Dads ... Our First Allies (Hopefully)

Okay, so today is going to be a more emotional, personal type video. If you followed my channel for any length of time, you know, every now and then, that's got to happen. Largely because, as I've said for years, reconciliation is a topic of conversation for non indigenous people. For indigenous people, it's lived experience. Hang on, my phone's being difficult here the there. So what I wanted to talk about today is allyship. Because if there's one thing I get asked all the time is how is it to be a good ally? Or how do you do that? Where is the line? And if there's one thing I want to stress is allyship is the back to back teaching. I think I'm going to have to do a video just on backto back teaching so people could go reference it if they need to. But the idea is two people standing back to back, neither of them can see the entire room. They each have a blind spot, which is the part of the room that is obvious to the other person, the part that's directly in front of them. And if we don't get better at hearing each other, reconciliation is not going to happen. Allyship is supporting people who believe things and see things that you can't see. And often what we see are so called allies. Non indigenous people that think they understand indigenous people and that's why they're an ally. They're actually one of our biggest threats because there is no humility teaching there. An ally doesn't understand our worldview, the way we do things, no matter how much experience they have. What they do is hold space for us. They invite us to the meetings, they hold open the door, they pass us the microphone. But this morning I had an experience. Okay, another thing, if you followed me for a while, you know that I'm a huge Ed Mylett fan. And this morning on the treadmill. Every morning I do my growth day app with Brendon Bouchard and listen to the Daily Fire. And I watch a portion of a video from Ed Mylett. I do a half an hour. So sometimes it's a half an hour, sometimes his podcasts are an hour and a half. So I spread it over three days. This morning he was. Well, the podcast I was watching, which I think is from December, he was interviewing Kiki Palmer and she had some experiences when she was younger that were, you know, where I'm going, those experiences that so many of us have. And that got me thinking of fathers as allies because it's back to back teaching again. Dads of young little girls or girls of any age do not see the world through our eyes. They do not experience the world the way a female experiences the world. So they have to be our ally. They have to have our back, even when a situation doesn't look to them like we say it looks to us. So I have a story to share because my dad walked on water for many years, much to the chagrin of my brother, who definitely saw him in a different light. But my father was human and he had shortcomings and there were things he did that definitely didn't help. And it falls into the ally conversation. So let's talk about it. Hi, everybody. My name is Sandy Bouget. I'm Red Thunderbolt, woman of the Loon clan, a proud member of Seine River first nation in Treaty 3 territory in Northern Ontario. And as I mentioned in the opening today, we're talking about allyship, but it's going to be through my experience with my father. So I am Anishna Beque. I am a proud member of Seine River First Nation. I'm considered status Indian in the eyes of Canada, but my father was a French Canadian. He was non indigenous. And like I said, for many, many years, I believe my dad walked on water because like so many young girls, especially when you're the only daughter, I was daddy's little girl. My dad was my biggest fan. My dad would tell me that I was going to be Prime Minister one day. Don't even go there just because Justin just resigned. That's. No, I don't want that job anyways. I digress. My dad was such a huge fan. But as I said, back to back teaching. As I was watching that Ed Mylett video this morning with Kiki Palmer, a certain incident came to mind. I've mentioned it before, just adding a different element to it today. So I was born and raised in a very small Northern Ontario town of 400 people. We had two stop signs and we were incredibly proud of that. We have more now. And one day I was. You walked everywhere. Because it was like five minutes to get anywhere. And dad and I were walking back from the store, heading home. And if I had to guess, I was like 4 or 5. In this memory, I remember the little dress I was wearing. I remember how far I had to reach up to hold my father's hand. It was a glorious day. I was hanging out with my dad. It didn't get better than that in my world. But our main street, yes, had the yellow line down the middle. It was part of the highway, was known during the summer you would often see the impoverished indigenous people from the First Nation community across the river, from the small town across the lake, I should say from the small town I lived in. They would often gather on the main street. They had gone to the liquor store. They were now in various degrees of intoxicated. Some were completely passed out. And they would sit on the lawn, on the main area, in the grass area, not really in front of the stores, but in front of one of the houses that happened to be on the main street. This was commonplace. So it's not like this was unusual or whatever. But on this particular day, now, my dad was known to everyone. My dad was super friendly, and my dad made time. No matter who approached him, he was going to stop and he was going to talk to you and he was going to be respectful. Everyone loved my dad. And on this particular day, I could still remember this man's face. And yes, I feel that the man approached us. He would probably have been late 40s, early 50s. That a bigger man, intoxicated, definitely didn't seem like he had showered in a while. And he was joking around and laughing with my dad, which was the norm. I was quite used to that. But on this particular day, the conversation took a turn and the man thought I looked pretty amazing in my cute little dress. He thought I was very pretty. And dad agreed that I was. And then now this. Now, remember, I was born in 1964, so we are talking about 1969 when this happened. Different mindset. What I'm about to share would definitely have been approached or treated heard differently in modern times. The man was joking around and he reached in his pocket and he brought out a quarter. And he offered the quarter to my dad to buy me. He wanted to take me home because I was such a pretty little girl in here. Leo, my dad's name. Here's a quarter. I want to take her home with me. I didn't understand what was happening. I didn't understand the joke. I just knew the creepy feeling I got and I pulled away. I was still holding my dad's hand, but I pulled away from this man, which resulted in my dad yanking my arm and pulling me back. And what my dad said to me, and this is the part I've shared before, is that he said that I was never to do that, that I don't disrespect people just because I think that they're different from me. And that is an incredibly valuable lesson. And I've chosen to hang on to that. And it's something I Practice. But my dad didn't know what that interaction felt like to me. I would believe that. I would hope that every father in 2025 gets it. But there are going to be times where your daughter reacts to something differently than you do. I'm talking to the dads now and maybe even the moms. Because you're no longer looking at the world through a five year old's eyes. There are times you are going to have to, if you want to be an ally to your child, you are going to have to simply take as truth how they feel. Because unfortunately what that interaction taught me was yes, to treat everyone as equal, that's an incredibly positive takeaway. But also not to trust my instincts. That my instincts could be wrong. And many a woman has found herself in a very dangerous situation, often with horrific consequences because we don't listen to our instincts. I have always said that when it comes to the back to back teaching, if there's one thing we have to remember is you do not need to understand. You need to accept as a non indigenous person, you are never going to understand what this world is like for an indigenous person. You have to accept when we say a place is uncomfortable or worse, unsafe. So to all the dads out there, please don't make the same mistake my dad did. Don't override your daughter because you think there's a lesson to be taught here. You can share that teaching. First make sure she's okay. Teach her that it's okay to listen to her instincts, that they're not lying to her. And teach her that you're a person that she can come to to share with you what her instincts told you told her. Share with you what her instincts told her. Please. Because it takes a long time to unpack that stuff. Don't give her any more baggage to unpack the world is going to do that. Enough. I hope that made sense. Yes, it ties into reconciliation because we need our allies. Just don't need our allies walking around out there with ego saying they understand because you don't. Your job is to hold space for the people you don't understand. That's an ally. Until tomorrow. I love you. Take care. Bye bye.