605: An Empath's Guide To Managing Energy, People Offloading Problems To You + Relationships with Krista Williams

I wasn't living my own life because I was prioritizing everyone else's experiences over my own.

Do you consider yourself an empath? Right. If someone just says something, maybe they snap a little bit. You can just sense, oh, something bigger is going on here. And that's something that we're going to talk about today with empath extraordinaire, one of my besties, Krista Williams. You may know her from the Almost 30 podcast.

Most of my life I spent focused on others, so I would kind of change and shift based on the relationships I was in, based around the people I was around.

Being an empath, I have found, is a gift that is part of our dharmas, our, our soul's purposes that we are here to use. Our gift of being able to feel into things more deeply.

The shadow side of an empath is that you love everyone else more than you love yourself and you are always outward focused instead of inward led.

Let's say someone is realizing in my relationships I do take on a lot of their traumas and struggles, then what do you do?

I do feel like you can really hold space for people without being in their experience by being Trust flows when.

To let go Trust flows when I let go I'm the one I've been waiting for Trust flows when to let go Trust flow soon to let go Trust flow soon to let go I'm the one I've been waiting for.

Welcome back to the Highest Self podcast. My name is Sahara Rose, and on this podcast I love to talk about spirituality, but make it fun, modern, grounded and relatable so it can actually serve your needs. So do you consider yourself an empath? Here are some signs that I've experienced in my own life. You are someone that really feels into situations more deeply than most. You are the person that people come to whenever they have a problem. People open up to you about things that they've never told anyone before. You kind of read the energy in the room, wherever you are, and if someone just says something, maybe they snap a little bit. You can just sense, oh, something bigger is going on here. Likely you had a parent that was a narcissist. That made you more attuned to the little micro expressions that people did, how they walked upstairs, how they put down their cup and what was really going on within themselves. And being an empath, I have found, is a gift, but it can often come from our traumas. I do believe some of us are born with more empathy, like that is part of our dharmas, our soul's purposes. That we are here to use our gift of being able to feel into things more deeply and become coaches, healers, therapists, lightworkers, podcast hosts, et cetera. But it can also be our shadow. And that's something that we're going to talk about today with empath extraordinaire, someone that you will definitely know about, Krista Williams here on this podcast. But what I've noticed in my own empath journey was I almost couldn't feel okay unless everyone I knew was also okay. So if there was something going on with my mom, I couldn't focus on anything else. So if there was something going on with my partner, my whole day was fucked up. And it was like I was so attuned to other people's needs that I needed them to be okay for me to be okay. And that is a journey that us empaths need to go on. To learn to differentiate, to learn that I can love you wholeheartedly and support you, but I can't take that on. And me taking it on is not even what's gonna make it go away. And to be with someone without being in the problem. And I feel a lot of us empaths are so afraid of like cutting someone off, being standoffish because what's our deepest fear? I don't want to be a narcissist. So we're like, I can't put boundaries because that's going to make me one of those like ice cold boundary queens. And I can't be that because then they won't love me. So I need to stay in this dynamic because they need me and their problems are real and there's no one else in their life that's going to help them except for me. I'm the only one they have. But when we set ourselves up for I'm the only one they have, it's a self fulfilling prophecy that you will be the only one they have because they won't need to learn to take care of themselves. They won't need to learn to go to healers, to ask God to go on their own journeys. So we actually end up enabling them. So I speak into this because I feel every empath and most of you listening to this are empaths. We need to go through this journey of really learning what is mine and how can I love someone as they're going because everyone in your life is going to go through shit dark nights of the soul and you can be with them without taking it on. And there is a really fine line within that. So I'm so excited to bring on one of my besties, Christa Williams. You may know her from the Almost 30 podcast. She's an author podcast host, but she's like a Pisces through and through. And she feels. And she has such a deep understanding and she actually teaches empaths all about this. And where's the line between empathy and codependency and how to differentiate and how to not take things on? So we're going to have a really honest conversation because it's something I just see a lot time and time again within myself, friends, spiritual community, that we do receive so much of our validation that from being that empath person, that we don't know how to move beyond that. And before we drop into this episode, be sure to hit subscribe wherever you're listening to this podcast. That is the best way to stay up to date on the latest episodes. We've got this in video format, so if you're just hearing my voice, be sure to also watch our fabulous outfits on video as well on Spotify, YouTube or the Apple Store. This is the best way to stay in the flow with future conversations and also allows the podcast to reach more people. So hit subscribe so I can keep vibing with you on all future episodes. Now let's get into this one. So without further ado, let's bring on Krista to the. I almost said the almost 32nd. No, this is my podcast. Highest podcast. Krista, welcome.

I was like, giddy all day. So excited to be with you because.

You haven't been on in a hot minute.

I haven't been on in a hot minute. Last time we were in Miami, there was no video. And also my level of obsession with you is like 400.

I mean, we talk every day.

Every day. I just don't think you understand how much I appreciate you. You're. You just existing makes me laugh. Like you just being who you are makes me laugh. Like, I feel like we're so honest with each other. I feel like I can always trust your insights and trust your truth. Like, I just think you are the most amazing, funny, fun person ever. And for me, humor is such a priority in my relationships and we have that and so it means so much to me.

Likewise, Queen. I love how we can dive so deep. But then also we're just like. And fuck it all, nothing. And not gonna take any of that advice. So let's get into it. How did you realize that you were an empath? What was that journey like for you?

Yeah, so I think Most of my life, I spent focused on others, in other people's energies. I actually didn't really have a defined sense of self. So I would kind of change and shift based on the relationships I was in, based around the people I was around. And I never really knew who I was. People would ask, how are you? And I didn't really have answer. I'd be like, I don't know what you mean. I don't even know who I am. I grew up with a mother who was a narcissist. I grew up in a household with a lot of mental illness. And so it was kind of my pattern. But the way that I realized it was later on in my life when I was in a romantic relationship. And I realized that I would focus and shift every time they had a mood or every time they were going through something. If they were struggling, I was struggling. If they were unhappy, I was unhappy. And when I started to go to therapy, I really started to understand that I wasn't living my own life because I was prioritizing everyone else's experiences over my own. And I'm someone that's deeply gifted as a Pisces and deeply sensitive. And so when I started to really unpack all the ways in which my sensitivities were not supporting me, but actually detrimental to me, where I was codependent, I didn't have a defined sense of self. I would get emotional all the time. If someone was going through something, I would go through something too. It really started to show me all the ways that I was giving my power away and all the ways I was out of my own authenticity because I wanted the connection from the person that's so massive.

Because you wanted the connection from that.

And I still struggle with that. I think I was talking to you about that today in my dating process. My deepest lesson right now is where do I choose the connection with the person over my own authenticity? Where do I choose their comfort, their experience over my own? And sometimes I'll lose myself. I'll be like, I want them to like me. I want them to be attracted to me. What do I need to do to do that? Instead of being like, who am I? What do I want to say? What do I want to do? How can I prioritize my own experience? But for most people, it's a safety mechanism to choose the connection with their parents from a young age over their own authentic expression. And so we start to do that subconsciously or unconsciously later in life. And that's the pattern we have to break to become our full selves.

And I feel it's hard because when people come to us with their problems, we're like, I don't want them to feel alone, they need us. So what do we do if we're feeling that way?

So my old pattern was if someone, I used to match energy. So if someone was going through something and struggling, the way that I felt like I was in service to them or being a good friend was to cry with them, to get mad with them, to be exactly at their vibrational frequency. And that's actually not in service to them or you. Because two people at a low vibrational frequency is not better than one person at a low vibrational frequency. And by you matching their vibrational frequency or their mood, we'll say you're actually like looking down on them. You're actually saying that they don't have the power to raise their frequency on their own and you need to match them. And so the way that we can be supportive of people and still have our own boundaries is very energetic. But it's something that I think is really important for us to be in our own experience. What I like to do is often place my hands on my body to be mindful of my body. So oftentimes empaths will forget about their physical body and will bypass and overlook the importance of their own physical body for someone else's experience. Empaths have very developed upper level chakras. They often leave their body and disassociate from their body, their lower chakras, because they're staying here to attune to people from a mind perspective, from an intuition perspective. And they're reading people's minds and energy. So when we leave our body, that can be the first sign that we're out of our own integrity and we're in someone else's experience. So putting my hands on my body, my hand on my heart, my hand on my womb, just kind of like checking back in, like I have a physical body, I have my own experience, I'm entitled to my own experience and I can stay in my physical body and still love this person. We don't need to be matching energy to be proving to people that we love them. It's not in support of them, it's not in support of you. So touching your body is a really good practice to stay in your own energy and your own experience and just being mindful of when we find ourselves caught up in other people's drama and making that our own. No one's problem should be so much your own problem. You can care for people, you can love for people, but you do not need to make other people's problem your problem. You deserve to have your own experience, you deserve to have your own life. And when people get too caught up in everyone else's lives and experiences, I can guarantee you you will not be living in your purpose and you will not be in your power.

It's interesting because now I can see and I feel like also all of my friends kind of reached this point of like we can share with each other what's going on. But I know that you can't heal me or fix me or be the thing. And we all have created our own support systems. But I see people who are around people who don't, you know. So they are likely the only attuned one that people can feel. Can you share? It's like, how do people feel that you're an empath? Like, why is it that certain people, everyone comes to when they have a problem.

So how people can tell or feel that you're an empath or, or experience that? So empaths. I think of empaths in two different ways. I think of empaths from like the cosm cosmic level. I do think that a lot of empaths are actually aliens. I think they're usually more sensitive beings. I think they're more angelic. I think they have a different frequency of a healer when they come to Earth. So I think people can feel that healer frequency within them. And then there's also the vibrational frequency of someone that usually self sacrifices for other people. So someone that always needs someone is going to be magnetized, trauma bonded to the person that's always giving their power away. It's just kind of how it is. So there's a trauma bond level and then there's also the really beautiful light level of being attracted to a healer. But empaths are people that usually have in their auric field a sensitivity or a light that people are very attracted to that people are really excited by. And I think empaths also on the other end are also attracted to people that they can give their power away to because they haven't learned the lesson yet. So we always will have experiences and things come up in our life until we learn the lesson. So I used to be magnetized to narcissists. I was a narcissist best friend. I was a narcissist lover, girlfriend, wife. It was just a thing for me because it was the pattern. I kept attracting until I saw it clearly and could heal it.

