Decolonizing Parenting of ADULT Children

So this is me kind of sort of back. The voice still isn't back, but that's probably because I've been recovering from COVID and really haven't been talking to anyone. I cleared my calendar. For those of you who have been concerned. Thank you so much for the messages on on social media, on Facebook or here on YouTube. I cleared my calendar for two weeks. Next week I will be doing some virtual meetings, but that's it. I won't be doing an event until my London event, which is. I've already taken a week off. It's still another week away. So thank you. I am taking it seriously. Thank you so much to Shauna who told me about Paxlovid, not a fun medication to take. Side effects, not so much. But holy moly's, does it get you over Covid quickly. That is not what I want to talk about today. I want to talk about decolonizing parenting. And for once, I'm not talking about you cute little toddlers. I'm actually talking about our older kids. So let's talk about. Sa. Poen. Hi, I'm Sandy Boucher, Red Thunderbolt, woman of the Loon clan, rocking the black and white today. Red Thunderbolt, woman of the Loon clan, a proud member of Seine River First Nation in Treaty 3 Territory in Northern Ontario. And yes, I'm still getting over Covid. But the videos must go out because it's just we're talking about parenting today. Talk to a mom. Like, I was a single mom for a lot of years and didn't matter if I wanted to or even if I felt up to it. My kids needed to be fed, my kids needed attention, they wanted hugs, they needed to be loved. Even when I had my accident that resulted in my permanent neck injury, there were times I had to kneel on the floor to hug my then 2 year old son because I couldn't pick him up. That doesn't mean we don't find a way around it. Now, one of the things about being down and out with COVID I did a lot of observing. I wasn't talking, I wasn't working, I wasn't doing events, I wasn't doing videos. Even though I've done froggy voice videos for quite a while now. I was observing, I was watching other videos, I was watching news programs, I was watching what other people said and did, whether watching articles on LinkedIn and posts and and comments about different events that were happening. And at one point it really got me thinking about decolonizing. Now, by the way, in my humble Opinion. If you are non indigenous, you can't decolonize. You are a colonizer or a settler descendant. Whatever way that is your society and your way of being, own it. To do anything else would be to try to be something you're not. Now that is different from creating safe spaces for a diverse staff and, and customer base. Totally different. But let's not pretend you're not who you are. When I'm talking about decolonizing, I'm talking about in this case on my channel to indigenous people. And the phrasing I hear from the elders all the time is whatever actions or change in process or whatever, that takes us back to who we were before the others came, following our teachings, our traditions, our world view, our way of being that is decolonizing. Whereas non indigenous white Canadians are who they are. We are still in the process of becoming who we are, remembering who we are. So abandoning the assimilation that for so many of us happened before we even realized it happened. And, and identifying not this is not about beating yourself up, but this is about identifying the things in your life like, wow, why do I do that? That doesn't even make sense to my teachings. So for example, here in my office, I run my own business. I run two businesses and the first one for 15 years, I think the second one is five years now. But we do not have a set. Office opens, office closes, largely due to the fact that my office is attached to my home. I am here in my office before you would think I am, let's put it that way. And I finish my day. I start my day anywhere between 5 and 6am and I finish my day anywhere between 3 and 6pm when my energy is gone, when my creativity is gone, and most importantly when the tasks I decided I was going to do for that day are done. But back to the mom raising the child. It doesn't matter if I feel like cooking dinner. I have to figure out a way to feed my kids. Today that task has to come off my to do list. So that's one way I have decolonized. I do not worship the clock in so many ways. That applies to my staff. They do not have a start time, they do not have an end time that changes on a given. They don't even have an assigned work day. They have tasks that they have to do. And depending on what's going on in their life, I'm not going to share what's going on in their life. That's not my story to tell. Another way of honoring my teachings. But I know that my staff are dedicated and they do the work when they can do the work and if they're not doing the work for when they always do it by deadline. So it's non issue, complete non issue. But I know if, if they're working in the case of my social media manager or she's can't sleep and it's midnight and she can do a couple posts, she's going to do that. She's