga shorts for a black skirt and Started moving my hips, and I'm like, that is my spiritual pathway right there. And here we are over 10 years later. So I've been doing this podcast for eight years now. Hundreds and hundreds of episodes and guests. But I really love to bring my personal soul fam, my besties, people who see me behind the lens and have been pivotal in my path. And today, you're going to be hearing from one. So I will bring you back to the end of 2022. Right now, I just got divorced unexpectedly, found out about infidelity in my marriage, and I was like, fuck. Like, life over. And so I went to Egypt and I just died. And then I went to Bali, and I healed, and later went to Trinidad and twerked, which is my version of Eat, Pray, Love. But while in Bali, just going so deep into my own healing, I met this queen. And we'll share the story of how we met. And it was really like, I feel like the universe put space people on your path that will help you get to where you're meant to go and are meant to be allies to support you, but you don't realize it while it's happening. And this queen you're going to hear from today, you might know her music. Quinn was that little fairy put on my path. And our story is insane. We'll be sharing it. And she's someone that really. I mean, I will say that a part of the reason why I'm an artist today is because of this woman today here. And I literally get emotional talking about it because the way that I met her was so serendipitous. And it showed me that oftentimes we feel like we need to be in a relationship with who we want to become. Right? Like, the people we're attracted to were like, oh, I want to be successful. We're attracted to successful men. I want to be an artist. We're attracted to artist men. I want to be free in my schedule. We're attracted to men who travel all the time. I want to be more spiritual. Attracted to spiritual men. And. And I was in that place as well. And then through meeting her and Spirit kind of aligning our paths together and her being an artist, it showed me that it was possible for me to be an artist. And it wasn't this, like, complicated thing that was, like, so far away, but it's actually just a frequency that you step into, and it's being your own dream girl, being the living embodiment of that and not waiting for a relationship to help you get somewhere. And before we drop into this episode. Be sure to hit subscribe wherever you're listening to this podcast. That is the best way to stay up to date on the latest episodes. We've got this in video format, so if you're just hearing my voice, be sure to also watch our fabulous outfits on video as well on Spotify, YouTube or the Apple Store. This is the best way to stay in the flow with future conversations and also allows the podcast to reach more people. So hit subscribe so I can keep vibing with you on all future episodes. Now let's get into this one. So, without further ado, let's welcome Bianca, AKA Quinn, to the Highest Self podcast. And since her voice just says it all, I would love to invite you in with a song.

Okay.

Enter heaven who remember you came from here oh, I just to see your pretty faces here look follow the signs it's all about the timing and what you deprive is all in alignment without your design Then you could relieve it or you could die and then repeated choose wise or just face your fate But I wanna get to the golden gates of love but things have been hard on us Hard on us Things have been hard on us yeah and they've been hard on earth so whoa how you want to do it how you want to do it how you want to do it how you want it to it There's a billion ways to do it do it, do it how you want to do it all I'm trying to heal up the world the boys and the girls and the timing is now We've been lost and been found I came with the light yeah to light up our lives and we heal up the world oh, heavens. You heard.

That'S called heaven on earth and it is not out yet. Wow.

Just blown away by your voice, your artistry. So I wanted to share a bit of the story of how we met, because I feel like that kind of drops us in. So, like, I shared, I was in Bali, deep in my own healing. And why were you in Bali?

I was doing the same. I was at a yoga retreat and I was super immersed in it. But there was some underlying things going on with me that I found out later that it just made it a deeper experience. I was basically experiencing an ectopic pregnancy the whole time, and I don't mind sharing that at all. And so while it was in there, I was, like, suffering. I had, like, this crazy skin rash. I was going through stuff. Emotionally, I was just getting through life. And I was so far away from home. And we Met on one of the last.

And can you share what is an ectopic?

Yeah, we all should be more aware of this. An ectopic pregnancy is when you actually have a fertilized baby inside, not your uterus. So, like, somewhere else, like, mine happened to be in my fallopian tube, and I didn't have any symptoms besides this crazy random burning skin rash. But all that to say I needed to get out of the house. I needed to get out of the retreat that I was in and just have a normal night. And we ended up at this jam night.

It was like a kirtan kind of thing. My friend and I just decided to go, and every table was taken, and my friend was like, well, let's just go sit with these random people. I'm like, we can't. They're like a yoga retreat. Like, we can't just go sit at their table. And she's just really bold, and she's like, hey, can we sit here? And you guys were like, sure. And I think you were, like, in the bathroom or something. Yeah.

Like, this is what happened. I actually. So we had a clear table, just me and my friend Claire and I get up to go to the bathroom, but when I come back, there was a bunch of people, and, like, you happened to be sitting, like, next to me. Mind you, I was moody. I was, like, in my feelings, and I was like. I was just good. Like, what. Who's all these people sitting next to me now? And then I felt this energy where it was like, be nice. Share space. Be good. And so I was like, okay, fine. And we sit down. And then I had faced my back to you because I was being a mean girl. And so I was like this. Yeah, I was watching those.

Your back was to me. I didn't even see your face. But I was.

You saw my tattoo.

The next day was the day, my last day in Bali, and I was going to get a tattoo to signify the lessons that I. I've learned through this divorce. Specifically, I was going to get the eye of Horus, which is seeing the unseen and really, like, the. The feminine and integrating your shadow within. So I'm saying next year, I only see your back, and you have the exact same tattoo in the exact same spot that I'm about to get tomorrow. So I poke on your back, and I'm like, I'm about to get that same tattoo. You flip over. We have the exact same hairstyle of the same braids. We, like, look alike. And I'm like, hey. And you're like, oh, cool. And that's it. Like, that's all that we spoke. And so I'm sharing this because I feel like a lot of scene synchronicities. It's like God puts people on your path, but then if you don't really talk, God just keeps.

I don't think you know this, but after, like, a few days later. Well, when did you end up leaving Bali? Like a few days later.

Exactly.

Yeah. So right before we left, I had this fiasco of a day where I, like, left my atm, the card in the atm. I was just going through it so bad out here. And so I'm like walking back and forth and I walk by this cafe and. And I remember just clocking you. I was like, oh, that's that girl from the jam night. Random. And continued on. Then I end up being like, you know what? I need to change my flight. I need to go home as soon as I'm finished with this. I was supposed to stay two weeks later. Thank God I didn't. I could have lost my life. But I ended up being like, let's book a flight back home early. Had to pass through Dubai, booked it. I'm done. I got my certificate, I'm out. And you did the same.

Do you see yourself one day starting a podcast, writing books, speaking on stages?

She.