So I just got back from 2 months in India and Egypt, diving deeper than I ever have before, and all of a sudden my fifth book is channeling through me. And I start to ask myself how after four years of not writing a book, all of a sudden am I streaming through all these downloads? And I realize it's because I cleared so much karma. So the more we clear our karma, those limiting beliefs, those shadows from our childhood, ancestry, past lives, the higher we step into our dharma, our soul's purpose, and have those dharmic relationships and friendships that bring us closer to our truth rather than further away and keep us in these lessons and dramas that, that distract us so much from our path. And this is why I have created my first ever live six week container called Karma Clearing for the Mystic's Voice. So if you are someone that knows you are here to be a priestess, an oracle, a mystic, you're meant to maybe one day write books, share your voice in a bigger way. But every time you want to speak your truth, you want to share on social media or even have a hard conversation, it. It feels like this knot in your throat and that actually comes from the witch wound. Past lives, our childhood, and it's all deeply connected. So this is a six week live container. Two hours with me, rituals, practices, sharing every single week for six weeks starting June 17th. And it's only limited to 50 souls because I really want to dive deep and actually be able to support you and answer your questions. So if you're interested, you're curious to snag your spot, join the wait list. I may be running this again. If you're listening to this later on. It's called the Karma Clearing for the Mystic's Voice. You can find that link in the show notes. All right, let's get back into it. So trust your intuition, trust your inner wisdom, trust you inner guidance.

So let's say someone is realizing, like in my relationships, I do take on a lot of their, their traumas and struggles. Then what do you do? Like, let's say they're, they're bringing something that's like very alive for them. What, what do you do in that moment to like still be open and loving? But do you say something? Is it like an inner thing?

Yeah. So how to be, hold space for people and still be open and loving?

Yeah. Or like, do you even hold space?

Yeah. So I think yes, you obviously want to hold space, but it's having respect for your own body and your own.

Space means like in Your perspective.

So from my perspective, perspective, the way that I see holding space is being able to hold someone in their experience without judgment. I don't have any expectation for you to change, for you to do anything but be exactly who you are. So I think when as an example, if someone comes to you with a problem, the way I'm going to hold space for you is just literally listen, be with you with that problem and not be like, you know what, Sahara, you should do this. You know what, you should think about this. You know, you should really be, you know, kind of doing this. I'm not going to be in control of or influencing what you're going to do unless you want me to. I'm just going to be holding space for where you are. If you're saying, I feel like this, I'm there for that. If you're saying I feel like this, I'm there for that. So I'm not inserting myself because I'm holding space. And holding space is also holding the space between us. When you are an empath or a codependent, you're trying to control their experience. So you're actually controlling their experience by saying, you are not okay and I am not okay because you're okay. And I'm going to go outside of myself to try and make you okay because then that makes me okay. Does that make sense? So it's when I was able to really see my codependency and my shadow of my empath as control. I'm trying to control you, so I feel safe. It helped me a lot because then I could see and understand all the ways that my shadow aspects were showing up. And it wasn't something that was just good. I think we think of empaths in a positive light most of the time or in a powerless light sometimes. But really it's a control mechanisms because you don't feel safe in yourself and you need everything around you to change and everything around you to be fine for you to be fine. The way that I see codependency and the shadow side of an empath is that you love everyone else more than you love yourself. You will choose everyone else's experience, opinion, perspective over your own. And you are always outward focused instead of inward led. But I do feel like you can really hold space for people without being in their experience by being present with them, by loving, honoring and accepting them for where that they are, by not holding judgment, but by also having physical and energetic boundaries for your body so that you're not going outside of yourself. But really, this is a game of consciousness. So when you talked about yourself in college and in your younger years, before your prefrontal cortex comes online in your later 20s, and this is a lot of why we started almost 30 podcasts, because that's when the Saturn return is happening, and that's when your prefrontal cortex is coming online and you're becoming conscious, which is actually like, you thinking through and being able to see yourself from a conscious level. You're acting unconsciously. So in our early 20s, we actually are unconscious. We're just kind of playing the tapes that we were taught from a young age. So from a young age, to be safe, we had to attune to mom or dad, especially if dad was a narcissist. If, you know, my mom was a narcissist, I had to attune to them for safety. And they were a very unstable mode of safety, especially when they're emotional, especially when they're volatile, especially when they're a narcissist. So we learn that when we're young because we're recording from a brain perspective from 0 to 7, and then that becomes our unconscious pattern the rest of our life. What do you feel? How do you feel? You hold space without being in their experience.

At the beginning of my journey, like, people would open up to me, and then I was like, I don't know what to say. I want to have tools to be able to help them. And then I went on my journey of Ayurveda and Dharma and all these different things. I learned all these tools, and then they would tell me something, something, and I'm like, oh, you need to do this. And I would be. And I still have that side to me for sure of, like, I can see this thing so clearly. I'm, like, trying to help them. And something you've actually shared with me is, like, in that moment that someone's, like, in their little girl energy.

Yes.

They're not listening. They're not getting through. So even if I'm saying, like, the most truthful thing, it's like they are not in a place to. To hear that. And I think that that's the hard thing for us empaths is, like, to feel like our wisdom is not actually being heard.

Yeah.

And what I've learned, especially like teaching coaches, is, like, to actually be an impeccable coach is not to say much, but to just listen and mirror back to them what they are saying. So they can just hear that and then their own consciousness comes online. Yes.

That is like the most powerful thing. That's the whole thing with it. It's like it's just reflecting back. It's asking questions, it's being patient. And the way that I like to help people in situations is I always say feelings first, facts later. So if someone's coming to me with a problem, they're upset, they're overwhelmed, they're stressed. I like to really understand and deal with the feelings. And then we'll talk about what we can do about it later. Because what's happening from an internal family systems perspective, which is a psychotherapy technique that I work with, is that people are like, their little girl is present, their inner teen is present, or a traumatized or fearful part of them is present. Like. Like, as an example, I remember a time when I was up for this really big opportunity for work and I was so excited about it. I was like, this is my next step. I was pumped. And then one day I got an email and I was like, I didn't get it. It was such a bummer. And I was with two friends and I was so upset, and I was so upset. And so when I got upset, I went into the stories. I'm never gonna be successful. Nothing ever works out for me. I'm not good enough. Like, no one ever is ever gonna see me. All of the things, all of these things could be proven not to be true. But my little girl feels like that I had one friend that was just like, I know it sucks. Like, holding space just really there for me and tending to that little girl. Like, I know you feel that way. Like, that's totally fine. Like, we're gonna get through this. And then I had another friend at that time, well, what are we gonna do about it? What are you gonna do now about it? How are you gonna change this in the future? And that really makes that little girl that, that really scared, sad part of me wanna run. It makes her feel like her feelings are not valid. I know that I will figure out what I'm going to do later, but it's when I'm less in the little girl in a more regulated state. So I really like for people when they're holding space to tend to the feelings and the part of them that's present and upset and then go with the steps that they can take later. But empaths in a lot of cases are going to be meeting that person and matching their energy instead of holding it for themselves and for the other. I think that's one of the most powerful things we can do, is really hold our own energy and our frequency because of the power of entrainment, which means that the energies around you are going to entrain to the highest vibrational frequency possible. So if you were at the highest vibrational frequency, you're actually going to hold the space for everyone to raise to your high frequency instead of going down.

So that person, that friend that was like, okay, what do we want to do about it? It's like, do you think that maybe that could have been, like, good advice for a different person and maybe each person needs space held for them differently?

Yep, yep. I could say that. And I could also say, though, in my experience, even working with men, when you are not regulated and you are in, like, that state, it really is. All of the men that I've loved or been with or my friends, like, they even want to be held tenderly and be like, I know this sucks. Like, this is hard. Like, tell me how you're feeling. Tell me what's going on. So I don't think there's one size fits all for everyone. But what I've found is that helping people get regulated and helping people get grounded is always the best. And then going to like, the strategy later. Because the strategy is thinking mind and the feeling is heart and body. And so we want to keep ourselves in the feeling. I want to keep my clients and whoever I'm working with in the feeling and in the heart as much as possible. So we can heal that and then we can go on the mind later.

It's so true. So I was at Envision Festival earlier this year, and I was like, going back to my hotel, and I'm getting in a taxi, and this girl sees me and she's like, like, can I get a ride with you? I was like, sure. She gets in, and then she just starts crying. She's like, you're so hard, Rose. You changed my life. I'm like, oh. Like, thank you so much. Turns out this girl was on LSD for the first time. And she starts going into, I love Johnny, but he doesn't love me back. And he's crying, crying, crying. And I'm like, okay. Whoa, spirit.

Just like.

I'm like, where do you live? I don't remember. I'm like, we're in the jungle one in the morning, Costa Rica. There's no signs. She doesn't even know where she lives.

Wow.

I'm like, am I gonna have to bring this girl to my hotel right now? And then I was, like, trying to talk to her. There was like, I mean, she Was so she was on psychedelics right now. So she was so open. My mom died. Starts crying about her mother dying. And it was like, already. I was like, this is so deep.

100%.

And I need to make sure this girl either gets to her place safe or I'm gonna have to bring her to my hotel or something. Like, honestly, I thank God that spirit brought her to me.

Yeah.

Because if she got with someone else, she had been in a really bad place.

Her guides brought her there.

100.

Yeah.

So I knew that there was no talking to her or anything because anything I said, it was like, one thing I would say. When someone's on psychedelics, they take it. So, like, one thing I said that would question her. I would see her whole face like, you know this. And then something I would say that was like, inspired. I would see her whole face, like, wow. So I just started playing my song. Trust, flow center, let go. And I was just like, just keep singing this to yourself. Trust, flow, center, let go. I was seeing her light up, she's dancing. She's like, wow, anything's possible. I'm so grateful. She's like, are we gonna be best friends now? I was like, sure. Like, you know, And I was like, do you remember what your place looked like at all? She's like, I remember it was at the end of a road. I'm like, okay. Like, you know, But I was just like. Just kept Trust flow starting to go.

What else?

Tell me more about this road. And just happened to ride. We found her place.

No way.

We found her place and she got home safe. She ended up sending me a message the next day.

Wow.

You know, and turns out her and Johnny are done. And, you know, but it was like. It was just so interesting in that it was almost like what I see in coaching, but, like, really acted out the caricature of it of, like, you say one little thing to someone that it might be the truth that they're just not ready for yet.

Yep, I've done that. Oh, my gosh, girl. In my coaching, I have. I have been on sermons. I have been a sermon on the mount. And then I will. I remember one of my amazing clients years ago, I said this five minute long sermon at the very beginning, I said I validated her experience. After the five minutes, she just goes, thank you for validating my experience. All she heard was my validation. I was like, this is just so rich.

