YouTube video by Sandi L Boucher (August 19, 2025) calling women—particularly Indigenous women—to reflect critically on their intimate relationships. Boucher introduces herself (Red Thunderbolt, Loon clan, St. River First Nation, Treaty 3 Territory) and grounds the message in her work and lived experience (10-year domestic abuse survivor). She frames marginalized people as seeking validation and presents five specific questions to evaluate whether a partner truly supports, completes, or harms long-term goals and wellbeing. The video closes with a call to deliberate action and community-focused work.
Chapters
Okay, this one's going to be a little bit heavier. Because if there's one thing I've realized of late is excuse the bluntness, but I'm sick and tired of just talking about things. I'm sick and tired of going into a First Nation community and just talking about lateral violence. So now I'm developing a full operationalized plan that I can walk a community, or at least a team to through how to overcome lateral violence. Because I want to see change. I want to be part of change, not just education. In today's video, I'm talking to the women, I'm talking to you. And we got to get real about the decisions we make when it comes to our partners. Let's talk about it. Hi, everybody. My name is Sandy Boucher. I'm Red Thunderbolt, woman of the Loon clan, a proud member of St. River First Nation in Treaty 3 Territory in Northern Ontario. And I am dedicated to working with, empowering, supporting, encouraging women, especially in the areas of health care, education, small business and community engagement. Because the healing starts in the hands of the women. But the healing starts with you. So in case you didn't realize, I talk a lot about Indigenous peoples. Duh. That's my work. Indigenous people are a marginalized group. So are women. And that's why missing and murdered Indigenous women and girls is a thing. Because it's a double whammy. Marginalized on two fronts. For being female and for being indigenous. But here's a real truth. Marginalized people seek validation. I repeat, marginalized people seek validation. When you grow up in a world that seems like every aspect of it is telling you you are less than, then you seek out people that'll tell you that you're not. This is not coming from a place of judgment. Let's keep in mind I'm a 10 year domestic abuse survivor. Everything we're talking about today, I've done. But everything we're talking about today, I also no longer do. So again, I am trying to invoke change today. I have five questions for you. Hang on. There they are. I was like, where did I put my questions? I found my questions. Okay? These are questions that I. I want you to think of your partner, your. Your boyfriend, your. Your intimate partner, your husband, whatever the case may be. And I'm not telling you what to do, but because we seek out validation. And again, been there, done that. Sometimes we find ourselves in relationships because we think that's preferable to being alone. That somehow somewhere deep inside we think to ourselves, well, if he's at least loves me or dating me, or me, then I must be worth something. That is how you end up in really horrific relationships. So today I have five questions for you. And I want you to consider these questions as it applies to your intimate partner. I am not telling you what to do, but what I want you to do is answer these questions and then you decide. Because as any successful person will tell you, if you have goals you want to achieve, dreams you want to achieve, you want a different life, there is no more powerful person in your life than your intimate partner. Because you're exposed to them so often, you need that person that's going to encourage and support you. So let's look at that relationship. So, and these may not be the questions you thought I was going to ask. I'm not going to ask you. Do they support and encourage you? Surprise. Although you might want to ask yourself that. Here's the questions, starting with question one. If someone told you that you were a lot like your partner, would you consider that a compliment? Again, not judging, because that was kind of kicking the teeth when I heard it. Because I can think of marriages when it wouldn't have been. Question number two. Are you truly fulfilled in this relationship or are you just less lonely? Friends work if you're lonely. Just saying. This is the one. This is the one that got me. Question number three. Are you able to unapologetically be yourself in that relationship or do you feel like you have to show up differently to please your partner and you just found out why? I'm single. And the second I find an amazing person that I can unapologetically be myself with, that will change. Until then, I'm choosing to be unapologetically myself. Anyone who has an issue with should go deal with that. So are you able to unapologetically be your amazing self or do you have to change to please your partner? Question number four. And this is another one. Ah, this one almost made me cry when I read it. Because reality. Question number four. Are you in love with the person your partner is right now as a whole, or are you in love with their good side, their potential, or the idea of them? 10 year domestic abuse survivor. Remember I was married at one point to an incredibly abusive alcoholic and I was incredibly in love with his good side, not him as a whole. There was a whole horrific side of him that I endured and tried to survive. Yeah, yeah. And then if those didn't highlight everything for you, well, then this one will. Question number five. Would you want your future child or imagine child to date someone like your partner. If that isn't a resounding yes, then I need you to sit with your answers and decide if this is truly the path you want to be on. Because. Yeah. Yeah. You deserve that amazing life. You deserve an amazing partner that loves all of you as a whole. And you deserve a partner. You love all of them as a whole, too. Gonna try not to sneeze before I end. And end this video. Short and sweet. Powerful. I'm gonna get back to my work because I got some communities to help change. Until next week. I love you. Take care. Bye. Bye.
