Afraid to Ask Your Questions?

We're going to start the week off strong with a really important message for non bipoc people. And what I mean by that, I usually say non indigenous and I realize that's wrong because marginalized people, no matter which marginalized group you belong to, often are experiencing the same thing as indigenous people. So it's non black indigenous or people of color that I'm talking to are quote, unquote, white people. I have the privilege, Pop. Well, I can talk. I have the privilege of working with so many amazing non indigenous entities and groups. And I have noticed for years that many non bipoc people, maybe even many non indigenous people this time I am going to use it, are scared to speak up at my seminars and for a variety of reasons, I wrote them down. They are afraid to ask a question I like. They almost have this pressure on themselves that I'm supposed to know the answers. They're afraid to use the wrong word. What if I offend someone? Is it Indigenous? Is it Aboriginal? Is it Native? I don't know what to say because they might use the wrong word. They're afraid to cause additional harm to indigenous people or just they're afraid of the fact that they don't know the answer. And what I'm always telling these groups is ask the question. This is a safe space. I am never going to condemn you for not knowing. And this is the chance to get that information you're so desperately wanting. But what if there's supervisors in the room? What if their managers in the room, what if it's a toxic work environment or a minimum, an unhealthy work environment, and their fellow colleagues are going to harass them for not knowing or talk about them behind their back, you know, the whispering as they walk by because they ask the question. It's frustrating because these people, I love the people that come out to my seminars because to me that means they want to learn. And I've long been pondering what is going on and I just realized something and I wanted to share that with you. So let's talk about it. Hi, everybody. My name is Sandy Boucher. I'm Red Thunderbolt, woman of the Loon clan. I, a proud member of Seine River first nation in Treaty 3 territory in Northern Ontario. And as I mentioned in the opening, I have the honor and the privilege of working with so many amazing non indigenous people who want to be part of reconciliation. They realize they're missing information received, misinformation, maybe even a stereotype or two. So they're trying to unpack the they're trying to learn, but for many of them, that comes with a real high stress level, if not out and out fear. So I was thinking, you know, like, what is going on here? And there's so many things at play. But if there's one difference I've really noticed between, like, indigenous culture, and I'm using a general term here, there's so many different indigenous cultures, but any indigenous culture that I've ever been exposed to, and I've definitely been exposed to a lot working across Canada, humility is a thing. Humility is huge. It's one of the ways we recognize each other, that it's not the ego trip, it's. We understand there is so much we don't know on any given day. And we're totally. We get to the point where we're finally confident enough to say, I don't understand. I've never heard that word before. I've never done this before. Can you please explain it to me? We realize, and I used to struggle with this. Academics were my worst fear. Those people that tended to use the 15 words, like my mom would say, you know, the big words that you have no idea what they just said. You have no idea how to spell that. Pretty sure you couldn't pronounce it. When I used to younger me, when I used to hear those words, I would instantly feel stupid. Like, oh my God, everyone else in this room knows what he just said. I have no idea what that word means. I am so stupid. Until I finally got old enough to realize not understanding the word has zero to do with my intellectual, my intelligence. It has everything to do with my experience. If I've never heard the word before, how can I possibly know what it means? And maybe, yes, everyone else in the room has heard the word before, but I haven't. And that's just a reflection of the circles I hang out in or the opportunities I've had. So at that point, when I realized that, I started putting up my hand and saying, excuse me, sorry, that word you used, that stuff new to me. Do you mind explaining it to me? You'd be amazed how many people use $15 words that they can't explain when asked. My mom used to tell me to always talk like I was talking to my grandma, that if I use words that my audience doesn't understand, I'm not having a conversation. I'm having an ego trip. So. But in mainstream and and non indigenous viewers, feel free to jump in on this and let me know if you feel this from an observ observation standpoint. I have met or have experienced a visitor there, obviously, but I've been in so many work environments where it's like humility is not even an option. You're expected to show up at the meeting and not only know the problem, but have a solution. You are expected to have the answers. You are expected to have that plan before you walk into the room. That's an awful lot of stress. Kind of explains why so many of my non Indigenous friends, followers, colleagues are so stressed. Because you're expected to know everything. And the people I see in my audiences are panicking because they don't know everything. And they know they don't know everything about Indigenous engagement, recruitment and retention. And they're feeling it and they're judging themselves and they're worrying about other people judging them. They're worried about their manager and supervisor. How can they admit they don't know this word if their manager is sitting in the room? That has absolutely nothing to do with Indigenous people and everything to do with non indigenous Canadian Eurocentric environments that we've built. I am so glad I don't exist in that realm. You'll wonder why the heart attack rates are so high. And then we, the Indigenous, have to deal with the most successful raised in that environment. Can you say ego? These are the bulldozers that show up in our first nations communities convinced they've got all the answers, they know exactly what we need, and we're looking at them going, how could you possibly have the answers? You've never been here before. You haven't talked to us to get the details. You have no idea what we've tried before. You're just on an ego trip. So the quote is, and you've heard me say it a hundred times before, ego burns bridges. Humility builds them. So I know that's easy for me to say because as Anishinaabe Kwe, humility was part of every teaching I've ever received. In fact, an elder would be pretty quick to shut you down if you ever started thinking you were too big for your britches. Showing my age with that. The reality is, Indigenous or not, you're human. You don't know everything, especially the first time you try something. And you know what? When you were a baby, you were totally okay with that. You tried standing up and you fell on your butt countless times. Did you give up? No. Did you have a identity crisis? No. Did you convince yourself you'd never be succeed? No. You tried again until you did it. You did the same thing with walking and even with talking, you know how to do this. It's just this insane society that has taken that away from you. You don't know everything, you don't see everything. That's the back to back teaching. Remember, you stand back to back with your friend or colleague or partner, you can see so much of the room you're in. But the part that's directly in front of your partner, you're totally blind to. And vice versa. When you hear someone say, I just don't see it that way, they're not being difficult. They're literally telling you they have another perspective. Ask them to draw the picture for you, get the information, then you can start working on better solutions. And even then, got to be honest, when you get all the information, you're going to look at it through your cultural lens. You're going to interpret that information based on what you've experienced, what you've seen, what you've heard, what you've been taught. And I live in the city of Thunder Bay, Ontario. I have long said there are two Thunder Bays. There's the Thunder Bay if you happen to be white, and there's the Thunder Bay if you happen to be indigenous. And it's a totally different experience. So you might see a poster or read a book and think it's amazing. I might read that book or see that poster and find it offensive. And depending on how much you care about how much people you reach, how many people you reach, maybe you should ask someone who has a different view to look at your work. If you want to expand your business, expand your friend group, expand your social reach. Yeah. Need to team up with someone who has a different cultural lens. It is simply that simple. You can clear the lens off your glasses by asking the question. Going back to where I started this video. Dared to ask the questions. Get okay with not knowing what you've never been exposed to. Take the pressure off yourself. Humility does it. It builds the bridges. It doesn't hurt, but it sure can reduce a whole bunch of stress. I didn't have my handy dandy index card today. I actually sent an email to myself. But I really wanted to make those points. If you are in an environment where it is impossible for you to admit that you don't know something that is impossible for it's an environment that does not support your growth, then you are also one of those flowers trying to grow in soil doused in gasoline. And maybe, just maybe, you need to find healthier soil for your sake. Once you find it, everyone benefits, including the other people in the good soil. We have an amazing week ahead of us. Even though I'm not really sure what the videos are going to be, I'm leaving that up to creator. But I guarantee you I'm going to be thinking of you until tomorrow. I love you. Take care. Bye. Bye.