Sharing your message with the world. But the thing is, you are afraid that you're not a good enough speaker yet. Maybe you're inspired by people like me and Gabby Bernstein and, you know, you have it within yourself too, but you just don't know where to start. Well, I have gotten this question so many times, and this is why I've created my speak with soul 21 day method. This guides you from awkward to confident speaker in just three weeks time. I guide you through daily prompts, practices, and share all of the wisdom that I have learned as a professional speaker, podcaster, author, and someone who literally makes a living sharing my voice as well as through music, and how you can too, in your own unique way. So the testimonials from Speak with Soul are insane. I have seen people literally be hired to host their own radio shows. Hundreds of people start their own podcast, create YouTube channels, IG Live series, get book deals, the list goes on. So whether you want to professionally share your voice or just get better in conversation and connection and just feel more confident in what you say and not feel like you're so in your head and release any fears or hesitations you have around the way that your voice sounds and its pitch well, this course covers all of it. So it's just 10 minute daily videos for 21 days that I promise you, if you follow this process, you will be a complete, completely other person on the other side. Because truth is, when is the last time you spent any time on your speaking? For most of us, it was like maybe a awkward speech in high school and we never touched it again. So speaking is the way that we communicate with the world. It's the most important thing we can do. It's the way that we get our message across. And I know if you're listening to this podcast, you have a really important message to share because regular people don't listen to this podcast. So if you're feeling the call, come join me in Speak with Soul. I have a special 25% off discount for you listed below. So head over to the Show Notes or over to speak with soul course.com that speakwithsoulcourse.com to receive the 25% off right now. And you can also find that link in the Show Notes. I'm so excited to hopefully be on your podcast. So I was supposed to leave Bali like around two weeks later as well. And we had a mastermind, like in person immersion that was like, scheduled before. And I was like, I can't do it. I'm distraught. There's no way I can teach. And my co founders were like, we need you to be there. And I was like, so I had to change my flight and, you know, going back to la, the way that makes sense is to stop in China and then, and then go to la. But I had booked it on Emirates, so I needed to go basically through the other side of the world, stop in Dubai and then la, which just makes no sense. So I was like, okay, fine. Had to leave Bali early and then sat on the plane. And I'm just sitting on the plane. I don't even see who the girl next to me is because she has a blanket over her head the whole time. We did not talk the whole flight until we land in Dubai and she takes off her blanket and it's her. And I'm like, hey, I think we like sat next to each other, like the restaurant.

Damn.

Night. Yeah. What the heck was like, okay, you two need to talk. Yeah.

I felt it. It was like, just play with her. She's cool. Play with her. Be nice. And I'm like, okay, fine.

And we had like six hours or something in Dubai and there was the lounge there with so much good food.

So we got to have breakfast together. Our first meal together.

So we start talking and I'm like telling you about like, attachment styles and this and that and human design and.

This and reading me.

Yeah. And you were telling me about your relationship and I was like, wow, that's so inspiring the way that you guys, like, support each and living your dharmas. And then I mentioned like, this singer that I had been listening to that I had a very big crush on as well. And you were like, oh, I know him. And I was like, what? And that to me was like, okay, you need to talk to this girl. Like, for real, for real now. Like, it was like Spirit knew that was the thing. That was the thing to really make sure I kept you in my life. And then so we were just vibing, talking about so many things, so many synchronicities. And we're like, let's get together in la. And you know, a lot of times, you know, say that and you don't. And then I was invited to this like, goddess jewelry night thing. And I invited you. And I know that you had majorly gone through it, but you decided to come.

Yeah. And that was the first. So we didn't talk for like, like almost a month. And that month went by and everything happened as soon as I got home, like, found out I was pregnant. Found out that it was a. Nevermind pregnancy. I had to go get an emergency surgery. Went through a lot. I was healing, healing, healing. And then you just happened to ask me to come out. And I felt like, you know what? Because of all the serendipitousness between us, I don't know if that's a word, I was like, I'm supposed to go and I need to tell someone what I've been going through, you know?

Yeah. And we also had like the same human design and like so many creatures.

Projectors. Yeah, all that stuff. So I was like, there's no way I'm not going to go. We don't talk every day. Let me go. So I got out. It was like my first night going out. And I went out and I really just went to see you and like, tell you, like, hey, there's some crazy stuff going on.

And then I remember it was this goddess jewelry thing. And there was Sekhmet there.

Sekhmet was everywhere this month. Like, everywhere. Books in the corner of my eye in a random cafe, like, everywhere she was. And at the very end of that night when I told you, I was like, sekhmet's been following me around, like. And I learned not only is she, like, the goddess of war, the goddess of the healers, all that stuff. She's also, like, the goddess of the doctors and surgeons. So I felt really like. Just. I felt like she's always been a part of my journey, and I feel like she was highlighting herself a lot more during that time. And so when I saw you, I was like, sekhmet's been around. And I just was very grateful that I can have those conversations so easily. It's not like a who. What? You know, I was, like, just relieved. And then after that convo, when we went our separate ways and I was on my way out, I was like, you know what? Let me get a video of this jewelry. Because, like, I didn't even look at it before that. And I look, and on my way out, there's a big segment, like pendant. And I was like, well, okay. Well, I'm right where I'm supposed to be. Love you. And then I left because I had.

Just gone back from Egypt, and I think I mentioned to you, I was like, oh, I know this teacher, Isis, who teaches about Egyptian cosmology, and that's it. And then a few months later, two months later, I was just really craving to dive deeper into Egyptian cosmology. And so I hit up Isis, and she's like, yeah, let's set up, like, a group. Like, you can bring a couple friends, and we'll dive in for a full week into, like, the Netaru, you know, the goddesses and the rituals. And then you were one of the first people I thought of, like, she needs to be there. And that was the next time we saw each other going on this, like, Egyptian Nevada City version of Nevada City.

And it was beautiful. And because of that, I was able to sign up to study with her in the Academy of Oracle Arts. So it really has, like, been a big part of my journey.

And. Yeah, and then so many interweavings since then. We went to Portugal together, and, I mean, we're all. We were in Guatemala together, and, you know, just diving deep into womb wisdom and, like, everything. And so what I want to speak into and what I feel your gift in my life has been is, like, really being the dream girl, really stepping into that frequency. And I remember, you know, you were an artist, and that wasn't even on my mind. Like, I was a dj, but I never thought about making my own music. And then just witnessing you, like, oh, yeah, I'm gonna make a music video. And you just, like, make them on your phone. You would just set up a camera and, like, Edit it yourself. And it would be so simple and the way that you would just like make your own clothes. Like you take a scarf and now it's a. It's a skirt, and now it's this and now it's that. And just like such a set of sweaty, you know, like such a deity of creativity. And I feel that that showed me that it was possible because I realized that the crush I had on the artist was because I wanted to, deep down inside, embody my inner artist. But I didn't know how. And I. A lot of women, we learn how to like, source from the outside, right? Of like, well, I don't know how to get there. So let me get into a relationship or something to help get there. And I feel spirit put you in my path to show me that. Like, no, you don't need that at all. And also I remember one of the first things that really inspired me were just these photo shoots you would take of yourself and you would be like decked out in these like gold, like chains and coins and, and showing your body. And I was like, you know, coming out of a relations with like an Arab man, like, you couldn't do that. It would just create so much conflict. And I was like, wow, now I'm single and free and I can like express myself however I want. And I remember like asking you, I'm like, where is this gold goddess jewelry from? And you shared it with me. And I feel just like having you as like an example of like pure feminine expression is like so much of why I was able to find that within myself. So I want to like, give you so much love and shout you out.

