Even THAT Couldn't Stop Me! (For those who want to be like me.)

So I was just going to say that I'm going to do something different today. Except then I realized I say that at the beginning of every video. So I guess what that proves is I am as multifaceted as any other indigenous person you may know. So please don't lock us into a box or a stereotype because we got as much going on as everyone else. But I did want to talk to you today or use the example of Alex Hormozy. So if you don't know who that is, and by the way, you notice I'm not talking about Ed Mylett anymore. That is not a shot against Ed Mylett. I just don't follow him anymore. And that has happened through my entire career. As I level up, I find the new mentor. So even if it's online, there's a heads up to people saying they can't find a mentor because no one lives close by online works unless you're in one of our remotes. But you know what I mean. Alex Hormozy and his wife layla own acquisition.com which means they own shares in a bunch of different companies and help build them. I think you have to make between 3 and 5 million dollars a year your company before they will start working with you and they're trying to get you to 30 million. So this is not going to apply to anyone like their video content tends to be for entrepreneurs, business owners that want to build, but they are very holistic and talk about all the aspects. So one of the things I love about Alex's videos is that he doesn't talk about what he does now because there's a whole bunch of us that don't have his annual revenue. He talks about what he did then when he was just starting out, when he lost everything twice, and how he got through those what so making him way more relatable and also giving us concrete guidance to move forward. So I have met people that have said they want to be me when I grow up or when they grow up and when I grow up, Freudian slip there. But I'm not even anyways, there are people who look at my career and wish or wonder how. So I thought, I'm going to take Alex's example and look at the challenges I've been through. He has a quote that I'm looking at my notes here. Down times are when champions are made. So I used to do a ribbon ceremony in my seminars and it was getting people to look at the challenges in their life differently. That those, excuse me, are not the reason why you fail. Those challenges are actually ribbons on your chest. They're the traumas and mountains you have overcome. They are living proof of your strength. So today I wanted to share the mountains I've overcome and what helped me overcome them in the hopes that it'll help you. So let's talk about it. Bonjour, Mishko Pogganong Kwei Nidhi Nakas Mundo Dam. Hi everybody. My name is Sandy Boucher. I'm Red Thunderbolt, woman of the Loon clan, a proud member of Seine River First Nation in Treaty 3 Territory in Northern Ontario. And I market myself as the key to Indigenous engagement, empowerment and recruitment. Because if to know how to work with indigenous peoples, then we should talk. So as I mentioned in the opening, there are most definitely mountains I had to climb to get here. The wisdom of the elders. Not that I'm an elder yet I'm considered a knowledge keeper, but that wisdom is hard earned. You don't build muscles by doing easy stuff, right? So think of that the next time you hear an elder speaking like the mountains they have climbed. So today I wanted to share some of mine, which is going to be a challenge for me because I am a natural born optimist. I am always looking for the silver lining and in fact it's super easy for me to see it. I think I got that from my mom and my dad. Come to think of him, my dad was the happy, go lucky type. But I have also learned over the years that, and this is a lesson that was handed to me in the hands of my daughter is that when you, when someone's sharing with you that they're struggling and you instantly go to it'll get better or the silver lining or you offer a solution of any kind of that is rarely what they need. What they need is you to sit silently next to them or at bare minimum or just the, if you can't just sit silently, the only thing you should say is that absolutely sucks. Yeah, no, don't rush people. If anything, we have so many people struggling today because they have been rushed and not allowed the time to heal. And I think if there's one commonality in my strength in my journey was that at key points in my life I either took the time or was allowed the time to heal. So we're going to start this journey off at the beginning of my journey. I was raised in a small Northern Ontario town. My mom a beautiful Nishnaabe way from Kuchaqing First Nation. My dad the crazy Frenchman from St. Jerome, Quebec who loved her we lived in a huge. The barn my parents used to call it because it was barn shaped and it didn't even have running water. We did not have flushing toilets. We could not shower. I distinctly remember melting snow to be able to take a bath. That's a long full day process and bathtub full of snow will get you this much water. So if you've ever tried it, you know what I mean. But I can honestly say in my younger days I didn't even know we were poor because I had parents who absolutely adored each other. And yes, of course they fought, but they also laughed and they loved and there was a consistency. And see, I always knew my parents were going to be at home. They weren't out partying, they were there. We sat together at the dinner table for dinner. My dad came home after