People don't want advice.

People also. And people, man, if people have a part of them that's present that doesn't want to hear it will not let them hear it will smoke screen the truth out. And this part for her was like, oh, I'm only believing the validation of my experience. And I don't even care what you have to say.

That's all she's ready for right now.

That's all she's ready for right now.

But it's hard when we love someone and we can see so much more. We can see the pattern. So it's like, what do you do? Just hold it to yourself?

So I had to learn this in my intimate relationships. I saw so much more for my partners and the people in my life, and I just. I would just die. I would just, like, I see so much more for your path and your future. And I was like, I just got really clear with God and my guides. It's like, that's their soul's choice. Like, in the law of one, it says for those that sleep, the nicest thing you can do is make their sleeping comfortable. It's like just loving them as they are. Because right now when we do that, we're actually not loving them as they are. We're loving them in the version of we want them to be. We see different things for them. Like, I cannot determine what their soul wants for them. I. I can have a vision or a future for them, but I can't determine that. Also, we have enough to do. That's my whole thing with empaths that are, you know, it's like, you guys have enough healing to do on this planet to get yourself out of everyone else's problem and actually use your gifts for good.

Because we use other people's problems, not look at our own.

Oh, 100%. It's none of your. This is my. I have so many mantras as an empath. None of my business. Not my problem, not my. Not my journey, not my truth. Even if I was your. In your case, with that woman in the car. I do a lot of clearing when I'm with people. I'm like, I do not consent to taking on anyone else's energy, problems, thought forms, beliefs that are not my own. Because what I used to do subconsciously was take all of that on. My mother would struggle. That was my whole life. I would take it on subconsciously. So being mindful in the moment, too, of where we're unconsciously taking on people's problems as our own and sort of like creating those boundaries and having those mantras where we can clear our energy. Because the greatest service you can be for her is to be in your own frequency and your own energy, to be in your own power. Because if you start being LSD girl, you guys are both LSD girls lost in the sauce. It's like you deserve to have your own life and they deserve to have theirs. And getting yourself out of the belief that you know better is huge.

I think what's hard in that moment is you don't want to be a bad friend. You don't want like, it's this feeling of someone was vulnerable enough to open up to me and I don't want to like close the door on them, you know. So it's like, what role do you think we have as, as friends to hold space for each other?

Well, in our experience together, I'm very boundaried. But you feel deeply held and loved when you're with me. Like, and that's actually because I'm not make. Empaths are secretly making it about them. So it's actually not in service when you're like that.

How are they making about them?

Because they're like, I need to monitor and watch you and you are unwell and I need to figure out what I can do to make you. And right now I'm going to go outside myself and in your field to make you okay. Because it's actually about me feeling okay. It's not about you. And when you can really be boundaried enough in yourself and like enough in your own experience and body, that's when you can really be there for someone.

So when you say boundaried, are you. So you're placing your hand on your heart, you're saying these affirmations to yourself. You're connecting to your feet. Like what else are you doing?

Yeah, so in the morning and night I always like put my. Put my spheres of protection up. I have like a five minute prayer that I do that's really intricate. Like I restore my divine soul blueprint back to my original essence. And then I. How do you do that? So basically in this prayer it's all about restoring me back to my vital force essence and replacing and refining my divine soul blueprint. So I believe all of us have divine soul blueprints that are perfect that we were given in our life. And by restoring it each and every day, I'm sort of restoring my own Krista Lynn Williams essence. And then at the end of the prayer, I restore my spheres of protection. So I restore the spheres of protection around me and I also cleanse and clear my aura. So I ask my guides and team to repair any rips, any tears, any holes in my aura and send any energy back that's not mine. So those simple prayers, the body touching is really good and just connecting with your aura experience.

Can you guide us through how you would say that prayer?

So every night in the morning, I say angels and guides, please repair any rips, tears, or holes in my aura. Please restore me back to my vital force essence, to my divine soul frequency, please restore my spheres of protection. In the highest good of all beings, I entrust this intention to be made manifest and carried out with joy. And so it is. Amen. Amen. Amen. And so just asking for clear aura, clear field, and then your protection to be restored so you can be in your own experience.

And you said something before about how when you go into, like, hotel rooms, you kind of, like, fortify the walls.

Can you share that as an empath? So empaths are people that are very sensitive to sight. You know, your. Your eyes take in a lot of information, smell, sound, everything, spaces. I think for empaths, being in beautiful spaces is not just about beauty. It's about being in a peaceful experience with, like, a peaceful, clear energy. And so I remember going traveling the world and being in these weird spaces and these weird energies that hold memory. You know, like your furniture, the air, the walls, like, all of it holds so much energy and holds, like different types of spirits, different types of feelings and emotions that can get really stuck in the vibrational field of a space. Like, if someone's been fighting in a space for a really long time, that energy is going to be stuck there unless it's cleansed or cleared, unless there's wind, unless there's movement, unless there's sun, unless there's the elements that are sort of supporting a higher vibrational frequency of that space. So as an empath, I can feel spaces. I can feel the energy of a space. I can feel like. Like what's happened there. It's. I can feel the textures. And so I really make sure to cleanse and clear every space that I get in when I arrive. It's nothing crazy, but it's asking my guides to usually cleanse and purify the space, to fill it with golden creator light that just surrounds me and protects me. To stand and fortify all four corners so north, south, east, and west, and to remove any entities, thought forms, or beings or energies that do not serve my highest and greatest good, and taking them to the light for the time being.

So beautiful. Another one I always feel is when I close my Eyes. And I say calling back all energy that is mine and releasing any energy that is not. And for me, I notice it especially in the Releasing the energy that is not. Love it. Because it's like, as I go throughout my day, I take on a little bit of you and a little bit of this and a little bit of that. And I'm like a holder.

Y.

You know, whereas I don't feel so fragmented. Whereas some people, and they actually have a word for it in Latin American spirituality, susto. And it's like when your soul has left your body.

Y.

So people with susto, a trauma has happened, so part of their soul has fragmented, and so they are a little bit not there in their eyes. A little bit, you know, kind of zombie walking. I had a period of that after my divorce, for sure. Like, I was like.

For sure.

I felt like I was like, going through life, but, like, not really there.

Yeah, yeah.

But then I came back. But then I will, like, almost like that's why I can't watch movies.

Same.

I will be processing that movie for the next two weeks. It's like I'm in the movie Same.

It. It becomes my life.

I. I can't.

I'm.

I'm like my man or everything, you know, that I have to be like, I have a new personality that I'm like, I have to be let alone watching something scary or dark. No fucking way. But I'm like, any kind of movie will become part of who I am that I have to be. So that's why I had to get off TikTok because I couldn't control what I was seeing. So I would see something dark. I'm thinking about that for three days.

Our mirror neurons are more sensitive. So the mirror neurons are the part of the brain that identifies and relates to things. So we have a highly sensitive mirror neuron. So when you're seeing things on tv, whether it's a scary movie or horror or anything like that, you are actually going to be processing that more than a normal person that has more dull mirror neurons. And empaths actually have a greater dopamine sensitivity. So empaths are more sensitive to dopamine. So you're more sensitive to TikTok. You're more sensitive to social media. You're more sensitive. Sensitive to food. That also means you're more sensitive to pleasurable things like sex and music and touch and sight and sound. So on the shadow side, it can be something that can really mess with you if you're overly stimulated, but also can be such A beautiful thing. Like, empaths are so lucky because you're so powerful at manifestation, because empaths can feel things cellularly in their body. And empaths can use pleasure as their ultimate manifestation because that's using the mind and visualization and it's also bringing in the actual feeling of the body to manifest. It's such a beautiful thing.

It's so true. On. As an empath, you do feel like, when I hear music sometimes, I'm like, does everyone hear music like this? I'm like, I'm in them. It's like, this is orgasmic. Or if I eat something that's so good, I'm like, I want to dance. Or, you know, like, of course, like intimacy and tantra. I'm like, how are people just, like, fuck for two minutes? I'm like, it makes no sense.

That's why empaths have to be so mindful when dating, having sex. Like, you are gonna be feeling that in your body, in your soul, in your sight, in your senses. Like, sex is so much deeper first and then solve it.

Because I'm so sensitive. I'm like, I will wanna marry you after this. No, 100%.

Like, this is very personal to you. My add this lover. And we had sex. We had a quickie that morning and he was like, right after we had to go. And he's like, do you want me to hold you after? And I was like, no, I'm good. And I said it unconsciously, thinking I was like, like being cool and whatever. I was like, no, I'm good. The way that I cried for the next three hours in the car we were driving. And he's like, are you good? I'm like, I'm not good. I needed to be held. I needed my field to be closed by the masculine after him, penetrating and opening it. And so empaths are just lovers. Like, we're such deep feelers. And on the food and pleasure thing, this was my experience too, when I was unconsciously an empath. I was eating so much because it was helping to ground me in my body. I was using the food as a sensory experience to remind me of my body and my physical experience and to ground my body. So empaths oftentimes can be overeating. They can be using food as like a protective mechanism. They can be using food unconsciously in a way that's detrimental to them because they're using it to ground or protect themselves or just connect with their body because they lose themselves.

So true. So my question for you is, like, something I personally. Personally, I love praying for people. You see, I have an altar. I set up lots of candles. I'm always. And it's almost like I don't really need anything in my life. So I'm mostly just praying for other people. And I feel like it's part of who I am. But then I'm like, is this my empath, like, leaving my body, being in other people's experience thing? Or do you think it's just like, you know, the ultimate gift of the empath is to be the healer?

Yeah, I do think the ultimate gift of the empath is to be the healer. I think the exalted empath is the ultimate healer. I think this is why I'm passionate about this work, is because there are so many women listening that are not living in their dharma and in their truth because they're unconsciously an empath. But when you can be conscious about it, man, the way that my gifts came online, the way that my power came online, the way that my femininity came online is insane. And the way that I am in the spaces that I coach and teach is just next level because of all of the ways in which I've integrated my empathy. But as far as it relates to prayer, I always remember, firstly, that God's got it under control, that we can do our thing. We can pray for someone or not, and God's gonna choose what's gonna happen or not. So don't even need to worry about it. Like, God's like, okay, cool. Or like, okay, that's gonna work. But I think for prayer, I think it's a really beautiful thing to pray for people. I often pray for animals, people that are suffering in the planet. So my prayers are often for more, like, sentient beings that I feel, like, really need it. I don't pray a lot for people in my life unless they request it or unless they ask it, just because I feel like there's a lot of places that my energy is directed that isn't inside of me wanting to control their experience. But I don't think it's a bad thing. I think it's a very loving thing to do.