Thank you. That's so sweet to hear. And also the jewelry is Laurel street drip. If you ever wanted to deck yourself out some drippy drips. That's super cool to know though. And I love when you remind me of that because sometimes I need that reminder as well for myself, you know, because it's very DIY over here. It's fun. But.

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I've always started with space. So like I noticed that I am the most in communion with my best highest self when I am having the space to talk out loud to myself because I'm able to take my thoughts out of my brain and like map it out and on a map that I can see clearly. And also I think my spirit enjoys the time alone with me. So I like to always start with if you're just feeling completely lost, there's nowhere to go but up. Just give yourself some space. Whether it's in your room, in nature, somewhere that you can just be free and start to really talk out loud. That's what's always helped me. Always, always.

Another thing you've really shown me is your ability to be alone. And that was something that was really hard for me coming out of a marriage, you know, where you're always living with someone. Before that I was in a long term relationship. And what advice do you have for people who are listening to this and like being alone is confronting? They're noticing that they want to like you know, call an ex or voice note someone. They just can't really sit in that aloneness.

I mean that you have to make a commitment. It's either you, you want to go through the threshold of that fear or that uncomfort or you don't and you never really will know. And for me I'm such a curious person that even if it didn't feel good, I just knew that eventually it would if I practice being uncomfortable. So if that's what gives me the uncomfort then I know I have to push through farther. So I would suggest to sit in that uncomfort as well and see how far you can go until finally you're able to enjoy your own company. Because that to me is. I mean, then you, you're traveling alone and you're enjoying it and you're, you're not full of anxiety. Like, that's so fun. It's so freeing. It's so fun. And I feel like my spirit as my company is the most fun. And it's, it's silly and it's whatever I want to make it.

Yeah, I feel like it's like getting through those like baseline emotions that are there when we're alone. It's like, why do we not want to be alone? Well, we don't like how we feel, you know? And it's like, whether it is that loneliness or the sadness or the anger or the grief, it's like you gotta just get through it, you know? And then on the other side is that ability to like, love your aloneness. And I feel that is the missing link for so many women because we're not comfortable with being alone, that we would rather get into a situationship, you know, whatever we can get than be on our own. And I feel like you're someone who embodies this, you know. So for people who find themselves, maybe they're in like situationships or relationships that they're not fully met. How can they reclaim their power?

Take a step back again. I feel like my curiosities has been able to lead the way. So if I'm doing that, if I'm distracting myself, I'm always more curious than I am wanting to distract myself as to like, why am I doing this? And I like to sit and analyze my feelings and my thoughts and my emotions and the story of how I even got there. So I would just say to find curiosity for yourself and you know, explore those parts of you that you may never have before because the distractions will always be there, you know, it's not, it's. That's the easy part. So be curious enough to do the harder thing, you know.

So another thing you really embody is expression and sharing your voice. And I feel like a lot of people listening, they want to share their voice, whether it's speaking, just communicating and singing. What was your journey like of finding your voice?

Good question. Because I grew up extremely painfully shy. I didn't like pictures being taken of me. I didn't like speaking to strangers. I didn't like it. My parents would force me to like, order my own food. I would rather not eat. It was like that. Thank God that they like kept being like, you know, then you're not going to eat. I'm like, okay, fine, you know? But I got into a community where I was singing in a choir. I was always singing in a choir. But when I got to high school, that's kind of where I built friends within my choir. I think earlier in elementary when I was singing at my church choir, it was kind of like, I'm singing, I'm harmonizing, I secretly love it, but no one knows. And then I go off and I, like, live my life, but I don't make friends here. When I got to high school, though, I did make friends. And so I was able to share my voice a little bit easier. And then I was able to realize, wow, I really can sing. I should do something about this. But still too shy to really sing in front of people that wasn't in my class. And then one time my teacher forced me and I was in a trio and I had to sing this song from fame called Out Here on My Own. And I had my little part, I had my moment. And it was the first time that my actual classmates that were not in choir were able to like, the whole school heard me sing. It was like this full on moment and I was like, okay, I like this feeling. I'm gonna put it in my pocket. I wanna like feel that again. And so then when I grew up a little bit more, like graduated from high school, I started to, like, not have so many friends to sing with. And I just remember that feeling. And I remember being like, it was actually more like when I moved to West Oakland and I had my own room and I had my own space and I was taking a break from school when I realized I have this really crazy fear to sing in front of people. But I love to sing and I don't understand why. And I really, like, I quit college before I got to do my speech final. Like, that's how much I didn't want to talk in front of people. And talking is a whole nother thing. But exercising my voice in general was very hard for me, no matter how much I love to sing in my closet or with my friends. And it wasn't until I was able to have that moment alone and analyze those fears in mine where I was like, so what's the issue? Like, why am I so deathly afraid of seeing? It's not like normal fear. It's not like just a little uncomfortable. It's like, very hard for me. And that curiosity came up, and I started just looking at it in a different way. So I told myself, okay, if this is what it is, then, and I want to do something about this, and I want to delete this fear. I want to be empowered by this fear, then I need to sing more. I need to just do it more. I need to be uncomfortable, which goes back to what we were saying in the first place. Like, I just need to sit in that until I don't feel it anymore. And so I told myself, I'll give you a decade. You have a decade. Every single time someone asks you to sing, just say yes instead of no. Because I would run from it. Family, friends. Oh, Bianca sings. Sing something. I'd be like, oh, my. I just hated it so much. And I'm like, how come my sisters can just be like, okay, and just, like, sing a little song for the family? But for me, I'm like. Like, I tighten up so bad. I realized that it wasn't a normal fear. It was, like, a fear that had the keys to my destiny if I were to just be able to unlock it. And it taught me so much about fears in general. I was like, oh, my God, they are the keys. If only we could be brave enough to face them. So I just decided to make a bet, like I said. And then everywhere, all of a sudden, I became this, like, magnet of the bet that I put on myself. And everyone's like, oh, Bianca sings. I'm, like, at a random, like, work party, and people are, like, asking me, and I just decided to do it. And every single time, I was uncomfortable, but I would get over it a little bit more. It would become a little bit easier. And then eventually, I moved home, and I got with some writers from a college friend. A college friend of mine put us together, and I just started, like, weaving into this world of music, and I was uncomfortable, and I still did it anyways. And that really just helped me to, like, face my fear, you know? Then you're facing the fear of writing amongst other writers where, like, that could be uncomfortable, too, and it's still a form of expressing yourself, you know? And that's. That, I think, is the fear in general is, like, being vulnerable. And I just kept doing, and I kept being uncomfortable, but I knew it was for the right reasons, and I was able to start to perform, and I knew that I had to, like, then go into a deeper practice with that. It's like, all right, now that I'm singing in front of people, I have to work on my stage presence. And, like, all these fears started getting met, and. And 10 years later, I just didn't care anymore. Thank God. I was happy that I. That I put myself through those challenges because I would just be small.