work. My mom was a stay at home mom. So she was there making us lunch and dinner until she went to work. So. And that, excuse me, didn't happen until we were in high school because she wanted to make sure she was at home for us. So I had this beautiful ideal like upbringing. My sister in law often refers to it as the Little House on the Prairie. And I get it, I get it, but. And I'm fortunate, I say that not to lord it over anyone, but to thank creator for it. But My dad was 14 years older than my mom. My dad was 51 when I was born and I have a younger brother. And my brothers and I used to talk about this. I don't remember a time when we didn't know dad was dying. There was quite a long period of time where my dad would go into the hospital for two weeks to be able to come out for a week. And on July 6th of 1981, my world fell apart because I was a 17 year old enjoying summer holidays. I was actually that very day, it was a Monday and I was going to start my. It was my to be my very first day of my very first summer job. And instead I was woken to the screams of my mom that she couldn't wake my dad. Now obviously that would be traumatic for absolutely anyone. But I was raised. I was the only daughter in the house with three brothers. I was daddy's little girl. That was no question. If me and my brothers wanted to do something, we knew we could ask mom 5050 shot if she'd say yes or no. But if we really wanted to do it, they would send me to ask dad because dad was not going to say no to me. He may say don't Tell Mom. But it was going to be a yes. Looking back, because hindsight's 20 20, if you had known me then, with my straight A marks and my love of learning, and you would have probably thought I was a reasonably confident or very confident young woman. I now know without a doubt I absolutely was not. I did not have self confidence. I had dad confidence, meaning I thought I was amazing because my dad told me I was. I thought I was smart because my dad told me I was. I thought I could do anything if I worked hard to do it because my dad told me I could. And then my dad passed away. I have, over the years, started referring to my dad as my first projector. You know, like the projector we use in the seminar that he shot out this image of me and I believed it. But then the light went out and I made the mistake that so many young indigenous women, Young women, young people make. I went looking for another projector, and I hadn't yet realized I could be my own projector. And that is absolutely the scenario today. So how did I get through that? Well, I wallowed in it for the longest time. And anyone out there, if you know someone who's grieving, please give them the space and time to grieve. I did not talk to anyone or share my grief, and I absolutely should have. And that was largely to do with something my mom said. It was in the days just following my dad's passing. We hadn't even had his funeral yet. It was a hot, hot summer. The barn did not have air conditioning, so we went for a walk just to. To clear our heads and to try to survive the heat. And I can remember I was walking and I was crying because my world was devastated. And my mom, in her own grief and her own anger and her own frustration at losing the man she adored, she screamed at me to stop crying, that. To stop being so dramatic. And I instantly stopped because I didn't want to add to her pain, but it meant I kept it inside, and that's not healthy. And I know my youngest brother. Like, we really just got to be careful the words we choose when talking to someone who's grieving. My youngest brother had his life totally flipped around because some. I have no idea who it was, so I'm going to call them an idiot. He was 14, and his entire world had just changed. And some idiot at the funeral felt the need to tell him, well, you better smarten up now because you're the man of the house. In the months that would follow, he tried to Be, in other words. Well, his interpretation of it, because he was only 14, which meant he tried to boss around me at 17. And my mom. Yeah, if you know me and you get a really good shot at knowing what my mom was like, that didn't go very far. That got shot down incredibly fast. And that led to so much frustration and anger for him that he has been on a horror, horrific life path ever since. I'm not saying that's the only reason, but it's definitely one of them. So I. I kept it inside. I did not heal. Years later, I can remember sitting at a computer, bawling my eyes out, writing a note to my dad, how much I wished he would still hear, because. And even then, I was doing it alone at home, like, I just did not let anyone in. And that's a habit I've had for far too long. But I went looking for another projector, and eventually I found one, which would be the second story I have to share with you. I met the man who would become my husband. I met him like. Well, our first date was December 10th. And December 28th, he asked me to marry him. And six months later, we got married. I do not suggest that. I remember distinctly walking down the aisle thinking, I have absolutely no idea who that person is. And how embarrassed would mom be if I ran out of here right now. Now I am so glad I did it. Even though that would become the first of two intensely abusive relationships. I am so glad I didn't leave. For one, I was already pregnant with my first little girl, the one we lost to Sid. So that's something him and I shared to his very last day. And he is the father of my children, who