Yeah. Because I feel like when you learn a lot about being an empath, it's like, fuck, I need to stop being an empath.

I think that denial of being the empath, too, is denial of the feminine, because I think being an empath is a very feminine experience. I think one of the gifts of the feminine is being able to be psychically attuned to people, it's that compassion, it's that empathy. It's usually prioritizing the other over you sometimes. And doing it consciously is the way. And I think when we are avoiding the empathic nature, we are denying this beautiful element of us that's like that watery feminine that gives us so much of our power and so much of our magic and so much of our mystery. And so it breaks my heart when people are like, okay, I need to stop being an empath. No, what you need to do is stop prioritizing everyone else over you and start to prioritize yourself and your own experience and learn to love people as they are instead of trying to change them for your comfort.

Yeah. So I think it's like, if it's getting in the way of you living your dharma.

Yes.

Then it's 100%. But if you can do your dharma, do your thing, and feel with your friends and hold space with your friends too, then that's a gift. Because, you know, I've shared with you. It's like, yeah, I've gone to every kind of healer on planet Earth.

I know, dude, zing.

And I'm like, my friends are better.

Oh, my God, Literally. Preach.

But then I'm like, but y' all aren't responsible. But I think we all. I don't know. So it's like, what role do friends have in holding space for each other? And when to be like, I think you need to see a healer for this.

I'm curious if you had this experience too with friends. And I had this for so long. I remember when I was in my 20s, my one of my best friends was in this very toxic relationship with her. Man, my whole life was this mother freaking relationship. The way that it took me down, I was unwell. I was like, it was my whole life. I was like, you cannot be with him. Like, it was just my whole experience. And there was a moment I just woke up and I'm like, what am I doing? She's gonna do what she wants to do. It's actually pushing her further away. And it's actually me trying to control her experience. And I'm actually not loving her. This isn't loving her. And so when I started to grow up and realize that your friends are gonna do what your friends are gonna do, and you can't control them, and you can't make their whole experience about what you want for them, everything just got so much better. So I think the role of healer and coach and therapist versus friends for me, I love healers. Coaches and therapists, because it's a space that I know there's an equal energy exchange for because I'm paying them. I can take up all of the space. I can take up all of the space. And with friends, I know that my friends hold space for me, but I'm attuned and aware that, like, there's a balance that we need to be in. Balance of how much you're holding space for me and how much I'm holding space for you.

And I want to say, like, what I've noticed is it's almost like this web that happens of, like, maybe I'm able to hold space for you between the two of us today, but then someone else is holding space for me, someone else is holding space for them, and someone else is holding space for them, and it's. There's a beauty to that. So it doesn't necessarily have to be like. Like, because if you're in it, I can't expect you to be there.

Totally.

You know, so it's like. But then it's almost like everyone needs to find their person.

Yes.

And then I think what can get hard for the feminine is often we are the one in the. In a romantic relationship who is holding it. Because between a man and a woman, we just can feel more.

Dude. I know.

So it's like, what are your tips of if you feel like in. In your partnership, and they're not asking for it, but it's just like, you're seeing it, feeling it, it's there. And it's also like, because you're in a romantic partnership, until these things are addressed, you can't be in the kind of partnership that you would want.

Totally. I think I was talking to you about this the other day where I was saying, I'm like, if you are interested in what you are saying, he will be interested in what you are saying. If you are not interested in what you are saying, he will not be interested in what you're saying. If you care about your feelings, he will care about your feelings. If you don't care about your feelings, he will not care about your feelings. So really, you need to lead with showing him how to hold space for you, showing him how to care for you, showing him how to be there for you, and really prioritizing your experience instead of just jumping into his all of the time, trying to fix him, change him, hold space for him, do all of these things.

How do you teach someone to do that? Yeah.

So this is what happens in experiences like this with my clients. Sometimes they'll come in and they'll talk about a situation and they'll usually be talking about a situation with someone in their life and another person, and it actually has nothing to do with them. And so I'm like, so where are you in this situation? Like, where are you? Like, what is this? How is this impacting you? And in codependency, people will change and shift and answer and not have an answer that is anywhere related to them. So I always try and bring them into the situation. Like, what role do you play in the situation? How do you feel about this situation? How is this situation impacting you? So always asking the question about you, making it about you. And this is the thing. Empaths are so scared of making it about them. They don't have a defined sense of self, so they're not going to make anything about them. They're going to make everything about the other person. And so always asking yourself, how do I feel? How does this relate to me? How does this impact me? What would I do in this situation? Or what would happen in this situation if I wasn't here? How am I prioritizing this situation over my own life and my own experience? So continuing to come back to act, ask questions about yourself, you should not be making all of your energy and all of your time and attention about someone else's problem. It's actually not your problem. It's actually nothing that you need to worry about. It's actually only something you need to hold space for and then move on from you. Matching their energy is for your own good and not for theirs. What do you feel like?

I remember in my previous relationship, he would be quite moody, you know, and so there were some days that he was good and some days that he was bad. And like, so I would be like, wondering why, like, what happened? Like, why is he not. And then I'm in my head of like, did I do something? Did I say something? And so my whole day would be gone because I'm trying to figure out, yep, is it because of me?

Totally.

Are we good? And you're not telling me? And the more I'm asking you, the more you're reclining away. And so I had to eventually learn to just, like, he's in his mood and kind of just like cut off from that, you know?

And that's such a lit. When I'm in a mood and someone just respects my mood. That's so nice to me. Yeah. And that's, this is the thing, but this is the next level maturity because there's an immature person that's gonna want the person to keep coming to them and keep asking them what's wrong. So if we want change, we have to change ourselves. So if you are someone that loves, when someone asks you five times, are you okay? And you wait till the fourth time to tell them that you have a problem, you're creating more drama, stress, and chaos for the person in your relationship. And you're actually breaking a level of trust. When someone asks you if something's wrong and something is wrong, you deserve to tell them something is wrong. You're lying to them when you're not. You're making them chase you. You're making them, like, contort to you, and you're actually creating dissonance and stress in their system. That's not really fair. It's okay for you to tell them that something's wrong. It's okay for you to express that you feel a certain type of way. And holding it and withholding so that they're guessing is a way to control someone. And that's not a fair way to be in a relationship.

Yeah. And it totally was a codependency of, I could only be okay if he was okay. So then I kept trying to figure out, is he okay? So I could just go about my day, you know, and it was like the only way out was to just disconnect. But then it was like, damn, I don't want to have to disconnect. I think the love makes you want to connect. Yes, you are. Especially when you're in love with someone. You're so psychically attuned that it's like, even if they're saying everything, you can feel it, you know? So it's like, how to be in love with that.

I. So for me, love is freedom, love is liberation. And love isn't. Isn't gripping it isn't controlling. It isn't that. And that's what I realized in my last relationship where I was like, I wanted to change that person. I would like attune to them. I would, you know, try and control them psychically. I would try and read their mind. And it's like, that's actually not love. Love is letting them be who they are in their own experience and trusting that they're gonna bring whatever problem to me. That's also an important part of relationship is like, true intimacy is coming to me when you have a problem. It's not making me guess, it's not making me wonder. It's not making me, you know, contort and all of these things. That's like psychic manipulation. And I lived in that my whole life in my. At my house.

Narcissist.

Narcissists do that. Most narcissists do that.

Yeah. And they'll. They'll kind of make it seem like, oh, you know what you did.

Oh, don't.

And then you're like, what could it have been? And it's like, they leave that little crumb there.

It's so fudged, the way that my body just reacted to you. Saying, that is crazy.

I know.

Oh, you know what you did.

Yeah. Is because then it puts a war within yourself.

Of course. I mean, and. And now again, by the way, the.

Reason why they're in the mood had nothing to do with what you did.

Nothing to do with what you did. Like, you know what's hard, though? Is that that in relationships, it's hard because there are times where you're picking. Where they're lying to you, where you are picking up on something that's actually wrong between you. And they're like, nothing's wrong.

Always.

This is my promise.

Because then you can't trust what they say.

Exactly. This is my promise in relationships and especially with my children. If I have a problem with you and you ask me because you intuitively feel like there's a problem, it is my duty to tell you the truth. Because I do not want to deny someone's psychic gifts and someone's intuition and someone's ability to read minds just because I'm uncomfortable telling you the truth. I've had my gifts and my intuition and my psychic gifts denied for so much in my life, and it is such a disservice to people.

Yeah. But I feel a lot of people do that because they don't want to be seen.

Yeah. Or they don't want to acknowledge the truth.

So on the flip side of that, I see a lot of empaths say I need to tell them the truth.

People are like, energy doesn't lie. I'm reading energy. I need to tell them the truth. I 100% know that that's a true thing. I can read energy. You can read energy. It's true. But what's happening when we're reading energy is we have these Auric bodies. I think you were talking about it too. So we have these Auric bodies. A lot of times in our Auric field, trauma will live, or our experiences will live, and then we will see and view the world through our Auric field and through that trauma. So as an Example, I was someone that my parents didn't really pay attention to me. They didn't really listen to me. They didn't really hear what I had to say. So when I go and meet people in situations, there's a part of me in my oric field that assumes that no one cares what I have to say. So I just kind of make it about you. I ask you questions, I talk about you. So I could be someone where I'm like, I'm reading energy, and I'm saying, sahara doesn't care what I have to say. She's not listening to me. But actually, I'm viewing you through my oric field. And so the unprocessed person would say, hey, I need to tell you the truth. You don't care what I have to say. You're not listening to me. Instead of going in and being like, okay, the energy that I'm reading is that she doesn't care what I have to say. Let me feel into that. Is that true? How do I know that that's true? Doing the Byron Katie thing. What if I believe the opposite? What if I believe she has. She's really excited about what I had to say, and she wants to hear me. What would that feel like in my body? So I'm totally down with people expressing their truth, people speaking their truth. The voice is such an empowering thing, and it's such a powerful part of our experience on Earth. But I really implore people to do your due diligence of checking it on your shadows and running it through your algorithm of how it could be potentially about you before you tell someone that.

Yeah. Cause I think that, like, I see your shadows, so I need to tell you can also come from a narcissistic place.

I had someone do that recently. They're like, I could see your shadows. And I'm like, there is no shadow that you're gonna tell me that I haven't seen. Don't. Don't get it twisted. The way that I'm checking in on my shadows is true. And it's always about them. It's always about them. Anytime you're seeing someone else's shadow, it could be true, but it's mostly about you and what we. And so people need to really cleanse and clear their experience before they're coming to someone, like, telling them the truth.