Still, isn't it so crazy that the thing you had the most fears around was your greatest gift?

It was my greatest gift. So that's why I'm saying, like, explore your fears in a good way, because it is the keys to your destiny. I really do believe that.

And it's crazy because you would think, well, obviously you're very gifted with your voice, that it would be like, damn, if I had a voice like yours, I'd be. I wouldn't even talk. I would just sing to everyone. I would just, like. I feel like a lot of people, though, hate the sound of their own voice.

Yeah. And that's another thing. So singing, I can hide behind a melody, but to be able to practice, like. Like a poet, for example, my sister. My sister, Blair Myers, she's so inspiring to me because she just reads her poems. And that's another level of unlocking a fear of being vulnerable that I'm still exploring, like, even on this podcast now. You know, like, it came easier for me to sing and now, like, using my voice just to speak, because you do go through that part. But I. I enjoyed, like, listening. I used to sit on my mom's, like, laptop when I was in seventh grade and record all my phone conversations and stuff just to get used to my voice subconsciously. For some reason, I knew I needed to get used to that.

Like, have you ever seen that meme? That's like, when you're a kid and you're recording your voice to see if you got anything. Oh, me 100.

That was me, too. I used to call my prayer friend Stefan, like, and I would be singing Rihanna. He's like, oh, girl, you sound just like Riri.

I'm like, thank you.

But only he would get that. So, yeah, so funny.

It's funny how, like, we have to continue to bust through, like, new levels of expression because they become comfort zones. And then it's like, you. You know, it's like, probably you're like, okay, if I can just start singing, then I. Then I've made it to the other side of the fear. And now the next version of that fear is like, maybe you reading your poetry out loud, you being on podcasts, et cetera. And, like, for me, I was a writer, and I felt very comfortable writing, but to speak off the cuff I was like, no, I need to think of what I wanted to say before. Even when I started this podcast, the first couple, because there was no video back then on podcasts, I would write what I was going to say and read it off of that. Like, if you go back to my first episode, I was reading off of something, guys, you know, And I share this because it's, like, totally different to now that I, like, actually don't even like writing because it slows me down so much. But I needed to, like, move from. If I wanted to, to talk about what I was writing about. I needed to get comfortable, just, like, like, letting go of the training wheels, you know? And then the next edge was like, speaking on a stage. Like, how do you do that? And then, like, you know, it just continues to move. But then. And I've said this on the podcast, too, my biggest, biggest, biggest fear was definitely singing. Like, I was not gifted with a voice. And I will be honest with that. Like, I can do my cute little voice, but I'm not. I'm not, like, a singer. I'm more of a rapper, you know? So that was a huge challenge for me. But I was like, I'm so, so sick of talking, like, I'm so sick of, like, explaining words. Like, I feel like it's just music can, like, permeate the soul. And, like, after my divorce, I could not listen to podcasts. I could not read books. Like, it was just, like, so formulaic for me. And I'm just like, how to, like, get more joyful. Steps one to five. It's like, no, listen to this Afrobeat song. You're going to feel more joyful. How to heal your heartbreak. Do these three things. And so I feel the thing that. That we are wanting to consume is the thing that we actually, deep down inside, want to create.

Just going back to you saying that you used to write your stuff, like, and you being inspired by me. I'm completely, totally inspired by your channel and your ability to just be such a pure one that it just comes right out. Because I've noticed that I'd be thinking a little too much or, like, it's. It gets glitchy, but you've. You've kind of dove into your lane and, like, it's so fun to see, like, even you just introing this. This podcast. I'm, like, literally about to cry because it's like, how do you. That is so cool to me and so inspiring.

And I feel like, spirit puts on us people on our path to, like, show us like, this is also available for you too. And this is available for you too. And then it's also like knowing what's yours. Right. Like, you will always be a singer. Like, that is part of your gift. I feel like mine is more of the conversation. But now can you bring on more speaking to yours? Can I bring on more music to mine? And it's, like, to try on these different, different flavors. And that continues to refine our dharma, right? Because it's like our dharma is the integration of all of it. And for. For both of us, we're like spiritual artists. I'm more a spiritual teacher, like, dabbles as artists. You're more artist dabbles as spiritual teacher. And we each have our unique frequency. But what's so beautiful is I feel if we're. If we keep our eyes open and we open our hearts, spirit will provide us with all of the people that we need. Who your friends are, your muses?

100% friends are amuses. Yep.

Yes. So you have sat with the medicine since you were how old?

25.

Okay. Can you share with us some. Some of your journey with that and how that has helped you expand your voice?

I've never thought about it in relation to my voice, so. That's a good question. I think it started with just opening me, period. I felt like I was always a curious one that got led into sitting with a really trustworthy group of people, and that just completely woke me up. I died, and, like, I was able to experience death in a new way because there was this sort of fear and also deep curiosity, like, I'm a Scorpio. And I feel like, just naturally, that is where our deepest questions and curiosities lie is like, what's on the other side of this? And so the medicine kind of just allowed me to experience it versus, like, teaching me about it or showing or, like, you know, it just actually showed me. And once that happened, I feel like I just took off. Like, I just woke up my. I feel like all the things that have been kind of showing itself just fully got revealed once the medicine came into my life, and I was able to just meet more of who I am, you know? And so I would do it maybe like, once a year, sometimes twice a year since then. Haven't done it in a couple years. So I've sat in a few really trustworthy family circles, and they have always opened me up to different pathways of myself, and that has opened up a lot of experiences to talk about. So a lot of my music is having conversations with Myself and subconsciously, I do think that the medicine always plays a role in there because it is medicinal music. And it's always these kind of love letters to myself and me speaking with my, my highest self, really. And I think that that just got a little loosened and unlocked with each ceremony, you know, and also you don't even need that medicine to do that. But I do think that because that was a part of my journey, it just was meant to be that way. And, and I've written many songs, medicine songs that no one would ever really notice that probably had a lot to do with that awakening.

This episode is sponsored by Better Health. So I am so grateful that we have chosen to incarnate at the time where we actually talk about mental health because we can dive into spirituality, but we also need to address just like baseline mental health issues, anxiety, depression, just these different fluxes that we feel all the time. So I really believe both spirituality and psychology need to go hand in hand because there are some things that we really need to work through with a therapist, like one on one, to really dive deep without the fear of judgment. I feel a lot of us, we're in this day and age that we try to self help ourselves out of everything and only listen to podcasts and they can be helpful. But there's something really unique about working with someone one on one. So I have absolutely loved Love therapy. It's something I've done for many years and I love Better Help because they make therapy entirely online, affordable, convenient. You take a quick quiz and you're matched with a licensed therapist and you can choose them at any times with a wide range of specialties. So we're all honestly better with help. So visit betterhelp.comsahara to get 10 off your first month. That's betterhelp h e l p.comsahara you can find that link in the show notes. So just in case, intuition. Trust your inner wisdom, trust your inner guidance. The first medicine journey I sat with is, was actually what led to me being like, I'm so curious about production. Like, I love listening to the production of music. How would I even make it? And just like kind of planted that seed, right? And then like within a month I met the engineer that I ended up working with and that whole journey unlocked and I feel what the medicine does. It like, expedites the path, right? And like brings our deepest desires to the forefront, but also our deepest fears, our shadows, our, our guilt, our ancestral bond. Like all the things that are holding us back. And what I've Noticed is that our voice is a direct reflection of our consciousness. And, like, going back to the beginning of my podcast and hearing my voice, my voice was, like, all the way up here, and it was just, like, way more in my head and. And like, my voice has deepened because I'm so much more in my body. I'm so much more in my womb. And it's so interesting. I mean, I really learned this through dating. Like, dating apps. Someone's voice tells you everything about them.

