Are You Working with a Hurt Person?

Now, sometimes the content in my videos are indigenous centered, which means they fit in with the Indigenous worldview. Whatever Indigenous nation you belong to, it's more generic point. Sometimes it's Anishinaabe specific, Ojibwe specific. So I'm talking about my teachings. Sometimes it's marginalized specific. So if you're black, indigenous or a person of color, if you're marginalized in any way, it's going to relate to you. And sometimes it relates to human beings. And I think that's where we're heading today, because I'm wondering if you're attempting to work with a hurt person. There's a really good chance you are. So let's talk about it. Bonjour. Hi, everybody. My name is Sandy Boucher. I'm Red Thunderbolt, woman of the Loon clan, a proud member of Sarah River First Nation in Treaty 3 Territory in Northern Ontario. And I have dedicated my life, my time, my resources, my team, my energy to reconciling a country. Not anything I'm going to be able to accomplish by Tuesday, and definitely not something I can accomplish alone, which is why my YouTube channel. But indigenous teachings, Nishna Bay teachings, the teachings of other nations are often so profound, they carry so much wisdom that anyone could benefit from them. Now, that's not. We're not going to cross into appropriation here, but if this is going to spark something for you and could help you, then please consider it. What I'm talking about is looking at the possibility that you're working with a hurt person. Person. And yes, again, I have a handy dandy index card. So what do I mean by hurt? Well, we're humans, and you don't get to an adult age or stage or life or not anywhere into those years without. Without having endured a trauma or two. Most of us, I would say maybe there are some that haven't. I'd be interested in that conversation. What am I talking about when I talk about trauma? So grief, whether it's grieving a lost pet, grieving a lost family member, grieving a parent you lost through divorce or separation, I mean, it doesn't have to be through someone traveling to spirit world. So grief is really super common. Another one is abuse, unfortunately, far too common, known by way too many people. Violence in some form, whether it's the violence, physical violence, whether it's the violence of gossiping and bullying and lateral violence. There's so many, many forms. Whether a human being suffers from a lack of self, so they weren't raised in an environment that helped them Grow a healthy identity. These are all those people. And there so many people. And this is not a judgment, this is something we have to acknowledge so we can help them. There are so many people looking for external validation. That person that always puts themselves last, that helps everybody else before themselves. And they try, they're trying to prove they're worthy, they're trying to prove that they're worth your friendship or your love. And they're working really hard at it. And my mom would be the first to say, if you don't, if you put yourself last on a regular basis, you can't be surprised when other people do because you taught them that. So quit trying so hard. You know what? If you stop doing that stuff, you'd find out who your true friends are because they'd still be there. The users would be gone. The people that are just around for the stuff you do for them, the rest of the stuff would, rest of the people would still be there. And with that lack of self identity, obviously comes a lack of self esteem, lack of confidence. So there's so many things that people out there could be healing from. And then you throw them into a team, They're a member of a staff of some organization and now we got challenges happening. So one what I wanted to focus on today, based on my years of supervising teams in a variety of situations, there seems to be one thing that rears its ugly head on a regular basis. One attribute, one characteristic that when people show it, my little alarm bell goes off. Why is my watch going off? That's okay. It, when I see this, it's kind of like, okay, okay now, now I may change my procedures, I may change my wording, because now I'm thinking I may be dealing with a hurt or unhealed person. So what is that point? And it's almost like there's two aspects to it. They don't make mistakes and they don't take responsibility for their mistakes. So as a 10 year domestic abuse survivor, the first one I see often in abused women and feel free to jump in there and tell me if there's other groups that demonstrate this often. Okay. In our background, making a mistake could be dangerous. And I mean physically dangerous. So you'll learn to. No, no, I didn't do that. I didn't mean anything by it. Right. Like there's almost a panic that sets in when someone points out that a mistake was made. So that makes communication more challenging. And then when and if it becomes obvious that the mistake was under their control, in your opinion, then the Second part rears its head. And that's. They're not going to take responsibility for it. They are. And there's a whole bunch of things they do deflect to something else. Well, I did this, but you did this. That's a really common one. Diverts it to another topic. Well, you know what? That's. That's fine and dandy, but I wanted to talk about this. Or they gaslight you completely like you're imagining things. I never did that. We've always done it this way. I don't know why you have a problem. Now. The point of this is not to center out people or to, you know, ostracize them and they can't be around. It's to acknowledge that dealing