And also, like, what are you supposed to do with that?

Exactly.

You didn't ask. There wasn't an opening. And now I've just told you that. That now you're Just going to feel, like, shame or just, like, deny it. And now there's just going to be rift between you two.

Most you statements should be I statements. So if you come to a conversation or relationship and you're like, you're making me feel small, it should be, I'm feeling really small in this moment. I'm wondering how we could work together to make me feel like I'm taking up more space or, I love you so much, and I'd love to feel bigger in this relationship. I'm feeling pretty small. I'm wondering how you're experiencing me. Like, really focusing on you is going to change the game for every single one of your relationships. Instead of always being like, them, them, them, them, them.

And I even wonder, like, when is it worth even saying that?

Oh, I know, I know. I usually take a while. Like, I'll, like, really let feelings sit with me. I'll really process them. I'll really wrestle with them before I actually speak the truth or speak to them. Because I'm like, how is this something I could handle on myself? How is this something I could process on my own? How could I see all sides of this? And how could I metabolize this before I bring it to someone? I really like to be fully baked before I bring it to someone. So if you know that I'm going to come to you with a problem, I'm going to be pretty baked on it where I'm going. Like, I'm actually very clear. I checked my shadows, I checked my issues. I regulated my nervous system. I ran it through my algorithm. And I still want to say something to you because when I'm fully baked, my intention is for greater intimacy. So conflict resolution is such a path to intimacy in relationships. It's so underrated. I know. When I was younger, I thought us getting along all the time was how we were intimate. That's also the codependency. Us getting along and agreeing on everything was intimacy. Now, intimacy for me is conflict resolution. It's us being able to be in our sovereignty and still be together and be in our own experience. And I think people overlook that so often in relationships, especially people that are empaths and codependent because they prioritize the peace so much that they're not allowing for true growth and sovereignty to happen in relationships by being in their own experience and having conflict.

Yeah. And there's that nuance there. So I was always that person who, if something was bothering me, I needed to say it, like, right away. Like, I couldn't Sit with it. I was like, I need to speak. If like you'll know if there's ever something that's coming, I will let you know. Probably.

Oh, I know.

At the end of the day.

No, we had, we had an issue and you called me right away.

Yeah.

And that was a complete mistake, complete overlook on my part. I was so grateful you said it to me and you called me right away.

Yeah. Because for me, I know if I sit with something so long I will like spiral out. So I'm like, let me just speak into it now while it's present and just like share how I feel.

Yeah.

And. And that was like a different situation. But like what I'm learning sometimes, especially in like relationship is like to sit with things a little bit longer, you know, and to like maybe this thing that feels really present, alive for me won't even be there in three days.

Yes. Oh my gosh. 100%.

You know, I think sometimes when a problem happens, we're like, this is what it's going to be like now, you know, and it's like sometimes it is a one time thing, you know, and it's like also people have so many problems, stuff going on, like they happen to bring that one to us. It's like they'll figure it out just like they have the rest of their own. So what I'm really doing right now is like just sitting with things myself longer and then like, let's say I'm deliberating over myself then bringing it to a friend.

Yeah.

Maybe bringing it to multiple friends. And then finally like bringing it to the person or the partner, whatever. The thing is, because I've at least like taken away some of the fieriness of it.

Yes.

You know, whereas I feel like a lot of women were like, we go straight to the partner with the problem and then it's like, like, yeah, it's, it's still so alive within ourselves. So then it's like they're taking on all that emotion. The. It's not even about the problem. It's like it's handling the emotion right now. So it's like I'm just sitting with like, how much of this can I process within myself? But then the shadow side of that is you could take it so far of not bringing anything to your partner.

100 and then just being like, I'm.

Just going to accept you and everything exactly as it is and not ask for any change. And there's a very Buddhist nature to that, you know, but it's like, but then we're just gonna end up in relationships that we don't want. And I think that's the hard thing about today, is, like, to know, like, what's worth fighting for, you know, and what's worth, like, just sitting with that.

Was my deepest question in my last relationship, is what is normal in relationship? What is normal, hard, and what is unaligned? Like, how do you find that balance of, like, yeah, this is. Is stuff you're meant to go through to grow, and then this is actually something you're forcing because it's unaligned. It's such a real question. But when I think about the conversation around if I should bring something to someone or not, what I like to do, first of all, is tell myself I love myself if I bring it to them and it doesn't go right. I love myself if I bring it to them and I mess up and I don't speak well or I don't speak clearly. And I love myself if. Even if I don't say anything. So I always like to approach any conversation or question that I'm deliberating with myself online. Like, I love myself no matter what. If I say something, I love myself. If I fuck it up, I love myself. If I don't say something, I love myself. It's all good. No matter what choice I make, I'm making the right choice. So that was such a liberating thing for me, because when someone's codependent, you usually are not bringing issues to people because you'll kind of run them in your head. You're like, if I say this, they're gonna say this. And then if they say something, I'm gonna say this. And you stop yourself because you're trying to control or you're, like, psychically attuning to things that they're gonna say instead of focusing on what you want to say and why you want to say it. But it's real. I love the getting rid of the heat thing. Like, this is what I love doing with my clients is like, giving them a space to. And I always say, let it rip. I'm like, I want you to let it rip with me. I want you to let it rip in your car. I want you to let it rip. I actually did a practice with one of my best friends, Joey, last week. He was having an issue with one of his friends, and we were at dinner, and I'm like, I want you to let it rip to me as if I was her. And so he. He let it rip. He's like, you don't show up for me. You don't do all these things and just said the most unprocessed, unhinged, unperfect, unlike, you know, PC things to move that energy and allow that like fiery frequency to go so that he could actually get to the truth. So the feelings are being taken care of because the heat is being taken care of through that conversation. And then he could be like, actually, you know what? I'm really sad. Sad after that fire is gone. The truth is that I'm sad after the anger dissipates. The truth is that I'm sad. So I think tending to the fire that we feel of our emotions is such a beautiful thing. And if you can come more baked to your relationships, they're going to be so much better off.

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And I feel then it's like there's just so much more room for to grow in relationship. It doesn't become this is this the right person for me or not? Maybe I have to end the relationship. But rather bringing these aspects into the relationship, bringing in nuance because none of us have learned this shit.

Yeah.

You know, we're learning it. Let alone people who don't listen to this podcast. Like you know, we all have to give each other grace and maybe it's sending I'm like let's send this podcast to everyone because there's so much good stuff in there. So I'm curious. Any other like good energetic tips you have for empathy?

Yeah. So for empaths, I think what I always like to speak to the empaths about is using the elements, so using the element of water. Water is so cleansing and so purifying. It's baptismal. It's one of the best things an empath can do is use water, especially salt water. You know, when you can get in the ocean or you can get into the element of salt, those negative ions can really balance your frequency and balance your auric field. So I think showering is really powerful. I love to shower midday after meetings if I have a stressful day. I like to really cleanse and clear my field because empaths are essentially going to be absorbing things in their body and in their field unconsciously. So as much water as you can use, I think is really powerful. Also using the sun, I will bring in the galactic sun in my meditations. I'll bring in the galactic sun in the morning. Looking and being around the sun is really powerful. Whenever I'm standing underneath the sun or the sun is present for me, I'll just imagine it dissolving any impurities in my field, just cleansing and purifying my aura, just kind of resetting me to my highest vibrational state, to the natural state of my experience. And so using that beautiful crystallizing, cleansing energy of the sun to really nourish and purify you. You can also use fire. Gazing at the fire is really helpful to really balance yourself and get you present in the moment. And then wind imagining anything that's on your aura, anything that's on your field, just being picked up and lifted gently by the wind is such a beautiful thing. So using the elements is a really powerful practice for empaths. I also think it's really, really good for empaths to be super mindful about what they consume. And that means both from a media perspective and a food perspective and a beverage perspective and a conversation perspective. So an empath is someone who's really poor at virus. Again, they have the hypersensitive mirror neurons. They're more sensitive to dopamine. They're going to be processing information much more intensely and with their five senses than most people. So you need to be mindful about what you're consuming on tv, what you're consuming in media, what social media you're consuming, what kind of conversations you're consuming, because that's all going in your system and in your body much more deeply than other people. People. You have something that's really processing things. Your brain, when it's watching tv, is not going to be like, oh, that person's not my Friend, they're seeing someone talk on TV and they're going to process it like the person you know or like your friend. So your sensitivity and your activation is going to be online, even with media. Also being mindful about your food. Empaths are very sensitive from a food perspective too. So sugar, caffeine, alcohol, substances are going to impact you even more than most people. So I don't drink caffeine. I don't drink recently.

I was drinking coffee past few weeks. I can't do it anymore.

In 2025, it is going to be the new alcohol. Don't correct me if I'm wrong, but just if I'm right, then praise, because I think it's going to be the next thing. People are consuming too much alcohol.

Even. Even, like I said, too much caffeine. Too much caffeine. And it's like speed. And even I made a decaf thing, but I like, couldn't even drink it because even the decaf is so processed. And then I spilled it. Like, spirit was just like, stop drinking this. I'm just going to switch to tea.

So basically, when you drink caffeine, you're tricking your body to think that you're not tired. So when I realized that fact, I'm like, I no longer want to trick my body into anything. The way that we trick our body and biohack our body. We biohack what God made perfect. I don't need to tell my body every single morning, you're not tired, you can do this. If my body's tired, I need it to tell me because I need to rest best. And that is such a patriarchal, like, capitalistic way to be of being obsessed with productivity through caffeine. I have a friend yesterday I was talking to does like eight shots of espresso a day. Not only is that impacting your adrenals and your sleep and your. And your health, but it's keeping you outside of your body and your sensitivity. So I really think for empaths, not having caffeine will change your life. And it's such a big thing for me.

I love all of these because it makes you so much more attuned to how you really feel, which is so important. And that's what empathy is. And it's like. And that's what, what, like, ecstasy is.

Yes.

All of the beautiful things that we want to experience in life can only come from the sensitivity.

Yes.

You know, like, for me, like, really being alone and in my own inner journey, it's like even like the Littlest touch on my skin is orgasmic. Like, I do like Kundalini yoga. I'm having like full energy orgasms from it because I'm so in tune with my body. Whereas when people are like coffee stimulants, porn, social media, horror, horror movies, whatever, it's like nothing will make them happy. Yeah, because everything is so gross and overt and hard and rough that then they need more and more and more and more until they eventually just like burn out.