Like.

Like, I'm like, I don't care what you look like in your photo. Send me a voice note, because I'm about to really find out, you know, and it's crazy because it's like the voice is, like, giving us so much subconscious information about that person of, like, where are they in their chakras? Right.

100.

Like, how is their heart? Are they in their head? And even, like, attraction. Right.

Like.

Like, if it's your person, you will love their voice.

Yeah.

And not just the singing, just the way that they speak. It's like, will do something to you. And if it's not, it's like, that.

Can'T be your person, you know, immediately.

Have you noticed your voice has shifted and evolved as you've deepened into your spiritual path?

100%, I think my singing voice, my. My speaking voice, my comfortability to speak, like we've been talking about. I definitely feel you when you are saying, like, you dropped into. Into your body. I feel like that's where I'm at right now and been there for a minute, but totally different than before. And finding your voice is part of the fun too. But I like who I am right now the most ever.

And we were just in Guatemala, and I feel like that was like a massive.

Oh, the voices got. Probably dropped down a few octaves just for me in Guatemala. That was, like, so special because touching back onto, you know, sitting with plant medicine, I realized while being out there that that was the cherry on top of the biggest medicine was just actually, like, the work that we did on our actual bodies and remembering, like, you can be all up here and, like, you can go on these journeys and you can travel all the realms, but the most important realm and why we're here is our bodies on this earth right now. So. So that was the biggest reminder there was. Being in the Damascal and doing the womb massages and getting in touch with my womb for the first time ever was really the most magic I've ever experienced. And since then, I've been in ceremony. You Know, like, life is the ceremony, as we know. But that was just such a huge reminder for me that, yes, plant medicines and then, like, we have these. These beautiful bodies that get kind of ignored a lot of the times, you know?

Yeah. So let's. Let's tell people what we were doing there. So we were in Lake Atitlan, Guatemala, doing a Mayan womb immersion on, like, Mayan womb and abdominal massage. So it's like literally massaging so deep into your stomach that you will feel your womb, your uterus, and you can feel if it is in place or not. So for a lot of us, myself included, my uterus was too low. And so when that happens is like, you know, your. Your whole body's going to be a little bit off. You may have, like, hormonal imbalances, you know, spiritual. So I believe the reason why my womb was too low is because I had suppressed away the idea of becoming a mother for so long. I was so afraid of that. I was afraid of, like, oh, my God, having kids, it's like a liability. Like, so much can go wrong. Like, this can happen. That can happen. I was so attuned to what could go wrong and the fears. And it was really ancestral for me, you know, because I do believe in my past life, like, I lost a child. So I was like, always, like, looking for evidence of, like, why was not safe to become a mother. So obviously, I'm going to be energetically pushing away my womb space. And so when she felt it, she was like, your uterus is, like 2 inches too low. And so first they go in and do it, and then they teach you how. But they're basically pressing their hands really, really deep into your lower belly, feeling where your uterus is, and then pressing it up. And it is excruciating pain, like, hurts. And not just physically, but it brings up a lot of emotions, like, at that moment and. And even after. And we were there for like, 11 days, I want to say, and it was like, no medicine. That was the medicine. It changed my life, like, more, even more than plant medicine, because you' sitting with the medicine, the altar of the womb, and so every single day. Plus, on top of that, being in Lake Atitlan, like, there's all this obsidian in the ground. So, like, imagine having an obsidian crystal, like, clears energy. Imagine, like, being in less. Like an entire village of obsidian with an active volcano in front of you every day in sacred indigenous land with all indigenous people. Like, it is just being there. The moment I dropped in, it already started speaking to me of like, like, like be here in this moment. Don't be, like, connecting with everyone that's not here. Don't be explaining your days, like, really be here. And then working with the womb, it brought up all of these like, like final, like little, you know, I feel like overcoming a heartbreak has a lot of different stages. And there's the anger, the grief, the. The. And then I feel when we've reached the forgiveness, we're like, and it's done, you know, And I reached that forgiveness like, a year ago, maybe. But it was bringing to me, like, also the beauty. And I feel that that is actually really when you can be complete, not, like, over something. Because I don't think you ever really get over anything. It integrates within you. But when you're able to see, like, the beauty of that experience, the beauty of just having the opportunity to be able to experience love. And. And it was also showing me, like, how deeply protected my womb space has been being celibate for two years. And how that was like, like divinely guided by my womb spirit guides of, like, really be with yourself. Sit with yourself. Tune into your own subtle energies. Because as women, we're constantly circulating, circulating other people's energies. You know, anyone we're sexually active with our womb is going to imprint and multiply. Like, that is what the womb does. She's a multiplier. So if you're having sex with someone who's uncertain about their path, honey, you're going to be multiplying that frequency. If you're having sex with someone who's looking for something better, you're going to be multiplying that frequency. If you're having sex with someone who's not fully choosing you, you're going to multiply that frequency. That's why so many women are, like, chronically anxious and stuck in these relational loops again and again and again, not living their dharmas, not creating abundance, not stepping into their expressions, because they're just transmuting other people's energies. That, by the way, the. The wounded masculine actually tries to, like, siphon feminine energy because we have such powerful force, force fields. So. So when a man is wounded, he's deeply desiring that feminine energy, but he's not willing to hold and honor the feminine, right? So he just does the bare minimum. Maybe love bombs you, maybe he doesn't even do that, right? To get that hit of feminine energy and then abandons. And then that recreates trauma, which you're now having to transmute, which is taking away from your ability to focus on what you actually deeply desire. Your dharma, your sacred union, your full expression. And so it showed me on my path of how, like, the celibacy was the very reason why I was able to like, really quantum leap in my healing. Because I was only finally, for the first time in my life, just channeling my own energy. And that allowed me to be so clear on who I am, what my voice is, what I deeply desire and become the embodiment of love, rather than seeking love from anywhere outside of me. Because once I'm the embodiment of love, it doesn't even matter what happens in my life, because I get to be in love all the time, you know, and it's like to live in love, love being a dimension. And so it was unlocking all, all of these codes. And every single day I would, like, tell Bianca, I'm like, I channeled this and that and that and. And then after ended up, you know, doing the 10 day rose dieta, which even dove me further into it. So I'm curious what your experience was in Guatemala.

