Allyship Burnout ...

I just finished a seminar, but I wanted to get this video done because we got to talk about something that nobody is talking about. I'm talking about allyship burnout and the harm that is caused when allies allow that to happen. This is a warning for our allies. So let's talk about it. Hi, everybody. My name is Sandy Boucher, Pokemon Queen edition of Cosmon Dodam. I'm Red Thunderbolt, woman of the Loon clan, a proud member of Seine River first nation in Treaty 3 territory in Northern Ontario. And I work in the realm of Indigenous Canadian reconciliation. Whether I'm in First Nation communities, helping with the empowerment and the healing and the growth and the remembering how amazing our teachings are, or working with Canadian entities, businesses, corporations, nonprofits, helping them to understand the challenges of reconciliation and more, how they can help work towards it to the benefit of all, because reconciliation benefits everyone. If you don't understand that or don't understand how, we should talk. But as I mentioned in the opening today, I have a warning for allies. So first let's talk about who an ally is. This is a person, and I'm going to speak specific to Indigenous allies. I mean, every group out there can have allies, but I'm going to keep it specific to my work here or else this is going to get super confusing. So an ally to Indigenous peoples or an Indigenous group or even Indigenous person, is someone who supports an Indigenous person, their work that, you know, passes them the microphone so their voice is heard. It is not about saving. It is not about lifting someone up or guiding them. It is a very humble journey. It is very humble work. Your ego does not come into it. You do not come into is about doing what is asked of you that the Indigenous community asks you to do and no more. It is not about taking over. It is not about you being heard or seen, because that would be the ego trip. So allies are rare. It is also not universal. You could be an ally to me and not an ally to the next Indigenous person because it's not a job title that you wear on the little name tag. You are recognized as an ally when you're in action, when you are holding space for us to do the work, when you are inviting us to your meeting and gatherings and not speaking for us. Right? You stay in the background. It is the support. It is not the voice that's an ally. So allies commit to no more harm. They want to assist us, to be able to take the actions and to speak the words that we need to speak to move towards reconciliation. So, but And I have seen this play out so many times. That's why I needed to do a video on it. The reality is our allies, we love our allies. They are amazing. They are or quickly become a constant in our lives. And if you are an ally to an indigenous person or to an indigenous community, you are going to learn a lot about the indigenous customs and teachings, maybe even the language. Some of our allies are married to indigenous people. So again, you're going to learn so much. But humility teaching, one, you don't become indigenous. And I'm not talking about the, the white women that used to gain status by marrying an indigenous person, then creator, that's over with. But you never become an indigenous person, no matter how much you know. And you should never put yourself in the position of teaching of our culture. And it's because of cultural lens. I don't know how, I don't care how much you learn, you always going to share it as a person. With a non indigenous lens, you are going to use phrasing as a white person, not as an indigenous person. Humility is gone as soon as you step into the spokesperson role and you are no longer an ally in that point. So like I said, these people tend to be around for a long time. We love them, we need them, we lean on them, we trust them. So the first group thinks somehow they became indigenous. They start to speak like they're indigenous, often dress like they're indigenous. These are the pretendians in some cases, right? They're not claiming distant history. They are claiming this is who I am they come up with. Now, non indigenous people can be given a spirit name. And no, not thanks to a Facebook quiz that was disgusting to see. And yes, it did exist. I hope it's gone for good now. But sometimes in appreciation of their allyship and the work they do, they are given a spirit name. Again, that does not make them indigenous. They should not be sharing that with the free world because again, not humility teaching. So that's the first group. The second group become saviors, white saviors. These are the allies that have been so around so long, their ego gets into it and they start thinking the First Nation community would be lost without them, that they would never be able to go forward without them, that they are an essential piece. Do you see how this is dangerous, right? Like they start overstepping, they start speaking for the community and it becomes dangerous. So, and these people, the saviors, they are no longer open to feedback, they are not open to guidance. They know everything. They have the teachings Arrogance to the nines. In both cases, the people who become indigenous or become the saviors who started out as our cherished allies, at some point they're going to get called out. They are going, someone is going to say, you're overstepping. And when that happens, one, their ego gets hurt, they get hurt. Two, white fragility comes out. You don't know what that is. That's worth a Google search. That is that extreme reaction to being called out. Suddenly it's all about them. And I didn't mean anything by it. And I can't believe. Look at all the work I've done. I can't believe that you're criticizing me. In that second. It becomes all about them. And when they feel attacked, which they think the calling out is, it's not an attack. It's. It's acknowledging someone is overstepping. And we need be able to do that in a healthy relationship, they feel attacked. So what do they do? They attack. And suddenly they're on social media or they're spouting out things. Well, do you know what the indigenous did to me after all the work I did for them? They become worse than the people who never wanted to be an ally because now this is one of your own, one of your close inner circle turning on you. And it happens because allies burn out. It is not like all these people who want to sign up to be indigenous, that is flashing neon sign test. Because the indigenous path is not an easy one. It is a path of healing, it is a path of racism. It is a path of discrimination. It is a path of exclusion and marginalization. And it is exhausting. Self care is so essential for indigenous people who have never been taught self care, which is why we end up in some pretty scary places. And self care for our allies, because when they turn on us, they become yet another thing we have to endure. And it happens all the time and no one's talking about it. That is why and what happens? Think about this. So you have this ally you trusted forever, shared all these sacred teachings with them, your most personal stories with them. They're getting near burnout. You call them out because they're overstepping, usually because they're trying to rush. This is. I'll just explain it to you. You don't need to call the community overstepping now, silencing us. They are the problem that gets called out. They feel attacked rather than just a healthy calling out. And they attack us. And it is so devastating. What it does is make that community even more Hesitant to trust someone as an ally because we doubt whether you're going to be able to keep your ego in check long term. We're taught humility is one of our sacred teachings from the get go. And we know if we lose our humility, someone is calling us out to be expected. The elder will be calling or showing up. We know this. It keeps us in line. Mainstream knows not. No such reaction. Egos, arrogance that's allowed to run like crazy in mainstream. In many, many cases, not all, but in many. Humility is the teaching that is not taught. And our allies show they're not indigenous when the humility disappears and the arrogance comes out. So no matter who you are or how long you've worked with us or how many teachings you know, you were not handed a teaching certificate or a status card or membership in a community. And yes, if you married in or whatever. That's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about through your allyship work. And yes, it's hard and maybe you have worked really super hard. But if you're now looking for the recognition of your work, that is ego and not humility, right? So we need humble allies and we appreciate so many of our allies. But self care is essential because we're on guard. We're waiting for the other shoe. We're waiting for the ally to fall into ego to overstep and then to attack. And honestly, coming from a quay, Anishinaabe kwe, an Ojibwe female, we don't need anyone else attacking. Please and thank you. We deal with enough attacks every single day. And when they come from someone standing right next to us, someone we thought we could trust, the dagger goes in deeper. So that's the assignment. If you want to be an ally. Humility always. You're going to get called out, expect it. It's how you stay humble. And if you can't, if you're getting near burnout and you couldn't handle that, then it's self care time, not allyship time. I hope that made sense. Please, please, please share this video with whoever needs to hear it. Because if you're an ally and at any minute it comes becomes about you and how great an ally you are and how much you've done, humility has left the building and you are no longer an ally. Not because we attacked, because you chose to cross the line. And we need humble allies doing great work. We need you. So please take care of you. That's a strong, powerful way to end the week. I will see you next week. I have a really busy schedule next week, so I have no idea what time I'll be releasing my videos. But I will be releasing them until next week. Enjoy your weekend. Take care of you in a self care kind of way. I love you. Bye bye Sam.