Yes. It's so gross to me not to, like be judgmental, but I am being judgmental. It's just like all of that sensory overload of all of these terrible, horrible things and graphics. Like, it's normal for you to feel something when you see these horrible things happening on TV and online and in movies. Like. Like it's actually abnormal for you to not be affected by seeing people die or by seeing people murdered or by seeing animals hurt. Like, that is a natural way of being in our human experience. And the way that we've been desensitized with these images and all of this media is horrible. And it's such a crime. And it's so sad for children to have this experience where they're not actually having their own empathetic experience. For animals and plant life and humans, it's like. Like it's horrible. So as much as you can stay in your sensitivity of your own experience is such a beautiful thing and detaching from what's not true. And I think what also really helped me was a course in miracles. A course in miracles is so profound. It's so 5D. It's so Jesus coded. And I really love because Course in miracles. This is very, very out there. But it helped me. It says that anything that's not perfect is an illusion. So whenever I see something that is harmful or something like war on TV or something like that, it's like that's actually part of the illusion. Because anything that's not oneness or wholeness or God is an illusion. This whole experience is being part of the Matrix, the Maya, the illusion. So anything that's not God that's being shown to me is part of the illusion. So I kind of let it leave my field and just say part of the illusion, not part of my experience. My experience is God. My experience is wholeness. And just coming back to that. So a little spiritual bypass always helps. It's one of my favorites.

It's like most people are not going to really be able to receive that. I do trust a lot of people here on the podcast will get it.

And if they don't, you could continue to be addicted to that makes you.

Feel horrible, but it's all good. And you watching it all doesn't make it better.

Literally. That's my whole thing is you sitting at your house, looking at your phone, watching horrible things, and then getting angry is actually not helping.

It's just adding to the vibration. Vibrational field of 100 of war consciousness.

Yeah.

You know, and everything. It's like, how are we going to stop the wars in the world when we have war consciousness within? And, you know, I totally understand of like, well, that's not going to help the people who are there. But it's like we have to think everything is vibrational. Like, if I start screaming like this and I like, the whole field is different. I can just. We all feel the energy currency, me doing that for 2 milliseconds, let alone all of that.

And we're not opposed to people helping. Helping. My whole work is in service to people. But it's like you being in an activated nervous system state, Being mad at your screen does not help.

Go on the grounds and help.

Yeah. Go on the grounds and help.

Yeah. And I just feel that it's just important because. And if you talk to people who actually help and do volunteer work, they're very in their bodies. They know what they can't take on. They know. You know, it's funny because when I first started, you know, realizing I was an empath and people would always come to me and, like, I felt like I need to fix everyone's problems now that I, you know, have been a Coach for over 14 years, have trained thousands of coaches. It's what I do that, like, someone could really say anything to me. And it, like, does not face me same at all.

I'll be in Ubers and they'll be like, saying the craziest stuff and I'm like, totally.

No, no, it's.

That's what's. It's so crazy how my capacity for. For insanity has expanded to a point where I'm like. And I know if I do get activated, there's something in me.

Totally.

Like, I had a situation with someone at some point and they were suicidal. They had suicidal ideation. And I wasn't like, activated, but I could feel something in myself was really fearful. And I had to go to the young girl in me that was trying to rescue my suicidal mom, who was then activated when she was suicidal and wanted to save her and wanted to fix her. And so I Had to tend to that little girl and just tell her that, like, it's not on her. She doesn't have to hold this. And so when we do feel that activation and we aren't able to just hold space, there's something there for us.

And I think it's like that fine line of people are just gonna learn their problems themselves.

That's what I had to realize, too.

There's nothing we can say or do that's gonna prevent someone from their destiny.

We've all had that friend that we told that their boyfriend cheated on them, and they stayed with that man. Man. We all had that. My friends is just.

They're broken up, but then they're getting back together, but they're not together and this. And I had to tell them both. I'm like, I love you both. I can't hear about this relationship anymore because nothing I say to either of you, you guys, is getting through to this. But it's like, you know, one thing I really saw on ayahuasca was that there is, like, a cause and effect in the universe, and that someone may say something that causes a dark night in the soul in someone, but that is divine.

Yeah.

You know, and then you cause a dark night in the soul, soul in someone else, and they cause a dogma in the soul in someone else. And it's like, these things are destined.

Yeah.

You know, and it's like, I do feel God, on the flip side of. It works through us that sometimes we can say the perfect thing that, like, you know, when you're saying something to someone, you're like, you don't even know where it's coming from. It's like the guidance is being channeled through, and sometimes it's exactly what that person needed to say, and sometimes it goes through deaf ears, you know, and it's like, then it's like, then how do you know what to say? It's like, well, just. Just get really present in your heart of. Is this gonna really be received right now?

Yeah.

You know, is a voice note really the best way that you're gonna preach your sermon? It's like, no, that person's on a walk. You know, they're not even paying attention. They're. They're texting someone, and you might be like, I really need to speak this truth on the voice note. It's like the containment of how we have conversations is more important than what is being said. That if I'm sitting with you and you're sharing and you're sharing and you're Sharing.

Sharing.

At the end of the conversation, I say, you know what, thank you so much for sharing this with me. I have a reflection, if you're open to hearing it.

Yeah.

And then I drop it right there. Is like, that might be received as opposed to. We don't need to get into the story right now. This is what it is. It's like, I'll flip that. I remember I went to this healer and I was like, my divorce and I got cheated on. And he was just like, okay, like, are we gonna stick with the story or are we gonna like. And actually there was a huge relief that came from that because most people would be like, like, oh my God, poor girl, you did not deserve that.

That's a specific masculine medicine though. Yeah, that is a specific masculine medicine.

And I was after, I said thank you for that. Cause I wanted to go into the story with you, you know, and he was just like, that's not what we're here to do.

That's one thing. I coach men now. And that's the one pleasure and delight with men. You just tell em you're like, yo, are you gonna do that? And they're like, no, that's right. And women, we love to weave and stay in the story and stay in the victim. Cause we're so used to it over time. And men even like, I wonder.

Cause I see men who help other men and it's like very like motivational.

Oh, I know.

It's like the guy's like, the guy's like, I'm going to kill myself. He's like, do push ups.

It's literally like, do a cold plunge. Do the cold plunge. It's like read stoicism, right?

But I'm like, but maybe that's what men need.

You know, I, I don't. I think everyone's so different. Like some men need to be held in their tenderness and need to have their femininity like tended to and cared for and balanced.

A lot of men need female coaches because men can't hold that.

I have men that I'm working with now and I'm getting more training to work with men because it's a different experience. It's like there's a different level of precision and there's a different level of power I need to hold and there's a different level that I need to bring. And I think with women I've mastered the psychic space. I can go into a woman's psychic space and be there and hold there and hold her up, down, side to side. All around. But for men, it's like they are much more tending to their psychic space so you can't get in as much. And they're very one thought driven. So you're kind of like on one linear path. And they have such a defined protector part that you have to get with and get to know. That doesn't usually let you get to the truth very often. Women have a lot of different parts. We're emotional, we're sad, we're crying, we're.

Powerful, we're a goddess. We're all these things and we're a lot more honest.

Yes. And you know what? This is what I'll say. Women hate themselves so much, but it's a benefit to them because they're so willing to change, grow and evolve. And men are like, they're like, I'm fine, it's all good. And I'm like, women, the fact that we're like, please tell me what to do is like a huge benefit.

Exactly. And it's. And it's by design. And one thing I'll add to that is the polarity piece.

Yeah.

I'm someone, I'm like ayahuasca. When you talk to me like we are going to dive deep. However I've noticed anyone I've dated, it's like we're going to get to like the deep core.

Yes. You're going to be excited and scared at the same time.

Exactly. You're turned on and petrified. But I've had to learn to not go there, you know? And I remember I worked with this coach and I'm like, I just feel like it just happens when I'm in my, my in the field and I want to dive deep with them. And she's like, but you're going to ruin the polarity. And I'm like, well, what's the point that I with a man if you're the space holder for him? Because in a relationship there's going to be a level of holding space for each other, of letting each other in. Vulnerability. And I think a lot of men are so guarded that when they become vulnerable, they're so afraid of being too much.

Yes.

So I'm like, so what is the line? That it's too much. And she said when he's like crying in your arms, like, that is when you've crossed the line. I don't know if you've ever been there with someone. I have, you know, and.

And I said pussy.

Did you?

No. Hell no. What do you mean? I'm not insane.

Yeah.

Like, just kidding. I was like, oh, my. No. Because at that phase, I thought like, oh, this is us being close.

That's what I thought too.

I don't think it's a bad thing. I, I, I, I agree and understand the polarity thing. And I.

She's like, it's hard to get polarity back once you hit that point. She's like, he needs to cry in someone else's arms. Like a motherly figure, a coach or something like that, not the woman he supposed to fuck.

I understand that from the, from the textbook level. And then I also.

Yeah. How do you not go there in your relationship?

Exactly what is my. My husband's, like, crying. I'm like, you need to call a therapist. Like, what am I gonna do? Like, that man is upset. I also, this is my walk away.

Give him a space.

I don't, this is my whole thing about masculine feminine. I don't want to be approaching a human being like, you are ruining our polarity, and you are not in the masculine. Go take that to someone else. Like, I think that I love the masculine feminine thing. I never want to box people in so much that I'm approaching them like that. And I thought I was doing that with dating, where I was like, okay, he's doing this. He's not at his masculine. Okay. And I'm like, I'm not looking at him like a complex human that oscillates between masculine and feminine and that I need to love in their wholeness, But I was, like, looking at him through this masculine box of what he needed to do to fit in it.

So would you say. Let's say it gets to a point that, that, you know, he's sharing something really vulnerable and he starts crying. Like, what does one do?

Say, ugh, gross. No. One time I did call someone, dude, push ups, dude. I literally called one of my partners a pussy once, and we never recovered. It was, like, one of my darkest moments. If I have a man, I'm gonna hold space for them and be there for him, like, and if it messes with the polarity, I don't know, man. But if someone is opening up to.

Me in that way, then are we becoming their healer and their mother?

That was something I had to react realized with someone that I was dating where I was like, oh, they're. They're continuing to come to me with their problems and issues, and I'm spending a lot of time holding space for them and alchemizing for them, and they're not doing the same for me.

Because you have more of a capacity to. We always.

Exactly. That was my power of how I got men, though.

Oh, why are they attracted to men?

Oh, why are they? I'm your therapist.

I am the oracle genie that you will never meet again.