Oh, my goodness. I mean, first of all, let's just snaps for that, that what you just said, because. Yes, yes, yes. And also while they're pulling up your womb, because I feel like we all kind of. I definitely my womb was low because same with you. Like, I pushed it away out of fear. I didn't know if I wanted kids. I was a little bit physically afraid of the whole ordeal for some reason. I feel like I kind of. I don't know if it was in past life stuff too, but I feel like since before I can even remember, that's just what it was for me. And I've really grown up from that idea too. They pull your womb up while they're also finding your part of your stomach, which is the pulse inside of your stomach. So they tell us that technically it's supposed to be. It's supposed to be pulsing in your navel. So in your belly button is where you should feel your pulse. And if it's not there, then you got to dig the same way up here and pull it down. They pull the heart down, they pull the womb up, and they integrate it together. And that synchronicity is like where the magic really hits. And when they did that for me, I cried a cry I'd never heard before. And it felt like it was very ancient. It also felt like it was very baby. Like, it felt like just so old and like maybe my teen self, I think, was just kind of like crying out and Needed some. Oh, it was just like, it was so deep. And so that was the beginning of this whole new era for me. And my life has completely shifted since the last time I seen you too. Just having my womb in place and just being aware of that and. And working with that magic, I feel like I'm so much, even more authentically myself than even before. And I'm clearing out so many other things that were maybe all had a connection to me being out of place because my heart was like, over here, up here. My womb was way down there. And now I'm just kind of like, like, centered and able to think clearly and able to channel clearly. And I finally feel like making music again. I feel like I have been doing kind of similar to what you were saying about how when you deal with other people, you're transmuting all this other energy. And I feel like I've been so distracted with energy that I couldn't put my finger on because there was like some cloudiness around my environment that now that it's out in the open and cleared, I can finally get back into living in my dharma, living my truth, being my authentic self, singing my songs, like, thoroughly and, like, purely. And I really do think that I shed some layers off in Guatemala. I think I had some sisto that they completely. I called a lot of my soul fragments back into myself.

Can you share what susto is?

So susto is when you are missing a piece of your soul and maybe it got left in that. It can happen when you go through something really traumatic, either physically or emotionally. You know, if you had your first heartbreak and you left a little piece of your soul right in that apartment, that's possible. Or, you know, if you physically got into a bad accident, sometimes you just kind of leave yourself behind. And there are people that can help with that. And so the. The woman that we were studying with, Mariu, God bless her, she was able to notice who had it. And I knew when she told me, she was like, you got a little Sue Stone, like, let's get it out the way, like, what we got to do. So she pulled me aside, she blew the alcohol and tobacco leaves and all the plants on me. We called her back. I really did feel put back together after that trip. And when I got home, I felt like I was myself and I was just like me. There was no other energies around. It was just me. And that felt so relieving because I think for so long I had been dealing with feeling numb. I was feeling really numb for a long time. And trying to differentiate whose feelings were actually mine and whose feelings weren't mine and what was going on, and just a lot of cloudiness, a lot of confusion. And that trip really, really cleared it all, because once we knew Mario and she did her work on us, she was able to direct us to the chiropractor out there or an energy worker that uses stones to completely get all of the stuck energy out, tells you where it came from. Cleared me up. And that's what I mean by, you know, there's plant medicine, and then there's, like, body energy medicine, because we are energy. And so just all of that mixed together created, like, a full me. And. And I just. I'm so grateful. So thank you for inviting me on that trip.

I was. I noticed the difference, actually, in your aliveness after clearing the susto. Like, I would have never thought you had susto before, but I can just sense the, like, the shakti in you right now. And it's. I definitely had susto after my divorce, because when I look back at pictures of me, I can see I was, like, almost like a walking ghoul. You know, it's like, when you have that trauma brain, it's like you're not really there.

Like, all.

Like, someone's talking to you, but all you're thinking about is your, like, trauma, you know? And I was just, like, moving through the world like that for a couple of months, but I didn't feel like I had susto now just because I do so much body work, and I feel like that really, really is the way. Like, that is the way of the feminine of, like, dropping into the body. And let's speak into that indigenous body healer who used the stones. So basically, it's this indigenous method of healing, using a stone to press into different points in your body and feel where there's tension. So anywhere that you have tension on your left side will be related to the feminine. Anywhere on the right side will be related to your masculine. Anything down your back is related to your ancestry. And I had so much for. With my female ancestors, like, so much just, like, tightness and pain and contraction. And it was like all of the generations of women before me who have been second wives of men, you know, forced to marry a man so much older than them, like, having children and then, like, feeling like they're trapped in their. With their. With their kids never being able to pursue their dharma. Like, my great grandmother could never even learn how to read. You know, it's like, this is not that far away. And so it was like all of their like generational fears that were like blocking me. So I became very comfortable in my masculine right, because masculine equals safety. Okay, I'm gonna make my own money, I'm gonna run a business, I'm gonna choose my own thing. I'm gonna have these walls up. I'm not gonna let anyone, you know, with my emotions. I'm gonna be just sovereign in myself. And so my masculine was like super, super developed because of that. But the thing that I deeply wanted more than anything and still do is true love. You know, but true love comes from that surrender into your feminine. And so you may experience all of those fears. And that's the thing about opening your heart. It's not like I opened my heart and now I'm in true love forever at all times. It's like you open your heart and like, you don't know, you know, like your heart will get broken. Even if you're with the same person for the rest of your life, it will. Like, it's going to teach you things, it's going to trigger you on things like, like, and I think that's like the big fear, especially when women have experienced like a heartbreak, is like, I don't want to make the same mistake again. But then you're like so set, like reclused back and then you're like in the agony of the aloneness. But the only way out is to open your heart. And maybe the same thing will happen, maybe something else will. But it's like all we can do is trust that we've learned that lesson and we never have to relearn the same lesson if we've actually learned it. It, you know, and I feel even the lessons that we learn are related to our biggest fears. So like my biggest fear was being cheated on, you know, it totally was. And it was like the last thing ever on my mind. And it was like, okay, time to confront that one. And again I still, it's still a non negotiable to me, but it doesn't have as strong of a hold on me anymore because I'm like, okay, like let's say that were to happen one day in my life again. Like, I feel like I would just have so much more awareness of like cheating is a symptom and like, why is that happening versus like, like you killed me, you know, which was like my ancestral probably reaction because for my ancestors, being cheated on likely meant you're going to find another wife and I'm going to potentially lose access to resources for my Children, you know, and it was like a being replaced thing. Whereas now I can just kind of see, like, the whole world is, like, struggling with, like, monogamy and. And all of that. And I'm just like. Like, once you really go into the thing and you survive it on the other side, it just like, doesn't hold as much of a hold on you. And I'm in this question of, like, I wonder what my biggest fear is now, because it's like, that's the new lesson, you know?

Yeah, that's a good question. What's the biggest fear now since the heartbreak has happened before? And it'll never be the same kind, Right? That's interesting to think about.