going to schedule them. So I don't need to control that. I honor the people they are and support their whole life by realizing they have obligations and priorities outside of this workday. And when they're here, I love that they're here and when they're not, I understand they can't be easy peasy. My office space has been decolonized. Now in my personal life that was where I think the decolonization started first which resulted in my office being decolonized. I've mentioned this a hundred times. Again, I don't do the clock workshop. I haven't used an alarm clock in about 15 years. I had to a couple of weeks ago because I was doing a five day event and that I knew was going to go against my natural clock because I was going to have to force myself to go to bed super early because I was getting up really early. I was exerting a lot of energy. It was right before all of this fun health stuff happened. But I don't use alarm clocks and again, no send agenda outside of doing an event. I was pretty sure I was going to shoot videos today. I don't know how many I'm going to shoot. I'm going to shoot as many as I have the energy and the passion and the voice to do. They will get done by the time they need to get done. I don't need to do that control. I honor my spirit. Anyone who knows me, I am the furthest away from lazy you could get. I would in mainstream now. I'm Red Thunderbolt Woman. I tend to be high energy. I get a lot done in a day. I always run into those people that want to tell me to slow down. My response is lightning doesn't move slow. It also doesn't thunder and storm all the time. I can do a pretty good couch impression couch and couch potato impression when I want to. So don't worry. I'm just honoring me focus instead or honoring you and your side of the feather. It's all good. I'm just honoring my spirit. Which brings us to the topic for today which was is parenting and decolonizing parenting. And it has, I've been apparent a long time. My children are now in their later 30s. That's enough. And we've talked about before how from an indigenous traditional perspective, it was not about your children picking a career or you asking them or encouraging them to do this or that. All those families that want their children to be doctors and lawyers. It was more as a parent, our job was to observe and watch to see who our child revealed they were. Were they interested? Now think traditionally, were they more interested in the plants and the medicines? Were they more interested in hunting? Were they more like in the canoe, they kicked tush, right? Revealed who they naturally were and that was where their passion and their talent was going to be. With my children now in their later 30s, it is so imperative. And I've thought about this this week, where I have to consciously stay on my side of the feather. There are times where they're doing something or perhaps not doing something, where I want to say, is that really helping you get to your goal? And I have to stop that. Have you figured out why yet? Because for me as their mom, if I say, do you think that's getting you closer to your goal? I might as well say, well, that's a bad decision. I am saying, I don't think you're making a good decision. I am doubting their wisdom, I am doubting their intelligence, I am doubting their decision making ability. Even though I probably do not have all of the information they considered when they made the decision to do or not do whatever they're doing. If nothing else, they need me to support who they are as adults. So it is none of my business why they're doing what they're doing. If I think it's not moving them closer to their goal. That is something I keep to myself. I enjoy that they're sharing with me whatever they're doing, that we have that relationship, that they're including me in their life journey and that's it. My job is to support them and let them walk their path. Not easy, but I'm lucky because I have an example, because that's exactly what my mom did for me. So I have to say on my side of the feather, yes, I got my handy dandy index card. Do I worry? Yes, sometimes I do. Honestly, I do. I don't say anything though, because I don't. I always want them to feel that my words say I believe in you because they are now adults living in a world that so often says, I don't believe in you. I want to be the counterbalance. I want to be on the other side of the feather. I want to be on my side of the feather. So this is just a reminder that for those out there with adult children's, your only job is to love them. Don't tell them what to do because that diminishes them to children. You know, like, let them live their lives. Love them, Love them into great decisions. Not by guiding them, not by questioning them, not by doubting them, just by loving them. I hope that made sense. I'd love to hear your comments. Do you have adult children? What kind of parenting style do you do, especially if you're indigenous? Have you tried decolonizing? I'd love to hear. I'm going to attempt to do another video today. Wish me luck. I love you. Take care. Bye. Bye.