And I would. And it's funny because in my women's relationships, I'm like, what are you bringing to the table for me? But for men, I was, like, not looking at them like, what are you bringing to the table for me? So if I'm holding space for you, I'm being your oracle, but you're not being my provider, then this is not gonna work.

He can hold space in the physical, but I feel women, we hold space in the emotional 100% and be okay with that. Of, like, I don't. It's like, even if my man's tried, he'll never be you. You know, they just can't.

Yes.

But then it's like, yeah, that's one thing I wonder. You know, it's like, I go so deep with people, and I feel that that's necessary in relationships because it, like, breaks the mask.

Yeah.

But then it's like, in this new world that we're in, that we do have healers and help in different ways, it's like, what is the role of the partnership versus that?

I know. I think that's a tough one. I think just for the first part of going deep, I used to be someone that was like, I don't like small talk. I only like to be deep. Da, da, da, da. And like, now I'm like, everything feels the same to me energetically. It's just truth. If someone is being really deep about something, it doesn't feel deep to me because it's actually. Actually not my problem. I'll hold space for them, but I'm not taking on their energy. So they could be as deep as they want. And I will hold space, but I'm not meeting them there. If they want to be super light, it doesn't matter to me. I'm not meeting them there. So I just stay in my own experience and frequency and just ride my own waves. And then I'm not attached to everyone else. But what is the role of our partner? I don't know. I struggle with this because the core needs I have in relationship is for someone to attune to me in way A and hold space for me and listen to me and really, like, hold me, because that's like, my wounding. And so I want my partner to be someone that I go to and to be someone that holds space for me. But I understand that it could lose polarity. I don't know. I think it's like, this is the thing. When we talk about relationships, a lot of the problems and things that we're discussing have never been happening or talked about before.

We're in uncharted territory.

This is exactly our exploration and our discovery is uncharted. Women have never held this much power, held this much money. We have never been in the positions we have been in. We have never been as masculine. Men have never been as feminine. It's just like a whole template that's being rewritten. And we're actually now stepping into a really beautiful experience in relationships that are more balanced, that are more deep, that actually, because all of our needs are met, of safety, of love, of connection, we can actually go to a space where relationships can be powerful and healing and up leveling and all of these things. But. But we all don't know. We're all exploring it for the first time.

Yeah. I feel like in partnership, even establishing, like, what are the things that we bring into the relationship and what are the things that are. Like, these are your things with your. You know, it's like your partner is like, oh, so and so happened with this friend. Yeah. They're telling you, but then it kind of like becomes your problem. But I feel like we do this to bond.

Yep.

You know, but then it becomes like, how often have you had some couple, all their drama become part of your relationship? Oh, my God. So and so got back together. Oh, my God. So and so this. Oh, my God. And then it's like, you're in that whole journey, and it's like, why are you guys even talking about it? You know, I just pull up out.

Of that, and I'm like, this isn't a life I want to live. I don't want to be talking to my partner about gossip. I don't like that, to me, tells me that I'm not doing enough interesting things in my life if I'm talking about other people. If I'm gossiping, I'm like, whoa, I need to get a life and get busy with my own purpose and get busy with my own Dharma. It is my nightmare to be sitting at a place gossiping about other people. I'm like, there is so much beauty in life and things to talk about about and things to experience and things to discuss, like, besides other people's decisions and experiences, like, and for my man to be gossiping with me, that is not my. That's not my preference.

Yeah, I mean, it's. It's interesting. Like, this Kama Sutra teacher said that sometimes, like, a healthy gossip can bring partners together. Of, like, we have this shared secret between us. Or I'm. You're the person I'm telling this to and like that. But I think it's like, you know, to not make that the basis. And I think a lot of relationships is like, oh, and so and so is doing this and so and so is doing that. And it's like, I feel often when one partner has less of a capacity to talk about ideas, it's almost like the easy thing to talk about is people in your lives. Like, you know, when you. Like, that's profound. Family.

That's profound.

It's like, oh, how's your sister? And how's the aunt? And how you're just talking. You're just giving updates, you know, and that's like, yeah, I really don't want to be in a relationship that's like that.

No, but that's really profound to think about that. It's funny because you do attune to people and you go to their capacity level. Because I'll go home and I'm like, the way that I talk, I'm a different person because you just don't. People don't have capacity. So sometimes men, I think, don't want to go deep all the time. I don't think it's their preference to be.

And that's why I feel like a lot of us women feel lonely in relationships.

Oh, yeah, Huh. I agree.

Because it's like, even if, you know he loves you and all the things, it's like, like, I can't go as deep with you as like, I want to go. And I'm going within myself.

Yeah.

And then it's like this, like, constant yearning of like, does this person exist that can go as deep with me? And what I'm finding is I'm not quite sure.

I was talking to one of my clients the other day, and she was kind of going in on that, and I'm like, here's the thing, babe. Do you want to be dating a man or do you want to be dating a woman? Because if you want to be with a man, he's actually not going to be someone that's going to be doing the things that you're looking for from him all the time. Time. You know, I think women are craving depth. We're craving, like, that emotional connection. We're craving the way that we're craving to have from a man. The way that we speak, the way that we communicate, the way that we relate, the way that we talk, the way that we experience and the way that we express. And men are different. They don't express the same way we do. They don't communicate the way we do. This is a lot of Alison Armstrong's work. Alison Armstrong talks a lot about that. She's like, to be with a man, you need to kind of expect and be okay with the way that he's expressing, emoting and communicating and even learn to love that. And I'm not saying I'm perfect at this. Like, this has been such a struggle for me, especially as a Pisces. My whole mo is like, I'm alone. My whole mo is no one will ever understand me. My whole mo is I am an enigma. My whole mo is like, I'm an invisible being that just vast, like, time, space. And so I felt that my entire life. But when I really was able to appreciate the way that men hold me and approach me and communicate with me, my life got so much better where I was like, wow, I'm so grateful for your clarity. I'm so grateful for your. The way that they can just simplify. I'm so grateful for the way that you remove all of the stories from things. I'm so grateful for the way that they can physically hold me and, like, tend to my nervous system and my body in a way that's healing. That, like, a lot of times in your feminine relationships, it just doesn't do the same.

Yeah. Like, I feel like when I first, like, years ago, was reading the Alison Armstrong stuff. I was like, I don't want to have to, like, dumb myself down, you know? Like, I. I remember she was like, when you're in a car with the man, just don't talk, because they need to focus on where they're going. I'm like, so I just sit in silence. And she's like, just look at outside and compliment how great outside is. It's like, the trees are great. I'm like, what the fuck kind of relationship?

I don't know, man. That's the thing with her and David Data's work, you know, like, way of the superior man. You have to be at a certain level to receive that. Because if I would have read Wave the Superior man before, when it's like, don't trust women. Women, like, it's basically like, don't trust their emotions because they change every second, I would have been unwell.

I remember when I first read Wave the spirit man. It was like, men, I know you're attracted to every woman that goes by. I'm like, I never attracted to other women.

I know you're attracted.

How dare you?

Attracted to youth because it has more life and femininity. And as they get older, they have less life, which is less attractive. You're like, dude, what?

Yeah. And it's like. And there's ounces of truths out. But you know that whole, like, don't talk in the car thing. I tried it with this one guy and I was just like, let me just be silent. And then he, like, kept trying to talk to me. I was like, great music. He did not even want that.

The way that everyone that you meet is a spiritual experiment for you is my favorite part about you. That all these men gonna work out.

But let me try these philosophies.

No, that's what I'm doing right now with this man that I'm talking to. I'm like, you are a matrix lesson sent to me. I have lessons that I need to learn with you that you are currently helping me learn. And every time I'm with you, I'm practicing those lessons. Lessons. And once I get through them, we're gonna probably be done. But right now, I'm still learning.

And that's good to be awake within the dream. But at a certain point, I've experienced now I'm like, I don't wanna fucking learn any more lessons. I'm like, send me to my husband. Only to my husband, 100%. But it's like. But then even in that, it's like the husband has many more lessons.

So true.

And then it's the like that whole, like, empath thing of like, am I experiencing this love between us or do I just love, love, love?

Oh, my gosh. I know. I could fall in love with a cactus. That's the whole thing.

Literally, I'm like, am I making myself fall in love?

Yes.

But I think that's what love is ultimately.

Making yourself fall in love. Say more.

That no one can make us fall in love.

Yes.

They are a vessel that we are experiencing our own love through.

Yes.

And so it's like, I can open up and really love anyone.

Actually, yes.

If we were on a deserted island, I will likely fall in love with the only straight guy there.

100. That would be my whole journey.

What's up?

You know, you're like, wilson, I'm yours.

Exactly. So it's like, so. But if I was in New York City and he was there, I probably Wouldn't even look twice at him. So it's like. So was it that I loved him, or was it that I just wanted to love or.

I mean, that's the thing with online dating now. It's like when you were back in the day when you only had your town of 50 people, you would fall in love with the person and you'd be like, I'm satisfied with them, because this is the best person for me in my town. And now that we have the entire world as an option, it's like. Like makes us feel incomplete. Makes us feel like we're, you know, there's so much to choose from. It's like. It's overwhelming.

Girl dating. I know. I was like, my audience is like, all you talking about is dating stuff.

Guys, please.

We're just going to go into it. This is the end.

Just let us be, okay?

Dating. As an empath, I feel every date I've been on is him telling me his entire life story. All of his traumas.

Do not make me go code red. This is my code red.

His deepest dreams that he's not living. I'm like, Dharma coaching him. Embarrassing. And then I'm just like, I should have been paid for this 100%.

That's embarrassing. I'm sorry. That's so embarrassing. Let me just start by saying I literally love men. There's. I literally biggest fan. I'm never going to talk shit. But also anybody. I won't even say this about men or women if I'm hanging out with a woman. You need to be more regulated in yourself, and you need to be more contained than to be telling someone you just met your entire life story. All of your dreams, all of your ambitions, all the ways you're not, not, you know, up to par. But what's happening is, is a lot of times I'm a mirror for people, so they're going to tell me the truth. I've had so many men say the wildest things to me on dates because I'm such a mirror, so they'll tell me the truth. It's almost like my guides are encouraging them to say the truth so I can see. So you as an example, on a date with a man, you being a mirror, he's like, I'm not living in my truth. I'm not living in my purpose.

I'm like, aren't you supposed to be trying to impress me?

Literally, you're telling me all I need to know, brother. Yeah. Thank you so much.

I was a human lie detector.