Yeah. And before this, it would have been being alone, you know, Like, I would never want to, like. And now I'm just like, yo, if I'm alone. Just like being alone. Witch in Guatemala. Like, that was pretty fun, too. Pretty fulfilling. Yeah. So I'm just like, honestly. And they also say, like, the thing that you judge, I don't know, do you have a big fear right now or thing that you're judging?

There's a little bit of a fear of embarrassment that I've always kind of had of like, don't embarrass me, you know what I mean? But I think on a deeper level, I've always had a fear of just, like, loss, which I think that comes from probably losing someone in a past life or, you know, them leaving and never coming home. On some, like, not. Not necessarily infidelity, but, like, losing their life, you know, like, and. And I've had to work through that in a really deep way because it was causing so much anxiety in my life where, like, I'm talking about any family member, partner, anything. There was this moment where I. I had to analyze, like, whoa, this fear of loss really has a deep hold on me, and what am I going to do about that? So I'm working with my fears. I'm working through them, you know, And I think that they're definitely there for a reason. And I think there's just a liberation that comes on the other end of realizing, like, you know what? I have my life path, they have their life path, and their contract is their contract. So whenever it's time for them to go, that has nothing to do with me. So, you know, let me not have that narcissistic thought of, like, I'm going to experience this loss of you when, like, you're on your path, that. And, like, we just need to trust now that I'M speaking about it out loud. These fears all have this common denominator of like, needing to trust everything, needing to trust myself, needing to trust my discernment and the people that I have around me, my magnet and what I'm attracting.

So yeah, yeah, I, I love that. And it's interesting because I definitely had that, like, for a long time. I had fear of like my parents dying, you know, and especially my dad because he's like older and doesn't take care of his health and like, that he would die before we had the relationship that I want. And that was like, especially when I was like going through my divorce. I was like, please God, like, don't let my dad die right now too, because I can't process this too. But then I end up having a pretty big collision with my dad that, you know, right now he's not in my life and one day he's physically not going to be in my life. And I hope that we can, we can come together while he's alive. But it, it's like almost like that fear. I needed to just experience it on a smaller level to overcome it. And as you said that I feel another one of my fears has been being a single mom, you know, But I've made friends with a lot of women who are single moms.

They're killing it.

Yeah. And like, I think my fear was like, if I'm a single mom, then no one would ever want to be with me because I would be like carrying this, like extra baggage. Like that very societal old programming. Exactly. Well, do you know what? Because I got divorced, so many people would tell me, thank God you didn't have kids. Thank God you didn't have kids. It was like reaffirming what would have happened had I had kids. And it, it, it would have been worse, you know, I would have to stay in his life. We would have had to gone through court, custody, all of that stuff. It would have been harder. But then I meet these women who have gone through that and they're okay too. Some of them are like, I'm grateful because I get to raise my kid exactly how I want, you know. And then I think the other big fear I've had was like, around like someone I love having health problems, you know, because then it's like a long term thing. And it's like, I also feel, because as a kid I was always trying to make my parents get healthier and I became very healthy, like almost like so obsessed with my health. But it's like at the End of the day. Like, I also believe in karma. Like, if it is truly in my karma to have a husband or a family member get sick. And actually interesting, because it's my grand. My grandfather got very sick. He got a lot of strokes. My grandma was his caretaker taker. So I think it's like that ancestral fear of, like, then I would have to, like, lose my own freedom to take care of you because you didn't take care of your health. And so this, like, that's selfish of you to not take care of your health, because it's how it impacts me. And, I mean, that's a big one still. That's an active one. Yeah, that is.

And she was probably pissed about that. And. And, like, you had to put it in your back.

Exactly, exactly. And I still feel it today in my clavicus, you know, So I feel that's the gift of, like, doing this work, you know, it's to go into those fears, to go into those shadows and then, like, bring some light into it so it doesn't have to be, like, the actual thing happening.

Bring some light into it. That is the magic right there. Because. And I feel you so much with the dad stuff. Isn't it interesting that your worst fear could be losing that person, and then they have to kind of kill themselves off in the real world, in this dimension, and you're like, well, what the. And then you realize, like, oh, maybe that is the light. Maybe they're softening that for you for later on. Even though, like you said, I hope that we can work that out. I just relate to you so much in all those things that you're saying in the relationship with your father and how you have to experience death in a smaller way, maybe.

And I feel like the little girl wants everyone to be okay all the time. Like, are we a happy family? Are we good? Are we good? Are we good? And it's like, the woman is like. And I'm okay with something's not being good right now. And, like, looking back at different relationships with even family members of my life, like, there was a period, like, I was very close with my grandmother growing up, but after my divorce, she said something along the lines of, like, well, it was your fault he cheated because you became too powerful. And that was, like, the most patriarchal. But, you know, I understand she grew up in Iran. That's how they were taught to be. But I was like, I cannot have this. It was just so, like, lacking of empathy. And so I would have never in my life imagined not talking to my grandmother. But for nine months, we did not speak a word. And it was hard. And I thought about her a lot. And then one day, I felt the call. There were all these synchronicities. I was seeing things from Iran, and I called her, and she lives in Iran now. And she was able to sit within enough to realize, like, what she said was wrong and where she was coming. Whereas if the little girl in me tried to call her a week after of, like, okay, it's all fine. We're cool, because I didn't want to sit in the tension, she. I would have actually prevented her from learning that lesson. And it's actually led to us having a deeper relationship. And it's interesting because in the past two years, it's almost like with every member of my family, there's been, like, a big thing that has happened. Us taking our space and then, like, knowing in the right timing when to come together. So I'm trusting this time of taking space for my dad. Like, I. I'm hoping that he feels the space and it's leading to him to realize, you know, the pain that he's caused. But also dropping that because that's still, like, the little girl in me. That's like, you need to be sorry, and you need to realize. And it's like, and if it never happens in this lifetime, that's how it was meant to be, right?

And that goes back to the forgiveness and how the forgiveness is like the forgiveness in the forgiveness lie. The keys to Heaven is how I feel. That one song from my Lucid album, seventh Heaven is All about, is, like, finding these keys to forgiveness so that we can finally win the battle and, like, be accepted into the gates, which is just like, let's have fun now, you know?

So how do you forgive someone that's, like, wrong. Do you lied to you? Like, what's your process?

Like? I don't know. And my mom just recently told me, like, honey, I'm so proud of how you forgive because I. You're better than me with that. And I didn't realize. Realize it till she said that, that I, like, analyzed the story of my life. And I was like, you know what? I did get pretty good at that. But it's just be. I. I don't know. I've been so betrayed by, like, very close people to me. Like, it's been a theme in my life. I think that ultimately, when you kind of give it time to sever the. The human cord to it, and you. You. That kind of disintegrates and it's not that I want you or you want me anyways. It's more like a. You were a friend to me and that was the part that hurt. It becomes the. There's the remembrance of. I. I've always had love for you, though. And it's the love that carries that, to be honest. And it takes time, though, because, yeah, it does not come overnight. But the forgiveness is the key to your just freedom. I've always just given myself time because ultimately I know that my highest compassionate self doesn't care about. It is not black and white here. This is a human living their human experience. And so am I. And if someone's gonna have the light and bring the light into the situation, it's probably gonna be me. So why not just free myself from that. That resentment, you know? Like, the resentment can kill you. It can make you so sick.