eventually produced my grandchildren. So no regrets. It was the dark years. But if you put your value in the hands of other people, you're gonna find the people that take advantage of that. So you. You are your projector. Please don't make that mistake. There's so many people walking around trying to prove their value to other people. The only person you need to prove your value to is you. And guess what? It was handed to you on the day you're born. So start acting like a person of value. And the sooner you do that, other people will treat you that way. Because as my mom always said, we teach other people how to treat us. If you keep putting yourself last, do not be surprised when they do, too. You taught them that if you do not respect your boundaries, do not expect them to. You taught them that so you have way more control over your Life in future than you think you do. But that is not something I knew at that time. So after five years, the father of my children and I split. I spent two incredibly overwhelmed, exhausted, lonely years alone. I was working full time actually for the Department of Indian affairs, our federal government single mom of two kids. They were 2 and 4 when we split up. I was living in low rent housing. I can remember I own five sets of dishes because doing the dishes did not fit into my time schedule. I would get up at like 6am I'd have to feed them, get ready for work, pack them up. We would get on the bus, bus across the city, walk to the babysitters, drop my kids off, walk to work for 8:30, work until 4:30, repeat, come back. By the time we got home I had exhausted, half asleep, hungry children. I bought a VCR to give me a half an hour time to make their dinner and then quality time and then baths and then bad dishes did not fit. But you know what the house was at? The kitchen was at the back of the house and they just stacked up the dirty dishes. And on Saturday I did dishes all day and if someone came over, I just told them not to go in the kitchen. There was no reason for them to unless they were going into the basement. Nothing was in the kitchen, didn't have to go through it to get to the bathroom. So there was no reason. And my mom always said if someone comes to your house and criticizes the state of your house, make sure that's the last time they come to your house. So you do what you got to do. I was there, I was working, I was feeding my kids and I was doing the best I could. Was I a great mom? No. I was grieving, I was lonely, I was overwhelmed, I was exhausted. No, no. I don't think I became a decent mom until maybe the last five, ten years. True story. Now just to make things interesting, and you may or may not know this about me, near the end of those two years alone because another relationship was about to start, I actually got hurt at work. I have a permanent neck injury. I am always in some level of pain. Today it's like one and a half, two. That is a really good day. That is as good as it gets. But if I make the mistake of not exercising, not sleeping or picking up something too heavy, I can go to an 8 to 10 incredibly fast. And back in the day, before I discovered the benefits of regular exercise, I would lose three, four days a month in bed, dying with the pain. The pain in my Neck gets so bad I cannot stand the weight of my own head. If I physically could and think creator I can't, I would rip my own head off to stop the pain. And I have dealt with that my entire life. So you know the, the person you know, did you know that about me? There's a reminder that you have no idea what's going on in the life of the people you work with, with or know or call friend. Just because you know them doesn't mean you really know them. So I was 25, 26. It was January 1991 is when I got. I don't want to do the math. I was born in 64, do the math. So then enter next relationship. And one of the things, total honesty here I describe my life, the exhaustion. I was 25 and there were times I just wanted to be 25. So on Friday and Saturday night, me and my ex sister in law, because she was no longer with my eldest brother, would go out to the bar and we would have drinks and we would dance. And for a couple hours I was not a struggling single mom, barely getting by, wondering how I was going to feed my kids. I was just a young woman on the dance floor. So alcohol was making a entrance into my life. And the person I got in a relationship with, alcohol was a steady friend of his. And I look back at this point, I am so fortunate and that is the only difference. But by the grace of God, that because my new partner, who would have become my second husband, introduced me to shooters. And I know that sounds crazy, the little alcohol you shoot, it took the pain away the first time I had a shooter and I realized in 10 minutes I wasn't in pain anymore. That is the recipe for developing an addiction. And like I said, I am so incredibly fortunate I didn't go down that path. Now while I was with him, pretty sure there was a bunch of people that assumed I was an addict. But it was choice. Drinking was our lives. It also brought the violence. So I mean he was the sweetest, most lovable guy in the world. Just add alcohol and things are going to change. So that was another five years of domestic violence. And sadly I took my kids through it with me. They were actually my saving grace because when we split the final time he got arrested, the social workers, child care workers, whoever they were, I'm not sure the profession, but they told me if we go back