with those traits can be absolutely exhausting for a manager or supervisor. I mean, I think we would all love to wave a magic wand and just have perfectly healthy people that showed up interested in doing their job description and never caused stress. That's not hr. And if there's anyone in the HR field, I'd love to hear if that ever happened to you. I have never met a group like that, and I've worked with many, many groups in my 60 years not thinking that's possible. So what helps? Because the reality is you've got a greater chance of working with a hurt or unhealed person than you are someone that's had the opportunity to do the heal and unpack their baggage and put it behind them. Literally. There's so many just going on, and it just gets added to their suitcase. That's when a suitcase becomes baggage, because now it's so heavy, it's weighing someone down. So what kind of thing helps one? Clear expectations. Not just when they start, but reiterating it over and over and not just when they make a mistake. Absolutely love the way you sent out that email. That's the exact kind of vibe I want to put out there. So you reinforce the expectation while you were giving them a compliment. Don't just be saying things when things go wrong. That would not be cool. Promote responsibility. So responsibility is the antidote to helplessness. You do not want team members that feel helpless. Unless you're like a micromanaging control freak. Then. Then the problem's on your side of the feather. I'm all about empowering my staff. I hire people that excel in their fields, and then I get out of the way and let them excel in their field. So. And that's the kind of message that comes across at every one of our staff meetings. This is your responsibility. I trust you. Got it. If you have an issue, let me know. I mean, we're human, we run into issues at time, but I never doubt their ability to do it. So promoting the responsibility. I'm giving you the wheel on this. Let me know how the journey goes. You do have to note, and the word I used is infractions. That's definitely colonial. But when things do go round wrong, you have to point it out. And this is another part of healing. People tend to want to ignore the little things because I'm not really comfy with conflict and they don't really want to say anything. But then when there's 52 things, you. You blow up, you say something, and you catch your staff person totally off guard because they didn't know there was an issue. Suddenly they're not dealing with something little. They're dealing with a mountain that you built behind their back. It is better to point out every little thing, especially when they're new. That's when you want to do it. You're doing an amazing job. But. And often I add the disclaimer because I like it this way. I'm not saying how you do it is wrong, but in my company, I like doing it this way. There are some things I'm totally worth, totally okay with changing. We are going paperless in my office right now. Try not to think about that. Do I think it's a good idea? Yes. Am I really happy I'm not doing the work? Absolutely. Is it a learning curve for me? A hundred percent. But I can see the benefits now. Am I willing to change everything at once? No. Am I willing to change everything at any point? No. Because then it wouldn't be my company. But be clear on your expectations and point out when you want things tweaked. I've mentioned this a few times where it was a Graham Green show I was watching and one Graham Norton, I should say Graham Norton, the British talk show host. And he was interviewing a Hollywood actor. I have no idea who it is. I can't remember who it was. But the Hollywood actor had recently visited Disneyland with his family. Disneyland, Disney World, one of them with his family. And he was blown away by the fact that, quote, unquote, the trash cans matched. What he meant was if you were in, like, Snow White's castle, the garbage cans there were not generic to Disneyland or Disney World. They fit in the decor of that area. So when you point out those little things to me, I'm always saying to my staff, make sure the trash cans match, meaning those little things have to match the big image. You don't create the feast without paying attention to the ingredients in every dish. Make sure the trash cans match. Last but not least, if you've done all of this, you've shared the clear expectations, you promoted the responsibilities, you pointed out the little infractions and said, you know, I just like it done this way. And it's still not happening. Now, you gotta lose the person now, because now it's going to affect the rest of the team that they can't be expected to make the trash cans match. If one insists on painting all the trash cans black luck, right? Just because it fits in doesn't mean it's the standard that we want to achieve. So. And I believe that that is a valuable lesson for the person, even if you have to let them go. Hopefully over time, if this keeps happening, they start to see that they're the common denominator. And maybe, just maybe, their healing is what's preventing their success. When is that quote? Healing is a long and often painful journey. But without it, life is a long and often painful journey. So there you have it. Are you working with someone who is hurt, who has not had the chance to heal? Are they showing you those characteristics? And are you taking steps to help them? Food for thought, my friend. Food for thought. Until tomorrow. And I think I have. Well, I'm reacting to a quote tomorrow. We'll talk about it then. Enjoy your day. I love you. Take care. Bye. Bye.