Yep. Thank you. So much you're telling me all I need to know. Like I've had men just say crazy stuff and they think it's cuz I'm open and because it's cool. And I'll. I'll be cool and open, but I'm like, oh, this is actually you telling me the truth so that I can make an informed decision. But dating as an empath is so much deeper and harder. Like I went on a date with someone and we kissed after and I literally bawled my eyes out on the way home because I could feel their energy in me and it just doesn't feel good. It feels sticky, it feels like there's residue. It feels like. Like it just goes deeper than someone else. And so for people that are empathic, taking it slow is really important. I would say meeting people sooner so that you could feel the feelings and sensations in your body so that you're not too much making a dream or a vision in your head and getting ahead of yourself and sort of in that fantasy, really being in tune with your body, really noticing when you leave yourself for them. I have to be so mindful. Like I check in all the time. I'll go to bath, the bathroom a lot on dates so that I can check in and be like, okay, am I being myself? Am I saying how I feel? Am I prioritizing them liking me over my truth? Am I holding back? Am I adjusting? Am I trying to be like sexy? Am I trying to win them over instead of just being honest? So just checking in regularly. Like, okay, am I being myself? Sometimes I will imagine the people that I'm going on dates with as my best friends and so I can be myself. Like I'll be like, I can't wait to go hang out with Sahara. And I just imagine how do I feel when I'm with Sahara? I feel light, I feel goofy, I feel fun, I feel free. And I'll just feel that feeling in my body of how I feel like with my best friends. And then I'll go on the date and try and bring that same energy with them because I don't want to be in a position where I'm trying to do whatever I can to win them over.

I love that advice that you gave me a while ago about going to the bathroom and checking in because I feel like for me also as a projector, I get so lost in whatever. If I'm at a party, I don't even exist anymore. I'm so in it. And I for, I'm like, have I Even, like, gone to the bathroom, like, today. Like, I'm just here. If I'm in a conversation, it's like, I'm so. In their words and so taking that moment to just, like, breathe, come back to my body, be in the bathroom stall, like, cutting off all the energy. It's like, how do I feel right now? Because I do feel, especially on dates, it is this matter of, like, I want the date to go well.

Yes.

You know, everyone goes on a date wanting it to go well. So then both parties are, like, trying really hard to, like, find the common thing to, like, be like, oh, yeah, we're meant to date.

Yes.

You know, and it's often the next day.

Yes.

Not even the right after.

Yes.

It's the next day that you start to be honest with yourself. And I think that's key of, like, how do I feel in between the dates, outside of their energy? Because when you're around them, it's like, most people you're going to enjoy being around. I mean, some people. Some people you don't. But if it's someone you relatively like, you will. And so it's like coming back to, like, where do I go in between? And I think what's hard and what I sit with is, like, how much of it is my own, like, anxiety.

Yeah.

Versus, like, the truth of this not being a fit.

Yes. Yes. How do you touch a base with that?

I ask God for a lot of guidance, you know? And I'm just like, I leave it to you. I trust that you will guide me to the father of my children. I ask my future children to guide me, and I'm like, please take me in the most direct path to my husband, you know, and before, I used to call in and. And any lessons that will help me get there. Now I'm. I'm like, I feel. I feel good on there, though. I'm like, I'm ready for. Because I realized that in the me calling in lessons, there's infinite lessons I can learn. It's like, now this and that and that. I could be like.

Cause then your soul's like, okay, we'll clear a lot of karma.

Yeah.

I'm moving through so many soul contracts right now, and I think I'm, like, gonna have a few more. And I'm like, okay, then I'm done. But, yeah, you could call in soul contracts, and. Cause your soul could be like, all right, let's clear karma. Let's create new karma for next lifetimes. I'll give you all the lessons if you want Your man. Just be direct about wanting your man.

Exactly. Yeah. One thing. When I was in Guatemala, so when you do cacao ceremonies, at the end, you flip over the cup, and you kind of, like, divine the direction that the cacao spilled. So with mine, my intention being true love, it was like this direct arrow. It was like the cast like this. And it was like, just focus all of your energy on that true love.

Wow.

Whereas before, it was like, well, I feel like I need to experience this, or maybe I need to learn that, or, I'm not sure about this. I'm not sure about that. And what really came to me was, is, like, the way that I have actually moved ahead in my life as an empath was to be like. And I'm cutting everything off and focusing on what I really need to do because I can dibble, dabble forever, you know? And it's like, I'm gonna write a book.

Yep.

Putting all my energy and focus into that. Like, I'm learning how to make a business.

Yep.

I'm putting my energy focus into that, et cetera. And it's like, that's just how I've learned works best for me.

Yep.

You know, and for most people, I've never seen someone create something amazing when they're, like, doing 20 things once ever.

I know.

You know, so that really shifted my frequency of, like, really? It's like, I don't even date. It's like we're either, like, seeing each other as husband or wife or not. You know, I think that was something.

I had to learn as an empath, too. So when I started dating, I hadn't dated in my life, really. And I wanted to try all the things people said. So people were often like, give them a second chance, even if you don't have chemistry with them. Try again. You know, like, even if you're not 100%, you should go on a second or third date with them. Them. And I tried those things, and they did not work for me. I am. When you're an empath, you are so intuitive. Your gifts are your psychic sense and your intuition, and you should be using that on your dates. And when you feel something is off, follow that. Like, I realized I was prioritizing them wanting to date me more or whatever anyone else said I should do in dating instead of my own truth of knowing that person wasn't a fit for me. And it's okay for someone to not be a fit for me. It's okay to say no. It's okay to have preferences, like giving yourself Permission to be like, this doesn't work for me. This is a preference. And this isn't like something that feels good in my body. I can say no instead of being like, yeah, it's A maybe, it's 70%, it's whatever. I'm like, no, I. I'm so in touch with myself. It's a hundred percent or it's nothing. And that doesn't mean I'm looking for perfect. It just means that this person feels like a yes to me.

Yeah, I love that. And I think also one of the struggles for me as an empath is I can so easily future project of how I might feel later. So I'm like, oh, well, like what if later I feel this or what if I feel that? And then like going into all of the potential things and it's like to come back to, do I want to see this person again? Yeah, is there one more time I want to see them? You know, and it's like just get really present within this moment and then trusting that should the moment come that this is no longer a fit, I will know. As opposed to, I really like you right now, but I think I might not like you later on. So let me try to end this now, now. And it's like, if you still like them and your heart's still got you to them, there's just still more lessons to be learned.

I think that's a self trust thing though, because now I'm like, no, I trust myself enough in the moment to make a decision if I didn't want it in that moment. And I look back and I'm like, oh, I trust myself. I know that what I did for myself was the right thing at the right time. So try to get out of future, present, past, and be like, if there's a decision I need to make in the future, I trust myself to make that decision. But I trust myself enough in this moment to make the right decision for myself. And when we're empaths or codependent, we prioritize everyone else's experience over our own, what everyone wants us to do over us. And so we lose that self trust. But gaining that self trust by saying no, by following our gut, our intuition, and by prioritizing our experience over everyone else is like the number one thing.

Do you think empaths can be with other empaths?

Yeah, I think it's a beautiful thing. Oh my God. I think it's the most beautiful thing when two sensitive beings could be with one another. God, look like I've dated the most amazing, sensitive men, and it's been so beautiful to see. But there's also that element where empaths are not always attracted to other empaths. The way that narcissists glow for me is so crazy. And so you have to be healed in your empath, and they have to be healed in their empath to ensure that you're not just gonna self sacrifice for each other or keep yourselves small because you are, like, attuning to each other unconsciously all the time.

Yeah, I definitely, I mean, obviously had the narcissist thing going on, but I felt. I feel like almost everyone I've dated recently has been very empathic.

Huh.

Like all empath men.

Yeah, yeah.

Which has been beautiful.

I'm, like, running out all through my mind. I'm like, yeah, yeah.

And I feel the reason why they are attracted to me is because, like, I'm an empath who's, like, owned my, like, power in it. And so a lot of them are, like, in that empath stage of, like, people come to me with a lot of things, and I'm like that friend that always. People come to. And so they're always, like, looking to me of like, like, how do you not take that on?

Right.

You know, so it's interesting because I'm like, I'm not their healer. I'm like, almost like their teacher of the next level.

Totally.

You know, but then I'm like, oh, here I am back to being the teacher again. But I'm like, but at least I can just send them this podcast now.

That's the. I know. Honestly, that's the thing. So many women are listening, are probably like, so many men's teachers. And I'm like, I think we're always.

Going to be, though.

I agree.

I think we're always going to be. And they're going to be our teachers in certain things.

I agree. That's the thing is, like, if you're going to be, you have to see the ways in which he's also your teacher.

Yes.

Men are such teachers. Like, the way that they live and, like, the way that they move is such a teacher for all of us. If we can respect it and see it instead of prioritizing and thinking that we know better and really just valuing the masculine experience is, like, really powerful.

So good. This was an amazing.

I love you.

Love you so much.

Now we're going to hang out.

Yes. And now we're going to hold space for one another.

I know. Now I'm going to tell her the real tea.

So where can listeners connect with you, Dive in deeper with you and learn more. I know you have courses as well.

Yeah. So almost 30 is the podcast that I've been doing for a long time. We have our book coming out in June and then you could go to its krista.com I do retreats so I have a bunch of retreats this year. Switzerland, Ibiza, Fiji, New York. There's just a bunch we got going on. And then I do courses like Metamorphosis, which is my body transformation program. Really good for empaths. There's a whole empath part of it because sensitivity is such an impact on the body. And then I do a lot of work on the voice and I have voice stuff too. So it's Christa.com and then almost 30.

Oh my gosh. Love it all. We will have those links below. So thank you so much for listening. This was a deep one. I know you felt us with you. I I really just bow down to you empaths so it ain't easy out here for us on these streets. So I see you and be sure to leave a review for this podcast and share with me what other topics you would love. Any takeaways you got and as a free gift I will send you my Womb meditation, which is a really powerful meditation you can do to actually connect to your womb space and receive her answers. Which is a really great way as an empath to like what do I really feel right now? Cuz our womb is our divine feminine powerhouse. Whether we want children or not, it is our our portal of transformation. So as a free gift I'll send you that. So leave a review, take a screenshot and email it over to me at Sahara I am Sahara rose.com you can find that email and all of the links mentioned today in the show Notes. Be sure to subscribe wherever you're listening to this episode. If you're watching us on YouTube Spotify video, it's the best way to stay in the swing of things as new incredible conversations like this come out. Thank you so much for tuning in and I'll see you in the next one.

Trust your intuition, Trust your inner wisdom. Trust your inner guidance.

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So trust your intuition, trust your inner wisdom, Trust your inner guidance.