together that I would lose custody of my kids. And that was one thing that absolutely was not never going to happen. So I was once again on my own and enter a period of poverty, selling furniture to feed my kids. I was working full time for the federal government, making good money. Having kids is taking a vow of poverty. I had to pay the rent, I had to pay the utilities. It was scary and I was lonely. And those were the times that I would write the letters to my dad. And by the way, also not telling anyone, not letting anyone in, please do not do that to yourself now during this time, if there's one thing I've always bet on is my intelligence. And I know I'm intelligent and I knew I could use that to feed my kids. So every single time I had the opportunity at work to bid for a new job, if it was meant that I would have more responsibility, be in charge of a bigger budget or supervise more staff, I bid for it. And I worked my way up the corporate ladder from a secretary in a small indigenous employment and training agency to the executive director of a 4 part million indigenous employment and training agency. So my career has been on a steady trajectory to the positive, not so much my personal life. And it was in that ed position when totally, completely unexpectedly I lost my mom. So my mom who was the strongest, wisest, most compassionate, funniest woman I ever knew, like that saying I want to be you when I grew up, grow up, I wanted to be my mom for so many reasons. She didn't survive heart surgery so she went from joking around with the nurses to gone. And just so happened I happened to be living in Toronto then as part as that was where my job was and her surgery was in Hamilton, so in southern Ontario. And I thank creator I was working at that job because I got to spend like three full days with her before her surgery just sitting there laughing, keeping her company in the hospital. And I wouldn't have been able to do that if I still lived up north. But her passing took me out at the knees again. I was this confident, outgoing, positive, happy individual loving my life in southern Ontario. And I started saying things like why bother? Who cares? We're just going to die anyways. That is a sign of depression. And again I am so incredibly thankful for the agency I was working with at the time because they indigenous agency, they understood grief. 18 months it took me to stand back up again. In the first three, four months I could barely get out of bed after that. I can remember so many times I had like a 45 minute commute to work and I can't remember how many times if you grieve, if you've ever grieved Anyone you love, you know, the waves of grief that you can be doing fine. And suddenly you hear a song or have a thought or whatever, and you get hit by this CR. Crushing wave and you're bawling your eyes out again. I don't know how many times I was in my car on the way to work and a wave would hit and I'd call my boss and say, I can't do it today. And the response was always the same. You tried, we got you. Head home, try again tomorrow. And eventually I got to do. I did a day or two and eventually three in a row before the next wave hit. And slowly, over time, by 18 months, I was okay again. It's why I can talk about my mom without breaking down, just like I can talk about my dad. Because I finally took the time to heal. That is not the case for so many indigenous people. If there's one issue I'm really focused on of late, it is the fact that education has always been preached as the answer for indigenous people. And I am not saying that is wrong, but I now know a whole bunch of people with degrees, with masters and PhDs that haven't taken five seconds to heal. And now we have very I sensitive makes it sound like it minimizes it. We're traumatized professionals that are very raw and react often negatively to things that go around them. And it's not their fault. Again, they were never given. Given the space to heal. But we have to change that. We can't just identify things, we actually have to fix them. So then now the one thing Losing mom did was remind me that life is short, that no one. And I know it's cliche, but now it was obvious to me that absolutely no one is guaranteed tomorrow. If someone could take out someone as strong as my mom, I knew that. That tomorrow is not guaranteed to anyone. And if there's one thing I always wanted to do was be my own boss. I wanted to run my own company. I wanted to choose my hours and decide for myself how big my bank account was. I no longer wanted to ask permission to spend time with my own children. So at that time, I was making really good money and I was going to walk away from an incredible job. And I reached out to my kids and told them my dream. And they both said the same things, even though it was two separate conversations. And all they said was, mom, you've always done everything for us. It's your turn now. And it was the greatest gift they've ever given me. So I walked away from that job. I. Eventually I ended up moving home here to Thunder Bay, back to be with my kids. And I started my own business. And terrifying. I can remember I had two. I don't have any on my desk right now, but those file sorters, you know, that we used to have on our desk that holds the. The legal file folders. I used to have two on my desk. I did this for years. The one sorter held admin type files, ideas for future seminars, or, you know, my folder that says bills that I still have. That's cute. But the other one was event