Yeah. Forgiveness is so multi layered, you know, it's like I remember being like, there is no way in hell I will ever forgive my ex.

Of course.

Impossible. You know, you kind of find a friend that matches. So like, me and my friend were like. And she has something with her, her dad. And so we're like, it's okay to never forgive someone. You don't need to forgive certain people. And we were like, yeah, but deep down inside I knew that that wasn't true. You know, it was like. And people have heard of. It's like, forgiveness does not mean what they did was okay. Does not mean what they did was morally right. Does not mean that you deserved it. Does not. It doesn't mean any of that. It just means, like, you can't hold onto it. It's. It's interesting coming back to Sekhmet. So when I went to Egypt right after the divorce, I was at Karnak, which is like huge temple space. And they have this like, like on the side, Sekhmet Temple, that like, you have to like, know someone to take you there. And it's like this giant statue of Sekhmet with like hundreds of Sekhmet statues. And it's like literally where they would go. And the woman who was the tour guide, she was this like, feisty, like Egyptian, like very, like feminist, powerful Sekhmet energy. And so Sekhmet, if you guys don't know, she is that like lioness goddess who really is the goddess of. Of justice.

Well, she has a hymn that says, I am the fiery phoenix, consuming and resuming myself. I will what I will. And her story is that she came here to burn down all the up that was going on because it was just fucking up. And she was like, she's the goddess of destruction in a way, but she's also the warrior, the healer. And, you know, when she came to, like, burn this shit down to the ground, the story is that they fed her wine and. And. And tricked her into thinking that it was blood. But the deeper level of that is, like, could Sekhmet ever really be tricked? Or was she just like, okay, I'll calm down a bit, you know? But she is just that. She's the fiery phoenix, you know?

Yeah. So Sekhmet, I saw her at that time of being that goddess of, like, standing for what's right, you know, like, defending yourself. And I was kind of in this precipice of, like, how much do I want to, like, defend myself in this divorce, protection. I want to, like, go to court, like, you know, all of these things or not. And it was this really big battle. And so the Egyptian woman took me to the Sekhmet, and she was like, do you want to be a devotee of Sekhmet? Do you want to take this path? And I sat with it, and I was, like, walking around Karnak. But what felt true for me was actually to take the path of. Of Heter Hathor, who is the goddess of creativity and music and art. Because I knew that for me, if I took that path of Sekhmet of, like, I'm going to stand for what's right and justice, like, I will burn myself in that fire, you know? And it, like, for me, it wasn't the best use of my energy, because even though this person, like, did me wrong, I don't want to spend the next few years of my life trying to prove that, you know, like, I rather just put my energy towards my art, art towards my next chapter, towards what's next. And so I remember in that moment telling her, I'm like, I'm actually like, I honor Sekhmet so much, but she's not my path. And every time I would look at the hieroglyphics, I'm like, who's that? Who's that? It was always Heted Hathor. And. And that's why I also have her tattooed onto me. And. And I believe that became the transmission of stepping into the artistry, you know, and. And. And led to everything else. So it's so interesting because when we align with deities, it's very powerful. You know, we are taking on their life force, their energy. We're taking their path, and they work in different ways. With every single person. So it's a funny full circle because it was like I had the option of the Sekhmet, but I'm actually. And what I actually said was, like, I'm gonna trust Ma'. At. Ma', at, the goddess of, like, complete justice in the universe that, like, give it to her, you know, I don't need to be the one to prove that I was right. I don't need to be the one to fight this battle. I give it to her. And I know that in time, things will always pan out the way that they're meant to be. Might not be now, it might be in a couple years. I have no idea how it's going to be, but I feel when we give something to God, it's like we surrender and we take it off of our own plate energetically. And then that clears up space for like, okay, how am I here to really use my energy?

Yeah, you can see clearly.

Exactly. Being the justice warrior is like. Like you can get like drunk on. On the blood, you know, and even the depiction of Kali, it's like. Because then you'll find another thing for justice and another thing for justice and another thing. And it's like, never ending. And. And I do believe some people, that is their path, like the path of the warrior. And I just feel through the discernment, you kind of know, like, what's my, like, highest, most unique, energetic signature. And though I can do other things right, I can. I can be this, I can be that. What am I really here to do right now? And to tune into that frequency, which means you kind of have to sometimes put away the other ones.

Yeah. And also say that, like, these things are just principles and they do fluctuate in our lives, you know. So I love when I'm having like a head to head moment or a Sekhmet or, you know, whatever. And the cool thing about Sekhme is she can be so sweet too, because she says, feed me, you know, like, feed me all of your fears. Like, I'm hungry, you know. And that always hit for me. I'm like, oh, I just love you. That's so cool to think about. Like, and same with my aunt. Let me give it to God. Let me give it to my aunt. Let's have them kind of balance out these things so that I can make space in my heart so that I can do my thing, you know, so shout outs to the Netaru. Thank you, Netaru.

Behind everything that is the name of the deities, the Egyptian cosmology, and yeah, like, they definitely brought us together, so I'm so grateful for that. So thank you so much for being here on this podcast today. It was so synchronicitous, so meant to be. And where can people connect with you and listen to your music and come to your fantasy soul markets?

Yes. So you can follow me at the Quincat. It's just T H E Q U I N C A T Again, my name is Bianca Lenore and I also go by Quinn, and I put together these fantasy soul marketplaces. But to backtrack, fantasy soul is the genre of music that I create and I feel like it can never just fit into one box. So I decided to make up a name and it's been rolling with me ever since and it's been working out. So that's my genre turned world. And if you follow me at the Quincat and if you also follow the Fantasy Soul market, M R K T, you can see when we'll have one next to you. We usually do them in la, but I'm hoping to expand at some point soon, so look out for those. They're really beautiful and fun.

Well, thank you so much for being here today. Thank you so much for tuning in. I hope this felt like being the third of us hanging out, you know, talking about cosmology in the womb and spirit and medicine and all the good things that priestesses are meant to talk about. So welcome. You're our new third and this is a great conversation to share with your friends. Have deeper conversations around really to just like take it to a deeper octave and such a good one too, for anyone that you know that's opening up their voice right now. So be sure to share it. Share it with your friends, share it on your stories and leave a review for it on the podcast store or on YouTube comment. And as a free gift, I will send you my womb meditation. So this is a meditation to actually connect your sacred womb space and receive her answers. So all you gotta do is on the podcast app or leave a a YouTube comment, take a screenshot and email it over to me@saharaam sahararrose.com you can find that email and all of the links mentioned today in the show notes. Be sure to subscribe to stay tuned in for future conversations. Again, it's on Spotify video, YouTube. Wherever you listen to podcasts. I'm so grateful to have you here and I can't wait to see you in the next one. Trusty intuition Trust your inner wisdom Trust you inner guidance Close your as it listen so trust your intuition. Trust your inner wisdom. Trust your inner guidance.