Sandi L Boucher explains ten phrases that block reconciliation between Indigenous peoples and Canada. "Why can't you just get over it?" tops the list, along with "I don't see the problem" and "It was just a joke." She shows how these invalidate Indigenous experiences.
Questions this video answers
Sandi L Boucher (Red Thunderbolt, woman of the Loon clan)
Seine River First Nation
Treaty 3 Territory (Northern Ontario)
Chapters
Hello, you absolutely amazing person, you. If you saw my video yesterday, or more specifically the social media post that shared yesterday's video on several different platforms, you would have seen me mention the fact that one of the biggest challenges to Indigenous Canadian reconciliation or the talks leading up to it is the fact that non Indigenous Canadians are quite used to a white centered world where their concerns and their ideas and their initiatives are at the center. And how for Indigenous people, that's just not our reality. For those of us raised in our traditions, it's our needs and our worldview and our traditions and customs that were the center. And it's Canadian practices that are different that we had to adapt to. And that was never reciprocal. I mention that because personally, as an Indigenous woman born and raised in Canada, it was something that was always a part of my being. I'm one of those people that loved school. I loved everything about school, but even I can remember in grades like 1, 2, 3, understanding that the textbooks and the lessons weren't directed at me, that they were directed at Canadian youth. But I also understood that I could learn what they were learning and apply it in whatever way it fit to my teachings. That I could agree with the things that I agreed with and the things I didn't disagree or that I disagreed with. I could acknowledge that that doesn't make sense to me, but it makes sense to them. And if I'm going to work with them, I need to know that. So it was valuable even if it did not fit my understanding or my worldview because of that practice. One of the things I have long enjoyed was taking something usually relationship based, how to get along with people, that kind of stuff and apply it to the Indigenous Canadian relationship and see if it holds up. For example, in my book the Path, I took an abusive relationship quiz, the kind of quiz you take if you're trying to figure out if you're in an abusive relationship. And I changed a couple words to make it make sense. And I asked my readers to go through the quiz thinking of the Indigenous Canadian relationship and determining if it was abusive. I have yet to meet someone who can do that quiz and not only not realize it's an abusive relationship, which explains so much of the challenges, but they usually it's a really high score. I mentioned that because last night I was playing around on TikTok and I came across a video and I did what I do. I applied it to the Indigenous Canadian relationship. Now I'm inviting you to do the same thing. So let's talk about it. Foreign. Hi Everyone, my name is Sandy Boucher. I'm Red Thunderbolt, woman of the Loon clan, a proud member of Seine River First Nation in Treaty 3 Territory in Northern Ontario. And as I mentioned last night, I was watching Tick Tock. Please keep your judgments to yourself. I happen to think the videos are pretty hilarious and I came across a TikTok video by Jimmy Knowles and he described his video as the top 10 invalidating phrases. Invalidating phrases. There he said, if your goal is to make whoever you're speaking to feel completely abandoned and alone, then these are the phrases you would use. So in other words, these are the uses, the phrases we have to take right out of our vocabulary. For the indigenous watching this video, I can already see the conversations this is going to spark. You are going to recognize these statements and to our allies watching this video, video, if you hear non indigenous people using these phrases as it relates to indigenous people, can you call that out, please? Because this does not help get us closer to reconciliation. So what are the 10? We're going to start at 10 and go to number one, the 10th invalidating phrase that is used and should not be used. You're imagining things. Now, if you don't think we've heard that, you would be wrong. Every single time we speak up about someone being racist or someone being less than accommodating for an indigenous person, treats other people one way, treats people differently, and we try to bring it up often we're going to hear you're imagining things. As Jimmy points out, it's a beautiful combination of gaslighting and. And invalidating someone's statement. Yeah, gotta love it. Not number nine. Do you remember the backto back teaching that I talk about so often? How you see things, but we see things that you can't and vice versa. So number nine statement is I don't see what the problem is. We know, that's why we're trying to share it with you. But we need you to hear us and not just dismiss it for this to get better. Makes sense. Yes, makes sense. Whoops. Hit my mic. Sorry. So that 1098. Why are you ruining a good day? I have heard this, maybe not necessarily in the meaning, but definitely right after it, referring to someone who brought up a problematic person. Comment, discussion, whatever. Why are you ruining a good meeting? Why are you reading? Ruining a good conversation. Why are you ruining a good visit? We're not. We're being honest. The problem is you don't consider our feelings important. Important enough to validate. Next. Number seven. This is a thing nowadays we never used to hear it, but we definitely hear it now. That sounds like a you problem. It is a me problem if I'm sharing it with you. But I actually thought you cared enough to care about how I was feeling. Thanks for pointing out to me that you don't. I won't make the mistake of considering you an ally or friend in the future. Ta da. Easy peasy lemon squeezy. Number six. I have heard way too often, and if you have people that have negative attitudes or feelings about indigenous people, I know you've heard this too. You're so sensitive. It was just a joke. You're so sensitive. It was just a comment. You're so sensitive. No, we're tired, we're frustrated, we're fed up. We're not putting up with it anymore. We're not oversensitive. You wouldn't put up with it if it was aimed at you. Number five. I don't know. There's part of me that wants to say, you know what? Thanks for your honesty. At least I know now I can take you off my friend list. Number five is your feelings aren't my problem. No, they're not. My feelings are my problem. Or just my feelings. But again, I thought you might care about how your words impact me. If you don't, then I know you're not a friend or ally and you're definitely not helping the reconciliation discussion. Number four. Holy moly. I can't imagine anyone reacting positively to this. It just doesn't make any sense at all. Number four is you're making a big deal about nothing. They're a good person, so they told one joke or made one comment. Why are you making such a big deal of it? Because obviously you think the joke is more important than my feelings or how it impacted me. Thanks for the heads up. Number three. I'd be willing to bet you've heard. Maybe now you understand how invalidating it is. Well, I'm sorry you feel that way. Are you? Are you? I don't think so. Because if you were, you wouldn't be just dismissing it like that. If you actually cared how I feel, you wouldn't be dismissing it like that. Number two is the one I've already alluded to a hundred times because we hear it all the time. I was just kidding. Can't you take a joke? No. Not if it's racist, not if it's sexist, not if it's misogynistic, because those aren't jokes. They're not funny, and by rule, definition a joke's. Supposed to be funny. That was just a shot, an insult and now you don't even care that I was hurt by it. Got your number and the number one and all the indigenous watching this are just going to groan and go yep. Why can't you just get over it? I don't know. Because Canadian history lasted for generations and the oppression of indigenous people continues. It's kind of hard to get over something that hasn't stopped. And these comments don't help so I'd love to hear your comments, your feedback. How many of those have you heard? You don't need to call yourself out if you've used them. I got a better idea. Just don't use them in the future for any relationship you value because this, like I said in the beginning is a guaranteed way to show someone you supposedly care about that you don't. Food for thought. Until tomorrow. I love you. Take care. Bye bye.