folder. So if someone booked me to do a seminar or a workshop, I created a folder for them and wrote the date of the event. And I put it in that second file sorter. And I remember so many times where there was one folder in that second folder. And if there were two, I was having the most amazing month. Month. That was my reality. Because success is. Is cumulative. You know, I started writing a blog post every single day. And to this day, I have. I get booked for an event, and when they're introducing me, someone will admit they've read my blog post for years. So you have no idea the seeds you're planting. So keep planting them. Alex Hormozy always says, makes the goal the action. Action, not the result. If you want to lose weight, the goal is not to lose weight. The goal is to work out every single day, to eat healthy every single day. Make the action the goal. The result will happen. So keep doing it. Shoot these videos, even if nobody watches. When I started my business, I used to shoot a YouTube video every single day. And I was thinking, this is for the woman who will someday watch it. Back then, I only worked with women. By the way, if you follow my business page on Facebook, I am now sharing those flashback videos every single day, weekday. And you can watch them and see that I haven't changed at all in the almost 16 years I've been in business. That is a bunch of baloney. But I wanted to share another quote with you because this is such perfect timing. Again, it's from Alex Hormozi. And it's called this is what hard looks like. You're going to lose sleep. You'll doubt whether it'll work. You'll stress to make ends meet. You won't finish your to do list. You'll wonder if you made the right call and have no way to know for years. That's what hard feels like. And that's okay. Building a business was hard. Keeping a business, maintaining a business is hard and I wouldn't change it for anything. It is a challenge every single day. My business challenges me to be the best I can be. I can't half ass it and I love that because it means I'm living my life to the max. Love, love, love. Last but not least, lockdown. Can you say 2020? March 2020. So I have my false orders and there was event folders in it and I thought life was pretty good. No one saw lockdown coming and I was actually at an event for indigenous youth, was a full day event and they actually shut it down at lunch because the chiefs wanted to make sure the youth got back to their communities safe. And as I drove home the four hours from the location I was at to home yet just knew something was different. And she knows. Hang on. So lockdown hit. I work for myself. I don't have a steady paycheck. I. My revenue comes from my events. And at that time I was only doing live events. I don't think I was even doing YouTube videos anymore. And it hit and suddenly my career became illegal because you couldn't have public gatherings. I lost $48,000 in 24 hours. As the emails came in canceling the events, those files I had in my sorter. And of course, I totally understand, I support you. Please stay safe. That was my inside, I was freaking out, literally fearful that I was going to starve to death. So I did what so many of us do, did a mandatory three days of bed bawling my eyes out. And then I realized that I had been in business for like 10 years. And yes, the money was gone and yes, the events were gone, but my experience wasn't. My brains were still active, my skills were there. And believe it or not, the craziest coincidence ever over the last year. So 2019, going into the beginning of 2020, I was actually taking a course on how to create video courses, courses people could take online. And I had finished the course, but I didn't have time to create one because I was so busy working. Guess what? I now was not busy working. Within the first six weeks, I had my first video course completed and launched on my website. And within the next three months, I would have three of them completed. And then the first nation started reaching out. They were trying to keep their staff on staff so that they could get their salaries. They couldn't come into the office, so they were asking me to do full week training on Zoom. And I did. And I started booking keynote events for audiences in the thousands. Why? Because we were on Zoom and we weren't. Weren't. There wasn't the expense of the travel for everyone. So my name got out in ways it never would otherwise. And once we were allowed to go back to gathering, you can bet I still do virtual and live events, because I'm hanging on to that. That wisdom as well. So has it been an easy journey? No. But my confidence, my wisdom, my skills are. Because it wasn't. The quote is. And this is Alex Hormozi again. Remember, hard times are opportunities to give yourself proof that even this couldn't stop me. So keep that in mind. I know for me, I have been knocked down so many times, I no longer waste the time doubting whether I'll get back up or not. I know I will. Even lockdown couldn't stop me. I hope that helped. I hope that gave you some inspiration. If you are facing a challenge and you don't know how to get past it, as long as you're willing to try to get past it, give me an email. Because you will forever be limited by the barriers you choose to defend. If all you're gonna do is tell me why you can't, you're right. But if it's, I don't know how I can work with. I don't know. So reach out. Send me an email. I'd love to help out. Until next time. I love you. Take care. Bye Bye. It.